Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 903 - Jacob Balshin

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

Comedian Jacob Balshin joins us to talk dirt malls, Mission Impossible , and an Uber dilemma. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 903 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's futzing around with his iPhone, Mr. Dave Schumke. I'm about to put on a protective thing on the camera lenses.

And the reason I'm putting it on is because the last one broke and the one before that broke so are these... I'm just worried I'm like rough with my cami lenses. I don't even know that I have. I don't have one of those. Should I have one of those? No, as the new phone has like the camera lenses stick out more. So I'm worried. Yeah, maybe I should get one of those.

Well, anyway, no, don't worry about it. You're fine. I'm fine. How? Yeah. OK, OK. I'm worried I'm., oh shut up, Siri, in this day and age. Our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, very, very funny comedian. He is gonna be playing at the Rio Theater here in Vancouver on July 30th, it's Jacob Baulshin, hello.

Hello, hello, that felt like a like a gorilla style ad off the top. Yeah, I know. I didn't even know I was doing it as I was doing it. I want one now. Oh, who, me? Yeah, what am I doing? Why I'm just loading up on Monster Energy Drink. Monster, the number one energy drink for me. I have the same camera thing and now I'm like, is mine jutting out? And I didn't have a I don't have a protection.

I don't know. I think I'm, it just, when I bought my, the film thing that goes on the front of the phone, do you do that as well? The film, no. I got a glass. Yeah. I should, I've broken, I've broken these.

When I got that, it came with this on the back, but I, they break, they like, you know, scratched up at different rates. So I replaced, and now I'm all out. Okay, so you can't even, even if I wanted to. I can't even. You can't even. Should we get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us. Jacob, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be on the podcast. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be on the podcast. Honored and honored. It's so exciting to have you here because we were just chatting right before the podcast.

You've made Vancouver home for two months or how long have you been here at this point? I've been here for one month. One month. And you're originally from Toronto? I'm originally from Toronto. I moved here with no plan just uh, just to be here. Yeah. The vibes, uh.

How are the vibes? The vibes here are awful. Yeah. Oh shit. The worst vibes. I'm sorry. Oh no. In the city or just this room?

No, the vibes in this room are very different than the outside of this room. Yeah. Tell us about the vibe. What are you getting? Uh, people in Vancouver are, I mean, if you know people, it's very good. I have friends, so it's good. Who's your best friend? Who's my best friend?

Her name's Locra. She lives here and I get to visit her. Oh, that's nice. It's nice to be here with her. Shout out to Locra. Shout out Locra. But I feel like people aren't the friendliest here. You are correct.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a common complaint about the city is it's hard to make eye contact with anybody. Yeah. I find Toronto as soon as I get there. Maybe the whole city just is neurodivergent. It's possible. It's possible you've been just like calling us rude and we all just sort of like a

little bit spicy. Here's the thing. I don't think people here are rude. I think you just have such a different life that everyone's working so hard. Working hard here? Oh, I find it the opposite. I find when I go to Toronto, there's hustle. And then when I come here-

There's hustle maybe, but everyone's here working so hard, they're like miserable. That's interesting. You're in with a very different crowd. Really? Graham's with the hardly working crowd. Yeah, with the hardly working crowd. We like to hang out, work on our cannonballs at the pool. Your tans.

Yeah, work on our tans. But yeah, I don't have, I feel I always equated hustle with Toronto and maybe Montreal, but definitely Toronto. No, Montreal is like- I knew some hustlers in Montreal. It's slow and easy. It's slow. They're slow cooking. they're smoked meat.

Mm, yes. But yeah, you just came to the city, no plan. Zero plan. Staying with your friend? I'm staying in a basement of a comic and I saw a mouse the other day. Oh, God. So that's fun.

I got there and I'm so, I'm never really home. I'll be honest Yeah, like either filming or I'm doing comedy and I had like a day where I looked around like two weeks and I was like Oh, this is like a piece of shit Like two weeks to be like, oh there's spiders everywhere. Yeah basement sweets and spiders really working together. It's bad Yeah, what's what does this basement look like? Is it just a basement or is it passable as a suite? It looks terrifying. I brought a girl back and I had to be like, Hey, I am not what this is. Like this does not represent me. And I know it looks like I'm going to kill you, but I promise I also am scared.

Yeah. I'm afraid someone's going to kill me. I'm afraid too down here. This is a terrifying look. Is it like as places you've lived in, is it the worst or what's the worst? Okay, here's, I make, oh, this isn't even close to the worst. Okay. But I make videos where I go to people's apartments who are getting ripped off for rent. And they're very funny.

And they're like often very shitty apartments and mine would truly go viral for being one of the Hooters ones I've gone to and I'm paying $1400 So I feel like a dumbass. I'm like I'm the guy and I did yeah I did this exactly that's how it goes though. You know, yeah, what's happening in your apartment while you're away while I'm away There's a mouse walking around. Oh, and my other apartment. Yeah, there's a mouse walking around right now.

My other apartment, my roommate has been on this podcast. Her name's Natalie Norman. Yeah. Yeah. Very funny. She just let me not pay rent. So, Natalie, who's probably enjoying having her own space for two months, but I love you dearly for that.

Yeah. That's so nice. So nice. Natalie's a very honestly incredibly supportive lady in my comedy. That's amazing. Has helped me a lot. When's the last mouse or rat you saw? Uh well uh not that long ago you know if you hang out near any kind of bar or restaurant past a certain hour rats. I saw one I saw a rat in my backyard yesterday. Ah, oh no. I got a little garden going in the back and there's like food.

Yeah. And. They love a radish. Well, I don't have a radish, but our raspberry tree is just bussin'. And. That's what the rats are saying. The raspberry bush. And it's like, I don't think they,

because there's plenty of raspberries on it that don't get eaten by varmints. Yeah. But I think it was just hiding in it. And it ran past my toes. Probably peeing in it as well. Those rats, they pee everywhere. Really? Yeah. Mice and rats kind of pee everywhere. That's...

They can't hold it in. They've done studies. Can you hold it in? Yeah. Mice and rats kind of pee everywhere. They can't hold it in. They're done studies. Can you hold it in? No. And they also have to chew constantly or their teeth will grow through their own head. Ew. Yeah. You know, these facts are awful.

I've lived in some of these places you are currently living in. Have you ever seen an actual like cartoon mouse hole? Honestly? With like a welcome mat out there? With like a welcome mat? Not with a welcome mat, but I have definitely seen like a kind of half oval.

It's from real life at some point that people designed these. But, yeah, I had a mouse. I lived in one place, I had a mouse, captured it in a shoebox, brought it outside, let it run away, and it ran right back in the house.

Oh no. You gotta close the door behind you. Yeah, or you gotta go like blocks away so it forgets where you live. It locks the door. That place had mice and a rat and ants. Oh yeah. Ants just like, they figure their way through the door.

Yeah, ants are a problem. I mean, you know, was it me throwing popsicle sticks on the floor? Maybe. It might have been my fault. But once you get ants, good luck getting rid of them. I saw, um, oh, I was at a movie theater a few weeks ago, and I saw a mouse running through the, like... Through the popcorn machine? No, it was sort of like at International Village.

I knew it. I was gonna say it. That's awesome. And it was that area, like there's the front lobby and then there's like, you know, you walk down a hall. It was in the hall and a woman was there with her boyfriend and she goes, ah! And I laughed.

I was like, are you new here? And she's like, yes, I just got here. I just got here, I'm spending two months, Natalie Norman's paying my rent. So you, one of the things, so you do these videos where you go to people's homes. They're very funny. Yeah. And it's like, do you have to control people to do that

or do you just say, I want you to film your apartment. They're like, yeah, that's fine. This is like, cause we had talked earlier about like how you end up doing all these jobs as a comic you never thought you'd have to do. I like am my own secretary and I truly am not a good secretary. So a lot of days I just post a selfie and I'm like,

can I come to your apartment? But I've had like hundreds of people ask I just for I can't reply Wow, so people want you to come over and check out their pad. Yeah, are they? Do they like send pictures of it? Like hey my place really sucks It's always different like and sometimes I just go cuz I need a place and sometimes I go cuz they truly sent something. I'm like, I have to see what the fuck they're saying. This place is. What's been like the place that you've gone into and you're like, this is great.

This is a great apartment and the person is underestimating it. I went to one that was at the King Edward Hotel in Toronto and retrospectively, I think the girl's parents probably like owned the thing and she was like renting it from them. Cause the price she was paying was like way below market. Not even comprehensible. It was the coolest shit ever. It was a hotel, like it's one of these old hotels

that is still a hotel and then they turned hers into an apartment and gorgeous unit. Yeah. It was very cool to see. It's weird when they, I don't understand that. But like, it seems great. Like living in a hotel? Yeah. Yeah, like getting to walk through a hotel lobby

before you go home. Honestly, if that was on the table, to live in a hotel, like an okay hotel, it wouldn't need a high class hotel, but you know, best Western level, I would live in a best Western, no problems. And like in movies, when somebody gets kicked out, they're like, I'm staying at a hotel. I'm like, how can you afford to stay in a best Western, no problems. And like in movies, when somebody gets kicked out, they're like, I'm staying at a hotel. I'm like, how can you afford to stay at a hotel?

I always think that I'm like, whoa, you got to like get in the yellow pages and get a place like right away, dude. You're gonna start paying hundreds of dollars a night. And also yellow pages. This is how Jewish I am. I'm like, you're gonna spend the yellow pages. Yeah, I'm showing some age.

But like, I remember the Yellow Pages. Do they have a apartment section? I remember as a kid, I just remember there was a pizza section and that was the section that had the most like colorful inserts. Yeah, and also the most wear and tear. Yeah, and then there was like a restaurant section, but pizza had its own section,

and I think Chinese food had its own section too. And those were kind of the one and two of the delivery options. What was the pizza spots out here growing up? Oh, pizza 222, with the phone number was 222-222-222. Oh, good for them. Panago, before it was Panago, it was Panagopolis. Oh, did Panago start here?

I don't know. I think so. But we had it and it was Panago was Panagopoulos. Oh, did Panago start here? I don't know. I think so. But we had it and it was different. And what did we get? Oh, well, I mean, there was a bunch of tiny little like. Yeah, like I got it from like Stavros Pizzeria or something like that. Yeah, Brick Oven Pizza.

But the delivery really didn't happen much except for I think Panagopoulos did. And then when Domino's finally opened on Dunbar. Yeah, the one in Calgary, the big Calgary one was Pizza 73, which was 2737373 Pizza 73. And that's like Pizza Pizza, but out here, like, is that the same owners? No, but they were for sure interested in each other's product. It was bad. But like, do you remember your childhood? for sure interested in each other's product. It was bad. Yeah.

But like, do you remember your channel originally? I'm from Thornhill. It's just outside of Toronto. What was your family pizza place that you would go to? And also your family video rental place. My family video rental place was I think Rogers.

Classic. Good Rogers video. I loved a Rogers video growing up. Yep. And where do we order pizza? We were big into pizza pizza to be honest. Classic. If I had to think about it. Yeah.

Yeah, we were on the classic. It's like feeding a whole family cheap. Yeah. Yeah. Was that the two things I described? Was that like a night? Like, okay, video rental and pizza. This is like our treat.

Yeah. My parents didn't really parent. They truly like every night was a pizza night in my house. We were having pizza a lot. And this was back in the 40 minutes or free days, the golden era. I loved that shit. When you got to like, really, you're looking at the top.

I was just as a kid just it was fun to think about Yeah, as an adult now, it's depressing. It's depressing. I would never do that tracker I like I love following the tracker, but someone showed up I mean they don't do the guarantee anymore now and I think on TV and like watching American TV It was 30 minutes. So when you say 40 minutes, I'm like, okay, this is gonna be this is Canada gets the short shrift again yeah, and I'm like, okay, this is gonna be, this is Canada gets the short shrift again. Yeah. And so your household was like a fast food household. Oh yeah, a lot of fast food. My dad loved to take you to hockey

and then get you McDonald's on the way home. Perfect. Like you just ruin everything you just worked for. Like take you to play hockey? Yeah. Okay. And then yeah, just, you lost a lot of calories there. Let's fill you right back up to the brim. Yeah, they'd always, yeah, just, you lost a lot of calories there.

Let's fill you right back up to the brim. Yeah. They'd always be like, why is Jacob throwing up before the game? Oh, he had four Snickers. That was his dinner. How long did you play hockey for? I played hockey till I was 16 or 17. Oh shit.

Yeah. Um, do you still play ever? I haven't put on skates in years. I could probably like ball hockey and be decent, but I'm truly very out of shape. I did, because I took 25 years off. I came back when I was 38. Whoa.

After stopping when I was 13. But I was always like, I miss it so much, but it's too expensive. It's very expensive. I'm very like, I'm scared of getting hurt. And it's also like, none of my friends do it. So I'd have to meet new people. No, do that.

That's a Vancouver, that's Vancouver shit. That was some Vancouver shit. I did, I did. I came back and now I'm the best that ever did it. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, cause I know like recently I'm the king of just waking up and being like, oh, something's something's tweaked, something's moved, something's strained. And it's just a great time to be alive.

I'm very scared of getting hurt. Yeah, because you're 30. I'm 32. That stuff doesn't heal after a while. It doesn't. A couple of years of some jackass stunts. You have a few years of like, oh, your bruise goes away in a week. Yeah. It's going away.

Oh yeah. I mean, everybody over time. It's just the way of the world. I skied into a tree once like years ago and my legs still, I feel it. Yeah. Were you like a regular skier or was this? No. I feel like that's not something a regular skier does. What happened? You break a leg or? I broke my kneecap. Oh my god. Oh Jesus. What is that? Well yeah that sucks. The tibial plateau I think. Yeah. And then you got a cast for that or you just didn't? Here's thing, I don't think they knew what I'd done. Oh, okay.

Because they wanted to check for MCL, ACL stuff, but I think that stuff's hard to check for, so they thought I had torn my ACL and my MCL. So I was like, oh, this is going to be a year, year and a half. And then at the end they were like, no, you just broke your kneecap. You could take off your cast right now. I was like, okay. Just don broke your kneecap. You could take off your cast right now. Just try not to kneel for a while. If you could stay away from trees, that would help us. Um, where was this?

Was this in Ontario? This is in Ontario. I couldn't ski out here. If I'm, if I'm making kneecaps in Ontario, I can't ski in British Columbia. The fact that there are people that do those outdoorsy things that Vancouver's famous for. I don't know any of them. I don't know anybody who skis.

You know people who like. I know people that like maybe go, maybe wake boarding. Yeah, or like stand up paddle boarding. Stand up paddle boarding. A couple of people do that. Maybe kayak, maybe kayak. But I don't know anybody who skis. No, yeah, no one who does like extreme stuff.

I know people who ski. It's. They, yeah, it's expensive. That's expensive. That's an expensive privilege for, so is hockey though. Yeah, that's true. That's the funny thing about hockey. I was like at a decent level in hockey, but I would never say I was good at hockey.

I just had parents who paid for me to do hockey. Yeah. Of the kids who could afford to do hockey in my area, I was one of the better ones. But let's face it, all the kids who couldn't would have kicked our asses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's especially like goalies. Like anyone who's a professional goalie

just like had rich parents. Oh, God. Very expensive. And my brothers, they played hockey and then in the off season, they played lacrosse. And lacrosse is so violent. It's crazy that they let kids do it because you're allowed to just like strike them with your stick and that's part of the game. Yeah and hockey you bump into each other you slide away.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pre-CTE stuff when I started playing hockey so they had no idea. So when I was like 12, I remember them coming into the dressing room like at the beginning of a year and just being like, guys you can hit. None of us knew how to hit. I broke a kid's collarbone in the first game. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I was a bad kid. I was big. I'm not anymore, but I was like- Oh, you were one of the bigger kids. When I was a kid, I was a bigger kid. I mean, I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood.

It doesn't take much to be a bigger kid amongst the Jews. Sure. And is, because I never, I was a smaller kid always. Yeah. And I remember the bigger kid in my class and I was like, what is it like to be the bigger kid? Do you feel powerful? I wasn't like the biggest who was the biggest the biggest kid was Adam Kadesky Adam sounds like a big guy. He played on my hockey team, but he was like a gentle giant Yeah, he was one of those big guys who everyone's like, why can't you use your strength? And he's like, I just want to study.

I don't want to be here. He's a doctor now. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Is he still big? He's probably giant. Yeah. Cause there's some people-

He's always accidentally breaking people's bones. Like I'm trying to fix you, I can't. It always gets worse. Let me just sew this up. Oh, my clumsy giant fingers. I'm tearing you apart. My brother has a friend who is like six, eight, six, nine, huge, huge guy. Six, nine, nice.

Yeah. And all he wanted to do was play the piano is he had like a big set of hands that were very good at playing the piano, but he didn't want to do any sports. He would have been, you know, a lock to be volleyball, basketball, maybe even a football guy. Nope. Like the same thing. Gentle giant barely knew that he was huge. You know, it's gotta suck to just be tall and not like that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It, I'm big, I like, I'm not a big fan of the NBA. I watch a lot of NBA. I actually listen to a lot of NBA podcasts.

And one thing they talk about in depth a lot is like, there's a lot of players who just hate basketball, but they're like so tall and skilled. And it's like, what am I not going to get paid 10 million dollars a year? Isn't Jokic like, he's like, he would rather be a harness racing. I probably, he seems like, like as soon as the season end, that guy's like done with it.

I know. He, I, the year they won the championship, they were asking him about the parade and he was like, I have to stay for the parade. That's exactly where you're just like, he's a giant guy who's just so good at a thing. And it's like, all right, I gotta do the thing, but that's, I don't want that to define. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, like he's backed his way into being like, what, like in the conversation and it's like, all right, I gotta do the thing, but that's, I don't want that to define you. Yeah.

Like he's backed his way into being like, one of, like in the conversation, it's one of the all time greats. But he's like, I want to be a doctor. Yeah, exactly. That's him in his daydream is him being in an office and like tending to somebody's ACL, these type of things. Yeah. Yeah.

The big, what was the big kid when you were growing? Oh, there were twins. Twins, big kid when you were growing. Oh, there were twins Twin big twins. I'm Harry. Oh, they were they were but they were nice. Yeah, but were they like quite tall compared to everybody Yeah, yeah, there was a guy in my high school. Yeah, I don't name names I've gotten I've used to name names on the show and now everyone knows when I named names. I regret saying Adam on the show and now everyone knows when I name names. I regret saying Adam Kadeski so hard. I can- You don't gotta bleep Adam Kadeski, I just haven't thought about that name.

Well don't say it three times because it'll show up behind you. Adam, if you're listening, shout out. Yeah, I mean there was for sure, junior height was Isaac. Isaac Coward. Big, like, but maybe not so big, but we were all smaller, so maybe he was just a normal height for well He was like a man our guest last week Cass was six feet at age 13 Yeah, it would have been a bully diagnosed me as five ten once. Oh really? Yeah

Think you were I thought I was six feet and she like put me back to back and was like I'm six feet You're not sick because I've been operating. I she like put me back to back and was like, I'm six feet, you're not six. Cause I've been operating, I've never really cared how tall I am. I've just been going off what other guys say they are. So I'm like, well, if that guy's five, 10, I'm six feet. Right, but everybody's going up an inch. I used to, my dad used to measure me.

I would love it. I'd be like, is it time to measure me? Cause I would be getting taller than him. And he was like five, 10", or he is 5'10". Did you have one of those cute line charts on the wall? Yeah, so cute. And then I was getting close and then I surpassed him and then I was six feet and I never measured myself again.

And then I measured myself a few months ago. I'm 5'11 and a half. It'd be so funny to keep doing that line chart as you grow older. Same line every year. And eventually lower, lower, lower. Past guest of the podcast, Jessica DeLisle, she has a thing, if anybody comes over to her house,

they do a measuring thing on the wall. So they've got this crazy range. And there's a few dogs at the bottom. That's cute. And she's a few dogs at the bottom. That's cute. And she's short and her partner's very tall. So they're that kind of fun, fun, odd couple, you know, when you see them walking down the street. Like Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern.

Perfect. Ha ha ha. Somehow they made it work, those two. Like Pinky and the Braids. Exactly. Yeah, I think I'm maybe I'm five eight. I think for a while I operated under the assumption that I was five. We should get a height chart here.

Yeah. Get everybody that comes in. Yeah, like the thing where you, I'm talking about the one at 7-Eleven. Oh, sure. Someone you like, you should weigh us too. Yeah. Take when you like- You should weigh us too. Yeah. Take your blood pressure. Do the whole checkup, prostate exam, get it all going.

On your Instagram, you go to people's apartments and you see them, but you also have been touring Vancouver's dirt malls. Yeah, and I love it. I love going near the mall. And that's how you knew about International Village. I did. I also know about International Village. I did. I also know about International Village because there's a comedy club right across from it that I've bombed up more than any place in the world, Comedy After Dark.

So I've been to the, I had been there previously. A lot of the places I've gone now, I'd never been to. Which ones? Okay. You've gone to international, you've gone to Kingsgate. I've gone to Kingsgate. I went to- You really missed out on the glory days

of Kingsgate as a dirt mall. Yeah, it used to be way dirtier dirt mall. Oh yeah, I can see it. I love that it like boasts, I think it said out front, like we have over 30 stores or something like that. And it used to be, now it's got like, you know, what do you call it? Grand names? Well, I know like cell phone providers

over like a few of the stores. And it used to be like just weird dollar stores. And like, there's a library in there. DVDs and yeah. Well, dead malls do a lot of interesting things. A lot, it's a lot of cell phone providers. Cause I go to a lot of dead malls, like malls that are still open, but should be closed. A lot of cell phone providers. International Village is a lot of dead malls like malls that are still open but should be closed a lot of cell phone providers

International Village is a lot of cell phone case Yeah a little kiosk kiosk and then one interesting thing these places do is they often just become like an office building Oh Interesting, I think it's cheap office space like their offices are like, oh, this is way cheaper We'll just have a law firm in the Small or sure International Village One city center they got a city square. They got all sorts of Oh city squares is like

Yeah, a lot of like professional services. Yeah, wait, what's city square? Should I go there? It's not far from here I've been looking for something to do after this. There you go. They've got a makeup school in there. City square, okay. It's right across from City Hall. Yeah, can't miss it. It's got- And it used to be part of City Hall and that they built a mall around the old-

Yeah, there's some of the old- Stone facade. So it's got a decent food court. Yeah, good food court. Place that I pick up my mail if there's ever a package that can't be delivered. I got a bunch of blueberries from the store that turned out to be all moldy.

Wow, do you guys have favorite? Oh, there's a Daiso now, so it's actually good. Yeah, yeah, they've got some good stuff in that mall. Do you have favorite dead malls in the city? I mean, I've always been a fan of Kingsgate. Kingsgate Rips. I like, I do like City Square, International Video. These are all ones that are kind of,

I'm trying to think of like a mall. International Village, the story with it, because past guest Stacey McLaughlin, she writes for Vancouver Magazine. She's also editor in chief. And she used to, oh, she still does a column where like people write in with their questions about like, hey, what's the deal with those windows above Burrard Bridge or what happened to the McBarge?

One of the questions was, how does International Village stay open? How does it? Yeah. It's a apartment building. So like there's an apartment building like first, you know, whatever, however many stories above it. So the mall doesn't have to stay in business. The mall is, can be precariously occupied. Yeah.

It's probably, like, I mean, what's, that's the other question is like, what's your definition of a mall? Like can a strip mall be a mall, or does it all have to be like you enter in and it's one unit? Well, Vancouver's redefining that for me. Okay.

Like you guys will call things malls I never thought, I don't think Kingsgate is a mall. To me, that's not a mall. What is it? It's a shopping center. Oh, see shopping center. Like a mall to me is like international village is a mall. It's like three floors. There's a, uh, like an escalator, food court.

Yeah. You got to have a food court to be a mall. There's a mall that's down, what's the one downtown, Pacific Center? Pacific Center, yeah. It's just a regular mall. I think I've gone there. Yeah, maybe.

And then there was one that was, it was like another sort of underground thing. Oh yeah, and it closed down. Did it have a movie theater in it? Like decades ago. And then isn't there one on, sorry out of towners in the West End, isn't there a little? Yep, there's a mall in the West End and it had.

I've never been in it. It's near a pool, I know that. It's quite near a pool. So if you look for the pool. I look for the pool. And then just to the left. It's a little pool, West End mall. Now I bet you that West End one is weird

because I remember it being weird the last time I was there which was a long time ago, but I bet it's still weird I've learned this about malls. They do not get better No one after the mall opens they go we're done here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they leave and I do You know Kingsgate is owned by like the teachers Yeah, or not or the school board school board. Yeah, It's crazy. Yeah, it's a... What an awful investment. I mean, it's probably worth tens of millions of dollars though now.

It's the fact that it's still standing and that, yeah, there's a lot of places like that. I miss the Bilo in it, it's now a save on foods. Oh, it is? Yeah. To go from Bilo to save on. Yeah, what the hell, Bilo is like premium. That was getting cheap, cheap stuff. I mean, I thought premium. That was getting cheap, cheap stuff. I mean, I thought, yeah, it was premium, cheap stuff.

Yeah. But yeah, I'm trying to think of, cause like in small towns, what they would call a mall, you would call a shopping center, but that would be the mall. Yes. They would be framed around a store, either a Bay. And what George Clooney would call a mall. Sears. Sears was a mall haven. Yeah, Eaton's for a long time. The anchors are dying. Yeah. Our news anchors. Yeah. Yeah. There's an assassin.

No one knows the top story. No one can report on it. And it's not like I mean, he is a he's got like a sniper rifle and stuff, but he also will use stuff like exploding teleprompter. Yep. Yeah, garotte you when he hands in this just in. Yeah, it is in-ear whatever. What are those things called? IFPs?

Earpiece? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's poison. Or it's really loud and explodes your brain. Blows You know, it's poison. Yeah. Um, did, uh, cause in small town, like, do you ever do tour to small towns or do you do so many small. So I could name, I could go off on Alberta. Like I could name like literally 30 cities. You've never, you've probably heard of. Oh, I've definitely heard of. Most people have never heard of that I've spent a night there. And so like you're, you work mostly in the city, I assume,

or are you always on the road? Are you a road dog? It's, it's both. Me and my friends, uh, their names are Che Durena and Andrew Packard, but very funny guys. We, uh, couldn't really get on stage much in Toronto. Toronto has like a lot of really amazing older headliner comics and like, it's hard to get stage

time when you're starting out. Cause people can't justify putting you on over like an incredibly, like a way better comic. So we would just call small towns and like ask them if we could go there and do shows. Call the. Put the mayor on. Yeah.

We, I remember me and my. The Better Business Bureau. I lived in a windowless basement below Che who lived in like a rad infested apartment and he would come downstairs and we would just like Google like Alberta and then we'd go every town. We'd write down like every bar, we'd Google like, say like Hinton, we Google Hinton bars,

then we Google Hinton casino, then we Google Hinton like Legion. And then we'd put like, we put together like this insane, our own yellow pages of bars in small towns in Canada that we still have. And then we called all of them and. And you were just like, will you let us do a comedy night? Yeah. Will you let us do a comedy night? We probably our first time probably called like.

You've been to Hinton? I have been to Hinton. I've been to Hinton. Preston. Been to Preston. These not professionally, but I've been to Hinton and Preston as I grew up in Alberta. So. Not professionally is such a funny thing to say. But yeah, I've been to Hinton, but not professionally.

I'm not a pro at it. I'm just in my 10,000 hours in Hinton. So then what would the bars just say, yeah, come and, or would they have to have an AV set up? It was not easy. It was like the hit rate on our calling was like probably like 0.05% of places. Really? I would have given up so fast.

No, it was crazy. And then, but like by the end we had like 15, 20 dates, but we'd also never gone on tour. So we didn't think like, oh, this date is seven hours away from this date. And that's the next day. And that, and such as any comedy tour I've ever been a part of. Yeah.

Nobody has figured out the path that makes the most sense. No, we figured that out over time because Andrew's very smart and me and Chair are very bad at that stuff, but Andrew was really on top of it. And we also don't drive, so Andrew had more reason to care. Oh yeah. I mean, sitting in a car for seven hours is very different than driving. And you, you've never driven, you don't have a license. So you're lucky you had a pal that.

Yeah. Would you ever get your license or? No, I'm very scared of driving. It's very scary. All right, he doesn't want to hurt himself. Yeah. I have fears of hurting. I don't know why I smoke cigarettes.

And literally I'm garbage. But I'm scared of like, I'm scared of someone else killing me. I'm very comfortable with myself. Well, don't become a news anchor. Yeah. I'm not. And then like you do these tours, would your guys' acts go over well in these small towns? I would. Okay. So our first tour, have you ever been to the Broadway Theater in Saskatoon? Yes.

Okay, perfect. We've been to the podcast live. Oh, I love that. We called up this guy who worked there, his name was Matthew, I don't know if he still works there. And I mean, we- Shout out to Matthew. This guy gave us the theater, booked us.

We didn't rank the theater. Yeah. Because the, gave us the theater, booked us. The big theater? Yeah. Cause we, the first time we did it, they had like an, like an annex theater that was like a church basement. That's right. Yeah. They might've done that because they gave us the big theater. We gotta get an annex.

Well, the next time we did Zaskatoon, we got the big theater and we did not fill it. No, we did not fill it. You no way, you did as bad as us. We, we had never gone on tour. It's my first time going on tour. In my head, I've been preparing for this show for like months being like, because I'm three years

or four years into comedy going on tour. Like I'm doing 20 minutes, haven't really done that much if ever. Yeah. Also I haven't done a 300 seat theater. So I'm going, it's going to be sold out. I assume. Like they wouldn't, that's how it works. It's sold out.

I never sold show. Like it never been a thought in my head of getting people out to shows. Right. So. Just in case you forget to mention it, Vancouver, go see Jacob at the Rio on July 30th. Yeah, we'd love to, I'd love to do a repeat of this.

We show up, there's 30 people and a 300. I mean, it could have been zero. Yeah. It could have been zero. Yeah. I mean, 30 workable. I assume you did the show and it was probably okay or was it awful? We did the show.

It was fine. Yeah. It was fine. We did like, honestly, we've, yeah, we've done some bad shows. There's no doubt. Like we've done some show I've bombed in a lot of places in this country. Yeah. Yeah me too But it really like our first tour like I feel very good about comedy because of all the touring I did good Yeah, like yeah, I feel like it really I I'm not someone who appeals to someone in small town

I'll burn that I was wondering cuz you're from the city Yeah, like I when I was wondering because you're from the city. Yeah. And like, when I was first like going out on the road, I was like, oh yeah, they don't care about talking about going on the bus. Yeah. Dogs or, you know, they don't give a shit about that stuff.

It's very interesting to learn as you're like going. Yeah, and there's people now, me included, where they- What do they care about talking about fucking? They love fucking, sucking, drinking, trucking. But sometimes, because sometimes you show up to a city and everyone's like 80. We've actually never fucked. We did an old age home at 3 p.m. once. Oh yeah?

Yeah, in Grand Cache. And? And we bombed so, I bombed so hard. That'd be kind of a fun thing being in a hospital and seeing somebody bomb. Yeah. That guy sure sucked. Anyway, see you at dinner. You gonna check out the 2PM show?

Absolutely, I'll be there. But like, oh man, an old folks home, what are you getting? You're getting like a school choir coming through. Yeah, maybe a tap dancer or something like that. Yeah, it was an interesting experience. Me and Che are very dirty, so it was very funny to watch us both flounder. But that probably did really well in the smaller towns.

Like, what? I guess some of the small towns don't like dirty stuff. So we had a system. We would get to a city, and then we would look at the people who were at the show. Yeah. And then we would decide if Andrew was headlining or if Che was headlining. Okay.

Andrew's a married man who's married to the first woman he ever met. Oh, okay. And Che's had chlamydia six times. So it's like- So what are you guys more in the mood for? Yeah, we really like suss it out. And then I'm middle. No matter what, I'm in the middle. I'm divorced and I've had chlamydia twice. Yeah. I once did a show, not at a senior's home, but at a recovery facility, a recovery from accidents and stuff like that.

Okay. The show was good, but you did your show and nobody was laughing, and there was, you did your show and like, nobody was laughing. And there was a translator as well. And it's just like bomb city. And after the show, they were like, oh, just so you know, a lot of them can't laugh. You know, they've got oxygen and you know,

they got tubes in, they can't laugh. And I was like, ah, so the whole time they was like, come on, after every joke. Yeah. Laughing would kill these people. Wow, what the fuck do you got up your ass? Like literally a tube. Fucking huge sucks. A breathing tube.

Yeah, I'm breathing out of my ass. It was quite an accident. I think Dr. Adam might, we want to enlighten you I think Dr. Adam might want to enlighten you on how the ass works. Yeah, well, that's so cool that you book your own tour because like, whenever I would do that, I just go through a booker who was like, I got three nights and wherever, you know, string together some sort of. I never had the option. No, you know what, if you start out here, probably would, probably would have gone done

the tally ho. We have yaks. Like you could become a yaks guy in Toronto. But like I said, like there's so many older guys who are so far ahead that like, I couldn't even get on it. Yaks. Get on a yaks. I still can't get on it yuck yucks. Couldn't get on a yuck yucks. I still can't get on a yuck yucks.

Their loss. Their loss. Please book me. We don't have them here anymore. They were here for a stretch. Is there one in Surrey? There's one in Surrey. Abbotsford?

Yeah, in Surrey. Yeah, they move around. They come and go. They do because the yuck yucks kind of will be in a ballroom for some amount of years or whatever. That's always on the road gigs. It's just being the empty room they had. It's a wild business model. It's a franchise out of comedy club

and already failing business, you're gonna start in the red on. Like that's crazy. Just open your own thing. Yeah, yeah, that's true. It's not like Subway. It's not like the brand is that. I don't know.

I don't want to shit talk it too much. Don't fucking dart me with a laser gun. Or some shit. But it is weird because it's like, yeah, we're a bar. But we're only open these nights. And we, you know, you come in and then you leave, you can't stay and keep drinking. Yeah.

You're, you're forced out. It's a terrible business model. The more you do comedy, like you see so many rooms come and go, you barely see them stick around. It's not like the only way it works is basically if you have the same model as a strip club where it's like pump them full of drinks Have them have a minimum amount of drinks get some shitty Appetizers out or whatever and just like really have a very driven coming and tell some stories

Yeah, or or mankind But that's what comedy now is like they need people in, so they don't care if you're funny anymore. Oh, no. That's always been on the back burner of Canadian comedy. I guess comedy in general. Any given night you could walk into a comedy club

and see the best show you've ever seen or see just the absolute dog shit headliner. Yeah. But yeah, when I first moved here, Yuck Yucks was in a different location, and it closed almost immediately. Interesting. I was doing the amateur night and they were like,

you come down and do a weekend spot, close that weekend. Never got that weekend spot. That's how it goes. Yeah. Then there wasn't one here forever. And then they opened it up. It turned into an independent club. Then it was, yeah, on Cambie Street for a while. Now nothing.

Yeah, it was right across from City Center Mall. Yeah, which you'll be hitting up after this, no doubt. The malls have a similar vibe to the comedy club, where it's like anyone will claim they're a comedy club. Yeah. Like someone will put 10 chairs in a room and be like comedy club. We're a mall. Yeah.

Like it's got the same. We're a mall now. I put a roof between two stores. Welcome to the Kingsgate comedy club. Honestly, not a bad idea. That place that like a virtual reality store could be a comedy club. And it's going to go out of business any day now. Sure.

It used to be a pay less shoe store. Honestly, if you did a comedy club in the mall that did like 3 p.m. and 5 p.m. shows. When we started this podcast in 2008, I was like, oh, could we rent a kiosk at Kingsgate Mall and just like, do we have a studio there? No, just have like people coming through to be on this podcast. You guys should do an episode live from the Kingsgate Mall. We should. Do you have a studio there? No, just have like people coming through from beyond the podcast

You guys should do an episode live from the king's game. All we should yeah I mean certainly as as time goes on we we want to devote more effort to the show Um, but uh If you if people out there haven't seen any of jacob's videos your videos are great. They you very very funny about it I'm even compliments, but thank you when you I when I first saw the videos But when Graham told me you were coming on the show like always does he do the voice? Mean today I speak like I speak one the videos they're very monotone. Yeah, there's a few reasons I I record them in bed. Okay.

Like I really am lying in bed. And then also like I have to match my speaking up to how long the thing happening is. Right. So I'm like, I really have to slow down. I sound dumb. So like-

A lot of people hate my voice. You, is it, do you write the thing and then find video to fit it, or do you find the video and stitch it together as a monologue? I just film and then it all comes together later. Cool. Yeah, I just go, if I have footage, I'll figure it out. But it's, what was the show, How To with? Yeah, John Wilson.

John Wilson has that flavor of like, you're finding things that people wouldn't necessarily see in the city like yeah I don't I get that comment a lot and I like John Wilson so yeah cool yeah I think it's just cuz I can't I never really like stand-ups all alone like I can't get a guy to come film me yeah like so it's like well now I have to film it I don't want to be in it so what's the like what the logical thing I can do is I could film life. Yeah, and it's good. It's very engaging.

Yeah, my entire Instagram is just funny things I saw. Mine is my dog's. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to enter. I was in it for a while, but I did not like doing standup clips. It really hurt my heart.

Yeah, and it's like, you put something out and 50 people like it, you're like, oh, nuts. No, that I don't agree with. That I think that's a bad mentality when it comes to social media. Like I had to get over that. Oh, I mean standup clips. Yeah, like, but truly, like, a lot of the times

that when you think a video bombed, didn't bomb it just didn't get seen Yeah It's not a bomb because like a bomb is when you have like a million views on a video and that video has like 400 like right to me is a video that no one saw you just posted at the wrong time The lighting's bad the sounds off like these app like it's truly an algorithm Yeah, that is so sad on like these weird things you don't think about and it's all watch times does you have you noticed that it's like does it change the social media change how comedians do stand up and yeah yeah now work city I changed me for a minute

where I needed clip so it's like well I haven't written today so let's kind of just go stand on stage and hope someone says something interesting. I was on a show just a few nights ago where everybody on the show did crowd work. It was the same crap. So it's just like, okay, we've established that guy does that and this person's birthday. And, and it was like, everybody did it. And then because I assume everybody was filming clips. And I was like everybody did it. Because I assume everybody was filming clips and I was like, well, so now I'm closing the show, do I also have to do that?

I did. Because I don't think the crowd was ready for material at that point. They were like, more crowd work, more about us, please. I don't see anything wrong in crowd work. I like crowd work. I used to do it very unnaturally, I think, and now it's more natural to my act where if something like, I used to do it very unnaturally, I think, and now it's more natural to my act where like, if something

happens, I'll deal with it and talk to them. But I appreciate crowd work. I do think like, I don't know. I think there is like the older comics definitely got mad by the crowd work craze. And I was like, guys, these are just comics desperate to figure out how to get a career in Canada.

Like it's not, it's a really hard place to make this work. Very. And so everyone's trying whatever they can. And if someone's trying, I'm more pumped than if someone's not even doing it. And then it's like mad people are trying. Oh, sure. Yeah. You just gotta, I don't know.

It was online stuff. You truly just got to put stuff out. Yeah. That's the other thing I'm very bad at is regularly putting anything out. So I just have friends who I opened for my friend, Che at the Vogue, who literally I just told you, we did a 30 person theater show for like three years later, four or five years selling out the Vogue and I'm opening for him. And I'm like, well, I should probably do something. Like, I'm not, I'm fucked.

I was with them the whole time and I could get seven people here. But you're, you're going to, you're going all in, you're going to have a theater crowd. Yeah. The real theater, July 30th, July 30th. Yeah. I think hopefully there'll be people at that thing. And that's, you know, that's a Wednesday. So you're going to be up against home improvement. Yeah, that's right there'll be people at that thing and that's a you know, that's a Wednesday

So you're gonna be up against home improvement. Yeah, that's right I want to be very clear if you're listening I did rent it on my own credit cards Yeah, this is not some slick production. This isn't live nation presents people keep going How much time are you gonna do and I go? Oh, I don't know I have no idea I'm gonna get off after 20 minutes if it's going bad. Yeah, yeah. Look, tickets are like $17.

You can't miss with $17. You're not going to be disappointed. I have $17 for the jokes. I don't have $80 for the jokes. Me neither. I've only been around longer than you. I'll charge $17 to see me,, 25, whatever it is on this thing. Sure, and the Rio's a really fun place to go see comedy.

I heard it's like a old sex theater. Used to be a sex theater. No, that's the film or Fox. No, Fox, yeah. The Rio used to be, the Rio used to just be a movie theater and still is. Yeah, and it was for a while before it closed down, it was like a Bollywood.

Well, I'm gonna turn it back into a sex Sex is all theater. Yeah, like you're just you know, you know the bad guy enters with the left side Yeah, I when the Fox was still a sex theater, the last week that it was open, somebody hosted a screening of Deep Throat, which was the original Triple X theater thing. I went and watched it, and then as soon as I got home, I threw out all my clothes that I was wearing.

I just took out my wallet, my phone, everything went in the trash. I'm at a front run spot. You're getting undressed in the lobby of your building. Yeah, you guys can keep these. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Oh, not much, but I did go see, you like film? I actually never see movies, I'm sorry.

It's okay. Watch TikToks only. Well, what if Wes Anderson did a TikTok with you? I'd watch it. Well, what I went to go see was a movie that's been out for about a month, and it is a movie that is called, Mission Impossible.

Oh, yeah. Mission Impossible is called, Mission Impossible. Oh yeah. Mission Impossible, the last Mission Impossible. So he says, you think if people were like, bring it back one more, he would do that. Of course he would do it. He'll do an encore. And I went to the movie theater at, well, boy, this isn't a mall,

but I wonder if it's practically a mall, a river or a Marine gateway? Marine gateway, that would be a very loose definition of a mall. I'm still writing it down. Yeah, Marine gateway, it's a place, the buildings, it was nothing and then it was built all as one. Because there was a SkyTrain station there.

Yeah. So they built, it's not a mall at all. And it's too new to be like. Okay. Yeah, there's nothing like. I like the nostalgia vibe of the places though. Yeah. Well, how was Mission Impossible? Yeah.

It was, it's been out a few weeks. It, so it was in the smallest theater there. Yeah. Which was disappointing. Yeah. No Rumblebeam for you. It's like a 32 inch TV. It was still pretty big, but it was like,

it wasn't very full, but the screen was big enough considering that I'd never been to this side of the movie theater. I'm always seeing whatever's in theater one or two, and they're like, go to theater eight. No, which is like, there's all cobwebs on the door. You have to get a torch. It's in black and white.

Yeah, I thought this was a talkie, what the hell? And it was, it's annoying going to movie theaters because people talk the whole time and like two hours into this movie, a guy just started like crumpling up his water bottle and someone was like and I guess the guy was like well I can't be about me I know like when there's there's a million thing pieces about like why why is the movie theater dying and that that factors into it pretty heavily mm-hmm there's a guy behind me so yeah yeah, it's Mission Impossible. Yeah, Tom Cruise comes out of the front says, Hey, thanks for seeing this movie in the theater. At the start

of the movie. Yeah. Every movie should do that. Well, he does. He did it for Slender man. Thank you for coming. I imagine him actually showing up in person. It was like cans or something. Well, apparently in the first the first one. He was Peter Eight. In the first? Hey, Peter Eight, thanks for coming to see Mission Impossible. The first week the movie was out, he was showing up in person at theaters. Really? At screenings, yeah.

That's awesome. And then at the, for like, for Top Gun a couple years ago, there was like a minute of him at the front being like, theaters are back, thanks for coming post-COVID to see this movie. That was one of the like bring them back out kind of movies after COVID. I feel like everybody went and saw,

I went and saw it and I have no interest in Top Gun, but it was really good. Turns out it was really good. But I've only seen, I think I've only seen two of the Mission Impossible movies in theater and the rest I've just seen on home video. I think I've seen them all just, I don't think I've seen any. I find them very confusing but it occurred to me oh maybe in the theater they make

they're like easier to follow. And? Yeah. Oh okay. After I was like oh I at home I would be like getting a little lost looking at my phone. It is the the push and pull of the phone. You know? Especially if you're watching a movie. Oh, what do I know him from? Oh, yeah. My phone has all the answers.

I like going to a movie because I know I won't use my phone. And then I'm always like in the theater being like, I'm going to get out of here. And so many people have messaged and then no one's ever. I'm like, oh, I just shouldn't use this thing. I do look at my phone an awful lot for someone no one is trying to contact. I do like a situation where you can't look at your phone,

be it a dentist trip or sitting on an airplane. I love it. I'm really addicted. I am so addicted to my phone, it's scary. You said you're on TikTok. Is that the main thing? TikTok, Instagram, I like Reddit a lot. I love Reddit.

I love Reddit, I hate that Reddit has this like, has a very bad like reputation. And I've noticed particularly amongst women think that it's a not good place to go. And I'm like, but there's whole threads that are just like a panda. Yeah, I mean, that stuff doesn't come up for me. I feel like you have to find those subreddits.

Yeah. Yeah. What are you on the dirt bag part that women hate? I am literally just like what's popular. And then like NBA, hockey. Sure. Yeah, like basketball, hockey, football. I just go on those subreddits.

Yeah. I don't know how I ended up on the reddits that I, the threads that I get, because I get a lot of who's my doppelganger. Yes, I get that too. And so, have you ever seen those? I get, am I a bad person? What's that one? Oh, am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? I get a lot of the confessional ones. Oh, yeah.

I really, I'm into people on bad marriages. I really... You read a lot of it and like, oh. Oh, yeah, I really I'm into people on bad marriages. I really Like oh I had like a similar thing cuz where it's I call it like divorce porn. Yeah That was the one with Adam Driver and Scarlett. Oh, I think you're on a different subreddit I'm sorry my own subreddit called divorce point But I felt like that a marriage was real like this is I hate that stuff. I know it's I Assume reddital connect me with somebody that likes it I mean the real thing that got me on reddit was when that guy had two penises. Yeah, that was fake

What oh dude, I'm so sorry. Was it really? Double dick dude's a hoax. Di-fail-ia? Yeah. Really? Look it up, he was a hoax. Well, I'm not gonna look it up right now. I wonder who you think it's Stan Winston put together that?

I mean, I believe everything I hear. So now I believe it was a hoax. I believed it was real for five years. I kept texting it to Graham. Yeah, we would text it back and forth pretty often. I'm sorry boys. Cause it looked like a peace sign and that was also a big fun part of it.

You could sub it in. Now there's no peace in the world. Right, peace and then show the picture, it was great. It was a Ringo Starr. Oh, that's too bad. But see, that's the internet. That's why women don't like Reddit. It's because, you know.

They get their hopes up about two penises. You truly can't believe everything you read on the internet. Anyway, so this movie. Yes. It's all about, there's like, the last movie was a prequel to this. This is the sequel to the seventh movie.

Usually the movies aren't related, but these two are sort of related. And there's this thing called the entity. And it's this AI that is taking over everything electronic. Like regular AI. Yeah. And they need to destroy it. But like the president is like,

yes, but if we destroy it, it'll destroy cyberspace. There's all this like, they mentioned cyberspace many times like, we gotta save cyberspace. Was this like a guy that owned like a firewall protection company, like a McCaffey or something like that? It was, well, no, the president was Angela Basset. I'll have you. Oh, okay.

Okay. And the, yeah, they're like, oh, but if this, if cyberspace goes, then the implications are like they're weighing cyberspace or every nuclear missile in the world going on at the same time. I like knowing what I know about cyberspace now, I think I could have done without it. I think I could have stayed in the 90s. I was like, either way, like either the internet goes away or everyone dies, I'm happy. Because it's fair. Yeah, it's fair. I would love to not have the, I would just love to not be on the grid. Yeah.

I mean, it's my career and I get paid good like money online. I've learned money is way better than comedy money. Anything. I mean, I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian.

I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian.

I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comedian. I'm not. Yeah. I mean, it's my career and I get paid good, like money online, I've learned money is way better than comedy money. Anything is. Truly. Working in a fruit stand is better than comedy. But honestly, like the, I hate how much I'm on the phone. I would love to never, I don't like the, I'm trying to, I'm a date, I'm dating, I'm a single man.

Okay, woo! Hey! And I- Yes, anybody here doing the apps? Anyone single? I took an Uber in and boy are my arms tired. I don't like how I'm obligated to text people back. Like I hate my phone, I don't like,

I wish it was like a mail system. Would you, if you dropped out of all the technology, what would you go do? If you weren't career connected to the technology, where would you, what would you do? I would do literally exactly what I'm doing, but feel more present. Like I don't like the like,

and I'm with friends who are like, why did you just film that? And I'm like, I have to. Yeah. Like I don't'm like, I have to. Yeah. Like I don't want to do it. Genuinely. I, and I appreciate everyone watching these things. I don't want to go to someone's apartment every day.

I don't know these people. They're strangers. Sometimes they're fans. They want me to stay after. I'm alone. I'm 140 pounds of no muscle. Like I have no chance if they want to kill me. Yeah, that's- I'm alone, I'm 140 pounds of no muscle. Like I have no chance if they wanna kill me. Yeah.

It was, I would rather not think about that stuff and focus on standup. Yeah. Or, you know what's really sad about like current content is it's very short form. And I- Yeah. I think I would like to do like things I put a year into. You could be, I think, like a very successful documentary filmmaker.

Oh bless. I don't know. I don't know. But how would you know? You haven't shot anything. Like what's the longest thing you've put out? Like 30 seconds. But you could be like a person who like over a year just films vignettes and then somehow ties them all together. I would love to find a project that more committed to than what I currently do.

You will. I will. I know that. I know I will. Oh yeah. This is gonna burn out fast. This I truly think it will. I know you're saying I think that all the time.

I'm like well this will get tiring. Like it's a truly a formulaic thing. So if I'm putting it out every day, like the first time I put it out, that's the most exciting time. Yeah. And then like each and every time you get a little less endorphins in your brain. When you see my video, you expect. Yeah.

Right. So you got to like switch it up. And how do you switch it up? Is that your dog? Yeah. I think the dog's made its way downstairs. Oh hell yeah. Hell yeah. Oh hell yeah. Well, we'll, I'm just gonna take care of the dog.

Do you guys wanna take a break? Sure, sure. Or should we, you wanna keep talking? No, keep talking. Yeah, keep talking, I'll be 30 seconds. A dog break. Have you, do you watch documentaries? I watched, yeah.

Some people don't. No, I do watch documentaries. I don't watch a lot of movies, so it is a fair question to ask. I don't watch a lot of anything. Really? Yeah, I don't have any streaming services. It's well you can get like something free like canopy. I have like, I have access to them. I just don't even do it though where you put your phone down and you just watch an hour and a half or two hours of a movie feels really good really good. I do every once in a while. What's the last movie you saw? God, what was the movie that just came out that's about like black vampires and everyone was talking about it? Sinners? Sinners. I went to see that alone. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't look at your phone the whole time.

No, I didn't. I was looking at the Sinners. Guys, I'm back. We're talking about going to see the movie Sinners. Oh, we? I saw that alone. Yeah, I saw that alone too. Hey, we're Sinners. I saw Mission Impossible Sinners. Guys, I'm back. We're talking about going to see the movie Sinner. I saw that alone. Yeah, I saw that alone too. Hey, we're Sinners. I saw Mission Impossible alone too. Damn. Here's what's going on with Mission Impossible.

Oh, good. I'm interested. Yeah, the entity. He does all these stunts, Tom Cruise. Yes. And what I love about him is he doesn't care that he looks weird when he's doing the stunt. I feel like normally they would do a stunt man, and then they'd replace, they'd have closeups on an action star

looking really good. Which is what you want. Yeah. Tom Cruise is like, his hair is getting all fucked up by the wind. He's screaming. His mouth is blown open by the wind. And like. I never thought about how gross he looks.

And now he's like, totally matted to his skull. And then it's kind of like he in this most recent movie, he does like he doesn't fix his hair between scenes. It's like, well, he just took off this mask. So my hair would still be fucked up, so I'm just going to keep my hair fucked up. Yeah, he He also like he looks fantastic, but he also looks like he like an old guy. Yeah, he scares me. Yeah What has he done to you the Scientology thing?

leader of a religion He done. Oh, he's just a god in religion. Yeah, I guess being in Jerry McQuire. See, that's what I have against him. Yeah, I kind of endorse that though. That's the only movie I've seen and he's in. Really? I've never, I don't watch action at all. I, for the longest time, I could not watch him. I still kind of have this problem where I was like, well, that's Tom Cruise. I'm watching Tom Cruise. Oh yeah, I could get that. But I was like, well, that's Tom Cruise. I'm watching Tom Cruise. Oh, yeah, I could get that. But I feel like Mission Impossible is that where it's like, I'm Tom Cruise. I'm jumping out of a plane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I want that. I'm coming at the start of the movie to say, hey, thanks for coming to the movie. I'm Tom Cruise. Couldn't have done it without you. And like one of the movies, what's the one where he's like free soloing a mountain? Mission Impossible 2. And it's like, that's not even like important to the plot.

It's just like the first thing that happens, but he easily could have been like sitting in a room drinking coffee. Yeah, but it's so iconic. Anyway, so my favorite part of the movie was there's all these like, you know, they're trying to save the world. Sure. So they recorded charity single. Are're trying to save the world. Sure. So they recorded Charity Single. Are they trying to save the internet?

No, they're trying to save everyone in the world. They're debating whether to save the internet. Right. And it's going like Tom Cruise is out doing a stunt. And then it goes back to his team who's like defusing a bomb. And then you're in like the war room where the president is deciding things. And then it gets more and more tense and this happens like throughout the movie Yeah, it's more and more tense and then they've like they solve this crisis and then the guy behind me goes. Oh, that was close

Really thought we were all gonna die Like we were at gonna die. You really got it in under the wire there. Yeah. Like we were at one second on the bomb. And so at the end of the movie, has he retired? Is that how it... No, there's no like closure. Except that the movie is called The Final Reckoning. Right, but there isn't like...

There's no... Like the team, you know, they... They don't disband? They give each other. Well, they always disband Okay. See I only know the like I've watched them but I've never Watch them like in a theater with any kind of focus. So I don't know it was really like worth it so movies are worth it even with the muttering and the people like Crunching their water bottles. I do like going to the theater, but I always see a movie that is like very obscure. Like once a year I go on a date that is a movie date, the lady picks the movie.

It's always a movie. No one else ever saw that year. Oh, like what's one that you like and remember? I saw that, uh, that Shia LaBeouf one where he's like a, a child actors dad or something like that. Honeybee or something. I saw this one. Oh, honey land.

Honey land's the one where he like sells magazines and subscriptions. I don't know what this one was called. Someone will know. I saw this one where it was two lesbians going to a gym and they fell in love. And then one of them like kills a guy. Don't remember what that was called.

Honey boy. Honey boy. Honey boy. guy. Don't remember what that was called. Honey Boy. Honey Boy. Honey Boy. One time I went and saw all the animated. Was it Love Lies Bleeding? Was that the lesbian? No. No, I don't think so.

I just Googled lesbian Jim Love movie. Oh, maybe it is. What is the lesbian movie about weightlifting? Wait, when did this one come out? Oh, is this Kristen Stewart? Yeah, it was about weightlifting? Wait, when did this one come out? Oh, is this Kristen Stewart? Yeah, it was about weightlifting. Yeah. Yeah, I did see that.

And then I also went to a date where we saw all of the films nominated that year for best international animated short. That's fun. That is fun. I was watching the Oscars and the only category I knew what was going to win in was that. I'm going to put to win in was that. I'm going to put some money down on this.

On this Serbian sad cartoon. I, yeah, I like movies. I used to go when I was younger, there'd be like a found footage night or there'd be like an animation festival, or Spike and Mike. And there was all these like, like that, like event movies where you went out, it was only happening for a night.

And maybe bring a date, maybe a date. Also my tummy hurts so much in the first hour of the movie cause I ate so much popcorn. Yeah. I feel like we all also grew up though in a time where there was so much in the first hour of the movie because I ate so much popcorn. Yeah. I feel like we all also grew up though in a time where there was so much less like available where like you had to see the movie. Oh yeah.

Everyone was seeing the movie and everyone was gonna talk about the movie and you didn't see that movie. You're like, I don't get any references. Yeah. Yeah, it was the same with TV. Like you had to watch whatever was that night's go-to TV show.

Now it's so spread out. We're older than you, but did you ever have to look in the newspaper for movie show times? I looked in the newspaper for movie show times. Not me personally, probably my mom, but yeah, we were on the newspaper. You know what we did? I grew up with a cottage.

My grandparents had a cottage. We would all stay in the cottage, like all the family. And there was this movie theater on the way that had like a board of what was playing, like the marquee and what that was like. We'd drive through and we'd be like, what the hell's playing? Like, and that was the best.

That rules. Yeah, going to a movie on vacation, ooh. I'm probably gonna go to one. I'm visiting my in-laws place on Salt Spring Island. They have one little place that shows movies. They only show one at a time. Love that. Yeah, and it was the one that I saw last time. It was something I'll remember.

I remember we went to Cape Cod in 2004 and the weather was so bad. So we stayed in and watched the Olympics. It was the year of Michael Phelps. And at night we went to go see Napoleon Dynamite, collateral and the Manchurian candidate. Nice. Wow, you did three movies.

Three movies in a week. The weather was so bad. And I was like, I guess we had TV. We were watching the Olympics. I lived for a very short time in a small town because I was working on a pipeline. Which town? It was called, what the hell is it called? Not Fort McMurray? No, it's, what the hell is it called? It's quite close to the... Was it close? Yeah, it was in there. It's quite close to the American border in Alberta.

Like it's quite, not Peace River. Was it Hinton? Wasn't Hinton. I'll remember it, but they only had one movie theater in town and like that town and surrounding areas. That was the one movie. Like you couldn't drive to another town and see a movie. And it was the Mask of Zorro and played for a whole month. I went and saw it so many times. Was that, did that have Catherine Zeta Jones? Did it have Catherine Zeta Jones? Does he, uh. Anthony Hopkins. Does he get her like-

He does, he gets her dress off with the sword. And it was- And then when you left, you took your clothes off. Yeah, I threw them away. So you threw all your clothes away. And then my brothers came to town, I was like, you wanna go see a movie? And it was the most uncomfortable seats

I've ever sat in in my life. Like they were really old timey, like when the place used to be like a Nickelodeon or something like that. But I can't recommend enough Mask of Zorro. It's... What's going on with you? Well, here's the thing.

This is a very modern problem that I've encountered in the last couple of days is I have, we all have Uber accounts, right? I'll have an Uber account. Don't we folks? I was shocked when I found out you had a higher Uber rating than I do. I got Uber Eats at 4.30 AM last night.

I had Wendy's. Wendy's. Wendy's is open 24 hours? I was really worried how I'd feel this morning. How do you feel, Phil? I feel fine. Good, good. Good. I got a salad.

Oh, nice. Okay. So you did something nice for yourself. I tried. Um, but, uh, I have, uh, I have an Uber and, uh, what happened was about a month ago, my account got hacked and the, the people who hacked it got my credit card and like started spending in a crazy fast rate and it was being spent in like,

first it was in Toronto, then it was in London, England, then it was in Cairo. It was just like whatever way that they could. Do you think it was that dastardly carbon San Diego? I think it might have been the entity. It could have been the entity that was fucking me over. So this is the thing, I cancel the credit card because they're just,

they're running up totals. And so the credit card's like, okay, we know that's not you cancel your credit card, get a new credit card. Uber still has the charges. They say you still owe 250 bucks from this. This is a cab you took in Camden, UK or whatever. And you're like, Oh, bloody I, so if I don't pay it, I can't use the app because every time I go to click on it, it just brings me back to this page saying you owe this amount.

That's crazy, man. And so what the hell do I do? Cause Uber has no customer service. And that's what I learned. Uber has no chill. It has no chill. It has no anybody that you could, the only number you can call is a driver's support line.

And if you're not a driver, they don't want to hear from you. How's that legal? What if you're Adam driver? Yeah, they like you if you're not a driver, they don't want to hear from you. How's that legal? What if you're Adam driver? Yeah, they like you if you're Adam driver. He's got a great uber rating. He's a marriage story You punch that wall. What's your what's your rating 4.96? What's yours? Oh damn you fucking destroyed me. Let me look I know it's not that high. Well his grams was higher than mine Also, I I used to date an ex who was a problem in Ubers. I was like, you know, I would like retroactively be like, so are you having a good night after she's like, where's the aux cord? I want to put on my favorite song. I have a 4.85.

I'm 4.99. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But I do not want to start a new account, but that's what I'm gonna have to do, right? I'm gonna have to kiss this driver's rating goodbye because there's no way to remove it, this amount off my account. I'm not paying 250 bucks.

Will they let you start a new account or like, will they credit? I got a new credit card. Yeah. I got a different email. All right. Could go under his new name. Yeah, well, they've got a new credit card. Yeah. Got a different email. All right. Could go under his new name. Yeah. Like, but I don't know what it, what's a, cause I, there's no way to

count it. There's Lyft. There's Lyft. I could do Lyft, but is Lyft is everywhere that Uber is. I feel like Uber is everywhere you want to be. Yeah. Maybe I'll sign up with Lyft. I think, and I don't know.

I've, I've. I feel like Lyft is the Burger King to Uber. I know, but when they start, like, it's like, I've heard it's less evil. Oh, Lyft is the Burger King to ubers. I know but when they start like it's like I've heard is less evil Oh lift is less evil for now Everyone that's like oh you can't use that app. They're evil. Yeah, that's just cuz they're very few apps you can use But if you use the other app, they'll get more successful and they'll use that success to be evil Oh my god, the giant corporation is evil to be evil. Oh my god, the giant corporation is evil. What the hell? Oh, no way. The Lyft has a mustache. When Lyft started out, they had mustaches on the

car and they wanted you to sit in the front seat. Yeah, that's a no-go. But yeah, so like my Uber account is now useless. I can't use it for anything. Not even for eats? Nothing. It won't. Lyft don't do eats. fuck. Are you literally scared to lose your rating? Well, yeah, I only realized it today when I was, like I was out and it started raining. I was like, Uber to the rescue. And I was like, no, you owe 250 bucks. I'm not paying them 250 bucks.

Are you gonna Uber here? No, I was gonna Uber home. I was, it just, I caught in the rain. Oh, I was like, I'm not walking. Where were you? I was at the physiotherapist. All right. Nice. As my muscles are too strong. So they were kind of de-muscling me a little bit. Yeah. They want me to atrophy somewhat.

That's physical shape they've ever seen. They said, what are you even doing here? I was just showing off. Check out this ACL. We need you to go to the physiotherapy school and teach every show. We need you to be a dummy. Yeah. To work on. Yeah. They have me come around, show the other people there, what they could be like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Aspirational. Yeah. They need to exercise their hands on your muscle. All right, guys, everybody on. So yeah, I got caught in the little tiny bit of rain and then, yeah, Uber, Uber let me down and then I tried to, I called the cab and it was going to be like 15 minutes. I was like, damn it, Uber would never take 15 minutes in this circumstance. They're right around the corner.

Yeah, and it'd be only $7 in an Uber, it'd be like $20 in a cab. No, it'll be $7 in a cab too. No, cab's cheap. I haven't been in a cab too. No, cab's cheap. I've been in a cab in years. That gives me anxiety. Like the idea that I've already paid, I know how much I'm paying, there's something that like lets me just sit there

and not feel ill. Also, you know the route that they're taking. Like with taxis, you have no idea. Yeah. They know some route that you don't know. I don't trust them. I can see that. I don't trust people in Ubers either.

I don't trust anybody. I don't trust anyone. You know what's weird about Vancouver is all your Uber drivers drive Tesla. Yeah, that is weird. It's like, what, what is this pyramid scheme you've gone into? The Tesla Uber pyramid scheme is a rampant here. Like, did you go into Uber and they were like, yeah, we could lease this to you for like three years, but you will have to drive

Uber the whole time. Cause the first, like the, when I first heard of Uber, it was like, oh, we could lease this to you for like three years, but you will have to drive Uber the whole time. That's a little right. First, like when I first heard of Uber, it was like, oh, it's a thing you can do if you're like, hey, you drive to work, why don't you pick someone else up on the way to work and then make a little money?

And then so it was just like something to do with your car that you could like get a little extra money from. And that idea went right out the window and it was like, no, we're in new taxi service. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they weren't in Vancouver for a long time because the taxi union here was very strong. And so the city just didn't let Uber be here.

And then when they like started in like February of 2020 and then the pandemic hit and no one needed to go anywhere. Yeah Yeah, it was such it was like such a fight because you guys get it. Like it was February 2020. Oh my god Yeah, we didn't have it for a long time. So like the cabs because the cab drivers didn't want to hear. Yeah I mean, it's understandable a lot of the cab drivers just started driving ubers like that was just kind of But I because the guy is you get a free Tesla out of it You sign up for uber you go Well, it's not free Graeme's paying for

50 bucks but yeah the The cab business used to be like, if you had a cab license, that was worth like $150,000. Yeah, I know, yeah. And the several cabs I've talked to, they're like, it's worthless. Like it doesn't mean anything anymore.

Like whole families existed on this. Yeah, and they would like hand them down through generations. Yeah, and they were like, you know, the cousin would drive it and it was like, it was a business and now it's just like This is like and I don't feel this about a lot of things, but I'm like, yeah, that's kind of just how things We can't really feel bad. I know it does feel like why do I why am I I feel bad that like stonemasons Don't have jobs

You know, it's like cause of progress I don't have jobs anymore too, but I'm not like, you know, it's like, cause of progress. They played sad music during everything. Yeah, that is that sucks. But if they played exciting music, I'd be like, well, that's onto the next. And I genuinely think it's like, you guys had like years to be good at this.

Yes. Yeah. You had the, it was like Blockbuster and Netflix. Like you had a chance. Skype and Zoom. Yeah. You could have been the dominant one in the field, but yeah, like I don't necessarily feel bad for anybody in this. Well, maybe Uber drivers seems like a sucky way to make. Oh yeah, I feel bad for every,

it's okay to feel bad for everyone. Yeah, you're right, I feel bad for everybody. You know what I do? I tip a lot. Yeah, I like that thing. That's nice. There's very few situations where a tip prompt comes up that I don't tip, even if it's just the tiniest little amount.

Oh, you're good peeps. Well, have you ever worked, have you worked in retail? I worked in retail. So you know how bad it is. I've never driven though. That's right. Of course we tip well. We're 4.96 and 4.99.

I'm 4.85, sometimes I forget to tip. It was that girl. Sometimes I'm taking like four Ubers in a night to shows and I'm just like, ah, I don't, I'm not paying any attention. Yeah, I take like one every four months. I'm so, all my money goes to Uber. Yeah, I rack up a pretty good amount on Uber,

but I don't know, I'm gonna have to start at zero again. I just have to build a new rating. But then you do one, you take one drive and you're back at five. I truly think they're gonna trap you. Unless I really fuck it up. I think they're gonna know you're you and say, I don't think you're gonna get away from the charge. Is in your phone.

No, I think I can beat the entity. I don't know, they're really good at that stuff. Like if Ethan from, I was gonna say America Impossible, Mission Impossible, if he can beat the entity, I can beat the entity. Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. You hang him from upside down on a plane? No.

Cause you go to swim by yourself to a submarine. Like get out one submarine and fly and swim down to another submarine. Cause he does. Yeah, so that's my pickle I'm in. What do you guys do? What would I do? I would try the new credit card thing.

Yeah. Hey, my credit card, so you know when your credit card expires, they send you a new one? Yeah. They send me a new one like six months in advance. It's like, well. We know you're gonna want it.

Yeah, let me get all the juice out of the old one. Squeeze it out. What would you do? I would do exactly what you've done. Yeah. I would just keep living and then every once in a while when I need an Uber, I'd open the Uber app and go, oh damn.

Ah, shit. I forgot to deal with this. That's exactly my life, yeah. Well, that's what I did today. So we'll see when it happens next. I do that stuff till it's like the worst possible situation and I've screwed myself cause I did today. So we'll see when it happens next. I do that stuff till it's like the worst possible situation and I've screwed myself because I did that. Oh yeah. I've, I've done things where I'm like, if you had done this in time, it would have cost you $0. Now that you're doing it super late,

it's going to cost you a bunch of money. That's every time I book a flight. Yeah. It's like, I kind of knew I was coming here three months ago. I don't know why I'm booking this two weeks. I don't know why I'm buying a ticket at the airport. Do you guys have any flights to Vancouver? Next flight to Vancouver. Just go to the airport without like any... I would love to be that rich. That'd be so fun. They just go to the airport and be like, I'll just get a flight.

Yeah. Just do it. Or I don't think they let you anymore. Do they not? You can buy... I feel like you could still buy a flight. Yeah. Let's just do it. Where are we going? Well, I don't think they let you anymore. Do they not? You can buy, I feel like you could still buy a flight at the ticket counters. Can you show up day of the flight,

say I wanna go, I don't have any luggage. I think so. Yeah, if you've got the money for it. I think they'd get you on the next flight they could. I don't think they'd be like, they'd be like, well, we have one, we have seats on this flight. What about, what if you're in 9-11?

Uh, what if you're in 9-11? Then no chance. I don't know, it depends your disguise. What about, what if you're in 9-11? What if you're in 9-11? Then no chance. I don't know, it depends on your disguise. What if you just- Oh yeah, yeah, what's your disguise? Oh, you know what, they'd be like, I'm suspicious. Are you gonna 9-11? And I'd be like, no, I just,

there's a Carl's Jr. pass security. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, do you guys wanna move on to some over-herds? I do. All right. Let's do it.

Do you want to travel this summer but don't have the time? Want to learn all about state mottoes and history without summer school? Or maybe you just love urban legends and Latin? Well my friends, there's one podcast that ties it all together and celebrates the American state's many call home, e Pluribus Motto. Every episode we showcase a different state or commonwealth or district or territory and celebrate its official motto and the absurdity of all its local life. We'll go across the country with stops at Oregon, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and so many

more. Join us, won't you, to take in the sights and sounds. New episodes of E Pluribus Motto every other week on Maximum Fun. What's more action-packed than prestige television? With more continuity than comic books? And more reality than reality television? It's professional wrestling! And to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment, you need the Tights and Fights podcast.

This is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity, and just the right amount of butts, cats, and spandex. Listen to Tights and Fights every Saturday on Maximum Fun. Overheard. All right, overheard. Where we hear them, you hear them, and then we just part ways. And we like to start with the guest. Jacob, do you have an overheard?

I do have an overheard. This was a, I've never been asked this by anyone before. No one's ever been like, what's something you an overheard? I do have an overheard. This was a, I, I've never been asked this by anyone before. No one's ever been like, what's something you've overheard? I've never thought deeply about something I'd overheard. And I have a bad memory, but this one stuck out. Me and my best friend, Lakra, who lives here. We were walking around Kits one day. Best friend?

Best friend, one of my best friends. We were walking around Kits one day and, uh, this was like a drive by over her. Like a guy was on a bike and he was coming by, but he had stopped for like one second and then kept going. And in that time, he said the words, uh, that's when I found out she was leaving me for him. And then he biked off and we were like, Whoa, that might've been the saddest, like semblance of words I've ever uttered and then gone. And like, I don't think that I could get on a bike

if I was the happiest I've ever been. Like, I don't think I could get on a bike depressed and try to wheel around the city. Liking it off. There are, like, more than ever, people just talking. Yes. Walking and talking. Walking and talking.

Like an Aaron Sorkin drama. Also, if you take any public transit, everybody's walking and looking at their phones at the same time, like nobody's looking at anything, but. He was in a conversation, he was with like two other guys. So he was like, wow. Yeah, he was saying this, he wasn't saying this like, for the world.

I thought he was on a phone. No, he was saying this to two people who were biking beside him. Wow. Who were probably like, oh God. We just started. I thought he was on the phone. He was saying this to two people who were biking beside him. Wow. We're probably like, oh, God. We just started. Now, as someone who doesn't drive and takes a million Ubers, what are your thoughts on

the bicycle? I don't bike. But like, you know how. I know how, but I'm risk averse. I've told you that. Right. I refuse to do anything that's a risk. I'm the same. I have two people that ask me why I don't bike. I'm risk averse. I've told you that. Right. I refuse to do anything to risk. I'm the same. I have two, like people that ask me why I don't

bike this, I'm terrified. It's like one screw up, I'm dead. My grandfather fell off a bike, had a bad head injury. My grandmother had a bad head injury. I'm very like. I come from a long line of bad head injuries. My dad had a head injury.

My brother, I'm very sure has them. He just doesn't know about it. Yeah. I've had them for sure with hockey and stuff like I just don't risk yeah what is it called CTE is that yeah yeah did you when you played hockey did they have the because it was after I played hockey that they introduced they put a stop sign on the backs of her she's thought her she sponsored it oh really of her she stopped Hershey sponsored it oh really yeah Hershey stop and it meant like if if you see someone's back stop don't I don't run into some I got suspended a lot I did not stop it's a good thing I don't drive because stop signs do not affect me they put one of the like between the

shoulders and then they put one lower down. That was the Hershey's Quirk. Oh, that was the Hershey's Quirk. And also, come on, get your hands out of there. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, so I went to see this movie, Mission Impossible, part eight. And the guy behind me said. The guy behind me said, that was close.

But. I overheard a water bottle. So afterwards I get on the Skytrain But I overheard a water bottle. So afterwards I get on the Skytrain and I immediately smell beer. I'm like, oh, people are drinking beer on this Skytrain. And this was, by the way, I saw a two o'clock matinee. Okay, so we're five o'clock. Five fifteen. Yeah.

But the people drinking the beer didn't just start five o'clock They were like it's gonna be five o'clock somewhere. Well, let's drink until we get there Can they were so they were sitting with their little feet up? It was a guy and a girl that their feet up and the woman girl woman girl the woman had Beer cans like balanced on her shins And they were on the SkyTrain playing, his phone was playing punk rock music.

And nobody's gonna say, hey, can you turn that down? Because you know that guy's just spoiling for a fight. It was no FX, I shazamed it. Nice. And so she's there with these beer cans balanced precariously on her shin bones. Mission Impossible style. Yeah. Tom Cruise, my shin impossible.

Tom Cruise of the Sky Train. And they, I was like, what are they doing? And then she goes, it's falling. Oh. And then the two beer cans fall off her shins, splash everywhere. I assume these were empty beer cans. No, no. This is what they were drinking.

And then- Did you get a peek of what kind of beer we're talking about? It was the kind I drink. It was the parallel 49 or 49th parallel. I forget. I always get those confused with the East Van Cross on it Oh, yeah, a classic that logger. Do you ever drink beer? You I don't drink very much. I'm I'm stoned a lot. Okay Yeah, oh good. Well, you're you're kept lost The beer goes flashing everywhere and it makes a huge mess and she goes well I caught it before it all fell

Huge mess and she goes well, I caught it before it all fell We still drink a little and then so like they were like I got like four more over her it's from these people So stay tuned. No, no, I really do them all right now. Okay, so these are two like drunk dirtbags on the SkyTrain The woman also says I'm definitely an asshole. I tested so many limits, broke them all. Look at me now. Where's the live by really? And then you know how they have those like stickers that say priority seating for people

with disabilities and the elderly and pregnant. After the beer falls down, she looks around, she's just trying to make trouble. She gets up and she sees the priority seating stickers and she says, oh, this would be so funny on my couch. I actually agree with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. It is true. She is kind of priority seating in a way. You can't sit here unless you're on disability. And she gets up and peels off the sticker.

Oh my God. And she says, stealing stickers is my favorite pastime. Second favorite, my favorite is drinking beer. I just recently watched a trio of documentaries called the decline of Western Civilization. Oh, about? The first one's about punk, the second one's about metal. Yeah. Then the third one's about gutter punks,

which seems like these two would fall in. But they, boy, oh boy, do all those punks, they love drinking beer. That's the biggest thing they like doing. Who was that directed by? The woman who directed Wayne's World. Wayne's World. Yeah, Penelope Spheeris.

Yeah, it's good. If you've ever got a chance to see them, there's like, they're really, some of them are very funny. It's also very sad. Also watch Wayne's World. Yeah. I've seen Wayne's World. Yeah. Yeah, what do you think? What's your takeaway? Party time. Also watch Wayne's World. Yeah. I've seen Wayne's World. Yeah.

Yeah, what do you think? What's your takeaway? Party time. Yeah. Wayne's World. So good. Excellent. You got it.

You got it all. I got it, dude, I got it. I saw that in the theater. With my mom. That's cool. Oh, nice. Yeah, I probably went with my mom as well. Or at the very least, my brother.

It would have been some sort of family. Yeah, you guys theater saw some movies I grew up on that like I'm more VHS. Oh, we theater saw this shit. Like Billy Madison or something. I didn't get to see that. I didn't see that in the theater. Alan Gilmore.

No. Date, Crazy Night. I did see Crazy Night in the theater. Click. That was my main, I think I missed that. Yeah, I never, I don't think I've ever seen any Adam Sandler movie in the theater. Oh, I saw a water boy. Yeah.

And. Spanglish. Grown ups too. No, I just go. I'm boy water boy and yeah, a crazy night. Maybe that's it. I saw you crazy nights in the theater. And was it everything you ever moved?

It was really bad. Do you have an overheard? I do, and it was from my time in Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. You ever been? No, that's one of the few parts of the country I haven't, I haven't seen any of the territories. It's, this time of year, it's really like bizarre

because the light never goes away. You go out for a show. Yeah, that's awesome Yeah, and it was I feel like they'd be so appreciative Yes, they were they were very good crowds and they do this they put their fist on just go. Hey appreciate you Thanks for the words But yeah, it was in an elevator and sometimes in an elevator they have like a thing where people can put their flyers of like, this is going on to the potlucks going on and such and such. And there was a dating service, I can't remember the name of it, but there was a couple in

the elevator and the guy said to his wife, huh, that's a good opportunity to meet people here as I'm sure dating in this town is pretty difficult. I was like, yeah, he's a good opportunity to meet people here as I'm sure dating in this town pretty difficult I was like, yeah, he's right. Yeah, and and I wish I remember the name of but it was like a dating like somebody Like let's start our own yellow knife dating service Yeah, yeah, I mean it's a very small town you I feel like we talked about this already a lot of territories too Or like don't they have like it's like five men per every woman. Like it's like a crazy staggering number. That would be the name of my dating app.

Plenty of men. You have to match with Five Guys. The Five Guys dating app. Yeah, it's made by the burger company. Yeah. Now we also have overheard sent in by listeners. If you want to send one in, you could send it in to SBY at maximumfun.org.

This first one comes from Amy from Seattle. It's from my daughter's high school graduation ceremony while we're waiting for things to get started. I was sitting in front of two teens who were trying to get their friend's attention, who was playing in the orchestra out on the field. Well, she's concentrating on something. Don't you?

Sure. Yeah. They were on the phone. Well, she's concentrating on something. Don't you? Sure. Yeah. They were on the phone with her and trying to help her find them in the stands. And I overheard, Nora, how can you not see me? I'm literally wearing a beige t-shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how I can stand out anymore. Although that is kind of eye catching because they look topless

Yeah, if they're beige skinned if they're yeah, sometimes. Yeah, you do a double take. Yeah, how can't you see me my tits are? We're removing me from the game Anyways, so thanks Nora for inviting oh my tits are just getting scraped. Oh, boy. I love it. You hate to see it. Can you guys wear beige? I can't wear beige.

Like, I literally look like I'm wearing my skin. Yeah. I don't. I have some, like, khaki shorts that are... That look like bottom naked Dave. Yeah, I look like the bottom naked Dave. Yeah. Winnie the Pooh in. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like the bottom naked Dave. Yeah, we need to put in yeah Yeah, no, I don't wear beige. I don't wear I only wear black and on occasion gray. I love yeah

When I hang up they don't like dry like putting my shirts in the dryer So I hang them up in the laundry room and it's just three lines of all so I hang them up in the laundry room and it's just three lines of all black tea. This next one comes from Angela from Toronto. Woo. Hey Angela. I'm on a 630 AM train to Montreal and I just heard the attendant say to somebody

a few rides ahead, I could get you two beers or something but we don't have any like morning alcohol. How long? like morning alcohol? Do you have any like Johnny Walker AM? I guess like something mixed with orange juice? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Caesar. Or you can make a coffee Irish a little bit.

Yeah. How long is that train ride? Montreal to Toronto, Montreal? That's like five hours. Yeah, about four or five hours. Aren't they trying to like, there was talk about a high speed rail between. They love talking about stuff like that.

That would be so kick ass. Cause you know if they got that through, some developer would get like $50 billion and that would never get made. That's why they love doing shit like that. But they do love, people love talking about a train system. What if it went so fast though, and you were like an hour,

and it was an hour away? What if it was one hour? Think of all the business I do. I'd bring my bagels from Montreal to Toronto and sell them. Bagels! Yeah, bagels, fresh bagels, an hour away from here. Montreal bagels! Yeah, bagels, fresh bagels. Muncher of bagels!

This last one comes from my wife Sally. Whoa! Hello! I was in Costco today and overheard a dad talking to his kid saying, it's like a meat book. And what I looked up is this little girl was holding a double pack of cold cuts connected down the middle pretending it was a book. It's like a meat book.

Yeah, meat book. Cutest kid probably in the whole Costco reading. Now, your wife, I know she's listened to the show since before she even knew you. Yeah. Whoa, that is cool. And so I just checked. The most recent overheard she sent in was from 2011. Ooh.

So welcome back into the fold, Sally. Yeah, and you know, 2012 is when the world ended. That's true. According to my calendar. And still, you know what? We're not even on earth anymore. This is the afterlife we've been in ever since 2012. What if heaven was just long podcast.

Fine. There's no over-hearts that are written. And we also accept your phone calls. If you wanna call us or send us a voice memo, the email for that is spymaximumfun.org. And the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, Spypod one like these people have. Hello, Dave, Graham, and amazing guests.

I'm calling with an over team. So I was walking down a front trail and I passed this electrical box and on it in big floppy letters, looked like a Sharpie somebody wrote, only God and women may enter. Only God and women? I don't know if that means heaven or the electrical box, but very empowering. All right, off I go.

What if God was a woman? Oh, wow. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Open your mind, see the world through a different- Have you listened to that song by Dishwala? And watched the movie Dogma where God is Alanis Moris.

Yeah. And there was a time when I've listened to Ariana Grande's God is a Woman. Sure. Or what if God was one of us if you sang it. If you sang it and you're a woman. But if you sang, yeah, sure. And if a slob on the bus is also a woman. Yeah.

Like the one you were talking about with the beer cans. You'd slob. Yeah. Well, I mean, spilling beer everywhere. Anyway, thanks for one you were talking about with the beer cans. You'd slop. Yeah, well, I mean, spilling beer everywhere. Anyway, thanks for calling that one. And here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and Impossible Guest. This is Brian from Iowa. And I haven't overheard from my 21st birthday.

We were walking between bars. And my brother, Kevin, got a call, looked at the number, and then started singing Ludacris's area codes which goes I've got hoes hoes in different area codes and then he picks it up and goes oh hey Anna Anna is our cousin well off I go that's a ring is I've got hoes up there? No, you just started singing. Beautiful voice that man. Yeah.

Happy 21st birthday as well. Nothing worse than getting a call from a cousin. I don't know, it very rarely happens to me. Once in a while I'll get a Facebook message from a cousin. Oh well yeah, Facebook message. I've never had a cousin call me. Yeah.

Yeah, now that I think of it. No, I've had at least one cousin call me. Is your cousin a ho? I have several cousins and yeah, they're all hoes. Are they, you'd be hoeing. So they're busy. They're doing hoes shit. I got different hoes, but they're awfully busy.

Any area codes thing, you know, they might be putting in the wrong one. Different area codes. Do I need to dial one? I don't have long distance. Okay. Last phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and Gust. We have an overseen from a local pet supply place.

My wife and I had just gotten into the car. We were about to back out of the parking space and this woman raced kind of through illegally across the, you know, the little stripey things where you're supposed to car diagonally across the little stripey things where you supposed to car Diagonally across the little stripey things were supposed to park and she We almost backed into her and so anyway, she she like tears into the parking space So we back out at which point we can see the bumper sticker on their car on her car and it says Jesus hates your high school dances Off we go. I'm more interested in this. Uh, the person that yeah

Diagonally. Diagonally. God, you're fucking giving me the phone. You're ruining the story. And you let her talk to you like that? What if this was the new podcast? Getting people to break up with her. Yeah.

You let them get away with that? You would have gotten to diagonally with her brothers. You let them get away with that? You can't. You would have gotten to Diagonally eventually. Yeah. Also, it didn't help. Anyway, send in more over. Yeah, please. We're running out. Now, this brings us to the end of the show.

Jacob, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having me. It's really cool. So you are going to play at the Rio Theater, July 30th in Vancouver. Yes. And that's, like you say, reasonably priced evening out. I'm gonna try and come and see it myself because it sounds like it's gonna be really fun.

Oh, that's so nice. I'm beyond desperate. Such a Vancouver answer. Yeah, I'm gonna try to. Well, I know the person who owns the Rio, so I'll probably get him for free. So either way, you're not making any bucks off me. I would not charge you for a ticket, Graham. No, I've got, you know, I've got a host that do very well in different area codes.

Well, thank you so much. And thank you everybody out there for listening. If you have different hosts in different area codes, make sure you keep tabs on them You know what I mean? Call them once in a while and come on back next week for another Stop by guys yourself Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.