Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 908 - Brittany Lyseng

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Comedian Brittany Lyseng returns to talk sleeping at work, hickeys, and The Weeknd live. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode number 908 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. And with me, as always, is a man who, I'm sure,

just as excited as I am to learn that Guar is going to be in town in October, Mr. Dave Schumka. Uh, yeah, I'm in Guar October. Yeah, it's going to be Gwarktover. Oh, boy. Um, yeah, we did a whole episode learning all about Guar and, um, I still don't really know. They splash around a lot of fake blood. Yeah. That we know, I'm assuming is fake blood.

And, uh, oh, you don't know if it's real or fake? Yeah, I mean, I, like I say, I assume. But, uh, I bought my brother's tickets last year. I couldn't go last year, and they said it was the best. Yeah, and it's, what do they do, do they put down tarps? They must. I think it's probably the venue's like, you know what we're going to do, what done whatever precautions you feel are necessary.

And you're going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to, I'm going to wear a white t-shirt so I can really show off the bod, you know, after it gets all blood. Well, I don't think a red, red blood on a white t-shirt shows off your bod as much. Yeah. That would be great if they did, like, wet t-shirt. contests, which I assume are a thing in like senior frogs?

Where do they do those? Like it would be good to do a Halloween one? Yeah, or slime on you? Yeah, or yeah, slime, blood, poo. Our guests today, returning guests to the podcast, very funny comedian, you'll be able to see her in Seattle with K. Trevor Wilson at a place called Elements. It's Brittany Licey. Hello.

What's the date on that? Yeah, what's the day? Oh, my goodness. It's the 22nd and the 23rd of August. Oh, yeah, that's a weekend. Oh, sorry, 21st, 22nd. Okay. Okay, that's almost a weekend.

Yeah. And we're, uh, and you're telling 100% new jokes and, uh, it's going to be all new jokes. Here's the thing about, I go down to the States and I go, you're getting old, baby. They don't know me. I can do old jokes. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. First, first five I ever wrote.

Yeah. Yeah, you guys hear where we have a new pope. That's actually evergreen. You get a new pope every once in a while. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. I feel like I was spoiled.

I had the same Pope for the first 30 years of my life. That's true. We were really diehard John Paul the second. Paul the second, yeah. He was in. No, I guess 20, maybe I was 24 when he died, maybe. And I think like you could make a full living, if you looked like him dressing up like

going to parties and being in movies and stuff like that. Yeah, having a spitting image doll. Those things are so scary. Do you remember that from when you were a kid? Spinning image? Yeah, that's frightening. Yeah.

It's, uh, leave it to the brets, you know what I mean? They go like this. Do you want a doll that looks just like you? Yeah, but also scary. Yeah. Do you want a doll who knows how grotesque you are? Yeah, I wouldn't even know if somebody was dressed up like our current Pope. Couldn't identify him.

He's also just from like Boston, isn't he? Chicago. Chicago. Yeah. Feels like just anyone can be the Pope, you know, now. It's true. Yeah, once they've broken that Chicago barrier. Yeah, they're good.

They go, this guy's from Boston, he's from New Orleans. He's just a guy from the cast of the bear. I've never seen, aside from two episodes, never, never, never. seen the bear well then you've seen the bear i've seen it but i haven't lived it you know what i mean have you seen it i've watched two seasons of it and i was out you were like that's it yeah i hated the second season it made me think oh maybe i hated the first season it's just yelling yeah i mean i do like yelling that's why i watch gordon ramsie all the time yeah well then you should be this like this yeah yeah yeah i just found out who won season

11 and uh... Was it the bear? It was the bear. It was a shocking crossover. Um, so Brittany, you're in town. We're lucky to have you while you're breezing through town. You're going to a wedding. I'm going to a wedding.

And you said you're going to wear all white. Is that correct? I'm going all white. I've brought flowers. I've, um, because of the sun and it's outside, I'm going to do a veil. Hey, what's your veil section? They go, are you getting married? I go, no, my friend's,

getting married? Why would you think I'm getting married? You can take my picture, though. Yeah, yeah. Where do you buy a veil? Because people wear veils, black hat with veil to a funeral. Is it the same store that sells the wedding veil? Is it? I don't know.

Vicki's veils. Yeah, Vicki's veils. From Batman. Yeah, from Batman. I think those are the two bigs when it comes to veils. Yeah. I mean, you go to an unveiling, but they usually don't. It's not usually a person's face.

That would be awesome if they did that. Yeah, maybe. Speak for yourself. Check this out. So then the veil is, is it lifted off the face right away? Or is it down for most of the vow? I think of when they give you your graduate,

your diploma, you move to the veil to the other side. Your wedding diploma. No, isn't it? They pull it back for the kiss. They pull it back to the kiss. So you got to deliver all your vows with a veil in your mouth? You just keep doing that thing you're sucking in and it keeps going to your mouth.

Keeps getting all caught up. Have you, are there any other weddings this summer? Is this the solo venture? This is the solo venture because now I'm at a phase of my life where all my friends have been married for like 10 years. Okay. So we're now just hoping for nieces and nephews to get married. So I can just show up to their wedding and wedding dresses and stuff. I feel like I've done that once my...

Who was the last wedding I went to? I'm basically out until people's kids start. I do feel also like a lot of people, a lot of the couples I know of my generation are just like, we're never getting married, but we're together. Yeah. But you don't expect an invite.

Yeah. I had a friend that did a surprise wedding, which I really appreciated because there was no stress of a wedding. So how did it work? She, her and her partner had been together for, uh, they'd been together for 10 years.

They already have three kids. And they were like, you know what? We are never going to do a wedding. So we're just going to do an anniversary party on our 10th. And then we showed up and they had gotten married that afternoon and it was a big wedding. Oh, fun. So like all, everybody that came was just like expecting it to be a party and it was like an open bar and a full dance floor. And like it was so exciting because we didn't have to participate in any of the preempt.

Like, we didn't have to do a bachelor at party. We didn't have to pay for anything. We didn't have to get dressed. That would be so great if there was a bachelorette party for like, I've got three kids. But I still want to go last night of freedom. Just has penis is drawn all over her face. I'm like, you're a mom.

Yeah, my kids drew these. This one's an imprint. Now, we all know as comedians are the worst crowds to handle are the bachelorette parties. Certainly. Have you been with a bachelorette party? out on the town crazy bachelor party? Yeah. Tell me.

Okay. I feel like I have to make up a start. It was nuts. We were talking a couple weeks ago about party buses. Yeah. Yeah, I went on a party bus once. I was on a lot of party buses, which is, it seems, that seems gross to me now. It feels like I would be, I don't drink anymore, but I feel like you're just going to get car sick.

You inevitably, you drink, you have to pee, you're stuck on a bus, and then you throw up somewhere along the line. Well, somebody throws up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all like putting drunk people in a vehicle seems like a nightmare now to me. Yeah. At almost 40. Yeah, the, but like, tell me about where any of these bachelor's parties on a party bus? One of, yeah, party buses.

We did one on a boat. Okay. Here's the thing about a boat. You can't leave a boat. Yeah, yeah. So if you, there's just no getting away. That'd be great if the groom jumped overboard. It's just a like breaststroke to the show.

But also. Gets caught up in the motor. What a tragic end. But like you can't, you can leave a party bus, but you also can't. It's like speed, not if it, it's like speed. Yeah. Yeah, the party bus can't slow down. Yeah, can't slow down.

Can't slow down. Can't get over. Or everybody sober's up. I got a thing. I get car sick if I'm, if I look at my phone and my wife's driving, which never happens. I do all the driving. Yeah. But so I can't look at my phone. while I'm in the car.

But just in case, I just, I heard that there's a feature on the iPhone where like, there's like something to help your, you help you from getting car sick and it, so I turned it on. And when I drive now, I have two, like, there's like dots on the side of the screen that like shift and move with the motion of the car. Does it work? I don't know. I don't look at my phone while I drive. Smart.

That's smart. Just reading a novel. Yeah. I guess it's driving to the number one. Yeah. I've recently like I got glasses and like when I walk they feel all like I'm in a fish bowl. But if I don't have them on at night, I can't see any street signs or anything. So it's a real lens up, lens down, lens up, let's down.

Are they the like bifocals? No, just regular focals, just one focal. I bought a pair of like prescription sunglasses from boy, Zeni optical. It was like super cheap. They're like $15 prescription sunglasses and I put them. on and I when my kids were really small I went on the swing with them and like after going back and forth twice I was like I'm going to throw up I never wore them again you glasses at all glasses I have to wear glasses yeah I got to wear I can't see without for years and years I just

did without and then people I just kind of walked around sort of blind yeah because you didn't know right I did know I've always had to wear glasses I just was like I don't know I can't stand anything on my face but now I cannot drive without them like if I'm driving and you don't see me

call the cops oh the cops yeah report me to the law if you're driving a party bus if I'm driving a party also this

to backtrack to the party bus also there was a strip there's always a strip pole on a on a party bus this is that we were talking

right yeah yeah it's very like it's just ripping down the highway and then just some broad who has no business being at the top

of a striver pole going 80 what business should be doing up there. You're like, my God, moves pretty good for a big gal, but then... Are you talking about just another person in the, like, Bachelorette party?

Yeah, but I mean, you put a stripper pole somewhere. People are going to swing. People are drawn to it. Yeah. Like moths to a flame. Do, how often do these party buses hire a stripper? Can't be, it's got, I'm guessing

it's less than 10% of the time. Because then it's that same thing. Like, then the stripper can't, the stripper's with you post show. Yeah, also just the stripper, do you like just... Like, okay, pull over. The strippers go to strip. And the driver's like, no, I got to go over these speed bumps.

Put on your hazard. She's going to strip. He slams on his brig. She shoots through the front window. God damn it, Kenny. The stripping lane. Yeah, when you are working at a comedy club, you see the Bachelor Party coming. Yeah.

What's the worst? I just think panic. Here's a thing. there's a difference between a bachelor's party and a bachelor's party I love definitely dudes dudes and groups are funny

like if you start ripping on one of the guys all his buddies love it right it's so fun you're just like you're getting married you're such a loser and all his friends are like

he is a loser he does he sucks but if you slight the bride in any way you've ruined their night yeah they just can't take it they want to leave

and then also it's like there's something about a bachelor's party that they go like, this is my night. Yeah. And they wear crowns and they want to be seen and they want it to be about them. So you can't. It's not winning.

You have to just toast them. To the bride. Oh my God. What a lucky man. Many happy returns. I was walking a few weekends ago walking down Main Street and there was a bachelor party that you could tell had poorly planned because the women were trying to find a bar that would be, have enough seats for, like, you didn't.

I didn't think to make a reservation. But they're all wearing the sashes and the crazy outfits and just they couldn't, you know, the taco place didn't have enough seating. Are there places like, the Granville Strip is where I assume I would see them because that's where all the like dance clubs are. Do you, if you're in a group of ten women, do you do bouncers like, oh, to the front of the line, the lady? I mean, probably. You want women in the door Well, I think, too, what you're expecting Is like the movie version of a Bachelorette party

Which is just like 10 hot girls Yeah But what you're getting is like four old aunts like Like nobody that's moving to the front of the line at the Like they're not like Not even the bride herself Oh, the bride certainly the bride But I mean

She's glowing She's glowing She's got barf down her dress And it's usually like It's never In movies, it's always like, oh, Bachelorette party or Bachelor Party, Day Before the Wedding. Yeah. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. Yeah. Your one last night of freedom, then you show up just like completely. And you're expected to have a good day the next day, like stay up late as well. I went on a golf Bachelorette party one time. Tell me more. I, I, my friend had made a, like. And by the way, for people listening in the UK, hen party.

Yes, yeah. Oh, God, we got to start over again. I went on this special. It was just like a golf thing. We were going to go. It was like my friend and she had invited like five of her aunts and five of her friends. And it was like this really calm golf day. But I had brought weed cookies.

Okay. What happened is they got all mushed up in the same bag. So I couldn't tell what was one or what was seven because they were just crums. Oh, sure. But I knew how many were in there. So I took, like, just a little bit of, like a little handful. Yeah. And I said, that's about a cookies worth of crumbs.

Sure. And I went and then my friend said, did you bring those cookies? I said, they're in my glove box. Go grab them. I've been mushing them up. And they're hot as hell. They're melted, brother. Hey, you guys are going to taste gross.

She goes, okay. And then she went back and she goes, took half of them. Oh, yikes. Honey, no. So she took quite a lot and then came back. She said, I did my half. I said, half of the bag, I said, there was a lot of cookies in there. And she goes, what did you take?

I said, I, what I felt would be a cookies worth of crumbs. Like a pinch. Like a pinch of crumb. Yeah. And she said, you go back there and you do the other half of the bag. And I said, you got her. So we were like, I mean, an hour into the golf game and could not golf because we were a mess. We were hiding behind trees.

We were supposed to. And then, I don't know. We couldn't drive everybody back, which we said. we were going to, so we had to get cabs back to the place. And then we were supposed to have brought an appetizer to the party. You did? You brought the cookies, which I thought was enough for sharing. And one of the ants came to get me and my friend.

And what we were doing was laying on a bed, flipping a sheet over top of one another. She's like, I'm guessing you girls didn't bring an appetizer. Just the sensation of the like wind going over. Oh, it felt so good. I honestly think cookies are no cookies. I don't know what you guys are up to lately later, but it feels pretty cool. Yeah. It's like a parachute when you're a kid.

Yeah. It's like parachute day. Oh, yeah, parachute day. That was a big day when they brought out the old. My kids, they're spoiled. They do parachute all the time. Really? It used to be one day a year.

Yeah, one day, yeah. Maybe it was one that was going around from school to school. Yeah. You know what? I love doing. I don't do it with my kids anymore because they're too big, but they wish I could. But it would require me to be much bigger. And stronger.

But I don't know if this is a thing that I didn't know anyone doing this when I was a kid. But every kid's parents do it now. But it's like, that's not true. But we call it a burrito. And you just put them in a blanket and you roll it over. And then you pull it super fast and they spin around. Oh, like a cartoon kind of. Yeah.

And then I land on the bed and go, again. That is super fun. Yeah. It's so fun. but I'm just, I'm not that, I'm not, they're too big. Do you remember when was the exact moment where you're like, okay, you're too big for this stunt? You can't do. I do because I have two kids of different ages.

Yeah, that's right. I just remember having to be like, you can't do it anymore. She still can. Yeah. I love flinging babies. Like a two-year-old that you can just chuck into a pool or onto a pile of pillows and stuff. Yeah. It's very fun.

And when they come out. laughing? That's great. And then there's that split second of like, are they going to come out laughing? They land Oh, I'm landed pretty hard on their neck. I'm going to go. You're on your own. Don't tell your mother. Yeah, flinging the baby's fun.

Did you see the video? Speaking of golf courses, of the big fight on the golf course? I've just caught. I've caught a little bit of it the other day. I've talked about it a few times. I think it will now get replaced by the a new video of the guy at the Coldplay concert. Oh, cheating his wife. Oh, yes.

The billionaire. That's, uh, when I was starting out. Is he a billionaire, did you say? He's, he's a CEO. I know that. Maybe he's not a billionaire. I don't, I, maybe I don't, I never heard of him before. Yeah, I never, but boy, oh, boy, is you like, you're caught 100% red-handed.

Like, it's not like, oh, she's standing next to you. Like, you got your hands around her way. Oh, yeah. She's leaning back on him. But they acted pretty natural. They've played it off pretty well. I'm going to be honest with you, too, and this is going to sound misogynistic, and it is. Okay.

Make sure whoever you're cheating with isn't a six. You know what I mean? Make it worth it. Don't lose the house on a six. I'm glad you said it, none of me. That's crazy. I, like, zoomed into her face, and I was like, loof. She's got to be nuts at least.

I don't know. this is uh we're pre-taping this is uh an episode from um this is the thing that happened a month ago yeah yeah yeah yeah but uh you remember but remember yeah it was fun remember when um yeah i uh graham and i really like to rate women's or appearance on yeah absolutely that's why i did it for you yeah yeah yeah we do like either one of you could say it so i piped up um um Yeah, I guess I don't know what goes on in the heads of somebody who's trying to

pull one over on their spouse. I don't, it just seems like so much work and so much like where, where did his wife think he was? Yeah, and if you're like, if you had the time to like go to a hotel and the money,

but like where you, like go to a hotel where you can't be seen and it's private, but like to go to a place with 50,000 other people. You'd assume you'd be fine, you know? Like, but you're right. That Jumbotron, it's... I hear it.

Dudes don't think like that. Like, every time you find out someone cheated, you go like, yeah. I mean, you did it in the dumbest way possible. Oh, sure. Don't murder anybody. You'll get caught. You're not good at lying. Rule number one.

Don't murder anything. murder anybody you had to try i i i walked in on somebody cheating on their spouse i would imagine because i was working on elevators and it was a nighttime job because i had to it was uh some of the jobs they just didn't want to happen during the day sure they were loud and dangerous so um we kind had full range of this like fancy building because we had to like access most floors right and i would go up to the fancy bathrooms on like the ceo's floors because he wasn't there sitting in his chair and do a spin you know all the stuff he couldn't do in the day

and so I was going I was like I told my buddy that I was working with I was like I'm going to go up to the top floor I got to go to the bathroom and I walked in and he was sleeping with what I assume was somebody in a lesser role than him sure that's how she was positioned CEOs have trouble finding people In more powerful roles

This yeah, CEO and the CFO Found each other You know what I like about you? Did they notice that you had entered Or you were able to go? No, I was... Did she notice that he had entered? She kept just going, put it, go!

Go! Hurry! The elevator technician's going to be here soon. She goes, don't just park it and set up camp. I'm around a little for Christ's sakes. I just kept walking because, you know, what's one to do. First of all, I didn't want to get caught, you know, pooping on the floor that I shouldn't have been in. Yeah, not literally on the floor.

Yeah, that's what I was like, that's not how you do it, Brittany. Yeah, it is. You're supposed to squat. You're not supposed to sit on the toilet. It's bad for your balls. Bowels or balls? Bowels. It's fine for your balls.

They're like, we think we've located them. No, they, yeah, they didn't notice. I just kept walking. Yeah. And then I just went. Shocking. Yeah. And then I sprinted down because I love hot gossip.

Oh, yeah. I got any. I said, boys. I got a juicy little secret I'd like to spill. Do you have any good hot gossip you can spill here? The CEO just had to everybody. It's just us. It's just us.

And we're just hanging out. Anything you want to know. Are you good at keeping gossip to yourself or do you got it? It eats away. Here's what I try to do. I try to, if I got to let it out, it's almost like a, you know, when they bleed like a pressure valve. Right.

It's like I tell people that it wouldn't affect where I go like. Right. Like if it's comedy gossip, maybe I just tell my mom. I go. Right. Yeah, I go. The cab driver is almost always somebody who's done tens. She's not a safe space in an Uber.

Um, you mentioned elevator work. Yeah. When, I think you were last on, you had just stopped. Yeah. Um, do you miss it? No. You know what? I feel like since you were on, I've noticed like many buildings I've been in have

elevators not working. I feel like there's tons of, there's not enough elevator technicians anymore. I think, if I may. Please. I, you don't notice it when you don't, like, It's a, it's a form of transportation. You don't consider transportation. So you just sort of, you don't, you're not aware of it.

Yeah. But then if you're thinking of elevators and you're like, oh, yeah, there's like somebody who works on elevators and you've thought about it a little bit, you do start to know. It's like when you buy a car and you're like, hey, there's like 80 Subaru's on my block. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Hey, that guy's the things.

It's all women. And they're all. I'm not the only one with this car. Um, yeah, I, maybe that's it. But I also believe that, like. in general there's like fewer like service trades people I think in every place like it seems to be a lot less people in the workforce like anywhere I go I'm like why is there two guys here yeah and it costs more and it takes like it takes a long time to become an elevator mechanic yeah I mean it's four years right and is that four years on the job or is there it's on the job and because you do your schooling at night Oh, okay. So it's like on the...

In the CEO's office. In the CEO's office. Woo, spinning up the chair. I visited the CEO's office, so I only had to do two years of school. I got fast-tracked. That is not true. No, don't worry. I'll keep the gossip to myself.

Imagine you're like the CEO is like, you know, you're cheating with CEO and he's promising you all these things. And you still have to do two years. I'm not that successful I've got to start sleeping with better CEOs guys who are supervisors at elevator company Listen sweetheart You want to go up? Oh damn

Elevators, they do both Corrects himself So you're doing Like during the day you're working during the night You're doing school Yeah And that goes on for four. Four years.

That goes on for four years, but you only have to do school, like, one or two nights a week. It's just a certain amount of hours you have to get or whatever. Right. Usually it was like you went to school every Wednesday or something for four or five hours. But that's a lot. That's hard to... Don't accidentally install the wrong buttons. Yeah.

In the wrong order. Oh, wait a... Oh, I forgot I can't count or read. I should have started at the beginning. And, like, how big was your cohort? Your class was... Mm-hmm. Well, here's maybe a better

There's Were there any famous elevator mechanics in your class? Yeah, who's the best in the biz? Elijah Otis invented the elevator and he was in my Wow! You knew Otis? Whoa, you knew Otis? Is there a history class component?

Well, there's Elijah Otis and Oscar Schindler. Oscar Schindler. I did work for Schindler and I wrote Schindler's lifts on my That's good. Hard hat and was promptly asked to take that off. But I had it for a while. Yeah. You know.

You're too smart for the site, I think. If you're coming out with Schindler's lifts. Real highbrow stuff there. Do you, like, is there like a graduation day? Are you just all of a sudden your, do you wear a veil? Yeah, do you wear a veil? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, kiss all the boys down the, the, is the only.

Girl. We're doing something new this year, gentlemen. Surprise boys. I'm running the ceremony. There was a graduate. I mean, sort of. We went to the Legion, got hammered. Nice.

Yeah. It's four years, and then you have to take, like, a mechanics test. So, like, why did you go into it? I had family that did it. Oh, okay. Yeah, honestly, like, I did. It is a great trade. Yeah.

It's like the highest paid trade. Really? Yeah. And it's like, it is a bit prestigious, like, you have to have somebody, you're usually have to be related to somebody to get into it. Really? Yeah. So the guys that do it are really like, it's such an honor because they're like grandfathers did it.

So they, it's this passed down thing. I was just like was working at Safeway and I was like, I need something with a little more dough. Yeah. And then I did have uncles that did it. And then I didn't realize that there was no girls at the time either. So I was just the first girl. Yeah. And they were like.

you want to do this? And I was like, okay. Yeah. And I think they kind of just were like, all right. Yeah. Okay. I don't think you'd say yes. Okay.

That was a trick question. They told me when they called me to hire me and they were like, it's not for the faint of heart. And I was like, okay. I don't know what that means. Yeah. I work at Safeway. I go, I go, listen, pal, stock and produce ain't for the faint of heart. Yeah.

Yeah, it's true. Those misters. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. Oh, tell us about the stocking produce. Do you know, like, how do you pick a good peach? People think it's the fuzz, but it's...

Is it like Seinfeld had a bit about feeling a melon and then, like, bowling it down an alley to see if it shifts one way or the other. The best in the biz. It's the best in the biz. Here's my thing about the produce section. I have really dry hands. I can never get the bags open. So hard.

And what am I going to lick my fingers? No. not in this COVID world. In this economy. So what I do is I go over to the produce that has been misted on. Yeah. And I try to find something that someone won't eat. I'm rude to Vegas.

So usually like the green part of a carrot. Yeah, you're not going to eat that. I'll rub my finger on that. Then I'll open my bag. That's a good hack. Or if I'm getting something wet. For the first time ever. Then I'll

Then I'll start with that Nice Oh it's lettuce day Okay Yeah I would you have to Do you also work till Because I feel like that's gone away now

Well they would call you up If it got busy They would go You can come Oh so you're stocking And then all of a sudden They're like Yeah

And I'd hide Because I'd be like I didn't like till Yeah Because I'd like anything Where I can Not really have to do it Most of the time

Right So if, like, you give me a task, I'll just do it super fast so that I can just sluff off for the rest of the day. Nice. It was mostly, any job I've ever had has mostly been me trying to find places where I can also sleep. Yeah. I have a friend at a job that I was at. He was, he was like the fucking Einstein of finding places to sleep. He was amazing.

He'd move pallets. He'd make, like, a little kind of like castle of boxes and then hide in there for half an hour. Did he get found out? He did. Did he get fired? No. Oh, okay. He was still a good employee.

No more sleeping on the job. I knew a guy working in an office who got fired for sleeping at his desk. Really? Yeah. It must have been a repeat offense because. Yeah. Surely people nod off now and again at a desk job. I couldn't, yeah, I could not.

Looking at a computer all day long? Yeah. What was your go-to hiding spot when you were? Here's what I did. Tell me all about. Okay. So there was a like makeshift shelf that was hanging from like threaded rod. This is it in the grocery store.

In the grocery store. That was like where we would throw all the like seasonal decorations for, you know, like Christmas and things. Sure, sure. Yeah. And then also all the apple boxes that people would want from moving, we'd throw up there too. So when people asked for them. Right. So it was a whole scam I had a whole racket I had going up there because I'd put the apple boxes, which I had built a wall of.

Yep. And then I made a bed in the back out of bubble wrap. Nice. Behind the boxes. So what I'd have to do is climb up onto the produce sink like the big. industrial sink. Right. And then I'd jump and I'd grab the threaded rod and then I'd shimmy up and then I'd get

behind the boxes and I'd sleep back there. And then if someone called my name, I'd go, yeah, just grabbing boxes. Nice. And then I'd go, can you catch these? And then I'd come down and shimmy down. So, like, it was foolproof. Yeah. Wow.

Because someone would have had to have climbed up there, which they weren't doing. Yeah. Right. And by the time you climb up there, you're probably tired enough to take a bag. Exhausted. You ever see the CEO having sex up there? Yeah. Yes, the CEO of Safeway.

Having sex with a cantaloupe? I was going to say, he was a lesser man than the CEO of the oil company. Yeah, getting away with anything on the job is... It's fun. It's great. You can take like an extra long bathroom break or, you know, score a couple, like, 20 minutes long on lunch. Yeah. Yeah.

Every time I took an extra long bathroom break, I would always think, getting laid while you're getting paid. And then someone had to explain that's not what that means. We were wondering why that was written all over the bathroom. Yeah, it's, uh, it depends, too, on the work situation. If there's only one bathroom, no extra time of the bathroom. No, you got to get in, get out. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll sleep in a dumpster. Like, it's just all about the thrill of getting to sleep on the job. Like, I'll crawl into somewhere I'm not supposed to be. It's just be like, I would, uh, when I worked at Twazer, Not sleeping, but I would climb up to the very, very top shelf in the store room. Dave, Dave, wake up. I just care of him, grabbing boxes. Just thinking of a joke to say from the podcast.

Can't really get away with it here, can't I? But there was at the very top shelf, it was all toys that had been kind of like were last year's toys and they weren't going to junk them. So I just went up there and played with them. Yeah. There was like some, you know, battery-powered gorilla toys. Yeah, it just a blast up there. This sounds like a great promise for a movie where the toys come alive. Has anybody thought of this before?

Oh, on. Tell me more. Actually, have you ever seen... Have you seen the Robin Williams movie toys? Yes, when it first came out. It's maybe one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen. I love it. It's... Explain.

He works at a toy factory? Toy factory. But it's very, like, like the visually... not, it doesn't look like a factory. Yeah, it's like a Willy Wonka. It is very Willy Wonka-ish, but like more, I don't know. He's like, I don't know, it's similar premise. I never saw it.

I just remember it being disappointing because it was like, I'm a kid. This guy's the greatest children's entertainer in the world. Yeah. This is a movie called Toys. It was so dark. Was it? Yeah, it was like, I can't, I'll have to rewatch it. But it was like a weird dark movie.

Yeah, I feel like, and I could be thinking of a. totally different movie, but I remember there being a trailer where he, was he wearing like a red bowler? And he like walked out in front of a hill. It was just like a hill and blue sky. And he walked out and then talked about the movie and that was the trailer. Yeah. What, why did they do that?

I don't know. It was weird. It was like, it was like labyrinth with Bowie, but toys and Robin Williams. Like, it was a weird movie. And did you see it as a youth? Yeah. And have you seen it since? I don't think I've, I think I rewatched it maybe as a teen.

And then I don't think I've seen it since. What about Death the Smoochie? Oh, I have not watched Death. I feel like that's in the same league as the dark Robin Williams. Yeah. And maybe Edward Norton, I want to say. Yeah, and John Stewart. And it was directed by Danny DeVito.

Oh, really? No. Oh, was it? Or was it Jonathan Demi or Ted Demi? One of the Demi's. Ted Demi. It was Blow. Okay, it was Blow.

That's a smoochie Directed by Danny DeVito Nice But it's one of those It's one of those like dark Takes Danny DeVito just did dark takes He did throw a mama from the train

That one that scared The hell out of me That's a smoochie and Matilda Oh I loved Matilda One of my faves Yeah? Yeah From you read the books when you were younger

I just watched I can't read But I Oh yeah I keep forgetting Elevator Yeah, elevator. Enelators or whatever. Emulators.

Yeah. I just love Matilda because anything with a magic kid is the best. Yeah. What are your other favorite magic kid movies? Hold on. Harry Potter, if I name all the Harry Potter's. I like every magic kid. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone.

Harry Potter and. Can you name them all? No. No, me neither. I just watched them for the very first time. What's that? I just watched them for the very first time during COVID. I'd held out and then I got COVID and I was just stuck in the house, I thought.

I'm still holding that. But I do kind of want to watch them because they're very much the fabric of culture. I'll do it now because now that we know everything about J.K. Rowell, like, now's the time to do it. Put a little money in her pocket. Now's the time to go. No, no, I'll buy it. I'm not going to stream it. Oh, I, my kids love it.

And I'd have to do every, like, find every way to, like, well, like, maintain it. To kind of just, like, not put any money in her pocket, but also, like, when it came out that she was a, it was transphobic, people were so surprised because those books were like, like, the underdog wins. And it's like, all about kind of accepting people for, you know, they're finding their real value and, um, And so, like, my kids wanted to read the books, and we did. But, like, finding the Lego. The Lego is what drives me while. Kids are so expensive. And I'm like, okay, Facebook Marketplace is where I'm finding the Lego.

It's also so funny to me that, like, people are surprised. You're like an old British woman doesn't like somebody. You mean the country that invented not liking people? I'm shocked. Have you read the books? No, you can't read. I forget. I can't read.

But I watched the movies and I did like them. And I had held out for so long. But it's a whole magical world. Yeah. It's a wizarding world. And they're making a TV show. Yeah. Is it going to be the further adventures of young Indiana Jones?

Yeah, I think they're going to have, uh, who was young Indiana Jones? I can't remember. The CBC's doing a spin on it. They're doing the newest Anne of Green Gables, but she's a wizard. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a twist. Seriously is always in a hurry to reboot pan of green gables.

It's called Little Wizard on the Prairie. Because they did. She's on the prairie now. She's not in the Maritaph's. Because Young Indiana Jones, River Phoenix played him in the movie, in the third movie. Oh, yeah. In the flashback. And then I'm just, remember there was a cartoon called James Bond Jr.

Yep. But I don't remember young Indiana. Jones starring is it the guy who played powder starring powder John Patrick Flannery yeah yeah that's powder um don't talk about the guy did powder yeah exactly great movie you always bring that guy you know about powder I don't know about powder he's a creep oh gosh yeah so no more powder for you no more but that's another magic kid maybe that's the problem you know I mean It attracts creeps. It attracts, yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's why there was so many creeps that Harry Houdini shows. He's the boy wonder. He's a child prodigy escapologist. He was escaping. I think he was escaping for when he was a youth. He was good of getting out of tight spots. The Matilda musical as an escapologist like. thread running through it.

Nice. There's like a story that we keep hearing parts of about these escapologists. Matilda was in a skate. She was trying to escape domestic violence. Yeah. Which was the whole threat of that movie. Well, no actual physical violence, was there? I don't know.

Miss Trenchbold hucked her across the schoolyard. Well, no, she hucked the girl with the brades. That's right. And she forced fed. The girl with the brades wasn't Anna Green Gip. She was Anne. What she spelled it with an E. And she forced fed Bruce

Bogotter That cake Was N of green gables She just had an extra Yeah Anyway we love all magic kids here Don't we folks Now you're from out west

As I am Did you ever watch Heartland CBC's Heartland? You know I didn't No me either I appreciated that they were doing it Yeah And it was on forever

For like a thousand years I hate to tell you It's still on. No, it's not. Is it really? The only reason I know that is because I was on Reddit and Reddit just suggested this Heartland post and it said the title of the post was, the problem with season 18. Season 18, it's like the gray's anatomy of the prairies. I would have guessed it had been on for eight years or something, but it's been on since 2006 or something.

Yeah, and it's obviously it's popular with it. demographic that's stuck with it. And for listeners who aren't from Canada, and many listeners who are from Canada like myself, it's a cowboy soap opera? Yeah, it's a cowboy. It's about a rancher, I feel like. Again, haven't seen it. Just see the ads.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they got horses. They got, you know, they're on a farm. They got jeans. They got cowboy heads. Yeah. And they got business to take care of.

Yeah. It's sort of like that Kevin Costner show, but. Yellowstone. But, um, I, also I haven't seen that. There's also a show that's very popular in Canada that's also been on probably for 16 years, Murdoch Mysteries. Oh, yeah. I've either you guys seen an episode of Prodocks.

I have seen the bits of that. Yeah. I have not. I've seen one episode. A well-known comic in this country plays a constable. Oh, who's that? I can remember his name right now. He's the guy who goes to help the small town on the series show.

You know who I'm talking about it. East Coast guy, goes in the show's Still Standing. Oh, yeah. Johnny, uh, Dap. Johnny Harris. Johnny Harris. Uh, how many seasons are, are there of that?

Um, 18 as well. Wow. Of still standing. No, of Murdoch Mystery. Still standing is a show where he goes around, he goes to a town that's like going to fold. Like a downtrott in town. Yeah, where, like, the mill's left town and it's whoever's left over.

And he does research about the town. He hangs out with the, with the locals. And then he does a stand-up show that night about the town, which is, I find, I find more often than when I talk about the town, I mean, they don't, they're not interested in me bringing my take. No. And, you know, the whole premise of the show is that the town sucks. Really. That's right.

We really unpack it. It's like, we're going to make a whole show about how your town stinks. You guys are really resilient. And so you'll probably stand up to this drubbing about to give you your shitty city. Yeah. If the cold mills been shut down, what's that smell? You know. That's good.

If you bring everybody up. So Murdoch Mysteries and Heartland. Yeah. debuted within four months of each other. Wow. And are still on. And whoever was the like programming director back then, they must have a statue of, over there at the CBC building.

There's, there was an episode, this is going way, way back where, uh, ex prime minister Stephen Harper played a chief. He was the chief of the, the police.

It's weird. It's weird that he did that. And Murdoch Mystery is like an old timey. It's like a cross between Sherlock Holmes and CSI. Yeah. Like he uses science, doesn't he? Yeah.

And it's, uh, it's, I don't know, man. He just hold, His science is just a magnifying glass. Look at these fibers.

Explain this. This color paint hasn't been invented yet. Are you a time traveler? Yeah. Well, no, but the murderer was. That would be great if in the last season they just go nuts and they make it about time travel. I mean, honestly, could be about time travel and I wouldn't know. but I assume it's not.

Yeah, same. Yeah. Did you ever, like, ignore a show for a long time and then realize it's completely different? That it's completely different than what you thought it was. There's one I'm thinking of, but I can't remember what it is. Yeah, like I'm thinking, oh, you know, like a show like JAG? I think that's exactly what you think it is, though. If you hear JAG, is it, it's about fighter pilots?

No. See? He's a judge something general. I literally, I had no idea that's what it was. I've heard of JAG forever. I thought it, yeah, I thought they were like a, it was like a police thing. It's not a police thing. Not a police thing either.

He's in the Navy or something. Okay. Partway there. He's just in cover all. He's a mechanic. A judge advocate general. Judge, I thought it was because the planes were like called Jaguars or something like that. Yeah, I get that.

You know, like, it's been on a long time. I never knew what it was. How long was it on for? It feels like that was an 18-10 seasons, 10 seasons. Well, the littlest hobos, and it's 960th season. It's still running. Oh, you wish. I do wish.

That's due for a reboot. Yeah. I mean, in Canada, well, would you have to have enjoyed the previous version to enjoy another show about a crime-solving dog? I don't know, a crime-solving dog's right up there with a magical kid. Good call. It's just like, it's, you know, who doesn't like a puppy dog that solves crime? I enjoyed Hammy the Hamster. Surely I'll enjoy a reboot of...

And Hammy the hamster was... Just sort of a hamster that they just followed around. Like, it was an actual hamster. And they just got the camera. Who's they? You, the audience. You know. Was this a cartoon?

It was not a cartoon. It was like a live action shot of a hamster. And it just, it was a hamster running through a. forest doing little things and then they sort of narrated they like voiced over oh i kind of love that it was kind of weird what was it we talked about a few weeks ago being erika yeah does that have like a time travel component i can't remember if it's that or another one but there was one that she's able to go back and solve a problem yeah it was when jane was on we were talking about yeah uh yeah the actress in the bailey's commercial that's right yeah Sophie

Um, but yeah, did you ever watch, uh, that show, being Erica? Well, I'm, no, I didn't, no. No, it's a comedy drama. I'm looking for something else. You're looking for, um, what is it called the other one that did have time travel? What the hell is it called yesterday and today? I don't know. I just heard the funniest time travel joke.

I think I've ever heard from Pat Bircher on, uh, his don't tell set that just got released. Okay. I don't want to spoil it. But go listen to it. It's maybe the funniest time travel joke I've ever heard. Really? Yeah, it's very long.

It's very funny. It just tickled me. Okay. You know, like after, you know, doing comedy so many years, not, it takes a lot to, like, really love a joke. Yeah. And then this one got me. Yeah, like, you know, I got to ask, is anybody celebrating if you're here tonight or

dating's really hard or, yeah, oh, man. you know guys I can't figure it out um but yeah it uh I'm gonna have to listen to this and you got to be on the don't tell oh yeah recording which is a big famous thing to do now what is that for the listener um don't tell is uh initially it was like an indie comedy show that started down in california where they would uh do a comedy show in an undisclosed location often like something uh like a like a clothing store or the basement of a wine cellar or something like something like like that you know like packing plant meat packing plant yeah and they wouldn't in a small town that's only apart yeah it's just still standing that's a factory shut down um and they that's how they would market the show was they would send it out to the they'd be like don't we're not going to tell you where it is and we're not going to tell you who's on it it's just on this date at this time like a rave yeah it's like a secret raid and a lot of the times it would just be a

DJ playing old comedy records yeah But, like, it's Scranting between, like, Bob Newhart and Ventra Pryor? It's like, what's the deal with, what's the deal with, what's the deal with, what's the deal? Whoa, whoa, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Big, big, early 2000 beat drops. Big buildup and beat drops. Anyway, go on.

So, that's how the show started. It was two guys started it. down in California and then it kind of blew up and then they started recording the sets that would happen at these shows. So it's comedians you don't know. It's in a location you don't know. They, you show up. It's all a surprise. So then

it, I guess, caught fire kind of you know, like, yeah. You know why? No Bachelorette parties. That's true. The Bachelorette party don't know where to show up. They don't know what to do. So then they started filming them and then that went viral. So just like their Instagram channel, which is just don't tell.

Yeah. And then they have YouTube channel as well. And it's all gone very viral. So now if you get a set on that particular program. Program. Yeah. Yeah. It's said to be a big deal. Okay. Yeah. So we filmed one in Toronto. It was the first Canadian, don't tell ever. Yeah. And it was in a castle in Toronto. Cool. Casaloma. Casaloma. Yeah. There's only one. Oh, yeah, in the castle district.

And has it gone up? up? It's not gone up. So, uh, that actually should be released, uh, in they, they've told me around August should be the release. Okay. And then to the moon, right? So people get like hundreds of thousands of views from it. That's the, yeah, that's the hope. I mean, um, Malik, uh, lastel. Yeah. Past guest. Past guest, beloved. Calgarian. Calgarian friend. Um, he, his, his, his, uh, he had like 1.4 million views. And now he's on a TV show. And now he's, yeah, he's on murder mystery. He's on murder. He's on murder. I've heard he is. I don't know. He's on the Erika show. Chirono has two castles. They have Castle Loma and Medieval Times. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, you're right. And they have the elephant in castle, so that's three castles. We did it in medieval time. That would be a great. That actually would be awesome. Last minute, you get a time to show up. It says we're going to medieval time. Yeah, let's all get a turkey leg.

Just doing it in the round. That's crazy. Oh, man. So, oh, like, congratulations on that. That's awesome. Thank you. Thank you very much. What's going on with you, Dave?

Oh, boy. Oh, nuts. Here's the thing that's going on with me is I went out for a drink with a friend. Okay. And you get caught on a cold play video on the jumbo trunk. It started as just a drink, and suddenly I'm stooping the HR, the head of HR. Stooping. It's not what you think, honey.

I'm just stooping. You're stooping a six. Good from far, far from good. Anyway, so I went for a drink with my friend and we got a seat on a patio and the waiter comes out and gives us menus and walks away and we start whispering because the waiter had hickies all down his neck. Oh, nice. Nice, nice, nice.

And then I saw a post. Someone posted a thing unrelated to this about, like, it was a text that the manager of their restaurant had said out, please stop showing up to work with hickies. Stop necking. If you are in a server, then you will, if you show up with hickies, you will be sent home. Wow. So I don't know. Is there a hickie trained on the rise?

Graham, I haven't seen your neck in. Let me tell you. 20 years. This is covered in lipstick. Is that what I was? Hickey is where you suck on somebody's attack. You suck and break the blood vessels? I remember when my aunt showed up with one to dinner one time and I was like, ugh.

You're an aunt. You can wear a scarf. Yeah. Yeah, I think maybe back in my necking in a car days, I probably got a hickie, but it's, uh. It was like a thing, yeah. It was like a thing you did on purpose. Like somebody gave you a hickie on purpose. A real mark.

Of, uh... Yeah, I guess it is sort of like... Of, like, marking your territory. I think so. But I also... Or you can pee on them. You can be on them. Yeah.

And then if you die, then Murdoch will be like, okay, ah, it was a teen girl who killed them. I also, who's getting in trouble for hickies? You know what I mean? Like, I think that should be celebrated. Yeah. You know, like this guy's... Show up to work, we'll give you a bonus if you had it. Yeah, they like, you know what?

If I got a waiter that had a hickie... Yeah, you go, hmm? Nice work. This guy's good at lots of stuff. Yeah. I would, you know. And he was a terrible waiter. Yeah, yeah.

Couldn't get my order, right? But he's got a lot on his mind. Yeah, it, uh, jeez, Louise, it just, it feels like a throwback. It is a, I think so. It does not feel like a thing adults do. No. No. And this, this was a teen restaurant.

Except for Graham's aunt. Man, oh man, when she showed up, that, I was just like, oh man, this is. How old were you? You knew what it was? Yeah, I knew what it was. And I was like, uh, puts a makeup on it or something. Yeah. Who's been sucking on you? Uncle Frank. Also, it just needs like, like you need to really kind of hold it on there. Not, you know, not for 30 seconds or anything. I've given myself plenty of hickies down my arm. Yeah, I was just going to say we used to do that as kids because we heard about what it was. And then you try to give yourself one on your arm to see if you could do it. It takes a lot.

It does take a lot. Oh, Dave's trying to do it now. Yeah, I think it's sucking on his arm. I think it'll take a while. It feels like you can, you, you feel it in your mouth. Yeah. Like, you got to close the seal. Yeah. And you're kind of, like, you're not just breaking blood vessels in your partner.

You're doing it in your own mouth. It's going to, like, it's going to hurt later when I, yeah. When you finished doing this. When I, like, like, my mouth is going to hurt. It's like putting a, it's like putting a jawbreaker in. You're like, it would take too long. I'm wondering about, do you ever do one with the vacuum? I did.

I thought about it. I never did do it. You got it? Give me one more or suck. There's a red mark on there. You're never going to get a job at this restaurant, Dave. You're fired from the podcast. Oh, there you go.

That was pretty quick. That was pretty quick. Well, I mean, I tried to think about baseball. Some sort of sports reference. Yeah, but it's my mouth is definitely more bothered than my arm. Well, you're going to have to explain that to Abby. when you go upstairs who was sucking on your arm

She knows it's Graham right away Yeah Are you stipping Graham Stiffing Graham in the podcast room? It just kind of happened Yeah So like multiple hickeys though Yeah a couple down the

I say good for him You know Yeah Oh I certainly don't You know I love that it was such an epidemic That the boss had to be like Listen I know

I like that one But you know I don't say I guess I say good for him I don't care, but I think it's a, like, is this a thing that's happening? I don't care about him personal. Yeah. But is this like as a, is this picking up?

Is it a trend? Or is it, as everybody making out with the same person? Same gal. Yeah. Dracula. Dracula. We're in a vampire epidemic is what's happening. That's what we're, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I worked in a restaurant and we were all kind of like in the range range of like, I was like 15. And I think the oldest person was like 25, maybe. everybody was so inappropriate all the time. And we used to bite each other all the time. We went through a biting epidemic. I don't know how it started.

Yeah. You know what I don't want to do if I'm 25? Work with a 15-year-old. No, with this, this biting, are we going upper torso or lower toe or lower body? It was just anywhere you could get at. It was like, and then we had to have like a district manager. It was Pizza Hut. I worked in early 2000s.

And the, uh, she had to come in and we have a meeting. Was it the, um, Pizza Hut with the sit-down? Pizza Hut? Sit down and the buffet and salad bar and the dessert bar too. Darcy Michael also worked at one of those. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it was the best.

We were very inappropriate there. It was very fun. Did you watch, did you, what did he talk about? He said they watched the Siskel and Ebert did a training video. It was, I need, it was Dairy Queen, Pizza Hut, and they owned, I think maybe like Taco Bell or something. they were all owned by the same company. So all the training videos. Yum Enterprises.

Young Brands owns Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Burger King? Not Dairy Queen. Yeah, Dairy Queen and Orange Julius are. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, they're a holy. The Trinity, the access of people. Whatever the duality, two-person Trinity. Yeah, I never had the, well, that's not true.

I did work at a pizza restaurant. Not a chain. It's a little chain. There's more than one of them. Tom's has a pizza. Oh my, that's my favorite pizza in the whole world. Tom's salsa pizza.

Did you call it T-hop? That's not bad, actually. Nobody did, but it feels like a real missed opportunity. Did you work at the one on McLeod Trail? Yep. The OG. Well, actually, the OG is the force on one, but the McLeod Trail one is the best one. And it's still there.

It's still there. What did you do there? Everything. Had to cook the pizza, had to bring it out to the customers, had to put box it. I didn't know this about you It didn't last very long It was not very good at it I was not very good at it

But yeah Tom's house a pizza Right next to a very like divey bar How old were you When you 18? All right Yeah

18 or 19 And yeah there was one guy Like there was a lifer in there Who had been there You know he's in his A pizza lifer Yeah he was probably in his early 30s And I was like

I don't know man You should be the manager at this point by the very least, but you should maybe go to elevator school if your uncle could get you in.

There's been the same delivery driver at that Tom's House of Pizza for I bet you 35 years. Yeah. He's got, well,

he's got a steady gig. He's got a steady gig. That's my favorite pizza restaurant. I, delivery has changed so much. Yeah. It's true.

Like, they got your door dash. They're coming on scooters. They're wearing those cold hand, you know, The muffler things. You can track them now, and you're like, what are they?

They're going through someone's backyard. Yeah, they seem to have this one intersection for a lot. Oh, they haven't fallen off with my pizza. I worry that there's no shame left in ordering because they just come. They drop it off at your door. Yeah. You used to have to face them. Yeah.

And then you'd pay cash. And then there's a whole transaction. I'd like to order five vibrators, please. Put them in a paper bag and don't say anything when you drop them off. But it's buzzing. Turn them on, yeah. Turn them on, so I know they're there. Did you take one?

Yeah, wait a minute. There's only three in here. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, so the hecky is the red around it is faded. That just looks like it could be a bruise. I know. It's a shame. I better get sucking.

I really, I want there to be no doubt. Keep on trucking. Get sucking. Yeah. Anyway, I'm, you know, I'll, keep you posted if I see any more around hot for summer 2025 hickies. Hickeys. Okay.

Yeah. Wired. Absolutely. Never, they're back for well, they're back, but they were never here for grown-ups. Yeah, I know. Except your aunt. Yeah, I sent my aunt who showed up that one time. Was she single? Well, no.

Well, was she single at the time? I just remember, yeah, I think she was single at the time. But I knew exactly what it was because I was like, and I think my little little brother Patrick didn't know. Maybe Dan knew. Dan might have been

in the cusp of understanding what that was. Because I was like, Dear sweet Patrick doesn't know what a heck he is. He's so innocent.

Because I think I was nine or ten when this happened. I knew it. I knew it from movies that people would get. Yeah, I remember the scene in

boy, what am I thinking of? There was a scene in Who's the Boss? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And Alyssa. Samantha.

Had, was wearing a. Like a scarf? Or she was holding her head one way. But was there also a Cosby show thing where he's like leaning back. That was he got an earring. A earring, right. Man, Theo got into so much trouble. I love it.

Dang, Theo. Boy, I wonder if Theo and Samantha they ever hung out. Well, let's pull up the Battle of the Network Stars and find out. Well, that's all for me. And what's going on with you? Well, yesterday, I've had luck with this twice before by buying a ticket to a music concert show, the day of, and just buying a single ticket. Because people are desperate to offload that one ticket.

A pair of tickets will go out the door, no problem, but a single ticket trying to get rid of that. This was a cold play show you were at, the CEO of your company. And I bought a single ticket. She just happened to be there. I said, let's canoodle. She was just falling forward over the rail and she called her. Yeah, exactly. What was they supposed to do?

But yeah, I bought a ticket, day of, to musical performance by The Weekend. Oh, man. At BC Place. A BC Place. How was it? It was fantastic. Okay. Do you like the.

weekend. I do. I love the weekend. I didn't know that about you. I love the weekend. He's like as far as I was concerned I think there were two songs I didn't know and the rest it was just like banger after bangor after bangor. Everybody's singing along the whole time. Hit after hit.

And it was he's not like a, it's not like a Taylor Swift show where he's doing costume changes or anything like that. Like it's he's wearing this one great like robe and he has a bunch of dancers that are like kind of ice-wide shut kind of red veil.

Vail, the veil store. And, yeah, he was really good. And he kept working the word Vancouver into things, which was very, you know, if he said, like, if the lyric was I love you, he'd say, I love Vancouver. Everybody got a buzz out of that. Was it, I heard that people were complaining about concerts last summer being too hot. It was pretty hot. And was the roof open or closed? Open.

Okay. Roof is open. So better than closed, I think. Yeah. And he said a very funny thing because he's like, you know, because it started, the light was still out. So he said, when it gets dark in here, that's when the party starts. It was like another hour and a half before a turn park. And then he's like, wow.

And he's like, wow, the sun really stays up a long time here. It's true. And at one point, he was chastising security because he thought. security should be working outside of the gate instead of inside of the gate he's like stop get out of there stop go on the outside of the gate what's happening on the inside of the gate that's a girl screaming oh yeah a lot of girls scream shut them up trying to remember the lyrics stop it um but yeah every every song was great didn't sing the one that goes he's saying that one, so I bought the ticket from somebody who is like an older person.

Like, because there were a lot of 17-year-old person. I've seen some things out on the scene. Covered in hickeys. Neckskin, jangling down. I'm picturing somebody sucking on that. Yeah, I give you a hickey from two feet away. It's like sucking on a turkey's neck. But luckily, the person that was selling, sold me the ticket, there was a couple that was in the seats next to me, and they were also old, so it was great.

We both were like standing, kind of stretching our feet at the same time. At one point, they sat down. I stayed up the whole time, but I am shocked. that you like the weekend. Not that, you know, it's... I also find that surprising. I love them. It's more than just that I didn't know that about you.

It's like when I found out you've seen every Marvel movie. I was like, I don't know you even cared. No, I like the weekend. I think he's like a once-in-a-generation voice. He's got a beautiful, beautiful voice. He is... Well, there was a thing, like, the song of the summer, um, going back for like the last 15 years.

and there hasn't specifically been a song of the summer, but like a Canadian has had a number one hit every summer for the last 15 years and it's either like Carly Rae Jepson or Drake, but like eight, yeah, Bieber, eight of those are, or something like that, are the weekend, it's mostly the weekend. And it's crazy, like, even if you don't think you know songs, a couple of beats into every song, you're like,

oh yeah, I've heard this on the radio or I've just heard this around. and he comes out, he's wearing a mask for the first couple of songs. I was like, oh, he's not wearing a mask for the all time. When he took out the mask, you better believe everybody went bananas. Everyone went nuts. Do you remember when he did the Super Bowl and he was in that, like, labyrinth? He's kind of like a fun house. Yeah.

But was that a COVID thing? I think it was a COVID thing. I think it was a COVID thing. And there was no audience and also like no backup dancers or anything like that. It was just him. They're like, let's get some mirrors in there. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be like there's multiple people. Yeah. The illusion of many people. And he did a funny, kind of a weird thing where he was showing up everywhere with like bruises and like bandages all over his head. And he showed up to like music award shows and concerts like that. And then a while later he showed up looking like he had crazy plastic surgery. Yeah. And he never mentioned it.

He never said anything in interviews. Yeah. Just like an elaborate prank. Where do you hear his. music. You don't listen to the radio? I think I first probably heard him on the radio. And then I was like, this guy, this guy is awesome.

And then you got your Spotify, you got your, what is the own title? Maybe you got title. Yeah, you might have. Did you watch the show he did on HBO? No, I heard it's bad. It was kind of bad. It was him and Lily Rosed up and it was like, I don't know. I wanted it to be good.

Was it called the Idol? It was called the Idol. We all wanted HBO Sunday Night Show to be good. It was gratuitous. But it was, you know. Yeah. I mean, I think if they would have given it in another season, it had room to get better. But, like, they just were like, he said no.

A funny neighbor kid. Yeah. We need to Urkelize their show. He was a very funny cameo in. Erkel did? Erkel had some great cameo. In Uncut Jams, the weekend was. And he right away slept with the main character's girlfriend.

Oh, right. Right. So he was playing maybe against type, maybe two type. I don't know. I don't know what he's like backstage, you know? His new song came out like three or four months ago. I remember hearing on the radio, like, the weekend is back. Like they would do special promos on Z95.3. The weekend is back. Hey, everyone, it's the weekend. Listen to my new song. And they would play a bit of it. And I was like, oh, maybe people don't care about the weekend. But I'm finding out. Oh, there's two nights. A BC place. Sold out. Sold out.

Wow. And they did a thing. Where were your seats? I was in row K, no, K, K, K, I was in row 103. They were good tickets. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he see you? Did you wave, and he went?

Graham! I just did like a nod. I was like, yeah, yeah, he knows. He goes, debaters, he goes. You got that right. Thumbs up. And then, oh, they did this thing, and I don't think I've ever seen somebody doing it a concert.

I know that they do it sometime. He went in the little area where the stage kind of... Security was beating up screaming girls. Where security was. And people had signs that, like, sing this song with me. Oh, yeah. So he went and said, and I was like, this could be this person's big break. Yeah.

If they sing really well. Oh, yeah. In front of this many people, she sucked. She was bad. She was terrible. Her voice was terrible. I love those videos of when, like, somebody they call, like, a kid up on stage and hand him a guitar and then he just shreds.

I'm like always so, because that's got to be, that's always like everyone, that was always my fantasy. Well, and that's like, that's what people are expecting. Like, he's picked, he just magically picked the right person. Yeah. I went to, I saw Sloan. Love Sloan. Many times.

Once at the Croatian cultural center here in Vancouver. And, hmm, who was the opener? I want to say the flashing lights. Okay. And there was, they played everything you done wrong. You've done. wrong, which is a, has a trumpet intro. Yeah. And as they start

the song, you see a kid hold up a trumpet case. And they like get security to let him up and he gets up on the stage. I think he kind of overstepped. Yeah, maybe his couldn't get his umbuchar right. It was too bad.

His umbuchar. And then the two things that stood out crowd wise, the guy next to me was filming himself most of the time singing to the song. And he kept filming his girlfriend, too. She's even less interested in this project. Did you offer to take Sally? No, a single ticket.

I know, but did you say, hey, we should go? Nope. I was like, I'm going to see if there's a free ticket or cheap ticket I can get the day of. And I did it. Because, man, that shit's expensive. Uh-huh. Yeah. Like, the ticket that I had was originally $350.

And I got it for a cool $125. Oh, wow. That's pretty good. Yeah. And I probably could have got one even cheaper as the day went on, but I didn't want to risk it, that they all run out. I sort of just picturing you getting up off the couch to make your own snack and not offering or anything. And then she'd be like, what are you doing up there? It's taking me, I'm getting myself a concert ticket.

Yeah, this is my. Why did you want to come? Do you interested? Eating a bowl of soup by yourself. You were like, I couldn't get tickets the day they went on sale because I typed in the weekend, but I typed it wrong. I didn't know he spelled it in a funny way. I just, I wrote Friday, Saturday, Sunday. He, uh, so there's also a thing, I probably was, because you went to Olivia Rodrigo.

Yeah. Did they have the thing with the wristbands? Ooh, remind me. So they, I don't know if they were selling them or just handing them out, but almost everybody in the, I mean, they weren't handing them out to me. So somebody must have bought them. But they were wristbands with light on them. And they were synced to.

Oh. So it looked like glitter. And it was, and I, at first I was like, how do all these people know to have their phones out at the same time? but it wasn't. It was these little things. Huh. No, I,

that wasn't part of the Olivia Rodrigo experience. So this was, it was a big, big part of the weekend show. It was very, it was like just, I didn't know what was going on because it started so light

that you didn't see it and then it got dark. Did it sound good? Sounded great. Okay. He had his own video screens, perfect, you know. You didn't just use the house.

Just use the Jumbodron. No, it brought his own. Uh, and then the great thing about being next to the old Oldsters is they knew exactly when to leave. And I followed them out because when I went to the train station,

they had stanchions for the lineup to get on the train. Breezed right by him, got on the train. Got a seat, no less? My word. Yeah. That was pretty good. Pretty successful venture altogether. A lot of times people will go after like a hockey game.

They'll get on the sky train going the opposite direction so that they can get a seat on the way back coming. Yeah, I thought about that. I thought about going to the end of the line, but then I was like, nobody's out now. I can just go to the train station near the stadium. And I've only been in that stadium twice. They went to soccer there once and now this. I went to in the Invictus games.

Is that what they're called the. Yeah. Yeah, there. And that was pretty cool. What did you see? Well, Katie Perry was there. Oh, you saw the intro. Yeah.

Chris Martin, the Cole guy was there. Yeah. And Noah Kahn was there. And Nellie Furtado. And Nellie Furtado was there. What a lineup. Yeah, my friend, my cousin's boyfriend, he is in the military band. Oh, okay.

So he was, they were playing for the Invictus games. But he play flute drums. He plays the oboe. Oh, really? He's the leader of the band. Wow. Yeah. Obo's always the leader of the band.

Yeah, everybody follow the Obo. He's the guy. Yeah, I was at the Juno's last year and Nellie Furtado was the host. Oh, man. She had so many hits. I didn't realize when she... Nellie has a lot of hits. Yeah, like when she sang...

It's getting hot in here. Band-Aid or no Band-Aid. That's how you can... Yeah, yeah, oh, that's right. I forgot it was that Nelly... Just Nellie. I interviewed Nellie Furtado once. Yeah?

It was very nice. And I asked her... It was around the time of... Like, people were trying to, like, figure out, like, oh, the Ice Cube song, A Good Day, has like all these specific mentions and it was like okay so we've pinpointed the day it must have been because there was like a basketball game the day before and right uh and then someone tried to pinpoint like the movie that elanis morissette went down on dave culey and so it was around that time that

uh nellie frittato had invented had invented a new song called parking lot and i was so i interviewed her and one of the questions was which parking lot are you singing about and she told me it was a 7-11 parking lot in Victoria oh okay she told me the neighborhood but I couldn't tell you um that's hot goss yeah I can't tell you because it's spilling the tea um but yeah if the weekend's coming to your town check him out he rocks this is a shocking revelation who's your is he your favorite artist I mean a current yeah probably wow who's your second the beaches love the beaches I love the beaches, too.

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't shock me that people, that's another shocking. I picture you as like a John Prime guy. Oh, I love John Prime. Yeah. I was listening to old country music before I came here. And that I put on Trisha Yearwoods before he cheats.

Yeah. My favorite band, that AI band that just came out in those four albums in a week. I love them. Kendrick Lamar. We talked about the guy that came up with the. 65 million dollar NFT piece of art. And now it's worth $100? Yeah, it's like $400.

Oh, my gosh. So get it. Well, it's a discount now. Get it and then we sell it. Yeah. The guy's name was Bebel. We did. Many years ago, I think.

Should we move on to some overheard? Oh, yeah. Hello, I'm John Luke Roberts, and I would love for you to give my podcast, soundy with John Luke Roberts, a try. It's basically a parody of every type of podcast imaginable, made up with loads of brilliant comedians. It was named the Best Scripted Sketch Show by the BBC Audio Drama Awards, was a finalist for Best Comedy Podcast at the New York Radio Festival,

and it has just been nominated for Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards. Surely, if there are three things you can trust, they're the BBC, New York and Britain. So give Sound Epe with John Luke Roberts a go today, available from Maximum Fun, in all the best podcast apps. Hi, I'm Alexis. And I'm Ella. And we're the host of comfort creatures. We could spend the next 28 seconds telling you why you should listen.

But instead, here's what our listeners have said about our show, because really, they do know best. The show is filled with stories and poems and science and friendship and laughter and tears sometimes, but tears that are from your heart being so filled up with love. A cozy show about enthusiasm for animals of all kinds, real and unreal. If you greet the dog before the person walking them or wander around the party looking for the host's cat, this podcast is for you. So come for the comfort and stay for Alexis's wife. wild story about waking up to her cats giving birth on top of her.

So if that sounds like your cup of tea. Or coffee, Ella, we're not all brits. Then join us. Every Thursday at maximum fun.org. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment on the show where, boy, oh boy, are you lucky enough to go out there in the world and hear a gem?

We want to hear it too. So you can send it into SBY at maximum fund.org. We just like to start with the guest. Brittany, do you haven't overheard? I overheard my father, who's now retired, uh, and he's got a lot of projects, but a lot of, he's trying to fill his time with things. And, uh, he was standing outside in the backyard. I think he thought he was alone and he's like, I can't, I know you're squawking at me.

And he's fighting with the birds in the tree. Oh, sure. Yeah. He's, he thinks they squawk at him. Yeah. He thinks that they're, he's, he thinks that they're, he thinks that every time. he walks by, the birds are squawking at him. So he's gone completely mad.

He's gone completely mad. He's now responded with, he's got two by fours. Okay. And he hits the two by force together to mimic a gunshot. Oh, okay. To scare the birds out of the tree. And? It works, but also it does sound a lot like a gunshot.

So I can hear my mom going, you're going, they're going to call the police. Yeah. Oh, I'm picturing this out in the countryside. No, no, this is in Deerun. This is in Carriobrida. And then I made fun of them so much for the two-by-fours because I said, you look nuts. Yeah. You're out there smacking two-by-fourths.

Just get a gun like a, you know, regular dad. And so now he's, he made too small two-by-fours. He put a hinge on them with two handles so he can hit them together harder. Wow. And he thought what I was commenting on was the fact that he had too long two-by-fours. and that looked crazy. He spent two days making a contraption in the garage. And I was like, that's way crazy.

Yeah, yeah. What's his problem with the birds? Are they just squawking? They're magpies. Oh, yeah, magpies, I don't know if you have a minute in Vancouver. They're just like, they're loud, they're squawky. They're just loud. They're loud.

They're louder than a crow. But they're not like eating his things that he's growing or something. They do peck every time he lays grass seed He has problems with all the animals Yeah, because the rabbits lay on the lawn And then they create a divot Right He's Elmer Fudd, he's become Elmer Fudd

Yeah, he's after the rabbits and the birds And the rabbits are rascally They are rascally In my experiment, yeah Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah If that's what you need for me That is what I think

I was in the grocery store today. I was in the meat department. Chewing the fat. Shared with my butcher. And there was two employees, and one of them was holding a piece of, like one of those packaged things of meat up toward nose. And I said, oh, I love the smell of this stuff. And another employee, like, you know, 10 feet away was watching. I'm like, what is that?

They just, they just, oh, the meat guys, they just know what they're doing. I hope. And then that other employee goes, now I got to smell it. And I went after they were done, I went and I checked it was chorizo. Oh, yeah. But you know what? I couldn't smell it.

No? It's wrapped in plastic. They obviously, they're rounded enough to have a tuned. Maybe that one, I don't think the second employee got anything out of it. Are they, were they, I haven't been to a meat counter in quite some time. Is it still styrofoam bottom plastic wrap on top? Oh, no, it's an NFT now. Oh, shit, it's people?

People's been out of. This store has a plastic bottom and plastic wrap. Okay. So that's from a bygone era of the little. They still have the styrofoam now. Yeah? Oh, you know what I hate? That little maxi pad that they put under the meat.

I knew right when you said it. I don't like anything that's damp like that. Just in general? Yeah, dry out my meat before I buy. Yeah, you want to. Put it in there with, put those popcorns from the boxes in there. Yeah. There you go. I want my meat on a bed of styrofoam popcorn. Thank you. Yeah. Do you cook? Do you chef? I do cook. I'm not, I don't know if I'm a chef. What's your signature?

I'm a good at breakfast stuff. I can make a great eggs Benedict. Okay. That's a, yeah, that's a good one to have you. Do you make your own? Hollanda sauce? Hollandeys? I, here's a thing. You can, but the package is better. Is it? Okay. Like, you just buy, like, the package and you can put a little wine in there, a little extra lemon or something like that, but... Make it your own. Make it your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love Eggs Benedict. I get it whenever I have the chance. It's delicious. It's a tasty treat. Yeah. And you might say that it's the king of the brunch scene, you know, eggs many. Yeah, I certainly have the savory brunch. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I don't have a signature for myself, so. You don't? No. You know, the baking. basics, but I don't have a particular meal. Dave, signature?

Because you cook. You cook all the time. I do cook all the time, but I don't have a signature. We do this, like, angel hair with, like, garlic, tomatoes, basil, and tramp a lot. That's great. We call it humporama. Because it's so good you want to humpet. Humpurama.

And then we're just like, we'll put our, like, grocery. list together and like it'll be on the fridge like humpo this week. My overheard was one that was said, not directly to me, but under someone's breath, I went to a physiotherapist and she was getting me like, she's like, move this way, move that way, and at one point I made like a weird move and she said to herself, huh, that's weird. what's ailing you? Oh, the lower back, you know. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Elby. Yeah. Too much, uh, too much meat. Caring too much, too much meat. It hurts my back. Why, um, why is it always the lower? Why didn't I have upper back pain? Yeah, exactly.

I think I could deal with upper back pain. Um, you don't want that either right between your shoulders. Ooh. Well, yeah, apparently my body moves weird, so. Oh, that's weird. Did you hurt the lower back doing your? something or is it just lifelong? Just ongoing.

I think probably, honestly, I think I slept weird on it. Yeah. And then I like, as I remember waking up in the morning like, oh, oh. Did you ever lift something without bending your knees? Always. Keep my leg stalk straight. Hinge. Yeah, hinge.

Yeah, yeah. It's so much more efficient. Yeah, exactly. I get so much done. And then I off to the hospital with me. Now we also have overheard sent in to us. by people all over the map. You want to send one in, send it into SBIY at maximum fun.org.

This first one comes from John. Brandy and John, it's a co-op in Pittsburgh. My girlfriend, Brandy, and I saw this billboard driving through Wheeling, West Virginia, and it's a doctor named Dr. Shats. And he owns Shats, Shats, Gastro. So he's a Castro and Texanil. Nice.

Pretty good. like that what do you know what if you're if you're dealing with the butt you got to have you got to be funny yeah it's true you know you got a serious but they don't ever make a you know dramatic hour long uh you know doctor shows about a guy that's handling people's butts they should yeah they should it would be very funny yeah um did you uh i do do we have ads for um like billboards for doctors here or is it like in the state It's, oh, my, like, driving around L.A., it's nonstop lawyer ads. Yes.

Right. Yeah. But it's walls and wall-to-wall billboards of just, like, have you been hurt by a, specifically by an Uber? Yeah. Oh, yeah. There is a lot of weird, like, lawyer in L.A. Yeah. We were just like, are people just only dying in Uber's here?

What is happening? Yeah. I don't know. They're dangerous. They are dangerous. I still can't get into my account. Still locked all these weeks later. I had a weird thing here in Vancouver.

where I, uh, like a couple weeks ago I was here and they, uh, an Uber was coming to get me and then they called and they were like, hey, uh, we're on our way, but can you give us the pin that we just sent you? Oh yeah. And I'm stupid. So I did. And that's all they were just resetting my password so they could get into. Oh, shit. But who were they? That's what I, it wasn't the guy driving and it wasn't any, it was some sort of hacked thing that they like hacked into they could see where the ride was going. They're like, we're just pulling up. We're three minutes away. But before. we get you. This is a new security measure. That sucks. It does suck. Gave them the pin. So I had to reset all my stuff. This is also my account got hacked. They canceled all the rides, except one in London, Ontario for $180. And they're like, just pay for it. And your account will go back up again.

And I've written to them, I'm like, but you know that it was hacked. So let me have my account back. And they're like, yeah, no problems. Just pay $180. And you can have your account back. Yeah. But how did it? Did it that $180, did that come off your visa?

No, it's just on my account. So it must have been something they didn't delete. So how did this person get, who hacked you, get access to your account and get this ride without visa getting involved? They just, they hacked it and then did the same thing. They changed the password and the password prompt. So I couldn't get back into the account. And then they just started running up, maybe gift cards or something. I don't know what they would have been running.

Yeah. You've seen like someone who would have an Uber that you just like, like, I just pay money into my Uber. I sent an Uber a check. That's where I like my money. Or like I prepay for a bunch of Uber's. Ten Uber's on the. I got to load up my Uber card.

Like the way that like your compass card. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I take the bus and train. Maybe I'll start taking Lyft. We'll see. I'm not paying them $180. I can tell you that.

This next one comes from Terran C. room right here in, well, not right here, New Westminster, BC, I walked past a pet food store with a custom sign outside that said, it's time to try tripe month. Oh, and I forgot, you know, it's almost the month's half over. I haven't eaten and had one tripe. Not one spoonful. Have you guys had tripe ever? No.

Can't say I have. Yeah, what is it, it's stomach guts, guts, it's guts. What's tripe? I know they offer it a lot at the Vietnamese restaurant. It's one of the foes, faas. Yeah, I feel like it might be stomach. Edible lining of a ruminant animal's stomach. Ew.

Called paging Dr. Shats. What do you mean by ruminant? What's a ruminant animal? An even-toed, ungulate mammal that choose cud regurgitated from its rumin. I know less now. Yeah. Less than you did before? No, yeah.

Have I talked about this before? I'm sure I have. It's like a part of my stupidity, but like, I'm sure I've brought it up before, but like the, do you know what an ox is? Like an oxen? Yeah. Yeah. But what is it? I mean, it's like a horned animal.

It's, uh, I don't know where they're like, I know they're native to like Tibet. They pull carts on a Oregon trail. It's a working animal. It's not a breed. It's like, it's just a, like, I think specifically. like a pulling or something like but um but there's not like yeah it's like

it's not like oh there's a bunch of ox over there or oxen over there like a detective yeah it's like you gotta get a job as an odd yeah yeah huh I don't know that you can't like I don't know what I mean I don't know what's confusing me

I did you play Oregon Trail growing up no but I know it yeah did you no Oh, well, it was like you always needed the ox to move. You had a certain number of ox, but I didn't realize. I thought it was kind of like a bull. It can be, but it could also be a water buffalo. It could also be like, a yak.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, a yak. Hmm. This last one comes from Jamie. Why did I look up ruminant, but I didn't look up ox to give you just an actual definition. Here we go. A castrated bull used to. is a draft animal.

Any domesticated bovine animal or milk or meat. Okay. Okay. All right. Sorry about that. This one comes from Jamie, from Seattle with an overheard of the kids say the darndest variety.

I was recently in Iceland and went to a place known for puffin nesting. As I was walking around, I heard a kid say, you saw a puffin on Father's Day. Your Father's Day wish came true. How does that kid know his father day wish? You've got to keep it a secret or it doesn't come true.

What was your father day wish this year? Oh, I mean, I wanted to see a puffin. And? No. I didn't come true. I stayed local. Do you see a magpie at least? No.

Oh, my God. Talk to my dad. I remember visiting Calgary and seeing them and thinking, oh, weird that we don't have them because they're everywhere here. Yeah. They're kind of like crows. Yeah. I think they're like a variety. I got to be honest, they're cooler than crows because they have a little white trim.

And sometimes they're a little blueish, too. Yeah. I think they're quite beautiful. Yeah. I mean, you know, uh, crows are when they're not being loud and crazy. Magpie is a good name. Magpie's a good name. I could go for some magpie right now.

Oh. I could make a stew out of a magpie. Your dad wants to. Yeah, rabbit stew. Rabbit magpie stew. In addition to overhurs that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and voice memos. You want to send us a voice memo? do it.

SPY at maximum fun. Or again, if you want to call us, the phone number is 1. 844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have.

Open up my computy. Wake up. Wake up. It doesn't wake up every time now. Wake up. What does this on the makeup? Why'd you leave a get jump on the table? You want to do.

Oh, do you know that. I was watching an interview with Rick Rubin, and there's, like, a part of that song. Rick Rubin was interviewed? Oh, he hates being interviewed. He said that in the middle of that song where he's talking about Father Forseeking Me, Rick Rubin just said, pick a book off of the shelf, open it randomly. And whatever is, whatever that is, that's part of the song. Yeah. It was like, well, it really worked out well.

It was a Bible first. Yeah, it wasn't like, to cure constipation. What you need to do is. I think Rick Rubin got into producing music just so he could appear in documentaries about producing music. All right, phone calls. Hi, Dave Graham and a wonderful guest. This is Chloe from Vancouver, calling with an overheard. I was walking down the street and passed by a house that had a trampoline on its front yard with a big hedge.

around it, so I couldn't see the kids who were bouncing on it, but I could hear them. And as I walked by, I heard one of them just go, ow! And then I heard the other one say, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

you just got megged. Anyway, I gotta go da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-up. I don't want you hanging out with that meg anymore. I'm always getting maiged. Ha-ha, you got maged. What do you think it was? Like jumping off and hitting the springs?

Yeah, or double bounce. Double bounce. Cracking the egg. Cracking the egg. Do you have a trampoline growing up? No, we weren't allowed, but I would always find a friend with the trampoline. I had a friend down the street that had a train. And then I would immediately get hurt.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like pretty quickly. I don't think I ever broke a bone, but somebody did. I can't remember God. Yeah. I landed on. I always landed on the edge.

Yeah. Oh. And sometimes that edge would just be springs depending on. This was before they had the netting. around. Yeah. Also, some people would leave those mats out all winter long and they just became just mush.

Yeah. Just absolute death traps. It was actually worse if it was still hanging on by a thread because you assumed it was going to stop you. And you're like one leg would go through and the other one would stay on the canvas. Oh. Most dangerous toy. Next phone call.

Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Matt from Omaha. I'm calling in with what was very nearly. an overseen, but thankfully, it was only an overheard. So I work on medical equipment. Today I was doing the annual service for infant hearing screening in a hospital in South Dakota. So I am in the birthing center working on this equipment, and one of the nurses comes in and says, we need to perform a circumcision in here.

Do you mind moving over to that table? And I'm like, no freaking way is this happening to me again. I will go in the other room. You can have this room to yourself. They said, okay, I left, but I could still hear from the other room as they are training a nurse to do this circumcision. There's only really one way you can screw this up, and that's to get the tip. Oh, yeah. So after some crying and screaming, I later on hear, don't take off too much, don't take off too little.

No freaking way. Yeah, you go get that sweet spot. Well, you said there was only one way to screw up. Now there's two ways to screw up. Yeah, now in my head I'm trying to picture like Is it like unwrapping You know like a champagne

Yeah, I think probably Yeah, it pops across the room You savor it It's like a baby bell cheese Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah Do you think in America There's a billboard of a nurse

Being like number one in circumcision And then right next to her As a lawyer billboard I'll sue this nurse circumcising. And it's a poster of her leaning back to back with a penis. There's also just an Uber that circumcises that keeps getting sued. I don't know what happened. Yeah, you keep closing the door too fast.

He slammed on his brakes. And here's your final phone call. Hey there, Graham, Dave, and possible guests. This is Michael from Toronto, calling in with an overheard. I was in Bayfield, Ontario over the weekend, which is a. a very cute little beach town and I got out of the car and I was walking to meet some friends and as I passed by a group of people, I heard an older man talking to someone who I imagine may have been his son saying, I've given you everything and you can't even give me one cigar.

Anyway, I thought you to enjoy that, love the show. Thanks guys. Off I go. That sounds like something that would have been like a Marks Brothers movie or something. It reminds me of the succulent Chinese meal. Like, what am I being arrested for? You did a succulent Chinese meal? You want to give me one cigar? That guy had a good voice. He did have a great voice.

I'd listen to that over and over again. Yeah. He'd be a good audible, you know, reading some kind of book. Whoever that was out there, come on, get on it. Read a book. Yeah. Read us a goddamn book. Read B.J. Novak's memoir.

Is that a thing? I'm sure. Was anyone on the office who didn't write their own memoir? Well, that brings us to the end of this year program. Brittany, thank you so much for being our guests. Thank you for having me. You're in August. You're going to be in Seattle.

In August, I'll be in Seattle. In September 26th, I'm doing a show for the the Edminton Comedy Festival at Yuck Yucs. Come out to that. And where can people find you if they want to find you online? Oh, they can find me. I have a website, brittanylicing.com. They can, that has all my show listings on it.

And Brittany is a comedian on Instagram. Okay. Perfect. Yeah. Well, thank you for being our guest today. So fun. And everybody out there, thank you for listening. And you know what?

I don't think it's too much for us to ask for one cigar. So come on back. Thanks for another episode to stop podcasting yourself. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artists, supported directly by you.