Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 943 - Alistair Ogden

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

Comedian Alistair Ogden returns to talk Princess Diana, stopping coffee, and science fairs. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord. Become a MaxFun member to get all our bonus content.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! And welcome to episode number 943 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. And with me is a man... You might know his signature noise.

Is the Mike Clink, Dave Shupka. Yeah, Mike Clink. He does it at the top of every show. It's kind of... I'm upset when he doesn't do it. Yeah, I was drinking a glass of water. stay hydrated in these, you know, in these tumultuous times. Yeah, that's true, in this dry economy.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's me. Nice to see you, everyone. We're recording this on Good Friday. Yeah. So the libraries are closed. City Hall's probably closed. Those are the two.

Banks aren't closed. Banks stay open. I don't know, because some things are closed. Yeah, some things are closed. But, like, and then East. Monday is closed. Yeah, but not a stat. But what is a stat?

It's when you need something in the hospital, fast. But like, my kids' schools close both days. Man, kids got it so good. Four-day weekend? Shit. Was it not a four-day weekend when you were a kid in Alberta? I don't know. Maybe it was.

Yeah. I don't know. I'll check the records. My parents got all my records. Anyway, if anyone listening to this, Easter was two weeks ago, we missed it. We had a great time. Yeah.

We're hunting for eggs, hunting for rabbits. Wattesqually webbets. Vasquely webbets. Exactly. You guys knew what we were up to, right? And our guests today, returning guests to the podcast, in April, May, he's going to be touring with the Just for Laf's Road Show. And they'll tell you what's going down in December. It's Alistair Ogden.

Hello, Alistair. Hello. Great to be here. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it's great to have you back. How are you? I'm great. I've just been here doing, did a show at University of British Columbia.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And just hanging out with my family. What was the show? Was it Alster Ogden tells you the facts about after graduation life, something like that? Alistairgden tells you the fact of life. Did you go to the University of British Columbia? No.

All right. I went to the University of Victoria. Oh, me too. Yeah. Go vikes. Go vikes. Finally. Should we get to know us?

Yes. Get to know us. Now, we both went to the University of Victoria where the mascot is the Vike. What was the name of the on campus pizza place? Oh, I don't know. Caps. Caps? Oh, yeah.

And it was short for Cappellar. I don't know. No, well, there was caddies, which were short for Caddy Bay. We were sure for Cadboro Bay. Yes. But I forget what. I don't know, caps. Caps.

So it's the campus has changed a lot. It has changed. It's changed probably, yeah, like, since I was there, it's different because my, both my siblings went there. My sister's going there right now. But when I went there, there was like the student. Did she, does she, her classes over? She has exams coming up? Yeah, I think she was doing her last exam, maybe yesterday or today.

Whoa, that's early. Yeah. Yeah. What does she take? How'd she do? God, what is she? taking now. She was, because she's in her second year and she was originally going to take business, I think, and now she's maybe doing psychology. So she's kind of still figuring out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny that there's a degree that's just called business. Like, here you go. And you meet the, the coolest people take a go. Yeah. Awesome. Really good personalities. I'm studying, like, I can see studying like math, but just studying this broad. And then they have an entire, you know, know, like a post, whatever, like a master's degree. Yeah, in business. There's a whole business school is what I'm trying to say.

Gustafson. But it's like funny that like everything is under the umbrella of business. Like every business. Yeah, everything from like a dry cleaner to. Exactly. To like a multimillion dollar company. It's all works the same. It's all business.

What did you take when you were there? Creative writing. Creative writing For a degree in creative writing Yeah, if you can believe it Did you finish? Yep And look at you now!

You're writing creatively all over the point. I am, yeah, I think I'm one of the only ones. Everyone else, I'm actually writing everyone else is just communicating. I think a lot of communications jobs from that degree. Well, there's a lot of like, there's like four kinds of stand-ups. There's the truth-teller. The communicator. Yeah.

The impressionist and the creative- And Friday those are the four. Isn't there like the like preacher? The preacher, I have been talking about that because I feel like the preachers are always the ones that do incredibly well on competition shows. Yeah. Like Canada's got talent. America's got talent. The preachers are always the ones where everyone's like, yes.

Canada's got talents canceled. Yeah, I know. I heard from a guy that worked on it. He was like they literally ran out of talent. Like they said the last. Oh, please. On the last season, there was a girl who made dinosaur noise. And you know who else was on the last?

season? Me. So they had you and then they're like, we hit the high note. How did you do? I got four yeses. And so you went through? Well, yeah, yeah. But, well, Howie Mandel gave me a standing ovation.

That's great. It was very surreal. But the way that they do it is they say yes to more people than they can actually put through. Right. So they said yes. But then I was technically an alternate for the semi-finite. I guess.

I knew a girl who used to say less yes to more that she could put through. Anyway, it doesn't work. So you did well. Because you were a preacher? No. I think that's why I didn't go further. Because my stand-up is, I don't know, just kind of like quirky dude. Yeah.

What is the example of a preacher-style thing? Chris Rock always thought was pretty preachery. He would repeat things and be kind of evangelical about things. I mean, Golden Buzzer, or Sterling Scott, I would say. Yeah, yeah. He definitely, he absolutely commands a room, so. So when you were on it, who were the judges?

I know howie and I think, uh, is myestro fresh? No, it's not much of freshman. Cardinal official. Yeah, yeah. And then who else is on it? And in between them was, uh, Catherine Ryan. Okay. And Shania Twain.

Oh, what? And let me tell you, I feel like that is probably why they couldn't bring it back is because, um, Shania Twain, I think was too expensive. Mm-hmm. They couldn't actually afford her for the semifinals. Oh, really? They didn't have her for the semifinals. So did they pretend she was kidnapped or something?

We don't know what happened to her. She was supposed to be here. The winner gets a kiss from Shadiah Twy. If she ever comes back. Whose bed of your boots been under? And also where is she? Yeah. Whose bed have I been under?

Whose bed is she hiding under? We can't find her for taping. But they do, like, they just go through hosts. The hosts aren't the stars of it. It's like America's Got Talent doesn't have any of the original hosts. Except no, yeah, Howie was an original. Was he an original? No, he wasn't.

It was David Hasselhoff, Sharon Osborne. No, she was an original, was she? She was on it pretty early on, I remember. And then there was the third, and I can't remember the, but I think there were only three judges. And Simon Cowell wasn't on it. I guess they have cycled through a bunch. Simon Cowell, I just assume, is on every competition show until proven otherwise. Yeah, but maybe he didn't get into the biz because he doesn't have a business degree,

so he doesn't know when to get in. So, they have so many former American hosts or judges. Here's Morgan, David Hasloff, Brandy, Morgan, Sharon Osborne, Howie Mandel, Howard Stern. Was he an early one? Melby. Mel B. Heidi Klum.

Julianne Huff, Simon Cowell, Gabriel Union, and Sophia Vergara. Oh, right. Sophia Vergara, remember her. Yeah. And it's funny because they're varying range of talent, some people would say. And maybe they're not equal talent-wise. I will say very funny to have Howie Mendel judging anybody on stand-up. Wow.

If you watch his stand-up. Throwing the gauntlet down. Well, I mean, I haven't seen him do stand-up for years and years, but the stand-up of his online is nuts. No, well, there was an episode where they did like an hour of America's Got Talent, whatever, 20th anniversary or whatever. and during the kind of talking part, Terry Cruz says, and we got Harvey Mandel, one of the greatest comics working today.

And then the clip that they showed was him like, sometimes I like to go to the hospital and pretend that I had too much helium. I'm like, wow, that's the clip that they fit. Either that were the glove blowing up on the head thing. Yeah, which he still would be doing, I think, if he hadn't, like, busted his blood vessel in his nose. Did he? Yeah, why he stopped.

It's also harder to do that. do when you're bald. Yeah, harder to get off. Yeah. Also, what if the time that the blood vessel broke, like, they're just like blood splattered all over the place in the glove? Well, is he also like, does he, I've never seen him without the sunglasses on anymore, do I?

He always wears, like, kooky glasses. He always got really silly glasses on. And his outfits are wild. Are you talking about Paul Shaver? Yeah, actually, the two bald. Cookey Glasses, wild outfits. We saw Paul Schaefer. Yeah.

At the David Letterman show, we did. Yeah. Oh, you guys went to David Letterman and Zach Alphenakis Live? Yeah. And he, we didn't know that Paul Schaefer was going to be there. Letterman brought him on the stage. Well, I also didn't know the Graham was going to be there. So that was another surprise guest for me.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, who's more of a Canadian treasure really? I'd say, yeah, me, Howie, of course. Janaya. Hard now. But then he came out at the end and he played it's raining men, which is a song that he wrote. Right.

Which is, you probably, you had never heard that song before I bet. It's raining men? Yeah. I've heard that song of course. Really? Okay. It's a classic? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Woo. Good. Good. I don't want to be out of step with society, you know? No, no. It's by the weather girls, who I believe only had that one song. They were writing.

What of the whole album they put out was all weather songs? It might have been. Summer wind Yeah They The one of them is I think Martha Wash Who was

Everybody dance now Oh really? Yeah I think You know that song Well everybody dance now Of course Okay all right

These are both classics This is good This is good dinner So you're You're in town You were telling us Before the show That your mother

Was dressed Today as the Easter buddy Yes Because she's Part Moody The Glenair Community council or something like that.

Okay. How many other people dressed up in a bunny costume? It was just her. She was the official Easter bunny of Glynnear. Okay. Is this a new thing that she's taking on? I think she did it last year too. Okay.

I wasn't here for it. Oh, damn. I just had a... I was just thinking your... Because we know everything about Santa. Yeah. We don't know anything about the Easter bunny. The Easter bunny is often portrayed as a huge...

human in a suit. Yeah, or as I feel like a lot of Easter bunnies are in a vest. Yeah, true. The Easter bunny, we don't know where the Easter bunny lives. We don't know how the eggs get here. No. We don't know. There's no one's tracking Easter bunnies.

Norad isn't tracking the Easter bunny going around the world. And it's also like the only one that I can think of where you don't have to be good or do anything. The Easter bunny just comes and kind of doesn't matter what you've been up to. I guess, yeah, it feels like less of, um, like with, With Santa, it's like everybody's trying to, like, sort of keep the lore, keep the secret for a while. Yeah. With the Easter Bunny, I mean, maybe there was a few years more. My parents were like, oh, the Easter Bunny came, like, as if it was a real thing.

Yeah. I want to stay up all night and catch it. Yeah. Well, and that's the thing. And catch her? How did he or her get into the house, right? We know that tooth fair is just really small and could probably fit through, like, you know, a keyhole. But how does the rabbit get in?

Yeah. And also, Easter buddy, what are your pronouns? Yeah, what are your pronouns? Can I get on a Zoom bill with the Easter Bunny? She her. Okay, thank you. And the type of eggs varies wildly from house to house. Well, yeah, the Easter Bunny has a wildly varied cloaca size.

Right, so we've decided that it all comes out, the rabbit's cloaca. The rabbit's birthing the eggs. And it's like a regular egg. It should be turning into a rabbit, but we eat them longer. Whoa. Yeah. But the reason I was a little crestfallen before I asked about that is I just remembered my daughter lost a tooth yesterday. Ah, shit.

We didn't do anything. No. She's nine. She's sort of, she's got one foot out. But you could also be like. Did she put it under her pillow or something? No, she forgot as well. Oh, well, so that's on her.

Yeah. That's on her. Well, how is the tooth fair you're supposed to know if it's not under the pillow, right? Right, guys? If you're an adult and you live with somebody who's trying to humor you and you lose a tooth, do they give you some fairy tale money? Not fair, tooth fairy money. I think that'd be a fun gag.

For anybody who's got a tooth knocked out of their head. I just pictured Graham's bed in his home with a pillow just littered with teeth. I do have. Not all mine either. I do have them all. I have them all. I've kept them all. I have a little bowlful.

of all the teeth. Oh, wow. Just you want some. Yeah. Like, anytime I feel like I need some calcium, I suck on a few.

Like they're tick-tacks. It's going to roll it around to your mouth a little bit. I was talking to Ivan Decker yesterday, and he was saying that, I don't know, I can't remember who. Maybe like someone had like a woo-woo theory or something. Maybe it was like some woo-woo parenting thing

where they think that if you don't feed your baby more solid food than they won't grow baby teeth because the teeth aren't needed, which I thought was really funny. As if your baby teeth are sort of sentient. Yeah, or they're like, it depends on how much steak you put in there. Yeah, exactly. I got to tear this apart somehow.

I had a little cousin and I would, like, when she was a baby, I would be like, gooo Gaga to her and her parents or my parents would be like, you talk in real words. Otherwise she won't learn, like, how to talk. Yeah, and you're like, I can't explain who Lady Gaga is. using that word. But is it the same way with teeth? You know, you have to give them real food to chew.

Otherwise, they're not going to learn. They're never going to learn. Oh, go ahead. I love talking to kids as if they're adult. I mean, I remember being a kid and anytime someone would go, like the little baby voice or whatever, I go, knock it off. At least that's how I felt. I don't know if that's what I said out loud, but I was like, just be normal. Do you have a bit that you do with kids?

Like, I've, you know, it's fun to ask them, are you 16 now? And I'm going like, no. And then like, when are you going to get a job? All these type of things they seem to really go for. No, I should. Really, I do just try to ask them genuine questions that I'm curious about, you know? Like, I really. Who takes the teeth?

I've really been, my cousin Harry in Victoria, last time I was talking to him, I was really trying to get to the bottom of the 6-7 meme. Oh, sure. Really trying to nail down exactly what that was about. And then he just kept telling me that all of the other type of number memes that are out there. There's just endless number memes now. We had 69. That's all.

And 420? Oh, there's extra. Yeah. Those have meaning behind them. Six seven just doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. And that's kind of the joke. Right.

My sister was showing me there's now. She was like there's 38 and 41. Yes, exactly. They're like finger motions to each of them. Yeah, that's the thing. is it's just endless and it's just I think there's something actually kind of lovely about it where it's like you can just

you can find entertainment and excitement out of literally nothing if you want to yeah yeah yeah that's what this show is all about I think like original six seven me of stop podcast currently the move fun number is

943 yes the uh I think it was David Cross who said like in an interview about being you know a castaway on a deserted island and that he could just entertain himself forever because he's seen all these movies and TV shows so he could just like remember though.

Not to like get new input. I was like, yeah, that is kind of true. When you're bored, you can sing a song, you know, or just think about it. Yeah, I do. I do like singing a song to myself. Honestly, I thought you go to. I've been working on the railroad roll. Okay, lately.

Lately, it's been Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung. Love it. Yeah. I heard that song at a music trivia in Charlotte Town, Prince of Rhode Island. And was that your first time hearing it? That was my first time hearing it. What's music trivia? So, um, we, I did a show at this place.

I mean, on, if you can imagine in Charlotte Town, uh, nothing is open past like 9 p.m. Okay. Especially on a Sunday night when we were there. And so. Not even the potato shack? We literally walked. The provincial legislature. We walked around the city and tried to go to every place that said they were open and

everyone was like, no. We're like Google says you're open till 10. They went, no. That's a joke. We're pranking you. But their one place beside the venue were performed was open and they were doing music trivia, which is basically just like bar trivia except all of it is music questions. So they'll ask you like, who sang this song or like what is the name of this song or whatever,

sort of varying degrees of difficulty. And so we heard everybody have fun tonight by Wang Chung. Did you get it right? Well, yeah, because they say the name of the band in the song. It was a really easy one. Yeah, this is the first question. Just to every get established. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a... I think it would be fun to have a bar or a restaurant, but the decor is chairs on, like, upside down on table, so it looks like it's always closed. That's fun. And the sign on the window says close. And your server is sweeping. Come on in

There is something so endearing to me When any time a server is just like kind of annoyed that I'm there Yeah Yeah I really want to just win them over Yeah I feel like Enough times I've been in a bar Where I've just suddenly were the last ones in the box And then you can tell that the staff is like

All right let's You know I'm mopping the floor now I'm like doing the cash They do a little play for you, a little one-person show. Hey, what's that song by Semi-Sonic? We're going to do music trivia tonight. Exactly. So you're, you've been to it.

You go all over the place. Every time I see a post you make, you're in a different city. Yeah. Telling the jokes. I've been touring like crazy. Yeah. So what, what is the tour like? Are you one-nighters?

You're doing weekends? What are you doing? So in the sort of fall and winter, I was pretty much exclusively on the road. I did a little bit of work opening for my friend Hassan Phil's. Well, it started off in the late summer. We were in the States like D.C. and Atlanta and L.A. and San Diego and stuff. And then I did a little bit in Ontario. And then we went to Alberta together.

And then from Alberta onwards, I was kind of on the West Coast doing all sorts of shows. Okay. Yeah. And then I, in the spring, I've kind of been doing like a weekend here and then back to Toronto and then a weekend there and then back to Toronto. How's Toronto? You've been there for three years? It's been good. I mean, I don't know if I have been there for more than two months at a time.

Sure. So, yeah. But I think that's a good way to experience the city of Toronto. Yeah, just like in spurts. In spurts. Yeah. I think especially during the winter, if you are there for like three or four months, it's, um, Heavy news.

Heavy place to be. Yeah. What's the, where's been like a place where you're like, I gotta go back. I got to get back here. It's, you can say it. One, three. One, two, three. Lethbridge.

I honestly didn't mind my shows in Lethbridge. See? When I was there. It's been a minute since I was in Lethbridge. But where's Lethbridge, south of Calgary? South of Calgary. Yeah. Windy City.

Very well. The windy. The windy city. Are there Chinooks? Uh, yeah, I don't know. I think I've never been to Lethbridge. Or maybe I have. I don't know.

My brothers went to school there. I know that. Yeah. And you know the nickname for the city? Uh. The windy city. He just said. Well, that or Methbridge.

Methbridge. Yeah. But, uh, no, honestly, places that are sort of like that, like smaller cities, but still maybe have, like, university or something in them are some of the most fun to play because the people. people there have like have a similar sense of humor to me at least that there's like maybe a portion of population that does and then they're also just really excited that you're there

yeah so places like Saskatoon uh Halifax yeah um I mean I even did a show in Moncton for the first time that was fun yeah yeah you've been hitting the spot this guy loves naming cities yeah name a few more cities you have a show coming up I here in I do in December yes I'm gonna be at the real theater I'm renting it out myself Really? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. We had not that long ago a guy named Jacob Balshian. He did the same thing. He rented out the Rio and was it, is that where you got the idea? Well, yeah, I mean, but I also like, you know, kind of grew up. I grew up in the suburbs and then I lived in Vancouver for years. And so the Rio is just kind of like the place to play. Yeah.

You know? And I feel like now I have a big enough audience that it makes sense for me to do a show there. Are you recording it? You're going to make a special out of this? I haven't decided yet. I think what I want to do is maybe film a few shows and then put them together kind of like one of my favorite specials is actually Adam Sandler's 100% fresh special. Oh, is that the one from like eight or nine? Maybe right pre-pendant.

Yeah, maybe pre-pendom. Yeah, and he goes from venue to venue to venue. Yeah, that one's really good. It was really good. I, for as much comedy as I've watched and participated in, I really don't watch specials at all anymore. Yeah. But I watched that one. Yeah, I watched this well because somebody really, like, because I don't really, I've never been a fan of Adam Sandler.

Like, I don't. I mean, me, I haven't really watched that many Adam Sandler movies and stuff. I think it was just like, maybe Sophie Buttle posted about or something like that. I told me to watch it. And I thought, okay, sure. And then I watched it on now I'll watch it back sometimes. I'll listen to it on streaming. Like, there's just a lot of really funny jokes and songs in it.

Sophie's weird. Why? She just kind of got like weird tastes Sometimes That's not a weird taste That and then I just remember one time She was on the show And like

Between like when we were recording She was like check out this Chris Delia cliff That must have been a long time ago I opened for him Did a weekend with him At the old comedy mix Delia Delia

Oh wow In your DM Yeah And he made He mouth kissed me on the way to the stage. I didn't ask him to. I didn't say no, though.

I liked it a little bit. He was, I think I've told this story, but he was presented by a young fan, a gigantic coal etching of him. Oh my God. In a frame. And I was like, how do you think he got to town? Do you think he took a steamboat?

Like, how do you think he's going to walk? Get out of town with this giant. When you said coal, I was like picturing like what you get in your stocking if you're a bed like charcoal. Yeah, charcoal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should have said charcoal.

I got, not to compare myself to Christalia, but I got, no, do it. Yeah, yeah. I got given a gift,

one of the first ever gifts I've got given by a fan in Halifax. Fan gave me a commemorative plate of Princess Diana. Ah, because you talk about how you look like Princess Diana.

Oh, I suppose you do. Yeah. The people's princess, really? Mm-hmm. When did you realize that you looked a little bit like Princess Diana. You actually, because I do a bit about it on stage. Do you wear the, uh,

the red sweater with the sheep on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I just, I just got given that. So yeah. But like, do you, when you bought that where you're like, oh, this is,

I, this is like completes the look? No, no, I was given it because of the Diana joke. Oh, okay. Yeah. Um, but I also dressed up as her for Halloween. Nice.

A while ago. And I just yesterday did a photo show. shoot as her. So I'm leaning into it like crazy. Yeah. That could be your thing. That's your hook. That's your fluffy.

Yeah. Man, that guy is, he's been dining out on that word for my gosh. The better part of 20 years. Yeah. But the original story of it actually is I was in London, England with my friend Hassan and his manager now, also my manager, Amr. And Amr just like noticed it, I guess. You just, I was, you know, you look like Princess Diana?

And I was like, no, I don't, I don't know about that. He's like, no, no, no, let me break up a figure. Yeah. Yeah. And then everyone at the dinner was like, I put a photo by, and they were like, yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Yeah. If you found a guy that looked like King Charles, you could be like a couple that goes to parties.

Or a woman. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Poor woman. Yeah. You're a spinning image of King Charles. Charles I hope there's not a woman like

There is Okay And actually she's hot, okay? So stop. Yeah. You guys wouldn't know or she lives in Canada. Woman with big ears, giant fingers.

Yeah. Huge nose. Does he have big fingers? Oh, he's got like... He's got something going on. Like very swollen fingers. Yeah. I think there's

there's, you know, some inbreeding that goes on amongst the royals. Allegedly. Allegedly, I mean, roll the tape. There's just a lot of weird-looking folks. Yeah. Diana was probably the most attractive. She was married into it. Well, yeah.

A lot of them were married into it, but also were related, is the whole point. Yeah. Did you, this photo shoot? Where, what magazine is this one? And what did you wear? Um, so the annoying thing was I couldn't even wear my red sweater because Eric Canada stole it briefly from me. Oh shit. They lost my luggage for a bit.

That's why you never check. Mm-hmm. I try not to. I try not to, but they said you have to do that. The plane's too small. Yeah. I, uh, recently was in Calgary. Uh, part of, and you'll, you'll experience this more and more as you go on,

part of visiting your folks is them saying you have to leave with something. like they're clearing out. So I took a pretty big stack of records and then put those in my in my suitcase and checked it. And then I didn't get it. Of course, it didn't arrive at the same time as me. And then when I got it, it was scratched to hell.

It was like no, there were no scratches on it. And there was like big yellow scratch on it now. Yeah. I bought a new suitcase for our recent trip to Mexico because the tickets I bought, it was so hard to get a good price ticket to Mexico and the ones we got, you had to check your bags. Yeah.

And so I didn't have a suitcase. So I went and bought one and I didn't realize they come in different sizes. Like I knew it was bigger than the, you know, the carry-on ones. Yeah. But I didn't realize it was a jumbo. Yes. Yeah. They're making some big suitcases now.

Yeah. Where do you buy suitcases now that the bay is closed? The thing a tall shop. I'll tell you where you buy them. Winners. Yeah. Or the airport. They've got a quite.

selection of luggage at the airport. You've got to bring your stuff in a garbage bag. I guess so, right? Loose. Laundry basket. Yeah. Oh, God, I hope they have one at the airport. Or take a suitcase, leave a suitcase bin.

I've been keeping getting tempted because my Instagram is suggesting mostly suitcases to me because it knows I'm traveling all the time. And I've been tempted. There's some ones where you like, sort of vacuum seal your suitcase for ultimate storage. Oh, yeah, I've seen those. You use just your vacuum? They think you have to maybe buy machines or something.

It's expensive. That's the thing is you go, you go, oh, that looks cool. I'll go through it, and then it's 400 euros or something like that. Also, does doing that make it, like, the creases so sharp or the ruffle, you know, any wrinkle in it so sharp? Because, you know, in a suitcase, you got a little bit of give. Yeah, right? But it's vacuum sealed. it's like that crease is going to be in that thing.

True. I've been getting advertised at $300 garden hose. And you didn't buy it? What is this hose doing? Well, it said from $77 and I was like, oh, maybe that's okay. And then the $77 one is the seven foot hose. What? Oh, wow.

You probably want about a 25 or a 50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they go up $11 per foot. Well, back, I mean, you get a bit of a disenfranchise. discount on the 50 foot hose. That's about $300. What is this made of? I guess I never knew how much a hose cost because I've never purchased a hose. They don't cost that much. No, this is for actual. This is like, you know, no kink. But I've got many kinks. Yeah, pure vanilla they call it. Pure vanilla hose. Want to know some of my kinks? Yeah, what are your kinks? Naked boobies. Okay. Weird. I mean, weird. Okay, but weird? That thing where the penis goes in the vagina?

Oh, yeah. The pump we call it. Can I just say the action you did with your hands was very funny? You just sort of did the praying hands coming together. That was penis and vagina for you. I think there's a standard penis and vagina hand signal. Okay, well. You want to know what it is?

Yeah. Okay. Graeme did the one you're thinking of it. Yeah. And this is Princess Tai and this is Prince Charles. Yeah. And these are the big ears. For the listener, it was opposite.

Yeah. Princess Die was the finger. Alastair, what are your kinks? But. Oh, what? Okay. Okay. Yep.

So, I'm just trying to think of what I've been advertised to lazy. And what it was is I read an article in Esquire about going bald, and I've been getting nothing but. bald treatments, balding treatments. And I don't know, man, there's a part of me that wants to go for it, you know? Have more hair. But there's another part of me that doesn't want to spend that line.

Do you ever go to our Instagram account? Yeah. Our shared one? Yeah. Because we, like my personal Instagram account, I get whatever. Like, not even ads, but just like the algorithm will serve me stuff. Yeah. Our, like.

like the stop podcasting yourself account. Like the first day we opened the account, like hundreds of people followed us. And I tried to follow everyone back and it wouldn't let me. Right. So now I just follow. We follow back like a, just a random assortment of our listeners as well as guests

and other podcasts and whatever. But so there's really nothing that has to go on about what to, to advertise to us or to serve us. So we get a lot of this, really bad comedian, some really bad musicians. Okay. Name names.

No, they're like, people you've never heard of who are like, I'm sitting the Vancouver rap seat on fire. And then that's uncheckable. And it's like, are the lyrics AI? The person is real. Yeah. But why would they put their face out there? I get some of those just as, yeah, part of the algorithm, not even advertised, just music that is sort of so bad that it's entertaining. Yeah.

We get a lot of that. And then one thing we get a lot of, I'm just going to play this clip because it made me laugh so much. Okay, I'm going to turn it up. All jokes aside, circumcision never should have been normalized in the country of America. So you're getting, we're getting uncircumcised? We're getting the intactivist movement. Well, let me tell you, I've had an encounter with the intactivist movement also. Go on.

Because, like, a couple years ago now, when I broke my collarbone playing soccer. I remember this. Yeah, I had to get surgery. And then I had to get another surgery to get the metal plate taken out of my shoulder. Dave stopped looking at circumsides videos. There's so many, though. Focus. Focus, Dave.

Talking about my foreskin. Yeah, we got to learn about Alster's foreskin. We also get some. Okay, go ahead. When I was getting the second surgery, because it was like less. of a crazy surgery. I was more chill about it. I took a bunch of photos of myself in the,

you know, hospital gown like pre-surgery or whatever. And then just, I posted, I think first on my Instagram story or something like 30 is or 29 is not too old to get circumcised. And people sort of thought it was real, sort of thought it was a joke.

But then I just posted like a series of photos on my Instagram and my TikTok and on both, but especially on TikTok. people thought it was real. Of course. They thought it was the story of me going to get circumcised. And then I said one of the things I said was foreskin postpartum is real. That's nice.

And then I said I'm calling them to see if I can get it put back on. It was a mistake. I know many people. Well, not many. I think I can think of three people I know who've had, who've been circumcised like after infancy. Like just for. aesthetics? No, for like health reasons, like pain Right, right. Yeah. Penis pain.

Penis pain. You know what? Don't, don't not pay attention to that pain. Yeah. I'm going to play you another clip that we've... But what did these activists that they come back in their writing? Sometimes I'll just get notifications of someone commenting like a whole paragraph about how like messed up it is and all this stuff. Right. Like taking it absolutely at face value really seriously. Yeah. Okay. I think I've been followed by a couple accounts too. Here's another kind of thing we get a lot of.

If you love Disney and Jesus, you are in the right place. If you are Disney and Jesus, welcome back and thank you for supporting. If only there was a crossover event, you know, Becky, living out the Christmas story or, they probably do, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, what's Mickey doing on Good Friday? I'm chilling. This is the one day he doesn't have to work. We're just going to let the Easter Bunny take over for the day. Have you, uh, I haven't been. been to Disneyland since I was a young, young kid, but I watch

on the airplane, they have like a Disney-fied kind of announcements like... On Air Canada? They had, for a long time, one that was like something in each province. Yeah. And the one that I've seen a couple of times is a grandfather taking his granddaughter to Disneyland.

Oh. And it's not, it's for sure just paid by a Disneyland because it doesn't work as well as the other one. It just kind of interrupts the storyline to say, do this or do that. But I didn't know that their mascots now can blink. Huh. Wow.

The characters. Like the suits. The suits. Huh. Yeah. Which is a... Interesting thing to add. Yeah.

But the real life, uh, like pretty ladies who play, you know, Ariel and stuff, they can't blink anymore. The ones who use their real face. They're being, um, yeah, their eyes are open, clockwork orange style. Yeah. At Disney. I mean, there's no videos that are quite as fun as a kid freaking out when they see a mascot, either positive or negative.

Yeah, a kid who's like their whole life, they've been so excited to meet the mascot and then they do and I get some TikTok compilations of like, it'll be Optimus Prime or what's, no, what's the, what's the bad guy from

Decepticon Prime? What is his name? What's his name? The listeners are screaming it to us right now. His name is Mr. Roboto, Mr. Roboto. Yeah. His name is, is he's, Margotta. One of the bad guys is Star Scream.

Is he Star Scream? Is it the main guy? He turns into a giant gun, I feel like. Gun-o. Yeah. Mr. Roboto. Okay, we got to look it up. What is his name?

But they have one of these theme parks. And he's very sassy. Oh, they, that's a compilation of him being sassy. Megatron. Megatron. Megatron. Yeah, it's like Megatron being mean to people. What park does Megatron hang out on?

Use Universal. I feel like it must be universal. Stanley Park. Oh, shit. Did he really? Yeah. He's loose in the woods. Megatron's loose in the woods of Stanley Park. I used to get advertised a band that was made up of people that were dressed like Transformers.

You got their cataritized, yeah. And I was like, yeah, I would go to this, but they weren't playing in Vancouver. And I'm not getting a, you know, I'm not going to be a deadhead for the Decepticons. Oh, can you imagine? What were they called? The Deaf Tons. Oh, sure. Optimus Prime in the.

boys. Yeah. Yeah. But their lead singer is a woman, uh, transformer. And I don't know. They're probably called like the Autobots or something like that.

Um, do they, what kind of songs were they doing? Uh, the one I, the, robot is such a dumb name. Like,

yeah, these are the guys I like. Sounds like, and it sounds like an insult, like, get this Autobot. Yeah. Yeah.

You can't think of, you know, think of anything creative because he's an autobot. Um, but they, septicons is cool. Yeah. And even Megatron.

is cooler than Optimus Prime. Maybe I like badness. Yeah. And you like... I don't like where this podcast is going. And I think planes are cooler than cars. And a big gun is cooler than a truck. Dave, nothing's cooler than a truck.

The, uh, um, like Michael Bay with those movies really set a standard for like insane fight scenes. And now that's every fight scene in any movie. It's just all, it's all. What the hell's going on? Just like billion different cuts. Yeah. And I don't think he gets enough cred that guy. Death by a billion cuts.

That should be his autobiography. Yeah. Yeah, it's a... But when I would watch those movies, as soon as the action happened, I was like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know who's winning. I have no idea who's doing what to whom.

I guess I haven't watched an action movie in a minute. No? I was watching all the, like, Oscar Noms. I was trying to watch all the. What was your fave? Honestly, Hamnet. You got the bag. I absolutely loved Marty Supreme.

But then I watched Hamnet and made me cry three separate times. Oh, yeah? That's got to be the one I love. Did you see any theater? You see it at home? In theaters. You sobbed openly and the, oh, wow. Okay.

That's got to be the one. That will like, uh? But you can't just judge, like, the best movie by the one that made you cry the most times. I like, I like a movie that's able to, like, really make me feel. Really deeply. What if it makes you feel something that's not crying? Yeah. How do you judge?

What if your, well, it becomes too tight. That happens when I see some of these naked boobies. Yeah, yeah. This transformer band. No, I mean, I guess so. I think it's just that I personally not always able to be in touch with my sort of sad,

melancholy feelings in the way that I want to. So when a movie is able to do that for me, it feels awesome. My pick for Best Picture was Naked Gun because it made me laugh 12 times. And you know what? That fucking Paramount Plus has got a stranglehold on that. You can't see it anyway. You've got to get the actual DVD to watch it. And I was just like, maybe I'll get us.

That was funny. I like that. I think this one was kind of divisible, but that movie, friendship with Tim Robinson. That one made me laugh a bunch. That was funny, but I think people were to laugh, but not as much as everyone else in the theater left. Yeah.

There was, people were on edge being like, is this a joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the movie that you've seen in the theater that,

uh, like the crowd as a whole have had the most like visceral reaction? Probably a friggin Barbie movie. Yeah. I mean, I really, I really enjoyed the Barbie movie. But that,

that one really felt like a phenomenon when everyone was like dressing up for it and going to see it in a packed theater and everyone's laughing and like feeling all the feelings. It was cool. When people were, when people were dressing up in suits to go see the minions movie. Yes. And there was, as discussed previously on the podcast,

previously on the podcast. There was a minion figure skater that did a routine to like the theme from the minions. Whoa. wore like a minions outfit. It was the best. You got a minion in me. You got a minion in me. This isn't copyright.

I think one of mine was seeing paranormal activity. Oh. There's a lot of, you know, everybody going crazy. When I saw a quiet place, uh,

that was similar where it's so quiet. But then there were some, this was a moment, honestly, and this was like quite a few years ago now, but it was a moment where I was like, oh, I really feel like an adult now because there were some kids,

like teenagers that were sitting, you know, in like the front, very front section of the movie theater. There's like a little gap. And I guess I was at the, the bottom of the main section. And so they were like,

chatting during the quiet moments, which in that movie, you're like, that is the ultimate do do not do that. Uh-huh. And so I, in the middle of the movie, like, walked across and went up to whim. And I think I actually just went, shut the fuck up. Be like the movie. Quiet. Yeah.

Are you scared? Yeah. Have you learned nothing from John Cresistke? I do love a moment when you're like, it's like, you're, you're allowed to be mad at someone, like you're righteously mad at them, you know, because there's not that many moment. Like, like when you're driving and then you're allowed to honk the horn at someone, like you know you're definitely in the right

to honk at them. Feels really good. I'm a hairpin trigger. Somebody's talking behind me. I'm turning around right away. No, I say a shush. I'm fine with it. I'm, I gotta give them a bit of time. Okay, that's nice. I'm sort of a gentle parent when it comes to that. But it's

because then I'm in my head the whole time. They're mad at me. They're going to throw popcorn at me. Yeah. I just, I always have to calculate. I'm like, okay, am I absolutely in the right to do this, you know? Yeah. And then I pull the trigger on it once I do. Like, when you say pull the trigger, you mean?

Megatron. You got a Megatron gun? You shoot a guy? We got to use the silencer because you're in a movie. Yeah, it's a quiet place. Yes. I do it tastefully. Yeah?

Like your nude seed. Shut the fuck up. You, hey, chop. You can down here and see that to me. I've been $20 for this ticket. Well, so did I. Oh, you got a lot. Damn it.

Yeah, I turned into one of the wet bandits. Oh, yeah. I love those guys. They should have their own spinoff at TV show or something like that. Yeah. Just completely getting into more, you know, more real crime murder. Imagine. They should do that.

They should reboot Home Alone, but it's not any of the kids. It's just the two of them in prison years later. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, they got out of prison pretty quick because they went to New York, didn't they? Yeah, they escaped. and went to New York. They escaped?

Yeah. Oh, geez. I guess, or, yeah. I haven't, they've been doing like countless sequels. Yeah. With different families and stuff. Yeah. But I guess different bandits every time.

But I guess to a kid, what version of this they're watching? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they should do a gritty prison movie about the wet bandits. And they're setting up traps for everybody. They've learned how to do traps. Well, they did get out of prison. They broke out. Yeah.

But, boy, who has played the wet bandit in the successive movies. I'm guessing French Stewart. I was going to say French Stewart. I literally, we almost said it at the exact same time. Of all the actors, French Stewart. He's the most like a sequel. Yeah, from TV to direct a video.

Yeah. And if you watch it on air Canada, they also have the English Stewart. Well done. Do you know who French Stewart is? Nope. Did you ever see Third Rock from the Sun? No. He knows Wang Chung, but he doesn't know that.

Well, if they had French Stewart on music trivia, I'd know about it. Yeah, that was an okay sitcom. I believe that was... I believe it ruled. Yeah, it was fun to watch. It was John Lithgow, pre-Dexter and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was young Joseph Gordon Levitt.

Right. Oh, okay, all right. Yeah, I'm aware of this sitcom, but I haven't watched it, yeah. It's one of those, like, it's high-concored. We're like, they're aliens and they're trying to hide amongst us, but they're very bad at being human. And that's not, there's also one called Coneheads. Coneheds was a movie. Oh, okay.

And it's a sketch. Based on an S&L sketch. Oh, by the way, listeners, we did a bonus episode a few weeks ago where we, now that there's S&L UK. Yeah. We went and back and watched a few clips from, or a few episodes of S&L Quebec. Quebec. Which was a real thing that happened in 2014. Oh.

And we released it as a bonus episode. And then people wanted to see the actual video of it. So we've released that on our YouTube channel. And by the way, we have a YouTube channel. It's got four videos. Nice. That's awesome. Yeah.

So that's open. Even if you're not a Boko, a Max Fund member, you can watch that. Yeah. What is SNO Quebec on? It was on, well, it's on YouTube now. Oh, but it was on Tele Quebec. Okay. And then, you know, it was on direct of Montreal, on SMDy Soire.

Very good. They did a combination of original sketches and then, like, classic sketches from S&A. Oh, really? They re-shot. They did sh sweaty balls. They did cowbell, got to have more cowbell. Do they have a translation for sweaty balls? No, it was...

Dave was translating on the fly. It was her... It was a woman was the guest, and she was talking about her bool, which means balls, but in this thing means, in this instance, it means boobs. Okay. And the two hosts were, you know, oh, let's put one each in our mouths. And, oh, they're actually really hard. Well, when they get to room temperature, they'll be soft again. And they, you know, put them in their mouths and take a bite and go, oh, there's some milk in there?

It was very good. Nice. Okay. That's fun. And cowbell, they do not have the rights. to use Don't Fear the Reaper. So they just use a generic song. Yeah, the sets are all kind of like not very good and the costumes are not great.

The bell de Vash. Is that what it is? Le Cloche Vash. Oh, sorry. Well, good attempt, though. That's more than I. I guess Bell means beautiful. Yeah, the beautiful cow is what I just said.

The Beautiful of Cow. Have you, has either you watched any of the UK? I don't have time. time for this. I watched that you had a Diana impression. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

If you Google Princess Diana comedian, it's that guy and then me second. Oh, really? Yep. Wow. Yeah. If you search on YouTube for the words prop comic,

a sketch that I did like 10 years ago of here. Yeah. It's called Graham Clark prop comic. Nice. I've been contacted by, um, uh, I think it was Canada's got talent or maybe it was America's got talent.

Yeah. Contacted by both. Never gone on either. Uh, As a prop comic? Yeah, they asked, like, are you really, like, we want to pitch you as a prop comic? And I was like, oh, but the sketch? I was like, yeah, exactly.

I'm like, but I'm not. That's the sketch. And then she said, I'm going to pitch you anyways. Yeah. Yeah. It must be hard booking that show. Oh, my God. Like trying to come up with things that the audience hasn't seen before.

Yeah. And, uh... Think of how many buskers you have to discover. It was a wild show. We were on, on air for, well, not. on air, but I was, like, on set for 12 hours. And what is it like... To do how much comedy?

Five minutes and a million interviews and all this, like, backstage. Did you have to come up with, like, a sad backstory? Well... Well, in 1997, I was killed in a car with Doty Fayette. That's why I probably should have. No, I didn't really have a backstory. And also, they kept wanting me to make it like, um, like a relationship type thing. because like years, like two years before that

I had been like broken up with and then even like on stage I think I just mentioned that I had been broken up with and I'd been fired or something like that. You just gotta try to cover all the picture. I get no respect. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. And then Howie Mandel tried to like intro me into the set. He tried to be like, well, you'll show her. And then I cut him. I was like, no, that's not really the vibe. And then howie's like, and here she is. Are you sad you broke up with him now?

She's been waiting backstage with a glove over her face. Oh God, oh God, oh, no. That's covered in blood. But yeah, what's the energy backstage? Is it like everybody just like so amped or is everybody that? Well, I actually... People are juggling. Yeah, yeah, this is what I'm figuring.

The taping that I did was with the eventual winner, this guy, Jacob. I cannot remember his last name. What did he do? Singer, beautiful singer from Newfoundland. Sure. And he kind of looked a little bit, he looked like a little bit like Barry Keogan, just a little bit. In like a complimentary way, Barry Keogan's looking kind of different now, but at the time. He's a lot shinier these days.

But, um, all I have to say, this guy, he was a very cool, mysterious energy. And it was me and Matt Wright as well. We were on this taping. Very funny comedian. So we're hanging out and I thought, I knew that Jacob was going to do well. My first inkling was that I mentioned like, oh, I haven't quite figured out what my like backstory is really. And then in just like such a serious way he won't, you know, it's difficult for all of us to delve into the past. There you go.

There's your hook. That's, this guy's awesome. Yeah. I actually don't find it that hard. Most days are fine. Like, you know, I've had like, I have a handful of bad days. I probably don't want to delve into those. I got to get his name right.

Jacob? Yeah. Jacob, Keog. And I want to look up that Barry Keoggan tweet that someone had. I'm not looking up anything. I'm just straight ahead mainlining podcast. I don't need these, these toys, these fixations. I can just sit here.

Talk for hours. You just leave me in here, keep the mic on. I'll just chat away. Jacob Lewis. Jacob Lewis. Jacob Lewis. And the handsome Jacob Lewis.

The tweet goes like this. Sabrina Carpenter. So what's the Joker? Barry Keoghant. He's sart of like an evil porcson. True. Porses spelled with an O and sart with an A.

I, like a billion years ago there was a show called Last Comic Standing. Yes. And they did a recording in Montreal and, And I was one of the people in the recording, and they had a camera backstage. And I was like, I do not want to be on a camera.

Like, because we're all waiting to go on. I was like, I'm not interested in having a camera. The way that those comedians mugged for the camera, it was insane. It was insane. They couldn't claw over each other enough to get in front of that camera. Yeah. Yeah, I, they're doing another, like, comedy competition show on Netflix with Kevin Hart that I was, like, sort of pre-screened for. Oh, yeah.

Well, you got to get pre-screened for your camera. Kevin off. That's if you learned anything on this podcast. But they didn't want any Canadians. Oh, really? They just wanted Americans. Yeah. Or at least people who had like...

Season four, they'll come for the Canadian. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll see. Once they need to broaden it up, I guess, or whatever happens with that. But you have a few friends on that show. So I'm kind of excited to see it. My friend Kevin Hart's on that show. Nice.

God, that's cool. He's making, I think, the most money of anyone on that show. It's hard to tell. Yeah, I think so. It is funny how like most comedy shows It's like sort of regular cool car And then they need like the Rose Battle Canada It's like Russell Peters

Yeah Is like the king of the show Yeah It was when I did that tape thing And so many jokes about how much money he's making on that show That's nice That's what you want in a comedian I'm so rich

How rich are you? And his Esmer was just like Yeah His little host jokes were like Russell's making so much money we want to focus on the money Yeah And then a little cut to Russell

He's like Mm hmm Rubbing his hands Who Yeah Um Yeah It's

They also They also I think Rebooted Star Search on Netflix Yes I saw that Oh really Yeah

But like without it being Like Star Search When you just had four channels Like Or four channels. You're on 4chan. Star Search 4chan. They're looking at 4chan for the next star.

I remember seeing somewhere that Lord posted royals on 4chan before it was released. And that helped it. No, if someone just found it, it was like a relic being like, what? Well, just to be like, do you guys like my song? I remember, so this one word came into my head the other day. Because, like, you would, when you were on a blog, it would have all, every blog post would have like a bunch of places they would want you to share the post to. Share it to, I don't know, 4chan, maybe. One of the things was share it to stumble upon.

And to this day, I've never, I've never known what stumble upon is, but it just, it just came back. Is that like, yeah, is that like E-BOM's world? It might have been E-BOMS world related. Oh, yeah, E-BOMB. I never went on that, but I like the name. name. There was the Why did you like my name?

E-Bom? E-Bom's world. I don't know. It's funny. What's funny about it? What does that mean? I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question.

I assume E-Bom is a guy, much like... Like, I think what I like about it is it it feels like from a time when... Because everything now is like so efficient, you know? All the names of everything. It's just like cool, one word,

maybe two syllables. And you're like, this is what it is. Like KFC. E-BOM's world, it's like, what is that? It's not clear from the name at all. It's like bad branding, but it's nice. It's like from a time back when you didn't have to have.

Like, is this really efficient branding? Apparently, this is a comedy website? Or is it like, am I going to see videos of people getting decapitated? Exactly. It's a mystery. You don't really know. It's E-Bomb's world. We just live in it when you say. Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, I was hanging with my friend E-Bomb. What's he up to? He's unfortunate. Oh, he's retired. He got, he cashed in the E-Bom's World was bought by, you know, Amazon. Yeah, yeah. What's going on with me is, okay, so my whole life. Oh, Jesus.

Okay, this goes way back. You know what? No, my whole life. My whole adult life, I drink coffee. Do you drink coffee? You're drinking one right now. It's actually a peppermint tea. Wow.

I do drink coffee, yeah. I am a coffee first thing in the morning. and then at a, you know, sometimes in my life I would have two or three a day. Yeah. Then I was, most of my last, you know, 15, 20 years, it's been two a day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon. The last couple of years I've been thinking, I'm not really craving the afternoon coffee. And then a couple weeks ago, I had my morning coffee and it just sat there and I didn't drink it.

And I was like, I don't really want this coffee. Huh. And then the next day, I'm just out of habit. I made another coffee. And I was like, I don't really want this. Hmm. And I, so I've just like, your heart's not in it.

A switch flipped one day. And I'm just kind of like, I would taste it. I was like, doesn't taste as good as it used to. Is something wrong? Abby drinks the same coffee. She says it's the same.

Did it switch was bad to the last drop? You had it on a good for so long. Oh, darn it. Yeah. And then so I, uh, I was like, maybe I'll buy different beans.

That makes no difference. Huh. I, And I just like, don't crave it anymore. I'm exhausted at seven at night. Like, I'm ready for bed. But I, I don't know. Like, I want to get back into coffee.

Yeah. It's not like, I'm not trying to cut it out. I'm actively trying to get it back. I just don't like it. Hmm. What's happening to me? I don't know. A very unique experience.

I know. Or is it? Is someone out, hey, if you're out there and you've had the, if your body's gone through the change, we were talking about. change last week. You hit coffee puberty. I hit coffee metapause, I think. Coffee metapause.

So it's, uh, it's no coffee tastes good anymore? Well, when we were in Mexico, the, the grocery store that we went to every day was right next to a Starbucks. And I felt very stupid going to Starbucks in Mexico. And I was, because I don't like Starbucks here. I never have. But in Mexico, it tastes completely different. And I liked it.

Yeah. So I had that every. day, but then when I got back here, I don't, yeah. What if you become a monster energy guy? That I don't want it. I don't like... Just try it for a week. And the other day, I was like cold in the afternoon and I was like,

I don't want coffee. I just boiled water and drank it. Can I just say I've done that too? I've absolutely done that too. You just drank? Both of you just drank hot water. It just good. Just to be like, so I'm not a complete psycho. Yeah, but sometimes you do just want a hot drink, but usually the hot drinks either are caffeinated or they are really sweet.

I never find myself wanting to warm up via beverage. I don't like, I don't want a warm beverage. What about your bones? What about your weary bones? My weary bones can take care of themselves. You're not in the winter or you're not like, oh, it's like stew and soup season. I can warm myself up with it. I don't crave that.

I don't like, you know, it's fine if there's. if it's tea, but I don't like, oh, I need something warm. Have you, uh, have you always just loved coffee and like, cause I always have. Yeah, I drank it and I started drinking it in high school, uh, because I, like, I am not morning guy in any way, shape, or form. So then I started drinking coffee just to get up, like, actually like awake. Um, and then I've been, I've been drinking ever since, but I can take or leave it. I don't crave it or I don't get a.

headache or whatever if I don't have it, which I know some people have like really bad withdrawal and that doesn't. Oh, that was also a thing. It was like, I'm tired at seven at night and I have a headache in the middle of the day. Just because my body wants caffeine and I do too. But maybe this is, maybe you're going to have like a renaissance. You're going to like discover a single shot of espresso or something like that. Oh, maybe I should do that.

Yeah. That's a thing. I read, I read some kind of article a while ago about. a guy who, you know, fully cut out coffee. And I think it takes, chemically takes something like three months for your body to recalibrate, not having coffee. Um, yeah. And then he said that he, he had coffee after that three month period.

And it felt like he was doing cocaine. Oh, wow. I want to get to that point. I also have never felt like it, like that peppy about it. Like, yeah. And people have told me, oh, you, then you have ADHD. If you feel unaffected by caffeine. Yeah

But yeah That's a good idea Because we have an espresso machine Yeah And so maybe I'll just Like But I kind of just like the I've always liked having a mug

Yeah Yeah Sitting on the couch before everyone else Wakes up A lotte That's what I usually do Americano Oh okay

But now I think I might do Just a shot Just a shot of espresso Tiny mug Yeah I did A couple weeks ago I was early for an appointment And I was like

I don't have enough time To down a coffee Like Get a little shot of a espresso and I loved it. I loved you just sip that thing for like 10 minutes and you're off. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun too. Sometimes they'll give you

the tiny to go cup. Oh, I should have done that. The tiny to go cup is so funny. You're like, I'm a giant. Is that what they give stuff to to a dog? Is that the size of Pop cup? Honestly, yeah, I guess so. It's like, I guess because there's some places where you can drink

alcohol in public. Will they give you a shot in like New Orleans? Will they give you a shot in like a little fixy cup. They'll put espresso on a ski and then four of you all drink it at the same time. What is, uh, oh, someone on our Discord posted, there's a new Blizzard you can get it. A dairy queen. And it comes with a little, like a little cup on the side of, um, kind of, I think it was mint. But it was like the, the mint version of the stuff that you dip the cone in.

Oh. Oh. And so you take your. blizzard and you dip it in this extra cup. Huh. Wow. So that's happening. That's happening.

That's new. It's new. It's kind of weird. It makes it hard for me to eat it while I drive. Yeah. I'm just trying to get home in one piece. Yeah. I'm trying to think of like,

I don't crave water, I think, is the only liquids. Oh, if I'm hungover, Coke. I want a Coke so bad if I'm hungover. over. Yeah. Coke was always my thing when I went to Denny's. Yeah. Denny's goat.

I would get, uh, I would get like bacon and eggs and a Coke. Yeah. Just because I, like coffee with salty stuff didn't work for me. Give me that sweet, sweet Coke. Yeah. Coffee with sweet pancakes. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Do you ever, uh, like, do you go to diners or do you have a diner face? I love going to diners. Do you ever go to the Denny's, uh, by Mayfair Mall in Victoria. Maybe. Oh, that was the best one. Yeah, over there. Oh, no, I don't know if I have been to that diner, actually.

I think my big diner phases have been in, like, New York and Toronto. Oh, yeah. After shows. Like, I, um... A little diner town. Went to the Lakeview diner once with, um, Ryan Williams. Maybe a couple of other people. And, uh, it was like after shows.

It was maybe midnight or 1 a. and I got a decaf coffee and a slice of apple pie. That sounds great. Oh my God. And I said, we're in a movie. Yeah, yeah.

This is a movie. I'm about to fall in love. Yes. Baby drivers outside. Yeah, but I really do love a diner after a show. Sometimes people would go, oh, we're going to go for a drink or whatever. I'm like,

I always wanted to just go get food. I need carbs. I went to a Denny's in Winnipeg. Yeah. After a show, that was fun. It was basically a truck stop Denny's almost. I haven't been to Denny's and still. Is there still one on Marine Drive?

Yeah, I assume. I don't get the Denny's newsletter. Is there still one on Broadway? I've been to the Denny's by Lohitown Center. What's your go to when you're at a Denny's specifically? It's Meg's. Yeah, probably just like a Grand Slam. Yeah, classic Grand Slam.

The closest ones are. Or pancakes. Davy Street and Broadway. There's no longer. longer one on Marine Dr. Fuck. Fuck. There's one in Burnaby.

Yes. Yeah, I feel like Denny's was, when I was growing up in Calgary, was like the place. There's like two places you could go as a teenager. Denny's or Perkins. Those were the two where you could sit and smoke cigarettes. Oh, wow. Whoa. Graham is from the 1950s.

Yeah, smoked cigarettes. You can read about them trying to get to the moon. Fools, Aaron. But it was, they were the only place. People are trying to get at the moon right now, is that right? Yes. Well, our thoughts are impressed with them. Yes.

And you know what? I think they're going to fake that moon landing, too. We've never been to the moon. Prove me wrong. Well, they're still not going. They're just going to look at it. Sure. They're not going to get on it?

No, they're just looking at it. Yeah, I could do that. Making sure it's still there. Oh, is there a video of somebody explaining how the toilet works on this? flight, I guess. Was it a pervert? Yeah. It was E-bomb.

E-bom's world is just toilet stuff. Sure. Well, this is technically E-bom's out of this world. Nice. But it's like the toilet, like you got to kind of hold yourself to it. And she said in space, you don't know how I do it in on this planet.

But she says it's, you don't know what is up and what's down because everything rotates. Oh. And so including the toilet. So there's a very specific mechanism and apparently sucks you? Yeah. Like sucks you dry. To completion. It has like a vacuum

system. You use on your luggage and butthole. These astronauts are doing you that are on the toilet all the time. Get out of there. Have either of you seen the movie project? It's my turn. The movie Project Hail Mary. Yes. Is it good? I liked it, too.

This is my hot take on Project Hail Mary. Okay. And I guess this won't really work on an audio medium, but Project Hail Mary is like... Do you know the movie Graham? I know it's Ryan Gossling. Yeah. It's like interstellar if every once in a while Matthew McConaughey was like, oh. Give it the P sign.

He just sort of a movie. He sticks his tongue out. He's just a little bit random. It's like interstellar or a rival if they were also cast away. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I could see.

I'm not going to go to, do you see it in the theater or is it online? It's a time. Really? Yeah. It's a fun one to see in the theater for sure. Maybe I'll go. For a couple weeks, the R-slash Cineplex subreddit, which I don't think I joined, but. Somehow you're on it.

It's offering it to me a lot Was just people being like They would show a map of The seats available for Project Hail Mary And they'd circle a seat And they'd be like Would this be a good seat for Project Hell Mary? That's what the Reddit is for?

Reddit, don't ask Reddit anything. Reel it in. That's crazy too Because it's like Yeah, someone's going to take it then. Oh yeah. Is this one good? Oh, it's gone.

I have it for the next five minutes. There's a counter. Someone answer fast. Yeah, okay, maybe I'll go see it in the theater. And I think it's one of those movies that, um, like, well, I don't, I don't know how, I hope that it has like a long lifespan because it is a good movie, but it also seems like one of those ones that could just be like a fun theater experience and then you'd have Oh, that kind of thing.

It feels like it's on the verge. How many times did you cry during that? I think almost once. I think I was half of one as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was almost cry in that. He's so selfless. He has to be so selfless.

And then he finds a friend. Oh, that's fun. It was when the friend... Wilson. Is it somebody played by BB8? It's just a robot? Is it a robot? I won't spoil.

Not exactly. Not exactly. Not at all. Huh? Don't spoil it. You know what I mean. He's not a robot. He's rocks.

He's a rock guy. Oh, he's a rock guy. Okay. Like in the Hulk. Like Lemmy. Yeah. He... I read a quote from him that he said, like...

Lemmy? Yeah, he said, I eat potatoes and green beans, and that's it. I guess that was his diet. And he kept that slim figure all those years. Yeah, I think he had a few bottles of Jack Daniels over the years. Yeah, oh, sure. But, you know, anyway, check out Project Hell Mary. If you've read the book from the people I've spoken to, you won't like it as much as the book.

So don't read the book. So later. I just read the novell. of train dreams. That was an Oscar nominated movie this year. And I haven't seen the movie yet, but I can't even imagine

what that movie is. It's beautiful. After reading the book, I go, God. Is this an American production or a foreign film? It's on Netflix.

Okay. I got a lot of things to check out. You go see Star Search. I got to figure out what E-bombs world is. I got my whole evening is stacked. What's going on with you, Graham? Well,

A few weeks ago, I was in Toronto, Ontario, where you live. Yes. For two months at a time. Yep. I only dipped in for like a week or a week and a half. And then I stopped over in my hometown of Calgary, Alberta. Ooh. We love it there.

Perkins, Denny's and cigarettes? Is Perkins still around? No. Well, not in Calgary. It's been usurped by a similar, like, names. of place. Oh, okay. As long as it's

bought out Perkins. As long as it's been usurped. Yeah. That's what I like on my pancakes. We'll use a... Um, and I, uh, I have a nephew. He's a very, he's a funny little guy. He's, uh, uh, like the minions.

Yeah, he's like the minions. And, uh, we, um, there was like a science night that is school that, uh, we all went to. I thought it was going to be like kids. projects. They thought it was going to be like, okay. It was people trying to get kids interested in science by showing them like, how to make a different style of airplane or something like that.

And my dad... How old is this kid? Is seven? Yeah. Yeah. No, six. Because he was born right before the pandemic. Yeah? Yeah. We had just

played the Calgary library. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah. And a show at the Calgary Library? Hell yeah. We'll do a show anywhere. Yeah. You're allowed to talk in there?

No. No, no, yeah. It's a very quiet show. It was mostly us checking out micro-fiche. But we went to the school. My dad and I, and we were there first. And so we asked for his, he said, we're with Mason. And one of the teachers was like, oh, yeah, just go down the hall.

And, uh, which Mason. This school is full of Mason. See, um, but she just directed us to, we said a random kid's name that they don't know that we're with that kid whatsoever. Just two dudes walking in. And then, uh, they, they thought that we were there for parent teacher interviews. Oh. So they thought, I guess we were together. Like my dad was my sugar daddy.

Uh-huh. Very progressive, Roberta. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Right this way. It is a very funny experience going into a school, like, when you're not going to the school. I remember one of the first times I experienced that was because I'm six years older than my brother. Yeah.

So I would have been, yeah, already like, or maybe last year of high school, I just graduated high school. And then I had to go drop something off to him and he was in middle school. And I was with my like English cousin. And I remember going in and telling the principals out, oh yeah, we're here to see Hamish. That's my brother. And she goes, oh, okay, we'll see where he is. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I see, I guess it was like lunchtime or something. And I see my brother surrounded by like an entourage. Nice. And he's wearing a Giorgio Armani shirt that I've never seen. Do you have a secret at school identity? Yeah, apparently. I thought you were going to be like, the urinals are so small.

But no, my. brother is a different guy. Yeah, and then, me and my cousin tried to embarrass him. My cousin tried to be like, give us a kiss goodbye. My brother's, no, no. What's your cousin's name? Alex. Okay.

These are very British names. Yeah. What is, where did you grow up? Burnaby and Port Moody. And they have middle school there. They have in Port Moody. Okay. Yeah.

Because we don't have it here. Had it in Calgary. And really shaped my identity. Yeah. Worst year of my life. Truly, because I... What was the worst year? The one year of middle school that I did because I...

Okay, it was grade 12, or I mean, like age 5 to 12, we were in Burnaby, so I was like kindergarten to grade 7. Right. And then we went to Port Moody when I was 13, so I had one year of middle school. I didn't know anyone. Oh, shit. Horrible. Yeah.

Did you end up making any friends or really just... Eventually. Did you ask to be homeschooled? No, but I had a little big tantrum with my parents at one. point a few months in being like this sucks why did you guys move you're running my life yeah well that we had to move so i could be the easter bunny so i could work my way up to president of the glenair council all these years later that's what my mom's been trying to do now easter's my day um and like a lot of the a lot of the stations of this science thing

were not very good um and these weren't by kits they were by by adults, adult scientists. Bill Nye, Beekman. You're sorry. Sheldon. And then they showed how to make like an alternate paper airplane that was like kind of a like piece of cardboard with two circles on each end. And it kind of flew, but it kind of didn't. But it glided.

It didn't just like fall out and just go on the ground. So I thought that was that was pretty impressive. I think Mason was entertained by it for probably, let's say, 13 seconds. Like it's And he knows how to make a like a mean paper airplane Oh wow I don't still couldn't master What else is going on in

One of those parent teacher nights Did they ever sort that up? It was the next day apparently But they really just let us walk in And just say a random name Don't worry about it He's got a kindergarten cop as his teacher That's right

Yeah the teacher that showed up Was very mussely Yeah so I was like huh Kind of looks like Jack Reacher There's such big biceps. Oh, did you see Jack Reacher got in a motorcycle fight? Yeah.

I wouldn't want to get any kind of fight with that guy. I know. He's huge. But my dad went by there was a geology. Oh, your dad's a geology. He's a geologist. And he said every single rock was mislabeled. He said every single rock was not the rock that it said it was.

Awesome. So, you know, getting kids interested in fake science. Yeah. What's your dad's favorite rock? Call in, John. Jade. Is it shale? Ignis.

But I just thought it was funny that, like, the people didn't know it all with. But what's a kid going to do? Yeah. All right. I take your word for it. Unless there's some. That's quartz. Maybe it was a test to see if there was some brilliant geology prodigy.

Like Goodwill hunting. Yeah. They didn't know that they were solving the problem. This stuff is so easy for me. It's not your rock. It's not your rock. Did you, the grade sevens at my daughter's school are having a science fair. She's in grade six, so it's not an issue for us personally.

But they all got to go look at them. We never did a science fair. I don't know what you do. Because I'm going to have to do 90% of the work next year on a science project. I feel like, and unless I'm completely out of touch, trifolds, I think, are still probably. Yeah. Did you ever have to use a trifold? Yes.

Are you trying to demonstrate, are you trying to discover a new scientific thing? I feel like you write your hypothesis, but you're faking it because you already know what's going to happen. Yeah. Because you're just going to demonstrate something. You're going to put vinegar with the baking soda and make it into a volcano. Which, you know what? You can make these bigger things. I really feel like sometimes those things are more of an art project than they are of a science project.

Yeah. I believe that. Good one I've seen lately that is you put gummy bears in different kinds, different liquids, and sometimes they blow up and sometimes they shrivel up. That would be, there you go. You've got your project. Yeah. Yeah, I remember doing one when I was a kid about penguins.

I did a whole thing about penguins. And I, uh, still to this day, I like those penguins that have the like little, like the yellow hair guys. Oh, sure. Nice. Yeah. What are they called? Uh, the Owen Wilson's of the nature. Yeah.

But when you were a kid, like, did you have a song or something that you would just listen to on repeat? And your parents were like, we don't know why this particular song was the song that you liked. Yeah. Did you have it? On Our Own by Bobby Brown from the Ghostbusters 2, something. Nice. How about yours? I don't know.

I don't know if there was a song I listened to over and over. I remember I got in a fight with my parents about a song. There was a band called Hinder. Hinder. They had a song called Kissers. Kissed by an angel, something like that. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And that was their big song. And everyone was listening to that song. This would have been like 2006 or five or something. What grade are you in? I would have been in grade five. Okay. Okay. Like that, a grade six.

Cool kid. 11 or, yeah. Yeah, it would have been around then. And then their second biggest song was a song called Get Stoned. Mm-hmm. And it was the premise of the song, I even remember lyrics, it was, go home, get stoned. We can end up making a little. love instead of misery.

There we go. At 11 years old, I was like, you gotta let me have this on iTunes. I love this song. My parents were like, what? No. And I was like, please. And my dad was like, he's cool. You gotta.

My mom was like, okay. Yeah, God, our son is cool. And he's getting stoned in his room. Yeah, yeah. We did find some spliffs in his, his drawer. And you're going somewhere with this question. Yeah. So, Mason.

loves and apparently asked on repeat to hear this song that's basically an extended jingle for Burger King and it's about Whoppers and the different top. Whopper, Wopper, Wopper, no, no, no, no, no. I had never, do you know the one? It's, it's hilarious. The more he played it, the more I couldn't stop cracking up, because it is just a long song about things you can get at Burger King. Right, right.

You know what, that would sound really good if you're able to get stoned first. Yeah. Have you heard that song that's the, like, a young woman, I think, said, hey, Dr. Pepper, this should be your new jingle. And it goes, Dr. Pepper, baby, it's good and nice. And then all the comments were, Dr. Pepper, you got to get on this. Oh, you're really, come on, Dr. Barber. And then they did. And they, like, produce commercials with the real, with, like, a backup band.

I'm not convinced it wasn't a plan from the get-go. Yeah. Sometimes they do do that nefarious, a sort of sci-op. Yeah, but you know what? It's one that makes me feel good, and I like Dr. Pepper a lot. Yeah. I, well, now my favorite song is Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, and you check it out. It's on Spotify or whatever your streaming services you use.

I don't think you'll be able to get it at the library. I don't think it's an album yet. There must be a whole, like, menu of foods and drinks songs that you can get now, because there's that song Diet Pepsi as well. Oh, yeah. So. And then there was, there used to be.

I think that's a little different. Is that by Addison Ray? Yeah, yeah. I just mean you could make me make a whole playlist where it's kind of like you're eating a meal. Oh, yeah, sure. Fun. Like a jicoteri cola.

Is there some song about fries that I'm? There must be. Hmm. Not coming a line. Lemmy had a song about potatoes and green beans. That's what he loved to eat. He was kind of like, cow I guess.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheard? Yes. For sure. Max Fun Drive starts next week. Max Fun shows like this one are creator-owned. The network is worker-owned, and we're all supported by members just like you. Max Fun Drive is the best time to support the shows you love. You can get Drive exclusive gifts, a bunch of new bonus content,

and join in on the fun as shows hit their mile. Plus, we've got dozens of meetups and counting. We've got live streams and more. So stay tuned because you don't want to miss it. Max Fund Drive 2026 is starting Monday, April 20th. I'm Jordan Cruciola, host of Feeling Scene, where every week I have a different actor, director, or writer as my co-host. And whoever that co-host may be, it is a sure bet that we are digging deep and having

a great time doing it. I love that you just did that. Yeah, I mean, if I were going to join a cult, I think this might be it. A fresh look at your favorite film and a peek behind the curtain at how movies get made. Oh, okay, I'm going to tell you this whole story. Okay, I almost got fired from that movie. You should be listening to Feeling Scene. I had so much fun.

I love what you're doing. I hope I did okay. New episodes every week on Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overheard. Wait, before we do Overhertz, Graham, I forgot to mention. at the top of the show. Next week is the beginning of Max Fun Drive.

Yay! So this is the time of year when we ask you to dig deep. Yeah. Support your favorite show and then also support us. And I get my annual Max Fun tattoo this year.

It's going to be on the chest. Yeah. I was going to say actual size. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relative to what? I don't know. You know, wink, wink. And, okay.

Now, overheard. Yeah. If you've heard anything out there in the world or seen, and you know what? Occasionally, if you had a boring dream, let us know. You can send them all to SBY at maximum fun.org. And Alastair, you like to start with the guest. Yes. You haven't overheard. I do.

This was from Toronto a while back, walking down the street in Parkdale. And there was a couple, or I don't know if there were a couple, but a guy and girl. And I just heard as she was walking by, the girl said to her friend or whatever, she goes, I just don't know if I'm ever going to feel like a G6 again. Perfect. Like a G6. Yeah. Like a G6. That's a hit song from our 20s.

Do you know that song? I think so. Like mid-2000s. Yeah. Like a G6. Like a 36. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not, not, not, not, now I'm...

Oh, yeah, there we go. It's no whopper, but it's good, it's good. And he goes, boom, boom, boom. Ah, yeah, I know that one. Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, man, I do. And it goes a little something like this.

So I was walking my dog the other day. And there was this like 30-year-old guy standing out on his porch of his house. And he had his phone up, like this, like he's kind of doing a face time. And I see him, he doesn't see me. And then he sticks his tongue out. Like, like, yeah. Not with his mouth open, not his lips, whatever, it doesn't matter.

But like this. And he's holding the phone. And I guess he's on a FaceTime because he goes, and he like pulls the phone right close to his tongue. That's pretty fun. I had been looking at him, but I immediately look away because I do not want him to make eye contact with me. And then as I'm walking away, I hear him go, hmm, yummy. We can have a virtual dinner together.

You're the food. And then I'll be the food. I thought maybe he was on like a tell his health call out in public. Yeah, maybe. Stick out of your tongue. Say, ooh. What is tellus health? It's a.

You talk to a doctor on FaceTime. Yeah, do you, but it's brought to you by a private company. Is it, do you pay for it? I don't know. This is my, my first time even hearing of this. I know you can call, like, the nurse hotline here in town and ask them if you have different symptoms of that. You can talk to hot single nurses.

Yeah, in your area. I think I used Telos Health once. And did you pay for it? No. Okay. Did it tell you to go in and get your collarbone fixed? Basically, they just told me to go to Life Labs. Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah. Did it tell you to upgrade your roaming coverage? I can't even remember what it was for, to be honest. Life Labs. It might have been for blood. They're a big... Life Labs is a big fluid place. Could have been for tears.

Yeah, no, I think it must have been some kind of blood test they wanted me to do. Okay. I can't remember, yeah. Well, then it wasn't anything serious. No. Or it was something that you've cut out of your brain. Yeah. It was for severe memory loss.

It's weird when you're like, huh, why don't, why don't I remember that thing that was about my blood? Probably because it made me pretty sleepy. Losing all that blood. How about you? Mine is an overseen in this neighborhood. I saw a couple of these posters put up not on the poster things, like just on a poll very randomly, at random different heights. I saw three of them, and there was, it said screen writing. writer for hire and then listed all the types of screen plays.

He could write horror. Drama. Romance. Comedy. Sci-fi. And it had his email. I was like, oh,

maybe that's just like a kid that's having kind of a fun, you know, kind of lemonade stand kind of thing. And then, like a week later, I saw a same font poster with a picture of a dog on it. And he said, pet photography. So he's branched out.

Oh, same email? Same email? Wow. Yeah. So he started, you know, he started from the bottom. Now he's here. And he, uh, yeah, I definitely saw the pet photography one and I thought, I've taken enough photos of my dogs.

Yeah. And like the photo, I don't know if it's him who took that. You know what I mean? Right. He easily could have downloaded that photo. There's, that reminds me in, um, in Toronto when I first moved there, I saw this sign, like just a piece of paper on a pole and it said. something about

like giving a, I don't know, like pedicures or something like that. Sure. But it was like a weird sign and it's like call Tony or something like that. You know, and I was like, what is this? You let me give you a pedicure. I'll buy you an Xbox.

Something like that. And that's why I texted the number. And he got really mad at me because I was fucking with, like he really got mad at me. But then I did a bit more research. And there's whole Facebook group called Tony Spotting in Toronto.

And so there's this guy and he puts up signs for all sorts of stuff saying that he'll do. And he seems to be looking for older white women. Like he doesn't specifically say white, but he'll say, who isn't? He'll go by Mr. Buccino. He'll go by Tony. He'll go by all these different names. Is he a scammer? Are you doing scams?

That's the thing is that it's really mysterious and unclear. It seems like he's kind of a creep who wants to touch old women's feet. That's not a crime. But the thing is, it's unclear whether he's actually accomplished this at all. Right. But the people will see him putting up his signs, and they'll snap a photo and put it in the Facebook group. Huh. Yeah.

Oh, I also have overheard sent into me. Brom. Wonderful. People all over the map. If you want to send one in, send in to SBI at maximumofund.org. This one's more, this one kind of sets up a debate. This is from David in Victoria, BC. I was playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 on Nintendo.

In one area, Shredder appears on a television in the store window. He says, tonight, I dine on turtle soup. And then he asks, does Shredder want to eat the Ninja Turtles? And I thought I'd throw it out to the floor. Does Shredder want to eat the Ninja Turtles? He wants to kill them, but then what? Does he want to? Is that, you know?

Yeah, tonight I will suck the turtle's toes. Wait, what is it you want? I guess he's a rat, right? No, that's Flinter. Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay, yeah, it's been a while since I watched Teenage.

Uh-huh. What do you think? Well, we, Graham and I watch it every day. So just relax. He wants them dead. What is, what is, we were talking last week or a couple of weeks ago about the evil woman from the, uh, Her name's Esmeralda, no. Big Bertha, no.

And they're the Power Rangers, the Power Rangers. Oh, the Power Rangers, yes. And what's she trying to accomplish that they are thwarting? Yeah, some sort of monster stomping. So what does, what is Shredder want? Yeah, like, I mean, obviously his plans are always. To take over the world? Maybe to take over the world.

Like, to take over New York? To take over the sewers? Yeah, yeah. And, like, you know, like, you could make turtle soup and it'd be huge batches of turtle soup that you'd be making out of these guys. But also, like, can you freeze a turtle and cook it later? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A ninja one anyway. Does he have a big enough freezer to?

Are they, like, 100% turtle? Like, if you... Yeah, that's a good question. Well, they're so... Well, they're so muscular. Yeah. That it's like... Yeah.

Well, now I'm getting hungry. But like a regular turtle not so mussely Are they gonna be Are they gonna cook up well? Yeah Is there human sine you under that? Yeah, are they one hundred Do they are fully turtle DNA?

Huh. I don't know and then if so I got a little turtle DNA in my beard. Oh yeah? What happened? Let's just say I dined on turtles. What is like if shredder's not around? Yeah.

What is the turtles raise on detra? I mean eating pizza But they eat pizza They love skateboarding At least Michelangelo But if Donatello is busy with his machines If they kill Shredder in the next Battle

Yeah I guess they're not Battletoads That's someone else They're sort of like biker mice from Mars Yes But they If Shredder's dead Do the turtles just go

Have a quiet life in the sewers Yeah Is there nothing to fight anymore I guess there's nothing to fight? I mean Crang Crang's still going to be around Prang is the head in the box Yeah, he's a little brain inside his stomach

Are you familiar with the lore of all this? Not really Prang's a brain and a guy's stomach I'm just finding out about Crang now Yeah, he's kind of the ultimate Treters, he's like earthly Oh wow Minion

Oh, Treadder works for Crang? Tredder works for Crang! I kind of pieced out after like episode two Not me, the first time I saw that I was like, this is, I'm going to build my identity around this Crang works for no one Yeah, and he's from a different dimension. He's from

Dimension X. He's so important, how come he's not in the theme song? Oh, yeah, that's true. Evil Shredder attacks. And he wants to eat those turtles so bad. There you go. It's right in the song. So anyway, if anybody's got a, you know, a take on this, does Shredder want to eat the turtles, you know.

Submit it to E-bom's world, where I'm sure this was a meme 20 years ago. This next one comes from, Julian. in Ottawa. I haven't overheard of the kids say the darndest variety. My three-year-old son has been learning knock-knock jokes. Today he came up with this. Knock-knock, who's there? Chicken airplane

soldier, mom. Chicken airplane soldier, who? Son, aren't you glad I didn't say poop? That's pretty good. Yeah. That's the right structure. That's good, because we are glad he didn't say poop. Yeah, and it's really pulling from that, you know, aren't you glad I didn't say

orange, right? Isn't that the classic? Orange juggled, I didn't say. Orange you glad? Oh, yeah, I didn't say banana. Yeah. I got it all backwards. Yeah, my niece and nephew had discovered that format of a joke and thought that's what

all knock knock jokes would have to be that ends with orange you glad. Yeah, and it was just like, you guys, this is brutal. I know you're going to say fire truck. Orange, you glad I didn't say fire truck. Or however you've interpreted it. look you know what i i what are your top uh knock knock jokes for me was always tank tank who

you're welcome that's good atch at who gazoonate um lettuce let us let us in it's cold outside boo boo boo who yes dwayne dwayne the bathtub i'm drowning ah these are great um um uh the final of the overheards is from liz f from virginia my foot my foot my My five-year-old talks in his sleep, and I recently heard him say- What a freaking, like, you won the lottery. If your kid talks in their sleep, this is a goldmine. Yeah. Not even for overheard.

It's just for daily enjoyment. Yeah. My five-year-old talks in his sleep, and I recently heard him say fully asleep, that's definitely an x-ray of both knees. Your kid's in the pit in his sleep. Just like, what has this extra bone next to her knee? Yeah, what, yeah, that's, we gotta cut that out. You shouldn't be on the one leg.

No, no, that's her other knee. No way. That's definitely an x-ray of both knees. Yeah. I guess you have, like, because you get an x-ray of a limb, it kind of, like, you kind of put it in a machine. But if you're getting both knees, you've got to get, dip both knees into the machine. That's an MRI, I think.

Oh, sure. At x-ray, you just lay it flat on a table. Oh, that's right. They make that noise. They run. You got to put myself behind this. I got a hard. Lent vest.

But yeah, I haven't seen the pit yet. I heard it's intense. I might start watching it tonight. I haven't watched it either. I just know of it as a cultural reference. Yeah, fair enough. I also haven't seen it. Well, I started watching it.

I made it 11 minutes and it got too, I got too squeamish. Yeah, Sally said. Yeah, I'll pass it. out at the sight of blood, so it's kind of a liability. That's why you can't remember what you did at LifeLabs. Honestly, yeah, probably. Also, maybe, like, it would be a good show to go to sleep, too, because I'm going to pass out. Yeah.

Sort of my comfort show. But, uh, Sally said in the first episode, somebody's foot gets de-gloved. And I was, I don't know what that means. You know, like, I know that socks are like gloves for feet. And so I assume they take their socks off. Yeah, basically it's the same thing can happen to a hand. It can the skin off of the, and then you've just... No skin off my hand.

Well, in addition to overhears that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and voice memos. Send a voice memo to SPY at maximum fun.org. Or call us at 1.844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spipod 1, like these people have. It happened to Jimmy Fallon.

That's what happened to his finger. Oh. Finger evulsion. Ring avulsion. Yeah, the same, but like a foot of that. Yeah. Finger by the foot. This first call, I believe, relates to a little conversation we had about talking in a movie theater.

Hey, Dave, Graham, and guest, this is Derek from Chicago. As I was walking to the lovely music box theater in Chicago to see a movie, another couple was walking out, they were in a bit of an argument. The guy goes, I don't know, I thought it was pretty funny. And his girlfriend responds, we were watching a movie. They were shushing you. It's not all about you. It's not the Donnie show. No frigging way. It's not the Donnie show. Look, we went to the Donny show last week, okay? This is not the Donny show. They were shushing you. Yeah, but I think it was pretty funny. What I did was pretty cool. Have you ever been in a theater where somebody's nailed a joke, like saying it aloud at a tiny, like, quiet point or whatever? Yeah, there was one point during a scary movie where someone went, I'm scared.

Aw, it was saw. That was your story. Have you ever, have you ever? I don't know if there was a specific moment. When I first moved to Toronto, I went to go see the Super Mario movie with a bunch of other comedians. And they were just being hilarious throughout. Sure. The most fun thing actually was after the movie, we went to a bar, like some dive bar near the theater.

And my friend Sam Burns, we were playing pool against these two women. And Sam just loves to commit to the bit. And he said that we were all an improv team. And they went, oh, we've never seen improv. And Sam goes, well, well, we'll do it for you. And we did a 15 minute long improv set to two women who were completely silent. And there's a video of it on my phone. Oh, nice.

Post it. Post that shit. Wow. I like it. Good bit. So, yeah, not really during the movie, but a treasure memory. I'm sure you've told a story other than I'm scared. I think it's okay.

If you have a funny thing to say after a preview, let her fly. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Like, that's, yeah. And you know what? You don't have to pre-write them. Just go with the vibe. You know, go with the flow. Don't think you have to go and nail a,

a certain reference or anything like that, you know what I mean? Next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and guest. This is Bailey calling with an overheard from Auburn, Alabama. So I'm a biologist, and today in the lab, two PhD students were having a pretty intense discussion about something. And I started to get a little worried because I was like, man, I'm not keeping up with the scientific literature or the research. My coworkers are doing. doing because I don't even know the words these guys are using. And it took me way too long

to realize they were trading Pokemon. Anyway, have a great afternoon or whatever time of day it is. Thanks, guys. Thank you. 6.03 p.m. Yeah. Yeah. And all this well and the weather is nice and... Getting pretty hungry for like a squirrel. Or some squirrel soup. Yeah, a dishwriter want to eat squirrel. If he was introduced... He'd be easier to eat squirrel than the Ninja Turtles.

Why? Tiniar. Tiniar, sure. And you got, well, Ash, Ketchum is going to defend them from you. You. Do you know Pokemon better than turtles? Yes. Yes, I do.

I know Pokemon. Maybe educate us. Yeah. Who's your favorite of Pokemon? Maybe we should do something we should have been doing a long time ago and listen. Yeah, it's time for us to listen. Yeah. Well, probably favorite is sort of the classic.

I want to say Charzard. Sure. That was always like the white whale of trading Pokemon cards. Charzard was like, oh my God. You know anybody who ever did? No. I still remember how I got absolutely ripped off, though, when I was like eight years old. I remember specifically I got, I had a shiny Cizor.

Okay. Which is like this sort of evolution of like a, I don't know, bug type Pokemon essentially. Okay. And it was a good card, like a rare card. and some older kid convinced me that his, it was like a baby magmar. It's like a baby Pokemon. Sure.

Convinced me that this was like actually way rarer and cooler and I should trade for him. And then I still remember. And that's why you had such a terrible grade eight. Yeah. And if I hadn't traded that, my parents wouldn't have moved. My life would have been completely different.

What do you mean you gave away? That was your whole college fund you just get away. You're scissors. Or! Yeah. Your father and I gave you scissors because we thought you could handle your shiny scissors. I follow these guys, the Costco guys, AJ and Big Justice. And the Rizzlers there, isn't it?

The Rizzler is adjacent. They gave everything big booms. Five is the most big booms. You can give something. They love Costco. They love a chicken bake. They love double-sunk chocolate cookie. These are the things.

But over the year that I've been following them, maybe more than a year now, Big Justice, the boy He's really obsessed with Pokemon cards And most of the videos these days Are of him opening Pokemon's And oh, he got another really rare one Yeah, yeah, yeah

And he cries He cries when he gets a really rare one Wow The thing with Pokemon now is there's so many of them That it's like, well, of course there's going to be rare ones Because there's not that many But there used to be just be 150 The original 150 is

like when I was little growing up, that was just 150. And so the rare ones were like truly rare. When I was a kid, there were only four Ninja Turtles. That is how, uh, it worked. Or we were. Yeah.

Um, the, uh, do you still have those? Are they at your parents' house collecting dust? I think my mom gave them away. Smart. Smart mom. Get rid of these things. This is the kids out of the house. Yeah.

Yeah. She got rid of all the Pokemon cards dressed up as Easter Bunny. He said, I'm the Pokemon now. Yeah, I get dropped. Yeah, Pokemon. All my. You guys have to play with me. That's why she woke you out this morning.

Play with me, Allison. This isn't going to work at all. But all my bring-it-on movie cards are my parents was collecting dunts. And you said it wouldn't work. And here's the final phone call. Hello, Dave Graham. And statistically assured guest, this is Tom calling in from Portland, Oregon with an

overheard. I was sitting at a breakfast counter at the airport, and the woman next to me was on the phone complaining to someone about one of their mutual co-workers at what was apparently a cat breeder. So apparently any time one of these cats exhibited unusual behavior, this woman would look it up and convince herself that the cat had a rare disorder. She goes on about all the time this woman wastes looking things up, and she goes,

she's looking this up, she's looking that up, she's Googling everything. Anyway, off I go. Just, if you have, If you're a cat breeder out there, give it up. Cats have got it under control. Yeah, absolutely.

That's going to be the most useless job. Nolan's looking for a special cat. Every cat they find is... Same, same cat. Well, they find ten cats under an overpass, and they've got to find something to do with them. True. So cute when they're all together, though, when they're little kittens.

Boy. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Alistair, you're doing so many things. Give us a rundown of where people can see you and what you're doing. Well, all the overhards made me think that I probably should promote the American shows that I'm doing, actually, because I'm kind of doing American shows for the first time really in earnest this year. I'm going to be in Dallas on May 21st and D.C. on May 24th. And then also, before that, London, England on May 4th or 3rd. And then Stockholm, Sweden on May 8th, if anyone is there.

Okay. I know my brother's coming to that show. Well, that'll be good. But yeah, probably if you're listening to this later, I will have announced more American shows. Keep your eyes peeled and your ears open because he's doing the Rio Theater. December 5th. Yes. And, you know, keep your eyes open for Princess Diana.

It's not her. It's not her. Yeah, it's him. He's... Cosplaying as I was saying. I saw some of the photos, and they're good. They're crazy. Did you wear like a...

I wore the revenge dress. He also did an outfit where I'm wearing pearls. The revenge dress is a famous dress. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you get these? Did the person just have these? She, yeah.

She just sourced them from somewhere. It's not the exact, you know, replica. Somewhere there's a wax figure, buck-ass naked. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having us. And listeners, next week, Max Fund Drive begins. It'll be, you know, we'll ask you to support. show you'll get bonus content and you'll get

a, you know, um, like a little, uh, a little treat for daddy. A trinket. Yeah, a little something. Um, and also while we're plugging away, May 22nd here in Vancouver. Little Mountain Gallery, 24 hour show starts on the 22nd, ends on the 23rd.

Dave's going to be a writer at it. Yeah, I think I'm on a Saturday afternoon at some point. The best. One of the best ones. Um, you could watch it online if you want. Just go to, uh, Little Mountain Gallery. Yay. And thanks everybody for listening.

Have a good night. Good night. Good night. Come back next week for another episode of stop podcast of yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly. By you.