Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 926 - Kelli Ogmundson

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Actress Kelli Ogmundson returns to talk sleep apnea, Jumbotron soccer, and '90s movie remakes. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host. Stop podcasting yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode number 926 of Stop Podcasting yourself. My name's Graham Clark.

With me, as always, to the man who's, Oh, he's Holly, he's jolly, he's trimming the tree, he's having a boogie-wuggy Christmas, he's making a snowman, and finally he is riding in a sleigh. It's Dave Schumka. My brother and I were in the car together and we were listening to one of Vancouver's two all-Christmas radio stations. Which probably outdo like a lot of the rock stations in town. I mean, yeah. And I said, because he had a thing about, we go to church. every Christmas when I'm in town.

And he had a thing a few years ago. He was like, there's only like, they got to get rid of some of these Christmas church songs. Yeah. Like, God rest you, Mary gentlemen, you're on notice. Oh, little town of Bethlehem. There's like five great ones. Yeah.

And then the rest are kind of, we don't need bring a torch, Jeanette Isabella. I do not know that one. Frickin, I saw three ships come sailing. Oh, that's a, that's a, that's a, Sally's favorite. I, so I, so I, I said that there's 25 great church ones. Oh, church ones? Yeah, like hymns. Okay.

About the Jesus of it all. And then a hundred great secular. Yeah. And then he made me name 25 churches and I got to vote for. Because I was thinking you were going to say 25 total holiday songs. No, I think, I think if you take the secular ones. Yeah. You got jingle bells and jingle bell rock.

That's true. Deck the Halls. And boogie-wicking deck the halls. Yeah. You've got... Christmas and Hollis. You've got the 15 songs from a very special Christmas. The 50 songs from a very special Christmas, too.

All the Vince Galardi ones from the Peanuts. Yeah. That's true. You do have a lot of good, you know. And then there's new ones being turned out every year. Oh, yeah. You know what's a really good new one is Chili Gonzales, Canadian musician.

Musical genius, Chili Gonzalez, had a Christmas album or two, and he, there's a song called The Bannister Bow with Feist singing the lead vocal, check it out. It's like an old-timey, honey-dripping song. And what's the, what's the guy's name again? Chili Gonzalez. Chili Gonzalez. Our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast, she is a comedian, she is an actor, she is a producer, she is a writer, she's everything you want her to be in more.

It's Kelly Ogminton. Good morning, everybody. Good morning, good morning, yes. Oh, well, we pierced the veil. It is actually morning. Oh, sorry. We try to have, I think we've probably recorded the podcast at every hour. On the hour.

Well, yeah. You ever done a midnight? Midnight show? Yeah, maybe, yeah, we did one when Paula Tompkins was in town after a show. It was so late. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, that's fun. So maybe that was the latest ever.

and then the earliest, we've probably done a.m. Yeah. So I don't think we've done anything between one and nine a.m. though. Yeah. Next year. Yeah. The next time I'm on, please, can we do like a 4 a.m. one? Your real morning bird, is that right?

Yeah. Really bird? Yeah. Are you ever? No. Okay. I am. A morning person?

Yeah. Yeah, no. I feel like that's the dream. It really is a morning. It is really the dream. Yeah. But I woke up an hour before this. Fine.

Hey, I'm right there with you. We're recording this at 11 on a Wednesday. On a Wednesday. Yeah. Yeah. And it's fine. Yeah, I'd like to be somebody who wings of at least nine. Keep dreaming.

Yeah. But as I was saying earlier, pre-recorded, I do have sleep apnea, and I have not slept in about 20 years. All right. We've got to dive into this. Let's get to know us. Sleep apnea Sleep apnea So what

Okay Because I had to do I did a test as well for it And I was I had a take home test Yes But sometimes you go to the university And they hook you up

And you sleep there Does take home test seems interesting Because you can cheat You can go online And get all the answers I put it on a dog And then the dog sleeps really well I'm trying to make sure

Insurance covers this CPAP machine Yeah What did you get for number four ZZZZZ If you're going hong, hong, hong, hush, shoo, shoo, that is a breathing problem. I wish I still had it on my phone, but one time an ex-partner recorded me in my sleep because the sounds I was making were crazy. It sounded like an old haunted door creaking open. That is a privilege that ex-partners get.

It's like, you now know that about me. Yeah, and you used to have to have like You'd have to have a tape recorder all set Ready to go Yeah, but instead I was just Haunting somebody in their sleep With my own breathing Yeah, so you haven't slept in 20 years

I don't think So you'll never be a morning person I don't think Well, maybe after I get a seatpatch machine That would be great I'm excited to see you know Because I am a morning person But I, last night I was up really late

And I'm like, fuck, I wish I wasn't a morning person It's one in the morning I gotta be up in five and a half hours You've purchased the CPAP machine? Not yet. I'm going to. You took the test. Yes, I did an at-home test as well.

I went to the store place. Wait, as well? Oh, as well as as as as Cram. Oh, okay. You didn't also do the hookup. No, no, not the big machine now. I took it at home and they at the appointment before they had to like show me how to wear it. And he was like trying to wrap it around.

But I got a chest And the poor guy was like Okay, due to your anatomy You're going to have to place it in a different place And you were like, what are you mean, big boy? He was so embarrassed for both of us Anyway, yeah, I went to bed every night looking like the bionic woman

Toop to my finger, tube to my nose Oh Yeah And something I noticed was Like, they have little lights on them to let you know when... It's Christmas. When it's Christmas. Going to bed looking like a lit up tree.

Nice. And the breathing tube one just kept me like, it's not working. And the only way it would sense is if I blew really hard out of my nose. That's how you're supposed to sleep. Yeah, just honking out through your nose. So your whole life you've been a bad sleeper. Yeah. In what?

What does it feel like? Tired all the time. What does it feel like at night? Like I'm waking up. If I sleep on my back, I'll just gasp awake. I think my tongue rolls back into my throat and my ginormous tonsils like just close up. Jim Morrison style, right?

Yeah. Oh, because of your anatomy, you're ginormous tonsils. That was a fun, cool thing for somebody to say. You've got really large tonsils. I know. I would love. love them to be not there. We don't do that anymore. I remember I was in broadcasting school and they taught us like, you're listening to Christmas all day. And we were learning

channel two like camera stuff. And the school makes a weekly news show and you go out with someone in the reporting, the journalism program and you go out and make news stories. And one of the things we had to talk to someone and we had learned the best place to put a microphone is the chest bone. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. And even if it's a T-shirt, like, it's not as good as, like, it's better than, like, clipping it to, you know, someone's lapel. Sure.

Right on the, right in the center of the chest. And then my first assignment was this big boobied lady in a t-shirt. And I was like, what are we going to do about this? That was a whole season of a show for me. You know what? You just hold the microphone. Yeah. And I will say, I.

I did so much ADR for that show. Oh, really? Where it was just like, let's just snuggle the... Let's just snuggle the mic in there, which was a thing he said. And then, you know, months later, being like, you have nine pages of ADR for this series. All we're hearing is, whoosh, wish, wish, you also know, you owe us a new mic. Peeling it off me every night. I'm sorry.

So this is good for you that they're like, okay, sleep apnea, here's the cure. I went, did it, and they're like, you're fine. And I'm like, oh, so I just continue being a terrible sleeper for the rest of my life. Yeah, that blows. Yeah, it blows. Have you ever tried a breathe right nasal strip? No. Get a breathe right nasal strip.

Yeah, Abby loves them. I love a breathe right nasal strip. They hold this part open, yeah. Also get some of those Biore's poor blackhead. Oh, sounds satisfying. Double layer them. Yeah. Have a poor strip and then a nose strip on top, really opening it up.

Yeah. Yeah. Put some fixed vapor up on your top lip. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I don't, I mean, I'm sure you can even hear it. I have like a plug nose. No on the time. No.

No. The time. I got elbowed in the nose in college and. What are you doing? Cheese roll? What? Cheese roll? What's cheese roll?

One day in college were you who went to Beacon Hill Park and rolled a big cheese down the hill. I caught it. I'm the winner. And a guy did get elbowed in the nose. Oh, no. Did you get to keep the cheese? Yeah, but it was too much.

So I shared it. Oh, yeah. It's a big role. No, I was on stage doing a musical, and we were doing pirouettes, and a guy in front of me turned so hard with his elbows out that he broke my nose. Did you, how did you handle it? I kept going. You, the show must go on.

Whipping off your head. Blood off my nose. Blood going everywhere. Everywhere. No, it wasn't everybody. It was just like, yonk. Oh, she might be having a stroke. Everybody consists of this.

I just had to keep going, and then I didn't deal with it, and my nose hurt for months. Yeah. What, I don't know what they can do about it anyway. Yeah, they couldn't have done anything. I got, I think I broke my nose in high school. I got hit in the face with a lacrosse stick. And you weren't even playing lacrosse. It was in math.

There's a lacrosse boy. Yeah. Yeah. The local lacrosse boy. The teacher was telling us there's math. and everything, even lacrosse. Oh, she's making math cool. She's sitting on her chair backwards.

She's rapping. What is? One plus one plus two. Do you remember what play it was? It was called The Boyfriend. Yeah. Oh, geez, broken nose and the boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's in the 20s. Was it a drama? Was it a comedy? No, it's a musical comedy. Musical comedy. I played a French maid named Ortense, and my accent was kind of bad. Can we get a little, can we talk to Orton's for a little? Thank you.

Bonjour. I don't remember. That's the odd chance I remember. Yeah. Yeah. How many, if you had to say, how many musicals have you been in? Oh.

And Graham, we'll all go around and say how many musicals we've been in. I guess like sits college because we don't need to do the high school ones. We can do a high school up. Yeah, we'll do high school ones too. Otherwise, Graham and I have none. Yeah, exactly. My first musical I every day was Annie. That I did something called Honk the musical.

Not about my snores. I'm not the one you broke your nose in, okay. That's about, it's a musical of The Ugly Duckling. I did Into the Woods. I did a show called Zombie Prom, Pirates of Penzance, the boyfriend, something called Just So from the Just So Stories. Oh, this is based on the Just So Stories. Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Who are you a Rocky Horror Picture Show? Columbia. Nice, okay. Who were you an Annie? Molly, the smallest orphaned. Big bald boy over here. 15-year-old me. But it is funny because it still was played by a 16-year-old boy

who they shaped his head. Oh, cool. Yeah, he went for it. He was a big boy. That would be very weird if it was all teenagers and then Daddy Warbuck was played by like a 50-year-old man. A local man. It does happen.

They'll like say a role for the teacher. Yeah, that's so funny. What a teacher is in a musical one? with the kids. It looks crazy. It looks crazy. And then I did 25th annual

Pondham County Spelling Bee. Then I did fun home. Then Kinky Boots. And Peter Pan was that a musical? Oh yeah. Peter Pan was a musical. Yes.

And Elephant and Piggy. We are in a play. We'll hear an overheard from that later, I'm sure. Graham, did you do any musicals? Nope. Not a single one. I did, we did a play, a Neil Simon play called Fools. Oh, yes.

And the previous time my school had done it, like four years earlier, one of the cast members wrote a musical. Oh, wow. Oh. Five or six songs, and so we put those in. And who are they today? They are. Chili Gonzalez. They're Chili Gonzalez.

All along. Did you have to, do you take singing lessons or did you just dive right in and you knew how to sing? Yeah, a little bit. I got singing lessons in college. Like, we had private one-on-one singing lessons when I went to college. What do they teach you when you go to singing? Ah, use your diaper. Basically, yeah.

Also, Kelly, why do you stand like a duck with your legs locked backwards and you're back in a full slope. I'm still in honk. Mentally, I'm still in honk. Can we talk to honk? Is honk here today? Quonk was a line. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, but this movie's a place called honk. What the hell? It's okay. It's because she's a good. She thinks she's a duck, but then she's a swan or a he, I don't remember, but it was played by my friend Cassidy. And the line is, if they knew just how dearly, I would love to, quon.

The line is supposed to be quack But it's like trying to say quack And then it turns into a honk Into a honk Yeah Did you I love the ugly duckling I just

You love him as an ugly duckling Yeah I mean for me it's just like There's no message to the play Yeah It's like and you might grow up And be a beautiful swad But what if you don't I play a goose in it

I mean you will Like What happens to you Has nothing to do What happened in this story This is about ducks, okay? You're a person. You're a person, and you're not going to grow up to be a swan.

And if you do, terrifying. Some of you don't grow taller. And some of you are ugly and you ain't got no alibi. So you got to work on what you can change. You know, if you're ugly, you've got to get beefier. You've got to get smart. Absolutely. You've got beefier and smarter.

Exactly. Is there a musical that you wish you could be in? Oh, I don't know. All of them. Wicked? Wicked, yes. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah. Have you seen Wicked? Did you see them? No. Have you seen either movie? Yes, I've seen both. Oh, okay. Yes, yes.

It was my birthday last week, and I went for my birthday to see the second one. Bonifetta. It was my birthday this week. Was it? Thanks for the invite. Happy birthday. Wait. Really?

What's your birthday? December 1st? Yeah. Happy birthday. What's yours? November 25th. Oh, you guys, you guys, birthday week. Vegetarian.

Yeah. I'm such a birthday. We too, babe. Do you follow the horoscope world? Do you know what is Sagittarius? Yeah, I would describe them as just like the court jester of the zodiac. Oh, okay. They're kind of like sillies, a non-committal, fun guys.

I want to find out what politicians are that, that they're kind of silly. Here's a character I came up with. Sagittarius Rucker. And it's a centaur, but he's got, oh, who? booty body. Yeah, the, what do you think of the sequel to the... I thought it was fun. I thought it was really fun.

No good deed was great. Yeah. Sure. I haven't, I've only seen the first one. And then I was like, oh, shit, like 20 minutes from the end. I was like, ah, there's going to be a whole other movie. Last year, when it came out, like, we, I take my kids to as many movies as I can. trailers for it for before every movie for like six months.

Oh, man. And I was like, do we want to see that? And my daughters were like, nope. And then it came and all their friends saw it and all their friends loved it. But my kids were too stubborn and now they like won't admit that they actually wish they had seen it. Oh, no. And then now their friends want to see the second one and want to bring my daughter with them. And she's like, I got a cram.

I got a cram. I'm not going to watch the first one. Yeah, she's got a retin on her hand. Oh, yeah, defying gravity now. Oh, okay, you're going to be popular. Yeah, everybody's going nuts about this hot scarecrow in the sequel. Okay, let me talk about it. Yeah, is that what's, is that real?

Yeah, he's like a handsome guy, and he's got, I've just seen him pictured, and he's got, hey, hair. Hey, hair, and a sack face. He's got a sack face. Does he, what is he missing, brain? Yes. And they have little jokes in there being like, have you lost your brain? Also, I will say in this movie,

they say just a clock tick about 45 times. I've heard that. Yeah, yeah, and it's, I don't remember that from the stage play, but all right, all right. Did they do in the, like they do in the Wizard of Oz where they give the tin man like a big buffing? Do they do that? Remember that being one of my favorite parts?

That's a very fun part. Scrub, scrub, scrub here, to scrub scrub there. Yes. No, they don't. He just gets, like, kind of mad and in-celly. Yeah, yeah. An interesting twist. An interesting twist, yeah.

A man with no heart is. Ah, aha. But, yeah, was the scarecrow? Was he so yummy? No. I will say fully, no. No, okay. He looked like Ryan Reynolds.

Well, that's a lot of people find him to be quite handsome. I know a certain magazine that once called him The Sexiest Man Alive. And the guy who's playing Scarecrow. Is the current? It's the current Sexiest Man Alive. Oh, congratulations. He's so beautiful. But they put him in a burlach.

Do you know his name, Graham? Hmm? Do you know this guy's name? Ilson Boroy. Yes. Very good. Yes. Yeah, I don't know what changed about his face when he put it in a burlap sack, but it looked like a different guy.

I went to the doctor the other day, and he examined my body, and he told me that I have a burlapse bag. I thought you were going to say that he would recommend you wearing a burlapse on your face. And he sliced it open and coffee beans poured out. Oh, no. But those are the, like, high-end beans. Do you remember that commercial with the burlap sack and they would slice it open and the beans come out? Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. Yeah. You want to put your hand in that. Have you ever worked on a commercial? It was very ASMR. Yeah. Where there's, like, fake food that's meant to, like, look camera ready. No, I've never got a food.

Because those beans were probably all shined up. Oh, yeah. Like, Wizard Buzz. Buffing machine kills me. It's really good. Like, product shots in a food commercial wouldn't really involve, I don't think, a person. Like, you wouldn't have a carrot. But, like, if you had, like, a cheese slice.

Oh, you know what I mean? Or, like, a pizza, yeah, pizza slice or whatever. You never done a food commercial. No? Not at all? Never. Let's see. Okay.

Here we go. This is just just an exercise, okay? Yeah. It's, it's, you're on the go. Okay. Right? You don't have time to go for a whole lunch. You're a successful business woman.

Oh, finally. But, you know, something to keep you healthy. Protein shake at lunch. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. And you're going to go. You're just in between meetings. You got time for a protein shake and go.

Oh. This is good. Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick, chick, chick, chick. Okay. She's shaking. Shaking it in her hand. Yeah. Shake, shish, shake.

My business. Keep going, keep going. Gluck, like, quag, like, quag, like, gluck, like, gluck, like, gluck, like, glas. Can you hold? Mm, good. Nice, okay. I watch the, there's like the clip of the, it's an old guy and old woman trying to say a line for a commercial. Oh, buttery crispy.

He's trying to say flaky crust and he keeps saying crispy crust. Yeah. And then his wife does it. She also says Chrissy crush. And they're not actors. No, no. But they're getting mad at each other. And he just like, he's sure every time that he said it.

Yeah. He goes, crispy crushed. Did I get it? In a buttery crispy crust. Yeah. And he's like, baked in a baked thing steak. And it's you're just, my favorite is the fact that when they start over, they have to do the pans. So you just see the pan over to him every time.

And it's wrong. Back to the pan. And his wife's just getting so annoyed. Fligating then she does it. Flax it up. I watched, well, this doesn't do with anything. Go ahead. You there.

You know that show, what would you do? It's a hidden camera show. What was the guy's name? John Kenyonez. John Kenyonias. And they put people in, they have actors acting out scenarios that might prompt you to step in and be like. Like a knife fight. It was the Christmas.

edition. Oh, okay. Okay. So it was like a lady stealing a, um, taking the last teddy bear out of a kid's hand so she could buy it. Well, what I do? Probably look the other way, to be honest. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, probably. That woman's a psychopath. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Okay, you're in a store, you're in a store and a kid picks up a teddy bear and a lady takes from the kid. Well, that lady's got money. The kid doesn't have money.

Yeah. The kid's picking up everything. Exactly. The kid will change their tune. And as soon as they see, you know, mini battleship or something like that, the kid They're related to many battleships this year. I saw a... And then there was one,

a department store of Santa being assaulted. Oh, shit. No way. Like a gang came in and beat him up with a sack of hammer. Just slit his throat. They slit open the bag of presents and they all come pouring out like coffee beans. What will you do?

Take one a dead presents. I guess I'd use the stand-your-ground law and just really a black. Pass those punks away. Yeah, yeah. Protect Santa. Protect Santa at all the cost. Yeah.

Yeah, what would you do? I didn't know that show still existed. Yeah. It's so cool. It's... There's also got, like, what is it, Dateline? They still have the, like, Friday mysteries or whatever.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still got that. It's now it's... What's his name? Keith Morrison? No, it's not. Keith, they still have the Keith Morrison, but there's another guy's, like, balled up to here. He's got glasses.

Ah, man. Charles something. Anyways. Charles Carralt. Charles Corralt. That's the guy. I like when these magazine shows get a spin-off. Magazine shows.

Well, like 2020 and, what do you call, Dateline? Those are magazine shows. I don't know that. Are they? Would you call that? Yeah. Like, yeah. Magazines or tabloid.

I don't know. I might be. wrong but it just there shows you can read on the toilet yeah yeah yeah the ones that i buy at the hudson news at the airport yeah oh which is when i buy a magazine in my life what's your go to uh people oh people really people mag what i like is going to a uh like i'll buy one for a flight which means i'll buy one magazine a year and i'll be like oh this is eleven dollars yeah it's so expensive i bought a time magazine the other day because it had the simpsons on it and i wanted it to display it at my house.

Like, she reads a Thai magazine with the Simpsons on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was about $25. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah, magazines. I also like the magazines are just now the Beatles.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Home improvement. The Simpsons. They just called a magazine. Yeah. Mm, nice. Um, uh, I, uh, subscribe to Vancouver magazine because it's free.

Yeah. And my friends are in it sometimes. Yeah. I get it as well. Oh, nice. And Western Living, the other of the magazines that are free? Yep, free. Yeah, I used to have tons of subscriptions to mags.

Oh, yeah, that was like a Christmas present every year. It was like you get like, I remember I think when I was a teen, I would get like a 17 magazine subscription for Christmas. My mom would get house and home or homes a garden, better homes a garden, which is a fun one. I know, so like architectural digest. Oh, okay, these are the highbrow ones. Yeah. Mine was a penthouse perfect tan. Yeah, Mad magazine.

I used to hear of the Muppet magazine. That's a thing? Yeah, it was. Oh, that's cool. And a poster from it that was Crocodile Dundee, but with Kermit instead of Molodeon. Yeah.

Kermedile. Yeah, it's okay. It's 11 o'clock in the morning. I just woke up. I just rolled out of bed. And when you see the picture, you can tell. Are you a coffee person, a caffeine person? I'm trying, but I have, I'm trying.

You're trying to be? Yeah, but I get anxiety is sometimes from too much coffee or even a little bit of coffee. But I need it for the, for the energy. Oh, you're doing great. I'm trying. What do you? Just take some amyl nitrate. What are you?

Poppers? Yeah, do some poppers. Just get up, get up an extra 20 minutes earlier. Do some poppers. Do some popper. They'll really relax your anus. What? Which I need for the morning.

Yeah. Actually, I'm going to talk to my doctor about poppers. Talk to your doctor. Poppers are right for you. Music's just blasting at your doctor's office. The lights are really dark. Check this shit out. What?

So, okay, you, this is it too personal to ask? You woke up an hour before the show. It took you 25 minutes to walk over. Yes. You were on time. Yeah, you were on time. Yeah. Did you have, what?

Did you eat anything or drink anything? I had a coffee. Okay. I had a coffee. I did. I had like a half of a coffee and... No food? No food.

Kelly. Can I make you something? No, it's okay. I think I ate a little too late last night, so I feel completely fine. Oh, I know what you mean. Yeah. I went and saw now you see me. Now you don't.

Oh, wow. How was it? I don't remember it. It was like that kind of movie. Movies are bad. Movies are back. I think we're similar. I just like going to the movies. I'll see anything, kind of. My review for it on Letterbox was just, now you three me. Nice. Who is in? So that is Dave Franco.

There were a thousand people in this movie. Have you seen the previous? Yes. Okay. Yeah. So we have Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Dave Franco, and Ms. Ila Fisher were like the original Four Horsemen. Why do I know this? And then Lizzie Kaplan. replaced Ila Fisher in the second one. Sure. And then we have three new characters. Justice Smith, Ariana Greenblatt, and... Oh, we're getting...

We got a huge star for this. Ariana Gros. Greenblatt. But she was in everything this year. Anyway, and then that kid from... Oh, I know his name. Morgan Friedman. Is it Damien?

He was in... The Omen? The holdovers, the leftovers. Oh, yeah. That kid. The main guy? Yeah. He's...

Great. Good actor. But that's eight leads. Then we have a featured Morgan Freeman. Yeah. Well, no reason. And then a cameo at the end with another. I'm not just going to spoil, but a cameo at the end of somebody else. Is it sexy scarecrow? Yeah. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's like the Ocean's 11 conundrum is how much screen time do you give to every? Well, that's how I felt actually. I was like, I don't know who any of these people are. Oh, and Rosamond Pike was the villain and she had a insane accent. She did a South African accent. that was crazy.

And I did really love her. Can you do a Southern American accent? No. I can't do it. See, Africa. Yeah, I was kind of like that. It's wacky. See, everything.

I'm doing everything. I'm doing the secret is, don't open your mouth. You need the teeth touching it all time. Yeah. I understand you're working on the movie right now. I am working on my first. For a movie.

Really? First ever. First ever. Because you're a... Everyone knows you as a TV actress. I'm a TV actress mostly in some theater. And of course musicals. Of course.

Is this movie a musical? No. Okay. It's not. Is it a drama? I can't say nothing. I can't say if it's a drama? I'm not going to say anything just because I'm scared.

What if it comes out and it's not a drama? Yeah. What if it comes out and it's so funny? So funny. And that's what you really hope doesn't happen when you put out a drama. Put out a drama. This is so funny. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. No. No. No. big, and I've done, I'm doing three days on it. Like, it's a teeny, teeny, teeny, tiny part, but it's like, such a cool big movie that I'm so excited to be a part of.

Oh, okay. Wicked. Wicked. Wicked three. Thricid. Now you, now you've been wicked. John Wicked, is there anything there? Yeah.

I feel like Mad Magazine would have had a time with that. Absolutely. Fold these corners in. Wasn't that a thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The mad fold it.

Add fold in The whole page You ruined the whole page Yeah But the days They're like long My first day was 16 hours And

How much trailer time You get during that Not a lot They're mostly having us Chill in the green room Which is cool A lot of locals in it Which is nice

And getting to know Cool people I'm so curious what it is I know Yeah At the end of my first day Though I was wearing contacts Okay we know that she wears

Contacts Well just my normal contacts instead of glasses, sorry. I wanted to be able to see. This is new. I learned how to put in contact lenses this year. Yeah? I had to go get the lessons at the optometries.

Yeah, I had that too. And... How do you feel about it? You're kind of... Shove your finger in your eye. Yeah, your chest here. I'm just trying to get around here. Because of your anatomy.

Yeah. Don't love wearing contacts. You don't love wearing contacts. them or you don't love putting them in or any of it. Don't mind putting them in. Hate taking them out. Oh, the pinch. The pinch.

Don't like it. If my nails are just even a little too long, ouch, scary. Yeah. But this day, I had them on for 16 hours, which you're not supposed to do. They're literally an eight hour daily. And we finish the day and I'm in my trailer

and I'm trying to get my contact lens out. First of all, I get one out maybe. I don't know. It could be behind my eye. Never found it. Oh, really? Still to this day? Yeah.

Okay. You got it out. I hope so. Yeah, how, wait, how's your thinking? Has it become kind of cloudy? Yeah. Like, as the contact gone back, if it's your brain, it's my brain? I don't think they go back.

I, well, you saw that news story, but the woman at, like, 52 contact lenses behind her eye. Did she live in her shoe? I was from the People magazine she bought. Yeah. I didn't see this right. Yeah, it is a thing. She just thought they would just, they fall out at the end of the day or something. So she keeps putting them in?

Yeah. Wow. And she's like, my sight keeps getting better and better and better. Do you ever forget your contact lenses are in and then put your glasses on? You're like, oh, no. Oh, scary, yeah, yeah. Well, not scary. Scary.

Well, I'm somewhere and I have to drive home and I get, and I need my glasses to drive home because it's, A, it was an overnight shoot. So, it was 7 o'clock in the morning. And my contacts don't fix my deviated septum. So, deviant symptom, I meant astigmatism. Okay. Yeah, I was like, huh, what would glasses do to a deviated septum? I guess if they pinch a little bit, if you're snorting them. I'm snorting through as I'm driving.

And I couldn't get one out. And then I started freaking out. And I had to go to the makeup trailer. And everybody was really nice. And they, like, sat me down. They put a hot towel over my face. They filled my eyes with saline. And just, like, let me breathe for a minute and brought out a CPAP machine.

And they're like, what have you tried to breathe for the first? I'm in 20 years. And they brought a mirror and just, like, gave me some time. And meanwhile, the lead of the movie is right here getting... Surely you could tell us the name of the name of the movie. And as I... Is his catchphrase, I pity the fool. Dave, don't spoil it.

I'm going to get in trouble. And I, I, like, take my deep breath and I eventually pulled the contact lens out. And as I do the lead in the movie, it's just like, And I realize everybody has been watching me, like, gently pull out this. Now, based on her impression, who do we think? He talks like this. Did I say he? Oh, no, that's right.

Yeah. There's got to be that brassy Bet Midler. He had a birthday as well this week. Was her name? The Lady M? No. What's her? The Divine Missam.

Yes. So it's Bet Midler, and the name of the project is, Home alone, six. Home three loan. Define Grave three. That's very good. The, well, I'm, I, you look. Listen up everybody.

One more thing. Go ahead. You came in here today. You were wearing transitions lenses. Yes. How long have you had those? These are also new this year. I got, I got my workup this year and had to get new glasses.

and decided I didn't want to be working on set and not being able to see people in the eyes. That's why I learned how to get contacts. Because I'm right, I think it was impeding me a little bit because I couldn't read facial cues. Sure. It might be stigmatism and autism. Do you have a stigmatism?

Yeah. Do you have contacts for a stigmatism? I do. Okay, yeah. I think they said they don't make them for such a weird shape. or my weird shaped eyeball. No, I think... What's the stigma to do?

It's when your eyes not perfectly round. Oh. Just a slight one. But when you drive at night, the lights look like they're coming at you in Star Wars style. Oh, shit. My optometrist said I, my eyes are like one of those Dungeons and Dragons die. Dice.

Yeah, it's all got all sorts of weird angles. A D20? Yeah. Yeah. The, I play hockey and in the dressing room. Like, I wear contacts when I play hockey. There's a guy who shows up with glasses, takes them off, gets his contact lenses, puts them in without looking in the mirror. Wow.

And then plays. I can take them out without looking in the mirror. Oh, I have to look in the mirror to take them out. But he can, I can't imagine being able to just like, bloop. That's like somebody taking like a vitamin or a pain pill without water. Oh. You're just like, how the hell? Yeah, I can do that.

I can't do that. I don't like it. And then you kind of feel in your throat like all day. That's the thing. Yeah. That's what I consider that not being able to do it if you feel like. You're right. I guess I just swallowed it and it just didn't work.

Yeah, I do get that sometimes when your mouth is too dry and your like esophagus is too dry. Maybe the doctor's like, you got all sorts of Advil and stuff stuck in your lungs. Maybe they should remove those. Yeah. I see 52 contact lenses in there. Oh, my, yeah. They went to the brain down through the nasal. I do think they should be dissolvable.

Well, somebody said to me, you're probably fine, a daily will just dissolve. I don't... I think that's a lie, right? Yeah, because you can't put them down the drain. Yeah, that's true. Uh-oh. You can't flush them?

What? I've been flushing my contact lenses. Yeah, because all of a sudden, the fish can see... So much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I assume all the water goes out to where fish are. I don't actually know where the water goes. It's not for us to know.

That's true. No, no. I know there are certain drains, uh, that have like a fish label on it like in the street storm drains And that's where I go fishing is mostly in the storm trains Where do pee and poo go? That's what I'm wondering, where do pee and poo go?

That's why they say like, you know, flushable wipes are not flushable Because they're like clogging up everything And they're making like rat kings But like. Also fat birds they're called they have. Oh, yeah. I've never. I like that.

I, yeah, flushable wipes. I don't know why anyone ever thought they were flushable. There's no way. There's no way. Why do people keep in every rest of, any bar bathroom I go to says do not flush paper towel down the who who's doing that somebody is going out or are they are they waddling out of the stall wetting a paper towel and wiping their butt with it is my thought I do like the I like the visual of that somebody coming out of the stone waddling pants around their ankles I just need excuse me I just really want to get a nice clean wet wipe and that's when they realize oh no it's just got a dice an air dryer, well, brought myself up here on the same.

I was at an event at BC Place this weekend, and the men's bathroom was full. Well, it actually wasn't that full. Like, there was plenty of urinals to urinate at. Sure. Yeah. But there was a lineup for the stalls, and it was a, like, there's many stalls, and a lot of guys just waiting to use the stalls. And these, the, I was at a two-hour event. man, no one's pooping.

No, they're all doing coke. They're private peers. Yeah. But what was, what was it at? That's my get to know. Oh, sorry. Okay. But I was just thinking maybe it's a men right thing or something like that or everybody's

doing a, you know, what's an occasion people would do coke at a pit bull concert? A pit bull concert. Like, I know things. Bar Mipza. I know. I know some people have that sort of pee anxiety. Sure. I do.

Sorry. I'm the opposite. I said it very proud. But you get a stall. I do, but I went into a stall while chatting with a friend recently, and we both went in the stall, still chatting. Then there was a long pause where we both were like, now I can't pee. And we're both anxious because we're just sitting here quietly. Okay, on three, on three.

One, two, three. Oh, I got a blood test recently. I took one too. It turns out I'm so fat. My blood is ragu. Is that right? Oh, shit. Yeah.

I got a blood test recently And I had a cold when I went Which was stupid And I got real dizzy after And then they were like And here for your urine sample And I didn't realize I had to do a urine sample And I couldn't be

The big movie star was standing right next to you Right next me And I couldn't pee Get off my plane That's him rehearsal And I had to drink I drank seven cups Of like Life Labs water

I did the same thing And I sat there and I kept going back and then coming back and sitting because it wasn't happening. And then it took me an hour to pee. And at one point a woman said, like a nurse there was like, you're still here? Yeah. Are you okay? And I was like, I can't pee. I had that once.

But it was because you can't pee when you have an erection. Oh, that's true. But you were there for all three. All three erections? Yeah, no, all three, the main fluids. P. Have you watched the TV show English teacher?

Yep. Yep. There's a great episode in season two where one of the characters there's like a very clingy woman who's like following her around and like, oh, let's go to the bathroom together

and they're sitting and I'll sit down first. It just sits on the toilet and you hear peeing and they're just chatting. You hear plops. Well, that's where I was worried your story was going. Well, I do remember, yes, I've definitely been chatting with a friend going into the stalls

and then farting. Oh, yeah. No, it's in the bathroom. It's all, she just, my friend just went, and I was like, oh, man, I'm only 20. Only 20. I've got so much to learn. I have so much to learn how to hold a farted.

Yeah. You're like, and if it's this, if I can't hold it at this age, it's only going to get worse over time. You're not. I'm meant to hold in a fart while sitting on a toilet. I agree. Yeah.

Because of my anatomy. Yeah, go on. We'll just put this mask up against your butt. We just need to monitor your farts. A C-Pap for your butt. Yeah, it takes the fart out. Thank you. How does it work?

It takes the fart out and then it blows it into the maybe frays. It just whispers your fart. So it's quiet. So that's just kidding that it's not waking you up. Yeah. That's right. I have it. Or your partner.

Yeah. What? What are you? I wasn't paying attention for 20 seconds. This isn't that. We don't do that here. We're talking about a CPAP machine for butt. Yeah, I know.

No, I caught onto that. This is what happens when I let my card down. Yeah. You said see poop. That's true. Yeah, and that was the end of it. Yeah. I do sometimes, like, if I'm sleeping on my back, I will wake up and I'll be like, like, oh, was I snoring?

And then Abby, it'll be like, well, Abby sleeps through anything. So I have no idea. But I do have to then go on my side. I'm a cider. Yeah, you got to go on the side. The cider has to rules. Or on my tummy. I had, I tried to figure out a position to sleep in that made me snore less, which was like on stomach, hands up, two pillows.

It's not comfortable, but it helps. Have you ever talked in your sleep? Well, I don't know. I don't know. Because Abby is such a deep sleeper, I don't really know. But there was one time, like, in the 2000 U.S. election, I did once. She did once catch me saying, what was it? We should remember the Green Party, Ralph Nader.

One time, I guess, I... In my sleep, rolled over, and to an ex-partner said, One day they'll see. They'll all see. Oh, shit. Who is that? Yeah. Let's talk to her.

Yeah. And then he hears you in your sleep, sharpening knives in the kitchen. They'll see. They'll see. Who is she? Yeah. Little villain. Little villain.

Little villain. Little villain. Little villain. A little villain. Little villain. That's good. It feels good. It's good.

A little villain. You've got a little villain. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Sleep and otherwise. How's your sleep? Last night bad. Oh, shit, okay.

Night before good. Okay. Last night I just had work to do. I had to finish a stupid thing for a stupid client. For stupid idiot. Thanks for stupid people. Because stupid American Thanksgiving made everyone not work. And then I had to catch up on all their work.

And this project was. de-inflating one of the balloons from the Macy State Street. Yeah. Yeah. Which one was it? Turkey. Generic turkey. Just generic turkey.

Mr. Turkey. It's a hundred-year-old balloon. They've been trotting out every week. Turkey drop. Every year, I guess. Here's what's going on with me. I was at BC Place, the big stadium. To watch the Vancouver Whitecaps, our MLS soccer team, play a

the Western Final to make it to the MLS Finals, but they were playing in San Diego, so I went to see them just show it on the JumboTron. That's fun. It was fun. That is fun. That's camaraderie there. It was a lot of fun.

They had, obviously, it's a, like, 50,000 seat stadium, and they said they just had one section where you could see the Jumbotron best and they, that's where everyone sat. That's nice. And it was Were they still selling sodas and popcorn? They were. And people were waiting to use the bathroom. Sure. Everybody's pooping at BC place. Yeah. And it was just the, uh, it was just like, some is sort of

like in-house, you know, cameras like showing people on the Jumbo Tron. But when the game was on, you know, in the toilet. Yeah, they had the toilet cam. They tried to get up to a 100 decibels in there What does this guy look like Who's on the toilet? I kind of look like

The old man from up They do have a thing Where they like Put a filter on Like they'll go into the crowd And put like a Snapchat filter On everyone's face Have you ever been on a Jombotron that way?

Were they in a lookalikes? Yeah Why? Who do you think I look like? J.J. Abrams. Ah! That came off. That was the first thing I thought of

I don't know. Gracie Abrams's dad Yeah I think I was on a Jumbotron Like I was on this Jumbotron But like just in a wide shot I was like hey there's me You Jambotron?

No no Who do you look like for like for me Miss Biggie Geez I'm saying it like I said it I didn't say that Well Graham Graham said Miss Biggie

Have to respect Kermityle Rundee Kermadile Rundee Yeah I was also wearing Rundee MC For the shoes On Kermit I like when you see his legs

See who is it that we had that Hated absolutely hated Seeing a Puppet's legs I love it when he's riding the bike I think it's the most beautiful Moment in cinematic history Yeah What about then the sequel where all of them

Are riding the bike Yeah it's beautiful It's beautiful What's your favorite Muppet? Fuzzy Bear But also Kermit He was like my first crush Oh, yeah.

Loved Kermit. Is he still your hall pass? Absolutely. Thin green lips. I don't know. Oh, Gonzo is my favorite. Gonso, yeah, sure. We have the same tasty neck chickens.

Is that your whole pass? Chickens. Do you have a favorite Mupp? I mean, I grew up big fan of Kermit. Mm-hmm. But I also like that crazy animal. Oh, man. I should he got up to.

Woo-wee. I like Ralph. I like Ralph. Yeah. Ralph's the dog, yeah. Like Bunton Honeydew. Yeah. Yeah.

I loved the NBC show they did a few years ago. That was essentially 30 Rock, but. Oh, yeah. Was it? It was good. It was great. It was great. Nobody watched it.

Wait a minute. Is this movie? Muppet. Muppet. Or Muppet. Threep it. Yeah. I'm in a threep it.

I'm going to threep it. Um, geez. Do any of the Muppets have sleep apnea? Which one would? Beaker. Beaker does the. Beaker, he doesn't have a nose. He got, I guess, I'm breathing.

I think the old guys up in the balcony. Oh, yeah. Baller and Waldorf. They definitely have it. They got some CPAP machines. Yeah. Yeah. I remember the first time I saw my uncle with a CPAP.

machine. Was he just wearing it around the house? Yeah. He's like staying over at our house for some reason and like brought his CPAP and it was back, you know, this is like probably 20 years ago and it was just like massive. Oh yeah. And I think they make them a little smaller now. I know.

And they do and they make travel ones as well. Yeah. I just know from going through security with other people who have them, you have to unpack it. That's the thing because it looks crazy under the x-rays. I'm scared my cat. That's going to be scared of me at night. Well, put one on the cat. Yeah.

She needs a little extra. This is okay. See, it's just the same. It's the same for both of us. I like that she sleeps on my legs. I'm scared. She's going to be scared of me. I don't think they make much noise.

Okay. Does this sound like Darth Vader a little bit? Yeah. Luke. You'll see. They'll all see. Is that Arnold's right? A certain co-star?

You got your contact lens out. Hooray, everybody, loved. Anyway, I went to the soccer game, but there was no game happening. It was just on the screen. That's fun. And it was fun. It was like a very exciting game, for one thing. The Whitecaps won.

They will be playing in the finals this weekend. I will also be going to that, but not the actual game. I'll be going to watch it on the Jumbotron again. And it was, but the thing about it is, it was late November and it was freezing because it's a stadium that's, I don't think they heat it. I think it's very hard to heat it. I think they rely on body temperature and their body, like. Yeah, body heat. And there weren't enough people to heat it.

Oh, God. Yeah. How many people do you think were there? Yeah. Seven or eight thousand. Oh, wow. Okay. That's still a lot of people.

Yeah. And you are all in kind of like one side. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm, we're all in this together. You're basically at a theater show. And it was like, it was a good game and very exciting. And even though it was just a Jumbotron, I kept thinking about it like in the days afterwards, like, wow, that was so great I was there.

Oh, wait, I wasn't there. What an exciting experience for me to actually be in the same room. No, I wasn't. Yeah. Were there any soccer hooligans at this? There were, yeah, there were some Scottish men who were headbudding each other. That's just how they show their appreciation for the game Yes

They were You know We support Stensted Who are we playing against in the final Oh, enter Miami Shit Miami FC I don't know what

They're Miami They're Miami All the teams in the league Have like stupid Uh huh They'll be like Like a who And what's on first

All these baseball players have these crazy No but like the white caps They're That's a name of the team, and they're named after the mountains and the ocean here. But the, like, other teams will just be, like, sporting Kansas City. Like, they'll just take the European style naming a team, whatever, like, Real Salt Lake. Right.

And is, is that the name of a sponsor that they say? No, Rayal is, is Rayal Madrid, is the famous team in Madrid, and it means royal. Oh, okay. So it's, like, a lot of, like, Kalamazoo United or whatever. How did Kalamazoo do this year? They really shit the bed. Oh, no. Do you watch any sports in stadium or otherwise?

No, but I'm excited about our professional women's hockey league that's starting out here. What are they called? The golden eyes. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm excited for that. And they were playing the N64 pause music, the cool golden eyes. Music in the stadium. Yeah.

I'm excited for that. I watched the Blue Jays this year. Yeah. And then I got really wrapped up in it. Sure. Too wrapped up in it. And then I had to be like, this is why I can't watch sports. I got upset at the end.

Yeah. It was like, like, I had so much anxiety. You're a dramatic person. No. Okay. But makeup people are used to dealing. with dramatic people until they know how to handle it. Yeah, yeah, they had to sip me down.

They had to sit me down. It's okay, the Blue Jay's lost, but you'll be fine. Here's some eyedrops in a warm towel. Yeah. Meanwhile, the star of the movie's like, Hachajai was Jimmy Duranty. A long time ago, past guest was on Connor Holler's show. Connor was here last week.

and he had to do like the full getting like a mask done. So he had to get like prosthetic. Oh wow. I would like this sitting there with just the nostrils open. I would, I would freak out. Yeah. Are you claustro? Oh, extremely.

And also like breathing's not great through the nose, not super fantastic. So. How am I doing it? Yeah. How am I doing it? How am I doing it? I put a straw up there. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. But then that just makes me want some of that sweet, sweet. Nose candy. You take your cocaine via straw You're a giant silly straw That's really gunked up there It's fun to watch

There's like $4,000 worth I don't know how it's expensive I think I don't know I can tell you I just use other people I just know when they like do a big hall When the cops are like we got all this This bag right here

This brick nine million dollars they also could you know like when they do that show thing i don't know is that is that cocaine like it's wrapped up like it does in movies but is it is it or is it just this is for show i have no idea this is just show cane show cane cocaine that's kermic cocaine god bless muppin magazine i mean he doesn't have nostrils does he But he does, he seems like... He likes to rub it on his gums. The other thing that's going on with me.

Oh, two things. Yeah, I, uh, I went to the grocery store. And I bought something that I had heard about for years, but didn't exist as a thing in the grocery store. Okay, do you want to guess? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I posted about it on my social, so you might have seen it. But this was...

Something from a grocery store. Mm-hmm. You've never bought before. But I have always wondered about. Okay, okay. I maybe have heard about this for the last 10 years. Didn't know it was a product you could buy. Oh.

Okay, my first thought was, like, one of those plugs for your shower that collects hair. That was my first thought. I think I bought mine at a grocery store. Okay. Or a snake for your drain, because I also bought that a grocery store. Can I tell you? It's a food product. Food product.

Is it Xanthan gum? Whoa. Like the ingredient Yeah, the ingredient Nope Okay, wasn't that Was it a durian? It wasn't a durian

It was a brand name No, not a brand name thing It's got a like a Celebrity All Newman salad dressing Oh, that's a good one It is a good guess It was sort of like a salad dressing

Who made those like Those hot Meat machines? Hot meat machine? Okay Never mind. Who made the hot meat machine? Oh, George Foreman.

Yes. Hot meat machine. When you were saying it, because you kind of mined it, I kind of look like some of you get. Like one of the things that you get like a swarm up front. I got advertised one of those. Oh, yeah? For home? Yeah, $200.

Oh, you could make your own. Shorm a stacker, yeah. Oh, wow. Think of how smelly your house would get. And you'd have to have it like on a long time. Oh, I got. I've got to have it on all the time. Just shave and meat off.

Honestly, that's... Your daily shave of meat. I love when you go and they're like, oh, okay. And then they just like stop it from rotating for a second so they can really crisp up the one side. They do it right over there. Yeah. And Charmottown. Well, this was from Flavortown.

The thing I bought. Oh, okay. This was Guy Fieri's donkey sauce. Oh, very good. So I've only ever heard the phrase donkey sauce. I've never seen it. Me neither. I didn't know if it was

I was because I know I associate donkey sauce with him I know he has restaurants Yeah But his He also has a TV show Where he goes around To other people's restaurants

Which is where I assume I've heard Of donkey sauce What's the sauce from Arby's called Horsi sauce? Horsey sauce, okay. Why would Why would he be bringing his own sauce To other people's restaurants I couldn't I don't know

Why I know this sauce Oh it's like a Franks Red Hat Like, I always carry this with me. I put that shit on everything. Yeah, exactly. I carry around my donkey sauce in my purse. I don't actually know what's in it. So I bought it.

I had some leftover chicken and leftover buns and a middle of chicken sandwich. And I put donkey sauce on it. And it's white. Yeah. Oh, ew. Okay. I was picturing a barbrew sauce.

Yeah. And what flavor profile were you picturing? Like a spicy barbecuey? Tangy. Yeah. Spice and spicy? at all. I guess because

a donkey will kick. Yeah, it was expecting some kick. Sure. Yeah. It's not that. It's sort of like a white mayo-y ranch

thing with, I don't know, I should have looked. So is it the texture is mayo-y or? The texture is a, yeah. It's. Is it thick or is it thin?

I know. I'm trying to figure. It's not a, thick as like ketchup. Oh, so thin. It's thinner. It's as thin as that. Like mustard style, kind of a thinner.

Mustard is as thick as ketchup, I think. It's, yeah, it's sort of like ranch. Rant, maybe a thin ranch. Thin ranch, okay. Thin is crazy. But not that thin. It's not like watery. That's where I was sent as a kid to Thin Ranch.

It worked. Yeah, absolutely. The, and the, the, The one flavor, I couldn't quite put my finger on. I haven't actually Googled it to see how they describe it. But I think it's like ranch, mayo, and root beer. Wow. Now that's a flavor profile.

That's crazy. I think I've seen like people make root beer kind of hot sauces or barbecue sauces. Yeah, barbecue sauce, yeah. Oh, he has a recipe for it. Oh, you make your own. Recipe courtesy of guy. Fietti. Okay.

Total time of making this sauce 50 minutes. 5.0? Yeah, and an active time of 15 minutes. You're reducing something. So it's garlic, olive oil, kosher salt, mayonnaise, yellow mustard, and Worcestershire. That's it?

That's it. Why is it 50 minutes? Where am I getting root beer from? Well, there you have to let it sit. Oh, get it thin. I get a nice and thin, you've got to thin it out. You're wishing it, so you're like it's getting real thin. You're roasting the garlic for 35 to 40 minutes.

Jeez, Louise. And then you ever do that and you squeeze it out? And you're like, this is way too much garlic. I love it. I'm a garlic girl. So he would serve this at one of his establishments. I guess, yeah. I went to one of his establishes in Las Vegas.

What was your takeaway? I don't remember it. I'm sorry. Like, how was the movie? I don't know. I was there yesterday. You're sort of like, now you see it, now you don't. Yeah.

Things just disappear. Because I've never been in one. Is it wacky inside? I think it was very like, flames forward. Flames, sure. Yeah, flames. Flames forward, some like maybe old bikes. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Motorcycle or pedal? I want to say motorcycle. Pedal would be cute. I feel like there would be. Kermit on there. Oh, his legs. They're cool. It would be, like, seats that are, like, a car, like a Cadillac seat, you know what I mean?

Yeah. I feel like that wouldn't be out of place. You're driving it in Durvin. Yeah. I saw his car in our neighborhood once. I know. Oh, was he going to a peaceful restaurant or whatever? I guess they just bring the car.

Like, he was doing something, but it was like at 5 o'clock, so he was headed. He was headed west. I don't know where you'd go west from here that would be featured on. You know, he's going to some weird little hole in the wall, you know? Somebody's dive. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, dives are east.

Dives are east. They're a diner. No. They do diners. They do drive in. There's a drive-in white spot over in Kissela. There is. You can eat in your car.

Nice. We used to do it all the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They bring a giant tray that goes across. Hokes on your windows. And we were like, so excited because we just listened to the radio and ate our I'll listen to the Christmas station.

Probably. I wonder what that Christmas station plays the rest of the year. 103.5 is a... All Halloween. It's like a Spirit Halloween radio station. 103.5 is like easy listening. Okay. And then 104.9?

Is that which one it is? They do... Oh, they're now like 2000s. Like 2000s pop. But also... Oh, I love that. I feel like a few hours a day they're a Christian rock station. Oh, yeah.

You got to have a few hours a day. your few hours a day. Yeah, yeah. You have to have your few hours of Christianity a day. He's young. Graham, what's going on with you? What is going on with me? Anyway, donkey sauce is good.

It's good? Is it? It's good? I mean, you've read the ingredients. I don't know where I'm getting root beer from. Is Worcester? Is Worcisseter like a sasparilla? I don't know.

I cannot have it. It's got anchovies. Oh, yeah. It doesn't have like a thousand ingredients in it? A thousand. Can you imagine? Maybe a little sassbrile. Little villain.

There's just some weird. A little villain. Sasperilla. Little spasbrilla. That's my new identity. There's just some sort of herbal sweetness to it that makes me think root beer, but so faint. And this is good with a chicken. Sure.

Would you have it on an egg? Would you have it? I would have it on an egg. I would have it on a leg. Would you leave it kind of on? the table at like a family gathering dinner just like have it in a nice tureen or something like that we have a tureen of donkey sauce yeah i made my own i made my own this year so it took me 50 minutes we'll see if you guys like it's on my christmas dinner day

just dipping a turkey leg in donkey's awesome um so uh in in the words of joshka not much not much is going on not this week plenty was going on yeah you were doing all sorts of stuff Yeah. Myself, and this has been not on purpose, but I'm thinking of turning this into a purposeful hobby or kind of maybe not hobby, but I have accidentally watched a movie from the 90s or the 80s and then their remake. Oh, I love that. To see what do they, what do they improve on? What did they totally ruin? What do you mean accidentally?

Well, because I watched the hand that rocks the cradle and then I watched the updated one. And then I realized I had done the same thing for single white female. And I watched War of the Roses. The Remed Single White Female? Yeah, it was called The Roommate. Oh, with Leighton Meester? Yeah. You got it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Recently? No. No, when Leighton Meester was, you know. Yeah. In her gossip girl heyday. Sure.

Jeez, Louise. Was there anybody bigger? No. I mean, Blake lively. Now, wait. this co-star of yours isn't a Meester, is it? Mr. Meester. I was on hold for a movie with Leitland Meester, like, two years ago, and I didn't get it,

and I was sad because I wanted to work with her. Hell yeah. I was on hold for a movie with Blake Lively, but they gave it to Justin Baldoni. Oh, no. We all know how that works out. They made the wrong choice. Yeah, so I've accidentally just watched them just by happenstance, but then I'm like, Maybe I want to just do this for as many movies as I can.

So that is a real weird genre. Yeah. Of like, because it's, those aren't huge movies that they're remaking. No, but they're like good story. Yeah. And it rocks the cradle is Rebecca de Morne Stamos. Yeah. And Lloyd Braun is her husband.

Yeah. And is Tony is, what's his name? Tony Todd. Is he the like? I can't remember his name. I don't know any of these names. Is he the candy man? oh yeah i know i can picture him but is he in it i don't maybe as a cop or something no there's

like a uh a guy who's like the um i don't know greenskeeper landscaper oh yeah who gets framed uh for like molesting the child there i said tony todd's the one who's in every single final destination movie yes i love those movies me too um Oh, may I recommend? Go on. I just watched for the first time the original It. Yeah. The two-part miniseries.

Yeah. My friend's dad is in it. He's got a ponytail. Oh, hell yeah. A lot of ponytails in that movie. Yeah. A lot of ponytail. Who are the main?

It's like John Ritter, Harry Anderson. Yeah. John Ritter? So handsome and I have to say. Yeah. Gorgeous. He was a catch. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think it might have been Ernie Hudson. Bernie Hudson, yes. And the hand that rocks the cradle is like... It's the hand that rules the world. Hmm. And the one-eyed man is king. But by and large, the remakes are not as good as the originals.

Because the originals were good. So it's not like, you're not remaking something that was like a good idea, but they didn't pull off. Like, these are good movies. I wanted to see The Running Man remake. Oh, yeah. Me too. But then I heard it wasn't so good. Yeah.

And, like, Running Man was, he was Schwarzenegger. There's no replacing him. There's no modern era except for his son, Schwarzenegger. Patrick? Yeah. Thank you. Yes, Patrick. Yeah, so I watched The War of the Roses.

Have you ever heard of the War of the Roses? Is that Daniel DeVito? Daniel DeVito and Bruce Willis? No, guy from Wall Street. Michael Douglas? Michael Douglas. And Kathleen Turner. And the new one is just the roses?

Yeah. And that's... Ben Cumberbatch. And what's her name from? Olivia Coleman. I've heard it's very bad. Oh. But I think the first one was... I think my parents enjoyed it.

No, the first one's great. Really? Yeah. It's so funny. It's like they're a couple. They are getting a divorce. Not because of any... She's just falling out of love with her.

So they're getting a divorce and they're fighting over the house. So then they're both just going at each other in a war in this house. So now you have to watch the roses. Yeah. I've accidentally backed myself into a corner. That's such a, I love that idea. I'm really into watching things from the 90s and 80s right now because I like to see, I'm loving watching people with faces like before people started getting facelifts and that 35.

Also regular looking teeth, you know. I watched signs for the first time, I think last year, and I just was blown away by walking Phoenix's beautiful teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're so interesting, and he's got wrinkles, and he's still gorgeous, like, bring his back. But he looks like a real person. Yes, yeah. I'm walking here.

Thank you. I watched maybe an hour of what was the movie with the beautiful Gita Davis. Which one? Not reindeer games. That's a similar. And it wasn't the, like, pirate. No, but it was the same. director, I think, her husband,

Rennie Harland, and it is the Lunkus Goodnight. Longest Good Night. Yes. I watched some of that the other night. So, you know, I'm viping with the 90s as well. Yeah, it's good. But I do like, I like a 90s thriller. I watched the one with Michelle Pfeiffer and at Catwoman. No, Batman 2.

Batman 2. My favorite. No, not Batman 2. Is that a Christmas movie? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I'm excited to watch this year. It ends with him going, Merry Christmas offering. That's true. Yeah. I love that movie. He's got no friends.

Did you know that in that movie it starts with Danny DeVito Pinguid Baby? And then it like... Danavino Pinguine Baby. Yeah. And he like gets floated down the thing. And then it says 33 years later, which means I'm the same age as Danny Tavito's penguin in that movie. Oh my God.

You're having your penguin year. I'm like, you're telling me that creature's 33 years old? I do love that. Well, how are you going to celebrate your? penguin year. I love it. The weird, like, it's always funny in Goodfellas where, like, Robert De Niro is on screen and the voiceover's like, well, he couldn't have been more than 28 years old when he's not. But then also, when you do find out that an actor who you thought was like an old man,

your whole life, was 33. There's a guy, have you, either of you guys seen the commitments? No. No, too sad. The lead in it, the lead of the band is a guy that you're like, this guy's got to be late 40s, early 50s, looked it up, 16. Bring it up, bring up a picture of them. It'll blow your mind that this kid is 16. Okay, there's too many people in this movie and I've never heard of any of them. Yeah, they're all, uh...

Do you have a character name? Uh, no, lead singer of. Okay. Um... Is it this guy? No, that guy's, uh, he's the guy that puts the band together. Is it that guy? Yep.

Okay. Yeah. Andrew Strong as Deco Coffee. Yeah. Okay. And he's, uh, if you, if you see a picture of him from the movie, you're like, this guy... That's an adult. Yeah.

He's got children at home. He himself is a children at home. That him in the movie? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a... 16.

It blew my mind when I saw that. But you know what? He said the great thing about it is he's not going to, like, grow, you know, that's his old faces he's ever going to have, you know? Like, he's going to stay the same. He looks the same, except he's bald. Yeah. Anyways, I don't know if there's a room.

remake of the commitments, but I'd watch that. He'd be great as a high school Daddy Warbucks. Yeah, your lips to God's ears. Absolutely. So, you know, I'm taking any suggestions of, of 90s, 90s, 90s that have been remade. That have been remade. You've seen Candy Man, Wicker Man?

I've seen Wicker Man. Yeah. I haven't seen the Candy Man update, but I've heard it's okay. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. I liked it. Um, I'm like, I'm sure there are other ones, but I just accidentally done this. So I'm not, um, yeah, I'm trying to think of what I've seen lately that, because I've kind of have been trying to go back to the 90s.

What was the one? It's Michelle Pfeiffer and on the cover. She's in a bathtub. And, uh, it's, it's her. I don't know, but I want to watch it. It's not, is it the, um, Harrison Ford one? Yeah. Um, and it's scary. It's, yeah. I like a scary. Definitely like a, not spooky, but a scary thriller. Well, that hasn't been remade. They would never remake that. No, no, no. But I watched that, you know, on the topic of 90s thrillers. And he doesn't get more 90s than that.

I just Googled Michelle Pfeiffer bathtub. What Lysbeni. What Lys beneath, yes. That was Robert Zemeckis. Oh, yeah, that's true, yeah. And he was making castaway. Oh, yeah. And then they needed to take a year off for Tom Hanks to get skinny.

Oh, yeah. And so he made that in between. And it's good. It's like, it's a good thriller. And it's, I can't remember somewhere. It was on a forum somewhere where people were ranking who is the most horny director and who is the least horny director. And they said Robert Zemeckis was the least horny. Yeah.

But this movie's got some pretty, like, sexy elements in it. So, yeah. Good for him. He braced out. Yeah, he got a little horny. Who's the horniest director, Tarantino and his elite? Oh, too many. Too many.

Yeah. I mean, you know, who. ever directed Last Tango in Paris. You know, these, these are your horn dogs. I will say, I feel like a lot of media lately is very horny. We got heated rivalry that just came out. And all these, like, young adults. What's heated rivalry?

You guys. Heated rivalry just came out on Crave. It's Canadian TV show. It's about two hockey players. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That start Bonin. And every episode is just pure sex scene.

Nice. And there's, like, a couple of things that have been filmed lately that they're like, yeah, it's just an extremely horny show. That's what Canada's brand film-wise should be. We make the horniest movies in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Because we can out horny France, I feel like, if we really put our mind to it.

Is that the horniest country? It's got to be up there. No, they think they are. But, like, they're, like, they've been drinking wine all day. They can't have sex. It's like, you're going to have sex tonight? You've been drinking wine like 6 a.m. You've crashed your bite.

Listeners out there. Well, what do you guys think? What's the horniest movie-making country? That's Canada. It's got to be Canada. We made that one about the Molly Parker's the necrophiliac. That's right. And there was another one with, oh, man, she was the girl from, like, being Erica.

She was in a, she was in, like, a real saucy, yeah, yeah. Kind of like maybe her first couple of years as an actor. We made men with brooms and those brooms. I mean, one of those brooms. Yeah. Yeah, we made Crash, the horny movie. The horny crash. Yeah, the horny crash.

Yeah, because Karnenberg is... He's, I mean, he's horny, but he's also just, like, gross. Yeah, I don't think he's horny. There's, like, a fine line between horny and gross. Not for me, it was a blurred line. Yeah, if you get horny, then nothing's gross. You heard it here first. I'm on board with any.

thing. But do you guys maybe want to move on to some overheards? Sure. Right away. Here we go. Greetings. I am John Hodgman, co-host and co-creator of the Judge John Hodgman podcast, along with Jesse Thorne here on the Maximum Fund Network.

And I am here with Max Fund member of the month, Keith, who's been a maximum fund member since when, Keith? Oh, at least three or four years now. I don't recall exactly when I fell prey to the pledge to strive. but it got a hold of me and I've yet to relent. Oh, and we shall not ever let go. Now, you join us telephonically from a different country from ours, which is which. I moved to Vera Portugal back in August of this year.

I hear evening birds chirping behind you. And what are the names of those birds? We do have quite a few spoonbills and quite a few flamingos as well. So what would you say to the birds around you and the people listening who are considering supporting the show? You know, it's just nice to have a little bit of investment in the things that I love. Knowing that I'm making sure that those podcasts are still being created, makes me feel good. We're so pleased to have you be our Maximum Fund member of the month. Thank you very much, Keith, in Portugal, this month's Maximum Fund member of the month.

Obrugato. Become a MaxFund member now at Maximumfund.org slash join. I'm Emily Fleming. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Matt Lee. We are real comedy writers, real friends, and real cheapskates. On every episode of our podcast free with ads, we ask, why pay for expensive streaming services when you can get free movies from apps with weird names?

Each week, we review the freest movies the Internet has to offer. Classics like Pride and Prejudice. Cult classics like Point Break. And holy shit, what did I just watch classics like Teen Witch? Tune in every week as we take a deep dive into the Internet's bargain bin. Every Tuesday on Maximumfund.org or your favorite pod place. Overheard. Overheard. Where we hear it, then you hear it. And it's only fair that we start with the guest. Kelly, do you have an overheard? Do you have an overheard? It's dark.

Okay. I'm for I'm ready for it. It's haunting. I was teaching this summer children, summer acting camp. Okay. What ages? That's a great question. Here's the thing. At the place I taught, they kind of threw everybody into the group.

So it was like anywhere from 8 to 17. Okay. It's got to be weird for the 17-year-old. I will say yes. And I tried my best to make it fair for everybody. But occasionally we'd have a class and they'd be around the same age. And I had this one class, this one week, and there was a boy who I think was like, he kind of looked like a 90s bully. Okay, sure.

A little spiky hair, track suit. I'm trying to think, who's my favorite 90s bully? Like something from Max Keebles Dayoff or whatever. He had like fingerless gloves. It was always punching his palm. Yeah, jean vests, spiky hair. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, and I just overheard him on a day.

where I got them to take their time to go learn their lines and practice with their friends or with another person in the class. And I just see him like turn to a kid. And he just went, I bet you were fat when you were a baby. Whoa. And I was just like,

it just felt really haunting to hear a kid say that to another kid. But also. A lot of babies are pretty chunky. I would say most babies. Yeah. Which was also like, and I will say, I bet he was bad as a baby. And I just, I don't know, it made me, like, it was like a weird way to, like, insult to another kid.

It's interesting because it, yeah, it doesn't really, it does come off like an insult, but it's not. It was just, he just, it was a confusing thing to hear and dark and haunting. Also, there was a girl who farted. Let's talk about the fart. You're good. When we were. Whoa, whoa, whoa, didn't you sign an NDA? Yeah.

There was a girl who was driving me nuts all week, and we were doing, like, a chat around the circle, and she, we were all sitting in chairs, but she wanted to sit on the floor. And I was like, okay. And she was sitting on the floor, and you know what happens what are you for when you sit on the floor? Loud, ricochets, ricochets off that ground. And I was so nice. Everybody looked, and she was like, and, like, terrified. and I just continued the class on. Nobody took, like, we didn't acknowledge it, but I remember.

Was everybody laughing like crazy? No. I got them off of it really quick. But also, like, why would you sit on the floor and not a chair? You can always say, oh, that was my chair. Exactly. I was like, she set herself up. Unless it was like, I was so nice, even though she was mean to me all week.

It was the chair. And it's still the chair. Oh, my ass. The chair. Oh, I've got a fart apnea. You just got to put one on your butt? Yeah. Humbs out.

Wow. Yeah. Just like haunting weird little kids, you know? Yeah. Little villains. Not at all haunting at all, but yeah. That's certainly funny. Yeah.

I'm in no way haunted by your own. You're not haunted? I was haunted. Maybe you were fat when you were a baby. Dave, do you have an over? I do. But first, I just wanted to point out that I got my Spotify wrapped today. Oh, yeah.

And my number one most listened to song was All for Love by Rod Stewart and... Well, the version by Brian Adams and Pavarotti. Dave puts it on in the morning, puts it on repeat. I listened to so little music this year that some of the songs from our opera episode made it into my top five. Oh, that's so fun. I haven't caught my rap yet. We'll see. Have you got yours?

No, I don't think so. Let me check. I think it's going to be the same as last year. Background, lofi, or jazz. It's going to be my top. Whoever's in that list. Yeah, my number one song was that one. What was number two?

I also thought it was very funny that it was like, you listen to three albums this year. Long live the album. Number one. One was All for Love by Luciana Poverrotti and Brian Adams. Number two, with arms outstretched by Riloh, Kylie. Oh, yeah, that's good song. Number three, Hammond Song by the Roches.

Oh, I don't know that one. Oh, you'll love you like harmonies? Sure. I'm not against them. Mine's not loading much, but I do have your listening age. Do you want to guess what my listening age is? I'm going to... You're not going to beat mine.

No? Abbees was 21 and mine was 74. I didn't beat yours, but I almost do. I'm at 68. 68 since you were into music from the early 70s. You're an old soul. Yeah. You look 50.

You look 50. I bet you were a fat. Yeah. You look like the lead singer of the commitment. My top song was Garden of Eden by Lady Gaga. She's so back. She is. It's a great album.

Oh, your rap is ready. Let's see. I have to update my app. It's like 10 pages of stuff. We're not doing this on the show. I do want to know your listening age, though. Well, that's what I want to find out as well. It's one of the first ones.

Yeah. Dave, you haven't overheard? I do. Mine is, so this is from my two daughters. One of them, we have this thing coming up called Christmas here. Oh, yeah. Are they nuts for it? Yeah.

Look, one of them, they're ones in grade six, one's in grade four. When the older one was in grade four, she was done with Santa. The younger one in grade four, not done with Santa. I'm done with Santa. Down with Santa. No, no, no. I mean, yes. I'm not down with Santa, but I say down with Santa.

Do you go in for like a mall Santa? Is that part of the tradition? No. No. Okay. There was never any, I couldn't figure out, like, do you, the kids love Santa? Yeah. But like you love

Love him or you're just like Scared of him when I was a kid Scared of him you know he's Responsible for bringing presents And that's why I loved him Brought me presents What's not to love? I was scared I was like

Why is there a man coming to my house? Eh If any man who comes into my house leaves a present I love them Any man of mine There's got to walk the time And I Your men are no teasing

Is this year overheard? Yeah Anyway, so one of my daughters, this is not Santa related, this is just Christmas related, she said, oh, I have something I want to add to my Christmas list, a shark hat. And then my other daughter right away said, what? I want one. Like before I could figure out what a shark hat was, the other daughter was like, uh-uh, I'm getting the shark hat. Is it the shark hat logo from that golf player?

You know the guy I'm talking about? Greg Norman? Yeah, Greg Norman. Is that what they want one of those hats? It would be very disappointing if I got her a Greg Norman golf visor. There's a shark hat. There's got a shark on it. What is it?

Did you figure out what it was? Yeah, it's like a, there's many variations of it. Like a plushy hat. Yeah, kind of a hat where you have the... Oh, the fin? The fin on top. Oh, fun. I was picturing on where your head is being bitten by a shark.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Kind of like a toque. So maybe one, and then when it was determined that they... both wanted a shark hat, then one of them had to change her mind and be like, I want a squid hat. Okay, okay.

Now, it's a squid hat. Tenticles hanging down like hair. Kind of like a Rastafarian. Yeah, sort of like a cat in the hat. Squid hat, you can easily, you know, yeah, something like this. Oh, that's fun. Oh, that's so silly.

Yeah. I don't know what they want these for. Maybe parades. Funny hat day. Oh, I love. like that the purple one was pretty cool yeah yeah that one's fun how's that any is that purple well it just i like that it's uh it's a bit well i don't know maybe it's just the angle like a leak does that green a green squid hat does look a lot like a leak

graham do you haven't overheard i do um mine is uh have you got your spotify rat i'm still still waiting on it um uh mine comes as a courtesy of i was at a bar with a friend and out of nowhere I could smell burnt toast and I was like this is it having a stroke I'm smelling burnt toast at a bar why would I be smelling burnt toast at a bar and uh and I don't think was with smelled it as much and she did smell so I was like okay and then I was like maybe they do at the bar they do like a smoke thing or something like they light like a little bit of wood on fire and then put a top on it that kind of stuff mixology you know no yeah yeah um but uh with a piece of bread Yeah, they light a breeze of bread on fire. I asked the bartender, I was like, did you just make, like, a smoky cocktail or something? And he's like, uh, yeah. And I said, you know, you don't have any, uh,

you don't have a toaster back there. And he's like, oh yeah, no, I burn some toast. You're like, woo. I didn't fart. That's what everybody's saying. Uh, it was just the toaster. Um, it's not a stroke, though, is it? Yeah.

Yeah. When you smell, when you smell. No. Is it? I thought it was a. like another brain thing. I don't know. Big thought.

What was the... It was... Heritage Minute. Yeah. I worked on a heritage minute last year. Did you? I did a... I was a helped assist in the costumes department

because my friend's a costume designer. Oh, wow. She was like, I bet you need money. I said, yeah, I do. This is Montreal, 1934. Toast is burning. Toast is my... I don't, I think it's a seizure.

She has a seizure. Seizure. But I'm 100% positive at stroke is also. Yes. Oh, they're really operating on her brain. Mrs. Gold, do you feel anything? I can see the most wonderful lights. Are you pouring cold water on my head?

And now what do you feel? Did you pour cold water on my hand, Dr. Penfield? She's, like, really digging it. This is... He loves having her brain open. What is it, Mrs. Gold? Burned toast. Dr. Penfield, I can smell burnt toast.

Dr. Wild... Got that mask. Here he goes. He cured my seizures and hundreds more. They say he drew the roadmap of the human brain. You know how he cured the seizures? No. A little pat of butter.

Hmm. My brain is actually just burnt toast. Feels like in some days. Now, I also have overheard sent in by people all over the map. You want to send it in to SBY at maximum fund.org. And listeners, if you support the show, you can listen to an episode where we watch a ton of Canadian Heritage Minutes from a few years ago. So good. So good.

This first one comes from Alex in Ottawa, this very drunk girls in an Ottawa bar bathroom. Libby, you wash your hands like a dentist. That's good. Yeah, I mean, that's, but they don't do like this. Surgery. What do they? Not a surgeon. Just a dentist.

Scrub in. Scrub in and then do the big swoop and then. I don't know. Somebody else puts their gloves on. Yeah. That's not a dentist. That's not a dentist. But do you think they're just doing a regular 10 second clean?

A nice, a nice, like a step below surgeon, step above, normal guy. I'm going to the dentist on Friday before we record our next episode. Yeah. I'm going to try to stand up for myself. I'm not doing that. The dentist always says, oh. Okay, I think you should be coming back every four months. And I don't believe them.

I think I should be coming back every six months. Yeah. And so what I end up doing is I book the four-month appointment and then later I cancel it and book one, two months later. There you go. But I think I'm going to try to stand my ground. Yeah, instead of doing it. It's hard. Look at the back door way.

And just be like, no, I'm going to do six. Yeah. It doesn't work for me. Doesn't work for my insurance. This four-month thing is a cash grab. Yeah, because maybe, yeah, do they just, automatically get paid whenever you just come in for... Yes, they do.

But like, if you go into even to have like, because when I was getting a crown, I went in and they just did like a measurement. Do they get paid to just do that measurement? Did you pay? I don't remember. Well, then, I don't know. I had to pay for like a look at.

What's that? I had to go in because I still have my wisdom teeth and I have to get them taken out. Oh, shit. And I wanted... But you couldn't be more than, 18 or 19 Certainly not 33

In my penguin age Yeah he couldn't be baby pinker Couldn't be in your penguin age Yeah I have to give my Wisdom T's thinking out still Because I keep booking the appointment And then having some sort of job And then I'm like I can't do it

Yeah ready to be so high Yeah Oh you get someone to film you Oh you say the crazy things Yeah I had like my Obviously the area where the tooth is growing I'm just hurting so I wanted to make sure it wasn't affected Are they impacted?

Two of them have fully grown in. One is kind of impacted. They're like, we're going to leave it and hope it never, we never have to deal with it. And the other one is now growing in and they're like, that's the one that hurts and you should get it taken out. So you're only getting one taken out? I'm going to get the three. Three. Okay.

And then the other one will just leave and hope that it does the fuck shit up. I've got, I still have mine. All of them. But I had four teeth pulled as a teenager for my braces. Oh, yeah. I had two on the uppers. So I think that's why they grew. Is that right at the back?

They took them out, or? They did a mix of... They did one front one. Your front tooth, you just have one big front tooth. A mix of the 70s, 80s, 90s, and today. This next one comes from Michael from Michigan. At my job as a bartender, I just love Jack Nicholson as the Joker. And for that reason, I will not see The Shining.

You've seen him at his best. Why, you know, why step down, right? I thought I was going to end with him. For that reason, I will not see, you know, suicide squad or whatever. Some other Joker thing. The other Joker thing. Yeah. Yeah.

You have every great artist at one point in their life get to play The Joker. When is it going to happen for you? Oh, wait a second. This movie you're working on. Yeah. This ghost art isn't a Batman, is it? I love it if Batman was being filmed here. Yeah.

Oh, hell, yeah. That and I would finally be in my world. real penguin year. Yes. I would love, if I could play a Batman villain, I think I would want to play the penguin.

Bite off a nose. Oh, sure. Yeah. Um, umbrella. Just like in a big old suit. Yeah. Yeah. No concern.

Yeah, I would probably do Joker because, I fucking love Joker. I want to end up on all, I want to have, you know, um, like charcoal artists on the street doing my face.

Yeah. Next to the rest of them. Which Joker do you like the most? Caesar Romero is my... Because he wouldn't shave his mustache. That's just one of the funniest things ever. You're going to be the Joker. Great.

Shave your mustache. Nope. Last one is from Alex A from Victoria. My youngest daughter was sitting at the kitchen table playing with toys when I heard her sigh loudly and say, it needs to be more cool ranch in the world. Agreed. I'll start with donkey sauce and then... It's got a cool ranch flavor.

Be the change you want to see in the world. When the show's over, do you guys want to go do shots of donkey's house? Yes, I do, actually. Just doing like a creamy mayonnaise shot. It's so early in the morning. It's one in the afternoon. Before I put it on the sandwich, I did have a little. Why did you put it on the back of your hand?

Yeah. Like, yeah, I did it. You did a line? Yeah, well, no. I licked it, and then I did a tequila, and I bit a... Oh, nice. A little lime. In addition overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

We also accept your voice memos. Send your voice memos to SPY at maximum fun.org. Or leave us a voicemail at 1.844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spipod 1, like these people have. Hi, David Graham and delightful guests. This is Olivia calling from Vancouver.

I'm a teacher and had a silent work period the other day. Africa of nothing. One of my students just pipes up with her and introduces thought that there's a beat more than one song that welcomes you to the jungle. And we all just review. I'll be working after that. All right.

Off I go. Yeah, I think, well, does Ballou from Jungle Book? Does he have a welcome to the Jungle kind of song? Well, there's also in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. Yeah, that's kind of a welcome. Well, in this jungle. Yeah, this is what, yeah. This mighty jungle.

The lion's not really, wait, is the lion, is the lion king of the jungle? Parts of it, for sure, because there's like a whole. Because I think of a lion as being in the savannah. Yeah, I think of the king of the jungle to be like the leopard. Oh. I don't know, Panther. Whatever one goes up in the tree. I don't always thought, don't they say like the lion's the king of the jungle?

Yeah, top five. reasons, lions are considered the king of the jungle. This is from A-Z-Animals.com. What are lions? Okay, well, let's go out a little faster here. What do lions eat? Can we get the five reasons? These are five interesting facts.

Okay, top five reasons. They're considered king of the jungle. Start for five? Okay. Well, it starts at one. Five, lions are the most feared animal. Not true? Sharks.

Yeah, I'm afraid. Sharks, I'm afraid of scorpions. Oh, scorpions. Oh, yeah. Number four, the power of the roar. Mm. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah.

Three, they are limitless leaders. Shit. Okay. They took the limitless pill and then a leadership course. Oh, man. Two, they have awe-inspiring courage. Okay. They saved my baby from a fire.

Yeah. That lined it. It did run off with it after. Yeah. Actually, put it back in the fire to cook. Yeah. And number one, they are powerful beings. Well, there you go.

Silly, number one. Anyway, they're powerful. They're a powerful being. Anyway. Hello. All right. Next phone call. More voice memo.

Hello, Dave, Graham, and all of the guests. This is Dinar from Seattle. This overheard is actually from your own show. I've been listening to you for a few years. And every time you refer to someone who was on the show in the past, you usually say, oh, Steve, past guest, Steve. Every time you say that, for a few seconds, my brain is like, whose last name is Paskess? Yes. Because I think you just refer him to a person, and he's from Latin America.

Anyways, off I go. Bye. Oblo Pascas. That's fun. A little bit. That's a little game you play with yourself. That's cute. Um, yeah, I, uh, uh, I think I've got that same thing, but like a weird thing where I say it every time it comes up on the podcast, but I can't, not on this podcast, but on another podcast and I can't remember what it is.

Oh, I don't want you listening to other podcasts. It's just the economist. Still. It's cheating. It's a fair of the heart. I, uh, yeah, I listen to a Christmas playlist that's based on the radio station. They've downloaded our pod. You can only listen to this show that you're in.

Okay. Well, back to episode one we go. And here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guest. This is Brooke calling in from St. Louis, Missouri. I was just shopping at my local grocery store, and there was an older gentleman who was staring at the shower, looking really, really, really flummoxed,

and heard him butter under his breath. I do not trust these tiny onions. Anyway, off I go. Love you good. Bye. How tiny do you think they wear? Shallets? Yeah.

Or like, aren't there, um... I thought for a second she said showers, but... Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever hear British people call them shallots? Yeah. That's too much.

I don't know. Obesines. They call them obo jeans. Give over. Um... Yeah, I like shallots. I do, too. If, you know...

Do you trust them, though? I do, yeah. Yeah. If you... They pack a punch. In a tiny little... Exactly. You make a little...

A little... A little... A little... A little mini soup. Yes. Yeah. I like them in a Thai-red curry soup. If you don't want to go full onion...

Those are going to take too long to cook and they're going to stink up your whole house. Yeah. Oh, but it's like an onion frying on the stove. It's the best smell in the world. If you could bottle it, that's what I'd be wearing right now. I feel like... A man who smells like onion.

I feel like fried. Like fried on you. I, growing up or like visiting friends who lived in apartment buildings, I would smell so many other people's cooking smells. I'd be like, oh, this is terrible. And then, you know, getting older living in apartment buildings and being still not liking it. Now I live in a house. I don't smell other people's cooking smells. But I wonder, are apartments still smelly like, do you smell other people's cooking stuff?

Or is everyone just getting door-dashed? Oh, yeah. No, I smell other people's cooking. And it sometimes inspires me. Yeah. Oh, that's the beginning of dinner I smell. It would be something gross, but in general, they're pretty good. It's pretty good smells.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Once every couple of months, there's one that's like really like, who. Yeah, I've definitely walked into the building and been like, oh, fish for dinner. Yes. It was almost fish for day. Always.

Yeah. Well, that brings us to the end of this podcast. Kelly, thank you so much for being our guest. Hey, thanks for having me back. I think this is like number like five or six. Let's look it up. Oh. Now you are Kelly with an I

Sure am And an augments in with an O Well we're just We're just gonna go Kelly On the search Yeah This is six Wow

Number six Number six Thanks for having me Thank you for coming back And you wanted to plug the movie you're in And who your co-star is So That'll be out next year

I hope I even make it Into the final cut They hear this And they're like You talk too much about it Yeah Yeah We warned you

We canceled your two ADR sessions. I'm doing a play next summer. Oh, nice. Come see that. You already know? Yeah. Yeah.

I audition for this summer. I'm doing the play that goes wrong in the Gravel Island stage. I was literally going to say, is it the play that goes wrong? The play that goes wrong. Wow. Okay. I don't know why I thought of that one, but... If you're thinking of a play that I would do, I think it would be that one.

Yeah. How are you? Silly. Silly. Or wicked. You could be good and wicked. You'd be really good and wicked. Oh, thanks.

And thank you so much. Thank you everybody out there for listening. you know what you probably got an all Christmas station wherever you live so tune in give them a ratings boost and come on back next week for an episode of stop podcasting yourself own shows supported directly by you