Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 891 - Arthur Simeon

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

Comedian Arthur Simeon returns to talk Ugandan video stores, outlet malls, and the Juno Awards gala. Support Jay Arner's transition costs. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 891 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham and with me as always, because we're recording quite a few episodes back to back, is a guy who must be sick of my face, Mr. Dave Schumke. Graham, I could never get sick of your face.

Graham, it's like, oh my god, it's like, you're like, freaking, what's your face riding the clam? Oh? Venus is that Venus riding the clam. Oh I love Love art. I love that era of art. Who's that? But a jelly. Yeah. Yeah, you got it Oh, I love body jelly with a little bit of cream sauce Well, I guess clam sauce. Sure. Yeah. It's already there. Mm-hmm.

Our guest today, a very, very funny comedian and somebody that we're just lucky to grab in the limited time that he's here in Vancouver, it's Arthur Simeon. Hello, Arthur. First of all, lucky is not the word I would go for. Like I feel like it should be something a lot less, like low expectation. Okay, yeah. He's a, Like, I feel like it should be something a lot less, like low expectation.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you. I can't believe I'm actually, I'm actually genuinely nervous doing this. Oh good. Yeah. Like this is, this is such, I've been, and David doesn't know this, but I've been very salty about this. And every time I would say Graham,

I'd be like, really? Really? Courtney Gilmore the third time, you know? How did you know she's been on three times? Because I, you know, I tried. We didn't, we were like, so it's twice, right? She didn't know she's been on three times. Oh, I do. I do. Okay. You know how the, you guys have the descriptions and it says, so-and-so returns. Yes. And I'm like, this garbage human being returns and I still haven't been,

And I'm like, this garbage human being returns and I still haven't been like John Doe returns a month. Really? Really? Yes. Yeah. Do we want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

Well, I'm excited that you're here because you don't, you're in Toronto. You don't come through Vancouver often. Yeah, very often. Yep. So it's, I'm excited that you're here because you don't, you're in Toronto. You don't come through Vancouver often. Yep. So it's a concern of myself. Blessed. There you go. Not lucky.

Blessed is what I, that's what I would like to say. Um, you guys know each other? Uh, yeah, I'm blessed. Yeah. Yeah. Graham texted me last night at 10 30. Yeah. Said, uh, Hey, uh, last minute.

And we've recorded twice and this is episode three in four days. Yeah. Said, hey, last minute. And we've recorded twice in the, this is episode three in four days. Yeah. I got nothing to talk about. Well, let's focus on our thing. But I never, never have I gotten a night before. I know. Hey, and I, every week I send Graham my availability. Yeah.

And so I couldn't be like, I can't do Monday morning. Yeah. Yeah, cause you were just, you were flying back from Whitehorse. Yes. And where you did a show, which you told me all about when we had breakfast. Terrible show.

Yeah. How many kids in the audience? Roughly 15 to 20. 15 to 20 kids in the audience. What would you find kid? Below. Teenagers? Below 12. How many kids in the audience? Roughly 15 to 20. 15 to 20 kids in the audience. What a fine kid. Below teenagers? Below 12. Below 12, yikes.

Above three. Cool. Classic kid age. Yeah. Definitely walking around and could hold like the mic cord and play with it. Old enough to have the dexterity to play with a mic cord as you're performing.

And their teeth had grown in so they could chew the mic cord. Yes, yes, yeah. Yeah, rub their arms around your leg and pull as you're trying to do a standup show. It was wonderful. And you, my favorite element of the story was the shuttle that picked you up.

Oh, I got a, so I got picked up in a full coach bus, like a full length by myself, which I thought was a little much, but I was like, oh, I'm a prince. This is how I need to be treated when I go to Whitehorse, right? Yes. And then I have a less than,

let's say good show, you know, and then that same shuttle was taking most of the audience back to the city and I had to be on it. And so I asked Graham earlier, I was like, I don't know about you, but I don't know if you've ever had to share a one hour bus ride with people who just saw you bomb.

It is, it's a character building experience. Yeah. Well, why is it so far out of town? Was it was like a festival? Oh, that was, uh, so the, obviously you're staying in white horse, but the festival is in Cockroach, which is about an hour drive away through the most beautiful terrain you'll ever

see, like the mountains and everything is great. The ride back did not see those mountains through the most beautiful terrain you'll ever see, like the mountains and everything is great. The right back did not see those mountains through the tears. It's just absolutely. Pete Slauson That's what I was worried about when comedians like work on cruise ships. Shep Slauson Yeah. Pete Slauson Because what if you bomb and then you're, where do you go? Shep Slauson Nowhere. Pete Slauson Yeah.

Shep Slauson I mean, you know where to go, but it's just, it's a one-way ticket. If it's really that bad, you know exactly where to go. Yeah, you're being dropped off in Miami. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if not dropped off in the Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do they still cruise the Bermuda Triangle? Yeah, I wonder about that. I hope so.

Yeah. I don't think cruise ships ever went missing though. No, planes, right? It was mostly planes. Planes, trains, automobiles. Yeah, all of them. It would be funny if all the cruise ships are fine, but planes are the ones that disappear.

Yeah. That would be great. That was because there were planes that disappeared, weren't there? Yeah, but. Didn't Amelia Earhart, and she disappeared into the Brunei. Well, who knows?

Who knows? It was a long time ago. Who would have also come up with that? They triangulated it. Triangle. I feel like there was a lot of those stories where it was just ghosting. Yeah. Someone just didn't want to return texts and you just didn't feel like it.

And they were like, yeah, I'm just going to. I'm going off to explore the Bermuda Triangle, if you know what I mean. If you know what I mean, yeah. What is the, cause it was a thing in the eighties and 90s. Yeah. About like, I guess not like giant planes going missing, but like a little plane. Like two prop. Yeah. Yeah.

But people are fine there now. Where's Bermuda? That's great question. That's, yeah, yeah. It's a lot. Where is Bermuda, Graham? It's a lot further north. I know there's, yeah, there's a Bermuda. When you're in Bermuda, it says North Atlantic.

Is that right? Yeah. Okay. Oh, wow. It's not close to anything. Yeah. It's not by those fun islands. Yeah. Oh, it's way out there by itself. It's way out there by itself.

We got the map pulled up just to show you Aruba. Yeah, Jamaica. Where do you want to take it? Bermuda, Bahama. And then I go to open a different tab for come on pretty mama. Have either of you been to Bermuda? I've been to Key Largo.

Montego. Yeah, Montego, yeah. No, have you? I have. Did you holiday or working trip? Working trip. Okay. it was very funny because the there was one airline that takes you into Bermuda which was Our lovely air Canada nice, but because it's once a week and I was there for less than seven days

I had to get an American airline to come back and air Canada wouldn't let me onto the flight Until I proved that I had a return flight. Oh, sure. Because I guess I worried that I might overstay on an island of 60,000 people. I'm like, I don't think that's going to be a problem. I don't think they're going to have to look for me. The place is the size of a shopping mall. Even if I wanted to, even, oh, has anyone seen Arthur?

You mean the giant African guy over there? Like he's right there. He's right there. It's good. What is There yeah, what is yeah beautiful hotels? and swimming pools I think two grocery stores a couple of gas stations. Do they have like like tourists t-shirts that are like I went to survive the Bermuda. I just ride the Bermuda Triangle. All I got was this lousy t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's really into it. That's where the shorts came from. Yeah. Bermuda shorts. Sure. I thought you

meant Martin shorts family. Fun fact, not a single person wearing Bermuda shorts in Bermuda. Yeah. I guess it's like, I think it's a prank they play on everyone else. Yeah. They should call that place Cargo. Yeah. I think the same with Panama hats. I bet you nobody in Panama wears a Panama hat. Yeah.

One fun fact, they don't allow franchises. Where? In Bermuda. So you don't see any. Where? Yeah. They don't allow. What are we talking about?

Yeah, Bermuda, yeah. Yeah, so you won't see any brand names that you're familiar with, which was very refreshing. Yeah. And also disturbing. I wonder like, if you were in that, how would you get the things like the burgers or whatever shipped in?

You gotta swim. You gotta swim. Yeah, you gotta. They only get, they have a McDonald's but it only has the Filet-O-Fish. The, there's towns here that have no franchises, no chains. Yeah.

But like right on the edge of town, there's a cluster of them, like right outside. And like, we got to preserve our heritage in the downtown core. Yeah. And everyone's like, I gotta go to Home Depot. I gotta go. Yeah.

I heard of a town and I don't, I can't remember the name now somewhere in Alberta that has 340 people and has a Walmart and two McDonald's. That's like they could all live in the Walmart. Exactly. In the bed section. I was like, that is the worst criminal enterprise. Like it's obviously a front front whatever they're doing in there 340 people so like with a full supercenter everybody goes that must be their industries everybody goes there and then maybe buys a

Yeah, yeah, I was in a small town. It's a small town. Everyone's like I I'm a Walmart greeter My father was a Walmart greeter his father before It's in our blood. Yeah, I remember years and years ago. I'm sure I've told this on the podcast where I was in a small town. I can't remember the name of it, but that was the day. Epidemic. These small towns we can't remember the names of. But it just happened to be there on the day that their first franchise opened and it was in A&W. What is that stand for, by the way? A&W opened and it was in A&W. What does that stand for by the way? A&W, A&W, A&W, A&W, come back to me.

Okay. And we were just a whoop. There it is. And there was a big deal. There was a parade, everybody's like going nuts. The mascot was there, there was a, yeah. It was fantastic because they were like, we've arrived. Yeah.

Arthur, what's your favorite chain? Harvey's. Harvey's. Yeah. Okay. We talked Harvey's with Courtney. So could you come up with something else? Okay. This is the problem.

This is exactly why people like Courtney should be banned from public spaces because they just take up all the good stuff that I wanted to talk about. Yeah. There's 890 people we'd like banned. Yeah. Yeah. Harvey's is a Canadian chain. The big thing was that you could... It's like Subway in that you get to kind of go through and pick your toppings as you go. I was gonna say decorations, but that's not the right word.

That is the word. That's the right word. That's the word you get to put on your own decorations. You get to decorate your food by yourself. Decoration. What was your, what was your go to? I mean, in terms of like the toppings or you're just all your order. Yeah.

Everything. Yeah. You everything except raw onion. Okay. Keep out. Is that everything else? Hard rule. No raw onion.

Yeah. Raw onion just doesn't, you know, lot of the times you're going to be speaking to other people after you eat and you don't want to. Not me. I go, it's a whole trip for me. I go to Harvey's. Harvey's and then just, that's the rest of the day. Yeah.

I saw a post today about someone has been going to, I don't know if these are real studies, but they were taking these real, these studies, they're posting studies that say that eating raw onion increases your testosterone. And they would put them on the subreddit for fitness or like some kind of subreddit. And then now they just sit back and watch people eating raw onion. That is incredible. They were like, this is my I love that. I love because that's the world that we live in now. Someone is going to see that and be like, this is what I'm going to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember being in university and someone in convinced a whole bunch of people. Cause again, it's usually men. Let's be, let's, let's be real. We're going to fall for this scam. But someone was selling a cologne that was full of pheromones. And all you had to do was a little sprinkle on yourself and the ladies would come running. And if it didn't happen, then you were doing it wrong.

You know? You're putting it on wrong. Yeah. And I think this guy's a billionaire now because so many people. Do you remember the ads for Axe body spray? Yep. That had, it was, I haven't seen them in a while. Are we too woke now?

No, Axe is still out there. But the commercials of a guy spraying himself with it and then like just being chased down by thousands of women. Yeah. Having to run as fast as he can. As he can to get away from them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's always fun. When I was a teenager in high school, again, another kind of like the raw onion story, like someone convinced us, I don't even know how it started, that silver nitrate. Is that something you can get anywhere? You can get anywhere. Silver nitrate would help you grow facial hair. Okay. So as 13, 14 year olds without facial hair,

this was a big deal. You want it to be like, this is how you become someone with a beard. And the chemistry lab had to put out a thing being like, stop stealing the silver nitrate because people were using it like aftershave and I'm so glad they chose silver nitrate because if they had chosen

something more acidic, my entire class had no faces, no faces whatsoever. And probably no dicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even think about that. What is the silver nitrate? Is it a liquid? Is it a. It's a liquid.icks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even think about that. What is the silver nitrate? Is it a liquid? It's a liquid.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's on the scale. I don't know my chemistry. I can't remember my chemistry. But it's a pretty passive or whatever the, I can't remember what the word is. But yeah. But yeah. It's not intense.

Yeah, yeah. It's not sodium chloride or whatever. That's salt. Yeah. Well, you wrote that on your face. Do you know what salt is? Yeah. It's not H2O. H2O, yeah, it's not oxygen.

It's not nitrogen or whatever, I don't know. But yeah, silver nitrate, people were slapping it on themselves aftershave. That's so funny. Wow. And still no beard, by the way. I'm Like a year later, still everyone's still like. Did it happen to like a rash or something like that? No, just lucky enough. Also there's a chance, cause again,

knowing the budget that my school was working with, there was a chance there was just water in the bottom of the cell phone I tried. And we would, cause it's a clear liquid. So you don't know. Yeah. I think it would be great if it worked and there was just like one school in the whole city

that just all the 13 year olds have huge fears. Just walking around like, oh, what? That came in a little early. I don't know what you're talking about. There must be something in the water. Well, it's the water inside the silver nitrate vial. Do you remember like growing up, who was the first kid that you knew that had a beard? Like I'm picturing a guy I know who like at a five o'clock shadow when we were all in

grade seven. I do. And when I look back, I realized that he was probably a fully grown adult. Like a dad with two kids who decided to go back to school because he was so much older than us. Like, we were, I think we were like 12. And this guy had like a beard. He had like fully grown muscles. Like everyone was like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And I do remember him. And it was funny because I run into him like in my 20s and he looked 50. Like he was just like, oh, I was like, oh, you were not 12 when the rest of us were 12. You were just like, you were just there. Just held back.

And then he had that Robin Williams Jack disease. Oh yeah, well, what was the Jack disease? He was a kid inside and he was an adult outside? I think he just aged like rapidly. Yeah, he aged rapidly. His body aged rapidly, but he had that childlike Robin Williams style mind. Somebody tried to sleep with him, a la big.

I hope not. Yeah, me too, but it happened at big and it was uncomfortable. For who? Me. Okay. I'm a pervert. Okay.

Graves is a pervert? I'm a pervert. And that made you uncomfortable? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I have a very specific thing. Yeah, yeah. I feel like they're picking on me as a pervert. Yeah, that's right.

Don't yuck my yuck. So you've been doing comedy, how many years? 17 years. You started the same year we started this podcast. 17 years. Yeah, imagine that Dave, imagine that. And you never thought to come on the show. Oh, how dare you.

So many times I would see, I would run into Graham, and then I would do my best radio voice in front of him. Just a hint, but never, you know. That's how we book guests on voice. Yeah. And I thought you were just experiencing some sort of mania or something like that. Yeah, yeah, you just kind of look at me and then you would like, sweet and then walk away. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm hinting. Please. If people think we book our guests on how they look, but no, we book them on how they look. Look at me and then you'd like squint and then walk away. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm hinting, please.

Please. If people think we book our guests on how they look, but no, we do it on voice. That's why we had Susan Boyle on the show. I know for a fact that how they look because all of them are no, all of them have faces for radio. We've had some handsome guests.

That's true, we've had some handsome guests. Let's name 50. Not one, name two. Ah. Yeah. That's what I thought. Okay. I'm the first one. Yeah.

Bradley Cooper, I brought Bradley Cooper before he was famous. Yeah, and we had Nick Nolte, sexiest man alive, Nick Nolte. Yeah. You think Bradnicoop is handsome, really? No, wasn't he on the, wasn't he on People World Sexiest? All that stuff is rigged.

Oh, by whom? Yeah, yeah. Prove it. It's all politics. It is. It's all politics. So 17 years, you started in Toronto. I started in Toronto, yep. And are you still in Toronto? I am. All right.

Yeah, still in Toronto, yep. And do you, would you ever thought that you would have done it for 17 years? No. No. I didn't think I would have done it for 17 years? No. No. I didn't think I was going to do it for more than a month. Yeah. It was really, I was trying to figure out what to do between like final exams and graduation

basically. So I started in May, just being like, oh, just for a month and then I'll figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Yeah. And then 17 years later. Wow. I'm on the podcast. Do you, yes, that's right. It's all been leading up to us. Wait, wait, wait. It. 17 years later. Wow. I'm on the podcast. Um, do you guys? That's right.

It's all been leading up to a long game. I mean, we haven't actually seen your transcript. Did you pass this file? Okay. We actually can't have you on the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Terrible transcript. We need to. Yeah. We part of the reason I stay in comedy was no other industry would take me. They were like, the only place you can take this kind of academic excellence is comedy. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I remember years and years ago, like in the 80s, Mark Breslin was talking about comedians and he was like,

you know what, for all their lack of education and experience, they're making a nice full-time living off of this comedy. I mean, it remains to be seen who he's talking about. I was about to say, yeah, like that must have been the 80s because that did not carry over into any of the other decades. This is the guy who started Yuck Yuck's comedy. Yes, yes. And he's making it seem like a charity.

It's a charity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are people who- That is the same man who one day told me while I was working for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are people who- That is the same man who one day told me while I was working for his company, said, you need to find another full-time job to support yourself. You need to find two full-time jobs

to support yourself in addition to this. If you're gonna work for me, you need to find another place to work. This is such a funny thing to hear from a boss. That's one of the basics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, if you want to work for this company, you should also find another company to hire you.

I love the idea of getting discovered with a be like, but we can't promise you a full-time living. So yeah, don't quit Chick-fil-A. Yeah, please. Do not call the FedEx people and tell them you're not coming in this week. Please keep that job. Please do. Did you, while you were starting comedy, did you have a day job?

No. Really? Just straight into comedy. I was doing a lot of cash jobs. I used to work for an event planner and just lift, carry chairs into a venue and take them, put them back on the truck and stuff like that. But I never had a full-time job now. Wow.

Yeah. So just gigs. Just gigs. Just really just win it. And also this is what happens when you are a dumb person in your early 20s. You think, no, I'll survive on this. Yeah. Like this is the way I'll, cause I always tell people like if I had done this any

older than I was, obviously would not have done that. Right. But because I had zero, um, I had zero money, but also zero responsibilities. So I was like, yeah, I'll survive on $40 a month. Like, oh, I'll figure it out. It used to be possible. Yeah. Yeah.

And so, yeah, I just did a lot of part-time jobs, but also was in a relationship with someone who had a full-time job, which by the way, recommend, find someone that loves you, that is willing to pay most of the bills. Yeah. And then you're going to work for Yaki Yaki because you need to either get a full-time job or someone who has a full-time job. You can find both.

Yeah. You can find both and yeah, they pay the bills and you once in a while buy milk and bread for the house. Yeah. Real big. And you really call attention to it like, oh, I guess I'll eat some toast. As soon as they walk in in the evening after working at their full-time job, you go, you

don't need to bring, you didn't need to bring milk because I took care of that this morning. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm down, I'm down to $35. Yeah. Yeah, because I think like when I was starting, there was still a lot of like couch surfing going on. There were dollar slices of pizza. Dave, I'm telling you, I missed that time so much. That one dollar slice, because probably like you wouldn't find anything under six now.

I mean, I don't know. Do you have a like when you were young, like a junk food that you ate every day and somehow survived on it? I don't think I had one thing because also, especially like in the in this comedy in the first years you you you survived on comedy club food. Okay, so whatever was available, the wings, the the chicken parmesan, whatever they were giving you for free, that was the meal. So every day you'd be excited to get some sort of,

because most places would comp your meal and you'd be like, that is my meal for the next couple of days because I don't have another gig for the next couple of days. That's how I'm going to survive. Then what are you doing on these days off? You're just doing like the gigs or you just hanging out? Just hanging out. Yeah, again, someone else is paying the bills.

So I am a kept man, you know? Yeah. Yeah, doing my nails. Yeah. Yeah, let me see those nails. Those aren't working man's nails. Those aren't working, no, soft hands. Yeah, that's the thing.

Have you ever shaken hands with somebody who's got like the leatheriest working man's hand and then yours just like, oh it's so pillowy. But they immediately, the reaction is the same on both sides because you feel their hand and you go, oh you've worked with your hands all your life and you can see the lack of respect they have for you. Yes. Because they immediately know that you haven't. You haven't done anything with your life. How do you, yeah. You're not, you're not any kind of, you haven't passed the test. No. I used to play a lot of video games in the daytime and then my wife has always been very nice and

never like, but I like, it came from a personal sense of guilt of like, I was playing video games when she left and I'm playing video games. Yeah. This, uh, I, I, maybe I need to grow up. That is true. And start a podcast. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This is, this is way more mature. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, yeah, I love the video game. That is true love though. If I left the house and came back and you still play like that is that's, that's true love to be like, you know, I'm going to stick around and see more of this.

Yeah. I want to see where this goes. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I was, uh, watching the, I think it was the best picture of the year, Anora. That's right. You were seeing it at home? I saw it at home. Oh, so you can.

Yeah, exactly. I didn't have to wear anything. As we said before, I'm a pervert. Yeah. But there's several scenes in it where she's sitting next to the guy and he's playing video games. Right. And she's enamored with him, so she's fine with that. But I'm like, Jesus, just sitting there watching somebody play a video game.

That was, I feel like the women of my generation have done, you know, yeoman's hours. Yeah. Yeah, because it is like, it's just like, wow. I mean, it's just what's, they just must want to be close to you no matter what. 100%. But also you said, when you're talking about like,

like I remember in the days of being a kept man, when, cause I knew my partner would be done at five and should be home by about six. So about 5.45 just to be safe is when I would put pants on. Because I, I thought to myself, her walking in and me in my underwear, which I've been in all day, is just not going to be a good look. So I should put some pants on, maybe even change, put on like a button up shirt and

pretend I did something, even though I haven't left the house all day. And you look out the window, okay, what's the weather like? Yeah, I could say, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could say, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dismal day out there, right? Crazy, okay, what's the weather? Like, yeah, I could say I went out today. I could say, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dismal day out there. Crazy, windy, huh? Yeah. Also drivers.

Yeah, the words. Yeah. My wife, when she was a kid, her and her sister, when they weren't supposed to be watching TV, they would watch it, and then if their parents came home, they'd turn it off, and then one of them would like scrape the screen so there was no like a static electricity. You remember?

Yeah, so like one of them, that was their duty. And then it was like part of the day. I felt that had like a specific smell to it. I smelled that the other day and I was so nostalgic for it. I don't know where I just smelled it. I think maybe it might've been out of the laundry machine. Did you time travel? I think maybe you might have been out of the laundry machine. Did you time travel?

Yeah, I don't know what, but I was watching. Which vintage store did you walk into? I was watching freaking Married of the Children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, it's people were like, oh, I still have a VCR. I'm like, where did you get one? Yeah. And it's like, how do you repair one? How do you get one? Yeah. And it's like, uh, how do you repair one?

How do you repair one? Yeah. Cause it will break. Yeah. I used to know how to repair one and now I know. Um, yeah, well there, that used to be a thing like, uh, an electronic CVVCR repair. Yeah, exactly.

You can get a degree in it. Yeah. Um, yeah. Do you, cause now they were thinking about smells very specifically. What did your, uh, video store, they, do you, because now they were thinking about smells very specifically. What did your video store where you grew up, what was the smell? Can you remember? Smell?

Yeah, I just remember because it was like, it was all the same thing and people would have their grimy hands on it. Yeah. I know there was like, some video stores had popcorn. Oh, this was like a specific. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, there was no popcorn. Well, I like, I don't, no smells coming back. Yeah, also, yeah, me either, because also like

the video store that, the video stores that I had growing up were very different from the video stores because I moved to Canada late in my teenage years. Right. I was born in Uganda and that's why I started living my formative years. And in Uganda, the time of growing up, the video stores didn't have legal, I should say products.

Oh, okay. Everything was pirated. Yeah. Right. But also when a part of the world that no one cared about that, I always tell people, I, one of my favorite things about my childhood that I look back on now and I laugh was that TV commercials in

Uganda in the nineties had hits. And I mean, like musical hits. I mean, I'm talking like Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, like number one hits in their commercials. And they'll play the whole song, which was obviously unheard of everywhere else because of licensing and stuff like that. But back home it was like, who's going to find out

that we used, I will always love you, top to bottom in our camera, like a store that sell, like they develop photos or whatever. And they were like, yeah. That's how I feel about like Instagram ads where they'll just like, yeah, this is, we, you know, we're the number one restaurant in this small town and here is Bruno Mars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People would legitimately use parts of movies and music videos in their commercials. I love that. To be like, yeah, this is what we're selling, used cars, and then we're just going to use a scene from Die Hard. And you're like, what is happening right now?

It was fantastic. Wow. Yeah. And was that in Uganda that you did, that the silver nitrate was? Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

It was silver nitrate in my high school and it was wonderful. Yeah. Still don't have a beard, but it was wonderful. It was a wonderful experience, yeah. And when you first moved here, I can't remember what you said, the town that you moved to was? Peterborough, Ontario.

Yeah. Which? Trent University. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What would you take? I took economics. Okay.

It doesn't show, but yeah, I was an economics student. Well, you lived on $40 a day. Yeah, thank you. And also, you know, even though you have an education, stand up comedy is enough money for anybody. Yeah. Are you like, are you kind of good at economics? No, not even close. Because also people were like, oh, there's a trade war happening. What is your take? And I was like, ask me about the new shows on Netflix or Prime.

Like I couldn't help you. I think it would be funny if you went to college for economics and you were like, oh shit, I thought we would just have to like do laundry and. Like home economics, yeah, yeah. I thought we would have to like learn how to make a roast, carry around a bag of flour like a baby. Like I had no idea.

What is demand and supply? What is... I demand you tell me. No, yeah. Full on macro and microeconomic. What's better macro or micro? Definitely macro. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, because I always tell people micro is about what if everything was perfect? And I'm like, nah, the world is not perfect. That's why macro comes. Macro's the one? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Micro comes in and I'm like, now the world is not perfect. That's why macro comes. Macros. Yeah. Okay. Micro comes in and it's like, no, we need to pay taxes.

That's how we create revenue for the government. All right. All right. Cool. That sucks. That sucks. Um, would you have any like plan of what you wanted to be when you were studying economics or was just, that was just what you were saying?

Yeah. You just did it to be like, I'll find a job at the end, but I don't know what job that is Yeah, and Considering all the people that I graduated with it is all over the place Some people work in the private sector for governments, right? You know internationally, so it's all over the place But I had no idea did you? In either University or the college he took after did you keep tabs on who was doing what or who stayed in the field?

Oh, no, well, no. Because I took political science at college and none of my classmates are the prime minister. Did they try though? No, I think mostly you do political science to then go to law school or become, or journalism school or something. And I didn't. Then I went to broadcasting school and everyone from broadcasting school, I think is doing something. I also love it.

Oh really? In politics they call it political science. Yeah. Like it's one of those things that's very fascinating because no other industry has, you don't get media science. Yeah. Now you're putting out the challenge.

You know what gonna think of a... Is it the actual science or political science? Yeah, science was gonna be that. So science. Science. Yeah. Well, we were all rubbing silver nitrate all over our beard. Yeah.

In broadcasting school, we took a class called theory of color television. That was funny. Well. I feel like that was a grift. we took a class called theory of color television. That was funny. I feel like that was a grift. Oh, it was the hardest class. It was the hardest one. Cause it was all about like, um, electrical, um,

like how the TV actually like, yeah, how it works and how, uh, black and white TV worked versus, um, color TV. But we took it like days before HD came. I graduated days before everyone could just like, Oh yeah, my phone has. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember the first ever bit that I can remember doing was for my family. When we got color television. Cause that happened when I was about five or six years old. And, uh, I, I was like, Oh, I can finally join wrestling conversations at school. Right. Because before I had no idea what colors, because you know, when kids are talking about stuff, they'd be like, Oh, and the guy in the red thing. Cause we didn't know any names. And I'd be like, the red thing and the blue thing, what are you guys talking about?

And then, and then we would call it television. I was like, oh, this whole time, this whole time there were different colors. I don't think I've ever met somebody who started out with a black and white TV. Was it? Again, 891 episodes later, I come in with the high heat. Was it wrestling like from Uganda?

No, no, no, it was like American. Okay. WWE, WWF, wrestling that was very popular at the time. Although that's also another interesting thing because we used to get a one hour show every week, just sort of like the whole show distilled down to like an hour, you know, not even like 42 minutes, I guess with commercials and stuff like that.

Yeah. So that's what I thought wrestling was. That's all I watched growing up. Yeah, like I thought it was like two minute matches, you know, whatever, like, because it would give you the whole thing. And then I moved and found out that you, it's like a four hour extravaganza. And it's multiple nights a week.

And it's multiple nights a week. And I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, and they would have the star come out and wrestle with a jobber, they would call it. Yeah. When we called them volunteers when I was a kid, like they just went in the audience and,

you, you're gonna be the ultimate warrior this week. Yeah. Although I checked out, so my family, I would, you get, cause again, we had like two channels at the time. So you really had no other options to watch, but so everything that was on TV, you'd watch, right?

Whatever was on. Yeah. So wrestling was a big thing. I think it happened on either Friday or Saturday nights. And I remember one time we're sitting together as a family. I know I come from a big family. I have like so many siblings, cousins, and whatever we used to live with us. And they introduce, uh, Kamala, the Ugandan giant.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so they do the introduction and we all lose our minds as a Ugandan in the WWE. This is going to be amazing. And this guy walks out and it's giant man in loincloth with face paint and he's supposed to be a cannibal. And I was like, I'm out.

I'm out. Yeah. No shit. I can't. That's horrifying. Yeah. I'm out. I can't. I can't. That's horrible. Yeah. So I was telling, I told my friends I moved to Cannibal. We were like, Oh, do you watch this? I'm like, absolutely not on principle alone. And they were like, but that was just one character. That's all I needed. You can have your Hulk Hogan's and

your Undertaker's and then we get a cannibal. A cannibal. Literally the only character from your entire continent. Yeah, exactly. The only one. Yeah, but it's only one. And he's half naked and didn't even speak. They're all half, they're all half naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, like he's, he didn't even speak. That's true, he had a manager who. He would just make sounds. Yeah, yes. And I was like, oh my goodness, what is happening? And I get it, it was the 80s and 90s. And the world didn't care about you. I know that you care about Uganda now,

but it was so funny because I'm like, all the other countries must have found it hilarious and fun. Meanwhile, in Uganda, I was just stewing. I'm like, how dare you? Yeah. Well, it was funny. Did his manager also wear a pith helmet? I'm picturing in my head, I've got like an English explorer being his manager also wear a pith helmet? I'm picturing in my head,

I've got like an English explorer being his manager. Maybe. Like for some reason that. Memory is fuzzy on the details, but I just remember the loin cloth face paint and the chain of bones. There's the guy who was the wrestler wearing a Kamala for president shirt,

but actually with his face on it, well, it's confusing. Who was the manager? And then I found out much later that he was actually an American guy from like, Alabama or something like that. And I was like, that's even worse. They all were. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you couldn't fly to Uganda and find someone to do this. You had the money. I remember him having Mr. Fuji and that was that. Mr. Fuji, okay. Which is sort of a pith helmet. It's just his odd job. Yeah, yeah.

For some reason, I remember he's standing there with a pith helmet. But they would take, like, they would just be like, all right, you're the Middle Eastern one. You're the iron sheik. You're Nikolai Volkov. You're the Soviet. Yeah, you're Yokozuna. You representolai Volkov. You're the Soviet Union. You're Yokozuna. And you know, you're Texas Tornado and Tatanka. But yeah, also like-

But Graham, I feel like you had a real answer 10 minutes ago. What did your video store smell like? Yes, please. Honestly, I can't, I don't know that I feel like there's probably some cleaning products that they, because those things must be filled. What was happening in the video store? Oh they were murdering people, there was a front. So it was all plastic everywhere. There's a brain grove in a town of 340 people that had a giant... Yeah, yeah. Because cleaning products, how bad do you you wanna get your hands on some of these VHS? Oh, you have no idea.

On a Friday night, when the new releases come out. You've gotta be there early. Yeah, and they had, the place was called Video World, and they had two different types of colored boxes with the tapes in them. Green was old, pink, brand new. New release. So yeah, but for the greens,

you could get five for like three dollars. But if you were getting pinks, those were only individual renters and so you'd only get to do one, you know? But I don't know, I can't describe the smell. It was just very- Well then why did you ask us? Yeah.

It's like you had something in mind. Well, I was hoping you could have helped me out. No, have, I can't describe the smell. It was just very- Why did you ask us? Yeah. It's like you had something in mind. Well, I was hoping you could help me out. No, have you met us? Yeah, that's true. You? Yeah. No. For what?

For what, yeah. What's the need for me? Yeah, yeah. I was gonna ask you, so do you remember the first time you went to the videos or by yourself and do you remember what you got? That's a great question. Yeah.

I think the first time that I went, my friends and I used to rent the same movie basically every weekend that was called Black Belt Jones and it was so over the top. He originally was in like Bruce Lee movies. The music was amazing and the whole movie is so over the top and crazy, people flying through the air through glass windows Not that so that would be my guess that what that would have martial arts movies were different at that time

Yes, like they don't we don't fully appreciate martial arts movies were Incredible. Yeah, I don't know if it's just cuz that's all I watched growing up because now I watch them and I'm like Oh the CGI is taking over and stuff like that. No, I need to be campy, I need to be corny, and I need to be so dumb. The action sequence is amazing. What, do you remember your first alone?

What if you also didn't have an answer? No, I just wanna know, did you? It was a movie called No Retreat, No Surrender, part three. I should put that. Nice. Because there was a first one. It's an action movie, right? Yes, there was a first one that was,

I guess Van Damme was in the first one. I can't remember, there was a very big star in the first one. And then I guess the negotiations on the table didn't work out for the sequel. So they did a second one that was horrendous. Yes. Because the first one had done well, second one didn't do well, and they were like, you know what?

Third time's the charm. So they did a third one. Wow. It was called Blood Brothers. And I'll never forget because I borrowed it and never took it back. And it became for the family. Yeah. It was a movie that when people came over to visit, we showed them this movie. I know that movie word for word to this day.

Yeah. Because I watched it so many times growing up. You should do a one man show called the One Man Blood Brothers. Blood Brothers, yeah. I can't remember what to say, yeah. And it was a video store like, oh, you keep it. We don't care.

Yeah, we forgot about it. You know, we got- It was part three. We got this illegally. No, yeah. But also no one was looking for this movie. It was one of those movies, like even the store didn't even know you had it.

It was one of those movies where it's like, yeah, if you had taken like a Beverly Hills cop or something, then they're gonna come looking for it. Like, hey man. They're gonna send someone around. Yeah, but no certain partocide in a Part III, we didn't even know that we had that movie. That was the same with Black Belt Jones.

It was always in. You never had to worry about somebody else getting it. But yeah, we, I mean, sure, we talked about stealing it, but what in the local business? You know, we knew the guy who ran the videos. The other thing that I didn't realize until much, much earlier in my life is we didn't know how old the movies were,

because you just get them and you'd assume that they were made then. Right. So movie from the seventies and eighties, we were watching it in the mid nineties. And you'd be like, this isn't, how have I never heard of like trading places or this is such an incredible movie. Alien. Like you like this Terminator.

You're like this brand new. I have you guys seen this brand new movie? It's like 1997, you're like, there's this new movie called Terminator. You should check it out. It is incredible. I feel that way about like things I see on my Instagram or whatever where I'm like,

I can't tell if this is a clip of like a funny dog that is brand new. It looks like it could have been anytime in the last 20 years. Oh, then everyone's like, Dave, have you seen this new funny dog? And then like you'd hear people talk about like, oh, 80s movies and you're like, that was made in the 80s? I watched that in 95 and I thought it was brand new.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. I love it. They will sometimes do that with like Like if a star becomes famous later, they'll dig up their old movies like yeah That's right. Jim Carrey when Jim Carrey got famous in the early 90s He had been in a couple movies in the 80s one of them rubber face rubber face He was in one of the like, yeah, was he in earth girls are easy Yep, and he was also in like a ski school or was he in a Clint Eastwood?

Yeah, that's right. He was a punk. He was a punk. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. I didn't know any of it. He was just like, that's one of my favorite things is watching an old movie and seeing someone who became famous, let it pop up in a weird scene. Yeah. Especially somebody that's playing like Terminator. Bill Paxton was the punk that was scoring off. Yeah. Schwarzenegger picks him up and kills him. Yeah.

But it was like, Bill Paxton. Yeah. I don't know that he ever did anything that back then. Again, this is in my mind. I just watched, well, rewatched trading places, the Eddie Murphy movie. And, um. How does it hold up?

It, well, I'd forgotten the Dan Ackroyd does blackface. Um, but it's beyond that fantastic movie. Uh, but I, uh. And he says he's, he wears a loin cloth. He says he's a cannibal. Yeah, cannibal, yeah. But Giancarlo Esposito shows up as one of the inmates at the beginning of the movie

when Eddie Murphy gets locked up for the first time. And it's like stunning, because I'm like, I would never have guessed it, but he's now obviously like a well-known face and everything. And he shows up for like two seconds in this, and I'm like, oh my goodness, that's, you know. Yeah. Wasn't Jean-Claude Van Damme was in some movie where he was like two seconds and this, I'm like, oh my goodness, that's, you know, like. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't John Claude Van Damme was in some movie

where he was like break dancing or like. Yeah, he was just like. It was like a dancing scene and he was amongst. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's funny, the dance he's doing. It's like a big movie. Yeah, it was another action film. Right.

But it would have been certainly before his time. Yeah. And he was the original, I have it right that he was the original. Oh yeah, he's in Breakin'. Yeah, that was what it was, Breakin'. It's a movie about breakdancing. As you might suspect, Community Center is getting a bit torn down to make room for condos. Okay.

But not if they raise the money. Not if they raise the money. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you bring in but the Belgian? The Belgian wonder himself. Yeah, the Belgian wonder himself. Now, Breaking is a movie, have you seen it? Or Breaking 2? Oh, I've seen both. Now is there Breaking 3 Blood Brothers? That's the one that I wanna see.

That is a rare movie, Breaking 1 and Breaking 2, movie and sequel came out the same year. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Oh, I wanted to see that now. Both came out in 1984. I definitely wanna see the sequel first though. Yeah, it's great.

It's like so silly over the top. Yeah. But they're like good dancers in it. Like it is probably the first. It wasn't a musical, but it probably was like the first a lot of people had heard of. Yeah. Break dancing.

And the early days of breakdancing, people would have just been like, what the fuck is going on? How does that guy know how to do that? Yeah. And as a kid, seeing it on in movies and TV, I like a lot. I can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to try that. And I couldn't. You can only spin it like I'm like, I can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna try that. And I couldn't.

You can only spin it, I was like, hmm, spin on your head, spin on your back. Just walking around with cardboard all the time. Yeah, let's try it. Yeah. Yeah, and you go to, has this happened in Toronto as well, where there's just like a public square or whatever, and it's just a group of break dancers will just be like,

okay, hi, everybody, we're the Fantasticks, and we're gonna- A public square in Toronto? No, it's all condos now. There's no such thing as a public square. In- Public space? Cram, come on.

What are we talking about? In Bermuda, they don't have public squares, they have triangles. They have triangles. Nice. Hey, thanks. I know all the shapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone to political science over here. Yeah. I know the shapes, I know the colors, I know, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Someone to political science over here. Yeah, I know the shapes, I know the colors, I know numbers up to six. Yeah, good for you, Dave. Yeah, I'm a big boy. Yeah, mommy, wow, you're a big boy now. What was that from? That was for Pampers?

Oh, pull-ups, yeah. Yeah, because you could, you know. I'm a big kid, but not all the way. Dude, my kids were pull-ups. I think that was pull-ups. I'm a big kid, but not all the way did my kids were pull-ups. I think that was pull-up. I'm a big kid now Yeah, okay. That was a Yeah, I don't know if we use them. I think we bought a few just to be like, okay, we're toilet training now So we wear these in case of accidents. Yeah, I don't think they don't like we bought more than a box

I think it was just like you know how kids get toilet trained they go to preschool They're like, I don't want to shit myself in front of everyone. Is that what happens? That's it. Yeah. A lot of people are like, I know a lot of parents who are like freak out when their kids sign up for their kids sign up for preschool. When they sign their kids up for preschool, it's like, okay, your child must be able to

like, you know, calculus able to like you know calculus or like you know eat mix silver nitrate bring them a make sure they have backup clothes but they should be totally true basically toilet drained and parents are freaking out like my kids not even close and then as soon as the school starts well they're fine yeah peer pressure really can get some stuff yeah yeah yeah I mean still to this day I'm nervous about putting out a high school as the school starts. Well, they're fine. Peer pressure really can get some stuff done. Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, still to this day, I've been nervous about putting it in high school, but you do it because the kids keep pressuring you.

I bet you can't come back next week and do that. Next week? I'll see you tomorrow. Tomorrow. What do you mean next week? See you after recess tomorrow! What do you mean next week? See you after recess! What time do you open? I had breakfast and lunch!

What are you talking about? Just you, like... And a fifteen year old... Bully? You better go! okay god I know I have been very good this month you're praying on the toilet but if you let me poo at this high school I promise I yeah so then beat No, show me, show me you did it. You walk in with a bag of dog food.

This is mine. You bring your own food from home. Just worry I won't be able to perform. Yeah. Or you pay some other kid like, with it, like a year in sample. Point dex in this tote bag. We don't usually have a good big long poo laugh. Yeah, it's fun.

It is fun when you- Every 900 episodes or so. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Tell me all about it. Yeah. Here's a funny thing I had, an idea I had. Okay. I like it.

Because we've recorded so much, nothing's happened to me except, oh, I recorded a bunch of podcasts this week. Yeah. You know how they have outlet malls? That are like, you know, they have a Nike store but it's not real Nike, it's stuff, well, it's Nike stuff that didn't sell. So it's last year's Nike stuff.

But then they'll have like, you know, Polo Ralph Lauren store. This is last year's sweaters. Yeah. And like also, do they, is it like women outlet stores? Like- Yeah, this is last year's woman. Last year's woman, like Coco Chanel, or that's probably too fancy. No, what's the one, Louis Vuitt like. Yeah, this is last year's woman. Last year's woman, like Coco Chanel, that's probably too fancy.

No, what's the one, Louis Vuitton. Yeah. I feel like they have an outlet store. So there you go. But they also have like restaurants. They'll have like, you know, a subway or. Selling last year's brand. Selling last year's, yeah.

This is a bit that I'm opening to the comedy community. Feel free to use this. Hey, what would it be like if the churros store was selling last year's churros? Last year's. Arthur's writing this down on a piece of paper. Subway you said? Yeah, I said Subway.

You can use, but you can put anyone in Harvey's. I know you like Harvey's. I like Harvey's. Yeah. A and W you mentioned earlier. Yeah. Oh, I'll mention that. Yeah. I like Harvey's, yeah. A and W you mentioned earlier. Yeah, okay. Oh, I'll mention it. Yeah, I'll write it down. Yeah.

Excellent. What do you think? What do you think? I like it. First of all, I think you're onto something here and I can already tell that you are rookie in this business because you don't give away gold just like that. Right, yeah.

You sit on that one. Yeah. Like a toilet. Yeah, like a toilet. You sit on that one. Yeah. Like a toilet. Yeah, like a toilet. Like an high school toilet. Like an high school toilet. Praying to God. Praying to God, yeah, yeah. Do you have a bit ever that you're like, you love the bit,

you love every part about it, but just never get to it? It never certainly doesn't work in White Horse. Yeah, definitely. I mean, not in front of four-year-olds, I'll tell you that much. There was a lot of editing done this weekend because I was like, well, can't talk about that in front of a bunch of kids.

What was one bit that you're like, I gotta shelve that, I can't do this? Oh, there was so many. There were just so many, like, cause there's, I knew that I had to do a fairly clean set in terms of like language, but I didn't know I could, I couldn't approach it up because I have a joke about how parenting, like how terrible having kids is. Right. And the whole bit is that if I was going to have kids,

I would have, I should be allowed to kill some of them because that is the only way you can discipline children. Right. Is to let them know that some of them can die. Like the only way you can discipline children is to let them know that some of them can die. Like, so I'll be like, I'm raising only 50% of them. Like all of them get to a certain age where they understand consequences. And once they do that, which is about nine years old, and after they do that, only half of them

make it to like 16. And immediately I was like, well, that was going to be the closing bit. Right. And immediately I was like, well, that was going to be the closing bit. And so now I have to figure out a new closer because in most cases, the bit works because it's so extreme and so stupid, but you bring it around by the end by being like, this is a comedy show. Cause the true story was I used to do when I first started doing the bit, it would

get uncomfortable again, cause people would be like, well, this African guy is just killing people. Right. Killing hypothetical children. Yeah. And then- Is this guy even seen coming to America? Exactly. Yeah.

So then after a particular show, this woman comes up to me and in a very earnest voice was like, when you finally have children of your own, you'll, you'll find out how difficult it is to even kill one of them. And that became the punchline for the joke. I was like, thank you so much for this because that became, and that's how the joke ends. And so parents would love that because parents always come in two groups. The real parents I call them,

well, like, yeah, I hate my kids half the time. And the ones who are like, no, my kids are a blessing and they're lovely all the time. But either way, all of them would come together that moment being like yeah that's kind of like a ridiculous extreme sort of thing. Couldn't do it in a room. What did you close on? So I don't even remember. Everything is a blur at this point. You're saying baby blue? Wouldn't it not work even better if you're like literally kicking kids away? I thought about it. I thought about it but then it was the show had gone so poorly that-

A lot of those kids had weapons. Yeah, a lot of the times, like the bit worked because I've built some sort of capital throughout the set and I didn't have any sort of capital throughout this particular set. Capital, economics. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, there it is.

So if I had just started being like, we should kill children, then I'd have been like, all right, let's- All right. Let's, let's, uh, let's rift this up. Yeah. Um, because yeah, I always talk about like how I grew up in a big family. And so I find when people are like only kids or like had one sibling, I find that weird. Right. Because like, when you just the one sibling, oh, sorry, the one kid, you have just one sibling, you actually have your parents' attention. They actually love you. Yeah.

Right? I'd say this weird sort of like thing where you have like actual love and attention. When you came to Canada, how many siblings came with you? None. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you go up in a big household, you want to get as far from them as you can. Who did you come with? Myself. By myself.

At what age? I was 18. Oh, wow. Yeah. I was 18. I was going to university and I Showed up by myself. Like I remember again coming from a big family about 20 people saw me off at the airport Right was so funny now. I look back on it. I'm like that is just so ridiculous We I think was like three or four cars of people being like we're seeing Arthur off to Canada. He's going to university. It's a big event today. Come on. Yeah. And so, yeah, coming by myself and could not have been more excited because university was the

first time I had a room to myself my whole life. Like residence first year, I was like, this is great. This is wonderful. Don't have to be sneaky about masturbating. This is great. This is wonderful. This is anytime, anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. But it's not as fun if it's not sneaky, right? Yeah.

Also not anywhere. Oh, you don't want that room after I was done with it. No. When you left Uganda, did you ever consider retreating or surrendering? I don't know that reference. No retreat, no surrender, literally the movie. Oh shit. Or did you ever consider retreating or surrendering? I don't know that reference. No retreat nor surrender, literally the movie. Oh shit, sorry. Zip right over my head. Anyway, so that's what's going on with me.

I'm so mad at you right now. I'm so mad. Because your face did not give away the ending to that. Oh, sure. And I commend you. Because I really thought there was gonna be a serious question at the end of that one. And your face, good for you, good acting.

Hey, thanks. Did you take any acting classes after the broadcasting and political science? No. That was- That's the only face I do, is the one that doesn't emote. The one that's like,

No, it does emote. I am serious. Yeah, it did seem serious. Yeah. So yeah, I thought of that joke. Probably a bunch of open micers have done it already. Sure. What's going on with you?

Well, like you said, we're recording a bunch kind of all together, not for any particular reason. Well, people are in town. Yeah, great, hilarious people in town. The bunch of them were here for the Junos, and just lucky that... To be clear, I was not nominated. Oh, yeah, yeah, me neither.

I'm just here, yeah. Yeah, I just... You just happened to be here. Just happened to be here, yeah. You had to soak up the Juno vibe. The vibe, yeah, I was here for the vibe. Yeah, and so it's a lot of Juno talk in the last couple episodes. And we're gonna have more? Yeah, you was here for the vibe. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's a lot of Juno talk in the last couple episodes. We're gonna have more. Yeah, absolutely. I went to the Juno. I was

a Nathan McIntosh. You went to Saturday night, not the Sunday broadcast night. No, yeah, I went to the gala dinner. Because it's like, the Junos for people new to the show is Canada's Grammys. Yeah. And like the Grammys, they give away 90 percent of the awards off air. Yes. And then the broadcast is a bunch of performances. Although I like to call it, I look at the Grammys, America's Junos.

Thank you. Yes. Yes. Because when it's trade war, and that's what we should do. Yeah. That's true. Congratulations to Dave Chappelle and his many, many American Junos.

American Junos. Yeah. What? Adele? No, Dave Chappelle and his many, many American Junos. Yeah. What? Adele? No, Dave Chappelle. Adele has so many American Junos. Beyoncé has so many American Junos. Dave Chappelle's like one of the like last four.

Oh, the comedy one. Oh, okay. Jazz vocalist. Yeah. So, it's, yeah, like you say, it's a bunch of awards. It's all different kind of... Did you see Wild Rivers? Nope, like you say, it's a bunch of awards. It's all different kind of. Did you see Wild Rivers? Nope, no, oh no.

Are there performances on the Saturday night or it's just speeches and awards? There's like three performances, which were all good. I never heard of any of them, but they were really good. Also, we discovered that Nathan McIntosh, last week's guest, who was so mad about his review. Yeah, he had it wrong. He had it wrong.

Of course he did. I don't know if people know, whoever's listening that doesn't know Nathan McIntosh, he's not very smart. Oh no, oh no. If Dad's gonna read this review, he's gonna get so angry. Not a very smart person. Because comedians were supposed to be truth tellers,

and I'm tired of hiding, and trying to pretend like this is not the truth. You know? This is. Are we all supposed to be truth tellers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All of us. Yeah. And I'll start here. Nathan Bucketrash. Is dumb. Dumb is a prick. The thing that the Junos does, or at least the two that I've been to, takes advantage of like local East, the two that I've been to, takes advantage of local legends. Anne Marie, she lives out East, they brought her in. So not local? No, she has a music school out in the-

Oh, does she? Yeah, yeah. No, no, but not local to here. Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, yeah, last year. Last year was- Oh, that was last year. Okay, sure.

And then this one, David Suzuki, he comes out, looks fantastic. He's probably in his... I'd say high 80s. High 80s? Wow. Let's look him up. If so, he looks absolutely incredible. Yeah, just like one of these guys, like just doesn't, like his goatee went...

89. No way, really? That's incredible.'s Suzuki yeah and for listeners in America Davis is who he's a longtime host of a nature show called the nature of things and he's got this very nice warm voice and he's an environmentalist but he's so Canada's one of the great Canadians yeah yeah absolutely so he was there which is. And there was somebody else that came out. I'll get it.

I'll remember. Some locals. Yeah, it was a little, this is a local in this city that they want to bring up. Oh, Raffy won an award. Oh, yeah. So Raffy won, you familiar with Raffy and his body of work? He, he like he came up, he looked really great too,

but it was just like being in the same room as Rafi, oh my God, it'd be like if the Teletubbies won an award and they all just happened to be there. He's better than Teletubbies, I know. But we weren't arguing. Yeah, no one, you know. Teletubbies made a huge impact on me. So of course, but you went to last year's.

Yes, as well. Yeah. Because you were nominated. Yeah. Right. And so was there a difference in terms of attending as a nominee and a non nominee? But oh, yeah, this is a good question. I would never ask a good question. Also, did you feel did you feel like you had like you were like, oh, this year out of one, because this year's crop kind of mediocre?

I say that no matter that year. Okay. Okay. I could smush all these guys. But Graham did put it out. And you know what? I just, I still think that I could have beat them. But being there just like with pals was great.

Yeah. I think like all the way up until maybe the two awards before everybody kind of went a bit more quiet and serious. And my big gag the whole night was no matter who they call that as the winner, I got up out of my seat. It was a bit that was funny, then not funny, then back to funny. Yeah, yeah, always. Did they feed you? It was a bit that was funny, then not funny, and back to funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, always, always.

Did they feed you? They did, but I was just a late minute addition, so I had nothing. Oh, yeah. I ate a Mars bar, that was my thing. So the winner, the nominees were Debra DiGiovanni, Nathan McIntosh, Jess Solomon, Courtney Gilmore, Nathan McIntosh, I already, Courtney Gilmore, Nathan McIntosh I already said,

and Ivan Decker. All multiple, multiple time guests here. Yeah, and Ivan's already won one. That's so upsetting. What would you say that day? Why would you? They were all like, Ivan Decker returns. Returns, yeah.

Comedian, Ivan Decker. I can't imagine someone wanting to talk to Ivan Decker more than once. Do you want to know where it came from? There it comes. I can't imagine. You guys listen to him in one conversation and we want more of this. Yeah.

Yeah. What's interesting about Courtney Gilmore? What? Name one thing interesting about Courtney Gilmore. What is that? She loves perfume. Yeah, that's true. There you go.

Really? Oh, smells good. Good for you, Courtney. Good for you. You should have hosted this, you know. Yeah. I was out here to roast everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good for you, Courtney. What are you gonna talk about on your second visit? Yes. Yes. Finally, I'm in. You know what? Actually, I want you to say Arthur Simeon Returns for this one,

just because I want people to go searching. That should be the name of the album, Arthur Simeon Returns. That's the one. Then they have to read it on the stage. Then they have to, yeah. What, no deal. Yeah.

What is, and the winner is? The winner is De DiGiovanni. And what was her speech like? Well, she unfortunately couldn't attend. Did anyone go up and? This is the thing, Darcy Michael was there as a proxy for Deborah, and so had Deborah's speech with him and then when they announced it, he went to the stage

but they were like, nobody but the winner. Yeah. Yeah. Um, which is, seems like a very, very stupid rule, but, uh, yeah, they would just say so and so it's not here tonight. What would, but it's not televised. No, that's true. So why would they be sticklers on who stays what I have no idea.

Just cause it was five hours long maybe? Maybe. Yeah. Can they do like a video? Yeah, sure. The funny thing about the Juno Nose and the speeches is when the speech is going along, the music they play is their own song. Oh, really? Yeah. So that would be funny if a comedian went along. Yeah, I wanted to see it. I know, I wanted to see it. Hearing their voice over top. Have you ever been to an outlet mall?

Yeah. I mean, there's the, honestly, the, the premise is kind of old because outlet malls now the company specifically make secondary products for the outlet mall, so it doesn't really work. So do the food places. Oh, is that right? Yeah. For instance.

Yeah. The same. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be great. Um, but yeah, it was fun to see people that wouldn't stick to their time speech wise. Um, and the longest speech.

Did you recognize. Adrian Brody. He was. Brody went for the Brdy. He was. Yeah. Brody went for the Brutalist album. Yeah. Did you have a speech written last year? No.

No. No, I was convinced. Are you just saying that now? No. Because you're going to have to tell us you sat down the night before. I thought it was going to be a international comedian, May Martin.

Okay. That's who would win. Right. They didn't or couldn't come to the ceremony. And then so the rest of us were like, well, you know, it'd be nice if somebody here was. And then Kyle Brannrig, he won and he had a great speech. So I would have just fucked around and. Really? You weren't just going to riff up there? Yeah, I was going to riff.

How much time do they give the speeches gotta be 30 seconds I think that's good yeah there's a minute would be like that it it takes you a minute to get to stage you oh yeah oh god and they didn't do the thing like in the Golden Globes I think everybody situated close to the stage that are nominated out of the Junos a Junos. A lot of people walking from the very back. Yeah. Okay. All the way from back.

Raffy's in the pool out there with his baby balloon. So that's how, so the Junos, you don't know who's going to win. Whereas at the Grammys when you're sitting in the 18th row, you know, like there's no chance, there's no chance you're going to do it. Now after last year, and I don't mean to like sort of derail, did you give Graham a chance to do his speech on the show? Oh, no, I didn't. Oh, OK. OK, Graham, the winner for 2023's album of the year

is Graham with Never Was. Never Was. Hi, everybody. Thank you so much for this. It's just been such an incredible night. Sorry, Graham's album, Arthur Simeon Returns. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Sorry, Graham's album, Arthur Simeon Returns. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Yeah, sorry. They were, it's really great to have worked on this album with Arthur Simeon, and he couldn't be with me here tonight as I won. But if you're at home watching, hey! And you know what? Tell your kids to go to bed. Yeah, you see, my kids are watching. So, you know, and all of my friends in Uganda are cheering me on.

And oh no, no, no, no, I didn't think the right people. My agent, Tony at the recording facility, you know, Bruce, Alan, sir. We have a clear shot. I'm waiting for the go. Yeah, that was it. That's a really good speech by the way. Thanks. Yeah, yeah.

It felt very original. But yeah, Kyle had a great thing about like, because he, I think he was the first gay performer to win the Juno. So he was talking about like how it's like, great to have the seat at the table. And it was very like emotional and well written. But then somebody came up and said, like came up to one of us said,

I thought his speech was gonna be funnier. Isn't he the comedy? Which is actually kind of the pressure too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To be, you know, you should have said something serious serious and then have one of those like old-timey Carhorns. Oh, are there any categories that aren't musical other than comedy because like the the I know that a lot of people In America get their Grammy on their way to their egot they get their Grammy for like Audiobook narration or something. Yeah, Right. Yeah. Yeah. This was, uh, you could get album cover album.

Oh yeah. Okay. Um, and I bought a celly nominated for glam writers. Yeah. And the one category that might be new was songwriter, but not performer. Oh yeah. And the one that won.

Lowell. Who's Lowell? Lowell was the winner. Was he? Yeah. Oh, for writing the Beyonce song. Oh. Yeah, her Western album,

whatever that big first hit was. So that was cool. I'd never seen that category before. I was finding it interesting because like for the screen awards. You've been on screen awards? I've not been to the screen awards, but I've seen the nominee list and it's about 600 different people and they break it down in such small, like small niche sort of awards that it's kind of funny because it's one of those things where everyone's

going to get an award. So it'd be like, there'll be a screen award for like weather broadcasting, morning weather for like the prairies. Yeah. Not national, just very specific regionally. And I'm like, I think we've distilled down a little too much. We should broaden this up a little bit,

just a tiny little bit. Who did I see? Someone I follow on Instagram posted all the nominees for actor in a Canadian sitcom and all the shows are canceled. Oh, really? Yeah. That's terrible.

Yeah. The other thing also about, so yeah, most of the shows will be canceled, but also people will have written on three of the shows. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it shows just how our industry works. Where it's like nominated for writing on this show,

Graham Clark for this show and Graham for the other show, Graham Clark for this show. You're like, oh, that person was prolific. Everybody gets an arm. Yeah, yeah. It's three part-time jobs into one full-time job. Yeah. Yeah. And the-

Oh wait, no, wait. It was, yup. A lot of the shows are cats. Yeah. You're like, oh no, no, yep. It was past guest, Dan Byrne. Dan Byrne. He was nominated on his canceled show

and then Run the Burbs is canceled. Children Ruin Everything is canceled. Oh yeah. I think the trades is still going though. What's that about? Is that like street legal? No, it's from the makers of trailer parkour. Sure, sure.

Yeah, I was telling somebody about writing speeches and who wrote this stuff for the host. And I remember way, way long ago, I was asked to write jokes about the mayor, the current mayor for this comedy gala thing. He didn't go so well, but then the closing act were Trailer Park Boys. Oh, sure.

They went up and just did their thing and had nothing to do with anything. The one time I performed at the Vogue Theater in Vancouver, I opened for Louis Sique. And he... Whatever happened to him? Whatever, yeah. He's a good guy. But he... I was nervous.

And he, I remember being like... was trying to get me to be more nervous. I was like, it'll go fine. And what am I doing, 10 minutes? And he's like, no, this audience is insane. And I was like, I've been to your shows before. Yeah. I don't think that, but, and he's like, no, last time I performed here,

I opened for the trailer park boys and the audience was crazy. And I was like, but opened for the trailer park boys and the audience was crazy. And I was like, but that was the trailer park boys. That's right. Everybody that was on that show still talks about that show if I say I'm from Vancouver. Because it was noticeably bad. Yeah.

The audience was feral because they were waiting for the trailer park boys. And then it was like, yeah, Louis CK, Andy Kindler, you know, a bunch of these like alternative comics just were, just was incorrectly served. Yeah. Anyways, oh, the Trailer Park boys backstage had so many bags of McDonald's.

What do you mean bags? Like the paper bag, just like with, there were just Big Macs everywhere. Was that their rider? Yeah, there was a rider. I was say, were they giving them to the audience? Like, was it like? Throwing hamburgers in the air. Yeah, just throwing them out into the audience.

Cause are we talking like 60 bags or are we talking 600 bags? Oh yeah, I'm thinking we're in the low doubles, but probably like 21 odd. Like it was a lot of hamburgers. That's a ton. There's a franchisee there who made money that day. Oh my God. Oh God bless the franchisees.

Should we move on to some over herds? Sure. Hi, is this Kelly? Yes, this is Kelly. Hi Kelly, this is Jesse Thorne, co-host of Jordan Jesse Go. Hi Jesse. I'm calling because you were just named Max Funds Member of the Month for April. Oh wow. This is so surreal.

How long have you been a Jordan Jesse Go listener? Probably eight years. I actually saw you guys at the Bell House in Brooklyn in 2019. Was seeing us the reason that you started listening to the show? No, I had been listening for a while. Why that you started listening to the show? No, I had been listening for a while. Why did you end up becoming a member? It's really just been such a dependable source of laughter

and joy and comfort. I just appreciated that, and I didn't want to take it for granted. So I wanted to contribute and show my support, because I don't want it to ever end. Kelly, thank you so much for talking with me and thank you so much for being a member of MaxFun. Absolutely, it's my pleasure.

Totally worth it. If you're a MaxFun member, you can become the next MaxFun member of the month. Support us at maximafun.org slash join. This season on the Adventure Zone, Abnibles. Get ready for a brand new crime fighting trio, here to protect the anthropomorphic muscular animal citizens of River City. Featuring Justin McElroy as Axolile, the fire fighting Axolotl. Clint McElroy as Roger Mooer, the debonair cow of mystery.

Griffin McElroy as Navy Seal, the raw Seal that has never served in the Armed Forces, and Travis McElroy as every other swell critter in River City. This swear-free, Saturday morning cartoon-inspired story airs every Thursday on MaximumFun.org, or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard! Overheard is a segment which, if you're blessed enough to hear something out there in the wide, wide world, bless us and send them our way. We always like to start with the guest, Arthur, do you have an overheard?

I have an overheard and it is quite wonderful to me. OK. It was something that shocked me. And also I have questions. OK. Because I could ask the person the questions I'll ask you guys. Someone introduced themselves as a surgeon, right? Medical doctor surgeon. Yeah.

And when I also do makeup tutorials. Tutorials no less, wow. Yeah. Okay. On I guess TikTok. Sure. Is what I'm assuming. That's their real passion.

Yes. And so I'm like, who is that for? Who's that second part for? Who's like, what else? Well, can you imagine if your loved one was going to get surgery and then you saw them on TikTok, dude, you'd be like, what else? Well, can you imagine if your loved one was going to get surgery and then you saw them on TikTok, dude, you'd be like, uh, maybe.

Cause also that was my other, I mean, again, this is what I'm asking you. When does the surgeon get a chance to practice their makeup? Oh, that's true. Is it on the people who are under? Because you know who needs makeup is people who need surgery. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so it kind of makes sense in that respect. But he does for alive and kicking people, like real.

It's she actually. She. Oh, the doctor's a woman. So they can't possibly operate on this boy. Yeah. And I was like, again, when do you get to this to be, because again, I can understand having a passion. Sure.

By the way, I'm just going to be honest, I kind of don't want my surgeon to have a side hustle. Like that's just kind of me, a personal thing. Like, well, they're not well paid. Yeah. Like I just, I just want them to walk in and cut people up and get out. And that's all they think about. A lot of the hospitals will be like, they'll be like, oh yeah.

If you want to be a surgeon here, we also, it's probably a good idea to have a full time job somewhere else. Yeah. But also to be fair, here, we also, it's probably a good idea to have a full time job somewhere else. Yeah. But also to be fair, fine motor skills. Yeah, the makeup is going to be perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's because there's not that many surgeons even in a big city like this. Like if you are going for surgery and you know someone else who's had the surgery, they'll be like, oh yeah, you're getting the same surgeon I had. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. She's the best. She does ACLs, MCLs, a good smokey eye. A good smokey eye. Yeah. And also we're always worried about pharmaceutical companies lining up with the medical community. We're not always worried about that.

And being corrupted. But now also makeup companies. I think to be influencing medical decisions now. I'm feeling like you can only get Sephora. That is it, that's all you get when you're going to get your kidneys removed. You can only have Sephora. It won't allow you to get any other. It was such a strange condition for an introduction.

And when they're after surgery, when they're kind of in aftercare, come in and go, you know, the surgery was great success. And also look at you now. Look at you now. And we've just, I'm gonna write your prescription for mascara. Mascara.

Oh my God, I can't afford this. Is there a generic option? Come back and get those stitches out in three weeks also. And also, I'll add some spooky stitches for Halloween. Yeah. Dave, do you have an over heard? Mine is on Instagram. I love Instagram. It's a show that I watch in this little box in my hand. Yeah, it's fantastic. And sometimes I get advertised,

or I get shown a music video by, sometimes it's like an up and coming band. I get some music things that are like, oh, I don't, you know, oh good, this band is, like if I was in a band now, I'd be like, oh, you gotta make so much content. You gotta be like, oh, our singer, this is what our singer's like.

Yeah, and then sometimes it'll just be some loser. Sorry. Some dork who's like, I put out an album. They all remind me of Milhouse's dad. And it's like, I'm 40 40 years old this is my first album and if you need music about America if you're a proud American listen to my music or if if you're tired of a corporate music listen to my music yeah about being independent yeah that's so fun and then but this is one I got that was some Dorcas that just says,

if you're into punk rock, but also Republican, check this out. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then it's his bad music video. And it's him like in his backyard, like not going too hard because you could tell his neighbors are watching. He's trying not to embarrass himself. But then so the comment, the top comment on this music video was, don't let the positive comments get to you, man. This sucks. Don't let them get to you. Not so fast with the comments.

Yeah, don't believe the hype. Um, uh, yeah, I, um, I don't get advertised a lot of bands, but maybe that's just cause I don't follow. I get this one guy who's like, yeah, he's a very, uh, you, if you love America, listen to me and it's the same song. Stand tall with our heads up high. We've seen the songs on my, that's American Brat. And then you scroll. It's the same starting on every stand tall, stand tall.

This guy, the punk rock Republican, what were his lyrics? I couldn't get it out of my head for a couple of days. Actually, it was sick of the government running the narrative, manipulating the truth. Nice. That's nicely done. I also don't understand why you have to be Republican to enjoy that. I know that's true. Yeah. Yeah, for a long time, I would assume that they would side with the anarchists and not so much the political party. No, the punks. Can we take politics out of the punk rock? Thank you. And we just do that. It's about time. I feel. You just want to out completely. Yeah.

So you can just listen. No, I just listen to the punk rock. Yeah. Why can't I just like the energy and the jumping up and down? Why do I have to, you know, hate the man? The man's nice. Yeah, you just got to know the man.

I think you'd like a very. The man's nice. He wears a yellow hat. He's got a little monkey friend. Just give him a little monkey friend. Just give him a chance. Yeah. Yeah.

I overheard is courtesy of on stage. Sometimes I like to survey the crowd. One of the things I like to do is ask them what is something that your parents told you. There was an out and out lie that they kept telling you. So for example, my mom forever told us that pinching causes cancer. So, I'm sure I don't pinch a brother. Wait, what? Yeah, and she's a nurse no less.

Wait, wait, what? What? I mean, my mom was, my sister liked baby corns a lot. I would just eat all the baby corns whenever we got beef chops, do we? My sister, my sister liked baby corns a lot. I would just eat all the baby corns whenever we got beef chop suey. My sister would take all the baby corns and my mom said, baby corns cause cancer. So it's exactly the same.

Exactly. What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? Did you ever have one? Canadian parents.

Yeah. This is phenomenal. I take everything back about Canadian parents. But my parents were like, have as much silver nitrate as you do. As you want. Does have, yeah. Oh, pinching because it's cancer. I love it.

Okay. Did you ever have one? Not at that level. No. I mean, it wasn't, I do remember, but it was almost like a weird forecloth kind of thing. But again, it was about safety. My parents would tell us, if you run backwards, you run into a night dancer. This is wild.

We had that too. We had that too. We had that too. Yeah. And I'm going to explain to all of you, night dancers are kind of like a, a, a folklore sort of, uh, um, I don't know what to put it. Demon? Entity. But it's, it's, it's basically a person who's been taken over by a demon and they run around at

night naked. Okay. Okay. I'm with you so far. And like you in your dorm room. Exactly. Yeah. And, and if you run into them, you're cursed for life, basically kind of thing, right? Which is also, I guess, mostly because a naked person run into you. I don't know what

the actual curse would be. So there was supposed to be like this human demon creatures. So if you run backwards, so it was the same thing of like, you will hurt yourself if you run backwards, which they could easily have said that. Sure. Hey, you're gonna run backwards, you're gonna fall down, you're gonna hit something, but they're like, nah, let's, let's, let's amp it up. Yeah. Not quite cancer, but close.

Close, yeah, ruin your whole life. And sometimes the crowd, they'll do those classic ones, like don't turn a light off and on because it'll cause a fire. Oh yeah. And it wears out the switches. Yeah, and there was a twist on one of like, don't turn a light off and on because it'll cause a fire. Oh, yeah. And it wears out the switches. Yeah. And there was a twist on one of them.

It was if you make a face, it'll stop that way. But it was if you make a face and somebody slaps you on the back, it'll stay like that. I was like, so what was that preventing? Yeah. So that was a good twist. And then another one that everybody knows is don't go swimming after an hour after you eat.

And this guy's was don't go swimming after you eat because if you do, you'll be eaten by a shark. The shark can smell the sandwich. It's a fresh spin. I love that because also like you're going swimming in a swimming pool and being like, I can't. You never know. Yeah.

Yeah. That was a fear that I had when I was a kid that they throw a shark in the public pool. A shark would be... A shark would... Would the shark just die right away or what? But he'd probably take you down with him. Yeah. What about the one I hear is like, if you have the light on in the car.

Oh yes, a lot of people have that one. About like, that's illegal. But really, if you have the light on inside the car while you're driving at night, it's illegal and you'll get arrested or pulled over or whatever. Right. Is that real? No, but it's, if you're driving at night, you do not want that light on in the car.

That's true. Yeah, and only it would be to scare your kid. So why is the kid, I guess the kid could be in the past. I mean, you do. Also just for the record, I just wanna go back to this real quick. You had this fear of the shark in the public pool. Yes.

Up until what age? It's current, that's why I don't swim. Okay. Yeah. I'm terrified. That's why he's building a private pool. I think you would notice. I know a way, man. When I'm in my groove. Yeah. I mean, you would not notice piranha. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A piranha real thing or just a mythical? There's a mythical thing like a night dancer. Yeah, a night dancer. That's what I thought. That's what I. Just don't swim backwards.

Because here's the thing. I've never actually seen or heard anyone being eaten by piranha. There is a big. Have you met anyone? Have I met anyone who's eaten by a piranha? Missing some toes. Who's missing toes? Chunks of flesh. And they'll be like, yeah, piranha. Because plenty of people missing.

I, I mean, I'm sorry to say, but it is a real fish. And I, there's a, I do sometimes get videos recommended to me. I have somebody baiting, not baiting, but putting bait into water and getting the piranhas all. Yeah. They're, they are vicious. That's not CGI. No, it's real. Yeah, it's real. Are you sure it's not AI?

AI? Uh huh. Were these Studio Ghibli piranhas? Yeah. And for some reason it was Leonardo DiCaprio doing it. So they are, uh, but they're, one wouldn't kill you. It's a, they, they like swarm. Yeah.

Yeah. They're small and they have tiny teeth. And again, I think you're making that up. Also it'd be really funny if it was just one that's like, no, I hunt by myself. Yeah, I'm a lone wolf. I'm a lone wolf piranha. Yeah, I've been excommunicated anyways.

Yeah, I don't think they're real. I think they're just made up. I'm not here to fight you on this. They're made up by big ocean. I think they're real. I think it is made here to They're made up by big ocean, I think they're a river fish river. Yeah, see no river Have a two-cell over here Now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map you want to send one in, send it in to sbyatmaximumfun.org. This first one's from Jason from Toronto. This is an overheard from Toronto.

I work at a library and run an afterschool program. I overheard a little girl saying this to another little girl. Girl, you may think that because I'm seven, I'm very mature, but I'm not. In fact, I'm a little bit crazy. I love it. Yeah, that feels like something maybe they pulled a quote I'm immature, but I'm not. In fact, I'm a little bit crazy. I love it. Yeah. That feels like something maybe they pulled a quote

out of a movie or something like that. Have your daughters ever like just dropped a phrase that when they were growing up, they were like, what the hell did you come up with? Yeah, well, all the time, but I can't think of any on the spot. But, oh, I think Poppy was

wearing a, like a, a strange outfit one day. She walked by and goes, check out my new drip. There you go. That's phenomenal. Yeah. I, uh, during the holidays, uh, so I was in Uganda visiting family and my cousins were, you know, bringing their kids around.

And one of my cousins has a six year old daughter. And one of my other cousins has a four year old son. And the six year old and the four year old were kind of like hanging out for a little bit. And they, you know, they've hang out by the court. And so I'm, I'm very much invested in like getting to know this kids cause I don't get to see them often or whatever. Yeah. And the six year old, uhold looks at me and goes,

hey, Uncle Arthur, just so you know, that kid is one to watch. He's a bit of trouble. Talking about the four-year-old? And I was like, which six-year-old speaks like this? There's an upper cover right here. Yeah, this kid, keep an eye on him. He's gonna be a problem.

Yeah, he's a problem. And I was like, you're two years old. And she's like folding her arms well, she's saying that too. And I'm like, you know, you just heard that, you know, mom on the phone just saying something like that. Yeah. And just retaining, I don't know. I don't know why they retain certain things,

but hella cute, right? Yeah. This next one comes from Alex in St. John's, sitting in a Mary Browns. You guys know Mary Browns? Familiar. A chicken chain from Newfoundland? I don't know, but is it from Newfoundland?

I think so because there's everyone, they have the arena named after. Oh really? It's a Mary Browns arena. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I don't think I'd ever heard of them

until I went out there. Yeah. Yeah, because we never had it out here. We have one now. We do? On Main and 41st, maybe? Okay, they've entered the chat. There you go, there's another one.

Thank you. You're so hip. Thank you. He's at a Mary Browns in St. John's, and the cook says to another employee, "'How much of Ed Sheeran's discography have you listened to and the person responds with not much? And the cook says well not to spoil anything, but it exceeded my expectations Yeah, absolutely. I'm not I'm not an end Sheeran head. What are you? Name a song way here. I

Oh, you name a song by Ed Sheeran. I can, you know, you can write Dave. There was one episode we did with Amanda Brooke, Brooke Perrin, Amanda Brooke Perrin returns. Yeah. And we had to stop touching. And we went through the charts, like the top 10 songs that week. And you tried to sing all of them and you had never heard of them.

And one of them was by Ed Sheeran and that is incredible and it was called perfect and it was you going to me you are perfect and I believe Amanda said you sound like a ghost um this last one comes from Teddy cocktailtail in London, the UK. I was walking home and two siblings around six and eight years old walked past their dad and the older kid was saying to the younger one with a lot of enthusiasm and showmanship, congratulations, you get to give me a Lego. That kid is going to be a negotiator. That's a landlord right there. That's kids gonna be trouble. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I

Mean, it's it's as an adult. It's a blessing to be able to give Lego to a child. Oh my god, but When your kids you protect you hoard your your own Legos. I don't know how you know which ones are which but pluralized Lego as Legos Yeah, is it not for me? It was always just Lego like this is this is my Lego. These are my Lego This is like these are my Lego, but want to come over and see my Lego want to play Lego Yeah, let's go a little bit twisted now. Yeah a little twisted. You know what I kind of a twisted mind. Yeah from the twisted mind. Well, in addition to over-hearts that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos.

If you would like to voice memo us, it's SPY at MaximumFun.org. And if you would like to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypod one like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Jessica in Kansas City. I'm calling in with a overheard, a kids say the darnedest variety.

I was taking my kids to the local liquor store in town and they always give out lollipops and the clerk had the big bucket of lollipops and my four-year-old son was selecting one. And then his sister picked a root beer one and the clerk said, oh, you probably won't like that one because it's root beer. And then my son just turns to the clerk and says, oh, my daddy lets me have beer. And I was about to clarify that it was an NA beer that my son was drinking. But before I could say that, the clerk goes, oh, well, my grandpa would take me to the bar

and give me rum and cokes when I was little. And my awkward brain just turned to him and said, and here you are now. So, awkwardness all around. Well, off I go. Yeah, the, first of all, root beer suckers, they rule. Yeah. I mean, a root beer popsicle is the gold standard. Yeah, so it's like, why wouldn't a kid like that?

Second of all, you're giving your kid non-alcoholic beer? Yeah. Yeah. This is, that's not great either. Yeah. I was about to say, like, I don't know why you're clarifying that. If anything, I would want the alcoholic beer to be the thing. Because the non-alcoholic brings way more questions. Yeah.

My kid's had a sip of alcoholic beer, but he'll just down a six pack of non-alcoholic. Yeah. Like Heineken Zero Zero this kid loves it. Yeah he's sending his dad to the fridge. Yeah yeah. He loves the skunky ass taste. First time I ever had any sort of alcohol was my grandfather too. Yeah? Yeah my dad's dad gave me a very local brew that's made of millet. Okay. And they made it locally and we were visiting him and he sat me down. I was probably nine years old and it was the first time I found out there was a hierarchy in any sort of like sort of social situation that there were people

above my parents, right? Cause I always thought those were the, that was the boss. Right. Oh, right. The boss's boss. Yeah. And I met the boss's boss. Yeah.

Cause my grandfather did this, I kind of looked around to my mom to be like, what is happening? And my mom was just like, there's nothing I can do. And I was like, oh, you have a boss? This is good to know. Yeah. And that's when my grandparents

were getting my favorite people on the planet. Was it good? Terrible. Yeah. Yeah. It's beer. It's basically beer. I don't know if I've had Millet.

Millet? Yeah. I've had Miller, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to remember. I feel like it must have been beer that my dad gave me when I was a kid or let me have a sip of.

Yeah. And yeah, it's an acquired taste, you know, huge. Quite also interesting for about this particular brew. It's drunk hot. Like it's, oh, so they use hot water to like activate the yeast. Oh, okay. Graham, you'd like it. It's, uh, I look it up.

It's gluten free. Yep. And get myself some millet beer. Yeah. Is there a word for it? It is according to journal. Wait, is there a word for it? It is, I don't know. Oh, okay. That's what they call it. A-J-O-N-O.

Millet beer. Malwa. According to Wikipedia. Yeah. They've got millet beer, also known as Bantu beer, Malwa. Yeah, Malwa, yeah. Pomb, Pombichook or opaque beer? Yeah.

Huh, those beers are opaque, but. I don't know, I believe it's the language of my dad groups. My wife feel like was the more Bantu language for like, yeah. Right. But it's, yeah, it's, you know, after fermentation, when it's ready to be drunk, the- I'm ready to be drunk. Ha ha, hello.

Hi-fiving. Hi High fiving. My wrist. Yeah. You pour a bunch of hot water in it and it's a good time. Huh? Yeah. Yeah. It's, I know like my nephew, my niece, both when people are drinking beer. They're drunk all the time. On like high proof stuff.

Yeah. None of this non-alcoholic weak stuff. Yeah. 50%, 40%. Um, they're really, they're. Overproof room. Yeah. You've got that, uh, nephew who's really into teaky culture.

Yeah. Yeah. And I thought it was just about the colors and stuff. Nope. He likes a paralyzer like nobody else. Um, the, uh, uh, they always give the kids like a bubbly or something, say when they're like, can I have a beer? And they give it because they don't know

the difference between what I'm having, who wears banquet. They just think it's some kind of yellow buble. Yeah. Nice. That's Michael buble when he turns coat. Here's your next phone call. Hey, David Graham and guests. This is Justin from Washuba, Washington.

My wife and I were buying groceries at the grocery store and a gentleman who was bringing us up, I noticed he was kind of like singing to himself before we got up there. So I was watching him and he rung up our bananas and rang up. Anyway, he said, oh, those are some rocking bananas. Rocking bananas. So my work has been doing that for weeks now. Uh, blub blub blub blub. Um, oh man. Rocking bananas. Yeah, oh man. Uh, um, we're rockin' bananas!

Yeah, oh man, I mean, just having fun at the job like that, just uh, also bananas, like, how do you differentiate which ones are rockin', like there's, you go to the store there's 500, they're all exactly the same. Yeah, it's uh,

sometimes, you gotta have a keen eye. Yeah, I guess so. And like, and like I've noticed a lot more than in pastimes a bunch of banana We'll have like a plastic wrap or something around it. So you can't steal a single. Well, that's an average drug mart Yeah, they sell them at a set price grocery store. They'll you know, but do it by weight Whatever you want. What is your ideal banana ripeness? Ooh, I like just past green. So not quite as at its maximum sweetness. There's still a bit of crunch to it?

There's still a bit of like, yeah, firmness to it. You're an animal. You're telling me. Yeah, I'll take a regular, just normal old banana. What do you like? Right before it's ready for banana bread. That's... Oh, really?

Yeah. I like it sweet. Yeah. Yeah. So you never make banana bread is what you're saying. Oh, I make banana bread all the time. I mean, I don't make it, but people make it for me. Nice.

You give them the rotten bananas. Yeah. Yeah. At about five. Sometimes you get the tiny one. 45, you put your pants on. Yeah. I like a little past yellow, black spots. You like black spots?

Yeah, but not quite banana bread times. Right. Okay. So you gotta buy them and let them kind of sit for a while. I mean, I'll eat them if they're just yellow But I don't like green now gets on it six to eight. Yeah green like green green is Yeah, it's no also why? Yeah, they don't even want to be peeled yet. Yeah, like yeah, they're like, yeah, they are

Yeah, please can you just give me a give you a few more days? Yeah. Yeah, but I'm Yeah, but that way if you want a banana you what are me a few more days? Yeah. Yeah. It won't be long. Yeah. But that way if you want a banana, what are the chances that the right riveness is ready for the time that you want a banana? There's a window. There's a window.

Don't buy 20 bananas at a time. Yeah. Buy five, they'll all be ripe around the same time. I love how cheap bananas are too. I know. About a bunch, $1.87 for a bunch of bananas. And you get that tape around them. Exactly. Here's your final phone call, or voice mail.

Hi, David and Graham. This is Michael from Michigan. I have a calling in with an overheard that my girlfriend had. She was walking in our neighborhoods and a FedEx guy was walking up to a house, deliver a package, and a little girl comes out and says, hi, do you know where everyone lives?

And he goes, yup, I know where everyone lives. And then she goes, do you know where my friend Vivian lives? And then her mom came out and ushered her into the house as the van walked away. Anyway, no freaking way, off I go. Vivian's such a great name. I think of Aunt Viv whenever I ever heard the name. The original Aunt Viv.

The original one? Yeah. What were you, original or second generation? Original, for sure. Yeah, yeah, original. I mean, the replacement was fine, but once you had a taste of Vivian. Yeah, original. I mean, the replacement was fine, but once you had a taste of Vivian. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes that clip of her in the dance class or dance audition will show up. I mean, I was with you until the tour. Why, what happened?

Once you have a taste. Yeah. Once you have a taste of Vivian. No, I think we all agree was it a bit of an original and Well that brings us to the end of the podcast I just want to one question. Why do you think she was looking for Vivian? It sounds like it was a collecting thing I need to go like You tell Vivian. Yeah, I gotta get my pound of flesh.

You tell Vivian I say fuck you. You tell Vivian how soon the where she lives and then it's over. Yeah. Yeah, she's got a knife behind her back. Vivian, do you want Vivian? Well, that brings us to the end of this podcast. Arthur, thank you so much for being a guest. Thank you for having me. I'm beyond honored and blessed to have been 891.

We're blessed. We're all blessed. Everybody out there, you're blessed too. Go out and enjoy the day. Yeah. And come on back next week for another episode of Softpac As It Gets Hard. You can read all the episodes on podcast.com.