Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 966 - Jon Dore

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Comedian Jon Dore returns to talk gun class, hitting the post, and the gopher hole museum. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord. Become a MaxFun member to get all our bonus content.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode number 966 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. And with me, as always, he's a man who, he's living for the weekend.

Mr. Dave Shumka. I mean, yeah, just kick him back. Yeah, yeah. I'm a hammock guy. Oh, yeah. This summer's been, like, really hammockful for you? Yeah, I've been going. I've been,

my dad and I are trying to go to every major league hammock. Cool. Father son. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is the hammock store in Arizona called? Oh,

the hammock store in Arizona? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Sandy's hammocks. He's so sandy there because of the desert. Oh, yeah. What's the one in Los Angeles? The like go-to hammock store.

Oh, it's the, um, Hollywood hammocks? Yeah, I guess so. Keep quiet. Not yet. Just wait until they're done and then jump in. Our guest today. I'm going to finish the beginning. A favorite here on the podcast is oh so funny. He will be touring. You'll be able to see him in Lethbridge. You'll be able to see him in Victoria in the coming weeks.

It's John Dor. Hello, John Dor. Hello, gentlemen. Nice to be here. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Thanks for coming and being on the show. Well, if you really want to take emotional inventory from me and you want an accurate reading, I would give myself a... You know what? I was probably generally speaking. I'm a six out of a...

10, which isn't good. Why would happen? Hold on, Tugs. Hold on a second here. Six out of 10 is not good? David, come on now. We all know you've got to be a 9. How am I doing today?

Well, no, I'm, let me finish, please. So I would say generally speaking, I feel like you finish. Yeah. However, seeing you two and being here, I'd say in this moment right now, I'm probably a 7.5. A hell yeah. Okay. We're on the upswing. Yeah, yeah.

One is for Graham and half is for me. We don't need to break it up. It could be 0.75, right? Yeah, yeah. We all know it's not. But why do you need, why do you need that information, David? Why do you need to know who brings me more happiness? I guess I'm just like a curious guy.

I guess I'm just like sort of like I have that urge to know more that is kind of driven humanity from being single cell organisms to being, frankly, the captains of industry. They call him the seeker. That's right. David is the seeker. Let's get to know us. Okay. Get to know us. John?

Yeah. You, for the last, how long have you been doing your own podcast? Do you have your own podcast with you and your sister, Alison Dorr?

Correct. How long has it been now? Three years? I don't know. No, not that long. I think it's probably been about a year and a half, maybe.

No, it must be longer than that. I don't know. I honestly don't know. It feels like about a year and a half two years. I'm not sure. And it's called brother's sister podcast. It's called brother's sister podcast.

It's my sister podcast. And we just, we actually don't have guests on anymore. We just blather on. Did you ever have guests? We used to have guests early on in the podcast. And like schedules and things like that. I'm in Alaska. She's in Ontario.

Guests and get, anyway. Yeah, emails just kind of don't get to us to invite us on their show. No, well, that was you. I reached out to you because I think having you guys on the show would be great. Because there is a bit of crossover. We have a couple of people who call into our show and leave messages. And a couple of them are stop podcasting.

yourself fans. Ozzie Jerry? From Brisbane, Australia. From Brisbane, Australia. There's, no, we have a guy named Ryan from Texas who calls it all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's only a couple of things that come from Texas. My exes, Ryan.

And you have to have a fiddle in the band. I did not know that. But that's punishable by law if you don't. If you don't have a fiddle in the band. Yeah, yeah. If you want to play in Texas, you got to have a fiddle in the band. Yeah. Do you know many people, in my opinion, are wrongfully imprisoned in Texas for not having a

fiddle in the band? I think that's an artistic choice that you make. Who's the guy? Who's that guy? That's the what, geez, what is that? It's the something, something band. It's a person's name. Yeah, Daniel, not Daniel Johnson.

Let's all, um, yes. No, the devil and Daniel. No, what is the devil went down to Georgia. The devil and Daniel Johnston. We wanted to make a deal. Yeah. For outsider art. So, musician.

Isn't it, is it? something Johnson or Johnson? I can't. I don't know. Robert Johnson sold a soul to the devil. That's right. He sold his soul to the devil. At the forks in the road. Yeah. Well, the crossroads. No, sure either, right? I went down to the forks of the road.

Yeah. Magic Johnson. He's also a Johnson. And that's my contribution to this conversation. He's probably one of the tops. I can't top Johnson. Yeah. After Johnson and Johnson and Magic Johnson. Well, Johnson and Johnson, they're now Essie Johnson a family company. Oh, that's right. Are they really? But did Johnson and Johnson make a vaccine?

By the way, can I see your passports? Are you, are you up to date with your boosters? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got my jabs, as they would say in England. Yes, I just want to make sure. How about you? You got your jabs?

No, I only had the two initials. I never got any... You never got any boost? I didn't get any boost. Oh, man, they got one now that feels so good. Yeah. Really? I haven't missed a boost.

I'm, frankly, brainwashed. But I think that's not a bad idea. If you could, if there was something that they injected, you could convince more people to get a booster. Like, if it was a little euphoria. I mean, I'm not saying morphine. I'm just like... some sort of non-addictive quality that would give you a glow for a couple of days.

I looked up who did the devil went down to Georgia. And it is? It's a person's name. Okay. Wait, okay. And is Johnson in the title? No.

It's a, has a first name. And Daniel is in there, though? Daniel is part of his last name. Dang. Yeah. Something Daniels. No,

wait. That's a drink. It was something Daniels. It was something Daniels. Yes. Daniels. It's something Daniels. I mean,

we can't waste the listener's time. They're fine. They're screaming. John Daniels? Yeah. Is it really? No. No, it's not John Daniels.

Some, uh, little, uh, you know. I'm John Daniels. That's like a boring name. Oh, uh, Fizzy. Fizzy Daniels. How do I not remember this? I guess it's not that far from John. It's like one of the, of the, uh, you know, old-timey names.

It's one of the more fun ones. Oh. Oh, Aristotle. Roderick. Charlie. Charlie Daniels. There we go. There we go.

He was looking for a soul to steal. Fixing to make a deal? Yeah, both. He's coffees for closers and when you're making a deal with the devil. But if you never heard your... But what did you? You wanted to fiddle his way it?

He wanted to... He was looking for a soul to steal. Yeah. So the devil wanted to steal. The devil went overjoy. And he challenged Charlie Daniels to a fiddle contest? Well, not Charlie Daniels talking about a guy who did it. He's not the guy who went down.

This is a... He's not automatic. geographical at all. Yeah, yeah. But the devil lost the fiddle battle. He lost the fiddle battle because man, oh man, was he so good at the fiddle? Woo! But it's in the song, they didn't give the devil a bad fiddle solo. Like, the devil's pretty good at it too. Like, it's a coin-tod. Do you hear a fiddle solo from, you know what?

We either have to play the song. We can't, okay, but, or we need to print the lyric sheet up because it has been too long. But do we even hear a fiddle solo from the devil in this song? We don't. You hear it from the boy. So we just, we assume the devil's got a pretty good solo. Yeah. We have to. You know what?

But then the mere mortal, and I don't know his name. I want to say Charlie Daniels? No, it's not true. No, in the song. It's not Charlie Daniels in the song. So who is in the song? The devil went down to George. You're looking for a soul to steal.

Was it just a boy or is it a? No, he must have a name in this song. He must. You have to give him. Roy. Is it Roy? It's not Roy. You're close.

Like, there are letters in it. Okay. That's how close you are. Okay. It's shimp. Is it shimp? So you wanted me to print these off? No, you don't have...

If you can fax them and then I'll have someone Take a picture and email them to me. Okay, well then let's... Sorry, let's move on to something else then Because this is dead. Enough to me. Connecting to printer. Boy, this might take a while.

So can I... Okay, great to see you guys, by the way. On the way over here, I have... Well, okay, I'll just tell you this morning. I'm staying at an Airbnb. be in Vancouver. Love the city, by the way.

It doesn't get better in a way. I mean, there are some beautiful cities in this town in this country and this might be the best. Pretty handsome. I'm staying at a lovely Airbnb and I wake up this morning and I go to apply my deodorant and I apply it to my left underarm. And then I go to crank.

You go left to right? I guess. I think I do. I do pit, pit cross. Bit pit chest. What is it? Spectacles. No. Wallet and watch. Spectacles. That would be four. You might as well.

So I start left. I guess I go left to right, the opposite of reading. Depending on what you're reading, right? That's true. When I'm reading, I'm reading a lot of Arabic beast. Yeah, that is right to left. What else is Hebrew, Japanese? Is Hebrew right to left as well?

I think it's right to left. Let me just console the Talmud. And Japanese, like, manga, you read it, starts at the back and you read it back what would be our... They have books, they have books that way for children, too. Oh, really? Different learning disabilities that will read, uh, yeah, from back to front. I can't remember.

There's an actual title for that. But anyway, it's called manga. Is that what it is? Oh, okay. Cream's a big manga guy. Yeah, I'm a manga head. So I will, you're manga? Me?

Yeah. No, I don't know it. Make America new and great again. Not great again. Oh, that's good. And but speaking of, yeah, I had friends, my friend Dave Edel, in grade school, like when I found out

If Edelstein's a good school friend name. I'll pass it on. Yeah. I'll pass it on. Sometimes you hear a name and you're like, that's a good kid that you went to school with a name.

Dave, Graham ate it up. And so David, I found out, David Edelstein, I found out who was going to Hebrew school. Yeah. Which is mind blowing to someone like me who was raised with no religion whatsoever.

But then you find out that not only does he have to, take home work from school. Yeah. But then he has a whole Saturday or Sunday, where he's learning a whole other language. When he showed me his book of Hebrew, I'm like, I couldn't even believe that this is something. And he doesn't, he wasn't panicked about it or worried about it.

What if I just believed the last 30 seconds? And it was like, wow, John did something horrible. Please do. Yeah, did you go to his bar mitzvah? I did. I went to his bar mitzvah. I think that's where I had my first glass of wine. Whoa, Manashevitz?

Pardon me? Gazunti. Gizuete. Did you, would you get them? I can't remember. Oh, yeah, yeah. Was it like a bash? Was it like a huge?

Because I know I've seen on like reality shows where there's like a planner what's on a huge bar mitzvah. Yeah, I mean, it was big and it was out of this world. But again, it makes no sense to me. Like getting invited to a bar mitzvah, you hear stories from other people. Oh, they're the best. You're going to get drunk and you're going to have fun. And it was nothing like that. Yeah, it was big ceremony.

He had to walk up and recite some stuff. And I had to wear, I got to wear a Keepa. They give you a disposable keepa. I'm assuming it was disposable because I threw it in the trash. You think it would be good. I guess anything's disposable if you throw it out, isn't it? That's true. Yeah.

So I, What's the difference between a Kipa and a Yamaka? Yamaka. I'm not sure, but they called it a keepa. I didn't ask a lot of questions. Again, I had a lot on my plate with my regular school load. Yeah, right. So anyway, I found it very, very interesting.

John had a load on his plate. That's guy. David, what has gotten into you today? I don't know. But the listeners don't know. But prior to the show, there was some sexy talk, wasn't there? Oh, yeah. Brought to you by Dave. Yeah, that's right.

Well, we're just guys. Yeah. We're not just guys. We're fathers. Not me. I can say whatever I want. Well, I can still say five. That's because you put yours on the plate.

That's right. Oh. Dave. Come on. Dave. Okay. From now on, let's keep it clean. Yeah.

Okay. Let's run a good clean race. here, guys. So anyway, I do my left armpit, okay? Yeah. And then I go to, I turn the dial to squeeze more deodorant, and I'm completely out. Oh, God. Yes.

So I had to go to the Shopper's Drug Mart dress over here. Yeah. And pick up some more deodorant. What's your brand? I was, I wasn't conservative enough with my deodorant. If I knew that I was running low, I would have been able to be less liberal with the application of deodorant. And I could have split it between the two pits, but I was unable to.

And this is where I'd like companies to, I think all deodorant. sticks should be clear. So you can see the level of deodorate that you have remaining. Ah, how much is left on the spindle. Yes, thank you. Is that what, now, is that what you call it, the spindle? That's what I would call it.

I love that. A spindle is what you used to get, like, a stack of DVDs on. Yeah. Or CDs, blank ones. It's when you tie a handker chip over a stick and you hop on a train. Yeah. That's a spindle. Yeah.

It's when the spin doctors do that. Yeah. A spin doctor bindle. A spindle. A spindle. On the way to the podcast, So we recorded just not yesterday, but the day before. On the way, the podcast, I realized I forgot to put on deodorant.

So I ducked into the grocery store that's on the way here and bought a natural deodorant. And let me tell you, not only did it not work, I think it made things worse. Yeah. Yeah. Do not do it. I thought you were going to say you went and just tested or used a tester. I probably don't know. You cannot mess around with deodorant.

You must go aluminum. Just do the aluminum. I don't buy it if it's not aluminum. And I'm running out of options. because they're trying to be much more conscientious with what we're putting onto our bodies. Sometimes I'll get that natural deodorant and I'll just shave some tinfoil onto it. You make your own. Yeah.

That's smart. I find that my deodorant, as you get towards the bottom of it, it's less effective. I find maybe it's older. That's interesting. Or maybe I just stink more. We all stink more. Less effective as you get down to the bottom of the deodorant. You think the bottom of the stick has less potency than the top.

Yeah, I don't know. I, this is like I don't, I can't explain the science of it, but by two in the afternoon, I need to reapply. Whereas with a fresh stick from the top, by two in the afternoon, you're still good. From the top. From the top. Five, six, seven, eight. What do we appreciate aluminum in our deodorant, deodorant? I'm trying to play along here, guys.

Do you, are you loyal to a brand? Um, I, uh, in the past I have been, uh, Christina, my fiancee, she, uh, uh, started ordering me deodorant. When your, when your fiancé, girlfriend, love one, partner, orders you deodorant, you know there's a bit of a problem with something. Yeah, yeah, there's a hint. And they didn't ask. They just started doing it and like, hey, look what I've done for you.

Isn't this great? It's like someone offering you gum. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started using this deodorant, which is very effective. There's not a lot of perfume to it. Yeah. But it's very effective. So I can't remember the brand name.

It comes in an orange bottle. And, yeah, it glues you shot. Is it a thing like you live in Alaska? I do. And is it, uh, do know Alaska to be. Yeah, but is it, it's kind of remote. So like, very remote is, well, it's not as remote as, you know, other parts of Alaska. David, you shut your mouth and you listen to me right now.

It is remote. There are no roads in or out of Juneau, Alaska. You've got to fly in or ferrying food comes in and on a barge. It's, it's much more remote. It's not technically an eyelid, but it might as well be because there's an ice field. You can't traverse to get out of there. What I'm asking, though, is since it's so remote, and it's not really that remote. It is very remote.

Let me tell you why. There are no roads in out of there, all right? You got to fly in or farian. Food comes in on a barge. But, like, deodorant, does that also come in on a barge? Or is that something like, are you ordering things? Is there a fresh-smelling barge that comes in? The local industry is a manufacturing plant for deodorant.

So that's the one thing we produce locally. No, it comes in on a barge. Because there's no roads in there out, guys. No. You've got a fly in or farian. Food comes in on a barge. That's a little remote. Thank you.

Did you snowmobile in and out? I turned him. The Apple TV comes with a little remote. If you, the only, I once took a horse over the mountain top, Mount Range. That's the only way ever got out. What was the horse's name? Oh, I didn't name it because I knew it probably wouldn't make it. Oh, I don't want to get back.

So you found an unnamed horse? I, well, no. Is it in the desert a horse with a name? Was it from America? I stole a horse from June of Alaska. I stole a horse. The band America. David.

I stole a horse. And knowing that, I didn't want to know his name because knowing that I would have to ultimately, for my own survival, got it stem to stern and crawl inside of it, much like Luke, much like Luke, Han. Or a Luke, Han had to do for Luke with the Tauntonton, which I did. So that's why I chose not to name it. But that's the Ton Ton Ton. This is a way. What about a restaurant called Haunton Ton Ton, Ton's. Huh?

You guys, this is. Hans, Ton Ton Ton, Juan Tons. Tons, wanton. Tons, Tons, Tons, Tons, Tons, Tons, Tons, Tons. Tom Hans Tom Tons Monton House That's too hard Yeah house really kind of Guys if we're gonna open a restaurant

Let's not call it that Especially because we just make Subway sandwiches for Quiznos But what were you gonna ask me about Juno? I was asking about ordering Like is it do you order Do you find you or your fiance Order a ton more than you would if you lived

Yes here Well I do not but Christina we have three or four packages showing up at our house every single day And I'm pretty sure Amazon's or Amazon and And our postal worker comes through U.S. mail. You know your postal worker's name? No, I don't.

You didn't name him because you knew you'd have to kill him. I thought there was a time where I thought it was going to have to kill this guy. He was not a fan of us at all. Why? What happened? Three boxes a day. So he just is like, there's a strain on him.

No problem being a grump about the whole thing. Yeah. How many people in your town are loners? Are grumpy? Yeah, grumpy loners. How many? Seven. Juno's a very small.

all like it's 34,000 people. It's not like the rest of Alaska, a very progressive blue state or blue city, right? It's the capital. Um, I feel like it's, if you want loaners, you got to get outside of Juneau because that's where you're going to find the off the grid people that just want to be left alone.

Yeah. I don't want to be bothered by the government or people. Yeah. They want to hunt their own meat and they want to eat it. That's my retirement plan. It is? Yeah, just to get out there. You want to come to Alaska?

Well, not, maybe not Alaska. Well, maybe. I, uh, I wouldn't get my, uh, old coot, uh, papers to be able to go and you know what I mean we can I can live in the Yukon okay I see yeah because before you do that though just let me say it again six out of ten six out of ten that's my emotional don't move to Alaska don't move remote don't you've got it perfect here stay stay close to the grid I've heard the way you talk on this podcast you couldn't live remote anyway you need to walk to a store to get your food that's come back and make it you wouldn't survive in the middle of nowhere

um do you uh there's a story you were telling on your brother sister pod about you and your fiance and your two children marching in somewhere to go to a cabin. Oh my God. And it sounded like a true vision of hell. Like the way if the listeners haven't heard your show

detail this trip. They've heard it. It would have been great if it's just two adults going into the woods carrying very few items on their back. There's a cabin three miles, three and a half miles into the woods. So it would have been wonderful.

beautiful hike in there. And yeah, there's some ups and downs, a little bit of elevation. And then you arrive at this lake and you stay at this cabin that you can rent. And it's a wonderful time. However, when you have two kids with you, a grumpy 12-year-old and a four-year-old who three minutes into the walk says, Daddy, pick me up, you're done. And I mean, we had 50 pounds on our back. And it did not, yeah.

It led to a lot of really uncomfortable conversations. So, yeah. If you want to end a relationship, do it. With your children. Yeah. Even listening to it was stressful. Oh, good. Yeah.

I was trying to convey that because it really was. And you were only there for one night. Dude. Christina is like, the summer is fading away. This is a cabin I want to go to and we're going to do it. And we ended up at the wrong trailhead to start the hike. So we hike started hiking and then had to hike back. Christina wanted to stop and she stopped and said, no, I think this is it.

We're going to turn around and keep going. I said, no or not. I put my foot down. We are going to go find out where we're going. Sure enough, I was right. Which is something. Yeah, wasn't it a thing like, oh, man, never asked. for directions. But now they do. Yeah. Thanks a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's called progress.

Yeah. And I'm happy to be part of the movement. Um, but yeah, it was, I don't want to get in all the details again, because it's just too traumatic of an experience, but never again will I do it. I was in, I felt like I was hit by a truck. I started to identify with, you know, I started to really feel like a refugee gathering all its belongings and children and walking to a border. You can't stop. You must push forward. Yeah. There's no stopping. Darkness is descending on you. There's going to be animals coming out of the woods. So you had to plow forward. And you also had to do, you had to inflate air mattresses upon arrival.

Yes, yes, yeah. I mean, but that's easy now. But that's easy now because you bring a battery powered inflator. Okay, okay. But you're also carrying batteries and devices on your back. Yeah. I do you think your mailman felt having to carry those batteries to your house? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, not good about it. He was grumpy. I did help, I did help a car get out of the snow, a mail truck get out of snow in our laneway and I felt good about that. They owe you now. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And they even called other people to come help them get out and they couldn't do it. So me and my neighbor Tom put gravel down and they were saying, I don't think this is going to work. And I'm like, I actually bored a quote. You tell me what movie this is from. I said, gentlemen, I believe this is going to be our finest hour. Star Wars. No.

Apollo 13. Thank you very much. Very good. Ed Harris. And it felt so good to say it because we pushed and got the postal service out and it felt good that I helped the federal government get on the way and deliver other packages to other people. Love the Postal Service.

That sort of bleep bloop emo. Yeah, a couple of friends from different areas. Is that how work? Do you guys, do you guys order stuff through Amazon? I try not to. I do too. I don't like it. But then I do every single day.

You do every single day, really? No, every like, anything that's like, if I go to like two or three stores and I can't find a thing, I'm like, okay, fine, you win Amazon. I tried. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you can't, if you can't find it, then obviously it makes sense. I try not to do it at all. But the thing about living in June of Alaska, because there's no roads in or out of there, guys, everything comes in by a ferry.

Or bar bar, yeah, bar, and there isn't, you will, you will realize at one point after living in Juneau Alaska long enough, you will look in the mirror before leaving the house. And no joke, head to toe, everything you're wearing is from Costco. And it has happened to me multiple times. Yeah. Yeah. You're a Kirkland man. Not by choice. What's there.

The, or the, um, sometimes I spice it up and I'll put on Alaskan brewing company sweatshirt. Like, yeah, they're not, they're not going to fool. They're not going to catch me out. I went to Costco this week. I haven't gotten in years and it was a nightmare. Yeah. Abby's got the membership, but I came along and, uh, Sally does it as like a fun activity. She enjoys going to.

I think if you can find the right time of day. It thinks like 10 in the morning is when you want to be there. Yeah. But you don't need that much stuff. Like, why, I mean, Costco's great if you, if you're going to go through, uh, a hundred Applesauce pouches in a week, then yeah, you go. But I can't imagine, like, you don't need that much food. And I don't...

How much sour cream do you need in your house? I don't want the samples. Like, the people are lining up to get a little paper cup full of a bread crust. I haven't been to a Costco. I went with my dad, like, a few years ago. And other than that... What'd you buy? What'd you buy?

What'd dad get? I was, at the time, we were looking for a laptop. Nice. For a laptop. Not for me for my dad. And we got, let's say. what's the one with Intel inside? Oh, the Lenovo think pad?

Yeah, the Lenovo think pad. Okay. Do you think it's very funny? Was it a compact presario? Came within Karta already installed. Have you seen the new Apple phone that opens and there's a crease in the middle? I saw the announcement. And it's $2,000 US.

Yeah. But everybody's like, what's with this crease? And it was like, well, that was inevitable, right? What's the crease in the middle? It folds into, and so there's a crease where it folds. So a noticeable crease on the screen. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's not good.

Yeah. I, uh, when I'm checking my butt out of the mirror, I say, hey, what's with that crease? Yeah. Yeah. And if I, I want to look at that, but I got to pay 2000 US too. Yeah. Look at that beautiful crease. Well, no, you, to own it to 2000.

You can have it. I can own your, I can own your crease. That's right. You know, if times weren't so tough financially, I consider it. And that's Canadian, man. You'd make off like abandoned. What, what's Canadian? The price.

No, it's 2000 US. Oh, 2000 US. Yeah. It's the, if you made it an decent proposal, I'll give you $2,000 for one night with your crease. That's a great remake of that movie. We should do it. So school started early for kids. So Dave and I were talking about before the podcast.

Emma went back to school on August 20th. What? Isn't that crazy? That's insane. Yeah, before Labor Day, still hot days of summer. and just go back to school. It screws with our plans, too. We can't go hiking to weird places in the forest.

In a weird way, thank God, it started early. But can I share this with you? Here's a difference between what's going on in with the, you tell me if you had this, when you were growing up in Canada, if you had this class, okay? You just, curious. Yeah, so Emma has gone, it started seventh grade. And one of her classes is Hunter Education.

We did that, but we had to watch the TV show Hunter starring Fred Dreyer. That was on tour education. And it comes with the Ten Commandments of Firearm Safety. You know you live in Alaska when. Let's see how many we can guess of the Ten. Are they on there? Or are they just... I've got them right here.

So go ahead. Okay. Now she'll not be rooting, tooting, and shooting. Point it. I do like borrowing the Ten Commandments for Gunsaving. Yeah. It's nice. Yeah.

Yeah. You got to do like a... warning shot in the air before. It's just fair for the... Yes, if someone's getting married, you must point the gun in the air and fire off in celebration. Yeah, that's number two. You must check yourself before you wreck yourself

because shotgun shells are bad for your health. Not exactly worded that way, but I'm going to give it to you. Okay. Dance, pilgrim. You shoot the ground. You shoot the ground, yeah. Yeah, yeah, very good. Yeah, you guys are nailing these.

You know, if you whip the gun around, the bullet goes around corners, right? Yeah, you can bend bullets, like in the movie. We had the loom The movie with the loom You can also They also teach you how to spin it around your finger And put in your holster

So that's pretty good Yeah One of them is don't jump, run or climb With a loaded weapon So some of that's good Store your firearms and ammunition separately After day one Emma knew all this by heart

So good for her Well because they have a song that rhyme Very different than Growing up in Canada and going to square Now does Emma have a gun? No. Well, I mean, you know, I had my own compass when we would go to math class. She will learn to fire a weapon this year, but it will not be loaded with live ammunition. Okay. Blanks? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I haven't really looked into it. Someone would be there with squibs. That would be great. You bring the arts department and hunter safety together. Oh, my God. Have you fired a gun? Never. Never in my life. No desire to, really. Have you?

Yeah. Yeah, what kind of gun? I've fired a bazook. I killed a buffalo with a bazook once. Do you blow a clean apart? Yeah. Yeah. So you use no parts of the pillow.

Do you have a billionaire friends? I know a guy who shoots a buffalo every day with a bazooka. From a helicopter? From a helicopter. That's right. I shot, I think I shot like a, whatever, like a 22 at camp. Okay.

Yeah, I shot a shotgun at like my, like clay pigeons. And the thing about guns. And then I shot handguns. at a bachelor party. I got a gunman. A whole bachelor party. Oh, you know,

they had a shoot out. I thought you shot at a bachelor party. Yeah. I was, you know, he wanted to marry my woman and I. Yeah. Who was your woman?

Back then? Yeah. Uh, Nicole Brown Simpson. And you were having no. Yeah. Oh, I wish you got him.

Well, I got, it was, uh, Fred Goldman. What's Ron Goldman's dad? Wait, no, I, okay,

the timeline on this is all on. Yeah. Who's the father? Isn't that Ron, no. Ron Goldman was the victim. The victim. Fred is the father.

Had the big mustache. Gotcha. Okay. Well, either way, I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. The thing about shooting a gun that you don't realize for movies is how hot the gun is. Yes. You can't put it in your pants.

You can't put it in your waistcoat. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's really, it's crazy how hot it is. Yeah. Yeah. It should not go into your waistband. You have a saying. That's his podcast.

Wastbands are for pistols and socks are for grenades. That's correct. That's the sign off. Graham's a super fan. I'm a super fan. I think I've listened to. I think I've listened to, not all of it, but I've listened to quite a few episodes. Would you not agree, though?

So my sister, the reason we came up to that as our sign off on our podcast is because my sister was watching the show. Is it Air Force One with Harrison Ford? Yeah. Is it called Air Force One? That would be right? And so he has to fight terrorists on the airplane, right? And Allison was annoyed rewatching that movie that he didn't take his blazer off to fight terrorists. She thought it would restrict movement.

Whereas I thought, no, you keep the blazer on. because you may, as you're fighting these terrorists, you might stumble across a knife or a grenade or a gun, and you would put those in your pockets because you might need it for later. Yeah. And Allison said, no, no, no, no. Your waistband is for pistols. So you still take the, uh, and, uh, if you find a grenade,

that's what you, you tuck the grenade into your sock that you're wearing. So that's our sign off. Now, I don't know if you would agree or not. It's polarizing a lot of people when we used to have guests on the program. They didn't know what to do. It is funny because like a, um, political, like, if you're running for president, unless you're, I don't know if Donald Trump ever did it, but... Fought terrorists? No, every day he does. You take off your, your blazer, you take off your suit jacket and you, you know, roll up your sleeves and you eat a hamburger.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you stop at a county fair. Yeah. Yeah. You wear a hard hat for a photo up. The thing that in Canada that every prime minister or hopeful prime minister running person all have to dress up and go to the stampede at that's. some point. Yeah. Everybody has to dress up as a cowboy. A cowboy, yeah, yeah. And I feel like their chance of getting in and winning very much is, uh, yeah, like how well they pull out the cowboy looks.

Like actually entering the con, what do you mean? Winning the prime minister's seat. Oh, I think I meant winning like the, the rodeo or something. Mark Carney is, uh, yeah, was able to hold onto the bull the longest. Yeah. Um, and is that, is that some, some sort of cultural appropriation is the cowboy? considered sacred in that way? No, I think in Calgary during the stampede, everyone is wearing a costume.

You can dress up for Halloween in Calgary anytime. Because like in the States, whatever president gets the most beads down in New Orleans, because our former prime minister also dressed up in a lot of interesting costumes. Justin Trudeau. Yeah. I can't remember. I can't remember specifics. But yeah, he was a little too liberal with his costume.

Yeah. But you know what? It's like, this is his time of year. Yeah. Who's time of year? The Halloween people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He starts early.

He's got a big 12-foot skeleton on his and Katie Perry's lawn. Yeah, it's got to be his favorite holiday, right? Is it, in Juneau, is it a, what's Halloween like? Well, everything comes in on a barge, right? So, costumes are hard to come by. This is no different than anywhere else. You dress up and you go trick-to-tree. But it's not, like, I know they're in, um, it's a Churchill, Manitoba, they have, uh, polar bears.

Polar bears. So there's people like on the street with rifles as the kids are, uh, trigger-treating. You're done to do that. You maybe, maybe what you do is you just have it in, in the gym. You don't go door to door. You know, everyone dresses up. You go to the local gymnasium. And that way you keep the polar bears out. Are you a handmade costume household or a store? A handmade's tailhouse. We're a little bit of both. Christina will often get, um, like, order three different kinds of costumes. for the whole family. I tell you, our postal worker is annoying. So it'll be, last year we were the three little pigs and the big bad wolf.

Who's the wolf? Go ahead. Jackson. Obviously, Christina. Okay. No, sexy wolf. Yeah. You're not going to be a pig.

She's always, so, yeah, she gets wolf. And then me, Emma and Jackson were the three little pigs. Great costumes. They were fun. Yeah. And the year before that, I should be a sexy wolf this year. Year before that. That would be a sexy pig this year.

The year before that was a great one because that was, we dressed up as back to the future. I was Doc Brown. Christina was Marty, Marty McFly. Yeah, Marty McFly. Jackson, who was Jackson? He was Einstein, the dog. And we put tinfoil around his little push car too and made that the, what's that car called again?

Delorean, thank you. So that was fun to kind of do. So that was a little bit more of a you make, you make your costumes kind of thing. Who is your daughter in this back here? I don't remember who she was. Was she Biff? Who was she? Who was she? Oh, no. Lorraine? No, no. Emma was a totally different costume. It was me, Christina and Jackson, who

tied that together. Yeah, yeah. And Evo went rogue. Emma went rogue. Yeah. We were talking, it's been, I've been thinking about it. It's been making me laugh in Back to the Future. He warns Doc that the Libyans are going to kill him.

And so Doc wears the bulletproof vest. But we, on the, I think a bonus episode, we were talking about, what if he just had a body double? Yeah, I need you to be my body double for that. And then he just lets another guy. That would be interesting. we create a whole other and then Marty's like

I gotta go back again until Doc not to do that he's can't kill innocent people Yeah Listen Doc I can't read it Marty No you need to know this Because you go crazy

You read the last one And you jumped to this conclusion Yeah This was the way you spared Your own life by killing another This is an ethical dilemma That you're going through You can't keep creating new timelines

So just in my opinion Any ideas for this year's costumes I know No it's somewhat Emma brought up brought up I think it's like she's you say she brought it up

I think it's happening no I can't it can't happen it's too hard it's nightmare before Christmas there's like some Halloween people in there

I can't remember yeah yeah yeah but the cost she showed me a still frame of the thing I'm like there's no way that's gonna have

yeah you're not skinny enough it's a skeleton I know what come on man it's just anyway I know I'm sorry I'm probably gonna

probably gonna get going to oh shit oh no well no I just I didn't come here to be insulted like that right

I mean you heard it but you're too buff to be a skeleton. That's a nice way of saying it. Yeah, yeah. Dave, take some notes here from Graham. I'd call your buddy Rippling. Yeah, that's why, that's why there's an atrium named after this man in the airport.

That's right. That's right. That's spelled wrong, but still. No, atrium spelled correctly. I saw it. It's eight. Yeah, no. And John, you just have just like this juicy ass.

Is that good? Is that good? Thank you. Totally cake that. That's much nicer. Yeah. Although I'm not a piece of meat. So, yeah.

Deep down, aren't we all, though? I mean, I mean, I guess on the surface. For two grand American, you can find out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, unfolding it. Oh, there's more creases here than I expected. You son of him.

Wow, he's got an extra cheek. What? Another John's fat comment. You can't even dress up for Halloween. You're so fat. That's what Dave's saying. Yeah, which is rude. I appreciate the honesty, though.

Let's go all around and say our weight. Okay, go. shy of 300 Okay, you go My, I am also Shy of Leboff Oh yeah? Yeah

You're the beef? Uh, where I'm currently reading holes What are you guys for Halloween? Any costumes that come? Because kids is a whole other thing. Are you a Halloween guy? I love Halloween. You do?

Okay, yeah. Yeah. Oh gosh. I'm not. No, no, I don't like it. But you do it. I do it. Okay.

But, you know, my kids are now, you know, they go to their friends for Halloween so I get to, to drive a, around on Halloween. I don't have to, okay. I don't have to, um, you know, participate in anymore. Do you decorate the house though? Do you participate in the neighborhood?

Yeah, okay. And trick or treaters come by and you have candy for them? Yeah. Okay. So you participate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At Costco, people were buying candy already at Costco. Yeah, because it's so delicious. I know. It's not going to make it. I know, but that's maybe they're just having it. What do you mean? It's not going to make it. It'll make it candy. I know, but I'll eat it all.

Oh, I think it's going to go bad. No, if I buy candy. candy in September. It's not making it to... Oh, really? I'm not a big candy person anyway. No? Well, no, I have no problem keeping that in the house. Yeah. All right. Interesting. What can you... What do you stay so skeleton thin? What can't I not have in the house? Yeah. A cosmic crisp apple. I go through four apples a day. No, you don't. I do. Have you had a cosmic crisp apple? I don't know. Have I?

This is the greatest apple. They're relatively new. I think they were... Somehow created this new apple at the University of Washington. Okay. And it's the Cosmic Crisp Apple. Look it up. Pull it up if you don't mind. It is the most delicious apple I've ever had. It puts every other apple

you don't need to buy another apple for the rest of your life. And I go through at least four apples a day and I have a whole ritual for them. I peel them and I slice them nice and thin and I like to eat a stack of them. I let my teeth crunch through layers of them like filo pastry.

That's very satisfying. Graham, I'm telling you, every night I sit in bed the full. We all sleep in the same room, right? So Emma, Jack, me, Christina and Jackson are in the best. And Emma's got her little daybed next to us. The whole family's in there.

Sound machine going to put us all to sleep. Come on a monkey, baby, let me do that. The Miami sound machine. And we all fall asleep. And then when the whole family's to sleep, there's just me crunching on three apples, just mouthfuls of already sliced apples. Now, you're... Okay, they have them here.

I can get them. You must get them. And they're 200... Okay, they average a $1.90. Yeah, they're very expensive, especially in Geno, because everything comes in on a barge, because you can't, there are no roads in or out, you got to fly in or ferry in. Sounds a bit remote.

When you cut your apple, do you do it like they do in movies where it's the, the knife and the thumb are just working all together? Or are you chopping it on a, on a chopping board? Let me tell you what I do, Graham, and I'm so happy you're asking this question. What I do is I'll slice it, uh, almost in half. I basically slice around the core. So I've got four pieces and then I take a knife and I cut towards me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love the feeling. It's part of, you eat with your eyes before you eat with your mouth. That's true. part of the experience. Graham, are you an apple head? I can only have them prepared because whatever, something about raw apples, I can't. Of course.

You're allergic. Oh, my God. So, you're allergic to apples? Raw. Raw apples. Wow, you can eat an apple pie.

Yeah. Okay. What about an apple pie where they don't cook it well enough? That's an interesting possibility. Have you ever had an apple pie? Have you ever had to say, I need mine well done? I have an analogy. Send it back.

Yeah. No, I haven't had that problem, but I should be on guard. You should do it. and you should eat the ice cream first and then say, I need a new apple pie. They'll probably bring you new ice cream too. Yeah, this is the way.

Saying there's ways around these rules that govern us. But so the thing you can't keep in the house is a healthy thing. Well, I mean, I just, it's the one thing, I'll whip through it. I mean,

I like honestly, I will go through. And four, sometimes five apples a day, six apples. So this apple, the Cosmic Crisp was commercially launched in 2019. Is that right?

It is relatively new. Breeding began in 1997. I had a conversation. I was during the grunge. Yeah. Sure, yeah. I mean, I was in high school in 97. So, uh, what type of apples were you putting together? Well, I don't think anyone got pregnant, but there was, there was some breeding, I think. Yeah. That's when the loads were on the plate back then, my friend. So you have, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead. Did you have any, uh, were there any, uh, were there any, uh, were there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one very good friend, too. Really? Yeah. Uh, uh, David Edlstein. No.

There's a different. High school, uh, David Ellstein went to six, seven and eight. Um, eighth grade with case everyone's at home keeping track. Yeah, yeah. This person, you know why he didn't get anyone pregnant. Why? He wore a Keepa. Put a Keepa on his, yeah. On his pipa.

Yeah, I feel like that's, uh, that's probably sacrilege. Uh, if we start talking about a keepa used for safe sex reasons, I mean, these are, religious symbols that are quite meaningful. And I just don't want to, oh, I didn't mean he wore it like that. Oh, okay. I just mean he, you know, you just wore it while he was doing it. You think there was a magic hat. that a Jewish person would wear that would stop them from having a viable sperm.

No, I just mean if he's, you know, if he's due in Hebrew school, he's getting but he's making good decisions. I see. Then you know what? Can I apologize? Because I felt like I was trying to steer you into a different direction. I don't want to do that. No, you wouldn't want to do that.

Okay. Your question was what? I was going to say, because with past guest, Ivan Decker, and this is the first time I ever heard of it, they had a nursery in their school. There were so many teen pregnancies. No. Yeah. I mean, that's great.

Yeah, but that was, it was happening so often that they were like, we gotta get it. We gotta get on this. Yeah, because, I mean, these kids got to go to school and then to that's, that's as progressive as a guess. That's very Vancouver. Yeah. In my high school, we all had to take a lactating course. Yeah. Really?

Yeah, we had to figure out the right, the proper latch. Were you able to get, yeah, I was going to say, did you get them to latch? Yeah. I think in Vancouver high school would probably have a safe injection site right next to the daycare. Is that right? Well, they want to keep on the opposite ends of the school. But yes, absolutely. Oh, okay, fair enough.

So not right next. Not right next. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's, I love the idea of a daycare at school. But, I mean, would that encourage a safe sex practices, right? Yeah.

Well, you don't have to give me much encouragement. I'll tell you that. It's certainly sex positive. Yeah. It is family positive. The, uh, the couple of people I know who were pregnant in high school, they went away for a while and then came back. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

They think they didn't stick. in school all the way up until. Well, they'd have to deliver the baby. Yeah, they'd have to go away for at least a few days. Yeah. My school wasn't that progressive. Oh, you actually, you had a delivery room at the school as well. Wow.

I don't think anyone in my, well, I mean, I was there five years. Someone must have gotten pregnant in that time, but yeah, I didn't, uh, we had a few. And it's devastating. I can't even imagine. Like, and one girl was in ninth grade. This is a friend of mine who I knew very well, yeah. Was it Spike? I can't even say her name.

I can't, obviously. Let us guess. Charlie Dan. I'll tell you if you get close. It is two syllables. I'll give you that. Oh, really? No.

Uh-oh. Go again. You'll never get it. Karen. You got it. No, it's not Karen. But anyway, yeah. And actually, so wait a minute, their child would be 30, 30 years old now.

Yeah, he's opening. No older. 30, like 32 years old. That is wild. Yeah. Yeah. It's a possibility that your parent would have been somebody that you would have just hung out with. Yeah.

Like that close in time. Oh, my God. Yeah, that is bonkers. And he probably has a couple of kids as well. Maybe. Well, that cycle does tend to repeat itself, gentlemen. Yeah. All right.

In a lot of situations and a lot of places, well, you know, in Whitby, Ontario. That's what happens. Yeah. Pregnant at 16. pregnant at 16, pregnant at 16. Yeah. It's hard to break the family. Yeah.

Yeah. You ever see those pictures of like, yeah, we've got five generations in one picture. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. And no high school diploma on the wall. Now, that is a horrible thing to say, but it's hard unless you're going to school in Vancouver where they offer services to take care of your child. That's right.

Yeah. I don't think we did at my school. We had a, we had a constable. Oh, yeah. We had a constable. Do you have a constable? Like, that was permanently at the school? Yeah.

A police officer? Yeah. No, no, God, no. We had the singing policeman come by. Who was he? Darcy. Remember him? Maybe that was an Ontario guy.

Darcy, I can't remember his name. Walkaluck? Darcy Walkaluck would come by and he was a goalie. He was this singing policeman who would come by and play his guitar in the auditorium every year and teach you a little bit about safety. Oh, would the songs be about safety or would you do originals? Yeah, this one I wrote about. It's all about safe break. And then every now and then he'd plug in his guitar to an amp and turn up the distortion.

Oh, wow. Yeah. But if you look it up, you don't have to, David, because I know you're busy with, I know you still have cosmic crisp apples. I'm going to buy a bag when I, as soon as you leave. Dude, I will buy you the bag. I'll go with you. Let's go. I'm going to pick up your kids with you after this.

We're going to go pick up the kids together. We're going to stop and get apples. So the, if you put in singing policeman, Darsie. It should come up. And this is in Ottawa. This was a part of our... Dominic Darcy? Dominic Darcy?

Dominic Darcy? The late singing policeman. Yeah. Yeah. He was on time. He was on time. He was on time. December 20th of 2020.

And he's wearing what used to be... I thought he didn't even get to enjoy a cosmic crisp apple then. He didn't get to enjoy a vaccine. I know that. Yeah. The, uh, the hat and the look is very like a oven era police hat. Like when I know when kids in the hall we're on, that's the type of hat they used to wear to be the costume.

Yeah. Be the car. That's right. Yeah, very... He has a mustache? Well, not in this picture. Well, that's post my era. I like the early stuff.

Yeah, his early records were definitely, yeah, groundbreaking. And what would he... There he is. That's how I remember him right there. And he, what type of, are we talking about traffic safety or get your drugs checked? I can't remember. You could probably pull up a song, but it was... If they'll look him up on Samodify.

If anything, he was there to show you that police are approachable. And if you have a problem, don't worry. We're in your neighborhood to protect you. And, yeah. Can you imagine how far down the ladder a cop has to get to be assigned to a high school? Like, that's like, I'm going to bust you all the way down to high school. Or would that be a good thing? Like, would it be an easy job, I guess.

I don't know. I wonder if it would be easy. I mean, the wild one. You're, yeah, done in the school? Yeah. That's so bizarre to me. What was going on in Vancouver? No, wait.

There's in Calgary. Oh, you can imagine. Yeah. Zookas everywhere. Bazookas is first. Bazookas and Bisons. I just wanted to know, I want to read about his music. But they're just saying like, there's just these glowing quotes about them.

Speaking of music, you want to know what concert I went to see on September 6th? This is in Alaska. In Phoenix, Arizona. Okay. In Alaska. Give us clues. So, well, okay. So I bought Christina tickets for her birthday in December.

Oh, that's hard because she lives in June. Yeah, I live there with her, though, David. So I bought these online. And she loves the band Jimmy Eat World. Jimmy Eat World. I'm not, no, I'm going to, you're going to guess the headlining band. Okay. Because I bought the tickets.

And Jimmy World is going to be playing their, what is it, BLEED American. Is that the album? I think they renamed a Jimmy World after 9-11. The entire, did they? Did they rename the album? Yeah. I did not know that. Is that a fact?

It's a fact. Do you know what day we're recording this podcast? What? September 11th. We are. We are. Yeah. I remember I was one of the people that helped Donald Trump.

Oh, hey, can you see? Where were you when the plane's hit? By the time. I mean, one good thing did come out of it. Come from away. Yeah, that's true. We got a good Broadway musical out of it. We got a movie with Adam Sandler where he was affected by the disaster.

Still not worth it in my mind, guys. You're being really gross. He wrote a scooter in this movie. Who did? Adam Sandler. Oh, I didn't know that. I just know that if Mark Wahlberg was on that plane, things would have been different. Yeah.

And Osama bin Laden would be alive today. He would have blinded a bunch of people if he was on that plane. The guy was already blind. I often wonder if I was on an airplane and terrorists took over, I often wonder if there was some sort of military figure on the plane. If he was scanning for help on the airplane, if he came past me, would have. I look to him like someone who would be a dependable partner to overthrow these terrorists. I often wonder that. I sit on the airplane going, if something goes down, I think I might be called upon.

If you're slicing an apple with that knife. I'm not getting a knife on the airplane. Are you at your mind? Not post-9-11. But I feel like he would look at me and he would make the mistake of assuming. But because I am tall and I think I carry the appearance sometimes of intimidation, but I am not an intimidating figure at all. Disagree.

I'm scared. I'm scared. Well, I know you guys are scared. But you're weakling. David, you're an arm wrestle? I got sort of a skeleton body. I'm going to be Jack Schoington. I'm still a little Matt.

You've called me fat. But that is not too far off because I, yeah, I'm not the right person to help out in that situation. Jimmy Eat World, buy these tickets for Christina. Yeah. All right. And then we go to a concert. Jimmy Eat World is in Phoenix, Arizona opening for a band at Chase Fields, 15. 50,000 people at this concert.

Never been to a concert with that many people before, by the way. I was going to say a system of a down, but there's no way they're pulling 50,000 people. No. Well, it's not like Weezer, is it? No, it was not Weezer. They're more famous than Weezer? They're bigger REITs than Weezer. Here's the thing.

This is a band, I know, popular band, for sure, you've heard of them, for sure, you know them, but I do not know anything about this band. I knew one song for sure. And this is a band that I did not realize how big and how much of a, draw they are and it is massive Is it like Fall Out Boy? No But you're definitely in the right World and it's not

Kahnick at the disco? No but you are in the right world Fall Out Boy no Paramore Okay think of the top three emoes Who's there? My Chemical Room Yes yes chemical romance My chemical romance Huge I have this was bonkers

You must have seen a lot of No wonder she wants to do a Nightmare before Christmas Yeah. Oh, no, Emma doesn't like my camera or isn't into My Chemical Romance. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Emma wants to do the... Yeah, Emma wants to do the Halloween costumes.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, no, this was... And Christina likes My Chemical Romance, but her big band was Jimmy World Back the Day. So that's why she loved it. But this was insane. I've never seen so many people, and I do not fit in at a My Chemical Romance concert. I disagree. Well, come with me next time.

You'll see. And, yeah, it was absolutely crazy. everyone dressed identically like MO? Yeah, but very specific and yeah

and I did not realize the production value of this because it's not a concert there's not like a rock show. It is a heavily scripted choreographed

full two hours actors on stage they're performing against their will the band members they're taking medicine they're sent at a podium there's a blood bag

at one point there's pyro technics that are I don't know it must cost $2 million to put on this show. Yeah. Yeah.

Was he wearing, I feel like when I picture my chemical romance, they're wearing like a band, marching band kind of outfit. They started marching band. That is correct. It was the, what is it, the black parade. That was the album and show they were putting in. They had to rename it after 9-11 to the happy parade. They did, huh?

Wow. 9-11 really did cause a lot of people to rename things. Yeah. So, yeah, absolutely. bonkers and Christine, we were late getting to the concert.

Jumping at any point, by the way. And if you don't enjoy this story, please, I can stop. But is that, was Jimmy a world, I feel like they were on their own tour playing the album,

the famous album in its entire? Yes, exactly. Okay. Which is what they did on opening for this band. And I think they only did Phoenix, I think. Anyway.

50,000 people. 50,000 people. Okay. It's a baseball stadium. Yeah. So normally, I mean, a hockey arena would probably,

be what maybe... 20. Yeah, 20. And so, you know, got the whole floor, like of the baseball stadium and then all the way around the outside. Even the mound? I think. What happened to the mound?

I think they have to... They must cover it off. There's no way they're... No, there's no way they're taking the mound out. Oh, you can refill a mound. No, and you cannot. You put the stage over top. You must cover the mound.

I wonder which way we were facing, because the baseball stadium would probably go all the way around the outside. Maybe they cover the mound. That's a great question. Because guess what? There's an Arizona Diamondbacks game. There's an Arizona Dynamax game days later. So there's no way they're taking out that mound and put it back in.

Huh. That would be my bet. No, you got to go. I got a mound guy. Who's your mound guy? Who's your, yeah. Julio. Oh, Julio, he's good.

Is that right? Yeah, he does all the big mounds. And he's good. Is he fast? He's, he's, you know, well, you can have it good. You can have a fast or you can have it cheap. Yeah. But you can't have all three.

Right. You can't pick your friend's noses. Okay. And so, and that's why he's good. Yeah. He's good. Yeah. Did you know any of my chemical romance songs? Not by name. Okay. Not by name, but yes. How many do you know? I know three. I can name my helical romance songs in three. Okay. Dave hit it. Black parade's got to be one of them, right? No. No.

I'm so sad. Yeah. Oh, no. I forgot my eyeliner. Oh, no. David. You're being silly here. I just worry about the actual fans listening to this right now. We take this very seriously as I found out. I know someone who has a tattoo of my chemical romance. Of the name of the or like a logo? The initials.

The initials. Okay. Cool. We get to Phoenix and to travel with Christina, you must be a very patient human being. She wanted to spend all of that. She wanted to spend all of Saturday sitting out in the sun. Great.

Fantastic by the pool. At the hotel we're staying at, fantastic. And then prior to going to the concert, she wanted to go out and buy an outfit for the concert. She had outfits, but once to go. So we started to walk around the neighborhood. She decided she wanted to come back to the hotel first. We got into an argument at the hotel. Okay.

We're not in the best place at the moment. Oh, no. Fine. Let's not get into those details. However, an argument happens. Christina storms out, takes a cab and goes off on her own. We repair to the best of our abilities, our relationship, and she goes off and shops for hours. comes back.

We were going to leave to get to the concert, which is three blocks away from the hotel, 15 minutes before the concert starts. On the way down, we get into yet another argument. And now we have had it with one another. And Christina's walking ahead of me. I have, this is going to lead into an overheard. Okay.

So I'm not going to finish this part of the story, but I will circle back to it. Fair enough. Because I would hate to start an overheard right now. I'm not here to control this podcast. No, no, no. So anyway, we get to. the concert and we get into a line

and then they come up to us and say Christina's purse is too big and I mean it was probably like two inches too long. You cannot bring my life. So old long purse over here. So they came up to say yeah you're not going to be able to bring

that bag in and so sure enough we had to leave the line and there is like this mobile locker a van that comes by and so you pay to put your stuff. So now we can hear Jimmy world from outside. They're already playing. It just takes some time.

Yeah, that's what I, that's, and they're going in order. So that's song two. And sure enough, so we're locking in our bank. Song two is blur. That's true, but I meant song number two on the album. Oh, yeah, I do like to be corrected. So what's song one. On the album, I don't know what it is.

Is that a song on the album? Is that the name of the song? Yeah. I did not know that. Okay. So anyway, we get to, we lock up the bag and then we get back in line. takes forever to go through security, so we miss probably six or seven G-Meet world songs.

Well, she doesn't really like them. That's why we went in the hole in the hole. And then I watched fire and loud blood. Were you on the floor? Were you in seats? On the floor. On the floor, standing the whole time. Yeah, no.

Well, there are seats, but you stand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I sat down a couple times with my back was sore, and I feel like everyone was looking at me. I like, I like, I like, said. You should get a pair of hokas.

What are hocus, David? Oh, they're a good shoe for a walk and standing. Yeah. A lot of nurses wear them. I will look into that. I will look into that. They are like walking on air, I must say. Okay.

Yeah, I have a pair. And you like walking on air? I feel stable. Depending on the time, you know, walk on sunshine. Graham does a 24-hour stand-up comedy show. But isn't walking on sunshine much like walking on air? Because the sunshine is really cutting through the air. You're saying the same thing.

Yeah. It's time to feel good. Now, speaking of music, we like to do a thing when John's here of, you know, historically. Yes. We do a thing where we, it's called hitting the same. the post. Now, John, you kind of grew up listening to the radio. Is that right? I grew up. I'd say most of my youth

was listening to the radio. And your father was a radio guy. This is in the family. That's right. And your sister worked on the radio. That's right. So this is a, this is baked in. My father worked for several radio stations. I have audio cassettes of my father on air. What stations?

That was Procal Harlem. Whiteer Shader Pied. Right. Whiteer Shade of Pia. Coming up next, we've got, yeah. So he'd make lots of mistakes like that. Brocolardom That was Prokohartum And so yeah

He worked for CFRA Worked for a lot of It worked in Tilsonburg In radio Oh wow Saskatchewan No No Ontario

Yeah right Abby's family's from Right next to Tilsenberg Is that right Tilsenberg Yeah My back still hurts

When I hear that word Ingersall That's a stomping tom song Tilsenberg Tilsenberg That's where I know Yeah Way down southern Ontario

Never had a nickel Or a dime to show But a fellow beeped up In an automobile Said you want to go And work in the Tobacco Fields of Tilsenburg.

Debra. Dejavani is from there. Who is? Debra de Giovanni. That's Rudy Giovanni's daughter. Is it? That's right.

Deborah is from Tilsenburg. Yeah. I forgot about that, yeah. Yeah, so this is, I did grow up listening to the radio. It runs in our family, so we take it very seriously. Now, what we used to do

is we would get, we would just play, like, we'd play, you know, for instance, Weider Shreder Paril by Proocle Hardham. Yeah. And we would play the first few seconds, and, you know, you would ramp up. You would want to, like, have your, like, radio DJ voice and right when the lyrics kick in. And usually, Dave writes a little.

Well, no, I don't know. Well, I don't know where we get these songs. But if I may, the idea, the beauty of this song, which I used to play in car rides all the time, too. It's a fun game to play in a car ride. But the beauty is when you listen to, like, popular songs on the radio, you're familiar with the songs. So you have an idea as to how long of a ramp, which is what they call, how much of a ramp you have to speak your words, maybe do a little bit of weather, a little bit of traffic,

letting the listeners know what's coming up in the next hour. And you are familiar a little bit with the song you try and time it. Now, when David, I don't know where you get these songs either. I made a call out to a bunch of independent artists who didn't mind signing over their music to the podcast. This is so nice of them. Um, the, the, unfortunately, what tends to happen is the songs tend to be about people whose penises have fallen off. Yeah, I remember that from last time now. I am remembering that, yeah.

And, um, ice skating rinks. And I think that has a lot to do with the word dink. Yeah, that, that, yeah, that was part of it. Yeah. Um, but, uh, so I made the call again. These are, um, I have a bunch. Um, but like, I, what I can guarantee. is that the intros are smooth.

You can kind of like, there's no tricks in the intros. You can sort of tell when the song's going to kick in. Okay. It's not, uh, um, and are we, like, do we want to, um, do we want to, like, sort of become a little zoo crew? Sure. Sure, okay.

Like, de Graham and I, uh, well, like you could tag team, you could come up with a name. Are you in on this one, too? Are we a three-person zoo crew? I'm the, because you rarely do this. It's not much of a crew if there's, only two of us. We do need a third to make it a crew.

Because otherwise, it's just John and Graham in the morning. Yeah. Which, not unheard of, but... But it's really rare that three people would be talking during the intro of a song. I know, but... I'll tell you what, I can sense a little bit of discomfort. So why don't Graham, you and I? Well, let's see how we feel.

Okay. Can I be called Scooter? Yeah. John and Scooter in the mornings? Oh, I'm just John. You could be whatever you want to be. You don't mind John and Scooter in the morning, but Johnny and Scooter in the morning. Johnny and Scooter in the morning.

Yeah. So we're going to go. with, here's one, and just remember that, like, you know, outside of Ottawa, there's a town called carp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of the greater municipality, I believe. But if I may, just quickly before we start this, I just want the listeners to know, you know, this is truly just being improvised. We've not heard these songs before. And there is a level of difficulty here.

That's absolutely. I hope people appreciate this. Can I tell you this right now? Yeah, you can, please. I worked on the radio for. another much, Johnny. I worked on the radio for a year, and they have a countdown clock now.

Yeah. Would you do it live? Yeah. But I feel like they would have, they would have countdown clocks, right? You would know, could they be different posts you could hit. There'd be like drums leading into guitars or something. You could hit that post and then the longer post.

I think they would all be counting on. But when I was in school billion years ago, they didn't have that. Oh, you did. You had to do it by. Oh, no way. Yeah. That's crazy. It was crazy.

It was risky. Yeah. That's why I didn't graduate. But that's what prepared you for, and you know what that was all about? When you went to school, you know what they were doing, Graham?

They were preparing the kid for the road, not the road for the kid. And that's why you are who you are today. Yeah. I can't even handle one gun. I never learned that. One gun added on to the one gun. One gun added on.

Metallica. All right. That sounded just like Metallica. All right. Are we ready? Who's going to kick it off? Are you going to go at the same time? I mean, who normally do?

I feel like Johnny would leave it. Johnny's a little wacky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's song one. All right, you're listening to Johnny and Scooter in the morning on 103.9 The Bears. Scooter's got an update on traffic. And it's busy out there today. I wouldn't take the Cassiart Connector if I were you.

You want to go on the Iron Workers Bridge today. And on 150 second street in Surrey, watch out. This is Dave N. the Shumkas. And I'm excited to hear this one because they'll be playing at the carp garlic festival next week. So make sure that you get a babysitter because this one's going to go all night, folks. Isn't that right, Scooter? You're going to want to bring a blanket to the carp garlic festival. I want to address the room.

The when my wang fell off that day. Is this Jack Johnson? I want to address the room. It's heavily influenced. that he went up my own butt As if that would be such a problem As if there's nothing worse in this world The butterfly flaps its wings

My wang falls off And somehow accidentally ends up going up my own butt Oh my goodness Tragedy Now what if I told you it was no accident That's why you could sing a lot of the car We had to fade out of that song folks There's an emergency broadcast.

We need to share with you. We have a Amber Alert. Scooter has more on that. The president is on Air Force One. He is fighting terrorists as we speak. We think he's wearing his jacket. We're not sure, but he's taking care of business, and we wish him the best. And there's a missing child last scene in a nice end rogue.

White one. Scooter, we forgot to mention the kid. And her name is Ashley, and we wish her the best. Ashley, if you're listening in the car, don't forget that the carp garlic festival. Taking place next. weekend. But also be safe.

Fight back. All right, here's the next one. My penis came back against totally time. So there's no post. Okay. Sorry, this is a, I love the mind. No, I want to hear this from the beginning then. I apologize. No, I got sent so many files and they're just like, you don't know which ones. Some of them don't have an intro. Like, it's this.

Okay, let's hear that. By the way, that was a great one. And who was that? Was that Dave Schumpkin? It's hard to tell. It's weird they borrowed your name, too. I think that's Charlie Daniels. Can you believe that?

No, no, I just have, they're all, I'm confused, they're all jumbled together. Let's hear that one again. Well, no, let's try the next one. No. A lobster bit my dick. Oh, no. A little red hand man.

Okay, so that, that was, that's another. I'm sure you want to play that right after some ad. Did you catch that lyric? A lobster bit my dick? Yeah. And then what was the following lyric? With its little red hand, man. Oh.

It bites with its hands. He clod with his hands. Wow. I mean, I like that. Music is so ethereal. There's a poetic license you can take, yeah. What I always forget about this segment Where Clause can bite.

Is how much it's just three guys sitting around listening to One Guy's song. All right, well, this is a little bit. Mind if I play a song at the campfire for you guys? I love it. Yeah. All right, here comes the next. Oh, wait, are we supposed to talk over this? Yeah.

Oh, sorry, sorry. Okay, apologies. This is Johnny on 103.9, The Bear. Don't forget that Carb garlic festival is coming up next. and there is a construction update because there is going to be a road closure at the 103 at the split. Graham has more on that and our new sponsor. Our new sponsor, we're talking Beaver Buzz Cola. Beaver Buzz Cola.

Damn, it's good. Yum, yum. Drink it all night long. Stay up. Stay a winner. And as you said, the traffic is a snarl. If you can't, just stay home. Did I ever tell you about the time my dick fell off?

And it rolled into a shine. metal box It turns out It was a time machine And now my dick is traveling through time Oh no In 1912 my dick was on board the Titanic

And it spotted an iceberg Far away It decided to keep that information to itself Because it was feeling shy Oh no In 1963 my dick was there in Dallas

Just standing on the famous grassy knoll Oh my God It did nothing to prevent Lee Harvey Oswald From assassinating JFK Oh my goodness In 1972 my dick was eaten by the members of a South American rugby team Were they the people from that plane crash in the Andes No it was completely different guys

In 1994 my dog was driving The Bronco. In 95, it was watching Congo. In 96, it wore some baggy clothes. In 1997, goodbye England's rose. In 1999, it was impeaching bill. In 99, it chose the blue pill. In Y2K, well, it was hanging chad.

In 2001, things wouldn't have been so bad. If it was on those planes, yeah, yeah. Things would have gone differently if it was on those planes. 9-11 never would have happened, and Osama bin Laden would be alive today. In 2006, my dick was Name Time Magazine's person of the year, and so were you. They did a really cool thing where they made the magazine cover. a little mirror. Okay.

David. Update. This is spectacular. Ashley has been found. Amber Alert over. All right. Ashley, welcome home.

I'm assuming Ashley's listening into the radio as soon as she's safe. She's a big fan. We're going to send you a fan pack. That's a mug, a shirt, a bumper sticker, and a hat. That was a very impressive song, by the way. Yeah.

They're getting longer. If we can get it, if we could just get into the details of that song, a little bit here. So this is a time-traveling penis that's saying that things would be different, but it sounds like the penis isn't doing anything to alter history.

No, it really didn't do much. I mean, it did by just being a time-traveling penis. That's certainly would alter-history. It was inspired a lot of us. Also, you're not going to stop Lee Harvey Oswald if you're on the grassy knoll, because he was up in the window of the book depost.

Do you not think there was a second shooter? Well, not Lee Harvey, though. We know Lee Harvey was up there. The penis. If there was a second shooter. If there was a second, well, Yeah, I doubt it. I mean, I haven't last, I rarely see a penis with arms.

I think that penis has blood on its hands. Well, our balls, I guess. Yeah. The balls are the hands of the penis. That's true. There's blood coming out the bottom of the penis for sure.

Well, it certainly fell off. Yeah, I'd imagine. Maybe not. Yeah, maybe not. I think it was a smooth. You know what? Maybe there'll be a part two. This might be a rock opera.

I have no idea what the song is going. Sounds like a little My Chemical Romance thing. Is it ever? Let me tell you. You got to know stuff. There's codes in that performance, My Chemical Romance. There's a whole world.

I have no idea what's going on. And there's troads in my music. Do you know what drag is? D-R-A-A-G? Like, are you familiar with any of the- Yeah, drug performers? I know them. No.

D-R-A-A-G. There's weird messages going back and forth. And in between songs at my Chemical Romance concert, there's a, I want to say, Russian or at least Eastern European character who comes on the big screen. And so you are feeling nice tonight? You enjoy your time.

Good. We have you. Weird shit. Like, and I mean something to these people. This is a, this is like characters that the people in the audience are like, here he is. They know about it. I just want rock and roll, man. I'm sorry, I'm simple.

I'm a dying breed. I just want, uh, want rock and roll. I want a little thanky in between songs. I want interaction. I love it. Did you dance? There's no room to dance. And no, it did not dance.

Even if there was. His back was hurting. I would stand still. Yeah, I didn't have my, uh, my sunshine air shoes. Um, he, uh, wanted to do another song? Sure. Yeah, it's for sure. Yeah.

But I also just wanted to just wanted a. wrap up my My Chemical Romance story. Go on. All done. Okay, sorry. That was another. But honey, here we are. I never thought I'd have vehicular diarrhea. But now I'm hosing off my car. I I have a crush on aquafina. Is that what you said?

I mean, that's what that person said at the beginning of the song. A crush on aquafina. Okay. The water. Yeah. Yeah. Delicious. All right.

This one's cold. I could crush an aquafina right now, man. I'm thirsty. What do you got? You got a fresca. I have a sugar-free fresca. Oh, they make it sugar-free now? I think it only comes sugar-free, isn't it?

Yeah. Sugar-free fresca. What do you call? You just call it fresca? Yeah. But says right here, sugar-free fresca, that's the whole name. Sugar-free fresca. Ready to do one file one?

Yeah. Uh, fresca. Sugar-free fresca. So it's right there. Sugar-free fresca. Right there. Yeah, but that's the French name. Yeah, I think I'm going to have an enjoy Coca-Cola.

Sugar-free, yeah. What do you call it? I call it enjoy Coca-Cola. Sugar-free song. And here's your final song. Guys, let's let them hear it. Everyone out there at the festival, everyone out there getting Amber alerted. This is what it's all about.

Okay. This is the finals. McGregorese and public school will be hosting a car wash at the Carp Garlic Festival next weekend. So bring in your dirty, grimy car because it's time to clean up before back to school. Scooter with weather. It's going to be hot out today. Bring a hat. Bring a cold towel.

And you know what? If you can't, just don't wear a shirt. Ooh, broiling out there. Do not forget that sunscreen. A friend of mine got a really bad, really bad cancer on his back. Oh, no. That's awful. Yeah.

Is you doing okay? No. Oh, shit. I have a pretty terrible diagnosis, as a matter of fact. What's his name? Jeffrey, this song goes out to you. We hope that your diagnosis looks better. Hey, tall woman, give me back my dick.

Don't just hold it in the air and waggle it around. Just outside my reach while I try to grab it. Hey, strong woman, give me back my dick. Don't just put it in your hand and squeeze it really hard to see if it regains its shape or its color. Hey, wedding woman, give me back my dick. Don't just tie it to a string along with some tin cans to drag behind your car like you just got married. Hey, chef woman, give me back my dick. Give me back my dick.

Don't just cover it in oil And poke it with a skewer And cook it on a grill Like your shish kebobbing it Hey French woman That was hey French woman And don't forget That's it for us on the drive to work

Zoo crew on 103.9 The Bear will see you again tomorrow morning And be safe this weekend If you're going to be out that carp garlic festival Scooter what are you going to be up to? Any plans for the long weekend? Gonna fix the car as usual I'm working on my hot. Rod, and I think it's going to be ready for this weekend for the show and shine.

Right on. My divorce is going to be finalized by Sunday. See you later, Linda. See you next week. Hey, that was fun. Yeah. That was a great one. You nailed the time.

You nailed the post. And I was pimping you out a lot, and you really had to take on the responsibility of hitting the post, and you nailed it. Thanks. How good does that feel? It feels really good. To be honest, how great did it feel to hit that post? It feels really good. I feel like I was Scooter.

I feel like people at home should do this. On Car Rise, it's fun. It's good for the soul. It's good for everyone. It's a really fun game to play in the car. Or Battlestip. I was going to say, like, were there any radio tropes we didn't hit? I was trying to think of, like, would they announce, like, school closures?

But if your school's closed, you're not in the car. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Well, but, yeah, fair enough. But we're announcing a school closure for tomorrow. The more snow on the way. Yeah, there's no more snow, so the following schools will be closed tomorrow.

Yeah, snow's falling, so you're on your way home. Do we, there were a few Amber alerts this year. Do you get them on your phone? Always, yeah. We got an alert about the suicide basin. What's that? That's a reservoir in June, Alaska, and every year it floods. And every year, depending on the year, the levels are a little higher than others.

So, yeah, we get in, like four in the morning. Your phone honks. Yeah, four in the morning. It annoyed me at four in the morning. They said, tomorrow it will be at, don't do a 4 a.m. blast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

What were your, you had, what were you had some missing children? I think they got found. Yeah, I think most of them. Yeah, I think most. I think most of them. Hmm. You know, hey, look, I did my part by having a phone. Yeah, I, by not blocking it.

You don't have a phone? No, by having a phone. Oh, by having a phone, you did your part. I was, yeah, I was participating. The new iPhone that folds, the crease one, you can get two Amber Alerts at a time. Oh, shit. Yeah. Okay.

That's smart. It's usually a parent. Usually the other parent. Yeah, it's usually. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it is always the other parent. Usually the dad is, yeah, is not, not abiding to the rules. Sometimes the mom can't abide.

Not saying, I'm not trying, I'm just, I am generalizing. but yes, Dave's not wrong. Women can be evil as well. Dave's words not mine. It's hard. Wait a minute. Name three evil women. Evil women?

Okay. Well, where do you want to start? The very beginning of time? You know what? Name three. Name three. Evil women? Maybe you're going to have to have...

Well, depending on... Depending on the time that you are with her on the way to the concert, Christina, can be evil. Okay, that's one. Did she ever switch back? Oh, yeah, no. Of course. Oh, she is...

There is, Christina is, uh, the, she's all about repair. She is like, how do we repair this? And I'm all about, why do we have to get to a point where we need to repair this? Why can't we figure out a way not to get into these arguments? Um, anyway. Okay. So, Christina is one. I'm not going to do any of, uh, she takes three.

She reminds me of a woman from a song I just heard. French woman? Uh, it's one of the women. Okay. Maybe tied a penis to the back of a car. Yeah. No. And listen, I'm now getting upset.

Uh, Christina is the loveliest of lovely people here. I'm now getting upset. I am getting upset with you, Davis. She is nothing like that. Now I need to defend the woman who I was initially not defending. And calling evil, which of course was, I was, sorry. Graham pimped you into it. It's all on him.

My purple. Scooter is awful. Graham, what's going on with you? Not too much because we recorded a day ago. And so there's not a lot that's happened in that span. But a couple weeks ago, I went on a trip. I went to Alberta. Yes.

I did some driving around, went to drum. Heller went to the Terrell Museum, went to the Badlands, and along the way, we went to a tiny little town called Torrington. We visited the gopher hole museum. The gopher hole museum. The go homie. The go homie.

And it's fantastic. Okay. It's taxidermy. Is it, this is a place filled with gophers? Filled with gophers. They're all diaramas. So they're stuffed gophers in different scenes. Yeah.

Is it vehicular diorama? No, I take a pill for that. Okay. When you drive down the highway on their, like outside towards the museum, can you see gopher holes in the wild? I don't know. We're going too fast. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're really blazing through.

You don't see anyone sort of humping the ground? I mean, it could have been, or it was just that dead body face down on the ground. It's hard to say, what's what. Yeah. But this is a, this is an attract. Like, the town, there's almost no town. Why is it called a gopher hole museum? I don't know.

Maybe because it's a whole. in the wall kind of place. You kind of go to see. Oh, yeah, which is the safest way to have sex during COVID. And yeah, don't go to a glory hole museum. Why not? They're not ideal. Yeah, but what are the greatest, you know, where did it start?

What are the greatest ones? The history of the glory hall? King Henry's. It's that curiosity that got us from being a, you know, single cell organisms to masters of industry. I've heard this before. I've heard this before, yes. I don't know the story.

What is the origin of the glory hole? When did it begin? When did we have to start hiding identity while still seeking pleasure like that? I wonder if it was just there was a natural hole in the wall somewhere and some guy stuck his wiener through. And that the rest, that nature took its course. I mean, nature has, is singing its course already.

Like, it's the natural urge to put your wiener through a hole. Any kind of hole, yeah. And a wall. Very strange thing, though, a very strange thing.

I wonder if there's, uh, anything on Wikipedia about their first glory hole. Uh, so far they only have stuff about Dominic Darcy, the singing policeman. In Juneau, Alaska, there used to be a, I can't even, it's like a, have you seen one in real life, a glory

hole? No, I would, yeah. No, I don't think so. I've seen one in a, uh, in a restroom where it was between stalls. But how do you, and how do you know was, I mean, I guess any hole in a wall in a restroom is a glory hall? That's what I'm assuming. Right.

Yeah, it was at penis height. Okay. So you wouldn't have to like crouch or anything. Well, wait. Penis height for who? Mm-hmm. A urinels are different height. Yeah.

Yeah. No, these are stalls, though. This is not urinals. We're not getting glorinals at the urinals. I know. I'm just saying that there are different heights of penis. I think that, yeah, and I think a more inclusive society would have glorily at different heights. Or like just a step, a step that you could step up.

That would be good too. Step up. But you're also suggesting, I mean, it might be too high for a tall person like me and to bend my knees with a bad back. And what if you're in a wheelchair? You need a ramp to get up. That's true. Look, it wasn't a completely accessible glory hole, but it was the one.

It was the one I had. Okay. It's the one I had. Anyway, you went to a girlfriend museum. Yeah. Controversial take. I don't think, if you're in a wheelchair, I don't think you should use a glory hole.

Oh, that is controversial. I know, it is controversial. I don't want to get into it now. I'm going to get a lot of blowback from your listeners, but that's, yeah, controversial take, but just the way I feel. But if you have, say, a muscular friend that could kind of hold you up and get you to the glory hole.

You know what? I take it back. Yeah, you're right. That's okay? I think if you had someone who was willing to hold you from behind, I'm assuming. Yeah. Yeah.

It's hard if you're holding them from the front. I take it back and I realize how awful that was to say, and I'm asking for forgiveness. And, yeah. To your time to listen. Yeah, to all the wheeled people, I apologize. Here's the Wikipedia picture. There it is.

That's the exact one. That's disgusting. That's a glow, look how big that is. And it's, well, it just looks like, oops. Opie sizest. Yeah, well, it's a metal. Oh, God, what have I done?

Are we still recording? It's a metal, like they cut, the partition is metal. Yeah. But they seem to have taped around the, but wait a minute. What is this over here? Do I see, like,

I think that's the door. Oh, I thought that was a toilet paper roll. Oh, it is a toilet paper roll. Yeah, you're right. Okay. I thought I was seeing Sky there for a second. And there is. A Port-a-Pottie outhouse.

A porta-potty glory hole. Would you go inside for the privacy to pleasure or would it be the other way around? No, I think everybody knows the pervert that's on the other side. So he's just there. He's there. Gotcha. So you see he works Tuesdays and Thursdays. I guess there's very little.

little privacy. The first documented instance of a glory hole was in 1707 in a court case known as trials of Thomas Vaughn and Thomas Davis in London, which involved the extortion of a man known in the documents as Mr. Gwillam. And at the time, gay sexual activity in public places could lead to arrest. It still can, I think, in public places. I'd imagine in public places any kind of sex. That's right. Had a row or homo. Yeah. Yeah. The two. Yes. The two sort. Yeah. So 1707, the two Tommies. So that means in the old West they have glory holes. We're talking, is Shakespeare? Shakespeare maybe has mention of a glory hole. Well, he was one of its songs. Yeah, because what is this in 1700? So this would cover, this is a long time that these have been around.

What did a bathroom look like back then? Just a hole in the ground? The court heard, had a guy named Samuel, just standing by. Heard that Mr. Gwillam had visited a toilet stall to relieve himself when another male put his peop. through a hole in the wall. Yeah. It's at a boa. A boy in the adjoining vault put his privy member through a hole.

This is the strangest thing ever. Yikes. It is what we were talking about. Basically, there's a hole. A penis will go into it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and then a man exposing himself through a hole in the fence is a 1600 piece of art here.

Yeah. That's beautiful. It is. It's a Renaissance painting. Anyway, you went to this film from a museum. And it's, honestly, people come from around the world. They have a map of all the visitors. They have a thing you sign that says where you're from.

There's about, let's say, 25 dioramas all ranging from first date to bank robbery. Oh, they dress them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all dressed up. Weird. And, oh, it's very weird. All dressed up and nowhere to go for. But you have to call somebody to let you in.

Because there's nobody that just works there full time. So you have to get on the phone with somebody to come down. down and open it for you. Well, it's so remote. They have to, all the gophers have to come in by barge. Yeah, that's right.

Or a helicopter. Hmm. That reminds me of. And I'm not liking this right now, by the way. I don't like to be made fun of. So, Juno is a hard place to access.

But yeah, so this gopher museum, though. Yes. You're saying that someone has to come and let you in. Yeah. It's not just open because I don't think there's enough people. How much advance notice do you have to give these people?

They live right next door? Do they live right? They live... They live... An apartment above a gas station? It's a very small town, so I would say that most would be five minutes away. Huh. Or in any direction.

Now, do you think there's a lot of grant money keeping this place afloat? None. None? This is all, we had a long conversation with the woman, and it is a passion project. It started with one guy that knew how to do it. Now there's a whole team of them that know how to do it. They know how to do what? Taxidermis.

Taxidermy. Okay. Yeah. And the lady was telling us, because there's one that had a gopher and that had a little squirrel. And she said, when you do taxidermy, that's how you learn. You do it on a squirrel first. Nice. You practice on the squirrel to get to the gopher.

Yeah. That is horrified. The fact that they're just like, oh, yeah, we've got millions of squirrels we can go through. But did they- No more horrifying than the meat industry? Did they kill the squirrel? No, but did they kill the squirrel? Is it road kill?

Is it natural? Like, how are they getting? I don't think it's roadkill because it'd be too flat. They break their neck. I don't know. Can you kind of bring it back? I don't know. Me pop it up.

But they're not capturing squirrels and killing them for the purposes of taxidermy, are they? I don't know. I get that. We did not cover. When you go back again and you will, make sure you ask. I will. Did you find out where the gophers are from? From Alberta.

Do they die of natural causes? Yep. They were all found in hospitals. And that some of them are organ donors. But yeah, all natural causes. Any autoerotic is the creation. Yeah, well, that's a natural cause, as far as I'm concerned. And just doing what is natural.

I've been in Alberta And they're very proud of the fact That they do not have rats In Alberta A rat patrol Now that if you see a rat You say something And then they come out on the rat

And eradicate the rat Yeah Okay There's a team Okay Yeah And so they're very proud There are no rats

In Alberta Spreading disease, etc But like right up to the Scotchuan border Saskatchewan you got tons of rats That's the way it goes Oh boy Oh boy

You could think about all the grain Those rats Of those rats Oh yeah You know With a silos Yeah yeah Yeah you'd think

you'd think maybe you'd want to get rid of the rats in Saskatchewan as well then. I want to get rid of all rats. You do? I don't like them. I don't like them either, but I guess we need them. Don't like them. I kind of like them. I think they're cute.

Yeah. I don't want them in my house, but when I see one ride that I'm running by. Yeah. I like it. One ran over my feet once in the backyard. It was scary. I saw one in New York City once and it was, might as well have been a dog. It was ridiculous.

Ridiculously gross. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to thank you guys. come by the show today. This has been Brother Sister podcast. Oh, no. Sorry. Yeah, no, we still have a whole segment of the show today.

I totally forgot. Don't put a hot gun in your... Dare I answer this phone call on... This is Christina Love. Oh, no. She already hung up. She did? Yeah. She's mad at you. She might be. Two missed calls. Yeah. Uh-oh. Should I call her back real quick? Yes. Well, you know what? Let's take a break

and come back with some overheard. Sure. Okay. Friends, it's your captains, Janet Varnie and John Hodding. As we come in for a landing on season three, we want you to know that all episodes of this season of E. Pluribus Motto are available now. Be ready to binge ours devoted to the Yellow Hammer's of Alabama. The tree octopi or octopuses of Washington or Washington. And motto's official, unofficial, Latin and otherwise, from states like Nebraska, Florida, and more. Once again, all E. Pluribus Motto episodes are available now on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. We hope you've enjoyed your journey with us and we look forward to traveling with you again soon. Please stay seated until the podcast comes to a complete stop.

Hey, Alexis. Hey Ella. What animal has the most teeth? I would guess a shark. A snail. No, snails don't have teeth. They have thousands and they are freaky looking. No, I don't want that to be true.

Okay. Did you know that the hippocampus in your brain is named after the half horse, half fish sea creature found in Greek mythology? I didn't know that, but we're meant to be doing animal trivia and hippocampus isn't a real animal. Well, that doesn't matter on comfort creatures. You're right, it doesn't matter at all. Comfort creatures is a cozy show for lovers of animals of all shapes and sizes, real and unreal. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then join us every Thursday for new episodes on maximum fun.org. Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where we hear things all over the world. You get to hear things, or maybe you get to see things, or on the outside, maybe you have a really boring, dream. We're accepting boring dreams for the time being. I don't know what at all. For a little time. But we always like to start with the guest. John,

do you have an overheard? I do have an overheard. Are you mad at us? Well, can I ask why you would ask that question first? Oh, that's rude to ask. Okay. Well, I apologize for being rude.

That was not my intention. Is this something you guys were working on on the break? Because I don't get it. It's sort of. Anti-comedy. I promise you, it is not, Graham. Okay. I am just as confused.

I, I, I'm, no, I'm curious to know why, is there something about my behavior or? No. Okay. So you're just wondering if I'm maddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it's not your behavior. Um, I guess I'm like, maybe a little bit mad at you now, a little bit. But, um.

But, um, but you do haven't overheard. I do. I do. Um, and I mentioned earlier on. Are you mad at me? Nope. Okay. No.

Okay. No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Dave, are you all right? What's going on?

I'm mad. Why? Wait, are you mad at me? I'm bad at both of you. Oh, shit. I was just wondering if it was reciprocal. Oh, no. I don't know.

I'm going to be honest, I'm so happy to see both of you. And it really feels good, especially on the road. Look, sometimes you guys find out, I'm coming through Vancouver. You reach out to me. Sometimes I'm coming through Vancouver. I reach out to you guys. Well, I'll be honest with you. I'd reach out to Graham.

That's true. Because, Graham, Dave, I once had your phone number when I had my old Canadian cell phone. But I do not have your contact. information. I only have Graham's. Graham is my link to this podcast. Well, we can tell you Dave's a number right now. I was going to say, David. Can I get your number? Is your phone open?

604. 273. My phone's open. 7373. That's Dave's address. What's your phone number? 604. It spells 604. And you guys out there, don't call Dave. You know what? And if you do, leave a nice voicemail. Don't leave something mean.

It's been bleep. Now, if that number is real, this is a big moment. This is a big moment. Yeah. Now, we can create a group chat. Oh, yeah. That's fun. Which is really fun.

And we can also communicate the three of us. And it doesn't have to be about coordinating the puck. We can talk about anything we want. We can say things like Carp garlic festival. I don't want to make these songs anymore. I love those songs. This highlight my visit. I do have an overheard.

Okay. And like I said, it's related to a... the, uh, to, um, my chemical romance concert. So, and I explained earlier, I was a young boy. Yes. My father. Did they play that song? Yeah, of course they did.

Oh, got on it. That's by Kermit when I sing it. So when, uh, what's his name again? Is it Gerard. Gerard. Weh. Gerard. Gerard way.

Now, on the way to the concert, I explained to you, Christina and I were in an argument. We are not at the, in, in, in a good place. Christina's walked ahead of me and I am walking behind. her and I am scowling and you can read it on my face. I am not happy. We're with a sea of concert goers on the way to the venue. A sea of them. And those gentlemen sitting on top of a huge amplifier speaker and he is and he is rapping over a track.

I don't realize until I'm getting closer, he is freestyle rapping what he's observing. Yes. There are concert goers all dressed the same. my chemical romance concert goers and then there's me. And as I'm walking, I look over and I make eye contact with this person freestyle rapping. Yeah. And I go and I look forward and then I hear these lyrics.

I hear where is it here? Now I didn't catch the second part of lyric, but this is what I hear. There's my man in plaid wearing grumpy on his face. And I couldn't make out the next part of the rap, but I immediately, I'm like, oh my God. And I'm clearly wearing it on my face. I am grumpy and here is a... I didn't know I was going to pass some guy freestyle rapping. Telling the world.

And you were wearing plaid. I was wearing plaid. I was the only person wearing plaid. I was going to ask. What did you wear to the concert? There was no question he's talking about me. Did no one turn her notice? No, I had to tell her afterwards.

And it was one of the things, one of the stories that brought us back together. What was her outfit that she went and purchased? Leather. Really? Yeah. Sexy wolf? Look. There's a sexy wolf with a gigantic purse.

Well, the leather may have been wolf at one point, but it was a very revealing leather as well. Really? Yeah, it looks stunning, beautiful. Okay. Yeah, she looks beautiful. She's the queen of them all. Yeah, so that's my overheard. Yeah, I love it.

I figured you might like that one. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I don't really, but I was on the web internet today, and they have this thing called Instagram. Okay. And I follow this account called openly gay animals. Okay. And they have a lot of funny animals and stuff, and it's my kind of thing. But today, they had a post about the guy who cleans the 9-11 memorial.

Oh, yeah, I saw a video of this guy. But then you kind of cycle through the pictures, and it's not just one guy. But the post was like, every night, this man quietly keeps the 9-11 memorial pools cleaned. But it's not just a guy. And then the team. And then this one comment I saw was, bro is a janitor and people are absolutely glazing him wow and the account name of that was

shartnard's 2.0 oh nice yeah is glazing good glazing is good yeah if i've been glazed then that means like hey you're doing a good job yeah because it does suggest to me it's not a good thing to be glazed by everyone no you want to be glazed by everyone you do yeah now i know you want to be universally glazed i mean no i mean look, what you want is private, I guess. Yeah. But it's a good thing to be glazed.

Everybody glazed that singing policeman. Does anyone have privacy anymore? No, we don't. We have to accept that we don't either. Yeah. It's the opposite of... No, I do have privacy. I wrote a little thing on Facebook.

I said, you'd... Please respect my privacy? You do not have access to my photos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you cannot profit off this. I did do that as well. Yeah, so a little bit of privacy. You're right.

I said, use my photos and buy yourself. something nice. Oh, that is sweet. You're always giving back. Yeah. And then I said, my phone number is 604. And I have so much privacy. Some of the best privacy in the game.

Did you suggest if they do earn money donating to the Gofer Museum? Yeah. Good. I mean, that's my go-to charity. And then, you know, then the kids and then the seniors and... Gofer's chids. Chids. Govers Chuds.

first kids. Okay. And you're listening to CHUDD, the chud. Old chud. Do you have yourself what's known as an

overheard? I have kind of an overseen and it was courtesy of being at the Torrington, Gofer Museum. Go for Graham.

Go for Graham. You got Graham. I, for some reason, like I'd been there years and years and years before. Wait till you go from museum?

You go from museum. My dad and I went. Did you punch your frequent go for. Exactly. And I've got four more visits and then I get a free sub. Oh my God. A gopher sub. Yeah. Yeah. Delicious. I bet. Full of nutrients. You got a slow cook them though. Low temperature long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want to put a gopher rub on? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do they have a gopher golf diorama? Because it's a big character from Caddyshack. Yeah. They do a golf thing. I mean, they've got it all. There's a hairdresser and some of them have speech.

and the hairdresser one says, I'm a hairdresser, not a miracle worker. And I thought that was really fun. It's fun, yeah. But for some reason, I thought in my head that there was an ice cream shop nearby. So I asked the lady, like, oh, is there an ice cream shop? She's like, yeah, it's just up around the corner. And we're like, okay, great.

And we went up around the corner. I think it might even said ice cream outside on the sign. No ice cream. Not a single, not even a frozen treat that you could have. I think the one thing they had in the freezing. box of pizza pops. Which is not an ice cream. What kind?

Pepperoni, deluxe. It did look. It was probably deluxe. Yeah. Probably deluxe. Yeah. Probably deluxe. Yeah.

But anyways, I went to the ice cream store. They didn't have any. There's no ice cream at the end. Do you, in your home, have any frozen, like microwave treats like a pizza pop? I have some things that I got, Sally got from Costco the other day. And I'm not sure how to, what they are, but they're like, they're stars. They're shaped like stars. Okay.

And I only thought of them because they follow a gluten-free blog. And they said, hey, we're at Costco. She was going to Costco. So I was like, buy these stars. And I've had a couple of them and they're fine. And you don't know what they are? They're, I think, some sort of mashed up vegetable something. Wow.

Okay. There's cheese in there, too. Okay. Cheese and mashed up vegetable. Yeah. Kind of like baby food, really. It's, well, we are all made of star stuff. Yeah, that's true.

If you think about it that way, uh, in our fridge, case you're wondering listeners, we have, uh, Amy's cheddar broccoli bake. Okay. And we have taquitos because those are Jackson's favorite two foods. Okay. So, keto. Toquito loves it. He calls them quitos.

That's, he's on a keto diet. He's a keto. Um, do, uh, I just bought. I tried it. It's not frozen, but they make craft dinner. ramen. You are... You are...

You know what's insane? I didn't eat craft dinner forever. And then, on this podcast, you talked about craft dinner, and I believe you had an expired craft dinner. That's how it came up. Do you remember this?

No. You had a craft dinner that was expired and it didn't taste right. Oh, okay. And it got me thinking of craft dinner. I now eat craft dinner twice a year because of you. Because I'm always like, you know what?

The ratios are going to be right this time, It's going to taste good. It's going to remember it the way I had it as a kid. Never good. Oh, And I always come back to it, though. I do like once a year. I do.

And I, yeah, when you said, I eat it like twice a year. I thought you're going to say, ever since that, I eat it twice a week. No. But you know what I think the secret is? Cook it. Mix it all together. Leave it for 10 minutes. Let it kind of cajil together.

Oh, okay. Okay, that's interesting. When you cook the noodles, do you ever get that layer of film around the outside of the, of the, of the, pot you're cooking it in? No. You don't. No, I think you need to boil your water before you boil your water. Boil my water before I boil my water. Yeah, do a pre-boil. I want you to, next time you make craft dinner, it's going to be sooner than later now that we've had this conversation, David. I want you to just observe a little more closely and see if there's a film. Okay.

Around the outside of the pot, you have boiled your noodles in. Do we want to go around and say, if we use a spoon or a fork? Uh, yes. Fork. Fork. I was always fork. Yeah. Spoon now.

Three forks. Yeah. But now I'm spoon. Because occasion, you are a spoon? Yeah, now I'm spoon. Interesting. Yeah. Here's one for you with your toast.

If you're spreading jam on your toast, use a knife or a spoon? Knife. Knife? Spreter. Spretter. Okay. I'd consider that knife. Sure.

Yeah. I am now spoon. Hmm. Spoon. Spoon. It's way, but try a spoon to spread your jelly on toast. You'll never go back to a knife. I can't remember the last time I had jelly.

I had jelly on toast. Well, try it. Do it again. What do you do? Blackberry? I do. No, I do raspberry jam. Raspberry jam.

Never seedless. Always beautiful raspberry jam filled with seeds. Perfect. Yeah. Crunchy surprise. I want you to do it. And I want you to get back to me. And we're going to start a group chat.

About jellies and jams. Called jellies and jams. Okay. Marmalade, anybody? Marmalade fans. Go to hell. I do not need orange rinds in my jelly. Now, we also have overheards sent into us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, You can send it into SPY at maximum fun.org. And the first one comes from Ryan from Massachusetts. Last year, I was at the Minnesota State Fair, walking through a building with horses in it. There was a smaller area with mules, and I saw a middle-aged man looking at an informational poster board titled, Why Mules? And as I walked past, I heard him say to himself, huh, I guess they are a little easier than horses. I read an informational plaque. And easier for what, though?

Easier to ride, to feed, to everything. Probably all of it, yeah. They can kick field goals. Right. Yeah. Are they horse donkey hybrids? Is that what mules are? It's something like that.

What is a mule? I think it's like the offspring of, oh, yeah, might be offspring of a horse and a donkey. And they're like sterile. They can't reproduce on their own. Is that right? Why not? I think because of how they're created.

The way they're bred, they can't reproduce. I thought I wasn't going to be able to reproduce. because I had an ascented or an undescended testicle in my, in my abdominal cabinet. Huh? When did it descend? Well, I had to have surgery.

Oh, it didn't go on its own. No, you had to get that guy going. That's the problem. It should have descended. My theory is it's ascended. I remember being kicked in the nuts.

And I, that's what I think, but apparently that's incorrect. Okay. That would be excruciatingly painful. So apparently, yeah, an undescended testicle. So in the third grade, they had to go in and loosen my inguinal ring.

Okay. And drop the testicle back. into the scrotal sack, where it's at the proper temperature, because it could have cooked up in the abdominal cavity. And then they tighten the inguinal ring, so it can't pop back up. And then you went ahead and had a kid. And I had a kid. Yeah. Look at that. So for all you know, one testicle was working overtime and the other one not pulling sweet, but you'll never know. Or maybe it was just a powerful testicle that would withstand the heat in my abdominal cavity. It has to be a male donkey and a female horse. Interesting. A male donkey and a female horse, not the other way around. That's how you

produce a mule. Okay. This next one comes from Duane and Edmonton. Dwayne and Edmonton. What up, Dwayne? The other way around would be called a hiny. A hini? What's a donk?

Wasn't that the thing? Yeah, it's like a fun. Jesse Thorne would talk about a donk. Yeah, a mini donkey, I think. A mini donkey. Okay. I was on the rooftop patio at our local pub. Shout out to bartender Craig at the Black Dog,

a huge spy fan. This is, by the way, Time of the show for shout-outs. Yeah, I want to shout out my chemical romance, the guy who came up with the pyrotechnics for that, his name, Jiminy. You know for sure? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no one.

I'm going to be honest. I don't know if anyone deserves a shout-out today. Not even the singing policeman. You know what? Darcy's passed, but I tell you what, those who inherited his wealth, I would like to shout out to them. The estate of Darcy. Yeah. To the estate of... His badge is gone.

To Darcy... What was the name again? Darcy McGee. No, Darcy... Dominic Darcy. Dominic Darcy. Yeah, just shut out to you. So this is at a place.

This is at a pub. Behind us was a woman in her late 30s sitting at a table with three guys. The woman just starts pounding her fists into the table screaming. If you are not supporting your local producer of honey, the bar goes quiet.

Everyone is looking at her. Then there's some quiet chatter from the three guys at there. table and she says no i absolutely will not chill out love it yeah chill out man people love to be told to chill out yeah oh yeah it always puts like uh yeah calm to relax when you were having this fight with christina did you tell it to relax no i've told her to calm down before that doesn't go well and i was expecting blowback after saying it don't get me wrong but uh you felt you had to uh it just came out

and i'm very sorry i said it i uh yeah there's a very sorry i said it i uh yeah there's a a history of the hysterical women. Okay. And the patriarchy is responsible for... Yeah. And I crossed the line. There are boundaries. And I crossed one and I'm trying to be better.

Okay. Yeah. It's time to reflect. Yeah. It's time to listen. Would you like a Xanax in a nap, sweetie? Don't say that. This last one comes from.

J.B. from Seattle. I saw a BMW with a bumper sticker in old English font that said, only God can edge me. So think about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Getting edged is the natural high? Is that what they say? Getting edged. Edged? What is edged again? I might want to make sure I'm thinking. Well, it's when you think about baseball for a while. Yeah.

You try your, it's a. You're so close to the bank. Self gratification, but you're putting it off and putting it off. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay.

Hours, days at a time. And then a woo. I wouldn't that hurt? Can that really be done? I got work to do. Yeah. Can it really be done? I mean, should you really be doing that?

No, I don't know if you should. I feel like that would be, it would hurt. Yeah, but I don't want to, you know, stink your kink or whatever. Well, fair enough, but don't deny yourself pleasure in the moment. Yeah, get it all the time. Yeah, just do it again. Wait five minutes. All right.

In addition overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos. You know what? Now that you have my phone number, just call me. Just call Dave direct. Send your voice memos to SPY at maximum fun.org or leave us a voicemail at 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh, spy pod one like these people have. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guests, this is Tori in Cleveland calling with an overheard.

I was in my little local grocery store and there was a dad shopping with his son who was around five. And the son said, hey, dad, can we get some apples? And the dad said, no, sorry, it's not Apple season. And the boy was quiet for about 10 seconds, then said, is it basketball season? And the dad said, no, it's baseball season. And Apple season is football season. Oh, off I go. Okay.

I love that. Yeah. That's a great over her. Is it basketball season? It's got to be one of the two. Yeah. Dad, throw me a bone here. I mean, we're in training camp for football anyway.

Like, we should be having apples. I think apples are 365. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the apples you get in the store were picked months ago. Yeah, I don't know how that works because they do have, they do turn. Like, I feel like I'll buy them in the store and they're good for, especially the Cosmic Crystal, they'll last.

Of course, this is a reliable apple. Yeah, but I feel like they're good for maybe, like really good for a week. Okay. And then they start to. I don't. Should I? Would you, do you refrigerate your apples? I like them cold.

Yeah, I do like them cold. You know what I do? I cut them up and then I put them in the fridge for about. half an hour, then I eat them. But I should just keep them in the fridge. I would imagine with the crunch. Should keep them in the fridge. Well, and the thing is they get a little soggy when I do it.

Anyway, you know what? Let's move on to the next overheard. All right. Hello, Dave Graham and possible guest. This is Zane, Colin from Kalamazoo with an overheard. I was at five below, and there was a group of young-ish teen boys near me. And they were looking at something, and one of them grabs something and says, oh my gosh, you guys, look at this.

This is so awesome. I love this. I'm going to put it in my room. And then I like sneak a glance at what he's grabbed, and it's a little metal sign that says, warning, fart zone, enter at your own wrist. Yeah. Anyway, off I go.

That's great. Yeah, do you have any fun signs on your door when you were a youth? God, no, no. No, I don't think I would have been allowed to. No. You didn't have a fun sticker or anything like that? On the outside of the door? Yeah, like warning, warning somebody.

Oh, no, God, no, no. There'd be no desecration of the, of the hallway. Yeah, that's a public hallway. Yeah. My dad would never allow that. My kids have made little, like, a touchpad with a bunch of numbers on it. So either you, like, have to put in a code to get in their room. Oh, that's fun.

It doesn't, not plugged into anything. You could say that you hacked it. That's how you got in, yeah. A couple of years ago, Emma drew a post-it note and put it on her door that said, No Boys allowed. Oh, no. Yeah, and I was one of the reasons why that sign was created. What about Jackson?

Is he allowed in? Oh, he probably would have been allowed. Well, he is allowed in. He goes in anyway. And you really got to keep an eye on that kid. Yeah. It's fun. Kids are the best.

If you're ever thinking about it, here's why you have a kid. You'll get up in the morning and you'll go and make coffee and you're exhausted. Yeah. And you're just wondering about your day and you look up and you'll see like a spatula sticking out of a plant. And it's great. And if you want to have kids out there, just go to a high school.

Yeah. Yeah. Get your testicle and descendant. Go to a Vancouver High School. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

The best place to have a kid. Oh, no, this was Calgary. No, this was Vancouver. This was Delta or Ladner or something? Ladner. Yeah. All right. And your final phone call.

Hey, Dave. Hey, Graham. Hey, possible guest. This is Forrest calling in from Portland, Oregon, with an overseen. I was just walking down the street in my neighborhood. And on the back of a stop sign, there's a bunch of stickers.

And one of them says, eat shit, Ryan. That's all. In your face, Ryan, you suck and you know it. There's a, I got to try and find. I hope it's still up there. There's a street. It's a one-way street in Juneau where someone, I guess, a lot of people.

A one-way street, that's so weird. It is, isn't it? And on this street, I guess people were going down that one-way street the wrong way. Someone put a sign up that says, wrong way, asshole. And it's like a spray paint. It's just gross. I'm not sure if it's still there. Yeah.

It's like mountains, beautiful, home neighborhood. and then graffiti wrong way asshole. Wrong way asshole, yeah. Yeah. I have a wrong way asshole as well. It had to be fixed. You get to go and have a surgeon, take a look at it. Yeah, and now everything flows in the right direction.

In the right direction. That's a real problem. It was flowing the other way. Everything below my waist has been a problem at one point, an undescended testicle, a wrong way asshole, but now it's all good. It's all good. I want to thank you guys for joining me this week.

It's been great. Listeners out there, really appreciate you. We'll be back next week with another podcast. Thanks. Thanks, everybody. John, tell us where you're appearing in the next while. Where can people go see you? If you haven't seen John performing stand-up comedy live, you are missing out.

That is so funny. That is a lovely thing to say, Graham. Would you like to share something lovely as well? Oh, my God. John, one of the great stand-up comedy. So good at the jokes. He's on another level. Yeah.

Nicey to say that. I feel like I am at a financial and career crossroads. I am even considering pivoting into something completely different because it is slowly falling apart and living in Alaska is problematic. And I have missed the boat on the bar. Relevancy. Thank you. I've missed the barge. No joke.

So honestly, go to John Doord.com. If you want to get tickets, I'll be in Lethbridge, October 2nd and 3rd. And then Calgary, October 4th at Vern's Tavern. Burns Tavern. I love Verns Tavern. I did a show there last time. And so lots of new stuff that I'm working on. So come on out there.

And otherwise, I'll be in Victoria. October, the week of October 20th, I'll be at the OK Dope's new comedy club run by Nash Park. Nice. So doing a residency there and recording a special that I'm going to put out into the world and try and become relevant again. So thanks, guys. I love you. Dave, do you have anything? Uh, yeah, I just want to remind everyone to, um, you know, go get a big bell, ring it around the city and you shout stuff at people.

Yeah, let everybody know the coast is clear. And if not, Amber Alert, that's the original Amber Alert of the bell. Yeah. You can also hear John each and every week on his podcast, brother-sister podcast. If you haven't heard it, real blast. You're too kind. And thanks to everybody out there for listening. And remember that waistbands are for pistols and socks are for grenades.

I love you. All right. Thank you, everybody. Have a good night and welcome next. Come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcast to yourself. Maximum Fun A Worker Own Network Of Artist-owned shows

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