Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 909 - Marito Lopez

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Comedian Marito Lopez joins us to talk cigars, more of the Coldplay couple, and Robin Williams as Jack. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 909 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. And with me, as always, is a man who I, I, I, I never, ever see you on a Sunday.

Mr. Dave Schumke. Guys, I was just at church. Yeah. And I gave everyone handshakes and I said also with you. Yeah. And then I stayed for coffee hour and the kids had orange drink. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. And these are my memories. Yeah. I went to the Satan's temple. Yeah. I celebrate Satan every Sunday. Do they do? The church of Satan is like, they're not real.

really believe in the devil and stuff. They're just kind of like trolling. Yeah, but I like to troll every Sunday. But do they do services? Probably. And do they do them on Sundays? They probably do just to rub it in. What's the opposite of Sunday? Because if

Friday is the episode of Sunday? Yeah, end of the week, party time. Yeah, end of the weekend. End of the weekend. Yeah, so Friday night. Friday night is Satan Church. Yeah, that's why I always kind of thought like full house and Family Matters. We're Satan shows.

Our guest today, first-time guest here on the podcast, a comedian that's oh-so-funny, lived here for a while, and that makes us home in New York. He has a special Slatch documentary show on OutTV called Killjoy. It's Marilla. It's Marita Lopez. Hello, Marito.

Yo, what's popping? I don't know. What is poppin? We're going to find out. Bires. Yeah, the city's on fire at the moment. There's a fire happening. Yeah.

At a giant, it's like a giant. Chinese restaurant, right? I think we're all. Yeah. I mean, I don't know anything about it, and I don't know if we can make comedy out of it. That's true. That's true. It's happening right now.

It's a Sunday morning. Check your news feeds from four weeks ago. By the way, this is being released on the, it looks like the 18th of August. 18th of August. Marito, thank you for being our guest. Good for having me. Do we want to get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us Brito You and I both grew up in Calgary, Alberta That's cool I didn't know you grew up in Calgary Yeah

How long did you live in Calgary? You born and raised in Calgary? Bro, I'm a big Calgary guy Yeah? Big Calgary Wait, wait, wait We do a thing here Where we guess your

High School you went to So don't tell us Anytime that somebody's from Calgary So don't say where you went And Graham is from Calgary He knows them all I play this game Every you know

50 episodes When we have a Calgary person on I'm going to guess you went to Bishop Grandin. Are you from Calgary? No, he's just, we... How do you know this? Because I'm 17 years with Crewe.

Yeah, he knows why osmosis. Is that one of the ones? Bishop Carroll. Bishop Graham... Okay, no, he's shaking his head. Do you have any guesses? Henry Wisewood. No.

E. B. Scarlet. No, look at me, bro. Oh, Lord Beaverbrook. No. I'm wearing a Salvador hat and a Salvadorian... Yeah, but I don't know. anything about demographics of Calgary.

Oh, I guess Salvador Calgary School. Like we had Malik Elassal on. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, I went to Calgary Muslim Academy. Oh, sure. Me and, me and Malik grew up

in the same neighborhood. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Did you know when you were growing up? Actually, sort of, by proxy. Okay. Because I used to work at the Marlboro Mall Walmart. Oh, you were in Marlick?

Well, you grew up in Marlboro? Dude, I grew up. Can you guess the high school then? I'm trying to. I grew up in Marlboro. I worked at the Marlboro Mall, Walmart. I was customer service. Okay.

All I remember. And Malick, Malik was the electronics. Oh, you worked in the same store? We worked in the same store, but we never knew each other. Wow. Yeah. I was older. Huh.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That is so cool. Do you go to St. Mary's? It wasn't St. No. Was it a Catholic school? Catholic school?

Big Catholic school. We did like Catholic. Catholic public school. Like, are all the bishops, are all those Catholic schools, like Bishop Graham? And all the saints are. But like...

Is it a saint? No. It's a... It's a English version of a poppy. English? Oh, father. Oh.

Father time. What was it? Father Lecombe, baby. Oh, Father Lecombe! How are we still discovering new schools? Dude, Father Lecombe is the most gangster school in Calgary back then during the 90s because everybody watched in blood in blood out it was all Latinos it was all Cholo wannabes you know what I mean and they would

fight the Filipinos the Vietnamese were you in a were you in a group or you're in a gang my sister my sister was really yeah she was like during that era when I got into high school like it sort of ended with the Latinos and it was the Vietnamese kids that took over oh okay yeah so I was like trying to be Asian back then yeah right yeah me too Did you, were you a fighter in high school? Oh, yeah, all the time. Yeah. Were you like, at the school yard?

We'll go to some other place that's off school property. Where did you do these fighters? No, man, we used to fight at the school yard all the time. And, like, teachers wouldn't do anything. It was crazy. They were just like, let these kids exhaust themselves. It was insane. I remember one time there was just, like, really big gangster named Mario Gomez, rest in peace.

Okay. Rest in peace, he's gone now. But he used to fight with all these other Latinos at a different school, right? Oh, inter-school fighting. Yeah, like inter-school fighting. So, he's like one day, all these fucking, like, big cholo guys like with tattoos came to our school. And he came up to this girl who was like the girl, like the school gossiper. Yeah, right?

Yeah. She'd always be like telling everybody's business. And they went up to him and they're like, yo, man, we're looking for Mario. Because my name is Mario. Marito means Mario. Oh, I see, okay. So did you go by Mario or? Yeah, okay.

Yeah, they're like, we're looking for Mario Gomez, right? Right. And then the girl was like, oh, shit. So she ran around being like, yo, man, these guys are looking for Mario. These guys are looking for Mario. So then they went and got me from class. They're like, these guys are here. So they pulled me out of class.

And they were like, yeah, all these dudes are looking for you, bro. And I'm like, where are they at? Dude, that was so small back then. It was even smaller. so I walked outside and it's like a gang bunch of dudes just like a bunch of guys like ready to fuck me up

and I walked up and I said yo who's looking for Mario and then they looked at me and they were like we're not looking for you we're looking for Mario Gomez because I'm Mario Lopez Yeah of course right

and then they started dying because I'm so little you know what I mean? Yeah Mario Gomez is a big guy and so when I walked up they were just dying they couldn't stop laughing

and I had my little backpack on Now, how much effect did Saved by the Bell star Mario Lopez have on your life? Oh my God, dude, I had to change my name. I had to change my stage name, right? Because every time I would go on stage,

they were going, save by the bell! Slater! I had to change my name, bro. Yeah, me too. I was Mario Lopez. No, my birth name is screech. Everybody would be relieved

when you hit the stage. Oh, thank God. Dude, you, speaking of Screech, Malick, we always used to make part of him because he looks like Screece. He's got kind of a Screech, he does. He's a handsome screech. He's a handsome screech. Yeah, the, uh, I'm trying to think of who the factions were in my high school.

They're like the Filipinos didn't like the Lebanese. Oh, my God. Nobody liked the Lebanese, bro. The Lebanese were gay. Dude, they were ruthless, bro. They were, I remember one time. I don't know if you know Marlboro. like mall station.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, they chased this kid, like, they've chased him for blocks, and there's that little ramp that's like right over Memorial. Oh, yes. He got so scared, he jumped off the ramp.

Oh, wow. He jumped off the ramp, bro, into uncommon traffic. No cars hit him, but he fucked up his legs. Sure. And those kids didn't even care. They were ruthless, bro.

I'm feeling bad that I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have said Malick is like a handsome screech. That's not a great. Compliment. Meanwhile, you're like, nobody likes the Lebanese. I tell him, too, his, his, like, the kids that he grew up with and, like, still hangs out with, like, his cousins and stuff, are ruthless, bro. Really?

They're like, man, they're like, Lebanese kids that, like, are from the hood, right? They, like, they fight everybody. Did you know Calgary had the hood? Well, Forrest Lawn was, well known as, like, the really authentically tough. And how in your. child, how often were you there? Never, if I could avoid it. I was there all the time.

Well, yeah, I know you were. I went to school there. Yes, I know. I've been in the room the whole time. I'm just trying to see, like, the diversity of Calgary. Where did you grow up? In Maple Ridge, Willow Park. Oh, my God.

That's the complete opposite. Maple Ridge, Willow Park. Yeah. Yes, his high school. It's one of the ones we named. Yeah. Brandon. No.

Carol. No. Beaverbrook. Yeah. Beaverbrook. Yeah. Oh my God. Dude, I've never met anyone from Beaverbrook.

Really? That's crazy. It was kind of a skid school. What was your, like, a high school team name? The lasers. Wow. That is cool. This was the lords.

Yeah. The Lord, Beaverich, lords. No, we were the lasers, bro. on any sports team? No, I was horrible at sports. Really? I was always so bad, but people loved me. You know what I mean?

Sure. Right? So I was always the orange guy. I would never make the team, but they would always make me team manager. Oh, okay. So I would slice, cut up oranges. When you said orange guy, I was picturing the Lorax. I wasn't picturing you as some sort of mascot.

You know, that would be fire. If they made me the mascot, it would be in the grave. Just thought it was one of those orange body suits? Yeah, yeah. It's an orange guy. No, I used to cut up oranges for the team. Oh, I love it. Really? Yeah.

Nothing beats a cut up orange to this day. Yeah, and they call it. But, like, I think they were just trying to be nice to me. So they just called me team manager. Yeah. I didn't manage anything. Well, he managed the orange slices. It's just the orange slices.

And the drink. When you said orange drink, it reminded me of that, bro. Did you ever have the McDonald's orange drink? I love the McDonald's. When you would just get a tub of it? A tub of it, dude. That was the best, bro. Yeah.

I loved going to church on Sundays. I hate it. it, but I, uh, I haven't, I haven't gone, uh, well, religiously in a while, but I went all through, uh, my childhood. Yeah, same here. Do you, it's Sunday? Every Sunday at church? Oh, probably. My mom would take up, like, wake us up. There was no other option. By the year, we'd go. It was the best. And it was all Latinos, too. So, like, did you have to sit for the whole service or did you go to Sunday school or what happened to work? Well, you know what's crazy is that we used to, we were Lutheran, right? Okay.

So there would always be like, we had like a black Ecuadorian pastor, and he would like do the sermons like so beautifully he would sing and all this stuff. And he would talk about Jesus and all that. But I was such a narcissist that when I would sit there, I would always want him to talk about me. You know what I mean? And Marito's here today. You know, bro. I was always like, bro, enough about Jesus. Yeah.

Talk about. Maybe if we all applaud, he'll come up here and do a quick number. Dude, I would always want him to talk about me. always, I would picture like myself, like a picture of me beside Christ being brutal and I'd be like, man, talk about me, bro. Yeah, yeah.

And I feel so bad, but now I don't give a fuck. I'm like, he should have talked about me. Yeah. The thing that I always when I was a kid, there was to seem so adult were the announcements for like, so-and-so's had a surgery. Oh, we're going to pray for them.

And there's going to be a bake sale Well, it's coming up with the 26th. If you want to find out more about that, you're talking to Margaret. There's the, the women had a stitch and chatter group. Sure. Which was like the nice way of saying stitch and bitch. Where you like get together so and complain about, you know, the pastor. Did you have friends that went to the same church?

Yeah. So I always tell people this. I was literally one of the first Latin families to move to Calgary. Oh, really? Because of the Civil War, like going on in El Salvador, Nicaragua, Guatemala. Like, they all had, like, wars at the same time. And the U.S. was an accepting immigrant, so everybody went to Calgary. Right.

Yeah. And, like, we were, like, in this, like, little pocket. Marlboro was, like, all immigrants, like, refugees. Right. Right? And then we all, like, built a church together. Like. Oh, really?

We're not built a church, but, like, a community. Yeah. Yeah. And we all, like, I grew up with all of them. You know what I mean? If you actually built the church. Yeah. Be so.

I kind of would like I should be next to Jesus two Jesuses and one looks like me We're gonna put air conditioning in this one The old church is good But we got some big plans for this new church But I grew up with all of them And my first girlfriends were all there

Like Sunday school was the best bro Yeah Yeah I didn't have that I had one pal And everybody else It felt like a real forced hang out Yeah I hated it

I hated all like other kids None of my girlfriends went there So wait you didn't go to church this morning? No. Oh, good. That was great acting. And I pictured you in your, like, sweater.

You and your wife got home, put the kids, you know, like, give them refreshments. Bro, I legit thought you went to church. I'm like, what a wholesome guy. Dude, this guy's the man. You were talking about Satan. Yeah, yeah. These are good friends, eh? Yeah, yeah.

We managed to put our hearing. Did you only if he went to St. Yeah. Bro, I was like, what is God? going on? I'm like, this is so cool. And you believe that Friday night's the opposite of Sunday morning? Do you go to church this morning?

No, no, I'm Muslim. So is that what day of the week is Muslim church? The big day is like Friday prayer. Friday prayer. Yeah, Friday prayer. But you can still go to the mosque like on Sunday. You can go whenever you want, right? You can go whenever you want.

But Friday prayer is like the big one. So that's when everybody's there, though. The whole family's there. Because it's believed that when Adam was thrown out of paradise, it was a Friday. Oh. Oh, sure. That's why. Classic just before the weekend.

That's why Radiohead was originally called on a Friday. Did you go this week? No. Marito. I haven't been in five months. Maybe like right after Ramadan ended, I was like, ah, buddy, I'm done. I'm tired. You know what I mean?

I wake it up. So Ramadan, this is a fasting you're doing during Ramadan? How many, how much, because you can eat? No. How does it work? What are the technicalities of Ramadan? So basically from sun up to sundown, you can have food or water. You have water.

From sun up to sundown. Okay, so daylight. Yeah. So are you like, do, yeah. Is it always a different time of year? Does it like move? Yeah, it moves. So sometimes the days are shorter and sometimes the days are shorter and sometimes the

Yeah, like, man, like during the summer, it's brutal. People, like, wake up early to eat. Yeah, like you got to wake up like 4 a.m. And pray. Yeah. Pray and then eat. And then you got to love. Just those are the big three.

You pray love. That's amazing. I love your enthusiasm. Legit, I thought you two were like that kind of friends. Like, you're a big church guy, a big Satan guy. but you guys come together. And yet the theme of the podcast is, well, and whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, some movies just never bring it up. The show is, the show, like, that would be, this show has no hook. Yeah, yeah. That would be an excellent hook. Well, he's a Satanist. I'm a God guy.

So you went to church. When did the Muslim thing happen? It just started, like, recently. Like, during the pandemic. Yeah. During the pandemic, bro, because, look, I've never been a jail, prison. Good.

But I've been to jail a lot. Oh, okay. And when I was in jail, I would always, like, I don't know why Allah would speak to me. A law would be there for me because I always listen to rap. Sure. You know what I mean? I always listen to rap. And, like, they always talk about, like, all praises due to Allah, brother.

What's the, what's the mathematics? Five percent nation. I always loved that. So during the pandemic, it felt like I was in prison. Yeah. You know what I mean? So during the pandemic, I treated it. Like, I was in prison, so I would read a lot, and I read Malcolm X, autobiography.

You have a tattoo of Malcolm X? I got Malcolm X right here. Richard Pryor. I had Richard Pryor, both done by white women. White Tartre, two artists, which is crazy. But I'm like, yeah, go off, Queen. They did it for me. Well, yeah.

You're not going to turn it out. You went to them. They didn't seek you around. Like, I got to give you a Malcolm X set, dude. And she took, the girl who did my Richard Pryor was like, I got to give you a Richard Pryor. That was crazy. Really? And she killed it.

Yeah, she did. It's such a good job, yeah. But during the pandemic, that's when I, like, really got interested in it. And then Malik, Dave Mahesh, a bunch of friends who are, like, Muslim. I've been talking to me about it forever. And then I reverted, converted during then. And then started taking it seriously, like, last year. Yeah.

No, it's, yeah. Malik and Dave Mahajhage never talked to me about that. They're never like, Dave, you got to come over. They know I'm too in my. shirt. Yeah. And then, you used to drink,

you don't drink anymore. No, I don't drink no more. But used to drink. Oh, my God. Dude, I love drinking. Yeah. Like, I do, bro, like my best friend.

That's one thing that Christians and Satanus have. Yeah, we all do like drinking. You guys like to drink. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like to have a. We like the sacraments. Yeah.

The wine. Yeah. The wine and the bread. Yeah, I loved it. And you were getting in, you were put in jail because of your fighting or why were you fighting fighting just like

sometimes I would fight in the drunk tank so they would put me in a holding cell Oh you go in the drunk tank You're already in trouble And then they put you in double trouble And then they put me in double trouble And then like they'd lock me up to the To the beds

Oh really? They handcuffed me to the bed You're like a wolverie Dude I was crazy I was a little like fighter Yeah no kidding Yeah I was a little fighter But here's the thing I've been in like 30 fights

Really? More, but I lost all of them. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm that guy. I'm that little dude that just doesn't know. I'm like a dog. Yeah. Like, I think that I'm, like, bigger than I am.

You think you're Mario Gomez. Yeah. Yeah. Mario Gomez, rest in peace. But yeah, man, I, uh, like, I, I love drinking so much. Yeah. Back then. What was your drink?

Everything, bro. Anything. Everything. Anything. Anything. Hypnotic beer. Yeah. Jameson.

Oh, I love a nice hy-hinekin and on Jameson. Hymnotic is like a people of color drink, bro. Okay. It's like blue. Okay. Tell us what. Thanks. It's blue.

It's disgusting. You know what I mean? You can't drink it with anything. What do you spell? How do you spell it? With a Y? Yes. Hypnotic.

It's not a drink. It's something you buy in a bottle. It's something that you buy in a bottle. Okay. Yeah. You've never had hypnotic? No. It's H-P-N-O-T-I-Q.

No why. That's how I know you did not grow up. up in the northeast. Hypnotic was everywhere. I stayed away from the northeast, like the plague. I was a Southern boy. It's a vodka-based. Oh, wow.

So then when Trumbalwamba is taking a vodka drink, they're talking about hypnotic. When I was... 17%. That's very low. The southern white area drink was Big Bear. That was the huge malt liquor. Oh, yeah, buddy.

Most alcohol you could buy for the cheapest amount of... For sure. Yeah. So is that a grower cider? Those were the two. Yeah. Oh, yo, 100%.

That fuck with that, too. Yeah. Well, here's the thing, bro. Even though I'm a Northeast kid, I love the South. I love the South. Because the white girls. Dude, the white girls. Dude, I'll tell you something.

The movie white chicks went over here. Nobody has more. Better white women than Calgary, Alberta. Calgary, Alberta's got a good white fucking population. I love a good white girl from fucking, you know what I mean? But here's the thing. They would never fuck me. They would never fuck me.

Even if you follow a lot of guys? Yeah, dude. They would never fuck me. Dude, me too. We fist pumped for the listener. Oh my God, that's so funny. But I love them. Yeah.

And when you... I mean, boy, we do this every week, but let's count on the top five white girls. I'm going to go with number five, be Arthur. Be Arthur. Funny. beautiful, tall. Who the hell is B. Arthur? You've got to look up B. Arthur. She's on the Golden Girls. You know, Golden Girls.

Yeah, I don't know the Golden Girls. Number four I'm going to go with. Blanche. Yeah. Ruma Clan Ann. Yeah, Rue MacLan. Number three, Destel Getty. Number two, Betty White. And number one.

Carmen Electra. Oh, Carmen Electra. Oh, what about Sable? She was the greatest, dude. She was the greatest. Was she your ultimate crush when you were in? Oh, my God. Like, dude, I love white.

I don't, I still love white, but my girl's white. Sable. But she's, uh, she's not a wholesome white. She's, uh, East Van. Oh, okay. She's a punky white. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And I always tell my boy, like, Jared, I always go, bro, I wish she was a normal white once in a while. You know what I mean? But he's always like, bro, if she was a normal white, she wouldn't fuck you. Yeah, because that's the rule that you set up at Calgary. If she was an Earl's white, you know Earls. We do know Earl's.

What about a Cactus Club, White? Not even. Not even. What about it? Joie's. Oh, definitely not Joey's. What about a Moxies? Maybe Moxies.

Maybe a Moxies. Definitely, definitely a Granville. Granville Street. White will not buck me. Oh, sure. It's got to be East Van. East Van. What's a good bar in East Van?

The Biltmore? Yeah, the Biltmore. is a good one. The Billmore. Yeah. Perfect. Or the Cobalt. Maybe he hangs out of the Cholmold.

Perfect. Does that you know what that is? Oh, sure. Absolutely. Oh, sure. Bro, when did you move here? I moved here in 2021, I think. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I've been here a long time. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't take the winter anymore in Calgary. I couldn't handle it. Insane. And this was the only place that didn't have winter here or Victoria. I thought about living in Victoria as well, but, hey, you know, Vancouver's the big show, right?

Yeah, man. But you got that, bro, when you told me that you're from Calgary, I can't even imagine that because you're so Van. Yeah,

well, I learned, I adapted. Yeah. Graham, when he got here, big belt buckles, cowboy hat.

I rode here all the way on a, bro, you're very Calgary. You look like you should do the weather in Calgary. I'm Vancouver. Born and raised.

Born and raised. Yeah. That's amazing. I love Vancouver. Yeah. Why did you move here from Calgary? So that was the first, right?

First big move was from Calgary here. Did you go somewhere? No, no, I moved from Calgary to Toronto. Toronto. And I lived in Toronto for like maybe 12 years. Oh, wow. Yeah. And then after the pandemic, Toronto got like fucked up.

Really? I don't even think it's the same anymore. What happened to it? I think just so many like music venues closed down. Yeah. Comedy clubs. Just the vibe. It happened here too.

It happened here. well there's no comedy club anymore there isn't yeah but there's just a better more positive like vibe here yeah because it's there's so many outdoor things to do it's beautiful people are hiking like i love it here yeah are you an outdoorsy guy i love it dude i run english bay every time i'm here shirts off hats out i love it i love it here this is my favorite city in canada and so like you but then you were like i got to go to new york i got to go to the big show. Yeah, man.

Like, I don't know why I did it. Like, I love New York. The big time. I love New York. Yeah. I love New York. I imagine you moved to New York and you're listening to Taylor Swift. Welcome to New York.

Dude, the second I get to New York, I put on Nause. I put on Jay-Z. I love it. That's what I listen to when I do the weather in Calgary. New York State of Mine? Yeah. No, I, uh, uh, I, after. That song's really funny.

After the pandemic, I just had to get out. I had to get out of Toronto. Yeah. And so now in New York, are you doing a bunch of spots? What are you doing in New York? What's keeping you busy? So I'm taking acting. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I'm taking acting school at the Esper acting studio. Okay. And it's like where Larry David went. It's really like pretty, Malik went there. Yeah. Malik is the guy that got me in, actually. And so you- That's very funny that is where Larry David went. The world's greatest actor.

The world's greatest actor. Thespian Larry David He really kind of embodies This Larry character He's actually British What Like what is an acting school like

I've know people Have been to them But I don't Is it like every day You're doing crazy activities or Yeah It's it's Misner So it's like

It's always activities Okay You're like doing Like you're building something Right Painting something And then like Someone knocks at the door and, like, you build the scene off of that.

Right. Yeah. And it's, like, crazy because I've cried every class. Really? These little activities. Like, I cry all the time. Really? Yeah.

I've never been able to do that. Like, honestly, this is the best acting school I've ever been to. I've been to many, like, classes. They just haven't really, like, brought life into me, and this one is. Okay. Yeah, I love it. I bet you're a really good actor. Oh, man.

Thank you. And I've just met you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. there's something about your energy that's like thank you bro my teacher my teacher's so mean yeah she bro have you guys

what's that movie called where the kids drumming drumline bluish but no but whiplash drum line is so funny well I'm right whiplash bro she's whiplash she's whiplash oh no oh no she's so mean

but just like beautiful like Diane Keatonish Jewish woman you know what I mean Is there somebody who's, like, teacher's pet? Is there somebody who's always... Or is she mean to everyone. She's mean to everyone, but she does show favoritism. I'm not going to lie, no offense.

Who's her favorite? Honestly, this really hot guy named Daniel. You can do no wrong, and he's so hot. Yeah. And he's big Puerto Rican dude, the opposite of me. You know what I mean? Yeah. But she loves me, too.

But she's just very hard on me. Yeah, she's showing just some tough love. Yeah, she told me to do a tough love. I remember one time I did an activity, I forgot what it was. but then in front of everyone she went Marito I don't mean to embarrass you but that was embarrassing and then I had to pack all my stuff

and walk up to the bleachers bro like a loser she's mean she's so mean I don't know if you're feeling embarrassed but you should and you should want to leave but she's really like made me into a better actor it's incredible

what would be your like absolute dream role what would be like the thing that you want to take on the most of any like would you like to work with a Scorsese or would you like to is there like a play that you want to do Shakespeare I would love to be in theater

yeah this has made me learn I want to be in theater okay you know who I want to be bro I want to be like the super funny comedian but people are like oh but he's a well trained actor though okay you know what I mean like he can do like you can do actual yeah he can do like actual things but my dream role is Emiliano Zapata I love to play Emiliano

He's the founder of Zapatoz, the shoe company? Zapos, Zappos, sorry, fuck, I fucked it up. What'd have been so good. They should, they should make shoes named after him, though. Yeah. Zapatos. Is there a particular play or movie that's like that, that character, or is it just you'd love to play him?

I would love to play him because he's like, like, just like a Mexican revolutionary that I don't think people have touched in film. Right. They did make a movie with Marlon Brando, but Marlon Brando played him. Some white dude, bro. Get the fuck out of here. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, he was so, you know.

Oh, she was pure sex. The world's greatest actor, they would say. I thought you were going to say, I'd like to play Jesus, but better. I would love to play Jesus, for real. Like, like, like, in L.A., right? Like, Jesus. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they, um, were they going to rem, like, weren't they working on a sequel?

to the passion of the Christ? Yeah, and then the director got his, got his panties in a knot, and so they never... What happened? The director, Mel Gibson? Yeah, he got all... He was not going to be involved? I don't think he was still his popular post...

Antisemitism. Drunken anti-semitism rant. Yeah, I feel like people weren't interested in. No, no, but like in the last couple of years, I heard they were starting on it. Oh, well, that's because you go to church. I just did. I do get an ounce sense. Um, yeah, is, uh, do you go on auditions or you?

I just started. Yeah. Just started in, in the States. And how, how does it feel? How are you doing? Bro, I just did one, uh, recently, uh, for like a, for like a remake of a Martin. You know, remember Martin? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're doing a remake of that. With Martin Lawrence or no? No, no, with, uh, Barnell Hill. Okay. Like the character. Yeah, yeah. With Tommy, uh.

Davidson? Yeah, yeah, with Tommy Davidson. and I did a reading for that, and I felt very good. You know what I mean? I don't know if I'll get it, but I felt better. I felt like I delivered.

Do you feel it's like, because I never was an actor, but I went on an audition, that it's so weird that you're in this room, and then they're like, okay, now be a cowboy. And you're just supposed to. And we're all going to pretend,

and none of us are going to pretend. We're just going to sit here with our notepad. Notepad, yeah. Dude, I hated it. Because it's like, it's embarrassing. Yeah. It's such an embarrassing. You should be embarrassed.

You should be embarrassed. Up to the bleachers with you. Rito, I don't mean to embarrass you, but you should be embarrassed. Crazy, dude. Bro, I go on the subway and I cry. Yeah. After the class, she's so mean, but so great. But you also cry from, like, the method acting of it, or do you just cry because

your teacher's mean? I think it's both, bro. Sometimes I think it's like I'm remembering, like, a memory, but then I go, no, I think I'm just scared of this one. yeah yeah well she sounds scary is she very tall no she's tiny

oh so she's even more she's even more and she walks with a limp bro I could just kick her you know what I mean if I want to go to jail but not prison yeah

they'll chain you to the bed no that's so crazy I can't believe I can't believe that I used to live through that yeah the chained yeah that's insane

how how long when's the last time you went to jail we usually We usually ask this of all our guests. I don't know if you said you've been in 30 fights, but that doesn't mean 30. Like, how many times have you been to jail, I guess?

I, oh, man, I can't even count. Like, when I was in, and like, a lot of it was the drunk tank, too. Yeah, sure. It wasn't always holding cells, but I, but I would get arrested. There was, like, a point, like, during my college and beginning comedy days. Yeah. I would get arrested every weekend. Okay.

The cops knew me, bro. They were like, here you are. Let's go find Marito. They knew me. And I remember one time, like, I escaped. You escaped? I escaped. How?

Like El Chapo shit, bro. I escaped the cops somehow. And they were looking for me all day. And I was at a bar. I just woke up at a bar. Right? And this guy was telling me, he's like, yo, get the fuck off. That's dual.

Get out of here. Yeah. And I had a beer. And it was at Earl's on Stephen Avenue. Okay. He passed out in an earls. Yeah, and I looked at the guy and I said, you see this stool? And he's like, yeah, big Filipino guy.

He's like, I said, you see this stool? This is my stool. And then he came around the bar and literally, like, took it right out of me under me. And then I hit the side of the bar on my face was gushing blood. Oh, God. Yeah, and then the cops came in and they went, Mario, Mario, Mario. East Side Mario. Hey, ba-a-bing-bada-boom.

Big-bada-boom. East Side Mario. What? That's so funny that I woke up in a bar, Earls. I don't think of Earls as a bar for the fact that, like, kids can get in. Yeah. It's funny to get drunk at an Earl. And the fact that, like, I don't, I guess they have a bouncer.

Yeah. Well, this was the bartender. It was just a bartender. Well, I guess, but they hire up. I love Earls. I love, you know Calgary, bro. Oh, yeah. All the hawk girls work.

As soon as you had the Stephen Avenue, I know the exact place. The exact, all the hawk girls weren't there. The whites that I was talking about that I, see, this is what we need in the show. We need a lot more of like, hey, what races do we, are we attracted to? Where do they all hang out?

What about you? Your favorite race. Your wife got up there right now. Look how, my wife. Oh, she's not going to listen. Well, uh, white, my white wife. My white wife is so good And, of course, Sable

Sable, so hot, man So hot I didn't watch wrestling at this time I'm from the Miss Elizabeth era Of white women in wrestling The late 80s Oh man, dude, that was the greatest Matureman Randy Savage

Oh, yeah Did you watch wrestling every week? Oh my God, dude, I was obsessed with it Who was your faith? Bro, I don't care what any Anybody says, nothing beats NWO, WCWCWR, area. Okay. 95 to 97 was the greatest, like, slice and wrestling ever.

I hated the attitude era, bro. I couldn't stand it. Yeah. Don't go to Steve Austin and the Rock. You didn't like any of that. It was too gross, bro. Suck it. Get out of here.

Yeah. And he kept dissing Brett Hart. I love, bro. Bro, from Calgary. Of course. Breit Hart. Where was Hollywood Hogan? Was he that NWO?

Hollywood Hogan, bro. With the, um, the hair dye in his beard. Yeah, hair die in his beard. And he like, he was he went, he turned bad. And people were shocked when he turned back. And he went,

you know what, NWO fans? You can just stick it, brother. That, I went, whoa! So yes to stick it, no to suck it.

Yeah, yeah. That's where I draw the line. Yes to stick it. No to suck it. That was me. That was you. I hate it. You a man has to have a code.

Yeah. I hate to tuck it. Do you prefer WCW or the WWE, I guess it would have been? WCW. Yeah. 100%. I felt like WCW is more for adults. And it felt like the W.E was kind of more of a kid's game.

And then it switched because then it got the attitude there. I was like, this is not for kids. I watched until I was 10, WWF. Then my brother moved away because I watched with him. And then I was like, well, I will never watch a game. And so you saying, well, this is more for adults. It's very funny to me because 11-year-old me was like, I am done with this. Because, like, in the early days, like, WWF would have a character be like...

A clown. Yeah, a clown or a tugboat. And WCW would just be like, John, you know, John Edwards. Yeah, they'd go by their legal name. Their name and they were like bikers, gang guys. They weren't like the mussely. They were kind of just looked like. Like Rick Flair, it looked like kind of a dude.

Yeah, dude, I love that. I loved that. Everyone, like, Razor Ramon went there. It was just his name. Scott Hall. Scott Hall. So cool. I loved it, dude.

Did it offend you as a Latino being like, wait, Razor Ramon, that's your real name, Scott Hall? Dude, when I was a kid, I was like, what? It's going on. Who's Scott Hall? Yeah. That's Razor Ramon, Cuban. And he dropped the whole thing, right? He dropped all of it.

Yeah, he didn't like still do the toothbook. Once in a while, he would go, hey, oh. But, like, that was it. But, dude, there's, there's honorary white men who can culturally appropriate. Okay. Him? Yeah. Al Pacino.

Okay. Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando. Sure. And Mickey Rooney? Mickey. Did a lot of Chinese work.

Oh, dude. Oh, God. I thought Mickey Rourke again. I always get them confused. No, Mickey Rooney. Like the perfect one, but even from back then, the good, the bad and the ugly. Have you guys ever seen the good thing?

Eli Wallach? Dude, that guy can play a Latino better than me. That guy is the perfect Mexican. That's what your teacher's told me. Perfect Mexican. Is it Eli Wallach? Is that who I'm thinking of? I haven't seen any of these old movies.

Oh, you have to, my man. You have to. Yeah, there he is. There he is. Love that dude. Good for me. Yeah, good for you. How'd you know that? It was a big crossword puzzle clue back in the day.

Actor Wallach, three letters. You always need those letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't know. Are you a big crossword guy? Not, I'm not crazy about it. Like, I don't do it very often anymore. But I used to do the, I used to have the New York Times app.

And I would try to get all seven days in a row without giving up. What's that last day is so hard? No, Friday's the hard one. Friday's hard one. Okay. And then Friday is the day that Adam got banned. That's true. And Sunday is the fun.

Who got banned on Friday playing D-A-M? And then Sunday's the fun one. Yeah. Sunday's the big one that's got like a clue. Like a big overarching clue. Love the Sunday Puzz. It's a Sunday Puzz. Are you a crossword guy?

No, man. Do you do any of the puzzles or you a Puzzle guy? I don't do any of that chip, bro. I'm not that guy. No. You know what I mean? I'm just, I'm not a hockey guy. I'm not a puzzles.

You know what I do, bro? You know what you're going to love about me? Yeah. Every morning, I do a little hockey puzzle. I love you, bro. You're such a Calgary weatherman. You have to be a Calgary weatherman. Oh, well, the Chinooks are going past the freaking E.P. Scarlet today.

I only, the only thing that... That's on the teleprone. The only thing that gets me going is hip-hop, cigars, and coffee, bro. Oh, you're a cigar guy. Big cigar guy, dude. We were just talking. And, like, last week or the other week that, that smell is so, so nice. Oh, I love it.

Like a good quality cigar? Yeah, I love a good quality cigar. And a copy? Oh. Do you, and you came here with one of the best coffees of all time? Tim Hortons is one of the best of all time. 100%. I tell Americans that all the time.

I go, yo, bro, you guys don't even know. Extra large. Kanye West. And Taylor Swift. I'm going to let you finish, but Tim Horton is one of the greatest coffees of all time. I have all time. It's so good. What do you drink in the States?

Duncan. Duncan is pretty similar, yeah. I do drink. And you know what, McDonald's coffee is pretty close. I love McDonald's coffee. I do. I love McDonald's coffee. I, if it does the job.

Yeah. It wakes you up. Yeah. Big slap in the face. Totally. Right in the morning. Well, how often would you say in a week you smoke cigars? Oh, man.

Or is that just only on a rare occasion? No, I do it too. I, there's like some days in the summer, especially in Vancouver, where I smoke a cigar a day. Really? Yeah, bro. It takes a long time to smoke a cigar. How big a cigar? Big, big boys.

Yeah, bro. I'm like a, I'm a Churchill guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? A Grot to a Mark's guy. Yeah. Like, dude, I'm, I love cigars. I don't drink.

I don't do drugs. That's my thing. That's cigars is your thing. I sit down and my girl knows, too, like, leave him alone on the porch. This is your alone time, a cigar time. You just drink. Yeah, man. After shows, I'll go and I'll smoke a cigar, like outside.

But, like, how long does it take you to smoke a cigar? Like an hour. Yeah, because, like, cigarettes are done immediately. I hate cigarettes, and I've been smoking cigarettes this past year. How come? I don't know. You're a cigar guy. I went to, like, Newfoundland, and they don't have cigars there.

Really? Yeah, because I get, apparently, it's too expensive to, like, chip. Oh, okay. So, like, places rarely have them, but I started smoking darts. Oh, I hate darts. It's so gross. But I got to dig. You gotta smoke something.

You gotta smoke something. Are you still smoking? I just stopped. Good. I just stopped. Good. How do you feel? I love it.

Okay. And when I smoke cigarettes, it ruined cigars for me. Right. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Too much smoke.

Too much like just, yeah, nicotine, whatever it is. Like, it's not good. Yeah. It's been a long time since I met a cigar guy. I love cigars. Yeah, I love them. That's how I started smoking and then I went to cigarettes because they were cheaper. So do you, do you smoke cigarettes?

No, I quit many, many years ago. Amazing. Yeah. Oh, dude, it's so hard. Yeah. It's the hardest thing. I, like, bro, go quick. I kind of want to start.

Yeah. Honestly, all this talk of cigars? I think I'd love a cigar. Dude, we should. Now, it's going to be, and then all of a sudden, I'm smoking cigars all the time. Yeah. I mean, there's only so many hours in the day. Yeah.

You need a whole hour to smoke it? Yeah. I'm getting the eight hours of shit. You know, fitting in whenever I can, staying up super late, waking up super early, waking up super early, having a morning, I'm burning cigars amazing. Big breakfast, like... Do you ever smoke cigars with other cigar smokers, or this is completely alone time?

They got to be real cigar smokers. Okay. Otherwise, I'm like, nah. What's your brand? Oh, man, I love... I love Cubans, obviously. Cubans are dope. Like, A. Chopman, Pardegas.

But I'm from Central America, so I fuck with Nicarawans. Okay. Like, Nicarawans, like Arturo Fuente, um, macanudos. Like, I love those. You ever go to, like, one of the, like a cigar shop? So the best thing about living in the States is that they don't have Cubans, right? Oh, yeah, right.

All their Nicarowans are, like, amazing to make up for the no Cuban. That New York shop we went to that you insisted we go to. Nat Sherman. Nat Sherman. Is that? No, no. It's this place in New York that is like, uh, I mean, it's very, I remember very high ceilings and just an amazing smell. Yeah, it smells amazing.

They had all sorts of different tobaccos, and they have all sorts of different products from, like, filterless cigarettes to... Where? In New York. I can't remember where, but it's in Manhattan. I got to check that out. Is this guy, Eli? Eli just... Nat Sherman, let's find it on Google Maps here.

Matt Sherbin's... No, this is a map of Vancouver. Where's our Nat Sherman? Nat Sherman Townhouse, permanently closed. Well, that's not what I'm looking for. No. But is it, though? It's right near the park.

Can I see a picture of it? Because there's this place. Okay. Tobacconists to the world. It's got a giant cigar out there. Yeah. And it's like the most amazing smelling play. When you walk in the door, it's like.

Oh, my God. Yeah, this is the place. Yeah. Is it closed? It says it's permanently closed. Oh, that does suck. That sucks. That sucks because Bill Burr posted a pick of a...

He's a cigar guy. Big cigar guy. Yeah. A lot of, like, New York comics are. Are they really? Yeah, bro. Because I, I... Uncle Miltie, George Burns.

Uncle Miltie, George Burns. Richard brought Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby, yeah. Is he still doing sets? Oh, yeah, look at these guys. Look at these guys over here. Just in our Smokers Lounge. Oh, that's so cool.

That's beautiful. Yeah, those are high ceilings. I was right about that. But, yeah, it's a... Yeah, cigars. So people do smoke cigars. Yeah, man, like crazy. I work at the stand a lot.

Like, I got, like, past there, maybe, like, four months in. Okay. And I told the guy, I was like, yeah, man, like, is it cool if I go outside and smoke cigars? And he's like, bro, like, go downstairs. There's, like, a cigar lounge in the green room. Ooh. And they got, like, a humidore. Like, it's so cool.

Humidores are pretty cool. You know what I mean? I love it. What is that? So it's like you can get small ones or there's a lot of ones that are like kind of floor to ceiling size and they're just at the perfect temperature humidity for storage. Oh, climate-controlled cigar storage. It's so good, dude. Yeah, you open it and you're just like, yeah, I think I haven't spoken to the wrong cigars.

I've been going into ones that are, you know, people just keep in a Ziploc bag. No! With a piece of cheese. No, with a piece of cheese. Yeah. God, I'm going to the wrong guy. We got to go One day we got to go

Yeah The three boys back together Yeah yeah Three boys We'll go to Metro Cigar Down here Okay Yeah

By Olympic Village Go to Metro Cigar And they got A big picture of Brent Butt Did he really? Yeah Brent Butt And I always look at the guy And I say

One day I'm gonna be up there Well you're in the chair He said in many times Brent Bud Yeah Oh God I love that But every time I tell him

I'm gonna be up there He goes okay You should just give him a headshot, see what happens. I'm scared. Why? I should. I should.

I buy cigars there all the time. Yeah, well, you could just put you up as a number one customer. Yeah. Rising Star. Yeah. Rising star. Tune to... Yeah, I'll put it lower than Bradbuts, but you start rising.

I think you just, you go into places. You see someone's picture up high and you're like, I should be there. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. Prophet Muhammad, Brat butt. I don't know that they have a lot of... Did they do a picture of...

No, Robert Muhammad. No pictures at all. He had a big problem with the paparazzi. Dave, what's going with you, my friend? Oh, no. We've been recording so many shows because Graham and I are going to be away next month, so we're pre-taping a bunch. And the problem is we draw from our own lives.

Yeah. And there's only so much life you can draw from. I'm drying up. Yeah. Uh, I did, in the last episode, we talked about that couple that was spotted on the, uh, on the JumboTron. On the JumboTron. You look like that guy. Dude, even duck down right now and you're perfect the pressure.

I'm here with my white war, not wife. I do look like a weatherman who would go to a cold play. But we were talking before the show about how we love our phones. I don't know. Do you love your phone? No, Graham, you turn yours on black and white mode to make it less appeal. I feel like phone is like a real toilet time and board time, but not like I don't go out of my, I don't seek the phone. Oh, I don't, I know I do it too much, but I do love my little time with my phone.

do you do when you're on? Do you have like a routine? Yeah, I light it in my bed and I look at it my problem is I, I underestimate how much time I'll need to look at my phone. So like in the morning, I brush my teeth. It's a two minute. I have an electric toothbrush. It takes 30 seconds for each quadrant. So it's two minutes total. And I'll start brushing my teeth and I'll get bored and I'll go, I'm bed and look at my phone while I'm brushing my teeth. And then I get pulled into whatever I'm looking at on my phone and then I'm like stuck in bed for another 10 minutes just with

toothpaste in my mouth. That's so funny. But I was and we were talking about how we love our phones but we hate having to create things for social media. Content. How much are you posting several times a week clips or?

Bro, like the thing is I love, I love social media. I think it's such a like cool tool to like connect with people. You know, like watch what your friends are doing. yeah right and like to put up what you're doing i love putting stories up yeah i love it dude i love just making dumb little videos but when it comes to making it into a real yeah so people can follow you or get views yeah i hate it yeah it takes away the fun as like a comedian for your career it sucks yeah i hate because i don't think it's quality right i don't think it's art you know

what i mean what are you what are you putting up as a real you just like a sketch or like i'll do Like little thoughts I have, you know what I mean? I will make a sketch, but like, one of my really good friends who's good at that stuff, he goes, it can't be random. Like, you have to, like, plan it and, like, be consistent with it. And that's the part I'm not good at. That sucks. Because I like to just put it out there. Like, what do you have to plan?

When you release it or? Like, when you release it the time of day. And, like, you're building a character in your, as a social media personnel. You are a comedian, but then there's this whole other audience that is going to get to know you as the blank guy. Exactly. And that's what he was telling me. He's like, who do you want to be on social media? And I'm like, me. So what is your character? Who if I... I don't think I've found that yet. You know what I mean? That's why it's so random because I'm like, I'm just being me who I am on stage, right? Right. And but it's just too like all over the place. Like people always have like that consistent character. Right. Like the gooner, for example. Yes, that's me. Who's the gooner?

Who's the Gooner? Tell me about this Gooner guy. I don't know. There's like Gooner's like, you know, like Che Dorena. Che Dorena is very much like that, like J.J. Lieberman. There's like the sort of right wing guy, but he's not like Ryan Long. Oh, yeah. Like he'll have that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he has that character. Like even my roommate, Jared, is like popping off now. He's like the gym guy. He's a guy that always does videos at the gym? Yeah. No, John Crosinski is the gym guy.

That's true. this guy loves me I'm a big office guy I love the office If you drop in an office pun Take my shirt off And he'll take any excuses That's what he said

I should be I should be the shirt off guy Yeah Move over Bert Kreischer Move over Bert But so we talked last week Which was three days ago in real time About this cold play cheating couple

And I want to apologize to our listeners because this is so long ago. It's three days of past since and I'm so sick of this shit. I'm so sick of every company that's done their own like spoof of it. Yeah.

And so sick of like, it's a funny thing that happened for five seconds. I don't need to know who these people are. Yeah. Like I'm so sick of like hunting down every detail about their lives. Some people say it was a publicity stunt for the guy's business.

The guy's business astronaut. Astronomer. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Astronaut, was it? Yeah. I don't know what it was called, but I'm a lifelong user of that company and their product.

But like, when I first heard about it, it was like, yeah, astronomer CEO. I was like, will, which is he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. But there's talk that it might have been a plan. Yeah, sure. But it's, yeah, I just, I'm like, it's, I just want to acknowledge now that it's been three days.

And now to the listener, it's been a month. Yeah, I'm sick of it already And it's It'll be a gone away by then There'll be a whole other No, it'll be in like This is like going to be The biggest story of the year

I think it honestly will Yeah The funniest part too is like What's that guy's name from Copeland? Chris Martin He's just basically doing crowd work Yeah That was him doing crowd work

And we do that all the time Yeah You're like oh what are you guys Having an affair Yeah And it literally happened Yeah To him

Well, that's what you hope. One day, as a comedian, that you actually do find out a guy that's having an affair. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing? Oh, we're having an affair. Oops. Yeah, I'm cheating. Yeah, it's just so funny to see.

Like, it does feel staged. Yes. It does feel staged. And the one thing that I thought was funny was in Philadelphia, the Philly Fanatic and a few of the Philadelphia. You like that? You like that? You like that. Yeah, I like that's when I was sick of it.

I was like, now I'm sick of this. I sent it to Pop Topkas because he's a Philly guy. Yeah, he wouldn't have seen it otherwise. What did he say to you? He's very proud. Oh, really? Yeah. He won't reply to me.

You got to send him Philly content. That's true. Anyway, so that's what's going on with me. Not much, but I know something big is going on with you. No, there's nothing big going on with me. But a couple weeks ago, we were talking about a movie that has been referenced a lot like here and there for years and years. Do you like movies?

Yeah, are you a movie guy? Big movie guy. What's your favorite genre of movie? I love gangster movies, man. Best gangster movie? Godfather Part 2. Classic. For sure.

I think Godfather Part 2 is the greatest movie of all time. Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty safe bet. Yeah. Yeah, but have you seen Part 3? Oh, Part 3 is amazing. It's fun. Part 3 is fun. It is fun.

It is so bad. You know what I mean? Can I tell you something? I've only seen part one. Oh, you've never seen part two. Part two's good. I know Part two's good. It's like Pannington, too.

So good. I just get too much light streaming in from my windows. I can't enjoy a dark movie. Why? That's crazy. You stop watching wrestling when your brother left. You stopped watching The Godfather Part 2. That's crazy.

No, I, I, it's on the, it's definitely on the list. It does feel like a big time commitment. It's three hours. It's a lot. But it passes by really quick. It does. And it bounces around if you're past. Yeah.

My problem with a three-hour movie is I fall asleep. Really? I need to watch it in the morning. It used to be right after church. Right after church. I need to fake sick so my whole family goes to church without me. Godfather 2 time. But I feel like so much time has passed since I saw Godfather 1.

I'll have to re-watch it. Yeah, you know what goes on. Offrey can't reviews on my daughter's wedding. That's not the first Luke Debrossi Leaves with the fishes Yeah, leave the canoey Yeah, you know it, come on

Sunny-you're ready for part two Leave the gun and take the cano Yes, and then You know Sunny gets killed at the little Border Crossing or whatever Yeah, Fredo wrote, you broke my heart You know, you remember all the big parts

That's so quotable That's part two, that's part two Frato breaks his heart part two Part two Well then I don't need to see it Oh shit! No, I want to see it I, guys, I started by asking if you love film

because we get a lot of guests. We're like, I don't really watch movies anymore. I love my phone. Yeah. That's crew. Who says that? That's crazy. Gen Z.

Oh, no, man. I love, I love movies. Me too. I love going to a movie by myself, bro. Yeah. Hey? Yeah. Yeah.

Going to go to your stuff is fun. Yeah. Yeah. Big cigar afterwards. Yeah. Or big cigar like Cape Fear. Yeah, yeah. But I watched a movie.

that we've talked about A gangster movie, no. No, not a gangster movie. But by a great director Francis Ford Coppola, a movie called Jack. Robin Williams film from the 90s.

Oh, I've never seen that. I thought you were going to say Megalopolis. No, no, no, no, Jack. How was Megalopolis? Did you guys see it? Oh, it was a disaster. It was a disaster for real? Yeah.

I fell asleep. I saw it in the theater by myself. Really? Well, because Apocalypse Now was a disaster when it came out. Yeah, this will be a disaster for a long time, though. I got to see it, see how bad it is. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's no Jack. Jack, so Francis Ford Coppola, he makes the Godfather. Yeah. He makes Godfather part two. He makes Apocalypse now. He makes, what are the other, like, iconic? Well, he did Bram Stoker, Dracula.

That was sort of more, but, like, I think of that as just being. like, a guy's got to work. Yeah, well, this was, this, Jack was pretty much hot off of Brown Stoker's From Drac to Jack. Yeah, exactly. That's what it says on the poster. Conversation. He's back from Drac to Jack.

Yeah, conversation. Yeah. That's another one. Yeah. Those are the big, like. But that was like his peak, I think. So that, like. Well, you haven't even seen Jack.

So how do you know? Oh, I didn't even know he made Jack. That's crazy. Yeah. It was crazy to me when I was watching the opening credits and said direct by Friends. Why did you crazy? Why did you choose that to see as a, like, not knowing it with him? Just because we talk about it a lot?

Yeah, because we talk about it. Do you know this movie? I know. I know about it, but I haven't seen it. Yeah, yeah. Same. I know. I know the premise.

It's Robin Williams is a little boy who has some kind of old man. Old man aging disease. He's 10, but he looks like he's 40. Oh, wow. Right? So, Rob Williams, in the movie, he's playing a 10-year-old. Yeah. And the opening is very funny.

The opening sequence is the mother, Diane Lane, giving birth. And she's only, she's only been pregnant for two months. Babies fully developed because he's fast aging. Whoa. Nine months he does in two months. I don't think that's how that would work. Well, all of it doesn't. All of it's very made up.

There is an aging disease, though. But not like this. There's like progeria where you're like, look like an old guy, but you're not fully grown like a man. So he comes out a bully grown man. He comes out a baby, but by the time he's 10, he looks like he's 40. Oh, damn. Yeah. So that's the, and it's explained away.

If he did a full nine months. Ooh, that would be a, he'd mangled a bajingles. Yeah. He'd come out super hairy as well, which he is. He's a hairy kid in this movie. Do they do, do they talk about that? Oh, all the time. That's so funny.

And he, they explain away the aging thing very quickly, like, oh, it's a rare thing. Anyways, this is the way it is. And they don't let him go to school. because he's, you know, he's kind of, he's like a freak, he's different. And he knows that the parents know he's going to be made fun of at school. Now, here's the thing. Where Robin Williams playing a 10-year-old, he's fantastic. Yeah.

He's, I forget sometimes how good Robin Williams is as like a movie star. Yeah. And it was like, I was ready to sit down and make fun of this movie. He's good. He's good. He's like, I believe it. Yeah. And he's, uh...

He's never not good. He's never not good. And it's the premise of the movie. The movie seems stupid, and the advertising for it that I've seen seems really stupid. But is there, did you, you like to watch a movie and then go to the IMDV trivia page? Very much so. My question is, was this written for him? No, but it was, he really wanted to work with Francis Ford Coppola, and Francis

for Coppola was interested in this project, so they decided to do it together. Okay. That's amazing. But Disney, it was a pet project of Rob Williams. He wanted to do this movie, and he did it at Disney because they broke a promise to him, and this was their way of making it up to him. Was there a promise about Aladdin? It was, that he wouldn't be involved in the promo of Aladdin, and they made that the center of the advertising campaign. That's Robin Williams as the genie.

So they did this project. You got to be in the promo for Aladdin. Why didn't want to be in the promo? He didn't want to be the guy featured. like it was fine that his name was in it but yeah they kind of made it anyways like this was no but Robin you're wrong about that well can't make this movie without you being the center of the kids love you kids do love you this who are they who are they gonna love the guy who played DJ's boyfriend on full house yeah I mean don't don't count him out they did Scott whiner who

played Aladdin but only the speaking not the singing or you'll be Godfrey go yeah oh true that's true yeah yeah So, that movie. It was. This movie, pretty good cast. The mom, Diane Lane. Fran Dresher is in at one point. Michael McKeon's in it at one point.

Unfortunately, at one point, Bill Cosby's in it. But another guy, when you see him perform, you're like, I get why he was famous. Like, he's very good in this movie. Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby. And so they let him go to school. And that's kind of the biggest, like, you know, leap of logic that they're like, okay, we'll let him go with school with 10-year-olds.

You know, his desk is going to fall apart when he sits in a little tiny desk. You know, that's falling over. He goes in the tree house. You know that tree house is coming down. He's too big. He's too big for all these things. He's too big! But why do they love him?

Like, why do the kids come around to being big fans of his? He can buy porn. He can buy penthouse. He can buy... As the 10-year-olds would really like porn? I guess. When did I start loving porn? I mean, I feel like I've always loved it when I look back on it.

Yeah, it was definitely interesting. interested in its existence as a 10-year-old. Yeah, I think that, and everything they had the 10-year-olds doing, I was like, this is something that 10-year-olds did, like mixing a bunch of stuff, gross stuff together and making somebody eat it. Classic 10-year-old. Yeah, he had to. It'd be, uh, abrasive, yeah.

Um, uh, did, damn, I had such a good question. It'll come back to you. Does he, um, do they talk about like, and, like, is he going to die at 20? He, well, that's one of the things. so they do a project. What do I want to be when I grew up? He just wants to be alive. Oh, sure.

Wow. Yeah. It actually, like, for a very silly movie, it was kind of misty. It was kind of like... Even your voice cracked. Yeah. It was surprised by how... And, like, it got savage by critic.

I'm surprised that you like something so sweet, considering you're a Satanist, and we all believe it. But I, you know what? They kind of say Satan's the original, you know, sweet guy. He's sort of a rascal. Yeah, he's a little rascal. A little hot stuff with his little pitchfork. But yeah, it was like...

So hot stuff. Remember hot stuff? A little double guy that looked like Casper of the Friendly Ghost? Oh, yeah, true, true. Dude, when I learned about Satan... Go on. In Islam?

Yeah. In Islam. There's a Satan in Islam as well? Yeah, yeah. It's like the same thing. His name is Abilis. Abilis, sorry. Isle...

Fuck, I forget his name. I'm fucking up his name. Yelzebub. but his story is so like you feel bad for him I do at least sure it was a good guy you know he just really loved God so much but yeah that says Satan he was just a fallen angel yeah he loved God so much but then God made us

and he got jealous yeah how does Satan I know he gets kicked out of heaven you're out of here I don't know we don't really go much into hell hell is not a big part of church I think it is in some churches some churches that's all it is is hell avoidance yeah yeah but uh this movie like like i say long long time of punchline jack very silly stupid premise

it all is a movie that i was like did it flop did it like yeah i think it flopped yeah yeah because it got savage by the critics like this is such a dumb movie did kids was it marketed to kids to see i don't know that's the thing it would it would be something kids would like yeah because i mean it is all about because you're you're a peculiar man. Yeah. And so, like, it's hard to market things to a peculiar man. But you know what?

A movie where he's playing a little kid? Pretty peculiar. That's true. How is the acting? The acting's great. He is so great in it. And they, apparently they, one of the methods they did was all rehearsals were done with the adult actors and like an actual kid.

So that they would be talking like you'd be talking to a kid. And then for the actual take, he would come in. and be the, so they were already in the mode of talking to a kid. Yeah. And he was good. Like, he was very, you're like, Rob Williams is so amazing. He's an incredible actor.

Yeah. Incredible. That's like, I was talking earlier. Like, that's what I want. Yeah. Be a funny, because I don't even think of him as a comic anymore. I think of him as, uh, like a actor. And yeah, good.

And it was one of those things. Like, how did this, how did this film get made? And the answer is he was, money in the bank. You had Ron Williams? Well, we talk about toys sometimes. Yeah. That other movie he made around the same time that was like, well, that's Ron Williams

and a movie about toys. How could I not love it? And no one saw it. Yeah. Who directed toys? That's a great question. What was toys? Let's pull it up.

We're going to find out as a group. We're going to learn. 1992 film. Oh, that looks so bad already. Yeah. The poster looks pretty bad. Trying Robin Williams, Joan Cusack, and L.L. Cool J. Oh, okay.

I'm back on board now. Oh, cool, Jay. Oh, it's a Barry Levinson joint. Oh, okay. A Barry Levinson joint. He made The Natural. And good morning, Vietnam. So they'd work together.

And he'd just come off bugsy. And didn't he also make a late career, probably his RV? Was that one of the... Or is that Barry Sondon fell? Oh, that's right. You get your Barry directors mixed up. So what is the premise of toys?

Oh, toys. is a surrealist comedy, a box office failure, Jamie Fox's feature film debut. Oh, whoa. Okay. That's crazy. It lost to Howard's End for art direction and costume design.

Oh, it lost to Bram Stoker's Dragula and costume design. Oh, shoot. At the Oscars. And it is, boy, this, just give me. It was nominated for a Razzie, too, which is hilarious. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the dream, though. to be a nominee for an Oscar

or be a nominee for a Yeah, just being on one end of that spectrum. Kenneth Zivo, the eccentric owner of

Zivo toys in Moscow, Idaho, I'm with it. I think it's home of either University of Idaho

or Idaho University faces terminal illness where he is a 10-year-old boy with an old man body. Defying expectations,

he bypasses his son, Leslie, a whimsical toy maker. Can we get one sentence? Yeah, it's synopsis. What's the tagline?

IMDB does a good... Laughter is a state of mind. It's the tagline. Oh, yeah, let's find toys on IMDB. Yeah, they'll have a synopsis. IMDB is where it is. I love IMDB. Yeah.

When Lieutenant... No. When in Lieutenant General Leland Zivo, Sir Michael Gambon, inherits a toy making company and begins making war toys, his employees band together to stop him before he ruins the name of Zivo toys forever. Okay. And you just see

Robin Williams doing his hip hop character. Yeah. Yeah. What were the main Robbins character? The hip-hop character, there's always a gay character.

Gay character, sure. Like a Latin character. A Latin or Aladdin? Both. Those were the big three. Yeah. And sort of a like a housekeeper type.

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Hit after hit Yeah, he was money in the bank Yeah, man He was

Mrs. Dalfire is insane So good Yeah Yeah It's such a tearjurker Yeah And that's what I would recommend toys

It's on Disney Not Toys Jack I would recommend Jack and not toys I would recommend against toys Do you guys want to move on To some overheard? Sure

Hi, is this Archer? Yes, hello who is this? Hi, this is Tom Lum from Let's Learn Everything I'm calling about your maximum fund membership's extended warranty. Do you have a few seconds to talk about that? I think I have to go. No, no, no, no, no, they're going to be so mad at me.

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Find us at maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment on the show, which you know it. You love it. You overhear things, you oversee things, and we share. fair if you get those kind of

inputs to output it here if you want to send one to us you can send it to SBY at maximum fun.org we always like to start with the guest Rita do you have something funny you've overheard or overseen go ahead whenever you're ready so I was in

Edmonton right with my buddy I hate Edmonton I hate Edmonton I hate Edmonton as a city as a place as a team as everything I hate Edmonton So I was

I'm a cow We're listening to All over this country And I gotta say I love Edmonds I don't I was in I was inmitin With my buddy

Ahmed Ahmed He's a comic From out there And we were outside Of the Roger Center Okay The big hockey arena

Big hockey arena Where the Oilers play One of the enemy One of the many places in this country named after Rogers Yeah We got one

Toronto's got one Toronto's got two Oh yeah Two Rogers Centers? There's a Roger's Center and a Rogers Arena. Stadium? Yeah, what's ours? The Rogers Stadium. We have a Rogers Arena and

Edmonton has Rogers Place. Toronto has Rogers Center and Rogers. What's the latter one? I said. Fields? Maybe. Yeah. Field. Yeah. I think it's Stadium. Roger Stadium. Yeah. That's where Coldplay played in Toronto. Oh. Do you like Coldplay? Were you guys called Coldplay guys? I like that first album, or at least the first song. I like yellow.

Oh. Greatest rock album of all time? All time. Not even alternative. R. Liddy piece. Clumsy. Oh, yeah, sure. Of all time.

Classic. That's your favorite rock album? Front to back. I don't care about Sergeant Pepper. How many songs do I know off of that album? I mean, you know, Superman's dead. Superman is dead. Automatic flowers.

There are a lot of flowers, yeah. Yeah. Clumsy, the title track? Come on. This is a solid album. Classic album, man. I'm going to listen to it as soon as I get home. You have to, you have to.

And another Canadian band, Black Mountain. Oh, sure. From Vancouver. Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised that you like both of those bands. Dude, I'm secretly a white guy. Well, no, but like. I love Black Mountain and I don't really care about Our Lady Peace.

So, like, I think they're kind of on different ends of the spectrum, of the rock spectrum. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm going to listen to it because it's, there are a lot of bangers. on that. Bangers. I love Black Mountain and the side project, Pink Mountain Tops,

which is, I think, just songs about sex. Whoa! Black Mountain's song, Wukan. Do you know that song? Wuchan? No.

Oh, my God, dude. It's electric. It's rock, baby. And I'm a hip-hop guy, but that's rock. Yeah. Please put that on. Put your kids to sleep.

Turn off the lights. Hey? Have a cigar. Have a cigar, build a fort, and listen to Wuchan. Spell it. W-U-C-A-N. Okay.

Okay. Fire. You would love it, Grant. I'm gonna, look, this is, I've got a project. You've got a big black mountain beard. Um, I can't wait. Guys, I'm opening, I saw Jack, I'm going to listen to these albums. I'm exposing myself to all sorts of new.

Children. Arts and crafts. I have, I, I, I, okay, I'll go back to the Rogers thing, but when you said overheard, yeah. I couldn't, like, think of anything I overheard recently. Sure, sure. But it immediately popped in my head was when the first time. I ever heard my friend, my best friend getting head at a house party.

And dude, I was a virgin until I was 23. Okay. Right? So I just wanted to hear what it sounded like. Sure. Do you put a glass up to the door? Bro, I legitimately did. And what did it sound like?

Bro, I heard him getting head and by a really hot white Earl's girl. Okay. An Earl's girl. Yeah, like an Earl's girl. But we were like kids, so she didn't work out. Maybe she did. I don't know. Because she was 16

And he was 16 So anyways I went and put the glass And you had seven more years We're waiting Dude I waited I couldn't wait And I heard him getting head

And I just heard him go Oh Like he was on a Like what are those things called Ping pong A Pogo stick? Pogo stick Like he was on a Pogo stick

And I remember Oh It was crazy Dude getting his dick sucked And I was like Damn, that sounds fun. And I got to ask, now that you're older, is it? It's, bro, I wish I could make a noise like that.

Hey, during sex, oh, dude, and I'll never forget it. And I bring it, I tell him every time and he goes, yeah, dude, I did make that. I remember making that noise. And I remember the girl who did it too. I tell him that every time. Is he ever like, hey, knock it off? I'm at work. Hey, dude, I'm married now.

I'm married. I married. Now I don't make any noise. Kids are asleep. And I remember that girl, too. She was a rocket. Yeah. She was a rocket, bro.

She, uh, 1802, you know? That type of girl. Oh, sure. Right? Low-wage jeans. Girl, the rock show. Yeah.

Oh, juicy on the back. That, that's a good white girl. I love a good white girl. You know what I mean? I'm a nice blonde hair. I know what you mean. Lip ring, lip ring. Smoke cigarettes at the Petro Canada.

Oh, there you. Where's a little visor? Some smoke cigarettes of the picture of Canada. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. She doesn't care, you know? She's a rocket. She doesn't care?

Yeah. She doesn't care? That's great. Yeah. But yeah, I want to hear your Edmonton one, yeah. So the Edmonton one. So that was a good one. That was a good overseer.

I wasn't sure if it wasn't or not. Anything. Yeah, the salesmanship was what really good. So the one that I seen. So I didn't really see it. I was in it, but I saw someone. So we're parked outside of the Rogers Center and I see white. Mustang pull up

and it's got black rims and I go damn that's a sick car and I look at my boy I go bro that's Connor McDavid and then my boy goes

who's Carter McDavid he's you know Muslim guy doesn't give a fuck about hockey sure so then he I go bro roll your window down

and he rolls it down and then I tell Carter McDavid roll your window down and he does and I go yo you Connor McDavid and he looks over at us

and he goes yeah and I go you're a fucking bust and then we speed off we sped off I call Carter McDavid a bust

to his face and he is a bust where's your cups at bro where's your cups at hey you're the greatest hockey player of all time where's the cups I want to see your cups bro I don't care about the stats

I mean Grusky had cups Messier Cup yeah I'm McDonnell'd absolutely Lanham McDonald's if you had the chance would you

call him a bust yeah no but I definitely don't to see his cops. I do not want to see Edmonton win a cop. No, I understand that. Really? Yeah. Are you on our side? I'm on my side. Well, because you're

He's a Cancouver guy. Yeah. Canucks. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Why would I? Oh, can I talk about one thing? Yes, we can talk about one thing. And I'm calling out some Calgary comics right now. There were so many Calgary comics during the playoffs this year

that I saw with Edmonton Oilers. Oh, yeah. Everyone I know who grew up in Calgary is Edmondson fan, except Graham. But, like, so many people grew up in the 80s, they were like, well, if you're a kid, I can kind of, it makes sense. Like, well, I want to cheer for the team that's winning all, setting all these records and winning all these cups.

But then they're, you know, the team they grew up cheering for, so what am I going to say? Yeah. There was a bunch of comics in Canada that got together during the finals. Sorry, in New York. We got together during the finals. Sure. And we went to go watch the games.

And everybody was like, bro, come on, man. It's for Canada. It's for Canada. I said, fuck that, dude. You'll never see me cheer for Edmonton. I don't care if Trump makes us to the 51st date. I don't care if I get deported to a Salvadorian prison. You will never, I don't care how much it means for Canada to be United right now.

You will never see me cheer for the Edmonton Oilers. Okay. Never. I'm, you know what that shows about me? Loyalty. Yeah. Loyalty. I'm a very loyal man.

I'm the same way, but I'm, you know, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm. You know, keep to myself about it. Yeah. As Dave says, you know, when anybody Stash talks to Steve, we're not a threat to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, we're more afraid of you than you are about. Dave, do you have it over?

Well, this was about another Canadian city. Oh, yes. I was watching TV this morning, and there was an ad, well, it was closed captioning, was sponsored by Tourism Ottawa. Okay, you've got to go. I love Ottawa. Yeah. Ottawa is a great city to go to.

You'd think it would be boring. It's pretty boring. But it's nice. It is nice. Ottawa's the best. It has all of Canada's national museums. Yeah. It's, but it's like, you know, what you can say about it is that it's boring.

But it is nice. It is nice. It's pretty. It's the people are nice. Yeah. And I don't want it. What do I care about boring? What am I going to go do something exciting?

Yeah, water sliding or, uh, but do you know what the tourism slogan? is for tourism Ottawa Catch the wave You're going to hate it Always yours Ottawa From O to A

Oh my God That is bad That's crazy Who did that And it doesn't even make sense Because it's not You don't say Are you supposed to be like

Oh Yeah But you don't pronounce it O to A O to A It should be from A to You should be getting, you should see something cute and then cry.

Yeah. That's Ottawa is amazing. Autowah. You've played in Ottawa. You've played it. Bro, the last time I was in Ottawa, I think it was with you. We were, we did something together in Ottawa. We did?

A while back, yeah, and we went out. That was in Ottawa, right? It's possible. Yeah. But I love Ottawa. It was my, like, it was one. one of my favorite cities to go to. It's so, it's so, uh, it's, it's, it's like beautiful.

The food's incredible. Oh, the women are flies. They're all Earl White. They're all, yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's not even liberals out there. I see the women out there and I go from O to, ah. It's such a great.

And the food's amazing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Food's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the Lebanese food, the Italian food. You got all the embassies down there.

You can see the prime minister, scooting around. Yeah. I love it down there. Yeah. It's like Montreal for me. Oh, yeah? It is kind of because it's older. Yeah.

Yeah. It's really cool. Every time you've got a lesser smoked meat. But they do have. Do you have a nice smoked brisket? I think they just use Montreal smoke meat. But they do have. Close enough.

Yeah. What are you guys' favorite city in Canada? Hmm. That's a really good question. I actually like I very much like living in Vancouver. I really like Toronto. I've always really like. Toronto. I'm going to exclude Vancouver because I live here. But I would say Toronto or Montreal. Like,

I never thought I would like Toronto. Every time I visit, I have so much fun. Yeah, it's so much fun. And it's such a cool city. And there's like, you know, it's the biggest. It's the big. And there's something, if you, whatever you like, Toronto has it. From toe to toe. That's true Toronto. Oh. To toe to toe. I used to love Toronto. I'm not in love with it as much as I used to be. Yeah. Yeah, I truly do think like, and maybe this is my Alberta talking. Sure. But I think Western Canada is way better. That's men, you're not cheering for the Ottawa Senators if they get in a cup run. You're a Western boy. Yeah, and right now, pound for pound, Vancouver, it's like not even a competition.

That's so beautiful. Come back then. Come move back. I honestly think like, like if I ever do come, like, you know, like make some money, good money in comedy. Yeah. I would move to, like, Victoria or Vancouver for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Why not? I love it out here. Have your home base wherever you want it. I love it out here. It's so beautiful, man. Yeah. Like, nothing compares. And I smoke cigars every day when I'm here.

Nice. I love it. Me and Brent Butt. Yeah, puffing on him. Yeah. He must have gone in and they were like, hey, aren't you, Brent, butt? Can we get a picture? Yeah, yeah.

Do the biggest comedian smokers in town. Now the Croix is dead. Well, you've been to Brent's place. Oh, yeah. He's got like a man cave. But I've never seen him smoke a cigar. No, you would ruin your man cave. Yeah, exactly.

But he's got like a poker table. It feels like it would fit in with the vibe. Oh, sure. See, yeah, that's the thing. It's like his thing is up there. His picture's up there, but I've never seen him smoke a cigar. I think it's a celebrational thing that he has. Oh, yeah, he does when he, like, finishes a screenplay.

Yeah, yeah. It's a big cigar and a glass of scotch. You know, I've never, I've met him. I've met him like a lot of times but I've never really like interacted with him but he's been liking my stuff on Instagram lately and I love that because he's like a legend

yeah you know I love that dude it's because you're very funny Marie he's the best my overseen not anything particularly just like it's a dentist awesome you know who I bet you'd really like Kelly Kapowski

you'd settle for Jesse if you If you couldn't get her, but This is a dentist office, which is, you know, usually it's just the name of the dentist. You know, doctor whatever's the dentist's office. This one is, I think, trying to appeal to kids or at least parents of kids called Playtime Dental.

Oh, that's fun. It's fun, but it's really good. Hey, kids. Yeah, we're going to playtime. Dental. Oh, kids. You're going to love it. They have toys stirring Robin Williams. Just that's what you see while you're getting dental work done is toys

That'd be terrifying Hey, you're high, just toys is there Robin Williams Oh my God I take my kids We go to a like a family dentist place And they do show like Freck in the lobby

Sure Yeah How many kids do you have Boy I got two Two little children That's amazing two little gals. Two little gals. Two daughters.

You'll never see them. They, uh, they vanish like ninjas as soon as, uh, people come over to That's so cute. When my, when I was a kid, my parents would force me to meet their friends who came over. And you know, you know, it didn't fix me. It didn't make me like good meeting people. I think that makes people like socially anxious when they're older. Dude, I hate meeting people. Well, I mean, I have to meet Spanish people. I'd rather kill myself. I know. I'm the same way. I hate it. It's Spanish. The number of people I don't like to meet. Spanish people?

But from Spain. But from Spain. Thank you. Thank you for that. Hey, all right. Handshake. Dude, I love that you know the difference. That's, man.

Knowing the difference of Spanish people and Spanish people. And Latino. Dude, that guy's, that's real. He's real. He's real. Yeah, real. Now, we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the world. Do you want to send it into us?

Send it into SB Y, Maximum Fun. You know why I don't like meeting Spanish people? They're always throwing tomatoes at me. Yeah. And trampling me with bowls all over your clean carpet. I hate that. I hate meeting them because they're always colonizing me. Yeah.

Now this first one comes from Tim from right here in Vancouver. Hey, Tim. Thanks for writing in. I overheard someone. You'll be receiving the Stop Podcasting yourself prize. Yeah, yeah. You're the winner. the 50-50.

I overheard someone asked, so what do you do for work now? And the other person answered, I'm an accountant to which the response

was, oh, wow, so boring. It's true. You don't have to say it right to the person's face. It's the most famously boring job. Yeah, accountant.

You can't name a more boring one. No, I think that's it. Accountant, yeah, the most loathed one when I was growing up was insurance salesman. Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, like used car salesmen, oh, lawyers, people hated lawyers. Yeah, still do. Accountant, most boring, most fascinating, architects. Oh, sure, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It was a big, I think

maybe that's what the dad was in Jack. No, he was a photographer and they own a palatial house. No, in Jack. You know what was the best, though? Legitimately Weatherman. Yeah. Everybody wanted, because Weathermen were famous in Calgary. Yeah. Did you know? Darmacool? Yeah. I'm cool with Darma Gould. Yeah, bro. Jim Fink. He was Yeah, he was a weatherman for a while.

Was Chris Gailas a weatherman? No, Chris Gailas is the news guy here. But he started in Calgary. As a weatherman? I think so. And then he was a, he was a desk guy. We got our COVID shots at the same place. Cool.

Was his picture on the wall? No, he was, he was there. I love that. Yeah, it's, we did. We really had a good, I can't remember who was the last, like, weatherman guy before I moved. It was like, the weatherman in Calgary. but yeah there was like another

because Darmic Bull was the big one he was the big one yeah everybody loved Darmic Bull yeah okay I love Calgary man yeah yeah of course Vancouver had Wayne Cox Norm Grooman Mark Dreson Mark Dreson and now Mark Madriga and oh yeah Tamara Tagger oh absolutely she was a weather girl before she became

made the rare weather to anchor move yeah that's amazing and then at one point didn't she have her own show yeah and then ran for like yeah she ran for office federal office yeah um we love her we love her don't we folks um this next one comes from chris from pittsburgh pennsylvania i was shopping in costco and i heard someone say you want me to pick up some stachios for the vacay what could that mean uh i don't know it's inscrutable uh but uh yeah

you know what pick up some stashorems allergic to nuts you are all nut yeah peanut yeah No. Yes. How does that feel? I don't know. It doesn't feel great. What's your favorite nut? Peanut butter.

Yeah. Yeah, butter, one of the best buttered nuts. Of all time. Yeah. Ice cream need peanut butter. You can't even have peanut butter ice cream. I certainly cannot. That's crazy.

There's an ice cream place around the corner from here that has a big time peanut butter flavor. Just around the corner. I'm going with my girl. My girl's out there. Okay. I cannot wait. Oh, I want to take her out for some peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We can happen. Get some fudge sauce on top. We're going to eat something, and we're going to go, oh, it's going to be amazing. That sounded like the Kanye's up, oh. Can't tell me nothing. Yeah, exactly. Can't tell me nothing. This last one comes from Keith S, parts unknown.

Keith sweat? It was Keith sweat. Keith sweat. We were on a family vacation, and I was teaching. my nephew how to make coins spin like a top. He got very excited when I explained that a Saka Jua coin he had was worth a whole

dollar. I then overheard this exchange. Boy's mom. Do you even know who Saka Jua is? Boy, God's son. I mean, you hear enough about the guy. Yeah, Sacaduia. It's just another word for God's son. Yeah.

Who's that? Who's that? Sackaduia was I feel like was an indigenous woman who... We don't get a lot of American history here. But she...

Was she involved in Lewis and Clark? Was she the one with Lewis and Clark? Yeah, I feel like helped show the white colonizers a way to survive in the country. She was a teenager who helped Lewis and Clark.

And, you know... Explore the West. Little, did anybody back then know? That would be a big, you know, continent-changing We have the same in Latin America. Yeah? Yeah, it's Malinche.

Malinche was the princess, I think, Mayan or Aztec, that basically set up the Aztecs and the Mayans. Oh, okay. For the Spanish colonizers, like, take over. Right. Did she know she was doing that, or did she did it by accident? She was forced to. I think she did it by, yeah.

I think it was like a, it's a bit of both. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. To survive and one to, like, because she was forced to, but those Spaniards. Okay. Yeah. Those Spaniards.

Those Spaniards. You're the one they call the Spaniard. Gladiator. Nice. Great film. We watched it? Yeah? Hated it when it came out?

Love it now. Oh, I saw it in theater like four or five times. Dave loved it. He used to have a framed picture of it on a... Oh, we still have a frame picture. Bro, how Joaquin Phoenix in that? Uh-huh. Insane.

Yesterday I watched... He had a really good scowel in the movie. Joaquin? He was crazy. Yesterday, I watched the follow-up Master and Commander. Oh, sure. Russell Crow is a boat captain. Was it good?

I watched it once when it first came out, or at least on DVD, and I was like, you know what, I didn't give this movie a fair shake because I watched it on DVD before people had flat-screen TVs. I feel like it is the most dad movie. It is the most dad movie.

Yeah, like every dad loves Master and Commander. I've never seen it. It's... Neither vibe, but I know death to love it. You know what I love? Patton. Oh, Patton's a real... That's a real dad movie as well.

Yeah, dude, I love Patton. George Scott, rest in peace. Fire. Yeah. Mario Gomez, George C. Scott. Yeah, they're up there. They're watching the piano. All right.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos, if you want to send us a voice memo, it's SPY at maximum fun.org. And if you want to call us, the phone number is one. 844-779-763. one. That's one. Ugh. Spipod one like these people have.

Hey guys. At a gun range in Ohio. Checking in with the range master behind a couple of dad in the sun. Sun is maybe 11 or 12 and dressed totally regularly, except for giant foam slip on crocs with shark fins on them and like teeth on the side. And the dad is. talking to the range master and says something about his son's first time

at the range and the kid wearing the shark foam crock says dad don't embarrass me off I go I want him to think I've been in the range

bunch I also like that you could hear guns firing the whole time I gotta call this in right away put down my gun wait which one am I talking into

oh that I accidentally left a message on my gun a head you've been to a gun range I've been yes I've been in gun range for a bachelor party and I also did yeah Clay Pigeon

you ever been to gun range bro never never it's loud they're loud they're loud and they're very as so much like more powerful than you can imagine yeah I can't even imagine I did a movie in December where I had to shoot a gun, like a actual, like, full, like, replica, like, it was, like, very real.

Yeah. Had no idea what I was doing. Yeah. Like, they had to, like, be, like, bro, like, you have to hold it this way because, like, I would- You have to keep your thumb down. Yeah, like, it's a lot. I cut my- Yeah, I did the same thing. Yeah.

I did the same thing. I had no idea. They told me not to do it, but I was like, sure, my thumb's low enough. It was not low enough. And the thing slides back and sprays. Bro, like, full slice, like, I was bleeding. Yeah. But during the scene.

right like they had to like whatever CGI that thing out like that was method it was crazy yeah yeah yeah yeah you actually hurt me that's the only way but I've never shot a gun in in my life yeah like a real one they're they're scary man yeah yeah for sure here's your next phone call

hi Dave Graham and probable guest this is Tadie from Oakland I just walked out calling in overheard I just walked out of the 7-Eleven and in the 7-Eleven I heard a guy go what's the $6.99 for, what the fuck? No freaking way.

So we never heard what it's $6.99 was? That's a big price for something. Yeah, I'm wondering what if $6.000? Maybe pistachios. $69? No, I think $6.99. I'm trying to think what would be $6.99 out of 7-Eleven. Magazine?

Yeah, that's too, yeah. Life magazine about Pope Francis? What the fuck? Do you guys fuck with magazines back in the day? Oh, yeah. The best. I had a subscription to Esquire. I had a subscription later on to the New Yorker.

This guy, this, rolling stand. I had a subscription to. When I was 10, there was a boy in my class who looked 40 and he would buy us porn magazine. Nice. Yeah. But he wasn't 40. He was actually 10.

He was actually 10. Bro, how was the rolling, how was Rolling Stone magazine? Great. Oh, man. Because before like music blogs or any of that kind of stuff, it was the only way to like your interviews with. Yeah. And I also, like, learned about different bands that you wouldn't learn about.

Are you guys at all? I like hip-hop. I'm not, I wouldn't class myself as a hip-hop guy. Because we used to have the source. Oh, the son, yeah. Just so, you know, Graham quoted the only Kanye song that had Zach Al-Fanak is in the video. Yeah, it's true. It is true.

But I lived off of that shit. Yeah. I lived off of it. And I always thought, I'm like, oh, I should get Rolling Stone, too. Yeah. Yeah. I remember one time in the late 90s, it was like one week, Cheryl Crow was on the cover of Rolling Stone the next week, Jacob Dillon from the Wallflowers, and someone was like, oh, I wonder why kids aren't buying magazines anymore. These 45-year-old rock stars.

I remember Seinfeld was on the cover three times, and David Letterman was on, one of the covers on the Seinfeld one was them basically wearing, like, leather bondage here. Do you remember the Jennifer Aniston's butt on there? Like, out of focus? Yeah. These are the classic 90s Rolling Stone cover. Oh, sure.

Britney Spears on the phone with the telitubbing. Yeah. Yeah, those are the big. Those are the bigs. John Lennon and Yoko, smooching naked. Oh, my God.

And here's your... That just sounds like it smells. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yogan Joe kissing. Yeah. Here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Gabe from Baltimore. I'm at the mall.

And I was in a Nordstrom department store, and I was walking behind this, it looked like a mom and a teenage boy. As I walked by, I heard the boy said, yeah, you know that towel she's been using to wipe her face and mouth? I've been using it to drive my balls and butt. I overheard the mom say, why? And he said, well, that's just a towel I'm using. Anyway, off I go. Yeah, it's just, you know what? A towel is a towel.

I love that both those calls were like, I got to get it. You got to hear mall sounds. You're going to hear gun sounds. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast. Marito, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having me. That was just incredible. You have, is this online, the Killjoy episode about you?

and you doing stand-up, where can people see it? It's on OutTV. Out-TV. It's on Out-TV, and I think they're going to put it on YouTube as well. And if my full special, like, the jokes are doing that, is on YouTube as well. What's it called? Latin Triple X. Latin Triple X.

Yeah. And where can people find you for your socials that you're working on that you hate? Marito Lopez, the God. The God. Yeah. Okay. You really did have a, why not Jesus of me kind of thing? Why him?

Why not me? Jesus, why not me? That's so funny. There's the first time I ever told anyone that, by the way. Then I would picture my picture up there. I think it's great. That's crazy. I think it's got to make its way into the act.

It has to. Yeah, it's so funny. It's insane. And thank you everybody out there for listening to the show. Graham used to go to the Church of Satan and look at Satan and be like, I should be the other. Come on, Anton LeVey. Give me a shot.

And thanks you for everybody for listening. If you're out there and you're shooting a gun, And remember, keep that thumb nice and low. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasts of yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.