Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 87 - Paul Anthony

Episode Date: November 10, 2009

Paul Anthony returns to talk about Canadian showbiz, TGIF, and Joan Rivers.  Also, we rank the teen heart-throbs.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 87 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the man who's the quicker picker-upper of podcast hosts, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm Bounty. Yeah, but you're also kind of brawny.

Which is which? Well, Bounty's the quicker picker-upper. What's brawny? But you're brawny's the guy with the beard. Or mustache. Oh, did he just have a mustache? I don't know. Paul Batable.

I don't remember. All right. The Paul in question is Paul Anthony, who is the host and curator of the once-a-month Biltmore variety show, Talent Time, which you can also... You can still catch it on television. What was the channel called? Novus. Novus, on the Novus channel.

But really it is, if you live in Vancouver or you happen to be in Vancouver when it's going on, it's something you have to see live. It's the last Wednesday of every... First Wednesday. So it's the first Wednesday of every month. That's right, because it was just yesterday. First Wednesday of every month, and you had, it's Mr. Paul Anthony. Thanks for being our guest. Thanks for having me.

Well, thanks for coming in. It's a dark and dreary... It is raining. It's an Edward Gorey kind of evening. I understand the whole raining cats and dogs thing now. I never understood it before. I don't understand it still. Well, it's when you're out there and you're thinking, it's raining so hard, I don't know if it's a cat or a dog

that's hitting me. I don't know if it's a cat or a dog that's hitting me. I don't think that's where that comes from. Something like that. Should we get to know us? Yeah, I guess. Get to know us. So, yeah, cats and dogs. What does it mean, then?

What are you guys thinking? I have no idea what it means. I thought it was one of those expressions where it was like, everything but the kitchen sink. It was just a kind of a nonsense-y phrase. Yeah, I thought it was maybe something that was like an old Yiddish thing. It's raining cats and dogs. And it just kind of evolved into cats and dogs, like open sesame is open sesame.

So what did you think the original one was? Cats and dogs? I don't know. I'm not talking. Well, like it was just one guy's last name. Yeah. Like he was yelling at his neighbor across the street. Hey, it's's cats and dogs i don't know i'm not talking like it was just one guy's last name yeah like he was yelling at his neighbor across the street it's raining cats and dogs hey mr cats and dogs it's raining this is the worst is it this is what robin williams makes millions of dollars for what we just did there i know but he's one man and we're three yeah well that's true

but it's 2009 he came up in the 70s. It was a lot easier to be a one-man comedy routine. I'm sure if we were on cocaine, we would be fantastic. Well, and have rainbow suspenders. Oh, God. Am I right? How was...

Because your town time showed this year just fell just shy of Halloween. Just past Halloween. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shy of next year's. Four shy of Halloween. Just past Halloween. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shy of next year's is what I meant.

Four days after Halloween, yeah. I just wanted to keep things going. How was it? People dressed up. Really? I didn't know if people were going to dress up. We had some really good costumes. What would you say was the best of costumes? Well, my DJ, DJ Blondron, she dressed up as Lady Gaga being eaten by a shark.

So there was a shark eating her. Really? The person who won the contest, they were Christopher Lloyd from Back to the Future. Oh, Back to the Future. And Michael J. Fox. Oh, the Doc and Marty? Yeah, they did a skit. That was very good.

Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. You know what? I think that too often we misjudge people's desires to dress up. They will at the drop of a hat.

If you tell them to dress up for something, they inevitably will. I just like that that sentence started with, I think that too often we misjudge. And it was about Halloween. What if I said misjudge, Mike judge? You wouldn't have seen it coming first. Well, I would have made a face.

Yeah. Like you did? Yep. So it went off without a hitch? Everybody came down and enjoyed it? Yeah, it was full. It was super, super packed. And one of the acts that I thought maybe was going to tank did really well.

Nice. Well, why do you think that Christmas time gets – you get a lot of Christmas party lead up, right? Or I guess holiday time in the States, it would be Thanksgiving time. But you get a lot of lead up time, a lot of parties. But Halloween is just the one party time. But I imagine people would dress up in costume three to seven times if you allowed them to. If it was like – if you went the two weekends leading up to Halloween to parties, if that was a socially acceptable thing, I think people would do it. Yeah.

Do you think so? I think so. Before the show actually, Jason, my gay husband DJ, he came into the show He was saying he wants to start a Weekly night called Halloween Oh really? And people will dress up And they'll come because people like being Dressing up

What's the show from the 70s? The game show That was people just dressed up In costumes I love that show And that was Monty Hall. He's from Winnipeg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, every pocket that you don't have change in, you'll get $30 or whatever. I'm like, oh, no. No, no. For the listeners. Yeah, there's no winning. Like, there's no way of, like, there's no end game. No, people brought so much stuff because in case they said, you know, if you have a cat license, I'll give you $100. And then they pull it out.

So the one that I remember is the one that he said, for every empty pocket, I'll give you. And the people were like freaking out. No one had an empty pocket. Everyone brought everything, every random thing they could ever think of. Oh, I miss that show. Now, you said that he is from Winnipeg. Yeah.

You are also from Winnipeg Yeah that's why I said that Is that But is that like a point of Cause like You know There's certain people in every town That you're like He is from that town

I know I did that embarrassing thing But is he the guy Yeah For me yeah And Neil Young I guess But Really there's nothing else You're not gonna brag about the crash test dummies

Are they from Winnipeg? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah For a while I had a copy of their autobiography No, not an autobiography Their autobiography They wrote it as a group We were One word at a time

It was one of those My favorite style of biography book Is the ones that are like cranked out when a band is first becoming popular so it's just kind of like 90 pages and half of that's pictures yeah glossy inset photos oh and then there was uh like there was a couple interviews from you know that they had just taken from a rolling stone or whatever and it led up to their first appearance on SNL. That was like the end of the book. They're like, the end.

That's about right. Yeah, totally. Are they still the... Their first of many appearances on SNL, I'm sure. They had that one song that was really popular. That was the one. And the Superman never made any money. Yeah, and then they, that was pretty much.

They had one on the Dumb and Dumber soundtrack. Yeah, Peter Pumpkin had it. Oh, that was awful. That was awful. And then. They were Canada's Deadeye Dick. I don't know. Because when you said Deadeye Dick, I thought of Cotton Eye Joe, and that's not right.

No, that's rednecks. It's right, though. It is right. So, yeah, who's the equivalent? Who's the Monty Hall equivalent of Vancouver? Like when you hear the celebrity's name, you go, he or she is from Vancouver. Oh, Chad Michael Murray? No, that's not true.

What about Calgary for you? Calgary for you? Calgary, I always say Bruce McCullough is the one. Like if his name ever comes up, then I go, he's from Calgary. I try to not do it. It's hard not to. No, yeah. You affiliate yourself with one. Maybe for a lad that's a couple years younger than you,

it might have been the uh what are they called the watchmen yeah right they were a winnipeg-based band if i recall correctly uh yeah i didn't really have very many affiliations with vancouver bands or vancouver celebrities no like the only everyone always talked about brian adams and and um he was from here right right? Yeah. Michael J. Fox? Michael J. Fox, yeah. It was, but that, yeah, it was, they were kind of too big to be like a personal connection. So they were like... Like a Monty Hall.

What about somebody who was on the television show Northwood? Oh, yes. The first time I saw like the girl on Northwood in real life, like at a, No Effects and the Forgotten forgotten rebels were playing at like a, uh, the Plaza nations or whatever. Oh really?

And, I couldn't believe it. I was seriously starstruck. Yeah. Do you remember that show? Northwood? Yeah. I remember Northwood.

We actually, um, the TV show Madison was, uh, was shot at my high school and two of the actors came and talked to my drama class. And one was a guy who had been in a Twix commercial. And that's all we wanted to talk about. Because it was the big commercial at the time

that everyone knew. Twix, it kicks. And the girl was Phil Collins' daughter. Oh, really? Yeah. Phil Collins has a daughter in Vancouvercouver yeah she was in that tv show something something and she was did that bruce mcdonald movie the love crimes of jillian guess she was in that oh huh she is why i know do you know that uh that hugh fukowski bit with

the phil collins like shaving i'm gonna do an impression of Phil Collins. Oh, yeah. And then you shave your head into Phil Collins' shape of hair. While singing Against All Odds? Yeah. Well, I have a friend that knows her. Yeah. And he told me that, anyways, the story got back to Phil Collins. Really? He thought it was funny.

And that was like one of the greatest things I've ever heard. Phil Collins knew about that bit. It was like two degrees of Phil Collins? Yeah. Wow. That's pretty good. That's a pretty good amount of degrees. Well, he...

Against all odds, it happened. What's your favorite Phil Collins song from the Tarzan soundtrack? In the Air Tonight? Was that on that one? I Can't Dance? That was more of a Genesis song. Yeah, so Northwood. You guys had a lot of shows that were filmed there.

Oh, yeah. Vancouver was a hub in the early 90s. Was there anything shot in Winnipeg? No. There was very little shot in Calgary. Where was Catwalk shot? That was Toronto, I think. That was Toronto.

Or maybe even Hamilton. I don't remember that show. Catwalk was a show about a band and it had Nev Campbell and Christian Campbell it was about a band? was there a band in Northwood? was there a bunch of kids that played in a band in Northwood?

Zip Remedy oh no that show Shirley Holmes was shot in Winnipeg The Adventures of Shirley Holmes it was Sherlock Holmes' niece it was a no no no i was on it a couple times oh honey i shrunk the kids the tv show was shot in calgary i was an extra i played a guy who was roller skating uh yeah i was a guy on roller skates like uh i was an extra in the first ever episode of Party of Five. Really? What?

Which was shot at my high school. Really? Yeah. Wow. Your high school. Did you ever have any high school going on or was it all just fake set of high school in which you were an extra? What else was shot at my high school?

There was, oh, what was the Rick Moranis Tom Arnold vehicle? Big Bully. Big Bully. Yep. Wow. And the Chevy Chase Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Oh. Man of the house.

Yeah. Wow. That was shot at your high school. Yeah. So my high school was a it was the place to be for movies on a budget. But what happened to the Twix guy?

Do you know what he's doing now? I don't. Mostly Skittles commercials. He's tasting the rainbow. Oh, man. So what else is going on for you recently? You were at the Toronto International Film Festival. Yeah, that was fun.

And you were there because you were in a movie about a band of vampires. Yeah. Right? A rock band of vampires? Yeah. Batwalk? Yeah. Oh, it rock band of vampires? Batwalk? Yeah. Oh, it would have been

such a good name. Batwalk. What was the name of the movie? It's called Suck. Suck. Yeah, it's like we're a rock band and no one really cares about us

and then our bass player becomes a vampire and then we're rocketed into stardom. And it's actually kind of a piss taking the piss out of the vampire craze a bit.

So it's not complete. Did it, how was the reception of it? Super good. Really? Yeah, crazy. And like. It was, it was great. The tickets for like the opening night, the, were on eBay for like 200 bucks.

Wow. They were like $18 tickets. So what was, what, you've never been to the film festival, have you? Toronto? Yeah. No. Me neither. So what's it like?

I kind of feel like 10 years ago it wasn't a big deal and now it's an event. It's crazy now. I read a book that came out on its – I guess maybe its 25th anniversary. And like when you read through the book, you were like, oh my goodness. It was a lot of... It was a pretty major film festival, but probably being Canadian, we were just like, eh, if it's Canadian, it's probably like catwalk. It's probably.

Michael Buble. But what was it like? It was awesome. It is more like those big big it's one of the biggest festivals in the world like yeah so but like was it you know was it like people just schmoozing and shit or was it like was it fun like it was actually fun it was two weeks of like it started by me getting picked up by like some guy that had my name on a big sign you know and then took me into like a cadillac escalade and took me to my hotel.

I mean like, and that's pretty great. It started like that. It just was like that. That's amazing. But yeah, but like, it was still fun. But when I went to do like the bigger interviews, like I got to do Entertainment Tonight and E-Talk and all that stuff.

Did you talk to Rick Campanelli? No, I didn't. Oh, he's on Entertainment Tonight. Yeah, I know. He was here for the Vancouver Film Fest. I don't know why. When you say Entertainment Tonight, you mean Entertainment Tonight Canada.

Canada, yeah. I'm sorry. The word Canada kind of acts as a punchline in Entertainment Tonight Canada. And so you think you can dance Canada. Yeah, I know. You know what I just realized is Entertainment Tonight Canada. That's you think you can dance Canada. Yeah, I know. I just realized it's Entertainment Tonight Canada. That's Etc.

ETC. Yeah. Does anybody else? Is that like a well-known thing? No. Like you're watching the hour block of Entertainment Tonight and Etc. Yeah. You're watching yada, yada, yada.

Entertainment Tonight, Etc. So on and so forth. Yeah. The only reason I bring out Entertainment Tonight is because I thought it was going to be a lot more fun. It was just like, what's it like working with this famous person? Oh, really? But then I don't blame them. Like, if I saw me on the TV, I would turn it off, too.

Like, who's this guy? Yeah. So they just want to know, like, we couldn't get to talk to Iggy Pop. Because Iggy Pop. What's it like working with Iggy Pop? Why is that always a to iggy pop so what's it like working with iggy pop that you know why is that always a question on on talk shows what's it like they're never gonna say it was a question unless they like nobody's ever gonna say oh it was terrible right we'll do when i've never seen that i didn't speak nice of moby you worked with moby was he always making people

drink tea was he like offering tea to everybody all the time? It seems like something Moby would do. He has a tea shop in New York. Oh. It's a full restaurant. Is it really? Yeah, I actually tried to bond with him over it because I like the food. It's pretty good.

And he's like, yeah, well, I don't own it anymore. I had to sell it because I owned it with my girlfriend and she dumped me. And you know how hard it is breaking up with a girl. And then you have to work with her all the time. And it was just too much. A girl breaks up with you and she breaks your heart. And I was just like, Moby, stop it. Stop being so mopey. You're 45 years old.

Be a man. But yeah, so it was fun. Yeah. Is it a type of movie that's going to be out in theaters? Yeah, Alliance bought it. So it's going to be in movie theaters next year. Really? So I'll be able to go to a movie theater and see you in a movie.

Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Oh, that's very exciting. What's your character name? Tyler. Tyler. You look like a Tyler. exciting. What's your character name? Tyler. You look like a Tyler. Yeah, I could see you playing a Tyler.

I'm not a casting director, but it fits. It works. I love it. Well, congratulations. Thanks. That's great. Also, I was with this other movie called A Gun to the Head 2 that kind of got overshadowed with the big one.

A Gun to the Head 2? No, it's called A Gun to the Head. Okay. It's a good movie. A Gun to the head two no it's called a gun to the head okay okay and uh it's it's it's a really it's a good movie a gun to the head and that's a smaller yeah it got bought too but it's just gonna be like you know you you're on a podcast right you don't need to promote things oh right you don't have to actually this is the mistake that i made last time but that's what i was so embarrassed about i saw the microphones in front of me and thought that that's what i was but you know what you you there's it's not unheard of the people no it is no it is it's stupid it's stupid and embarrassing and i'm sorry but can we go back can we go back i was we were so we have

so much fun in the kitchen we did have fun in the kitchen oh we were talking about julio white we'll get to that later so i was saying that uh paul i think this is another one of paul bay my co-workers things where he said something in order to get me to spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet remember he said some two people were related oh they weren't there was no way they were related like it was two people with the same last name but there was it was impossible and i looked it up i was like no it was oh it was jim j bullock and sandra bullock were brother and sister right and and he said that and i spent like you know half an hour at least trying to find out if that was true and of course it's not well and you'll there's no website that says

they're not related no exactly so i was looking for conclusive proof and then paul bay again said oh juleel white it turned out that he was gay and he and Penny Hardaway from the NBA were boyfriend of boyfriend. And then... Jaleel White, TV's Stephen Urkel. Steve Urkel. Or Stefan Urkel. Or Robot

Urkel. Cool Urkel. Yeah, Stefan Urkel was cool Urkel. Do you know there was a serial? This was one of the things. Urkelos. Urkel. Yeah, Stefano Cal was cool Urkel. And do you know there was a cereal? This was one of the things. Urkelos. Urkelos. Did you know about Urkelos?

I was a huge Urkel fan. I had an Urkel t-shirt. Really? I tried to go as Urkel for Halloween one year. With black face. But I just ended up going as nerd because even then I knew. You're like, this is not going to play well. I'm just going to go as generic nerd.

Oh, wow. So you were an Urkel fan. Were you an Urkel fan from the days when Family Matters was like a fairly sane premise for a show? I was an Urkel fan from the season or two before he joined the cast. You were just a Jaleel White fan. No, yeah. I was never an Urkel fan during the later years in my 20s. never an Urkel fan during the later years in my 20s.

But you know, we looked up Charlie Demers looked up how long Family Matters was on for and it was on from 1989 to 1998. Whoa! Does that seem correct? That seems way too long. It was a spin-off of Perfect Strangers, yes?

It was? Yeah. How? What? Believe? No. Oh, I might be wrong. Well, I want to hear how this works out. I think just one of the characters ended up being a family member, either the father or the mother. It used to be on Perfect Strangers. I don't really remember anything about Perfect Strangers except Balki and they did the dance of joy. Yeah, I remember the Bibby Bobka song.

Oh, there was a song? For when they made Bib dance of joy. Yeah, I remember the Bibby Bobka song. Oh, there was a song? For when they made Bibby Bobka. My favorite Jameel White, though, is Jaleel. Jaleel? Yeah. Okay, sorry. Never mind, I don't have a story. I don't want to talk about Jameel White.

No, but Jaleel White, he was on... Suzanne Somers had a talk show for a little while really short-lived from 1989 to 1998 really short she's doing this the whole time paul is doing a thigh master gesture thank you and uh he was on saying how he would never date a white girl and it was kind of because he only dates black men. Yeah. Or his heart was owed to Laura. Yeah. Yeah. She was a black woman.

And he said, it's not because I don't find white women extremely attractive. I just, I don't want to cause any problems. I don't want people to stare. And I'm thinking, they're not staring because you're with a white girl. They're staring because you're Steve Urkel. Yeah. It was funny. I was watching that special there was like

this uh i think it was like a four or six part special about comedy in america and it was like produced in uh in part with pbs and so they covered like all the famous like from you know they had different sections like it would be like the rebels the weirdos the you know the legends i don't even think there was that's often one that's overlooked almost across the board is the women in comedy angle but as morgan brayton pointed out on that late uh that uh monty python special that was on they of all the people they interviewed not one of them was a woman like they just assumed i guess anyways the on the weirdos one it went from andy kaufman to steve urkel which i was like that's a big jump what a

weird i would never have played steve urkel anywhere in that canon but you know i maybe one of the producers also produced family Matters And they had access to free footage It was all Reginald Val Johnson It was all Vin DeBona productions Oh man, good stuff Yeah, former guest Cliff Nesteroff Was talking about The Bronson Pinchot from Perfect Strangers

gave an interview a few weeks ago. What? Wait, to who? Who wanted to interview him? To the Onion AV Club. I guess we'd have him on the podcast. If he would be on the podcast. He talked about how... Larry Appleton?

No, how he was in Risky Business with Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise was like, I don't even remember, like crazy or stupid. I forget. Risky Business is the one where he dances in his underwear? Yeah. Well, he was just a dumb kid. Yeah, he's stupid.

In the movie, you mean. Yeah. Oh, okay. And we were talking, Cliff and I were talking about things we could, he wanted to write a tell-all book about TGIF. And there are all these stories. There's Jodi Sweetin doing math. Oh, yeah.

She just came out with a book called Unsweetened. Yeah. That's a good title. That's a good thing. There's the girl from Family Matters who ended up doing porn. What? Oh, yeah. Didn't you ever hear about the young... It was the gal that was...

Not Laura, was it? No, her younger sister. There was a... The article that I read about her said one day she walked upstairs on an episode and she never came back down. They just wrote her out of the show and then she ended up many years later

doing adult films. And she was on Montel or something? No, I think she ended up being on Sober House or one of those. But wasn't she on a talk show? Wasn't she on Tyra or Montel? Or that Montel-Tyra episode crossover they did? Where Tyra wore a Montel suit? It was so hard being a black man

It was the infinite universes crossover Of Montel and Tyra And there was also Cody from Step by Step He was a wife beater What? No he wore a wife beater No he was a wife beater for Halloween When he was a giant singlet

Cause he was like a martial arts guy. Because he was in a bunch of really straight-to-video martial arts movies. Oh, American Ninja. Yeah, like, I mean, never. They didn't even edit them. They just took them out of the camera. There's only one of them. They edited it.

Okay, we've got to get this in one take. Cody. Is it Stacy Keach? Was that his name name i think that was no that's oh man you're stacy something i've heard that name sasha oh linda hamilton sasha sasha though keach i think you got that one right yeah that's somebody is a different guy. Oh, okay. He's like a poor man's Daphne Coleman. What's his name? Sasha Herman. Alexander? Sasha Urkel. Okay.

Well, let's move on. Okay, but yeah. I'm so mad at both of us. I'm not. I think I've got laryngitis. We were discussing on the way over whether or not that's a real condition. Dave says it is, but I thought it was just a sitcom device that was invented. So you would have to sing. Yeah, like that I was like, oh, I can't podcast tonight.

Paul, you're going to have to take over. Yeah, exactly. Dave, let's get to know you. What's going on with you? Well, Paul, you were talking about how your Talent Time live show, people showed up four days after Halloween and were still willing to wear Halloween costumes. Yes. I realized that I treat Halloween very much the way people treat Christmas. Because the day after Halloween, all the Halloween spirit had left me. And I got up really early to go get discount candy. Oh, so you have like a Halloween

boxing day. Yeah. And I went out and I got some candy. So much candy. I was getting two of things. You know it was free the day before. Well, not to grown-ups. Oh, I don't know.

So I went to Safeway and I got $50 worth. Whoa. For $25. Oh. So you saved $25. Yeah. The more you buy, the more you save. Yeah, you have to.

So yeah, so we still have so much. But yesterday or a couple days ago, I noticed that I had this – I don't have a zit, but I have a couple of – it feels like zits are coming on, but they're very painful on my face. So you're going through like a second puberty? Well, I was – this morning, I was looking in the mirror. Like I went to take a shower and I ran the water, but before I started, I – Check in. Talk to yourself. Dave, we're going to have a good day today it's going to be real good

I looked in the mirror and I was seeing my face was hurt for a couple days are these zits out yet and I was like no but why am I getting zits and I realized that I was eating candy before I even took a shower like I was eating candy

I had a Twizzler in my hand. And a Twix that I hadn't even opened yet. Twix? Yeah. No, man. It kicks. It's one of those moments that you hear about in like a recovery house type of situation. When you know you've hit.

How did I get here? Yeah, you're like, I haven't even lathered up yet. And I'm already two Twixes deep. Oh, man. That's sad. I didn't get that out of it wonder what the Twix guy would think about all that Graham I was wondering as a guy with many allergies yes what how did that affect your trick-or-treating as a child here's this that's a good question and I'm because I

was thinking about I just see other day. Because you have – you're allergic to everything but mostly nuts is what comes up. Nuts is the big thing. And nowadays, every other kid is allergic to nuts. Yeah. I was – back in the day, I was like an exclusive case. Now it's like – I don't know what's happened. That's the other thing. I have no idea what it was because when I was a kid, I was the only kid I knew ever until – probably until I was like 20 or something.

I never met anybody else that was allergic to nuts and now I know like a dozen people and I don't know how that's happened. But I used to trade. That was the thing. Like my brothers – my mom would make my brothers and I, we had to trade. All the Snickers or Mr. Big or whatever else. Most of the candy out there has nuts in it. So I would end up with a lot of Tootsie Rolls. That was the big one because there's no nuts in that thing.

And then like Coffee Crisp. That was a pretty safe. That was a pretty reliable one. Yeah, Kit Kats, Coffee Crisp, Smarties. Twix. But only because they kicked. But there's – licorice now says no nuts. Yeah.

And it's like no kidding. Yeah, there shouldn't be like licorice. If licorice could have nuts, then anything could have nuts. It's because I guess that they would make things in the same factory or whatever. They would use the same. Wonka. I have a hard time picturing the same machine making a licorice that's making a Twix. Me too.

There is no machine that does. It's not. We don't live in the Willy Wonka world. That's not a real. It is. Well, unless you're having Wonka brand nerds. What other Wonka brand stuff is there? I don't know.

The Golden Ticket. Oompa Loompas. But now every other kid has a nut allergy, and I just wonder how... You probably shouldn't even hand out any nut candy now. It used to be, like on Halloween, sometimes people would just hand out a like a paper bag with nuts in it like it was that's an awful house but it was i don't know

i don't know what trick-or-treat i don't know what the state of trick-or-treating is like does anyone do a joke about um how expensive razor blades are nowadays how why would you waste that on a kid in an apple that's true because if so if not i'm stealing that joke that i just wrote um so yeah so you've you've done uh you ate too many chocolate bars uh yes that's about it? Yeah? No, that's not bad. How was the fallout from your dog costume? There was no fallout. It was a celebration. Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.

Like, I didn't mean fallout, because fallout sounds bad. I don't know the costume. Oh! Are you familiar with the movie Zardoz? No. Okay. I'd like to be. Yeah. familiar with the movie zardoz no okay i'd like to be yeah it's a 1974 movie starring sean connery

uh where he dresses in a red speedo right and has red bandoliers across his chest what are those they're uh where you put bullets bullets oh yeah yeah oh yeah bullet suspenders can i do that and uh that's how we dressed grandpa up this year. Oh, nice. I saw your pumpkin carving. Oh, yeah. Amazing. Yeah. I did a carving of...

Past guests? Past guests and my live show, Arrogance, co-host Taz Van Rassel. I've never done one of those pumpkin carvings where you actually do a portrait of the person's face. Like in that one episode of Roseanne. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're very big on the early 90s TV today. Yeah, well, you know, we were due, if you ask me, for a good round of early 90s television chat.

Graham. Yes, sir. Do you want to get to know yourself? Okay. I do want to get to know myself. For a good round of early 90s television chat. Graham. Yes, sir. Do you want to get to know yourself? Okay. I do want to get to know myself. It's the hardest battle that you'll ever fight. I got to meet Joan Rivers. You opened for Joan Rivers.

Yeah. You opened for Joan Rivers. Yeah, yeah. River Rock? At the River Rock Casino. And this is the, like, she is very. Old. Foul mouth. Rock Casino. Nice. And this is the – like she is very – Old. Foul mouth.

She's 76. Wow. And she's very foul mouth. Very filthy – Yeah. Not filthy comedy but lots of swears. But she – this is the first time I've ever done a gig where they've been like, you got to show up two hours before the show because there's going to be – they they said there's going to be a rehearsal i was like i don't even know what that

means because it's literally you go out and you do 20 minutes of jokes and then she comes out not even close there was a band on stage wow and they uh she came in like at 20 after six or whatever and she told okay she gave the lighting guys all their lighting cues. The band only had two or three cues, but she said, if the audience, if somebody in the audience does this, then I want you guys to do that.

They had cues, and they had certain music to play when she came on, and then she was like, this is how I'm going to introduce you. And then we did a run through. She introduced you? Yes.

Yeah, off stage. Oh, off stage. But yeah, which was great. And then – but the thing like she's – she had like cue cards made up because like I don't think she used them. But she had cue cards like on on the stage on the floor for bits oh I wish I could do that yeah me too and then she had one backstage and I have it I took it home

because it said it had the whole intro written on it so it had my name and then she called the orchestra something like the Michael Jackson decomposing orchestra but she uh she was so professional it was it was crazy how and so nice and uh but she's 76 i couldn't she has more energy what's that 76 trombones. She's 76 trombones young. She's the age of trombones. And she's done, her act had more energy than most young comics that you would ever see. So it was impressive. I was really impressed.

And also the mouth on her. For a 76-year-old who was not a sailor or a truck driver, maybe she did a little dabbling of sailoring. Sure, maybe. Back then, 76 years ago, it was a very maritime culture.

So there was that. Did you talk to her? Yep. And like I say, she's just very nice. Did you have to her? Yeah. And like I say, she's just very nice. Now, did you have to be clean? Yes. Not like squeaky clean, but I've seen that before.

Because lots of times there will be like a comic who's really clean and the opening act is just filthy. And then everybody in the audience just gets set to filthy comedy and they don't want to see any clean stuff. And I've also seen where somebody's just too way too dirty and then the person that follows them isn't as they're still swearing and stuff but not so they just said and i'm like what i'm gonna go and try and one up joe rivers yeah like can we talk? Yeah. But yeah, so I did that. And that was pretty great. I enjoyed it. And then last night I met your brother-in-law at a CBC roundtable about the Olympics.

Myself and Charlie Demers were like comic relief coming out of the breaks of the show. And then it was like the mayor and somebody from the Civil Liberties Association and a professor from SFU and somebody from Van Hock and then Ross Rabagliati who said very little. Because he was stoned.

That's his yeah, for everybody who doesn't know, he was a snowboarder who won the gold but then lost his gold because of pot smoking and then got it back because of drugs why did he get it back

no he just he literally lost it because of pot smoking he forgot where he put it where did I seriously folks have you tried this stuff wacky the moon

but yeah he was there which which was pretty cool. I've never been in the same room as a gold medal athlete. Were you irreverent at all towards the Olympics? Yeah, we did just a little back and forth, Charlie and I, about the Olympics. But then the audience would ask questions. I got heckled by a guy during our back and forth comedy.

What did they say? I think the guy thought that I was actually pro-Olympics. I was playing a guy who was pro-Olympics. And the guy kept yelling things at me. And I was like, yeah. But if you listen to the guy. No, who is the name of the first baseman? You guys are dumb.

So, yeah. So that was a bit weird. And Gregor Robertson, he's... He's our mayor. Yeah, he's every bit as handsome as television would lead you to believe. He's more dashing. He's a dashing mayor. But he rides...

This is a thing that we have in common, I guess, with London's mayor, is our mayor bicycles everywhere. Okay. He's a cyclist. So after this debate for CBC, I saw him rolling up his pant leg and he got on a bicycle. Oh, wow. That looks not that good. The one pant leg up.

Yeah, I'd be afraid to ever own nice pants. I'd be afraid that people would see my knife that I have strapped to near my sock. My sock knife. Or my shin pattern baldness. Hey, have you guys seen the picture of that bald bear? The bear that lost all its hair in Germany? I think his name is Fuzzy Wuzzy. No, there's these photos online of this bear.

How are you Googling it? How did you find this? You go, Jaleel White homosexual. Yeah. And then I typed in, maybe he was the type of guy who would go home with a bear. And then it just went from there. A bear, is it like a black bear without any hair? It's got like a little bit left on its face.

But it's amazing how little a bear looks like a bear without any fur on it it must feel insecure too it didn't look happy because it's a bear without hair i felt really bad what did it look like uh it's really yeah it looked like a guy it looked like gregor robertson um like a simon king naked guy no it looks more it certainly looks 100% less like something that you would be afraid of and more like something

that would be rooting through your garbage because it's oh yeah yeah like it doesn't look intimidating anymore are you

George Costanza yeah like sure I'm trying to think about that in the boudoir photography yeah but yeah I saw that and then I also saw a video clip online Sure. I'm trying to think of another little... In the boudoir photography, yeah.

But yeah, I saw that, and then I also saw a video clip online of pelicans eating other birds. What? Yeah, I had a really weird morning this morning. Because I guess there's this one area where pelicans usually... They usually eat fish, but there's no fish left in this area, so they've just taken to eating other birds. Not other pelicans, but... Yeah, so they've just taken to eating other birds. Not other pelicans. But, yeah, so I don't know what's going on. I'm okay with that.

Do you think that that's going to be the opening scene to that 2012 movie? Pelicans eating other birds and bald bears walking around? Jaleel White having sex. John Cusack freaking out. Yeah. How's that movie going to end? 2013.

The sequel. The year we make contact? Or was it? Or... 2013, it was all a dream? That's the only way that movie can end. What other way does that movie end? 2013. Or 2012.

Because 2012 is about the end of the world. Yeah. But then you see in the preview, I saw the extended preview. I went and saw Paranormal Activity. Was it good? Paranormal Activity? Yeah. Yeah, I really liked it.

But then I talked to people who were like, I didn't think it was scary at all. And I could see people saying that as well. But I thought if you go into it and you want to be scared by it, it'll scare you. It's pretty – but in the 2012 preview, basically, it's one of those previews where you see, like, okay, the whole world gets destroyed. So what the... So what the fuck? What? Spaceship?

Yeah, there is. There's some sort of spaceship thing. Okay. Well, that's your sequel. Spaceship. The movie. 2013. Spaceship. thing okay well that's that's your uh sequel spaceship the movie 2013 spaceship yeah i guess um so speaking of paranormal activity and going in wanting to be scared on halloween night uh abby and i watched um let the right one in oh it's so good which is a swedish vampire movie so good not scary no it's not scary

but it's a great film i was uh in the mood to get scared and it was a love story for kids kind of story yeah 12 year old he's a vampire yeah oh that's cute it is scary not scary boo um you didn't like it try again you didn't like it. Or they're making an American remake. I think I heard that, yeah. Is it going to be called Let the Right One In American Style? Let the Right One In to America. We are idiots. I feel like I'm getting laryngitis.

All right. Chew more gum. Is that the cure for it? No, I don't know. Is that the cure for it? No, I don't know. Is that the cause of it? It seems to be what you're doing. So, Let the Right One In is not scary. What was the movie that everybody told me to see and then it was out at the Video Story?

I think that was it. No, there was another one. It was another vampire movie that every... Twilight. No, remember? And I thought that I thought the movie up. A movie called Thirst. Is that a real movie?

Have you ever heard of that? Never heard of it. It's a great name for a movie. Yeah, I really feel like I accidentally invented a vampire movie. But man, Paul should be the vampire movie expert. He was in Twilight. Hey, here's a question. Okay.

Not that anybody in this room will be able to answer it, but it's a good question to put out to the podcast finally why is robert patterson considered attractive in any way yeah i agree but girls don't yeah because i was looking uh there's an article or whatever on twilight in this magazine and i couldn't wrap my head around he's very weird looking. Okay, so there's four young men actors who are very popular. There's Robert Pattinson. Yeah. Pattinson? Is there an N in there? I think there's a

D in there. There's the guy who plays the werewolf in Twilight as well. Yeah. Who goes shirtless all the time. Yeah, yeah. All the time. A.C. Slater mocked to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the new Mario Lopez. There needed to be a new one.

And he's a handsome guy. He's conventionally handsome. There's Zac Efron. Yeah, he is a boyish, girly-looking type. And there's Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaBeouf, who I guess is...

He's not handsome. No, but he's boy next door-y. He's... He smokes and... boy next door of the Explorer. He's like a dirty kid. He's a skid. He's a skid, but it's... Because Robert Pattinson looks like he's Luke Perry mocked to. He looks like he's anemic Luke Perry.

Yeah, but I don't get... It's not even one of those things where I'm like... I just, what I wanted to do is rate the heartthrobs. Oh, okay. Like, in order? Yeah. Oh, well, definitely. Throbbiest is A.C. Slater Mach 2.

Oh, above Efron? Yeah. What about John Hefron? Comedian John Hefron from Last Comic Standing? He's no Corey Holcomb. Heffron from Last Comic Standing? He's no Corey Holcomb. Also a comedian from Last Comic Standing. He's no Dan Natterman. What do you think?

Out of those four? Slater Mock 2 or Heffron? That I think is more... It's the hottest, yeah. We're going to vote. The throbbiest. The throbbiest, sure. These are the throbbiest.

Yeah, who makes your heart throb? The thing is, I get them all confused. Except for the werewolf guy because... He's aced Slater Mockbies. Yeah, who makes your heart throb? The thing is, I get them all confused. Except for the werewolf guy, because... He's AC Slater Mach 2. Yeah. Okay, him. You like him over Efron? Efron, to me, looks like the other one and the other one.

Okay. Okay, so AC Slater Mach 2 has it. Yeah. I want to say his name is Taylor? I think, for me, it goes AC Slater, then Ef it. I want to say his name is Taylor. I think for me it goes AC Slater, then Efron, then LaBeouf, and Patterson brings up the rear. Oh yeah, he's definitely up the rear. Come on, guys. Let's keep this above the belt. Yeah, come on.

This is an Ant-Prinny Hardaway talk. So would you agree with that ranking? Or you seem to be pretty eager to put Zac Efron in. I like Zac Efron up top. Homosexual-Tuck. Or Totem Pole-Tuck. That's the other way you could take it. And I think LaBeouf's worse than Patterson.

Well, yeah, I don't. I mean, LaBeouf's got nothing. But Patterson's got, yeah, I don't. I mean, LeBeouf's got nothing, but Patterson's got minus marks. He's... LeBeouf's not good-looking, but Patterson is bad-looking. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'd agree.

We watched Twilight the other night. Now that's a scary movie, from my understanding. It's very... They did not white-balance those cameras. It's a blue-and-green balance those cameras. It's a blue and green looking movie. Did you see, there was somebody on YouTube just compiled all the bits where that lead actress bit her bottom lip. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's funny. Yeah, like I guess there's only been one movie out so far and she does it about 15 times in that one movie. It's a good, good, you know. If that's going to be your signature move, you you know it's not bad she's annoying i don't know i haven't seen the movie have you seen twilight yes is it what is it like my so-called life with vampires oh that'd be a good name for a show it's just kind of like teenage blue balls like the whole time it's like some guy wants to i want to but i can't yeah and it's it's too long it's that for way too long i want to do there's somebody there was an article in esquire and i can't remember who wrote it but he said that the

entire appeal of the twilight movies is that it basically creates an atmosphere where teenage girls can fantasize that the gay boys that they have crushes on in high school, that they could actually have a relationship with, and that that's the fantasy they... I mean, now, that being said, this was an article written by a... Well, or...

But an adult, man. It wasn't written by a teenage girl. What I'm saying is that we don't have enough teenage girls on this podcast to weigh in on this type of thing. And we never will. Yeah, you're right. Where would an Edward Furlong fall on that scale? Whoa, yeah. He was filthy.

He didn't even look clean when he was clean. Yeah, I don't even think girls liked him. No. He just looked like somebody rubbed Vaseline on his face all the time. He had that real greasy... Yeah, he was our pecker. Was that his movie? Yeah, that was the movie. Or was it Becker?

Yeah, well, no. He played the blind guy. Now, there's all these vampire movies. In Twilight, do vampires have to be invited into a place? I don't remember. In your movie? No. Okay.

And let the right one in. I did notice they had to be invited in. Has any movie done a gag where there's vampire cops or a like a vampire SWAT team and they they they have to just wait outside until they're invited in oh no no that'd be good though we what's the uh there's that convention and then there's a vampire convention let's go let's get laminates um but yeah like there's uh the the thing where you have to invite them in. VampCon. There's a thing where like...

Well, does it change from movie to movie how you turn into a vampire? It seems like they make up... Yeah, it's all myth, so it can change a bit. In the movie you were in, was it a you get bitten by and then become vampire tradition? Yes. Well, actually, Jessica Perret, our bass player, who gets first infected, she gets infected by using a dirty needle, but they cut it out of the movie so you don't even ever see what happens.

She's at a party with a vampire. She passes out, and then she's infected. So it's implied... They shot it, but it was too... It was going to bump the rating up too high or whatever, so they couldn't show the actual injection. Wow. But vampires.

Who knew, hey? That they'd come on so strong. I would have thought that Leslie Nielsen spoof movie they made would have been the last vampire movie ever. There is nothing left to say now. Ted Lovigan. Case closed. What about when they say a woman's a vamp?

Does that have anything to do with anything? It has... What was the one from the cable television? Small Wonder. No. That wasn't cable. The woman who used to present the late night oh elvira elvira yeah yeah i think elvira i think i think it was a uniform but it wasn't

vampirilla or something like classier vampin no vampin i didn't finale lisa vampinelli um i don't know where vamp comes from but I assume it has something to do with vampires Yeah, and Elvira was quite the vamp Yeah There was a movie, an Elvira movie Do you think she ever presented her own movie? That would have been, I guess the circle would be complete And then the curse would be lifted

She would no longer have to do that job She'd come back There might be an actual desire for her now Well, not I guess not a 70 year old Do you think she was 70? She'd come back. There might be an actual desire for her now. I guess not a 70-year-old. Dude, you think she was 70? Now? How old do you think she is?

55. Come on. How old was she then? I don't know. I don't even know when then was. No, me neither. I just remember there was a movie where they tried to burn her at the stake because that was the poster for the movie. She was tied to a stake.

Elvira. Oh, God, I remember that. Yes. Give me a steak medium rare. Steak and loving it, I think. I think you were right. There are just movie posters for my childhood burned into my head that I've never seen in the films. But you know what I mean?

Like that. I can picture that so well, but I don't know what it was. There's one that used to scare me student bodies student bodies remember that no there was oh god i'll never forget there was a t there's a desk with a girl stuffed in it you just saw her foot kind of uh coming out and then something on the on the blackboard says like one plus one they're adding up the dead bodies and it was one plus one plus three or something there was one that i saw and it was just like it was like a little like demon looking guy

and he was like uh there was a woman sleeping and he was just like crouched next to her i can't remember what it was called but every time i was at the video store i would just stand like staring at the poster so scary it freaked me out me out. Anything you got? Scary movie poster? Not scary, but I just remember going to the video store and week in, week out, being like, I need to rent DC Cab. Oh, you did. That was the first time I saw movies. Because it was...

It was in DC Cab? The cover of the box was just Mr. T holding... He's ripped the door off a cab. Yeah. And I never saw the movie, but. You saw it. Yeah. I saw it a couple years ago.

I don't remember really. Actually, Zapped was the first time I saw boobies. Do you remember Zapped with Scott Baio and Willie Ames? No. You're thinking of Charles in Charge. No, no. Someone saw that movie and said, these guys would be great, like raising a little family. Really?

And then they got Charles in charge after that. Let's put some tits on that show, too. And then the network was like, no, no, no. You got to leave the tits out. What was the first movie you saw boobs in? Oh, that's a good question. That's a good question. No, you know what?

It was probably like in a hilarious context. Like probably it was The Meaning of Life with Monty Python where the naked girls chase him off the cliff. You could pretend that you're just in it for the comedy. Yeah, exactly.

Whoa! I think that's the first time, I think maybe my first many years of exposure to breasts were in a comedy context. Therefore, I still think they're pretty hilarious.

Yeah, well, that's probably what turned you into a Benny Hill. Yeah. If anybody sees my stage act, it's very they're pretty hilarious. Yeah, well, that's probably what turned you into a Benny Hill. If anybody sees my stage act, it's very Benny Hill. Even Porky's, like the comedy wasn't good enough to sustain the movie. No. No, that certainly seemingly went out with – there was a time when they made movies where there were a lot of shirtless women, and that time is over now. I think the first boobs I saw in a movie was Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder in Hear No Weeple.

Those are guys that doesn't see no weeple. Yeah, there was a girl showering, but he was blind and hijinks. Except he was fake blind. Wasn't that the whole thing in the movie? No, he was fake blind. Wasn't that the whole thing in the movie? No, he was real blind. But he tried to braille it? Were you going to say he was mortis coding it?

For a second. He was just tapping on people. Oh, goodness. We haven't grown up all that much. Do you want to move on to some overheards? Yeah. Alright. goodness we haven't grown up all that much do you want to move on to some overheards yeah all right

overheard overheards things overheard in uh in general daily life do you know at one point i was searching out something related to the podcast and somebody said what a delightful way to go through life listening to things intentionally to see if you could take a funny chunk out of it the way you said that was like it was going to rhyme what a delightful way to go through life listening to things I've just been sharpening my knife

but yeah so things overheard or overseen you could a delightful piece of graffiti is always welcome. And we'd like to start with the guest. Oh, wow. I have an overseen and an overheard.

Do you want a bookend? Can I? One, and then we'll go around and come back to you? Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. So this first overseen, like most great things, happened at 9.30 a.m. on the Hastings bus. And I'm...

Wait, you're a movie star though yeah i know so uh yeah the number 10 okay uh we're just uh stopping to a stop and i look out um i look out the right side and on the sidewalk there's this tall scruffy guy in a trench coat he opens up his trench coat and a bird flies out bird flies out of his coat and uh do you think he was a homeless magician i don't know i don't know what he was but the only way my brain could kind of realize what it was is you know in cartoons like when uh they want to show that something hasn't been used in a long time like like a moth will fly out of a wallet yeah like yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly goofy will go to like open up the

camping gear and a whole bunch of raccoons will run out or whatever that's like that's like what it was so this guy opens his coat and the bird flies out and lands on his hat and the bird was on a leash oh well i say leash but it was like it was a foot leash he was a foot leash. Yeah, it was a foot leash, but it was a shoelace. A shoelace. Foot leash. You gotta cut leash. Everybody's got a foot leash. But it was a shoelace just tied on those foot and then tied to the guy's lapel on his jacket. Really? Yes. What kind of bird is this?

I actually think it was a pigeon. Maybe a pigeon. Maybe a dove? No, not a dove. No, definitely a pigeon. Gross. Yeah, it was a great... They've sued

each other but the the best part was um the woman on my left side she saw this out the window and started freaking out like it blew her mind right like it blew her mind and uh she was trying to get the attention of the guy sitting directly across from her who uh was a hottie yeah who couldn't who had his back to the scene and she really wanted him to see what was going on so she's like leash cat you know there's a bird and turn and and the guy oh my god the guy just he looked like he'd been through everything yeah he just looked at her like lady there's nothing outside that window you know that could be any crazier than when I close my eyes every night. Yeah, or the time that I saw a condor on a leash or whatever.

Man, that is a great overhaul. Or a pelican eating smaller birds. Yeah, that was a hell of a way to... Yeah, that was my own private bird leash. Foot leash. Foot leash. Everybody's got a foot leash. Dave? Do you have

An overheard slash overseen I do A couple weeks ago I got these pants hemmed I got some pants hemmed the other week Yeah I think we went to the same place Stitch International Yeah

In the Pacific Center Mall in Vancouver. And I thought, I've gone there before, and usually it takes a day. And they said, no, we can have this done in an hour. So I had an hour to kill inside the mall. And I was walking around, and I basically went to every store that I had any interest in. And I went to Sport Check check and I looked at the shoes and there was a shoe salesman there talking to a guy and he had sold shoes to the guy previously like a year earlier and he remembered the exact shoe that he sold the guy and the guy was amazed and uh the salesman amazed and the salesman said yeah i uh

i have a visual memory that is just retarded which is not the right word no not at all for a couple of reasons because your visual memory is excellent and you don't say that to a customer. Oh, man. Wow. Imagine, though, he's got this amazing visual memory and the only thing he's using it for is recalling what shoe he sold to a guy. That's retarded. Maybe that's what he meant.

Yeah, it's the bane of my existence. I'm a savant. Yeah, exactly. It's all I know how to do um i uh on my way to work oh please you're overheard oh yeah uh on my way to work there there's a lot of construction street construction and uh you know those signs that uh kind of tell you like uh they're digital yeah digital signs signs on orange machinery that say like, road closed, please use other things, or whatever.

You can change the message on it. I think that they had – You can't, but they can. Well, somebody did on this because it certainly was not what the message – I think because there's a store – there's stores in there, and they were trying to tell people that the stores are still open for business it's like a courtesy so like just because the street's being dug up you can still come in there's a couple stores in there and obviously either somebody worked on the site or somebody

broke into the system and changed the thing because what it said this morning was uh hey queer mo is open for business i'm not big on using the word queer. Or Queer Mo. No, but Queer Mo is, I've never heard that ever. What is it? Queer Mo? I guess it's a... Store that's open for business.

No, but then the store would be called Hey Queer Mo. Or Hey, Queer Mo is open for business. Like it was like, hey, Queer Mo is open for business. Hey, it was like, hey, Queermo's open for business. Hey, over here on the sign. Hey. With the letters. What do you think Hey Queermo sells? Is it like, please, mom?

I think it's like we're mispronouncing it. It's like, Hey Queermo is like a Cuban accessory store or something like that. Panama hats. I think it's a real store. Do you? Yes. Because I looked and all there was

was three vets and that didn't sound anything like Queer Mo. Like if there was something there called Queer Mart. Yeah. Or Hey Queer Mart. Anyways,

that was worth overseeing. Yeah, way to see it. Thank you. Way to see that. And you haven't overheard? This is my favorite one ever Oh, nice

Of mine I know it's bad to preface things like that No, this is great I'm in London, England a couple years ago And I needed to buy some shoes So I went to a shoe store And there was this woman A cobbler, they call it

There was this woman pleading with the manager and she was obviously trying to return these shoes and I could see where I was standing that they were dirty shoes there was dirt all over them and scuffs and she's talking and talking and talking and finally she stops and the guy says

look I'm not saying you wore the shoes but somebody wore the shoes, but somebody wore these shoes. That is something you learn in customer service. Like, don't assign blame directly to the client. Yeah. Someone wore these shoes, though. I cannot.

You don't want to accuse them. No. Because when you accuse, you make an act to accuse them no no because when you accuse you make an act out of you two utes um yeah but you know the return policy here at hey queer mo is that we do not if they look like the shoes have been worn by anyone yeah we don't uh um are you do you have another one no oh okay you, okay. You were looking at a note. Now, we have some listener overheardeds. All right. So this comes from Shauna P., who says she wasn't sure if this was an overheard, but it most definitely is.

I suppose it would be more accurately an overheard if I say I was the Savon Foods cashier in the tale, but alas, I was not. Well, I don't understand why she would set that up and then take it away from me. Oh, I think she meant that she's been underheard. Oh, I see. You know the math of this. The cashier – but my brother recounted the story. Oh, this is a second hand overheard. OK.

Anyways, the cashier and the grocery bagger at the checkout counter would have an overheard my brother and his three and a half year old son as follows. Son, daddy, dad. Yes, son. Son, your penis is circumcised, but mine's not. Uncomfortable dad. That's right, son. But let's not talk about that right now. uncomfortable dad.

That's right, son, but let's not talk about that right now. Which is probably the single greatest thing about kids, is that they don't have any sense of context, what is appropriate, when to bring that up. Yeah. Whenever it pops into their head, that's the exact second that it's good to bring that up. And he dealt with it well.

Yes, that's true. And let's not talk about that. Fair And he dealt with it well. Yes, that's true. And let's not talk about that. Fair enough. Fair enough, kid. That means you're adopted. Hereditary. This is from, I think it's pronounced, Kayla S. I was trying on clothes in the changing room at a department store today. Two guys walked in and got changing stalls next to each other.

One guy said to the other, I need to get some of those butt cut jeans. I mean boot cut jeans. Yeah, those are real good. His friend came back with, my eight pack. I don't like the legs in here because I can't see my eight pack. Stomach wide. That's every lighting setup for me. There's one I think that i went

in that made it look like i had some stomach muscles and i wanted to live there yeah yeah if you've ever seen that like good lighting that makes it look like you have stomach muscles have you ever had that yes i have stomach muscles if i am doing a sit-up like if i'm in that posture they pop out yeah wow i don't have them. There was this one lighting setup where it was visible, and I really thought I need to figure out exactly. They airbrush those on in movies sometimes. Did you have them on? I haven't done them to me,

but I had a fellow I was working with who they took an airbrush and airbrushed an eight-pack or a six-pack or whatever. Isn't it usually a six-pack? Yeah, six- six packs sorry about that come from the lighting it's i don't know but what it's a value pack remember like a couple years ago when that weird part that's right near the uh like where you would have a hernia right that muscle that like right above the pant the belt line sure That became a thing all of a sudden that I was seeing? The V shape coming out of your V-Gina.

For a man, your man-Gina. Okay, this is an overseen. This is more like an event than an overseen, but I enjoy the whole situation. This is from Christopher B. This one takes place in the cookie slash cracker aisle at my neighborhood Safeway. That's a good scene. An aisle with two functions.

Yeah, exactly. Two delicious functions. I come into the aisle and see one of the cashiers staring at the shelves with a concerned look on her face as if confronted with a tough decision. The cashier is an older woman by the name of Rhonda who found her hairstyle back in 82.

Man, this guy's a stickler for details. As I get closer, I see the object of her dilemma. Perched atop the carefully arranged packages of Fig Newtons

is a large box of condoms. At this point, it is my obligation to pretend to be interested in something and also watch the situation unfold. I see her first reach out

as if to grab the offending package hesitate then recoil her hand in horror she then reaches for a walkie talkie at her belt uh because this matter resides in the jurisdiction of the pharmacy people and should be none of her concern after a second she decides to take this course of action as well resolved she again reaches out and picks up the condom package. After taking it one or two steps in the direction of the pharmacy, she spots me in the aisle and her eyes go wide. She quickly tosses the package of condoms back on the cookies

and runs away in the opposite direction. What do you think that was all about? So she wasn't a checkout lady. No, maybe she was the cookie aisle professional. Strumpet. Harl professional. Strumpet. Harlots. Yeah. I don't know why would, because why would

you be embarrassed that there was a box of condoms that existed? Unless you were really serious about the cookie aisle. Yeah. Embarrassing if the condoms are in the cookie aisle, though. Yeah, but only if you left them there. Yeah, or if you you left them there. Yeah, if you're using them there. Or if they were

used condoms, then surely. Don't shop there anymore. Please, Graham. Come down to Queer Mo's. Hey, Queer Mo's. There's a good overseen. It was a shot of some pretty good graffiti here. Yeah, this is an overseen It was a shot of some pretty good graffiti Yeah, this is an overseen on a Brooklyn street

In Park Slope And it's a It's a graffiti That says Dick Chicken Which is a great tag name Yeah If Dick Chicken is listening I commend you Yeah uh that falls in

line with um what was that other thing the bit of graffiti my dick hates the shit yeah yeah oh yeah chicken i don't think uh a lot of taggers listen to the podcast i think they have to keep their ears open for the 50 well what the mustache well that's what they used to call it in high school. Oh, really? Yeah. We called it the fuzz. The fuzz? No, I never ran into the cops.

Was the fuzz a mustache thing, too? Oh. The mustache was the fuzz? Oh, I never even questioned why. Yeah, that totally makes sense. Oh, speaking of fuzz. Do you know... This is going to be good.

Do you guys... Here in Vancouver And in our capital, Victoria There's a channel It's called A Channel And the 6 o'clock anchorman Is named Hudson Mack There's also a punk band in Victoria

Called Hudson Mack Really? That's a great name for a punk band Apparently he's a big drinker Well here's the thing He's always had He's a great name for a punk band apparently he's a big drinker well here's the thing he's a balding man but just a couple weeks ago he had completely no hair

he was like bicked and then I was like well maybe that's just he's made the decision because he looked suddenly super badass like he wears these really nice pinstripe suits. And I was like, this is... All of a sudden, I was watching A Channel News.

Right, it was Jason Statham all over. Yeah, and I was like, this is great. And then lately, he was like, it's growing back in a bit. And so I was like, maybe he had chemotherapy or something. But then tonight, when I flipped in, he's also growing a mustache. What? Yeah. November. It might be November. or something. But then tonight, when I flipped in, he's also growing a mustache! It might be Movember.

We discussed it is Movember, but it is too much at once, because he's growing back hair and a mustache. It's the most bizarre transition I've ever seen a news anchor make. I hope he starts wearing other jackets and doing that. Having a midlife crisis.

Comes in with a piano key tie. My dad was telling me about a guy who, I don't even remember how this quite went. It was a guy who he knew who was going bald and started growing a beard. So he had a beard for like a year. And then the day that he shaved the beard, he also started wearing a toupee and everyone just noticed that he shaved his beard. Oh, wow.

Yeah, distractionary tactic. Yeah, this guy's the smartest balding man. That may not have been quite the story because toupee is always terrible. Maybe the story was that he shaved his beard and that hair became the toupee. Where am I going to find some hair? It's just so obviously beard hair. But anyways, Hudson Mack, if you've been ill, I wish you to get better.

But I don't know if the world's ready. I don't know if you're ill or badass. Yeah. Or ill. Do we have some caller overheard? Yes. Hey, Graham and Dave. This is Chris in Humboldt County, California.

I have an overheard here. We took the whole family to Disneyland for our honeymoon. And that's me and my wife and our three or four kids. There's four. Three or four. But in line at Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, we're sitting in the line for the Matterhorn, our second time going around on the Matterhorn.

This young guy behind me, probably late teens, early 20s, just says, really, I must be having a bad day at the happiest place on earth because he said, I just don't want to be around any fucking kids right now. Which I thought pretty odd being that he went to Disneyland. Anyway, I hope he can use that one. Which one's the Matterhorn? Is that where you get wet?

You go on a log ride? I don't know. I haven't been to Disneyland as a grown up. Have you? Or anything. I went when I was three. Do you know? I know that Matterhorn was a potential movie in Entourage. Oh, that's right!

Was it Matterhorn? Yeah, that's right. It's the tallest... Is it the tallest mountain in Europe? Or is that... I just remember it being a game on The Price is Right. Right, with the hiker. Yeah, and he would yodel.

I think that was the ride. It was a yodel ride. I think that's what the movie Entourage was based on. Yodel ride? Amazing. You should have been up for that. Hey, stop podcasting yourself, and yes, this is the most pentabulous wibby from Boston, Massachusetts.

So, I work with some interesting interesting characters and two guys i work with do not like each other at all they hate each other they're always like yeah yeah i'll just get to the point anyway one is named david the other one is named jeff so uh jeff usually gets the upper hand on Dave as terms and, like, jokes and whatnot. But one day, Dave got him good. He said, so, Jeff, you are divorced, right? And Jeff was like, yeah. Why? And Dave was like, who do you kids live with? And Jeff was like, my ex-wife.

Why? who do you kids live with and jeff was like my ex-wife why and dave goes wow you failed as both a husband and a father anyways i thought that was hilarious i like cried it is uh and an awesome example of a real life zinger yeah wow ouch that was like sitcom quality setup but really mean oh yeah no like a mean sitcom yeah like onto rush or like a sitcom called the queen of mean starring julia lewis the queen of queer mo sandra bullock would i don't know jim jay jim jay bullock jim jay hi it's not podcasting yourself. I have a really good overheard. Well, I think it's pretty good. My name is Natasha and I'm calling from Toronto.

So I'm at Winner's the other day, which is just like a clothing store. And so I'm at Winner's and there's this girl who is shopping near me and she is talking on her cell phone, this teenage girl. And so we're just shopping and then all of a sudden i hear really loudly she says and i was on fucking suicide watch all night so yeah that's my overheard bye there's probably a lot of conversations like that going on inside winners there's out in toronto yeah is that a store that they have in the states winners no no that's a canadian store yeah it's uh discount stuff it's like uh other stores uh excess it's like a i don't know what they have in the states tj maxx or something

uh yeah or winners yeah tj mackie that's a gimme for any starting stand-up comedian where you could go, you never feel less like a winner than when you're shopping at Winners. That's Comedy 101. Write this shit down. For any aspiring young stand-up comedian or comedians. All right, I have one more. All right. Hello, Stop Adcusting Yourself.

This is Henry Stafford. I'd love to be your American listener, as I am an American listener. However, I have an overheard for you. This overheard concerned some friends of ours. We were in Las Vegas, Nevada. And we were hanging out at this bar, middle of the day, and it was us and an English couple we ran into. So we're all sitting around this sort of gas-lit fireplace,

which doesn't matter whatsoever to the story. And as people do in Vegas, the English bloke and his wife were drinking a margarita as big as your head. And they're drinking their large margarita, smoking, as English people love to do. And we're talking to them for a good half an hour, an hour. And in the middle of it, she says, oh, she stands up and says, you may not have noticed, but I'm expecting in six months. And she has this margarita as big as your head that she's halfway through and half a pack of cigarettes. And it was just a stunned silence from the American contingent because that's

extremely verboten. And my, uh, our friend that we were with just looks at her and says, uh, that's okay. We don't judge. Uh, wow. Um, yeah. I think it's verboten in the British Isles as well.

I think they know by now. I think you are just... They've gotten our shows. You are seeing some trashy individuals. Yeah. If you do want to write to us any of your overheards, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com. Or call us at 206-339-8328. It's 206-339-TEET. teat.

Now, we have been over the last couple weeks, last two weeks at the very least, been discussing childhood traumas that have resulted in visits to the hospital, stitches, broken leg perhaps. Yeah, and I think this is

going to be a full-fledged segment. And I think it could use a theme song. Lips deep in the pavement. I wasn't funny then, but it's funny now. Childhood injuries. All right. So, childhood traumas. We'll start with the guest.

Things that, you know, when it happened to you when you were a kid maybe resulted in a hospital trip. I told a story about having a shovel land on my head. Maybe resulted in a hospital trip. I told a story about having a shovel land on my head. I think way earlier, previous to this segment, I told a story about my lips, my teeth going through my lips. Yes, I remember that. Yeah. Oh.

And you, when we were working on said theme song, you said at one point you got burrs in your eyes. Oh, yeah. I had a friend do this thing. I had a bunch of burrs. Everyone knows what burrs are, right? Those little... You see them at the beach. Yeah, and they get under your... It's the guy who invented Velcro.

Got a bunch of burrs on his clothes and said, this is brilliant. Oh, really? That's how he made $40,000. No. Really? He only made... Velcro's a $40,000 idea.

I think it's a gazillion dollar idea. All right, that's where you and I differ. All right. So anyways, he had a bunch of burrs in his hand and was doing this, like trying to psych me out. idea. I think it's a gazillion dollar idea. Alright, that's where you and I differ. He had a bunch of burrs in his hand and was doing this, trying to psych me out. I didn't know it at the time. Wait, what were the... Why was he trying to psych you out? He was like, hello, I'm going to throw burrs in your face.

Okay, he wasn't trying to get under your skin so he could dunk on you. And he wasn't trying to invent another type of Velcro. Because that had already been done no and uh punk velcro i was complaining about punk bro i was complaining about something hurting my eye for a long time and i went and had to go into the doctor a bunch of times and get my eye flushed out nothing was happening a couple weeks later i've realized that a couple burrs stuck into my eyelid and scraping my retina yeah so i still have i have a couple of burrs stuck into my eyelid and was scraping my retina.

So I still have a couple of black dots on my vision. Really? Yeah. Still to this day? Yeah. Where are they? Wait, they keep moving. Right here and right there.

Wow. That's horrible. Yeah. But it falls perfectly in line with the childhood trauma. It falls perfectly in line with the childhood trauma. It's amazing that any kid graduates from childhood to adulthood functional in any way, shape, or form. And I didn't even know that I really had a trauma. I know that it happened. It was a crappy thing. But a couple years ago, I had to do this movie where I died with my eyes open.

And they made a thing for my eye, like a silicone piece that was on my eye. And it was huge and fat. and they went to put it in and like i i was i started i started freaking out and i was just i and i saw all these images it was i took me way back like you know when people say that there's memories like yeah and you're and i i was i was freaking out and i saw the guy's face and i i was all itchy and i was like i can just like, I can't do it, I can't do it. Wow. So we had to do it with CGI. I eventually was able to do it, but it was a weird little.

It was total trauma. Graham's got to read some more. Yeah. Well, a couple people sent in some pretty good. Traumatic traumas. Traumatic traumas Traumatic traumas And somebody on the message board And I can't remember who off the top of my head Suggested that we also include in the realm of traumas Things that either you as a small child

Were convinced to do By elder siblings Or you as an elder sibling Convinced your younger siblings to do That ended up in them getting Damaged in some And not, we don't, must stress No horrible stories No thing where some kid died God. Damaged in some... And not... We don't... Must stress.

No horrible stories. Please, yeah. No thing where some kid died or is traumatized in the deep notion. You know, sure. A silicon piece in the eye on a movie set. You freak out a bit. We're fine with that. It bummed me out a bit. Yeah, I was a little bummed out, too.

Yeah. But no horror stories, because this is not a horror show. I had a child trauma that was horrific, but now it's kind of funny. Oh, please. Yeah, absolutely. Well, when I was a kid, we went – their parents got their tax return back. It's like, we're going to go shopping. So we went to a store to buy beds.

And my mom was like, do you want a bunk bed or do you want water beds? And I'm like, well, I want a bunk bed water bed. Who doesn't, right? Those don't exist, do they? Well, here's the story. They don't anymore. The guy at the store who was the owner, was this small place in uh in winnipeg where they whatever and he's like that's a great idea and i i swear to god it was a year maybe a

year and a half two years later velcro you know they that we they were watching commercials from that store and it was like brand new bunk bed water beds i remember feeling completely ripped off and like i was so mad but then like a month later someone died because there's too much water like it's heavy to put water up and then have someone else underneath it yeah the kids were jumping on it or something and it's i already the fact that you were a kid at the time yeah that this adult would take a kid's idea and go, yeah, that'll work. That's why it was the only way I could feel kind of okay about it. Because I was just a kid going, I want chocolate coming out of a, you know, whatever. Out of a bunk bed.

Yeah. Which then killed the whole family. Yeah. Oh, man. So I'm really sorry to that family. But I was just a kid thinking I wanted a bunk bed, water bed. That did get horrible at the end. Yeah, sorry about that.

You didn't follow the rules at all. I'm sorry. Don't do that. I was telling you kid thinking I wanted a bunk bed water bed. That did get horrible at the end. Yeah, sorry about that. You didn't follow the rules at all. I'm sorry. Don't do that. I was telling you not to do that. But the person who died was just some kid. They didn't have a name. Yeah, exactly. It was some extra that they brought in.

The guy should have thought about it at all, about the water and the bed. All right. Here's two from Allison B. This first one was, I was a dumb eight-year-old and my mom didn't want me to get my ears pierced. But my babysitter took me to get them pierced for my birthday. Whoa. Babysitter. You just broke the first rule of the babysitter squad.

You do not know how your bread is buttered. As I say, I was dumb and a couple months in started failing. Not as dumb as your babysitter. But she started failing at taking care of her ears. One ear started to heal over while the earring was still in there, which basically meant that my ear was consuming the back of the earring. I tried to hide it from my mom, but she found out, and I had to go to the emergency ward and get the earring ripped out.

Sans anesthetic. I got to be super cool and walk around with a bandage here. Not a bad ending. Not super cool, to be fair. Second one. I was four years old, and it was just my big brother, dad, and I at home one evening as my mom was doing fundraising with some of her band students. My dad and my brother thought it would be funny to pretend to throw me out the window

with each of them grabbing an arm and a leg and swinging me in front of the window. I started to freak out because I was four and my family was trying to kill me. My dad was Michael Jackson. My brother pulled on my arm so hard that my elbow dislocated. For several hours I sat in front of the TV with frozen peas on my arm because my dad

had a fear of hospitals and I had to wait for my mom to come home. You can't refreeze those peas. 19 years later, my brother blames me because I was fighting it, quote unquote. Yeah, that's true. If you just come home. Just go home. Cry, baby.

Yeah, if you just let them throw you out the window like they wanted. This is from Ben G. He sent in four, but I'm going to just do my favorite one, which is I was maybe two or three years old and my grandmother was at my house for whatever reason. Probably to visit her grandchildren, I guess. He's all pissed off. Stealing money. Apparently, I went into her purse at some point and took a few of her pills. In my defense, the pills supposedly looked very similar to chewable vitamins my parents gave me at the time. Anyways, it turns out these were thyroid pills and I had to go to the emergency room.

Of course, I had no idea what the fuck was happening, and when the doctors tried to get me to drink the charcoal substance, which is supposed to make you throw up, I refused. Not really sure how they ended up, what they ended up doing to retrieve the pills, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. Yeah, they may have had to go in. Oh, yeah, the other way. The sliding glass doors, as I call my butt. Or they're going to make you throw up

by showing you a picture of a skinny model. Giving you a complex? Yeah. Understood. And this is from Kevin A. I was eight years old in 1980. The year speed skater Eric Heiden set some world records. We remember.

Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. I was zero. I went ice skating with my sister and her friend, whom I desperately was trying to impress with my speed skating style. Bent forward with hands behind my back. She and my sister, of course, ignored me until the very moment I tripped and busted my chin open. Hard to miss my scream and a little puddle of blood on the ice.

Eight stitches, still have the scar. Pretty good. Trying to impress a girl? Land flat on your face? It is the classic, the classic Stitch story. So if you want to send in any childhood trauma stories

or coercing your siblings, older or younger, send them to StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com or we have somebody call in. We have one phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Sam from Las Vegas calling in this time with a Stitches story.

I was in about fourth grade, so I was about nine years old, at a school fundraiser for an extracurricular activity and there was a bunch of little carnival-style sideshow games. One of them was A Wheel of Fortune, and I'd been playing it quite often. I went up to play it again, and I spun it. It was on a pedestal. I spun it as hard as my little fourth-grade body could do, and it came right off the pedestal, and one of the pegs gashed open my head, and I ended up laying on the school's gym floor in a puddle of blood. So I went into the hospital, got 13 stitches

and came back to the little fundraiser. At which point the Wheel of Fortune had been put back up but had gotten a few new names such as the Wheel of Death, the Wheel of Misfortune and the Wheel of Dementia. So I think that there are some older people there as well. Thanks a lot for the podcast.

So, well, on that scale, they were... The Wheel of Death was... That's at the one extreme end of which they thought, ah, this is funny, and then the Wheel of Dementia... Beck, you can... Could you get dementia? People were just naming things. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, well. If you want to call in your childhood trauma stories, it's 206-339-8328. And I think that probably brings us to the end of this. We're done. Yeah. Wrap it up. Thanks very much, Paul, Anthony.

If people want to find out more about you or Talent Time, where do they find you? Check out www.talenttime.tv. Wait, no, that's just two W's? Oh, shit. Yeah. No, three W's. Okay. Talenttime.tv That's just two W's? Oh, shit. No, three W's. talenttime.tv All right.

And yeah, so if you enjoyed the podcast, please tell your friends. Visit us at stoppodcastingyourself.com where Dave puts up a wonderful link to a blog that is a very wonderful

companion piece to the podcast. Oh, yeah. And come join our forum, stoppodcastingyourself.com. And someone asked me to post all the songs that we've done, all the theme songs. And hopefully by the time this episode is out, I will have done that. And you can go to the forum.

Oh, nice. And I'll post a link on the forum, and you can download them there lucky listeners you if you enjoyed the show please do uh tell your friends that's how we are able to make it grow and come back next week for another enthralling episode of stop podcasting yourself hi stannis Thank you.