Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 887 - Chris Locke

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Comedian Chris Locke returns to talk sound effects, kid beds, and flight times. Plus, it’s week 1 of MaxFunDrive 2025. Support the show at maximumfun.org/join. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 887 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, a Max Fun Drive episode of the show. With me as always is a man who encourages you and would love you to be a part of the Max Fun Family, Mr. Dave Schumpke.

That's right. Every year we ask you to dig deep and support the show. And we're gonna do that later today. We're gonna tell you all the funky stuff you can get if you support us, if you can be a member of our family. Yeah, you get filthy, you understand? Yeah, you're gonna get some filthy crap. But that's for later.

Yeah. In the meantime, here, we have a guest on the show, one of our all-time favorites. He's so funny. He's one third of the Evil Men podcast. You can catch him in Edmonton and April at the Grindstone Comedy Festival. It's Chris Locke.

One day in your life is a whole different day. Because it's one day I'll never see you again. Because it's one day that I'll never see you again. Whoa! God, eh? That was fucking beautiful, you guys. A Canadian anthem that stirs the soul. Yeah. Yeah, that was good. That's an anthem no one's gonna boo, okay?

Yeah, everybody's gotta stand up for that. That was 5440. Yeah, and they're older now. That's true. I think they're more like 68, 72. Nice. The 40 year old went farther. Well, that's funny, they did have a member

of the Matthew Good band join them. Lately. And so he, I think maybe while the members were 54, he might've been 40. Oh shit. When Matthew Good got in trouble, he'd be like, that wasn't me, that was Matthew Bad. Nice.

Can I say it's not the grindstone festival, it's my own grindstone theater show April 27th. Oh shit. No, no, no, it makes sense that you would. So Chris, what do you call this tour? It's the thinking about it, getting it done. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, still going.

Still going, gridlock, still going tour. Yeah, rolling along. That was a guy. No, I'm killing it. I'm not rolling, I'm bounding. No, you're killing it. You're grinding. But you know when people put tour,

they come up with a stupid tour name. And I found a shirt by a guy that had played at the House of Comedy in January, this was February, I found a shirt that was signed by him, it was a bit of merch, and the tour was called I'll Do It Myself Tour, so you can tell like no agents want to work with him. I always, yes, that is such a good topic.

I don't know if you guys for Broached it on this podcast about like we also bands do it like writers do it like It's like I'm back like they'll make an album called. I'm back on my own screw you like yeah Yeah, you use your a personal anger on a piece of art that you're trying to sell. Yeah This guy's like I'll do it myself. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's so funny because, you know, people only buy that merch when they're drunk. A band releases it. I get the end of shows, sign it for me, I'll treasure it for. And you saw that at a vintage show. I got it at a vintage show. We're like, yeah, I know a band will be gone for, or a guy, like a singer will be gone for like five, six years or something.

Then they'll be like, they said I couldn't do it to her. Yeah, I'm not gone. I'm not. Check out my new album, I'm not gone. I can get it back. I haven't lost the man again still. I still got it. Check out my new album.

You used to like me so much. What the hell? Should we get to know us again? Yeah. Get to know us. Chris, I listen to you and your boys every week on the Evil Man Podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Aw. Well, I feel like I'm the most like James. James is the Dave analog on that show. So that would make me the Mike? I guess I'm the Mike. Yeah, no one could be Chris.

Nobody's Chris. Oh, come on. I thought we were, okay. Chris, you're on a different wavelength. You know what I mean? I'll say. He's on his own wavelength. My own wavelength tour, 2026.

Yeah, my own wavelength. Fine. I got kicked off my own wavelength tour, 2026. Yeah, my own wavelength, fine. I got kicked off my old wavelength. Wavelengthing it myself. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. On my own wavelength.

Me and James and Mike have literally a blast laughing together for at least a few years now. And when he says literally a blast, he means it because they do, there are many small explosions that happen. Yeah, diarrhea. The, uh... Could have done a frontward explosion. Jizz. Oh, frontward.

That's your frontward and then backwards. Use your frontward. Oh my God, that's, yeah, frontward. And you guys, every week you talk about a different evil man and you guys goof around and it's so much fun. I was on the show three weeks ago at this point. And that was so funny. You guys did Eric Clapton.

Eric Clapton, I gave, here's a little behind the scenes. I send a list of here's five potential five guys. Some were much more evil and they were like, let's do it with Eric Clapton. Eric Clapton is really funny. I personally don't like going too hard. I like the goofies. I know, I kind of want to learn about, if I am on the show, like going too hard, I like the goofies. I know, I kinda wanna learn about,

if I am on the show, I'm like, do I go, am I supposed to be an expert or am I there to learn? Yeah. Cause I was like, hmm, what's the deal with Al Capone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think we've got like, you know, a smidgen of zero or one reviews on podcast. And those people for sure, like,

I'm not learning, you know, or these guys think they're funny. Yeah, but like, it's okay. I'm like, anyone who comes and gets disappointed by those two reasons. I'm like, it's okay. And guys, I gotta, we haven't asked in years for reviews. Go ahead and give us some Apple podcast reviews. I've learned not to ever look at them. Yeah, that's the key to a long and healthy life is to never look at my review or comment ever. Yeah, once in a blue moon, I remember,

but usually I try not to. And I don't check the statistics either. I think James and Mike do that more. I'm like, I'm okay. Such a James. Can you imagine getting a comment that actually helped you in your life? Like a comment where you're like,

that is something I could do to structure my act. They are right about this. I need to change now. Thank you, Comet. We got out of the blue a comment about a guest a few months ago. Oh yeah. And like this person had never written us

and what did they expect us to write back? Hey, good job. Way to say something mean about our friend. Yeah. The hell man. This like, can you get inside of the mind of somebody who's like, I gotta write this show. I've never felt the impulse ever to write a complaint.

Like I don't really. Oh. Yeah, I need to keep moving, you know what I mean? Yeah, like what, even if you have like a bad time somewhere, you're just like, I just won't go there. Like unless something dangerous, like why the fuck would you, you know what I mean? We do get a lot of messages,

oh, I don't have Chris Lock on, he's too dangerous. He's too dangerous. Yeah. Review this. The review this tour. I hate everyone who came to this show. Where were you? The one and a half star tour. Review this.

Next tour. I read your review. Actually, that's not a bad idea of doing the one the one star tour and just all you go play venues that all have one star. That would be fun. Yeah. Yeah. That's like see your crowd get food poisoning. It's like one of those rundown bars that everyone likes to dive bar. It's kind of like a dive venue tour. Yeah. I know a guy who tours diners, drive-ins and dives. Wait, no. Is it dives?

Yeah, drivers, dives, dives and drives. Diamonds and pearls. Yeah, it's Prince. But I do think Guy Fieri was inspired by Prince. Sure. You can tell the sexuality. God, he has his liquid sex that guy for a reason. I know.

Yeah. Queen. What's your relationship with Prince? Get on top, Prince. Like, I, this is, speaking of reviews, this is Danger Zone. Okay. Okay.

Because he's got massive fans, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I totally love Prince. Totally think he's the best. And especially the, but I feel like he didn't keep it up after like 92. Well, I feel like he, his run of hits is massive and insane.

I, I, cause like when I was a kid, my first CD I ever owned, the day my dad bought a CD player, it was in 1989, we got a Batman soundtrack. You gotta. And, but I knew. I had that. I was eight years old, but I knew Prince was like a huge iconic 80s star.

Yeah. And then, and then in the 90s, he did change. He changed his name. Yeah. Oh yeah. He. Art is formerly known as. Yeah.

And then his music got like, there was like cream and diamonds and pearls, but then, I was so frustrated with everyone my age because they were like, "'Oh, Prince, yeah, my name is Prince and I am funky.'" They were like, that's his song. I'm like, no, no, no.

He had other songs, but it was like, is he, I think people my age in my class thought he was a rapper. Oh, weird. Because that was like, you know, the same era as, can't touch this. His iconic of like, he was wearing a hat with the chains that was in front of his face and he's singing into a golden gun.

I was like, I remember that being the first image I had of Prince and me like, fuck, I ruled. Yeah, the well-roundedness of his art is pretty awesome. Yeah. Too, like he was just like, almost like this John Waters of, you know. Well, they both had little mustaches. I think that's what it is too.

And yeah, but also like the whole camp art brand that they created for themselves is like so steadfast. And when you say camp art, you mean like, you know, sewing a wallet. Sewing a wallet, sure. Gimp bracelets. Yeah. At a summer camp, you're making your own gimp mask.

No, no. Gimp the material. You don't know. Gimp bracelets. Yeah. At a summer camp, you're making your own Gimp mask. No, Gimp the material. Yeah, there's like this, there's this like, I went to camp in the eighties as a little kid. Did you? And they had this stuff called Gimp.

Yeah. It was like rubbery thread. Oh, rubbery thread. That you go through together and make these bracelets. I could never do it, obviously. I'm all thumbs, but. My kids have like a, is it called like a rainbow loom? And they make little elastic bracelets now.

My girls have that too. Yeah. Yeah. Yo, make me a bracelet. Okay, dad. Yeah, hurray. I'm gonna be late for work. And then every day you come home, you're like, I lost it.

You gotta make another one. I don't know where it is. The bigger kids took it from me. One, I just thought of a Prince anecdote. I've never said out loud, but like, this is me. You've only put this in your diary. Yeah. I keep it close to my heart.

I toss and turn it every night. So I have to say it. Okay, okay me and Mike Belazzo and I think Kathleen Phillips and I think who's that? That's my wife and Maggie Maloney and I forget who else maybe maybe even Terrence Belazzo. I'm not sure And I forget who else, maybe even Terrence Palazzo, I'm not sure, who also comes up a lot on Evil Men.

And he's also been on Evil Men. Mike's best friends are his brothers. Yeah, they're very funny. They're big, they have sideburns competitions. Yes. Oh, do they both have sideburns? I think they made a deal in 2001 at the Cadillac Lounge in Toronto, sideburns for life.

There was some, yeah, but like, what's that rock and roll called? Rockabilly? Yeah. Cadillac Lounge was a big rockabilly hub. But so we're driving, and one of the producers, we did Children's Theater, and they did it a lot, and I joined them for two shows. I feel like this one was like the gingerbread man or something. Oh man, I got a lot of anecdotes about this. I want to hear all of them. I want every single one. I want to hear six.

But I was going through, you go through waves of phases of your favorites, and I was in the midst of a Prince phase, and someone was like, put some music on guys. It's like, I'm like a music snob who dominates sometimes. And so I'm like, put my phone on them. Then I attach it.

And the first song I played was Erotic City by Prince, which I love. Yeah. I'm not thinking anything of it, but everyone in the car felt so uncomfortable. I'm like, what? Get down with Erotic City. It's like, Erotic City, up or down.

I don't care, up or down. And it's like, I guess their penises and their vaginas were moving a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The people in the car? Yeah. Turn this off. Were you married to Kathleen at the time?

No. But that's maybe- But we were just together. Okay. Oh yeah, it was in fucking sane. Can I swear on this? Please, do nothing but. It was in fucking sane times.

I dressed like this crocodile for the gingerbread man for some reason. I'm a crocodile who likes to eat the gingerbread man for some reason. I'm a crocodile who likes to eat the gingerbread man. And I showed up to, we did, God, it's Port something, Port Hope, I think. It was Mississauga. And I showed up one hour sleep, super hungover, and it's kids' theater, children's theater.

Super classic. I had this green shirt on with a crocodile head over my head. Then I looked out its giant mouth, you know? Really good costume. I can picture it. Kristen Klimzak made that costume, I believe. Shout out.

Yeah. Right before the show, I'm having an anxiety attack. I'm super hungover and I, in between scenes, I fully filled up a water bottle with piss. And then I go out on stage and I'm like, where's that gingerbread man? And I've got sweat stains on my green shirt from like a beat of fat, hungover pizza crap.

Where's the gingerbread man? We can smell him from here. Yeah, everyone's like, scary for real. Yeah, so that's really embarrassing. And then the producer was like livid. They couldn't believe that I peed in a bottle, but there was no bathroom, nary a bathroom to be found. This is like an elementary school or something.

It was maybe like a yeah, sort of like maybe almost. I don't know. Some sort of mini theater for kids. OK. Library theaters. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I would use the energy, the have to pee energy. I'd use that and channel it into my performance. But you know, like when you're so hungover and then also you've just been drinking like coffees and I don't know. It was really hard to hold. I swear. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. How old were you when you did this?

Good God, I was like 32. Really? Yeah. That's a, yeah, I feel like when I was around that age, there was a lot of comics I know that ended up going on these like school tours. They would do like a keynote kind of thing. Like they were funny, but they would like-

Sort of like, what do you call it when you're like, I'm a warning, like scared straight. Scared straight, yeah. Don't become a comedian. Yeah, don't become a comedian. Yeah. It's funny too, because like for people in their 20s, Like scared straight Yeah It's funny too cuz like for people in their 20s, they're like all 32 all have it together Yeah, right. No good luck. It's no it never comes together. Yeah, I was at a party better, but My friend had and his son was there and he was like 18 his son

And he was thinking about doing stand-up comedy and at least Five comics in the room were like don't don't do it. You're ruining your life. Like don't yeah Don't do stand-up like go have a happy life Forget forget it forget that this here, you know, this is an impulse like buying a motorcycle like just don't Know what are the big things you need to talk people out of? No, honestly, what are the big things you need to talk people out of? Buying a gun probably is a oh really? Yeah, what you where were you last night? We need guns now, yeah, we need guns now. Yeah, we need to defend our land

Yeah, right land. What would you? Shit, he's Canadian! RUN! They're tough. I've seen hockey brawls. Elves up! Elves up is the thing we say now. Oh man. Yeah. I, yeah, I like this tour though. Because I'm, I'm in my late 40s now.

Sure. No. I have in my late 40s now. Sure. No. I have two daughters. You're 32. You're still 32. I'm still 32 in my pants. Oh nice. Front explosion, back explosion.

Pshh. Can I request a sound effect? Cause you do really good sound effects. Thanks. Michael Winslow, man. The air break of a truck? That's an air brake. When a truck like stops and has to like turn on the air brake, you know what I'm talking

about. All my sound effects come from not having a job and walking around the street for many, like 20 years. Yeah. Okay, it's like Man that's more I'm more flattered about that than anything I've ever done Thank you, thank you, that's so nice. Yeah, it's it's your best sound effect We gotta go around. Okay. I like doing like a

Bulk I like something like that. Yeah. Woo, God. No, come on. Really? What do I do? Do a thing. A thing, okay.

Yeah. Do, you hear stuff all the time. I know, but I don't, I don't, like I'm going in cold. I'm not a mind-bender bird. I'm a practice. A mind-iron bird.

Are those things fake? Yeah. A mockingbird? Might be a mockingbird. You are a mockingbird. You know it. Okay, here are the sounds I make. You can.

Oh, shit. I don't know what it is. Back explosion. Yeah. Yeah. Those are really good. Yeah. Those are really good. Yeah, those are really good. But what are they?

Um, they're creatures. That's coke. They're drinking coke. That's really good. That's what they're drinking. Coca-Cola. Pretty good. Rotic city. So when you were saying, little city, a-puddle.

So when you were saying the people in the car, you were saying their penises and vaginas were like moving. Well, you know, sometimes I don't know the song, so I thought you were like, oh, maybe that's the plot of the song. In a Rotic city, all the penises, like the penises are cars driving around. Like a Richard Scarry thing. Yeah. It's like a wharf are cars driving around. Like a Richard Scarry thing. It's like a worm driving around in a penis.

Richard Scarry originally wanted it to be a penis. Oh yeah, but they had to talk about it. The publisher was like, no, no, no. Yeah, no, it's a worm. Just make it an apple. I do think of that worm often. The guy wearing a hat? Yeah, because it's like any kind of product

you're kind of trying to create. Because I somewhat slightly work in the cartoon world now. You do? Yeah, in Toronto. What do you do? I work in- Just trying to pitch some shows. I work in the cartoon world too.

I'm sort of, sound effects. No, I'm a detective and I go in and I solve cartoon crimes. Yeah. I kind of fell in love with a cartoon. I's not who you think. Who is it? It's Hollywood from Cool World. Oh, Cool World. Is her name Hollywood? I don't know. She would if she could. Yeah, it said Hollywood if she could. If she could, which why not? Just do it. Yeah. But I think about the Richard Scarry worm a lot in that world because I'm like

We need a running guy that shows up and winks at the audience all the time Yeah, like the Richard scary worm because I love that kind of Creating that sort of like Coziness and familiarity of like a world. Yeah, he did it. He did it You know, dr. Seuss did it dr. Seuss, but also there's this there's this one Did those Richard scary books have plots or they just like here's a bunch of people with jobs these are this is a question these are what buildings are in your town and

Here's like you're like the drive-ins or something had a plot in it But now that you say it I can't remember all I remember is that giant Spread of like the town and this is the fire station Yeah, yeah, yeah, but there's always like like a murder that they have to solve at the beginning of every and it's always a prostitute Sex worker. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh my god Pitching cartoons with that kind of my god adult cartoons, baby, but you know, you're right It's sex worker. I deeply apologize. I genuinely am very happy that a Nora won

My wife and I are huge fans of Sean Baker or whatever to try their best. Yeah, I shout out to Sean Baker You should have him on yeah. Oh, he's always bugging us and we're like, ah, we got Chris this week, so we can't. Tangerine. Tangerine was great. Yeah, I love Tangerine, and everyone loves Florida Project, but I'm, both Kathleen and I are Red Rocket guys too,

big time. That was so good. I recommendo. My wife and I are not guys of the same thing. We have a crossover, but we also have our own. We have very little crossover these days. Yeah, what would you say, what's your crossover show or movie?

She will watch everything I don't watch. You have no bonder. Not anymore. All the HBO stuff, she'll watch all of it except White Lotus, which is the only thing I want. Oh my god. Okay, that's hard. Because yeah, we're, me, both Kathleen and I, Mike White's our favorite guy. Uh, yeah.

So like, you- We're really psyched for you. You guys are overlapped on what you guys like to watch. Yeah, we like character-driven stuff that's pretty, like, got, like, you know, anything, like, anything that's billed as comedy is not funny, but anything that's pretty like got like, you know, anything like, anything that's built as comedy is not funny, but anything that's kind of built as real is like funny. Yeah, what happened to comedy?

What happened to comedy? Remember it was like, okay, now it's just us. It's just we're the only ones left. We'll do it ourselves. Fine, we'll do it ourselves, Stuart. I mean, some comedy's still great, I guess. I don't check it out as much.

Severance is hilarious I ever has lost the plot for me, man. I couldn't do it It's too uncomfortable. I couldn't do it either to bleak to bleak and I've like worked in that type of atmosphere Where it's like, oh, you know what? You know, who loves it Abby? It's the two reasons that you guys don't like it isn't affecting me it's more like I The two reasons that you guys don't like it isn't affecting me. It's more like I Don't care about finding out whatever they're teasing. Yeah, that's so whatever. I don't care. Yeah It's funny. You don't buy only amazing, but this season I'm like, what do you want from me? Yeah, what the hell man?

None of this is real. This isn't really happening. Yeah. Yeah, like you can picture the writers being like really happening yeah yeah like you can picture the writers being like and no offense like hire me I need work I'm not smart but you guys are smarter than me but it's just maybe you'll stick the landing it's I guess we're at the last episode tonight oh is that maybe for the listeners who are at the last episode tonight but for you you've seen it all I You're like, Bjork in that movie. I can't watch, I don't think I can watch comedy anymore. I think like I've heard people say this is really funny, that's really funny. I only want dramas. I only want dramas. I want horror movies. Those are the two things I want.

I like violence a lot. Yeah, me too. What's your favorite, current most violent? Well, I kind of took a break because the tensions are so high in the news that I was like. The news is already violent. That makes me go silly. But then when I go silly, I go retro. Like I found some, like I always go back to the classics, like the Marx brothers and silly slapstick stuff from the vaudeville era. Yeah. But then I found some British stuff, and I'm British always, But I found some British stuff that I hadn't checked out before this show called the fast show Sketches are have you seen it? It's so it's like from a while from the 90s. Yeah, but it's so funny

It's a hundred percent my sense of humor. I never seen it before. I was like what? But yeah, so the fast show what's the most violent thing? I don't know like Yeah, I mean you've've seen my standup. I'm always blowing my own brains out, killing people. Yeah. You're, you're big on like, um, artillery. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not, you're not a stabber. You're, you're, uh, let's get over there. I'll still stab anybody, but sure. Yeah. During my show. Oh yeah. A lot of people don't know, uh, Chris goes on stage with a knife. For some reason I can't. If you're in the first three rows, you will During my show. Oh yeah, a lot of people don't know Chris goes on stage with a knife.

For some reason I can't. If you're in the first three rows, you will get splashed. And he said, somebody's coming to hell with me tonight. There's that one where it was like the first person sort of killer one that's Canadian. It's Black Christmas? No, it just came out. God, it was something like ultra violent.

You know, like the, you follow the murderer walking through the woods. You haven't seen it? No, I haven't seen it. Damn, it's a hit. Let me look it up. You tell me yours and I'll look it up. Are you thinking of Nickel Boys?

What's that? It was nominated for best picture and it's in first person. It's not scary though. Is it? Nickel Boys. Yeah, it's like one of those movies I've only ever heard because of the Oscars. Yeah.

Never heard anybody say, you know, it was really good. Nickel Boys. Oh, I also really loved Nosferatu, Robert Eggers' Nosferatu. Yeah, he's, I haven't seen it, but I love the original, love that scary stuff. The Price of Eggers. Oh, you haven't seen it.

Oh, it's called In a Violent Nature is what I'm talking about. Oh yeah, I have heard of that. You follow this guy around and he just like mutilates people. It's really, really fun. Oh, yeah. It's Canadian. You see it on Shudder? Where do you see it?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Shudder is dope. There's a movie that the guy who made the substance made called Revenge and it's. The guy made the substance? Okay, now for the last one. Guess what?

Kathleen loves that director too. We partied over the substance and revenge. Revenge is so good. We watched both movies like this. Woo! You guys can't see but my hands are up and I'm partying. He's waving them like you just don't care. Yeah, everyone's getting killed and we're like, woo!

Hell yeah. Now, speaking of partying, this- Partying. Partying. Partying. Today's your birthday. What? Oh yeah.

Yeah, he's sharing his birthday with us. I forgot. I didn't know that. I'm hungover, but I forgot, yeah. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. And this is for both of us. Thank you.

This is from both of us. I didn't know it was your birthday. I've got you that kind of chip, and also what I think is your favorite type of chip, which is barbecue. There you go, happy birthday. It's kettle chips, plenty. Yeah.

This is the most moved I've ever felt. These are like, and you two children, take a picture, please. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Just a second. I've never had the yogurt and green onion one,

but I think it sounds pretty good. Now just have your mouth a bit more agape. I'm gonna cry. Guys, they gave me Kettle Brand yogurt and green onion chips and Kettle Brand backyard barbecue chips. Backyard barbecue just sounds better than just barbecue, don't you think? Yeah. Do not... You assume normally it's a front yard barbecue and that's good. People are just gonna be walking by

giving you the eye, can I come? Yeah, I put it in the front yard, everybody's allowed to come. Thank you so much, I'm like moved for real. I know you love chips. Yeah, and I got a hotel room, oh, it's gonna get nuts. Top five snacks. Oh shit, okay, top five snacks. People have called my butt a backyard barbecue.

That's one of the reviews on your blog. Yeah. Five stars. Five stars on this guy's backyard barbecue. Yo, they ripped off my butt for a chip flavor. Okay. Delicious. You think I'm getting a scent of that? Oh, your body's umami.

Oh yeah. Umami. What are your five favorite snacks? Is it all chips? You know, you know. Are you a crunchy? Okay, I can throw in a little twist. Anything Reese's peanut butter.

Sure. You know? But yeah, it's like sour cream and onion chips, barbecue chips. Damn, so that's three. You know what I really like? But these are like more deep cuts. I like like Jujubes.

Okay. I love Jujube. Graham's a Jujube head. Yeah, I'm a Jujube. That's a deep cut and jelly beans. Like the classic candies that you would see on the board of like Candyland. Thank you for meeting me here gentlemen.

I'm at Candyland. Oh yeah, not like, oh yeah. I mean the playing board of the game Candyland, but also there is a board room. Yeah. That is Candyland. The Candyland Security Council. Yeah.

Jelly bean sales are up, as always. Graham buys Jujubes in the bulk section of the grocery store. Do you like the sour ones? No, I just like straight ahead, like old timey jujubes. I can go sour, but you're right. Yeah. Do you- The classics are the classics. Yeah.

I have been having, like I find more and more I'm timing my life of like, okay, before I go to bed, I'll have something like a jujube or like pretzels, peanut butter pretzels I like a lot. And then, but then I go to bed and I'm like, I still have so much stuff in my teeth. So I like, brushing is not gonna do it. So I gotta just time it better.

Yeah, you gotta, and wait, there's pretzel bites with like peanut butter in them? Yeah. Oh my God. I've only had them like once, but they're insane. Yeah, I'll give you some on the way out. Really? Yeah. I'll give you some on the way out. Oh really? Yeah. I'm so happy.

I'll give you a Ziploc bag full of them. We only have a big tub. People are literally stopping this podcast right now to jerk off snacks. Yeah, to go get their favorite. And jerk off. People jerk off. Oh, that would be the ultimate

jerk off and eating Jujus at the same time. Yeah, my top five snacks number one jerking off Ice cream nice. Yeah, Dave's a big ice cream guy. I see. Oh, yes Yeah, but I don't know if that's a snack like that. Yeah, no, it's more like treats, right guys. We're going treats We're talking. Yeah. Yeah, I know but like I do feel a snack is something You may you don't have to like do dishes for afterwards I know, but like, I do feel a snack is something that you don't have to like do dishes for afterwards. Yeah, I. And ice cream you sort of do.

Yeah. Yeah, and it can be in the sink for a long time, eh? Soakin'. But like also. That spoon. Yeah. It just gets baked on to the. Do you guys go peanut butter knife?

Graham doesn't do peanut butter. I'm allergic to peanut butter. Oh shit. Yeah, so I haven't had the pleasure. I think I do that, yeah, sorry. But you mean just licking it off a knife? Yeah, they do- They just do that with-

Icing it off a knife. With plain yogurt. Ah, yogurt knife. I think we talked about it on Evil Men, about everyone on the show is like natural peanut butter people and I'm still Kraft. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Mike, for sure. Oh yeah, no, James. Like, here's the thing. I will get it every now and then, but we always have a big, we whip through a Jif canister. It's gonna explode. Hurry. GIF canister. It's gonna explode. Yeah, hurry. Have you seen the ads for Kraft peanut butter that are like, because apparently it's only in Canada.

Kraft peanut butter only exists in Canada. Nice. Take that America. Oh shit, we gotta move to Kraft. But GIF is so good. Shit. The commercial, well I think Kraft is getting your money no matter what. Yeah.

I don't think they're just Canadian. But there's like a woman goes and has an affair in France and falls in love with a French guy and then opens his covers and they don't have Kraft peanut butter so she moves back to Canada. Nice, that's a good ad. That's funny.

That's a psychotic woman. Yeah. I've switched over. You can just bring a tub over. I don't. Or tell the guy, can you get this for me? Yeah, exactly, I don't have to move. You can just bring it over, right?

Yeah, I've switched. I was corn flakes guy and I've gone to corn squares because corn squares, Canadian corn flakes. How are you feeling? Feel good. Who makes corn squares? Waker. Waker, so patriotic?

Waker. You know me? Yeah, it feels good. For our listeners, if you don't know, or if you're listening to this in the future. We're dead. We're dead, we died defending our country. Yeah, we're doing this podcast in a bunker.

We're in a trade war right now, but our American listeners, please continue to listen to our Canadian show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and trade, we free trade you guys and us guys. Also to our American show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And trade, free trade, you guys and us guys. Also to our American friends, pals, lovers and listeners, we didn't do anything. This is 100% out of nowhere cruelty.

Yeah, also neither did you. Yeah, neither did you. I'm sure most of you know that. Yeah, because it's like, isn't it like 70% didn't vote for this deal? We're not leeching off the teat of the states as much as this is they're saying. Yeah.

We're all parts of big intertwined deals. Yeah. Unilaterally across the globe with many countries. Now I'm, I am leeching off the teat. Oh, what are you doing? I've been sneaking over to America and leeching off their teat. Well, what are you doing? I've been sneaking over to America and leeching off their teat. Well, if there's anyone in this room that's like,

gimme dat teat, it's me. No, no, no. You didn't hear my third favorite snack. Peanut butter teat. Dat teat. Dat teat. Hell yeah Yeah, well anyways this could come out. I don't know what's gonna anyway. What's gonna happen nobody knows

Anyway, I'm scared. Yeah, I'm scared. I think we're all very scared. Well, that's what I was gonna say going back to You talking about the young guy being like, let's become a comedian and everyone's like, George. Yeah. A part of it is like, I booked this tour like I'm doing BC for two weeks and then in April Alberta for like 10 days maybe like up around Edmonton. You're doing Grimes Run Theater? Yeah. Are you doing Calgary up around Edmonton. You're doing Grindstone Theater?

Yeah. Are you doing Calgary or are you just Edmonton? No, and I would do Calgary if anyone wants to book me. It was just this younger comic who's really, really funny and really sweet, Noah Brodeur. Do you know Noah? I definitely heard this name, yes. We did a mini little brewery thing in Victoria like two years ago. He's

really, really funny. He booked this for me. Simon Glassman. Oh, cool. Yeah. And so so they did all of their area. But yeah, I haven't. Yeah, I would love to go back to Calgary if anyone wants to reach out. It's just that these guys did it for me, so I'm really grateful. But he had CJ 92, Rock 107. Yeah, sure. Anyone at the Earl's 67 restaurant? Yeah, yeah. Anybody at Burns Tavern. Sure, the Bell Liner.

The Bell Liner, absolutely. Of course, the place that has the bobsled. Oh yeah, Canada Olympic Park. Ranchman's. Ranchman's, you know, I'm talking, Frank's Silver Dollar Action Center. Evan, Evan Wilson. What are you doing?

What the hell, man? Bring me out. Did you do a, what's it called, the music festival, comedy festival with me? Sled Island? Yeah. No, but I've done it before. Okay. When I was on it, the guy before me was the guy who created the Proud Boys.

Gavin? Gavin. Yeah. Because he was just off to be like- Don't be on a first name basis, please. Gaby? But he- But I mean, yeah. He bombed. I'm like, I have- Why? He didn't, I don't know why he was on a stand-up show.

I don't think he was ever a stand-up. And he went on stage and kind of, I have followed him. He didn't, I don't know why he was on a standup show. I don't think he was ever a standup. And he went on stage and kind of, I don't know. Anyways, it was terrible to watch, but it was when he was still a vice guy. As a mediocre white guy, it- That's a long time ago then. It's hard for me to see other mediocre white guys try to, you know-

Be exceptional? Yeah. Yeah. You're exceptional. What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, come exceptional. Yeah, you're exceptional. What the hell are you talking about? Come on. You're deep in the cut. We're got it. But what I was going to say was with the, like I booked these tours before these

global tensions, to put it politely. And, you know, I have a house with a wonderful wife and two daughters that basically, we all laugh every day and hug each other and say, I love you. Yeah. And this is the part about stand up where it's like, I'm off to war. You know, like you have to leave that during this insane time of uncertainty. Yeah. And your kids are reading the news. They are. Well, actually, yeah. They gotta set something up.

My eight year old, who's almost nine, or nine now when this comes out, no, not even yet, sorry. When her birthday rolls around, can I recommend chips? Yeah, chips, they're the gift that keeps on giving. They love chips. They love chips. Your kids love chips?

Yeah. What are they like Your kids love chips? Yeah. What do they like? Barbecue? Yeah, ketchup. They like what I give them. Yeah. You'll like your ketchup chips. Also, you know what's a sick new product?

Cheddar and sour cream. Ruffles. Ruffles, sure. Hell yeah, right? My kids like the barbecue flavored Nicki Minaj wrap snacks Yeah, do you get those yeah, I got them they taste like Nicki Minaj they taste sweeter than Nicki Minaj Yeah, I guess what I was saying wasn't funny, but you know what I mean

It's like about being a comic where you're like goodbye. Yeah, I'll see what I see. Yeah, that part sucks, especially like These are the days where you kind of want to be at home Yeah, loved ones. It's like Ivan Dekker was on the show at the laugh gallery, which happens every Thursday at the gallery He was saying that the whole thing of being a comedian is just on Thursday being like I'll be back with 800 top Yes Like just why I love it. That's exactly it and 800 is. Yes. Like just flying to the city. I love that. That's exactly it. And 800's pretty good.

It's really good. For a weekend, that's not too bad. Me and Sean Cullen were joking all the time about how we get hired for $300 to drive to another town. Yeah. And entertain everyone for an hour. Like a hit man, basically.

Yeah. You just go, like $300, go kill this guy. Yeah, it's for some reason like, you can barter, but they're always gonna go to $300. It's just a funny arbitrary idea of what to pay a comedian. We'll pay $300. Every like open mic was for years, $5. Yes.

And it like, it went decades. Yeah. What does it cost to get into a show these days? Like 20. 20. Even like a local standup show? Yeah. But here's the thing.

Like mine- Last Sabbath was five bucks for almost like 20 years. I was one of the ones that was putting the pressure on them to boost it. So now it's 20 bucks, I believe. But here's the thing. What happened during the pandemic was- Can never happen again.

Amateur comics who didn't care about the pandemic took over comedy and did really bad shows, 35 bucks a ticket. Yeah. And so you're like, what? I know it's like, if there's nothing wrong with being an amateur, go get it. But it's like, well, if we're putting on like this

great show of like heavy hitters all the time, like it can't be five bucks anymore. Well, that's it. Like the Laugh Gallery Forever, Dylan Reimer who created the Laugh Gallery initially, he put up some old flyers that he found and the show used to be $2. Oh my God. $2.

You're like a Archie comic over here. But you know when you find an old comic and you're like, what? Sixty-five cents for Spider-Man? Exactly. Well, you know what is five dollars is supporting this show. Ah, yes. And you get a bunch of bonus content every month. You know what?

Yeah, same with Evil Land. Same with Evil Land. Let's, why don't we have a little chat about that? Well, it's time to take a little break because we were getting too excited. Yeah, and it's time for a little bit of business. And you know what the business we're in? Podcasting. Yeah, we are podcasters and it's a technology that takes our thoughts from our mouths to

your ears and you appreciate it. Yeah, and you know what? If you really appreciate it, we're not saying that you have to, but you maybe want to join up during this Max Fun Drive because why not? It's the two weeks a year where we ask you for your support. And I'm gonna tell you how you do it right away. So you can be like, oh, I gotta type this into a computer. Oh yeah, Earl Grey hot would be a Picardism.

Okay then, you go to maximumfun.org slash join. And the reason we are asking you to support the show is, hey, we're not doing this out of the goodness of our hearts, but you can tell our hearts are pretty good. Yeah, and also like we're, our hearts are in it, but we're not, as Dave said. This show, we don't have ads. Nope.

We are 100% supported by you. Hell yeah. And we appreciate everyone who already helps us. Of course. Thank you all. We're doing our best to give you the best show we can. And some of the best bonus content out there. Some would say we're the archdukes of Boko. Oh, I would say we're even higher.

I'd say we're the kings, the kings of Boko. I would agree. You know, if you're already joined up with us, you can upgrade or boost your membership. Suffice it to say, if you don't have the scratch, all the episodes are still for free. You can get all the episodes. It's just this is a little bonus for people that got a little bit of scratch.

Yeah. If you already support the show, thank you so very much. We appreciate you. Oh, so very much. The much, the much is that you can much. Yeah. If you already support the show, thank you so much. If you would like to join the other people who support the show, well, it's very easy. You go to maximumfund.org slash join. You tell them how much you would like to. You send them a message.

You say, I would like to support at $5 a month, $10 a month. Exactly. And at all these levels, you'll get different rewards. We'll give you, we'll tell you about those later. You go to that website, you say how much you want to give. Beep boop beep boop boop boop boop. You say which shows you want to support. If you listen to five shows and you want to give five dollars, each show is going to get a dollar. Easy peasy. Your money goes directly to support the shows you like.

And like Dave said, we're going to go through the different levels and kind of the things that you get. But, just say, if you would go at the $5 level, you're gonna get all that bonus content. Yeah, that's really the big thing as far as we're concerned. We put a lot of effort into our bonus shows. Yeah. And you get two a month from us. Man, we did an entire podcast about Mr. Bean. We're doing hot topics, bringing in the hottest topics. We did one about the Rosie O'Donnell show. You wanna hear that, absolutely. That was in your free feed last week.

So you might even have heard that. Yeah. We did one where we did a 90s music quiz with Graham against my wife, Abby, who's also our own person. And say what the quiz was, cause it was so good. Oh, I. Wasn't it like.

There were a bunch of categories. Are you talking about the one category that was I played a bunch of like techno music from the 90s that I made. Abby and Graham guess whether it was too unlimited to unlimited music music factory, techno tronic black box. There were like eight to choose from and they got most of them wrong. Yeah, it's like, I think we all knew the music but we didn't know from whence it came. But you can listen to all that great stuff if you join at five bucks a month.

And if you did, we'd really greatly enjoy it. Yeah, maximumfund.org slash join. So you can pay monthly, you can prepay if monthly isn't your thing, you can be like, give me the whole year upfront. If you're already a member at the $5 level or the $10 level or whatever, you can upgrade and then when you join a higher level, you'll get some cool thank you gifts. This year we have at the $10 level, we have a pin. And if you're a collector, you know that every year our pins far and away the best out of any pin.

We're the kings of pinco. Absolutely, the kings of pinco. Our this year's, last year's was, what's a goblin? Maybe? I don't remember. Last year's was possible guest. Possible guest, yes. This year is a pin that has one of our famous catch phrases.

No friggin' way. Yeah, it's a square pin. It says no friggin' way. And if you have called in an overheard, chances are you've said this very phrase. Absolutely, and this is a way to prove that you are in on the joke and not just repeating things like a parrot.

This is letting you know and the world know, hey, I get it. You can join for $5 a month or more if you'd rather do it all at once. The prepay option is at your behest. At your service. And we're gonna get back to the show, but while it's on your mind right now.

Head over, maxmoffun.org slash join. We'll see you there. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, I remember yesterday when the biggest thing going on with me was an electric eraser. Yes. Not much is going on with me,

but what has been going on more and more lately is my kids sometimes want to sleep in my bed. They'll be like, I don't feel well. I can't sleep. Oh, yeah. And for years, all right, come in bed. And no one gets any sleep because there's three of us. In the last few months, you months, my kids will sleep in bed once every couple weeks.

Sure. And now what I do is I go sleep in their bed. Nice. Yeah, turnaround's fair play. It rules, you get your own little bed to yourself, the dogs come in and snuggle you. You wake up at five in the morning with no blankets, the dogs stole them.

Yeah. Do the gals come to sleep with you some of the times? No, that would really scare me. Is they like, I mean like, we need to sleep with you. Yeah. We're scared. I'm now scared. Yeah, I'm also scared.

What are you scared of? What do you mean? The ravages of age. But also like, I don't know. Not to go there, but you know. You have a lock on your door? Yeah. We don't.

Like on our bedroom door? Yeah. No, we don't. But we only need it for like two minutes every four months. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, we don't have a lock on our door and yeah. It's gotta be, I can't even get into it. It's gotta be very late.

We just finished watching. We just did bed check. We just finished watching Revenge. Yeah. Our hands are up in the air. Got a two milligram gummy in us, couple glasses of wine. We were listening to Erotic City, it gave us ideas. Oh, my penis is like the car driving around this Erotic City.

Erotic City, move your penis. The thing is, yeah, they can though. I mean, and honestly, I'm a bad sleeper sometimes, so I kind of have a secondary post on the couch in the living room. Right. Yeah, that used to be mine as well. Like when we got, when the dogs were puppies,

I would sleep downstairs with them. So they were in an environment with easy access to the outdoors. Yeah, I love sleeping on the couch. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be like a big thing in culture of like, oh, you're on the couch tonight.

Somebody's on the dog. Oh no, I get the TV. I get a TV. I get this nice like. To be, to be is limitless. Endless and limitless. Yeah, you can watch To Be For Hours. Also.

You can have a snack and not worry about like, you know, waking anybody up. Oh, raisin bran's another good snack for like nighttime. Yeah, but is that American though? Why not? What's Canadian? You might have to find just generic raisin flakes? You can't great flakes. You're right. I completely Just make sure watch everything you want soon is oh, they're going down

But but Graham Being a tosser Turner. Yeah Tina Turner is part of your In your heritage part of my hair. He's a tosser. It's in your heritage. It's part of my heritage. It runs in the family. Because when we've talked about it before, you were like, it runs in my family.

It does, yeah. That's wild. I think, how many generations back? Don't know, I mean, my dad, his dad, my mom, I don't know if her parents did or not, but. Me dad's a tosser. He's a real tosser. Me granddad's a tosser. He's a real tosser. Me granddad's a tosser.

Me grandma's a turner. Me great granddad's... Respiratory. It's gonna be like... A knobhead. He's a knob. A bellend. He's a...

What would you call this guy who sleeps fine all night? Me? Yeah, Dave. Do you sleep? Bellin is a guy who sleeps fine all night. Me? Yeah. Dave, do you sleep? You are you a toss and turner? Um, I've gone through phases where it's really bad. My main thing is, is if I have, I have no schedule, I'm very much a drifter in life. Yeah.

So all of a sudden, if I have a big job and the call times like 7 a.m. 9 a.m. Even Good luck finding sleep that night. Yeah, I've added in so many Not well, whatever like I've acted many times. I've acted it's been on one hour sleep Yeah, even that movie I made like two years ago. Who's your father? There's about five Full 12 hour days where I was running on one, maybe two hours sleep. Yeah. And I'm on camera the whole time for that. Yeah. 12, 14 hours.

So I've like kind of got used to it, but it's psychotic and I lose my mind every time it happens to me. So what happens is if something important's happening the next morning, my adrenaline, even if I go to bed at 10, my adrenaline goes, let's do it now, let's go now, my adrenaline goes, let's do it now. Let's go now.

You're like, let's go. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. And so it's like, I'm like already, I'm like ready to do the job. I did have one of those nights a few weeks ago where I was in my daughter's bed and she had to be up at school extra early that day.

So I was like, oh, fuck, I gotta go. Yeah. And like, I woke up oh, fuck, I gotta go. I woke up literally, I looked at the clock, I don't know, six times between 4.30 and 4.40. Yes. How long has it been? No? No?

That's the worst. Schedules are the worst. Schedules are the mind killer. Yeah. It's a mind freak really really if you think about it. Well you know what? I guess I said yes, but I think what I disagree with is that. Because the schedule is normally fine, but when you change the schedule that's what does me in. My schedule is loose then.

It does me in. Yeah. Crazy-oddy. What's a yardie? That's just like another mean description of sure sleeper sleeper geezer he likes to sleep yes he's a geezer granddad's a total geezer you going to the oasis reunion no I wasn't I was never invited. I also was never invited. That is also true. Do you like Oasis?

No, I liked them a lot, but I went to a lot of concerts in my youth and I never considered seeing them. Were they, I guess they would have been touring? You could have seen them at some point. Oh yeah. I thought they were the most overrated thing on the planet. Yeah, that was their charm though I think but they because they put pushed it to right? Yeah We're all for sure were the best and they but you know, the songs are solid sing-along sure things I guess if I had to choose I was more a blur guy. Yeah, here's the thing

You don't have to choose you have both one I feel crazy. Yeah the Remember I think, I think it was an interview with, well, one of the two of them, who said their whole thing was just walking around telling everybody they were the best band in the world. Yeah. Like, they're just like, you say it enough, somebody will believe it and publish it.

I can't do that. But then also they're known as the two biggest assholes. Yeah, which is great. And they didn't say that, did they? No, the two biggest assholes. Yeah. Which is great. And they didn't say that. Did they? Uh, no, it was a lie. No, they said each other. They said he's the biggest.

I know he's the biggest. So, you know, maybe it is all part of some sort of self-promotion book they read in the 80s. Yeah. Yeah. But it works. It works. All your brother and asshole fight with your brother.

The thing where they, uh, you fought with your brothers and all you ended up with was a sore ass True because they both took kung fu and beat the shit. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that Yeah, I was owed it. I was a an older brother. Yeah, most brothers that could be in a band together and And how many were in the Beach Boys? Oh. Cause they're all brothers. Wilson, Wilson, Wilson. Yeah. Three? I thought, yeah, three or four. At least. And maybe some cousins.

Yeah. Al Jardine and Mike Love. Mike Love. Al Jardine sounds like sardine. That's true. I've wanted to say that all my life. The Bee Gees had three. And they also had-

Oh yeah. But they had a- And they all died. There's one alive. And they had a brother as well. And he was a solo artist, but he died as well. But did he ever join? Do the Marx Brothers count as a band?

They sang songs. Well, Groucho did. Yeah. Yeah. The thing about Groucho is he wouldn't be in a pan that would have him as a member. Mm, it's true. God, delicious.

Well done, well done. Why don't we wanna hear a great, is this Groucho? Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana? Yeah, I think that's him. Hell yeah. That's, the fun thing about reading old comedians from that day is their stuff reads really well.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I think it was honestly, it was probably like Walter. Cronkite. Kaufman or SJ Perlman. You know? Yeah.

Morty Rizkind, I think. They had these deep cut. Flemmy Riznstuffle. See people might not know. Hey Flemmy. You are related to a vaudeville, right? Vaudeville comedian. Yeah, this almost comes up too much now

that I feel like people are gonna be like, shut up. No, no, no, it's fascinating. You know it? Of course I know, he's gurgles, stickin' butt. My great great grandfather was gurgles. Joseph gurgles. Joseph Gurgles. He created his clown named during World War II. It's like, where have I heard this before?

But it is true, my great great grandfather led a... Revolt? Parade through St. Andrews, New Brunswick at the end of World War II, where they dragged and burned an effigy of Hitler. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, and I asked my grandmother about it. Were you there?

Like, cause she was like just a little kid. And she was like, yeah, I remember like hating, being mad at him cause he was so drunk. Like you can see pictures of it from the local paper and he's dressed like, yeah, he's got a big top hat on and stuff. Throwing up on the effG you did this you deserve this all of the evil comes from you I swear I'm gonna be tossing and turning tonight

geezer it sounds like my family members from New Brunswick were pretty wild. Yeah. Yeah You have any hurt like You are you connected to any of them or you? Have never talked to any of your know like yeah, whoever's alive. Yeah, but I'd say I'm Closest with my mom's side of the family and that's who that that all is. Yeah. What was his name again? Well, my great-great-grandfather was this guy named Tracy Johnson. Tracy the Clown. But his brother is the more famous one.

His name was Twitter Johnson. Twitter Johnson, yes. And there's an old 1960s, early 60s CBC interview with him, and it's called The Twilight of Twitter Johnson. You can see it online. Love this. And he talks about traveling across the country and going down to San Francisco and stuff

as a vaudeville clown. And yeah, he was a Tumblr and he worked for Barnum and Bailey as well. Oh really? Did he ever consider changing his name to X? Yeah. Exactly. Thank you.

Thank you. Good night. Good night. Yeah. He would have loved what's going on right now. He had effigies to burn. But no, but the real Twitter originally is named after him. Oh cool, nice. And so is Tumblr.

That's why the logo's a clown. Yeah, anyway, so that's what's going on with me. What's going on with you? Oh my God, come on. I feel like I don't want to be so self-absorbed in... No, there's nothing going on. We just recorded an episode yesterday. I sleep in my kids' beds sometimes.

That's it. Well, I wanted to ask, do your kids ever come and see you in their bed in the morning and then you look at them angrily and go, see? See, it was no problem you can sleep in this bed no problem no shoe horseshoe no no one sees me I'm up before everyone you sneak around yes I'm like you're boxers or briefs pajamas, I wear boxers and sometimes I will go downstairs with a t-shirt on and make my morning coffee and toast in my boxers still.

Would you do that? Yeah, I mean, I don't have kids though. I remember it being a big thing about growing up, at least on TV about kids being horrified at their dad walking around in his underwear. But I never experienced that. I come from a long line of pajama wearers. They're a bit older now, so I put a robe on

just to be more respectful of my children. Yeah, also my dad woke up at like five in the morning as well, so. Yeah, my dad was an early riser. That's starting to happen to me. I think it just happened. What were you becoming earlier? When you get older.

That's also like my only quiet alone time. Where I can do my fiendish plans. Taxes. What, are you wearing boxers right now? Or are they just a bad thing? Okay. Yes. I wore boxers in high school.

Then I discovered the boxer brief, and then in the last few years I discovered some boxers that I like. It depends on the whole outfit. Sure. But. I like a breeze blowing through. Sure. You know what?

Like a flag. Can I say something? Okay. The idea of wearing pajamas is insane. Yeah? Yeah. What are you you some sort of etching of a Charles Dickens novel? Yeah, I wear a long shirt and I carry around a candle.

Who was your- I want to be a pajamas guy and I can't do it. I get too hot. I really want to, yeah. Who was your guest who thought having siblings was incestuous? Tim Gilbert. Yeah.

Of course it's Tim. That was the most insane take I've ever heard. Everyone who has a brother or sister is having sex with them. Yeah. Yeah. That is a hot take. We had a really fun time. Truly something an only child would devise in their many lonely hours.

Yeah. His labyrinth of hatred. Tim is incredibly wonderfully insane and I love him. We do this thing called Two Draculas together and it's genuinely psychotic. You do it like around Halloween. It's not like ongoing. It's become like that now because just scheduling.

But it makes it more special. It's really fun. He's very funny. He did a great karaoke album of just him singing. Yeah, Timberlake sings the hits. Yeah. Is it all songs by women artists? Probably.

I forget. But him and his wife sincerely love pop stars and that TMZ world. Oh, really? Yeah, reality shows and what do you call it? The Housewives. Yeah, paparazzi stuff. They follow it.

Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, I think they think it's funny. Yeah. But they probably are into like Croy Beerman and Kim Zolciak. Kim Zolciak, absolutely. I mean, I think they think it's funny. Yeah. But they probably are into like Kroy Bierman and Kim Zolciak. Kim Zolciak, absolutely.

They're a couple that had having some trials and tribulations. They would know for sure. They would know them. They would know for sure. Yeah, they're always teaching me that stuff. Yeah, well, you get to know Kroy Bierman. Spell with K.

Yeah. Of course, how else would you spell Kroy? Yeah. C-R-O-I-X. Like La Croix. La Croix. What's his wife's name? Helen of Croix? Helen of Croix.

Anyway, that's what's going on with me. Graham, what's going on with you? Very little, but here's the thing that I have as somebody who travels quite often. Is this another packing story? No, this is... If I know I have an afternoon flight that ruins the whole day. Yeah, I agree. Like if I, it doesn't matter what time I have to get up,

if it's like if I got a 4pm flight, I'm up the night before. This is very related to the, but like, wait, can I just say something? Okay. Everyone shut up! No, but you listen to Evil Men, you know I'm really bad at hijacking the pacing.

I don't feel that way. I digress. Yeah. This is all in your head. I'm pretty hungover from last night. I did that really fun show at Little Mountain Gallery and all of a sudden I was watching Graham tell the story and I had that thing happen where I go,

oh, I'm actually here right now. Yeah. It just hit that I've been doing this podcast. Well, if you're like, if you're curious, you've been great. You've been great. Thanks. Yeah, it's really worked. I just came here. I mean, look, look, chips, you got chips. You got chips.

Oh, I'm gonna cry. Okay, but you're the same, like you don't even forget it. You just are like, I'm not going to Okay, but you're the same. Like you don't even forget it. You just sort of like, I'm not going to. Yeah. But it's, that feels very much like that sort of overnight tossing and turning, cause I gotta be up at. And like, even if it's late, especially if it's late in the day, then it ruins the whole day.

I can't do anything and relax. But my parents were visiting and they could do it. They, then they like jazz. They can, their flight was like five in the afternoon. We went and saw a movie before there. Oh my God. I know, can you imagine? Like we went and saw Paddington 3 and it was great.

Paddington's back with a new adventure. Those movies are wonderful. But yeah, like Paddington 2, you've seen Paddington 2? Yeah, you cry, prison break. Oh, you kidding me? Yeah, impossible not to. I should watch it, you seem to be crying too. Yeah, you cry, prison break. Oh, you kidding me? Yeah, impossible not to. I should watch it, I need to cry. Yeah, and the third one will make you cry too.

It's not as good, nothing can be as good. Yeah, sort of a face explosion. Yeah. Front face explosion. Top front, yeah. Lower front, I mean, a sneeze is the biggest face explosion. And the most.

Oh my God. And a barf is pretty big face explosion. That's a huge face explosion. And the most- Oh my God. And a barf is pretty big face explosion. That's a huge face explosion. I would love to. You know what? I guess I'm kind of stained by that Scotia theater. See it. Downtown.

Yeah, it's a good romp. But that's my parents, they don't care. This is just all part of the day. Yeah. Get there when they get there. So I don't know where I got this from, but it I know that but you know when I know I have a flight Coming up. I basically stand in a ready karate position Until I go so early too. Yeah, I said in that by that gate. What's your favorite?

flight time I Mean perfect time for me like, 30 in the morning. I was gonna say 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you guys. Cause it's not too early, you can still have fun the night before. You don't have to wake up at the, you know,

5 a.m. when it's still super dark. Like you can have a regular paced morning. What do you mean have fun the night before? You know, do some ecstasy or whatever. Lock your door so your kids don't come in. But like. You can also do the $30 like big greasy breakfast. Yeah.

At the whatever, Finn McCool's. Or at the airport. There's always an Irish pub. I don't know maybe it's Toronto. There's always Irish pubs in each terminal. Yeah. Like by your gates. But there's a. With a big sausage breakfast. Yeah, then you just like, it's fine because you're gonna get home around, you know,

1 p.m., 2 p.m., something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And so you've got a little day left, but. Yeah, like I was in Toronto Airport. I went to Roger Mooking's restaurant. And Twist, I think it's called. Yeah, and he was in. Oh, he was there?

No, he was in Basis Base. Oh, that's right, yeah. He was the guy who like did. No way. Did you go for that reason? No, I've actually just walked past, but you know who was in the airport? Appena Centelli?

No, not the other guy. Who really was the other guy? When the heck were you last in Toronto? No, I think last summer I was flying through. And what's her name? The actress who was Maxine? Is that her name? Pearl.

Oh, Pearl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Mia Gaugh. Yeah, she was there. Oh, really? Who's Maxine? That's her as well. Okay, yeah.

Who's Maxine? She was walking around. What's going on there? I didn't bother her though. She had her child. That's good. She has a child with Shia LaBeouf He was there too. No, okay He wasn't on the scene. He was a DNA was there one time

I was doing Sunday service and Shia LaBeouf and this huge art crew posse that he was hanging out with came by to the show Oh, wow. Hey, we're poppin to me and my art crew. Yeah, ask the other Sunday service guy. We're not weird speaking. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, we're in a trade war. Oh I know But so I have a flight. I have an option to pick a flight upcoming. Mm-hmm. These are my choices. Okay, this for um, The this is very good debaters. Yeah. Yeah. So I have a choice. They've put it to me where there's only two flights. The two options are 530 in the morning or six o'clock in the evening.

Both bad. So you don't have to get there for that night then. Or is it red eye? No, it's an evening before. It no like you'd have to be like, it's the first flight of the morning. What is your- Wait, no, but the 630 at night. 630 at night is not a red eye.

But is that the same day? Yes. Where are you going? But to Yellowknife Northwest territory. Oh, damn. That's so cool. Yeah. Have you been?

No, it's the one on the checklist that I haven't been to. I am envious of your travels for debaters. So, fun. Yeah. Enjoy it. Yeah, that's the best. Is it a direct flight from here? Yeah. Huh.

Direct flight, but only to a day. And I guess, cause it's like their nonstop sun season. When, oh right, right, right, right. When do you- They have their own sun up there. Where do you, when do you land if you go at 6.30 at night? Well, we're in this, oh, are they in the central time zone? I think maybe, so. Just fast forward listeners.

Six, you know, I would get, you get home at like eight, yeah sure, nine, let's say nine, you'd be. Oh, you're talking about leaving there? No, no, yeah, leave at 6 p.m. Leave from there to here? Yeah. I don't care anymore. Which would you pick though, if you had to?

I would do the 6.30, because I would be up all night worried. Me too. So just like hang out, have a nice day in Yellowknife. So I did a 6.30 to here two nights ago. 6.30 p.m.? 6.30 a.m. sorry. So yours is 5.30.

Yeah. 6.30 I had to be up at four to go to the. Yeah, so it'd have to be there. Like I'd have to get up. You're not doing shit. No, no, you're still yeah, you're like Time to go to bed and you just go to the airport. Yeah, so for six, right? Yeah, yeah, that's what I was gonna ask is like debaters it's deep cut and this is actually should be the subject of your debate What? Yeah, early fight late flight. That's I like that. Has anyone is actually should be the subject of your debate. What? Yeah, actually early fight, late flight. I like that.

Has anyone done that one? No, but I like it a lot. And comics would have a lot to say about this. And it's also, here's another thing. We mentioned red eye. Red eye would be better than four in the afternoon, as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I would rather like do a late night flight.

Yeah. Yeah, but like six is like, you know You can have all day, but I don't know if I'd be able to relax the whole day knowing that I had a flight Yeah, but you'd rather relax the whole day not be able to relax the whole day than not be able to relax the whole night You're right about that man. It's going on the debate But CBC covers every flight because you're there for living high on the hog at CBC, let me tell you. But do they give you bad flight options

because it's to save money? No, there's not very many flights between Vancouver, Yellow Night. Yeah, there's like. No, but I'm saying regularly, because you go all over. Yeah, regularly there's just regular options, but places like Illinois, like.

Okay, so they don't, they're not skimping out for you No, no, these are the options. Yeah, and but I've decided I'm gonna go with the six. I'm gonna take your guys's recommendation I'm gonna go on the you ever get asked to do a show and then no the book or book the flight And then it's like flair. Yeah, like weird early time. Maybe a couple connectors. Yeah, like I'm a human being I yeah a piece of cargo. I know I was like I pay my own money to like be a bit more comfortable It's also I'm broke Have you done a show where the Booker is who picked you up from the airport?

But then doesn't drive you back to the airport for the flight because it's too early I've had that happen to me three times. Yes, and I think we're probably thinking of the same place. Yeah, yeah. I mean, thanks for the 20 bucks for the cab. Yeah, exactly, but come on, man. Yeah, no. Finish the job. No, you're coming. Exactly.

You've made your bed. When, what's the deal with these airplane peanuts? The container. They're too small. Anybody want a peanut? Andre. Andre, nice. Before we move on to some overheards, should we probably talk about Max Fun Drive again? Let's talk about it because it's important.

Exactly. Okay, folks, we're back with another word about Max Fun Drive 2024. Do do do do do do do. And you know, we warned you that this was coming and we're doing it. We're making good on our promise. Yeah. So if it's not enough that you feel good

about supporting the show that you love, there's also something in it for you. Yeah, exactly. This isn't just about warm tingly's. This is about warm thinglies. Yeah, that's what it's about. The listener doesn't get to see, but I did a genuine eye roll. If you support our show, which we beg of you, please do it. Head over to maximumfun.org slash join.

Don't make us beg. Don't make us, we will. We absolutely will. Oh, please. Oh, would you please? First of all, if you wanna join at $5 a month, I would be as happy as a clam. Absolutely, and if you do that,

you get all the bonus content. I think that's the level. That is the level for me. If I'm supporting the show, I'm given $5 a month because I know that Dave and Graham give the best bonus content. It's undeniable how good our bonus content is. 24 episodes, at least a year.

When we were doing the Mr. Bean Show, we didn't think people liked it, so we did those in addition to our 24 episodes a year. So there's a lot there. And if you have an activity that you like to do while you're listening to the podcast, you're going to get so much of that done because you got this bonus episode to do whatever you like with. So we've been doing, when we joined the network, we were doing one thing a year. And these were bonus episodes where we would play a board game with Alicia Tobit. We did an episode of All Over Heard.

We did an episode where we... There's another transcript episode where we... Yeah, the original transcript episode where Ryan Beale was reading a Paul F. Tompkins part. And then we re-did that last year. It got so crazy. We'll never do it again. But we are always coming up with hot bonus content and, you know, We did that last year. It got so crazy. We'll never do it again.

But we are always coming up with a hot bonus content and you want it. Yeah. What do we do? We do a, frequently we have listeners call in their jingles, their favorite jingles. Yeah, it's one of the best. We do a countdown of 10 things about something. 10 things we love about Al Pacino, 10 things we love about Batman, 10 things we love about guns and roses.

Night time. 10 things we love about nighttime, 10 things we love about Halloween. This year, we're doing 10 things we love about. Can Con. Canadian content. Well, what is that? It's like TV shows and movies and music. TV shows, music, movies.

It was all mandated by the government. If you were going to show American shows, you also had to have some Canadian shows in there, stuff like that. And you know what? It made some real stars in this year country. Yeah, so we did our 10 things we love about CanCon this year. We also have a game where we pieced together

episodes of Seinfeld. Seinfeld, yeah. It's on one of the characters' plots. We tried to remember the other three characters' plots. And sometimes, Dave's more successful at it than I, because he's got a fantastic memory. one of the characters plots. We try to remember the other three characters plots. And sometimes, Dave's more successful at it than I, because he's got a fantastic memory. It's exciting when you start connecting though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're like, okay, but he would have been at that thing. And so what does that do? Yeah, yeah. So that is at the $5 level, the bonus content. If you would like, if you're new or upgrading and you join at the $10 per month level, you will get all the bonus content. If you would like, if you're new or upgrading and you join at the $10 per month level, you will get all the bonus content. Plus, you will get one

of 42 enamel pins. And that's up to you which one you want. This year's ours is fantastic. It's a yellow one that says no friggin way, which I think you can enjoy. People can enjoy that even if they don't know the podcast, cause no frigging way. Yeah, yeah, I ain't doing it. You can put that on your jean jacket. You can put it on your shoulder bag. You can put it on your jean vest. You can put it on your, you know, your jean.

Jeans. Sure, your jean Krupa. Or you could be like, oh, one of those strange people that put them all over a hat. You walk around with a big floppy hat with a bunch of pins on it. Up to you. Go to the Olympics and trade them

with other people trading their Olympics pins. And they'll be like, hey, this isn't regulation. By then you're in the car driving home. That's at the $10 level. At the $20 level, you get, this is for new and upgrading members. If you're already a member, have I mentioned how much we very much appreciate you?

We love you, okay? There, I said it. You thought I was holding off and saying it? Here you go, I love you, okay? And also, by the way, before I get to the $20 a month, the $10 a month, every year we do a little, after Max Fund Drive is over, because these pins are for new and upgrading members.

If you're already a member at $10, you're probably thinking, what, I don't get a pin? Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, settle down. What they do at the end, well, I guess what we do, or if you want more than one pin, you can following the drive, maximum fund puts all of these pins on sale

to $10 plus a month members with the proceeds going to charity. So you'll get your chance to get multiple pins post drive. And your angel wings for helping out somebody in need. Yeah, that's right. And then if you got 20 bucks a month to just kind of do whatever you want with, join the diamond friendship circle. Yeah, $20 a month to just kind of do whatever you want with, join the diamond friendship circle.

Yeah, at $20 a month, you get the content. Yeah. Oh, the bonus content's so good. And we're recording a couple episodes tomorrow. Can't wait to do them, can't wait to hear them, you know? I can't wait to hear the words that are coming out of my mouth. Yeah.

You get the pin, but if you are a new or upgrading member at the $20 level, you will also get either a very colorful, oh my God, look at this towel. I know this is fantastic. Very busy. It's a very busy town. That's the way I like my beach. It's bright.

It's got, I want to say a unicorn. It might just be a regulation horse, but it is a real eye catcher. You can get that or the Maximum Fun Bucket Hat, which is much more subdued. It's got a rocket on it. It's got a rocket on it. And then, you know, you know if you're a Bucket Hat person or not,

you can, you know. Yeah, you're either, you're probably like, oh, I'm very handsome and beautiful and every hat looks good on me. If not, get the towel. Yeah, if you look like Gilligan, you know what time it is. It's towel time.

There's more things you can get at the $35 a month level, the 50 level and on and on. All of those are available at maximumfun.org slash join. But right now, I think while it's on your mind, you gotta go, you gotta click it. This is the best time to do it. I hate to say what the highway signs say, but click it or tick it.

Yeah, click it or tick it. And it's real easy. Just go to maximumfun.org slash join. And it's just that easy. And then you can be part part you can be on the inside of this business, you know, right now you're just you're getting the sheen but when you're going to see the actual workings of the the whole podcast thing. And we love we love it. We love doing it for you. We love having you and we love your love. We love it. You love it. Okay, back to the show.

We love it. You'll love it. Okay, back to the show. Overheard. Overheard is a segment where we hear things out there and you know, it's crazy. Some of the things you hear, they're just wild and we wanna hear them too. And we always like to start with the guest. Chris, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, I do. But I also like, if anyone remembers me on this show any other time, I'm not good at this. That's okay. I walk around with my headphones in all the time blaring pissed jeans at full volume. So. And not even the band. Just the sound effect. Yeah, it's kind of ASMR to be honest.

Of piss hitting denim. The best sound. It's a long way to go. Yeah. From the penis to the gene. To the genus? Or the urethra. From the penis to the genes.

The Rolling Stone story. So I didn't have my headphones in yesterday at a bar and this is really dumb. I ordered a Guinness and a salad sitting at this bar. Yeah, so that part's the better part of this story. Guinness and a salad. But you know when you're on the road, you're like, you know, I gotta squeeze in a salad somewhere.

Yeah. Because it's not happening often. I usually just squish it all into a condom and swallow it. Oh yeah, it still counts. Oh, you bring it with you across the border. Yeah. Yeah. And then you have to get it out

and then open it up, find a bowl. Yeah, you have to wash the shit off the condom to eat the salad. Oh, and that never occurred to me. Oh shit. Oh no. Equalize to me. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Equalize. I just chew up the.

So you're having, you're having. The menu had like fried chicken. Yeah. Calamari. Yeah. And I'm like, give me this cabbage thing. My body, I just know my body needs it. Yeah.

There were three people beside me. Salad was good too. Guinness was delicious. But the three people beside me Salad was good too Guinness was delicious but the three people beside me I Don't know. It's not that great, but I just heard the the guy order for all three of them. He's like three three Merlot and then the girl was like, oh, um, and he's like you don't want that and she's like Sure. He's like, what do you want like a beer? And then she was like, no, it's fine. So I was like, I'll remember that.

That's a dynamic. Yeah, and that's a guy really throwing it down. What do you want, a beer? Is he like that? Yeah, you're a girl. You want the Merlot. Yeah, we're ordering it because of you. Otherwise we don't have three beers.

Yeah, we're ordering it because of Sideways. It was the drink they all loved. Everybody love Merlot. I will drink Merlot, he said. I will only drink Merlot. I'm Thomas Hayden Church. He's Paul G. Maddie and you're the girl. Yeah, you're Virginia Madsen and Sandra Oh.

Yeah, mixed together. The girls. Dave, you want to wear her? They got too magical. I guess so. This is one that is, we were walking to school, we were walking from our car to the school and a couple of my daughter's classmates

were walking near us and there was a girl and a boy and the girl was saying, so today's picture day, are you ready for picture day? And the boy was like, what? And she was like, no, it's picture day. It's a class picture day. We're all getting our picture taken together. And the boy was like, no, it's not.

No, I would know about that. Yeah. Wait, who do you believe? And then they asked my daughter, is it picture day? And she said, it's picture day. Oh, shit. Oh. And then the other girl was like,

yeah, my mom knows it's picture day and she has a phone. Yeah. That's great. Picture day was a lot of pressure because you wanted to wear your favorite shirt. Well, I never remembered it was picture day. Yeah. You're like this kid.

Yeah. I plotted out. I'd be like, I gotta wear, you know, when I was how old, like 10, probably I would need to wear an elf shirt, you know? Elf, Ninja Turtle. Do you treat individual picture day differently than class picture day?

Yeah. Cause this was class picture day. This is elementary school class picture day. Yeah. Okay. And also entire school picture day. This is elementary school class picture. Yeah. Okay. And also entire school picture day. Well, where's they go on the roof or something? They go on a ladder. Yeah, nice.

Drone shot, yeah. Yeah, they got drones now. Honestly, it should be. Yeah, it's every school, if I was in office, every school would have a drone. Yeah, every elementary school would have their own drone. And every teacher would have a gun. Everybody would have a gun, we'd do drills every day.

Yeah. And you know what? Just let people smoke inside, what the hell? And there should be fire pits in school, they have to jump over like Mario Brothers. Yeah, yeah, and a coal walk, like where they have to prove that they're burning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins should be at every school. You didn't burn your foot, It's all in your mind. Yeah. Stupid. Through the power of mind, you can walk over this. Yeah. These paramedics are trying to beat the power of mind.

With the power of mind, you can put a sword through your lobe. And if you can put a sword through your lobe, you can learn time stables. Now Lisa, Lisa sword through lobe. Pointing at me like, oh yeah, Dave, maybe you can do something with this. That's a Dave one.

I cut you off there by accident though. I got excited about the school creating our own school. I wanna hear a sound effect of a sword hitting a lobe. Are we thinking ear lobe or frontal lobe of your brain? I was definitely going brain lobe. I don't waste time with the ear. It's not quick enough. Okay, this is a knife going into, sorry, yeah, sword going into a lobe. Well, here's the unsheat time with the ear. It's not quick enough. Okay, this is a knife going into, sorry.

Yeah, sword going into a knife. Well, here's the unsheathing of the sword. And you can all give it a shot too. I don't like just being the only sound. Yeah, we'll go around. That's nice. Ska-peel. Aaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah! Oh, yeah, that was good. OK. Yeah. So one thing I guess like puncturing. Would be a little sound, too. Yeah, it would be a pop. Be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that would be like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That would be like Yeah, yeah would have to be like a little yeah, yeah

So there's a thing on the radio station here called ZFX Yeah, and said 95.3 and they play like a one second sound effect and you have to guess it and that's fine The prize goes up $500 every time someone gets it wrong and it goes up, it's last time I made it up to $95,000. They have that much money? Well. Zed? Yeah, what the hell? Get into us anyways. And then they, but it's always like,

everyone sounds like opening a drawer. And so they have to like put out, go to our website first and see what other people have guessed because it's not a drawer. I know that somebody guessed that it was a drawer, but I heard it. It's a drawer. It's definitely a drawer.

Yeah, it is a drawer. And the last time it was like, when you, if you get a four pack of little yogurt cups and then you take one off. Oh, you mean like break one off? Yeah, break one off. That's a hard snap. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. And then it's... We have a radio station in Toronto that does that too, because my daughter and my wife were playing that game the other day. Yeah, there's a game we play on the way to school called Alpha Bucks,

which is they give you 30 seconds and 10 questions that all, the answers all start with the same letter. And it's like, okay, your letter is M. This is the thing that shows your reflection. This is a meatloaf. Yeah, this is a loaf of meat. Mirror. Uh.

And then I was talking about it on the show and someone in Australia was like, oh yeah, we have that here, we call it Alphabucks. What the? What the hell? You didn't say you're overheard. And you also, you didn't do the sound effect. Oh yeah.

Whoa. Come on, there's a new king in ground? A new king of swing. That's the low. Oh, I like it. Yeah. You already said yourself. Is that an old motion? Yeah, I like it. Yeah I did it wrong Trying to do the shing, but I

Cutting myself and then you put it in your brain and it goes Yeah, oh that sounds like you snorted it snorting swords sorting swords with a Trumpka Welcome back. I like it. Yeah, I liked it too. Good round the horn, you guys. Yeah. Well done.

We're doing great. My overheard is, if you take a certain train line here in Vancouver, you go to Waterfront Station, there's a walk where everybody walks really slow, so you can't help but be kind of ear to ear with everybody. And so the woman in front of me was responding to something on the other end of the phone and she said, yes, yes, you're the bitch.

So somebody's like, am I the bitch? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're the bitch. This situation though, was she the bitch or am I the bitch? Because I think I may be the bitch. Oh no, you're the bitch. Okay. You're the bitch this time.

So do I have to write like a nice note? Yeah, yeah. What do you do when you're the bitch? Yeah, does a card store have a card for that? Sorry for being the bitch. I was the bitch. Sometimes you're the bitch, today I was the bitch. Yeah, sometimes you eat the bitch.

Is that what you were gonna say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes the bitch eats you. Now we also have Overheard sent in to us by people all over the world, if you want to send one in, send it in to sbyatmaximumfun.org. This one, this little, I don't know if this is a thing that's circulated on the internet,

I feel like I've seen this before, but this is very, this is keyed up in Dave's interest world. This is a G in Cambridge, UK, with this is a second hand overheard that I got from someone, but immediately make me think of you, that it might still be of use in a period of overhearing drought,

which was, we had about a year ago. It's a picture, or it's a poster on a window of a Dairy Queen that said, we do not flip blizzards upside down. We are not a participating location. Oh. What do you feel about that? Cause I know Dairy Queen's like number one, so.

Dairy Queen is number one. They do have a new like dip. Did you hear my stomach there? I see you said it, the stomach's like, yeah, let's do it. You have a dip variety that's like cookie crumbs. Like you dip it into this sort of dark goo, but it's got crumbs in it. So your stomach is okay with all that stuff.

Oh yeah, I'm a big lactose guy. Yeah, I'm lactose tolerant. Most guys that get older, I mean everybody. Yeah. Well, not everybody got older. Kurt Cobain didn't, but he definitely had stomach trouble. He had stomach trouble. Anyway, my thoughts on this Blizzard thing,

the upside down is just, you know, it's theater. Theater, yeah. But like, of course it's not gonna fall out. I know, but it's still like, you wanna see it, right? But what if- I wanna see it. But what if it is so thin that it- It's locked out? Yeah. It's not a blizzard. Well, then that's maybe they should do it just in case.

Yeah. Yeah. This location maybe is fucking up. But that's like, yeah, there's a mean guy in charge. You ever had a McFlurry? Thumbs down. Not as good. They don't do that because it would fall out of the cup. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know. I don't know this stuff.

I don't go for it. All right. You're you have lactose. I don't know. I don't know this stuff. I don't go for it. All right, you have lactose. I don't, but it'll stink later. So maybe a bit. You'll know it. Yeah, but what doesn't? Seriously, Indian food. Indian food comes out like ice cubes.

This next one comes from Evan W. And this is as far as this recording. I used to work at a bookstore for a while and up near our front desk we had an absolutely enormous oversized book that is like something like 50 pounds. It's works of photographer Annie Leibovitz One day while it was open to a picture of Dustin Hoffman and Christopher walk and a customer looking at it said to her friend Oh, this must have been taken while he was alive as Recording they are both still alive. Yeah, and that person was wrong, but but no they were right It was taken while he was alive. That is true. That is true. Oh, yeah Furthermore, I'm sure every picture in that book

Is of somebody who's alive? Yeah, Annie Leibowitz took very few pictures of dead people. Yeah with a shroud on or or like Autopsy pictures. Wait, they said this must have been taken when he was alive. Yeah. Yeah You idiot. Oh, she did take a few dead pictures for the young Hollywood issue of Vanity Fair. Every year. This last one comes from Dallas from Urbana, Illinois.

I think I'd like to be a famous photographer. It's not too late. It's never too late, Dave. Never too late. Just get a snap of somebody famous, you're on your way. Yeah, maybe like a high paid, high powered photographer by cell. You don't want that busy schedule.

Yeah, that's true. No, they come to me. You don't get out of bed for less than $10,000. Yeah, they're like, well, I don't get out of bed for less than $10,000. Like, well, we're just supposed to stay in bed. Yeah, why don't we fuck? Are you gonna have affectations?

Of course. Yeah. Like what? Cravat. Cravat, maybe a walking stick, something like that. Those, like those pants that zip off into shorts. Oh yeah, those rule. That guy's weird. This guy's good, yeah, he's fucked up.

Wearing a cravat and zip-up shorts. This last one comes from Dallas, from Urbana, Illinois. Or is it Urbana from Dallas, Illinois? Tick-a-dang-dang. Urbana. I was talking with my nine-year-old son. Smells like Keen Beer-it. About TV shows and the show friends came up. I told him that we could watch it when he was older,

though I wasn't sure how well it would hold up. He said, is it old? Are there floppy disks? Which honestly, if you see it on movie or TV show, you're like that is a very specific chunk of time. The net with the Bullet kind of thing. Oh yeah, get this floppy disk. Get a floppy disk.

I barely learned how to handle floppy disks and then they were gone. Yeah. I was like, okay. Well, floppy disks, there were the smaller ones that were stiff. But they were also stiff. They were also called floppy disks. I don't like that.

Right. Because you also have a hard disk, but thispy disks. Yeah. I don't like that. Right. Because you also have a hard disk, but like this flop, this one is much floppier and this one's much harder. So those hard ones, are they still technically like a analog thing? Like what was that? They, they.

I don't know. There was like a tape inside. Yeah, they had like a, I guess that spun? I don't know guys. Like I'm too young for this. I'm a young guy. And you would have to get a number two pencil and wind the thing back in.

Wind your buddy. Well, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. Although please, please now just send us voice memos. I gotta get a better way of ramping this up. If you wanna send us a voice thing, if you wanna call us. Give them the numbers just in case.

Well, first of all, email us a voice memo, spy at maximumfund.org. Or, I mean, if you have a landline and you have a way in at the company that handles our voicemails, go to 1-844-GO-TO, dial 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, SpyPod one. Like these people have,

but these ones are only voice memos. Hi, Dave Graham and guests. This is Andy from Flint, Michigan with an overheard. I was skiing on Super Bowl Sunday and hopped on a ski lift with a couple of strangers and turned to one of them and said, best day of the year for skiing because of the Super Bowl, right? There was a pause longer than I expected. And finally the guy next to me said, oh yes, Super Bowl. And then he turned to his friend and spoke in what I am guessing is Russian. So, the little Sturzmuth, the little Super Bowl.

And after a pause, the other friend said, yes, Super Bowl. And they proceeded to finish their conversation as though I wasn't there. Off I go. This guy's given us a great topic, Super Bowl. Let's run with it. Yeah. Are you allowed to fake Russian? Yes. Okay.

Yeah. Just checking. How many guys do you think you tried that line on? Hey, pretty good day for skiing. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're standing, if you're doing enough runs that day, you can try it out with a couple of different people.

Go back a couple of weeks later. Who do you guys like in the Oscars tonight? What do you guys like in the Invictus Games? They probably thought it was like a ski slope. Oh, yeah, because you do ski in a bowl. The Super Bowl. Yeah, there you go. You may crack the code.

Are you a skier? I was when my parents were paying for it. Yeah. So I grew up skiing and then I became a man with no money. Yeah. It's a rite of passage to stop skiing. Yeah. But I went a few years ago again and still got it.

The muscle memory's all there and it was really fun. Yeah. Nice. I love skiing. A snowboarder or a skier? I did get into snowboarding too at 18. Yeah. I tried. Two art. Oh, we would come here. We would go to Whistler Blackcomb in the 90s.

Wow. Yeah. Couldn't do it now. This is like 300 bucks for a day at the Slope. Yeah, that's nuts. It works out better if you get a season's pass, but you gotta keep going. I remember the old Whistler Village.

Yeah. Oh yeah. And then, and Blackcomb Village was just new, like the last time I was there, which was like 2000 or something. I remember the old Whistler Creek side, man. Really? The old Boston Pizza and Husky Station. Shit.

Are you talking about the side with the old metal gondola? Yeah, man. You don't. Really? Of course. Yeah, I rode that. I rode all the gondola.

Nice. I hotboxed the gondola. Did you? With some friends. I did not. That, I rode that. I rode a Hultagons. Nice. I hotboxed a gondola. Did you? With some friends. I did not. That I did not do. And I was skiing and just, it was all bright blue sky sun and fresh powder

and literally went off like a, at least a eight foot drop without even knowing it was coming up, stoned after leaving the hotbox gondola. And just like, luckily I had like kid body that just bent with it. Yeah. And like into the powder, but it was like, okay.

I have not been there in, ooh, 20 years? Yeah. Mm, mm, mm, mm. I'm trying to be Robin Williams. Ooh, yeah, that's the sound. Yeah, 2000 was my last time. Well, let's get back out there. Let's get the gang back together. Ontario has frickin blue mountain dude and horseshoe. Well, it's not a fight. Yeah. It's so you do you like skiing with like mud and rocks?

Yeah. Those are my cronies for Mud and Rock. OK, next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. I'm recording a voice memo, just like you asked. This is Maddie from Portland, Oregon. And I haven't overheard of the kids say the darndest variety. I work IT in middle school. And I was in the front office today.

And I heard over the radio, Yeah, can you come get Jeremy? He won't stop saying the word penis. Oh, oopsie doo, off I go. Yeah, once you discover the word penis, it's hard to drop, you know? It's penis and testicles. Yeah, there's a kid in my kid's class who's big on the skibbity. He says skibbity everywhere.

Yeah. Skibbity toilet, Riz, that kind of thing. Shit. My six-year-old loves bad words. Yeah. She loves them. What's her fave? Like probably fart.

Oh, fart's a good one. And penis. Yeah. Yeah. My kids, we will like, I'll show them like a video on Instagram and then sometimes I'll just keep scrolling to see other funny videos and then there'll be a swear and my kids will repeat the thing,

but be like, be word. Nice. They'll like, they'll, they- They self-censor. They self-censor. Like, oh, you're my kids. Yeah, they're your kids. And use your final phone call.

Hi Graham and Dave, This is Carmen from Toronto. About two years ago around Christmas time, I was walking into a No Frills grocery store, and outside there were two women standing having a conversation. And one was asking the other how the shift went. And the one who worked said, you know, he was there and we had to do an x-ray and then, you know, he had a pickle. It was a pickle up there, you know, he had a dill pickle up his butt. Well, off I go. Everybody tries it once, you know? Yeah. You gotta see if that pickle gets up there.

I mean, it's so slippery. Yeah. Oops. And you know what? The pickle shit, one of the best. One of the best. What pickle would you like up there? Oh, kosher.

Kosher, big kosher. Yeah. What would you do, a sweet pickle? Maybe a cornichon. Ah, cornichon, don't be a little guy. Maybe just some spoonful of relish. Everybody experiments with pickles, totally normal. A spoonful of relish goes into your ass.

In the most delightful. Can I say something? Yeah. I'm really calm and mellowed out by the smooth cadence of Carmen. Yeah, it was like, it was really, it was like, this is kind of sounded like, like,

I'm more relaxed now. Like they were under a blanket. I loved it. This is a crisis situation, but I feel so good. Yeah. Yeah. The, I have to, of course, mention our sister podcast, Jordan, Jesse, go.

Yes. Every time something goes in your butt, the slogan they use is without a base, without a trace. So make sure you have everything as a flared end before you put it up your butt. Yes. Yeah. Good call.

Shit. Yeah, so like an Oscar can totally go. You can stick that up. Yeah. Oh yeah, plunger, there's all sorts of things. Yeah, boo-hoo-sailor, you can stick up there. And blow it out your ass. Now that brings us to the end of the show.

Before we depart, how about another little chat? Why don't we just say it right now? This is the one time a year we ask you to help us out. Yeah, help us out. This show is, did you hear any ads on the show? Have you heard any ads on the show? No. No. This show is 100% supported by the listeners.

You guys always come through for us. We love you and it's just, it's an honor. It's an honor to be with you. So one last time while it's on your mind, head over to maximumfun.org slash join and... We'll see you there. We'll see you there and thanks for supporting the show. We love you, bye.

Chris, thank you so much for being our guest. This is so much fun. Yeah. Where can people find you? You're online, you're doing shit, you're so funny. Where can people, do you find you at Evil Men, which is a weekly podcast? Yeah, check out Evil Men.

Evil Men and me are on Instagram. I guess that's my home base for the most part for keeping in touch with people. Yeah. Yeah, if you're in Edmonton, that April 27th show, I don't even know if the tickets are listed yet at the Grindstone Theater. That's gonna be a big party.

Yeah, don't buy unlisted tickets, because those are probably fake. Yeah, they're probably fake. Yeah. I don't know those guys. But, anyone who came to my shows here in Vancouver, I love you very much.

I love doing Stop Podcasting Yourself. You guys are the best. So thank you so much for having me. You guys are- And happy birthday! Oh yeah! there it is. Thank you. Crunch, crunch, crunch on those chips.

I'm excited. And thank you everybody out there for listening. We love you very much. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.