Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 882 - Heidi Brander

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Comedian Heidi Brander returns to talk romance novels, The Brutalist, and life with no phone. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 882 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who's very understanding of my foibles, Mr. Dave Schumke. There's no foible.

We're all friends. We're all friends, I know, but I screwed up the booking time. It's fine. It's fine. We're here. We're happy. It's going to be a great show.'re here, we're happy, it's gonna be a great show. Yeah.

We'll talk all about it, we're gonna tell everyone all about it. And our guest today, a returning guest, but first time in person. Yeah, in the flesh. Live in person. A very funny, hilarious comedy writer. It's Heidi Brander, everybody. Hi-ee. Hello.

Hi Heidi, welcome. How are you? I'm good, yeah. This was kind of a foible, I guess. Yeah, it's sort of a foible. Yeah, it's great to have you here. Thank you. Well, let's get to know.

Get to know us. Heidi, you just flew in yesterday from Los Angeles. Yep, sure did. And did you think that coming out to Vancouver, you were like, I just need a light coat. Yeah, I brought, I mean, I just came from Toronto not long ago, so I brought the whole shebang. I got like winter coat, Blunt Stones baby,

and got my toque. Nice. Yeah. Yeah, Blunt Stones being our unofficial uniform blun stones baby and got my toque. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Blun stones being our unofficial uniform here in Vancouver. Yeah. As a lifelong Vancouverite, I've never owned a pair. Me neither.

And I don't think I ever will. I might. They just, the Browns, I don't wear black shoes. Right. And the Browns don't look good. I don't like any of the Browns. They look weathered. They all kind of look a little bit blotchy. Yeah.

They're so practical, but they're so horrible when you go to a party and then like you take them like a shoes off party and then you like have to leave and you're like, oh. Oh, shit. That's sort of the Vancouver key party is everyone puts their bums in. Yeah.

So we were supposed, scheduled. Okay, here's what happened. Here's what happened. Here's how it all breaks down. Okay. One of my daughters is homesick. Yeah. You won't reveal which one.

I won't reveal which one, but maybe you'll find out later. And I don't know if that'll play into this, but Graham said, okay, we're doing Tuesday at 1230. Exactly. And then I'm sitting at home, I was actually of my tanning bed You do look good. You do look good. You were at home typing away on the computer sure in your sauna and then the doorbell rings, it's a

It's not well, I come downstairs and I'm already texting you like okay, cuz one of my kids is homesick Should we do the record? Right whether we're safety protocols and then I go downstairs answer the door our guest is here. Yes Listen my phone says 1130 and there is no time difference You are right. You are right. I was the I was the X Factor I was even 15 minutes late. Yeah, that was the other thing. are right. I was the X factor here. I screwed it up. I was even 15 minutes late. Yeah, that was the other thing. It was like, I was like texting Abby and texting you

and trying to figure out how to have the dogs not come home while you're getting here so no one wakes up the kid. And then I'm like, I look at my phone and I'm like, wait, it's like 1150. You were early, but you were late. Oh yeah, that's my style. Show business, show business.

So that's where we're at. And I think we're handling it with professionalism. Thank you for all your, like you said, air traffic controlling. If in Trump's America, you would be laid off. Oh, come on. Too soon. Too soon.

Heidi, you flew in from Los Angeles and you were telling me yesterday that it was like quite the affair. Oh, yeah. My plane was full of teens, like wall to wall teens. I guess they were like in some sort of water polo competition, but I was saying, I mean, I guess I'll repeat what I said, but like I was like literally body shaming these teens because I'm like, they don't look like they play water polo. Like, I don't know about those arms on like a 14 year old boy. I'm like, I'm kind of doughy.

But yeah, it was like wall to wall teens. They were fully having a farting contest. It was crazy. I, yeah. Everyone loses. I know. But they did a thing that I've been on flights and they've done this.

I imagine you have as well where the pilot comes on and like says like, sitting on our plane today is, you know. Oh yeah. The gold medal winning, like, I don't even know what this league was, but yeah, they like shouted out these teens and they the... Oh, yeah. The gold medal winning, like, I don't even know what this league was, but yeah, they like shouted out these teens and they were all like, yeah. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, I need a drink.

Like I played a little bit of sports when I was a kid and there was no traveling. Like you would, like if you wanted in the eighties and nineties playing sports, you didn't fly to a tournament. No, you would drive to Red Deer. You would maybe drive to like one or two tournaments a year. But I have nieces and nephews who play sports and every weekend they're in another city.

Really? Whoa, on planes and stuff? Sometimes on planes, yeah. That's so expensive. I wasn't gonna bring this up, but I was on team PEI for soccer. And I mean, basically if you have legs, but I was on team PEI for soccer. And I mean, basically if you have legs, you can be on team PEI.

Like there's no good soccer players on PEI. But yeah, like all we would do is like drive from one end of PEI to the other. It was just, there was no flying whatsoever. What is, you're from PEI? Yeah. That's Prince Edward Island. Yes, for those not in the know.

Yeah, what's the soccer seed like there? Oh God, it's a lot of very beefy girls. Okay, we're body shaming everyone. I know, I was one of them though, yeah. What is the, if you were on end to end, what's the travel time of BIA? It's like four hours end to end, and then top to bottom, it's like one hours end to end and then like top to bottom.

It's like one hour. Yeah. Okay. We got right. Got it. Yeah. And there's a bridge. Can you do a loop? Hmm. I mean, I don't, I haven't tried it.

Okay. Probably. There's not, there's not like, oh yeah, I did the loop. Oh, yeah. Holy Frank, did you do that loop? I did the loop in three and a half hours by. What was it like growing up there? Cause it's, I think it's the only province or territory I haven't been to.

It's like, I'm never going to know. Well, maybe never seen ever, but I can't imagine what circumstance. Oh my God. You got to come. It's very fun in like July and August. And then the rest of the year, it's like pretty garbage, but like July and August, baby, yeah. And that's when like, uh, that's when tourists are there and you're really leaning into the

hole. Oh yeah and it's like like everyone comes there everyone's like the ever everything's packed um very Anne of Green Gables heavy yeah like everyone's wearing those wigs um yeah and like beautiful weather and like beaches and all that stuff, lobster, everything's good. But then as soon as it like Labor Day hits, like everything just like completely shuts down. Right.

Yeah, you can't, yeah, you can't do anything after Labor Day. What? Yeah, like it's like freezing, freezing cold. Yeah. And like, I mean, now with like climate change and stuff, it's just like all these, like all these hurricanes come in, like, and just like, like there was a cottage community that just got like rocked, like all the cottages just like got swept out to sea and stuff.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's pretty crazy. Like don't rent a cottage in PEI in October. Don't tell me what to do. Is, and of Green Gables, is that international or is that a Canadian? I think that's international. Oh yeah, everyone knows Anna of Green Gables.

And like would people, do people come from like Japan to go to? Yeah, it's so crazy cause like people come and they like cry and stuff and there's like an Anna of Green Gables house and they're, everyone's just like obsessed. And then like, I kind of want to- She's not a real person.

I know, I kind of want to sit outside with like a megaphone and be like, she's not a real person. I know, I kinda wanna sit outside with like a megaphone and be like, she's not real. She was never alive, this is not her house because she doesn't exist as a human being. Like it's crazy, people really believe in her though. She's like Anne Frank, I'm like, Anne Frank is real. She's our Anne Frank.

Hey, I've never read any of the books. I've watched maybe two episodes of the television show. Rode to Avonlea or it might have been Rode to Avonlea actually. Because there's Anne of Avonlea. Was there an Anne of Green Gables? There wasn't a show, there was a movie. Oh, it was a movie. There was a couple of movies.

Rode to Avonlea was a show. Is that in the universe? In the Anne of Green Cable cinematic universe. Yeah, it is. And then there's another show called Emily of New Moon, but like Roe Davenley was like, yeah, I think it was supposed to be like Anne of Green Cable's like friends or something.

Yeah, they should reboot it. They should reboot it Riverdale style. Dark and sexy. Wasn't there a reboot that was done by somebody from Breaking Bad or something like that? Oh yeah, it's like Anne with an E. Oh, that's right. I mean, if you ever work at CBC, like everything is just like,

every comment is just people being like, bring back Anne with an E, like they're psycho about it. Oh, they want it back. Everyone wants Anne with an E back. Yeah, it was like dark Anne of Green Gables. Yeah, well, here's the thing. I don't know anything about her. What is her thing?

Is she a scamp like Pippi Longstocking? She's a little scamp. She's an orphan? She's an orphan. I don't know if her parents are dead or just didn't want her, but I think they're dead. And then what I know about it is, I think we had like a little kids biography

of Lucy Modbond-Gum, right? And that just basically tells the story. And the family that takes her in wanted a boy. Oh, okay. Right, yeah, they wanted a boy so that he could do like- You feel like we're unfairly quizzing you on this thing? I mean, yeah, I was like, I would have studied. I just need to like repeat everything

I've learned from osmosis. But one fun fact is that, yeah, when I was like, I guess I was either a late high school or university, I think it was university, but yeah, I worked at, it wasn't like an official Anne of Green Gables place, because I didn't have the licensing, but it was like an off-brand, avidly, like Anne of Green Gables,

kind of like theme park kind of thing. And yeah, I had to wear the whole outfit and put my hair in braids and be like, I'm not Anne of Green Gables, but I'm Anne of Green Gables adjacent. It was basically like being like Mickey Mouse at like not Disneyland. Right, yeah.

I stayed one time in Victoria. There used to be a club that was downtown and where they put you up was in a fake Shakespeare village. Yeah. Do you know about this? I've heard of it. Yeah. It was like all the rooms were themed,

so you're like being the Romeo and Juliet suite, or the Othello suite. It would be just exactly as musty, and it had old furniture in it and stuff. There was no food. Was the Romeo and Juliet suite old furniture in it and stuff. And then there was no food. Was the Romeo and Juliet romantic? Was it like the porn? Or was it like covered in blood?

And poison? But I remember waking up and going to the window, probably in my underwear, and there were tourists touring around like I didn't, I thought it was just a quirky hotel, but there's like tourists that were walking through and isn't this amazing? Whoa, weird.

They couldn't like go in your room while you were like staying. Oh, I invited them in. I rewatched Hot Fuzz a few weeks ago. So funny. And I forgot that they do, there's like two people are amateur actors in it, doing like a version of Romeo and Juliet.

And I forgot that it's the Baz Luhrmann Leonardo DiCaprio, like a stage version of that. So it's got all the like neon lights and stuff. Oh my god. Did you, now, did you, is that your version of Romeo and Juliet? Because I feel like I was too, I was too old for that to be my version of it. Oh no, you guys.

Okay, I'm a virgin, all right. But I think the one that I was shown in school was the Italian one? Oh yeah, the one with like, oh my God, there's like kids in it. I think like now the kids are like suing. Yeah, wasn't it like child nudity? Yeah. I remember, I do think I remember watching that, but yeah, mine was definitely the Baz Luhrmann one

because that other one was like, like even as a kid I was like, this is creepy. Yeah. Mine was the Baz Luhrmann one, but it was, and I'm your age. Yeah. So I didn't feel too old for it, but I did not feel close to,

I personally don't feel like I have a Romeo in two years. Yeah, it's funny, because I imagine like, if they show it to kids now, maybe that's what they would show them, is the Baz Luhrmann one. Yeah, I mean, every girl that was like around my age was obsessed with it, but they were all like, Leonardo DiCaprio. And I was like, John Leguizamo.

Yeah, Leo who? Yeah, John Leguizamo, he never gets his due. You know what I mean? He's great in everything he's in. Oh my God, he's so good. And he is really hot in that movie. Yeah. Oh, everybody's hot in that movie. Yeah. Is he, he's the, wait a minute,

which one is Montague and which one's Capulet? Juliet Capulet. Romeo Montego. And they, Feudan families, right? I'm just recapping what it is. So we're just going to see if you know more about Romeo and Juliet. Oh my god. This English class?

I'm like, next, what are you going to do? Like, The Giver? I just read The Giver a few weeks ago too. What's The Giver? I don't even know that one. Oh, it's about this society that's like in the future. Yeah. And one person is like this old man who is giving, it's his role to like have memories of the world.

Like he's the only one who knows what snow is. He's the only one allowed, yeah. And then everyone's job is decided for them when they're like 13. Right, yes, I've heard of it. And then this little boy, this 13 year old boy is the next in line to be the giver, so he goes to take giver lessons.

Oh. And it's very important that he nails this, because the girl who was gonna take over, it didn't work out, and she had to be killed? Jesus. Way to be let go. Is this like a novel or is it a thin book? It's a novel.

It's a novel? It was definitely like elementary school, like you have to read this and I was like, ugh. Are you a reader? Do you like reading? I just got back into reading. Like I get into reading. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to jumpstart reading. Oh God. Cause I was just in all these conversations like the one we're

in now. So what books are you reading? And I would be like, uh, like, like Jessica Simpson's biography. And so now I'm like, okay, I should probably like read some book, bookie books. But I just started taking like a romance novel writing class. Yeah, we're talking. Yeah, because I was like, I just need to, I think I need to pivot in my career. Like, this is where the money is. I've also heard from multiple sources that the, like the Harlequin, they're very welcome.

The Harlequin Globetrotters. You'll have a smoke at the end. And they do a bunch of horny stuff with a basketball. You know what. I hear that the community is very welcoming of new people. Like it's... Oh, I mean, sure, maybe. I haven't tried it out yet. I also know that it's... Well, there's now a Maximum Fun podcast about Smut. Oh, really? Books. And I forget the name of it. Something Smut. But it's like... It used to be like a thing that people were like, you know, kind of ashamed of

and people are now owning it. They're like, yeah, I read this stuff. Yeah. Each week I give at the laugh gallery, which is every Thursday, 7.30 PM, I give away a romance novel. I read a passage out of a romance novel and I give it away. But I went to Valley Village and they didn't sell them anymore. So I went on Facebook Marketplace

and I contacted somebody who had a box of them. And she was like, meet me in the parking lot. And so I showed up as it's this tiny little lady. This sounds like the beginning of a romance. But like she must've thought, this guy's a freak. Like, why does he want all these romance novels? And it was quite like, it's quite a big box. So they're fun as hell to read.

Oh yeah, they're amazing. Do you read a bunch of them? Well, I just started getting into this because there's like, like my sister got obsessed with this book last year. It's set in PEI. Like there's this new romance novel. I can't remember her name.

Call, maybe, no, not Colleen something. Carly Fortune. And all her romance novels are like set in different cities in Canada. And so she did one that's set in PEI and it's about this girl that gets horny for like an oyster shucker. And I was like, this just sounds like Heidi Brander fan fiction. So like, I was like, okay, I have to do this better than this lady.

And so I just like started taking this class. But now it's just, it's me and like a whole bunch of 20 year olds that just want to do the next Twilight. Like, everyone's very like into like fantasy and like, like, I don't know, like angels and aliens fucking and sorry, I can't, can I say? You can say it as much as you want. Well, there was some, yeah, what was Jesse telling us about? There was some, it was some mythological creature and then there, Minotaurs have been a big thing. Yeah. Yeah. And like, um, I know that there's, I mean, obviously in the like more graphic manga,

uh, we're talking a lot of octopus situations. But you just want to do like a potato farmer. Yeah. Like I'm just like, Oh, whoops, I dropped my potato bucket. Oh, can you help me pick it up? And then like their hands touch and stuff. Yeah. A slow burn. Yeah. Yeah, a slow burn. Yeah, their hands touch and that's chapter five. And then they don't kiss till chapter 15. Mostly about potatoes.

And like some of the ones that you get have a scratch ticket in the middle of the book. And so those are fun to pull out and scratch and see if I win a new Harley Quinn. Oh, that's, oh, they're, it's like in the book. Oh, okay. Oh my God. And oh, they're not. It's like in the book. Oh, my God. And then, so the one I was giving away, the one I was giving away last week,

I opened it and this piece of paper fell out of it. And I looked at it, it was somebody who'd written their own epilogue to the book. Oh, my. And it was on like a real estate agent page. Oh, yeah. So, and it said right at the top, epilogue, and it was them, they didn't think that the way

it was written was good enough, and so they came up with their own ending. I love this, oh my God. I know, I still have it. I'm afraid. Did you read it? Did you read it at the show? I read it half of it, but I wanted to pre-read it so that I could see, like I didn't want to get crazy.

Oh, you haven't given this away yet? No, no, I gave away the book. This is never going away. Oh, okay. This will be sticking with me for- Which epilogue was better in your opinion? I didn't read the epilogue of the book. Okay.

So I assume his is superior. Oh yeah. Because, and why, sure it's, I don't know, the writing seems like it's a man writing. Oh, okay. Yeah. What, what did I hear about Twilight? Or is like, 50 Shades of Grey was written as- Twilight fan fiction. What did I hear about Twilight?

Or is like 50 Shades of Grey was written as? Twilight fan fiction, yeah. And then it became like a whole thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm just basically doing this for the money, is what I'm saying, but I'm like, gotta get in on some of this. I mean, yeah, like the Harlequin stuff, like, yeah, I guess the people are welcoming, that's nice, I like that.

Yeah. Since I'm just a money grubber. Yeah. I knew a guy a few years ago that did it and that was there. I think they also, you can download ones that you don't even need the book anywhere because Kindle and everything like that. Oh, yeah. So he wrote ones that go directly to Kindle and they're actually books. Are they big?

Like are they thick books? Oh no, very thin. Oh really? Because I'm imagining the grocery store wall of them and I'm imagining them thick, but I never pick them up. No, all the ones I have are like, would be like great school book size. I do want to read some of the old ones

like with like Fabio on the cover. I'll bring you one. I'll bring you an old one tomorrow. Cause I've got, as I say, an old Fabio. I'll look and see if there's any Fabio. Oh, remember when Fabio first made the scene? Got hit in the face with a pigeon? That's what I was gonna say.

I thought you were gonna say. He was on a roller cause he got hit with a, was it a pigeon or a seagull? I think it was a seagull, yeah. Right, oh God. It's so good. That's just such a perfect, like, mad lib of a thing that happened to a celebrity.

It could be like, you know, it was Elizabeth Taylor was driving in a convertible and she was hit in the face by a snake. Yeah, Brent Butt used to have a joke about how it didn't, you know, it didn't take his head off that he's so strong that he was able to withstand that. Because like, if he was on a bicycle and a bee hit his head, it would knock him off the bike. Oh man, when you do, when you get hit by an insect, it's a very satisfying thud. Yeah, yeah.

So just if they get in the eye, oh, a very satisfying thud. Yeah, yeah. So just if they get in the eye, oh, then I panic so bad. Oh, I love that. He has a bit about Fabio getting hit in the face with the seagull. Like now I'm like, I want to do that. That should be a topic at Winnipeg. Yeah, just Fabio stories. Paula Tempkins has a funny Fabio bit.

I wonder how long though that kind of like celebrity reference can stay in your act before people are like, who are you talking about? I know Bruce McCullough's website is Brucio. And so if you didn't know Fabio, you'd be like, why? Oh, is that why? Oh, I didn't know that was why. I didn't know why.

Oh, yeah, he did a monologue in one of his shows about being Brucio. And how did Fabio, he always looked weird, right? Wasn't he a strange looking man? Very muscly. Muscly big. Long hair. Long hair. Golden tresses. Yeah, his face is not unhandsome.

No, yeah, I guess you're right. It's just like, and like, like big. I think of him as having a big face. Yes, he has a big face. I think he was known for his like pecs. Like he was always like had like a deep V. Yeah, but it's weird because a lot of the, almost all the ones I have,

there's no photo of anybody on it. Was he rendered in, was he drawn on or was he? Yeah, I think of him, I think of it as like, yeah, not photos, but like photorealistic paintings. Yeah, that's what's on the cover of the ones I have. The original like AI. Yeah, that kind of slop. But yeah, like have you written anything yet? Is it?

That's the thing you're supposed to for this class write the first chapter of this book and I'm just procrastinating so hard. Like there's a girl that's like, do you wanna exchange pages? And I'm like, I haven't written anything. No, never. Yeah.

So yeah, we'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'm just like, I do everything at the last minute. So right now, ha. Ah. Yeah, I'll bring you one tomorrow. You'll have an old one. Oh, I love that.

Okay, cool. Yeah, taking up any kind of writing is so scary. Like I could do a comedy writing thing, and that's about it. I don't think I could write a fantasy thing. I don't think I could write a mystery thing. Would you, yeah, I'd be more worried about a writing thing than like a pottery class.

Yeah, yeah, because it's like somebody else has got to read it, and maybe you have to read it in front of the class. But your pottery, you're like, I'm the one who's going to be putting my cigarettes out in this. But it's one of pottery, you're like, I'm the one who's going to be putting my cigarettes out in this. But it's one of those, it's like low stakes because like if people read it and they hate it, I mean, I was just kidding.

I didn't mean like what, me writing a romance novel? Come on. It was just a joke. I was doing it for jokes. I know. But also like, it would be tempting to make it funny because you're like, well, at least I know I'm getting laughs. Yeah. Yeah.

Like during this Christmas season, there was like all the Hallmark movies, right? Yeah. And there was one on Netflix called Hot Frosty. Of course I saw Hot Frosty. But it was trying to be funny. And I feel like if there was a comedy writer writing it, it could actually have been funny.

Yeah. But it felt, did you see it? Hot Frosty? No, no, no. What's his name, Craig Robinson? Craig D. Nelson. Oh yeah, he was in it. Can you imagine?

But he like- Coach is, Hot Frosty featuring Coach. Why not? Yeah, why not? You're right. He's a handsome man, but he plays his keyboard. I feel like it's every role that he has after including him playing on a man. But he plays his keyboard. I feel like it's every role that he has have to include him playing on a keyboard.

I didn't even think about that. I mean, but it did take me out of off-process. We were gonna get Reggie Watts beatboxing into a loop pedal. And it was fun, but it was, you could tell it was trying to be funnier than it had. Oh yeah. And like, okay, I'm just body-shaving. Not body-shaving, but like, I'm just going to say, hot frosty was not that hot in that movie. He needed to eat something.

Skinny frosty. He was like, he was like painfully like- He should have had a frosty. Oh my God, that would have been such a perfect marriage. But like, did he eat? He needed, when he became a human, he could eat, he did eat. I think so, but like, I don't know, his whole, like he would look too skinny. He could have eaten a sandwich, that guy.

It felt like he worked out too hard to become hot frosty. Yeah, yeah. And that same week or weekend that I watched that, I watched the Michael Keaton Snowman film Oh Jack Frost. Oh man that movies. Is that quite bad? I haven't seen it. Is it the the animation in it surprisingly is quite good 1998 and like also they use a lot of practical effects, so it actually works

But he's a he's a jazz musician. So, you at some point, that snowman's gonna be playing some jazz. There, cause there was another Jack Frost horror movie that came out around the same time. I would see them both in the, we've talked, we probably haven't talked about this for five years, but we used to talk about it a lot. Yeah. About the Jack Frost horror movie,

the box in the store was a hologram. Yeah. And so I never rented it, but I knew there was a scene where the snowman head came up in like a woman in the bathtub. Yes. And the snowman head comes up, and I guess goes down on it.

Or kills her, I don't know. My friend and I would rent it at least once a month and watch it. It was so funny and very winkingly funny, but it still worked as a horror movie. How could they do that? Have two movies come out around the same time? Yeah, one for fun for the family and the other for the same title. Yeah, yeah. fun for the family and the other. But with the same title. Yeah, yeah. What the hell?

Oh my God, you know that someone rented the wrong one and got in like big trouble. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They did another one called Uncle Sam and it was about 4th of July and he goes on a rampage and kills people. You a horror movie fan at all?

No, they're too scary. I mean, I see like the joke ones. Like I saw that one with Brandy recently. It was like, I can't remember what it was called, but it was Brandy having to take care of an old lady who was like, her whole thing was just that she was really annoying. But it was like a horror movie.

Sounds like a horror movie. But no, I get, with body horror stuff, I don't know, I just like it. I can't do that. But you like the substance. Substance was do that. But you like the substance. Substance was really good. Have you seen the substance? I haven't seen the substance.

I know I need to. It's so hilarious, but it's yeah. There's a lot of goopy. It's a very goopy film. Yeah. It's up for best picture. I know. And like, I feel like after Shape of Water one,

I feel like the gates really flung open to be all sorts of crazy stuff. I try to see as many of the Oscar movies as I can. I've only seen three this year and I don't wanna see most of them. Like there's, it does not seem like a good year for Oscar movies. Which ones have you seen?

I know you've seen, what's it called? Conclave. Conclave, I was gonna say convoy. How is that? Is John Lithgow in that or do I just think that he's- John Lithgow's in it and he's excellent. The whole movie rules. That's my favorite.

I don't think it, on a good year, it wouldn't be a best pick. It would like, it's certainly an awardy movie, but I wouldn't think it would have a chance of winning. And I don't, anyway. I saw the substance and I saw, well, this was gonna be my get to know us, the brutalist. Okay, say no more, say no more.

Did you see any of the Oscar nominated? What, I have to remember what they are. Let's look them up. Yeah. I didn't see the Bob Dylan one. Yeah, I'll see that. I saw Enora, I really liked Enora. That's nominated, but the Bob Dylan one, Conclave, Nickel Boys, that looks good, I'll Enora. I really liked Enora. That's nominated. The Bob Dylan one, Conclave, Nickel Boys.

That looks good. I'll see that. Yeah. But we're running out of time before the Oscars. What's my take gonna be? Oh, I saw Amelia Perez. Yeah? Was it good? Here's the thing. I suffer from something that people call the Albert Knobbs effect, which is that when I went to see Albert Knobbs back, I don't know if you guys remember the movie,

Albert Knobbs, yeah. I went to, I saw it at TIFF and it was the premiere and Glenn Close was there and like, she made a speech. I just remember seeing Albert Knobbs and being like, this is the best movie I've ever seen in my life. Glenn Close is gonna win an Oscar. And so when I saw Amelia Perez, I was like, this is amazing. It was just like so when I saw Amelia Perez, I was like, this is amazing.

It was just like, if I'm having a good experience in the movie theater, I tend to just love the movie no matter what it is. And so I was just like, Amelia Perez, man, that movie rules. And then I started to think about it. And I was like, hmm, maybe this movie's bad. And now I'm like, oh yeah, it's bad.

So I've changed my mind, but initially I did love it. I'm still here, which is, I get it confused with a complete unknown because I'm thinking of I'm not there. I'm not there. Oh yeah. But I also get it confused with I'm still here, which is what I think the Joaquin Phoenix documentary was about.

When he got all bearded and crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, sort of like there's two Jack Frosts. There's two items in here. The substance. Dune Part II seems very good, but not for me, man. Yeah, me neither. Wicked.

I saw Wicked. I saw Wicked. Yeah. Thoughts? I thought it was great, but I knew. You're mad that it's going to be two-part. Yeah, to be continued, because I was like,'re mad that it's going to be two-part. Yeah, to be continued.

Oh, I know. Because I was like, boy, this has been a three-hour long adventure. And I'm like, oh, shit, it's not anywhere near the ending. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved it because I saw the original, like, the play, and then I kind of forgot what it was about. And so I was like, oh, it's like watching it again. Yeah. I don't really even know much about the witches as part of the wizard of Oz.

Like I know the story of the wizard of Oz and Dorothy and the, her crew, but I forget what the witches are doing. There's, well, her house lands on the wicked witch of the East's head. And, uh, and the witch, wicked west of the wicked, wicked east is the one that Witch of the East is the one that's wearing the ruby slippers. Okay. And then they take those off in her feet, like recoiled, do you remember that?

Yeah. Like rolled up and like zipped under the- There's also a Wicked Witch of the West? Yeah, that's her sister. Oh, okay. And then there's also a Good Witch. Glenda the Good Witch of the North? Yeah.

And then isn't there supposed to be a fourth, but they just don't have one or like, does that come later? I can't remember. There's no southern witch? Yeah. Hey y'all. This flag means heritage, not hate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The one thing they do in the movie that is, I was like, yes, was they show where the flying monkeys come from. And it's basically a spell, but it was- Is it true that they fly out of my butt? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha There's also a Nora, which I do wanna see. It's so good, you should see it, yeah. And the Brutalist, which I regret seeing. Here's my review. Did you guys see the Robbie Williams monkey movie?

Yeah. Oh my God, to me that is like the best picture of the year. I loved it. I liked it, I loved Conclave, I liked Monkey Movie. Yeah. Did it and it like- I saw them on the same day. Oh, don't get them mixed up.

Yeah. Oh, it cast the wrong ballot. Ah, John, let's go to the monkey. I don't know. Yeah, why did, like, Dave saw it and he loved it. Why did you connect with them, Robbie Williams' monkey movie? It's just so good. Like, I mean.

Did you know anything about Robbie Williams going in? Yeah, I'm like kind of obsessed with him. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I really. kind of obsessed with him. So I really- Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I really- That was a big hurdle for the movie going public. Well, what made you see it? Cause I was just like, oh, I love Robbie Williams. Like as soon as I saw that they,

it was like a member of All Saints. I love All Saints. Like it was just so for me, but I'm like as a person that might not be as familiar with Robbie Williams, like what made you go see this movie? I am familiar with it. So that's why I saw it was, when I saw the trailer, I was like,

okay, they're making a Robbie Williams movie and it's a monkey, which they don't meant, in the trailer they mentioned what's the deal with the monkey. They never bring it up in the movie. Yeah, like I feel like for North America, they had to cut this specific trailer that was like, I'm Robbie Williams. I'm the, I'm one of the biggest stars in the world. Like

that you need to explain that. And then also what's the deal? You might be thinking, what's the deal with this monkey? And it's like, they just need to spell it out. Yeah. But it was a pretty full theater when I saw it. Oh, that's good. It was pretty empty when I saw it. Yeah. And I was like crying and stuff. It was, yeah.

I, did I cry? I might've cried. I love that you guys cry during the movie. I don't, I can't, I can't. Really? Even if I'm really liking the movie, I can't. I might get a little clipped, but. That one sequence where he meets the woman from All Saints

and they dance and then you see their relationship in cutaways and like she has an abortion with no words. It's like really wonderful movie making. Like that's just a song playing and you figure out what's happening. You completely forget that he's a monkey, you know. It's just, it's happening. You completely forget that he's a monkey, you know. It's just, it's beautiful. Oh my God. And then the end with his dad, I was just like, ah.

The other thing about it is like, they didn't even make it easy on you by casting actors you might know. Yeah. It's like, no one in this movie is famous. Oh yeah. And I mean, the soundtrack is amazing. Like I downloaded the soundtrack as soon as I got out.

And then there's a documentary about him on Netflix where he does the entire thing in his underwear. Like he's just doing interviews on his bed in his underwear. And I like watched the whole thing of that. Like he's great. Yeah. It's, yeah.

The two guys who play the brothers from Oasis are so good. Oh yeah. That got a big laugh. Ha ha ha. Yeah, I know like two songs of Roderick Williams, but I feel like I know who he is. He's the bad boy. Oh yeah.

You know five songs. Oh yeah, you know rock DJ. Uh huh, you know Millennium. I know Millennium. I know- Angels. Angels, yes, I know Angels. You know- Angels. Angels, yes, I know Angels. You know Real Love, I just wanna feel, is it called Real Love?

I don't think I know that one. Na na na na na na. Oh, how low can I go? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. And I feel like there's another one in there that you might know. I think I might know one from his band.

Oh, you know Want You Back by Take That. Yes, yeah. Oh yeah I might know one from his. Oh, you know, want you back by take that. Oh yeah, that one's so good. You listened to him when he was first around or do you? Yeah, I lived in the UK for a bit when I was younger. So I was like, who is this? I'm obsessed with him. Like I loved him so much. Yeah, posters on the wall style.

Oh, oh yeah. She's the one. Oh, so good. You know that. You know that. I don't think so, I don't know. Oh, oh yeah. She's the one. Oh, so good. You know that, you know that. I don't think so, I don't know. Oh, you know that. You know Let Me Entertain You? Yes, yes, I know Let Me Entertain You.

That one's great. He sang it at Nebworth. He opens Nebworth with it. Oh my God, and that monkey being like, your ass is mine. I'm like, ugh. That's a real- It is, yeah.

I'm gonna write a harlequin romance about me and monkey Robbie Williams. You know what, oh. That's a real. It is. I'm going to write a harlequin romance about me and monkey Robbie Williams. You know what? You could do a lot worse. Maybe have a Lego feral Pharrell show. I was just going to say what happened to. Oh God, why isn't that best picture?

Has that come out yet? Yeah. Yeah, it came and went. And was it good? Like it feels like the Robbie Williams williams overshoot it like you know kind of overtook it here it was good it but it was a it's a documentary oh really yeah but done with Lego as the yeah I just use that as a device huh and it yeah I like I didn't ever think about I'd ever see a documentary about Pharrell, but. Pharrell.

Oh, sorry. I made the same mistake. Pharrell. Will Pharrell. Harry Pharrell. Do you watch documentaries at all? Yeah, I just watched one about, it was so good. It's about, you might not have heard about this, but it's like this Grey's Anatomy writer

who faked that she had cancer. Like, so she was writing all the stories on Grey's Anatomy about like, you know, having cancer and just like wrote some like really major episodes and acted like the authority in the writer's room on like illness and like hospitalization and all this stuff. But then like she was faking that she had cancer the whole time and everyone's minds were blown

and like she was making tons of money, just like writing so many episodes of Grey's Anatomy. It's called, I think it's called Anatomy of Lies. So yeah, you should watch it. It's so good. It's like, and she's still around. Like I think during the LA fires, she was like asking people for money on like a GoFundMe.

And it's like like this person is a monster is it a Like a Netflix thing or is it it's on feel but not it goes on peacock but what does it feel like does it feel like a like a scandalous thing or is it like a Like a cinematic kind of movie thing or is it like? like a cinematic kind of movie thing, or is it like tabloidy? No, it's not even, it's like true crime-y kind of, like it's like riveting,

because yeah, it's like this girl that just like rose up the ranks of like, and I think almost like one Emmy, like was nominated for Emmys and stuff, and like they show all of her, like she was just one of those like, I don't know, like people that would be on panels all the time, like so smug about how smart they are.

And then it's like, you lied about having cancer. Like you're crazy, yeah. Yeah, the, what was I gonna say? There was another movie that I saw in the same, oh, I was talking to past guest, Randy Neumar. She was going through Grey's Anatomy from episode one and she was like, I wonder how many episodes there are.

Something like 640 episodes. It's still on, isn't it? It's still on, yeah, it's still cranking it up. My sister was just like, you know what? This was during the pandemic and I think she's still working on it. She's like, you know what? I'm gonna watch every episode of Law and Order.

Oh, nice, nice. And she's still working on it, I think, but she's pretty far. Is she going through the sp spin-offs as well? I think it might just be SVU or whichever one Mariska Hargit was in SVU. That's SVU, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Because the original started like 10 years before that. Yeah, and I remember like on sick days, that would be my like whole slate of the day because like A&E would just play them nine hours in a row or whatever. But that was back in the day. So there was a guy like, I think his name was Michael Moriarty. He was a Vancouver guy that made it big and then came back here and was like, you'd saw him in bars all the time.

Oh, and he was on it? Yeah. He was the district attorney before Sam Waterston took over. Whoa. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. And he like, he was from Vancouver and then he ended up living in Vancouver again, but like strict attorney before Sam Waterston took over. Whoa, that's cool. Yeah, and he like, he was from Vancouver and then he ended up living in Vancouver again,

but like was always at the bar. Like everybody knew him. Who was, when you went, you told the story about being in a coffee shop, you worked at a coffee shop and a little celebrity came in and used the bathroom or? Used the bathroom and started smoking in it. Oh, can I guess who it was?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it a Baldwin? It was a Baldwin. Ooh. Was it Daniel Baldwin? It was a Baldwin. Ooh. Was it Daniel Baldwin? It was Daniel Baldwin. Yeah, the best one in my opinion. He came in and you could tell he had just had a rough night

and went to the bathroom and was in there for quite a while to the point where the manager was like, should we knock on the door? And then we could smell cigarettes. We were like, hey, get the fuck outta here, man. I think it was enough of a time when maybe places still would let you smoke, sort of. Yeah, but not in the bathroom.

You know you can't smoke if you're doing it sneakily in the bathroom. Have you had any weird run-ins with celebrities in that? Ooh, I think so. I can't, oh God. Who did, who am I? I mean, you're in LA, so I assume so. I can't, oh God. Who did, who am I? I mean, you're in LA, so I assume it's, you know, you're in PEI, so.

I know, PEI. I mean, I probably have seen more people in PEI. Like Meryl Streep goes to PEI a lot, apparently. Really? Oh yeah. Her brother lives there. Cool. But yeah, like weird celebrity run-ins, like, oh God. I mean, I went to elementary school with Ryan Gosling. You did? Yeah, yeah, like weird celebrity run ins. Like, oh God, I mean,

I went to elementary school with Ryan Gosling. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, okay. So like, that's like, I mean, that's not like a weird one from recently, but like that's the one that is always at the top of my head. That's huge though.

Yeah, it's on my bio. I beat him in a lip sync contest. I literally use that in my bio. Wow. Like, yeah. Because he has a famous viral video of him doing like a dance routine in a...

Like a cowboy costume? Or no, it's like... Like hammer pants and stuff. Yeah, that's what he, like that was his whole vibe when he was a kid. Like he would wear hammer pants and like he was the only guy and like all these like little girl dance troupes and stuff. And then he would always do like talent show stuff

with his sister who I always thought was more talented than him. Mandy Gosling, if you're listening, like you're way better. She calls in all the time. Ryan's listening and he's going to be steaming. But yeah, his sister was like a really good singer and like, and then he was just like a kind of a dancer. And then I, there was like this school wide lip sync competition and I was a couple years younger than him. And I did, I dressed up like the genie from Aladdin and I did Friend Like Me. And I was like- I thought you were going to say genie in a bottle. I'm like, that's inappropriate. I'm like, grateful. If you wanna be with me.

You just need the principal turning the music up. I'm sorry, we didn't preview these at all. But you sang Friend Like Me like the big showstopper. Yeah, and then I beat him and he was so mad. I loved it. Yeah. Did you do blue face? I did. There's shameful blue face photos of me. I'm really sorry.

I deleted them off of Twitter. Yeah. He kind of wears hammer pants in the movie, the genie. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I guess he doesn't have a lower body. Oh, yeah. He's more tinkered off into a whale. Yeah, a lot of weird.

Yeah. Ryan Gosling is such a good actor that you always forget that he was part of the Mickey Mouse Club. Oh, yeah. Like you watch Drive and you're like, this guy was in the Mickey Mouse Club. You don't even think about it. Justin Timberlake is such a good actor that you always forget that he was part of the Mickey Mouse Club. Oh yeah. Like you watch Drive and you're like, this guy was in the Mickey Mouse Club. You don't even think about it. Justin Timberlake on the other hand. Have you seen, there's a video.

This is never what happened on Breaker High. Oh yeah. There's like a video of like Ryan Gosling, Justin Timberlake, J.C. Shazay from NSYNC and some other guy. We know. We know who J.C. Shazay is. Okay. and some other guy. We know. We should look at what JC Shazay is. Okay, okay. We watched the JC Shazay biography film

where he's played by a dog. Yeah. Ruff ruff ruff ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff. But they sing like a really sexy, like, Jodeci song and they're like really little kids and it's incredibly creepy.

But look it up. Yeah. Yeah, look up that creepy kid sexy song. Yeah. I watched this documentary about a thing called VidCon, which I think Jesse Thorne mentioned last week. It was a guy who put on, it was a way to get YouTube stars and their fans together in one place. It's basically for photo ops, right? Like all these, they're all just like young boys.

Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then like, they- You told, they watched this a few years ago, right? Yeah, and they made them like lip sync on stage because they didn't have a talent. So there was no show to put on. So they're like, just dance around and lip sync to this song and then the girls will go crazy

and then they can take pictures with you. But I just thought I was like, yeah, there's no and it's still around like it's still a huge thing and it sells out wherever it goes and oh my god. Yeah, yeah, cuz like YouTube stars don't have they can't tour. I mean they've tried they tried touring and doing theaters or whatever and Yeah, they generally don't have an act, but they have an audience. They have an audience and they don't, yeah, they don't know how to act.

A lot of them try to be stand-up comedians. Yeah, there was like a time when like, they take all these YouTubers and then to be like, oh, go like host this JFL Gala interview. And you're like, oh, this is gonna work out, yeah. I was on a JFL show hosted by two YouTubers and it was brutal, I don't think I've ever been brought up to less

enthusiastic They like Traditional entertainment doesn't know what to do with Yeah, youtubers and youtubers don't need it. Like yeah make more money Yeah, YouTubers and YouTubers don't need it like yeah make more money Like just doing your videos you don't need a it's make your like Turn your life into a Netflix show for less money, and there's like I've it was the last time I was in chapters Which was probably like seven years ago

There was a book based on like a couple kids that have a YouTube channel, and you flip through and it's like, it's garbage. It's not anything that, but I'm like, did this sell? Like, does the kids that like a YouTube channel, would they like a book of that? Here's what happens as a parent, is you go to the bookstore with your kids,

you pick out a book you think they should read, as a treat, they get to pick a piece of garbage book that they will look at once. Yeah. And is it that kind of stuff? Yeah, maybe, yeah. Yeah, because like Miranda Sings, I remember that was a book that came out.

Oh yeah, oh no. I found that at a thrift store and I was like, I don't even think this is good enough to give away as a prize. So what was her apology song? The Toxic Gossip Train? Oh no. Oh, I forgot she did that.

Yeah. Because she had done things with fans or something? Yeah, like, wasn't she like some sort of a perv? Some sort of grooming or whatever. Yeah. And the song went, the Toxic G gossip train headed down the rails of misinformation. A bop. They really do need to remix it.

Yeah, I remember, I mean, we'll always remember where you were when you watched the episode of comedians in cars getting coffee with Mirandaings. I was on crackle at the time. Yeah like kids don't care if it's a crackle star that's putting out a book right? I don't think they're what I think Jerry Seinfeld was the only crackle star. Yeah it must be so hard as a parent just like going to the bookstore and being like please read this book that I love. And your kids are like, no. I want to read the movie adaptation of Moana. I try to get my nephew books all the time that I'm like, this book meant

everything to me as a kid. And he's just like, I'm going to read like, yeah, some like truck book. I don't know. My daughter, uh, is reading. Well, she just finished the hunger games is, and now she is reading. Well, she just finished the Hunger Games' and now she's reading. We found the, she's seen the Princess Bride movie. Oh yeah.

And there's a Princess Bride book. And I'm, I believe, I haven't read it, but I believe I heard it's not good. The book? Yeah. It's the same writer. Yeah. And I just know that he wrote,

he named the book Princess Bride because he asked his two daughters, what should I write a book about? One of them was like a princess, the other one said a bride. So, princess bride, all right. Easy peasy. You should do that with your Harlequin novels. What should I write a book about, guys?

I'll smash it together. Oh yeah, okay. I think it should be about a professor. And I think it should be about a professor. I think it should be about a horse. Professor horse. Oh my God. I mean, sex sells, man. Professor horse.

Yeah. He could be a, is it a centaur? Which one is a horse body human? It's a centaur. Yeah, it is. Okay. So is the top half a professor and the bottom half a horse or reverse? I mean, it's up to you.

You're the... Yeah, you're the writer. Top half horse, bottom half professor. So a minotaur. Horse head but like tweed jacket. And he can talk. He can talk in perfect English or does he need an interpreter? He wears a monocle but only nays.

This is good. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Well, you're not going to believe it. I am. I will. I went to see The Brutalist. And this is a? This is a movie that is a one it won best picture at the Golden Globes

for dramatic picture. Amelia Perez, the great Amelia Perez won for comedy musical. And this is a movie that is about, well, here's the thing. I thought this was a biopic. It's about a fake guy. Oh God. He's not real?

Yeah, if you thought Tar was real, I feel for you. I knew Tar was fake. I thought this guy was real, because I don't know anything about brutalism. Yeah, me neither. Me neither. Like, it's a type of architecture? Yeah. Yeah.

I guess, I don't know, I didn't learn anything. So it's the story of Adrian Brody. It's a cool, the soundtrack's cool. When does this take place? This takes place in the 50s. Okay. And post-war. So he leaves, he's Jewish.

Yeah. He leaves, post-war he leaves Europe, comes to America and he has some family in America, they get him on his feet and then he gets discovered by this rich guy who is like, hey, I, well, first he got hired to build this rich guy a library. Right. When he worked for his family. And then the rich guy got mad.

And then the rich guy reconsidered and was like, actually, you're a great guy. You're a brutalist. You're the brutalist. You're a great, you're the great guy. I want you to build a community center in honor of my mother who died. And then he's like, so here's how it's gonna be. Design it for me. I love it.

So they start building this thing. here's how it's gonna be, design it for me. I love it. So they start building this thing. Adrian Brody's wife is back in Europe and his niece and they are about to come over or he's trying to get them to come over. And then the rich guy's like, we can get your wife and niece over.

And so they eventually, well, he starts building the building and back in Europe, he starts building the building. And back in Europe, he was a great architect. He built the Budapest Library. Oh, and so- But that didn't really happen. That's right. You suckered me in.

But there's a lot of scenes of him drawing architecture. Not enough. Okay. It's not enough about, I like, I wanted to learn something. I wanted to like, I wanted him to build- It's like four hours long. What do they talk about?

I wanted him to build 20 buildings. Yeah. Then you could go see- Yes. Yeah. Or at least Wikipedia. Yeah. Well, that sucks.

And then, but the first half he's like building stuff, he's getting on his feet, and then intermission, the intermission ruled. Yeah, what happens during the intermission? All those little cartoon foods like marching by like, let's all go to the lobby. It's just his wedding photo and then a 15 minute countdown. Okay.

Because I didn't know there'd be a countdown and I didn't get any popcorn at the beginning because I just had lunch. And so at intermission I raced out to get popcorn and I come back to my seat, I see a 15 minute counter I'm like, oh. Maybe I'll get another bag. I finished my bag in the 15 minute.

Yeah, because the only movie I've ever seen that has that was the hateful eight, is that what it's called? Oh yeah. That's good. Yeah, and the only movie I've ever seen that has that was the hateful eight. Is that what it was called? Oh yeah. That's good. Yeah, and it was perfect because everybody was like, hey, what do you think? Because it was like a who's the guy, who's got it kind of thing.

So people were discussing, oh, I think it might be this person. Well, maybe. Yeah, everyone was like, who's the brutalist? I think it's that guy. But yeah, the first half, the music's great. There's like some really cool shots, but this movie is too long. It just does not need to be four hours. And does Adrian Brody do one of his patented accents?

He does Rasta, man. Yeah. He kisses Halle Berry against her will. Yeah. There's just too many, like, oh, there's so many shots there. There's no editing in this. It's just a really long shot and a long performance.

Edit it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweet it up, man. That's something I noticed about watching movies from the 70s is they'll show like an entire sequence of somebody walking down every single step. You're like, oh, come on, man. I only need to see the one step and then I get it.

Just do like a star wipe and cut to the next scene. There's a few hand jobs and- Oh, okay, all right. So it's fun. You got my attention now? Yeah, it's sort of like Rushmore. And then there's like, yeah, the back half didn't land for me. Yeah. And then I

looked up because I didn't know anything about it going in. Right. I was like, I'm here to learn. Okay. I don't know who wrote it. I don't know who directed it. I don't know. I don't know who Adrian Brody is. And I don't know anything about brutalism. Still don't. Yeah. It's a type, it's like a type of architecture. Yeah. That's ugly.

I mean. I mean, I guess I am the beholder. Yeah. I think the most famous brutalist buildings are like quite imposing. Right. And like. Boy, isn't it supposed to be like the Empire State Building or something? But is that, it's not real though.

Like. Well, he doesn't build the Empire State Building in this. Here's, let's look at some examples from Wikipedia. Oh, like kind of like gray. Toronto apartment building. Yeah, maybe Arthur Erickson style. Like he's maybe the Canadian equivalent. My elementary school looked like the first slide of this. It had real concrete vibe.

Yeah, in the movie someone's like, we should use marble for this. And the brutalist is like, concrete is cheaper. Concrete lasts a long time. So yeah, that's, and then I looked up who wrote and directed it. And it's like, did you see the game, the movie Funny Games? Yes. And there's the two guys who are the home invaders. Yeah, one is Michael Pitt. And he's like the handsome, charming one. And then there's his Weasley little buddy. Yeah, Weasley little buddy. Yeah, the like, he's he's he Danish or no, no, no, there's the American one. Oh, in the American? Yeah, weasel a little buddy. Yeah the the like he's he Danish or no No, no, no, there's in the American one. Oh in the American. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I know you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow

But I was the whole time afterwards I was like this guy made it this I'm This movie am I gonna have to deal with this guy's movies for the resume I think it felt like pretentious like to deal with this guy's movies for the rest of the movie? It felt like pretentious. Like I was like, this guy thinks he found some meaning in this movie by making it long. Yeah. It was like, I saw a movie called Swiss Army Boy? Man. Swiss Army Man. Is that the one with Daniel Radcliffe where he like is dead?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I saw it in the theater and I was like, these guys think they're being so cool with their dumb little premise. And then they made everything everywhere. Yeah. And then they won the Oscar and it was like, all right, well, I was wrong on the wrong side of history.

I might be wrong about this guy, but something rubs the wrong way about just like. Maybe I won't see it. I recommend it. Yeah. I'll bring a cooler to the theater. Honestly the the Intermission every movie should have an intermission. Absolutely like that was so

Re-energizing re-energized me to hate the second half of the movie Make no mistake. I liked the first half, but you wish you had just got some popcorn and walked out the door. Probably should have. I wonder what happened to the brutalist. We'll never know. Or did you think you might see it? Just because it's close by. Yeah, it's close by.

This was on a snowy day. Yeah, I feel like if I had an afternoon to just kill, I would probably go see it because it seems like it's a time killer. It feels like something you would like as your Albert Knob's brain. and had an afternoon to just kill, I would probably go see it because it seems like it's a time killer. It feels like something you would like as like your Albert Knobb's brain. Like, oh, this seems important.

I know. But I have a policy that I will not see a movie that's over three hours long. That's a good policy. I just can't. I have never seen the sound of music for that reason. Is it, wow, is it longer than three hours? With commercial breaks.

Or maybe it's not. I just remember as a kid being like two VHSs, For that reason. Is it, wow, is this longer than three hours? With commercial Briggs. Or maybe it's not, I just remember as a kid being like two VHSs, no thanks. Yeah, yeah. Did you like Titanic? Uh, I did like Titanic. That should have had an intermission. That should have had an intermission. I think I was also like more like Billy Zane

in that movie, What's Wrong With Me. I rejected legal. Yeah, you're like Leguizamo, Zane. Yeah, when I saw it as a teenager- You saw Catch Me If You Can, and you were like, oh, I love Christopher Walken. Yeah, when I saw it as a teenager, I left in the middle of it

when playing a video game in the lobby. Titanic? Yeah, okay. Because it hadn't got to the singing part yet. I was less interested in the love story. Oh yeah. The singing whatever, Celine Dion song? Oh, sinking.

Oh, sinking. Yeah, sinking. Oh, okay. Oh, just waiting for that closing trailer. Yeah. Come on, where's the song? I still haven't seen Titanic. Really?

Yeah. Whoa, seriously? Seriously, man. It's not bad. Yeah, it's good. There's a good Zane picture. When that guy falls off the boat and hits the propeller, that's pretty cool.

I have seen that. I have seen that. And there's, you know, there's like, it becomes an action film halfway through. Yeah, it feels like it's so long it has to be, like Jurassic Park is like, the first half of Jurassic Park is like, oh, look at these amazing dinosaurs

What could go wrong? Mm-hmm. Hey Yeah, I Have sex in a car if you can believe it. Yeah, I do I like I know all this Yeah, it's not it's not a movie you would watch with a kid But you know teen keep it in the vault for a teen Margot or Poppy. Sure. Hello?

Do teens like a guy like Leonardo DiCaprio anymore? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, he likes them. Yeah, okay, well, no, skip it. I'm not going to watch it. No, I think you should see. You haven't seen any of the movies I recommend. You haven't seen Monkey Man?

Well, because it's far. Hehehehehe. What's the last one you saw in the theater? Wicked was the last one. So you only go to close movies? I like that. You won't travel to see a movie. But where you live on a...

I do live on a train line. A train line that takes you right to a movie theater. It speaks to my laziness more than anything. Yeah. Maybe I'll go to one this weekend. I got some time. I recommend the brutalist. What's going on with you? Last week, I went up to Whitehorse, Yukon.

Fun. Yeah. Have you been? I've never been. I always wanted to go to the Yukon, but I fun. Yeah, have you been? I've never been. I always wanted to go to the Yukon, but I have never been, no. It's much as you imagine it. And it's a lot of fun. It stays light very short during the winter.

And so on the way to going to Whitehorse on the train, I- Wait, you took a train there? Took the train to the airport, rather. Oh, here. Yeah, here. I took the train to the airport rather oh here Oh, yeah here took the train to the airport on the train I forgot my cell phone my pocket and I didn't retrieve it and I knew as soon as I got off the train I was like, I don't have my phone and I turned around and the doors were just closing you left it on the train I could see it from that

Out on the so it's like, okay. Well There's it's like, okay, well, it's gone. It's like there's no situation in which I'd be taking a train and somebody would drop it off somewhere and I'd be able to find it. So, and I had to catch a flight. Oh my God. So it's like.

Wait, so you at the airport. Yeah, I left it on the train that then went. But that stop stays there for like a couple of minutes, doesn't it? I think I didn't realize it as quite as close as I'm thinking. Oh, okay. Because I went down an escalator and I was like, oh shit. Oh, okay. You were that far.

Oh, no. And then I went and I could see it. And it went away and so I was like, okay, well, I'm fucked. And so I was like, well, I don't have a phone, so I'm just gonna have to go the weekend without a phone. In another city? In another city. And so, and it was like, I had to use courtesy phones, I had to ask people for the time.

What's courtesy phone? So like in the airport, like information desk. Oh. They had like a phone. And so I called my wife and said, I've lost my phone. And then I called my phone and a guy had found it. He picked it up and he was like, I can give it to you.

I was like, I'm out of town for a couple of days. My wife, Lennon, got it, retrieved it from this man. Very nice man, student at UBC. But man, not having a phone. Did he want a reward? Well, if you wanted, he didn't say. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. But it's weird, man. It is weird not having a phone. I had a laptop, but. Was it great? Part of it was great. Part of it was great. What do you stare at till you fall asleep?

Hehehehehe. The void? Hehehehehe. Laptop. Hehehehehe. But like. But you can't bring your laptop in the shower. No, that's true. But you can bring your phone in the shower.

But like, I bought a magazine, cause I was like, what am I gonna do on the plane? It's like a three hour flight. So I, yeah. What magazine? New Yorker. Nice. I feel like it was New Yorker men's health,

but I felt like everybody just smirk if I was wearing So, yeah, it was it was just muscles or is it like get a colonoscopy damn How to make your colonoscopy as pleasurable as possible. But yeah, so it was like three, I got there on Thursday night, so Thursday, Friday, Saturday came back on Sunday. I go crazy. Oh my God. Well, it became this thing where it's like, okay, I have to get a paper ticket.

I have to go find the check-in for the paper ticket and get a paper ticket and then like go through security and then just be like, well, I don't know if the person that's opening for me, I have no idea where she is. Oh yeah. And so I- Oh, you traveled with your opener?

Yeah, Randy Neumeyer was my opener for- Hi, Randy. Hi, Randy. Mm-hmm. And- With the whole flight, we're like, can I look at your phone? Are you using your phone right now? When I was at the airport on the way home, we were delayed by six hours.

And so I called Sally and I said I had to borrow one of the agent's phone. Oh, wow. Because he's like, there's a pay phone over there. And then I went to use it. And agents' phone. Oh, wow. Because he's like, there's a payphone over there and then I went to use it and it would not work at all. Only certain buttons worked. So I went back and I was like, the payphone's broken. Can I borrow, I had to borrow a phone, which I like, when is the last time you had to use

somebody else's phone for anything? And he was there, he was nice to do that. I don't even like using my wife's phone. That's the thing. Like, you could tell he kind of got the ick by having to get over to me. Don't look at the photos. Don't look at the photos. Can you just use speakerphone, please? Yeah. Yeah, don't put it up to the side of your head, which is

what I showed it on that actually. But yeah, and not knowing the time. That was the thing. That was the weirdest thing is like, just how many minutes till flight. And then same with going back, we were delayed. I was like, I have no idea. If we've been here two hours, if we've been here three hours. Cause I wear a watch and I,

but it's like not perfect. And every, you know, seven or eight days, I'm like, oh, this thing's two minutes off. So now I'm in the habit of like, okay, so it is now 113 according to my watch. Let me check my phone. Oh, and that's like a regular watch. That's not even like an Apple watch.

Wow. Oh, that's a classic watch. Yeah, an Apple watch would be, it's closer to a phone. Is it battery or windy? Windy. Oh yeah, was this the one where the guy was like being so meticulous? Oh, that's a different one,

but it's automatic, it's called. It winds automatically with the movement of my wrist. Cool. Seiko, number one in watches. Yeah, I haven't worn a watch, like probably for yeah, 20, 25 years or whatever. You know what your heart rate is. I didn't, I didn't know that. I couldn't check my heart rate.

But like not having something to do, like the only New Yorker magazine that I could buy was half puzzles. So I was like doing puzzles. And I was like, this doesn't pass the time the way that I had hoped it would. Everybody's looking at their phone. I got the laptop and used the worst Wi-Fi I've ever used.

And yeah, anyways, it was like being in the 90s. Like it was just like everything you did was analog all of a sudden. Well, I mean, I have a bunch of friends that are doing, have you ever heard of the artist's way? No. Oh, is that like do your morning pages? Yeah, so, and like, I mean, one chapter and it's like this, I guess, self-help book

or something. It's like, go on this journey to become a better artist or whatever. But one of the chapters is like, you have to go, I guess it was written in like the 80s. So it was like, don't watch TV or listen to the radio for a week. But now it translates to like, don't use your phone, don't read any, it's basically don't read anything for the whole week. And so I have friends that are just like going like phone lists and like internet lists for like

a whole week and they're, it's like. Are they using the term raw dogging? Oh, I raw dogged my breakfast. I just raw dogged this last week. But it's so obnoxious. Like everyone's just like, I just feel cleaner. I, I, I'm sure they're right. Well, yeah everyone's just like, I just feel cleaner. I'm sure they're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not doing it.

So I stare at my phone until I fall asleep most nights. Yeah. And I usually have one headphone in listening to a podcast. Some days I'm like, okay, I feel like I'm on the verge of falling asleep in the next 10 minutes, I'm gonna put my phone down. But otherwise, I am literally looking at it

until my like wrist, like I'm so asleep that my wrist is like flopping over. And when I have that 10 minutes without the phone before I fall asleep, I'm like, aren't I good? Aren't I like the primal man? But like I have an uncle that's completely, doesn't have a computer, doesn't have a phone. And the only thing is like, if you need to get ahold of them in an emergency, you can't. Oh, yeah.

So like, we're like, at least have a flip phone. So that in case there's an emergency, we can just call you instead of like trying to figure out when you're going to be at home. Is this your uncle, George? He was like, why do they call it a flip phone? It doesn't flip. No, that is my, I think my uncle Gerald. I'm sorry, Jerome.

I was trying to make it into like, why do you flip on the phone? And phone on the flip. I don't know if you guys, do you remember like Greg Toomey from 22 Minutes, who I'm talking about? Yeah, so like I used to work with him and he did not have a phone. He like lost it at a Mahone's concert in like 1994 or something like that.

So like, it was like, I don't have a phone. And like, so anytime you want to get a hold of him, you just can't. And I would be like trying to like do work stuff with him and be like, oh, let's collab on this sketch. And you would just like have to just like wait until he would like email you from like an internet cafe or something like that. It was just like the funniest thing ever. Like he was just like off the grid.

And I respect that. I respect it until it becomes inconvenient for everybody else. Oh, don't like, if you're like that, it's great for someone like that who I don't need. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's fine. someone like that who I don't need. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's fine. Yeah.

Oh, he's off over there doing his thing, but I need to collaborate on this Google Doc right now. Yeah. And it's like, you hear stories about like Bill Murray. Oh, God. Like, you can't get a hold of Bill Murray. And I'm like, is that supposed to be charming or cool? Like-

You have to call his line. Yeah. Like, didn't you have to call a number? Yeah, an 800 number. Yeah, and like Lawson translation, Sofia Coppola didn't know if he was gonna show up. Like they had everything ready to go and they're like, maybe he doesn't show up.

If he doesn't show up, we gotta use, you know, Jamie Kennedy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's next in line. Jamie Kennedy. What if he can't do it? I don't know that they can't do it. No one can. Everybody say your favorite Jamie Kennedy movie. One, two, three.

Masks. Is it Son of the Mask? Yeah. Well, no, you know what your favorite Jamie Kennedy movie is? Romeo and Juliet. Well, no, you know what your favorite Jamie Kennedy movie is? Romeo and Juliet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Him. Leguizamo. Harold Parano. Who's Harold Parano? He was on Lost. Black guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Handsome. The whole cast is handsome. Pete Possil Th Thwait, loved him.

Remember him? Oh, was Paul Sorvino one of the dads? Oh, I don't know. I know he's Amir Sorvino's dad. See, he's passed, right? I think so. He cut that garlic so thin. And he, I have a friend who worked with him on set

on a Christmas movie where he was playing Santa, and he would have meetings with the cast and talk about working with Scorsese, but he was like, ''Yeah, but we're dressed like elves.'' This is where this ended up. You see, it's great that you met him. But Paul Rudd, Jamie Kennedy. Wow, Paul Rudd is it.

Yeah, he's at the costume parties. I think he's an astronaut. Oh yeah. Nice. Wow, all star cast. Good cast, M.M. at Walsh. Oh yeah, yeah. What's the lady there?

Second row, second from the right. Yeah, who's that? That's Miriam Margolis. Oh, I love her. She's so sassy. Was she the one who, who's that? That's Miriam Margolis. Oh, I love her. She's so sassy. Was she the one who, is she British? Yeah. And she was telling people not to like Harry Potter,

like grow out of, outgrow Harry Potter. Oh, yeah. But she was like, yeah, calling at all these kids, like stop being weird. Yeah, it's a kid's book, you're a grown up now. Yeah. Anyway, so if you're not a Hufflepuff, you're an accountant. Also calling somebody on the phone is very weird. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, it's weird. It's something that I haven't done probably, unless on speakerphone for work. Yeah. I haven't called anybody in. What about your parents? We'll do a video call. We'll do a Zoom? Yeah. I haven't called anybody in. What about your parents? We'll do a video call. We'll do a Zoom.

We'll do, yeah. But like text, text, everybody text. My parents call. Do they? They're callers. They're the, they're generational. Or they show up. Oh yeah, the poppin', sure.

Well, do you guys wanna move on to some overheard? Yeah. Yeah, let me just look at my phone. The following are real reenactments of pretend emergency calls. Where are you now ma'am? At the kitchen table I was with my dad. He mispronounces words intentionally. There are plenty of podcasts on the hunt for justice, but only one podcast has the courage to take on the silly crimes. Judge John Hodgman, the only true crime podcast that won't leave you feeling sad and bad and scared for once. Only on MaximumFun.org. Biggie is a former WWE champion. and bad and scared for once, only on MaximumFun.org.

Big E is a former WWE champion. He spent 10 years at the top sharing the ring with John Cena and Roman Reigns. So what's next? When I retire, I'm gonna move to the desert. I'm going to delete all my socials. I'm gonna disappear. Y'all will never hear from me again.

I'm gonna just sit on the couch, chill, and live my life. From the legendary tag team, The New Day. It's Biggie on Tights and Fights. I feel like I need to listen to a few episodes that you guys have because this was really enjoyable. Oh no. Thank you so much for your time. Oh yes, oh yes.

Available on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard is a segment where if you hear it, we want to hear it too. It's only fair. And we always like to start with the guest. Heidi, do you have an overheard? Yeah.

OK, this is from a few weeks ago. I live in LA with my roommate is comedian Andrew Johnston. I don't know if you guys know him. Yeah, yeah, so we're roomies, adult roommates. And, but yeah, like, so as you, you might've heard that everything in LA was on fire. And so during the fires, we're like, kind of just like in shock, like, wow, we could see it in the distance.

So we went to our balcony and we were just kind of watching. And then we saw this woman that lives across the street from us is like so loud and she's got a bunch of kids and she's always screaming at them. I mean, we tend to ignore it, but like this day, she was just like screaming at her kid. And then she was just like yelling at him. Like, I can't remember what his name was, but it was like, oh, like say it's like Charlie. And she's just like, Charlie, like, go outside and play with your shirt. And we were like, oh, like say it's like Charlie. And she's just like, Charlie, like, ah, go outside and play with your shirt. And we were like, what?

And then this kid runs outside and just starts tossing his shirt in the air and catching it. And we were like, what the hell is happening? So anyway, yeah, that happened. He just played with his shirt for a bit and then went back in. By the eighth hour of not having a phone.

That's what you expected. Yeah, you do. I find your imagination picks up where you left off as a teen or whenever you got a phone. I love that. I love everything about that. Oh, yeah. Man, remember when you had a phone and it just made phone calls? Yeah.

Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. And it's like. Yeah, I had one towards, I think at the end of high school, I had a bit of a big chunky thing and then got like the tinier. I miss it. I missed it. I didn't have one until 2002 and I was finished college

and I, but it was like, you could play snake on it. Oh yeah. But you'd have to be really bored. Yeah. Oh yeah. Up until like 2010 or 2011, like I was just inheriting, I was so broke, so I was just inheriting phones from like my dad and he had a Palm Pilot with a stylus.

Nice. And so like I was like walking around in 2010, just like poking at my phone with a stylus and like people would be like, oh, I saw you on the street today. I thought, I wasn't sure if it was you, but then I saw you whip out your stylist. There's a very movie about Blackberry.

I was just gonna say, did you see the Blackberry movie? Did you see it? Oh yeah, I loved it. I just loved the scene when they announced the iPhone and then he shows up with like a better, like loved it. I just love to see him when they announce the iPhone and then he shows up with like a better like scrolling bar. We're not cooked yet. Dave, you have no word? Yeah, kinda.

This is not really fair. It was from my child and my daughter Poppy had her friend Isabel over for a sleepover this weekend. What a great combo of names. Poppy and Isabelle. Well, wait till you hear this. And she was very excited for the sleepover and she was like, we got to get some snacks and can we please get popcorn M&Ms and cheese puffs?

And we were like, okay, sure. And she said, cause we're going to mix popcorn, M&Ms, and cheese puffs, and we're going to call it Poppy and Isabelle's Yum Yum Remix. Also, you know, I'd give them Chicago mix. Yeah, that would blow their minds. She's eight, by the way. That's great.

Now I want to make Yum Yum Remix. We did make Yum Yum Remix. The problem is the M&Ms all sink to the bottom of the bowl. Oh yeah. It's not like, when I saw the Brutalist and I got my popcorn at the intermission, I was a little embarrassed because I got back to my seat and I also got peanut M&Ms and I was pouring them on top

and my hands were full so I was doing that on the floor. Like I was resting the popcorn on the floor and pouring the M&Ms in. And then a guy walks down my aisle to get back to his seat. And I was like, sorry. Yes, I'm doing the weird childish thing for this movie, this four hour not fun movie. Adorable. Were they watching The Brutalist when they were having their sleepover? this four hour not fun movie.

Adorable. Were they watching The Brutalist when they were having their sleepover? Yeah, we have remakes. They were not. But I will say, if you do it in a popcorn bag at the movies, you get the M&Ms in every bite. Yeah, yeah, I do the M&M thing. Even distribution.

You just have to turn it upside down and make sure that it gets in there. And then it's like a little treasure hunt where you're like eating, oh I found a little. But then you get to the bottom and you're like, there's no more M&M's in here. I don't even want this anymore.

How about you, overheard boy? This comes to me from Whitehorse who's walking to the convenience store from the hotel. And there was a guy standing there that asked if I would buy him a bottle of booze, which was at the place next door. And I was like, was he a teenager or no guy who wanted a bottle of booze? He was a guy who wanted a bottle of booze. He wanted me to buy it.

He didn't want me to pay for it. So because he said the guy at the liquor store won't sell me. And he boozed. So I was like, okay. He was an adult. So we walked over there and I got him, whatever it was in Mickey and Vodka or whatever. And we're walking with him back towards the hotel.

And then he stopped and said, yeah, I'm gonna go climb that mountain. Just walked away. I'm gonna go to the top of that mountain. I was like, well, yeah, cool, it's a nightfall and it's minus 20. And if that's what booze does for you, great. You get drunk and then climb a hill. But yeah, he was such a nice guy.

I just think like he had a bad reputation or something. And the liquor store just wouldn't even let him in the door. And he, yeah, he wasn't, it just seemed like a nice, and I, as a kid, had so many adults buy booze for me that I felt like, they'd get back to the universe. You could buy it for an adult. Yeah, and I should also, if a teen ever comes up to me

and asks me to buy a vape for them or smokes, I should probably do it. Yeah. I think they can, they're getting by. I'm not seeing a lot of kids waiting outside. No, I think their IDs are so much better now. Or they buy it online. Oh yeah, I guess you just buy it online.

Yeah, if it was like, if you just ordered like a booze basket of the month club. Or door dash me a vape. Peel. Yeah. Or door dash me a vape. Peel me a grape. Door dash me a vape. Now we also have overheards sent in to us by people from all over the map. If you want to send one in,

send it in to sbyatmaximalfun.org. And this is overseen from a few years ago in the burbs, maybe Port Coquitlam, This is overseen from a few years ago in the Burbs, maybe Port Coquitlam, a restaurant called Un-Fo-Get-A-Bowl. That's great. I love it. It's got both foe and bowl in it. And in the same strip mall, two other pun businesses, Peter Pan and Hemp Hemp Hooray.

What was Peterita pan? Like pita pan. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was picturing a pan of pitas and I was like, well, that's not a pun. But it sounds delicious. It's not a pita pun. But you're right, it is pita pan.

So anyways, I don't know if those exist anymore, but I do love a pun. Unfogettable. There was one that I took a picture of a gym and it was Jimmy, spelled with Jim, Buff Fit. Yeah. That's in Nanaimo. Oh, that's fantastic.

Yeah, what's that? That was in Nanaimo, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. He's not just Margaritaville's, he's doing gyms now too. Yeah. It's the only gym that encourages you to get drunk. Yeah. We have a happy hour. It's the only gym that encourages you to get drunk. Yeah.

They have a happy hour. This next one comes from Aaron S. Doesn't say from where, but a Max Fun member. Oh, great. Well, we appreciate your support. One frigid Sunday on a commercial city block that's really setting the scene here. Take notes. Yeah, one horny son of a. I walked past a young couple and their smallest shaggy dog.

Because of the cold, they were moving at a purposeful pace. The first person walked by me, but the other person's arm was suddenly sent backward as the dog stopped to give the steps a closed, office sign some good sniffs. That person looked at the door, and suddenly pulled the dog away and said, you don't need a chiropractor.

Come on, you know, but he probably might've seen bones, like a spine. Oh, sure. Yeah. Dogs love bones. My dog's favorite TV show is bones. It's like David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel. Do you have two dogs? Do they eat bones? They eat bones.

Yeah. They're always digging holes in the yard and burying their bones. You know what would be crazy if somebody named their dog one of the old dog names, like Rex or Fife? Yeah, Rover. Yeah, Rover. You have a dog? No, I want one so bad.

I like that name though, Rover. We live in a place, yeah, Rover's not bad. Yeah. There's a dog walking app called Rover, I think. Makes sense, cause you Rove. Sure. You live in a place that you can't have a dog? That's my situation.

Oh yeah, my place doesn't allow dogs and I don't have the lifestyle for a dog, but I want one so bad. Yeah. Well, maybe things will, you never know what's gonna around the corner. It's like the plane thing. Like I want a dog, but I fly around so much

that I'm just like, oh God, like, can I have a service dog? Like how, what does your situation need to be like where you can like qualify to have a service dog? I know plenty of people who have fake service dogs. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I was doing a show last week and somebody brought their dog, which was incredibly cute,

but a little dog, and she said it was a service dog. I was like, it's not wearing any ID. I feel like a service dog had to wear a vest. There's some like emotional support. Like it's not service, but you can, the ones that you see on planes, I think are largely emotional support dogs. Well done.

They get some kind of online, they take an online emotional support course. Because like I'd buy a seat for my dog if he could come. Like I wouldn't have to sit next to teens. Yeah, that's true. Unless the dog wants the aisle and you want the window. Put a teen in between you. But you'd still have to body shame your dog.

You don't play water polo. I feel like my, cause often I'll be on a plane and then two husky men will also be in the same row as me. So three husky boys. And I feel like if you get a- I mean, if you're on a plane and there's a husky man, what are we talking about? Is this a dog?

Okay, whatever. Whatever. Sorry. This last one comes from Siri, spelled like the- Yeah, we've had Siri's written in before. She's from Victoria with an overseen. I'm a teacher and the elementary school that I was working at had a scholastic book fair.

Do you guys remember scholastic? Yeah. We still have it. Oh, they do? Yeah. Whoa, that's awesome. Is that like, is it still? It's only YouTubers books.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, how to get buff like Jake Paul. Yeah. Perfect. Just a bottle of prime. Teacher in elementary school, scholastic book fair, one kid in my class had bought one of those spy pens that writes in invisible ink and you color over it with another pen to reveal the message. You guys remember this?

Yeah. No. No? I imagine it. Secret ink was, whenever you get your hands on that. The kids had been writing notes with it all afternoon, and when I was walking past somebody's cubby, I saw a little note that had already been revealed,

and it just said, you love butts. The secret's out. Yeah, that could have been about anyone. The big things I've noticed is at the Scholastic Book Fair is they now, I mean, the kids get sent to school with like 10 bucks. They want to spend every single penny of it. So they'll get a book or they won't.

But then in the last minute, oh, I can get an eraser. I can get two erasers. Oh, I can get this little pencil case. They just want, they want to have no change left over. I remember the big thing aside from books was cool bookmarks that featured. Oh yeah. Ninja Turtles and Elf and whatnot. Well, I was just watching a documentary on the plane. Do you guys remember Lisa Frank? Like, I remember of her. Oh yeah, she did

like a lot of like pencil cases and like duo tags and stuff and it was just like an insanely colorful elephant and like you know big-eyed dolphin anyway like but uh. She's like the Brutalist. It's just basically about how like horrible and corrupt her company was and I'm just like oh wow. I would love to see the Brutalist but instead of designing a building he's like I'm gonna put a.

Lisa Frank. Barclay unicorn on a. Brutalistclay Unicorn on a Trapper Keeper. Oh, there's like no movies about stickers. Like that I can think of. Is there a movie about stickers? There's that one scene in Forrest Gump where he, he said he events the shit happens one per sticker. Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. That is a good sticker movie moment. Anybody listening out there, send in your best sticker movie recommendations. Well, in addition to overheards that are written in,

we also accept your phone calls. If you wanna call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, SpyPod one, like these people have. Hi, this is Yelena calling in from Edmonton. This and overseen is a license plate number. No, it's not. It's a bumper sticker. And it said, if you honk at me, I'm going to kill myself.

Jesus. Oh my God. Wow. Boy, it really started out like classic bumper sticker and that really took a turn there. Holy cow. Sure, I mean, don't honk at that car. I mean, I do feel that way.

I used to feel that way when I was like unsure of myself. Yeah. I was like, oh, every driver's smarter than me. They know I should have gone there. That's why they're honking. I still get it if I'm like taking a left and then somebody honks behind me, I'm like, but there are other cars, but maybe this guy knows something I don't.

I'm now very much like, I got my steering wheel. You got your steering wheel. You can't turn mine. You're going to control your own damn steering wheel. Do you drive in LA? No, I don't have, I have a license, but I can only drive in PEI. Like I only have the confidence to drive in Prince Edward Island. So like I've never driven in Toronto, never driven in LA.

Like it's too scary there. So I just like Uber everywhere, which probably contributes to why I hate LA. So many Ubers? Yeah. And I mean, it's so expensive and I just like, I can't get around. Like I walk places, but it's kind of. People don't love driving in LA either. Well, this is true.

Yeah. But I think it would help if I did have a license just to like, I don't know, rent a car and like go someplace better than LA. You'd not have the license anymore? Is it just not valid there? It's a, I have it, but I know I renew it, like clockwork every four years.

But again, I've only ever driven on like a two lane highway on like a red dirt road. Yeah, yeah. The thing I never learned, cause in Calgary it didn't matter, is parallel parking. They didn't, cause there's no, except maybe, maybe if you're downtown, but everything has a parking lot.

Like it's a car friendly. The thing I never learned was going off jumps. I also never learned that thing where you're going two wheels. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And today's class is jumps.

Yes. You practice in a parking lot going off a jump. There's not like a ditch you're jumping over. All right, here's your next phone call. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is CJ Coleman from Denver, Colorado. I was on my way home from work and I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said,

if you hogger me, I'll kill myself. That's it. Wow. Oh, wow. Wow, so this car is getting a wreck. Wow. That's insane. I don't think it's the same car.

But was this how, like when the phone calls. Edmonton and Denver. Denver, yeah. I think were their calls But like I guess you can buy it from some website. Yeah, you can buy Bumper stickers online now. Yeah, which is you know the past weekend didn't buy any of over stickers Not a single one. I like picture get like the it's the car and not the driver like the car will like the car will kill itself. It's true, it is the car talking. Do you think you buy, where did you buy them before the internet?

Like truck stops? Truck stops are like novelty shops and a lot of... Sometimes, yeah, I'll see someone standing outside a truck stop and they're like, can you go in there and buy a barbershop or something? They won't sell them to me. It's funny, do you see lots of cars still with stickers? My landlord at one of the places I lived at was plastered with like, co-exist and save Clackwatt Sound and all this stuff.

Oh, wow. Yeah, which is I think the last time I saw a car that had stickers. Oh, I see them all the time. Do you? Yeah. What kind of stickers? Like snowboard? I feel like I see a lot of ski ones. There was a bunch.

There were some like Harry Styles stickers. They're like Harry Styles is a war hero or something. I need to get some John Leguizamo stickers. They're putting crushes on our cars now. If you honk, I'll kill. John Leguizamo. I'm the Manchurian candidate and this is the honk is the signal. All right, here's your final phone call.

Hi, Dave Graham and lovely guest. I am walking down the street and I just passed a car and it has a yellow bumper sticker on it. And it says, honk if you love a good Gregorian chant. Oh, nice. I saw a picture of a monk in a robe next to it. And I wish I was driving so I could. All right, off I go. That's so funny.

Oh my God. Good twist at the end. Yeah. Oh, if I had gotten three, you would have heard them. Yeah, it's one of those things where, like, do monks and nuns drive? It's one of those things where like, do monks and nuns drive? Oh. It's one of those things.

Like, have you ever seen one of them doing it? My brain was just scanning the movie Sister Act, to like, did we ever see Maggie Smith driving in that? Yeah, I feel like- I think nuns are more likely to drive. Right. Do nuns typically have their own cars? Yes, they can have a driver's license.

Nones do need to get places and they don't have chauffeurs. Yeah, but I feel like nuns on the bus is a thing or nuns on the run. Yeah. He, he, he, he, he. Thanks Quora. Now. It sounds like a nun wrote that,

like nuns do need to get places. Yeah, we know the stereotypes that we only live in convents and we don't do anything. Yeah, I remember going to a laundromat and there was always a nun there. Doing, watching, I guess her habit. Her habit. Yeah.

And I remember sitting there and there was a small TV playing and it was wrestling. And there was a guy that was called like the pimp daddy or whatever. It said, here he comes with the Ho train. It was just me and a nun watching about the Ho train. I don't see monks. I don't see Gregorian monks at all around here.

I see Buddhist monks quite a bit. Yeah, I've seen Buddhist monks. I've seen, I know somewhere in the States, there was like a classic brown robe tied around monk. Was it the San Diego Padres game? Nice. I think they had like a guy in a monk costume running around. Well that brings us to the end of this podcast.

You were going to check something. I was going to Google it. No Google it. Okay. I was gonna Google it, but. No, Google it. Okay. I'm gonna leave everybody hanging. Mascot. Yep, the swinging fryer. The swinging fryer.

Oh, shit. And that is classic monk haircut. Look at his little sandals. Aw. And he's like a foam rubber costume guy. Oh, that's so cool. I thought you were just joshing because they're called- Because they're the Padres.

No, it's- Actual Padres. Yeah, you gotta love them. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Heidi, where can people find you? Where can they enjoy? Your writing is so, so funny. Aw, I think that-

Can you find it online? Can you find stuff, samples? Not really. Okay. Tweets, do you do tweet? No, I'm off Twitter. I'm off X, I guess Instagram. We should get off X.

Yeah, we should get off X. We're basically off X. We just post the episode, but we're not gonna do that anymore. Yeah, I feel like I get the same response both on X and Blue Sky. Blue Sky for me has been a rough, like uphill battle so far. Yeah.

What's the most that any of your tweets have gotten? Eight, 900. Mine, 16. No, I think, I don't know. I think I once got something retweeted by someone that got into the hundreds. Nice. Ooh.

Look, it's, it's, it's nice to have friends. Well, so go to your Instagram, which is? Oh, it's just at Heidi Brander. Perfect. Yeah, other than that, like no TikTok, nothing. No, so just Instagram. Yeah. Well, keep an eye out.

Would you, when you write these romance novels, you go by your own name or pseudonym? Ooh, I'm going to go by Professor Horse. A Professor Horse mister. Well, thank you so much for being a guest. Thank you for having me. This is fun. And thank you all you out there. You know what? If you see a bumper sticker that says something, something, I'll do do something myself or something like that

Keep it yourself And come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.