Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 92 - Emmett Hall

Episode Date: December 15, 2009

Emmett Hall returns to talk about partying, the apocalypse, and the self-checkout line.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode 92 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, Naughty 2. If you were to ask, what was that band called in 1992? I have no idea. KRS-One? Well, I'll look into it.

My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who doesn't wear glasses all the time, but when he does does it doesn't look like he's putting on airs mr dave shumka yeah uh although it kind of leads me to believe that i'm maybe not the most genuine person when people start asking me are those real glasses oh yeah totally i dig it um and joining us here for our second last podcast of 2009. That may not be true. Okay. Well, you know what?

If it's not, then we can just... You'll put your name back in the draw. I'm sure. For that big tan. And the car wax. A second time repeat guest, a performer, a cartoonist, a musician, one half of the singing duo Knights of the Night, Mr. Emmett Hall. Hey there, Dave and Graham.

It's wonderful to be back here. Round two. That's obnoxious. Stop that. Funny guys, Dave and Graham. I don't like that one bit. Please stop. I guess we should get to know us.

And that. Get to know us. I want to know more about that. Where did that voice come from? Oh, I just thought I would... Do a character? Well, I thought we're on radio kind of thing. Sort of thing, yeah.

Just be yourself. We're not really on radio. You're good enough. You don't have to do a thing. You don't have to do a thing. You don't have to do an act. Okay, I'll just talk like me. This is great. This is the real Emmett Hall. Yeah.

The last time I heard Adam Pateman on your podcast, I thought he sounded exactly like me. You could put both voices together. You know that Adam Pateman's in New York doing an Emmett Hall tribute act. Concrete Jungle, where dreams are made of. You could put both voices together. You know that Adam Pateman's in New York doing an Emmett Hall tribute act. Yeah. That's what he's doing now. Concrete Jungle, where dreams are made of.

Is that right? The one-act play that I wrote? About me? Who else is a sound alike? Isn't Ivan Decker and someone else a sound alike? Kid Koala? Oh, yeah. That's right.

Yeah. When they scratch. Koalas scratch a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're very violent creatures. They're cute, but don't try and pick them up. Oh, they're cute when they're kid koalas. Yeah.

Emma, is it? Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, that's another one actually I'm writing. You were named after the Gwyneth Paltrow film. Don't kill my dogs. Can we get to know you? Yeah, I'm wondering how do we get to know you? yeah, I'm wondering

how do we want to approach this? do we want to say, Emmett, what have you been doing since last time you were on the podcast? or do we just want to go in the past four busy days that I had? no, you know what? whatever you want you were saying, we were talking in the kitchen, you were living

recently kind of a boho existence. Yeah, vagabond. You were living in a sublet. You didn't know, yeah, you didn't know where your next sandwich was coming from. In a way, yeah. The beginning of the new year, 2009. Yeah, what a year it's been. Well, okay, let's look back.

Let's look back. The advent of Gaga. Yeah. That's what I was gonna say was it really that's the only thing I have from 2009 that's the only thing

that was good and she's done a complete loop around where everyone's like oh god Lady Gaga what a joke and now everyone's like I'm gonna go see her

she's amazing what an artist oh I thought you said the loop around was now that she's back now she's back to oh god soon enough

I think yeah she'll hit her stride. The strides now. Yeah, this is it. Also 2009, the year of stride gum. Yum. Spit it out.

Yeah. Okay, so skip January and February. Okay, what were you doing for Chinese New Year? Okay. March. How was your work? March, okay. St. for Chinese New Year? March. St. Patrick's Day is in March. The Ides. Were you aware of it?

No. I don't consider myself a Caesar. Yet. I haven't built my empire yet. A2 Emmett. Adam's helping in New York right now. Spread the word on the East Coast. Yeah. I went, I

actually went to Denmark in March and I was there for three months doing some more schooling because I'm an animator by trade. Yes. And it was time for me to... One of the oldest trades in the world. Yep. David used to do it. Do you do computer or you do traditional?

Wow. Interesting you bring that up. Because I've been doing, I was trained in traditional animation and I kind of worked in that medium-ish for six years. Right. Five to six years. And then I said, okay, well, it's time to go learn the more 3D computer-y stuff. Reboot.

Yes, reboot. What's that guy that puts his arm back on? No, Astar the robot. Reboot. Yes, reboot. What's that guy that puts his arm back on? Astar, the robot. So, and I went to... Do you know Astar? He did a lecture at the school. He's like, okay, guys.

Somebody stole my arm. Well, it was the thing. He's just acting. He really gets tired of doing that line. Oh, does he? Yeah, man, that's after. It's like, that's not my voice. That was the thing. He's just acting. He really gets tired of doing that line. Oh, does he? Yeah. It's like, that's not my voice. That was a thing. That was ADR.

Yeah. So I was there for three months learning 3D animation. In Danish. In Danish. Yeah. Yeah. I am 3D computer. So did you get to spend time in denmark soaking up the culture not as much as i

thought i was going to because i was locked in this kind of school for three months straight because it was a really intensive course because i was trying to learn as much as i could in these three months and everyone in my class was everything but dan. These people came from all over Europe. So I had Ukrainians and Bulgarians and Irish and Italians and French coming into this class. And then all the instructors were from everywhere, from like France. But this was all done in English?

In English, yes. So because everyone's mutual second language was English. And you're first. Yes, my first. So I won. They weren't like, ah, ah, ah like in danish please which is the hardest language that's why they all speak english is because they go they're not don't worry it's too hard to learn we have a hard time speaking our awful language too so we know that it's better to speak your language now did you live at this were you

living on a campus yeah Yeah, this campus was these kind of gutted out army barracks. Whoa. And then I kind of lived in a stadium that was across the way. There was these kind of residencies in the back of this stadium, Danish Stadium. So was this stadium still in operation?

Yeah, there we'd hear the cheering soccer, football. Why is your rent so low well wait until saturday oh no i mean our showers with a soccer no seriously it was like that this is the weird thing was they'd have the big soccer games and crowds like tens of thousands of people would show up for these soccer games in the snow that would be in the weekend but in the back, there was gymnasiums and they're really into handball, apparently, in this little town. Handball coordination.

And these teenagers were part of this handball team got to stay at the residence in the floors above us. Oh, so you just heard balls knocking around the floor. Well, we heard teenagers let loose. Pretty much. It was teenagers let loose from their parents

to go play handball for a couple weeks or something like that. Handball for... Penalty shot. Remind me, this happens in kind of a room that has a plexiglass. One of the walls is plexiglass and you're just hitting the ball against the wall.

Is it like a squash court? It's like squash, but without a stick. You wear a mitt instead of a stick. No, it's your hand. You have to put your hand in the nets. Your hand is the ball. And you have to run. You pass your hand.

You have to dunk your hand. You pass the glove and then you put your hand in the net. You know who's really good at that? Astar. Yeah. He was one of the famous... Oh, man. That's good. It was the...

Clarky Pocket, that was called. But it is. It is. In all seriousness. No, I think it's some... I thought... I never even watched them do it. I just avoided these kids as much as possible because I'd hear them playing.

They would spend... So you didn't make any friends. No. They spent... They'd wake up before me. Yeah. And they'd warm up and spend all day running around, screaming at each other, playing

handball, and then they'd spend all night playing techno above us. That's how you cool down after a day of handball. I don't know. It was insane. So I spent all my time at the school. Now, do you feel like you got a lot out of that three months? Was was that good it was

good i was it was intensive and i worked hard and i yeah it was oh god i don't know this is it's really hard to be really bad at something now at this age again you know i don't know when the last time you guys have said i you know what i'm gonna take up clarinet that looks like fun and then you try and you go it is so i have no patience to be off i'm bad i just realized this past weekend not to derail because we'll get to know me but this past weekend i realized i'm really bad at a lot of things like that's that's my new thing that i've discovered but when you're a kid or a teenager and whether you're forced into it or not you kind of have that patience or that to to like oh, well, I'm really bad

at guitar now, but I'm going to... I don't think I had that patience. I think that's why I'm currently so bad at so many things because I never had the patience to get better at them. But what are you saying? You were bad at the 3D animation? It was hard because I've been doing animation for a while and I go, oh, I know

how this works. And then I sit down and I go, I should know how this works and I can't do this. Now it's just, everything's wrong. I felt mentally challenged. But still, like it kind of made me someone who had a stroke.

My brain works, I know what it's supposed to do, but my body's not functioning. Mentally challenged sounds, I know what you mean by it. But it's like, oh, my brain's getting a challenge. That's fun. Like, it's learning. Yeah.

I'm growing. You're like, yeah. I should have looked at it that way. I should have been more optimistic and said, you know what? This is a mental challenge to me. Yeah. Like on Double Dare, they could do the physical challenge. Or you could be mentally challenged.

So you came back? I came back. back so after schooling i took a little vacation i went okay yeah where'd you go i went to france and i went you spent time in france before i would been in france for a year three years ago yeah i worked there so i reconnected with my amaze a me oh yeah yeah don't speak the language I don't speak a lot of French but if you pretend to have that attitude, it sounds really convincing. The main word that they use in France is the word... It's weird. That accent sounds like it's just... You're being defensive constantly, like saying,

do you want another beer? Yeah, I want another beer. I mean, of course I do. Did you enjoy the movie? Yeah, I enjoyed the movie. Oui, j'aime le film. Biciclette. Of course.

Yes, I ride a bike. Yes, I love my father. Yes, I ride a bike. Yes, I love my father. Those are page one and two of any French manual. That's Parisian French. I love my biciclette. J'aime mon père.

Freddie Mercury was French. Yeah. From what I understand, his mustache was English. So you came back and you've been living this bohemian lifestyle. Well, I came back and I said, all right, I went to...

Bohemian like you. I thought I would go. Right now, I've got the skills. It's time to amp up my lifestyle, get a new job. Yes. Get a haircut. And I moved into my dad's house. Oh.

And I didn't have a job. And I turned 29. Ew. And that was for three weeks and then i spent the rest of the summer being on pretty much unemployed and subletting various houses now uh i've i've sublet before dave have you sublet no before what was this your first round of subletting um no i've done i've done that before. Yeah. You must like it okay if you were willing to do it again.

Yeah, because I didn't know what I was going to do in terms of... I found a job of trying to establish myself again. When you sublet, it's a furnished place. Yeah. It's their place. You are just keeping it while they're gone. Right. Do they need their cat sit?

I had to feed some fish. Okay. So it's like the scary part of it is it's none of your stuff, but you're living as if it's your stuff. It's the equivalent of if you lived in a department store. And we're very afraid of ruining. You're always scared that you're going to ruin somebody's stuff. Oh, yeah. It's a constant. It's kind of scared that you're going to ruin somebody's stuff. Oh, yeah.

Like, it's a constant. It's kind of like that Tom Hanks movie, The Terminal. Yeah, because he was subletting the airport. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it's okay. I guess if you're in flux. I don't know. To do that.

it's okay. I guess if you're in flux. I don't know. To do that... The thing was, it really kind of hit home when I was unemployed and subletting for longer than I was away for. I'd been gone for three months, and then I hit the four-month mark here. So I've been

as inactive as I was active. Right. You deserve it. Yeah, and now... Chin up chin up emmet you start you well i've got a job now yeah and uh actually i'm gonna move i got a place for january 2010 is gonna be my year now do you have any stuff it's in storage oh he's got stuff in storage this guy's gonna figure it out you know what i that's what i want the way you're describing this to me you're not a guy who's lost in the waves of uncertainty you're a guy who's got it all figured out. You know what I, that's what I want, the way you're describing this to me, you're not a guy

who's lost in the waves of uncertainty, you're a guy who's got it all figured out. Yeah. You got it all stored away. Yeah, it's stored away, you're ready to go,

you got a place, you got a job. Do you guys have any idea how patronizing this is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's what we do. Yeah.

Look at you. Look at you, huh? Hey there, buddy, hi. Yeah, good work, champ. Yeah, I just took off five, six months of doing nothing and did a comedy show maybe once or twice. That's what I did. I started the Nights of the Night.

Yeah, which is great. With Ken Lawson. That was kind of my project to keep me occupied during the summer. For anybody who doesn't know what is outside of Vancouver or hasn't had the pleasure of seeing you guys perform, kind of describe what it is that Night to the Night is.

Night to the Night are myself and Ken Lawson, two Vancouver-based comedic-involved fellows in the community. Funny men.

Yeah. This is quite the bio sheet. Gosh. Anyway, so we're both musicians, and we both like epic giant music. Music for giants. Yeah. Music for giants.

Like Fantasia. Yeah. That is what I think of. Night on Bald Mountain. Yeah, yeah. Tuba music. Yeah. Ken plays tuba.

Yeah. I play timpani. It's very percussive. It's the biggest music you can find. Giant music. He's a really stellar guitar player and I play bass every once in a while. We dress up as knights.

We pretend to be chivalrous and we sing very elaborate songs. That could be the tagline of your show, Knights of the Night, Chivalry's Not Dead. We've talked a lot about chivalry in our shtick. Alright, I'm just, you know,

what do you call in the show business? Spitballing? Speedballing? Is that the one where you're good at riding horses? You're good at being a good person. That's what you're talking about. What am I talking about? Stenography. Oh, sorry, yeah. Calligraphy.

Shorthand. Just general shorthand. And you guys have done some shows. And here's one realization. Is that Nights of the Night can either be the awesomest experience or the stupidest experience.

For us as performers, I guess we've discovered this. Where in that when the bravado is presented at full capacity, the audience is going to really dig it. But if not, then we're guys in gray long johns. Sure. Smocks. And forcing people to listen to eight-minute songs that don't make any sense. But you know what? What's the difference between that and any kind of epic metal tinged band?

The only difference between that and Anvil is at the end of the night, Anvil is their only Anvil. We get to go BS again? You can go and not be Knights of the Night, but Anvil have to go back to their hotel room and be like, ah, we're still Anvil. Have either of you guys seen that documentary?

I've seen it. They get a little Q&A when I went and saw them, too. Oh, you saw them when they performed recently? They showed the movie, and then I watched the movie, and then they did a Q&A. It was at the Cinematheque. The movie is called Anvil, The Story of Anvil? Yes.

And it's a documentary about this band. But it's about Anvil. And it's a real band. About a band called Anvil. Sure. Not about the things that fall on Wiley Coyote. Or the wrestler that was teamed up with Bret the Hitman Hart. Oh, I don't remember him. Or her.

He had a long beard. And the next night after that movie, I saw they played at Pat's Pub. Yes. And the whole movie's about their 30-year struggle of... Of trying to get some legitimacy.

And playing to no crowds. And when I saw them the next night, they didn't really play to much of a crowd. Really? Well... No. I didn't even stay for the whole show either. The thing about these guys

is in the... Like, the sense you get in the first two minutes of the documentary, they, they kind of parade out all these super famous metal rock God people. They all admit that Anvil. Warren Zevon, Zamfear.

Zamfear is there. Well, it's like Slash, right? And Metallica. Yeah. Lars Ulrich, I think says something.

And they all say, oh, we basically, in essence, they say in a very nice way that they ripped off what they liked about Anvil. Metallica. Yeah, Lars Ulrich, I think, says something. And they all say, oh, we basically... In essence, they say in a very nice way that they ripped off what they liked about Anvil and then left them on the junk heap. Sure.

So I guess they were quite innovative in some capacity in their day, but they're very Spinal Tap. Like, they're the real, like, a living, actual embodiment. Anyways, you saw them them live but at the end of the night they don't get to go and be a cartoonist the next day no they have to go back to their ontario no no no documentaries are they always sad um have you seen uh the one at cane toads

no oh it's very funny oh okay it's about a It's about in Australia how they brought in cane toads to fight off a certain type of grasshopper that was eating their crops. And then nothing ate the cane toads and they became overran. It's very funny. The thing is shot the way that the story is told is very hilarious. Recommended. Okay. But every other documentary is sad. That's Canto's with a K.

Yeah. It's about Citizen Canto's. But yeah, you've landed on your feet. You're back on top. Yeah, I'm getting there. I've got a new place. Okay, yeah. I just bought a bed. Yes. Sleep country Canada? I can sleep now. I buy a new place I bought a bed Sleep Country Canada

I can sleep now I buy a mattress anywhere else Or did you get it at the brick? I went to Sleep Country Good advertising for them Where else are you going to go? Where else are you going to go? I got mine at a place

This is good that we're selling them here Because I don't think anyone has heard of them before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're just a small mom and pop operation. You can get a bed at a lot of places, though.

Uh-huh. Like, you could go to Brick. Yeah, you go to Lyons. Or to Ikea. Ikea. I got mine at a place called Parker's on Broadway in Maine. That's a mom and pop shop, isn't it? Parker's?

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. They sell their own brand, though, and they also sell Sealy. Sealy, posture-paid. Sealy Simmons. Beauty Rest. Memory Foam. Memory Foam is the wine glass. No, that's the

Simmons pocket coil. Which one's the... Memory Foam is like... I thought Memory Foam was the wine glass. Which one's the... Memory foam is like... I thought memory foam was the wine glass. Like you put the wine glass on and it won't spill. Oh, I'm thinking the bowling ball. Bowling ball is the Simmons pocket coil. Yeah, that's the coils.

What about sleep number? Is that the one where you press in a number? You're like, I'm a six, he's a nine. Yeah, we 69. Yeah. Now, that sound you may have just heard was Emmett laughing. That's the sound of Emmett's laughter. Yeah.

It's like children's laughter, but worse. The memory foam, my bed conforms to my body perfectly. Is that just years of indentation from you yeah and that's what how is that different from memory foam um i uh i have a memory foam bed and it basically it redoes it every time you get into bed oh it's like starting at one but ending at well no it remembers like because if you get up uh to to go do a line or a speedball whatever it is that you do you go back to bed

the bed will still be in the shape maybe more cocaine will help me sleep but yeah but you're happy you got a new bed is it in storage as well? no this bed I put the deposit down oh okay you pick it up when you move in Yeah, I'm going to drop it off

You should get a bed frame like a grown-up I might almost do that No, it's a mattress and then it's got the spring box The race car It's a dragon Well, Dave, should we get to know you? What's going on?

Shumka style You've said enough right? It's gotta have been two hours by now Talking about me Longer than my play Emmett brings a bit of tood A bit of tood that doesn't normally exist I think I would call it baditude

Some people call it rat-itude. Yeah. I can think of four guys who would. Anyway, let's get to know me. This week, I did a show. I really should have... I feel bad when there's a big show, and I always forget to mention the big show on the podcast.

But this past week, I did a really big show. Emmett was there. I was supposed to be there, but didn't get back to the bookers in time. We did a show at a Chinese restaurant. An enormous Chinese restaurant. It's surprisingly enormous.

250 people or something? Yes. And that's how many people were in there. Yeah, it sold out. Turn people away. It was a Chinese buffet. Yeah, like people were eating and then they watched the show. Yeah. Wow. That was part of the ticket was you'd get Chinese buffet in addition

to the comedy. Wow. The show was slowed down. We couldn't start the show on time because there was still such a huge line for food and the line went right in front of the stage. Yeah, of course. But I did that show and then it was a great show.

Although the audio wasn't the best. It was weird. But you somehow like, miracle-ized it when you showed up and it all worked fine for you and then everyone else it was Yeah, because I'm one guy and everyone else was a

and there was one good microphone and I used it and everyone else it was yeah because i'm one guy and everyone else was a and there was one good microphone and i used it and everyone else was a sketch group using four microphones um but i so uh we did the show it was really good did you have any of this chinese food yeah i had all a lot of the chinese it was good yep yeah you I had a small plate. Oh, good for you. Just because... Everything in moderation, right? Well, before a show, getting a full stomach... Sure, sure.

It's just, you know... But we... Full capacity. I had never heard of this place before, and so I went online. It's the Chinese food restaurant in Tinseltown, the weird mall in... The weirdest mall.

Upstairs. Second floor. Second floor in the food court. I am aware of it. I didn't realize it was that big. No, I know. Neither did I. It kind of looks kind of slick. It's got interesting track lighting on it.

Weird renovated... And I wouldn't think the sound system in a Chinese restaurant would be up to snuff, being that it's probably not the site of a lot of life. But they do rent it out to a lot of weddings, apparently. Right. So there's often people speaking into microphones. But the whole mall is a bizarre mall

because it's super modern. It was built 10 years ago. Yeah, but it was built to make it look like 10 years in the future. That's why it looks so modern. Yeah. But there's never been really stores in it. It's just been a giant...

There's a whole second half, which is always empty on that second floor. It's very cavernous. It is a very... It's not... You know, usually when you're in a mall, you just feel like you're constantly in contact with people. You never get that sensation in Tinseltown. There's times when you can walk in the front door, go all the way up to the third floor, which is the movie theater, not run into a soul. But not this night.

But, so, I didn't know where this place was. So, I went online looking for the address, and it was in Tinseltown. place was so i went online looking for uh the address and it was in tinseltown and but when i looked for the name of the chinese food restaurant i went to a website that had reviews oh yeah yeah and which are often mean-spirited i find yeah yeah it's like that um customer service thing if someone has a good experience they'll tell two people if they have a bad experience they'll tell two people. If they have a bad experience they'll tell ten people. Yeah, and on a line, that can go viral. That ten can turn into a hundred. Yeah. If they YouTube their comments.

Yeah, sure. Pass this on. So they had a... So one of the reviews... This place had mediocre reviews but you're not really expecting much from a buffet. No, well... I'm expecting there to be food and lots of it. That's it.

I had all I could eat. But one of the reviews was, the staff was terrible. It was a terrible place. I felt really sick afterwards, and diarrhea wasn't the worst of my worries. I ended up in the hospital with a reaction to shellfish and I nearly died. So somebody is anaphylactic.

Maybe it was an allergic reaction. Yeah. I mean, as an overtly and overly allergic individual, you can't... Buffet is off of the table. You can't have it. When you're allergic to... No, just because the mixture, potential mixture...

There's no way. I've never had buffet in my life where it hasn't ended badly. And not because of the food, but it's literally some dude is using the same spoon

that he just picked up to pick up everything. So you need to be not allergic to anything. Except, you know, people with penicillin. It's very rarely in a buffet that there's a penicillin tray. Sure. So you'll be fine. Well, I feel I should speak up here about that restaurant. And it's because I don't know if those guys want to do another show there because it was so successful, so I don't want to put

fear, strike fear. But you can go to the food inspection website. Did Matt send you the same thing he sent me? Yeah, yeah. Who's Matt? We have a listener, Matt, who is a friend of Emma's.

He was my old roommate. Alright. He emailed us links to the Vancouver Food Inspection for this restaurant. And most restaurants have like three or four violations. Oh, dear. And they're like very minor violations. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, you know, you got to get a new cloth.

You know, whatever. Yeah. You were two degrees off on your story. Sure, sure. And this place had something like 26? A reoccurring, very questionable, weird... Here's the thing, why I don't... because in Toronto,

when you get your food inspection, you have to put it on the front window. Okay. And you walk into a place and there's always it's a sticker that says, you know, good conditional pass, you know, whatever it is.

So you can walk in and go, oh, no, I'm not eating here because it's, you know, sketchy or whatever. I don't understand why that's not a universal, that seems like that should be a universal system

in every setting. And I kind of felt like a doctor's degree. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I kind of felt when I was on the webpage, like, oh, I'm kind of being sneaky by looking at these violations. But really, they should have to be up front.

You'd be like Alex Mack. That being said, I didn't... Diarrhea was to a minimum for me. Yeah, diarrhea was no more than usual for me. You know, you were going up a ladder and you heard a sudden splatter. Diarrhea. Boom, boom. Or depending where you grew up.

I had a baseball game and I slid into third. Feeling juicy. So you ate at the buffet and then you went and played a baseball game? Here's the thing about me. I saw it floating down the gutter on a piece of bread and butter. I've never heard that one. Well, you guys been in my Chevy?

Whoa. Feeling something heavy? Some people think it's gross, but it's pretty good on toast. Well, it wasn't a big deal for me until I slid into first. Something burst. You know you can just overrun first. You don't need to slide into it. Yeah.

What happened when you headed for home, Emmett? Come on. What happened when you headed for home? What did happen? I think your pants were full of foam. Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

Well, Graham, do you want to get to know you? I sure do. I sure do, Dave. Here's the thing. Much like this Chinese food show that I didn't go to

and then you hear stories about it and you're like oh I wish I was at that thing yeah I will say it was great and it was it was a one of a kind totally

like try and think of the last time an independent comedy show had 250 people yeah it was a huge success it was great sounds fun sounds great

I think Cam McLeod past guest had a hand in organizing it. Man Hussey. Yeah, he and Dan Code pretty much were the spearheaders. It was great for them. Good for them.

Yeah. Bully. And I wish I was there. But anybody who listened to the podcast last week knew that my voice was on death's door. So I needed to not go out to anything all week. And that started right after the podcast. I didn not go out to anything. All week. And that started right after the podcast. I didn't go out at night. It was

just work and home. That was it. But you still did your TV show. Yeah. So I would go to work. The menu? That's the show? The menu? The list. Close. So now it's not the list. It is. It's the list. I'm just kidding. He's being like, I'm just being a Get out. He's being like, ask them.

I'm a being a goof. I'm just being a goof here trying to keep up with you guys. But instead you derailed him. But what happened on the weekend was there was this, there's a gentleman who works at the station. It was his 30th birthday. And he's throwing the party of the year. was at the the shangri-la hotel like up way way up is the shangri-la part of a uh company like a larger company yes okay what

which one uh i don't know but it's like an international yeah yeah it's a subdivision of paradise co um but and it's vanc tallest building. Yes, and it was on one of the highest floors. The deal was, if you were invited, you showed up, you paid $20 which went to charity, and that was free drinks and food all night.

I couldn't go. The following Monday at work, it was as if I had missed the fucking Oscars. Everybody in the station was talking about it. People that I wasn't even sure were friends with or worked there. I was

just inundated with photos. I had to see everybody's sets of photos. You're making it out like they were kind of pointing it at you, like they were picking on you. No, they weren't picking on me, because there were other people who couldn't make it for whatever reason. They had a meeting with Dave.

No, with Graham. That's not you. Sorry. They set up a meeting. No, no, no. They met with me and I told them, pick on Graham. But the string of photos was like the photos at the end of the hangover and the credits. It was just like every photo at the end of The Hangover. Sure. And the credits.

It was just like every photo topped the last in terms of funness and how great this thing looked. And everybody's dressed to the nines, right? I think that it was expected that you'd dress up. So everybody's dressed really. It was like a Christmas party, but it wasn't., there was no management there to make it weird or, you know, like it was just everybody just getting together, fucking left, right, lots of cuts, cocks out. But it was. You love those. So that was Monday, right?

I love cocks everywhere. You're Courtney's. You're David Arquette's. Sure. And Pepperidge Goldfish. Yeah. Free Pepperidge Goldfish. Yeah. Free Pepperidge Goldfish. As many as you could stuff in your pocket.

Stuff in your cock. So that's Monday, right? That's what I show up to on Monday. Everybody's talking about this. Oh, what happened? Where did you go? What happened after the ice sculptures were given away? Whatever.

Whatever crazy fucking thing. You have to provide your own transport. were given away. Whatever. Whatever crazy fucking thing. You know, whatever crazy. You have to provide your own transport. And then, so I was like, okay, well, that's what happens. After a party that everybody was at, you got a little brand new common ground. Great. Tuesday rolls around. People still talking about it.

They're talking about it like, now it's like they're talking about it like as if it was a party that lasted a year and everybody's reflecting on that year. How did they grow? You know, like how... It was a ropes course. You knew a trust game.

All of a sudden it seems like new friendships were formed. I see people talking to each other. Never did before. And so all of a sudden it seems like new friendships were formed. I see people talking to each other. I never did before. People, you know, and so all of a sudden there's this, it's like a band of brothers. And I'm like, well, okay. This was obviously a great party. They're talking about it on the breakfast show.

It's getting, it's, it's, there's. It's being broadcast. Photos are getting sent around. You know, thank yous are just being volleyed. Lots of high five. Like secret, I think a secret handshake had developed. Facebook exploded. Yeah, lots of Facebook. Yeah, it was all Twitter. And then Wednesday, it was still going.

And it wasn't until Friday that it even began to see the dying out of the talking about how great this party was. I missed the party of the year. Of the this party was. I missed the party of the year. Of the aughts. Yeah. Yeah, really. I think I missed the party of the decade. It was a wild party.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And I, yeah. So I don't know if you guys have ever had a situation like that. Were you glorious? Well, you just think that you're missing a party and then it turns out that it's the party and you are the,

you know, dorkus malorkus that didn't get to go. Yeah, I'm sure I've missed great parties before. But yeah, like, I just,

I feel like I've always Is this actually like a scar for you now forever? Oh no, not forever, but certainly I thought that the scar would heal after one day. And it was constantly reopening over the week. Did you get pretty snide after a while?

Yeah, I think I even made a proclamation. Okay. Enough is enough. Yeah. We understand. But anyway. I know that Paradise Co. can put on the ultimate Shangri-La Xanadu party.

What is Shangri-La? Not the hotel. The term? Yeah. It's like a paradise. It's a utopian... An Indian term, I think. I think so.

Shangri-La. What is... I get that one mixed up with Xanadu. Xanadu is the ABBA movie wasn't it no it was Olivia Newton-John Olivia Newton-John I apologize it's a Rush song I know that and it was a poem by

Xanadu couldn't escape if I wanted to but the thing that I was saying earlier when you were saying about realizing you were bad at something I was doing you're bad at partying I was doing... You're bad at partying. I'm bad at showing up at awesome parties. Twice.

And also... Wait, twice? Well, because I didn't show up at the Chinese food show that you guys had so much fun at. Oh, that's fun. I dressed up as the knight. And then

I was doing a bunch of stuff, because i moved into a new place it's incredibly cold so it's like weather oh yeah new places are usually cold is that how it works no oh so my place is freezing and i had to put like uh weather stripping up and like do all this kind of stuff and get a handyman graham yeah i did all this handiwork and i a... Handyman Graham. Yeah, I did all this handy work and I realized I'm not much of a man. No, that's the worst feeling. I'm not a man, not yet a woman. Yeah, sure.

But man, I feel like a woman. But I don't feel like a woman because I couldn't do anything that a woman could do. I'm just, what am I, a kid? I guess I'm a kid. I ended up fixing the things that need to get fixed, but not after a lot of anger.

I'm not good with handiwork either. But I want to be good with it. I want to be a dude. I feel like it should be easy. Because it's logical. When Apocalypse comes, all my awesome skills and talents are just useless.

I can't. Everything I'm good at is not realistic. You could suit the Savage Beast with your music. And people after the Apocalypse are going to need podcasts, right? I'm fairly certain. You always see in movies

where they can't communicate. Or the underground network. But then we don't talk about where to get food. We just talk about how our week was. Have you seen these two-headed dogs? They're everywhere. And they want meat. Enough of the horsemen. And in the middle of the overheard, the guy's jaw fell off.

But, yeah, so have you had that where you're just, you're doing a task that you feel like a real man would be able to do within five to ten minutes. A couple years ago at our old place, we outside of our back door was the garage and we could get up on top of the garage, but we weren't supposed to. It couldn't support human weight. It looked a little wobbly. We never went up there, but

Grandpa, the dog, loved going up there, so we had to build a little fence just chicken wire and two things of wood to stop him from getting up yeah just two wooden posts and uh i was saw i bought a piece of wood and i bought a saw to saw through the wood yeah and the guys above me worked construction and they were just laughing at me and because it took me like 20 minutes to saw through this two inch piece of

wood. Oh yeah, no, see that's this, and this was the thing, we had to They also dealt drugs and were horrible people. Yeah, well you know, if the construction had fits I just gauged it by the way how poorly I tie knots

like if I have to tie oh yeah I can't tie knots yeah if you had to like I can tie lots even just is that a Chinese accent no haven't you ever

heard that expression if you can't tie knots tie lots that's the that's what guys like practice makes perfect say to guys no no no

tie a lot because then you'll get better at tying no no it's the opposite it's if you if you don't know how to tie a proper knot to get the job, tie a bunch of knots

and that will knot it up enough to hold it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just thinking about, I don't know, just say if I had to string up a Christmas ornament and there's no hook, so no, just put the string through yourself and I'm like, okay, and then you try that little thin string

and trying to do a special knot. Yeah. I can do one kind of knot and then I'll just shoelace. Shoelace knot. And even the way I do a shoelace is kind of embarrassing. I do this kind of weird awkward throw over rather than tuck underneath. I have to throw the

lace over. And you have to make sure you catch it before it hits the ground with the same hand. Abby will do a thing with a bracelet where it's one bracelet but it looks like she's wearing two because she's like whipped it through itself. And it blows my mind. So like that's the thing, right? I made so many – and I'm not alone.

Like I know that because I made so many trips over the course of the weekend because there was always another thing that I needed. I didn't have any tools or anything. So I was always going back and buying the next thing and the next thing. But everybody at the hardware store is in the exact same boat. There's nobody walking in, picking out what they need and walking out. Everybody is clueless, picking up 18 different things. Is this costing you a fortune? The whole move has cost me a small fortune.

Wow. Yeah. The move itself, like just with – because I didn't own anything, right? So that was the thing. I was always living with roommates who had stuff or I sublet. But then all of a sudden now I need a kettle and a pot. And it's hard to decide. Like if you need – I need a special, I don't know, tool to make this thing happen.

Do you go, I just need it for this one thing so I'll just buy the cheap one that's what i've done but then that's but then that's you're stuck with a bunch of cheap junk yeah i bought some nice screwdrivers but a piece of crap uh hacksaw because i know i'm not going to be unless but yeah i don't i but then uh the other thing is i need to get a drill and like guys don't want to lend somebody their drill and they're like i'll just come over and do it for you i'm like well then why don't you just you know also take my balls off as well yeah i have a drill that my dad let me borrow three years ago yeah the old ned fl. Yeah. But yeah, so I don't... Have you had...

Like, you've done Home Reno or any kind of Home Reno? I took a door off the hinge. I had these pictures. That's pretty good. Did you look for a stud or just slap them up there? Oh, well, you know, you don't need to hang pictures on a stud, do you? No, I am... It's a heavy picture.

I can't do much in that regard. stud do you no i am i can't do much in that regard and what's strange is that uh for my from when i was aged about 11 until 18 or 19 i lived in the country and my parents we had like we actually lived on a little kind of farm kind of thing really we had sheep in the whole bit and i and my dad was having to you know rebuild fences and get hay and stuff like that. And I managed to get through it, but I could just see him going, Oh, man, this is not going to work out for you. The farm is going to die. Yeah, I can't even put a nail in right. When I was a kid, my dad had a whole...

Painting trim. I got so much paint on the windows. My mom was so angry. My dad had a tool shop when I was a kid with power tools and a drill press and stuff. I remember he once made me a gun out of wood. See, that's the thing. Is it possible? But it may be just where we live or the type of work we ended up in.

But I feel like I don't know. I know maybe like one guy who does like mannish stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think we're abnormal. No, we're in the normal and they're abnormal. Yeah. So we should shun them.

Yeah. No, we should talk about how awesome it is to not know how to do that. Not do it like your coworkers. Like kind of like owning racism. Like taking back the n-word but even when you just say something if i'm at a place that has a fireplace and i gotta light a fire i constantly double thinking like do i open the flue before what do i close the flue like i can't i can't even light a fire like i'm i think i'm getting this is the word that's the one thing I need in life is fire and some water. That's how you live.

And I can't light the fire. Yeah. I can survive on fire and water. Yeah. And one will inevitably outdo the other. It's a constant battle between the two. Battle beasts. That was it.

That was it. That was it? Yeah. All right. Should we move on to overheards? Yeah. All right. Overheard.

Overheard. Things you may have heard just getting around in everyday life. If you're a transit user, I find that to be very handy. Or a transient. And we hear a lot from people who work in the office setting. Lots of overheards from coworkers through cubicles, etc. We'd like to start with the guest, Emmett, if you would

be so kind. Sounds great. Thanks, guys. To be hot. Hot overheard. Coming at you. Oh, God. I do have an overheard. Oh, neat. I think this is over a month old, but that's all I got.

Yeah, that's fine. We don't need them to be new. Yeah, we don't need them to be this week. This is good. This week in overheard. All right, so actually I'm on the bus. So as you mentioned, transit systems, I'm doing it. Am I right?

As you mentioned, transit systems. I'm doing it. Am I right? And at one stop, this homeless fellow gets on with a big bag of stinky, stinky cans. Yeah. That is up there with the worst smells, that stinky can. Yeah, hot day, stinky cans. Yeah. Bad news.

Bad news. I wonder if you get used to that as a can collector. Like, what do you do? Probably. Yeah. I think you get used to that As a As a can collector Like what do you Probably Yeah I think you get used to A lot of terrible things I think a garbage man

Gets used to garbage Yeah It is That weird melange Of just Everything gross Yeah Festering in the can

That's why I'm not a garbage man Because I don't want to get to the point Where I don't want to hang out With garbage Yeah I don't want to make it A professional thing Yeah

Yeah Yeah So this guy was very old Very like hang out with garbage. You don't want to make it a professional thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy was very old, very, like, he had a scraggly beard and puffy eyes and stuff, and he sat down, and the guy sitting across from him took note of him and saw this as

an opportunity to announce, excuse me, Jesus saves. Jesus saves. So the guy, he had his little cross around his neck he put it up and he said jesus saves man like you you should know about this guy he's kind of saying like yes the perfect candidate you jesus saves and the old old decrepit bum goes oh oh well you know rake joe wheel good well i i haven't been to church in a long time, so you can shut the fuck up.

And the guy did. He did. That was that. He said, all right, I'll put this cross back underneath my collar. When you whip out the Jesus saves, you've got to be prepared for that. You've got to be careful

when you whip out a cross at somebody yeah you don't know yeah they're not a vampire or possessed by the devil that's that smell shriveling skin vampire skin with uh soda can with cans yeah the worst the worst i saw a uh a can guy well actually it might have just been a drunk It was at the liquor store this morning It's not my overheard or anything Please do not submit this for the overheard book There was a guy It was like 9 in the morning

The liquor store had just opened He was already drunk And he was buying He had exact change for what he wanted It was $2.45. Sure. And the woman behind the counter said, hey, would you like one of these reusable bags? Oh.

And he said, no, they're free. Yes. Yes. All right. My official overheard to be submitted to the panel. I live across the street from a church. Sorry, it's an Orthodox. Yeah, it's very Orthodox. From a church or a church? From a church.

If you look in the phone book under church, a, a, that's who I live across from. Alan Church. Yeah. Charlotte's dad. I live across from a church. And there is, on Sunday mornings, there's tons of cars parking out front. Why? That's like their big meeting day.

That's when they talk about the boiler room what are we gonna do about it that's where they watch vin diesel in boiler room just the select moments yeah yeah just the first half of the movie he's in yeah um and uh so there was this Volkswagen, like an old Golf, that was spewing out tons and tons of smoke out the back. And these two girls leaving church, one of them just was standing in the cloud of smoke. And she said, it smells so good. And the other girl, they were like 10, the other girl the other girl says yeah i know but that can actually kill you i agree it smells great the best things in life will kill you yeah uh i wonder do those those cars that run on biodiesel like cooking, do they smell like fried chicken or anything? They smell like fried chicken.

Yeah, I think it smells like french fries a lot. Yeah, I've heard that it smells like french fries. It's apparently the process by which you take it from being a grease trap concoction into turning into fuel is quite complicated. Oh, okay. Like way more complicated than just going in a car. Yeah, you need four wheels. Yeah. Yeah.

For one. Yeah. Steering wheel. Yeah, you need four wheels. Yeah. Yeah. For one. Yeah. Steering wheel. Yeah, that's five. That's five. Windshield. Wipers. Lights for nighttime.

Sure. Roof. Oh, yeah, because the rain. Yeah. Oh, gee, hey, you're right there, Graham. There's a lot of pieces of... Graham. Yes. You haven't overheard. I do, Graham. There's a lot of pieces of... Graham? Yes.

You haven't overheard. I do, yeah. It was near... I actually have quite a few of them, but I'm going to kind of just bank them. You got it. But this was a lady who... It was on the cell phone.

It was a cell phone conversation, but I had my earphones in, and I could hear her i pulled the earphones out because i thought she was yelling at a car because she was crossing the street while she was talking on the phone and uh she said uh she was screaming in the phone i didn't hear the first part when i pulled out the earphones all i heard her saying was and my day was fine thank you and then there was a long pause and she goes well all you asked about was the fucking line of credit oh lordy loud it was so loud though like everybody in the uh in the

surrounding area was scared this lady imagine today's the day she's gonna lose it yeah yeah christmas season it's uh taking a lot out of us have you seen during a christmas season a kind of a falling you remember the movie falling down oh yeah it's one of joel schumacher's best yes you know the movie i do have you seen a falling down moment during the holiday christmas season where somebody just has a meltdown and just like, and just that's it? Have you seen that? I'm familiar with that it must go on at this time of year

most of all. I think I've seen kind of the opposite effect where instead of outbursts, they just kind of decompress. They just kind of implode on themselves. All that's moving is their legs through the mall kind of thing

just to get from one store to the other, and they just shut down completely. But I haven't seen a guy pull an Uzi or anything like that. I haven't either, but the one thing that I've seen is now at the Home Depot, the new home depot they have a self-checkout area like check me out yeah yeah and it has created nothing but it very little in the way of convenience but very high in the way of animosity towards everybody the The person who's standing at the, the person who works for a Safeway or whatever,

helping people. Yeah. I can imagine that person exploding. Well, cause that person is now no longer just running through products. They are dealing with people's problems. It's no longer, Hey,

how's it going? Fine. Bag your groceries and get the fuck out. It's people trying to do it. I will work the machines for you. Yeah. And we'll just talk and you give me the money. Now it's, I'm going to watch you struggle with this machine and then tell you why you're doing it wrong.

I'm going to let you try a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Try that. And then correct you. And tell you that you're not doing it right. That you're not being a person correctly. Now, I've never even tried to do those machines.

I did. Frustrating. I did once. I want to hear about it. Do an entire. You do? Yeah. It was at Home Depot, so similar setup.

And the thing is, it's all touchscreen, and then it'll tell you that you put it through. But you have to leave everything on a stand so that it will demagnetize whatever thing so it doesn't set off the alarm. I hope you don't try to buy magnets. So you're standing there, and then your natural inclination while it's processing is, I'll put this in a bag, so speed it up. It'll be ready to go if it's in the bag. Because everyone behind you is breathing down your neck.

Exactly. So I put it in the bag, and then the computer screen says, do not remove things from the thing. But by the time you put it back, it's too late. So it doesn't go back to before when they were on there. It just tells you that you fucked up and then it says contact a person and you're like ah Jesus

and then she's over there because somebody else is like I took it off the thing it's in the bag this terrible kind of moment and then somebody walks through the security thing because they've just ignored it all together and there's just one person

kind of handling the whole thing. And she pulled out a newsie. Yeah. And became Michael Douglas. Yeah, and that's why I'm just a ghost here today. Well, we appreciate you making it out. My experience didn't even get that far, was that as soon as I paused,

like I pressed the button, and then as soon as I started reading what the instructions were, I had to take that 10 seconds of, okay, the next button I'm going to press. The woman, the helper, anticipated. She just went, here, let me help you. So she didn't even give me time to learn on my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not helping. She's hurting.

Yeah, that's true. Teach a man to swipe. Yeah. Swipe, swipe him. not helping. She's hurting. Yeah, that's true. Teach a man to swipe. Yeah. Swipe, swipe him. Give a man a swiper. Yeah. But you have to pay with a card, right? Well, no.

Apparently you can pay in cash. To whom? To the machine. Oh. Unless you rage against it. Or you can leave collateral, like a... You can leave... Like a shrine. Like you can leave collateral like a... Like a shrine. Like you can put the white...

No, no. You can put like... Just say if you bought a fancy espresso maker, you can leave your iPod. Okay. No, you can't. What? Oh, really? You can't.

No. Oh, you're disagreeing with that ridiculous thing he said? I just don't... You know, there's nothing out of the realm of possibility with these robot scanners sure that could be a thing uh and it's all the honor system right but you're supervised it is but it's basically the honor system because when you walk through the thing and it sets it off the lady inevitably goes go ahead yeah yeah yeah so you're like oh i guess i could just have free things. Now we have listener overheards. Before all the listener overheards, a few weeks ago when Mike Patterson was on the podcast,

somebody had called in to the podcast and informed us he's from Knoxville, Tennessee. Yeah. All of the 1982 World's Fair. Yeah. Are you going to buy some wigs or aren't you? And he said that pro wrestling WWF former manager, Mr. Fuji, was now a... You know who I'm talking about? In the movie theater.

Yes, he was a ticket taker at the movie theater. And we called bullshit. Yeah. Even though... We sort of believed him. This was... The caller's name was Adam. And Adam was kind enough in the follow-up

to send us kind of a link to a Wikipedia page or some such thing that indicated, yes, he actually... That is what he was doing for a living.

And we called even more bullshit. Yeah. We said we wanted a photograph of Mr. Fuji in the movie theater with... With today's newspaper theater with today's newspaper, which was not provided. But Adam and his lovely girlfriend were kind enough to go down to the theater, ask this gentleman if they could have the photo taken with him. And if he was Mr. Fuji. And if he was Mr. Fuji, and not only is he Mr. Fuji, but he is a...

There was a cane in the photo, so I assume he's somewhat... has some sort of disability at this point. Yeah, he's caned. He looks like an incredibly friendly man. And it was in a movie theater. And the posters behind him were upcoming movies, so that's better than a newspaper. And so, Adam,

we apologize for our disbelief. I don't apologize. Dave doesn't. He's steadfast. I'll take that to the grave. We very much appreciate you sending the photos. And he said that it was a great experience to meet Mr. Fuji and that he was very appreciative. So you guys are convinced now?

You retract your bullshit. Yeah, well, I don't need it. I don't think that he would have photoshopped something to the grave. Yeah, you can take don't need a photo. I don't think that he would photoshop something to the grave. Yeah, you can take it with you, Dave. Okay. So there you go. Thank you very much, Adam, for sending that in. Sorry. Graham's shuffling through papers? That's great that

Mr. Fuji was cool about it. Oh, he seemed really cool for an 80-year-old man. Maybe not hip, but, but you know, but it was cool. Relaxed.

He was relaxed. He was, he was sedated. Um, this, uh, is from Nicholas. Uh,

no, sorry. It's from Nate from Ohio. Not Nate from Ohio. Was it overheard? It's scary. I don't like that. Uh,

I was on the bus this morning sitting next to a very loud woman talking across the aisle and another loud woman. The highlight was one one said, it's weird, but I wasn't able to have babies since the day I was born.

Pretty good. Pretty good. This is from Aaron H. This is overheard at the legendary Honest Ed's in Toronto. One nerdy teenage guy to his two dork friends. I don't care if it's bacon flavored, I'm into it. Agreed.

Yeah, that guy's the ringleader. He's got two dork friends. Well, that's how you become an instant ringleader. Find the two dorkiest guys. Yeah, I'd buy that. I'd buy that. I'd buy his bacon talk. Alright, this is an overseen from Polly T from

Vancouver. She's currently in Hong Kong. She oversaw something that are supposedly fat-burning stockings, and she took a picture of them, and there's a picture of a pig on the stockings wearing kind of a superhero outfit, and it says in the corner, it says, Let's diet! Okay, I thought they were fat were fat comma burning stock no fat burning stock oh for burning

fat right fat hyphen burning yes and the little pig is saying let's die it right which you mean stockings like you stick on your no no no, no, no. Like the event of stocking someone. Yeah. Fat stocking. Like silk stalkings. Oh, now I get it. Fat Bernie stockings. Yeah.

Okay. All right. I go to college in Massachusetts. Oh, do they have colleges there? Ooh. Well, if you have colleges there? Ooh. Well, if you'll hear the way this overheard is structured, you may continue to question that. And my dorm has very thin walls, so it is a good overheard environment. I have three overheards.

Number one, Arthur, don't punch me there. Okay. Not bad. Number two, two girls are laughing a lot. Then one says, I have the greatest position right now. I feel like I can do it. And then the other one just starts sobbing. Sobbing? Yep.

And then there is no number three. So. College credits achieved. I majored in overheard. So that was from adrian um kyle r uh i was out at this sushi place in town with a couple of friends there was a table of high schoolers beside us from the looks of things it was a girl her boyfriend and two of his friends that had all gone out for dinner i'm not sure she had just started dating this fellow, but she seemed to be trying to impress his friends,

and so far with little success. The conversation had awkwardly stumbled along until one of them mentioned Walmart. Obviously, this was an area of expertise for this young woman, as she listed off about a dozen random facts, had a multitude of opinions, and seemed rather jealous of the fact Canada doesn't have as many of the supercenters

as does the U.S. And then, eventually, though, her domination of the conversation ended, and there was another awkward pause. And then she says, I really wish I could go to a Walmart supercenter. And then the friend said, what would you buy? And the girl said, deli meats. Pretty good, Kyle from Calgary. Yeah, we kind of take things like that for granted.

Do we have the Walmarts here have food like that? I don't know. I've never seen a Walmart here. Yeah, we don't have them in Vancouver proper. No, that's proper. Because it's proper. Because of the MC Hammer edict from the early 90s. This is from Jacob B.

I haven't overheard. I thought it was good. I was in the school library, and there was a senior girl tutoring a junior girl. The senior was trying... Yeah, that's how it starts, right? It starts with a little tutoring. The senior was trying to teach but the junior kept texting on her phone. Yeah, right? These kids

today. The tutor tells the girl to stop texting and take her math homework seriously and the girl replies, I didn't even want to take math. It's not like it's an occupation. I am going to be a dance instructor so I only need to know how to count to eight. And even then, only from five.

Six, seven, eight. All right, one more. One more here. This is from Carly G. So my friend and I were at a book reading by Christopher Moore at a local theater. After the event was over, we were walking back to the parking lot, and an elderly woman held a Snickers bar out to her husband and said, you were well-behaved here.

And handed it to him. Wow, that's quite years of development of that situation. He's well-trained. He's well-heeled, I think is what you'd say in the husbandry game. The animal husbandry. So, yes, do we have any called in?

We sure do. Hey, you guys, this is Jacob in New York City. Recent addition to your fan club. But I had a couple of stories I wanted to share with you guys. First was an overseen. Both, of course, take place on the subway platforms. But I was walking down the subway platform the other day, and in New York, the trains will pull up on the same

platform, an express train and a local train. And many times people try to transfer before the other train comes off. And as the local train pulled up, I saw a man jump out to try to run across the platform to get onto the express train. And as he was doing so, he accidentally kicked his shoe off and it flew into the train across the platform. And I was like, oh, wow, you've really lucked out that his shoe actually went into the same car as he did. But about half a second later, I heard screaming and people just like running out of this subway car and I've been on trains that have been evacuated because of fires

and I haven't seen any train evacuate as quickly as this car did. But apparently he didn't kick his shoe off. He had kicked a giant rat that was crossing the platform onto somebody in the subway car across from him. Well, let's hear it for New York. Wow. Jacob, I'd recommend going and seeing Adam Pateman in my one-act play that I wrote.

It's off-Broadway, to say the least. The rat in my foot. He had a second one. Oh, all right. Well, if it's anywhere near as good as that first one, I am excited. Another day I was waiting for the train to come, and as I was pulling up, I could see there was a couple that were obviously fighting on the subway,

and I was just like, I don't want to get on this train with this couple. God, I hope they get off. And as I pull up, the doors open, and all I hear is the woman step out, and she's still screaming, and all I hear her scream is, and I ain't giving you head no more,

not even on your birthday. You know, let's talk for a second about delivery and how great the delivery was in that particular overheard I mean sometimes the overheard carries itself but that guy if he had just said not even on your birthday we would have still laughed I'm sure

not even on your birthday and that's why you call them in you don't write them in yeah because I don't know what punctuation you want me to hit. Yeah. You weren't there. No, exactly. All right, let's listen to another.

Hi, Graham and Dave. This is Lisa, the Jersey Bumper, calling from New Jersey with a funny story. I don't think you can call it an overheard, but anyway, about a year ago, I got sick and had to sell a prescription at the pharmacy. I was waiting in line behind an elderly woman. That's what I assume were her grandchildren sitting in her shopping cart. There was a little boy about eight years old and a little girl, maybe five-ish. And they were cute, and I smiled at them because they were looking at me.

And I gave a little wave. Then, this is where it gets weird. Then the little girl said to me, you're sticky pants. And then the boy chimed in. Yeah, sticky pants. And then together they chanted, sticky pants, sticky pants. So, uh So I got freaked out and left the line that I was waiting in. I got a few aisles down from the grocery store place and I checked my pants. I was not sticky in the pants region. And I don't know, but to this day, my boyfriend still likes to tease me, say that I am sticky pants. You know what kids are great at?

They're like the kings of the instant meme. Yeah. One kid will say something, and another kid will be like, that's a thing. That thing you just said, that's a thing we're going to do. Let's do it together. I'm kind of like that, where I would always check my pants. Oh, if some, just in general? Yeah, that's why I don't wear khakis.

Yeah, oh yeah. Because if there's a situation. Oh, there's a situation. There was a King of the Hill episode where the kid was harassing Hank. There was a kid, and he just kept calling him dusty old bones which isn't a thing but it starts irritating like just like his kid insults they they don't mean anything but it's the way they say it if you've ever been insulted by a kid something to say to me is uh doyoy doyoy yeah don't you're being a doyoy oh as a noun yeah yeah like you me is doyoy. Doyoyoy? Yeah, don't. You're being a doyoy.

Oh, as a noun. Yeah, like you are a doyoy. And it's just that sound of that word. Because sometimes a kid will be like, here's my impression of you. Doyoyoy. You go like this. You go like this. This is what you do.

No, here's you. Doyoyoy. Yeah, but then you. Dory, doy, doy. Yeah, but then you go like, doy, doy, doy. If you, that's a good thing. If any listeners had a kid, try to harass them. As an adult, I think is the funniest. But if you were a kid at the time,

it's also pretty funny. Where kids really pushed you with their nonsense ribbing. Yeah. Here's something. When I was in the sovereign nation of Wales, I was backpacking, and

the hostel I was staying in didn't have... It was too early for me to check in. I was in Swansea, and it was right on the beach. I went to the beach. It was august and i brought my backpack with me and uh but i wanted to like stay in one place with my stuff yeah and then these little like five-year-old kids in speedos came up to me and started taunting me and you can't take a swing at a kid. Because it would be a swing and a miss.

There's so much. But then one of them actually put his ass towards my face and farted at me. Holy shit. Yeah. Oh my god.

We had a thing when I was in daycare. Sorry. That's really funny that name fart face was what we called everybody called each other oh you're a fart face

fart face yeah and my mom came and picked me up one time and she was tying her shoelace and I was like oh this is my chair and I thought I can make my mom a fart face.

So I went up to her and I farted right in her face. And I thought, that's great. That's great. I did it. I felt really proud, but she was so angry. It was very, very, so insulting. Why? So rude.

She doesn't understand. I didn't understand her rage because I thought, I'm like, no, but mom, I did what we're called. I actually made it literal what we've been doing. You're official now. Yeah. It's your badge of honor. If I could explain it to you, mom, you'd actually understand why I do this. Fart face.

So good. But when I was, I was, I was in high school, I think. And my, when I was junior high, I was in junior high and my little brother was still in elementary school. And a couple of his friends, I think it was his birthday or something, and a couple of his friends from school came over and they were like, I was introduced to them. My mom

was like, this is Graham. And right away they started calling me Bray-um. And they wouldn't stop doing it for the rest of the party. Yeah, whatever, Bray-um. Yeah, they were like, Bray- the rest of the party. They would have a Bram. Yeah, they were like, Bram. But they would say it like that, Bram. So if you've ever been called out and picked on by a kid,

especially if you're much older than a kid, we want to hear about it at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. Or 206-339-8328. We've got a couple more overheards. Hit it. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Tony from Oklahoma. I just have an overheard for you.

I was at the local Walmart one night with my girlfriend, and we were looking for a gift for my niece for Christmas, and all of a sudden we hear a woman about our age in the mid-20s say, I don't give a shit what you want. We're leaving. She walks out of the aisle and starts pushing her cart, and we're thinking, man, there's like a serious domestic dispute about to happen, and out walks the aisle behind her is a three-year-old boy.

I thought that that was amazing. Oh, no. I'm not going to lie to you. I thought it was a bit sad. No, it's all right. Did you not? I felt like that was kind of sad. I'm sorry going to lie to you. I thought it was a bit sad. No, it's alright. I felt like that was kind of sad. I'm sorry. Did you find it sad?

No, I found it funny. I like things. Yeah, you like things. I found it inspiring. Did you really? No. Have you ever seen pictures of a celebrity walking in a Target or a Walmart? Yeah, they're just like us.

Oh, I get it. Okay. Carry on. Okay, well, why? How are you being served? Hey, guys. I'm Alex from Chicago, and I've got an overheard. So a very good friend of mine was at an airport.

They're getting McDonald's. It was early in the morning. And there are a couple people in front of him. And the woman that was ordering ordered something very normal, like an Egg McMuffin and a small coffee and a hash brown. And the woman directly in front of him

turned to her friend and sighed and went, Dems ain't got nothing. Always be wanting the finest of things. Why come is it? So that phrase has always... Oh, man. That is some good bending of the English language.

Why come? Why come? That's a pretty good... Yeah, why come Jean? From the Fugees. Oh, man. Dag gummit. That's a good one... Yeah, why come Jean from the Fugees? Oh, man. Dag gummit. That's a good one.

Yeah, I suppose. Dag gummit. Why come... Why come... Why come you gotta do that? Why come you gotta go be here? Well, how did it go... Why...

Why come is how... Why come easier to say than how come? Or why? Oh, because, you know, there's places down there called like Hocum County. Right. So they'd be like Howcombe and they'd be Hocum. Sure. And then who's on first? Phil. I don't know.

H seems to be harder to pronounce than a W. Like how. Why. How. And British people say H. Not that this person was British H come A couple weeks ago

We were talking about Neighborhood Childhood injuries And then that ended up leading into a thing about Bullies who would talk you into doing something And then we ended up just talking about bullies who would talk you into doing something and then we ended up just talking about bullies and kids who were just trouble yeah i think that was it was on the morgan brayton episode we were talking about the kids kids that are trouble and it did

you have some we came up with some pretty good names of one of them was ronnie heffernan yeah that's the thing i heard this episode and it was all about how they all had kind of quirky names. Yeah. And so you were one of the only people who wrote in a bully name. Yeah. And can you first tell us a bit about the bully and then tell us his name? This fellow, I didn't meet. I heard there was rumors of this guy. Yeah. Oh.

Because I'm in a small town and there was three elementary schools. Because I live in a small town, and there was three elementary schools. And then when you leave, everyone leaves that particular elementary school, but then we all conjoin in one high school for grade 8 to 12. For conjoined twins. Yes. Which was a weird process. Where is your brother Eng? Yeah, it was Emmett and Eng.

So I just heard, because he went to a different elementary school than i was at yeah so i don't i heard about rumors of this guy and how you know he smoked and he was younger than in grade one yeah stuff like that and he was he was the badass and i just moved to this small town and i and and i all i for a couple years, all I heard was about this fellow. And then finally in high school, finally got first-hand contact with him. And I think even on the first day of grade eight, this guy with his little cabal took off my hat,

stole it, and I had to follow them around trying to get my hat back for a while. Not cool. So he lived up to his bully potential. Right away. Right away. And yeah, but he was then in my band class and stuff like that.

Yeah. And he was always making weird jokes. He was in band? Yeah, he was in band. He was a bully that was in band. He was in band. Well, he wasn't much of a bully. But what did he play?

Drums is the only answer for a bully. He was animal. I think you answered it. There you go. I think, yeah, it was drums. And what was he play? drums is the only answer for a bullet he was animal I thought you answered it there you go I think yeah it was it was drums and what was his name?

what was his bullet? oh no it wasn't it was drums no unless his finishing move was to throw you on the ground and then play taps

and then he goes wah wah yeah exactly that was his finishing move of his finishing move what was his name? well this is what was great is because I always thought it was that way.

I never thought it was his real name, but it is. I just thought it was part of the... Yeah. His name is Ian. Yeah. F. Toady. Ian F. Toady. Yeah, Ian F. Toady.

But the F. Toady is one name. F. Toady is one word, but yeah, you just hear it as F and then Toady when I say it. But Toady is like a term that you would use for like a bully sidekick, which is great. Ian F. Toady. I wonder if he F'd any of his Toadies. Right? Right? Am I right?

And then we had a caller a while ago send in a bully neighborhood name. Yeah. Hi, guys. I'm pretty sure at one point in non-recent history, but it's been passed down to me that the toughest kid in Winnipeg used to be called Rags Ruggles. Rags Ruggles. Rags Ruggles? Oh, man. Rags Ruggles.

That really exceeded my expectations. The toughest bully in Winnipeg. Yeah. So this wasn't just school-wide. This was city-wide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He made all the papers. He beat up the mayor.

I'm just imagining an 11-year-old chewing tobacco. Yeah. Yeah. Rugs. What is it? Rugs? Noags Ruggles Rags Ruggles Yeah birth name He pants the new chief of police What are you gonna do

Took away his gun He held his hat up real high Rags Ruggles He's the bane of this town What are you gonna do you can't drum him out. His dad owns the cement plant. How come we can't get rid of this guy? Listen, it's been great.

Listeners out there, if you want to contact us, I think a great way to contact us is through the power of e-mails. Stoppodcastyourselfatgmail.com. But Dave thinks a better way to contact us is through the medium of the telephone. And the medium is the message. Yeah. 206-339-8328.

That's 206-339- T-E-A-T. Now, Emmett, if people are looking for you online, where's the best place to find an Emmett? I know you do a comic strip. I do a weekly comic strip called Starbun. Starbun.

Very funny. Yeah. So is that Starbun.com? No. It's a blog. It's EmmettHall.blogspot.com. Okay. I wish it was Starbun.blogspot.

I wish it was Starbun.com. There's no way of doing that. Not that I'm aware of. Not in the future. The Nights of the Night, we've just... You can find us on... We've got a Facebook group.

You can find us there. Just because I knew I was coming on this, I set up a MySpace that's got nothing on it but soon we will have dates and potential some record some some sample recordings of us um and that would be myspace slash um nights of the night comedy no myspace.com slash nights of the night comedy okay and uh that got complicated and and if people want to see you... Oh, and almost every Sunday, I'm the musical accompanist,

accompaniment, musical director of... The Sunday Service. The Sunday Service at the Hennessy Bar and Restaurant on West Broadway in Vancouver. 53 West Broadway, and that's every Sunday, 9 o'clock. It's a really super fun improv show. Now, speaking of shows... Yes.

New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. What you doing, Vancouver? Yeah. Are you going to go to something that's really expensive? Or are you just going to stay home and throw your hands up and be like, I don't want to go to something expensive. Are you going to go downtown and get stabbed?

Yeah. Do you want to get stabbed in the face, neck, or stomach? No, please. No, exactly. You don't. No, please. stomach. No, please. No, exactly, you don't.

So there's an alternative on offer on New Year's Eve at the Cambrian Hall. 17th and Main. And myself, Mr. Dave Shumka, past guest Jane Stanton. Has she passed? She has passed. So the ghost of Jane

Stanton. The late Jane Stanton. Alicia Tobin. Sean Proudlove. Sean Proudlove. Erica Sigurdsson. Charlie Demers. And others yet to be announced. Big time stuff.

It's going to be a great show. It's going to be a cheap show to get into. There's going to be drinks. And it's going to be a thing, you know. You don't need to plan ahead for it. But if you want to dress up nice you can bring that special fella or lady and it'll be a great

it'll be a great night it'll be an easy way to ring in 2010 where can people get tickets or how can people find out there's a facebook group it's the which you we'll put a link on the sounds like a lot of fun boys sounds like a lot of laughs a lot of good time which you, we'll put a link on the podcast.

Sounds like a lot of fun, boy. Sounds like a lot of laughs, a lot of good time. Emmett Hall might be there. That would be great. What if he was there hanging out?

Not with that voice. No, stinker, really. And stop by our website. We'll put a link through the website to the event

and check out the recap blog that Dave does each and every week along with Justin doing such a fantastic job putting the whole show together. And if you like the show, vent and check out the recap blog that Dave does each and every week along with Dustin doing such a fantastic job putting the whole show together. And if you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for a special Christmas episode

of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thank you.