Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 934 - Emily Woods

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Comedian Emily Woods returns to talk Gasoline Alley, live hockey action, and Avatar 3. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Whoa. Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 934 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. And with me as always is a man who I'm willing to bet is ready to say, Get out of here, Rain.

Mr. Dave Shumka. Beat it. Come again another day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. We've only had rain for about a day. I know, but remember how sunny it was the week before? But you know what? We need it because of planet.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You're just never happy with the weather. Well, I love that fog. Oh, I love that fog. Because you could hide it in the fog. Yeah, you can hide in the fog. You could scare somebody in the fog, Ellen style.

That would Ellen, like, Ellen would have someone in her footrest in her ottoman? Is that what you're referencing? Yeah, somebody would jump out during one of her interviews. It's always good. It is always good. She was great. She was great. And you know what?

I think she was secretly nice. This whole mean thing was like a front she put on. Yeah, that's right. But she's like probably, to get the respect I need, I got to lay out a lot. I got to pretend to be mean, but I really am nice. You think Ellen spread the rumors that she was mean? Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah. She's cunning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all a move. Uh-huh. Yeah. That voice you're hearing is our guest today. They are repeat guest here on the podcast.

Repeat Offender. She has a show during just for a rest. There's a show at Just for Laughs on February 13th called Can Fest. Yes. Thank you. Emily. Yes, hello. Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me. Give the whole name. Yeah, first and last. Introduce yourself. My name. Ellie would. No, no, great. I thought.

I was going to go on a while, and you were going to be like, okay, give us a clue what your last name is. Emily, hello, welcome. Hello. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Of course. It is a boob-themed comedy show. Okay.

Okay, let's get to know us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Get to know us. Now, what are we talking with this comedy show? So we're talking, it's all ladies telling jokes and cleave is out. Okay, so it's, it's, cleave is out. Cleave is out.

Cleve is in. Cleve is in and it's out. Okay. It's on display. Yeah, it's a show, and we've learned that we have to encourage perverts to attend, that they're welcome, actually. Oh, that's true, because perverts don't feel welcome at a lot. They're usually hiding in the fog.

They are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So perverts are welcome, gals are welcome. Non-perverts? Yeah, it might not be your show, though. How do you court the pervert crowd? So we found that they were actually quite nervous to attend, and we had to start being like, no, this is also for you. Nervous perverts. Yeah, the nervous perverts.

Yeah. I'm a nervous pervert. That's a pervert who had his jaw-wire shut. Now, do you think in general it's harder to make friends as a pervert? or easier because you share an interest. Oh, with other perverts. Oh, with other perverts. Or is being a pervert kind of a solo venture where you don't get to meet as many of your peers?

I think there's a lot of forums online for them to find each other. That's true. There's a lot of, but like if I want to go out for a beer, you know, how do I find the right pervert for me? Yeah, I don't think there's Bumble BFF for perverts. Bundle BFF. Yeah, you know about Bumble BFF. Bumble is the dating app. Of course.

Bumble BFF a friend app? It's a part of Bumble where you can be like, I just want to hang. Oh. No perverts allowed. No perverts allowed. Boy, I'm... A pervert? Well, yeah, I think so.

But I'm not like, it's not my only interest. So I think it's not that hard to make... Unless you're like a... Like, if you're a one-note pervert and you're only a pervert... Yeah, that's the only thing. I think you can maybe... Yeah, you might have trouble making friends. Yeah.

But like back in the old days, you go to a porn theater, and that's where you would... I bet they made a lot of friends later. Yeah, and it's also gives you a common thing to talk about. Like, how did we like it? How long did you last? They're doing letterbox for poros? What is, um... Did you stay for the refractory period?

Did you... But you don't, like, I go to regular movie theaters myself, and I don't make friends there. Yeah, that's... I'm not like in the lobby like, oh, can I see it next to you? How long did you last? Yeah, it's a, that's just a bygone era, you know? Yeah, it is. During your time of live, you were from Victoria originally.

Well, sort of. I lived in Victoria the last five years. Okay. Where would you say? Where are you from originally? Red Deer, Alberta. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you make it back there often? No. You got family there still? No. Oh, okay. I'm estranged from all of them. Do you follow RDTV on Instagram?

Listen, as a child, it was my dream to be on RD TV. It was. I never made it, though. What was the program in there? It was local news? Yeah. Yes, yeah. Then what else?

Would they have local, like, opinion shows or that kind of thing? Like, we've got some. I never, I don't know it. But I assume it was, was it was an affiliate of a, like, global or? I think it was with global. Okay. They weren't just like community access. No, no, no.

I think they had their own like global station. Yeah. Yeah. It's a big city. Yeah. People think Red Deer's teeny tiny. Is Red Deer the one in between Calgary and? Yeah, it's got Gasoline Alley.

Gasoline Alley. That's where you get gas when you're driving from Calgary to Edmonton. Oh, good name. Yeah. What's there? How many gas stations? Is it like? I think there's like over 10 gas stations in Gasoline Alley.

And then like at least. three Tim Hortons. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How big an alley? It's pretty big. It's just like a strip of highway, really. Yeah. And then there's the main attraction is the donut mill.

Go on. It's the fantastic breakfast restaurant and lunch and soup and it's shaped like a jagging windmill. And then they have donuts. Yeah. That's, I mean, boy, Tim Hordons must be like, fuck. Yeah. Like when there's an actual good donut place? Well, listen, there's so much business on gasoline alley.

Tim Hortons is still doing well. Of course they are. There's three of them. Yeah, there's three. They're doing fine. It's being triple. What age do you live in Red Deer until? I lived in Red Deer like until I was 18.

Okay. So you had like an opportunity to go to all the Tim Hortons and to try all the different cast stations. Oh, yeah. Or is it just for people passing through? No, it's for the Red Deerians as well. Is that what the people from there are called? Yeah, you're a Red Deerian. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, dear. Yeah. I like the eerie is better. Red deer. This is one of my favorite words,

demonem. Red deerians. Yeah. Commonly accepted. Paskas, Brent, but called Red Deer, home of the pointless fight. Is that,

does that ring about? Oh, yeah. In high school, we had what was called a truck fight club. Go on. So at lunchtime, you'd walk out into the parking lot

and you'd hear all the horns going off. And then all the kids Ford F-150s were up front to back in a ring and then they'd stand in the beds of the trucks and in the center was a fight nice yeah and the teachers would come out be like you can't do this so the kids would like threaten them you can't stop us yeah they were like we're in the parking lot these are our dad's trucks we can do whatever we want yeah was a Ford F150 the truck to have I believe so still to this day right like that's the tough yeah I'm uh I'm getting the job psyched yeah what

everyone had like their Chevy has the Tahoe I don't know what just Chevy have. I don't know. The Ford F-150 is like the standard. Whatever Chevy has, I'm not interested. Calvin pisses on them as far as I'm concerned. What was Lee Iacocca part of?

Was he GM? Dodge. Dodge. Dodge. The Dodge Ram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Toyota Tacoma guy. Oh, not a tundra.

Oh, fuck. I forgot about the tundra. You forgot the tundra. I'm a Toyota Tundra guy from way back. In when I was in school, we were lucky enough to have a lacrosse court to have our school fights in.

What rich school did you go to? It was just part of the community center, but that was where we could have fights because it had a cage around. Graham's very cagey about what school he went to. He's never mentioned it. It's called Lord Bangorbrook. And it was filled with...

Lord Bangor Brook? Yeah, yeah. It was called Lord Beaverbrook. What high school did you go to in Red Deer? I went to Hunting Hills High School. Nice. Yeah. Were you...

A tough were you at? Who were you in school? Oh my God, I was so perky. Really? Oh, yeah. I was in leadership. I was the captain of the improv team. Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, I did it all. What is leadership? It's basically a scam to get kids to do like photocopying for teachers. And they'd be like, you're taking initiative and helping. But it was just we would do tasks that they didn't want to do. Photocopying, though, that's one of the top fun tasks to do. I remember spending a lot. of time in the phone copy-in room.

Getting some ideas for the can show. Exactly. Taking a lot of pictures. Yeah. I remember my school had something called peer helpers. And there were always signs being like, I signed up for peer helpers. I never knew anyone who did it. I never knew anyone who asked for help.

So I was the one doing it. That was me. What kind of help did people ask for? Well, it was just like, if you went on a tour of the high school, if you were like moving from middle school to high school, there were kids who did. take you around and they were the most insufferable ones. And it was me. Like, high school's the best.

High school's the best. Every day we have a big truck fight. It's so good. Two on Friday. I had no clue. I was like so depressed yet either. I pushed it all down and I was just so perky. It was awesome.

And did you, were you, was there a student council or was this considered? Yes. So my sibling was the president of the high school when I went there. And then I was done on student council, no. Too bad. Yeah, I wasn't smart enough for that. I don't know. It's in a popularity contest?

It is, but it's also like, I don't know. You got to trick people into thinking. Yeah. Yeah, and it's also like to voting for you. That's like the downside of popularity. You don't want to be end up on student council. You want to end up. Brom king.

Exactly. At my school, there was this, there was like the popular girl who everyone thought was going to win student council president. And then there was this one guy. He only had one friend, and it was me. And the name was Pedro. And the whole campaign was... Vote for Pedro? That rings a bell, yeah.

But then I did this dance in front of everyone to Jamiriqui. And guess what? He won, I think. Yeah, I think so, too. Yeah. Yeah, it was... I can't remember who was on it. I kind of just blocked out student council.

because I don't think they did anything. They didn't do shit. Yeah. They would make these campaigns and promise things, but like they didn't have the power to do it and make any changes. Yeah, you can't make McNugget Fridays. No, my friend Lisa became the president and we ran her campaign and we were promising pizza. That was it. And?

No pizza was given. Empty promises kind of reminds me of today. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah. Where's my pizza? Mark Carney. Yeah. Prime Minister Carney.

Yeah, where's my pizza rebate? Now we're getting these, but there's so many pizza tariffs. Oh, yeah. That's why we got to eat domestic pizza only. We're talking pizza pizza. Pepperoni's up. So you've been in Vancouver now. One year.

One year. It's been one year since you moved to here. Yeah, exactly. Then you did some stuff that occurs here. I don't have any specifics. That's okay. Yeah, rain. I don't know.

Work on something about, you know. What's your impression? Do you like living here? Listen, it's actually been like shockingly good. I have had to move home four different times, but. Yeah. Yeah, that's been cool. Is it because of like the homes keep getting torn down?

Well, I didn't really make a plan. And then I just kind of was like, I live in Vancouver now. Sure. I figured it. I lived in Paul Meyerhogs apart. apartment for three months. Oh, yeah. He's always on the road.

Yeah, he was on the road. He took me in, gave me a really good deal he shouldn't have because I had no money. And that was nice. Yeah. Now I live with two lesbians and their pet lizard. Oh, tell me more about this lizard. He's awesome. His name's Pesto.

Okay. He's a leopard gecko. What are we talking about? I'm going to Google leopard gecko. Yeah, pull it up. Unless he has a, like, a specific Instagram handle. He better have spots. If he doesn't have spots, I'm going to spit.

Is he this kind of color? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah, and my friend would... Oh, look at that face. Yeah, he's happy. They're smiling all the time. Oh, yeah, he's got his tongue out.

Big shiny eyes. Yeah. That's exactly what Pesto looks like. $5 off. Oh, 5 pounds off thousands of product from reptiles. Dot SwellUK.com. Maybe you guys should get a reptile. I have a reptile dysfunction.

I have a reptile dysfunction. That's fun. That was fun. That was good. Something everyone could enjoy, unless they suffer from a right-tale dysfunction. And then they're probably like, oh, come on, man. It's not a joke. We're trying to de-stigmatize. So are you in charge you feed this lizard?

So when they go out of town, I have to give them bugs and I hate it. Why are lesbians always going out of town? They're out of town all the time. They're going out of town today. What the hell? I know. They keep believing me with the lizard. Yeah.

Oh, okay. And they're also like my best friends. They're awesome. Yeah. One of those comedian Julia Vandersloot. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, Julia.

Yeah, they rock. But Pesto, the one who got him, she has had him for a couple of years. And when she first got him, she would rip her bong a lot with him in her house. So Pesto is a chill guy. Okay. Surprise he's still alive. Yeah, yeah. I think it's good for them, but he just rides around on her shoulder.

Yeah, when we're out of town, make sure you blow some. hot smoke into the... Now, we do not condone the treatment of Pesto on this show. Views of... No, Pesto's good. He's so happy. The views of, I want to say, Emily, are...

Do not reflect. But when we moved in, I was like, Lucid, I don't want to know about these bugs. I can't have it. So they were like, don't worry, you won't know about the crickets. Oh, crickets. Crickets. Yeah, so it's not even like little worms.

Also, this, I mean, comedians, nightmares. A house full of crickets. Yeah. When you're working on your set. Exactly. And then. Just so people know every comedian practice is in front of the mirror at least once a day.

With a hairbrush. Yep. That's right. Absolutely. But then they get these crickets and it turns out the box. They got a hole in it. Crickets get out. And I found crickets in the house.

And it was never when they were there. They were always away on trips. And then I would send them pictures of the crickets. And they didn't believe me. And they were like, you're lying. This is just. You're lying. You've got it out for Pesto.

They're gaslighting you. And I said, no, there are crickets everywhere. But the crickets have been handled now. Yeah, as a youth, my brother had a lizard and his crickets everywhere. They would get into the light fixtures. That's always where the crickets want to be. And they just jump around. It was just awful.

It's awful. Is Pesto contained in a box in like a terrarium? He's in a cardboard box in a closet. And we go in and blow weed smoke on him. He likes it. He's a chill. He's a chill. He's a chill.

No, he's not like these cocaine geckos. Is he in a terrarium? He's got a tank. Yeah. He's got a really nice tank, actually. Yeah, people tell me I have a nice tank ever since I've been getting the gym. Well, really? Don't skip.

That compensates for your reptile dysfunction. Don't skip tank day. She decorated his tank. with pictures of naked ladies though. Oh, okay. So Pesto's a bit of a pervert. Well, the...

Forced. Yeah. Imposed on him. Well, that's what he grew up around, you know. Where are these pictures from? Magazines? Magazine, yeah. Okay.

Magazines are still at it. Yeah. Collage-wise. Colage-wise. They're number one. Yeah. Do you collage? No.

Would you? I maybe. I'm not a crafty gal. What is your hobby? Tell me what are your hobby? And it can't be ripping it Repping it on a lizard I've been getting real into crib

Cribb. Cribbidge? Wow. That is a card game with a With a board. Is that the one? No, Bridge is the one. Bridges has the little pegs? Or does crib have the little bit?

The pegs, you're pegging and crib. Yeah. That's what, no, I'm not going to go there. That's what you should say your hobby is. I'm getting into pegging. Listen, I'm trying. That is also, that's a goal hobby of mine. One day it'll happen.

Sure. And I can't wait. You go on a binge BFF, uh, something. BFF? Yeah. That's when you got so many it was. Yeah, butt fuck. There you go.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bunkardt Furnatics. Yeah. BFF. He gets Bumble and hinge mix that because of bin.

Bitch. Truly an old man You know what? I love it Do you Like how many people you know Play Peg So not many

Sometimes I have to like Because I just want to like hang out I like to go to like a bar And have two beers And play crib for three hours Okay Do you bring your own thing? Yeah I got my own board

Okay Okay so this is the one Looks like like Snakes and Lens ladders kind of ask. And then what is bridge? It's not snakes and ladders at all. Bridge is what old people play.

Hey, that's what I should play. Yeah, that's a game for Grum. Okay, I looked up bridge and just showed me pictures of the Golden Gate. Stupid me. You should go on Bridge BFF. Wait, bridge is carts. That you could find someone to play with you. Does Bridge not have pegs?

No. Oh. Yeah, bridge is just... Never mind. It's very elaborate. My grandma loves it. And you can play it for hours upon hours. And there's a, on the page that has the crossword puzzle, they also tell you, like, how to play bridge.

Every day, there's like a bridge tip. Really? Yeah. Wow. I have the newspaper. Not just the page with the crossword puzzle. Is that what I just said? Yeah.

Do you get that delivered to your door? Here's your crossword. I think for a while I was, I just had the New York Times crossword subscription. Who's the guy? Will Shirts. Shorts. Will Shorts. Oh, I play the New York Times games every day, and I did have something incredible

happened to me two days ago. Okay. So I do wordal every day. And my starting word, I've got a great one, freak. Every day I've used freak because I went one day it's going to be freak and it's going to be so funny. And two days ago, it was free. Hell, yeah. And it was about, like, that's it.

And now I don't know what to do. If I keep playing wordle, I don't know what. Do you? Have you tried Puck dooku? No. That's what I play every day. Fuck. Yeah, it's hockey players.

It's like, oh, this player played for Buffalo Sabres and Detroit Red Wings, Tony McCagney. I could do it if it was about the Red Deer Rebels, and that was it. Oh, sure. Yeah. So who's the greatest Red Deer Rebel in all the time? I honestly couldn't tell you. Who was the captain when you were in high school? You didn't court the...

I was riffing. I don't know anything about the Red Deer Rebels. My dad had Seasons tickets, and that was the only time I got to see it was if I went to Frepples came with him. So, yeah, yeah, that was nice. He was in town. He was in Red Deer, and you never saw him. Yeah.

It's a big city, dude. It's a big city. He's at one, Tim Horton's. I'm two Tim Horton's over. We were across. It's fine. The, before we started the podcast, you said that you hosted a dinner party? I did host a dinner party.

Tell me more. Were your roommates out of town? My roommates hosted the dinner party. I was just there, actually. Yeah, it was very. interesting because my friend got a real housewives board game I love this kind of stuff

just as a reason to let's call to get together I got this stupid thing yes yeah it was exactly that it's good that we're pivoting from hockey players to housewives now this is awesome so she got this we got all the gals together and a gay and we played it and it was called Secrets and Lies nice how do you play it it was essentially just like two

truths and a lot okay how many players it's like a party game. How many people were back? We had eight people. Nice. So it's not, there's no board. This is all cards.

Well, there was a cheese board. Oh. Is that part of the game or was that separate? No, that was separate. But it was a board. It was a board. Technically. Yeah, cheese board.

I kind of want to go back to cribbage. Is it cards? Cards and boards and pigs. And peg. Cards and boards, but no dice. No dice. No dice. Okay.

Yeah. How long does it take to play? Probably it takes about like anywhere from like 20, to 40 minutes. How many people? Two to three. Depending on the board you got. Usually two.

It's just one-on-one. It's a big thing in Alberta. Trip is best when it's one-on-one. Someone has a joke about this, and I don't quite remember who it is, but they say you're either from a family that talks to each other or a family that plays crib. Oh. Oh, okay. And your crib groups together stays together. Crip family, yeah.

Your dad as well? Did he ever show up? My dad never played group of me. Man, that guy's a real one-note, dad. What? Yeah. The one-note pervert. No, I'm not fair.

Listen, bad guy, not a pervert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am a good guy and a pervert. Oh, interesting. The dichotomy, that's beautiful. I mean, I consider myself a pervert. Yeah. Sort of like a proud pervert.

Like a shaved ape. Yeah, I don't, I'm not sneaking around in a hedge or anything like that. Yeah. But I like hearing about. But you'll take a look. Oh, yeah. Sure. If I'm walking past.

Absolutely. The urges still come to me in my age. Yeah. And I just happen to carry binoculars with me anyways. I look at birds. I look at people off in the distance. Maybe I see somebody's... And you have one of those gilly suits that you?

I'm a guy... Graham's a watcher. I'm a listener. Oh, with a cup on the wall? Cup on the wall or like one of those old-time of ear horns. Oh, he says, I bully. I hear pleasure in the distance. Now, have either of you ever stayed at a hotel where the room next door was rock and

Don't come and knock. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. That's what hotel rooms are for. Yeah. It was wild. Because they were, I don't know what was going on there, but there was a lot of thumping

going on. It wasn't two people, I could tell you that. Oh, more. Oh, absolutely. Oh, really? Wow. Distinct. Was there Cummings and Goings?

I don't know. Well, there was Cummings. Ha, ha. There you go. MVP. MVP. That's not fair. She said herself all.

Were there comings and goings? I don't know. Well, how about this? I planned that one. Yeah, the, okay, house party. Two-bedroom apartment? What are we talking about? Yeah, we have a two-bedroom apartment that three of us live in

because that's the only way you can get cheap rent in Vancouver. Yeah. Yeah, we had the movie. We played this housewife game. We found out secrets and lies. Was it a full dinner or was this like... There's cheeseboard. Cheeseboard, yeah.

Yeah, cheeseboard and Shirley Temples. Okay. Okay. Not really a dinner party per se. Well, just like a party. Yeah, but it had like dinner party energy. Sort of a mocktail night. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you ever drink mocktails? I mean, Shirley Temple. I would prefer a cocktail, but if someone gives me a mocktail, I won't say no. I like juice. Yeah, I like juice too. Yeah. What are, yeah, mocktails are having a moment.

Yeah, and really the whole like non-alcoholic beer thing, huge. Huge. Every brand got one. Yeah, I think this is a vape situation too, you know. What do you mean? People are straying from the original and they're finding alternatives. Oh, straying from smoking is what you're talking? Yeah, well, I'm still mad about that.

And are you currently still smoking? Yeah, I love them. Menthols? If I can get them. But those are illegal. They are? In Canada, they're not produced. Unless you're on the...

Smuggling opportunity. Yeah, maybe I'll do some smuggling. Come up across the porter with pet legs. Well, just walking, not bending my knee as I've got cases and cases of menthols. Sir, shake your legs. I'd rather not. I'm getting that cool. I like cool.

Have you seen the blooper from, what's the master? The master of the, the Paul Thomas Anderson? Yeah, and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix. Just doing whatever, another one of these. sessions. What do they call them when they do it in Scientology? They're like not. They're auditing. Auditing. Yeah.

An audit session. And just sitting there. And Joaquin lights cigarettes for both of them and Philip Cymarhoffin goes, ah, I like cools.

The minty flavor. And they just can't stop. Can't stop giggling over it. I feel like if you give an actor cigarette, they're going to take long pauses between thoughts. That's the whole movie. Yeah, I haven't seen it, but that's what I've heard.

Doing high school improv, I would take any excuse to light a cigarette in a seat. Oh, yeah. And really smoke that thing. Are you talking about a literal cigarette? No, a fake one. I was like, what are they allowing at Alberta high school? This is supposed to be a scene about babies. Emily, please put down the cigarette.

Yeah. No, but this one's about the dangers of. Hey, did you do Canadian Improv Games? Oh, yeah. When I did it... You talk about the life scene? Well, in my era, it was called Issues, I think. It was called the Issues scene.

Yeah. And I've heard about this before. Yours was about... I don't know. Every time we had to do it, it sucked. Yes, the prompt you would get was a pivotal moment in a teenager's life. Yeah, so for listeners not familiar, Canadian Improv Games is the organized improv of competition around every nerdy high school in Canada.

It's the most important thing you can do as a team. And I did. I was on my team in 1997 and 1998. Wow. My coaches were Tasvan Rassel and Becky Johnson the first year. Both past guests. Both past guests. And past guest Aaron Salazar was one of my coaches the second year.

And you do a bunch of scenes. And there are just a bunch of improv games. And you practice all year. and then there's a big competition at the end of the year in front of the whole city. We would take the mayor's there with the key ready to go. We would take the sports bus to Edmonton every month to go to our competition. Oh, wow. Yes, with Rapid Fire Theater up there.

And we would do, and you do like three or four different kinds of scenes in a evening. And most of them are funny. And then one is, I guess, the life scene. And it would be about, it would be a serious, dramatic thing. And we would always have to make it. Like, we didn't understand. Just, just be normal. Just don't do anything funny.

But we would always shoot for like, someone's got a terrible drug addiction. People are having abortions. It's always like the most after school special. We would try and throw a kiss in. I'd be like maybe I get to kiss. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Do you remember any of your scenes that you did?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of teen pregnancy. Sure. Obviously. We went to Nationals and we did a breakup in a, car wash. I said he was too controlling. Oh, okay.

I was the only woman on the team, so I got to be in every single life scene. Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. At the end of, is it Salt and Pepper's Elven where they do a, it's a life scene about AIDS. Yeah, let's talk about AIDS. Oh, yeah. It's, uh, that feels like that would have been the right. Yeah, I did a lot about slut shaming.

We're a little older. We're from the AIDS generation. Yeah. Generation AIDS, we call ourselves. Yeah, okay, slut-shaming. Yes, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, you think I was slut because I gave a guy a hand jaw. How do you think he went straight face doing that?

How does the audience keep a straight face? It's insane. It's insane. And also, like, as an adult now, who's seen hours of improv, no one's ever done a serious. No, no. Why did they make us do that? Here's maybe the most serious scene you'll see. Mm, cool, they're kind of minty.

Like that was probably improvised Yeah, that's it. Wow. It's, yeah, we never had it at our school. Wow. It was not on offer. Well, it was pivotal, really. Yeah.

Yeah, and I haven't touched improv since. Well, once you realize you could go out on your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're like, I don't need these. Did you have uniforms or anything? Yeah, we had blue T-shirts that had a lightning bolt on it because our school's Hunting Hills Lightning. Yeah, I think we, one year we got a bunch of the soccer team's uniforms.

And then we all got like fake Oakley glasses and came out on stage as like 40 boys. Funny. Yeah. So what happens like, I mean, I know it's, is it judged or is it audience applause? How do you, who gets to win a career for judges? It was my day. We were judge. Yeah, we worked with like the professional company in Edmonton.

So they would like facilitate it and run it for. All the kids in Alberta. Cool. Which was insane. And then, oh, but it was very sweet because none of the boys had good relationships with their fathers. Another to the girls. So, whatever we went on trips, my stepdad, Tony, was the male chaperone every time. You talk about Tony on stage.

Oh, he's the best. Yeah, he sounds like he's a stand-up guy. He's not just a stepdad. He's a dad. That stepped up. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me about Tony.

Tony's the greatest man ever. The reason why I haven't been in a relationship ever is because I expect Tony. Oh, okay. Yeah, because he's so good. Tony met my mom when I was like three years old, so he's basically been my dad forever. Yeah. How many siblings do you have? One sibling.

They live here, and they're a very successful journalist. Okay. Yes. Oh, it's not Lois Lane. Oh, I wish. It's actually Spider-Man. Okay. Well, he's not the reporter.

Spider-Man, gave me some photo. as a Peter Parker. You're right. You're right. You got me there. Yeah, Tony showed up. He was just really good to my mom. And then they were going to get married.

And then they got a terrible car accident. Oh, really? Three months before they got married. That's the joke because my mom has a broken pelvis. And I always say it's because my step. Donnie banged her too hard. Classic joke. They love it when I say it.

My mom's permanently disabled. Yeah, and I can never get a guy. That's why I'm single. I need a pelvis breaker. And then, yeah, so she's disabled. And then Tony was like, I'll still go marry you. And he was like on crutches. And then at their wedding, he pushed her down the aisle in her wheelchair.

And it was like so beautiful. Is she still in a wheelchair? She walks with a cane or she's in a wheelchair. But she rocks. That's quite a pelvis. Yeah, she's just like kind of an extravagant lady. She just likes to go, like, drink wine and be a lady about town. Is she like part of a, like, a wine social club?

So they live in Kelowna now, and she is. Oh, that's wine country. Wine club member. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're yacht club members. Oh, because, you know, it's either a yacht or a jet ski and club. Yeah, and it's definitely not a yacht, but Tony likes to call it a yacht. It's definitely a small boat.

So Tony's just a, he's got a bit of a silly guy. Yeah, he's a very silly guy. His favorite hobby is making charcutory boards. Oh, wow. Hey. You just did a cheeseboard event, I just said. Yeah, yeah. Did you call Tony up?

Was charcutory welcome there? Was this meat free? Charcudery was welcome, but there were some vegetarians there. Yeah, I usually just, when vegetarians are around, I'm not even going to show my meat. Yeah, keep that meat to yourself. Yeah, this is how I do a charcutory board, hot dogs. Boiled hot dogs. Are you chopping them up or you keep?

keeping them whole. Oh, keeping them whole. I mean, if you want to break it up, that's your business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But I want everybody to have the whole hot dog.

Yeah. Like the little ones that have the oil in the center? That's correct. And then for the cheese part, you did cheese lifted off of pizza. Yep. Separate them. And then for the bread part, you do crust.

Yeah, I take the cheese off of the pizza, roll it into a ball. And then I leave it for being able to cut off a little piece of it. It's like borson. Yes. Oh, borson. Oh, borson. We had a borson on the cheeseboard.

You got to. It's like the most accessible. Yeah, it's so good. They must make, like, you know, you get a little cylinder of bursan and you put it, you undo it. And the grocery store is full of it. And you're like, wow, this is so fancy. But they must be just churning out tons of it. Oh, yeah.

Like, it can't be, it's... Especially in the Christmas season? I know, it's just like, I just can't fathom the factory. And I think it works all year round, actually, because I like borson at the beach with some crackers. Oh, okay, yeah. On the summer day. Sandy Borson. Where are they, I'm assuming they're made in France, or maybe they're American and just have a French name?

Well, let's get to the bottom of this. Yeah, we'll go to the board here. But, yeah, I wonder if it's a small town's like big... industry. Now, let's go to Borsan cheese. It is a gourmet-style cheese made from pasteurized cows milk. That's how they do it. They pasteurized it.

That's why I won't have any because I need it raw. You need it raw. With herbs next in. Dave needs it raw. With crumbly texture, it is sold as a spreadable cheese. Yeah. It's from France, the region. Like the Conradie.

Normandy. The source of milk, cows. Pasteurize, yes. Texture soft. Certification. None. Oh. You know what?

I'm going to give it a certification, triple platinum. Oh. Nice. So does it say it's from a particular place in France? Like a town? I'm just picturing the town that Morson. Normandy. Normandy.

So like. Where they see. Yeah. It's sort of, do you remember in saving private Ryan where they stop and get some cheese? Yeah. And they, the French forces bring over a baguette.

And they're like, this is perfect. This is what a day this is. That's how they paid for the movie is they had a product. placement yeah and the film would like to thank borson and all it's a play emotional consideration and also like uh apple they have they have they use iPhones throughout um I uh yeah I don't know I like going to like in Canada there's uh we have the Hawkins Cheezys

yes and that's like in a factory and that's like that town's like Newfoundland right yeah in what town though I can't remember but we went there for the debate St. John. Oh, St. John. Is it St. John or St. John's? St. John's, New Brunswick, St. John's, Newfoundland. John's, plural.

I think it's possessive. Okay, that was a little possessive. But they, their thing that they do, they don't want to expand. They're like, we're doing enough business. Yeah. We want to give our employees like holidays, and we don't, if we become too big, we can't control that quality. It's like the Costco lot dog. It's, uh, yeah.

Because, like, you know, when you find out that, like, oh, your favorite restaurant or brand has been acquired by private equity, you know, it's just like a slow spiral. Yeah. Of death. Because, like, I bet you the first couple KFCs were like, probably really good. Like, probably unbeatable. Yeah. And Colonel Sanders was there. So what's that?

Colonel Sanders was in the building. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was back there frying. Yeah, he was making it. You think he wore the white suit the whole time? Probably an apron.

Yeah. Do you think it would be a white apron? Yeah. Okay. He's classy guy. But it's covered in grease. Yeah. Yeah.

And chicken guts. I bet he always smelled like chicken. Yeah. That's my. And tastes like fish. Dave. This isn't a pervert cast. Stop trying to turn it into a pervert cast.

Now, I got bad news if for those of you who are interested in private equity. This isn't private equity. This is another. But Borsan cheese was first developed in Normandy. Okay. And by the way, give a little money to Wikipedia for me. And at one time was produced exclusively in quasi-sur-I-E-R-France. Wow.

By the Bursen company. In 1990, the Bursen name was acquired by Unilever, who sold it to group Bell. Bell? B-E-L. B-E-L. In November 2007 for 400 million euros. Whoa. That's pretty good.

Now, what does Group Bell make? Oh, so much. Cheese? Yeah, they make Portsaloo. Oh. They make Lear-Dammer. Do they make any kind of, like, any other kind of food? They make Baby Bell.

That's what Group Bell is. For real? Yeah. Whoa. Oh, that's. That's clever. This is their brand's Baby Bell, 1952, full size. 1952, full-size, 1977, Mini.

Yeah, that must have been a big day. Wait, was it called? Baby Bell when it was full size? Okay, we're doing a baby Bell deep dive. I think it's like Baby Bell is like how mini-weets are more popular than shredded wheat. Yeah, so what was it called? Was it just called Bell? I think it was just called Bell.

That's, I think, what we're learning. Bell, let's talk. This is about mental health. Okay, mini baby bell is a brand of snack cheese. Oh, it's from the Jura region of France. They're calling it mini baby Bell, but then the regular one was still a Baby Bell? Because that still makes it small.

It's the same with mini-weets. There's mini-meanyweets. Oh, my goodness. It's like micro-mini eggs. Yeah. Yeah. It's where we're through the looking glass here. Yeah.

Okay. Osempics gone too far. Everything's getting smaller. For some reason, the baby bell logo has been. Whoa. Blurred out. Oh, it's because in France it has a penis on it. It's the perverts.

Yeah. They've pixelated the baby bell logo. Yeah. Also, Because that cheese looks all coiled up. Yeah, they do now have a coiled sort of a cheese string kind of thing. Really? Yeah, I think we might have some upstairs.

We're always stocked for snack cheeses. Whoa. Cheese by the foot. That's fantastic. I would love to take one for the road. Sure. Thank you. If we have them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If not, we have other cheeses. Okay, yeah. Yeah, you can pull your pockets. And he can give you some other wax to play with. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this one doesn't come in a wax.

It comes in a plastic. Boo. Bo. I've been getting a lot of content on TikTok of people just discovering now that you can microwave a baby bell. In the wax? Well, you put it in a dish and then you microwave it and they're like, holy shit, this cheese is so cheesy. These are the same people who have never realized you could put cheese in a microwave? Yeah, I think so.

Did you remember during lockdown, there were so many recipes going around of like, take a bunch of cherry tomatoes, take a bunch of feta, put it in the oven, add some people. Pass to swirl it around. It's easy. Anyone can be a cook. Yes. Yeah. I like a sheet pan dinner. We just throw everything on a pan.

And in you go and out you go. So my goal this year is to learn how to cook because I really don't know how. What's your first? What are you going to take first? I don't even know where to start. I'm scared. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah.

Pretty funny that I'm 27. I can't feed myself. But like there are. That is a thing. Yeah. I am a excellent cook. Yeah, he is. Great, great, great.

Yeah, he wears a hat, a little rat gets in there. Just another man who's a great partner that I can never be with. He's kind of the Tony of his relationship. That's really awesome. Tony's the reason why I can't cook. Because he's a good cook. Because he was so good and he took such a care of us. And my mom was disabled so she'd just lay on the couch and Tony would bring her food to her.

And I'd be laying on the couch too and I'd be like, well, I'm here. Like father like daughter. And then Tony would just bring me the food as well. Wait, are you disabled? I grew up like I was. I did. But it's like, yeah, I don't know. Here's where I started.

Here it goes. I made a lot of like, like, shaken bake. Yeah. Yeah. And like with, you know, not being great at like defrosting chicken on time. Yeah. So shake and bake where the chickens may be a little pink in the middle. Okay.

But you lived. Yeah. And then I made a lot of like, like Uncle Ben's sort of like perverted rice. It's funny that they took away Uncle Ben and also the pervert the penis on the local. Yeah, but the, and then eventually I was like, oh, you're not supposed to do all the prepackaged things. And you can. And then I just watched a lot of like food network and got ideas.

You're like, I can make my own donkey sauce. Is that tonight I'm making meatballs? Whoa. And you make those out of? Donkey. Okay. Oh, donkey meatballs. Yeah.

Oh. They're only really meatballs if you make them out of donkey. Otherwise, they're just balls shaped like meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you? What's going on with you? Yeah, what's happening?

What's happening? Well, last couple episodes, I've been struggling for things to talk about because nothing has been going on. But this time, Graham and I went out on a date. Yeah. Where'd you go? Oh, do do do do do do. We went to

We went to a hockey game. A hockey game. Whoa. For the Vancouver Canucks. Vancouver Canucks. The worst team in the national hockey league. This is what I've heard. But we love them.

You love them. playing the Washington Capitals. Did they lose? They actually won. They won. Whoa. They are in 32nd place in the league, they were on a 12-game losing streak. They won that game, and they've since lost two or three.

So it didn't turn it around. So you guys got to go back. You're their lucky charm. Well, I want them to lose. Oh, you want them to lose? It's a long-term goal. Okay. They've got to be bad for a while so they can... So then they can come back. So they can rack up some

pick some good draft picks. Yeah. Okay. I learned this from Dave during this, during this date. See, the team, the team takes a lot of, they were good for a while. And then they were like, let's stay good. But you got to get bad to get good again. And they're like, no, let's take every shortcut imaginable.

Yeah. And then they've just been kind of in the middle for 15 years. And now they're down bad. Now they're down bad. And it's awesome. And you're stoked. I'm kind of stoked. They should have done it a long time ago so they could.

be good now. Yeah. It is fun to be in the, in the crowd when the hometown wins. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Yeah. Also, like,

hockey's big now and hockey's gay. So, like, he's big and hockey's gay. Hockey's gay. So, like, were there women everywhere? It was, you know what? We were there on Pride Night.

Oh. So hockey was very gay. Hockey was very gay. They had one guy from, he did rider. It was in the crowd. Kip, I saw that online.

Yeah. Yeah. He took off his jersey and then he had the jersey of the fake team from the heated rivalry training The crowd went nuts. Have you seen it? Yep. You watched it.

Yeah. Did you like it? Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen it. It's perfect. Yeah, it's really good. It's, um, here's, as a pervert, you should watch it.

Yeah, yeah. I don't consider gay sex perverted. Oh, no? That's, that's kind of open-minded of you. Yeah. Um, yeah, the, the one detail is how well they were able to shoot them naked, but not show. You don't see it. You don't see it.

And I looked close. Yeah. But it's always slightly in the shadow. You don't see what? Insertion. The thing that's on the... Penetration? Yeah.

Yeah. You don't see dong. You don't see dong at all. I was looking for hog. I never saw it. I saw a lot of butt, though. And they make them have like hockey player butts. That's the best part.

The Russian guy's butt. Giant. Is such, it's like two bubbles. Like just a real... Two rubles. Yeah. It's absolutely incredible. Um, yeah, I don't even know how that guy sits down with you.

be like one of those clowns. That's the easiest thing. He doesn't have to bring a chair. That's true. Yeah, he's fine. He's, uh, yeah, juicy. Juicy. Juicy.

Yeah. I haven't seen it. I have, I, I, I don't like Canadian TV in general. Okay, but this is bought by HBO. Yeah. Um, also the, uh, having seen the novels. Yeah. The covers are terrible.

I'm judging the book by the cover. Listen, this started as like very low quality. Romad Stavels. And they became very high quality. And everybody... Big butts. Yeah, big, man. You want to see some butts?

You want to see some butts? You want to see some butts? You want to be a surmixal out of this house? That's where you're going to go. Maybe I'll watch it with my family. Yeah, yeah. Show your kids. They got to learn about gay hockey sometimes.

Fast forward. Every time that they're in a hotel room together. Just pass forward and then they'll... Does they want to even know? I've seen a lot of memes about it. Do you ever go to the cottage? Oh, they make it to the college? Oh, they make it to the college.

They go to the cottage all right. And man, it's a nice guy. It's a nice cottage. Speaking of cheese, do you guys like cottage cheese? No. Yeah. I don't think I've ever given it a full shake. Yeah.

True. I remember as a kid, like, going to friends' houses for dinner, and then they'd just have a container of cottage cheese and would take a scoop and eat that with their meal. Yeah. And I thought that was so messed up. Putting cottage cheese in a half of a cantaloupe. Oh, boy. That was. That's how I learned to eat pussy.

Well, that way. The clothes are off now. This is all perfect talk. I don't know what is it. Emily has brought it out in Dave. Not that kind of show. Anyway, but no, cottage cheese is bay. But it's back.

Cottage cheese is back. Is it? Yeah, I think because also like, like, disordered eating is back. So cottage cheese has been. Oh, man, I got to get some of that disorder eating going. Yeah, well, I saw an ad, and it was where it was a magazine article, and it was like, the hottest new food tread, cabbage soup. And I was like, no, that's just a recession indicator.

That's just before. I saw Pasquess Kevin Banner, and he's on a diet that he's very happy with, and cabbage soup is one of the cornerstones of it. That's just, that's just water. Yeah. I mean, it's, isn't cabbage soup also, that's not borsed? I feel like it's an Irish thing, cabbage soup. Yeah, I think it's just like a wartime.

Yeah, it's a cabbage rocks, though. It does. You big cabbage guy. I don't go out of my way to get a lot of cabbage, but I'll have a, you know, two or three cabbage dishes a year. What are the cabbage dishes? I mean, is there any coleslaw involved? There's a cabbage rolls. There's, well, I've made.

Yeah, just cabbage soup. I've made sourcrow before. Okay. But that's a lot of effort, and I can't quite get it thinly sliced enough. And also, how much is a jar of sourcrow? Exactly. And then I'll do, I think it's called a coal cannon. Okay.

Which is when you get a, it's like mashed potatoes with shredded cabbage in them. Okay. Oh. I don't know if I like that. You do. You know what? Dave will invite you over. He's going to host a dinner party.

You fry up the cabbage with a bunch of. butter and salt and then all that butter and salt goes into the mashed potatoes. Okay, okay. Now we're talking. Yeah. And then, um, happy people sometimes do like something with a cabbage. Cabbage soup?

No. I heard it's very popular. I think there's maybe we'll roast it. I forget. But the cabbage is good. Okay. It's good. It's a versatile.

Yeah. I mean, I love a coldball. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's cabbage. It's cabbage. Yeah.

Um, yeah, these are, give cabbage a chance, everybody. If you haven't, go to the local green grocer, ask them where can I get some head? And they'll be like heads of cabbage. And then you'll be fun. Dave, I'm going perverted like you. You're just trying to keep up. I'm never the clean person in our room. This is crazy.

Yeah. We've gone full hog. So you made some edge of cabbage. We went to the hockey game. Grave and I took the Skytrain together. We went for drinks beforehand. to save money on, because drinks at the arena are too expensive. Yeah.

Graham can't drink beer because he's lactose intolerant. But they did make a beer with your face on it. Yeah, but that was, that had gluten in it. I know. Yeah. Who made a beer with your face on it? For the 24-hour show. Oh, yeah, yeah.

They had the logo on the can. Yeah. It was a cruel, cruel thing. There was a beer with my name on it up there. Whoa. Not bad. That's the dream. Yeah.

And the... Emily beer. Actually, no, I did have a beer made for me once. You did? Yeah, Phillips. I ran a comedy show there once, and they would make us a cask every time we ran a show. Oh. But it was a weird beer.

It was like pineapple jalapeno. It was honestly pretty bad? And was your face on the logo? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Were you giving a thumbs up? Well, it was just like a sign in front of the cask.

I see. Oh, yeah. It wasn't canned. Like, you've achieved my goal. Yeah, well, that's not real. That's just my name, but I didn't, I have nothing to do with it. Well, it's your name, though. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, we went on the Skytrain. We went to have a drink. We went, we sat in our seats. We sat in our seats. What drinks did you have? At the pre-drinking festival, I had a whiskey. The pre-drinking festival. And I had a tequila and soda.

Wow. Times two. Yeah. Whoa. And so we were off our asses. Yeah. You're ready. And then we went to the game and we ate.

Was there any fights? I ate popcorn. Popcorn and I ate nachos. Nachos. Oh, the nachos were just drenched with the cheese. Ooh.

Drenched. If you like cheese, boy, what do you like better? The pump nacho cheese or? Borson. No, I got to go with Borson. Yeah, I got to go. Porcum. No, I wish you could buy, I wish they had the pump

in the, like, classy cheese rack at the grocery store. You can probably get one for your home. And just like you have to then weigh it. Yes. You get a little tub. Were there any fights that the hockey came? No.

No, because it was Pride Night. It was Pride Night. Everyone kind of wanted to be respectful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. And there was, you know, there was like kind of a Pride Cam that went around and got people who had like, we did. We didn't have to. We wanted to. Well, it's Pride Cam.

We were in the very, very, very last row. Yeah. But right center ice. So perfect sight lines. Beautiful. Absolutely. And Dave knows all the, like, this guy's a good guy. This guy's got a very long neck. Was one of the players.

Well, you noticed someone had a long neck. And I was like, that's nothing. There's two guys with really long neck. Tyler Myers has a very long neck. Like, how long are we talking? Foot. A foot. I forget who the first one was, who you said had a long neck.

That's what I look for in a man. Long neck. Look at how long that neck is. Those are his many years of... It looks like it got longer in the one picture. Yeah, this one down here. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he's all neck. He is all neck. But, you know, a lot of room to cover if you want to do Hickey, if you want to practice your Hickeys. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the Hickey from two days ago is still there. We'll just climb a little higher. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, still room. You ever given a Hickey? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. To a person? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I was a horny girl in high school. We were the make-out queen?

Yeah, I was making out. I had a high school boyfriend. What did he think about the hickies? I loved it. Really? Yeah, yeah. You had to be cool about it, though. Like, you couldn't be.

I was on the bus the other day. This kid sat down. Holy. It was bad. Yeah. It was everywhere. It's great because you're like, I did it. And his girlfriend was next to him, though, and it was like 15-year-olds.

And the rest of the bus, we were all looking. And we went, oh, no. Oh, no. How many hickeys? Why not? Oh, yes. There was like 12. Like, and it was every side of his neck, every spot. That's disordered eating.

Or did you ever consider he might went paintballing? I just got shut in the next one time. Just neck shots. Yeah. I don't know. It was crazy. Oh, yeah. I had a waiter last year who had Hickey or multiple, I think.

And it was like, it was very distracting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think those are things for teens. Yeah. Yeah. I never got them.

I never gave them. I gave them myself. Oh. And I'll do it again. You were self-sucking. I was self-sucking. Come on, Emily. It's not that kind of podcast.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I really damaged a cantaloupe with it. With vacuum cleaner? Or just kissing on your arm? Yeah. And that's what you got like your practice. Are you practicing kissing? Um, no, I was just.

Suck it. I don't think any of, I don't think anyone I ever kissed would say. Oh, he's been practicing. Yeah. Yeah. Did you practice? No, not regularly. But like I, but like just to know what you can, like what a hicky is, like you can find that out on your own today.

Yeah. Yeah. And like, the feeling on your arm is one thing, but the feeling in your mouth is another. And you're like, oh my God, I think I'm actually getting two hickies. I think there's an in-mouth hickies. There's an in-mouth hickey. Well, it's like there's the suction. Too much, too much fact.

You got to do more sucking. It's not. It's not that crazy. Lady, I'm trying. Yeah, no. I went to Pride Night. You were ready. You've got to watch Heated Rivalry.

I got to. How many episodes? Six. You're in and out. And so are they. Six is, I just finished slow horses. This season's Slow Horses. That took me two months to watch six episodes.

Yeah, that doesn't sound exciting. No, but you know, you make your way through this. This is like gay hockey player sex. You want to get through. You're like, show me more. This is so fun. How's the sex in Slotho? Yeah.

Uh, Bub, it's off screen. Gary Oldman's throughout. Gary Oldman is a disgusting guy. Oh, really? Yeah.

He can play a disgusting guy. Oh, he put, it's so gross. He's like, and it's, there's a little too much fart humor in it. There's fart humor?

Because it's like a spy show, but he's this like. So a lot of blowing your cover. Like he'll, what was that? Like, he'll be, people will just like,

like, like suddenly, a cover their, their noses around him. He's like a weird comic relief in this show. But then there'll be close-ups on his disgusting feet. Oh, my goodness. He's just like the grossest guy.

Just a gross guy. So I feel like this show's the opposite of heated rivalry. A lot of ways it sounds like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're all playing soccer instead. Oh, okay. Ted Lassu with a little spice.

My God, that show kind of gave me hope. It was nice for a bit. It was really just like, oh, this is the bomb. Balm that I needed. And also watching a show that was filmed and the colors are bright, finally. You don't have that in TV anymore. Everything's dull. Yeah.

Ted Lassow is just shining light. No, I watched about three episodes of Ted Lasson didn't like it. A lot of blue. Wasn't it like a one season wonder kind of thing? Like the next season was bad and the other season after that was worse. I think people liked a couple seasons of it. Yeah. They're doing another one.

Really? Yeah, apparently. They're bringing back things too quickly. Yep. Well, you know, we've got scrubs. on the menu. That was gone long enough. Yeah, but also, come on, guys.

We don't want to see the characters older. Oh, they revamped the office? Hmm. The paper. Oh, the paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the only lead guy, an Irish guy doing an American accent. Is it Dominal Gleason?

Um, is Colm Fierre. One of the best Irish actors. Wait. Oh, yeah. Colmini. Colmini is the Canadian? Uh, no, Columfiori is the Canadian. Oh, okay.

Star Trek. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What else do we do with the hockey game? There's a guy, did a guy recognize you?

Uh, sitting next to us? We don't know if he just nodded like, we'll be neighbors for the next to us. Yeah, he kind of, he nodded at that. I think that's just hockey camaraderie.

Yeah, it was nice. The guy next to me talked about tariffs the whole game. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

And then when the other guy got a chance to, uh, but in it, you could tell the guy was like, I'm just, I gotta get back into the tariff talk. So,

yeah, whole game, Tara. I was also yawning the whole time. Yeah, Dave had a

yawn. He was wearing a nice sweater that he kind of cozied up in at one point. Yeah. It was cold up there.

It was cold. There's ice. Nice. Yeah. Well, you know what? It would warm things up. Sort of a heated

rival. Oh. Um. Oh, um. Oh, yeah, on the Jumbotron,

there was also scenes. They put scenes up on the Jambotron. And so it was, but yeah, you never. And you never. You had to fill them in the whole time. Yeah.

You were like, this is when they're penetrating each other. They were filling each other in the whole. It kept looking for hog, but no. No. But yeah, they showed it all. They showed it all. They said, parents, cover up your kids' eyes. You don't want them to see this.

The game got a little boring about halfway through the second period. Yeah, they were doing it. We'll just show the whole show. And it was while the players were playing. It wasn't just in between. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was hell, man. You know?

God, that sounds like a dream. Also, there was a guy doing a painting the whole time that the game was on. He started at from the beginning. A painting of what? Of the hockey range. Yeah, he was, I think it was part of Pride Night and he was, like, it was going to be auctioned off for some pride organization. Yeah. Was it a good painting?

Well, you know what? He tried. It was better than I could do. He tried really hard. And you know what? The thing is. Who can say what is art? Yeah.

Yeah. Of course. Of course. You know, I might put it to my man cave. Oh, you, you bid on it. I'm, yeah, well, no, I'm working with an art dealer to, oh. I'm working with sort of a heist meister and we're going to steal it.

You're going to pull a louvre? Yeah, we're going to pull a Louvre. At the Rogers. Yeah. Yeah, well, whoever bought it, well, we'll steal it from them. I think it probably think he brought it home and hung it on his own wall. The artist? Yeah.

I beg, he was like, I like this so much. I'm going to, this is a keeper for me. Actually, this one's for me. Yeah, exactly. You know, I do that with jokes sometimes. I go, that one's just for me. Yeah.

Yeah. Got to file that away. Yeah. Yeah. What's a joke that's just for you? Are these jokes that, that you're telling on stage and you realize in the moment, oh, maybe that was just for me? That was just for me.

I, uh, I'm not going to tell a joke right now. That's fine. Well, no. You need a hairbrush to talk into. Yeah. I need a mirror. What's the title of the joke? Uh.

In your set. when you're writing down. It's a... I got nothing right now. That's all right. Cottage cheese can't a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's borson.

It's borson. Borson. Fair enough. That's what's going on with me. He had a great time at the hockey game. Graham treated me. He treated you. Nicely.

What a gentleman. Graham got tickets from as the person who does his financials. Yep. Just out of nowhere. I've never had that happen before. Like, hey, I have tickets. Do you want them? Yeah, it was cool.

That's so cool. And you know what? No charge. I've looked at your financials. If anything, can I give this to you once a month? Wow. Do you want to scalp these? Yeah, yeah.

I'll get them to you nice and early so you can sell them online. So does that mean you've done your taxes already this year? No. It wasn't like a treat for doing my taxes. It was just like, hey, you, I have these tickets I don't want. Let's just pawn them off on whoever will take them kind of thing. And you, you, I think it was a very nice gesture. of her. Yeah, I think it's too early to have done your taxes. Is it? Well, I think I, it's been a while

for me. I think you need to, it's been a while. I'm still waiting on some documents. Of course. I'm still, yeah, I'm shuffling my finances around. Yeah. I've got to move some money. You have money in different silos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got some investments. I got to focus on. Sure. I got to move onshore. Yeah, exactly. I have some properties. I got to work out. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. I've trying to see if, um, I can take these, you know, move some losses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

What's going on with you? I stole a hockey game. You can't talk about it. Did I tell you about the workshop that I went to? I can't remember I talked about it. Yes, was it puppet related? It was sewing related. Yes.

We talked about it all right. Yeah. Okay. So, other thing. Wandon saw in the theater, because I believe it's compulsory. The latest Avatar movie. Oh, you saw it. 3D.

Now, see. What time of day did you go? Evening. Was it busy? Uh, not overly. I'm worried I'm going to run out of time to see it. You better see it soon because I think it's on the way up. You wear the 3D glasses?

I sure did. I didn't know they still do that. You know what's crazy too is I took them off at one point and you could still watch it without, it's not blurry or anything. I don't know how they do it. I think I saw Zootopia 2 in 3D. Yeah? Wow.

And? Was the rabbit lady even hotter? Oh, yeah. She was coming right at you. She has a name, Judy Hops. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. I was being too much of a corporate. And by the way, it's Detective Judy Hoth.

You're right, you're right, you're right. I saw Wicked in theaters, but I didn't know it was in one of the weird theaters where it's also on the side walls. Oh, yeah. Awful. Yeah. Yeah, it's, I've, I don't know, like, I find IMAX when I've seen it hard to watch because it's too. Too big. It's too big.

Yeah. I just need a little scream. I'm just a little guy. That's too much scream. Yeah. I'm not sophisticated enough to know when like, you know, a new movie comes out. Oh, you got to see this one. It's 70 millimeter.

Oh, you got to see. No. The director meant for it to be seen. Yeah. I was trying to see Marty Supreme. And then I have like free Senate club tickets. Yeah. Doesn't work for Marty Supreme because it's in 70 millimeters.

So we still have to pay $10. I think, you know what I think? I'm going to say right now. I think 70 millimeters is a scam. Yeah. I don't think it's anything. I think they're calling it that. You go see a movie.

You're like, wow, that was great. But who knows? Graham, you're very brave. I'm not going to say that because I am afraid of the backlash. Whoa. I think 70 millimeter might be not a scam. You're a coward to the cinefiles. I'm a coward to the cinefiles.

And Graham, I don't consider you a cinephile. Thank you. Sinephile is a slur. Yeah, I know. Because I'm a cinephile, I have to stay at least 100 yards away from movie theaters. So you saw Avatar. Yeah. And so, and I always preface this.

Do they even show it in non-3D? And do they show Blue Hawk? Really? Yeah. Do they show Blue Hawk? I heard this one's very horny. It is horny, but not, I'm not more so than the original. The original was quite horny because there was a lot of hair braid on hairbrain action with crazy tentacles.

Do they have giant? blue asses. Yeah. They're not as big as Peter Rivaler. But yeah, no, they're good looking. They're good looking. Have you seen any of the avatars? I've seen the original, I think, when I was like 10.

So that's, yeah, it's 2000. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were all 10. When did it? 2000, I don't know, 9, 10. Yeah, a long time ago. Then he made the sequel and I went to go see the sequel and I loved it. Yeah, I was the same.

The sequel was good. The first one didn't really have much impact for me. Yeah. I was like, oh, the way that people talk about, like, oh, it's the biggest movie of all time. Well, how come you can't name anything that happened in it? Yeah. I couldn't tell you. Well, and that's kind of the hallmark of the movie is the plot is incredibly secondary.

But then there was, like, all these stories about people who, like, went crazy and, like, I want to live in Avatar. And I think they came crazy. And that just said them off. Oh, yeah. Wasn't there someone who became blue? Um, yeah. Well, there's one guy who had a blue house and a blue. window.

Blue is the color of all that I wear. I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue. So these blue guys in the forest, they're not Smurfs. They're the opposite. Long and lean. Smur's a little tiny guy. But they've got dump trucks. They got dump trucks?

Smurfs? They're all ass. Oh, yeah. I've seen Spurfat. Oh, yeah. I mean, she's not the only one. Papa? Papa?

You hardly get a look because she's wearing a draft. You're right. You're right. Except when she bends over. To pick up a mushroom. Dave, that is not this kind of show. We're not this people.

So I went and saw the new one. And I always preface it by saying, I could never make a movie. I don't know. I wouldn't know where to begin. And you didn't like the second one. I loved the second one. Yeah, me too.

I liked. So is this only the third one? Yes. How long of a gap was there between the movies? Like almost like at least 15 years. Yeah, the first two had a big gap. The second one had a baby gap. Yeah.

Whoa. Or gap kids. Is that like the mini baby bell? Yeah, it's sort of like, I guess the, yeah, there was a mini gap between a baby gap between the second two. But the second one takes place in a banana republic. Right. So. I guess second one's part of an old Navy.

Go ahead. Thank you. It was not good. No. No. It was not good. It was exactly the second one. Which you loved.

Yeah, but I don't need it. I've seen it. I don't need to pay money to go see the exact same movie again. You paid money for that. Yes, I did. Oh, you didn't even have a free movie. My financial person had sent me any tickets now.

But it was three hours and like 43 minutes or something like that. Oh, my God. So it was like. Was there an intermish? No. And everybody at one point had to leave to go use the bathroom. That was just like a constant stream of stream. You know, whatever happens in bathrooms.

Oh, you didn't go to the VIP screening. Toilet. They gave you a catheter. Yeah. And then you put that through the popcorn. They attached it wrong for me because I ended up with a hickie on my dicky. I don't like those plastic collectible ones because I feel like you can't, there's no cat. You know?

Mm-hmm. So, have you seen the Dune, the Dune Collectible? I mean the Dune Collective. Oh, come on. But, so the movie's so long,

and it also expects you to have remembered what happened in the last movie. Oh, it didn't kill you in. Not at all. You don't get a last week on Avatar. It happens minutes after the last one ended. Oh, no.

So it's like, like, it's, whenever the last one ended, it picks up right there and you're supposed to remember who's whom, what happened in the last one? Can you, could you, in your head? Okay, the second one is there's in water. And Jake Sully's there with his family, but they're not water people. They've been, they'll never be accepted by the water people,

but they're kind of accepted by the water people. And the water people have gills. The water people have gills. And then there's the mighty Tolkien Paiacan, who is the big whale guy. Who's the big whale. And, you know, it's important to say that the human, turned Avatar, five fingers, regular Avatar, four-fingers. Oh, and they kind of make fun of them.

Yeah, and then he has a couple of kids, and they are also five-fingered. So that's on the male side. So they have a stigma that they have for a lot. But they're very good. They're good at shoplifting. They're good at shoplifting. They're good at shoplifting. They do a five-figure discount.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're shops. Actually, in this one, there is a store. There's a store. Yeah, because it's these merchants come in on these giant balloons, and they drop off, like, food, and it's a big market. So there are stores in it. And that part's great.

Like, you're like, okay, new, new adventure, new thing. Then that leaves almost immediately. So they have new adventures. Do they have old Christine? I don't know. Is she an avatar? I can't. Maybe.

I don't know. I'll go back and watch it again. Well, I'm going to see it today. Okay. Oh, really? Go see it today. Do you have four hours? Not today. I have to make meatballs.

Of course. That's right. But maybe I'll go this weekend. Okay. Okay. It's not like, it's not bad, like a bad movie's bad. You know what I mean? But like considering James Cameron, his record flawless. I don't think he's made a bad movie up until this one.

Again, not terrible. Not. And by the way, you couldn't do this. I know. Yeah. I'm on my heels here. What's his record? He's made.

He made. Terminator 1. Terminator 1. Zootopia 2? Zootopia 2. The abyss. The abyss. He made aliens.

True lies. Titanic. Titanic. And then nothing but this. Yeah. Nothing but this. And then he's been critical of amateur submariners.

Submariners, yes. Yes. Yes. So he... I mean, more power to him. Yeah. If he was right. Yeah.

I mean, if you're going to do anything in a sub, get ready to hear. At least, you know, kudos from the big man himself. You think he wants to have sex with an avatar? No, fuck the ocean. The ocean? See, you want to fuck the ocean. The whole ocean.

He just loves it so much. But I think that you can fuck the ocean pretty easily. And also, I think they're putonic. Like, there's a lot of ways you can get in. Yeah, that's true. A lot of entry points. Oh, that is a big part in Avatar that they all, the water people fuck the ocean. Oh, do they?

It's gross. It's so gross. You're very gullible Listen, I'm not a syophile, okay? Yeah, neither am I. James Cameron's kind of an ocean file. Yeah. Oceanophile.

Oh, he loves all the oceans movies, and he's so disappointed when he goes. I expect you to 11 oceans here. Okay, well, you fooled me with the 11, but this one's going to have 12, apparently. So that is a fun thing. The merchant scene is rain and he was like, wait a minute. A woman won. I thought, well, I thought if I went down in order, maybe there would be oceans. Ruined my childhood.

Yeah. Was it Julia Robertson that one? No, she was in the ocean. The original three. Yes. She was in the ocean. Rihanna was in. Okay.

All right. Kate Blanchett was. Sarah Paulson. Well, yeah. Mindy Kayling is what I was going to say. And now we're talking a girl movie and now I know things that are going on. I don't care about Avatar. You can talk whenever you want.

I can't. I just don't know anything about Avatar. Well, it's, I'll tell you everything you need to know. Yeah. Keep doing me. So you had it up until the whale. Oh, yeah. And then, I don't know, there's a big attack.

But here's my thing with Avatar one is like I thought it was whatever, nothing. Who cares? Yeah. The second one, I was like, I'm just going to turn my mind off and hang out. Yeah. And I loved it. So like just being in that world, I wasn't a crazy person who then was like, I need to live in this world. But three hours of it was great.

Yeah. Yeah, you had a good time. I loved it. So nearly four hours, basically with a little bit of deviation, the exact same plot of the second one. There was the market, the store. That was, like, that was different. There was also like a tribe that was, you know, getting in on the action. Do you think the second one and the first one had different plots?

I guess they did. Yeah, well, maybe not. I mean, he's becoming a Navi in the first one. So I did hear there's a fire lady There's a fire lady She doesn't get enough screen time As far as I'm concerned Is she a hottie?

She's absolutely She's got like She's got painted red and black face She's got like a fan kind of Apparadice on her head Yeah she's badass Okay And then I don't know

There's just things There's just things in it Where you, the audience are supposed to be like Oh that's new But there's no retention of plot And there's There's a kid in this one that is the most insufferable kid. And he's a kid that hangs around the Navi and he has to wear an oxygen mask all the time.

Is he a human kid? He's a human kid. Why are they bringing this boy to the Pandora? Who let this boy there? It wasn't until the end of the movie that I was like, oh, that character is this character's dead? Like it was something that I was supposed to have retained from the first one. What? The second one.

Who was his dad? The bad guy. Oh, yeah. Which I think is revealed in the second one. Like, I don't think it's a new. It's not. Yeah. That wasn't a spoiler. No.

That bad guy is so bad. Bad? But also both the main actors, the good guy and the bad guy, kind of, I've never seen them anything else. Yeah. Was his name Worthington? Sam Worthington, yeah. You might have been in a clash of a Titan. I remember seeing him on the cover of Esquire magazine.

Oh. When the first one came out. Okay. Yeah. Because I think he was also in a Terminator movie at the same time. time. Is he blue? He's blue.

He's blue. The bad guy. Does he have a blue Christmas? Wait a minute. What are they? I mean, they do have a eggnog scene. They kind of an extensive terrain of eggnog. Is the eggnog?

Blue? Yep, it's blue. Oh, yeah, everything in this movie's blue. That's why it has to be in three dimensions because you can't make out. Because the background's blue, the foreground's blue. It's sort of like a magic. Yeah, it's like one of those ones you get at the back of like a comic book or whatever where it's a red and blue glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you don't even get to wear red and blue 3D glasses. No, you just wear normal glasses. Oh, well. Oh, that's the other thing too, is I went to use the washerment and then I came back. And your dick was blue. Dave. You have blue balls. God damn you.

But like, I've never been on the other side of extra glasses and they look so dumb. They look so dumb on the person. Are these the, like, the black ones? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They look so stupid on people. Never thought about it. Counterpoint.

Yeah. They look cool. Oh. I remember when they came out, I was 13, we'd pop the lenses out where I'm to school. Nice. Is this cool? Yeah. School?

You were popular in high school. Yeah, I doubled. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes they'd let me in the ring. But, yeah, it's. I didn't I still like the aesthetic But I've already seen it Yeah, I should have just seen Avatar 2 again

Yeah Well, you can't I know I know What am I supposed to do? Are they gonna make a four? Well, I feel like they There's a plan to

But I think Maybe this might be there This might be it Yeah They got nowhere to go With these blocks I mean in four hours You couldn't

Are they making money? Yeah Oh yeah So yeah, there'll be a fourth. Yeah. Kate Winslet's in it. And Sigourney Weaver, she plays a teenager in it, which is a weird thing I didn't realize until the very end of the movie. He's like, oh, this was supposed to be a thing I remembered as well.

So, I mean, don't brush up on Wikipedia. See how much you remember when you go and be like, okay, that character did that. Yeah. Okay. But it's the same flying dinosaur guys, same whale guys. Those whale guys are cool. Yeah, there's a bigger... Dragon Guy.

But there's not a lot of new. There's not a lot of new on. Oh, well, you know what? Are they as good as the books? Well, the books are kind of trashy. And I did judge them by its cover. Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, those heated rivalry book covers are so stupid. Oh, yeah. And then the, I forgot about the braids that plug into everything. Yeah. For sex and other things? Yeah, you can plug into nature. You can go into. When you got your braids in Mexico, did you feel like connect?

connected to that? Yes. Yeah. I connected to the boy from the movie that I fucking hated. I'm like, I'm the guy

from this planet that's learning to be an avidavit. What is this kid? I just wanted him to die so badly. Does he? Don't toil it.

No. Okay. Yeah, no, he somehow becomes the center of the film and I was like, no,

you should have killed this guy off. This guy sucks. But yeah, I mean, you know what? If it's, if you're going to go see it,

see it in 3D. and oh and there was a couple that brought kids to it I was like it's a four hour long Yeah that's the other thing is like I asked my kids if they wanted to go and they didn't But I was like even if they said yes I was like what are we going to do about that I mean the kids were fine

Like I think they probably fell asleep at some point But when I saw them coming I was like I'm not a parent So I don't know but there was a lot of blue hog in that movie Yeah Their hogs are their tails And that's you know like that's where they plug in to each other.

In a way, they're unisex because they both have braids. That's beautiful. Yeah. Well, that is. It's a nice vision for the future. It doesn't take place. Did you bring this up at Pride Night? Yeah, I mean, the guy next to me is talking about tariff. So it's like, hey, what do you think about Navi's penises?

So here's my pitch to the LGBTQ community, braid sex. Like, can we get there? Can we get there in this generation? Listen, blue is an important color. the rainbow. It's true. There's a lot of room for that. Like a blue M&M?

Yeah. Do you remember as the youth, they had a big vote on whether or not blue would become an M&M? Yeah, he's not there, is he? Blue animal, Eminem, Eminem, the Blu, Blu, M&A? Blue and Eminemina. Blue and Eminemina?

Is there a blue Eminem? Yes. Yeah, they won the vote. Yeah. I'm trying to remember his persona and I cannot. Oh, I don't know if he's a... It's non-brata. Yeah.

I don't know if he's a... Because I know there's red, yellow. Yeah. Yeah, orange. Sexy green. Sexy green. In 1995, a famous marketing campaign by Mars, Inc. Ask consumers to vote for a new color to replace light brown, tan, which is, by the way, a terrible color.

Yeah, but then they brought back dark brown. Well, yeah, dark brown's always been. She's awesome. But beige was the... If you go to Europe, they don't have the bright color, so all of the M&Ms are like beige. Blue won over pink and purple with 54% of... over 10 million votes. That's more than ever shows up for an election.

One 800 fun color poll. Wow. Oh, and it was probably yet to pay for that phone call. Oh, yeah. Oh, 800. 800s are free. Blue's like the cool guy, right? He's sort of a bad boy.

Yeah. Isn't there too many letters for that to be a phone number? Yeah, but. Especially in Canada, because there's a you, fun color. Yeah, and then you could never get through. And you're like, what? I got to vote on. I think it just sounds like you just keep typing, but the phone's already ringing.

From here, it looks like the M&Ms are protesting. They look like they have signs that they don't necessarily say vote for me, but I'm not wearing my glasses. So I wouldn't be sure. But anyways, James Cameron, keep up the good work. Make one other movie that's not Avatar before you retire. Yeah, what do you think he'll do? Ocean stuff again? Yeah, I mean, try and keep them away.

Yeah, maybe Ocean's 14. What if he made a movie about the, the sub-a-sabitreacted? Marine visiting the Titanic. That would be good. I do want to see that movie. Yeah. Who do I want to see play the... The billionaire?

Yeah. Is it funny? Are we going with like... I forget what they looked like. Are you just going by vibes? Just going by vibes. Just vibes. Yeah, like the kid...

I'll probably go Seth Rogan and James Franco. A brilliant team. Yeah, yeah. Good, good. I was thinking the heated rivalry boys. Oh, is that... Do we think they're here to stay? Um, I think one of them is, and I think one of them thinks he is.

Oh. Yes. Yeah, you're going to say, which is a witch. My hot take on it. You say one of them has staying power and one other doesn't. Yeah. Russian or Canadian? I think the Russian has staying power.

Yeah. I think he's playing it cool. And I think the Canadian has gotten a little bit annoying in his press interviews. And I'm over it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, but wise. It's Russian. Brush all the way. Book cover wise. Give it to me. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheard? Oh, yeah. Hey, Alexis. Hey, Ella. What animal has the most teeth? I would guess a shark. A snail. No, snails don't have teeth.

They have thousands and they are freaky looking. Oh, I don't want that to be true. Okay. Did you know that the hippocampus in your brain is named after the half horse, half fish, sea creature found in Greek mythology? I didn't know that, but we're meant to be doing animal trivia and hippocampus isn't a real animal.

Well, that doesn't matter on comfort creatures. You're right, it doesn't matter at all. Comfort creatures is a cozy show for lovers of animals of all shapes and sizes, real and unreal. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then join us every Thursday for new episodes on maximum fun.org. Are you a celebrity?

Are you searching for meaning, connection, and a little levity these days? Hi, Uncle Mel Nanchiani. actor, writer, and yes, the celebrity too. And I've got four words for you. Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Are you tired of junkets? Red carpets, sick of the endless spicy snacks you have to eat?

Do you want to connect with someone who gets your work and laugh with you a little? Join me, Andre 3,000, Tom Hanks, Tina Faye, and many more and become a guest on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. From NPR and Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overherds. Where you hear it, we get to hear it. It's just fair, right? Yeah.

And we love to start with the guests. Emily, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I've got some. There are two that happened in the same place. So I've been having some weird Uber driver experiences. Okay, yeah. Uber drivers who have been talking to themselves. Uh-huh.

Oh. Yes. Very unsettling. So I got into an Uber and he was very excited. He said, I'm so excited to give you a ride today. Okay, all right. Immediately hands me a water bottle. Like, this guy's really trying to go above and beyond.

Sure. But he's got crazy in his eyes. He's wearing a mask. And then we're driving and he's trying to talk to me and I'm just like not giving him much. I'm like, I don't want to chat right now. Yeah. And then he slowly starts like losing his confidence and trying, like, testing things out under his breath that he's going to say to me. Sure.

And he's like, how's you, how's you day? Like his practice thing. He's always. He says him out loud. But then he started spiraling and he started saying crazy things. He started going, Oh, wow. Oh, God.

Under his breath, like, didn't think I could hear it and was wearing a mask. And I was texting my friends. And he's not talking to. Not talking to anyone. Wow. Just to himself. Wow. No, I'm talking to my wife.

Ah, rah, rah, wow. I heard that and I text my friends. I said, I might not make it out of this Uber. I one time when I got in a cab at the airport. It was a late night and I was kind of discombobulated. So I got in this cab. The guy was ranting the whole time, like screaming. And then when we stopped, I was like, this guy was in a cab.

He doesn't have a fare or anything like that. It's just some guy that I got into this guy's car. He just gone to guy's car. Yeah. Do you pay him? I was afraid not to. Okay, well, the other one. Did he have like a meter?

No. Was he just like $35? Yeah. And it wasn't that cheap. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Well, that's how you learned, you know. Yeah.

So you have chatting to himself. When you get in an Uber and they have water, it's like, well, sometimes there's like, because there is, have you ever been in a fancy Uber? Oh, yeah, when they got pockets for mince and stuff? Well, or like, it's just like a luxury car picks you up and you're like, hmm, someone, I've never done it myself, but when someone else is trying to impress me. Yeah, yeah. And it's like it always smells like a newly vacuumed. And it's got, yeah, the big things I've noticed are mince, water, phone charging. I was going to say phone charging, yeah.

And sometimes they'll have a little sign and they're like, please don't forget to tip. Yeah, that's shit, dude. You're like, yeah, I'm not a bad person. But the other time, well, once I got in an Uber and then it was like, congratulations, we've upgraded you to a nicer car, Toyota Highlander. Okay. I went, pretty nice. That's not luxury. I'm a tundra guy.

Well, you should see the car they were going to stand out before. I was like, what are we working with here? The other one, I was in an Uber with good friend Gina Harms. Okay. I think she was a guest on your pod. She has been. Yes, he says one. Two-time guests.

Two-time guests. Wow, me and Gina equals. You better tell her that. Yeah, I will. I'll say, don't worry, Gina. You're not beating me anymore. Yeah. Don't worry, Gina.

We're going to treat you as an equal now. Yeah. Now we're equals. Gina and I were splitting an Uber, taking it back home. And then, because she lives down the street for me. And our Uber driver, we get in, I'm gossiping to Gina. I'm telling her about how. I left my earrings at some man's house.

I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Uber driver really wants to be part of it. He's like, ooh, awkward. We're like, don't talk to us. Yeah, yeah. And then we're trying to deflect him. So, Gina's like, how's your day going? And then he starts really ranting about how sad he is.

And he's like, I'm just trying to make it through the day. I'm really worried. And, like, he's saying really sad things. Oh. And while this is happening, he's playing the Green Day song, like, Time of your life. time of your life. Oh, yeah.

And the lyrics are playing on his phone, and he is reading the lyrics as it's going along. So we're like, this man's in a mental health crisis. Yeah. And then we kind of talk him down and we're like, whatever. And then he's driving in silence. And then under his breath, we hear him go, I got to get a chocolate bar. And we got out of the car. And Gina and I were like, that man's going to kill himself.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, do you put that in the review? Nice driver for a great for his future. Really worried about him. Send a mental health check. to do this Uber driver.

Also, he got lost because there was another turning point. A fork stuck in the road. Oh, not again. I just realized that that song, it's like, you think, a fork stuck in the road. A fork in the road is not a road.

It's like, it's like, there's a gag, visual gag in the Muppet movie. Hey, there's a fork in the road. Giant fork. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. Dave, do you haven't overheard?

Another turning point. Um, yeah, I do. Wake me up. When is it? So good. So good. So good. Do I want to be an American idea?

Let's all go around. No? I want to be authority. Down with the moral majority. Yeah. That's true. Do do do. But do do do do do.

Do do. Okay. Mine is. Oh yeah, I was watching the news. It was during the foggy times. Oh, the fog. I was watching the morning news. And what they'll do is they will,

because it's the morning news, it's kind of casual. So, you know, the anchors will do their thing. The weather person will do his thing. The traffic will do their thing. And then they'll all meet on the couch and chat. And then, so this was coming out of a traffic report, there was a camera out looking at a bridge. And the bridge was just,

It was disappearing into the fog. Yeah. Yeah. And one of the, the traffic woman says, and that, that's what it looks like. A bridge to nowhere. And then one of the other people goes, a bridge to the clouds. And then one of the other people goes, Bridges of Madison County. And then the anchor goes, that was a good movie.

I really love that they took a stab at it. Okay. You got to think about a thing about a bridge. Wow, yeah. That talk at the end of the breakfast shows. I love that. I find them awkward. I didn't know people still watch the news, if I'm honest.

Oh, I'm a cable guy. Yeah, that's kind of fun. Like my favorite Jim Carrey movie. Dome and Door. It's the number 23. Yeah, no, I watch. I'm a big news hound. People who listen know I like watching local news because you always see once a month

car drives into a business. Yeah. Yep, crashes through it. Oh, speaking of local news, we've seen the guy who had sex with the horse, right? Inverton. We've seen him, have we? That's not local to me. But we know that's happened, right?

You know it's happened. You haven't heard of this? Please, do some reportage. It's a pervert going after horses. Inverness, it's sad. It's like really bad. Yeah. And this is like...

He was having sex with a horse. The horse wasn't having sex with him. This lady caught him on her camera and he brought a footstool. He brought a steps to have to. Yeah, he planned it out. Unless he was really tall. No, he wasn't, though. This was in Vernon?

Yeah, it was in Vernon. And I had heard about the lore between Tarr, SBC and somewhere else. They have an old ongoing rivalry about someone having sex with a horse. Oh, so they both wear the town that it happened to. Yeah, and they call each other horse fuckers. But. Apt. Yeah, and no one knows which one.

But now Vernon's in the mix. Is this on global news? Well, yeah. That's why I'm like, Dave, how did you know? hear about that. Well, because I, I, you know what? I'll tell you the, okay, here's the fucking truth. Okay. Anytime there's a horse on TV, I got to change the channel because my dog starts freaking out. Is that right? Yeah. Really? And the problem is I hit up during the news and guess what's on the next channel. Fricking Hudson and Rex. I show about a Canadian TV show. This is why I'm not watching heated rivalry.

Because there's 150 episodes of Hudson and Rex. There's a bunch of Murdoch. There's a bunch of Murdoch mysteries you can plow through. Of a detective and his dog. Dog who solve crimes together. Yeah, yeah. And so my dog hates that as well. So a couple weeks ago was that cow who was scratching itself with a rake. That was one of the news stories I had to change the channel for.

My dog is very reactive to television animals. Does this in the breakfast show, how, like, are these the first stories out or it's like real stories in that? And we end with the horse one was kind of breaking news. I don't think with that made it. Like they're worried he's going to strike again. Wow. It was all over social media.

Certainly he's going to have to stay away from horses after this. Well, I didn't I didn't see this. TikTok was going crazy about it. Well, I see, I guess I don't watch TikTok. I watch the news. But again, we know this was on the news. So I don't know what to tell you.

So I like, yeah, I guess I missed it. Yeah, you were too busy looking at bridges. Was it? It was like a week ago. It was two days ago, according. I was on global news two days ago. Yeah, it's, and the lady was really upset. I feel for her, and I feel bad for the horse.

Yeah, I feel bad for the horse, mostly. Yeah. I am impressed that this guy brought his own stepstool. Well, how do you know it's his own? An actor prepares. He might have stolen it. The ladies didn't say that's my stepstool that she used. And now I can't use it anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I hope he burns in hell. Yeah. I hope he dies. Yeah, I hope they get him. I hope he gets kicked by a horse. kicked by horse.

That would be the greatest. That would be awesome. Yeah. Or a donkey, also big kicks from a donkey. Yeah. Unless it turns out he actually is nice. He's nice.

It turns out he's actually nice. Well, maybe he had a lot going on at work. He's been on a lot of. I got to get this stress off somehow. Maybe he's been muttering to himself as an Uber driver. It's a therapy horse. He's doing the horse therapy. Yeah.

I hate this. I hate this story. Yeah. For a horny episode, this is a real, like, cold water. Yeah. Which we need. Yeah. I, uh, my, mine isn't overseen.

Oh, a lot. It took place at the hockey game. And, you know, they don't have a lot of. This loser I was sitting next to kept falling asleep and yawning. You know, they show people on the, they're sitting in the crowd. Yeah. At one point, there's like a T-shirt shooting competition or whatever. And then, but largely it was just.

showing pictures of people. Because it was Pride Night, it was a lot of pictures of people with rainbow flags and dressed up in costumes. And then while Dave was going and getting nachos, they were showing all this stuff on screen. And like people were just so underwhelmed. People weren't clapping or anything.

And then it cut to a fat clown and everybody laughed. The whole stadium laughed. I've never been to a stand-up show in a stadium before, but I was like, this rule was, it's, he wasn't posing. He was just dressed as a clown. Fat clown. Yeah. It was great.

Yeah, it's awesome. Have you ever seen the thing? I've only ever seen videos online. Yeah. I've never been to an event where, well, they'll just like, like, people who look like celebrities. That's always a big winner. Yeah.

Why did they do that? Well, I guess they were riding high from that fat clown. They should do it every time. Yeah, Fat Clown was a hit. It should be someone's full-time job to, as people are entering the arena, be like, okay, this guy looks like. Yeah, yeah. For a great.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the world. If you want to send in one to us, you can send it to SBY at maximum fun.org. This first one comes from, this is Alicia in Spokane, Washington. I told my husband there was a new episode of The Pit. Have we been watching The Pit? I love The Pit. Oh, what did I just see? Something was going viral from The Pit.

I don't know. Something Canadian. Oh. I don't know what Canadian. happened. A guy whose elbows got injured from having them up so frequently and strongly. Truck fight club and red deer. Anyway, go ahead. Okay.

I told my husband there was a new episode of the pit. We should watch. My first grader piped up and said, I've been wanting to watch that. I asked him why and he said, all my friends watch it. We play the pit at recess. Today I was Dr. Robbie. Nope, not finding yet. That's awesome.

Yeah. Have you watched it all? Yes. And it's a fantastic show. It's very, very good. Everybody says. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

If you have hospital trauma, it's difficult because it's like, there's no grace anatomy side of it. Like there's relationships, but it's not in a horny way. Right. Yeah. It's 24 hours of all you can eat. And it's awesome. Yeah, I tried. I'm squeamish.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't have possible little trauma. I just have. Ewe. A delicate sensibility. Yeah. Sort of a delicate pervert.

He's the most. And that's like Ferdinand the Bull. The delicate pervert. Delicate pervert. Yeah. This one, this next one's an overseen from Danny F. I was exiting a Walgreens pharmacy. Picture it.

You're in a Walgreens pharmacy. Got it. And by the door, an employee was trying to retrieve a pink cellophane heart balloon from the ceiling. That's new guy. You got to go get it. You're the new guy. Yeah.

he was doing so by poking at it with a long stick with a pair of scissors taped to the end. He peers to the balloon and just as it drifted down a few inches, it was immediately sucked back up by the heating vent and he just went, it sounds like a metaphor for my love life. Oh, really? Yeah. Getting poke with scissors? Getting poked and sucked.

Getting poked and sucked. Did he mean to puncture it or was he trying to get it down? I assume he was, yeah, I think he was trying to. Poppin? I think so. Maybe they sell them in the flower section of Walgreens. Oh, yeah. There's one that got caught in a tree, a mylar balloon that got caught in a tree,

I don't know, five years ago across the street for me. Yeah. Still there. Still there? Really? Not inflated anymore, but just there. Just catching the light sometimes. This last one comes from Alley from Surrey, England.

I was walking behind my eight-year-old boy and his friend Henry on the way home from school. Henry was telling my son about the ghost of St. Mary's Road where he lived. My son replied, we don't have a ghost on our road, but our neighbor is 101. So I think we're going to have one pretty soon. 101, 1001. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's a safe bet. 101 year old.

That'd be kind of fun to have a fresh ghost, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Still trying to figure things out. Because that's a young ghost. And I can tell he's got unfinished business. I can already tell. For his 100 first birthday, they got a more.

a Dalmatian kick. Dave, do you have overheards? Yeah, okay. In addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us our phone numbers, 1, 844-7-9-763-1, that's 1. Spipod 1 like these people have.

Or send us a voice memo. Add to SBY at maximum fun.org Like these people have. Nice. Nice. Do-da-do-do. Hi, D-G and PG. This is Sean in Prince Edward County, Ontario.

I've gotten overheard for you. My wife and I were going out for dinner one evening, and she asked me if I was going to do the triple S, which you may know stands for shit, shower, and shave. I said, yeah, I'm going to do the triple S. And when I was doing the shave portion of my triple S, I heard her in the other room, singing this Paul Simon classic.

Shit shower and shave. Shit shower and shave. Oh. I want another. Way. I want more. The pipes on that, man. Beautiful.

Really soft. I thought what he was going to say, I heard her going, da-da-da-da-da. Maybe if she was listening to the show, wow. Yeah, I don't like the three Ss. It's none of your business. I've never heard of that.

I do. What I do? No shave. Don't do a shave. Yeah. The other ones? That's not your business. Yeah, exactly, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you've got to time it so perfectly to go. You do. Does you have to do it in that order? Like, are you doing this shit before the shower? Because that's stinky. Yeah.

But you don't want to do it after a shower, really. You want to be clean. Yeah, you want to be clean. Right. You know, if you have two bathrooms in the house, you should one, run upstairs, downstairs, in the shower. Yeah, this is the worst.

The song was, of course, slip sliding away. Which I don't like either because it makes me think that he's going to slip and slide in the shit in the show. Oh, shit. She was going for a different levels. He did have a beautiful voice, though. Yeah.

He did. Yeah. Well, thanks for calling that in. Hello. Dave Graham and possible guest. This is Cam calling from England. I am calling with an overseen. I have just seen the most unhinged thing I've ever seen in the supermarket.

I was just grocery shopping in Liddle. And I was perusing the Middle Isle, which is the aisle, which has got all the crazy bits. And there was some laundry detergent on offer. And I swear, this is true. I know no one will leave me. But I've just seen an old lady grab. having a container of laundry detergent, opening it, smelling it,

taking a little sip, and then putting it back in the aisle. Oh. And I, yeah. Thank you. Bye. Do we believe her?

I don't think she's lying. I just think she's descending into madness. I don't think she can believe her own. I feel it's just like a different version of the Tide Pod situation. But no one really did that either. People were doing that. People were doing that. Popular in red deer?

Yeah, in red deer, we were eating them. Did you ever ice each other? Do you know, the ice, was it what called? Rose icing bros? People did that. Oh, yeah. I still iced people. That's a commestable.

Yeah, that's fun. Nice. Someone's birthday, you got to ice them. Absolutely. Yeah. What is it? You get down on one knee? Yeah, you have to get down on one knee and propose.

And then you give them, then they have to chuck it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then you're wed. Yeah. I bet there was a lot of those, a lot of men kneeling down and then surprising their girlfriends with a bottle of smear enough instead of it. He's really proposing? No, babe. We're going to get drunk.

That's why it's pros icing bros. So the girlfriends are left out of it. Yeah. I just want to correct myself, the Hocken Shizi factory. Belleville, Ontario. Not even in the Maritime, Belleville, Ontario. Home of the Belleville Bulls. Yeah.

And how can she? I mean, not far from Pritzed Edward County. I don't think we're our caller who's saying called from. Is that not good? Okay, well, let me just send a few emails here. Crazy that lady, it drank the sauce. She drank the laundry sauce. The laundry sauce.

I don't believe it really happened. happened. Hey, hey, hey, hey, believe women. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Kind of messed up. Damn, you got my ass. Yeah. Okay, here's your final phone call. Oh, you know what? Here's with the thing that was going viral from the pit. Head smashed in Buffalo Jump. Heritage Site enjoys boost after shout out on the pit. Yes, because Dr. Robbie is going there. He's going on vacation. He's driving his motorcycle to go to head smashed in Buffalo Jump. Have you ever been? Yeah. When in, was that in a recent episode? Yeah, that's so this is his last day at work at his play. It's plan is tomorrow he's leaving on his motorcycle to head. It's in Alberta, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I went there on a field trip. You can stand under where the buffaloes jumped up. Yeah. It was, it's odd that it would see a surge in like January. Weird choice, weird choice. And also was it, Albertan's like, vacation in our own backyard. Let's go to Head Smashed in Buffalo. And also, I'm like, if you're going to Alberta, why aren't you going to Durham Heller?

Yeah, that's true. You can do both. You can do both. Yeah, but I'd say, I'm going to this dinosaur museum. I wouldn't say I'm going to head smash in Buffalo. So people who don't know, it's a place where, like an indigenous tribe would kind of round up Buffalo. Buffalo and the Buffalo would then jump off a cliff.

Yeah, they would stampede them off and then, yeah, pretty smart. They'd eat good. Eat good. Good. Wear it good. Yeah. Making lots of meatballs with those. Oh, yeah.

Oh, gamey. Gamey. And your final phone call. Hello, Dave. Graham and possible guests. This is Steve calling from Niagara, Ontario, calling with an overheard that I heard about a year ago. So I was a gas station in Welland, Ontario, and there were two men coming out of the store at the gas station. And they're both wearing like, you know, visibility, high visibility vests. They're clearly construction workers or working some kind of job like that.

and they've each got a six pack of beer, and they're about to get into their truck. And the one guy goes to the other guy, and he says, are you ready for the best night ever? And I don't know what they had planned. I don't know what their objective was for the night. But, yeah, apparently it was going to be a good time. So anyway, no freaking way.

I love his vibes. Yeah. Yeah. And I love this guy saying we're ready to have the night of your life. What could it be? Best night ever. Best night ever, man. Yeah.

Drinking beers. Drinking beers. That's it. That is the best night of. Getting off work. Yeah. We're going to run some buffaloes off of cliff. Wearing high visibility vests.

Yeah. Oh, man. It's those high vis vests you can get anywhere. You can see them very well. Very well. Wow. I was watching the Disney, like the building of Disney. Disneyland documentary.

Oh. And it was... It was the one about... It was... It was all the guys in it, old guys, just didn't like... What you would go golfing in. Cigarettes hanging out of their mouth. Yeah.

Climbing up infrastructure. No rope, no harness. Just like... Where'd you see this? On Disney. I guess it would be on Disney Plus. It's really good. Yeah.

Because it's all... And it's just the whole thing. They were like, and we screwed this up, and this didn't work. And we were trying to make this happen. And, you know. Just for opening day. Yeah. Yeah.

It was fun. If you want to see some old dudes. They were all old. There was no young guys on site. Are they like sitting on beams, eating sandwiches? Everyone looked old back then, though. It's true. It is true.

And they all had the same kind of haircut. It was like an old man haircut. Yeah. A lot of those, you know, Drew Carey glasses. And then they'd get off work and they were going to have the best night of their life. Well, yeah. Imagine. Well, we were at Disneyland all day.

I guess we'll hang up. out in the swamp? Yeah, I guess we'll go to The Orchards around here. Let's go reenact the tragic kingdom album cover. It was in the future, but somebody clairvoyant thought.

There's going to be this huge album. You guys ever heard of ska? But it's having a wave right now. A few waves away from a certain wave we're going to hit. Well, Emily, this is the end. to this year podcast.

This is it. This is it. Where you've got an album out. I have an album out. And it's called Deep in the Woods. Deep in the woods. You can get that anywhere. Whatever you want.

Okay. And it's also a special on YouTube if you want to look at me while you listen. Oh, nice. Yeah. Okay. And you have a big show about cans. I do a big show about cans. It's called the Cannes show.

It's called Cann Fest. Like the famous film festival. Oh, my God. I didn't get that either. But we're talking about. Cairns. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess Cairns Festival you would say, but without the film in there. Yeah.

Did you know that the, like the film festival, Cairn Festival, was originally called the Gizongas Fest. The Boioyoyoy. Yeah, when I tell people I run Can Fest, they go, okay, what does that mean? Like, is it about like soup? Yeah, it's about soup. And then I go, no, Can Fest. And then they go, oh. Oh, right.

Awesome. Yeah. And purves, welcome. Perverts, welcome. Yeah. Come on out. Thank you for being our guest. Oh, my pleasure.

Thank you, everybody out there for listening. If you are a pervert, right in. Keep it to yourself. That's a private thing that you need to. Yeah, that's true. Same as shit, shave and shower. Like, do what makes you happy in the way you can work it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have to, like, keep it a secret, take it to the grave. No. Like, you know, it's maybe not for public consumption. Put it in your will. Yeah. Yeah. Like, don't be too proud. Yeah.

By the way, Gray and kids, I was a pervert. Here's some, I leave you this deck of saucy playing cards. Yeah, so thank you to all the pervers out there. Come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcast of yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.