Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 960 - Chris James

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Comedian Chris James returns to talk go karts, potato cannons, and laser tag. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord. Become a MaxFun member to get all our bonus content.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka And he's Graham Clark And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself Woo, everybody And welcome to episode number 960 and stop podcasting yourself My name's Graham Clark And with me as always is a man who I've missed him for a whole entire week

And reunited and it feels so good Mr. Dave Shumka Where were you? Uh, you were away I was here Oh, that does Yeah Yeah

Um, yeah I missed you too, bud Yeah Um, but you know what? absence makes the heart grow fonder and my heart is like, ooh, raring to go. My heart is

freaking diamond heart of our guest today, returning guests to the podcast. He has two podcasts you can hear on the internet. One is called guys and the other one's called the Writers' Room. It's Chris James. Hello, Chris. Hello, and you can't,

you can only hear guys unless you want to pay money. The Writers' Room is a Patreon-only podcast. It's still on the internet. He said you can hear it on the internet. You're right. That's true. And I, but I want to clarify that it is, it's considered to be the worst podcast.

It's me and my friend Brian and Stefan and Jesse and Mike. And, uh, yeah, they, uh, make it pretty unlistenable. Brian is, uh, murder Brian and Stefan is Stefan Heck. Stefan Heck. And then we have, um, Jesse Ferrar and Mike Hale from Y KS, Mike Hale, aka a dog boner, aka a pecker liquor. He goes by. pecker liquor on the writers.

This is a lot to keep top of, man. It's a lot. And this is unlistnable? It's unlistable. I will, because I'm trying to, the whole premise is we're trying to create a writing project and I try each and every week to sort of keep things on track. And I guess they've, they've decided it's some sort of fun thing.

This is not the premise I came up with, just to be clear. But they've decided that a funny thing to do would be to not ever allow me to do what it is that I want to do. And then, yeah, they also, they'll do voices and stuff. Kat Williams' impressions, things that are generally considered to be inappropriate. This sounds amazing. Yeah, it's, listen, some people like it. Some of the, some of the people who like it actually aren't the kind of people that you

would want to like a thing that you do as well, which I found is kind of interesting. But yeah, thanks for the nice intro. Of course. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Now, Chris, a couple of weeks ago, Dave and I were guests on your guys podcast. Yeah, that's right.

And it's, if you don't know what the, anybody out listening, what the premise is, it's, tell them what the premise is. The premise is we cover a different kind of guy each week, like people who become maybe too obsessed with one particular thing. Yeah. And make it kind of their whole thing. And they go online and argue about it with other people. So, yeah, we did SNL guys, Saturday Night Live guys, which I was really impressed with Dave's. I, well, I had a lot of current knowledge. Yeah.

you kind of knew, you knew a lot more than I expect. And it was, it helped out a lot. You know, it helps in a lot of, um, aspects of my life. It's not, not just when you're doing an SNL-related podcast. Oh, no, it comes in really handy to like, no, whether it's going on with sketches these days. You know, is Jost still on the, yeah, behind the desk. His Jost is still behind the desk. Oh, God willing, he'll be back next year.

And Shay as well. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. I like them. They're kind of the ying and yang. They kind of feed off each other well. Is that something that's true? Yeah, it's more true now than ever.

Yeah, no, I, yeah, we had, it was a great episode. I know I don't want to, you know, I don't want to just blow smoke, but yeah, people really enjoyed it. It was really fun. And last time you were on, we talked about how, I guess this was two years ago, and it was early days of the podcast, and primarily the podcast was, you started with, like, sex guys. Sex guys, but also, like, um, uh,

wife's like a polyamor, not polyamory. This was all covered under. I went back and listened to the first episode just to see what, yeah, what the dynamic is between there and now. And it's pretty much right out of the box. It's, it's pretty much, yeah, swingers is swingers.

Swingers, that's the word. Swingers, yeah. Upside down Pineapple. Exactly. The Swingers, the pineapple lifestyle. We covered that initially, and in hindsight,

we've talked about it. Maybe it would have been better if we started with a different topic. And then that kind of became the through line of it, versus now it does feel sometimes. Definitely on the bonus episodes, it feels like we're doing a Swingers podcast and we know too much. I often say that if I shared all of my knowledge

about the Swinger lifestyle, there would be no way to convince anyone that I'm not in the lifestyle, right? So I can't really. Even your hat has an LS on it, which does stand for lifestyle. A lot of people actually say that. Yeah, Levi Strauss is what it actually is.

But yeah, a lot of people do say that to me. Oh, right. They call it the lifestyle. The lifestyle. Because we, like, we've been doing the show 18 years, night. Coming up on 19 years. Yeah. Well, in nine months.

Well, but it's not too late to, you know, work on your podcast anniversary gift. Yeah. But we, and we have things that are like, you know, jokes that run for year. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But they eventually all kind of pass away. Yeah. And then.

You know, we're no longer talking about what the goblin. No. And, you know, we used to, I mean, we still do. We still make a lot of room on the podcast for Alf. But I feel like we really, there was a series of episodes we were really hitting it quite heavily. But, like, if we were still talking about what we talked about on our first episode, it would be like a lot of what is a podcast. Oh, yeah. You guys were so early in podcasting.

And it was still like a novel kind of concept in itself. We were before Mark Merrin, even. that's and he's gone and he's gone yeah and he's outlasted marketing you guys did yeah and and so now we're on glow I'm I'm hopeful that gives me hope um that we might at some point stop talking about people wife yeah and hot lives and things like that but yeah there's this couple I don't know should I say their name I guess Tom and I mean we cover them they're a public they're public they have a channel should I say their name yeah Tom and Tom and Bunny there's a lot

That's one thing we just You absolutely said their name last time you were on the show. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, I'm upset. I'm literally obsessed with them. But yeah, we cover them. They do the sex club tours.

Yes. And so... This is like a hedonism. Oh, they do that kind of stuff. I swear they have a hedonism residency. I swear to God. They're so... I'm a residency.

Heedism. Yeah, it's a second fuckers card. Yeah, it's like a sex club in Jamaica. It's like a sex resort. We know. Yeah. Everyone knows hedonism. It's actually.

Wasn't there one called Temptations as well? Wasn't that name of one? I'm sure. There's no way there isn't. Yeah. I'm sure there must be. Just to be clear, I don't want to correct you so early, but it's actually hedonism too. Yeah. Yeah.

What happened to the original? It got shut down. It was not sexy enough until they had to shut it down. There was a few incidents. It's like Street Fighter 2. No one knows Street Fighter 1. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, I'm hopeful that at some point we move on and start talking about other stuff, but... But we won't let you. And so what's going on with wife swapping? What's going on with Matt and Bunny? Well, Tom and Bunny. Tommy Bunny, sorry. Well, Matt probably has a go over there.

I'll tell you what, there's no way that, yeah, Bunny is definitely mad and had sex with a guy named Matt, for sure. On this, you can rely. This is her life. But, but, uh, well, listen, it's kind of dark. I mean, Tom has not been seen for about nine months. Oh, shit. She just started doing videos on her own.

Okay. And, but I think. that he gets he's oftentimes having operations and stuff to get a new penis implant that he can pump up and have sex with oh nice i think we want a new poem i'm sure i've talked about this on the show too because they had the a ms 700 which is a thing where you physically pump up your penis to make it hard it's the last stop does it have a like a valve on it like a tire has it has like a little like balloon thing that you physically pump up i think it it's really the last stop for someone who's like, you know, God's telling me to stop having sex.

God says it's over for me, but I'm not willing to accept that. It's after Viagra. It's after, you know, then you inject things in there. And then when that stops working, you do the AMS 700. And yeah, it was never heard of this AMS 700. It's a real. Haven't they heard of a little something that they taught us at high school called abstinence? Maybe a little outer course talking.

That's the resort I go to is abstinence too. I'm laughing. I'm laughing so hard at the idea of somebody telling Tom and Bunny. Have you ever considered an accident? Their entire life is built around having as much sex as possible. But yeah, it's like a big point of pride for him that, you know, the doctor said this thing's supposed to last for a lifetime, but I ran through it in two and a half years.

Yeah. What's his model number on that? It's an AMS 700. It's the, it's the cat. It's the top of the line. I mean, I think it's really the kind of the only one. You'll see it. You can pull it up.

Yeah, yeah. It's a three piece inflatable penile prosthesis made by Boston Scientific. Oh, I wish it was made by Boston Dynamics. Oh, yeah. Is that where they're called? The robot? Yeah, the like terrifying robot dogs. Yeah, I've got a dick that runs around on four legs.

I've got a dog boner. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. You're friend. Um.

Um. Uh. Guys. Guys. My air conditioning says it's on. Mm-hmm. But it shouldn't be. Like, it's on, but it's not scheduled to be on.

And I went to turn it on and it was already on. I just don't trust it now. Speaking of guys, Dave's got an air-conditioning guy. Yeah. Michael. Michael. He, what does he do? He just comes in, Holmes fixture.

He fucks my wife. Yeah, he fixed my hair. Yeah, he fixed my air conditioning. But you have central, like... Yeah, we got a central unit. He'll service it once a year. Nice. That's nice.

But maybe I'm just getting hot from all the sexy top. Yeah. Yeah, I feel pretty good. I feel where I am right now. And you're wearing long sleeves. You're wearing a waffle knit. I'm wearing a nice waffle knit from Rating Champ, actually. Man, this guy is dropping brands.

What are those linen pants are wearing? These are actually from cotton, K-O-T-N. Oh, yeah. Are they cotton? They look linen. They are linen. Okay. They are linen as flagrant false advertising.

Yeah, they're expanding. They're going into other fabrics. Yeah, I want to be clear. I got it on, I got these on sale, these pants out. What is the, uh, the, like obsession with, uh, our, like, class of internet content creators having to be like, got it on sale. Well, I, listen, Brian, who I do. Because it's kind of a brag. Finding something good that you like on sale.

That's the way I think of it, too. But, like, is it a fear that people will be like, well, I'm not going to give these guys $5 a month anymore. Yeah. A little bit. They're buying retail. He bought full price pan. If we had that fear, that cat's out of the bag because Brian, he doesn't, he doesn't subscribe to that thinking. He likes to talk about how expensive his hoodies are.

Yeah. How he flies first class and things like that. So, yeah, he's, that's kind of a running joke on the show. He takes about a vacation a month and he always tries to stay and like, and he gets ripped off. Like, the idea is, he doesn't, we don't have that much money, but he, he, he sort of, He finds a way to spend all of his money on the dumbest shit possible and get ripped off all the time. So our listeners actually like it. Like they'll talk about it.

They're like, no, I like it. Like, it's funny to me. How does he keep getting ripped off? What is he? Well, like he went to a restaurant and then he bought hoodies from the restaurant. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Plural?

Because he was cold. Because he was cold. And then they saw it. They saw him right. right when he walked and they knew this is a guy we can take advantage of. He's got that look about him, you know. He looks cold. Turn up the air conditioning.

We're going to sell some sweaters. And then they put it on his bill. They put it on his check. Uh-huh. And then like his whole check for his whole family's meal and everything. And they put these expensive hoodies on there. And then he tipped on the hoodies. He's tipping on the shirts.

And he's, you know, and he loves to do big tips, you know. So he's like, yeah, he's paying. hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Did the whole family get hoodies? There was, I think there was two hoodies bought. So I think one was for him and one was for his wife. That's kind of a nice picture. You and your wife wearing the same hoodie? That could be a nice little avatar. He was in Maine. He goes in the weirdest places for vacation. Not that Maine's bad, but he's just like, he's like, I'm going to. He's backpedaling. He's going to lose the money. He's five dollars a month from Maine. I'm going to Fort Lauderdale, he'll say and stuff like that. He's, yeah. He lives in the mill of

America. You can just do these things. You can, like, zip around. It's kind of like European lifestyle. Yeah, it's really like very European. He lives in Cleveland. No. He lives in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah. But we're not here to talk about him.

You know what? Yeah, we're going to have him on next time he's vacationing here in Vancouver. He's actually, yeah, he is coming. He's coming in October. Okay. Well, you know, stop by, Brian. I got a sweatshirt to sell you. So, uh, since,

we were last on the show, you're now, I don't know what's different. You're, now you're a father who's put in a couple of years. Yeah, you had a baby last time. You had a new baby, now this baby is.

Now I, yeah, now I see somebody with like an eight-month-old. I'm like, look at this idiot. It doesn't even know what's going on. You know what I mean? I look down on them a little bit. Sure, because they're still done. Yeah, I'm in a position of power in that sense. I am.

To this person who will never talk to. Yeah, exactly. This person I walk by on the street. I'm just like this guy's got no idea what, you know, what's going on. But, I mean, yeah, I have a two-year-old and fun age. Fun-fun age. What is, as a childless man, what is two years old? What are they speaking?

Are they walking? Are they screaming all the time? What are they doing? He's doing all of those things. He's doing all of the above. He doesn't walk a lot. He's in a hurry, it seems like, which is odd to me, you know, but he's always in a hurry.

He's running everywhere that he goes, and he's screeching at the top of his lungs. And we've got him. He's playing soccer. Oh, two-year-old. He's playing. Little kickers. Yeah, exactly. So he plays little kickers.

And he's, listen, I don't want to brag, but he's pretty good. He's big. He's strong. Sometimes he takes his shirt off. You see him from behind? That soccer? And he's just swole? He's swole.

He's like, you see him, and you're like, holy shit, man. What's the baby been doing? Yeah, that kid's fucking. big, man. They put some creatine in his formula, I guess. Hey, hey, baby, where do you bend bar? What's he bench? I don't know, honestly, but he lives.

He lives an incredible, he lifts things that you don't think he can live. You know, you're like, say to him, you're like, don't try to pick that up, Charlie. That's too big for you. You're a baby, you know? Like, that's not for a baby to pick up. Who's Charlie? Oh, that's my. Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry. I'm being really familiar. Yeah. No, I'm playing dumb. Okay. Please. Yeah, I say you can't really, you can't pick that up. You kind of laugh at him.

You're like, oh, no, that's really cute. You think you can pick that up. And then he's like, he kind of looks at you, like, we'll see. Check this out. And he'll lift, he'll just pick it up and walk around with it. So it's pretty scary. You'll go to change a tire and he'll be like, I got the car. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, put the jack away. Yeah, he's, yeah, he's strong. He's heavy. is, uh, what's he way. He's weighing in the top, he's a 97th percentile. Oh, really? Like, I mean, he's really, he's fucking big and. Do you come from a family of big? Yes. I mean, for the listeners, I mean, I'm not huge, but I'm six foot two.

Let's just say he's filling out that cottonshire real nice. Yeah, I'm, I'm, but my, my family's bigger. My grandpa was really big. And then Ariel, my wife is pretty big and her dad's huge. Her brother's massive. So I think, I think, I think, I think, you're raising a Jack Reacher is what you're doing. Oh, I just started watching season three, by the way, to get ready for season four. We used to do a podcast on our Patreon called The Reacher Roundtable. Nice. And when we were talking about the Reacher show, but yeah, he, he's going to be huge.

He's got, he's got a lot of head. Yeah. He's got a massive head. I'm not going to lie. It's, because they do, they'll do the head measurement for you as well. Right. The doctor well. My doctor never does that.

The doctor will. Yeah, you can get it if you ask him. If you measure my head. You can you do a head. It seems that your head is shrinking. Your hats feel noticeably looser. Yeah, actually. Doctor, I'm a seven and three eight's hat.

Is that like I go to my doctor to have my hat sized? I, um, and instead of being next to a pharmacy, it's next to a habit nursery. I go to the, so I watch the news every morning. I have, oh, la-di-da. I have the local news on. Okay. Um, and, uh, it's just, who's, uh, anchoring the local news? Sonia Sanger and Jason Perez.

Okay. All right. They're on, uh, global. Sure. You watch global. I watch global. Always been a global my whole life. Yeah.

I like global, um, because they don't have ads on their, like, on the internet. You know, like if you go to the, I mean, they have ads like not a, or sort of not a subscription. Right. So you can, you can read the articles. And a lot of them, you, you click through them now and it's the sun or anything that's post media is always giving you the, you know, you got to sign up. I know, I tried to read an article that linked to the Edmonton Journal. I was like, yeah, I'm going to sign up with the Edmonton Journal. Yeah, I'm going to sign up for a year subscription to read this one article about a kid with a big head.

They call them lollipop boy. It's very mean. But I was watching the news this morning. I don't really watch it. I just like to turn the TV on and look at my phone. And they were doing a story about, it wasn't even a story. It was like their couch moment, you know, at the top of the hour. they all sit on the couch and talk about there's like a lighter side of the news thing.

And this was about the annual meeting of the like the tall society, the society of tall people. And guess what the like how tall you need to be to join this? To be like minimum. Yeah. My guess it would be six five. That's what I consider tall. Anything six five and above. There's two.

There's men and women measurements. Okay. Women, it would probably be six foot. Yeah. Six foot. Yeah. five is what I'm... It's five, ten for women and six two for men.

Oh. Wow. So you could join this thing. You could be in the tall part. And Ariel is five, ten. So we could both join the tall. And how tall is it for babies? How tall do the babies have to be?

But they, I was just thinking, like, if you go and you're like six two as a man, you'd be like, why do I fucking, now I join the society where I'm the shortest guy? Yeah, that's a nightmare. But also, what do they do? What's the wife swat? Oh, nice. Yeah. I'm interested in somebody shorter than my wife. It's sort of like Amazon's.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On wife swapping. Have you ever been part of a club like that? Have you ever been a part of any club? Like, you know. I can't think of another club like that. But like, you know, you're like, antique car clubs or, you know, that type of.

I'm a member of the anti-car club. Oh, that's right. What do you got again? Oh, what do I got? Yeah, what do you got? I got a triumph. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Well, I was on Gabriel. island last week and they had their annual show and shine. There you go. This is what I'm talking about. And I did see a triumph. I saw, there was, oh, like, old-timey, you know, big 30s cars with the, you know, very voluptuous offenders. My father-in-law has, like, a Toyota Land Cruiser, a shiny old green one. Oh, an older, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've obviously, you've done car guys as a guy.

I don't know if we've done car guys specifically, no. It feels like that would be its own mini series. There'd be so. Yeah, it feels like we could do a whole, you know. I, I feel like, is this every conversation you have with people? Hey, have you done this kind of guy? Have you done hat guys? Yeah, people do ask us out a lot, I guess.

It's, um, as far as me being part of a, I just just thinking about it. I had completely tuned you guys out there and I was thinking about the club, whether or not I'd been part of a club and I realized I don't think I have. I was part of the elf fan club as a kid. Oh, sure. I've been in a fan club. Yeah. I've never been in a fan club before.

Like, I think I was always sports. That was kind of my club, you know? Like I would be playing soccer, baseball, or basketball or whatever. I love soccer baseball. Some people call it California kickball, but we call the soccer baseball. I love California kickball. Not to, not to bring it back to Brian, but he told the story. about playing California kickball.

Ryan's your son? With an older gentleman in his neighborhood in Groveport, Ohio, who would come out and get drunk and play California kickball with him. And then he got mad. Does he call it California kickball or just kickball? I'm not sure. I'm California sober. How does that factor it to it?

But this older man got the ball thrown at him, which is what happens. Yeah. Yeah, sure. And he got really angry about it. And then he challenged Brian's brother to, like, feet of strength where they lock up, like, wrestling. And then Brian, he called himself a diamond Jim dandy. That was the name that the guy gave himself.

And he, so he squared up with Brian's brother, who was about 14 in the time, and he lost the feet of strength to him. And that's, I just can't even imagine challenging a child and then losing how you could show your face. They're so strong, these kids. Yeah. I heard, I heard this one two-year-old. It's like, absolutely. ripped. You have me locking up with Charlie and losing.

Is it, you throw the ball when, like, to get someone out? Yeah. You just hit, it's like dodge ball. It's like dodge ball kind of right. You're playing with one of those red ball. Yeah, yeah, utility ball. And then it's like, I think you can throw to the base too, like you would in baseball. So, so, so, so, so, what do you throw as a pitch? Like, there. You throw it, you roll it along the ground. You roll it. And then you kick it as a batter, but then after that. And you just absolutely

smash it. It's so. fun. Oh, man, it really, it really, when you connect with that ball? When you really, really connect, yeah.

And it makes that sound, bunk. Oh. But the problem is it's so bouncy. Yeah. Any little, yeah. A lot of shin shots,

a lot of, like, miss kicks for sure. I think that's kind of the beauty of it. If it wasn't so bouncing, it just rolled in that. If it was a soccer ball,

yeah. Then it would be way too easy, right? And you'd just be hitting dingers all day long. Yeah. So, yeah, I think that I do miss playing California kickball.

I do. You do. You do. Are you part of a league? No, but we played it in school all the time. Okay. Like we would always, yeah, like just like at lunch or whatever. Why it was it California?

We just called it kickball. Yeah, well, this is the thing. Some people call it California kickball. Some people call it kickball. And some people do call it soccer baseball. Yeah, soccer baseball and parts of the states or whatever. I feel like it's the soccer baseball might be a thing we call it here. Okay.

Because it reminds me of how Americans call pencil crayons colored pencils. And we call them pencil crayons. Pencil crayon seems very soccer baseball to me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it wasn't soccer baseball when I was growing up. No, it was California kickball. Did you grow up out here? I grew up here.

Where did you grow up? Alberta. Where did you grow up here? Here. You grew up here in Vancouver? Yeah, where in Vancouver you grow up? I grew up in Richmond, actually. Oh, okay.

All right. Oh, sure. But I schooled you got to. I went to Hugh Boyd. Hugh Boyd. Hugh Boyd's second day school. It's right down on number one road in France. Francis, right next to the Seafair Shopping Center where we would go get us.

Steven's beautiful. Steveston is beautiful. I spent my whole, like, we lived in multiple places, but they were all right in Steveston, like on the water. You're always on, on the move. One step ahead of Johnny Law. Yeah. Hey, how can we got to move again, mom and dad?

To different parts of Steve's to. You know what, don't even bother taking your stuff out of the boxes. Just right down the street. And they were doing a really bad job of evading the authorities. Well, you're going to stay in the same school. Yeah. Well, we have to fill up the census. It's the law.

Yeah, all the authorities just have to go to the local shopping center and wait. Never moved outside of the area. Yeah, Steven was a great place. You know, back when you could just go out, drink from the hose. You know, you'd come home when the street lights turned on. That was what it was like for me. And sometimes you would get on your bikes and create sort of a gang stocking situation where you'd stalk another person on their bike.

You guys ever do this? We never did this. I didn't have that many friends. You would chase them around and they would be a young woman. No. Lots of hooting and hollering. This would be usually, they would be your friend, but it would be, like, there was a, there was a tinge of bullying to it in that you were like trying to chase them down and kind

of knock them off their bike or whatever. Oh, this person was part of the gang. They were part of the group. So you weren't like, you weren't like just picking on somebody, but we would do that. You were. You were kind of. You know, like back in that, when you're in, like, early high school or whatever, everything kind of had a tinge of that, you know?

But, yeah, sometimes you would be the guy, though. Like, it would sort of, it would, you'd be like, okay, you're going to go and you'd be all around the neighborhood and you'd be trying to evade these. It was. And we had a go card at one point as well. Really? Yeah. Did you take the limiter off of it?

The member off of it? No, that there was like, my friend had a go card. Oh, no, we kept that off. Was this a Boston scientific? My friend had a go-kart and it had a thing on it that would limit how fast it could go. 100% we took that off. Oh, yeah. This thing went like 60-70.

Like it was genuinely dangerous. My friend crashed it into the bushes and started a fire. Because it was, yeah, it was a, but yeah, I remember. The kids today, they don't know what that. The thrill of starting a fire. So I went go-karting. Oh, I got the fire app. Well, I just started an app on my...

I literally had the lighter Zippo app the moment I got my first iPhone. When I was a kid, I went go-karting in Richmond. Mm-hmm. And we went for my friend... Sid away. Sure. Yeah.

We went for my friend's birthday. It was the greatest time of my life. Oh. Maybe it was his 11th birthday. And I loved it so much. I bugged my dad. Like, please, can we go again? You just take me?

And, like, I went with my dad, and it was, like, a million times less fun. Yeah. Because for the birthday party, we got to go for like half an hour with my dad. We like, they let us do 10 minutes and then, all right, you're done. And then you're like with your friends, you're trying to like beat them or whatever. You're all kind of enjoying it. Yeah, I mean, we used to go. Yeah, it was on sit away road like out in the middle of like farmland kind of.

And we, I remember that. I remember the hair pin turn at the end. Like I remember specifically, yeah, that was a really great place to go for, for it. Because it was kind of, it wasn't, if you're thinking of it is like being on a nice kind of course or whatever that was indoor ones. These were like old school, um, like go carts that were like kind of steel and they were dirty. Yeah.

And it was like lawn more engines. Lawnmore engines and they were like, you know, you could smell that it was like. Yeah. I do. So I, uh, we haven't gone in a couple years, but, um, I, when, for spring break, we've gone to, uh, Palm Springs a few times. And there's a go cart track down there. And, uh, there, there's two person.

go cart so I can go with my daughters and you can nag them hey do you see that guy up there slow down in my mind in my mind they're driving and you're in the back yeah yeah so i so help me someone can drive me around and i like i've got the course memorized i know the right line to do it and i it's so fun except when it's frustrating when there's someone like yeah who just like you who's like 80% there and somebody's parallel part You can't quite get past them, but they don't know that they're blocking you, but they're... Yeah, no. So mad.

This was an outdoor course? This was an outdoor course. Yeah. And it was like, it was just like pavement, right? It was just like, like, it was super rough. And it just had tires around the outside kind of. It wasn't like, you, it did feel dangerous a little bit in a serious way, in a good way. Like, you felt like, oh, this is like, I'm doing something where it has some danger element

to it or whatever. And yeah, we've... Helmet? Yeah, you would have to wear a helmet. The one in Palm Springs is no, oh, it's no helmet, but you definitely, you know, you have to have your hair in a ponytail. Yeah, that's fair. But the one, but I, it's like, I love it, except that it's always like, you know, 35 degrees, super hot and reeks of gasoline. And it's just like, I'm always on the verge of a migraine.

That's, I went to an indoor one once for a guy's bachelor party. and it was awful because you're breathing in the fumes 100% and it's fucking loud because it's pinging off of these cement walls. Yeah. It was so unfun. Like it really. It's an outdoor activity. I feel like it is outdoor.

But yeah, I mean, in Richmond, it obviously rained a lot. So I think that probably hurt their business. You know, like, you're planning. Yeah, no, I don't think you could do it when it was raining. Yeah. Super hard. Right. I think they would probably, like the water slides are only open as of like June 30th.

Yeah. But you could go on a water slide in the rain. There's nothing wrong with that. That's a great point. Like, it might be a cold, but kids don't care about that. Yeah, like, they should, like, have an extra month for during school just for adults to go. Yeah. And you know what?

There should be an area where you can meet someone else's wife. Does hedonism, too, have a water park? They definitely have a pool. They have a wave pool. They have a pool for sure. And a lot of the, like, yeah, Tom tells all these stories about him. wowing the other guest. Bums your son?

By pumping up his penis in front of him, it's like a party trick, you know? I mean, in fairness, that would be the best party trick you would ever see. Some guys like, hey, watch we get this cork out of a bottle, and he's like, move aside. Move aside. Hey, everybody, he's doing it. He's doing it.

Yeah, you could do some pretty funny, like, visual gags. Like, pretend you're, like, blowing up, like, blowing it up with your breath somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? If you could sink it up, if you had, if you could sink it up with the fart. And you're just like, and then he farted and it blew it up. If you could sink it up with the dark side of the moon. Honey, you won't believe what I just saw.

Honey, we got to fuck this guy. I was at a birthday party a couple weeks ago And they had an upclose magician Wondery round That was the fucking best They're so good At one point Iva Decker was there

The guy stole Ivan Decker's watch It was great Yeah Oh yeah that's Yeah when they're doing stuff like that They're kind of messing with people in a fun way Yeah yeah Like he gave the watch back

Yeah Like punch diving in the face Come get it he said Come get it you a little war I've had that. It's got to be a like a strap watch. It can't be a bracelet.

Because I've had it happen to me. Yeah. At a close-up magician place. And then he took out my invisible line too without me noticing. He's like, don't put these in what you're eating. But he did that,

like, as a trick I've seen before on TV, I don't know how you do it. But he like cuts a lemon open and the card that you gave him is in, like, folded up in the lemon. Yeah.

Magic is legitimately cool. Yeah. When someone's really good at it, it's like, Yeah, I enjoy it. Like, one thing I bums me out is I never went to the comedy magic club, whatever in Yeah, me neither. I only never went there because you got to dress up.

And so I'm not going to go to L. You have to actually wear like a suit. Like it has like a dress code and stuff. So I'm never going to like bring that in my. You should rent one from a tux rental place. I mean, that's what I think, yeah, that would be what I would have to do. Of course, now I will never return to the United States again. So that's not an issue.

There was a big thing in like. movies and TV shows about like going to a fancy restaurant and they give you the yeah yeah I just watched um I was just watching is it called the game with uh Sean Penn and yeah yeah I was just watching that where they where he gave Sean Penn you know he's kind of like the brother yeah he gave me this thing and then he Michael Douglas said it told him you gotta give it back he thought they were getting it to him that whole movie's a big magic trick yeah yeah I when I checked into a hotel in Victoria Corey, it was like a member's, it was a club that had a hotel, you know, it was like not the

masons, but something like that. And when I was checking in, they were like, oh, you have to wear a collared shirt in if you're in the common area, to me specifically. In a common area. Yeah. And I was like, I didn't say anything. She said, we have when you can borrow. And I was like, what the, I could have a collard shirt in my bag.

I didn't, but I could. That hurts. Yeah. Was it really just put in my place? Yeah. we have one It's filthy But you can wear it

If you want to be Now do you need help with buttoning it Do you know how one of these things works Have you literally ever worn One of these things before in your life In the common area is pretty Yeah that's what I thought Yeah like going to eat dinner or whatever

But like yeah that seems to not That shit doesn't really fly anymore You go to work like I've gone to a fancy steakhouse Not very often but I went one time. Oh, I hear you go a little more often than you should be for your $5 a month that I'm giving. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Can you get a discount on that steak? I swear, I usually eat scraps out of the back. Just once a year, I go. Once a year on my birthday slash Christmas. I go, no, but I went to a, what's the one called? It's downtown. Gotham.

Gotham. I went to Gotham steak house. I don't know, I prefer the cake. They give you the steak you deserve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, not the steak you want, but the steak you deserve, yeah. But I found that, yeah, that doesn't even really exist anymore. Because they realize that, oh, yeah. Unless you just want old people, if you want any younger people, so many people just don't

dress that way anymore. They don't own that kind of clothing. Yeah, I would dress up to, like, go to a nice restaurant with my wife and, like, twice a year maximum. Yeah. My birthday, her birthday. And, like, I would put up. on a code and I'd show up and there'd be like people, you know, like billionaires there in sweatpants.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that they realized that they're like, we need. Yeah, we're alienating too many potential customers. So you can go to the, yeah, most, most places, unless they're one of those old places. Well, that's the, there's one in Winnipeg that's like the picture you would have in your head of a 70s.

But in Winnipeg, they literally have one color. church for everyone in town. That gets passed around. Yeah. But it's like the old fashion, like dark and like mahogany wood and black leather. Yeah. Is that what Gotham's like? I've never been.

No, Gotham's more like modern now. You know, it's like a modernized kind of. It is, it has the dark ambience, but it's like really, everything's really high. The ceiling's really high there. So it's, yeah, I'm trying to think, yeah, even I went to another. Uh-oh. Here we go. I went to another fancy place.

What's a good reason I could have for that? You were just working there as a busser. Yeah. Yeah, they let me have one free meal. I got to go to this place because I was being executed. It was actually our anniversary, and we went to, yeah, Eliza. Is it Elisa or Eliza? Never heard of it.

I don't speak fancy. It's in Yale town. Oh, wow. In a war. But we brought our, like, our little kid. You're tougher word. We brought our little kid there who was, you know. So that felt like, that felt like they said, like, technically you can do that.

But it doesn't. Legally. Yeah. I don't think legally we can tell you not to bring your child here, but you did, you ruined a lot of experiences for people that day. Your kid didn't even, like, appreciate the up close magic. Oh, my, yeah. And he's just like, he ordered his stay. medium and they're like that robs it of its flavor yeah it's crazy give this kid a raw steak

he'll appreciate him once he starts gumming it i'll make all i'll do a medium rare if you really don't like it then how do you order your steak i actually do order it medium and and this guy at the keg steakhouse my friend jesse who i mentioned earlier he was in town with his family and we went there and this guy's at the keg you know i mean the keg is like For non-Canadians, the keg is like a chain. It's a chain. It's good. I like the steak there and everything.

And it's not like it's like a low class place. No, it's like it's a nice. It's still a nice place. But it's like, in a lot of towns it would be the nicest restaurant in town. But it's, it's touristy and people are there and the flip flops and stuff. And, you know, it's not a serious steakhouse.

But this guy, he must have worked at one of the big ones before. Because I order my steak medium and he's just like, are you sure you want it medium? You know, I'm like, buddy, this isn't the place for them. that. However, people ask for it. You just give it to them that way. You know, we're not like high society people here who understand how meat is supposed to be eaten. Is it okay if I still wear my tuxedo from the old restaurant that fired me?

But like, okay, as somebody who hasn't had a stake in like almost 20 years. Of course, you're, you're a vegetarian. What is the different? Like, I know obviously rare and medium, but like what's the difference between medium rare and medium? Is it like, it's in the sliver? It's just close? It's pretty close and honestly, like, at the keg, they don't even really cook it the right. Like, it's most of the time off anyway.

Like, it's mostly overcooked or undercooked. We don't know what the hell we're doing. Yeah, but it's, I think that it's, there's like a thing where it shows you, like, you know, medium is going to be a little bit of pink. Right. And like medium rare is like. I cook with a thermometer, so I like know exactly when to take it off. Yeah. Yeah.

I take it off your shirt. About 135 Fahrenheit. And what is that? Does that give you a medium? It's a little, no, it's a medium rare, maybe a little rare than that, but it's got to cook itself for about five more minutes on. Sure. You put a little salt and pepper on there? No.

No, just as is. No, yeah, yeah, it's true. I don't do the, yeah, you can't do the, you cannot, I put a little A1 steak. Yeah, you have Montreal steak spice rolled in some Mrs. Dash. That's how we used to make steak. Yeah. In like high school. Yeah, yeah.

You put so much Montreal steak spice. Dip that shit in. in A1 steak toss. You can't even taste a hint of the steak anymore. Steakutrements. Would you guys ever eat us? Because I was at a bar the other night and I was having a drink of the bar on the guy next we ordered a steak with sauce.

And I like, is that a thing that we will do? I think maybe at a bar or something. I think that, yeah, like, if the steak is good, you probably shouldn't need sauce on it. Well, that's, yeah, that's what I was doing. What I like is when they get a French restaurant, they'll put some of that, the butter on, the, like, herb butter. on top that melts all over it. You put it on or they put it on?

They put it on top. I put a dollop on top of it melts and then you dip your fries in it as well. Okay. Oh, steak free. I'm talking steak free. Are we all going to go to Gotham after this, you guys? Have you ever I don't know if it still exists, but there was a place

I think it was on Gramble Island that would serve you basically a raw steak on a hot stone and you cut it and cook it as you eat. I never went there. I went there once and it was okay but the like a knife

on stone was very like nails on a chalkboard and is it was the thing about it was you can get it exactly how you like it is that or was it just like here's a fun way to it's like a novelty kind of thing right it's like yeah

there's no way you can get it exactly how you like it it's the opposite of that it's going to be way less unless you like it very rare Blue rare. You can definitely, like, it'll cook through. Oh, really?

Well, you cut off slices and then put them on the stone as you go. Okay. Mm-hmm. I thought it was just on the stone. Me too. I was picturing it just sitting there and then you're, so you have it on a plate. I fucking forget, man. I think you get it on the stone, but then you, you cut it into smaller pieces and, like, move.

This sounds like too much work. It sounds like one of those things. It was a real flash in the stone. That's true. I, I, I, you know,

I was looking at restaurants the other day and they're like, uh, there's like a one of those. Sorting for by price highest to low. Yes, definitely.

So I know which ones not to go to. I'll check that one off the list. But I, there was like a dark restaurant, you know, where you're like, and I, I thought that was done,

but that's still. Apparently it's really popular. Yeah. And I think that like the servers are blind. That's, I think that that is true. Yeah. And not maybe in.

case, but I think that, yeah, I've heard of that. I, but I thought that was one of those things that would never take. But I guess for high society, like for people who are like snobby food people, it works as a novelty, but then it also works as those people who are like, no, this is the way you really taste it. Also, it's those snobby food people will be like, I'm not eating that. Yeah. So that you have to serve them in the dark.

So they're like, okay. Here comes the airplane. Okay. Oh, I just thought of another sort of clientele for there as well. That would be homely people who are going on a first day. There you go. You know, hey, let's go to this restaurant.

But you're like, let's meet at the restaurant. I'll be waiting at the table. I think what you do is you just show up a little late and then you wait for them to sit down already. And then you go, sorry, I was at the wrong table. And you tell. I got to third base with that lady over there. You tell them, bring me over to the ugly guy.

Well, sir, I'm blind. I know. Go feel his face. Oh. But you're right. That is an underserved market. Yeah. Because homely people, yeah. It's tough to think of a first date location.

I mean, a movie theater is probably pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, first date, though. I don't know how people date. But at a spa where you're getting your face done, you know, you're getting like cucumbers on the house. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, so you can't really see.

Yeah. Totally. Yeah, mud, yeah, mud baths. Century Deprivation Chamber. Yeah. Are you a fan of Joe Rogan? I, uh, we, Ariel and I went on a, like, it wasn't a first date, but it was an early date, uh, to the movies. And they were like, the movie theater was like, oh, sorry, we don't have a theater for people so tall.

Well, listen. We're going to put you in the back so you don't block everyone's view. And interesting, it was the park theater that we went. to this was still when it was Cineplex. This is up the street. This is right up the street and now it's owned by like Finn Wolfhard. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw him there. You did. The man himself. One time I went, I knew someone who knew him and he's very tall and I went to this old bar that was a video game bar. I think it's closed down now. It was called like Greta. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's closed? Maybe it's still open. Maybe it's still open. But yeah, I went there. Great for watch parties. Um, he, I went there with him and he, you went with Finn Wolfhard?

With, with Finn Wolfhardt. Me there. Finn Wolfhard was, knew somebody that I knew who was like a comedian who I knew online, who was here filming something. Oh, okay. And then I've never felt, it was like, he was just still a child, a teenager at the time. Yeah. And then people were just, you know, hey, gay, right, you know, like, it really made me think

that that would be a really bad life. Like it wouldn't be a, it would be a really, he's got all these. He's like 45-year-old men being like, Hey, what's on strange your dates? I bet you, you. You know, like, and he's just like logging through so like, oh. A lot of 45-year-old men are kind of cool, actually. Yeah, that's true.

It's probably the best age to be. It's when you're really coming into your own. Your exact date. I'm sorry for picking your exact age. 45 is the funniest age to quote us at somebody. But we went to the movie theater on a date to see the Elvis movie. Uh-huh. Yeah.

And this was, I'm straight edge, by the way. I don't know if I mentioned that off the top. All right. So you didn't get one? This time I was not straight edged. Oh, okay. So I am now, as of January. I was having a toddler who's like, you know, with it.

I was only smoking weed. I think straight edge is like if you're young. I think we're in a year old. You're just sober. Yeah, we did a straight. But he does have an X on his hands. Yeah. We did an episode on Straight Edge guys.

So it's like a running. I talk about it on my show. You have to be like in a band. Yeah. Yes, it's a hardcore thing. Hardcore man's a straight edge. It's like a big part of it. But anyways, yeah.

So I'm California to straight edge. Which means you do what? I took a little over the blouse. Under the bra. Both? How does that work? Well, she got dressed at the dark restaurant. I'm allowed to go under the bra, but over the shirt.

You have to stay. Oh, boy. Anyway, go ahead. You there. Yeah, so I took, I thought it was, we were taking some mushrooms before we went to this movie, this Elvis movie. Whoa, it's a cacophonous movie. Yeah, it's a crazy movie. And I remember, Ariel had like these 100 milligram microdose things.

And I hadn't taken mushrooms in years. And I was like, well, I'll take 12 of them. Because I remember when I used to take mushrooms, I would take a gram and a half. For two grams. Sure. You know, I would like fully... Graham and a half. Sounds like a bonus episode of our podcast.

Yeah, that's right. Listen. Stay tuned for gram and a half. Sounds like a sick on the year. Grim, gram, gram, gram, gram, gram, really gram, gram, gram. But I, uh, it was all elderly people. I don't remember the showing, like it was maybe a midday or something. Sure.

But it was elderly people completely full. And they were, they were livid with me. I was, I could not contain myself with Tom Hanks. Uh-huh. The thing that he was doing. Oh, he's Colonel Tom Parker. He was Colonel Tom Parker. And I just, every time him with a fat suit, he came on stage, I would go, holy shit.

Look at this guy. And I was like, everyone, why do you be quiet? And I was like, I knew that I was ruining their time. And I didn't want to be. Yeah. I was like, under the influence of mushrooms. And so I couldn't stop myself. And, yeah, I remember.

remember that it was, uh, it was one of the most sort of embarrassing things that I couldn't stop from after. Sure. Because it's a long movie. It's like two hours and 40 minutes and he's in it a lot. You don't want to be doing any mushrooms with a Baz Luhrman movie. I was going to say this is the Baz Luhrman one. Um, yeah.

I've, uh, I haven't done that. Um, but I'm, I love the idea of a micro dose of like when people, like, I've heard people describe it as like, you don't, you don't hallucinate or whatever, like. Yeah, no, it is, it's just like uplifting, like emotionally uplifting. And I think if you actually microdose properly, I think it is good. Could rewire the pathways in my brain. I think it could help you a lot, Dave. And that's why I've got these.

Can I have 12 of those? Yeah. I also took mushrooms and went, uh, and saw, um, Bo is afraid. Okay. Oh, that would have been very hard to keep track of this. Mushroom town. What happened was that the guy, Joaquin Phoenix, he's the star of the movie.

He, like, posted online or did this interview where he's like, don't take mushrooms and go watch this movie. And I thought he was doing a little wink, you know? Whatever you do, don't. Yeah, whatever you do, don't take mushrooms and go watch us. I just saw it in print. Right. So I don't know, I didn't know his tone or anything.

It turns out, I think his tone was more like, don't go watch this movie. I don't think he's a fun guy. And take mushrooms. It's a bad idea. And so I sort of did it and, like, document it. it and stuff and it was yeah it was pretty because honestly i've seen it i don't remember like can't connect the dots of what happened in that movie yeah it is a bizarre bizarre film do you are you able to follow it no i think that i was uh catastrophically afraid the entire time i mean similar i was

chris is afraid yeah chris is afraid i think that the movie is like anxiety inducing you know a lot yeah and so i think that it was like it was like a bad decision to do it i remember i i do remember that I really enjoyed the ice water. That was a highlight for me. Not in the movie. It's just the ice water that you got. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Now you're appealing to the stingy listener. Yeah. Hey, movie theater. Can I just have the ice water, please? And can you just charge me as a student? I don't have. I'm just a simple artist, if you understand.

Hey, can I have some ice water? I'm about to ruin this movie for all the other patrons. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, my friend. As mentioned, I was on Gabriel Island last week. You know, at the show and shine. At the show and shine with my old Dusenberg. Have you ever been to a show and shine?

No, I think I'm familiar. It's like just old guys put their old cars in a parking lot and everyone walks around and looks out of. Yeah, I've seen them like in Steven. Yeah. They would have them at time to time when I was growing up. No, I had it. I showed everyone in my. AMS 700.

Is that a engine? Oh, you bet it it is. You know, this is American manufacturing the way it used to be. They did one when I was in high school, like, because there was, you know,

some kids that had like built up kind of, you know, roadsters or whatever. And one guy made a spoiler for his car out of wood and made a license plate that said, thanks, daddy. It was the best.

But on the island, they have, I didn't, I've never heard of this before. My in-laws have lived there like, I don't know, 15 years now. And they, but apparently on July 1st every year, they do a big thing with potato cannons. Okay. I remember those. And like, what it used to be is every, like people on Gabriel L.A. Island would show up at the beach with their potato cannons. And then the people on the neighboring island, I think mudge, they would have their potato cannons and they would try to shoot them at each other.

Oh, that sounds kind of fun. That don't go that far. Yeah. Like it wasn't like a dangerous thing. No. Yeah, that sounds like a fun little thing. And I've never really witnessed one of these things before. But I guess they did it on July 1st.

And my father-in-law had built a potato cannon out of PVC pipe. and and then Sheila, her partner is an engineer, and he had built an even better one. A machine gun. Oh, oh. Well, no, it was the same kind of construction. He had just kind of done the math calculations of like,

oh, he's kind of a design and kind of a bomb, really. Anyways, they don't do it anymore. They don't do it anymore. So have you guys seen Oppenheimer? They sort of had a room full of geniuses building. I actually took a bunch of mushrooms and went and watched it. I took a bunch of potatoes.

But they, yeah, so we went out on the patio and they're right on the water. And we shot it into the water. And so the way, it's like, you know, three feet long, four feet long. Sure. with a PVC pipe. What's PVC is that for? Pretty, very cool. Okay.

Yep. And then like a thicker pipe at the back and you spray, you put a potato in. You like cut a potato to the perfect dimensions. Nothing better than a, you know what I mean? A potato cannon and a steak, a well-dust steak. Ram it in with like a ramrod thing. Yeah.

And then spray, hairspray in the back. Yeah. And then get one of those barbecue lighters with the long, the long lighter and stick it in. And oh, it's so loud. It hurt my ears. And how far did it go, do you think? It's still going. Got in orbit.

No, it went out into the water, you know, 100 feet, 5,000 feet. Yeah, I, on Salt Spring Island, my. in-laws had a friend that had, but it was for oranges. It was big enough to handle the whole orange, and it fucking traveled forever that thing. But same thing. Hairspray, lighting it on fire, and, but you know, oranges are, come on. Were they, now were they, did they live closer to Ganges or Fulford? You know what?

They were pretty close to Fulford. And thank you for asking. Yeah, that's, I have family who lived on Salt Spring as well. Oh, yeah? Still do. Still do. Near Fulford as well. Okay.

Yeah. I love Salt Spring. We used to go there when I was younger. What was your favorite thing to do on South Spring? Just look, see deer. Yeah, you can see deer all over the woods. I'm like, there's so many deer there, and I love wildlife. And obviously, around here, you don't see a lot of deer.

And, yeah, so I could just entertain myself by driving around with my family looking for deer. Hey, uh, there's a lot of deer on Gabriola. And guess what I don't like seeing when I'm driving around. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. I mean, it is a little bit. But yeah, I feel like we never had any real, like, we never had any real, like, we never had any real scares like that. But you're right. It is, it can be dangerous. It's just like, they'll, yeah, once I see a couple on the road, I'm like, well, now my whole, now this is in my

mind the whole time and I'm going to go, yeah, go slow and white knuckle it. That's interesting. Whenever I see a couple on the road, I think, are they in the lifestyle? You just think about that, about any couple you see. Any couple. I wonder if they're in the last. A dear mate for life. Huh, I don't know, or could I maybe have a go? But you're right. Do you do get a chance to see a lot of wildlife? Yeah, that's the thing that I enjoy. Yeah. Here's something that I saw when I was last there that I haven't seen in the city.

I would say for years, like a big butterfly. Oh, yeah. Like I don't see butterfly. Moths. I see moths in town. But the last time I saw a butterfly, like, was notable. Whereas like, this is a monarch butterfly. Yeah.

It's, you know, the size of like a coffee cup kind of, you know, round. Yeah. I agree. I feel like back in my day, you know, you could just go out, drink from the hose and see butterflies all over this place. But no, truly, I feel like when I was younger, there were definitely more butterflies around. And now I never see them. Do you, what does drink from the hose? Oh, sorry, we did nostalgia guys and covered people who are upset.

And there's this thing where every generation is like, yeah, when I was younger, you could drink from the hose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just like the sort of calling card of there. Of like, you know. Like, yeah, I guess, and they think you can't anymore. Yeah, well, I think that they've discovered the, like, the sort of health risks of it now. Yeah. That it's not, like, the best water to drink.

Well, I think it's also just like, as an adult, you don't do that? Like, they're just remembering childhood. Yes. That's often the case. It's often the case with nostalgia people where they're just, they remember that you can't do this anymore. Like, oh, you don't see these kind of things around anymore. And it's like, yeah, you do. Yeah.

These are things that are still sold at store. But also, like, I think back in the day, people were more dehydrated. I feel like nobody was drinking water. Yeah, exactly. We didn't have bottled water and stuff, you know. So, like, drinking from the hose was probably, like, a necessity. I mean, I don't know about you, but I mean, I'm 63 years old. You look good.

Thank you. When I was younger, you didn't have bottled water. No, but you're right. People don't have their, like, water bottles that they walk around with and stuff. And it wasn't, yeah. So, like, drinking from a hose would have been an emergency. Like, this is the only way I'm getting water. water if I got at my house.

It seems to be a thing that those people really, like, miss a lot. It's drinking from the hose. When was the last time you drank from the hose? You're talking about it like it's this everyday thing. No, it's true. It's been, yeah, 40 years because I was, I'm 45. Yeah. At the best age.

But my kids, have you seen there's these, I don't know if we've talked about this on the podcast before, but there's a thing. Potato gun. Well, you know how the, um, the, um, the, uh, the, uh, the hoses have sprayers. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, like, they have different. Yes. Yeah.

Um, different settings. Yes, I have one actually. Yeah. There's to water the garden. Jet, uh, jet is too strong. Gets way too strong. Mists is great, uh, but not for the garden, but just like, just for a shower. You want shower.

shower for the garden. I go shower or center like, it does. Centers. Yeah. Shower, but like, it's like more concentrated. Yeah. If you're in a hurry. Um, this is a couple of hose guys, right?

This is the stuff I want to show. But there's a thing that, like, there's videos on TikTok or whatever that are someone holding up the hose and the other person, like, they'll be pointing the hose at someone and the person will say a number four. And they go click, click, click, and whatever it's like Russian roulette. Yeah, that's fun. Whatever the setting is you get sprayed with. And Jed is like the Russian roulette. Like, that's the bowl. Yeah, because you want the mist.

You want to get it. The mist is ideal. Or soak. Soak is just like it all comes out of the bottom of the hole. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to drink from the hose now, you know what I mean? You can.

You definitely can. I just want to fill up a glass, though, from the hose and then taking it aside out. You get from the hose and you have your glass outside. And just remember in the good old days, right? Just refilling my nail gene. You got a water bottle? Yeah, I got one. You got one?

got a water bottle. Yeah, I use it mostly when I'm like streaming or doing a podcast. Was your brand? I don't even know. It's not like I'm not serious about it. You know, it's just like I ordered it off of somewhere. Or maybe I got it at Canadian tire or something. Yeah, it's not an expensive one or a real, it's not a name brand. Mine's a Sig.

Yeah, got a London drugs. Got a Sig. Yeah. It's like with two G's. Mine is one that I got as a gift at the Junos. It was the only thing I got from the Junos was this water bottle. Oh, that's, that's nice that they gave you a water bottle. And my other water bottle, I lost it. So I was like, this is my water bottle now. I'm not buying another water bottle. Yeah. I do feel like I need to wash my water bottle now. I just thought about that recently that I need to. Dave just looked at his thinking about how long ago you washed this. Yeah. It's okay. It's not see-through. So it's, uh, yeah. There's no way to tell. Yeah. I have to base mine on smell only. Mine's water only, though.

Yeah, water only does change things for sure. You have to clean it. This is one I just, I don't even put my mouth on it. This is just for pouring. Yeah. Yeah, I, I have one of the water models that's like working class. It's very inexpensive. Yeah, yeah. I had to get mine free from the Juno.

I couldn't even afford one. Yeah, but would you have to pay to submit to the Junos, don't you? No, that was, I got a grant for the government. Yeah, I don't have application money if that's what you're saying. Yeah. Did you win? Yep. You won the.

Three years ago. No, I did not win. I lost to Kyle Brownrigg, very funny comedian. Now lives in England, so he doesn't need a Juno at all. Yeah, maybe he's going to get a Brit Award. Ask him if he can give it to you. Yeah, well, you don't need it over there. He's funny.

He's from out east, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I remember him. So did you, for an album of the year? Yeah. Yeah, for comedy album. Well, I've never heard his, but I think you should have won. Thanks, man. No problem.

I was, the thing about the Juno's, when you're a comedian there, you're a very second-class citizen as a comedian. And the table we were at was comedians, children album, and vocal jazz. Those were the people at my table. And those vocal jazz people, they're just happy to be there. Did, did in, was there like big, like was, you know, Drake or anything there? Well, because they do one night where they give out all the awards. And then the next night. So nobody's there for that night.

Well, that's the night. You're there. But nobody, like, the show isn't that. And then the next night, so that's at like a, you know, hotel ballroom. Yeah, yeah. And then the next night's at an arena with Nelly Furtado. Nellie Fittato was the host. They brought up in Annbury.

I love Nellie Tito. They give about five awards that night and like a Lifetime Achievement Award to the Berenaked Ladies. So they don't even, like, on the broadcast, it doesn't even show them giving out the comedy award. No. No, no, no. It's not filmed at all. It's like the night prior. In fact, they do it in a dark restaurant.

Yeah, they only hand out the comedy word in a dark restaurant. Get down there where you belong goes. They do have a blind musician give it away, though. Famous Canadian blind musician, name them. What's his name? Is there one? Yeah, is it the blues guy? Is that what you're thinking of?

No. Oh, Jeff Healy. Jeff Healy. Yeah, Jeff Healy would have worked. I was going with John Kay from Steppenwolf. Oh, okay. Didn't know. Didn't know.

Graham, what's going on with you? Well, we're talking about, we're talking about go-karts and childhood and this past. Drinking from the hose. Drinking from the hose. Dr. Dr. Yeah, you just got to come home when mom calls for dinner. Otherwise, you're out in the neighborhood doing whatever you go out.

Were you like that when you were a kid, though? I was like a latchkey kid. No. Yeah, I was like that, definitely. I would, I would just, we would, we lived in Steveston in this kind of nice, you know, a nice neighborhood for that. Mm-hmm. Not a nice neighborhood.

Not too nice. You lived in a town house. But yeah, it was like a good area for that. There wasn't a lot of traffic. We lived like right on the dike. So we would like go out and get garter snakes or whatever. Oh, shit, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So I think it was it was pretty easy to do that in that area. But we would, yeah, we would do that for sure. Yeah, I think that I think probably. When you say you lived on that. the dike. You mean like, that's what, like, um, like a heathism. Like living on the dole.

Oh, yeah. For lesbians. No, I, I deal with it. I talk about it on my own. Most people who listen are American or, and or just don't know. And, and I have to sort of clarify that most people who listen to this, do you think they know what a dyke is? Well, it's not a Canadian thing.

It's not. But it. I, there was like a little Dutch boy, but his finger in one. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe, maybe I'm just, I don't want to say that. Maybe. Maybe certain American people are ignorant to certain things.

But I don't think that's true. Not our audience. No. And also, it's a thing. It's a thing that you can walk on that stops the water from coming. Is that a good description? Yeah. Yeah.

It's like an elevated piece of land that like, yeah. It's not unlike a dam. Yeah, it's similar to that. Yeah. So we would go play on the marsh and stuff like that. With a levy. Well, that's the thing that broke. No, it was dry.

Yeah. What happened to the levy? Did a break? Levy was dry. But when the levy breaks in a Led Zeppelin song, but it's dry and a Donne McLean's right. And there's a dam and a levy. And damn levy is the guy from Schitts Creek.

Damn levy. Damn levy Schmidt's Creek. So a week ago, it was the last day that my nephew and niece were going to be together for a week. The nephew was going away to the grandparents house. So it was a fun kind of send-off. We all went to Lasertag. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah.

It was fucking awesome. You could just say that without the pretense of like, well, the nephew and niece are being separated for a week. I know, but why are we going there? It's none of their birthdays or anything. Like, why are we randomly on a laser tag? Because summer vacation is eternal and you need to find activity. Where do you do laser nowadays? There used to be, Richmond had Planet Laser.

It's still there. No, it can't be. It's Planet Laser is there right next to. Extreme Air Park. I wonder if it's the same place. Is it right by the movie theater? Oh, no. Like at Silver City or whatever?

Yeah. This was in the center of Richmond. It's right by Planet Ice as well. Yeah, that makes sense. The planet is. This was in an industrial park. So there was no other fun things. Yeah, it's all an industrial.

Well, I'm talking about the laser tag place. It's in the chic neighborhood. I went to London, Ontario, and there was one on the main drags. Which city was it in? I don't know. I mean, like, the one that you just went to. No, I don't know. I wasn't keep it driving, so I didn't.

You didn't know what city? You're an adult with agency. I love that you can find yourself somewhere and you don't know what city here. Did they put you in a duffel bag and throw you in the bag of a bag? I had a lot of money. You were riding in the car, right? Not in the truck. So when you got it to the car, what direction?

Was it towards the mountain? We were mostly going forward. We were mostly going forward sometimes to the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we stopped, yeah, it was also forward. Did you get on a highway? Hard to say. But laser tag, much as you remember it.

Same kind of setup as it always was. Fake smoke. you know, like different structures to hide behind. Yeah. I'm there. I'm the oldest person there for sure. I'm older than my wife and older than my wife's sister. Huge advantage for you.

Absolutely. I've lived through it. Yeah, on the battlefield, that's a big advantage. But you did have flashbacks. Yes. Yeah. Because I did mushrooms and went in there. You should not do.

You went to the Basler in the Laser Tag? I mean, that would be pretty incredible. So here's the thing. Kids are really good at this. And all the things where you hide behind are kid-sized. Oh, yeah. So an adult, you have to go bend down and crouch to get behind them. Oh, yeah.

Going on the knees, you know? Yeah, going somewhere and realizing that it's clearly designed for children is really wrong. Well, the laser tag place that I haven't been to it, but it's right next to. of the trampoline place. See, now this sounds like a fun. Yeah, Silver City's a good. But it's, yeah, one jump on the trampoline and you realize, oh, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, this is not for me. People whose spines have already like elongated. But it's funny you go in, there's like a little, do you recall, like, you go in a little room and they're giving you the instructions? And there's like, pump up music playing. And I was like, oh, this is.

The Cardinal combat! Exactly. And you go out two separate entrances, you and the other team, and then you just got to, like, find each other in there. These kids were so good at this. All the kids were fantastic. My aim was shit. But I don't, when you were a kid doing laser tag, you wear a vest. And so there's a sensor on the front and a sensor on the back.

Do you remember there being a sensor on the gun? If you shot the other person's gun, I forgot all about that. I do remember that. I do remember that. A planet laser, they definitely. had that. Yeah. I,

yeah, I was like, I thought it, I took it very seriously. Yeah, sure. Everyone was goofing around. They did a silly name.

And then I, all, this is the thing I really remember, but is that my name at laser tag was sniper. Everyone's like, dude, some silly, goofy name.

And I'm like, no, I take this very seriously. I assume I'm really good at that. Yeah. Listen, I was okay. I remember a couple of,

hey, I don't want to do my own horn here, but I remember a couple podium finishes. Yes. And the military was there. Like, We could use somebody like you.

And that's why I joined the military. You watched Enemy at the Gates before you went. Yeah. I just, I, it was, that was such a fun thing to do. That was, yeah. I never did it. This is a real nostalgic episode for me, California kickball and laser tag and go-carts. Let's not forget the garden hose.

Oh, absolutely. When you did laser tag as a year. youth, was it all one floor? Because this had three levels. No, this was, well, it wasn't like levels as much as, there was things, ramps you could go up to like areas almost, like, you know, that were different levels. So it was like, it would be like, you know, uh, like just like a lookout place or whatever. So there was different levels, but not actually, like it wasn't a whole floor.

This was, this was like, uh, a level, like bottom level, whole floor and then ramps up to like a little, like you say, kind of crows nest or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And these kids were so good at it. And so you do one round and you have to go back to the area and then you do a second game. And in the second game, if you get so many shots, I think if you can land three shots, you get a machine gun laser. Like you get a separate thing or you're a machine gun. No, it becomes machine gun.

And so you just press the trigger and it just goes infinity times. If they can make that technology in real life, we are doomed. But, like, I had it for a second and, oh, the power I felt when I had machine good. And did you let you, did you do pretty well? Like, did you? Because when you get out, they show you the things, right? Or they probably don't do that anymore. Everybody gets a participation trophy.

A younger person listening is just being like, this guy is miserable. This guy hates being old. But yeah, they'll show. you the ranking, right? I wasn't the bottom of the ranking, but I was on the bottom. You were in the ranking family. Yeah, I was in the ranking family. The, uh, once that machine gun thing was introduced, because then if you put your gun up

to shoot somebody and they had machine gun, they would just hit your gun. And so I was like constantly getting, I was just getting slaughtered. But if you got shot with machine gun, then you lost machine gun. So, well, you can't just have machine gun. Oh. You lose it if you got shot. once. I, uh, so the, at the park up the street, um, they had, someone had set up these sort of like, um, you know,

when like ski racers are doing slaloms. Yeah. And they had set those things kind of up, but made out of tarps. Okay. And they were, then they made like a, uh, kind of an obstacle course, but with, and then everyone was running around with Nerf guns. Oh, yeah. That's fun.

And they had, they have serious Nerf guns now. Oh, hell. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a nerve for nothing. Yeah, and there's these ones that, I forget what they're called now. X something, but they're X shots. X versus sever.

They're called X shots. And, yeah, they're like, yeah, they're like machine guns or whatever. You have so many, you have like 50, 100 shots. God, I would hate it. Like, I can I keep trying to pick up all my ammo afterwards. But that was mine. Yeah, that's the, and like, I know somebody that has one that's like a shot, like you have to like a shotgun.

to like reload it. Yeah. Also one of the early apps I had on my phone. A little shotgun. Oh, yeah. Click shotgun. Oh, man. And then you could just go drink for the hose and you could do whatever you want.

You could have the beer app that poured a beer out. Of course. Yeah, that's one of the early good ones. Shazam. Shazam was the best app, the early app, you know? When you first got an iPhone and they, like, no one could figure out what, like, Twitter wasn't even an app yet. It was just on your desktop.

Yeah, that's true. You could text tweets to one, two, one, two, one, two, one. And, but I remember back then being like, how many apps do you have on your phone? I've got eight. This guy's got eight apps. It must be the richest guy in town. But I don't know how many years old do you have to be to kind of get the laser tag experience, but it's in your future. Yeah.

It's something to look forward to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we want to. I want to get Charlie. working with and handling guns early I don't want when we give him his first real machine gun I don't want him to be lost

Yeah yeah yeah yeah Point it at his face Like no no no no no don't look in there He does that with like squirt guns You'll have a squirt gun that has water in it you know And he's like he thinks it's funny He like he jokes around a lot Suicide's funny yeah that's what I'm saying

He's got a dark sense of humor But he thinks it's funny to like drink the water you know, and like drinking the water from the gun. So he will take a squirt gun and he puts it into his mouth. It's really disconcerting. It's really like, yeah. But yeah, no, we want to get him handling guns because we're a gun family.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favorite gun? Oh, man, too much time you got. I like the AMS 700. I'm terrified of guns. My friend, when we were growing up, my friend did have a gun. Yeah. My friend was a big gun guy and he had like proper guns.

and stuff. And I do remember, yeah, he shot a gun one time and my other friends. I was in the closet by accident. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, like a 22. If you know guns, though, that's like a real small caliber. It's not kill you, wouldn't it? It would kill you at a close range, definitely.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, like, had that gun punched it at one of our heads, it would have killed this for sure. Yeah. I just remember him being like, no, the safety's off. And then, like, as he was still saying, the safety's odd, he shot the gut off in a neighborhood, just like in a neighborhood.

Just like in a neighborhood in Richmond. Yeah, he was a scary guy, but a really good friend. Always there to add your back. I'll tell you what, if you ever needed somebody killed with a gun. You're being bullied in school. He was your guy. Yeah. I didn't like when I broke off from the bike group and he chased me down.

He was, he was also a football player. He was about 6'5, 320 pounds, like biggest, strongest dude ever. The last guy who'd need a gun. Yeah, that's kind of as always the way, you know. It's the last guy. The guys that don't even need the guys. That's absolutely not true, by the way. It's almost the littlest weasels that are so afraid of everything.

Should we move on to some overheards? Sure. Say, what's the trivia show where dreams come true? It's got to be go fact yourself. Legend in the house. We quiz celebrity contestants about topics they love. bring out surprise experts to delight and amaze.

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International Waters is back, baby. Do you like fun, silly conversations? Do you like fun silly games? We got them both. And it's on International Waters. I am the host, Dave Holmes. This is a panel show that pits American and British comics against each other in a lively and hilarious competition.

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on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard, the segment of the show where if you hear something out there in the wild, we want to hear it here in the domestic. And we always like to start with our guests. Chris, do you have an overheard? I do.

Listen, I have one that I have mentioned on my own podcast. Does that matter? That counts. But I also have another one, but they're short. They're not long or anything. I don't want to, you know. I want to go on and on. But, okay, this was one of my favorite overheards that I've had in my entire life.

And I was at Nando's chicken. Okay. With my mom and my son. Where was this? This was, I have no idea what city was there. Honestly, I was just, I was on my phone when we drove there. Exactly. It was in some type of an area that had food.

Was it the one in Caristale that burnt down? No. It was actually out in Burnaby. It was a burn road. It was a market crossing. In, yeah. Love a cheeky Nando. I love Nandoz.

Love Nandoz. But yeah, we were there eating and there was a guy who was kind of like a nerdy looking guy, like a smart looking guy, like almost like a scientist, like looked like he could be like an engineer. Had a clipboard and whatnot. He was just, listen, I can't explain it. This guy looked smart. Okay.

He looked smart to me. Not in a bad way. He looked, you know, he looked smart. And he was with his two, like, teenagers. kids maybe like or maybe one maybe one like 11 and 13 or something like that was what I put their age at and he was right at the table next door and he said hey I um so I have these things I want to tell you guys about these like things I've been working on and um yeah I used artificial intelligence for some artificial intelligence for some of my ideations and then the son was like

oh what does that mean and he's like uh like kind of interested and intrigued and impressed by it and he's like I used AI for some of the ideas. And his son was like, oh, much less impressed. He tried to really, you tried to really smart it up a little bit, artificial intelligence for my ideations. And I'm going to start using that. Yeah, ideations. I've heard that like to ideate. Yeah, yeah.

But I just, the way that the disappointment in his son when he realized his dad was just an idiot. who didn't have any ideas And by the way, some of the shit he was telling them He was like, so there's this idea for this like They have this energy and then like, what do they do with the energy afterwards? Why don't they use some of that energy? And the kids were just like, I don't know. And then you noticed that he was holding the menu upside down.

And you're like, oh, yeah, this guy's in me. Yeah, just past the dipping sauce. And then just quickly, I was at the White Caps game. I have season tickets to the White Caps. Are you a South Cider? I'm not a South Cider. I'm not a South Cider. I'm on the field.

I'm on the field. I'm on the field. Oh, cool. So I'm like, it's called the, now it has a different name. It's called the landing. And you're like really right beside, like, you know, Thomas Mueller's legendary player. He's the. He's the.

He's the deutmeister. Yeah, he's. Deutter, deuter straffen. He is the space invader, whatever that is. Yeah, the space distributor. The space invader is what they call him. That's his nickname. But yeah, you're like right beside him, like this close to him.

You ever have that little bit of banter? Well, this is the thing I've made fun of about often on my show. They'll always make fun of me talk because I mentioned one time that I, you know, will talk to the players sometimes, but they'll really mock me for it. And then the other thing that they really like to mock me for is that I once saw a player outside of the, like on Granble Street, you know, in downtown Vancouver. And I got kind of flustered that I was, you know, and I just, I was like, oh, Rios, you know, he's like, was the player's name.

And then he's like, oh, hey, what's up? And he was really nice and, like, dapped me up and, like, was really kind of nice. And then I didn't know what I said. We love watching you play out there. They'll just mock me for that endlessly. Other podcasts. We love watching your podcast out there, Chris. They'll say to me and variations on that.

What's wrong with that? They, they, yeah, so they'll always joke about, you know, there'll be some articles shared about the white cap struggles and they'll say like oh yeah apparently some guy is bothering the players and throwing them off like it's just every single thing to do with the white caps now is about me talking to the player it's the least um like the worst would be the opposite where you're like oh like if you pick something super specific about them yeah we love watching it play out there i don't know i guess it's just a really lame thing to say i think it's great i appreciate that i appreciate that a lot but Yeah, I got to talk to Thomas Miller.

I don't really care. I'm like a monster soccer fan, you know. And so getting to like, you know, Thomas, you're going to play tonight? Or no, I don't think he even got to play tonight, you know, or winning. And he's like, oh, I always want to play, you know. And he talked. That was fun. I'm an adult, but that was cool.

It brought me back to, like, being a kid. I watched him at the World Cup, winning the World Cup and stuff. And it was very cool. Anyways, this game, there was a woman ref and woman line, line, person. And sort of like, what are the differences between men and women reps? So there's none. Just to be clear, there's more women refs now, and a lot of them are quite good now. It's just they have more opportunity now, and so they get to, like, ref at a higher level.

But you find it really distracting. I just, it's not even this distracting. I just wish it weren't. No, I'm just joking. So they were having a bad game, reffing the game. They were making some mistakes. But just to be clear, the ML. LS refs are terrible and the ConcaGap

reps are terrible. The men are having horrible games all the time too. It's not like a unique thing. But there was a woman beside who was there with her children. I see her there sometimes. She has season tickets for the landing as well. And she starts screaming at this lines person. And she says

like, you fucking idiot you're making us women look bad. I don't want to be lumped in with you. And it was I was like, I couldn't not even, she had these like teenage kids with her and it was

I like I just, it was so uncomfortable for everybody the security came over and said you can't abuse Who do you think was you can't set women back like this? You can't yield the security went to the Lions person

and was like you're doing a terrible job. Yeah yeah and this is actually this lady furious over here. This poor woman She's being with her kids. She's being loved in with you. Now people think she's an idiot because of you. No, they said to the, well, you can't abuse the officials and said, that's not abuse. And like, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to step in, but that's the definition of abusing an official.

You're a fucking idiot. What's wrong with you? Well, yeah. What do you think was more disappointed? The kids with the dad at Nando's or the kids with their mom at the soccer game? I mean, listen, I think that it was an embarrassing moment at the soccer game. I think at Nando's it was an epiphanous moment. moment for them where they realized,

which is like his dad an idiot? Whereas I think those kids in the soccer game, they know mom's an idiot. Yeah, well. Yeah, I don't think that was the first time. Mom gets told off by security quite a bit everywhere she goes. Dave, do you have it over here?

Oh, yeah, sure. Why don't I go? So on Gabriel Island, there is a, there's like an ice cream stand. Delicious. That is operated by volunteers. Wow. That's putting a lot of trusted people.

Yeah, I don't know. I want my ice cream scoopers to be paid. Well, they, so, yeah, so it's volunteer, like, it's a fundraising thing for this nonprofit, I guess. And so it's always, like, older people in there. And it's, it's outside the... How to rum raisin going out the door. The worst flavor is getting full. I'm going to do some straight vanilla, please.

And they're, and so you go up, you, you order your things and then sometimes it takes a while because they're volunteers. They're volunteers and they're aged. Yeah. But, so I ordered three cones, one for each of my daughters and one for me. And it was taking a long time. And this woman came back with one cone and then took the order for the next one. That took a while. and gave that one to me.

And then I was about to give my order. And she just stopped for a second. She was, because she needed a minute. And she said, I've been bending over so much. My lunch is going to come up. And I was like, that's normally not something you say in the food service industry. Give me a second and swallow this wallet. I wouldn't eat this next school.

I made fun of vanilla there, you know, and I'm having a lot of regret about that because I realized that I used to... It's a classic. And now I, I'll just get vanilla ice cream and really appreciate that vanilla ice cream. It's like one of the older things that I do, like, where I've realized that like, you know, I don't need all of this flavor. I don't need this flavor explosion. I can just have a nice vanilla and it's like, it's understated almost.

Yeah. So I don't think, I would like to retract my, it's on the record that you retract this. Criticism of old people getting vanilla. Yeah, rum raisin was the go-to. Rum raisin is good. I don't think rum raisin is good. No, as a reference. As a reference.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a, they have a Canadian-only. Do you know this Canadian-only flavor? Is it like maple syrup and something? Tiger Tail. Oh, Tiger Tail. That is a weird Canadian. It's orange-old.

Sherbet. Orange and licorice. Yeah, orange and licorice. And licorice together. Because it's the colors of a tiger and the flavor of, I guess where this lady's vomit looks. Graham, go ahead. This is courtesy of a lady and a gentleman talking to each other on the train. And the guy says to the woman, how can you love him?

He doesn't even know how many steps you did today. It's a relationship. goal, I guess, does Abby know how many steps you took today? Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'm on step 11 of the 12th step program. I'm straight edge. I'm doing straight edge September.

Is 11 like you're close to the end or you've just started? 11, you can have a little shot to celebrate. I used to, I would say that when I was taking a lot of steps, I would, Ariel would know how many because I'd be bragging. about it like why I'd be showing her 20,000. I did 25,000 or whatever, but tell you what, as the steps numbers got lower, I suddenly went radio silent on that.

Did you have, you have an Apple watch? No, it just on my phone. Oh. You know me. I'm a millennial. I never not got my phone on me. You're buried in your mobile. Do you, what's a good amount?

10,000? 10,000 is, I think, the one that you're kind of, 20,000 for me is big time. Like, if I've admitted in 25, that's the level where I'm noticing my feet are sore. Right. Like, I've noticed, if my feet are getting sore. Yeah, like, just walking all day long. I noticed that, like, soreness in my feet.

Now, look, then I'll be around 25, probably. Is it the fitness app? Yeah, it's the health app. Fitness whole phone in my mouth. There it is. It's like 10, 10,000 steps, eight glasses of water. What are you supposed to do every day? Eight hours of sleep.

Say your, eat your prayers and do your, vitamins. Graham wants to get to the next part of the overhirts. But we're looking at her phone. Yeah, everybody's looking at their phones. Sixty six hundred I'm at today. That is not good. You drive here? I took an Uber. Yeah, I had to. I was like at something. I was going to just take the train. I thought it was nice. Like I'm close to the train station. I thought I could take the Canada line over here. But it was a it was a time issue. I had to walk back. Yeah, I'm going to. Yeah. I'm going to for sure. Now, we also have Sorry, overhards sent into By interhards We also have interheads

And sent into the overhards We have overheards sent in by people All over the place If you want to send one in, send it into SBI at maximum fun.org First one comes from Michael from Michigan At my job as a catering server At weddings, I was passing out appetizers

And a woman who was chain smoking on the patio Accidentally Ashted her cigarette into the rest of the mini empanadas as she reached for one. And he said, also, I'm pretty sure I just heard a coworker say, I'm training my parent to attack, my parrot to attack anybody who comes into the apartment. I'm like Batman, yo. Yeah. Batman will use the parrot, right?

Imagine training her parent. To attack anybody. To attack anybody who enters the apartment. I'm not paying for a security system. I'll tell you. If people get older, they're looking for. purpose. Oftentimes.

It's just like, yeah. I mean, you should be able to rent people. Hey, mom, can you look after your grandson and also watch over intruder? A lot of the like Walmart greeters, if they play a certain frequency. That's right. They'll start attacking people who come into Walmart. This next one comes from Melissa from Mobile, Alabama. these bumper stickers all over a van at a Japanese garden.

She is looking up. One of them said, giddy up sluts, which is not the type of word I would use. But you tell. Get going, Sluts. Yeah, exactly.

But one of them said, don't honk at me. My mom is dead. So, yeah, which, come on, I'm having a bad time already.

Don't honk at me. Yeah, that one, that's like, I love an overshare bumper. Yeah. That you obviously got made. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, there's some, I do like that kind of sensitive, like, someone that was like, um, please let me merge. My mom is dead or something like, or like, I'm crying. Something about I'm crying. Yeah. These don't honk at me. I'm crying this type of thing.

Yes, that's a good one too. Please don't honk give me. I'm crying. Driving stressful. It is stressful, especially if you don't even know where you're going or where you ended up. It sounds like it's the opposite of stressful. Were you driving? Yeah, I was driving.

I just caught in the car, then Fugge State, and then I was just at. I mean, you used a Tesla auto drive. Yeah, just sleep the rest of the way. Also, this place had a very unsupervised climbing wall that I feel like nobody in charge of that. Who works there? Is it like somebody sitting at the desk? Surly teens? I believe it's elderly volunteers.

Come down now. Come down before you. All right. I'll give you your machine gun in a second. I'm going to be sick. This last one is a boring dream. which we accept as in the overheard department. This is I had a dream last night that I was in a restaurant

and recognized podcaster Jordan Morris at another table. I decided not to bother him. That is. It was nice to be polite in your dream. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't have been bothered. Oh, he would have been thrilled. Yeah, if you just come up and say hello, you know,

and just say, hey, I'm a big fan. I think he would like that. Hey, we have a really great time listening to you. Hey, I love watching your podcast out there. I feel like I did I ran into him. Jordan Morris? Jordan Morris, yeah. At our live show in Toronto.

In Toronto. And I did have quite a nice conversation with him. He's a lovely guy. And I think that he feels very personal. You know, some people I feel like you walk up to him and they'd be all awkward and uncomfortable about it. But I think he would have a nice conversation. Oh, he lives for it. He gets a real thrill out of it.

If you see him. Out in public, go up to him. Take his time. He doesn't want it. Yeah. And tell him Chris. Tell him Chris from the guy's podcast. And it'll take him a while to sort of.

Oh, yeah. And tell him David Graham actually advised you not to. All right. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos. If you want to call us, it's 1.844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypod 1.

And if you want to send us a voice memo, it's SPY at Maximum Fun.org, like these people have. Hi, sorry, guys. This is Justin Preparallelan with an overheard. I parked at the grocery store, and I got in my car. I saw a little girl in the front seat. The trunk. We want to go see Moana, right? We were behaving.

We'll get us in the water right now. I assume this is the live action. Yeah, yeah. This is a recent call. The live action one I've heard is a real, real stinker. Yeah. Unfortunately. No, it's actually really good.

Because Charlie loves one. I was just going to say, is Charlie, like, can identify? Loves the song. We went to a movie with him. And he's like, he's like too small. We got him a seat, but he like falls into the seat, you know? Yeah, boosters? Yeah, no.

He just put him in the cup rest there. He sat on Ariel's lap. But we went to see the new toy story. Uh-huh. Because he had seen one of the other toy. stories and he liked it. He loved it and he he he watched right up until the end. Wow. That's um, that's an endurance. Yeah, except for you know, it's like they're just figuring out what's going to happen kind of at the end and then he's like, I want to go now and it's kind of like, come on, man.

I mean, I'm not, I'm not really invested, but I wouldn't mind seeing how this turns out. Is Forky still involved? Yes, forky's still. Well, the new one, it's actually quite, listen, it's actually quite well done because they have a screen. now. That's the whole thing, right? It's like the iPad, the frog pad or whatever. So it's kind of like dealing with that. Yeah. It's like a modernized version of it. Isn't Conan O'Brien, is it it? As a toilet. I, some sort of toilet toilet. I did not. It's sometimes it's hard for me. Some of the voices I really know, and I guess I should have known his. I only know it because it was on his podcast that he had mentioned that he was in it.

Oh, I got so much anger. Was there a toilet character at it? I don't really remember a toilet character. Are you getting it confused with if I had legs I'd kick you? Oh, he's definitely in that. He's in that. I don't know what that is. And I'll tell you what Charlie did not enjoy that one as much. I do. I was just saying I got a lot of anger and hatred for these celebrity podcasters.

Kay, you guys with me on this? I mean, come on. It's like, do you guys need to do this? You don't need to do this as well. I mean, God, I kind of want to listen to Ellen Pompeo's Grey'sedby cast. I mean, there's obviously some I listen to, you know, the Hawk to a... Yeah, she's a celebrity who's been with us for so long. Yeah, she's, I grew up with her.

But no, I do. That's one of the, that's one of my things is I, and not in it, I don't, it doesn't, you know, it doesn't consume me. But it is like, it is annoying to me that it's like, now, you know, this is podcasting thing. And then it's like, you guys already have all the other things. And then now, like, the top podcast is like Jason Baitman. Yeah, yeah. Like, you're on my. you're on the TV shows and stuff like that already.

And also they had, was it, this year was the first year, they had a Grammy category for podcasts? Or was it Golden Globes? It might have been the gold globes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's on, now they're on the, you know, they're on the prime video and stuff. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't, man. You're right. Leave it for us. Leave it for us. It's all we have. Yeah, exactly. We need this.

We need this. We need this. We got to, like, I'm down to four steakhouses a week. But I'm only getting French onion soup. Hey, Dave's here again. You want to take his table? Because I share Zeldto. French onion soup and a water and a 10% shit.

I mean, it's a $16 soup. You're like considering you're a little, I'm a high society guy. I'm out of the steakhouse four days a week, you know. I love French onions soup. It's more cheese than soup. And will you have an entree? No, no, no, no, no. No, no.

No, no. I'm not trying to upsell me. I can have this table for two hours. And it's the social contract. No, actually, happy hour is when I order it. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Danny in Chicago calling in an overheard.

of the, it was actually just said to me variety. I was at my local organic grocer, and they keep the herbs behind the counter. So I went up to the counter and asked the lady if they had any tarragon, and she looked in the little mini fridge and pulled out a box and said, I'm sorry, it is tarragon.

And sure enough, on the box, it said, T-A-R-R-A-H-K-O-N-E. So they were out of time. tarragon. Anyway, off I go. It's a fun little work thing. Yeah, I don't know why they make a special box for when they don't have tarragon. A box of nothing.

Also, what would you, just off the top of your head, would you put tarragon in? I have no idea, to be honest. I mean, I, honestly, I've never made a meal in my life. I'm going to an eye-end restaurant every night of the week. It's sort of green? It's kind of green, so I can imagine you could put it in. It looks a lot. That's a little.

It'll be something you haven't stuffing maybe. Yeah, it looks like if, you know, sage and rosemary had a baby. Rosemary's baby? I use an Italian seasoning, which is just like a bunch of different like spices. Yeah, yeah. And I'll put that, you know, when I'll make some broccoli at home or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I use Montreal steak spice and everything.

Do you grow any herbs in your garden that you're hosing? No, it's a, it's, I live in a townhouse and it's not, we don't own the place. But herbs are. the easiest thing to grow. Well, we, what we're actually doing, it's in the front. You know what I'm saying? It's like a long, uh, there's people walking. But then dogs will go by and pee on it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So that's why it was, what we have is we did, we scattered wildflowers. So we got wildflowers are coming up now all different colors. That's kind of cool. Yeah. Good. Tom Petty album.

And here's your final phone call. Also, like that you have to go ask behind the counter. You got a tear on? Yeah. What about porno? Hi, this is Matt in Maryland, calling in an overheard slash overjumped. I was at work. I overheard one of my co-workers.

I'll call him John telling another co-worker. I'll call her Maddie about a dream he had. He was on Jeopardy. The clue was, this is your favorite co-worker. and the correct response, the response he gave, was who is Maddie? All right, that's my over-hundred, off I go. That's kind of nice. That's kind of nice.

This guy is very bad at flirting. Or maybe good. It depends on who you're flirting with. Some people I think maybe would find that charming. I had a dream about you. Oh, really? Well, no, I was watching Jeopardy. It almost sounds like he was improvising it.

He started with, they had a dream about you, And then he got a very distraught look from Maddie. And he's like, no, no, no. It was Jeopardy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were fully clothed. The question was, who's your favorite coworker? And my answer was fully clothed, Maddie.

I don't even think about it that way. Have you guys watched the Celebrity Jeopardy that's like now currently running? It is the worst goddamn thing in the world. The questions are so easy. And they interview. the celebrities more than once. So they like, let's beat the players. It's like an hour long, isn't it?

Yeah. So they do that and then they play around and then they go back to talking to the, it is. So there is a Jeopardy, it's more about the celebrities. Yeah, celebrities, you have to pick. You can't both host podcasts and guests on Jeopardy. Yeah, give me a break. I'm, listen, I want to, I want to host the Jeff, I want to, I want to host. Not all the way, Ken. I want to host the show, actually. You know what's interesting? Listen, I, I go to, listen, I, I, I, I, I don't mind say this. I go to therapy.

Why not? No, actually, now I realize if I say this, it might out who the person is. I was just going to, you know. The therapist is? Yeah, kind of. But don't look into this, okay? Don't be weird about this if you're listening.

But this, my therapist, I haven't started going to him yet, but he won Jeopardy. Oh. Yeah. Isn't that really cool? I mean, I got a lot of respect for his emotional opinion.

You know what I'm saying? He's like, you know, he's like, hey, maybe try this. And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, I don't know if that's a good idea, but then I'm like, just guy won jeopardy. Yeah. Who am I to argue? And does he keep answering your questions with, uh, what is, what is existential dread? I would be like, the whole time, I'd be like, I guess I could talk about my emotions or whatever,

but I want to know if he, like, practice with a clicker at home. Oh, yeah, you'd want to ask questions about it. Yeah, yeah. And, like, hey, do you want to do my, join my. Pub trivia team. We'd freaking clean up. I do

Major League soccer stuff. And you do everything else. It's one question in the year about Major League soccer.

This is something that people enjoy doing at a game. Oh, what is talking to you Claire? What is?

I guess you don't have to do it in the form of question. Pub trivia? Pub trivia. The guy who keeps asking. But I'm going to have to stay outside because I'm straight-edge.

But, like, I'll call me you and tell me if there's any questions about soccer. Yeah. And, of course, you could not stay outside because, well, unless you gave your phone away. But then even then, it would seem to be on your phone. You can't be on your phone. And then also you could ask a passer-by as well, the answer to something. And they could help you out. I did pub trivia somewhat recently.

On mushrooms. It's funny, I would tell all these stories. It would be like, yeah, I was on a bit of mushrooms. It really paints this picture of somebody who's constantly on mushrooms, which was not entirely the case. But, yeah, I was, I was embarrassing. It was Ariel's friends and stuff. And it was kind of like, hey, Chris, you know, he knows a lot about movies and sports and things like that. The left stuff.

And the penis bum. So what is it? Yeah. What is it that you call a female who shows up alone to the sex? Oh, unicorn. Right, unicorn. I'm 100% sure. Yes, I'm 100% sure.

Put down unicorn. But I was so bad at it. I, like, embarrassingly bad, you know? Like, I didn't know them that well. Yeah. And I really feel like I kind of, like, let the team down. And anyways, yeah, no, I'll talk to my therapist. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's something that comes up. You can probably relate. But pub trivia is huge in their lifestyle. Yeah. I did pub trivia on Salt Spring, and the time before, apparently, like, this was the guy who's running us, told us that the time before it's too much current pop culture, the crowd they didn't like it. So they, but like, you can only, with this system, like, go in for a batch of questions.

You can't select. I see. Oh. And one of the rounds to make it less pop culture was American marching bands. The crowd was upset about They said They said, what the hell is all this modern pop stuff And why don't you have rum raisin ice?

Yeah, the trivia was at four in the afternoon Yeah, it was only What else are the people in a full-blown alcoholics? Why don't they brewing questions? Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Chris, thank you so much for being our guest. Oh, thanks for having me. It's cool to be in your, I don't think I've come in here and done it before.

Hmm. In this home. Let me check out your, uh, your stats. Yeah, I think that, yes, it was nice to come to Dave's new home. And, um, yeah, nice to see you guys. Last time you were, you were, uh, remote. Remote. Yeah.

And then, uh, prior to that, you were January, 2018. at the old house. The old place, yeah. So this is nice that you, I like your guys new studio and it's nice to see you guys in person. It's been a long time since I've seen you in person.

We used to see each other quite often. I used to see each other a little time. Because I'd see him at the stand-up show. Yeah. Something that you abandoned. I abandoned. And also you have abandoned.

Yeah. I'm the only one that stayed true to a stand-up government. Listen, yeah, I love your stand-up. And, yeah, I actually, I did come. to your

the 24 hour thing The 24 hour thing A little mountain What shift were you there for? It was not that late But I don't know if I No I didn't write jokes Oh but you should

I came with my family Really? And I brought a baby And the baby was making noise And then Graham was like Oh there's a fucking baby here What the hell And he didn't know it was me

And I felt really bad No babies come a lot Yeah a lot of babies A lot of babies come And then there was There was this one guy who was absolutely the most bizarre person. And he was kind of like keeping going back and forth. And that one point he said, I got to go pick up my kids.

And everyone's like, this guy has kids. What the hell? But yeah, I wish, I don't wish I still did stand up. But I wish that I came on and watched a little bit more stand up. It sucks. There's no comedy club. There's no comedy club. But you know, there's a lot of showcase shows.

There's comedy underground. Go to Graham's show tomorrow night. Where is it? It's that Little Mountain. Every Thursday night. Yeah, every Thursday. I mean, listen, I'm not making excuses. But I have a toddler.

Bring the toddler. It's hard to justify going out to things. But I do, yeah, that would be cool. But the thing is, the reason I want the comedy club is I want to see some of these touring acts. I want to see your Chrysers, your hingecliff. The guys, the guys. Although Killers of Kill Tony is coming to town and the tickets are not selling well. I look at it.

There's a lot of tickets available. Killers of Kill Tony is a tour of the people who've done the best on Kill Tony or have at least done the regulars, the regulars on there. So the guy with the red hair, what's his name? Well, William Montgomery's not there. He's the guy who screams at everybody in their face, yells at them. Is he above this tour? Yeah, I think he's not there anymore, but some of your favorites, like. It's playing the Orphium.

David, yeah, well, guess what? It shouldn't be because the tickets are not selling. I bet they're having some regret over that. But yeah, it's got this guy, uh, no breaks. Timmy, no breaks. Timmy no breaks. So he's doing an Andrew Dice character. This is great.

And, uh, an Andrew Dice Clay Richter. Yeah, and he's, he's tremendously unfunny. And, uh, yeah, it's, I've thought about going, I mean, I did go, the last stand-up show I went to legitimately was a, was Bert Kreischer. Oh, sure. Yeah. I got a, somebody. had a real regret about buying it a ticket and was selling it online the night over $5.

And so I scooped it up and I went to, it was in Stanley Park. Oh, it was like that great outdoor. What was that like? Oh, man, it was, well, I got there a bit too early and I had to catch a full Whitney coming set, which was really rough. And then the opener for that, whoever he was, I just remember he's like, my tits are bigger and my wife's that was the best line that I remember good night everybody yeah good night but I I took a video of it we don't believe you I took a video of it because it was dark I was walking

it was dark already and I was walking through like the trails of Stanley Park and you were on mushroom I'm sorry to say that I probably was but I took a video because it was like it was like off in the distance you could hear the like the opener guy doing the worst crowd work and I was like crowdwork at an outdoor like thousands of people of it. It was, are you a raccoon sir? But it was like it was I thought it was like a horror real like a horror movie because it was like you know I had the flashlight on it's walking through like a scary kind of forest. And then in the he was like where are you from sir?

Like off in the distance. It was the scariest thing ever. But yeah, it was, yeah, Burr Kreiser, he comes out to a fortunate son. Yeah. No shirt, I'm assuming? Well, he comes out with the shirt on. Oh, nice. And then, because he's got to get the big pop.

Yeah, he comes out and he takes the shirt off before he's even said anything. And the place goes so fucking crazy. It's like the biggest response you ever here, the people are going fucking insane. And then. Same thing everyone I saw, Incubis. And yeah, he does a lot of jokes where he's like, like, I know Nick Diaz from the MMA. I was talking to him on the phone.

Yeah, yeah. And he sort of seems to forget that there's like, he's telling a joke or whatever. He's just sort of the main thing he wants to get across as he knows the MMA guy. And it was a tough watch. I'll be honest, it was a tough watch. I'm not going to like Chris Badmouth any of our guests anymore.

I tried to stick around to hear him tell the famous machine story. Oh, sure. But it was, I became, I mean, why stick around when you just see the movie? Yeah, just a mushroom and watch the movie. Having one of your bits actually produced as a movie and then continuing to do the bit.

It's so crazy. Yeah, it's like, well, let's see what other juice we can get out of this. Maybe a video game. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. You can find Chris at his podcast, guys, a podcast about guys, and also Writers' Rue. The Writers' Room.

Yeah, which is, how's about the worst SEO you could ever imagine and good luck finding it. You won't. You flat out won't. Thank you everybody out there for listening. When next you find yourself driving, pay attention to where you're going to and really know where you're wanting to end up. Come on back next week for another episode and stop podcasting yourself.

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