Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 916 - Jon Dore

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Comedian Jon Dore returns to talk tribal tattoos, hitting the post, and small town A/V guys.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody. And welcome to episode number 916 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me, as always, is a man who is way ready for.

the spookiest season of the year, Mr. Dave Schumke. Ha, yeah. I, I, are you already buying mini candies? No, it's too expensive. They're so expensive. Yeah, what are we going to do? With this gravel? What are we going to give kids?

What's cheap? Yeah, I guess gravel. Yeah, a little bag of candy litter. Kitty litter is good. It's good for kids to have kitty litter because they can go to the bathroom in it. It could also help them if they're stuck on the snow. You shouldn't get children gravel. How come?

I'm going to say that. Gravall? Yeah. Oh, they'll put them right to sleep. Exactly. What's wrong with that? Yeah. Okay, if you guys think, okay, I worry about you.

I worry about you. Your house is going to be flagged and I'll be the one to flag it. Hi, my name's John Doer. Welcome to the John Doeer Television Show podcast program, episode 916, also known as Stop Podcasting yourself. Today, my guests are Graham Clark and Dave Shumka. Thanks for being here, gentlemen. How you feeling? Good, good.

Good. Good. We've got to take a quick break. Dude, I had so much momentum, man. Yeah, yeah, wow, that was good. Well, I like to introduce you, get everyone excited and let them run. Hey, come back for more of that. Yeah.

Do you ever see that on a talk show where they're like, they bring out the guests and there's like a big brouhaha of the guests coming up and then they do actually run out of time and have to go to break? Yep. Well, let's get to know us. Get to know us. I was watching old episodes of Jeopardy on Netflix.

Yes. Or on Crave, I guess. And it's funny because they do like Alex Trevelle. to be like, and right after this, and that it just goes back to him like a second later, so he doesn't, he doesn't pause, the show paused. Because now there's no commercials. Yeah, yes.

And it's really short show without those commercials. It's unholy. Watching an old jeopardy just feels like, it was from the year 2002, so it was a lot of like, one of the get to know you questions was, you sent somebody a Valentine on email? Very funny.

It was from 2000 and it was like, No, 9-11 hasn't happened right, correct? Yeah, do you ever watch the ones from the BBC with Stephen Fry? No. Oh, I did see. They're like an hour long, though. Well, yeah, because the commercials fit differently. So it feels like he's really filling time.

So you get a lot of Stephen Fry going, now let me tell you a little bit about why the answer was the way it was. It's way too much of that. Yeah, there's always like one extra detail he gives after the right answer. Yeah, I listened to a podcast that he put out, and it was like really good twice. And then I was like, well, this guy could just really joll day. He could just talk and talk and talk. Well, didn't he do a one-man show about Greek mythology and it's like two hours uninterrupted?

It's him just talking about Greek mythology in a humorous way. I think that would barely scratch the surface. Think of it, Zeus. Yeah, deadalus. Yeah, deadalus. Oh, the areas of Mount Olympus alone, when you get into the low-income housing, like the problems that never get talked about on Mount Olympus, right? Yeah.

Yeah, because it's all about the gods, the Lord's. Yeah, the gods are sort of like, just the chucking lightning bolts at each other. That's what you know, I'm just trying to make a Tziki. And, yeah, they're laughing about it, too. It's like, watch me vaporize this farmer. That's what they say. That's what Zeus says. And then, like, the god of farming tries to step in, but come on.

Who's the god of farming? I want to say it's, yeah, yeah, I'll. Oh, yeah, A.O. Okay. Yeah. Who are your, like, Top five, oh boy. Yeah, we'll do top five Greek gods.

Okay. I don't know if I get named five. You know what? You don't have to do gods that can be from anyone from Greek mythology. Top five Greeks? Yeah. Yeah, top five Greeks. Okay, Zeus, George Strombolos.

Um, Thor. I got three. Yeah, Thor might be Norse. I think he's Norse. Oh, is he not? Well, wait a minute. He's the son of Zeus. Thor, the son of Zeus.

No. He's the son of Odin. He's the son of Odin. Oh, he's the son of Odin. Yeah, I don't know my Greek. mythology. Okay, let's go to Roman gods.

Roman gods. There are a lot... Let's break up Greek and go to Roman for bed. Oh, Roman's easy because they're like mercury, Venus, Jupiter. And who's the god of war in Roman mythology? Mars? Yes, it's correct.

Is that right? We'll be right back. Yeah, we'll be right back. And then Stephen Frye would be like, well, and because we know men come from Mars and women come from Venus. In the next half hour, I'm going to discuss men and women. And men go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

John Graham It's been a while since you've been on the show I know it's great to see both of your faces It has been a while Yeah I want to thank you for reaching out And inviting me back

This is exciting This is exciting for us To have you back on the show I saw you last in Winnipeg You did Yeah At a there's a guy in Winnipeg That is in charge of the transportation

And he has a room He rents out a room Just for people to get wicked drunk Is this a, he's in charge of transportation for the festival? For the festival? Yeah, not for the whole city. I run the bus. He's the god of transportation in Winnipe.

We should know his name by the way. There's Russ. It's Russ. There we go on. So Russ, because, well, go on. No, no, go on. That's what I was going to say. So does Dave know about Russ?

Have you explained this to him before? So Russ, year after year has been head of transportation at this festival. And I guess one year he ended up having a room party in the, hotel and it just became really popular and overwhelmed and like you know I'd say probably 50 people in a tiny hotel room are there now he does it every year and he's even bought merch like yeah yeah not for sale but yeah he's got hats and t-shirts that say Russ's room and he invites all the comics up to his room at the Fairmont in Winnipeg yeah and I'm always if I get an uneasy feeling like I'm going to a house party in the 10th grade and someone's house is going to get destroyed

that's the feeling I have when I get there yeah um so yeah I always feel a little bit uneasy, but yeah, that is Russ. Every year at the, at the festival, he throws this crazy, which I would never do. I would never say, hey, a bunch of comics, come up to my hotel room. Does he sleep there, or is it now purpose? No, he's got, he rents a room

specifically for. No, he sleeps in that room. No. Yes, he does. Why does he Russ call in? Graham, this is what I'm saying. He sleeps in that room. That's crazy. I had a transportation up till 4 a.m. Probably has to drive the next morning. So he gets a solid two-hour sack time.

I don't know how solid it is. Is two hours really? Is that quality sack time? I don't think so. No, no, you're right. Do you ever spend some quality sack time with your... Take it easy. You know, applying lotions and bombs.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with. There should be no shame associated with that, David. Hell no. The body's beautiful, right? But I did see you in Winnipeg. Always great to see you, but you're very busy at the festival. Dave, I don't know if you know this, but Graham has a lot of responsibility. outside of this podcast.

He has a whole other life. Yeah, he's in charge of transportation. Yeah, exactly. And you want to come up to my room after this? We're going to get fucking ripped. You're having a party in your room? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

Dave, we've got to go. These parties are so great. Yeah, you leave out with a hat that says sack time. Now, John in Winnipeg, you were hosting a gala, or you were doing a set on a gala? I was hosting a gala. And you, I never saw it, but I heard back that one of the things you did was you diapered a chicken, and then parts of the chicken got thrown into the audience. Hold on a second.

You diapered a... Yeah, it's not a live chicken. No, it's not a live chicken, but... But the picture you're painting for the listeners right now is concerning. Let's back it up. Okay, let's back it up. Okay. So, what I do is, so I like to use my platform, David, you'll enjoy this.

I like to use my platform for good. You know, it's a habit of highly effective people or whatever, or how to win friends and alien... Just keep saying people's... Yeah, keep saying their name. Now, David, you'll enjoy this. Uh-huh. Well, I also want to include you, right?

For those listening, I mean, I'm in a corner and I have to divert my attention and swivel my head back and forth to a dress out. Oh, we're a triangle. We all have to. Yeah, we all have to do. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, but you're used to it. Yeah, that's true.

You are, you're new. Yeah, you're on your back foot. The podcast you do with my sister is just the two of us looking dead into each other's eyes. Whereas here, I have to really divert my attention. So what I wanted to do, David, was use my platform for good. And a lot of people are scared about maybe becoming a new father. And so I wanted to just initially show them how simple it is to change a diaper. Yeah.

That is a fearsome people have very simple. So the easiest way to do that is I bought rotisserie chickens from the Safeway in Winnipeg. I forgot they were rotissory. That's a good. No, it's a very important thing to mention. Yeah, these are not live chicken. I'm not chasing a chicken. And they're not raw.

They're not raw chickens. Not at all. This is a rotissory chicken. Cooked rotissory chickens. and it's great because the legs come pre-tied. You don't have that for sure. Because in your regular life as a father, you're going to want to tie the legs together.

So they're not, you know, kicking around and squirming. But, yeah, so I demonstrated how easy it is to change, wipe a chicken's butt and change a diaper. But the legs ended up ripping off. And long story short, at the end, I thought I would be fun to throw the chickens into the audience. The whole chickens into the audience. Yeah, but I forgot to mention it to the producers of the show.

So they couldn't get the cameras on them. No. Now, Graham, you're a vegetarian. Yes. If you were an audience member, how would you feel about a chicken coming out? I'd have my mouth, though, because it's not me that's doing it. It's just like when a bug flies into your mouth. What can I do, you know?

Oh, so wait a minute. You would eat meat if it was forced to... If it landed in my mouth. Yeah. Yes. So do you... Okay, so you don't eat meat for health reasons or political reasons? Political, yeah.

Political. Graham's a, like, yeah, a log cabin vegetarian. What, how old is your youngest child? Youngest child is three. And how many more diapers do you think you have to change? Well, we're getting towards, we're getting to the end of it. Jackson's an interesting one. He is, he pees in the potty.

Poop he's still struggling with a bit. No kidding. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've already had two cups of coffee today. Nothing. Oh, you're struggling Yeah, I'm struggling, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, what are we going to do about that?

Do you want me to push in your belly a bit? Yeah, that'd be nice. Do you want me to check your prostate? You do that, John, you have a fres on my belly. Okay, you're going to have to lie on your side. Have you had a colonoscopy? Well, no, I have not. I've had a digital rectal exam, but I'm, yeah, I'm turning, oh, God, 5-0's happening.

Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, 5-0's coming up. So I have to get my colonoscopy this year. you had a colonoscopy? No. No. Have you? No.

I've asked when my doctor's like, no, save something. Yeah. Because some things are, she said, to wait until 50. Yeah. Yeah. I want it now. I'm too excited to sleep. Well, you can get, you go to the States, cosmetic, right?

Yeah. Oh, sure. Colonoscopy, yeah. I went to the Apple store and I said, something's wrong up there and they're like, yeah, just put some rice in it. Try it out. Try it out. Well, some people, David, that's not even funny to joke about it.

And I'll tell you why, it's called diverticulitis. and a lot of people get grains and rice caught in the pockets of their colon. We'll be right back after this message. But, yeah, three years old, but diapers are almost done. But I had to take him to Canada. I was working, long story short, Christina, my fiancee was working out of town. And it made more sense for me to bring Jackson with me. And on the airplane, he had the biggest blowout.

And this is why you must pack, again, using my platform for good. Listen up fathers and mothers out there soon to be ones You must pack an extra pair of clothes I suggest two extra pairs of clothes Yeah Because on the airplane Your son is going to lie down on the floor Sit down on the floor

Look up at you and go Go away And then you must turn your head While he evacuates his bowels And yeah on an airplane with poop Shooting all the way up his back Oh yeah okay So

Did you have an extra set of clothes? Of course I did Okay I had multiple What kind of fit was he wearing initially? And then what was the change of clothes? So, yeah, jeans on. Okay.

And I don't remember the shirt. But the extra pair of clothes are comfy sweatpants. Okay. Yeah. I definitely want to be in comfy sweatpants after I've shit up my back. My oldest daughter, diapers were just like her body and diapers just did not. What do you call that? They weren't compatible.

What do you mean by that? She was just like, she blew him out all the time. Oh, wow. Like, once a day, upper back. Yeah, yeah. I would add how old, like, this went on and on? The first, like, six months. Okay, yeah, yeah.

I wonder how I was when I was a kid re-blowouts. I'm going to call my mom and ask. Yeah. Yeah. We don't, do you think she would remember? Oh, sure. She's got a memory of like a steel chair. Okay, good.

Yeah. I feel like parents don't remember, my parents don't remember anything. No? No. Have you sought advice from them because now you're a parent? Oh, I have several questions. There are things that I can remember, but I don't think they would remember anything about diapers and they were so different back then when was burlap take it easy but like take it easy

from 50 50 years ago but when did they when was the first like disposable diaper it was in the in the 20th century yeah because back in the day it was a cloth thing with a giant safety band it seems very dangerous but were they washing like were you just constantly like would you throw them out or wash services services yeah people come and pick up your dirty diapers Yes. And deliver clean ones. They get rotated through. Yeah.

It's mostly prisoners that do this job. Good. That's what you get for murdering someone. They send murderers out to do it. Yeah. That's what you get for driving drunk. Go pick up some diapers. So, but, but the cloth diaper, it just seems like, could you ever really get that clean?

I guess it doesn't matter. It's going right back on a butt. You disinfect it as best you can. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess they, if it, if it, if it, if, if it, if, it, it, it's, it's, it it comes back brown, throw it away. That's what I do with my underwear. Isn't there insane? Yeah, yeah. If it comes back

brown, flush it down. If it comes back white? Yellow, let it mellow. If it comes back white, get excite. Right? It's got to be something like that. Yeah. But yeah, so diapers, Jackson, blowouts, you want to ask your mom about your blowouts

my blowouts. Yeah. Jackson was great growing, like very young, not a problem. Yeah. Then when the poops become quite substantial, they're just nowhere for them to go. Yeah. So they find a way out. Yeah.

Yeah. And so that's where you get into a little bit of trouble. We had, um, uh, toilet training was always like, um, uh, kind of like, uh, stressful, not stressful, but like, there was always a, uh, uh, deadline of preschool. Once they're in preschool, it says, like, they better be toilet trained. Oh, that comes from the preschool. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Uh, but then they get to preschool and they are, uh, they like get such peer pressure that they, like overnight they've toilet train themselves they're like I'm not shitting in front of all these new kids yeah that's true because that's a label that'll stick or or they're not comfortable pooping in front of them and they'll like do their best to save it save it for home yeah so yeah that is interesting so jackson does yeah he use he pees in the toilet at uh I hope this is interesting to someone it is yeah yeah he peas in the toilet at daycare and daycare they're great uh it's not

even daycare. It's like a preschool. He goes for two and a half hours a day. It's like an intensive prep for kindergarten. Jackson, uh, struggles a little bit, uh, wasn't quite meeting his milestones in certain areas. Uh, what are the milestones? Well, uh, words, uh, speech. We had a speech therapist that would come and work with him for a bit. And then he qualified for this early, uh, school prep program. Okay. So he goes in and he's easily distracted as well. Uh, amazing the improvements he has made like anyway i could cry just thinking about him but i'm not going to because i'm on a uh podcast yeah and i want to hold it together yeah no it would be good for ratings yeah yeah yeah yeah if they can't see it yeah but they can hear yeah yeah we should talk in a moment

about your acting you did upstairs i did a little well we um before i before we talk about that yeah everything you said should i finish the jack story real quick yeah yeah yeah okay he's in a daycare and a half hours a day and he pees in the potty and doesn't poop there yet, but he's going to. So we're happy. But in a two and a half hour window, I don't think, I think he can hold it for two and a half hour. So we're never going to know truly, you know, if he's, if he's going to poop a daycare or not. And he's named after Michael Jackson.

Is that correct? Samuel L. Oh, Samuel L. Oh, would your parents remember if you were hitting your milestones at two? No. No, no way. No way in a million years. No.

No. And, yeah, yeah, anyway. So, yeah. But a very interesting, he's a very, he's a very funny, silly boy and... Where does he get that for? The mother, I suppose. Who knows? Yeah, yeah.

Good say. Do you, how many, um, registries-y chickens would you, do you say you get in a week? Do I get in a week? Well, I don't do this bit. I know, but just, no, I'm just saying day to day in your life. Is it not... It's like such a, uh, lifesaver if you're like, I have no dinner ideas. Yeah.

Oh, how many? So, Jane, I haven't bought a, we'll buy a rotisserie chicken if we're making a tortilla soup. Oh, okay. Yeah. Chuck that in there, because we're not going to cook a whole chicken to ruin it by throwing it in soup. Yeah, I do it with a chicken pot pie. Their quality. Excellent.

Well done. Yeah, Graham? You know, I just look at it longingly. Oh, yeah, because you don't eat it, do you? No. No. I like looking at it, though. Was that always a thing?

Vegetarianism, yeah. No. Yeah. Was, could you get a rotissory chicken in the 80s, or was it? Yeah. imagine, right? Yeah, it feels like they were always at grocery stores.

I feel like I always remember them on a square. I remember seeing, like, as a kid being fascinated by the spit, you know? Rotisserie. Yeah. The little, like, it was like a little oven, but there were like three chickens high.

And it was right on the back and then foggy on the window. Now they must just get delivered. Could you buy a car in the 80s? Yeah, there were mostly at dealerships, though. You'd have to go to a store where they have a rotisserie to buy the rotisserie chicken.

Yeah. But usually like a groceries where it would be the place back then. Yeah. You could get them at Home Depot now. You could get them anywhere you want. Here in Canada. I don't know. A Home Depot with a rotisserie chicken would be the best.

But yeah, rotisserie chickens serve that purpose. And it's nice to have a, but there are better rotisserie chickens than others. Let's just put it out there right now. And there's one place in Juneau that I will not go to get a rotissory chicken anymore. Because every time I get it and I start to cut into it, there is, I don't know why, but every single time, there is a lot of dark coloration to the meat. Too dark. Too dark and consistently exactly the same.

So I don't know if the spits they're roasting these things on or dirty or gross or what's happening. Say their name. Call them out. I can't. I can't bring a lawsuit to spy. Especially an international one. You think this person who doesn't know how a rotisserie of chicken also has a lawyer that's going to come after you? You're right.

It's Foodland, IGA. There it is. Yeah. Do you remember the ads for pork that were calling it the other white meat? Yeah. I never got that. Like, it only struck me later in life that,

oh, it's actually considered red meat. Yeah. And also, uh, why, no, you'd never be like,

let's have chicken. Or pork. Yeah. Let's have chicken. Anything as long as it's white meat. Yeah, isn't turkey the other way? I guess turkey would be the other way,

but only the breast, the dark meat is the, so juicy. But the, yeah, because pork is only white after it's cooked, correct? I guess so,

but, oh yeah, it would be, it would be white. Chicken's pretty pink before it's cooked, too. Yeah, it's the same color, yeah. It's white out, it's, it's, it's after it's cooked.

What is the, why, where do they classify these? Who classified these? Who's in charge? Yeah, uh, Gordon Ramsey. Or his dad, I guess. Benjamin Ramsey. Is that his father for real? Yeah, yeah, he came over on the Mayflower.

His dad came over on the Mayflower. No, he was like, when they, when the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, he went back on the Mayflower. He was sort of in charge of transportation for the pilgrims. And then that's where he had, uh, Gordon overseas. Yeah, and he makes both chicken and pork on Kitchen Nightmares or Hell's Kitchen, rather. And it's always raw.

It's always raw. They can't fucking get it together. The risotto, the risotto is always too salty. Do you watch tons of Hell's Kitchen? Yeah, it's my wind down, turn off your brain show. Do you think you could be a cook? No, absolutely not. Even though I've watched it so many times, I don't know what they're doing.

Yeah, that's true. What's your best meal you're doing? prepare? I don't think I really have anything I would consider a meal, but probably, like, I do really good omelets, but that's not really a meal. No, but that's something that you love to prepare. Yes. Okay.

And what do you put in your omelet? A lot of veggies, a lot of cheese. Yeah. And a lot of veggies. What does that mean? Oh, I put like green pepper, mushroom. Nice. But like, is it like a mountain of them?

No, they're all in the stew together. A variety. A variety. A variety. A variety. A large variety. Before David goes off on you. about the quantity.

You're talking about... What do you mean by a lot, bitch? Oh, shit. Oh, man, I just got Ramseyed. Like, if you said on a pizza, I like a lot of vegetables, you're talking about a variety. You don't want it piled high.

No. No, that's reserved for a calzone. You want a lot of veggies. You fire it into a calzone. You know what I make? I was about to ask. Chickenella diaper. David, if you're going to be silly the whole time,

then, I mean, I might as well go. So, but what's your meal that? Like, if you're going to have people over and you're going to prep something, let's say you're never going to have people over, are you? Have you ever had a person here besides like a podcast guest? I have, uh, Graham and, uh, uh, for a dinner. No, for drinks. What about dinner? Have you ever prepared a dinner for guests?

For my family, I do a big, um, once every summer we, I talked about this a couple weeks ago, big taco, uh, taco night with, uh, veggie options and, uh, carneasada and then some pies. I make pies. You make the pie. Yeah, from scratch, uh, blackberry. and key lime or the... You make a key lime pie. Key lime is the easiest vitamin. But with the meringue on top?

It's not meringue, it's whipped cream. Oh, you put whipped cream on a key lime. That's correct. I apologize, David. Yes, I'm thinking of a lemon meringue pie, yeah. Keelim meringue. I thought for a moment lime came with meringue, but you're correct. And I love to be corrected.

Now, you... Okay, but how do you make the tacos? So are the soft shell, hard shell? What do you do? We bring in... Every option. You bring in. Yeah, I buy, I bought, we're talking corn.

We're talking corn. We're talking, soft corn. Soft corn is great. I think it's great in a restaurant. I don't think it's great at home. If they're bringing me soft corn tortillas, that's great. Yeah. If I'm buying them and I have to keep them like a little bit steamy.

Yeah. But then I'm also doing soft flour. I'm doing hard corn. And I'm doing the Doritos. is a taco. Oh, fun. Now, here's the thing with prepping a taco night

and a lot of people are like, oh, easy, peasy. No, you're using almost every bowl in the kitchen because you've got toppings. Yeah. The prep involved, like you're saying,

to keep these things warm. What do you use to keep the soft corn shells warm? How do you keep them a little steamy, as you say? Yeah, I think, I forget. I don't know. But like in a,

did you put it in like a tinfoil dish with some, with some aluminum foil on top? It's tinfoil. Not tin, David. Not tin, it's aluminum. Yeah. It's aluminum foil. I don't use tin anymore.

I don't use tin anymore. Well, uh, do we have time? Mm-hmm. Well, I was at the Alcan plant the other day and I brought this question. No, I have no idea. Uh, I'd imagine tin, uh, I don't know why. I think aluminum must just be easier and cheaper and yeah, lightweight, certainly lightweight. Right, wait.

And do you ever say aluminum or just aluminum? I say aluminum, but I do say bumbershoot instead of umbrella. Okay. Yeah. I will occasionally. wrap aluminum foil around a pedophile to make sure To make sure they don't get away And then I call the police

The bobbies How many pedophiles have you apprehended? Oh, God, I mean, do we have time? Yes, we got time? So far none, but we're out there. We're looking. Petroleum the street. I'm busy, you got diapers to change.

It's a whole crazy life. Well, I mean, if you use a diaper service, you might meet a pedophile picking them up. You can't have petapiles picking up diapers. Well, you'll know if you'll know if they give a big sniff. Yeah, but then you'd be wasting resource because you need a supervisor there for sure.

Yeah, and there's a lot of criminals out there doing a lot of different odd jobs. Yeah. I'm glad we don't have criminals coming to pick up diapers anymore. How come? I think there's other workplace programs. Like what? Look, if we're talking about reducing recidivism

and getting people back into the community and doing these jobs, I feel like cloth diapers, the cloth diaper pickup from the pedophile is not the way to improve society. Do you think if you are, in prison working doing the license plates? Yeah, do you think it's fun when you get a, like, a vanity? Yeah. I think that's probably the big.

I saw one that wasn't a vanity one. It was just luck of the draw the other day. It was 777 PPP. Nice. Like that guy locked out. Wait, but why, are they still making license plates in prison? Is that a thing? I don't know. Was it ever a thing? I don't know. They do a lot. of call center stuff. Okay. So you never know when you're on the line with somebody, you'd be serving 8 to 10 for God knows what, you know.

This is veering into a topic I'd like to bring up with you. Excellent. Now, um, do you have time? The two of you, the two of you are in relationships. Mm-hmm. The two of you, uh, and we're in a secret relationship with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, is that real? Yeah, we've got, we've got a whole family together. Yeah. You guys have a family together. Yeah. And, oh, my goodness. Okay. If you, look, it, so you met Abby.

Well, let's use Abby as an example. You met Abby, and, uh, you are with her now for how long? 25 years. Congratulations. Okay. And you saw her face and you fell in love with her. And, uh, here you are today. Now, Christina Love, my fiancee and partner in life, beautiful woman, very lucky to be

with this incredible human who is born and raised in a tiny village called Iggygik, Alaska. And she now lives in Juneau, Alaska, gorgeous Olutic woman. Now, Christina is getting her tribal tattoo. Oh, here we go. This is fun. Yeah. Where, arm? Well, this is where it gets interesting.

Yeah, okay, yeah. So as we get older, there's no rules against getting a tattoo. You can get a, you don't have to be a rebellious teenage. You don't even have to belong to a tribe to get a tribal tattoo. Yeah. It's true. No, the location of the tattoo is her face. Okay.

Yes. So the appointment was scheduled two days ago, but she had to cancel. But I could be coming home to Christina Love with a beautiful tribal tattoo on her face. Where specifically on the face? Some dots next to, like, streaking away from the eye onto the, yeah. And then some under the lip on the chin. Yes. These are symbols that mean culturally, they're symbolic culturally to her.

And they mean, you know, growth and change and they some say they thwart evil spirits oh okay well there's a whole bunch of stuff going on here right but i also did not meet christina with a face tattoo i met her without a face tattoo yeah so this is interesting maybe you could surprise her and get it get one i'm looking for suggestions yeah deer drop yeah upside down cross beard yeah eagle on the forehead oh do um like post malone Always tired under your eyes. I don't think I could get a face tattoo. No?

You can never have. No. Do you have any? Yeah, you have any tattoos? No, I was wondering. Is that all real? Is that all you up there? I have one tattoo.

Yes, and I regret it. I just does not look good. Maple Leaf? It is a muscle maple leaf. You know what it is? It's a, it's like a maple leaf that's folding over it with tartan on the inside. Oh, okay. And I had $70 to spend, and it's as good as it could get for 70 bucks.

I was 18. Is the tartan a... It was supposed to be... Your family tartan? Yeah, that family tartan was too complicated to do, so we just did generic tartan. Did you... Well, that is a...

I was 18. What is it? Is it Scottish? It's faded, yes. Oh, does it fade? The Macaulay clan. And what is a clan, if not a tribe? And what is it your tattoo, if not a tribal tattoo?

I'm not arguing that. Nice work. Nice work. He just Stephen fried you. Yeah. Great. Let's move on to something else. But I think there will be some advantages, though, with the...

Because traditionally, at least stereotypically, people associate these tattoos with crime and, like a facial tattoo anyway, with crime and misbehavior. Yeah. So, yeah. So if we ever get into a parking lot dispute with someone and then I can just shift out of the way and go, have you met jailface? Yeah, she doesn't, she misbehaves. You're scared now, aren't you? I've got jailface. Dale face.

So, yeah. Dick Tracy's enemies. Jail face. We will not wait in line for anything anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you don't have a table? Jail face, get over here. So you mentioned that we are in relationships.

And was that because you wanted to ask us, what would we do if our... Well, let's say, yeah, like, what if... And sorry, what's your partner's name? Sally. Sally, if Sally, right? Yes, that's correct. What have you been calling it, Salty? Yeah.

Now, Sally approached you and said, Graham, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo. Yeah, and you would be supportive. Yeah, it's up to her. And yes, and then she said, I'm going to get a tattoo on my face. Yes. And then you would say, what, I would say, what's the tattoo? So no questions if it was anywhere else on the body, but if it was on the face. If it's on the face, I want to, I want to know.

I mean, both, I want to know. I don't want to be surprised, like that British show where they get a tattoo and then they reveal the tattoo. Have you seen clips from this show? No. Oh, it's a horrible, horrible show where a friend comes up with a tattoo. Uh-oh. On their friend, it's almost always like a toilet.

or this type of thing and like one of the ladies was super mad because she had a toilet on her leg and then she's like we're going to we're going to Paris next week and of course party

and they won't even know what it is because they piss on the street over there well here's the thing something happened there we're good so here's the thing and of course my big concern is not

Christina getting a tattoo on her face in that she's gorgeous she's she could only become more beautiful, right? And this is something that means something to or it's important. My concern is that she's going to get it and she's not going to like it. I think I just like, please, because it's permanent, I just take some time with this decision. Yeah.

And because... Get a Sharpie in practice. There we go. Yeah, yeah, wear it around for a couple weeks and see... We start with some henna. Yeah. Do some henna for a couple weeks. There you go.

Yeah. Although I don't... Can we get a little more clicking in the mic? I'm so sorry. Clicking your pen? I'm not. I apologize. I'm nervous about this.

Because every morning, if Christina gets his tattoo and then looks in the mirror and she's not happy with it. Every morning, there's a face tattoo on my face and I see it in the freaking mirror. That's as good as any song out there. Yeah.

My reflection isn't what I wanted it to be, but it is what it's going to be. Now, does she have any other tattoos? Yeah, she has a tattoo on, yeah, on her waist from ages ago. Sure. Most Americans don't have the same maple leaf tattoo we get. Yeah.

There's his, I was going to say Maple Leaf Foods, but that's up here. That's not in the States. I have the I am Canadian Moulson. Yeah, that's cool. Our tattoo's permanent now? I mean, you keep hearing stories about Pete, what's his face, who went to Saudi Arabia, yeah.

Saudi Arabia, Pete. Oh, were you invited to go on that Saudi Arabia comedy? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I turned it down immediately. Yeah. I just find the regime to be oppressive. How much did they had a lot of money, though, you turned down, right? Yeah, a million dollars.

A million dollars for how long is that? Well, they asked me if I could just host it. Like, they had all my Canadian Idol footage from early 2000s, and they're like, hey, do you mind just kind of like running the show? I said, yeah, no, I do have a problem with it. Yeah. I do have a problem with it because I want a journalist to review my performance, but I guess they're dead. They were like, can we get Ben Mulrooney's number? Like, you can find them, you can find them on Twitter.

I, I don't have his number anymore. I don't know, yeah, like, have you guys already exhausted the topic? No, we haven't talked about it at all. Yeah. No, because it's only, it's only just going on this week or this past week. I guess so, yeah. I don't know how I feel. I mean, look it, they dangle that much money in front of you.

How much do tickets cost if every comedian is making a million? apparently Dana Carvey turned down 2 million. Really? Dana Carvey. They love his George Bush over there. Well, when they asked him if he would do the... Well, what did he say?

He said he's not going to do it. It wouldn't be prudent. It wouldn't be prudent. But they're not going to... But I mean, their goal is not to break even at the Read Comedy Festival. Well, their goal is to normalize, you know... Oh, Western comedy.

Well, if you go on their website, it talks about by 2030, they want Saudi Arabia to be a hub of entertainment. And so I think this is more about signaling to the world. Hey, they said they don't want to be just reliant on oil. Oh, okay, diversify. Yeah, so I don't know of entertainment is the replacement for oil. Apparently, the show's fairly ill attended.

I read something about that today. So I think it maybe was people. Has it started? Yeah, Bill Burr did a set. I think Bill Bear's been there and back, right? Like, he's already, yeah. Yeah, he's, uh, and he said. it was a lot of fun.

I think it would be great if you'd do it into a turkey comedy festival and came back with like a super thick head of hair. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. It was great. Yeah, he said it was great and that they have a Chili's over there.

It's one of his points about, they're so like us. They have a Chili's. I look out. There's a McDonald's, a Starbucks. They got a Chili's. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

If you have, asked and answered. If you have a Chili's, then you have a fair society, right? Yeah, I don't, yeah, I mean, I can, I wouldn't ever be asked to go to something like that, but I can't. But what about the London Comedy Festival in London, Ontario? Ah. Well, that I had issues with as well, um, but I'm going to go. Yeah. I'm going to use the, here's the thing.

The difference is I have, I can talk about the problems I have with London, Ontario while I'm in London, Ontario. Yeah. Whereas there are rules associated with, and that govern what you can say in Saudi Arabia. And so I could not sign up for that, David. I could not sign up for that. And this London, Ontario, you've played there before? The city of London, Ontario, yes.

Yeah. But I feel like the first time I met you was in London, Ontario for the Canadian Comedy Award. That's not the first time we ever met. Yeah, it was. No, really? We must have met before that. No.

We were in the same category. You were best newcomer, despite being a headliner. But you were a headliner, too. No, it was a newcomer. You started comedy when I started comedy. When did you start comedy? In the year or eight? Year.

Uh, 2002. Okay, yeah. So I was around 2000. So, yeah, basically the same. But that's where we met. Was in London, Ontario. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

You had the room across from mine in the hotel. Is that right? Yeah. And you won. You were the winner of the evening. I did, yes. What's wrong with your memory? Well, I had a seizure, David.

Oh, that's right. I don't know if that's what's wrong. I know. I'd like to say that. immediately make you feel a little bit good. Your parents don't remember anything either. But there's too much to remember. That's true.

Yeah. No, I remember you were there and we were hanging out at the table, but I, for some reason, I didn't think that was the first time we had met. I think it, yeah, it was. And they also had a laser tag in downtown London, Ontario. That's the other thing I remember. That's what Riyadh needs. Slow down.

Didn't we tape our comedy nows on the same night? No. No? No. I was on the same night as a, wow, they called like the Imponderables? or something like that? No, we were on the same night, just different tapings.

You were early taping. I was late taping, I think. What's wrong with your memory? Yeah. Not so easy, is it? Did you have a seizure? Yeah. So?

I had two. Oh, shit. Okay, here goes the one happen ship. Yeah. How close were they together? The seizures? They were probably, oh, they were a year apart.

Okay, but it's been many years. Oh, now I take medication. Yeah. And I don't live the same life I did. I don't know if I ever told you about that. What kind of life were you living at that? Well, I was running a couple of prescriptions between doctors with things, and it wasn't a good idea.

I'm not going to get into the specifics, but... Because you don't want to get sued by Big Pharma. Well, I'd take a lawsuit from Big Pharma. That's not what I'm concerned about. Like, I'd represent myself and probably win. No, the... Anyway, yeah, I feel like I'd met you before that. But yeah, London, Ontario,

because I sent Luciano Casimiria up to accept my award. That's right. But he did not do what he was supposed to do. What was he supposed to do? He was supposed to pretend he's me and be like, hey, thanks, everyone. You know, my name's John Dorr, and I just... But he just...

But he just went up and said, hey, this is for John Dorr. I'm like, no, I should have just gone up together. Yeah. And then I looked like an asshole because I was sitting right there. I just thought to be funny if he was like, it's, you know, pretended he was actually me. Why is that funny? It's funnier.

It's not funny, David. Why don't you tell us a zombie joke? Do your zombie stand-up joke. These are the things you can remember. Yeah, you want to test my memory? Now, John, we, like, when you move to, Alaska. We had you on the show during Zoom, and you just talked about how you, like, driving around, you know, listening to the radio and kind of hitting the post, you call it. Yes. Well, not just in June, Alaska. I've been doing this my whole life to irritate people in the car.

Oh, yeah. I would like, I would, like, if you had a CD playing, it would be fun to talk between songs. Yeah. Even better as a mixtape, because the variety is, you know, much more interesting. Unless you're doing a double shot, right? Then the CD is fine. Oh, yeah. Because you can do a double shot of Led Zepp. What's two for Tuesday? What's a double shot? Just for the people outside to know. Two songs from the same artist. Oh, okay. Where more traditionally, if you're listening to the radio,

the DJ's going to come and bridge the gap between two completely different artists. Although you might get, we will rock you and we are the champions together. You might get... Live and Love and Made by Led Zeppelin, and there's another one. What's that one? They're connected. Yeah, what's the one that's the Canadian band? Loverboy.

No. The Bok and Turner Overdrive. The Kings. It's, um, uh, this beat goes on and switch into glide. No idea what that's all about. The kings. The kings. I never heard of them.

I feel like I've heard that first one before. Switching to glide, I've never heard, I don't think. Well, if you're going to hear one, you're going to hear them back to back. Nice. But yeah, hitting the post is an art form and, uh... And this is when the first, like, musical strains come up before the vocals. Yeah, I mean, there's multiple, there's different ways you can hit the post. You can choose the, your post to be, uh, you know, a riff.

you know, something that changes in the song. It doesn't have to be the vocals, but for the most part, yes, it's the vocals. 90% of the time the DJ, there's a pad of time where the DJ is going to talk and give you information possible about the weather, what's going on in the world, maybe a traffic update. And there might be some kind of, I don't know, festival of some sort of herb or spice. There could be, yes, David, that's correct. And so they would talk up and, they would use that opportunity to talk up until the lyrics come in. Now, we've done this on the show where we play a popular song and you do. do it. And you're great at it. We love it. Yeah. God, thank you. And, uh, but last time it, like,

there were, there were some copyright issues. So we had to reach out to some, uh, independent artists. Yeah. To do some, some songs that weren't copyright yet. And we ran into a little issue where one of the artists, Dick fell off. Oh. Yeah. And he did have a couple of songs about that. Yeah. And there's, uh, it went on and say who it was, but let's say it has some involvement in our lady peace. Anyway, so this year, I reached out to some independent artists. We have new music?

We got some new music. Oh, my goodness. I don't know what these are about, but hopefully they're not about a dick falling. Now, I like to spread this around. Is it possible, like, can we each try hitting the post? Is that all right? Sure.

If the challenge is me, I'm happy to take it on. but I think it's fun when everyone gets a chance. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to do it. What? You should do it. I really should, but you know what? I'm not going to do it. That wouldn't be prudent.

No, this is a fun challenge. So you want to go first there, John? Sure, and everyone else should play along at home. You know, this is a great opportunity for you to stop the podcast, rewind it a little bit. And this is... If you're trying at home, you're going to be talking over John doing it. Well, let's play it once without anyone talking, just for the listeners. Oh, kind of.

Like, yeah, yeah, like one of those flip books. Tell you what, Dave and Graham will release the track as is on the... You know what? I'll put all three tracks at the end of the episode. Oh, that's fine. So you can... They should do it and then send them in. That's a great concert.

I haven't had the listeners send in their own tracks to be posted? Let the listeners hit the post. So you leave the tracks at the end. Oh, so, okay. So they hit the post. And they can include aspects about stop podcast yourself. They can talk about locally what's going on in the... their community.

This is, you're welcome, guys. This is a great opportunity for your listeners to get interactive with you. It's called engagement. It is engagement. Yeah. All right. Are you a radio host? Sure.

I'll do my best. I'll do my best. What's the station? What's the station? Well, do you need to know that right now? I would like to. 106.9 The Bear. Perfect.

All right. This is Ottawa, by the way. We're broadcasting in Ottawa and we'll say in the 90s. Okay. Here we go. Okay. All right. So, all right.

You're listening to 106.9 the bear. We hope you're having a lot. a wonderful sunny afternoon. If you're thinking of getting out to the Carp Garlic Festival this weekend, be careful because there's going to be some traffic eastbound on the Queen Elizabeth Parkway. And the reason is they're doing construction at the split. So make sure you give yourself a few extra minutes and turn on 106.9, the bear will keep you company.

And don't forget, we've also got a wonderful, uh, wonderful event taking place on Monday. Sorry, just checking my notes here. Yes, Canadian Blood Services will be at Henrietta Ford, where you can go down and donate. And also, last year, my dick fell off when I fell down on the ring. A hockey team with some very sharp blades came and skated over my dink. Don't you forget it. It looked like cledded lettuce. Oh, oh, no.

Last year, my dick fell off and it threw me in a rage. threw me in a fit of despair But it's time to turn the page Gonna put it behind me Won't let it define me Whoa Lord no Last year My dick fell off

And I won't mention it again If I ever bring it up You have permission to punch me my friend Time to get my lip I thought this loves to be shorter I love how long it's going on Last year my dick fell off But now I got some good news

I just checked my underwear And I finally got my first pub And it's a red one Silver lining It said it's a red Wow David, all right Some applause

Yeah, absolutely Okay, this warms my heart Because the amount of Now I know you're going to say It didn't take you any time to do this But this is a thoughtful creation Now the lyrics Did you write them out

Or did you use AI I That was one where I was, I mean, the artist, I think, probably, the artist's a question, I don't have his name in front of me, I believe it was walking his dog and had to, like, try to come up with a bunch. Yes, okay. That's where the inspiration is kind of saying it into the phone while walking the dog. Oh, I love your little voice memo to yourself. Now, lyrically, this is incredible. Yeah.

Um, you, you, uh, do you, uh, do you giggle when you, when you're writing this song? Does it make you laugh when you're, no, that one, that one, I mean, we got some gigglers coming up. But, but now that, that one, though, it's reminiscent of the last time I was here. Yeah. There's a theme. There was a theme of the dick falling off. And I believe it mentioned last year the, the dick, what did get lost it at an ice rink. It was, yes, it was at an ice rink.

Now, um, I, that was a difficult one to hit the post on. I do appreciate that the music changed slightly leading up to the lyrics, but I missed it completely. Yeah, that's true. Do you think you can try? Do you do the next one? I'll try. You got to give it your best.

Look, and there's no failure here. It's just fun. Do you want to know how much time you have? Sure. 42 seconds. I wish I knew that. Well, I'll tell you on the last one. Okay.

Probably two seconds. If it's in keeping in character with you. What is that supposed to be? That I'm like a two-pump jump? You're either. Look, there's either no time for the last one Or there's only time Oh no, that was tequila

When you got me to do tequila Yeah, that was good Okay, Graham, getting, what's your radio station? 104.9, XFM. Okay. That's in Vancouver. It was, yeah. It was in Vancouver.

Your roommate was the DJ? It was the morning DJ. So are you going to call them up and be like, hey, I pretended I was you. Hey, I was, I pretended it was Crash Cancade. By the way, you can use this as a demo tape to submit to a radio station. Oh, yeah.

Don't throw this out. It's a growing, business the radio stations. Get in on the ground floor. There's still some. There's still some opportunities there. Yeah. I worked on one a couple years ago. You did. Yeah. That's right. We're, uh, didn't have to hit the post though. No? Computers. Yeah, it's all computers now.

Oh, yeah, you didn't have, but you did talk leading up to music. Uh, sometimes. Okay. Sometimes the machine just does it for you. You can't, you don't have time in between the talk. It just happens automatically. They've already shrunk the song down, you know? Sometimes. I used to work at a radio station. as well, and I would record my shows 12 hours before they were on air. That's called voice tracking day. Yeah.

Now, Graham, you're going to, you've got 42 seconds here, 104.9 FM? Yeah. Oh, you're going to be Vancouver traffic updates? Uh, yeah. All right, Graham, good luck to you. I can't wait. And here we go. Graham Clark here on 14.9

XFM. The Doodney Trunk Road is in a real state today, as it often is. So I would say avoid it. If you went, if you get to the Cassiar connector, that probably will get you home a little bit faster. Speaking of home, Home Depot this weekend, hot dogs in the parking lot of balloons for kids.

Come on down. That's happening between 12 and 5. Also, today's weather. Cold and gloomy, but I hear on the weekend it's going to be sunny. Where are you going to go? The beach. No, you're not going to go to the beach.

You're going to go. Driving in your car with your convertible room down. I'm an a cappella daddy. I'm an acapella guy. From my acapella toes to my acapella eyes. You may think you're hearing instruments. You couldn't be more wrong. I only use my mouth to make this acopella song because...

Wow, wow, wow. That's good. David, this is great. Now that was... Remix. Oh, my God. Oh, a little beatboxman. That's Reggie Watt.

You're like this is Bobby McParon. Hey, hey, hey. My dick fell off. Oh, shit. In the space wars. In the space floor? Yeah. My dick fell off on the space floor.

on by an alien dude Okay Okay, all right Okay, look again Both of you That was Moxie Fruvis Oh shit That was very Moxie Fruvis

They're having a comeback I don't know if that's possible Can they get a new lead singer? He was not the lead singer Yeah, he were not He sang They were a coll-off They all sang

Oh right but I remember him being featured No, okay Oh I mean they all kind of It was sort of like Okay take it easy cookie cookie situation. The second Dave starts sharing his music, he gets into it.

It's like you can't even... It's like he's Mr. Moxie Proofus. So, but Graham, very good. I stumbled a bit there. Yeah, but stumbles are fun. It keeps it real. And then the only thing, if I could give you a little bit of advice

is you want to try and end with the radio station tag. Damn it. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah. Dave, quality. Quality. Yeah.

I mean, that was a tricky one because there were no instrument to his all voice. Yeah, it was all. voice, that's right. And it was a steady, it was a steady sound. And it was, it was very, it was very Bobby McPhair right out of the gate. How long did it take you?

I thought it was pentatonic. Oh, yeah. How long did it take you to record that beginning to end? That was, you know, a couple hours, maybe. That's a couple hours, yeah. I had to figure out the harmonies. Dude, it's great. It was great.

I think, I mean, once you figure out the harmonies, you could barbershop all day. Now, are you releasing the music of stop podcasting yourself? at some point. All of our theme songs are on a sound cloud page somewhere. Well, I think we really need it update with these here songs. None of my business, but I think, yeah, all the music that's been created here, I think should go on a compilation.

Oh, sure. A big shiny tunes of Stop Podcasting yourself. Yeah. Big potty tune. Oh, work on it. Yeah. Stop shiny tunes. There you go.

I'll forget it out as a group. Yeah. Big podcast. Yeah. Yeah. We could, let's see if we can get Chris Shepard from loving. Oh, is he still available? Now, John, do you think you can do this last one?

It's at 28 seconds. 28 seconds. Yeah, you know what? It's not a lot of time, but it's just enough time. But yeah, we've got to be thoughtful here. What's important? What information is important to get out there? Now, what are the people, good people of Ottawa need to know?

Well, I think, you know, traffic's a big one, right? In Ottawa, it's not a big hub. Like, it's not like Toronto, right? um so they have expectations when it comes they they leave their house at a certain time and they they know they can get to work in let's say 18 minutes uh so if there's going to be a change in travel they want to know if you're doing 90s ottawa do you like do you even use the word gatno or is it all hull oh i i would say got no hull oh yeah yeah absolutely yeah i would say got no hall i'll tell you well yeah let's incorporate uh let's incorporate uh some construction

on the way to gatno hall i think i can do this. Also, are the Sends playing tonight? Yes, they are, which is difficult. But in the 90s, would it be at the Karel Center? It would be at the Civic Center. Okay. Yeah, well, the Palladium did open. Let's go Palladium. It opened in what, nine, when did they moved the platoon? It hadn't been around that long by that. Well, they came into, what, 93, they came into the league. This he remembers, all this. Yeah. Well, because I worked at the platoom. You did? Yeah, I worked opening night. It was, uh, the soft open was figure skating. And I worked at a bar at a concession stand. And then the big opening was Brian Adams.

Oh, wow. There you go. Yeah, yeah. I went to the Apple store and they had a, they looked at my soft opening and then they said, put some rice in there. No, David, there are people with diverticulitis out there that are not going to find this funny. You don't shove rice up your bum. There's a T-shirt. Don't show rice up your bomb.

But, like, we haven't released any new merch in a while, but we're going to be releasing the Stop Shiny Tunes. Yeah, Stop Shiny Tunes is going to go up there. And don't put rice up your bomb. Stop shiny Tunes. Okay, so 20 seconds, and we got 90s Ottawa with an Ottawa senator's game at the Palladium. And this is not Corell Center, this is Palladium. Yeah. All right, so here we go.

You're listening to 106.9, The Bear. We've got a big hockey game tonight. The Nordiques are in town. So if you are crossing the Aylmer Bridge, remember, there's construction. So give yourself more time. Big game tonight, Pladium Drive. See you there. 106.9, the bear.

Wow, I had more time And I'll take it Make sure we got the T-shirt can in there tonight too I lost my dick in the ocean I lost my dick in a loud explosion I lost my dick to a magic potion From a very mean and crafty witch I lost my dick in Toledo

I lost my dick in a big burrito Oh no I lost my dick at Home Depot And that machine that makes the keys I lost my dick in Madonna I lost my dick in a wet verona I lost my dick but I didn't want to lose my dick Well frankly at all

I lost my dick in a car door I lost my dick at the dick knife store I lost my dick in an atomic war But then I grew back seven more dick Oh wow Because it's atomic I lost my dick in a bird's net I slam my dick in a treasure chest I lost my dick at Carp Darlic Fest

Checking out all of the garlic I lost my dick in a corn maze I lost my dick in an awkward phase I lost my dick is a common phrase When you lose your dick as often as me I found my dick in the garden Oh well David I found my dick and I beg your paw

I've found my dick and it will not harden because I didn't take enough Viagra. Talking about Viva Vigra. Viva Vigra. Viva. Viva. I'm talking about Viagra. That's right.

I should have had the band kick in again. Talking bow. You guys are crying. This is beautiful. That was great. Okay, look. That was great. What an excellent reason to get creative

when John Doors coming by the podcast. You know what I mean? Just give them 30 seconds to vamp. Look it. I mean, I miss that post. I misjudged 28 seconds greatly, but I was lost in the music. Yeah. Guys, I try to make the songs as long as possible so we can sit here uncomfortably. I'm not uncomfortable. I love, but the problem is, like, I'm trying to pay attention to the lyrics. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to... You're a lyrics guy?

The amount of time that you put into each of these songs this week is tremendous. Like, next time I'm on the podcast, if there is a next time. Yeah, the way the world's going, right? Also, if you, yeah, I mean, we'll give you a chance to hit that post. I feel like there'll be a live band here next time. Yeah. Oh, good. It's the post live.

Todd Glass's podcast. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, that's great. So, you know what it's fun to do? No, it's really fun. That's, yeah.

Look, it, we need to really celebrate you today, David. Yeah. Graham, maybe should we say something fun about David, what we like about David? And then we'll say something he needs to improve. Yeah. Let's compliment before you criticize. That's my HR model. We do it as Sandwich, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dave, I think all those songs were great. The fact that their original works completely, the fact that you could do harmonies with yourself, and the fact that there was real production quality in it, I just, I'm, it's a marvel. I think what I would say you can improve on is a little more sensitivity to the diverticulitis community. You know what I mean?

And it's not even funny. No, yeah, you're right. It's not funny, though. It's not. No, it's very painful. And there's some rice in my butt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

The pouches in my rectum, when they get filled with grains of rice, I'm going to tell you right now, it doesn't feel nice, nice, nice, nice. I need to put ice on my inflamed rectum. Get this guy, record. Yeah, this is good. Would you guys ever collab? I mean, we could try something live. Yeah, this would be good. I think this is what people want.

Like maybe at Bonnaroo? Well, could you pass me that guitar? I don't know if it's tuned. Let's not pass the guitar then. It's going to make me look terrible if it's not tuned. Otherwise, let's just see real quick. Sounds good. On a lot more on a guitar that's not tuned properly.

Well, listen, yeah, maybe, but we would need some help with percussion or, yeah, you'd have to be involved. Like, there's no way. Keep a beat. Well, what can you do? That's all you can do. I can watch and then provide constructive criticism. You're like Rick Rubin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Who's a guy from the Happy Mondays that would dance around stage? Oh, I think it was Preston Manning. Okay, let's just move on. That was very fun, David, thank you. And I'm supposed to compliment you and also criticize you, but I think we'll leave it. Well, I'll be quick about it. You're very welcoming. When I arrived here today, you offered a coffee, and it's very pleasant.

Criticism, I think you could wear better trousers. That's true. They leave nothing to the imagination. Do you guys have overheards? Do you still do that? Yeah, we'll get to that. Oh, we're going to get to that. No, but do you still do them?

Okay, I'm not sure. Yeah. You have one? I do have one. I have a genuine overheard. We'll get them. I'm not getting that. I'm just letting you know. I have one. Yeah, I just wondering if you still do it. Yeah. Oh, we've never. We do it. I mean, there's one time I think we didn't get around to it because someone I think farted into a microphone. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Who did that? I mean, it sounds fun.

My memory is bad, but I remember us not being able to use the microphone after that. Yeah, for three hours. That's the problem with farting. into a microphone, it does not make you want to talk into that microphone. And it's also crazy that you had to get it so close to your butthole, or the person did, rather. No, let's see, I'll look at, let's be honest, I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm being more transparent. It was me.

Yeah. I was the gross fool who did that. But you would never do that now. Uh-oh. I don't, I'll be honest with you. I probably would not. No, I probably would not. I heard you were trying to get your pilots license so you could fart into a plane PA.

That would be the dream. Could you imagine being on an airplane, and the pilot says, hey, everyone just wanted to tell you. And then a giggle, and that's it. I do. I mean, you'd be fired. Yeah, but it's worth it. Yeah.

I am a sucker for the ones where people do the PA system in a Walmart or a target. Those are fake. No, the majority of them are. Really? Yeah, it's the same fart noise throughout the whole, every single one of them. If you're talking about the compilation. No, I'm just talking about it. individual ones that come across my team. I feel like most of those

are fake. That sucks. But it is oh no, some of that is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. Just the I mean, I don't know how to you, I don't know how to get the PA system working on one of those phones. But if you could. If I could, you better believe it. That's what you would. You should apply for a job

just so you can get PA training. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, just like take the job and then tell them that they can shove it after the first week and then come back later. Yeah. And just really show. During your training being be like now is this the PAs is this like every Walmart across the country could I would it be the same in Canadian Tire yeah yeah like I need to know I'd also

have to put my own twist on it so I think I would do like for uh oh and then hang up the you got it right you're gonna make it your own um but what's the uh oh huh you know you got a little bit more than you bar yeah yeah yeah need to bring a pair of jogging pants with you so that's what's going on with me what's going on with you No, what's going on with you? I wrote those songs. Oh, you did write those songs. That's true.

I went to the small town of Seaselt, British Columbia, on the golden... Sunshine Coast? The Gold Coast of Australia. And I'd never been there before, or maybe I had. I couldn't keep it straight. You and I had been to Gibsons together. We've been to Gibson's. Which is...

Sunshine Coast. Sister City. Oh, okay. So I've been to Gibson as well. Sorry, where were you? seashells. Where is that? Oh, I don't know.

Right next to Gibson. So, like, you have to ferry to get there? Yeah, okay, yeah. What are the, yeah, there's like three little towns, the Roberts Creek is one? Oh, Robert's Creek is really close to it, apparently. Okay. I was doing a show in a movie theater, and so they had a great big screen. The one we did in Gibson's was a movie theater.

Are you sure this wasn't the same show? I feel like that's the gathering place in the small town, if not the Legion. Was Kelly Dixon in your... Yep, Kelly Dixon was there. He was organizing it. He came back after a 20-year sabbatical. But they have a great big screen there. Why not use it?

I said to myself. Oh. I brought along a computer to plug it in and do a slideshow. Yeah. But I called the theater. I got no answer. But their outgoing machine had all the listings of, what time all the movies were playing before you could leave a message.

So it's like a two or three minutes long call before you can leave a message. Yeah. So I did. Heard nothing back. That's such a small town thing of being like, well, the people or like such an like a retirement community thing. I'm like, well, no one here is going to check their phone for showtimes. Like they're going to call us. Yeah.

And so that like as very small town movie theater sent them an email. Eventually got somebody online who were like, oh yeah, we got your email and a message. And I was like, and, okay, and, uh, yeah, are we doing this? And, uh, they said, yeah, we'll figure it out on the day. I was like, you won't, you won't figure it out on the day. And, uh, so we got there, there was a young tech guy. And I mean, he was about 12 years old. Yeah, he was the tiny guy you want.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he, but when I walked to the room and they said, here's our town guy, I was like, oh, God. Oh, oh, no. This is truly a child. Yeah, but don't, don't be ages here. No, you don't work out. Uh, it worked out perfectly. Great.

Yeah, he figured it all out. The, the, the, the, this last year. show went up it was all it all came together your old Instagram show this is his Instagram pictures from my Instagram nice and I got some good chuckles out of it yeah and then the place that you hung out of I don't know if all movie screens are like this but you could see the audience through the screen okay oh yeah I don't know me neither but can they see you maybe I don't know I shouldn't have been standing there maybe well in inglorious bastards they could see the audience through the screen

They're out back prepping the film to be set out blaze. But maybe that's an old movie theater thing? Maybe. Yeah. They call it the silver screen. Yeah. John, what is the movie theater situation like in Juneau, Alaska? They used to have a beautiful downtown, well, they used to have a theater downtown, which is great.

It used to be beautiful. Well, I want to say beautiful, but you know what it is? It's just, it has not been renovated or changed. It has a very nostalgic feel to it, which I love. But anyway, it's... One movie at a time? Yes, yes. Oh, there might be two in there.

Maybe one or two. I don't know. But anyway, no more movies. Condemned. Oh, no. You got to go out to the valley in Juneau. And they have, I think there's about five movie screens, four at least. Oh, okay.

So, yeah, the movies come out, like, what did Emma go see recently, an anime movie that had just relieved, Demon Slayer. Yeah, yeah, you can get, depending on, you know, you got four theaters. So you're not going to get everything, but you're going to get it. What's the popcorn stitch? Good? It's fine. Everything in Juno is just a little behind and takes some time, right?

So, yeah, popcorn's fine, but it's not like... It's not like our modern popcorn. I like it more because this is a movie theater with a bunch of pinball machines, too. Oh, line in the lobby. And you, if I recall correctly, love pinball. I do love pinball. I notice you don't have great vision or hearing... Excuse me?

But you're very good at pinball. Yeah. Look at his wrist. Yeah, very supple in the wrist. Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm kind of like, I'm surprised you didn't think about this, I'm kind of like a pinball wizard, and the Who wrote a rock opera about Tommy as a matter of fact. Yeah. It was originally called Johnny, but they're like, oh, don't.

Yeah, they were going to write it about you. Yeah. No, no, no. I wasn't even born when they wrote it. They could see into the future. Yeah. Guys, I don't like what you're doing right now. You're making me feel really uneasy.

Rock opera's about Tommy. But no, the beauty of that is because I'll take my son and, like, take the family, and Jackson can't see it through a whole movie, right? Like, depending on it, if it's like, if it's like, if it's like, pop, patrol the movie, sure, no problem. Yeah. But he's good for about. It's a 45-minute movie. Yeah. He's good for about half an hour in the movie theater.

And so then Emma and her friend Stain watched the movie, I take him out to the lobby and he sits on top of the pinball machine. Well, I play pinball. That's great. Yeah. It's really great. It's beautiful, as a matter of fact. Did you ever think that this would be the deal? That someday you would be playing.

You'd have a kid with you playing pinball. because, you know, it's a solitary, you know, sport, game, thank you, yeah. I never thought I'd have a child. No? So I can't, no. We've talked about this before. I believe Dave said you were the type that no one could imagine being around children.

It was something like that. It's almost like if you were voted most likely. The part I remember was saying, do you think you'll have another? You said, I'll kill myself. Well, that's, yes. Which you could not do. I could not do because, yeah. Well, let me tell you basically, well, let me share this message that I got from Christina.

And this is a message. If I received this text message seven years ago when I was a bachelor living in Los Angeles, California. And I received a message like this from a friend of mine. I probably never talked to them again. But this is what I got. This is how my life has changed. I went from Bachelor in Los Angeles seven years ago, doing what I want, eating, pumpkin buy and cream soda for breakfast

and going to the bar at 10 a.m. And, like, that was my life. And just going from doctor to doctor trying to get them to give me a new prescription. Doubling on prescription. That's right. Selfish, fool, idiot. But still a good life.

Yeah, sounds like a good life. Enviable. So anyway, this is the message I get from Christina a week ago. What do you think about being Toy Story as a family for Halloween? You are Woody. I'll be Bo Peep.

Emma can be slinky or T-Rex, and Jackson will be Buzz. Oh, that's good. It's very exciting. It's all based around Jackson, I'm guessing. Jackson wanted to be Buzz. It's all, oh, Jackson, no, Jackson probably does not want to be anything with a helmet on his head. But, yeah, Jackson loves Buzz. When he watches Toy Story and the scene before Buzz leaps off the couch and says infinity to infinity and beyond, Jackson stands up on the couch, gets really excited, spreads his arms, and then he jumps off the couch.

That's cute. No, but this is all based around Christina getting to be. The, uh, Bo Peep. Oh, sure. Yeah, it's gonna be hard with that face tattoo. Uh, uh, Bo Peep's freckle. Yeah, and she can put the makeup. Lil Peep.

I was told last night that Lil Peep is a rapper. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Boy, I was thinking of, uh, the girl cowboy. No, no, no. Bo Peep. Yeah, is a sheep lady. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, because what there's, there is a female counterpart to Woody. Yeah. Her name is. Can't remember. Yeah, she's in Toy Story 2. When Woody, when the, the curtains pulled back

and Woody reveals that he's a celebrity. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, that message I got from Christina, yeah, I can't imagine how, it's amazing how much life changes from seven years ago to today. If you went back and saw yourself from seven years. I'd be terrified.

I'd be like, whoa, whoa, What are we doing here? Yeah, in the movies, they accept it too quickly. Yeah. Yeah, I would probably, I'd be very spooked by it. Yeah. So you're saying if time travel was real and I confronted myself, I don't know if that's possible, number one. But let's assume for a minute it is.

Okay. So I'm on the same timeline and I meet myself. Yes. I mean, I'd have questions. Yeah. First thing I'd probably say is like, okay, who, just tell me the Blue Jays win the World Series. Okay. Yeah.

And what if he says they don't? I kill myself, in turn, killing him. And that would be it. The Blue Jays told me in the world series in the next seven years, I'm going to kill myself. Yeah, yeah, not happening. So were you so happy when they won it in 93, 92? No, no, I mean, sure.

But not, but at that time in my life, it was all about, like, partying, right? Yeah. All about girls and parties, man. Oh, man, you missed out. I did. I missed out on the celebration. Now, if that would have happened in 1988,

I would have been very excited because that's when I was all in on baseball. Yeah. Would you if... Would you... If you went back in time to visit your past self, do you think that you would end up staying there

and hanging out with your past self and just kind of like... Just hand jobs for each other? Yeah, yeah. Look, you're me, I'm you, we're us. No one's going to know... Use your left hand, so it feels like I'm a stranger. What? I don't think that makes sense.

Doesn't matter now. Well, I'll lie on our hands so they fall asleep. You sit on my hand. Yeah. I probably start with just heavy petting and a lot of kissing probably, yeah. No, I'd hang out with myself and watch some TV and it'd be great to tell some jokes, oh, but you know what? I would know the fraudulent parts of myself.

That would be awful. Like, yeah, you're trying too hard right now. I'd be like, yeah, you're right. But wait a minute, you're, we're us. So it'd be very confusing. But I don't think hanging out with yourself is a good idea. So I'm just going to put it out there because, again, I have to be responsible using this platform.

Don't hang out with yourself. Okay. Okay, because it'll lead to trouble. Okay. You're your own worst critic, and, uh, yeah, I only, I only see bad things happening. Now, if the two of you went back in time, would you choose to meet or take separate paths? Because after you two met, this has really become your identity. The two of you are kind of linked.

Yeah, that's true. You are Graham and Dave. Yeah. Now, would you do it all over again the same way or do you have regrets where you're like, you know what? I really wish, uh, really wish I was off on my own. Nope. I would do it all over again.

Yeah. I would just, I would just, I would just, I would just, I would do it, but I would try to be nicer. How did you... But nice isn't your personality, you know what I mean? Like, you're better than... But the two of you, like, how... This is back to his show that he's where the where the guests's on.

Oh, yeah, that's right. We're on the John Doer podcast. Well, that's how I introduced the show. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's been the John Doors show the whole time. The whole time. Yeah, this whole time, a very special edition. But the two of you, how did you meet?

What is the origin story of the story? of Graham and Dave. I was up for Best Newcomer at the Canadian Comedy David, I'm going to stop you right now. I was across the hall. Okay.

And then I let Dimitri Casmiri you win my award. Well, who won the Who accepted your award for you? Luciano Casimir. Oh, pardon me. Dimeet, he's Italian,

not Russian. Okay. Casmiri. All right. Yeah. Oh, you said Dimitri. I know, you know. You know.

It's true, and Italian can have a Russian name, yes. Yeah, that's true. So, no, but how did the two of you meet? Was it here in Vancouver doing stand-up? Yeah. Okay, so you, yeah, and how did the relationship start? How did you know that the two of you were destined to be friends for life? We got together and decided we were going to write sketch comedy.

Nice. And then the whole time we just found, we just looked at memes and videos. Yeah, and we were like, wrote one sketch. I bet, you told the story. about how you, at your stand-up show, you give away prizes. Yeah. And there was a Van Halen clock. Yeah.

And I was giving you a way I said, with a Van Halen clock, every time is. And then I was outside on the street and I heard him set up and I ran back into the show and I yelled, right now. And there it was. That's when we knew. That's beautiful. Yeah. Hey. Your tomorrow.

Right now. Well, that was the one that had, like, right now, an oyster is losing its prize possession. Yeah. So you guys became friends, and who went over to the other person's apartment first? I don't think I've been at Graham's apartment. Never. No, your old apartment. Yeah, a couple of them.

Dave used to live in East Van in a basement suite that was owned by... I think the first time it was a second floor suite. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and then, yeah. And then the basement suite, and you had an extra room to do recordings in. Yeah. And we had a couple chums that we had as there. Wait, to do recordings in?

What kind of recordings? For the sketch? For the podcast. Oh, for a podcast. Yeah, yeah. So how soon after the two of you meeting did you do your first podcast? A couple of years. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah, because Dave, you did stand up for, I think from 2005 to like 2011, 12. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. And Dave was such a funny comedian. and this is both hysterical people and very different hysterical and uh that we have to be uh funny oh sorry yes yeah yeah like a hysterical pregnancy the two of you are so funny and so

interesting um but that you are and then you you meet and these two hysterical forces come together and do this podcast and so the most you're willing to share with the listeners is you met you gave away a clock yeah and dave said right now and then he used to live in a basement apartment. That's good information, yeah. But this was the second floor unit. And there was never, yeah, there was nothing more. No, yeah, I think that's...

Do you guys ever hug? We hugged. Yeah. You seem like, yeah, in order to preserve your relationship, you guys can't get too close. That's right. Yeah. But I don't know.

I feel like... To preserve our relationship. Because I hug you when I see you. I hug you, Dave, when I see you as well. And so because you're hugging both of us, it's like we're hugging you. Yeah. So that counts. I feel like the two of you would.

hug as often. I feel like you're more handshake. Yeah, yeah. Not even handshake. No, just a hello and a goodbye. Yeah. I've put the dogs out. You don't have to worry.

Would you guys hug right now? Just, I'd be curious. I just, because I can't, I don't think I've ever seen the two of you hug. You don't have to. Well, we'll, we'll have to. The two of you. Okay.

I would love to see the two of you hug. Whenever you're wrapping up the John Door podcast. Yeah. Well, we got to go soon, but we do have a few more minutes here. We've got to get to overheard. Yes, you just consulted a clock that doesn't run. Yes, I did. Yeah.

Hey. Right now it's the same time it's been for the last hour. Well, do we want it to be overheard time? Yeah, let's want it to be. I think it was nice to hear a little bit of the origin story and find out that the two of you don't hug that much, but we want to get a hug at you before the day's done. And so that was your, you went to C-Shall. I went to C-Shall down, a 12-year-old helped me run the audio and visual, and he was great. His name was Gabe, and he ruled.

Gabe, shout out to Gabe, thanks for all your help. The Sunshine Coast is a lovely place to be. Was it sunny or was rain shine coast? It was sunny. It was sunny. And I ate at a place called the wobbly canoe, which could only exist in, like, you know, small town, small town diner. Which there's not a ton of diners here in Vancouver. So whenever I'm out on the road and there's a diner, I...

Nice to get a greasy breakfast there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But you don't get meat with your breakfast. No. You get to just piled with loads of vegetables. What do you put, what do you eat for breakfast at a greasy spoon then?

If you don't have, like, will you do eggs? Eggs, potatoes. Yeah, pancakes. Yeah, I can't eat gluten anymore, but it would be, it would be toast. I would have had toast. Toast, would you have, oh, but you don't do gluten anymore. Nah. Interesting.

Okay, and then, but what if, what if, well, this, yeah, never mind. I was going to see, if you do a sandwich, what meat you put on there, but you don't do a sandwich. Or meat. But, you know, what meat substance? Oh, grilled cheese. Sandwich is a beauty at a diner. That's a classic diner meal. Exactly.

Have you tried a, um, uh, the McVEGie? No, I would never. I don't think I've, I went to McDonald's recently. I've been to McDonald's for my one visit every two years, and I did that recently, yeah. And it was good. The Juno, look, I'll tell you something right now. The McDonald's in Juneau.

I feel like, like, big city McDonald's, they get sloppy. But I'm telling you, the McDonald's in Juneau is pretty good. Yeah? Like, it's, yeah, the, like, everything, yeah, it's good. It's just a little better. It's just a little bit better. It's still shit, but it's better. Oh, how dare you?

The John Door Podcast is brought to you by McDonald's. The bun, the bun, guns aren't flat and will they're just like there's an integrity there's something going on in that kitchen yeah do you know remote enough that everything is like of uh hamburgers 30 dollars or um it's more expensive for sure but it's not that type of remote no it's not like a callowet where you know an egg is uh 28 dollars honestly the way it's going here it's 28 dollars true yeah so juno is like it's remote in that you can't drive in or out of the you got to fly in or ferry in right There are no roads out. So your food's coming in. Some of it's coming in by plane, but the majority is probably coming in by barge. There's not polar bears up that way.

No, no, no, no. Not Juno. No, no, Juno. Moose, yeah. No, no moose in Juneau. Oh, least, I've never seen a moose in Juno. Juno is an interesting place because it's not technically an island. It might as well be, but there's a huge ice field that you cannot traverse, right?

So that's why there's no roads in now. Never seen a moose in Juneau. Don't think we have any. You get deer. Okay, deer. deer, porcupine, bears, we've had bears at our house, several bears at the house this year. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. What kind of

bear we thought? Black bear? Yeah, big black bear. Yeah, black bear, you're going in a little life. Take these Little paws. Take these giant paws and learn to fight. Learn to, yeah. Break into my trash. You get that, they get into the trash, and, yeah, you got to make sure the kids are inside, obviously. You don't want them, yeah.

You ever see them, they were breaking into the movie theater and play pinball? No, I haven't seen it yet, but I mean, I'd love to meet a bear and hang out and play pinball. Yeah. Yeah. Crossing cultures and species, yeah. But anyway, listen, let's do some overheards. Yeah, let's do some overheard.

We got to wrap this up. The listeners, we need to, what we need to do is respect the listeners in their time. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back with them. Overheard. Now everybody knows that the greatest generation has always been Max Funn's go-to podcast for old Star Trek recaps. But what my theory presupposes is, what if it isn't? In a shocking turn of

events, Greatest Trek, the comedy podcast covering new Trek, has gone through a temporal wormhole back to the very beginning. Because we are now reviewing Star Trek the original series. That means when you subscribe now, you'll get episode by episode recaps of all the 1960s style action and intrigue, along with all the jokes and fun that make Greatest Gen and Greatest Trek, the number one Star Trek podcast out there. Subscribe now to greatest trek on maximum fun.org. Hey gang, it's Jesse Thorne,

host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. We are ringing in 25 years of Bullseye this fall. That's right, listener, 25 years. I started the show in my dorm room at UC Santa Cruz. What does that mean for you? Well, we'll have a whole month of special shows new and old, for one thing. We are putting on live

shows in Los Angeles, New York and Santa Cruz, got guests like Adam Scott, Roy Wood Jr., then Rebecca Sugar, just to name a few. And on October 9th, I will interview 25 people in a row. You can watch that live and streaming on our YouTube channel. I hope you'll plan on celebrating with us. That's maximum fun.org slash events. Thanks. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment where if you hear something,

we want to hear it too. And we always like to start with the guest. John, do you have an overheard? You know what? I was, you were overhearing me tuning a guitar. And I'm going to put that aside. You're going to play us out, right? I'll play us out.

I've got four of the six strings tuned. I do have an overheard. And this is a genuine overheard. Now, normally, we, you know, in the past, we sometimes get an overheard that's at a comedy show and it's a very, some people at the bar saying some really nice things about John Dorr. Well, it was an overheard, right? You guys said, yeah, yeah, the rules that overheard are, you know, yeah, there's a conversation you over here. And, yeah, I just happened to overhear people talking about how much they enjoyed my show. And, yeah, I guess I was criticized.

I didn't think I was going to be criticized, but I was by the two of you. Les Graham, more so David. But no, this is a genuine overheard. This is me arriving at the airport in Vancouver. Okay. I had an overheard, but it's all like stuff that kids say at school, and I feel like that's a little cheap. But anyway, this one is much of bad.

All the time. Well, I just feel like whatever. Like, they're kids. They're going to say dumb weird stuff. But anyway, so, no, I land in Vancouver, I have to clear customs, and I do clear customs. I've had some issues with customs, too.

you know what I hate is when it's really after you clear customs and then you get your bags off the carousel and then you got to wait in that huge lineup yeah that processes people out I know why they do it because after you get your bags they may want to send you to secondary uh yeah but it bothers me that there's you got to get in line with a thousand people to exit you've already got your bags you want to leave that's me nuts you just tell them you're uh go for a Canadian living in America or do they just no that that part's done that part You've already done that part. I think that, like, if you really want to get out there quickly, just say to them, hey, I don't, I shouldn't have to do this.

Yeah. I'm carrying as much cash as I want. By the way, I'm the type to try it. Mm-hmm. I am. I do. I hate the, I'm starting to really get annoyed by people who ignore etiquette. Like escalators at the Seattle airport, people, if you don't not, this is a very American thing.

In Canada, I notice that people don't follow the rules as much. Or they follow the rules more in Canada, but still annoying. But the United States, no one stands to the right of the escalator. It's like, I pay my taxes. I'm going to take up the whole. So if you're connecting and you've got to race through that airport, I am the one going, move to the right, move to the right. Yeah. Is there a sign?

No. Yeah. Here they have signs in the subways they do. And the weird thing is, and I've somebody posted like, here's a weird thing about escalators, you're not supposed to be on one side or the other. Everybody's supposed to stand at one step. That's what they're built for. So they're not built to... Wait a minute.

This is the escalator manufacturer so we're saying this. Schindler is saying... Yeah, Otis is saying... No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry, then don't introduce... Look, it, if you're going to put... If you're going to put an escalator in a subway,

people... Time is valuable. People need to race up these stairs to get to work. Yeah. So you stand to the right and let people walk up them. So an escalator is designed to just stay put? Yeah. Well...

Go to hell. Or distribute the weight Yeah, evenly Yeah, yeah But anyways, look There's no way anyone who is occupying The whole stare of an escalator is doing it Because they're trying to distribute

Distribute the weight In order to preserve the life of an escalator I read online They're not letting you pass No, I've read online that I'm supposed to be in the middle, sir I was listening to Graham Talk about weight distribution in escalators And I'm not moving

But it drives me nuts It's disrespectful And I'm now that guy To the right Yeah To the right everybody Yeah And I had one person say

Okay I go no Yeah Okay Like now I'm arguing I'm on an escalator Okay So here's my overheard

I get to I get to Vancouver I clear customs And as I'm Leaving customers I see a woman In full Nikob

Face covering A whole thing Approach got the attention of what are they called flight attendants who had just exited what do you call it immigration as well not customs and so and she's asking them a question I'm just

sort of paying attention and then as I'm getting close to them she leaves and I overhear him say the one flight attendant to the other flight attendant he says she thinks I was pointing to the carousel but I was pointing to the screen Oh, well. So this poor woman was asking for help And this person was trying to help

But then that person left And did not get the help she needed So what do I do? You get in there. I went back, well, I let the two flight times go. I went back and I said, excuse me, can I see your boarding pass? And she, very difficult. This is funny to you?

She showed me an Air Canada boarding pass She was also on a flight from Seattle. I was Alaska Airlines. She was Air Canada. And she had a stack of, I don't know where her point of origin was, and none of my business. Yeah.

But the most recent boarding pass. And I pointed to the screen and said, Carousel 33. She was not at Carousel 33. So I pointed to Carousel 33. And she thanked me and I saw her walk over to Carousel 33. So I went back and I fixed a situation because of an overheard. Yeah.

All right. So here's another example of me doing something great for society. Yeah. And telling your listeners about it, this is going to go down and stop podcasting yourself history as the most philanthropic overheard ever. I think you're right. You should have gone back to the flight attendant. You wouldn't have been like, hey, you really, you really screwed this lady over. You left her high and dry.

Yeah. Hey, I really fixed a situation there, huh? Huh? Why, you just don't look at my bags now, right? I fixed it. I should be able to clear customs right now. I just did something good. Yeah, I'm a hero.

Can I have an extra can of Coke on my next flight? Yeah, bring out your hero. the certificate. Do you guys feel weird about asking for the whole can on a flight? I generally just stick to water on the flights. Here we go. It doesn't eat meat, only drinks water.

Who are you? Joe Rogan? Who are? Joe Rogan? I do some elk hunting in my off time. Who are you Jack Lal? I'm both. I'm a little bit of Jack Whaleen.

I have a little bit of goat. You go out of vegetable hunting, you shoot zucchini. Right through the face. That's going to taste good. What are your overheards? Okay. Yeah, Dave, you haven't overheard, Shirley. I was in Popeyes, the chicken store.

I've heard of it. I go there and I buy a six-pack of biscuits. Oh, yeah. Because, you know what? Chicken butt. Probably. Probably. Yeah.

And there was like a couple of teenagers, and they were, like, seeing each other for the first time. Nice. And it was two, like, 14-year-old boys. I think they had maybe gone to elementary school together. but now they went to different high schools and they were like oh my god and they first thing they did was they stood up and they measured to see who is taller cute that is cute and then one of them goes oh you look hell of different bro you still locked in on basketball you still go to the gym oh man Marcus got suspended I'm not going to say why you

suspended because I don't like it but then he said it was kind of a street it was kind of a three Strikes thing. He's the dumbest kid alive. Marcus is the dumbest kid alive. Yeah, yeah. Well, with the name like that. Hard start. Hard start.

Marcus? Yeah. Have you ever met a smart Marcus in your life? A smarcus. Yeah. I have. Yes. Marcus Rummery.

Yeah. Former stand-up comedian. Oh, what happened to him? I have just, I think he moved away. He was smart. Yeah. He got out of comedy. For me, it would be Marcus Aurelius.

Oh, and he's from Gladiator. I was going to say an explorer, but yes, Gladiator, of course. The explorer was, of course, a Marcios Vespucci. It's Luciano Casimiri. My overheard is from the other day, I was driving in my car, and I like listening to the radio, when I'm driving. Did they ever do that thing where they're, like, talking before the song starts? Yeah, well, this was exactly that. Okay.

So Tuesday, here in Canada, was a day called Truth and Reconciliation Day. Reconciliation. You said Reconcile. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, okay. So it's just got to reconcile. Yeah, I'm reconciling things. Yes.

It's a very somber day looking at the indigenous culture here in Canada. So a very serious day. Every station was playing, what are they called? Interstitials? Buffy St. Marie. No. No, no. but things saying like today's are

our data listen and this is and so very serious and I was flipping around the channels and one of them was reading this very serious thing obviously had been pre-recorded because as they were reading it the music underneath was oh my god everybody

danced no way yeah but wait a minute so the radio station was playing a bed of music underneath. Well, they were still playing music. They were still playing music, and that just happened to be the song. That's so weird.

So on top of it, but it was a pre-recorded message. Yeah, I think played over at top of they didn't know what song it was going to be. Oh, my God. Because, yeah, I think maybe creating a bed of its own for the I wonder who made that decision. Someone's getting fired. Stupid Marcus. Well, Marcus is getting fired.

Everybody dance now. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, Bum, Acapella. Everybody dance now That was good Good work you guys Now we also have overheard sent into us By people all over the world

If you want to send one in Send it to SBIY at Maximumfund.org And this first one comes from Holly This is a fourth grader My fourth grade nephew Just told my kindergarten niece I love our dog's ass

And she sort of paused He said what? She has a big ass Drew? Yeah. What, what am I supposed to say? Your dog has a big ass. I don't think I use the word ass.

Yeah, what am I supposed to keep that to myself? We were... We got a beautiful ass, it's big. We were a bum family. Oh, he said, well before we even got to butt. Yeah, we were a butt family. Our whole... The family I have now, I'm surprised at.

Yeah. The language is not acceptable. What is swearing? Oh, my God, yes. Like, Emma will not swear. Unless she's repeating something that happened at school and she asked permission and I know where she gets to this.

My teacher called me. The B word. But Christina is a sailor. Yeah. But if you're driving in Juneau, Alaska, there's a good chance Christina has, there's a good chance you've been called a stupid piece of shit.

Oh, no. Christina is ridiculous. Yeah. Just swear, no matter what. Crazy. In front of the kids? Oh, yeah. Jesus.

Oh. Hey. Huh? Jesus isn't a swear. Well, that's true. It's a guy. Today we're talking about Jesus Christ and a sacrifice for all mankind. Everybody dance now.

Yeah, they really should do. I guess the other 364 days are truth and reconciliation of Jesus. This next one comes from Kirsten D. This is a graffiti on the outside deposit shoot of a TD bank that says, Chad Michael Murray. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think it's him? No, but I have seen those graffitos, their tags, like people will just develop just a normal.

Yeah. Like there was a good, someone was writing John Cusack. Yeah, Jack Cusac, Cilidion, I've seen. Fat Booty Cillian. Yeah, this is just straight up Chad and Michael Murray. What? She's got a big booty. Yeah.

What? Yeah. What was to say? Quiet about it? I don't think so. Say what I see. This last one comes from Tim, from Phoenixville, Pennsylvania. Yeah.

Phoenixville. Overheard at a street level in Phoenixville. Man walking down the street, smoking a cigarette with a bow constrictor around his neck. Oh, my God. Bystander of the friend, I know two things. Smokie will kill you. And that snake belongs in the jungle. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And did you ever, in Ottawa, was there ever a snake guy or a parrot guy? Definitely a rat guy. Oh, yeah. Downtown Byrd Market. I don't remember a snake guy, though. No. But, I mean, I get the, yeah, they're out there.

You still smoke cigarettes, John? I do. I do. Occasionally. I go on and off, but yeah. Yeah. I'm not around the kids. No, but when I'm, yeah, I sit in an armchair with my pipe.

Yeah. And that's known as don't bother daddy time. Yeah, yeah. Put on your slippers. Read dickens. It is the hardest thing to quit, I'll be honest with you, for me to do. Yeah. For me, it's masturbating.

Is that right? Yeah. The hardest thing. Uh-huh. Interesting. I haven't smoked in. Oh. 44 years.

Yeah, 44 years. But, well, then keep doing what you're doing. Yeah. It's like, uh, you've found jerking it. You got to get addicted to something else. Yeah. And that's what you did. Get busy living or get busy.

Jerkin. I suppose. Train spotting too. Now, in addition to or words that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos. And, oh, sounds like I have a meeting in 10 minutes. Um, if you would like to send us a voice memo, do it. SPY at maximum fun. And if you want to call us, it's one, 844-779-763-1.

That's one. Ugh. SpyPod, one like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham and Possible guest. This is Mack calling in from Madison, Wisconsin, with an over-dreamt. I dreamt that I was in my apartment with a beautiful woman who had propositioned me for sex, and I told her, yes, but I need to clean my room first, and I spent the entire rest of the dream, cleaning my room

No friggin' way That's the best Your stupid brain Yeah So relatable Yeah And you wake up really frustrated Yeah

God damn it And then you wake up And then you wake up And your room's not even clean Yeah I hate reality And I Yeah we'll get to the sex

But just really quickly Let me make my bed I had a dream Totally get it by the way I had a dream last night That I forget I was doing some task And it was kind of frustrating

And then I woke up like And I had like an hour left before my, before my alarm was going to go off. And so I went back to sleep and I was having the same dream. And I went like, you don't have to have this dream. You've been awake. You know this is a dream. Yeah.

Before we have intercourse, I'm just going to quickly dust this show. All right. Next phone call. Well, I've said things to myself like, like, I know I was having a dream and I'm, and I'm like, okay, what was I dreaming about? Come on, come on, come on, come on. What were you dreaming about? Let's go.

Like, I've had that conversation with me. myself. Yeah. Yeah. Who cares? Just fall asleep. Yeah. I so desperately need to remember this dream. No idea what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Probably no one else will appreciate it the way you did. Yeah, that's true. Well, here's your next one. Here we go. Thank you. Hello, Dave Graham and esteemed guest. This is Zane from Kalamazoo, Michigan, calling it an overseen. Um, the person in front of me at a light just drained a can of tuna out their driver's side window. Oh, my God.

Thought you should know. Anyway, off I go. Wow. Kalamazoo, Michigan. Yeah. So the can, I guess they had the can. Oh, no, I guess I'm thinking he needed a can opener, but they probably had one of those things.

Oh, yeah. And then drained, ugh. Yeah. And then what is, what's going on, eating it with a spoon? Maybe popping it on a salad they have on their lap and a go container? Yeah. I mean, you're not just eating tuna out of a can, are you? No, but that real Mary, you know?

What's going on in Kalamazoo, Michigan? What's the Rio Mare? It's the one that's like packed in oil. And it's like an Italian style, not treaded. Yeah, like Luciano Dmitriov. Draining a can, Luciana, Luchiano Casimiria. Draining a can of tuna out the window. I wonder, I want to do a video, an Instagram video show about just eating complicated foods in the car while driving.

I like that. Like a turkey, a full turkey with all the, uh, the dressing. I feel like it's pretty dangerous. Every episode is something different. When did I eat the other day? Oh, it was a big slice of pizza that you had to fold. Yeah. Delicious.

Yeah. I had to start it at the red light, but I could do the rest while I drove. Are you sure this wasn't a dream? Do you ever steer with your knees to apply ketchup to your venous? Okay. David, you know, we need to wrap this up. You're being like ridiculously silly today. And normally I like it, but I just feel like you need to show a little bit more maturity.

And here's your final phone call. Thank you. Hi, Dave and Graham Impossible guest This is Casey calling from Angersall With a over red, I guess I was just on YouTube

And I came across a video Where the title of the video Is John Stamos here's Papa Roach for the first I'm sorry I didn't watch it or anything

And I'm never going to I know I'm going to watch it There's a video On the internet Where you can see John Stamos Listen to Papa Roach For the first time Oh god

The internet sucks Lots of that stuff out there Yeah I like those ones where it's like a drummer hearing like they'll get like Stuart Copeland to hear Limp Biscuit for the first time and he's got to come up with his own beat.

Oh yeah where he he gets the music minus the drum track piped into his earphones. I guess so yeah those are those are interesting I don't know any of this stuff really you're a professional musician you don't have the most popular music well you guys

brings us to the end of this here podcast John people can see you at the London Comedy Festival and London Ontario. If you're in Ingersoll, that's where Abby's parents grew up. Stop by. It's built by the old stomping grass. Yeah, but you can make it to London.

You could go to Tilsonburg, too. Yeah. My back still hurts when I hear that word. Tilsonburg. Yeah. Do you not know that Stop and Tom? Stott of Tom. Yeah.

I feel like David does not know. I don't know. I know that's where Debra did Giovanni's from. Get the guitar. My dad did radio. My dad was once a radio broadcaster. And he, one of his first jobs was in Tilsenburg, Ontario. Okay.

Yeah, he's got some, I got some old tapes of my dad on the air from back in the day. That's where you get it. Yeah. Um, so John, people can check it. Where can they find you online? Where can they see all the great things that John produces? Well, look, go to, my Instagram is at TV's John Door. I'm a very busy primary caregiver to two children at the moment.

So a lot of my content there, uh, is family oriented and fun, but I also promote my dates. You go to John Door.com. He's crying not to cry. You can go to John. I'm always trying not to cry. This crazy world. Yeah. People getting vaporized by hellfire missiles fired from a drone.

Come on, who's not sad? Yeah, everybody's sad. Everybody's sad now. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Go to johndore.com, and you can find my dates. Yeah, Johndor.com for tickets to shows. I'm going to be in Southern Ontario. I'm going to be in St. Catherine's, Ontario, Hamilton,

and then fun comedy festival in London, Ontario. People like Tom Green. Dimitri Martin and Roy Scholar. That's on November 6th. So, yeah, that's about it. But thank you guys for having me. I appreciate it. John, thank you for coming here and, you know, you're doing shows in town.

I'm sad, too, just so if everyone knows. You're also said. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's talk about that for a second. No, no, no. We got to go. We got to go.

Just want everyone to know, like, oh, Dave didn't seem that set. He was, I'm probably the saddest one. Yeah. We're going to talk off air. Don't worry. We're going to counsel Dave. Make sure he's okay, everyone. So no worries here.

Well, you guys, it's been fantastic. Thank you. for being our guest. Thank you, everybody out there for listening. If you are having a hard or sad day, C&C Music Factory will bring it right back to Happy. No joke.

And come back next week for another episode to stop podcast to yourself. Maximum Fun A worker-owned network Of artist-owned shows Supported directly By you Last year, my dick fell off when I fell down on the ring, a hockey team with some very sharp blades, came and skated over my dink.

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