Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 881 - Jesse Thorn

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Podcaster Jesse Thorn returns to talk second hand books, internet comments, and Yukon restaurants. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 881 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me is a rad dad in plaid, Mr. Dave Schumke. Yeah, I'm a rad dad, I'm in plaid. This is one of the most like, you can rhyme anything.

Yeah, I know. Am I mad? Am I sad? No, I'm glad. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, I am here. Yeah. So happy to be here on this blessed day. Oh, yeah, that's right. Every day is a blessing. But today especially, midweek is the most blessed. Yeah, this is like Wednesday at 1240. We are just over the hump. Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. Oh, it's all downhill from here.

Yeah. Well, Graham and I work a nine to five. We do shift work. Here on the pod. And actually, I guess if it's nine to five, one PM would be the hump. That's right. And we get to have a safety meeting later because we do every day, daily podcast safety meeting. Yeah. It's just a chance to get high. Yeah. And I reset the sign days since we got high to zero.

Our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast, he is not only the founder of Maximum Fun. He's also a member. He's also a member and he's the co-host. And he's also bald. And he's available on Judge John Odgman. It's Jesse Thorne. Hello, Jesse.

Oh, hi friends. I'm so happy to be here. You guys know this. This is my favorite podcast. This is a total dream. Oh, that's the kind of you to say. It's factually true. That's what everyone says when they're here.

And then we'd never hear from them again. This is my favorite podcast. Oh, weird. Young standup comedian. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Jesse.

Jay, Tho. You're on a tour currently with Judge John Hodgman. Where all have you, is it just the Pacific Northwest? Are you going across the country? This is the last leg. So we did a Northeast. You know, Hodgman is a very major main celebrity. Who are the big main celebrities?

Well, there's a genre called main humor. And it's just guys who talk real slow, like this. And they say different things about boats. And it's like, is there big into audio comedy there? Is this radio or these are Costano comedians? These are cassette tapes that you buy at gas stations. That's where I get most of my content, gas stations, a lot of Larry the Cable Guy DVDs. I went to Hodgman's house in Maine and he made me sit in front of his stereo and listen

to an album of Maine humor. What was it called? I can't remember. Tom and I or something like that. Anyway, went down to the dock to get the boat started. Oh, oh, oh. That's the boat noise? That get the boat started. Oh, oh, oh. Is that the boat noise?

That's the boat sound, yeah. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I mean, it's not starting. Doesn't sound like it's starting. Yeah, the main river's pretty all right. I don't have a problem with it. So you went Maine.

We did it, we did Northeast. We did the Midwest, you know, your Ann Arbor, Michigan's and stuff. And this is our West Coast. So we're starting here and we're gonna go Seattle, Portland, you know, your Ann Arbor, Michigan's and stuff, and this is our West Coast. So we're starting here and we're gonna go Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, LA. And you can catch them on tour before this episode comes up. Last week, yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's great. I'm excited. It's been a long time since we've been to Vancouver. Yeah. It's nice to be here. It's nice to enjoy the combination of natural splendor and 1970s industrial park that is

Vancouver British Columbia. Yep. Yep. Yeah, it's great. It's great to be here. What's a what's 1970s industrial park? Every building, every building, but the city, every commercial building and all of those residential towers, downtown, you mean all the like glass glass

Yeah, that last cement gray thing. Yeah Yeah, it's true. Yeah mid-rise buildings. Yeah the mid the high Yeah, the lows. Yeah, I definitely feel like I am on the set of Battlestar Galactica reason being that I am on the set Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot. We get a lot of people coming here because of that. We were considering changing our town motto, which is currently by air and sea we prosper. By air, land and sea we prosper. And then we were gonna change it to the catchphrase

from Battle Star Galactica, which was destroy. Some guys use robots. Yeah. Annihilate. No, get out of the way. Vancouver. Made my whoop. Did you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?

I watched a few seasons of Battlestar Galactica and then it started to get into that thing where, you know how on a show for a while things are happening for a reason and then all of a sudden, just stuff is just happening. The walking dead. Do you know that transition I'm talking about? Yeah.

That happened, and I had to kind of check out, but I did really enjoy maybe the first two or three seasons. People said it was really good, but I can't get into sci-fi. I don't wanna learn the world. You know what I mean? Sci-fi's all about the special rules. Yeah, and it's like, I just want a chair

to be called a chair, and you know what I mean? The sci-fi is all about the special rules. Yeah, and it's like, I just want a chair to be called a chair, and you know what I mean? I, there's like so much good TV, and you know, we're in the golden age of it, guys. And- Oh, for sure. Pressure TV's television, who doesn't love it? It's the longest age of all. Have you guys seen the Saranos, by the way? This thing is great!

And I was, there's a new Dexter, there's a Dexter prequel out now. And It's called Dexter Jetster. Stars Greg Gutfeld. No. Who's the Greg who's Dexter Jetster? I don't know.

It's JK Thillman's best friend. No. No. Spider-Man? No. Greg Spider-Man? JJ. Greg's Spider-Man? JJ Abrams' best friend. JJ Abrams' best friend.

Anyway, so there's a Dexter, new Dexter out, and I was thinking like, oh, did I like Dexter? I think I liked Dexter, but I didn't finish Dexter and could I go back and, if I went back and watched Dexter, would I just realize why I stopped watching Dexter? It gets it's one of those things where it's like would be a good movie and a sequel but being a whole series the idea kind of gets run down pretty quickly it's like oh he's

a serial killer that kills serial killers. There's only so many serial killers you can kill and get away with it. All of a sudden he's killing spree killers. That's right and they're just one-off killers. Well, oh boy, they should fold in on itself. So he kills us, he's a serial killer who kills serial killers who kill serial killers. And then he kills himself, end of series.

Yeah. Yeah. There's, oh, what's the explanation? It's like an Ouroboros who goes down in another Ouroboros. There's like a scene in it where he remembers, it's his dad that sets him up with this serial killing situation.

His handsome dad. And he says like, but his dad says it like it's a time honored thing. Like, I know what I got to do for you, kid. Sets him up, like sets him up like as you would if your dad was a cobbler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he gives him all the tools and the plastic. His dad is like, you're a, I can tell you're gonna be a serial killer. And so like you've been, you know,

mutilating rabbits or whatever. So, dad, I just hate rabbits. No, no, no. So here's what's up. I can recognize this in you and I think you should be a serial killer, but I'm gonna train you to only kill serial killers. Yeah, like this is what happened to my brother.

My uncle was like this as well. We've all had to set up. But his dad is an adopted dad. Yeah, geez. Nobody at this table is a serial killer, right? Before I answer that question, Graham, does Dexter listen to the show? He did, but I have a, the prequel guy doesn't.

Oh, okay, well then yeah, I am a serial killer. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, is there, uh, because I know there's a book that was like the psychopath test. Yeah, John Ronson. Is that, does that then split off into serial killer, or is it just psychopath that's like, fit their way into society? Um, it was a, was it John Ronson?

That was John Ronson. And it was about,, here's some there is a thing called a psychopath test. It was like CEOs are CEOs have a lot of the traits. Yeah, sure. A lot of it is stuff that like, if you took the test, you can't be like, you can't change your answers because a lot of the tests are about things you've done. Like, did you emulate this rabbit? Some say it was mutilated when I came across it. So Feel about that test but it was also the big thing you read it and you're like, oh am I a psychopath? But the big thing is like if you are a psychopath you would never

Worry about being a side. Yeah. Yeah, that's the trick Do you have a kid in your school that was played with dead animals? There was a guy in my school that did. Played with dead animals? He picked up dead animals, bone them. Bone them. Do you mean like roadkill?

Yeah. Or, okay. Yeah, there was a kid in my class that would like, if there was a dead mouse, he would like kind of carry it around. I don't even know, like I don't even think I knew like a pyro. You know how they're like, oh, I'm a total pyro.

Oh, I knew a pyro. Really? Yeah. He did, if you have like a, you know, classic plastic lighter, you can take the top off and you can crank it so that it lets out as much butane, I guess guess is as possible and then it turns into functionally a torch So he was he would take those together. He would have kind of tool torch things. He was like a real

I don't know if he burned anything down But he loved fire he loved fire and the only way to cure him is that he has to set other fire fire Oh, yeah, he's a pirate who only kills pyros. He Fire pirate. Oh, yeah He's a pirate who only kills pyros he He this was your classmate Beavis. Is that right? Yes, and he later he found a guy that he likes hanging Those two guys they were like two peas in a pod the Do you have like what was the weirdest kid that you had to school? Don't you have to name names?

but like who was the there was a kid that you went to school? Don't have to name names, but like who was the? There was a girl that I went to high school with and in English class, she wrote, we had to write a love poem and she wrote. Oh, I know this. I've listened to your podcast before. She wrote it about Elvis the Pelvis Stoico, the ice dancer. And she also we had this. And she read it out loud in class, very enthusiastically. And she one time in the lunchroom, she chooses, she's a sweet. No, she

wasn't. She was kind of mean, but, but probably because people were mean to her for being so weird. But in the lunch room, I remember her doing rhythmic gymnastics. She was really into the Olympics in general. Yeah. But she did with the ribbons on a stick. But like just in the lunch room, no one had asked her to. And then in, uh, uh, we had this class, I went to arts high school and we had this class called introduction to the arts. And the idea was everybody in the arts high school

they have a focus, you know, somebody's in the orchestra or somebody's a painter or whatever. But then in this one class, everybody does everybody's arts. Oh, okay. You know, and then we put it on an opera. And La la la la la la la la la la la. That's the stuff. Mm. Oh, you know, and then we put it on an opera and that's this stuff. Yeah, your cast. And when we had to do

monologues, like that acting, I was in the acting program and the acting students had to coach the non acting students. I think, right, I think this girl was in the orchestra. Yeah. Stoico studies. But man, our colleges have really been taken over by the woke mind virus. Stoico studies. Everybody's getting an underwater basket weaving and Stoico studies. But she did a monologue from Double Dragon, the movie. Nice. That's very good.

And she was, she was obsessed with a television show that was called. It was called WMA or WMA C masters. And it was like professional wrestling, but martial arts. It was like professional wrestling crossed with almost like, like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers almost. Okay. I mean, I can see why she liked Elvis Soiko because he incorporated a lot of martial arts

in his figure skating. And what is this thing that he could do that nobody else was in? Soccasondic. Yeah. I think he was the first to do a quad, either that or Kurt Browning might've been the first. So if she lived in Canada, she would have been in heaven

cause we were so overexposed to Elvis Stoico. Yeah. You know, you heard stories about him beating up Brett Lindros in a bar fight. It was just all Elvis Stoico and Bryant big country re-exec over in Canada. And he did a McCain juice commercials along with Roberto Alomar.

Yeah. I was gonna say disgraced baseball player, but he's not disgraced. Oh yeah, he is disgraced. Oh is he? Oh yeah, he is disgraced. Okay. Yeah, I'm trying to think now,

now that I've asked the question who was the weirdest, but it definitely was the guy who would bring dead animals that he found and try and make their wings go. I can't think of a high school weirdo because the high school weirdos were all like, oh, they got something going on. They seem really sad. But the elementary school weirdos were fun.

Yeah, there was another kid that was always digging a hole. And every recess he would go, he had a spoon, the silver spoon, and would just dig at the hole. Was he trying to escape? Yeah. Would he walk around the yard? He's digging his own grave.

Did he have a poster of Rita Hayworth? Did he, was dirt coming out of his pockets through his pant legs? Yeah. Yep, all the above. What was his name? I'm not gonna say his name, but it was- Well then it's important that you remember.

Oh, he looked like Chris Gethard. Gethard? Yeah. He looked exactly like him, but a tiny guy and just digging that hole. And eventually you hit like kind of stone and you still digging away with just the same implement. Well, this was in Alberta.

So he could have been, if he had found oil, he would have been writ. I know. And then we would have looked like stupid assholes. What we were doing during recess was lifting the manhole cover off of the sewer drain because we wanted to go down there Ninja Turtle style. Yeah.

My big memory of elementary school recess, I remember taking my heel and dragging it along the, there was like a gravel field. Oh yeah. And trying to make, it rained so much, trying to make like different paths of rivers. Yeah. It was a lot of fun.

Got really wet. M-Y-O-R, make your own river. Yeah. Yeah, those are fun. I mean, you have to pass the time doing something, but if you, I guess digging, well, I mean. You certainly couldn't pay attention in class. But like in recess, Yeah, recess was a-

It's odd that you would get bored in recess. Boy, this is going on forever. Yeah. Guys, I actually, I don't know if this, I went to a bookstore today. Go on. A really nice bookstore. I just happened to, I was like walking around

downtown Vancouver and went into this really nice bookstore. I feel like to, I was like walking around downtown Vancouver and went into this really nice bookstore. I feel like I, I feel kind of ridiculous cause I feel like I'm telling you about cool things about Vancouver, but it's called- We wanna know. It's called Value Village. Okay, go on. Have you guys been there?

Yeah, it's, they have, in this city, we have a couple of locations actually. Oh, okay. It's a Vancouver institution. Well, I know you guys are total bookworms. Yeah. So I got you guys some books, is that okay? Yes. Okay. Oh's a Vancouver institution. Well, I know you guys are total bookworms. Yeah. So I got you guys some books. Is that okay? Yes.

Okay. Oh, this is exciting. Let me see. Let me see what I got here. Okay. Whoa. This is a huge file. This is great. So Graham, you're from Calgary, right? As I said, I listen to the show, so I know a lot about the show.

Yeah. What high school does he go to? Calgary High. Yeah. And Graham, since you're from Calgary, I got you this book. You might be from Saskatchew yeah, yeah. What high school does he go to? Calgary High. Calgary High, yeah. And Graham, since you're from Calgary, I got you this book. You might be from Saskatchewan if. Nice, this is good. This is like Jeff Foxworthy style.

This is the equivalent of a main humor for Saskatchewan. How about this? Okay, tell me if this translates. You wrote a protest letter to the CBC for suggesting that Tommy Douglas might not be the greatest Canadian. Yeah. Aw, man.

Nailed it. Aw, that's so Saskatchewan. They suggested it, but ultimately they did name him the greatest Canadian. Yeah. I'm freaking out over here. That guy's so Saskatchewan. Can you name any more others in the top five? Sure.

Doug Flutie. Doug Flutie's in there. You know Elvis Stoie's in there. You know Elvis Stoico's in there. That's a gimme. Brian Big Country Reams. Yeah. Reef of Belorune.

Jean Chrétien. Jean Chrétien, yeah. I'm gonna go with- Can you name any? Of the top five? Yeah. Wait, did they, did the CBC really rank- 2004 they had a thing called the Greatest Canadian.

Terry Fox is in there. Terry Fox was probably two. I have literally never heard of either of those people. Okay. Not, I feel like maybe John A. McDonald, but- Stompin' Tom Conner. I think maybe Pierre Trudeau's in the top five. Oh yeah, and then-

I think we got a little- Rounding it out, Mark Critch, top five. Mark Critch has three television shows in this country. I actually just looked it up. First of all, again, I have never heard of Mark Critch in my life. Well, you're gonna. I just looked it up.

All of the top five are Mark McKinney. Oh shit. So Tommy Douglas, number one. Terry Fox. Tommy Douglas is the father of our healthcare system. And related to the Sutherlands. Yeah, Kiefer Sutherland's father-in-law? Yeah, something like that.

Terry Fox, a young man, had cancer, lost his leg, raised money for cancer by running across country and ultimately did not make it, died. Didn't just give up. Pierre Trudeau, former prime minister, Sir Frederick- He's like, fuck it, I made it to the top five. That's enough. That's good enough. Sir Frederick Banting discovered insulin

and David Suzuki. David Suzuki, of course, I could have guessed David Suzuki. Is he the creator of Suzuki motorcycles? Yep. And that's why. And all-terrain vehicles. It is pretty amazing that that is the top five Canadians of all time, and I've literally

never heard of any of them. Wayne Gretzky's number 10. Okay, I've heard of him. Like, if Jim Carrey was in there. Oh, yeah. Is Jim Carrey anywhere in there? He didn't make it, but this was 2004 2004 he had like a lot of I don't think Successful at the time. Yeah, but like, you know, he hadn't really eternal sentient response mine

I didn't come out a lot of people really like that. Yeah Yep. Here's another just a real quick A band that had one top 40 hit 20 years ago is finally playing your hometown next week. That's a no-facet. Dave, I know that you're from Switzerland or something, so I got you Playboy's Guide to Good Times Europe. Okay. Yes.

Because I know you've been fucking your way around Switzerland, but I figured. Fuck your way clear across the country. What if you're in Austria or something? Okay, so this guy, look at the mustaches on these people. So the, oh boy, it's hard to not want to read the acknowledgements. Many people have contributed generously to the completion of this book.

My special thanks to the following, Betty and Jay McGahey, my parents. Yeah, I just want to give a special shout out to Luxembourg. Love those sheep. So this is like a Playboy that's just the articles. Exactly. That's what we want. And Dave, I also, again, I love the show.

So I love your signature rants. So I got you Dennis Miller's, I rant there for him. There we go. Now I think back then when this came out it's him on the Lincoln Memorial. No the link. Yeah. Okay. The link that big Lincoln and he's laughing about the emancipation of the slaves. Yeah. He's got actual pennies in his penny loafers. Is he really? It looks like it. Oh yeah. And he but he's sitting on his lap. I think, isn't the Lincoln actually much, much bigger? I think it is very large.

So it's, this is Photoshopped. Yeah. Yeah, he didn't actually sit on that. Does he have, what are the acknowledgements in that? Okay, okay. I think this is, I mean, this is, I rant, therefore I am. So it's not his original one. He said, I want to thank miscellaneous information

and Babalu. These are all just things that originally appeared on his Dennis Miller Live, apparently. Yeah, and Graham, I know you also really love rants, so I got you Rick Mercer's A Nation Worth Ranting About. This is, this guy is, he is an institution, I'm surprised he's not in the book. What was the price of that one? This one was.

These books were very expensive. 6.99, the Dennis Miller was 6.49. Oh, shit. I dropped a lot of money on this joke. Now, do you know who this gentleman is? I have no idea who that is. He, for a long time, he was on a show called This Hour is 22 Minutes,

which is like a news parody show. Then he went off on his own and he became this like Rick Steves, but for little towns all over Canada. He would go to like, I'm in St. Albert, Alberta. I can only imagine him in the alleyways ranting. He does have rant in an alleyway, a walk and talk rant. Well, he does that on his show, but yeah, he would go to,

I'm in Sudbury and I'm at the home of the- Like a Canadian Huel Hauser. Yes, yeah, would go around- Southern California public television legend Huel Hauser. Which I only know from your- Howdy! Oh my! From your life.

Take it, that dog's eating an avocado! Was that, was he like perpetually surprised by that? Oh man, he just was, his heart was so full of wonder. Just a magical human being. What's your heart full of? Huh? What's your heart full of? Malice.

Stents. Yours, Dave? Mashed potatoes. Oh really? Yeah. Delicious. I know you guys are really romantic, so, Graham, I got you. You do listen.

I got you bookish boyfriends, the next boy story. Ooh, Tiffany Schmidt. This is a Schmidt, Dave. And then, Dave, I know you've struggled a lot with romance. So I got you act like a lady, think like a man by Steve Harvey. Oh, cool. This'll go well. Great in my, oh, it's dog year.

Someone gave up on page five. Well, I mean, I've already. Oh, cool. What's this junk stuck in there? There's some crud between the pages. How about this? How about this is acknowledgement for all the older sisters who lead the way and all the younger sisters who blaze their own trails.

Also for rascal, my snuggly toddler sidekick. Yeah, that's really sweet. Act like a lady, think like a man. This book is dedicated to all women. My hope is to empower you with a wide open look into the minds of men. Oh, so it's not for me. Yeah.

Yeah. But I mean, you like those teeth, right? Those big old chompers. Yeah, he's got big chompers. He wears the big long suit. These are great. And the little, you know, free libraries people put up around the neighborhood are going to be stocked.

For a reason. I am just hoping these are returnable because again, these were like six and seven dollars each. These are Canadian money though. Yeah, yeah, it's nothing. Graham, I know you love hobbies, so I got you this papier-mâché today. Oh, shit, okay.

Sheila McGraw. I know you like hobbies. Yeah, sure. Let's say you can make animals. You can't just work all the time, Dave. Sometimes you gotta pursue your hobbies. I know, but like, that's just such a broad thing. You like hobbies.

I like papier-mâché. It does show, I was like, is it just pictures? It does show you how to make the difference. Dave, would it help if I specified that it's Papier-Maché? Yeah, Graham, I know you like Papier-Maché. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my favorite band, Papier-Maché. And then Dave, I know your name.

What would you call this creature without looking at it? What is this creature called? Chicken dragon? Chicken dragon. Manhole monster. Manhole monster. Manhole monster. That's actually what I call you behind your back

Because of what you're getting up to it. Yeah, this is just a thing that says Jennifer. Let's Jennifer thank you. It's a terrifying child. No happy a mess It's mid skip it's a mid. All right Now we're talking terrifying. You then the last one I got Dave, I know that your name is Dave. So I got you this book, A Man Named Dave. Oh, by Dave Pelzer. Yeah.

The inspiring conclusion to a child called it. I don't know if you saw this, but Dave Pelzer has the same name as you, Dave. Yeah, that's true. You know what my favorite movie when I was a teenager was? Dave. Yeah. I once caught a fish this big.

It's so good. He's like, he looks so much like the president. I remember. Almost exactly. We got the right guy for it. I remember playing, I think the trivia with Judge John Hodgman, but I got it right because it was the song he sings in the shower.

You know it off by heart, right? Hail to the Chief, he's the one we all say hail to. We all say hail to him because he is so clean. Because he's in the shower. Yeah. And then... And then... And then Sigourney Weaver walks in and sees him naked and she's like, well, this I could get used to. Yeah. You're not...

I see your penis has grown. Yeah. You look exactly the same, but with a giant dick. So you mean your penis wants to stop growing? I'm gonna call that dick Dave. I'm gonna call that Dick Dave. I'm gonna call it Super Dave. And you're uncircumcised now, cool. What's under there?

She really gives it a look and it's unclear. That's the only difference she sees in him. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that and he seems nice now. He's nice. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah.

The system is so broken that a guy who looks like the president can do a better job than the president. Yeah. Isn't there the big scene is that he has a friend who's an accountant and he, they sit down and do the math. Or is it Charles Gruden? I think it's Charles Gruden.

Yeah. And they figure out the budget. They figure out the budget. They pull an all nighter, they figure out the budget. I met Charles Groton once. Really? You wanna know what he said to me? He gave me some really good advice. I was working on a show called

West Coast Live in the Bay Area radio show, and he had a play at a theater in the Bay Area. And I met him, I introduced myself, and it kind of changed my life. He said, I don't know. He's a gruff guy. Yeah.

Do you remember his show when he was a talk show host? No. I mean, I think it was a natural thing for him to have a talk show. You think? Well, he has that easy presence. But he would always, he was one of my favorites on Letterman

because he would always go on and everything Letterman said annoyed him. Yeah, he was always such a grouch. It was great. But yeah, he had his own late night talk show after Tom Schneider left the late night talk show scene. And Tom Schneider was, oh boy, that was. And he did not like his dog, Beethoven.

He was the perfect guy to be the. That's who his band leader was. He got the big dog. Yeah. And once an episode, the dog would shake. That dog was out of control. Yeah. I wonder if they...

They're still focused on the show, honestly. Yeah. It was a pretty serious interview show. You're like, wow, John Kretjian has to share the spotlight with his giant dog. He will never. He will never. You know, John Kretzchan, his like one claim to fame for sure is that he strangled a protester. Oh, good. With like a, with like a garrote. Yeah, why do they let the protesters get so close to him? And also why did we let him get away?

It'd be awesome if all prime ministers just had one of those extensible batons. Oh, yeah. Well, our current prime minister, Justin Trudeau. Yeah. Like there was- I know, he created Doomsbury, right? Yeah, he's the greatest Canadian. And he, over Christmas, someone just like went up to, like there was was a viral video someone going up to him and saying get out

of British Columbia Like he was just in the parking lot of a ski resort. There's no security around. Yeah, my parents were in Ottawa and they like went to Parliament Hill and they saw him just walking walking between buildings and there's no security detail or anything. So You know, but we've got John Crutchen, he's got your back if anybody tries to. Yeah, I think someone tried to sneak in, like snuck into his, when he was the prime minister,

snuck into like the, what's the address the prime minister lives at? 24, no. 24 Sussex? 24 King of. 24 7. King of Canada Street. And someone broke in in the middle of the night and he was like behind the door with

like a very pointy like statue that he was holding to defend himself. That rules. I thought you were going to say like a stick with some poo on it. Get away. Yeah, it's quite a country we've got here. Yeah, here in Canada, we do it Viet Cong style. Oh, did you fly on Air Canada? I did fly on Air Canada.

What were your thoughts? It's really funny, because at the gate in Los Angeles, the man that you walk up to to like check your luggage goes, hello, bonjour. You're like, oh, you're not gonna catch me not saying bonjour. Hello, bonjour. You have to, that's the damn law. And you said drop the act.

I said drop the act. We're all friends here. Yeah. Yet recently there was an upstart airline started giving out like free booze during their flight. So Air Canada does as well, but you have to ask. They don't advertise the fact, but if you asked for alcohol, they have to give it to you.

They have to give it to you. They have to, it doesn't matter your age. It doesn't matter. This one trick. Yeah, that's right. That's my one inside track. Flight attendants hate this. I hope you win Canada. And if you ask, they'll dip it in a tampon and stick it up your butt. That's right. That's my one inside track. I hope you win Canada. And if you ask, they'll dip it in a tampon and stick it up your butt.

Oh, is that right? Yep. They'll dip it in a tampon and it. A really nice thing about Air Canada is that the pilots, the, what do they call that? Not stewardesses, but flight attendants. They were all from the band, Bare Naked Ladies. Oh, that's right. And he got on the and then everybody laughed.

And then I'll wrap the safety directions in English and French. Snow was there, but he didn't work. Oh, yeah, I forgot that snow is on our flights. He's our flight ambassador. Oh, Snow, where's Snow now? Someone should have informed him. Someone should have informed him. Yeah, so boy, you only know Informer

and Canada Snow had so many hits. Really? He had two or three. Oh, wow. Yeah, what was the other one? Everybody Wants to Be Like You. Yeah, that was the one. And then he had, was that later on in his career? That was certainly later, wow. Yeah, what was the other one? Everybody Wants to Be Like You. Yeah, that was the one. And then he had, was that later on in his career?

That was certainly later, yeah. Nothing was before Informer. I don't even like to think of a time before Informer. Yeah, Snow's, is he the best rapper to come out of Canada? Jamaican Canadian rapper Snow. He's better than Drake. Like Cardinal official. Yeah, okay. Yeah, what about Chomp Lair? Cardi Slang,. Like Cardinal official. Yeah, okay, yeah.

What about Chamblare? Cardi Slang, the hit song Cardi Slang, a great song. That is a great song, yeah. Are there any other Canadian? I've listed all of the Canadian. You know what? Honestly, like, if you are Canadian and you have ever emailed me about my NPR show Bullseye and who I should have on my NPR show bullseye

It was always chaos Canadian rapper chaos. I've probably got 200 Canadians over 15 or 20 years have emailed me You should have Canadian rapper chaos He's good and every time I'll like go watch a chaos video and I'll think he seems nice. Yeah, that's why they want you to have him on. He'll be nice. He's a nice man. We had a guest on the show who was a friend of chaos

is our head worked with chaos. And I don't think they told us on the air. And so I'm not gonna say who it was, but they texted chaos and the person said, oh, this is a new phone. I'm not who you think I am. And our friend was like, oh, did you know your phone number used to belong to Chaos the rapper?

And he said, that would explain all the booty calls. Oh, nice. Now we're talking. Chaos gets it wet. Is there, he would be a nice guest. Have you ever had a mean guest? You don't have to name names, but I'm just wondering. I've never be a nice guest. Have you ever had a mean guest? You don't have to name names, but I'm just wondering. Have you ever had a mean guest?

I mean, years and years and years ago, we, when Jordan was still doing, Jordan of Jordan, Jesse Goh was still doing the show with me when we were in college. We had the late Dustin Diamond on the show. Oh, sure. And Dustin Diamond was truly an asshole. Like, I was, he was such an asshole that I was not sad

when he died or too young. Like- They were gonna get you to read the hooligan. Yeah. He was on a comedy tour, like a standup. Well, I saw him do standup. You did? Yeah, yeah.

Did he just do street jokes about disabled people? Cause that's what he did on our show. He did a lot of street jokes and then he did some really filthy stuff about the cast of... Saved by the Bell? Saved by the Bell. He would not talk about Saved by the Bell at all.

Really? And at one point, he was refusing to talk about Saved by the Bell. He wouldn't talk about his math rock band. He wouldn't talk about his chess instructional videos. He would only talk about his comedy. And then when he would talk about his comedy, he would only do like offensive street jokes.

And so in the end, we just, I remember us asking him, okay, well, you can't say anything like subjective about the say by the belt, but could you rank the cast by height? And he wouldn't do that. But he was such an asshole that we were like, I don't know who is even the tallest. Belding?

Yeah, probably Belding. He's the oldest. Probably Mr. Belding. I once did, I was in a television show called Christmas Through the Decades on the History Channel and it was the highlight of my television career. And I went in, it was like a talking head show where they said like, well, what do you think about Pet Rocks? And I said, I'm not that old.

I'm just bald. But, uh, uh, Mr. Belding was there. It was like in a sad warehouse in the valley. Like there was a saddest production ever. And, uh, uh, Mr. Belding was there and. Uh, Brady who,

like one of the, one of the Brady, one of the blonde little girls, I can't remember which Brady. Cindy. But she just looked so sad to be there. And she had those kind of like milky drunk eyes. She's the youngest one in curls. Yeah. That's right.

Was she still in curls? She was probably still in curls. Okay, good. I don't remember specifically. Don't forget your heritage, right? And I. Okay, good. I don't remember specifically. Don't forget your heritage, right? And I was like, guys, we should all be happy. We're getting $200 to be here.

And all we have to do is remember Christmas. Exactly. For different decades. Oh man, that 80s Christmas. Rubik's cubes, as far as I can see. That was that type of show that was everywhere for a while. It was just like the talking head, remember this or what do you think about that?

This had been produced by the people that made those. Like the, I love the whatevers. But it was like eight years later, there was like a real decline and fall of Western civilization situation. Like they were just on their ladder, just like we can still get people to come here and say they remember things. We got a guy from public radio to come here.

And Cindy, we managed to land Cindy. You don't like Christmas. I don't. Is there a decade that really gets in your craw Christmas wise? Oh, sure. This is an opportunity for one of your signature rants. Boy, oh boy, don't get me started on the 90s. in your crop Christmas spots. Oh, sure. I mean, this is an opportunity for one of your signature rants. Boy, oh boy, don't get me started on the 90s. Yeah.

Oh man. Take me almost everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Reebok pump shoes and, oh, no Christmas was complete without a Sega Genesis. But I'm only thinking of presents, but are there, were there any like, were turkeys different back then?

Yeah, they were different. Yeah. There was a lot, they were different. Yeah. There was a lot of cardamom. Yeah. In the 80s, turkeys used to have jerry curl. Uh-huh. Thank you. Mm-hmm.

I watched the movie Jingle All the Way recently. Have you guys ever seen the movie Jingle All the Way starring Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger? The original odd couple. It really speaks to how horrible at acting Arnold Schwarzenegger is. Yeah. And how horrible at making movies whoever made Jingle all the way was. You'll be surprised there's Dennis Philnew.

Oh, really? Hello, bonjour. I presumed it was Ingmar Bergman. Yeah, no, it's the original was this was an American version. But yes, this is the, it's the original one. This was an American version. Got it. But yes, this is the jingle all the way 2049. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend?

Oh my God, nothing. Nothing? So little. Let's see, surely something. Come on. Your friend Jesse's visiting from America. Jesse's here, he's in an orange sweater, an orange jumper. A jumper. Yeah, um

Here's what's going on with me. Nothing at all, but I do go on the internet quite a bit And there's a thing that's been annoying me, okay, you know what I like about the internet what nobody knows you're a dog you're a dog. So I go on the site Reddit. You know the site Reddit? It's a big time wasting site. Yeah, this is like a popular website for discussing Archie comics and marbles as I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like who do you think?

Are you more of a Betty or a Veronica kind of guy? Hover, hover. I mean, heads I win, tails I win. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now.

I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now.

I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now. I'm so hard right now., yeah, I mean, heads I win, tails I win. Mm-hmm. I'm so hard right now. I jug at him really hard right now. Don't tell Reggie, but I'm hard right now. Um.

RG's J.O. Circle is my favorite title from their lineup. Yeah. From their lineup. It's usually like a pun or a rhyme or something. circle is my favorite title from their line up. It's usually like a pun or a rhyme or something. Jughead and crank and yank. Yeah. Cum drum.

Fuck. The one Archie I remember, I probably have talked about it every time we brought up Archie, but it was about, they were at Pop Tate's. Yup. And Archie, or Jughead, it was a notorious gourmand. Yeah. Was, had no money for food.

Right. But he did, he was like, he used all the free stuff you could get at Pop Tate's to make his own meal and one of the things was you get a free glass of water and a free thing of jam and you put the jam in the water and he liked it. That sounds okay. Yeah that sounds alright. I'd drink that. Yeah Pop Tate was they weren't he was an enemy of Jughead. He liked Jughead because he brought he ate a lot of ham. Yeah if he'd Jughead had money. Yeah but he was in a wimpy situation. No it wasn't a enemy of Jughead. He liked Jughead because he ate a lot of ham. Yeah, if he'd Jughead had money. Yeah, but he was in a wimpy situation.

No, it wasn't a wimpy situation. Wimpy, Jughead, they're cut for the same cloth, those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think Wimpy was as much of a misogynist, but you never saw him with anything. Was Jughead a misogynist? Oh, he hates gals. And the only gal that's interested in him. He's known as the Andrew Tate of the.

Oh, sure. He eventually got arrested in Hungary. He said, ooh, I'm hungry. They set up a sting. They set up his hamburger stand. And it was only a matter of time until they snared Jughead. Who was in? Joey Tribbiani was a big gourmand as well, like friends.

Yeah. He loved women. You know, your Homer Simpson, he loves eating until he's older. Right, sure. And he loves March. Garfield the Cat. Garfield the Cat. He's from the show Garfield.

Yeah, Garfield and Friends. And Friends, yeah. Yeah. God forbid I should leave out USA curse. Horsens farm. I really was in my head trying to reach what that was. Good snag, good snag. Thank you.

Anyway, so I'm on Reddit. And I'm on all these movie reddits. Yeah. And whatever, like, people will post a topic of conversation and it's just in the movie ones, for example, you see the same topics over and over. Yeah.

And it's always like, what's the worst movie to ever win best picture? Hmm, that's a good question. And the- Crash, right? Crash is a popular one. Also maybe, because it didn't age very well, American Beauty? Yeah, that's, well, here's the thing is there's a type of commenter that I've noticed

not just in the movie ones, but in every, any opinion-based thing, and their comment will be, crash, and it's not even close. Hmm, they're trying to shut down the whole conversation. I do not want this conversation is over. So that is my least favorite kind of commenter. Fair. It's xyz and it's not even close.

Yeah. Did it go all the way? Full stop. Yeah, and it did win Best Picture that year. And Arnold Schwarzenegger. It won Best Sinbad Picture that year. Oh yeah, what's nominated to Best Sinbad Picture that year. Oh yeah, what's nominated to the Sinbad picture this year?

It beats Sinbad the Sailor. What's nominated this year? For Best Picture? No, Best Sinbad. It's the sequel to the one about him being in the White House, Children in Charge, or something. I think it's just the Showtime special of his funk festival in Jamaica, isn't it? What?

That's not a thing. Yes, he has his own funk festival in Jamaica. That's amazing. Well, he did have a comedy special in like a hurricane. It was an outdoor comedy festival in like, or no, a comedy special in like 1992. His pants are enormous. They're blowing in the wind.

There's so much wind happening. Wow. I was at Just For Laughs, like this is like years and years and years ago. And it was just like a showcase show. And then they said like a special guest and Sinbad came out and everybody lost their mind. Because it was like watching a cartoon walk out on stage. Like you're like, it's Sinbad and he destroyed. He's really funny, right?

He's really, really funny. But I just kind of like didn't think about his standup. He's an amazing standup. And it was just like, people went nuts for him. When I was a kid, I knew nothing about Sinbad the Sailor. I just knew there was a famous comedian named Sinbad. And I was like, where does this name come from? Well, Sin is bad.

Okay, there it is. Makes a pile of sense when you think about it, Dave. Virtue good. Makes a pile of sense when you think about it, Dave. Virtue good. Makes a pile of sense. My second, you know what my favorite comment is on Reddit. What's your favorite comment on Reddit, Dave? It's when someone says something, like whatever the topic is, and then someone replies to that, and then someone replies to that topic with came here to say this.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I'll just go on random threats. Like if it's like, what's the worst you also wear some random threads. Look at this guy's outfit. Oh my God. I knew I was going to get roasted. I knew on the episode where Jesse Thorne talks to the Roastmaster General. Yeah. You bring that outfit to me. Yeah, what do you got on your face? A beard or is that an animal? Oh man, you guys. Like a furry animal, like a fanny animal with long fur.

I can dish it out, I cannot take it. You can't even dish it out, bitch. I can't dish it out, I can't take it. Welcome to the OC, bitch. Fuck. I knew I shouldn't have come to the comedy club alone and sit at the front table. That would be great.

If everyone's doing crowd work and you just don't realize, or even if you just go in and like, I'm just going to be the biggest loser. That would be fun to sit at the front table Wear a really crazy shirt and have two drinks on the table so that they're like, hey When's your date gonna show up or whatever just really give them an in and then like what do you do for a living sir? A proctologist No man! You must love buttholes! I do

They bought my house It's so important for the function of human organs. Yes. People really talk shit about butt holes, but... I mean, imagine if you had to spit out your boobs. He all of a sudden is getting all the laughs. And are you married, sir? I'm going through four divorces.

Oh shit! This fucking guy. Why did your last wife divorce you, tiny dick? And are you married sir? I'm going through four divorces. Oh shit Why did your last wife divorce you tiny dick I can't believe I'm getting this You are recording this right? Yeah, well if anybody wants to do a bit of performance art that way, by all means, go ahead. I think that would be a good two person show. Yeah.

Yeah. The heckler and the comedian that are, yeah. Just going back to us. Yeah. You got something to take to Edinburgh this year. You know what? This time I'm gonna make a bucket of money. Do they allow two people shows in Edinburgh

or is it all one person? You're allowed to, I mean, there's a certain number of hats that each person has to wear over the course of the show, but I think you're allowed to have two people in the show. Yeah, and you know, it's a big, last year was a big year for wigs. Everybody was going crazy for wigs, not so much hats,

wigs was in. Who knows what the trend is gonna be this year. It's a- Across the board, puns. Yeah. The crowd work doesn't work there cause you can't the trend is gonna be this year. Across the board, puns. Yeah. The crowd work doesn't work there because you can't understand anything those Scottish people are saying.

Yeah, and then they have. Ah, meet Haggis, they say. Do you hear this guy? He's talking about meet Haggis over here. Whoa, we agree with him. We all have Haggis. It's a sheep's stomach. Yeah.

Have you ever had it? I guess. I had it. I've had that and black pudding and other things like that. And I think what really, to me, what really bound the ball together is that they weren't very tasty to eat. Yeah. Like they're not unendurable.

Yeah, but just. But just. But food is probably not meant to be endured. Yeah. Like they're not unendurable. Yeah, but just, but just, but food is probably not meant to be endured. Yeah, there's other options to eat. So you should eat those ones. Yeah. Yeah. That's, and that's a good, uh, yeah. Like maybe some noodles. Sure. Like a chow fun. Like a nice chow fun. I went to England. I love finding a good chow fun in Scotland though. Oh my God. I went to England twice the, the a good chow fun in Scotland though. Oh my God. I went to England twice. The, the, in the two months before the COVID lockdown, I went to England twice.

And then when we locked down, I was like, I just kept thinking back to this trip to England. And I was like dreaming of, oh, I wish I could get a full English breakfast somewhere. Yes. And turns out you can just make one at home. Brown sauce is pretty good. Yeah. I turns out you can just make one at home. Brown sauce is pretty good.

Yeah? Yeah, I like brown sauce. There's a store that you can get canned mushy peas. I like just the Heinz beans. Heinz beans, classic. Put them on an egg. Yeah. On toast. The English breakfast is delicious, yeah.

And you know, Britain's known for its cuisine. Okay. My- Leave them alone. Yeah. My stepmother is Irish. She's from Belfast in Northern Ireland. And her-

Belfast, oh, makes sense. Like sin, bad sin is bad. Bells are fast. You got it. And she had like a lot, she had a lot of brothers and sisters and her father died when she was very young. So she had very poor. And the number one thing my stepmother would tell me about as when I was a child was the time that her sister, Catherine, reached over and tried to take her piece of bacon,

her rasher of bacon, and they got meat once a week. Okay. And Catherine tried to take her bacon and my stepmother Bernie stabbed her through the hand with her fork. No. Yes. Wow. I know.

Wow. Oh my God. Imagine having that as a thing in your memory. She would have loved some of those freaking beans. I'll tell you that much. Beans aren't really good though. She kicked a few full Englishes in the balls in her time. I bet. I found that at Belfast. She's still living in Belfast.

She lives in San Francisco. She lives in San Francisco. Still got that accent? Only when she's yelling at someone. Mostly when she's yelling at someone. Mostly when she's yelling at someone or saying the word yogurt. Yogurt, did she say a pot of yogurt? As opposed to a beard.

Yeah, a nice pot of yogurt. Abby and I have a shared grocery list on our phones. Brackey, but okay. And she puts yogurt on with an H. Oh wow. Yeah, that's a bridge too far. Go back to Switzerland. Yeah.

Have you guys been on the yogurt Reddit? There's a lot of, came here to say fruit on the bottom. What's your favorite yogurt? Greek. Strawberry and it's not even close. Not even close. And can I just say Dave, this is the way. Yeah.

This. Anyway, I've been on Reddit, love it. Keep it up. It's at Reddit.com. Slash R slash maximum fun. R slash R slash maximum fun. See upwards of one person replying to this episode. Hunter Ellen boss.

Yeah. And what's going on with you? Well, this past weekend, I went to the land of the midnight sun, the Yukon territories, a little town called Whitehorse. Wow. Yeah. What's the furthest north you've been, Jesse?

I've watched the show Northern Exposure. Oh, yeah. That's in Sicily, Alaska. This is similar terrain. This is similar terrain. He wouldn't be shocked if you saw a moose walking around the quiet town by itself. You should be.

Or if I saw that hunky guy from Sex and the City hosting a radio show. Oh, my God. Or if my bush pilot was the ultimate babe. I was wondering, like the other day, was that a- You must have watched a lot of this show. Yeah.

Was this, was it a comedy or was it just kind of a drama? It was an hour long light drama. Light drama, yeah, okay. Like a quirky drama. Quirky drama. Sort of a quirky little town. So it's like how the bear is a comedy. Like it's a drama.

Yeah, I wonder if it was in the Golden Globes under comedy, I don't doubt you. Or the Emmys. It was a real charmer. It was a charmer, yeah. And so this is the area of the world I went to, charming. Although I believe they shot it in Yakima, Washington. Really?

Maybe that was Twin Peaks. It was somewhere in Washington. Okay. The White Horse, town of 50,000 people, real small, real tight community, and I didn't realize the first day I was there, I was like, I'll leave the blinds open, and the sun will help me wake up in the morning, and the sun does not come out

until 11 in the morning. Yeah, you've been many times. Yeah, this is my sixth venture into Whitehorse. Are you including your times in Dawson City in there? Yeah, there was one time I went to Whitehorse and then went to Dawson City. Now, don't fuck with us. You went to do stand-up comedy?

I did, yeah, I went to go perform stand-up comedy. And the big things in Whitehorse that we know, always come up, are the one restaurant with a bar with the toe, is that there or is that Dawson City? That's in Dawson City. Oh, okay. And that's in like a bottle of tequila or something, right? Some kind of moonshine.

Yeah, some kind of moonshine and then you have to, it has to touch your lips and then you get a certificate that said. A severed toe, human toe. Human toe. Where'd they get that, Dark Web? Apparently what happened, there was- By the way, the hours are a lot longer

for the dark web in the Yukon. Yeah. In the Yukon. There was a, I don't remember where the original one was. Somebody swallowed it and then- Well, no, they got the original toe from like, Frostbite. Yeah, somebody-

Someone lost their toe from Frostbite. And over the years, people have sent them their toes. They had to be amputated for one reason or another. And so they have them, they got a reserve. Once in a while, their daughter gets kidnapped. Yeah. Perfect. What, I'll pay the ransom, but first prove it.

Is it always a pinky? Never a bride? I mean, Victor would be pretty intimidating. Something borrowed, something towed. Yeah. Yeah. So I was at the monthly comedy show they do, and it was great and the venue was fantastic and But there's no

poster poles anywhere in Whitehorse because they like nothing that anything could stick to so The poster that the guy put up was on all the towns of garbage cans And the garbage cans are like locked right, you know, we got some of them, absolutely, because of the bear. Yeah. Yeah. But it was- I fully imagine that all of the support acts were bears. Well, there was one guy wearing a hat that we were kind of suspicious of.

Yeah. He has to be paid in honey, and we were like, okay, well. His eyes were small and his teeth were real big. Yeah. He said he was a grandma. Hey, that's a wolf. Nevermind. Nevermind.

No, that's the three bears. There was a mother bear and a father bear, not a grandmother bear. Now here's what doesn't add up for me about that. Okay, great. Thank you, David. You're making three bowls of porridge. The big one is too hot. Sure, it's got so much porridge and it's not going to cool down

as fast. The medium one, too cold? Yeah. And how's the small one just right? Shouldn't the small one be the coldest? This. Yeah, this, I came here to say that. Mr. Grim. To the estate of the Grim family.

So when it was flying back, first thing in the morning. Is Pluto a dog and Pluto and Goofy are the same. He's wearing pants and all of a sudden Pluto's humping Mickey's leg. What's going on there? Why do I drive on a parkway? Thank you. I park. Have you ever heard the story about George Garland seeing Rick Moranis doing the impression of him? No. He was heartbroken Rick Moranis was doing that kind of thing. Why do you drive on a parkway? And- I mean, to be fair,

for one of the greatest comedians of all time, George Collin really does do a lot of like, this word sounds like this. Mm. Actually, this word sounds like this. He's a truth teller. Yes, that's right. When I see the things about like

what a brilliant satirist he is, he's always telling me what I'm saying wrong. Yeah, poor guy. Yeah, anyway. Anyways, flying back. First thing in the morning. Now, did you get, okay, go ahead. There's only like, you can only get,

there's two flights a day from this one airline. First thing in the morning or like 8 p.m. Get on the early morning flight. It's actually a bear line. It's the only airline that brings you salmon. Right, it slaps it right down the river. Hey, pilot, why are we flying upstream? Well, you'll see.

Actually, you should be going downstream if you want to catch the salmon. Well, you know, salmon humor is complicated. So I took the first flight of the day down and I fell asleep right away and I missed a critical piece of information because when I woke up again the flight attend said welcome back to Whitehorse and I was like ha what a funny joke and they had turned around mid-flight and went back to Whitehorse but waking up to that was like that's a very weird joke that's a very weird joke. That's a very weird joke. The temperature outside is hella cold. Yeah, it was some kind of maintenance issue,

but yeah, it was so disorienting. And then we sat in the airport for six hours, I think, and there's nothing to do at the Whitehorse Airport. There's one vending machine. How far is it from town? Could you not have gone back to town where there's nothing to do? They were like, they said, if you go and try to come back, we're not necessarily, like,

we could be going at any moment. We're not going to wait for you. So just hang out here, talk to Stephen Weber. Yeah, yeah. Talk to Moose Notes, compare Moose Notes. And so, yeah, eventually got home, but that was the weirdest feeling. And it was also still dark. So I was like, oh.

So you left at eight in the morning when it was dark. Yeah. And it was dark when you landed? Yeah. Oh, okay. Man, they're not land of the midnight sun yet. It's. No, not of the land of the midnight darkness.

Yeah. Moon, I guess. That's really good. That all adds up, Dave. Good work. And that, but you did get out that day? Yeah. I saw that you didn't get out right away, but I was worried you were going to be stranded for days.

Yeah, and you know what? There's places to be stranded in. You could do a lot worse, but the show was really good. The hotel I was in I think was also a retirement home of sorts, because there were a lot of old dudes walking around and just in, like, Union suits with gold pants under their arm. A gold plant pan in one arm, a bed pan in the other. Got my pants, got my plan.

When you go there, because it's the one comedy show a month, is it a sellout every time? Yeah, it's a sellout and it's- So you gotta worry about nothing. No, and the guy, unfortunately the guy who hosts it, everybody that comes to the show has seen him every time, so he's constantly working new material and it's tough, man, to host a show and

try to work on new material at the same time. That's a tall order. Who goes there? Who goes there? Like when you're on your flight up there, is it people like doing seasonal work? I think it's most, yeah, there's definitely like seasonal workers. Snowman. I did a rod folk.

And government, it's all government. Oh right, it's the capital. And those are the two types of people. Workers and the door. And when you're flying out, where are the other planes going to? I think there's one that goes to Calgary and the one I was on goes to Vancouver and then Kelowna. And yeah, it was weird

because they were like, we have to get another plane. I was like, what the hell? They had to like tow this plane from like really far away and bring him a new plane. They're like, we're borrowing a plane from Fairbanks. Yeah, yeah. Chris Fairbanks? Yeah, Chris Fairbanks? Yeah, Chris Fairbanks. Well, he's doing all right for himself airplane wise. Maybe borrow a skateboard from Chris Fairbanks. What? I'm confused. Comedian Chris Fairbanks. He's been on the

show. Does he like skateboards? Oh yeah. He loves skateboarding. He loves skateboarding, loves breaking his hips. Shit. What was my other question about the air up there? Then is everything so expensive? What was the character Shaq played? Oh shit, was he in the air up there? No, he was in Blue Chips. He was in Blue Chips and the George Mirasan was my giant.

The Sinbad movie, Kazam. Kazam. No, the Arab there was that Kevin Bacon in Africa? It was. And being some kind of white savior. Yeah, because that's the type of movie I'm interested in seeing. Thank you. Yeah, the weird thing about the, so the plane that I flew in on flew above the clouds and the small plane that we flew back was, you could see the ground the whole time and that's that is I'm not interested in that.

I thought you were doing a George Carlin bit. I don't even want to know what's down there. Yeah exactly that's I psychologically not as far as I'm concerned, it's all sky all the way until you hit the devil. So you're if you're below the clouds, what are you worried about mountains? Just yeah, seeing the ground is it because you would just watch that documentary on the plane crash in the Andes? Oh yeah.

And I you know what? For sure. I'd be meat. I'd be meat. I don't mind giving myself a dry rub every time I get on the plane. Yeah, this guy's just falling off the bone. Do you want to move on to some business? Yeah! Okay, well that means we've got something

that we like to call a Jumbotron. Now, what this is, is if you have a message you want to send to a loved one or a hated one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody that you feel so much resentment for because they got the guy you wanted. You can just go to maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron. There you go.

See, he knows the score. I know, I founded the dang thing. Yeah, half the money goes to us, half goes to Jesse. Uh-huh. Right into the pocket. Worker-owned cooperative. That's right. Just then that only happened in the last two years. Two years ago?

A year and a half, two years ago? Yeah. It's going all right. It's going great. Now, do you, I love board meetings. Yeah. And do you, do you feel cucked? Yeah, no, but I've always, I've always been kind of a beta cuck.

Yeah. So it's kind of natural. Cause my tiny dick, you know, this guy, why is this guy in the front row of my comedy show? You celebrating anything? Yeah, it's the fifth anniversary of my, my dick, uh, you made fun of at this very comedy club. You celebrating anything? Yeah, new shrink ray just, I invented. in front of, at this very copy club. You celebrate anything? Yeah, new shrink ray just I invented.

Unfortunately. Actually, that might take a bit. Well, this is a Jumbotron message. This is a message sent from someone to someone else. And the message is for Emily, Emily M. And this message is from Katherine L. And the message goes like this. Dear Emily, since you're not a card people, I just thought a Jumbotron from our faves would do the trick. Know that you're so very loved and appreciated. You light up every room you walk into. I'm so proud of you for taking these steps.

You are a ham. That was supposed to be you are a gem. but autocorrect happened. So I'm keeping it love Catherine That's fun. That's good. I fucking love Emily. Yeah, does it Emily roll? Part was you light up every room you walk into I'm so proud of you for taking these steps It makes it seem like I'm proud of you for what? That would be been scared of all these yeah, but you lit it up That would have been scared of all these years. Yeah, but you lit it up. Well if you would like to do that as well, go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbo Drodd. Let's get back to the show.

Hey, is this Jesse? This is Jesse. Hey, this is Stuart Wellington, host of the Flop House podcast on Max Fun. I'm calling because you've been named Maximum Funds member of the month for February. Nice. If you don't mind me asking what prompted you to start supporting the network become a Max Fun member. I was trying to think of when I started listening to the Fodhouse, but I think it was something like 2014, 2015. Oh, wow. And actually having a real job in 2021

is what allowed me to actually start supporting. Congratulations for having a real job and supporting my not real job. So as member of the month, you're going to be getting a $25 gift card to the MaxFun store, a special member of the month bumper sticker, and a special priority parking spot at MaxFun HQ in Los Angeles.

It's awesome to support you guys to support MaxFun. I get endless joy and entertainment. If you're a MaxFun member, you can become the next MaxFun member of the month. Support us at Maximalfun.org slash join. Most of the plants humans eat are technically grass. Most of the asphalt we drive on is almost a liquid. The formula of WD-40 is San Diego's greatest secret. Zippers were invented by a Swedish immigrant love story. On a podcast secretly incredibly fascinating, we explore this type of amazing stuff.

Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks. Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast, secretly incredibly fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app. And at MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard, where we on the show treat you out there to do some fun things that we've overheard, seen, dreamt, all sorts of things. We always like to start with a guess. Jesse, do you have an overheard?

It's going to be a little weird for me because usually if I have an overheard? It's gonna be a little weird for me because usually, if I have an overheard on stop podcasting yourself, Dave complains about it a lot. So it's gonna be weird for me to- Why are you assuming that won't happen? Because I listen to the show every week and sometimes I call one in and then Dave is always nice enough to complain about the quality of my call. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whatever. And then, so, so then a few times I've tried recording it for him, a higher quality format. Too good. Sending it to him. He hates that. That's much worse than a low quality call. Really nothing. This idea is like having an overheard on Stop Podcasting Your calls. Sometimes the overheard is pretty good. And I'm just like, uh, I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna weird thing is, so we get, I'm the one who listens to the calls. Sometimes the overheard is pretty good. And I'm just like, uh, the call quality is not good enough. That's heartbreaking. And the person will never know. They'll be like, how, how is my overheard not good enough?

Well, you're, you went through a tunnel. Yeah. Shit. Anyway, this one's not going to get cut for quality. Speaking of going through a tunnel, I was in the tunnel of the skies. Yes, that's right. An airplane. Could you see the ground or not? I could. I could not.

I just assumed air all the way down until you hit the devil. Anyway, he lives underground. There was kind of like a young, a young man, but kind of, kind of dicky, kind of douchey looking, like a real kind of like, I'm going to the chain smokers concert later type guy sitting in front of me and, um, he was talking on the phone. Uh, and I overheard him say, yeah, well, technically if we have four scenes, we're gonna need eight girls, two for each scene. And I'm like, this guy I gotta pay attention to.

And he had his computer open in front of him, because I presumed he was a pornographer of some kind. And he had his computer open in front of him and it was like a word document. And in really big letters up top, it said book idea. And then underneath it, it said my life so far. That's a good first page of a book. That was his book idea.

That was the Robert E. Williams movie. My life so far, but I'm an ape. Can I give a, can I give a sort of- Can you give a shout out to anyone you want? You sure can. No, can I give kind of a Dave style, um- You could never. Bullshit overheard that's actually just a funny thing my kids said.

Okay. Love it. Okay. So my middle child, Scarlett, my youngest kid, announced that I was allowed to be in what they were calling the dad club. Okay. And these Dave, I don't know, but I know that you're still hoping one day to have a son, Graham.

Yeah. But- We're gonna keep trying. He's entering his 40th trimester. Yeah, and I just inseminating all over the place as much as I can. Sure. You've been insinuating. I've been insinuating, I've been disseminating. And Dave, I know that you have, you have children, so you are a dad.

I don't know if you'd be interested in being in the dad club with me, but I thought I'd tell you- I want to hear the parameters. The things that they said were the qualities of a, this is where the stuff that you do in the dad club that my children told me watching movies. Yeah. Doing boring work stuff. Hmm.

Wearing shoes. Sure. Playing the video game Starfield. I was playing a lot of Starfield. It's sort of like. Makes me think of Garfield. Skyrim in space. Okay.

Is it a modern game? Yeah. It's a shittier Skyrim in space. Yeah. Talking about mental health. I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something I must be doing a lot. I mean, we got to stop stigmatizing it. And the best way to do that talk about it. Yeah. Bell, let's talk. Yeah. Yeah. When is that? Comes sooner and sooner every year. Taxes. Yeah. Dad's do taxes. Beard stuff. Yeah.

I think all of us could get into a little bit of beard stuff. Yeah, a little bit of oil. Why not? Yeah, I wouldn't mind doing a little beard stuff with you guys. All right. You know what I'm talking about? I do. Yeah. Electricity bills. Yeah. That also falls under taxes. Well, I guess it's its own bills. Yeah, that also falls under taxes. Well, I guess it's its own eating. Yeah, no, that's not technically a tax. Yeah.

I don't mean to correct you on your personal finance. You're an adult man in your 40s. But you're like, Yeah, I mean, they're all paper that comes to my house. Honestly, kinda. Yeah. All the money goes out, that paper comes in, cash goes out. Shirts and jackets. Yeah. I know, look, Dave, I know you know what I'm talking about. Oh man. Shirts and jackets.

Wearing both of them right now, I'm boiling. And finally, sleeping. Yeah, most of these things are very dad-coded. Yeah. Pretty universal. I wear shirts and jackets and shoes, no mention of pants in the dad club, so that's encouraging.

Yeah. Can I tell you, I was getting dressed this morning, it's pretty cold here in Vancouver. I'm from San Francisco, I live in Los Angeles. Okay, you might be from Saskatchewan if, this is actually pretty warm. Wait, let's just quickly read another one of these. Are there any about the weather?

I'm wearing these navy blue long johns, okay, underneath my trousers. And I was wearing my navy blue long johns and a blue button down shirt on top. I had just put on my shirt. I hadn't put on my pants yet. And I was like, ooh, I look like Elaine Stritch. Sure. A little hat, the little bowler. Yeah, exactly.

You might be from Saskatchewan if you have ever leashed trained a gopher. Let me see. Thank you. Can I see this? These gophers are freaking huge. Is there an index anywhere, a table of confidence? One of these gophers bit my dick off. It is a con, it's actually, you say it ingest,

but that is one of the leading causes of penis loss We're the big five Graham bicycle repair right You got sometimes one of those spokes busts It's like we you have a very long thin penis. Yep. Yeah, very resilient. You know, nail clipper malfunctions. Yep.

Yeah, attaching it to a cold post in the winter. Oh yeah, you think of your friends dare you. Yeah, you gotta. And finally, Jean-Cretien strangling that thing. Oh yeah. Did he ever spit on that thing? Yes. It was the original hoctua. Le hoctula.

Le hoctua. Dave, do you have an overword? No. I was going through my phone and I can't remember where I heard this, but it was two people, I think in a store, or maybe it was in a restaurant. Okay. But it was two people. And one of them said,

what if our concept of God is just a guy on a computer simulating all this? And the other person said, yeah, well, it is. Oh shit, somebody's tapped into the matrix. I mean, what is this planet if not a computer? Yeah. Can I reenact one that you didn't like the call quality of? Oh, that sounds good. into the matrix. I mean, what is this planet if not a computer? Yeah. Can I reenact one that you didn't like the call quality of?

Oh, that sounds good. I was at the flea market and there was like a big poster. Did you, this made it on the show? It's made it on the show but you didn't like how it sounded. How did you feel about how it sounded? It was a little tough.

It was a little tough to hear. Okay, so it's maybe- That's why I'm reenacting it now. Okay. Yeah. I was just wondering. Yeah. It's a good thing you put it on the show.

You know, I feel like I have to when these people call. You do kind of have to. I'm a pretty big celebrity. I'm in the podcasting hall of fame. So, uh, it was, I was at the flea market and there was a big poster of Tupac and Biggie. Nice. Together.

And there was sort of like a 35 year old guy and like a 65 year old guy who I kind of read to be his dad. Okay. And the younger guy goes, oh, that's Tupac and Biggie. And the dad goes, oh, are they still alive? And then the younger guy says, well, Tupac's dead. Is that other guy biggie? And the other guy said, I don't know.

And the younger guy said, well, he's dead too. I mean, was it a blanket or a airbrush thing or? Yeah, it was like sort of like a Tony Montana poster situation. I mean, you can't be alive and in those. No, no. I mean, if you're from reservoir dogs, you can be on one of those. I feel that's true. When my grandfather was dying, and I was just about ready to pass to the other side,

I took his hand and I said, Grandpa, when you get to heaven, say hello to my little friend. Pete Liesvelder Pretty good. Pete Liesvelder Graham, do you have an overheard? Pete Liesvelder Mine is something that was said to me and it was courtesy of Whitehorse. When we arrived in Whitehorse, it was about 9pm and I was hungry. So, I asked the person at the desk, I was like, are there any restaurants open right now? And they said, Domino's. I defy you to call it a restaurant. They dine in now at Domino's? Yeah.

What is the restaurant scene like there? I went once. I feel like they buried the lead with, there's a Boston pizza there, I found out. Oh. So that would have been. There was a Jamaican restaurant. Oh yeah? When a Jamaican restaurant. Oh, yeah.

When we went in 2010. Oh, yeah. And I know that we bought it at... Tom's. Yeah. Do you still have yours? No. I have mine. I know this isn't well covered, but it's just truly amazing that Canada has a chain called

Boston Pizza. Oh, yeah. And it's huge. Every part of America has a signature type of pizza, except Boston. Well, you're wrong there, because all the pizzas come with baked beans and they're gross, but it's their business. Can I ask you guys a chain restaurant question that I had when I was-

Yes. We are the Canadian dough boys. Yeah, I was walking down, I think it's Broadway here in Vancouver, and we don't have a lot of, we have A&W, the drink, but we don't have A&W, the restaurant. Do you guys know what A&W stands for? I mean, they stand for a lot of things. They stand for equality, freedom, peace, prosperity.

They stand for a woman's right to choose. If you don't stand for those things, you're going on your knees Yeah, sure man, and then they also stand for I'm ready. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Ambugos and Woodfield YES! I love it! I'm so happy! YAY! For Dave! I love it. I'm so happy. Yay for Dave. I'm so happy. I'm friends with Dave.

And now someone on our Facebook group, it was someone found a video that went a little bit viral on TikTok of someone saying that same joke. And I just want to point out, it's not my joke. Yeah. The joke from Canadian history. From Reddit. Yeah. And I just want to say, and we're gonna zoom up here,

and it's not even close. Yeah. Full stop. This is the way. Now, in addition to our overheards, there's people out there that want to share theirs. And if you want to share one with us, send it in to sby at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Dennis from Ottawa, or Denny, I guess, D-A-N-I-S.

Oh, do you think it's Denny Villeneuve, director of Jingle All the Way? I'm not supposed to say. I'm participating in an online training. Someone raised their hand, but then lowered it. The instructor, sorry, yes, did you have a question? Student, oh, not anymore, I got the answer from my brain. That turns out I just used my goddamn brain. I used my fricking brain over here.

Do you remember being in class and hoping no one would call on you? Yes. And then some kids, the fact that you would be so like not locked in to the moment that you would accidentally put your hand up, oh I was just stretching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a phenomenon. The worst thing they would do, I think maybe it stopped in junior high where they would pass around a book and everybody had to read from the book. That was awful. Or yeah, like they'd be, you, everyone would have a copy of the book and you'd be like,

okay, I'm going to be, I'm four paragraphs away, so I better practice this. Yeah. Cause it was, man, it was just humiliating. And then, uh, uh, and then, and then Frankenstein took his monster and he turned on the big lever and the monster electrified. And then it went brains, brain, and it was like fire bad. And then- See, why can't everybody read like Dave?

Dave got it exactly right. You've got a beautiful voice, beautiful reading voice. This next one comes from Sue in D.C. I was riding the D.C. Metro and overheard a couple of 20-something dudes talking about their weekends. Guy 1, oh man, you should have been there. Went to this barn and it has the biggest whiskey selection in the Western Hemisphere. The whiskey list is 84 pages. We spent like $500 on whiskey that night.

And I had a shot that was $60. And guy two said, so you like whiskey? And the guy went said, no. I've tried them all. Yeah. Pages worth. I, I love Washington DC is my mom is a native of Washington DC. That's a great, great, cool, wonderful, beautiful town. You know who else is a native of it? Who's that? This guy. This guy sitting up. Dennis Miller.

Dennis Miller sitting up. You mean Abraham Lincoln? I guess that does look a little like Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. And Washington DC had these tourist posters all over America for several years that said DC cool. And then I had like people at a bar drinking and stuff.

The least convincing tourist advertisement of all time. Like of all the Smithsonian's great, like cool is the absolute worst word to describe Washington DC. As a picture of Fonzie's leather jacket. Yeah, yeah. This last one comes from James, parts unknown. Some years ago, while riding the Amtrak Adirondack train

from Montreal down to New York, I overheard two young men sitting behind me and coach. South of the border, the train makes a long journey down the west shore of Lake Champlain. After a long silence, kind of play the view, one guy says to the other, hey, is Lake Champlain one of the great lakes? Reply, no, but I do think it's one of the pretty good lakes.

Cute, cute. Yeah, that's adorable. Kids say the darndest things. They do, you know what, you let them say whatever and you're gonna hear some, you know, diamonds, diamonds. If somebody said that to me, I wouldn't champagne. Well, we're shutting down the broadcast everybody. Yeah.

Uh. I also have a bonus thing. Okay. We were talking about last week, like how a mispronunciation or something becomes a family. Oh, sure. You know, well, I can't remember what yours was, but like, just something that your family has heard somewhere.

And it just becomes the like, every time this happens, you say that phrase. With someone in your family remind you of something? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And this one was from Andrea from Pittsburgh. A few years ago, I visited my mom in Florida. When I was flying home, she dropped me at the airport and I texted her, let her know the flight was boarding

and all looked good for takeoff she meant to text me back save travels honey but instead Texas sage travels homie and this is now what my family uses for all travel related messaging. Mine was the guest at our house who we were pouring wine for and And she said, don't be so stingy. And now we say that about anytime anyone pours anything. Do you have one of those? You have something like that? Only illusions, like there's a Stella video,

you know, David Wayne and there's a Stella video where Michael Ian Black shows up at David Wayne's cousin's house and goes, just ask where the bathroom is. And then he goes into the bathroom and comes out with like a shower cap and like a towel on and stuff. And he goes, Oh, I needed that shower in the worst way. My wife comes out of the shower show often, God bless you to say, Oh, I needed this shower in the worst way.

That's it. Having an inside joke like that? Yeah. The best. I remember another one now. OK. So when I was, let's say, seven or eight, my sisters loved this clothing brand Esprit. Sure. Yeah, Esprit.

San Francisco born and bred. Oh, really? The clothing brand Esprit, yeah. And they loved the bright colors. Sure. It was sort of a contemporary of Benetton. Yeah. And for Christmas that year,

I got this ugly sweater or whatever. It was a fine sweater. I was seven. I didn't care about the sweater. And my sisters were trying to hype me up, trying to be like, oh, that sweater's great, Dave. And they looked at the tag on it, and it was just some department store brand

called Departures. And they said, oh, Departures, that's Boy's Esprit. And so now anytime we're looking at, if we're in the airport and we're looking at the Departures, let's check out the Boy's Esprit planes. There's one that my wife and I, I don't know how it came up, but we're in New York and we're going to ask for a late checkout. And I called it a late reverse Dunstan.

I think of that every time that I go to a hotel. That's a famously check in. Check in? Yeah. Late reverse Dunstan. It's orangutan. I got to watch that movie. You know what I mean? I? Yeah. Pretty late for first Dunstan. It's orangutan. I gotta watch that movie. You know what I mean?

I've been enjoying the poster for years and years. You've never seen it? I've never seen it. No, it did come out a little late for us, I think. Yeah. But, man, what a great idea. I had to go to the movies after eight. There are some things that we're just,

I'm on the Gen X side of the millennial. Yeah, yeah, we just missed. We missed all the Dunstans. Well, it was the millennial. Yeah. Yeah. We just missed. We missed all the... Well, it's our Dunstan. Yeah. Reality bite. Friggin' Fraggle Rock. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. Spy pod one. Like these people have. Nice. Oh my god, he caught me. You've been Jessie'd. Hi. This is Alex, living in Ottawa. I am calling in with an overheard that I just saw on my way home. There was a guy at the bus stop who was eating an entire family bag because of his first shepherd's

bag. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips.

He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. He was eating a whole bag of chips. There was a guy at the bus stop who was eating an entire family bag because of his first shepherd's pie.

It's like the frozen kind. He had the box with him and he didn't have any utensils. So he seemed to be using a large gingerbread cookie to scoop it up. Okay, that's a show. So off I go. Wow. How are you? He had to have, oh sorry, he had to have warmed it up. You can't eat a frozen shepherd's pie. Yeah, with a gingerbread

cookie. Yeah, gingerbread cookie. I can. Okay, give me one. All right. Let's do this shit. You don't have President's Choice in the States, right? No, why would they? Isn't President's Choice the generic brand for Walmart or something? For? For a real Canadian superstore or Loblaws. Yeah, sometimes shoppers drug wear.

I think President's Choice is the Walmart generic, but I'll tell you this, the last time we were in Canada with Judge John Hodgman, guess who came? Representatives from No Name Brand. Because of his obsession with the cow on that one label? Because he's obsessed, I mean, he's obsessed with No Name Brand in general, but especially with that one cow.

Yeah. And the No Name Brand people brought us more No Name stuff than I could fit in my suitcase. I had to make painful choices about what no name things I still have my no name flip flops. I wear them to the pool. Nice. And I have a no name insulated water bottle. The beautiful no name yellow. Yeah, it was, it was, I had to, I had to give away my no name t shirt and have room for the no name. That's too bad.

Well, the company that does it is beloved, the family that owns the... We love them. ... the La Blas company. They're one of Canada's richest families and they are so nice. Yeah, keep going, Westons. They're nice, good people. They're not pandemic profiteers at all. No matter what anybody says, we love them.

You know what I've always found? Like billionaires, like people with billions of dollars, just plain good folks. Yeah. Yeah, for the most part, that's true. I mean, there's always exceptions to that rule, but in general, yeah. I think it's because capitalism rewards people

based on merit. Yeah. Yeah, and niceness. And work, like they've done billions of dollars worth of work after all. I was just thinking like how embarrassed I would be if I was a billionaire. Like, oh no, people know me.

I'm famous for being rich. Yeah. I want to be famous for dancing. On the other hand, if you are Master P, you could get little Romeo, his own little tiny Land Rover I mean that is true. Yeah, I don't know if I need to go to the billions for that but What are the dry? I don't know how much money do you need to make him say? Honestly, you don't need anything that's the brilliance of it got it. You just need a little bit of hope yeah, and dream a little bit of hope. Yeah. And dream.

A little bit of fairy dust. And here's your final overheard. Actually, it's only the second one. That's correct. Hello, David Graham and probable guests. This is Marcus and Fresno with an overheard. I heard my niece talking to her friend about their respective drama programs at the school.

The friend tells her, well, you know, another elementary school, they don't let you do kissing scenes. Like when we did Sleeping Beauty, when the prince goes to kiss Sleeping Beauty, he just grabbed his shoulder and shook her and said, wake up. So yeah, they don't let you do kissing scenes,

no matter how much you want to. Thanks, Mark. Wake up. That lands in a certain urgency that's missing from the original. It was the System of a Down, present sleeping beauty. Yeah.

Oh man, you know Serge Tankian from System of a Down? Yep. Right by my, he has his own line of Armenian coffee, his Armenian. Right. And Los Angeles, the epicenter of non-Armenian stuff. Yep. And he has his own brand of Armenian style coffee that I don't remember the name of. But right outside my therapist's office is a cafe that serves it. And they just have

a huge standee of Serge Tankian from System of a Down. Nice. Right on the sidewalk outside of my therapist's office. And he's holding this little tiny cup of coffee. He's got his little Robin Hood beard. He's going like, ah. So I'm like, I like come out like puffy eye, like crying about my childhood or whatever. Just there searched.

From System of a Down like, oh, I love this tiny coffee. I mean, he does have the perfect song for it. Yeah, wake up. Yeah, it's very nice. He was on Bullseye one time, it was very nice. That's nice. I do like that.

If that is what happens in Sleeping Beauty, is you just shake her, wake up. Like, what's the plot of Sleeping Beauty? It's about a baby that dies from being shaken. Oh my god. Yeah. It's dark. Yeah what is the plot? She gets waking up at the end because she's some witch puts like sleeping on her. Yeah and she's the princess and they're looking for the princess. Yeah. And they need it's sort of like it's not it's not Cinderella I think what they do is they need to kiss his many corpses hey Kevin one of those the prince he got to kiss a lot of corpses but instead he's just shaking corpses okay it's you I mean, I did that when my father died. Is that right? When he finally passed.

Jake, come on. I need you to say hello to my little friend. Okay. And here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and Jess. This is Jay calling in with an over... Yeah, you pause it for a second. I just want to apologize for ruining your good show.

Okay. Jesse, we've been having the time of our life. Yeah. Oh. Hi, Dave Graham and guests. This is Jay calling in with an overheard from Disneyland. I was taking a break from my family while they were on the Ernie Nemo ride. I was sitting on a bench and like at the end of the bench is a woman, probably in her 60s, like bleach blonde, kind of got like a smoker voice.

And her granddaughters, like probably like February, comes up to her and there was a parade and she says, Grandma, you want to see the Toy Story parade? And she says, oh no sweetie, you go ahead. And the daughter, the granddaughter kind of skipped away and as soon as the granddaughter kind of skips away. And as soon as she's out of your shot, the woman goes, Jesus, like, I give a shit. You see one parade, you see them all.

Like, I give a fuck you get a clue, kid. I went to the fucking Fourth of July parade. I know what happened. Yes. The end of the story is, you know, I saw a lot of Fourth of July parade. I know what happened. Yes. The end of the story is... You know, I saw a lot of shit. I don't think I've ever been to a parade. Do they get... What?

Well, we didn't... Do they not parade in Canada? Well, they parade, but... What do they do? Mozi? We do mozi, we saunter. Yeah. We certainly perambulate. But the...

I mean, Dave, I can see you with your hands clasped behind your back. Sure. Taking my daily constitutional. Maybe a gamble. Yeah. But yeah, they seemed boring and my parents never wanted me to... never like twisted my arm or anything. Like, hey.

But they are... do they get better as they go? Is there like a grand finale? There's usually, yeah, I used to go every year to the Calgary Stampede parade. Right. And yeah, I think like the biggest kind of like with fireworks, like the biggest float is in the end. And what is it?

I can't remember, but I think it was- Is it like the celebrity? Yeah. Well, oh yeah, the celebrity, I think would be in the front. Oh, get here early for Richard Dean Anderson. One year was for the Himad Mark. Did they float down that river in Calgary? That would be in the parade.

Oh, the Bow River? Yep, that's where he held the parade, everybody. It's like the France Olympic ceremony. Mm, that was lit. That was lit. That was lit. I went to Calgary once, a beautiful town. Yeah. The two big memories that I have,

I was there for a music festival. The Calgary Folk Fest. Calgary Folk Fest, it was amazing. I met a very nice Canadian country singer I still see once in a while named Cor Blunt. Cor Blunt, formerly of the punk band The Smalls. Yeah, really nice dude. Had a great time overall.

The two things I remember most vividly, other than really wanting to go tubing, was number one, I was at the festival with all the, there's a songwriting class or whatever. I said, hey, I got the day off today. What's the used bookstore, And I said like, hey, I got the day off today. What's like the like used bookstore, record store, whatever neighborhood in Calgary.

And everybody looked at each other and they said, we don't have one. And then the other thing I remember really fondly is it's the last city, maybe 15 years ago, it's the last city where I was called a homophobic slur on the street. Yes. Just by a guy pointing at me. Yeah.

Just point slur. Well, gotta go. Yeah, there's a lot of towns and you can still get that treatment. Yeah. Yeah, I think the last time that happened to me was in Regina, Saskatchewan. I was walking down the road. Same thing, somebody leaned out of a truck. And yet, like that's not bad for 15 years ago.

That's a long time. Yeah, it's been a really long time. I would say I was called a homophobic slur every day of the 90s. Yeah, I mean, I got called a homophobic slur every day of the 90s. Yeah, I mean, I got called white boy sometimes. Sure. Oh, yeah, it was weird because in Calgary, there's a lot of white boys, but... Usually white boy slur. The compound. Yeah, sure. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Jesse, tell us all the things. Tell

us what project you're super excited about right now that you're working on. Well, I think I would imagine that we have a lot of crossover listeners between stop podcasting yourself and Jordan Jesse go. Yes, the comedy podcast that I do with Jordan Morris. Jordan's been on stop podcasting yourself before, right? Yeah. And with Chris Fairbanks once. Oh, what a dream that is Chris Fairbanks, one of the funniest guys in the world.

So funny. And I think if you're looking for a way to waste another 80 minutes a week of your life, and you're hoping that it'll be a lot like stop podcasting yourself, but a little less good with a lot more cum. Not true. Then Jordan, Jesse go is the place to go.

I remember- Yeah, why we need to get our cum numbers up? Yeah. Our cum nums as they call them. Bits. Yeah. Num num, cum nums. Yeah, no, Jordan Jessi Goh was,

I listened to when I was like on the road doing standup comedy was like, that was my comfort listening. And I listened to it when I was locked in, when I had like on the road doing standup comedy was like, that was my comfort listening. And I listened to it when I was locked in, when I had locked in disease and I could only communicate by blinking. Oh man, you mean before that young lady came with the can of oil?

Yeah, the oil gave me a butterfly and my diving bell. Yeah. But yeah, of course, you know, I host Judge John Hodgman with John Hodgman, the great John Hodgman. And- Come see them on their West Coast tour, everyone. Last week. Last week. And the NPR show Bullseye with Jesse Thornton, where we do interviews with wonderful figures

from- Serge Tankian. with Jesse Thornton where we do interviews with wonderful figures from Surge Tankin, arts and culture like Surge Tankin or I don't, I can't name anyone else is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Tom Hanks or other yeah yeah all those all those wonderful people but most of all before I go I feel like this whole time I've been trying to convince you that stop podcasting by yourself is my favorite show. And I just want to say it really is my favorite show. That's the praise from Caesar.

Thank you for coming on the show. Thanks for letting us be part of your network. I mean, I'm gonna backstab you or something. What is praise from Caesar? Isn't that like, that means you're not gonna die? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I think you made it up. Okay. Is that a plan to the apes thing? That's my other thing that we always say is praise for... I think the expression is damning you with faint praise. That's the one I'm thinking of. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. Oh, it's a total honor and a total highlight of my life.

Thank you everybody out there for listening. I gotta say, you might be from Saskatchewan if you've used a granary as a spare room. Everybody, come on back next week for artist-owned shows supported directly by you.