Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 950 - Erica Sigurdson

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Comedian Erica Sigurdson returns to talk eyelids, plaza life, and strip clubs. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord. Become a MaxFun member to get all our bonus content.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 950 of Stop Podcasting yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me, as always, he's a man who, he said right before the podcast, time to turn on the air conditioning. Because it's May, the cool and refreshing, Mr. Dave Shumka.

It's actually June by the time this episode is up. Oh, that's true. So people are, you know, they're in their Hawaiian shirts. Yeah. They're out washing their cars. although you're not going to be able to. Yeah, water restrictions here in town, no car washing until October.

And then it's time you can dress up your spookmobile. Yeah, you could have a school charity wash. Oh, sure. Were you ever part of a charity wash? Yeah, as a consumer. Oh, yes, but as a washer, were you ever washer? No. Although, like in grade 12, some like the girls' volleyball team

or something from my school. Some girls team did a car wash fundraiser. And I showed up and gave them my money. And they were like, hey, you're supposed to help. Like, we're not doing the whole thing. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you drive in?

And then I drove in and I was like, okay, here's my car to wash. And they were like, okay, well, thanks for the money. Also, you get out to help us watch. Yeah. Do you have time to lean? Our guest today, returning guests to the podcast, one of our all-time faves. She's oh, so funny. She will be performing on Quadra Island.

June 27th. It's Erica Sigerson. Hello, Erica. Hello. Thank you for having me back. Thank you for coming back. I'm so thrilled to be here. This is a big show coming up on Quadra.

Oh, boy, is it ever. We are raising money for a new roof. I think on the Legion. I'm not sure if it's on the entire island. Are we putting a roof on the island? I can't remember. They've got a Legion out there. Yeah.

Okay. That's where the show is. That's what I figure like that's, if you don't have a, if you're legionless, you're a really small town. Yeah. But every like, what was you, what's the population isish of a Quadra Island? Like about 3,000. 3,000. Okay.

3,000. Oh, but it balloons in the summer. Oh, yeah. Sure does it ever. I've never been to Quadri Island. Is it a tourist? Is it? Is it completely different from all the other identical islands?

It is, there's more lakes than they have on Salt Spring. Okay. A lot of the Gulf Islands don't have, some of them have lakes, but a lot of them don't have great lakes. Quadra has beautiful lakes. Okay. And that's what I'm in it for. You're jumping off a dock? I'm jumping off.

Rocks, docks, clocks. Clocks. We're raising money for Dr. Zeus. The, I don't, lakes, God, the squishiness of the ground creeps me out. You mean like the underwater ground? Yeah, when you walk into a lake and it's all goopy. It's kelpy. I do not, yeah.

There's one of the lakes, well, two of the, my favorite lakes, you jump into the lake from the rocks. So it's harder to get out because it's a bit slipp. be. But I, yeah, I hate, like, the reeds. If anything touches me getting in or out. I need to be dropped by a chopper. That's actually what I'm taking the fundraising funds for. They scoop you up like firefighter. They give the fundraising funds to the comedian. Yeah. And they're like, get us a roof. And I said, or a chopper. Should we get to know us? Sure. So jumping in a leg, are you a big summer person? And if so, what are your top?

three summer activities. Yes, I am a big summer person. I'm having deja booth like we've had this conversation before. Someone's been asked these questions. Yeah, yeah. Well, I feel like any time around summer I want to check it with everybody. Yeah, I love summer. It's probably my favorite.

Okay. Yeah, swimming in a lake, going boating on a lake, paddleboarding. Your top three, all lake. They're all lake. Or ocean. I also enjoy the ocean. Okay. But it's a little bit warmer.

Also, I feel like the ocean is scary. Whereas a lake, you know, I feel like you could just vanish into the ocean. Yeah. In a lake, they'd find your body pretty easily, right? As it just floated around or and or sunk to the bottom of a lake, easy to find. Yeah. Yeah. Last summer, I had two things happen.

I'd jump off the rocks and my Apple Watch came off. The force of my body hitting the, and I, I came up and my Apple Watch was gone. So that was a couple deep breaths. And my Apple Watch is blue and I did manage to find it. Oh, because the lake is blue too. That's tough. Oh, man.

And it landed in like, it was dirt, reeds and pop cans. Did you, you just found it with your eyes? I found it with my eyes. Nicely, yeah. You didn't have to use find my Apple Watch? I was going to do it. I was like, I wonder if this will work. Underwater beeping.

Yeah. And then I, same day, sonar. jumped off the rocks and my insulin pod came off, which is more life-threatening. Yeah. But I didn't want to leave it in the lake because of litter. And like a fish. If a fish got it, it'd be in big trouble.

Yeah, yeah. Suddenly there type one. Do you, does your Apple Watch have diabetes capabilities? It does. Does it monitor you? Is it? It doesn't, but it shows what's going on. Yeah.

What is going on? What is going on? And I can give myself insulin from my Apple Watch. Really? Yeah. Wow. Cool. Is this, because I remember you had like,

could I have a little bit? Yeah. You also? I feel like you, you were the first person I knew that had like a rig that you could control with your. My phone. Yeah. And it was like, did you have to like get it and assemble it yourself? Yeah, I had to build like, so it's not an official app.

So it's open source. And so the instructions are online, so you build the app yourself. Right. But now BC diabetes is like it's a government thing where they will build it for you and it's all online, which is great because then I don't, if there's an update or anything, they do everything online and it runs through test flight. Okay. So I say that like I really know what's happening. Test flight, they're good. Yeah, test flight, test flight.

Are you considered a celebrity in the diabetes world? Boy, do I ever wish I was. You could still be. I still could be. Because who's the number one? Well, B.B. King's dead. George Canyon is a type one diabetic. He's a countryman.

He is a country singer. Ooh, Nick Jonas. Oh, who am I? Get out of here. Isn't there? Max Domi, who's an NHL player. That's right. There's Kate Moss's, what's her name, the daughter?

She's Kate Moss's daughter. Kate Moss's daughter. That's a big step down. Diabetic daughter. She's a model, though. Okay. Yeah. And she wears her freestyle Libre, like, openly, which is, like, big.

That always gets posted on the chat. Does she, do they come in different colors? Can she accessorize, or is it always a white? They're always white. You can, like, they sell patches and stuff that you can put on them. We've got Mary Tyler Moore. Yeah. Victor Garber

Oh, Victor Garber. I'm Canadian. He's going to be hard to topple. Oh, boy. Esty Haim, the bass player from Haim. Oh, hey, okay. Oh, okay. Isn't there, was there a young?

Sonia Sotomayor. Who's that? She's a Supreme Court judge. Oh, see, you can do anything. Yeah. Not just that. There's no limit. Oh, that gives me an idea for a children's book.

Because I feel like there's No niche that comedy hasn't figured out a way to, like, I'm the this comic. Yes. You know? Yeah. There was a comedian who went viral because he did this whole thing about diabetes. And I was like, damn it. Damn it.

Was it funny? Or were you like, this is hack? No. In the diabetes world, this is hack. Yeah, yeah. No, it was pretty good. It was pretty good. I got to give him as props.

Yeah. You want to plug him here on the podcast? I don't remember his name. Not good. He sees. He'll be. fine. He'll be fine. But you have done. You've done like, like corporates and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're the most corporate comedian that I know. Not in a bad. Wow. But like, I think you're the one that I know that does the most corporates now. Like. Yeah, I'm probably up there in Canada. Yeah. He's got the skills to pay the bills. Yeah, sure do. I have diabetes stuff to pay for. That's true. It's not cheap. I'll tell you that much. And so what else is going on with you?

Tell us all, tell us, spin us a yard, Eric. Okay. What a life I've been leading the last little while. I am currently be spectacled because I had my eyelids. I don't know. I hope it was the surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they cut them.

So, yeah, I had an upper blef, which I don't know the full word. But basically, but the government. paid for it so I don't consider it a cosmetic procedure. Oh, nice. They stepped in and said, hey, droopy, we got to take care of those. So is that what a blephage is like droopy, droopy eyelids? Yeah, yeah. So, and it was so random because I know that I've always had.

Now do I have to Google celebrities with droopy islands? Oh, I'll give you a list. What if it's George Canyon again? Yeah. Got it all this guy. Audrina Patrick from the hills. Yeah. Oh, sure.

Um, because I was like, I was at. dinner at Jay's parents' house. This is like 10 years ago. And like I've always known like just my Icelandic eyes. They tend to kind of be a bit like have that like hooded eyes. You got Biorke eye. I got Bork eyes. And this guy was sitting at dinner and he's like looking across from me and he's like, I hope you don't mind me saying this. I literally 100% thought he was going to be like, I'm a big fan of you on the debate. Like 100%. I was like, here we go. Here it comes. Okay. Everybody. I was like, no, you go right ahead. And he goes, you really do have ghouly eyes. goooly eyes.

And I was like, I hope you don't mind me saying you have gooly eyes. I know. How did you know this guy? He was a business associate of Jay's, like, father. Like, he wasn't a family friend. And I, like, the, the drop from thinking someone's going to tell you that they love your work to you to you have ghouly eyes is, I don't even know if there's a number. Do you think that they brought it?

him in like, this guy has no filter. We'll bring him in. Well, that's how we'll tell Eric. Someone's got to say something. Yeah. We don't know. We'll bring in. Yeah. And so he said that. And I was just like, oh. And I can't even remember how I responded. But then. Blum to a blind rage. Yeah. There was gravy everywhere. I threw it in his eyes. He's got gravy eyes now. And then a couple years ago, I'm sitting at a different event across home this woman. And she was like, you know, I went to the doctor and they paid for me to have my eyelids done. And I was like, did they? So.

How would you describe my eyes? Please don't take GOOly. Yeah, yeah. We're actually, we need someone for a fundraiser for Gully Eye Syndrome. GES. We'd like to invite you. So anyways, I finally, I went to my. doctor and I was like, hey, random strangers are bringing up my eyes.

Is there something? And he goes, well, he's like, is it impeding your vision? And I was like, well, I don't know. How many fingers are you holding up? Yeah. And then he threw something and it hit me in the head. And he was like, for sure. So then he sent me to a specialist and they gave you this test where you're like supposed

to click whenever you see the lights. But then the guy goes, so he's like, this isn't a test you want to try. real hard to pass, but also don't try to fail, which is the worst thing to tell me, because now I'm like, so I have to do just in the middle. And then I was told that you'd be in a wait list for a long time to get the government paid for her, and they called me two days later. Well, we just wanted to make sure you were committed. Yeah, they're like, but.

We've had a thousand cancellations. Okay, so here's the thing. He calls me and he's like, we've got an appointment. May 15th, and I was like, what? I thought I was on a night. They're like, you're an emergency case. You did so bad on that test. Yeah.

We told you not did so badly. But then I didn't realize it was the Friday of the long weekend. Right. So I was the last appointment of the day, Friday of the long weekend. He's got his backpack on one. Yes. Everyone was talking about trying to make a fairy. And they're like cutting it into my eyelids, like doing a cosmetic procedure.

And she's like, well, I don't know. I've got a reservation, but am I going to, they're burning my flesh? I'm like, can we focus, everyone? You know, I let me call my wife. Oh, yeah, put the burgers on. Yeah, we just, I'm going to my cabin over on Gugliano Island. I mean, Galliano Island. Oh, so, yeah.

So now we just wait to see how it turns out. So is this? What type of, like, you're awake for this, obviously. You're awake. That freaks me out. Oh, yeah. They said, well, they said they could give me at a van, but I said I did not want it. Okay.

What is that, like an anti-anxiety? I think so. And you can really feel them rooting around in your eyeball. Did they freeze you at all? Oh, yeah. And that hurt. Like freezing in my eyelid. Who, boy.

Yeah. That really hurt. And then they, so I don't know what's going on. I wish they had kind of. said like, now we're doing this because I just could feel thing. And then they started burning. And so like, so I think they're. No, they were like, I mean burning like saying insults to me. Hey, golly, golly, golly, golly. So then I could feel it though. And I was like, I can feel that. And he goes, what, the pressure? And I go, no, I can. He goes, what does it feel like I said? Like you're putting a burnt match on my face. And he goes, okay, we need some more freezing.

And do you like that or? And then you have to sit, like, sleep sitting up and you can't. For how long? Like the first, I think, 48 to 72 hours. So I slept. A long weekend. Jay had to go out of town suddenly. So then I was all by myself.

I was sticking around for this. I know. He was like, no thanks. Yeah, I got a big job out of town. Yeah. He's out of here. So then, and then the first week you have to keep putting, like, antibiotic stuff on your eyes, which ends up gripping into your eyes. So everything's blurry.

So I'm also like, they're like, if you have noticeable changes in your vision, and I was like, well, I guess, see, is this noticeable? I feel noticeable. And I can't wear contacts for another, like, week and a half, which is really annoying. And I can't work out. No, I mean, that's not all bad. Oh, I can't go to the gym. Oh, I have more cheesecake. Oh, no.

So I've been getting up and walking for an hour and a half every morning. Okay. That's a workout. Yeah. Yeah, but I can't. But you're allowed to do that. I'm allowed. I don't know.

I just started doing it. I hope so. And then what does stitches come out? On the second. Okay. It looks like some of them are dissolving. I don't know what's going on up there. I guess it would be hard.

Yeah. If you're trying to see one. And then the, yeah. And I accidentally in the shower got, because you can't. get your face, like I have to clean very carefully. And I accidentally got soap in my eye and then I rubbed my eye this morning. Oh, no. Oh, boy.

That hurt. And then I rubbed my eye after I made my spicy chili. Yeah. After chopping up a bunch of lemons and peppers. The, well, you look great. Yeah, you look great. Thanks. What is like, because it's covered by the government so it's not, but do people get this as a cosmetic?

Yes. Yes, it's a very popular cosmetic surgery right now. Like, it's all over TikTok. People, like, are posting their upper bluffs. And apparently the community at large wanted me to get it done. Yeah, the Gouly community. Yeah. Well, now they're missing you, you know, the Gouly community.

I've been seeing more and more of my eyebrows out of the corner of my eyes or anything I can have the government cover. That might be, you might want to. They have to tighten your whole head. To staple your head to wear it right near your ears. Yeah, if I, I'm trying to think, if I had to get a cousin, if I was only allowed to get one, I could think of a dozen I would get. But if I'm only going to get one, hair transplant. Ooh, going to Turkey. Going to Turkey.

Yeah. I wonder what would I get? I guess nothing. Oh. Perfect as is. Yeah. I guess I get another mirror. Well, you look good.

Thank you. I'm glad it was a successful. We'll see when these stitches come out. I don't. Jay asked me every day, is that going to scar like that? Because it really does look like that doll with like stitches all across their eyes. Like a scary, like a haunted doll? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you, you're not a fan of scary tales. You're not a horror fan. No. What's your level of, what type of scary can you handle? I can handle, like, I like more like a Cape Fear or like suspense, scary. I don't like crazy, like, Emneville Horror. Emneville horror, yeah. You were trying to say M-night Shamel-a-Lamalan.

M-Ni-N-N-N-N-L-Chamalan. Shamelamla. Shammala, ding-dong. I don't like when it gets all about the dead and the undead. It makes me feel goofy inside. Yeah. Stay dead. Pick a lane.

Yeah. What, yeah. I'm trying to get it. What is your favorite movie? My favorite? I'm going to try to guess. Okay. Just in general of all the movies ever.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh, that's not, that's a TV show, though. You're not going to like it. Oh, wow. Made in Manhattan. How dare you?

It's not a comedy. Oh, is it just a straight-up drama? Drama. Okay, not a thriller. Is Victor Garber in it? Is it Titanic? As far as I know, there are no known and out type 1 diabetics in this. Maybe some closeted type 1.

type one. Yeah, one celebrity that's always covering a bump in every picture. They're like in them sexy poses. What era of time? Is this something you watched as a youth? Do you have an answer for you know what your favorite movie of all time is? I believe it came out in the late 90s, possibly early 2000s. Okay.

Okay. Is it romantic? No. Okay. Is it historical? No. Hmm. Hmm.

Is it an award-winning movie? I believe so. Does it have famous people in it? Yes. Okay. Can I give you one? I think you'll get it as soon as I did it. Okay, well, before you do.

Okay, now what I'm thinking, late 90s. Master and Commanding. No, not historical. Oh, yeah, that's right. Award winning, it's American Beauty. This Kevin Spacey film. Okay, hint, hint, hint. The hint is, it is, it is set.

in a prison. Shashank? Yeah. That's a good favorite movie to have. I think it's 1994. That early? I think so. How like,

is this something you made? And it is historical. Oh yeah, that's true. It takes place in the past. Well, yeah, it takes place in the past, but it's not based on it. Yeah, you're right. It's on a historical thing. Do you watch it once a year?

Yeah, at least. Yeah. Yeah. There's movies. that like I feel like a year goes by and I haven't seen it and I'm like I've been to watch it twice Yeah, but it's been a bad year

Yeah Yeah Although like once you stop having like Cable television Because it would be a movie You know there's those movies that You have a plan for your day And if it's on you're like well

Yeah I'm watching this Today belongs to Goodfellas Yeah Oh I was talking to a couple Younger comics And I mentioned Goodfellas And I had no idea what that was

And I was like I don't want to be like Oh come on movies in my day, but Goodfellas is like a pretty big cultural. When I bring up Seinfeld, now I'm having moments of like when like my uncles would be like all of the family. Dave, do you like all the family? Hey, Dave, you meethead.

A show I've seen like zero full episodes. I've definitely seen a lot of it, but only because it was on TV. Not here. No. It was part of a comedy block, like an old comedy for, for, for, shows. Maybe Mary Tyler Moore was in there. I feel like WKRP.

Yeah, WKRP was definitely in there. All in the family. Mary Tyler Moore. Maybe. Do you remember this one? Maud. Yeah. Maud was B. Arthur.

Yeah. Free Golden Girls. Yeah. B. Arthur's one of the funniest people who's ever lived. She's great. I watched an old clip where she and Steve Erkel presented an award and not Julele White,

Steve Urkel. Oh, good. Okay. And he taught her the Uracle dance and she was very game. What is the Uracle? Oh, yeah. I've seen it.

Yeah. It's a tiptoe. Yeah. And then there's a part where you go on your back, kind of break dance

style. Anyways, we wish her the best up in heaven and Julia White here on Earth. Julio White on Earth, but Steve Urkel's in heaven.

Yes. It was in murder by Carr Woodland the final episode. Strangled it with piano wire. I was on Evil Men and the subject was Jaliel White

slash Steve Urkel. Because on evil men, they have an evilometer. Yes. Where they, you know, Hitler is a 10. And Steve Urkel, they say is a 1. Yeah. And so we went through it. And then I watched the last episode of Family Matters.

And he's in space at the end. And he comes down to Earth and then marries Laura. Oh, Laura finally likes him? Yeah, yeah. You know, at least like maybe in the bedroom he turns into stuff on. That's a bad lesson. Yeah. Just keep bothering somebody

Yeah, the woman who's rejected you for years I mean they didn't have any other solid ending How else would they have I mean I guess she could have left him at the altar Yeah Or he moves on Yeah Yeah I mean he's an international hero

He's a freaking astronaut Yeah we watch So I told you we've been watching young Sheldon And that towards the end of it It just gets terrible Yeah But it does have the thing of the wonder years where it's like, well, let's just kill off the dad and make everyone sad for no reason.

It's good to see the dad's getting killed off. Like Disney really took a hammer to a bunch of moms. Yeah, that's true. I mean, you're Lion King, classic dad. Bambi. Yeah. Oh, no. Bambi's mom.

Yeah. Little Mermaid Mama's dead. Beauty and the Beast mom is dead. Nemo. Maybe there's no mom on the. the scene, just the pops. I never saw it. I don't know if I can hijack a fun fact from another podcast that I just heard.

You absolutely can. Okay. What only to Disney movies did both parents stay alive? Like, is this count like modern day? Or is this like, are these classics? Princess ones or does like 101 Dalmatians count? Yep. That's one of them.

There's only 9. There's 101 Dalmatians. And in fact, now that I say this, out loud, I'm not even 100% sure both Disney movies, but I think it's Disney movies. What about Peter Pan? Yeah, those are the two. Oh, really? Really good.

Yeah, we do Disney trivia. God, damn it. Is that the nights you guys go to? Yeah, nights and days. It's a lifestyle. Do you ever do, are you a trivia, pub trivia person? I feel like you'd be good at it. Yeah, I really enjoy pub trivia.

And it's, we went last summer, my sister-in-law, and my brother-in-law and Jay and I, and we're kind of a good mix of knowing things. But we went to Barnside Brewing in Ladner, which is awesome, except they did not have non-alcoholic beer, and I was very, very angry. They didn't even have just a corona or something just sitting around. They had something called a hop water. Yeah. Oh!

I like it. Don't encourage them. It's no calories, no sugar, no nothing. No fun. Well, it tastes a little. little bit like... It's the weaners of the... It's taken the leftover hot. It is sort of hot dog water.

It's hot dog water. It's beer weiner water. I think I might have some upstairs if you want some. To open and throw in your face. I did pub trivia and I guess the previous pub trivia was too pop culture heavy. So they went with another set of questions, but I guess you just had to have to have the set that they sent you from whatever this like online trivia thing is. So one of the categories was America marching bands. So what kind of question?

I don't know. Like who, who, who, what university has this? Oh. You know, where would you go to? Who's got two tubas? Oh, man. Complete this is a drum. Drum notation.

Bapap, bap, bap. Yeah, it was like, I don't think anybody, even just at random guessing, I don't think anybody got any of them right. I like it when the marching band goes in, does weird shapes. I like when they form weird formations on the field that make it look like they're doing an animation of... Yeah, I like those hats.

A salute to Kermit, the Frog. What do you think of like the drone shows that everybody does now? They're like, this... Oh, I can't get it up. Yeah. It's... What do you think? I mean, they're okay.

Yeah. Like, but it's kind of like one of those things. Like as soon as you see one, you're like, no way. And then you're like, okay. Yeah. You know. That's how easily, uh, is the border we are? Yeah.

It's kind of like a light bright. Exactly. Yeah. It's a light right in the sky. I saw a good one for Master's of the Universe. It's still a movie. I'm not sure who's going. They did a drone show for Master of the News.

They did a drone show. They had Skeletor in some Hollywood. Oh, okay. It wasn't some of it. They didn't just. to pop-up events. In Minneapolis. They will all over the map.

Yeah, they probably would. The weird thing about that movie, as far as I can tell. The new He-Man movie. Yes. Skeletor is a man that has a skeleton face. And he's played by Jared Leto, but I could believe you played by anybody. I don't know why they would bother. Because Jared Leto just has hit after hit.

He's got the magic time. Yeah, he picks the best projects. People are just swarmed. to the theater when they see his name. Yeah, that's true. His name should be first. There should be called Skeletor. Should be.

Jared Leto is Skeletor, 27 or whatever. Is it what year is it? 2026, but, you know, there's sequel. Surely there will be a sequel. Yeah, Shira. Exactly. Exactly. Do you go in for a summer blockbuster or do you just, what's your movie theater

habit? We love going to the movie theaters, myself and Jay. and if there's something good that he wants to watch, we will both go see it. And if there's something good that I want to watch. You go alone. No, actually, sometimes, like, he'll suggest a movie. I can't remember which one it was, but I was like, okay.

And then we went and watched it, and I was like, what the, what was that? And he goes, well, I thought you'd want to watch it. And I was like, why? Fuck, I'm trying to remember what I, it was like, it was just so odd. Like, I was like, oh, this is dumb. Was it Devil Wars Prada, too? No, I do want to see that. And I have mentioned that thrice, and he's not.

So that might be an Erica Sigerson solo. I go solo exclusively. Abby and I go to movies separately just because it's like, well. One of you has to have the children. We have to do. The kids are practically old enough to take care of themselves. But also, I don't want to go to a movie at night. Yeah.

I'll just go, like, give me. me a Saturday afternoon. Yeah. A ripe 2 p.m. Yeah. And like, if I can see a movie at 7 o'clock, I will fall asleep.

Yeah. Matinees are. Like, for a long time, I was like, well, nobody's going to movies anymore. And people are like, yeah, they are.

And I realized it's because I always go to matinees. Like, there's a whole other life happening. Yeah. I, yeah, I love going to movies. I forget what I was going to say.

But it's really important because it's my turn to talk now. You are the person who introduced me to the M&Ms on popcorn. Are you loving it? Oh, I'm loving it. I've been doing it for a decade now.

It is, what's your, because I do it as well, what's your method with trying to get them like dispersed throughout? Because they love to sit on top or sink right to the bottom. Is there a trick that I'm missing about how to give it? I see people like eat a few, put them in and then shake them up. Yeah, I've tried that and it doesn't seem to. I think you just need to use your like. you're the feelers and just be like, well, I don't want. Yeah.

Let's not go overboard. Let's just use our common sense here, people. Also, I don't need the M&Ms to last to the end of the bag. No, but I like a little, you know. I like the treat at the bottom. Yeah, that's a little surprise. Like a buttery, slippery, bing! It flies out of your hand.

I've seen online, this is what I was going to say earlier. Here we got. Here it is. I've seen in the last few weeks, people posting like things about like, Let's destigmatize going to the movies by yourself. There's no stigma. No. That's all in your head, sir.

You could do a corporate of somebody who's destigmatizing a little movies. Yeah, let's raise money for going to the movie by yourself. I'm, you're a Cineplex club member? I was just going to ask you that. Of course I am. I'm sure we talked about this before. We must have, yeah. Because you're a big joiner of membership things.

A joiner of memberships. How many memberships would you, because I know you're a membership of all the hotels. All the hotels. And like pretty much any customer to loyalty, how many would you say you have? Gosh, probably more than I need. Yeah. Over 20, but I've got to be honest, the only hotel membership that's really, really worth it is the Marriott program. What do they do?

You get, like, I have enough points to stay in Paris for five nights. Plus, I'll get more, I have still more free stays. Like, because we stay so much with the Snowden tour. We end up accumulating points. And then you get free nights. And I don't want to brag. Stay seated, but I am Titanium Elite. Whoa.

Oh, shit. Oh, boy. So I get into, like, if you stay at a Delta, they have, like, the Delta pantry, which is full of snacks. some better than others. Wow, that's really something us plebes don't know exists. That's also true of everything. Some are better than others. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Not exclusive to Delta. No, no. Titanium Elite, is there a level above that? There is. What? I'm not even allowed to know. It's diamond. It's got to be diamond.

It's something. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, I can't remember, but. So, uh, do they make a big deal when you say, oh. This is Sigerson. They do say thank you for being a titanium elite member. Okay. I say you're most welcome. Oh, and the big thing is you get like late 4 p.m. checkout.

Oh. That is a treat. That's free mo. Yeah. And they don't say anything about your ghouly eyes. They, not once have they mentioned. Once you get a certain status, they just shut up. They do not mention what cosmetic surgery they think you need.

Do they do anything like, because some hotels I'll go to there, it will be like, you know, a welcome. Treat? Yes. Yes. Yeah. So usually. there'll be like some chips or cookies or something in a handwritten card, especially the West in Toronto.

And I've now, because sometimes I'll leave like macaroons, which are not my favorite. And so I'll call down and I'll be like, hello, thank you so much for the gift, but I'm a diabetic. And if I could get those delicious chips and then she brought me up like a bag of dritos, and I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm a diabetic. I did mean that the ones that are, handmade in the kitchen.

On D, everybody, her highness needs more of those homemade chips. They're so good. Macarons are, oh, they're easy on the eyes, and then they're fine if you eat them. They kind of... Are they? Like, what do they taste like? Nothing. They're just, like, generic.

Like, they come in different flavors, but, like, the sweetness... They're over the top. They're beautiful. So you're like, oh, these are going to be great. And they kind of, like, there's... gets sticky on your teeth. Yeah. They're just like sugar on sugar.

Yeah, in the middle part, there's some chew. I mean, you can have all kinds. Leave them out for a day. They'll be extra chewy. Yeah, for listeners that don't know, what is the Snowden tour? Tell us all about it. The Snowden comedy tour travels coast to coast, starting in early January and commencing in mid-Aprow. So we go across.

Do you know those words? No. We are commencing and starting at the same time. Yes. We start and then we commence. I'm so sorry. You have a commencement ceremony. We have a commencement ceremony at the end where I get flown home first class.

Oh, nice. Yes. So that's what we did this year. We ended and we flew home business class in pods. Oh, boy, was it ever nice. How far east were you? Toronto. Okay.

That's a nice flight. That's a nice place to be pampered a bit. When we booked them, I was like, I don't really know if this is worth the money. And on the day, we flew home after being in Ontario for a month of, like, shows. I was like, thank God. Yeah. Now, this tour's been going on for like a decade. More?

It started in 2009. Okay. And it was just like a few shows at first. And then Dan Quinn has built it up. Yeah. And it was ski hills. Yeah. Mostly it was just so that they could go skiing for free.

So Whistler. Does that still happen? Not as much anymore. Like, Dan, We'll go skiing, like Pete and Paul both ski, but Paul's only Dan skied this year or snowboarded. Okay. Yeah. But that used to be like the rest of it.

Yeah. Yeah, that was the whole purpose. The reason for the season. The reason for the season. Are you guys like a, are you like a basically like a band at this point? Like you're just like. A well-oiled machine. Yeah, well-oiled machine.

Pretty much. Like when we get to a venue, we all have our roles. I set up merch. That's my role. And that's your role? That's my role. Do you sell, are you working the booth after the show? I am, oh, man.

When I emcee, because we take turns MCing, so somebody else has to go out and sell at the beginning of intermission, I immediately go out and take over. I'm like, they're not selling hard enough. Yeah. Get out of here. What do you sell? What kind of merch? We've got T-shirts. We've got Tewks.

This year I brought in some magnets and beer cusies. Nice. Is the merch all snowed in, or do each individual comedian have their own, like, get yourself an Erica headband while you're here? Oh, well, we have just all snowed in merch, but next year, and I did a little bit this year of selling my zippered wear, my sewing. I forgot. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. You still sewing?

Oh, my God, am I ever? What is, so your zipper, there are pouches. There's some, yeah, there's zippered pouches. we've got key wristlets. We've got iPad holders. Key wristlets. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, yeah, there's some zipper pouches, but it's mostly key wristlets. It's mostly wristlets. Is it, what is that? I'm trying to imagine it my head. I'll show you. I'll show you. Yes, please, please, please. So, and this is, I mean, guys, this is a great use of a little bit of fabric you have

left over. Oh, okay. So there's a little cuff. So then you order this little thing. A little. And then put the material in and cr. And then you can put your keys on your wrist. Love it.

Love it. It's a key wristlet. Here's some. There's my keys, guys. A little ASMR for you. Yeah. Yeah, like I was, I went and saw David Sedaris. Yeah, we were both there.

We were both there. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a pointing recognition thing? Yeah. Yeah. Do you, did you wait in line to get a book signed? No, because I have waited twice before and got books signed.

And there was no way I was getting it. That lineup was insane. Yeah. I thought. He chats with everybody. Yeah. And the first time I, so the first time I met him was in Bellingham. And it was such a good kind of interaction.

It's kind of like once you, it's like never meet your heroes. But it was so good the first time. Yeah. And then the second time was at a chapter signing. And so that was like not a theater event. He was just doing a reading. Right. And so I think he was much less impressed.

with signing because he's not making a ton of bank off this chapter's reading. And it was much less kind of vibrant of an interaction. So I was like, I'm going to just really save that one where. Do you read all his books when you go? When you buy them? No, I don't know how to read. That's why she goes to the show. Yeah, yeah.

I need him to read it to me. That's why I became such a fan. Yes, I do read his books. I've read a few, but he just keeps making them. He sure does. And he said during the reading that every one of his books goes to number one on the New York Times. Yes. So do you remember when does this one come out?

Because it comes out on the same day as JD Vance. Yeah, yeah. Whatever J.D. Vance's release date is. It was June 30th? Yeah. And he was like, it doesn't matter that you guys know you can't affect the... Yeah, you're Canadian. Yeah.

Yeah. But like I've heard, yeah, I'll have a conversation and then he'll sign the book with like an inside joke. Like, oh, yeah. He drew a picture. I don't know if it's of me, but it is a naked woman. The droopy eyes? Oh, fuck, she does have droopy eyes. I think it was me.

Like just waste up, but naked. Huh. Oh, why? I don't know. I was like, huh. Ain't I a stinker. I can get away with this. Okay.

I guess. Did you enjoy the show? I did. Yeah. Yeah. I really did. I forgot my glasses and then I realized that's fine. He's just sitting there the whole time.

There's no visuals. He doesn't get up and do anything. Napoleon died of my dance. I was sitting too close, I would say. Like, I was in the third row. Oh, wow. And the splash zone. The splash zone, yes.

It's almost like two. You want to be like fifth or six. Because when you're too close, you can't really, like, I found it, I was almost getting dizzy, like, looking straight up. Yeah. Have you, like, whenever it comes to town, you go see? Yeah. I went some, like, would you follow him on the road? There's got to be people who do.

I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. He's, like, he seems really, like, he's not, doesn't shove it down your throat, but he seems very, very smart. Like, like, weirdly so. Yeah. Yeah. He could speak all sort of different languages

And he just picked it up from like Do a lingo? And he's learned to actually learn to language on that? He talked pretty one day. Nice. The Back to your point. Before you came in,

before we started the show, you had a Starbucks and we talked, We both have the Starbucks app. I rarely use it. My children like to get a little refresher once in. Oh, yeah. Puppuccino. But I have the Domino's app.

Have you seen this thing? I don't know how to say this without sounding terrible, but I would not order a pizza from Domino's. So we graduated from Domino's. We used to order Dominoes. Oh, congratulations, I'm graduating from Domino. So, like, for years, we would order good pizza, and then we had children.

Yeah. And they would go to birthday parties, and they'd be like, They had this pizza called Domino's at this party? We should try it. And so for years we were getting Domino's because you can't get good pizza for kids because they don't like that. No, no, no, no. And so, and then one day my daughter, her class had Panago.

And so she was like, oh, I like Panago now. Oh, no. Okay. And then I got an email on Saturday from Domino's saying, you have 180 points that are expiring tonight. No, okay. Whoa. So how much does. 180 points by you.

So it buys you a medium pizza. Okay. It buys you half a liter of drink. It buys you three of their like dessert cakes. Oh. Like their lava cakes. Yeah. And one crazy bread.

We could have got instead of the lava cakes, we could have got a second pizza. But so at 11 o'clock in the morning, I got this email and I said to Abby, tonight we're getting pizza. Yeah. And then I went. And the kids were like, Oh, no, no, no. And then I went to a, my friend Graham put on a 24-hour comedy show.

Oh, yes, I've heard of this. Yeah. And I went, and it was good, and I went for two hours. And then when it was over, it's right next to a pizza place. And I was like, we'll get a couple of places of pizza. And then as I'm eating the pizza, I'm remembering, oh, fuck, I have to order Domino's tonight. Yeah, horrible two pizza day. That's a lot for 180 points, though.

That sounds like a good point system. It is a good point system. I'd never catch them in, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. And now my bank account is empty. I'm part of the Domino's one. I think I'm part of the Pizza Hut one.

Probably the Panago one as well. But I only order those when I'm like on the road because they're the only things that are open. You know. Oh, yeah. And you know it's fine, right? I'm a McDonald's member as well. Oh, yeah? What do you get for that?

You'll get like a deal thing. Like you can order whatever. Everything. Just name, if you have enough points, everything's on the table. Yeah. But you can only get one, you only add one thing to your order. Oh, I see. Okay.

Do you know what I am a big fan of this app, Instacart? Oh, I've never used it. Yeah. So on the road, I started ordering groceries to the hotel. So when I got there, so I'd have like, because I make chia pudding, every morning for breakfast. So I would order my berries and my bananas and my yogurt and my almond milk. I brought the chia myself from home.

And you have like a terracotta. I have a mason. I have a mason jar. Shake it up before you go to bed and you put it in the fridge. And then you add the yogurt and the berries and everything. We got protein. We've got fiber. It's a delicious, nutritious breakfast.

Okay. I mean, it sounds nutritious. Yeah, yeah. So I use it on the road. I'm not going to argue with nutritious. It's also delicious. And then when I got home, one day I was like after the good old eye situation, because I don't usually order food when I'm at home. And I was like, oh, man, I really need some stuff from Whole Foods.

And then suddenly I was like, oh, what about using this Instacart in my own city? And this might be a new thing that I do. Yeah. What's the percentage? What do you got to pay on a grocery order? There's like a $5 registration fee. Okay. Don't know what that is.

Then there's a $2.99 service fee. Don't know what that I'm saying this out loud. Maybe I'm going to go, just go to the Whole Foods. It's three blocks from my house. Yeah, well, All Foods is already a grid price. So I know whenever I go to Whole Foods, I feel like I buy two things, whatever in there. I don't buy, it's not my full cart, but I see somebody go full car to Whole Foods.

Oh, boy. What kind of life do they live? Sometimes you'll discover one or two things at Whole Foods that are actually cheaper, and you're like, oh, my God, there's a good deal. Yeah. Cathedral Cheeses. So those little packs of Cathedral cheese that are like the baby bell but cathedral. Never heard. Okay.

So buckle up, guys. Oh, a hop water. I get all my hop water there. At Urban Fair, those are $8.50. Guess how much they are at Whole Foods? $5.50. These are the hopwaters or the Cathedral cheese? She's not buying hot water.

And they come in a wax wrapper? No, they come in just a plastic wrapper. Okay, all right. Less fun than... Less fun. I don't really like Baby Bell. I do like the wrappers, though. I've never tried a cathedral cheese.

Oh, boy. You are missing out. Maybe I'll go to the store that has them. I love... Again, I don't know what I was going to say. I was trying to tie up the old thing, but then I'll move on to it. No, it's gone. But it'll come back.

Yeah, the, I used to, oh, I used to love the bakery section of Whole Foods. It's all bygone now. It's all because I don't need. Cooked off site? Or you don't eat gluten? Oh. Which, even I went to the doctor recently and I said I don't eat gluten. He was kind of like, oh, that's too bad.

I was like, oh, hey, doc. Never heard of that. Back me up here, dude. Did you get a test for? No, no. You can. Yeah, but you have to eat a lot of gluten to have it done. No, you don't.

Well, that's what the doctor that I just went to said. Oh, well. And do your own research. Well, I just, yeah. The family member of mine who just had the test done, the doctor just did a bunch of like, you know, the requisition for them. It was like, hey, all the gluten, too. Yeah. Oh, interesting.

Okay. Well, I didn't get it done. So did the lactose one too. That's a long one. Well, like, what do you mean? You got to drink a little lactose drink. Oh, no, you got to breathe into a tube. To prove that you're not drunk.

And then you got to drink a little lactose drink. Breathe an hour again and then breathe in an additional hour. Are you, did you do this yourself? A family member of mine did. Yes. And positive, negative? Got to get results from the doctor. It's been two weeks.

Oh, God. This medical system. Meanwhile, they're just carving up anyone's eyes who has. Probably the same people. Sorry, Dave, we can't get your test done. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, I told you about the pizza. Yep.

And that was the main thing. That was the big one. So, Graham, for weeks, well, months, really, I've been texting you every day about this plaza in our neighborhood. Yep. Now, there's two plazas in our neighborhood. There's a nice plaza and the nasty plaza. and the nasty plaza, which has the porta potty in it. So if you're ever, you know, in a pinch, they've got it.

If you're ever in a pinch. If you ever need to pinch a loaf. If I, I'm not being too obtuse. Yeah, if I'm, pardon me for being the slightest bit indelicate. But, and then there's the good plaza, which they closed. They were like, it was a temporary plaza. We're going to make it permanent. Yeah.

All we need is nine months to do it. Yeah. We're going to close it over the summer because it's a plaza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to flatten out the road for nine months. And it also had like a bike path as part of it. So they had to like do bike. They had to make it a part of the whole design.

Yeah. And they had to. And then they were like, actually, did we say nine months? How about 11? We have to be done by the, they, for some reason, built it around FIFA. They're like, we want to be done by FIFA. Yeah. Because we're expecting a lot of, you know, Portuguese people to come through and carry banners through the plaza.

Do you feel like you, like, I don't know, I don't know what, like, there's been no kind of campaign of like, don't take transit or, you know, here's a lot of parties for fear. Like, I haven't heard anything about it. There is. So FIFA, it's called the World Cup. It's sponsored by FIFA. Yeah. And it's the biggest sporting event in the world. Yeah.

And we are hosting six games or so in Vancouver. Yeah. And they're also going to have some concerts. Who's the landing with the concerts? I don't know. But they're going to be at the new amphitheater. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it does feel very disjointed.

It's not like when we had the Olympics and it's like there's events happening all over the city. Yeah. And celebrations and like go. to the like, you know, different, go to the German beer house or whatever. Yeah, I want to go to the German beer house. Here, they're hosting six games that are all taking place at the same place.

Yep. And it's not like there's, while those games are going on, there's not other events. Maybe there's like watch parties or something, but yeah. Yeah. I don't know what, it does not feel the same. No. And it's it sounds like a burden.

It doesn't sound like a fun. I also. don't know a ton of people that are super stoked about it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. It's like, uh, like when the women's FIFA World Cup was played here, I feel like there was way more excitement.

Oh, look at these women. Hold on. Look at these women. I just can't get it up. I saw Bill Hater, Bill Hater with his daughter leaving. Yeah, I was, I emceed the watch party a few times. Okay. Met Merrimack Juice, Gregor Robertson.

The Juice Mayor was, in that case, was Canada one of the teams that was playing here? Yeah, we did pretty well. Yeah, Canada's pretty good at women's soccer. But like none of the games here have Canada. No, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? There's a couple, but it's, and so that's worth getting excited about. But the draw we have, all the other teams are like Switzerland and Australia.

There's no, like, giant stars that are going to be in town. There's no England. No. Is there Belgium? There might be Belgium. Okay. I feel like an Argentina would really get people going. Yeah.

But like I guess are they expecting people from those countries to come here and watch the games? That is the whole thing you would expect because there's been so much like they blocked off all these hotel rooms for people. And then they're like actually no one's coming. Like so many people, I feel like, converted their basements into Airbnbs because of six games being played. I know. I was even thinking, I was like, should I sublet my apartment? And I was like, no, somebody will ruin it and that'll be homeless. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's, I know, we know somebody, Nicole Callender. She has tickets to a couple of games. She sold those. Oh, yeah? Oh, did she? No, she, if she did. She's going to go. Oh, if she sold them.

Yeah. No one heard the if. Oh, sorry. Can I dig it again? She sold those. Ooh. Yeah, no, people are going to the game. Yeah.

I think they're sold out. But it's not, yeah, it's not like, I feel like even when Taylor Swift came, it was a bigger deal. Oh, way bigger. Yeah. And it didn't cost a billion dollars to put it on. Yeah, she did her own setup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't have to build her a new field.

Well, they have a crew. She sets up the merch table. She comes out first mentions that it's there. Wait, we never talked about what everyone else's jobs are. Oh, yeah. Oh, so Paul is on food. He goes and picks up the food from the restaurant so we can eat. Backstage.

Pete does the banner. And Dan. Like hoisting the banner up. Yeah. He doesn't. He doesn't like he whatever whoever's there sometimes it's a union house and we don't do anything Sometimes you got to help the guy get it on the fly bar and then Dan is like setting up the music and taking care of the clerical Yeah that's that's important lyrical

Do you have a big like a big opening music number? Like is it all? Because I know you've got this like fantastic looking banner Yeah, you also have like theme music that comes down? We don't we well we have a big opening music number like is it all? Because I know you've got this like fantastic looking banner. Yeah, you also have like theme music that comes in up. We don't. We don't. We, well we have a big. Well, we have a big. We have a big. We have a big. I have a big. Well, Whoa, black bunny. I know. I would love to enter to music. I've been shot down on numerous occasions. Really? I think entering to music is...

I think that's great. Yeah. Yeah. I was at a... What song would you pick? I often choose Demi Levato's confident. It's got it right off the gate. Just it's got a good...

And you're getting shot down by these guys, eh? I know. You should be the only one who comes out to music. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just. Just break with the pack. Yeah.

On my iPhone, just bam. You guys remember a rigid, probably even muscle memory, the phrase, keep your table conversation to a minimum and your laughter at a maximum. Yeah, I heard that. And by the way, turn off your fucking cell phone. Yeah, nothing like abusing the audience before the show starts. Lizid shitheads. But like, now if I ever hear, what's the one, Hey, ho, let's go by the Ramon or Black Betty, like a chill goes up my spine. Yeah.

Yeah. For the rest. But I heard somebody do that at a smaller comedy club that keep your conversation to him. So I'm glad that lived on. That's still be faster up. By the way, shut up. Yeah. No conversation.

And you know what? If you've got laughter settings, crank it up to a max. Yeah. A little less conversation, a little more action. There you go. Yeah. So anyway, so they're building this plaza. Yes.

and it's been 99% finished for three months. Yes. And every day I walk by and I text Graham, oh, looks like they're putting some plants in today. Okay, so they poured the cement benches. The cement benches are in place. And then the next day, someone's grinding the cement benches. Yeah.

But they're ready to go. I think they're opening any day. And then a week goes by, nothing happens. there seemed to be coating the cement benches with some kind of product. But then that'll waterproof them, I guess, and then they're ready to go the next week. They're grinding off the coating now. Somebody's made a mistake. Oh, they're putting in the little nubs on the benches so people don't skateboard on them.

Yeah, that was the one thing when I went today. I couldn't skateboard. And then there were these tables that were picnic tables that were there for months. stacked up and then they finally put them out in where they're supposed to go and they

but they have like little anchors that can get screwed into the ground and I was like oh they're until they're screwed into the ground I don't think they're ready to go yeah yeah and then on the one day last week

I noticed they were screwed into the ground that was the day they took away the porta potty and they took away the fences and I said Graham it's open like Jurassic Park and then the next day a bunch of the benches

a bunch of the tables had caution tape around them Oh no Somebody fell off Because I guess they hadn't anchored them down Oh shit Only a few of them had been anchored down And then now it's fully open

And then I wrote you and I said I don't think I'll ever text you again I have nothing to update you in it Yeah well we'll find a project Like Tim Allen and his kids on improvement making a hot rod. Do you want to make a hot rod? How hard can it be?

You get the shell and then you just do YouTube videos, you know? I use YouTube videos all the time. Have you, you've done, right? You've done little fix-its around the house via YouTube? Yeah. Yeah. You? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. What do you learn? What do you learn from YouTube? What haven't I learned from YouTube? I don't learn anything from YouTube. I do the, I follow instructions and then I don't know it. Yeah, yeah. Like, unclogging.

a sink if. Oh, yeah, the pea trap? The pea trap is very important. But I also, so we had this shower stopper, hair catcher thing, and then I took it out. Did you order it off Instagram? Amazon. Okay. And then I took it out and there was this little, I can't remember what it was,

a shampoo lid. And it was on the, like where the shampoo goes. And Jay bumped it. And then that lid flew down and got stuck. Yeah. And then so that was a lot of YouTube, never got it out, had to call the plumber, the building. Why was the lid off the shampoo? You're trying to get those the last few drops?

That was something I do. I don't know. Something's gone wrong. It's almost always my fault. I was thinking about that because I was at my in-laws place and a pickle jar lid got stuck in the sink drain. Oh, wow. Perfect fit. Yeah, but that's what I was thinking about.

I was like, why do these things have the same size? Is that just coincidental? Or is there like a standard industry? Like this is the size. Yeah. And everybody had to go out. It became real like the project of the evening. I got advertised this thing and made me think of you because it was an Instagram ad.

It was a guy holding these things that you plug your sink with. They're garbage. What you got to get is this thing where you put it in and you can, you push this part of it. And it stops, you know, whatever. It like filters out whatever's going down the drain. If this one, it'll let everything down. Do you have anything like that you bought recently? Because you are the queen of buying a...

I do. And I haven't opened it yet. I feel like it's going to be a real moment. So I started getting advertised those things. You put in your mouth instead of brushing your teeth, you could just walk around with it in your mouth. I think we've talked about this. Did I have it last year?

I think so. It might have been a year that I've been holding on to this. next time I'll bring it and we'll brush my teeth live on the podcast But remind me what it is So it's like a UV light slash tooth brush thing It's like a retainer but you put it in and you walk around And you're like oh

And it's brushing your teeth How long do you have to wear it for? I have not opened the box Dave not open the box Yeah that was an Instagram buy I just bought some tanning lotion has not arrived yet Okay Off Instagram.

Tanning lotion meaning self-tanner? Self-tanner. Like a, but a lotion that happens to make your legs a little bit darker. Okay. You hope. You hope. You can't go out in black leg. You will get canceled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be like orange. There's all kinds of shades of tan. Yeah. Yeah. I think I've ever bought anything from. Have I? Or I advertised like a neat little...

My thing is I, the Instagram ads, I don't trust... Apparently this is a generational divide where, like, young people will buy things on their phone. Or there are certain purchases that are... With millennials, there's certain purchases that... Oh, you can't buy a, you know, a plane ticket on your phone. You have to buy it on a laptop. Right. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for younger people, everything is phone. His phone. Yeah. And an Instagram purchase for me, even though it's on my phone, I do feel like I need to hit save and then investigate it further on my laptop. Do a quick trust pilot. Yeah.

What's trust pilot? You go on and you see if something's trusted. It's kind of like the Better Business Bureau for the Internet. I love that. Yeah. Trust pilot. Okay. So.

See if I learn every single time I learn something. A little something. Yeah. Anyway, the plaza's open. We're enjoying it. I've not been to it yet. It's been open a week. I've been walked through it, but I haven't sat down.

It's, it's, uh, the, the, the tables are, are real nice. There's kind of a scratchy plastic. Uh, we're talking earlier about, maybe it's a polywood. It's probably, yeah, it's some sort of, uh, you know, for polywood. Eventually some kids going to, like, burn part of it with their lighter. Oh, 100%. Um, but it's got, it's got lights. It's got, like, lights at night.

Yeah, the lights at night are cool. And then, like, strands of light of light. Yeah, it's pretty. And before they closed it, there used to be, like, performances. And presumably now that it's open for FIFA, like, maybe Shakira will come. But no washrooms. No washrooms. This city is terrible.

It is the worst. A block away, there's a porta potty at the nasty plaza. But this city is. Like, if you're downtown and you can't get into, like, it's either a hotel. A lot of the restaurants downtown, they're not. Nope, you're going in, you got to buy something. Yeah. So is a drink?

I went to my vet yesterday. They had a litter box. I tell you. No, I truly went to my vet and they said no bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, you know, Home Depot, Canadian Tire, public bathrooms. Canadian Tire, God bless them.

During COVID early days, they were like the only place that kept washing themselves. open. Oh, really? Yeah. Gas stations even closed their bathrooms. Yeah. Gas station you'd gotta buy something.

But everyone got COVID from those Canadian tire bathrooms. There was a huge outbreak. But we were all going to get it anyways. Yeah, yeah. No, there were variants. There were Canadian tire variants. Anyway, so that's what's going on with me. Trying to think of other public bathrooms.

Oh. McDonald's, I feel like you can get into a McDonald's. They don't have like a lock on the door. But the plaza does have like water facilities. and like you can like fill your water bottle and stuff. Okay, that's good. Yeah. It's causing a problem that you now cannot solve.

We just got to go block to the nasty plaza. Yeah, man, I use that nasty plaza all the time. Sometimes I'll leave my own house and just go use it just for fun. And I do think not by not having a porta potty at the new plaza, they're preventing it from becoming a nasty plaza. Yeah. Yeah, nobody does want to sit next to that. I saw tourists go and use those washrooms, like, that are...

Victory Square? Yeah, Victory Square washrooms. Like, have you ever gone down in there? Yeah. I'm scared. What is it? They're extremely well taken care of. Really?

Yeah, there's usually an attendant down there to make sure that it's not. Yeah. Like, it's, they're like really clean and like, you know, some graffiti, but it's not what I pictured. Because it always seems like you might get killed down there. Yeah. Nope. It's nice. I can't speak to the, to the woman's one, but the fellas one is a.

I would hope not. You know, there's usually a couple creepers in the women. But they're nothing to worry about it. They mean well. Yeah. I just tell them to take a hike and there, don't worry. What's going on with you? Well, this past weekend did a 24-hour comedy show.

Why? Just for vanity. And you and. and a bunch of other past guests were all part of a shift that was, I would say, if not the best, in the top two. That is, you wrote me that, you texted me that and I was like,

oh, you must say that to all the girls. No, no, some shifts, some shifts were hotter than others, and it was, yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was really hard. My legs hurt so much by the end of it. You switch from Hoka to New Balance, new balance.

I'm a new balance guy. And how did you feel? Great. Those new balance? is, who, they're amazing. What are they? 880s, 780s, 650s, 420s. I don't know, they're just whatever they had it.

420s aren't going to support you. That's basically the equivalent of a Nike Cortez. Whatever's the thickest possible soul. Do you have to stand the whole time? What about a yoga ball? It's not sit-down comedy. He's not Dr. William H. Cosby. Or Mark Maren, where he gets on that stool, you know.

That's true. Because if I sat, I'd fall asleep. Okay. You know what I mean? I hear you. But it was a lot of fun, raise some money. And it was great. I watched some on the internet.

It's streaming now on YouTube if anyone wants to see it. They broke it down into like two hour chunks. Yeah. On the Little Mountain Gallery YouTube. And there was characters that showed up that at one point. I'll save for that for the overheard because it was one of my favorite. parts of the whole show. But what I did the weekend before is a past guest,

cast firm, and it was a birthday. And so everybody got together at a pub, or not a pub, a brewery. And then after, we all went to the number five o'clock. Oh, my God. Oh, fun. We went to a strip club and, like, vintage, like a strip club has been in Vancouver probably since the 70s or something like that.

A famous strip club for the, It's featured in the Deadpool movie. It is, yeah, it plays itself. It also is where the, I believe it had the sign outside that says slippery when wet. Yeah. That inspired Bon Jovi to call their album that. And it was, it's, I'd been there years and years ago. And I've, there's, there's only three now left in the city because the fancy one, Brandy's shut down.

Oh, oh. Yeah, which was the victim of only fans probably. I wonder. Okay. There's been porno forever. That was the name of my hell of porno forever. The, yeah, I wonder, I imagine a lot of these guys probably have. It's this Generation Z and they just, they're buried in their mobiles and they just don't like the human touch.

Yeah, yeah, like go to, you support your local strip club. So there's three now and that's... There's the number five orange. Number five, Orange. There's the penthouse. And then there's one called the Granville Strip, which I've never been there. Is that downtown? That's downtown.

Okay. And. So, Marbutus. Well, there's Granville uptown. There's South Granville. That's true. It could be in the art gallery district. It's in Marpole.

It's right by the airport. Well, there used to be the, the, the Fraser Arms was right by the airport. Was the Fraser Arms? Was that a? That was a strip club. I think that, was that, was that what it was called? I don't, I never went. I never went to the, I went to the, I went to the, I went to the, I went to the,

marble arts when it was still here before it turned into karaoke places and then turned it to a party lot. I went to the karaoke version. Yeah. Fun. They had a little room. Yeah. But it's...

What were those rooms used for before? Well, when it was me. It was me singing. This microphone is shaped weird. In this instance, what is the microphone? Yeah. I went there was for my birthday, maybe my, like, 24th or 25th birthday. And I just remember singing, ladies, when your man want to get Buckwild,

just go up and hit him up style. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, so we went, and it's fun to go as a co-ed group because that it's, it's, how many of you were there? There was probably 12 people, something like that. And they have like a little kind of like area. They have areas where, like, a group can hang out. Okay.

And then there's the down by the stage. I made a collection to get the birthday girl lap dance. Don't know that left before that ever happened. So I don't know the status of it. The cash collection? Yeah. People have cash? Well, because when you went in there, everything was cash.

Oh. Yeah. Cash is king. Cash is king. And so, yeah, they really, really want you to have cash. And our cash is so slippery. I don't know if it's It's

Slipper after you go to the number of my war But as As For usual I'm like Blown away by how Athletic These Dancers are

The pole The pole is like Yeah What an apparatus And it's There's Sometimes there's just a guy by himself At this trip

Where I feel He has a name His name is Jacob the pervert. The sequel to Jacob the liar. But it's, yeah, at one point there was a guy and he was sitting next to a girl and I was like, what's the story that she's just sitting next to him and not, but she was waiting for some money to come through on the machine or something like that.

Have you been to strip club? Once on a comedy tour, like we went into a place and it was sad. It was a very small town. Yeah. And it was me and Jay and somebody else. And it was like, ble. Yeah. Yeah.

The small town show club is. I went to one, I went to a bar in Golden BC ones. Okay. And they said, oh, tonight they have a dancer. And it was just a woman traveling from small town to small town. Yeah, it's analogous to the stand-up comedy world. Yeah, and I did a show in a strip club, like, in my early, early days. Were you on the stripping stage?

Yeah, and I didn't, it was on the gig sheet as the dollhouse, and I was like, oh, that's a weird name for a bar. And it was me and Richard Lett, and then we got there, and we were walking downstairs, and it was like, it was also early. It was like 5 p.m. or something. And it was like Barbie Drip an hour. Barbie dolls everywhere and I was like, oh, that's what I'm weird thing is going on. And then we went down and then there's just girls dancing and I was like, oh, the dull house. Girls, girls, girls. And then they left the stage and got in their track suits.

And then I went on stage and there was just like about five dudes in the front row who were very disappointed I was wearing a sweater, furtleneck. could not have had more clothes on. And then there's a couple guys. They were even more upset when Richard Lett showed up. Yeah, yeah. I killed. And then so the guys in the back. And I was just like, I'm like, I can't do just regular jokes.

So I just kind of started talking about being there and being on the road. And I was talking about, I don't know, like, how my favorite, like, road snack was beef jerky. And then the next the next morning we were gassing up the car and I had the window down and this guy threw a thing of McSweeney's

beef jerky. Oh, wow. Like he didn't throw it through the window. He came up and handed it to me and he was like, no show yesterday and he was a driver for McSweeney's and gave me free. Oh my God. I know. He must have been like, surely I have someone on me right now I can throw on the stage.

You won't believe it, but I word for them. Smell my finger. But unlike most strip clubs where I feel like there's a backstage entrance to come on the stage. This one, you have to go up a ladder into the ceiling. That's where they, and then there must connect somewhere else in the club. Yeah, they do have a backstage entrance at a lot of these. Yeah.

I find a lot of the policies are like sort of poker in the front. Or no, wait. Oh, no. Wait, where's there liquor? I'm usually up front. Yeah, it's a ton of fun. If you're looking for some sort of like, but it is more fun. And a big group.

Yeah. And it's more fun when it's co-ed, because with a group of guys, it kind of gets. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it kind of gets a little, little icky. But if everybody's there and everybody's having fun. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I've been to three. Yeah. And the one I remember the best is because briefly there was a strip club across the street from Kingsgate Mall. Oh yeah. And it was called Uranus Lounge. That's right. No. Wasn't there a shooting there or something like that?

Probably. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. I remember it staring at it. And a guy I went with was like, hey, I went to high school with that girl. You were voted most likely to strip. This is great. Yeah, the, oh yeah, I remember that place.

Yeah. It's now, I think, a Starbucks. Or no, is it now a pizza pizza? Oh, yeah, it's pizza pizza. Do you have their app? I don't have pizza pizza pizza app. No, I've never had pizza pizza pizza. It's, as you might imagine, it's, you know, fresh slice level.

For those at home, fresh slice level would be, what's a chain that would be fresh slice level? Dominoes, I guess. No, I think fresh slices. Little Caesars. Yeah, like a little Caesar. Yeah. Adjacent.

Yeah. I was talking with somebody there and I was like, what was the first song that I saw a stripper performed to? And it was Criminal by Fiona Apple. This back in the day? Back in the day. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sexy song.

Yeah. But anyways, support your local strip club. It's all like if you're a dancer, you just, this is the song you like to dance to. Yeah, absolutely. I've never seen anybody stripped any Beatles music. So if you're out there, there's a niche. Yeah. Daughters by John Mayer, I think is a good one.

Yeah, what's, you know, any hymn really is good. Yeah. Closer by Lord to Thee is a good one. Well, closer by Nine Inch Nail. Yeah, that's a classic one. But yes, we're your local strip club. And, yeah, especially if you live in Portland because you cannot walk a block without finding a strip club. Yeah, it's like the most strip clubs of any place in the States.

Oh, interesting. Is it, um, there's places where it's like illegal to be bottomless. Yeah, I feel like what they could be. Uranus, I think it was bottomless. Boston Pizza definitely has bottomless pop. Yeah, somebody goes in. I heard it was bottomless in here. Yeah, I'll have a Pepsi.

Is it bottomless here? Yeah. Yeah. As far as what I saw. But not. But they keep their shirts on. Donald Duck. Yeah.

You're not even allowed to just have a bra. You have to keep yourself fully covered up up top. And you know what? That's the way I like it. Uh-huh. Yeah. Do you guys want to move on to some overheard? Sure.

Yeah. International Waters is back, baby. Do you like fun, silly conversations? Do you like fun, silly games? We got them both. And it's on International Waters. I am the host, Dave Holmes. This is a panel show

that pits American and British comics against each other in a lively and hilarious competition. What is gentlemen's relish? Who is bagpuss? Why is the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile so emotionally resonant? And why doesn't American cheese

have its own anthem? Get the answers, and be left with numerous questions about that and so much more nonsense and or codswallop twice a month. Here, on International waters.

You can catch international waters on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Alexis. Hey, Ella. What animal has the most teeth? I would guess a shark. A snail. No, snails don't have teeth. They have thousands and they are freaky looking.

No, I don't want that to be true. Okay. Did you know that the hippocampus in your brain is named after the half horse, half fish, sea creature found in Greek mythology? I didn't know that, but we're meant to be doing animal trivia and hippocampus isn't a real animal. Well, that doesn't matter on comfort creatures. You're right, it doesn't matter at all. Comfort creatures is a cozy show for lovers of animals of all shapes and sizes, real and unreal.

If that sounds like your cup of tea, then join us every Thursday for new episodes on maximum fun.org. Overheard. Overheard. If you are out there and you are lucky enough to hear like a real gem of a bit of conversation or see something that, It's particularly hilarious. We love to celebrate that. And if you want to send one in, you can send it into SBAWI at maximumofund.org. I always like to start with the guest.

Erica, do you have an overheard? I haven't overheard, although it was right to my face. So it was just a herd. So as we previously mentioned, I was on the Snowdenne C-Den comedy tour. And what kind of merch can we buy at the Snowden? T-shirts, t-shirts, mugs, magnets. Wristlets. Yes.

Rist-key-fob. Risky fobs. So after the show one night, often we like to play crib. And Paul Meyerhawk and I were playing crib. Remind me what crib is. It's cribbage. The game where... Oh, it's great.

Crippage. It's the... Do you need a board to? Yes. With pegs? Yeah. You have little pegs. We have little travel ones.

So we're playing cribbage. And we also have the office going in the background because it's always on. And I look over and I was like, you know one thing that I don't love about the later seasons of the office is that Jim got really cool looking and Pam just kept becoming more matronly. And then Paul's like, yeah. And then I can see him like kind of stop and like he's kind of like thinking. And then he goes, why did you use that word? And I was like, what word? And he goes, matronly. And I was like, well, you know, she just kind of was like way more mom like. And he's like, that's not what matronly means. And I was like, yeah, it is. He goes, no, matronly is like an old English

word. It means like beautiful or elegant. And I go, um, no, it absolutely does not. And I'm like, it's like an older woman. Like, picture Kathy Bates in misery. Like that's matronly. It is not a good word. And he goes, no. I have been telling every woman at every wedding that I have ever run into that she looks very majorly. And you look so matronly in that. You look so matronly in dress. Are you? Frumpy ass, bitch. And I started, I was cry laughing.

And he's like, no, I think you're wrong. And I was like, I 100% could not be wrong, but let's look it up. And so we look it up. And like, even the dictionary is even worse than, like, how I had described it. It's like, usually in modest dress and, like, very serious. And he's going through, and I go, how many women have you said? And he's like, every woman, every woman, ever. I tell them they look matronly.

And I'm like, dear God. This is Paul Meyerhawk? Yeah. This is very good. Yes. Yeah. So he's like, I owe a lot of people apology. Yeah.

Like I think he said he might bring it up at his wedding this summer to everyone there because he goes, this might explain. He's like, one year. I was at a wedding and some woman was yelling at me and I could not figure out why. And I was like, well, I go, do you know how many women you've probably sent spiraling? Like, they thought they looked so good. Looking matrily tonight. Hey, honey, I just got our wedding picks back.

I don't want to see them. Is he getting married in France? In France. Oh, that's very nice. Are you going to go? I sure am. There's a whole crew of us going. How long has he been with this woman?

Ten years. Okay. Maybe more. I assumed they were married. They had, he's something like a partway thing that they have in France. Yeah. So like France, I think Switzerland does this too. It's like, it's kind of like making common law slightly legally binding.

Right. Yeah. Isn't common law binding? I mean. It's law. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it is common law. And you can't find it everywhere.

But like, if you're common law and you break up and you don't. don't sue each other. You don't have any paperwork to do. You don't have to report to anybody. Now that's living. Yeah. I am out of here. That is very funny.

Telling women everywhere. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah. So I was walking down the street and these two guys got out of a fancy car. And they were talking, much like we talk about, the things we buy on the internet. They were talking about a stupid thing a guy had bought, but they seemed like they were interested in it.

And they're like, no, this is good. Yeah. So I've just bought this thing. It's a marketing company I bought this from. It's a supplement. It puts hydrogen in water. Well, I'm low on hydrogen. My doctor keeps saying I need more hydrogen.

And the fact that he was like, no, no, it's from a marketing company. So it's good. I do like the idea of a brand of water that promises, like, now more O. H2O2, double the O. Yeah, I love a stupid guy. I love all the waters that are out of these days. Have you tried hop water? The original H2O.

Have you tried, what's the one, liquid death? Two-O. Yeah. Too expensive. Too expensive. It comes in a can instead of a bottle. It's just water, but the idea is that he wants death to the plastic water bottle. And it's got like a flaming skull on it.

It looks like an energy drink, but it's just water, usually flavored. And I think the idea was like, if you're sober at a party, you should have a cool can you can sipping on. And during, like, before the 24-hour show. How much hydrogen is in it? It's got twice as much hydrogen as used to expect. but it's not where you'd expect it. It sneaks up on you. I bought a couple.

I've never tried them before five-hour energy. Drakes, have you ever tried one of those before? No. I didn't use it because I was too afraid of what it would do in a public setting. But were you tempted to do it? Were you thinking of doing that for the 24 hours show? Yeah, I've just got five of them. Did you say you, someone told me you didn't sleep before the show.

No, that's right. I'd been up since 2 a.m. So by 2 a.m., the, On the show I'd already been up for 24 hours, and there was still four, no, how many more hours to go at that point. Do you, will you do it, will you keep doing it? Will you do it next year? Or is the devil been paid off?

I'll probably do it next year, you know. As long as New Balance keeps turning out new soft shoes. Did you stand on a pad this year? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My pad started to. I've got an idea.

Okay. Okay. We keep the new balance. We keep the pad. Yeah. I feel like you need some sort of a, do you have a high, a couple high. Kind of like a crutch. Kind of.

Or like parallel bars. Yeah, like some parallel bars. Yeah, yeah. Take the pressure off. Yeah. It's like I recovered pretty quickly, but oh man, during that show, legs so sore. Oh boy. Yeah.

What if you had some people come in and massage your legs? Do you have a massage gun? Thera gun? Or any brand? Yes. But I did use it. I never thought to use it. Have you ever accidentally done your elbow?

Yikes. Yeah. I got a new one because I was borrowing one before and it died. Don't tell the person I borrowed it ever, but hope they don't ask for it back. And then I just went to the physiotherapist and they said, what was the brand that I got? Hyperized? Yeah. No.

Yes. I have their knee thing. Yeah, I got the hyperized goat. too. You can get those if you stay at the Weston delivered to your room for $5 a day. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow.

They have different, the gun, and some of the Westons have the things you put on your legs that I have the one for my knee. Okay. Yeah. Anyways. I usually get a, like, a Hitachi wand delivered. Really helps me with my. I rent a Hitachi one. For $5 a day.

Send up the wand. sending up the wall Do you haven't overheard? I do And it was courtesy of And I think it was the shift You were on during the thing There was these two boys

Yeah In the front of bra One boy was wearing a golden fedora And the other boy Was Couldn't have cared less Did not want to be there In any way

I cheered when he I know yeah Because he Like you were talking to the audience Oh go ahead I don't know if this might be You're over No

Well, maybe. Like I said, the one guy was into it big time and was a real ham and his brother didn't want to be there. And then somehow the topic of Starbucks came up. And I asked the golden fedora guy, what do you get at Starbucks? He had an answer right away. And then when he asked his brother, his brother kind of paused for a while and said, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. That is exactly what I cheered for it because I was like, good for you.

No, like, set boundaries. Like, you're just, you're not, just because you're sitting in the front road doesn't mean you have to talk to the comedian. How old are these kids? 12ish. Yeah, 12. Yeah, yeah. Just the idea of like. And the kid, the golden fedora guy, came with a bunch of jokes that he put in the in the bucket.

And one of them was really funny. Yeah. And, yeah, this kid is, and he got the golden fedora from his grandpa. And he kept taking, we asked him if he could do the, like, flip it down the arm thing. And he tried to do that. And it was pretty funny. Do you just fill in 24 hours Yeah

Yeah do something else Kid Now we also have overheard sent into us By people all over If you want to send one in Send it in to SBII at maximum fun.org And this first one comes with Sorry, it comes with

Comes from Julie from Washington I was visiting my mom and sister in California After they picked me up from the airport We stopped at a walk-up restaurant It's a walk-up restaurant I don't know. Yeah. Like a drive-thru for pedestrians?

Yeah. We were waiting in line. They were chatting about what we could do during my visit. My mom said, I think we need to. And my sister said, tone down the threats of violence. Just tone them down. Yeah, okay, mom? Keep your threats of violence to a minimum and your laughter to a maximum.

A walk-up restaurant. I'm picturing in the movie The Founder, at early McDonald's where they go up. There's no roof over where there's no rain. They need a comedy fundraiser. That's true. They need a roof. Yeah, I love that scene where he's like, well, where are the utensils? You don't eat them.

What do I do? You just eat the burger. And then what I do after? Throw it away. And he's just so blown away by the concept. I do feel like that's probably rewriting history. Oh, yeah. Well, you're telling me.

No one's had a rock sandwich before. This is a sandwich. Yeah, I guess that's true. Like, you would get a sandwich. Wouldn't come with Cutler, you're right? This next one comes from Andrea from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Was that a restaurant? This was in a walk-up restaurant.

This is a sit-down, I'm assuming. Okay. area, across the bar was a man and a woman, probably in their late 20s. The man was going through his phone and triumphantly said to the woman, see, here's the shirt Tiger Woods wore when he was 15. The woman yawned and got him to go to the bathroom. No, see, I told you. I know I'd find it. I've memorized all of his shirts.

He famously wears red on Sundays. On Sundays? Okay. Yeah. But I don't know what he wears. Whereas when he's 15. Yeah, probably red. I feel like that was the look, wasn't it?

Well, he wasn't famous, yeah. I mean, he was known, but he wasn't. Wasn't he on, like, the Tonight Show or something, doing putts? Yeah, that's incredible or something, you know. Star Search. Yeah. Remember Star Search? I do remember Star Search.

I feel like they revamped it for Netflix, but then I never heard about it. Is Christina Aguilera on it again? Yep, and Justin Tiberl. wearing a cowboy outfit. And Britney Spears was on Star Search. Yeah. Do you think any of those kids knew who Ed McMahon was? Yeah.

Yeah? I did. Yeah. That's true, I guess. Super bloopers. And I'm their age. Yeah, that was appointment viewing. I'd watch Star Search every week.

I was thinking about the weird things we watched as kids. Like, the Golden Girl. Like, why was I watching the Golden Girls when I was 10? Well, because you had already seen Mod. Yeah. Like all these very grown-up shows. Do you know why? Because there were four channels.

That's true. Yeah. You watched whatever. The original four-cham. The original four-channel. CBS, ABC, NBC, and Fox. And even Fox kind of came along a bit later. They always said that, but I...

And we had CBC. Yeah. Oh, and we had local channels. We had 12 or 13 channels. Yeah. I had a VCR. that just went up to 13. That was the maximum amount of channels you could click between.

It's a simpler time, you guys, simpler time. Better. This last one comes from John. And all the strip, there's so many strip clubs. Because OnlyFans didn't exist. Yeah, that's right. You have to go out and make your own fans. I don't know.

I just know that these women on OnlyFans, making a lot of money. From what I hear. Making a lot of money. I mean, some of them are. I imagine there's a middle class that is struggling to get by. A bunch of gooly eyes. Well, I'm sure there's like.

Gully eyes. I just, I like, knowing my life, I know that there's people who are probably like, maybe I'll do OnlyFans. Huh. Not going great. Well, what's her name? Is it Jamie Presley? Right. Said that she was, she started up in OnlyFans.

and somebody else. Anyways, I just always see that. Shannon Elizabeth. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But these are famous people. Huh, and it's going great for them. Yeah.

You know what? Get that cheddar, you know? Do whatever you get at it. Again, it's the mom and pops that I'm worried about. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, understood. I understood. So go, you know what?

Everyone out there, go support an unpopular only fan. Maker. Go on the listing page It's the most unpopular. People are just like Traumatim. My eyes. I cannot see that.

Make someone's day. Well, it is like once in a while I'll go on cameo and see what's the very, very cheapest. Yeah. You just book it?

Yeah. Just give it a dollar. Just tell me Happy birthday. Yeah. Yeah. I go on lonely fans. And it's...

It's messed up. I'm not going to lie. They start contacting you. Hey, can I see some pictures of you? I go on baloney fans. Oscar Myers. Yeah. Yeah, there's sometimes, I'll see on Instagram, there's like, only fans.

comedy? And it'll be like somebody who I think also has somebody we know, Michelle Shaughnessy was on it. And it's like, yeah, it's like, it's like it looks like a club that's like the only fans club. Well, there was a few years ago where they were like,

oh, we're getting rid of all the porn because this is supposed to be like, you know, just an alternative way, like a Patreon. Yeah. And then everyone was like, no, don't. That is kind of funny, but, yeah, like, penthouse all of a sudden was like cars. No, no, no. This last one comes from John. This is a bumper sticker driving home the other day.

It says, my kids have ADD, and in brackets, all different dads. Oh. Yeah, I'm not just a stepfather. I'm a father who stepped up. Yeah, yeah. Good for you. Yeah I bet some of them

Also have regular ADD Is it Is ADD out to say Or is it always ADHD What if you don't have the age What if you're just the tension Yeah I think you're very

You know It's a beautiful tapestry of nerd Nervisions Nerdy virgins Maybe it is. In addition to overhears that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos. If you want to send us a voice memo,

email it to SPY at maximum of fun.org. Or call us, leave a voicemail at 1.844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypod 1, like these people have. Hello, Dave Graham, an affable guest. This is Russ from Oklahoma, recalling an overheard. I am a mustachioed man, and off and on I have a big handlebar mustache comes and goes,

but one of the times earlier in my life that I had it, I stopped at a Starbucks, and the 18-year-old cashier looked at me while reaching over and handing me my coffee and said, you look like a steamboat captain and I said thank you well anyway off I go so when you're saying a handlebar we're curling up no handlebar down yeah like like a Hulk Hogan yeah yeah I think so yeah but is that what a steamboat driver would have the important thing is it's not appropriate to say to someone at Starbucks so what you're supposed to do is get their name wrong on their cup And that's about it.

Do you ever get yours? Because Dave's pretty. I only order my kids things online on my app so I get the points. Nice. But what if you spelled your name wrong on purpose? Oh. Sticker came out. Boy, then what would happen?

Is that what you do? Fun hijinks. Yeah, it's fun. Paul would make his name something funny sometimes, Mr. like professor, whatever. That's fun. Yeah. Aw, we miss them.

We do. Yeah. I just wanted to Google Handlebar. mustache and make sure we get it right. Yeah, because that's the way I pictured is the, like, biker style. But then there's also this guy greasing up his mustache in a curly queue. Well, this is. Okay.

Yeah. There's some disagreement about, I guess, like, you get on a bike and sometimes bikes, the handles go, who? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is what I pictured when he said handlebar. Now can we go. go steamship captain. Because, yeah, you would look more like a steamship captain if you had.

But then what do you call the one that's Hulkogan stuff? Is that the Fu Manchu? But the Fu Manchu, I think of as being like very thin. Yeah. The hell is the other one. What is that horseshoe or is that a head of hair? Those are all mustaches. It might be horseshoe.

Oh, yeah, I guess that is what it is. It does look like a head of hair on that. Yeah, and if you don't have a head of hair, Consider the horseshoe. Or a hair transplant. Turkey's calling. Horseshoe mustache. Well, I guess that seems to be according to Gillette.com.

They would know. Do you save up the Gillette points? Do you guys are you on the app? These are the different kinds of horseshoe mustache. A classic? A biker? Biker mustache. Yeah.

What's that one that's the real chunky one in the corner? This? Yeah. Cowboy. Okay. Howboy, okay. So they're all seem to be different village people. All right, here's your next phone call.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guest. This is Jason from Colorado Springs with an overheard. The classic overheard setup, I was walking down the street, and a lady talking on her phone is coming the other way. Right when she passed, I heard her say, they got to get their own shit. I bought seven urns. Well, of the show.

Well, you buy them in bulk. Yeah, I am. You don't expect me to share urns. Yeah, I mean, that's not, that's no time to make savings is doubling up on urns. Are urns universally for ashes? Or can you get an urn? I think so. I've never thought about it.

I guess you could have an empty urn. You're just like. You're next on your fireplace. Yeah. The way that people buy. Well, I mean, but yeah. An urn. Yeah.

I think an urn is, let's get Google up again. Yeah, it seems like it's... Otherwise, it's a pot or a container. How do you spell it? ERN, UR. You are in. You are in. URN.

You are in an urn. An urn commonly refers to a protective container for cremated remains or a matronly woman. I'm telling you, it means hot, sexy woman. Capacity. Most adult urns are sized around 200 cubic inches. Oh, good. They make child urns then. Oh.

Though I did read the other day that how much did Andre the giant's ashes weigh, like considerable amount, like 17 pounds or something like that? And you have to pay more. Yeah. You got to put, there's no urn around that can hold. the 17-pounder. Yeah. You'd have to, you know, get a rubber, uh, garbage can, I guess.

Yeah. Or even like, you know, a Tupperware. Yeah. That's true. Have that up on your shelf. What about a cookie jar? Oh, cookie jar would be good. Yeah.

Right? And what is an urn, if not a cookie jar? That's like, what I'm picturing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

If you get your hand, you get caught red-handed with your hand in the ur. Er. Er. All right, here's your final phone call. Hello, Dave, Graham, likely guest. It's Curtis's last name withheld from Denver, Colorado. I was shopping at a thrift store. Two women crossed my path.

The first one said to the second one, I was going to drive him to the hospital, but he said I had to watch a YouTube video on how to drive a Prius before he let me drive his car. Yeah, so I don't know what happened to that guy Best of luck Just bleeding Thanks

I'm going to go some whoopia Okay, okay, okay, okay Just hang out Just picturing this guy bleeding out No, watch the YouTube No, look at the comments It'll freak you out when It feels like the car is turning off

But it's just Idling It won't idle It doesn't idle is the thing Yeah And then when you hit the gas, you'll be like, whoa, it's waking up. Yeah, yeah. And it's not loud.

It's not loud like a regular car. Is that, do it right? Is that kind of a sound? Maybe not even. Maybe an electric car does that. But I think a Prius is still. It's Prius? Like a half-hapher?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, that brings us to the end of this year podcast. Erica? Yes. Thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you. Where can people find out about you on. They can go to my website, which I just updated. What? I sure did. Erica Sigerson.com. Instagram at Erica Comic. And that's all.

That's all you need. That's all you need. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you. And thank you out there, everybody. If you suspect you have ghouly eyes, ask a friend. Come on back. I agree for another episode of stuff.

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