Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 883 - Maddy Kelly

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

Comedian Maddy Kelly returns to talk subway stories, parking justice, and the Royal Rumble.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 883 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who don't take no shit, Mr. Dave Schumpke. I don't take no shit.

You're going to hear all about that later. I've got a great story coming up this week about me not taking shit from nobody. Hell yeah. Oh, I stood up for myself. I really was quite self-righteous and it felt good. Yes. Oh, I was asking to speak to the manager. Yes, I can't wait.

I cannot wait. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, one of our all-time faves, very funny comedian, writer. Do we have to do a rhyme? Oh, you got the laughs in the belly and it's gonna be an Addy Kelly. Whoa. It's the Rosie O'Donnell show.

We did an episode where, hi, Maddie Kelly everybody. Maddie Kelly. Oh my God. Hello Maddie. What's up? Thank you for having me. I'm not gonna start by saying what's up. We did a bonus episode all about the Rosie O'Donnell show. Did you ever watch the Rosie O'Donnell show?

I have a huge, no I've never seen it. On every episode she would do a little two line rhyme about the guests. She'd be like, on the Halloween episode, Gary Marshall, Felicia Rashad, and Phil Collins were there. We're gonna get scary with Felicia, Phil, and Gary. It's the Rosie O'Donnell Show. And so Graham and I think we're gonna do it

for every guest now. Oh, no, I do not. I do not believe that is the case. Graham is excited. He's got a twinkle in the eye. He's saying no, but yeah. His body says yes. Maddie?

Do you wanna get to know us? Yes. Get to know us. How are you? Okay. It's been a year, right? No time. It's been actually over a year, I believe.

Okay, but that's because you've been- I'm abroad. Yeah, you're abroad already. Yeah. Yeah. Barcelona. Are you Vicky Christina Barcelona? Where the sun is bright and the water's cool.

Is that true? Have you been? Is it on the water? Nope. It's on the water. I might go to Lisbon. Yeah. I took a quiz online where you should go in Europe. Vicky Christina Barcelona has a Lisbon scene in it.

I feel like every time I come on this show, we talk about this movie, which is funny because I've never seen it. Me neither. Yeah, I've seen it. It's great. Oh, okay. Probably the water's pretty warm, actually.

Maybe the water's not cold there, but it's warm. You're gonna go to Lisbon? Well, I took a quiz online and said, where should I go in Europe? You know what I mean? Sure. And said Portugal for me. Okay.

But the quiz was kind of like Buzzfeed style, like which of these leaves do you like? You know what I mean? Which of these pieces of pie do you like? And it was paid for by Tourism Portugal. What kind of pie led you to be a... I don't know. I was like, I can't remember which pie specifically. Well, you don't know because the pie I picked might have been London. You know what I mean? But I didn't pick enough of that like, I can't remember which pie specifically, well you don't know, because the pie I picked

might have been London, you know what I mean? But I picked enough of that. How many questions were there? 200. Okay. I know, like SAT. What'd you score? Perfect.

Perfect. I wish I took the SAT, I've always wanted to. I did, because all my siblings went to college in America. Is it like an aptitude test? It's like a scholastic aptitude test as a matter of fact. All right. It was out of 1600, half verbal, half math. I think I got 1300 or something.

That sounds good. It was D.C. considering. And- That sounds good. It was deese. Yeah. Considering my grades weren't very good. I was like, I'm built for standardized testing. But then they changed it and it's like, and then maybe changed it back. Like the scoring, like I remember kids like 10 years ago

being like, yeah, I scored 8,000. It's over 2.5 million on my SAT. SAT inflation. Was that something that you had to take through school or was it a thing that you like, if you wanted to go to the States, you had to take it? Yeah. It was like, we had to go to a different school.

It's like cost money. And then you have, that's like, it's one of like the classic scams, which is like everyone in America, like gets a tutor for it. Right. So they teach them all the little tricks. It's the classic.

It's the classic. This is on behalf of the tutor lobby. No, this is on behalf of old money lobby. You know what I mean? And my dad said, it's not a bug, it's a feature. They do this on purpose to keep more people out. And then also you can take that sit to you I think as many times as you want.

Yeah, I took it twice. Cause I was like, oh, maybe I can bump up my math cause my verbal, I was very good on verbal. And then I bumped up my math, but my verbal went down. Can I combine these two? Yeah. Wow. Where'd you have to do it in like,

you obviously don't do it at home, but where do you go to do this? A gymnasium somewhere? McRoberts High School in Richmond in 1997. So there's no way you could like plant answers somewhere in the bathroom and then like, because they just say, okay, it's this tomorrow, you gotta be at the place.

I don't know, does everyone get the same test even? Like it could be because they could get, the thing it's famous for, I mean, I guess it's, but like the kind of question you only see on the SAT is the analogies. Right, blank is the blank is, blank is the blank. Blank is the blank is blank is the blank. Yeah, and did you do those?

I love those. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. I think. Can we look some up? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I, that was the only, if I,

there was an essay question, I did pretty well with essay question. There was the, if I, there was an essay question I did pretty well with essay question. There was the, the SAT twos had the essay question. Oh shit, the sequel. It's SAT two. It was the sequel. I don't know.

SAT returns. This time it's personal. Drip is to gush. Hell yeah. Look, if anybody knows that, it's me and my crew. Oh my God, I wish they, I want three of the four and then you have to pick out the fourth. Drip is to gush as cry is to laugh, curl is to roll,

stream is to tributary, dent is to destroy, and bend is to angle. I forget what the first thing was. Drip to gush. Drip to gush. Drip to gush. I'm gonna go with, I think Dent is to Destroy. I can't remember what the thing,

wasn't there something about rolling and? Yeah, there was curl and roll. Do you need glasses? Yeah. Curl and roll is compelling in a way. Yeah, I know. Stream tributary, that's kinda reversed. I'm gonna go with Dave too.

Dave too, like the SAD dudes. Yeah. All right, well that was good. Oh, we don't know the answer. Do we not get the answer? I don't know. Oh, one was D, yeah. It was dent to destroy.

D for Dave. Nice. Yeah. One time my family was kinda- Oh my God, this one's tough. Okay. Union Jack is to vexillology. Okay, I got it. As Toad is to ornithology, Turtle is to vexillology. Okay, I got it.

As Toad is to ornithology, Turtle is to microbiology, Gymnosperms is to botany. Uh, I used to date a to botany. Friend is to home economics and algae is to zoology. Friend is to home economics. That's awesome. That one's my favorite one, just personally, poetically. What is ornithology again? Ornithology is birds. Oh, okay.

Turtle is the microbiology, no too big. Gymnosperms, maybe it's gymnosperms. Yeah, gymnosperms. Okay, number four. I think it's gymnosterms. It's gymnosterms. Nice. This is making me realize I'm very visual because I can't, I'm not getting it all when

you're talking. Sorry. And then I have to look over there. And then I'm sorry to our visual listeners. Were you a good student as a youth? Uh, no. But did you charm your way through high school or? Absolutely.

My best friend describes it, she says, you used to go to the teachers with your grades and your tests and go, what are we gonna do about this? Mm-hmm. How do we get me into a nice A? Yeah. I don't know, I just, I didn't feel the need to show up there, mostly.

I thought that going to for lunch or reading my book would be more interesting and better. And I was right. And I usually just kind of teach myself what I needed to know. And then I'd take the test and I'd be fine. Yeah. Vexillology.

I didn't like make work very much. I really resented it. Yeah. No, I think we all resented high school in our own ways. But yeah, I'm not surprised to hear that you were making deals. I was making deals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they just couldn't really like, there was nothing they could say if I was doing well.

And then there was the only thing that was the most annoying thing ever is I had gone to French immersion and this school would not let me like go a grade above or something like that. In regular French? In like high school French, when I went to a non-French high school. I should have just taken Spanish. Like then I would know a bit of Spanish. Then you could go to, you know, overseas.

Maybe that's where you wanna go. Exactly. You go to Lisbon and be like, oh, you guys speak Portuguese here? Damn it. Damn it. Uh-oh. Well, cause I already had an experience

where I went to Costa Rica, Nicaragua with my father and he put me in charge of learning Spanish. He says, I'll pay for you. Learn Spanish. That's your job. Didn't blew that off as well. Then we would do it. The money. No, we went to Nicaragua with the money. Okay. But he said, I'll pay for the, for you to learn Spanish.

No, no. Oh, this is a class. That's what I thought you meant to. My parents loved to get me a piano. And then four months later be like, why didn't you like it? Why you not like piano? I didn't have any lessons or anything and they were like we got you a book So maybe this is where this started and then you were just skipping out and reading a book and now I can't play piano I can't speak Spanish. Mm-hmm. What else can't you do?

Love no, that's not true. Well, you've got a big has been challenging for me Sure, but like have you read the book of love? No. Who wrote the book of love? I wonder. Here's who I want to, I want to, who, I don't know much about history. Is that the same guy? I don't know much biology. Yeah, is that a different song? No, that's oh, wait, what was the first one again? History, biology, no, the book of love. No, because this is now that I can dance. No. the book of love? No, because this is now that I can dance. No.

What's the one? What a wonderful world this would be. Who put the bob in the box? I don't know, but I know who put the ram in the ram. I want to thank whoever that man was. I want to thank that man. My dogs are going nuts right now. They are.

They're losing their mind. Do you think there's a ghost up there? I think it's probably there's like people on the front lawn are like- Playing badminton. Maybe like another dog is out front building a dog house. I live here now. Last time you were on the show. Yeah.

You were living in Los Angeles. Yes. Sun soaked, you were on Venice Beach. Loved it. Muscle beat. Missed it every day. Rollerblade around everywhere. Yeah.

You didn't like it. No, I did like it. I did like it. I was the only person that maintained that I liked it. You know what I mean? Big pink sky every night. You know, go up on stand ups, big pink sky. Yeah.

I was working pretty hard, I would say, to get a very small amount done, you know? Oh, I see, yeah. In terms of, okay, I wanna go make a video. Well, now I gotta drive to- Now I gotta go to Paramount, I gotta borrow their cameras. Yeah.

Yeah. It was just like a lot of work, if I like to do just normal things, because you always gotta, you have to plan everything out, you gotta park, you gotta blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then also, they get in on so much stand-up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I am. Right. Do that remotely. Coupled with, I had been going to New York more frequently to do stand-up comedy and really actually enjoying it. And then we started to get what I would describe as just a very, very strong intuition that I should move. You know when you're like, you don't really want it to be true, you know?

Why do you want it to be true? That sounds like a good- Oh no. Cause then I'd have to move. It happens to me with boys, I'm like, oh, I don't like this boy, he's mean. But there is something about him. And then I do have this intuition that maybe he's the one.

I can fix him. And then, okay, then I move in with him. I leave my family. Now your intuition is strong. Your intuition is bad, Dave. No, I have, yeah, I definitely like... You nurture your intuition. Even with this is how I quit drinking as well.

And I, you know, I'm sober, but I do drink. So it is confusing. But it was the same thing. Same thing as moving to New York where it was just like, this is true, you're quitting drinking, and you can either ignore that for a little bit and feel kind of sick and bad and strange, you know, or you can just do it.

And I felt the same. I literally came back from New York in the summer and I was driving, the Uber was- So you're saying that not drinking would make you feel sick and bad and strange? No, no, no. When I knew I was gonna quit drinking. Okay.

I could feel it coming. Oh, I see. I finished this because I wanna come back to this. Drinking. I wanna come back to your sober but drinking. Totally. Oh, got it. Anyway, my intuition told me to move to Drinking. I wanna come back to your sober but drinking. Totally, oh, got it. Anyway, my intuition told me to move to New York

and I did and then I was really happy with it immediately. I would say day one. Yeah, what's your intuition? What is it working on now? It's landing you in a place. It's telling me to become a journalist. Yeah? Yeah, we need them. I mean, you'd be a really good journalist.

We need them. Yeah, that's the tough question. We need them, there's plenty in there, all just being fired left and right. I need a really good journalist. We need them. Yeah, that's the tough question. We need them, there's plenty in there, all just being fired left and right. I'll do it for free. I'll do it for free. Yeah, just start a sub stack. It is in journalism.

Oh yeah, start a sub stack. And then it'll come to my email and I'll mark it as read. Yeah, same. Liz Gilbert, letters to love, more like letters to love I'm not reading. Shoot, you know. I love her. So you're sober but drinking. Yeah. To explain what that means.

Well, in the last two years, coming up on two years, I have not been drunk except once. That was kind of an accident. Okay. I was on a boat, you know what I mean? Sure. But I don't like, I used to drink on purpose to get drunk, like on purpose. Sure. So now I have perhaps a vermouth and soda a couple times to get drunk, like on purpose. Sure. Yeah.

So now I have perhaps a vermouth and soda a couple times a month. But that barely feels like anything. That's just more patronizing the bar. Yeah, okay. Compared to what I was doing before, this really does, it feels like I'm... The other thing is it's just easier to have the reputation as a sober person. Yeah. Than people don't offer you anything.

And then you can have a sneaky drink every once in a while. It is good. Like I like to drink, but I find if I drink after dinner, I'm just gonna feel bad in the morning, no matter how little. So I'll have a, like as I'm making dinner, I'll have a little cocktail. But after 7 p.m.

That's smart. Oh, you know what? I do have beer after hockey, but that just goes right through you. Beer after hockey. Never. Never too jocky. A beer before game.

You're gonna feel blocky. Yeah. Don't do beer before game. You're gonna be out of control. Yeah, don't do beer before game. Do beer after game. Remember when we all watched The Last Dance, and we all learned that they are drinking beers to play basketball?

I don't remember that bit about it. But they drink a beer sometimes when they're getting ready. Yeah. I mean, there's some people who can do that because they're elite. So crazy. Yeah. Speed skater could probably drink all of a long day, and it just metabolizes through them. They're just- Yeah. Also, if you're 25 years old and you're burning 8,000 calories a day.

Yeah. Have a beer. Um, so that's what you're doing is mostly preparing for the Olympics. Yeah. But where, like in, under what circumstances do you drink? Is it you're out with friends or at a bar, you're going to get one thing. Do you ever go to the bar by yourself, read a book, have a drink?

No, no, no. I used to do that. I used to drink drinks in my bed by myself. That for fun, you know. No, that was mostly pandemic, I was doing that. Pandemic ruled. I'm like- Drinking Weiss, oh, it's the best.

Cynthia Nixon and just like that. I drank too much in the pandemic and then I drank, don't drink. Yeah, I was worried that she wasn't gonna get her way out of that. I thought she was doomed as a character, but. When's it coming back, soon? I can't wait.

Yeah, I don't know, but I'm ready. The Super Bowl was on yesterday. They showed previews for a bunch of things. White Lotus is out, episode one is out as this episode is out. Oh, I'm so excited. Shoot. We haven't had anything to watch altogether in a while.

The zombie mushroom shows coming back in April. Ew. Oh, is that the last? I guess so. Too scary. I don't watch. Too scary. I haven't watched either of those things.

I haven't watched White Lotus. I watched a couple episodes and then I just lost track of it. You don't like rich people shows, is that right? Yeah. You didn't like, you like suppression? He likes them just like that. Right. Yeah, that's true.

And they're all pretty wealthy, except. They're like magical realism wealthy though. It's like, what's going on with this? Yeah, they're magical realism wealthy. And she gets to move into a giant, beautiful apartment because she has all of Big's money. And then she couldn't figure out the dishwasher, so she sold it.

Yeah. But she had a pretty beautiful apartment before big came along anyway, because she wrote a column that someone wrote. See these days it would be a sub stack and you wouldn't be able to get that money. You can't draw a penis on a sub stack. There is an episode, a very famous episode, where she does describe that that apartment is rent controlled and costs $700. Sure.

And she's like looking for new apartments and she's like, her budget is like $2,300. that apartment is rent controlled and cost $700. And she's looking for new apartments and she's like, her budget is like 2,300. And then they're all really bad. And then friends, there's some explanation of their apartments as well. The grandmother. Now, where do we leave off with?

I can't remember what the final episode of. Oh, it was incredible. Carrie and Aiden breaks up with Carrie again. And Carrie takes this to mean, I'm gonna wait for five years till his kids are out of high school and he'll date me again. And then she's on a beach, lying there. That's right.

Oh, cause he, I didn't watch this, but they broke up because he was, his kids are his priority? Yeah. He's too much of a family man. His son was acting, he was like going to the city all the time to see her and like Carrie, you know, just does not like to leave the city.

Sure. Really for any reason. Well, because it's part of, it's the fifth character. It's true. Yeah. It's in the title too, you know. It's so true. Yeah, she was drinking, she was having a nice cold drink on the beach if I recall.

Yeah, with Sima. Would you do that if you were on hot beach? Get one of those, like a tropical drink? I think there's like, okay, it's like, here's my- You're not low, I didn't bring this up for it to be like some kind of morality quiz. No, I'm just interested. I think like, yeah, hot beach day, La Margarita,

and I think like when everyone's dancing, if it's a wedding, yeah, it's like nice to have something to drink, and then that's dancing, if it's a wedding. Yeah, it's like nice to have something to drink and then That's about that's kind of it I have my little vermouths everyone's wrong because on my street where I live in New York my friends I'll hang out at the bar on the corner and some of them work there. That's so cool It's called well, I don't want to say because people will come right don't blow up your spot And that's cool. I'm gatekeeping that actually I've never done that in my life. You're allowed to, you.

It's called beep. Nice. I don't want people showing up. I don't want our dirt bag listeners showing up. It's just a really small place. Yeah, oh no. So you can't really go. Okay, look for the small place.

That's the dream of living in a big city. Yeah. A corner bar. Honestly, my life is a little too convenient right now. Okay. Yeah. Because I go- is a little too convenient right now. Okay. Yeah. Crossy store too close?

Yes. Grace is too reasonable. Greater Joe's Target, library, corner bar, comedy club, all within four blocks. Whoa. And really most of those things are on just the one block. So like that's your block. Yeah, it's very hard to get me to leave.

And I don't like going on the train because of all the horrors. Yeah, horrors? Yeah, we don't speak of what we see down there. Have you seen anything really, really funky? The other day I saw, I was walking, there's a bunch of rose petals, okay? All leading to two homeless guys asleep. I was like, what happened here? It's a real switcheroo.

Yeah. Someone proposed down here in the worst place on earth. Like, it's an incredible, it's like the eighth wonder of the world, the subway system. Okay? I love it. It's a great thing that they made down there. It's really amazing. Yeah.

But, yeah. I'd be worried about those gangs of New York, especially that Bill the Butcher. Yeah, totally. And you know. And Cameron Diaz. Oh God. One time I had a weed drink branded TBD. Okay, those are the best ones.

TBD? They're the best ones? Yes. Okay. I love those ones. Is it a play on CBD and THC? Or to be determined? Determined what happens to you.

Okay, oh sure. And I had to get to the, well, the F to the L, if you must know. And that is actually kind of a hard switcheroo. I've learned now, even as a sober person, you know, like even not on the weed drink, I get lost, fully lost, underground for 35 minutes. I know. Can you use a phone? Oh, yeah.

I'm using everything that there could be, every resource at my disposal. I'm running around underground, lost. I mean, I could get, I know I could get out to the street, of course, but I'm trying to get onto this other train platform and I'm going in the right direction. FML, you said. A guy comes up to me, he goes,

I'm trying to get to the F going uptown. I go, you're not, you're, I think you're even more lost than me, you know? And I give him directions, but I. I go, you're not, you're, I think you're even more lost than me, you know? And I give him directions, but I'm lost too, you know? So we've met up rat style. You know, I'm 20, I'm 20 minutes in at this point. Eventually I get up, just, I just leave. I just go to the street.

What street is this at? Sixth and 14th. Okay. Yeah. And I'm like, I just got to clear my head and go back down when I'm ready, you know? Downtown. And I'll go on the stairs down to the one that says it's going to be mine. Okay, so I do that. I can't even find those stairs for a long time.

This reminds me of a certain Home Alone sequel. Now I'm lost for 10 minutes upstairs, you know what I mean? In the fresh air. Go back down. I'm on my platform. My, my, my, I'm cooling off, you know? I'm like, okay, we did it. We're standing on the train platform for the right train. Who comes up to me? But the guy that was lost 25 minutes ago,

he's still, he's even more lost. And then I said, Maybe you should be friends. I was like, go up to the street. I said, go up to the street. It's your only hope. That's what I did. And he goes, okay, awesome. Can I have your phone number?

And I said, I was so high on the weed. I said, if we're supposed to meet again, it's your only hope, that's what I did. And he goes, okay, awesome, can I have your phone number? And I said, I was so high on the weed, I said, if we're supposed to meet again, we will. And then the train doors went. Could still happen. Yeah. Was he a guy you would be interested in meeting? And he had a huge mask on, like crazy mask,

like a way bigger mask than most people have. Like a Halloween spooky. No, like a COVID mask. Right, okay. But I don't know what he looked like, Cinderella style. Yeah. Hey, Cinderella reboot, she a COVID mask. But I don't know what he looks like. Cinderella style. Hey, Cinderella reboot. She loses her mask. And then how does, what happens to Cinderella? Is that the glass slipper?

Yeah. There's no way it's the one with the sleeping, right? No. Sleeping Beauty is also the one with the sleeping. Yeah, they both sleep. It's a little very lazy group of stories. I think, here's my idea. Here's my pitch for a movie.

You both meet and you both have masks on. You're like, oh, I wonder what he looks like. And then you get his number and you're texting, like, hey, do you mind telling me, showing me what you look like? He sends a dick pic. With a mask on. With a little mask over the head.

Over the head. That's the best part. I want to see that part. So this weed drink, is it something that you, did you do it, or is it something you're sipping or are you chugging it like before you get into the, did you begin your trip and you were like, I'll better have this before I leave the house

or like were you getting more and more stoned as you were? That night we were at the bar without the name and we walked to the bodega to get it. They sell it at the bodega. Tell us what the bodega is called. It's called. No, I'm joking. It's called happiness gourmet.

Nice. That's a great name. Yeah, that one's weird because bacon, egg and cheese. Awesome. Chopped cheese, terrible. Really? Well, did you find a decent chopped cheese? Oh my God, she's from New York. That one's great because yes, very New York thing. FAO Schwartz. She has, FAO Schwartz is good. Also- Steven Colbert bad. I recently went to Kat's Deli and that- I think you said Kat's. Nothing could be- yeah, I went

to Kat's. No, Kat's is delicatessen, of course. They're the most, probably one of the most famous places in New York. She went to Cats Deli. Your name is Maddie Kelly. It's the Rosie O'Donnell Show. Oh, we did it. When Harry met Sally Deli, you know? Oh, right.

She's- I'll have a chopped cheese having. Dave's on fire. I can't keep up. Why don't you read a couple more of these little- Analogies? Yeah. So, I went to Cats. This place has like 200 people inside. Is it Cats or Catses? Why don't you read a couple more of these little analogies? Yeah.

So I went to Cats. This place has like 200 people outside. Is it cats or catses? I don't know. Okay. 200 people outside lined up every day. Really? Yeah.

Oh wow. Nothing can be good that's lined up 200 people every day. For sure. It's like Disneyland. How long is that line up? I don't know. I don't understand that. It's like 30 million dollars. And you're hearing as you walk by, you hear people orgasming. Yeah. How long do you like how long is that line? I don't know

Hearing as you walk by you hear people orgasming. Yeah. Yeah, everybody's yeah They even have a sign and it said this like they pointed the table. Mmm. Thank you Yeah Anyway, finally went to like four in the mornings like then you can just walk in right best thing I've ever had my whole life Couldn't believe it. What was it? What was it? I had both I had pastrami and corned beef, but it was like, it's like $30 to be fair. But it's like, it's an amount of meat that no one in our generation has ever had in one like sandwich. Like it's like from the past. So wait, does that mean it's a lot or not a lot?

A lot. Okay. No one from our generation. I've had a lot of meat in my life. No, you've never had this much meat on a sandwich. When I think of past generations, I think of them starving. Right. Well, this would have been the best thing in the world then and now. Yeah. Like at least kind of almost bordering on like a six inch thing of meat.

The two, I've gone to Schwartz's Deli in Montreal like years apart and I did feel like the meat, the smoked meat, they reduced the amount over time. Right. Yeah. See, they know. This is like from the past and you have to get a little cappuccino, like that's like old cappuccino. It's like old man food, you know what I mean?

And it was so good and it smelled incredible and there were so many people working there and they were all cutting up the meat and it was so, it was just like, I couldn't believe something that popular could be that good. Also, apparently they do $100,000 a day in sales. Really?

Yeah. That's how many people come in and out of there. That's how much we, to be doing something like that at that scale and with quality? Yeah. What the heck? At that scale, but not expanding, not being like wow. Yeah, they're not expanding everywhere.

Yeah, that's great. Good for them. Crazy system, you gotta like pay on a ticket and you give like, they have this like crazy little ticket you give them so you can get out of there. You're not allowed out of there if you show them your ticket. Do they have kind of a booth that you have to go by?

Like you pay at the hill? It's in counters, there's so many counters and then you're trying to, it's like. If you lose your ticket and you just live there, you're like, it's like the terminal? Yeah. So that's where, and your roommate's waiting for you to come back.

Yeah, but then everyone was making fun of me because they were like, oh, you moved, because everyone else lives in Brooklyn, I live in Manhattan, and everyone's like, oh, Maddie lives in Manhattan, goes to Kat's Deli, but I wouldn't stop talking about her. And I was like, we should really be talking about this more. It's actually good.

No one told me. Yeah, I wanna go, that sounds amazing. I wanna say try one of these cappuccinos you're talking about. I know. I don't know what you could eat there, really. Cappuccino. You could have a cappuccino.'re talking about. I know. Old man cappuccino. I don't know what you could eat there really. Cappuccino. You could have a cappuccino. The ambiance would be enough.

What was the place on- They get eggs? They have eggs? Maybe they have eggs. Yeah, I'd get eggs. Potato salad. I thought you said I'd get eggs. You like that?

Yeah. Full blown egg. What was the place on Commercial Drive that closed- Joe's? Joe's. There was- It closed? Joe's? Joe's, there was. They closed? They closed like last year.

Joe retired and I think moved to Portugal. Yeah, he's in Lisbon. I'll see you in a little bit. Living your dream. Or maybe the Azores. But there were a bunch of news stories about Joe's Cafe and like on the last week of it. And it was such a 90s relic.

Like I never went, but the cappuccinos they had, on the last week of it and it was such a 90s relic. I never went but the cappuccinos they had, they were showing were like the kind you would get in the 90s with the big shaker of cinnamon on top. And they were like, this is where 5440 used to drink coffee. I went there but only a few times and even though I had a weekly show right across the street. Right.

But... You don't need coffee before your show. No. That's great. It's encouraging that like a famous place that is actually good because none of the stuff usually lives up to the hype. No. Everyone's like, tell me the hidden gems. I don't want to go to all of these touristy places. I went to the International Soup Kitchen, which was the soup Nazi place.

Oh, yes. And the soup was amazing. Yes, yes. You know what really lives up to the hype is standing outside the Today Show. Also, that's like one of the only things in Midtown that is worth doing at all. Yeah. Because that is a wasteland. But like you get soup and then they throw in a bunch of stuff as well, like say like candy and fruit and bread. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. No, we did go with the Eminem

shot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Usually when something's as big as the Eminem story, how do they keep up the quality? Too big to fail. Yeah. What's okay. What's the weirdest New York thing that's happened to you since you moved to New York? Where you're like only in New York. The weirdest the New York is the New York is. Yeah, that's happened to you since you moved to New York? Where you're like, only in New York? Or not the weirdest, the New York-iest. The New York-iest, yeah. That's a good question. Have you ever said, I'm walking here?

Is that a word that comes out of your mouth? No. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Rush hour. I'm trying to think of anything like... Oh my gosh, we've sapped our energy. Oh, nuts. I don't know, you guys. I'm sorry. think of anything like... Oh my gosh, we've sapped her energy. No nuts. I don't know, you guys.

I'm sorry. That's fine. I hang out with mostly people from Alabama. How come? I don't know, it just kinda happened like that. What is, they've got a charming accent. Charm is all hell, Alabama. I think people who grew up in the South,

like grew up in the South and then chose to move to New York, that's like extreme New York, you know what I mean? Cause it's like they really, they really could be on a porch drinking a Dine Mountain. Yeah, you know, I'd be so easy for them to be in a Target, you know? Yeah. But instead, no. New York things that have happened to me. Well, one time I was recording a podcast. Oh, that's totally New York. Yeah. At Spotify. Oh, wow. And I was on the, I was on Carrie and her friends podcast. Yeah, where she's a, she doesn't discuss any of the sex stuff.

Yeah, yeah. What is her friend's name? JDS. JDS, yeah. And she does a stand up comedy concert. So, oh yeah, her comedy. Don't, if you guys get me started on talking about JDS, you'll never be allowed to talk about anything else.

When you saw her act that she was doing for the agent or whatever, it was the sloppiest attempt at writing a standup. Like they could have gotten a standup to just write a couple of jokes. Even just like, just one joke. And her thing, her last, her closer was. This is one of the things you bring up all the time

and I can't remember it. She said that her kitchen and her living room are so far apart that she has to take an Uber between one and the other. I was like, that's not a joke. It didn't even do well in the show. It didn't do well in the show. They don't even juice it.

Like she's bombed and then she's like, good night. Yeah, she said, well that's a big closer. I tell you. No, that's the weirdest part of the show is that the show business parts are the, like everything's like off and crazy. Yeah. The show is like parts, remember the episode where like a cell phone goes off during like

the taping and the director stomps out onto the floor and says, you've ruined everything. This pilot is not going to go. I was like, what? Come on. Yeah. Anyway, I finally thought of a story, but the New York thing happened to me. And then you guys were just wanting to talk about my favorite show of all time.

I got distracted. Have you ever, we really talked about this a lot with Jen Kirkman when she was on and just like that. She's a big fan as well. Oh, sure. When the new season starts, we'll have to get her back on. Also, if you ever run into Jen Kirkman in New York, talk about it and just like that.

Yeah, that's your automatic in. York, talk about it and just like that. Yeah. That's your automatic in. Yeah, you want to get in with her. That's so cool. No, I actually love her. Would you write on that show or would you be too intimidated? Oh, yes. I would do anything to write on that show.

I would do anything to write on that show. I really feel like I could be of assistance. I really think I could get some help in there. You got a plot line that maybe throughout there like like what if Samantha comes back in an hologram? Because now I can say this because, curb your enthusiasm is done. So I have a curb your enthusiasm idea. So I know, and just like that,

I'm just gonna be across all, I'm across all of it. I'm gonna help out a lot. But curb your enthusiasm, I just only have this one idea, and which is this? Larry gets upset. Who? Larry David.

Oh, from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, from Curb Your Enthusiasm. You ever watch Seinfeld? I've seen one episode. He wasn't really in it. I've seen the episode with Larry David in it. Okay, he's in the cape, remember that? Yeah, he's in the cape.

He was George Steinbrenner. I'm showing off now. He's the guy who won't accept the bill with the big lips on it. Oh yeah, yeah, and he's like a sci-fi movie as well. Yeah. Yeah, he does it all. He's all over it.

He's so cool. So. Now you have an idea for a show for him. No, he's gonna be upset in his office that someone keeps squishing the garbage and not taking it out. Oh, that's funny. And then he's gonna catch the person squishing it

and he's gonna go, no more squishing. No more squishing. That's a take it out. Yeah. And that's the idea. You wanna hear my idea? Yeah. Larry David said an award show. He's one of the presenters.

Okay, can, stop. Dave. What the hell, man? Can I talk to you outside? Yeah. So is the squishing, is that in his own private office? You know, because he has a production office. Oh, for the previous season?

Oh, he just works sometimes like from an office. Yeah, does he have an assistant? Or is he a shared space? He has all kinds of people that work there. Okay. He has an assistant, he has other people that come in and out of there, I've noticed. Okay, so.

He could be at home as well. Because I'm thinking of the time he had an office and he- Could be JB Smooth is squishing the garbage. Yeah. Okay, good. Graham, you had an idea. Award show. Award show, he's on an award show, he's a presenter.

Nice. He's- They never did that. No, but he'd be great at it, right? Yeah. So he then, he goes to use the washroom and he sees- He'd be great at it in real life or the character? Both.

Being as a presenter, he'd be great. In real life? Yes, okay. Yeah. He sees one of the nominees in the bathroom and they don't wash their hands. Oh, being as a presenter, he'd be great. In real life? Yes. Okay. Yeah. He sees one of the nominees in the bathroom and they don't wash their hands. Then when he goes up, they win,

but he doesn't want to shake their hands. So he goes one down and gives them the award and that it's why he cares. Okay, here's my- And then it's like a big feud in the press. Like why did he shake his hand? Yeah. Exactly.

Here's my idea. He's at an award show, he's presenting. He hand? Here's my idea. He's at an oratory he's presenting. He sees a nominee in the bathroom. The nominee washes his hands, uses the paper towel, throws the paper towel in the garbage. Garbage is overflowing. The guy, the nominee starts pressing down.

Ah, this is good. This is a good combo. Okay, we gotta come back to the fact that we asked you for a New York thing. And I stuttered for like 80 seconds. But then you said, I have one. And then we were like, no, no, no, no, no. You run into Jen Kirkman. So I was recording a podcast in the Spotify headquarters, okay? And this is in the financial district and I'm kind of distracted by that. La, la, la, la, la.

And I go in the building. Money, money, money. Yeah, yeah, I want to see the bull, you know. And then I go up very high in an elevator, and I'm very high, and oh, there's a statue of liberty. That's cool. There she blows, you know. And I go, really, a lot of security in this building. And the girl I was with goes,

you are in the World Trade Center. And I was like, oh, yeah. That's actually not enough security for where I am then. Yeah. That's pretty New York. That's New York. I think the big problem on 9-11,

not enough security that day. Wow, yeah, absolutely. In the building. You saw the Brutalist. Yeah. Did you love the shot? I loved the shot where he's coming on, it was like the first scene in the movie,

he's on the boat and then the camera pans in as the upside down Statue of Liberty. Yeah. Oh, cool. That's on the poster upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Basically what happened for me is I was watching that movie

two, three minutes, okay? And I was like, okay, yeah, I thought this would be kind of something like this. And then that shot happened and I lit, it was like an engine revved in my brain and I, we never, I thought this would be kind of something like this and then that shot happened and I lit It was like an engine revved in my brain and I we never I never let go Yeah, I was like music so cool pedal to the metal the rest even intermission. I was like freaking out I love the intermission. I love the intermission. They had its own song. Yeah. Yeah, I Thought you didn't like it. I like the first half over the first half. That's right I did think that a lot of it. I liked the first half. Oh, the first half, that's right.

I did think that. A lot of people seem to like that first half and then they thought maybe the ending could come a little. I loved it. That's how I felt about the Super Bowl yesterday. Didn't watch it, did you watch? Like the first half. Yeah.

Well, maybe you guys should work on your attention spans. Everyone that was texting me, I'm not gonna watch a three and a half hour movie, I said, then you need to. How about that? You need to watch a three and a half hour movie. I said and you need to know about that Right you need to watch three and a half hour movie It's nice once you in a regular movie you kind of peek phone phone wanting I like our two but then you get your phone

Right in a three hour movie you peek wanting your phone and then you don't get your phone and then you leave and you go I don't need to look at my phone. Yeah, and more I'll go another hour. Oh, yeah I like a my phone. Yeah. I'll go another hour. I'll go two more hours. Like a little vacation. Yeah. And that doesn't, what she's saying is doesn't apply to everyone. Cause also it was not a three hour movie. It was a three hour and 35 minute movie. And then you want to look at your phone immediately

and be like, huh, what other brutalist buildings did this guy build? True, it's true. Oh wait, none. This was not a real guy and all the buildings are fake. Yeah. That's even better. That means they made them for the movie.

That means I got to see them for the movie and they designed them. That's so much cooler. Well, most of them are off screen. Oh, I built this, I built this, I built this and then at the end of my career, look at all these buildings I built. Maybe they were AI.

Certainly my exit was. I love that movie. I haven't, I'm the only one here who hasn't seen it. So I got no comments. I saw the poster. Are you going to? Nope. I've heard that the first half is comments. I saw the poster. Are you going to? Nope. Oh.

I've heard that the first half is good, and then the other two hours is not. I really recommend it. I really think it's, I think every movie that came out this year was like a movie, and God bless those movies. Every movie that came out this year was a movie. It was all like, oh, we did a new sex thriller.

Oh, we did another sex thriller. Oh, we did a sports one. Oh, we did a, oh, we did a body horror, like 80s thing. You know what I mean? What was the sports one? Challengers. Challengers. Nice.

What were the sex thrillers? Oh, we did Garfield, you know, Baby Girl. Oh yeah, that was a sex thriller. And well, actually I really liked Anora. I find all sex pretty thrilling. Yeah, oh, absolutely. I really loved the film Anora, but I still thought it was. Although I always know how it's gonna end.

I just thought The Brutalist was so different and cool. I've heard of Nora as like the one to. Also, I don't even like dramas. No? No. What do you like? She's a rom-com girl. I like comedies.

You like a rom-com. I like love. And I like action. And I like adventure. Did you like, what is the one that? Temple of Doom. The romantic comedy with, what's her name from White Lotus?

Cindy Sweeney. Cindy Sweeney, do you see it? Yeah. What were your thoughts? I think it's- Barely in White Lotus. It sort of struggled a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's, yeah. I don't know whose fault that was. I don't know, I didn't like it, but just just didn't make it, or maybe I didn't get it. I read a really good piece of analysis that was saying that like, a good romcom is like people that are kind of like, the stakes are there because they're older and you could actually see them not finding love, because they're not like, you know, they're like, they're artists or they're poor or they're like not conventionally good looking. But there's these two characters were like, obviously like movie star attractive, but they also were a lawyer and an accountant.

So everyone was like, it was kind of like the two most popular people in your school inevitably dating each other rather than like, Oh my God. All the accountants I know are just like fighting off the pussy. Do I talk like that? Yeah, I don't know. I love Much Ado About Nothing. So I think I'm also just jealous because I wish I was allowed to adapt

Much Ado About Nothing. Because I actually wanted to do that. Me and my mom were gonna write that once. And then- Why didn't you write it? Well, I suppose it was artistic resistance. And now look at us. Much Ado About Nothing is Shakespeare.

And this was an adaptation of that? Anyone but you? Yeah. Okay. But even as someone who's like, that's my only Shakespeare I like, I really couldn't even tell that it was that. Yeah. Like, I didn't know it was until you just said it right now.

No one really knows it was that, they didn't say that. What is, 10 Things I Hate About You is Taming of the Shrew. Yeah, She's the Man, is the tempest. Is the tempest. Yeah, Clueless is Emma. And what was Clueless is Emma, right? That's not Shakespeare, but yeah.

Yeah. Emma. Fuck you guys. I'm just talking. Has there been any other much ado about nothing? Well, there's Kenneth Branagh did the actual Shakespeare and then also Nathan Fillion did the actual Shakespeare with Joss Whedon.

Oh, wow. That's actually why I didn't write it because they did that at the time. And I was like, oh. You're like, it's done so well. Yeah. What? I don't know that much to do about nothing.

Oh, did anyone do? No. I'm just trying to think of the Shakespeare I've read. I don't think I read. You didn't do Hamlet? That's cool. Hamlet is Lion King. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. What's Othello? There's no Othello. Is there an Othello? Good question. I know there's a movie that was called O, and it was Othello. That was it. Yeah.

That was it. I like Othello, but I had to pick. I like Othello and King Lear, I thought, kinda. Did, oh, King Lear is, you know, succession. Totally. Oh, Midsummer Night's Dream. That one sucks. That one sucks.

That's the one I did the most. Boo. I think we did it twice in English and once in drama. Really? I agree, and they make you go see it all the time, too, and it's like, I don't give a shit about this. Yeah, but it's got a play within a play, and oh, what fools these mortals be. The play is bad. It's a bad play within a play and oh what fools these mortals be. Play within a play is bad, it's a bad play within a play and then I don't get the metaphor.

And the outer play is bad too. What are we talking about here? Do they get, all the like people get kind of tricked into falling in love with the wrong people? Watching this play over and over again, yeah. What is the, is there, is it too crazy to adapt into like modern day? What is there to adapt? There's no story. I'm not here to defend it. It's just like a fricking like,

also I'm sorry, I'm sorry to every, every non-binary person that's ever played Puck, but it's just the most annoying character I've ever seen. And the kind of like, theater people already kind of act like that, like an annoying little guy on stage. So if you tell them the character is an annoying guy, boy, it's gonna be,

they're gonna be really annoying. What does Puck do? I've never read. Well, he gets shot by a hockey stick and doing that. And the net, maybe, maybe not. It's just like a trickster. I've never, again, this is one I don't know. Yeah, he's a trickster.

A trickster. What is, what did we read in school? We read Macbeth, don't say that in here. We read the Mereth. Don't say that in here We read the Merchant of Venice. Hmm. I don't know that one. I kind of like that one actually pound of flesh Very anti-semitic. Yeah

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah Shakespeare's cancelled Shylock was that a character? Yeah, that's okay. that's the guy. That's the guy, okay. Yeah. Anyway, this has been Shakespeare Shat with... With our friend and expert, Maddie Kelly. Dave, usually you just say, I don't like Shakespeare. I don't.

That was the most I've ever heard you talk about it. Oh, I love the adaptations though. I want to find like a different, a non-Shakespeare to adapt, but I don't even know where to start looking. The Crucible. I might have to find like a- Robin Hood. Oh, easy A was- Robin Hood is awesome.

I love Robin Hood. Yeah, why Robin Hood? That was one of my biggest crushes of my life, is the fox. The fox, yeah, you and everyone from your generation and the generation before you. What was it about? Cause yeah, every gal I know said there was like

an awakening when they saw that fox. Well, firstly, the character of Robin Hood, of course, is my exact perfect guy, you know what I mean? Right, because he rocks from the very beginning. Feeling from the rich and giving to the poor, that's awesome. He's athletic in that way. I also think he's cool, yeah, he's funny and he's hot,

for sure, don't deny it. But like, you know how guys always made hotter by like how hot his girl is? Made Marion that girl fox was so beautiful. I can still imagine her brown eyes. There's a very close up shot where she blinks so slow and she's, you really believe she's the prettiest girl in the whole world.

Of course. Did you know that guys are made hotter by their girls? No, but I get it now that you say it. You know, Davidson's the hottest guy ever girl guys are anointed in their hotness We a pearl mint man this I got a That's a power couple somebody said Evans wasn't hot till I dated Jenny Slate and everyone was like, oh, he must be funny and cool That's true. Yeah, and I think probably a lot of me knew he was funny and cool from not another teen movie. Thank you very much We knew he was funny and cool from not another teen movie. Thank you very much.

I forgot what I was going to say. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Well, I'm interrupting left and right, and everyone's forgetting what they're going to say. Today is a big day. Well, it's very snowy in Vancouver. Yeah. Very pretty still. It's very pretty.

We had one big day of snow and then just two weeks of cold. Yeah. What I will say, two weeks of cold. Yeah. What I will say, two big things about the snow. Everyone who left their Christmas lights up until mid-February, they played the long game. Yes, and it's so pretty. The houses are so pretty at night. Wow.

And there's somebody like a block or two away that has a light up bunny. So that's like, it gets the best of both worlds, right? You got your Easter, you got your Christmas, you got a cute little light on the snow. It's just as good as it gets. Or the chess. It was raining all December.

No way your houses aren't gonna be pretty in the rain. Oh, they bought low and they're selling high. Yeah, they take a walk out in it just to see, just to get that crisp night air, you know? The other thing is, hey joggers, take the week off. Totally. There's not room enough on the sidewalk for you to run past me. Also, if you don't have to drive anywhere, don't.

Like if you're going on the side streets, like main streets, no problems. Side streets, ice, ice fantastic. Yeah, we haven't ordered any pizza because I don't want people, I don't even want delivery people driving in the- Well, that's nice. Although last night I was like,

oh, I was making something for Abby and me for dinner. And I knew the kids wouldn't like it. And I was like, oh, you know what? I'll order pizza. I opened up my Domino's app. Oh, yeah, it's the Super Bowl today. I'm not ordering a pizza. Oh.

Yeah, I went somewhere last night to do a show and it was just like the minute the Super Bowl had finished. So what I thought was gonna be a $9 ride turned into a $30 ride. Right, totally. Yeah, what can I do? What can I do? Walk? Did you do poor Gatorade on the Uber driver? Yeah, what can I do? What can I do? Walk?

Did you poor Gatorade on the Uber driver? Yeah, I had a little jug. So here's my thing I teased at the beginning. Yeah. So there's a, obviously, I would never do this to an actual service employee. Okay. As a service worker.

Okay. But in Vancouver, and I'm sure all over the world, if you get a parking ticket, if you get a parking ticket on the street from the city, it's like $40, you have to pay it. They won't let you renew your driver's license if you don't. If you get a ticket in a private lot from ImPark, EasyPark, Diamond Royal City parking

or whatever, they're like $150. And they will come after you with their collections agency, but none of it's legitimate. They have no right to do this. Oh, I see, because it's not city owned. It's just their own. And if you don't pay it, it's fine.

They can't legally affect your credit. Their collections agencies are owned by them. Oh, okay. So it's all a front. It's like a mob. Yeah, and so they will harass you. I had one a few years ago where I parked at Wendy's and then I walked across the street to get something.

And then I went to Wendy's and they gave walked across the street to get something and then I went to Wendy's and they gave me a parking ticket for leaving the parking lot. Jesus. Yeah, because they give you a ticket for like free parking lots. Like the Whole Foods parking lot. We just forgot to validate, but it's like,

it's still free parking either way and they'll take you even though we were in Whole Foods, only. So there's somebody keeping an eye on the whole thing. Close eye. And if they tow you, then you're fucked. Yeah. Because they have your car.

And they're allowed to do that because it's a private parking lot. Right. But if they just give you a ticket, it's like cheaper to change your license plate than to pay the ticket. Really? And that's like, it's $50 to change your license plate

and 150 for the ticket. Nice. So I got something in the mail today from this from diamond parking or whatever. And I was like, oh, it was the address they said I was at. I didn't recognize it. They didn't even tell me what city the address was in.

It was, I looked it up, it was in Richmond. I was not in Richmond. I didn't think I was in Richmond on New Year's Eve at 6 p.m., but I was like, I can't know for sure. I think, you know, well, Abby's parents came in and we picked them up at the airport, but I didn't pick them up, so it wasn't my car. And then, so I like couldn't figure figure out I was trying to like go through my

phone and like my pictures from that day. Did I? I was like, okay, I took a picture at 4 p.m. of my dogs at home, so could I have been in... This is some detective work! Yeah, and then on the actual letter they sent me, there was a QR code and I clicked on that and it had like the pictures of me, of my car in the parking lot. They took pictures of the car when they ticketed me and I clicked on it and it was not my car. Oh shit.

They got the wrong license plate. Oh. Like they were one digit off. Right. And so that like looked you up or how do they find you? They, well, like they have access for some reason to everyone's insurance. Huh. So they can go after you even if it's not legitimate. Really?

And, uh. I think I could get some people's insurance. I don't know how it works. I'm interested in working my way up the mob. And so I was like, when I saw that, I was like, you fuckers, you, they have a button that you can click and dispute your thing. Nice. And I was like, well, I'll just dispute this

because they are legitimately completely wrong. Yeah. What's the dispute? Like they're not taking you to court, are they? Are they trying to take, do they take you to court? No, they have no way of doing that. It's all bullshit. There's no, they made up this number I have to pay.

No one's enforcing it. When they can tow you. They can tow you. That's why if you change your license plate, they won't know who you are. Right. So I'm way too deep into this. Oh shit, oh shit.

This is awesome. So I like filled out the dispute and it was like, well, reason you're disputing. And it was like a drop down menu or other. And I wrote other. And then under comments, I wrote, the photo you included is a different license plate, you stupid idiot.

Yes. Your whole company sucks shit. You provide no value to society drop dead. Awesome. Wow. They write back? No, they can't. I mean, they'll maybe they'll say, hmm, upon consider. Oh, and then I also had to click. I agree to the terms and conditions.

Well, nice. It's like it's like because it's, you know, I'm not mad at any one providing a service or like, I'm not mad that I'm like paying for something and I didn't get what I wanted. It's just some gentleman trying to bully me. Literally. But why can't they can't take it? It wasn't even you. It wasn't even you.

It was just insane. That's insane. I'm glad that you fought it because yeah, I would have been like, I guess I was in Richmond that day. They're gaslighting. They're gaslighting. But you took on the mob. I do need to change my license plate now for sure.

I also have a ticket at like every local company. Would you get a vanity plate? Oh, should I? Yes. I mean, yes, absolutely. It is a weird thing to go up to the insurance place and then be like, I need a new license plate, why? Because I'm cheap.

It only costs $150 to change the- It costs 50 to change your license plate. Oh, shit. Oh, how much for a vanity, I wonder? Maybe it's a hundred? I think it's like 20 extra dollars a year. Shit! Say that someone's been intimidating you don't go into who? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, what's uh, and I'm always scared of the intimidation

Do you? Claim asylum. Yes. Yeah, exactly What would you get if you got a vanity plate? That's a good one I mean spy pod one is right there. Three and three, right? Or can you get an extra? You can be up to seven. Up to seven, okay. My brother and I were driving, Maddie has yawned so many times

since her segment has ended. My brother and I were driving the other day and we saw a license plate that wasn't vanity, it was just like luck of the draw. And it was three, three, three, E, E, E. Oh, that's awesome. Ruled. Would you just do something like that? Repetitious, like maybe you couldn't get like two, two, two, two, two, three, E, E, E. Oh, that's awesome. Ruled. Would you just do something like that?

Repetitious, like maybe you couldn't get like two, two, two, two, two, two, two, but maybe? Yeah, if I could get like seven Fs. Yeah, who are book sick? How about you? I don't know, it would be something really stupid like YVR slut or something like that. Oh yeah.

Which it would work, that's enough letters. Yeah. I think I would go with numbers, 69, 69, 426, nine. It's hard because they won't let you do anything nasty. Right. And also because our Facebook group is just people posting vanity plates. So now it'll just be people being like,

I think this one's Dave's. Oh yeah, just bottom in the wild. Mm-hmm, poo man. I'm like, well, there's nothing wrong with that. I work in waste services, I'm poo man. Yeah, I guess numbers are fine. But yeah, I guess I would get a word. Yeah.

Geez. I have one tattoo and it's a number. Yeah, it's a number. I can't tell. Okay. No, I can't. It's just a two. Just a two.

Okay. That can mean anything. Where do you have this tattoo? On my ankle. Is that your only tattoo? Yeah. Okay. Will you get another one someday?

I think I'm going to get another one in my armpit. Yeah. What's it going to say? I don't know because I want to get it with my friend Sophia, who I used to live with, but we don't know what we're going to get yet. Why do you write surprise? Surprise is not bad.

Yeah. Surprise. Yeah. You'll be pit pals. It's not really my armpit, it's under my armpit. Yeah, you can get armpit. You know what I mean? Not in my armpit.

I would get probably a poem on my ribs. Picture of a baby on the other side. And a flag. And a flag. You know, stylized barbed wire, Celtic cross. I think barbed wire would look really, I'm not joking, I think it would look really cool on me. I think it would.

I think it would look awesome. Just around your arm. Contrast, ever heard of it? I have it would. I think it would look awesome. Just around your arm. Contrast, ever heard of it? I have, absolutely. Yay. Not to be a guy in a bar, but hey, what's that two? Why you got that two there? So if I don't like you, okay,

I'll say it's just my favorite number. Right, fine. If I do like you and this is, you know, if you've talked to me, maybe you can figure out who, not that I don't like you, but I don't want to tell you stuff about me, you know what I mean? Yeah. But if I do like you, I'll be like wanna tell you stuff about me, you know what I mean?

But if I do like you, I'll be like, it's actually because me and my best friend are both named Maddie. And she wrote it, like my best friend's now 14, and she wrote it on, and then I got it on, gunned on on my birthday. That's nice. So yeah, but she doesn't want a tattoo,

so basically like- Does she consider you number two? You're the second- No, it's Maddie squared. Oh, okay. Oh, that's fun. People used to always call us that. When the guy in the subway station asked for your number, you should have been like, two. I'll tell you. Yeah, I'll give you one number at a time.

One time, this is so romantic actually, one time someone said, what's your phone number? And I said, give me your phone number. And he said, no, I'll just remember it. And I said, okay, because he was driving me home. Because he was a waiter? Yeah. You're like, 69, 69, 420. I sent my phone number, right? He goes, got it. I didn't repeat it or anything. I go inside, text. Wow. That's a good move.

I always thought that in movies where they're like, here's the address you gotta be at in one hour. And they say the address and be like, I don't, I forgot it immediately. Was it Oak Street, Pine Street? What did he say it was on? What, do you still have a LA phone number, Vancouver, New York? Vancouver, isn't that crazy?

Gotta get that fixed. Oh, way overpaying and my service is bad. I'm just emotionally attached to this phone number. Sure, is it a 778 or a 604? Oh, 604, yeah, you'd want to hang on to that. Yeah. Do you have a 604? I got a 604.

Me too, bud. Yeah, it rules, 604 rules, 778. It's a good phone number I have. Eventually they'll add a third and then people will be like, 778, that was the one to have. I'm wondering if I have a phone number. 778 is just not it.

It's just not it. It's ugly. Yeah. It's a... 778? Do you remember a time at all you didn didn't have to use area? Yes, I do. Yeah me too. Yeah me too My phone number is 604 I'm not like a huge sports guy, but I am, I like wrestling and the pro wrestling, I guess, doesn't really fall under the headache of sports, but like yesterday, entertainment.

Yeah, exactly. We're all friends. And yesterday was Superbowl and like people have parties for Superbowl. I know I didn't realize it until yesterday, No, I knew. But I've never been to a Super Bowl party both the week before. I got invited to a Royal Rumble party. Oh. Which is the same kind of flavor,

like lots of snacks and having some beers with the boys. Is Royal Rumble on TV or is it pay-per-view? It's on Netflix now. Okay. Yeah, so you can get it. Cool. You can get it and then watch it whenever you want if you wanna check it out.

Oh, I can, yeah, weird. They're it. Cool. You can get it and then watch it whenever you want, if you wanna check it out. Oh, I can, yeah, weird. They're doing live TV, but can I go back and watch the eight hours of Jake Paul and Mike Tyson? Oh, I need. You can. I know there's like a whole documentary

they put out before and yeah, you can go watch the fight. I was surprised that the Super Bowl wasn't on Netflix or streaming service. It was still back on old TV. It's like the only thing they have. Yeah, that's why people still have cable. Right. Or YouTube premium you can get for the Super Bowl.

The, Netflix did two football games on Christmas day. And Beyonce did the halftime show. Right. Right. Okay, I thought she, I didn't know, no one told me there was football. I just thought she did a halftime show on Christmas like for fun fun Christmas is half over I

Thought she like kind of was just doing Imagine if this was a halftime show I didn't realize that their football was even played. Yeah, I chose you my echo chamber Yeah, do you like a sport? Do you watch a sport? Yeah, I like I like all sports live actually No, I hate hockey, but I like, but I go to baseball and basketball very often actually. Yeah. But now I have my Green Bay Packers jacket you guys saw. Yeah.

So this sort of causes people to tell me a lot about them. Sure. So I actually know, I've been knowing more about football because of that. What are some facts about them? They are owned by the town, not an owner. So the money is for the town. Okay, you guys already know all the facts I'm gonna know about them. They are owned by the town, not an owner. So the money is for the town. Okay, you guys already know all the facts

I'm gonna know about them. And they are named after the meat packers. That's why they're named after that. I also- See, I didn't know that. There you go. A racist Italian woman the other day told me that there used to be a tradition

where they all had to go ride their, they all lost. It's see, long story short, it seemed like you had to lose your virginity to one of the players if you lived in that town. Oh, okay. I can't wait to find out what made her racist. Oh, I said, she said, are you Italian? I said, no, I'm Indian.

And she went, oh. Next. Yeah. Give me your phone number. Everyone thinks that I am what they are. Yeah. No matter what. Yeah. From the country with New Delhi and her name is Maddie Kelly. There you go, no bad.

I said ironically Indian people, because I do, I go on fricking the internet, I say I'm Indian. We were talking hundreds and hundreds of comments. You are not Indian. Okay, now you're, fuck me, I guess you're right. I'm not, good job. What the hell? Yeah, what the hell, man?

That's so weird. I am yeah, you are I just am yeah I even say I'm half like though joke is about here's this here's this thing of a phenomenon. I've noticed okay, okay People when women get you know, we all get our negative. I'm in the first Super Bowl They did with Vince Lombardi was their coach. Is that really wanted to do Yeah, really? Oh wow. Bart Starr was the quarterback. Bart Starr. Cool.

Graham, do you have a- No, no, no, no. A Chris fact? They're like the most diehard fans in the whole thing. Yeah. Cheeseheads. Cheeseheads. She said the racist Italian lady said that at the time

the town was 95,000 people and the stadium fit 95,000 people. Oh, okay. And it would be full. So everybody had to go to the game. You can't move here. The town was 95,000 people and the stadium fit 95,000 people. Oh, okay. And it would be full. So everybody had to go to the game. You can't move here. Don't move here.

We have to- We got the exact right state. Don't move here, especially if you're not Italian. Like Vince Lombardi. You, I cut off someone with a fact. Okay, so my treatise is that, you know how women get, they get negative comments on their stand-up comedy. Oh, okay, yeah.

What? Since this is new. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, gosh. All the kids are talking about it. So I got all my negative comments on my video. I got all my negative comments in grade, what's the? Bruce McCullough?

I did all my acid in grade nine. Yeah. Yeah. I got all my acidity, great. Yeah. I got all my negative comments saying that I'm not Indian and that my bit was about, the bit that they were commenting, that was a bit about how I don't feel Indian enough. And Danica got so many negative comments. She left the country.

She got so many negative comments on a joke where she said that she's not confident, she's just loud, and then all the comments were like, how dare you take up space like this? You know what I mean? It's like, you're so loud. And she's like, I don't understand. I'm joking about it.

Yeah, oh my God. It's so weird. Yeah. It's always the thing that you're telling everyone you're self-conscious about. It's really weird. You should do jokes about what you're self-conscious about. My penis is too big, it flops around everywhere,

it's hard to go swimming because it's- Milton Berle. I saw this guy at the pool, he ruined it for everyone. Plague of Milton Berle. But that is- Did you see the Saturday Night Live movie? No. That's good, Milton Berle's in it.

J.K. Simmons plays Milton Berle. I know two people who remain nameless that auditioned for that movie and really should have been in it because they're really funny. So then I didn't watch the movie because I was like, I don't really like people from London.

You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't want like hot British actors. I want real comedians who are funny. The- My one friend is literally like modern Gilded Radner, like she's perfect. Yeah. She got like four callbacks and didn't get it.

Shit. She really should have, my opinion. Pascis. No shade to the person who got it. I didn't see the film. Maybe they did a wonderful job. Big shade, are you kidding me? That's huge shade you just threw there.

But is it a funny movie? No. No. Well. But you know what? I loved it. You said like the same actor plays Jim Henson and Andy Kaufman. Katie Allen was like, Katie Allen Humphrey's past guest was like, it's not a play. You could have gotten another actor to play.

It does a lot of annoying things, but I just loved it. It's not accurate. It's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny, but it's... It's a romp. Is it a romp? Not really. It's just a vibe, is it a romp? Not really, it's just a vibes man. I like romps only. Yeah. Brutalists such a romp.

No, it's not, it's not serious stuff. Graham, we cut you off. Yes, I was at the Royal Rumble and I only stayed for, they do women's and a men's. Oh. And I only stayed for the women's half because I had to go, but I also proclaimed that I don't recognize men's wrestling.

I don't think they have any business wrestling. Awesome. And here's the thing, if you never have heard of the Royal Rumble before, one person is added every couple of minutes until the ring is over. So in the women's, you get a little bit of Monica. You get a little bit of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the, like, one person will be in the room, then they'll have two. Monica you get a little bit of yeah, and the Like one person will be in the room then they'll have to and then you have to throw them out over The the rope and they have to touch the ground and that means they're out if they touch the ground with both feet They're out. Okay, and Everyone's out or just okay. There's a lot the one guy. So we're trying we got a lot of people in there We're trying to get a lot of people out of there. Yeah, only one person survives Yeah, it's person survives. Yeah. It's sort of a survivor series.

They did a thing where it was like, you put in money and you got two different numbers. Who did a thing? There's Kyle Fiennes, Pascals Wilde. The people at the party. Yeah, they did a thing where you would pick a number, well, not you would draw it out of a hat. I picked mine and it was number two

and I was like, that's never, the number two is never gonna last. That's your favorite number. Matty squared. But two is not good, because then you've got to stay in there through everybody. And my gal, second, second last. Oh, do you win any money for the coming second?

I don't know, you get a free slot in WrestleMania. Yeah, that's what they're competing for. No, no, no, do you, as like, were you gambling? Yes. Yeah, do you get any money for coming in second? No. Oh, shoot. You get a free slot in WrestleMania, apparently.

Do women wrestlers, because when I was watching wrestling from 1988 to 1991, there were no women wrestlers, it was not part of it. There was Sensational Fairy. Sure, but there was, yeah, Luna Vachon. Luna Vachon. But they were mostly

Novelties. Eye candy. Yeah. Whoa. Not Luna Vachon, so scary, so scary. They were, but they would be like the manager. They'd be shouting from the ringside, but not wrestling themselves. But all the men, all the male wrestlers were like Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, Ultimate Warrior.

They all had nicknames. I notice a lot of male wrestlers now are just their name. Same with the women. So there's, are there there any personalities that are like, I'm dynamite woman. Well, the one who won the whole thing was famous for being Ric Flair's daughter. So she's like a big deal McNeil.

Flair Jr. Yeah. But she uses her name. She uses her name. No one uses like. She doesn't use Flair, she's just called Stephanie. Okay. But the thing about the men when they enter, generally they just enter with what they're

gonna wear in the ring. The men when they enter. But the women when they enter, they have like a fantastic costume that then they take off to run in and it's like the pageantry, magnificent. You like the women's better now. I do. You like women's better than say, the pageantry of the penis.

Yes, I can go on a record of saying that. I went about the puppetry of the penis. How do you feel about that? How do I feel about it? Right. What's your favorite one? Half-eaten hot dog. I like Eiffel Tower.

Oh, nice. I don't know these ones. Saying it, it was as far as I could go. That's all I could, that's the thing. You would do terrible on the SATs. Identify this, puppetry of the penis. Bose. So anyways, enjoyed the hell out of it.

I can't say enough good things about the women's wrestling. I'm in, I'm all in on women's wrestling. Terrific. Yeah, and Stephanie, she won her ticket to the WrestleMania. She's gonna go try and get that title. And she's Ric Flair's daughter. Yeah. Cool.

She rules. Nepo baby. How much did you guys talk about Zac Efron movie? Oh, Ironclaw? Yeah. You like it? I loved it.

Yeah. Sad, very sad. Of course, well of course. It's such a sad story, they had to leave out some of it because they couldn't even bum you out that much. Unlike The Brutalist, they included every said detail and their shots went on and on. Do you guys want to move on to some over-hears? Oh no.

Hey there. Do you like books about various shades of gray? Maybe 50 of them? Or books about winged men searching for soulmates. Is your e-reader full of stories that would pair well with Barry White in the background? We're Bria and Mallory of Reading Glasses and we have a brand new show for people who crave reads with just a dash of Sriracha sauce. That's right. Every other Friday, we dive into books that could be measured on the Scoville scale and talk to the people who love them. You can find our new show by visiting

maximumfun.org slash spicy. That's maximumfun.org slash spicy. Hello, internet. I'm your husband, host Travis McElroy. And I'm your wife,, Teresa McElroy. And this is a promo for Schmaners. It's Extraordinary Etiquette. For ordinary occasions. Every week, we're going to tell you about a bit of culture,

a bit of history, how etiquette still applies in the modern day, all that stuff. We also love to do biographies and histories of and, you know, general procedurals, how to do etiquette in today's society. So come check it out every Friday on maximumfund.org or wherever you find your podcasts. Maners maners, get it? Overheard. Overheard segment on the show where if you haven't heard the show before, we like hearing what people got to say that they heard out there on the street.

We always like to start with the guest. Maddie, do you have an overheard? Yes, I do. Okay. So I was in a little grocery store called Mr. Mango in Fort Greene. Okay. Shout the fuck out. I love Mr. Mango. And Greene, okay? Shout the fuck out, I love Mr. Mango. And if you know, you know, you know? And I'm in there and there's like these boys,

like these little boys, like 12, maybe you're 11, like, and they were in like a pack, you know? And I was like, oh, I remember being in a pack in a grocery store. Yeah! And then one kid said, he was explaining Celsius, the energy drink to his friend. And he said, it like makes you shake, but you like it.

And then as they were leaving, they were all explaining the plot of the notebook to each other. I know. Kids are all right. The kids are all right. That's it. What's that an adaptation of?

The kids are all right? No, the notebook. I don't know. are all right. That's it. What's that an adaptation of? The kids are all right? No, the notebook. I don't know. Oh gee, well, Nicholas Park's novel. I know, well, that'd be funny though. Let's say it's- Oh yeah, SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm sorry.

I thought sometimes I just say the truth. I know. Sometimes I just, it's accurate. Fair. Yeah. You know what? You know what? You can't handle the truth.

Much jokes, that's why I'm your reporter. Do the speech from the notebook. I can't. I can only watch the movie two times. Okay, I'll do it. Okay. I'm Ryan Gosling. It's raining and I wrote you every day. You married James Marsden and now I'm James Garner.

And you're, you know, that old lady and we're dying together. I heard a good take the other day, which is that movies like that groom women to rooting for the underdog and they should actually get the best husband for them. The overdog. The top dog. Yeah.

Top dog. Sports groom men into rooting for the underdog. Because it's so much better. Dave, do you have an overheard? No. Oh shit. I have an over dreamt. This is a dream I had.

Normally I have very boring dreams. This one, kind of interesting. Oh yeah? Well, not my usual boring dream. But I have to come up with an overheard every week. Sometimes they're just not there. So here's a dream I had. I was with my family at a Chinese buffet.

I only know, there wasn't much Chinese food there. I just know what restaurant it was. Right. It's an existing Chinese restaurant I've never been to. I know the one you were thinking about because you pointed. Oh, no, it's over there. Nevermind.

Which one do you think it was? The duck one that no one's ever been to, but everyone wants to go to. The duck one? The famous one. It's right there on 12th and Camby. Oh, yeah. My brother-in-law went there,

and I'm kind of intimidated by it. I am too. Because I'm like, what? It's a 4D or 5D Chinese food experience. Oh, that one. And it's got a Michelin star. And I was like, the menu looks too complicated. What would I get?

And he went and he sat down and the waiter said, do you want the duck? And so I was like, oh yeah, well then if I go, I'll just get the duck. Yeah. Haven't gone though. It was a place up by the SkyTrain station on King Edward and Cambie.

Oh yeah, okay. Never been myself. But in my dream I was there and it was a buffet. Nice. And they had like oysters on the half shell. That was amazing. I didn't mean to sing it. But the most weirdest thing they had was rhino meat.

What? Oh. At the buffet. What the hell? But it wasn't just rhino meat. What? Whoa. At the buffet. What the hell? But it wasn't just rhino meat. It was like a rhino rice stir fry served in a rhino leg. Really? Oh my God, like not in like a plastic rhino? No, no, a real rhino leg.

Jesus. That they hollowed out and served rhino. This is in my dream. So you're like freaking out. Graham, are you doing your bit where you forgot that it was a dream? Yeah, I forgot it was a dream. So you're like freaking out. Are you doing your bit where you forgot that it was a dream? Yeah, I forgot it was a dream. Yeah.

But it was just the four of us from my family. And I was like, this food is so great. I'm going to tell everyone about this place. And we sit down and we eat and I'm loving this rhino, right? Rhino meat and rice served in a rhino leg. And by the time I'm done, the restaurant is packed. And I felt really stupid because I was like time I'm done, the restaurant is packed. And I felt really stupid because I was like,

I need to get the word out about this place. Turns out we just got there early. In the dream. Yeah. When you, But in the dream I felt stupid. I was like, like if I went to, you know, a Taylor Swift sound check, why is no one here?

This is like, This rules. If I went to a Taylor Swift sound check, why is no one here? This is like- This rules. My over heard comes up. Oh, okay. I went to see some jazz.

Went to see some jazz. Oh, where? Some live jazz. White Horse? They saw the Odd Fellows Hall. Terrific. Yeah, and it was fun. Where's that?

It's on right near Granville and the kind of the Granville Bridge like that where yeah, what side of the bridge? These down to outside Okay, it's like an old it's been there forever like a Shriners Okay, then kind of whatever and I went to go see jazz and there's they bring it up people all the time This guy comes now your overheard can't be what the notes they didn't Bringing up people all the time this guy comes now your over heard can't be what the notes they didn't play Yeah, it was It was fun

And then like they were calling people out from the audience like this is a guy come up with his guitar and does a little noodling And one of the guys that they they focused on they were like come on stand up Ted stand up And he's like come on up here and play And he says really loudly, I can't, I've got lemon tart on my hands. Can I tell a story for about jazz? Yes, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so one time me and my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend, loved my life. One of the loves of your life. Anyway, we went to jazz and I thought the jazz was pretty good, you know? Yeah. It was a no talking jazz, okay? So I was just sitting there. Yeah.

I was a freaking kite. Loving it. I'm sober, but I'm high all the time. Yeah. Well, and then I look and there's a guy and I said, at the intermission, I said, how is it? You seem to know what it is. He goes, this is terrible.

I'm like, really? He's like, this is trash. I'm like, oh, this is hilarious. I'm having a gay old time. And then the- Are you sure this wasn't the Brutalist intermission? Sure this wasn't a dream? Was there rhino being ordered at any point?

No, no, no, no, it's all real. So then this woman come, they go, oh, we want to invite a vocalist up. She's a local Vancouver vocalist, and we're going to have her up. Like she's a local Vancouver vocalist and we're gonna have her up and she's so good. We love her. We're so excited to have her. She gets up on stage and she's like, bring a beautiful long dress. And she's like, I'm gonna tell, I'm gonna do a,

I'm gonna do a song about like our time in quarantine in the pandemic. I go, oh, this should be good, you know? But I'm still excited to hear some words, you know what I mean? Up to this point, no one has said any words. She gets up on stage, they're doing their jazz and she's like, starts singing and it's like, You know? But I'm still excited to hear some words. You know what I mean? Up to this point, no one has said any words. She gets up on stage, they're doing their jazz

and she's like, starts singing and it's like, quarantine, house has never been so clean because of COVID-19. You're singing it with like a Jamaican accent. And it goes on and on like that. And it's like, making bread. Remember quarantine. Like it's so bad.

And then I was like, wow, it took there being lyrics for me to realize this is, he was right. This is obviously terrible. These people think she's a good singer and this is a good song. She rhymes quarantine with COVID-19. I mean, it's as sharp as it gets. Yeah.

This was in 2023. You know what I mean, it's as sharp as it gets. Yeah. This was in 2023, you know what I mean? It wasn't like it was shit time. House has got so clean, why don't we write a new song? You know? Yeah. Anyway, that's what I saw there that time. Pretty funny. Where you saw jazz, was it mostly old people?

Cause it was a hundred percent old people at the one I went to. No, it was kind of mixed actually. Yeah, I was the youngest. And I wasn't wearing a bra, so I was kind of bringing a certain flair to the evening as well, you know. I'm gonna go to Jazz in New York.

It's the bras you don't wear. What? I'm gonna go Jazz in New York, I'm very excited. I actually just texted someone yesterday that, can we go do that? And they said yes. Yeah! But it's like one of the, I find it, I need to think.

Ooh, you should go see Woody Allen's band. Does he have one? He plays like that? What is it called, the deli that he plays at? I don't know. Michael's, is it that he plays at? I don't know. Michael's? Is it Michael's deli? I don't know.

I need to, I think I'm gonna do these things spontaneously, but I actually am just a planner. I should put, I should buy tickets to something. Right. I need to buy more tickets. That's my 2025 goal. I need to buy tickets to something once a month. So that you...

Cause I'm such a beta about concerts. I've never, I've never, I've never picked the concert. I've never been to a concert that I've picked in my life. I always go with someone else. That's why I've seen, that's why I've seen all this crap I don't like, that's why Chris Isaac was my first concert. I like Chris Isaac, but you know what I mean? It's not like my, that wasn't my idea.

I mean, you may be a beta, but Chris Isaac is an alpha. And I was supposed to go see. Yeah, because he smooched. Yeah. Yeah. Woo hoo. Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz. That was embarrassing. What? I had like got a MTV Awards show. Oh, that was on Jim Carrey. Yeah, because he's smooched. Yeah. Yeah. Woohoo, Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz. That was embarrassing.

What? I had like got a MTV award. Oh, that sucked. And Jim Carrey. Yeah, that sucked. But didn't he like almost smooch in that Wicked Game video? Wasn't he like hot and heavy with

Oh yeah. Her to go via or someone? Right. Belinda Carlisle. Yeah, and they were all sandy together. Yeah. Oh, Belinda Carlisle. Not Belinda Carlisle.

So I actually bought tickets one time to go see Kid Cudi and then he canceled the concert twice. Shit. And so then I just got refunded. So that was the only time I've ever picked the concert. Maybe you're cursed. Who would you pick? Have you heard of anybody that's coming up that you could?

You were listening to this. I would like to go see Chief Keefe, actually. I was gonna go see the him and then I moved out of LA. I just like never go to the actual genres of music I listen to, you know what I mean? You should. I know. Well, you're in New York, go see live with Kelly and Mark

and they'll have a musical guest and that's all you need. Perfect. That'll be fun. Well, I wish you nothing but good luck in your travels and finding. I think, oh yeah, even last year I went to Strong Boy. Graham, do we have any overheards that are written in? Yes, we do.

I'm gonna talk. Although I didn't send the email to myself, so I just have to look up. And then guess what? Strong Boy, main singer, Alice Phoebe Lou. Who knew? You know, not me. I love being with Alice Phoebe Lou. Who knew? You know, not me. I love being with Alice Phoebe Lou.

So sometimes I go by accident with someone I like. You know what song I like? COVID-19. COVID-19. Quarantine. Clothes are so clean. Making bread with my head. We also have overheards that have been written in

by people all over the map. If you want to send one in, send it in to SPY, maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Gabriel V. I'm a manager at a public library. It was quiet this afternoon, but a mom and a little girl around four years old were hanging out in the children's area. The little girl walked maybe five feet out of the children's section, lost sight of her mom for just a couple seconds, and started crying and running back to find her mom.

Her mom asked what was wrong with her, and she just screamed, I was lost! Yeah, isn't that... Have you, when you were kids, do you ever get lost? Yeah. Yeah? Where do you end up? I remember being in like a London drugs or something, some store, and then being separated from my dad and then seeing him in like going to another aisle,

spotting him, running towards him and then just hugging the first person I saw. So I hugged a stranger's corduroy pants. Yeah. I got lost once in just like near the playground near my house, but I didn't have any sense of where my house was. And so I remember at one point just sitting down on a lawn and eating grass,

because I was like, this is what you gotta do for now on, you might as well get a taste part. That's so funny. Just like. It served you well. Yeah, just somebody looking out their window just seeing this kid just eating grass. Like, it's a freak. I wasn't so much getting lost as I was hiding.

Oh, sure. Was your, like, did you hide in those? I remember, my mom tells a story too of a very distinct experience of like, just kind of going in one of like the rounds of a clothing rack. That's what I was just gonna say. And then my mom like by the time like I think in my head like 10 seconds had gone by and my mom like pulling them apart realizing it was me and like she like was on the verge of tears like she thought I was gone. Oh, yeah. You are. Yeah.

Kidnappable. Yeah. To the extreme. To this day. I had that happen once. I think we were on vacation, and then we were in some department store, and I lost my family, and they had to, I like went up to an employee, and they made an announcement,

and my family really gave me shit for it. Well, department stores, like, Danica once called me in tears, couldn't find the exit to the bay, like could not get out of there. Do you and your friends just have some kind of like, whatever the swans, swallows of Capistrano don't have? What? It's like they, I don't know,

they're able to find their way back to the same place every year. Yeah, also salmon, right? They go back to their birthplace and lay a bunch of this. And spawn. Yeah, spawn. This text book comes from Will in Vancouver at work talking about the Vancouver Canucks, your favorite. I love them.

And the recent Thatcher Demko shout out on the Colorado Avalanche. Do you know what that means? A shout out. A shout out. Yeah, he didn't shout out the team. That's why I was like, why does that matter? Thatcher Demko was injured for a while and then he came back and he's been finding his form

and then he shut out the Colorado Avalanche. Now he's injured again. Is he Hegoly? Yeah. Hegoly. The man I work with was talking about his granddad who had recently died at the ripe old age of 92. And apparently he was a season ticket holder in the 70s and 80s.

And apparently this old man, shortly before passing, discussing the last round of playoffs where the Canucks lost to the Oilers, said to his grandson, I knew I'd die first. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, 100%. Yeah, do you think you'll see,

in your lifetime you'll see a Stanley Cup here, right? No. No. I hope so, but I'm not. Not banking on it. I don't connect with the Canucks. We don't need you. I like, I don't like hockey as much,

but when the Leafs, whenever we're so excited about that, when we were at Halifax Comedy Festival, everyone was freaking out. I mean, they're bigger underdog, right, the Leafs? No. They're bigger guy? No. Better than the Canucks? Who's better? The Canucks are the biggest underdog, right, the Leafs? No. They're bigger guy? No.

Better than the Canucks? Who's better? The Canucks are the biggest underdog of all time. Really? I don't like them. Canucks are the unluckiest franchise in hockey ever. I mean, maybe Buffalo joined the league the same year and has never won.

Never won? Never won a Stanley Cup. The Leafs have won a Stanley Cup. Why do I have a picture of me won a Stanley Cup. The Leafs have won a Stanley Cup. Why do I have a picture of me with a Stanley Cup as a child? Never won. I'm serious. Never even had a first overall pick.

Just never bad enough to have a league altering player never good enough to win the cup. It's a hard lot for us Luongo yeah Luongo was great didn't win us a cup though what do they need? Do they need offense defense goalies? A month ago they needed defense and now they're back to needing offense. Have you been to a game this year? No I I went to one in Seattle. Oh yeah, and they won. Seattle won? No, Vancouver won. Yes!

Best team ever. We're gonna win the cup this year. It's a roller coaster, man. Sorry, I can't seem to find the third one. Sorry, I was getting mad when Matty was saying it. Everyone was cheering for the Leafs, so she was gonna cheer for them. Fuck that.

I just thought it was more fun, I don't know. Fuck them. I have to go without the third one here. You what? I can't find the puck. I can't see it. It's your least favorite character in Midsummer Night's Dream. Yeah, I really don't like that.

I like the magistrate. What's the magistrate? I don't know. There's usually a magistrate in some sort of, in a Sherlock Holmes play or whatever, one of your Shakespeare. Do you have your thirds? I don't have my third, I lost it.

Aw. Yeah, but you know what? I'll tell another couple stories about going to jazz. Okay. Okay, tell us a joke. I don't have my third. I lost it. Oh, yeah, but you know what? I'll tell another couple stories about going to jazz. Okay. Okay. Tell us I don't have anymore Oh, you thought we would say no don't you guys thought that was boring last time? Yeah, her cleaning her house Yeah, I mean there's nothing I love love yeah Did he wear a fedora? We're going to jazz. I would, there's nothing I, I love love. Yeah. I love love. Did he wear a fedora? Were you going to jazz?

That would've been cool. That would've been cool. I didn't wear a bra. He could have, the least he could have done is wear a fedora. Did he wear your bra? Were you guys do a bra swap? Actually one time he did wear my bra

and we thought that was so funny. You have the same size ribs? And I said, you're gonna stretch it out. And he said, cause I have bigger tits than you. I can see why this guy was the love of your life. Yeah. Do we know this guy? Maybe.

Okay. Has he been on the show? You know, I'm not, oh my, you guys loved to have ex-boyfriends on the show. That's what I've noticed. We've had two, I think. Yeah. Well, I've only got three,

so unless you want Patrick Meikle from my high school to come on the show. Who is the love of your life? He's so cool, works for General Electric now. Got married. Do you ever see him in... Two out of three are married. In 30 Rock? He doesn't work at that one. He works in Detroit. Isn't that crazy?

Even crazier. Okay, let's do some in-addition overheard. I also dated someone else. No, I'm just kidding. I also dated your most popular guest. In-addition overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, SpyPod one,

which will be my vanity place. Yeah, you're gonna be able to find one wherever you go. Like these people have. Hi, David and Graham, and my favorite cast, possibly. This is Julia in the Bay Area, and I went to a place in a fashion district to get fabric in San Francisco,

and we're in the store with all these fashion type students and someone who's getting fabric cut is talking to the cashier person and the customer is saying God I just don't know how I know her. I'm trying to figure out why she's so familiar. And the cast here says, maybe she held you as a baby. And I can't stop thinking about it. Baby, baby, baby, baby.

That's the craziest thing? That was like the first thing you jumped to? Maybe she held you as a baby. Yeah, because I don't remember Maybe she held you as a baby. Yeah, because I don't remember anybody that held me as a baby. That is always such a dead end conversationally when someone like someone from your family or whatever will be like, I met you when you were three and you have to go, well, isn't that nice?

Yeah, so. But now what? I need like a line for that. I'm not a lot bigger than men, you know, something like that. Now that I'm older, I have to like- You stop yourself from saying it. I stop myself from saying it because I hated it so much when I was a kid.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually told, well, my stepdad has two little girls, so I'm gonna go see after this. Okay. And- Who now? May and Juniper, they're twins.

May and Juniper? Yeah. Okay. That's a nice name. Shout out May and Juni. What months were they born in? December. Really?

Yep. But their parents' birth months are May and June. Oh, that's cool. That's where that comes from. Oh, they already had Juni. It's just. So I told them the other day, they're cuddling me on the couch,

and I said, you know, I used to hold you guys as babies on this couch. And they said, really? And I said, yeah, I dropped a nice coffee on Juniper as a baby. And they thought that was so funny. And then, yeah, they liked that. That's pretty good, yeah.

I do that with my kids sometimes. I'll be like, yeah, I knew you when you were very small. Aw. And they're like, yeah, I know. Yeah, you've been here the whole time. They're super confused, these kids, how I know their dad. Like, they can't, it's kind of confusing

even to regular people, because it's like, my mom was with your dad, and I grew up with him, and now you're here, you know what I mean? With a different mom. With a different mom and a different dad. For us, you know what I mean? Like, we're not related, but I'm your sister, you know what I mean?

Wait. Vibes? You're related, aren't you, through your dad? Is that what you're saying? No, because he's not we're not related, but I'm your sister. You know what I mean? Wait. Vibes? You're related, aren't you, through your dad? Is that what you're saying? No, cause he's not my dad. Oh, he's your stepdad. He's my stepdad.

Oh, yeah. Okay. But they can't get it, so. I wonder why that's confusing for them. Yeah. So she goes, she goes, you and Dada used to live together. And I said, were you ever, she goes,

were you ever married to Dada? And I said, no. No, I wish. Love my life. I said, he you ever, she goes, were you ever married to Dada? And I said, no. No, I wish. Love my life. I said, he was married to my mom, so I lived with him when I was little, so we're family. And she goes, you lived together? And I go, yes. Because you were married.

You got it, kid. And then I was telling him this story, and he's like laughing about it, and she's kind of still listening. And she's like, so you're not his real daughter. And I go, no. And she goes, who is his real daughter? And then we went, you. And then she smiled.

Yeah, that's right. She's all excited. You know what used to mess me up when I was a kid? When my family would be telling stories from before I was born and they were, I was like, where was I during this? And they were like, oh, you weren't alive. Twinkle in your father's eye. And I was like, where was I during this? And they were like, oh, you weren't alive. Twinkle in your father's eyes.

I was like, I was dead. I like, there was a time when I was dead. Like before you're alive, you're dead. Yeah. It's true. Well, what are you? You're not, you're not alive. I guess you're alive.

I don't know. God damn. We're all just ones and zeros, man. All right, here's your next phone call. Oh wait. Hi, David and Graham. This is Andy. I live in Brooklyn, New York, and I'm waiting for the subreddit. It's had a great overheard.

It's, uh, one lady goes, ah, is that a rat? And another lady goes, fuck. Okay. So he messed that up and then he called back. It's like, you know, first like it all up. Okay, I'm gonna try. Okay, so the first lady goes. The first lady goes, Ah, is that a tomato? The other lady goes, no, it's a rat. And then the first lady goes, no, but it's eating a tomato.

Okay, I don't know if I saved it. Everybody wins. Yeah, tomato? That's a rat. I'd love to see it. Have you seen a rat eating anything in New York? I saw a rat kissing another rat. That's nice.

All of his life. Did their tails meet in the middle and make a heart? No, that one did my New York story if I saw that. Yeah, that's true. I'm not, you know what, I'm not that mad at the rats these days. No. I saw a rat running by the fancy restaurant in our neighborhood, and another lady was walking the opposite way and we locked eyes, not locked eyes, it wasn't.

I was walking the first way. And we kind of were like, you know what, even the fancy restaurants. Yeah. True. Everybody. And true. Yeah, I don't mind rats. I don't want, I've been in places where they've come

into the place and I don't care for that. Yeah, no, no. Rats on their own. I think I would take rats over cockroaches though. You know what? I don't see you without a hat very often these days. Ta-da! Okay, so there's not a rat under there directly.

Making you do comedy. Making you podcast? Yeah. All right, just let Dave interrupt again. Yep, okay, let him go. He's on one today. All right, final phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, possible guest.

This is Adam from Oregon. We just got a ton of snow overnight, and I just walked by my neighbor's house, and their kid had made two different snowmen, and I think the parents maybe dressed them up after the fact, because the kids are pretty young, but the two snowmen? Wayne and Garth. Nice.

Yeah, no freaking way. Swim? Yeah, no freaking way. Yeah, no freaking way. Yeah, man. Awesome. Yeah, I guess you'd have to have hats. I have a hat. Wigs? Fun.

T-shirts, jeans, rock band t-shirts. Have you guys made, with the snow, do you make a snowman? No. Snow fort? Hey, true. Oh, wait! I haven do you make a snowman? No snow fort ain't true. Oh wait Man, oh they're around. I think it was that too. I see no that first day there. It was perfect We for that if you go to Douglas Park some people made Like it's not there anymore, but they made a I'd say five foot tall snowball

Nice that it would have been would have created some kind of gigantic snowman. And then someone else made a really cool cave. Like what happened? They didn't complete the project? I guess, yeah, they lost a lot of money. Permits are notoriously tough. Well, you know what? I think that they were trying to build a brutalist thing

and then the guy, you know, assaulted him. If I still worked at 22, that would be straight to my Tuesday sketch, brutalist but sort of snowman. Yeah. Nice. My apartment building, there's a snow fort around the side of it that I think the kid upstairs made with his brand.

But you could build a snowman with these kids that you're going to see that are maybe sort of not related to you. Yeah. We call it sister from another mister and mother. That's fun. Yeah. Well, I think that's the end of this year podcast.

Oh, God. Maddie, where can people, did they find you on Instagram? Okay, yeah. So we got the, you know, we got Instagram and TikTok and I think I'll actually be making more things on there coming up.

Okay. It's Maddie Kelly. Both? Yep. Okay. Oh, it's Maddie Kelly. It's Maddie Kelly. I-T-S Maddie Kelly.

Yeah. I mean, you do like, I 604. I bleep that out. So, actually don't bleep that out and it will give me incentive to change my phone number finally. No, I'm leaving it out. Yeah.

Okay. So, another thing I want to talk about is that... The listeners are hearing the music start up. I have a podcast once a year. Okay. Called State of the Union with Maddie and Alexis. Okay. There's only been one year. So you can easily catch up.

Okay. Who's Alexis? Alexis Booker is a terrific funny friend of mine, not a comic. Right. As time of recording, she was a chef and right now she's not a chef. She's back to being a producer or something. And she's like one of the funniest people I've ever known, but I've always thought it's really interesting

because her background and my background could not be more different. She's from Texas, she was raised super Christian. And you're from India. No, you're not Indian. Yeah, and I'm from liberal witch parents in Vancouver. Right, you are a witchy as hell. And yet, boy, do we love to riff.

We love to go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So we thought it would be interesting to document, I thought it would be interesting. She wanted to do the podcast every week. I said that wasn't sustainable. Let's do it once a year. What about every 52 weeks? Yeah.

And we didn't even, we did it in the summer last summer. Didn't even get around to releasing it till the election night. But this year I'm gonna be more on it. Okay, you haven't done it yet. No, we have. And this is you discuss all the things that have happened in the year?

Yeah. No, you haven't done the second episode yet. Yeah, the second episode will be coming out in July. So you got to catch up on last year. Have you recorded it yet? No. Okay. We have to wait till it's been in one year, the second episode will be coming out in July. So you got to catch up on last year. Have you recorded it yet? No. Okay.

We have to wait till it's been in one year. Okay, well it'll be recorded in July, but will not release till November. No, it'll be recorded in July and released in July. Okay, something to look forward to this hot, hot summer. Once I figured out how to do an RRS feed, the world was my oyster. Yeah, you'll figure it out. So yeah. Oyster on a half shell, podcast power.

Oyster power. Nice. So yeah, listen to on a half shell, podcast power. Oyster power. Nice. So yeah, listen to that. Listen to of course, let's make a sci-fi, let's make a rom-com, let's make a horror. All great, really great. What else do I get up to? You don't have to search for other things.

Listen to Popcorn for Dinner. Ah, yeah. Not so stoked on it? Yeah, listen to Popcorn for Dinner. It only almost killed me. Oh, well, I guess you must listen to it because it brought you to the brink. I don't listen to it.

Fine. I liked it, I co-wrote it. I liked it more than the Let's Make a shows. Really? Yeah. Oh. That I only produced and sat back and let you be funny. I guess it was just a little bit, it was less critically acclaimed.

Oh, well. Yeah. Hey, scripted, everyone always goes, can I talk to you about making a scripted podcast? Yeah, you can. Don't do it. Don't do it. Absolutely don't do that.

Really unpopular genre. Well, thank you for being our guest. Can we chat, riff a bit more? Sure, off air. We can do it on air. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being our guest. Can we chat a bit more? Sure. Off air? We can do it on air. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. Listeners, you can follow us on Instagram and BlueSky now.

We are no longer on Twitter. We're not on Twitter anymore. Very cool, guys. But yeah, our Instagram, things are popping off there. If you want to correspond with other members, we don't have, what are they called? Discord?

Discord. But we got a Facebook group. Yeah, and Max Fun Drive is coming up soon. So, you know, go to maximumfun.org and, I don't know, don't do anything there right now. Just go there, just go there, have a, you know, snoop around. Yeah. And thank you everybody out there for listening.

Yeah, absolutely. Follow us on Instagram, you're bluesguy. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Pye Guys of Yourself. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.