Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 98 - Taz VanRassel

Episode Date: January 25, 2010

Improviser Taz VanRassel returns to talk about generations, skipping rope, and Golden Tee.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode 98 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Episode 98, which I think is average human body temperature, if I'm not mistaken. 98 degrees. Oh, is that where the band got its name?

Yeah, that's the kind of mean average temperature of the human body. I got a fever of 103. Well, the guys in 98 degrees run a little bit hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like a 99. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is the Nick Lachey to my Shifty Shock. Yeah, Drew Lachey. Mr. Dave Shumka.

I was really reaching for another member of 98 degrees, but I don't know any. Yeah, there's only three of Mr. Dave Shumka. I was really reaching for another member of 98 Degrees, but I don't know any. Yeah, there's only three of them. They only were all three deep. And Shifty Shellshock wasn't one of them. No, he was in Crazy Town. Crazy Town. And three deep was the boy band made up of soap opera stars. Wow.

Yeah. And joining us here today on the podcast, a very funny man indeed, us here today on the podcast a very funny man indeed uh a an improviser uh and a gentleman who has a show coming up at the biltmore called hilarious mr taz van rassel second time guest hi everyone thanks for coming back oh thanks for having me every 40 episodes we do it yeah roughly 40 44 episodes it's good to have you back. I'm currently running at 100 degrees. The temperature is sex. Yeah, you're hot-blooded. No, wait, that's a fever at 103, I think.

All right, let's get to know us. Get to know us. All right, so. What do you mean the temperature of sex? You get hotter, right? I know, but you get. Yeah. Do you have sex? No, I don't understand it, so I'm just making up numbers.

But when you do any exercise, does your body temperature rise? If your body temperature goes up, you run the risk of dying. If your body temperature goes up by two degrees, you are going to die. So nobody has sex.. So nobody have sex. Kids don't have sex. Your body is built with things in it so you sweat out and so that you don't... Except for those kids that

don't have any pores. Poor kids. Yeah, if you want to learn how to donate to the poor kids, the no-poor kids. No more pores. Taz, what's new and exciting for 40 weeks ago or so it was about 50 50 weeks ago so almost a year ago over a year a baker's year yep 50 some odd years ago so what's new well what's been going on what is new you were saying, you asked us before, you said, on the last time I was on, did I talk about doing school shows? Yeah.

And we said no. And you said, because that's what I'm doing right now. And I don't know what that means. I'm currently touring elementary schools and sometimes high schools around the lower mainland. Doing? Improv for kids. To teach them not to do drugs? To teach them not to do improv? teach them teach them not to do improv

oh uh we teach them absolutely nothing like we just go in and we rile them up and then we leave we do like 45 minutes and then we take questions which consist of like are you guys all live together uh no we don't are you married No, that's neither here nor there. Any questions about improv? And then we leave. Do you guys have a slide in your house? Usually it has to do with color, how much we make. Like less than your parents.

Okay. Thank you. Yeah, you're like those yo-yo guys from The Simpsons. Now, Tez, when you and I went to high school together. Sure. You were my improv coach. Yeah, I was two years older. And you still are.

And who came and did improv at your school to entertain you guys? Nobody, but we went and did. Who improvs the improvisers. We went to other schools, elementary schools, and we performed. And we got paid for it. I never got any money from it.

Oh, were you not part of... This is an epic story. A little bit. I know this story. I can't wait to hear an epic story. Well, I was already graduated, so I was officially a chaperone liaison who was of 19 years old at the time. Which is, interestingly enough, the age that you can rent a stripper. I hope these two things dovetail.

Okay, so we made... I was in grade 12. Yeah. And Taz was, I guess, a couple years older. You weren't even our coach at that point. I think I was just hanging out at high school still, because I didn't really know what to do with myself. So you were like the Matthew McConaughey, and you were dazed and confused? Yeah, I just didn't know what to do.

I was like, I can help the improv. We don't need you. Okay. And they found a reason they did need me, though. uh but they found a reason they did need me though icbc uh the insurance corporation paid us to go to elementary schools and do improv about halloween safety yes and we made so did you go like give me a monster and that was yeah yeah do a scene around that there was like a couple topics like like wear visible clothing there were a lot of bullet points we had to hammer home like don't never hammer i forgot that's how we made the money or sorry you made the money yeah

i was just lurking around uh and the uh i think it was like something like 1500 bucks that we made wow and it went well here's what happened. The money, we had it. I'm just going to keep me in the... I'm saying we now. You're involved in the last part of the story and I'm not. Yeah, and my good friend, Jesse Sabbath, my old roommate who I used to live with,

he juried up a fake receipt from a bakery and restaurant, I think. No, it was... Well, didn't the money... Our improv or our theater teacher, the head of the theater department, started buying TVs with it. Yeah, so we made sure that we got the money. And we're going to throw a party. Yeah.

We're just going to throw a party. No, the whole improv team is going to go out to dinner. Yeah, or something like that. we got the money and like we're gonna throw a party yeah we're just gonna throw a party no we're like we're the whole improv team's gonna go out to dinner yeah something like that and we had a friend whose parents owned a restaurant so you made fifteen hundred dollars per or all together i think it was like a run yeah yeah it was there was only not a bad run um it's good weekend yeah uh but uh and our our the head of the theater department was like oh well go to dinner and It's a good weekend But And our The head of the theater department Was like oh well go to dinner

And bring back a receipt And we'll pay for it And that was all we were going to get out of it Was one dinner And so we had a friend whose parents owned a restaurant And so we got a fake receipt And then Along with fake stories

Like it was great we got a cake receipt. And then... Along with fake stories, like, it was great, we got a cake. It was super fun. You worked out what you guys had. Oh, yeah, because they wanted a lot of money out of it. So it's like, we had five cakes. So many cakes. But then months went by,

and I went off to university and I guess four of the people who were still on stayed in Vancouver and a few of your friends y'all got together. Yep. I was the only one who was of age.

So me and Jesse went to whatever the place was called. The strip place. The strip mall. Not an we had to sit down and like have a not an interview but like a sit down and talk about like what what they have to offer like so what kind of girls you like and we're like i don't know asians a sit down like at a travel agency kind of yeah there was a desk and like so you want like a shave show? Like, no, no, what? We eventually worked out like whatever is the most generic.

Keep in mind, we're basically theater nerds. What if a neglectful like part-time dad got his kid the shave show to teach his kid how to shave? To teach his daughter how to shave. Oh, yeah, that's right. Anyways, continuity. I don't even know what a shave show is. No, me neither. I mean, I can imagine, but like... But that would be the worst story of a deadbeat dad.

Well, and also, if you're a stripper, you can only do like one shave show a month because you got to let it grow back. Yeah, it's... Unless you're Italian. What do you do in between? Odd jobs? Yeah. You'll look ridiculous otherwise. You do the bristle, the bristle act.

Well! Well, you traveled down a dark corridor with this. So you were sitting in this, in a mall? Where is this? It was somewhere like on Richard Street, like upstairs. Okay, so you're in, upstairs. The business district. Did they have a catalog of girls? No.

We weren't pushing it. We were just like, just whatever's standard. Goodbye. Gotta go. Gotta go. We arranged it at this guy's house, who wasn't even on the improv team. I don't remember his name. Oh, I think I know him.

And she came and we're like, it's gonna be hilarious. And we convinced her that it was one guy's birthday. Aaron Salazar, who maybe you've had on the show. We will in the future. Here's the thing. You would not sure. We will in the future. Yeah, we want to have him on the show. Now, here's the thing.

You would have to convince her that, because otherwise, it's the craziest thing that you just hired a stripper indiscriminately. I don't know. Do you think? They're like, so what's the occasion? Nothing. We just want you here with us. No occasion?

Okay, I'm leaving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. I only do occasions. This is a shave show, dammit. This used to be about the shaving. And needless to say, it got very awkward. And she was doing like dances and like taking people's shirts off, putting whipped cream on their nipples, putting like bananas down their pants.

And I refused to go up. I was like, I can't do this. Throwing pies at them. Basically. She was a clown. And then that's how we wasted money that could have gone to AV equipment at Kitsilano Secondary School. How much money was it?

I think, I don't remember. It must have been at least like $400 or $500. Wowee. How much did we fake the dinner for? I don't know. I don't remember, it must have been at least like $400 or $500. Wowee. How much did we fake the dinner for? I don't know. I wasn't involved. You'll have to have Jesse on at some point. He can clear up the details.

I don't think I've ever, now that you're saying that, I've never been in a private party situation where there has been a working stripper. Me neither. Awkward. Off-duty strippers, though? Well, a couple years ago at the comedy festival they had some show that was like a porn show yeah and then the after party was overwhelmed by porn actresses and strippers but they were off duty so it was so they're in

their civvies yeah yeah exactly as opposed to their skivvies it's very awkward she was very professional though like she did her job and stuff but it's just like did she bring a boom box As opposed to their skivvies. It's very awkward. She was very professional, though. Like, she did her job and stuff. But it's just like... Did she bring a boombox? She did. Okay, did she bring a security guard? No.

And that was the other kind of creepy thing, right? It's like, you're just going... Like, I guess they have the address of where you're going, but it's like, I don't know. Ugh. What would a stripper show up with a boombox now or would they show up with an ipod and say where can i plug this where's your dock i have a vcr how do i help would you think that ever a stripper would show up and there's just

a one guy there and he's just like i won in scratch and win or at the track or something. And then that's called an escort. I guess why would you bother getting a stripper when you can easily afford an escort? Whenever people talk about lap dances, I'm like, I don't know what that is, but I assume

it's more than just dancing. I haven't had one, but I assume it's getting a boner in public. And that, I don't want that. Yeah, and then they go make you read a valedictorian address in front of all your peers in your dream. So you're currently going around school to school entertaining kids. Yeah, I bring a boom box in.

Bananas for everyone's pants. I'm doing a whipped cream show. It's great. Oh, yeah, I'm a boom box in. Bananas for everyone's pants. I do a whipped cream show. It's great. Oh, yeah. I'm just touring around. We do two shows a day. And then we have a long period of time in between shows, like three hours, where we get to see Suburbia.

Oh, you go around. Yeah. I went to Ikea yesterday. Which one? We had the dollar breakfast. Richmond? Oh, that's a good one. Meatballs and eggs? What's a dollar breakfast at Ikea? It was just powdered eggs. Oh, wow. the dollar breakfast. Richmond? Is that meatballs? Oh, that's a good one. Meatballs and eggs?

What's a dollar breakfast at Ikea? It was just powdered eggs. Oh, wow. Whatever those are. It's pretty good. I've heard from shows on HBO that Suburbia has a see-me underbelly. Is that true? Not in the midday that I've seen.

Okay. There's probably some kind of grow-ups or meth operations. Yeah. You're breaking beds. None of them all. A brother's got to kind of grow-ups or meth operations. Yeah. You're breaking beds. None of them all. A brother's gotta live. You're desperate housewives. I went to almost the suburbs today. I went, I had to take the SkyTrain.

Oh yeah. From Marine Drive. Which one? The new one. From almost Richmond. And it's dynamite. Guys, I recommend it. What, the train? Yeah. Or suburbia?

No, I didn't make it to suburbia. Not that Vancouver, outside of the heart of Vancouver, is at all urban. No, it's weird because it's not suburban, but it is not. You're certainly, it's not urban. Yeah. What is it? I grew up in Vancouver proper, and I look down on the suburbs. Oh, okay. But even though it's the same exact kind of, it's just 15 minutes farther.

Well, there's not as much sprawl, though, in Vancouver proper. No. That's proper. Yeah. Proper, guys. Sorry about the quick. Proper. Yeah.

Proper, guys. Sorry about the quick. So explain to us, this will be your chance for a plug. What is the Hilarious show? Oh, yeah. Let's do an interview. Hilarious is a new show that we're starting at the Biltmore. Me and Pat Kelly. Oh, Pat Kelly.

Past guest, Pat Kelly. Yeah. Very funny young man. In the first of the series, we're not sure if we're going to continue it or not, but like the theme, but the first of the series is going to involve, it'll be similar to Arrogance. Remember that show, Dave? We used to do that show? Taz and I used to host a show, oh, up until two months ago, called Arrogance, at the same

venue. Yeah. On the same fourth Tuesday of every month. And then one of us quit. One of us was a baby. And one of us was arrogant. That's me. Oh, what? We should have done the show.

And basically the idea is the second half will be the same. It'll be an improv jam, but everyone who's in the improv jam... The word jam sounds unappealing. Yeah. What is a better word? I never know. What is a better term for that? Improv jam. The word jam sounds unappealing. What is a better word? I never know. What is a better term for that? Improv jam?

Improv show? Symposium? Improving. I think just turn it into a... The first half will be improv. But that on a page looks like improving. Yeah, it's improvising. But then that sounds like supervising.

When it's live, I usually say improv fuck around. Yeah, that's good. But that's a harder sell if you're trying to sell it to a mass audience. Make-ups. Fuck around. Improv. Home improvment. Oh, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good. All right. Basically, everyone who's doing the second half is forced by Pat and I, and we're going to have to do it, too, to do three to five minutes of stand-up in the second half. It's forced by Pat and I, and we're going to have to do it, too, to do three to five minutes of stand-up in the first half. Okay, so these are improvisers who you are cajoling, coercing into doing stand-up comedy. Yeah, we're all going to try it. We don't do it normally.

We've given ourselves a theme. Why would you do it? We did it a week in advance. And the theme is work. Oh, wow. We decided to keep it really open. Yeah, that's broad. Very broad. So anyone can do it.

And it's either going to make you guys look really bad or make you guys look really good. There's very little out there that's going to make us look bad. Yeah. Because we're already pretty low. You guys would have to... You're shooting low, is what I'm saying. If your goal is to make us look bad, then just wear matching socks.

I'm actually doing that tonight. Most people who go to an improv show are afraid it's going to be a stand-up show and they're going to get picked on. Really? I think a lot of people dislike stand-up comedy because they think they're going to get picked on. And yet improv, we pick on people all the time, too.

Oh, I try never to acknowledge that the audience is even there. That's what exists in both circles very much, is there's a presupposition about the most horrible possible aspects of each form that I've never well i've maybe seen once or twice but in general you don't actually see it like in stand-up they think they're going to get picked on and in improv they think that it's going to be something worse than whose line is it anyways like it's going to be that it's never going to be that bad it was on the tv yeah but you know what i mean like it's everybody's basing it on the bad. It was on the TV. Yeah, but you know what I mean?

Everybody's basing it on the thing that they saw on TV that was like the most horrible, gelatinous version. When I used to do improv and people didn't know what it was, I would have, like when I was in high school, I would describe it as, have you seen Whose Line Is It Anyway? Yeah. It's like that, but without Wayne Brady. Yeah, what would be the preferred example that you would like offer to somebody and say it's not that it's uh prefer i don't know that

it's like the raw footage of most will ferrell movies yeah that's it there's nothing really on tv that to like compare it to that's that explain and if usually if improv's on tv it's not that exciting to watch anyways yeah it's kind of a hard it's a thing to see TV, it's not that exciting to watch anyways. Yeah. It's kind of a hard sell on TV. It's a thing to see live, right? Yeah, it's a live thing. Come watch us enjoy each other. That's one of the packages that they offer.

Yeah, that's one of the packages. You come sit in an office and what do you like? You want a shave show? You want us to enjoy each other? How much would it have been for two girls to come and enjoy each other? I don't remember the numbers. Oh, come on. I'm sure this can all be found on the internet, though.

It's not as good as the old days when you used to go down to the strip district, shop around, haggle, sit under neon lights, look through a laminated book, binder. More like a note tote. A note tote? Look through a laminated book. Binder. More like a note tote.

A note tote. Dave, what's going on with you? You're going to be on this show. Yeah, yeah. You're going to be on this show. Dave will be the professional stand-up. It'll be Tuesday the... 26th of January.

Okay, I'll be there. At the Biltmore Cabaret. It's going to be great. Just off Kingsway and 12th. Well, Graham, today I mentioned when I was trying to harangue control. Harangue? Yeah, you went to the suburbs.

Wrestle control. I didn't quite go to the suburbs, but I did take the SkyTrain today, and I ended up at your favorite restaurant, Whole Foods. Tell me all about it. And I got your favorite thing. The burrito? The breakfast burrito. Did it have meat in it? Yes! I got the... Well, there's two different ones.

Yeah, there's a breakfast and then there's... They have a burrito nook. Yeah, it's a nook. And then... It's like a... In a pizza enclave. It's like an omelet station. Yeah, the pizza enclave is alright. That's a good scene. Whole Foods... How was it? How was the breakfast burrito?

It was great. It was so great. Only because it had meat in it. See, I got a vegetarian one three times in a row that said it was vegetarian and then when I got it home it had bacon in it. Oh boy. And that goes against both my vegetarianism and your Islam?

No, it was my preference for proper labeling. Okay. So you went there, you enjoyed the burrito? I really did enjoy the burrito. I feel like this show is turning into the Whole Foods cast. Do you think that they would pay us money and or burritos? Yeah.

No, I don't think they would. Yeah, I don't think they would. I've heard the floral section is really good. It's all very good. I really like it. Look at you. I've never seen you excited about really good. It's all very good. I really like it. Look at you. I've never seen you excited about anything, Dave. But you go early in the morning.

I went before, it was around 8. Yeah. And you don't know what's there from the day before or what's fresh. Yeah. Are you sure you haven't turned it around and there's like a sticker system or anything that you don't know about? There's not a sticker system on the pretzel buns. It's true.

Good pretzel buns, though. But you know that the guy who's like the head of Whole Foods... Yeah, Tommy Hole. He said, he admitted, he said, we're no better than... Like, we've got higher end produce but all the other stuff we sell is just as bad as

you would get at a Safeway. What do you mean? Just as bad? He wouldn't use that wording. Yeah, no, he did. Really? Yeah, he says most... What did he say? No better? No, he said most of the stuff... Just as horrible. No, most of the stuff that they sell is junk is what he said. Because that's how a supermarket makes money.

They don't make money on the organic produce. They make money on sugary cereals. Was he talking about this on Idea City? It was in an interview with the BBC. Is Idea City a thing? Yeah, it's a Moses Namer show, I think. About people talking. Can we talk?

Just people rapping about it. Yeah. Getting it done. Moses Znamer. Znamer. About people talking. Can we talk? Just people rapping about it. Yeah. Getting it done. Moses Znamer. Znamer. Znamer. The founder of Much Music. And Much More Music.

And Much Music Retro. Yeah. Canada's, the nation's music station. Canada's MTV. And then eventually a bunch of TV stations. The Chum TV station. Yes, he created Chum. About a year ago,

he created a magazine. Yeah, was it called Chum? It's called Zoomer. Do you know what a Zoomer is? A consumer? It sounds like a page 38 from the stripper catalog. Do you have a Zoomer show? Zoomer? No, I don Zoomer show? Zoomer?

No, I don't know. Is it what Taz said? You said the C word there. No, a consumer Zoomer. Or is it what Graves said? No, it's the C word. I didn't mean to say the C word.

Zoomer the magazine. It's porno. No, it is a magazine for... For Segway drivers. For Canadians between a certain age. It's like people who are older than Generation X, but younger than the Baby Boomers. Oh, I guess it comes from Boomer. What about Generation Y?

Zoomer. Where do they fit in Y? Y is younger than X. Which is weird. Maybe it is Generation X. What am I? You're Y, I think. 78? What are we? We're two years younger than Taz.

We're Y. Yeah, okay. He's also Y. I don't know. I honestly could give a shit what generation I'm a part of because I didn't identify with the generation

I was a part of or the one before me. You're the greatest generation. No, you're... Ah, damn it. I was trying to think of it. You're a J-Pod. The TV show?

No, that's your generation. Your generation J j-pod i'd rather be a tv show what was the shampoo book anyway um guys so zoomer magazine is for hip people who are younger people like old guys in expensive jeans guys with gray hair but it's there's lots of it yeah so the the cover models that i remember the first ever one wayne gretzky kevin sorbo did you know that kevin sorbo went to the sorbonne um and the other one was brian adams okay those aged people yeah but no they're way older yeah wouldn't that be baby boomers waking up the neighbors? Or were the neighbors the ones who were the baby boomers? I think the baby...

No, the baby boomers are the greatest generation. Who was the generation that would do anything for love, but they wouldn't do that? What generation was that? That was the meatloaf generation. Okay. That was the loafers, I think they were called. Who was Pepsi generation next? Yeah.

They were generation next. They were generation next they were generation you got the right one baby yeah they were about being young and having fun and drinking pepsi um okay well we did great work yeah it was thanks moses any other generation jokes new power generation okay uh was there a i heard they're uh they got really Christian. Did Sega have a generation system? No. No. No, that's a Genesis.

That's way before. Was Phil Collins in Generation? Okay. All right, Graham, what's up with you? When I walked into your house this evening, I remembered what had happened to me earlier in the day. Because you had cans left over, or to be recycled cans of, what is it called? Red Racer beer?

Oh, yeah, you brought that last time. Yeah, and I have a fondness for that particular brand of beer. Because it's got a sexy lady. It's got a sexy lady riding a bicycle. Oh, yeah, and she's showing her garters. But today, I'm crossing the street and am just barely missed by a guy texting on his cell phone

who was driving a red racer van. Oh. And he was making a left turn to turn into a Wendy's. So I nearly died while he to turn into a Wendy's. So I nearly died while he was turning into a Wendy's. And now, you know what I got to say to the Red Racer? And they're a local company.

Go fuck yourselves, Red Racer. Whoa. Yeah. I will never drink your product again, because your dumbass driver guy nearly ran me over in an intersection. Time to switch to Red Truck. Damn right. Red Truck would put on the brakes and look both ways. They got an old-timey truck, too.

Yeah, exactly. Probably doesn't have texting ability. Yeah, they understand the rules of the road, red truck. I don't think that the driver necessarily has to be old-timey. No, it's the confines. Oh, you don't get a signal if you're in an old-timey truck. Yeah. Steel. Wait, what are cars

made of? Depends. Okay. But are cars made of? Depends. Okay. But, yeah. It depends. I don't mean to be unduly harsh, but I remembered as soon as I saw it. I was like, fuck those guys. I'm not drinking their beer anymore.

There's a... That's the only time that's ever going to happen in my life where I'm going to be able to attract some sort of revenge on somebody who nearly ran me over in a car. How often does that happen that there's a brand name that I can hate because of it? What if you almost got run over by a Trident truck? Oh, I would. Well, I'd switch. What about a bus? What about a bus?

What about them? You never take a transit again. No, well... No, everyone almost gets run over by a bus every day. Yeah, that's just part of living in the big city. Yeah. You suburban kids wouldn't know about it. That's true.

living in the big city. You suburban kids wouldn't know about it. That's true. When you go to these schools, do you travel in some kind of van? Yeah, we currently have a minivan. Do you meet up in the center of town? Kind of, yeah.

Is it a lot like the Simpsons Yo-Yo show? It kind of is. You know where we hang out? We go in, we set up our our table put our funny wigs and our props on the table that's not the improv i know well it's it's for kids okay uh we make sure the microphone's working what's the most popular prop if you might if there's an afro wig that i've been just pulling out like nut oh man it's crazy put that on, and the kids just go crazy. Yeah.

They can't believe it. Because they've never seen anybody with an afro. Even though they saw it on the table, they're like, what? Or also, if I put on a blonde lady wig, those are questions later. Like, were you embarrassed to ask a girl? See, and then if you go back there a week later you'll see a lot of kids walking around in afro wigs and blonde wigs we're trendsetters yeah then all of a sudden they feel free to experiment and the best is that where we hang out before and after the show is the equipment room so we're in gymnasium oh right

right so we run out of the equipment room And then we're like alright see you guys Thank you so much And then we run into an equipment room And the kids are like why are they in there I need to get some mats We know that doesn't lead anywhere Yeah we need those bibs Those bibs

Or pennies If you spend a lot of time in equipment rooms Let me ask you this Do they still make the skipping rope With the plastic pieces on it That would be Did you ever have those? It was like a skipping rope but it had like section plastic pieces on it

Maybe It depends on how poor the school is Okay so some schools get actual rope You know what it is in every equipment room That still kind of befuddles me Is these little pieces of wood They're square pieces of wood with four wheels on them actual rope and you know it is in every equipment room that is still kind of befuddles me is these little pieces of wood they're square pieces of wood with four wheels on them sometimes they have handles sometimes they don't and it just looks like a little like a board well a square skateboard

it looks like a moving okay device like something you put a couch on to help move it around yeah dolly yeah and i've asked the kids before like oh sometimes we just like pull each other around on this with a skipping rope like so what it's a danger board like gym just free time i don't know they're in every school every school that's really do they have uh do they still play dodgeball yeah do they have utility balls oh yeah yeah lots of those lots of those... Yeah, all the standard stuff. California kick balls. Yeah, and there's also shot put in every school. Shot puts and medicine balls.

Big medicine balls. What about those? That I don't think little kids in elementary schools could maybe deal with. Oh, are you going to Charles Atlas Elementary? They're all old-timey. They have triangular weights. What about those indoor soccer balls that are covered in

tennis ball material? Yeah. What I saw for the first time today was a skeleton ball which just looks like a molecule or some sort of science thing. It was just yellow plastic. The outline of a soccer ball, but it was completely

hollow. I remember that. I tried kicking it around completely hollow. Oh, I remember those. I tried kicking it around. It's kind of like a wiffle ball. Yeah, but really big holes like the size of soccer or whatever those are. Hexagons.

Do you guys not know the skipping rope I'm talking about? It kind of looks like the dividers that would be in a pool, only in skipping rope form. They have a rope running through them, and then these segmented plastic parts. They were awesomely horrible to be whipped with. How often were they used for skipping, and how often were they used for whipping? 90% whipping, 10% skipping. I'm going to get a shirt with that on it.

90% whipping, 10% skipping. Red drug beer. When I was... Last time I tried to get in shape before I realized that I really only... When I'm in great shape, I'm five pounds less than when I'm in bad shape. Oh, really? Yeah. It's a very small window.

You're one of those people. Yeah, sorry. To me? Sorry. When I'm in shape, I can get muscly, and when I'm out of shape, I look like a potato. So I have a quite of a... I'm in potato phase. If I ever work out, I never do any weightlifting.

It's just cardio. I'm pure cardio. Yeah. But last time I tried to get in shape, I was doing jumping rope, but I never jumped rope as a kid. Yeah. But last time I tried to get in shape, I was doing jumping rope. But I never jumped rope as a kid. Yeah. And I was horrible at it. I bought a rope.

Yeah. But I only did it in my house because I was afraid. I wouldn't even do it in the yard because I was afraid people would see how bad I was at it. The last time I jumped rope, which was probably like a year and a half ago, I was wearing a baseball hat, and every time the rope came around, it knocked the hat off of my head. It was like having a bully standing behind me. Do you do two spins per jump, or one spin per jump? It really depends how strong you want to get, how fast.

I do one spin. Yeah, because I was doing one spin per jump, and Abby was like, you're doing that wrong. You've got to double skip, though, to keep the rhythm. Unless you're going really fast. Yeah, when you start, you move out kind of slower, and you do one jump. Overheard. Are we really?

Oh, I don't know. That was really. That was a good. No, it's getting bad. That was getting bad. Okay, this is boring. Well, the thing is, like. That was getting bad. It was boring. Well, the thing is... That's how you skip.

Maybe people... From the experts on skipping. Do you think people listen to us while they work out, and now they're finally getting tips? Yeah. This is what they've finally been waiting for. At episode 98, yeah, they're getting it. I'm curious, because I mentioned this earlier,

I don't listen to podcasts. Why is that? I don't listen to yours, I don't listen to yours. No offense. None taken. Do you listen to the Zoomer cast? I don't listen to any podcast. I don't listen to the radio, really.

Maybe I'm an anomaly, but I just like to listen to music. Yeah, well, nobody's... When I'm doing things. We're not anti-music. Yeah, but I just... I don't know. I can't... We're not your anti-music. Yeah, but I just, I don't know, I can't. We're not your anti-music. I don't have enough focus to like, all right, they've been talking for a while. I'm going to listen to some music. But I know some people that don't listen to music and they freak me out.

So I wonder if I freak some people out. You probably do. I mean, yes. No, people listen to music. Well, some people don't and what who the fuck are they they yeah when i find out someone doesn't listen to music i'm like i don't trust you any at all like i don't listen to music when i i'll listen to whatever's on i brought uh uh the beatles rock band over to my parents house uh over think, Thanksgiving, so my brother could play it.

And my brother's a huge Beatles fan. My dad's a big Beatles fan. My mother loved the video game, but she was like, I think I would have been better if I'd heard some of those songs before. What? See, it's amazing. And she's in the Zoomer generation.

Yeah, she's part of the Zoomers. I don't trust your mom. No, or whatever. Yeah, I thought it Zoomers. I don't trust your mom. No, or whatever. Yeah, I thought it was weird. I remember years ago in an interview, I think it was ex-television, television, Canadian television rather, personality, Mike Bullard said, I don't listen to music. And I thought that was really, that was a weird thing to say. It's weird, right? It would be like if somebody said, I don't brush my teeth.

I'd be like, why? It seems like something that you're really missing out on, a really good experience. It's around. Yeah. It's a good idea. It's in your mouth. I listen to way less music than I used to. I actually listen to more music than I used to.

Much more music? Well, much more music. Sometimes retro. Music plus? i used to much more music well much more music sometimes retro music plus um i because uh it used to be my big hold up with listening to copious amounts of music was i didn't have the money to buy all the cds that i wanted now look at you well i if they could see you but buying a cd online is half as expensive as... I know tons of people download stuff for free.

I try not to do that. It's way less expensive to download stuff for free. It's roughly zero. Hard drive space. Yeah, bandwidth. Yeah. But yeah, speaking of technology, when I was walking, when I got nearly hit by the truck,

I was going to Best Buy to nearly hit by the truck, I was going to Best Buy to buy a printer. You had a big day. Boy, oh boy. Let me tell you. They do not... They say, like, we don't have commissioned sales staff. We don't take no shit from nobody.

They don't do anything for anyone. They don't suffer fools easily. No, it's kind of the worst place to walk into if you need help in a specific area. I had one question, and the only lady in the computer section was being completely bogarted by an older lady and her older mother. So it was like Dorothy and Sophia situation. And they were buying a computer, and the girl was saying something at one point. She's like, and this has three USB ports because that's what the old lady gives a shit about

big keys can I talk to my grandchild those are the two questions that she needs answered are these drives hot swappable I was at speaking of old people and technology Are these drives hot-swappable? Speaking of old people and technology, I was trying to buy the Entertainment Weekly that I was in without my name mentioned.

Yeah, which I bought you two copies of. What does that mean, your picture? No, my blog that I created. It was in it last week. Oh. And I was trying to buy it at 7-Eleven and there was an old guy who was using

a chip and pin technology and it was foreign technology to him. If you're at 7-Eleven, why don't you just pay cash? There's a comedian that used to live in town who now lives in Toronto named Dana Alexander.

And she had a bit about being behind an old lady at a bakery and the old lady asking all these questions about the bagel and just being like, do you understand that you're running out of time? Like, this is how you're spending the time that you have left, is asking like, does this have cinnamon in it? And that is it. Like, you just, old people, just

carry cash. I think they've got it figured out, though. Yeah? Yeah. I mean... They're the groomer generation. Yeah, maybe that's their idea, or what they enjoy most is making your life insufferable. They're also quite leisurely.

Yeah. Take your time. Take your time. They're also quite leisurely. Yeah. Take your time. They take their time. Why not? That's true. It's not a sprint. This ties into my overheard today. Oh, good. I can't wait.

One more thing. Oh, yeah? No. Oh, okay. Should we move on? Should we plow ahead so we can hear Taz's overheard? I hear they're great. Oh, right.

Overheard. All right. Overheards. ahead so we can hear uh taz's over i hear they're great overheard all right overheards things you may have been lucky enough to overhear oversee or over some people are skirting the line and over being a part of over witness over uh over experience over under over hallucinate um but uh we like to start with the guest. Taz, you have an overheard and you have an overseen captured. One more. I have two overseen. Over the shoulder boulder holder. I have two overseen and an overheard. What do you want first?

I want to hear the... I want one and a half. Well, the overheard starts to happen today. Okay. I was in Delta at a thrift store, as I do. Delta is a suburb. When we have time in between. And it involved an old lady who worked there.

You were buying an Afro wig. We were buying some more crazy wigs. And a sailor costume. And Wolverine claws and stuff. You gotta be hip with the kids. Yeah. But this lady was talking to a guy. He was looking at some jewelry or something. And he was like, yeah.

He kind of put it down. He was like, hefty piece. Which has nothing to do with anything. Then she started small talking. Like, you happen to watch Criminal Minds last night? I don't know if you watch that. He's like, no, I don't watch it. She said, it's about these people on the internet who hang themselves to get the high like they do.

Oh, like the auto-erotic. Yeah, basically. I don't know why it was on the internet. It's so scary. It was so scary. But they hang themselves to get the high like they do. As though she said the high like they do. Like Lois just said, the high like they do. Like they do.

Like they do. Was the erotic part implied? Yeah, like they do. Like perverts, I guess. Or maybe Criminal Minds isn't edgy enough of a TV show to actually

go that far and they just think people are hanging themselves for the high. There's like bits and pieces I heard like and they close the door for privacy like they do. Like they do.

That's something. Well like senior citizens are the ones probably who watch the majority of these CSIs. And do the majority of the autoerotic asphyxiations. By accident, though. Sure, yeah. When they're looking for a printer.

When they fall in the bath. Well, this is just such a foreign concept. Not to us. The auto... What? Autoerotic asphyxiation generation. Yeah. Officiate autos, I thought.

I read autoerotic asphyxiation generation? Yeah. Fishy autos, I thought. I read autoerotic asphyxiation generation magazine. It must be so foreign to her because she was like in her 70s. Like just even imagining something like, why on earth? But you know, you see, like, I don't know if you've ever, have you ever seen like. Do women do that? Or is it just a man? I don't know. No, it's a man thing.

Women are smarter than that. More choking. Oh, man. I totally lost where I was. Sorry. No, no, no. You think that seniors, they don't know this kind of stuff. You think that seniors, they don't know this kind of stuff, but if you've ever seen any of the stuff from the Kinsey Institute, which was taken at the turn of the last century.

The Sex Institute? Yeah. The Sex Institute? Like, they're doing crazy stuff that I'm like, I wasn't even, you know, is no longer on our radar. You don't even do that. Yeah. We don't have sock garters. They must have been asphyxiating everybody. We don't have sock garters. They must have been asphyxiating everybody

even accidentally with them sock garters. And in the locker rooms probably shooting each other in the eye. Yeah. Elastic band style. When they weren't

whipping each other with those plastic jump ropes. So you have three. So why don't we do you in between as well? Sandwich. Sandwich booking. Is that something you offer?

The bun and the Big Mac? It's a criminal mind sandwich show. Criminal mind sandwich show. Wasn't there a song about buns and wieners? Never mind. By the Detroit Grand Poobahs. All right, I'll do my over. All right. Detroit Grand Poobahs. All right, I'll do my over. All right.

Detroit Grand Poobahs, wow. All right, so I've been going through a dry spell, overheard-wise, and I went through my notebook, and I wrote this down when I was in Comox, British Columbia. Courtney, British Columbia? What's the difference? Yeah, well, one of them has a Hollywood counterpart that used to play in the band Hole.

Yeah, Courtney Comox. Yeah, Courtney Comox. Courtney Comox, our cat. Now, at the... That's so stupid. Yeah, this is a show for stupids, the people who work out. Muscle-bound stupids.

In the bar where I was performing, there was a... It's like just a punching bag that you put coins in and it measures how hard you punch it. And there was a sign the bar staff had made to put on the punching bag machine. And I assume that they had to make this sign because of previous incidents. So there were three items on it. One. Do not run up prior to punch. I feel like I've seen this same punching machine.

This was in Kelowna? Courtney. Oh, okay Kelowna? Courtney. Oh, okay. Two. The problem everywhere. Hit the punching bag only. Someone's punching the coin box. Just take a run and then run at the bartender.

And three, only use your fists. Yeah, because that one goes without saying. were a lot of people probably but it doesn't go without saying because oh you're right it goes with saying too many boob hits stop it yeah people are clothes lining it you know you're not going to get a high score that's what the bar is worried about. Too many low scores. Also, what games do you see in bars now? You see Golden Tee. Buck Hunter.

Buck Hunter, yeah. Do you ever see people playing them? Hot Nut Machine. I used to play Golden Tee all the time when I'd go to bars. Was Golden Tee where it had a circle thing? Yeah, yeah. But the thing is is you can join

like a league you like sign up and it keeps track of your name and stuff like i don't know if it's online or whatnot so you it would make you get into it and you and you go get five dollars worth of quarters and play but all the holes yeah the games cost more than a quarter yeah yeah like five dollars oh a game is five dollars for the quarter yeah but you you end up playing it for like an hour oh maybe 40 minutes to an hour like depending on how bad you are yeah that sounds pretty great nothing nothing takes the fun out of something as when you start turning it into a league event. As far as I'm concerned. Once you league it up, it becomes... Yeah, you gotta get shirts made. There's no crying in it anymore.

Crying in league? Yeah, league of our own. Crying in baseball. Come on! Well, there's no crying in baseball. No one said anything about no league. Now, we're gonna go Taz Sandwich. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. So Taz and then me. Oh, it's a double-decker. It's a Big Mac.cker. It's a Big Mac. It's a... It's a Subway where they forgot that they don't do that. No, it's a club sandwich. It's a club sandwich.

It's a Waldorf situation. Okay, I have an overseen. This is a poster that was on the side of just a lamppost down in Coal Harbor that I saw when I was working on the ghost train. On the docks, yeah. No, the ghost train, actually. Oh, wait a minute. It's a whole other story. So explain for the people who don't live in Vancouver or Canada.

Ghost train is like a tiny train for kids. In Stanley Park, Vancouver's only tourist attraction. The place we tell tourists to go. It's our central park. Yeah.

And there's a tiny train, which isn't that tiny. Our menlo park. Men can sit in it. Yeah. Not women. Men. But we're working on that.

Well, the women can sit on the back of the train. Yeah. Rosa Parks was the first woman who tried to sit on the front. She happened to be black, but it had nothing to do with it. That's all Rosa Parks did in her later years was just go from town to town sitting

where she wasn't supposed to. Not many people know that. She was the first to go on a bumper car. She was the first to go on a Ferris wheel. She was the first to go on a bumper car. She was the first to go on a Ferris wheel. She was the first to sit in a high chair at a restaurant. She was the first to sit on the punching bag at that bar.

That's why they had to make that sign. Okay. Alright. Enough. Anyways. As of showing Graham the picture No, this is actually a different picture This is what I was dressed like at the ghost train But you can't see this so it's not that exciting You got a derby and a mustache

Yeah I was a creepy Child kidnapper I was called Gentleman Jack And I tried to get children to go in my sack Jesus And most of them would oblige I would like to get in your sack and i had a big burlap sack and it's amazing that anybody makes it to adulthood no it wasn't my screw back to the

topic of your overseas so on my way on my way to work one day i saw this poster and it and it's i can explain it it says i can't make out the small bits because my camera's shitty but it says realistic drawings and portraits and there's like a bunch of details like i will do it from home or whatever and like a phone number but the picture is kind of like it's just eyes a really pointy nose and it's kind of anime style there's no mouth and there's no forehead it's just kind of that it's a snippet like and one of the eyes is clawed with like four claw marks it's got like four claw marks across so and i'll show it to you guys if you want to explain that better but no you pretty much explained it but it does say

it's also just in pen yeah it's on a white piece of paper it looks like something you doodle in a notebook but it does say in very bold letters, realistic drawings and portraits. So he decided to go... It's not at all realistic. No, it's a thing. Is, I guess, the joke. It kind of looks like something you'd do on an Etch-A-Sketch if you were pretty proficient in an Etch-A-Sketch. Yeah, it's got these weird sharp lines.

Yeah, if I want... I think you can take it off of my phone and put it on the computer. Yeah, do you have the cable? No. Okay. We'll figure it out. Will we? Yes. Yeah. Do you have the cable? No. Okay. We'll figure it out. Will we?

Yes. If I want a professional, realistic-looking drawing, A, I want to see what your Scarface looks like. Yeah. And B, I want to see what your Tupac looks like. That feeds very well into my overseen. That's a good point. I don't know if you guys have...

Because you're talking about the guys who are the street vendor guys who draw a Bob Marley, a Tupac. No, I'm talking about Leonardo da Vinci. Raphael. He was ahead of his time. Botticelli. Donatello.

Splinter. Pavarotti. There was... Spicy Meatball There's the new I think like remember for a long time We discussed ages ago on the podcast How there used to be Left Eye Lopez

Aaliyah Too soon And there are always pictures of Left Eye Lopez Not Aaliyah so much. She's hard to draw. I don't think I could pick her out of a crowd of dead people. Of cross-eyed ghosts. No, there was the Missy Misdemeanor Elliott video where she had, I think they were either

on her jacket or her car, airbrushed. Go on. Okay. But there was a genre of paintings like that. It was the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Right. We of paintings like that. It was like, it was the boulevard of broken dreams. Right, we've spoken about that. And then there was the, what was it? Forever 27.

Forever 27. The new one that, it was at the framing store that's in the mall near my house. There's, it's gangsters is the theme. Through the ages. And there's this one where it's done up exactly like The Last Supper. But it all follows the theme and then it doesn't

abruptly. So it's got the Sopranos, right? They did a photograph of the Sopranos doing The Last Supper. Yeah, but they're just brushed to the side. There's only part of the overall pastiche. They've got the Sopranos. They've got the cast of The Godfather, Goodfellas, and then right in the middle, Scarface.

And I'm like, wait a minute. He wouldn't have hung out with those guys. He wasn't all about family. Except he didn't want to have sex with his sister. And he was what, Colombian? Yeah, and they're all Italian. Cuban, right. And racist, from my recollection.

Sicilian, to be specific. And they hated the Cubans. But also the great... Specifically. Well, and the thing is, most of the drawings on this particular poster were... They kind of made it look like they were sitting at the table, but Scarface was sitting there with his machine gun.

So the guy could only draw that one picture. Was there a mound of cocaine in front of him? This is my dinner. They disguised it as a turkey. He was the only one who had a speech bubble. Say hello to my little friend, etc.

So that was basically, that was my overseen, was the gangster post. Where can you get that? Where can you purchase that? I don't want to divulge exactly where I live in town, but I will tell you exactly where you can purchase. They have several gangster themed things, but. Well, all great art is gangster based. Gangsta based.

Am I saying that right? Yeah. I think so. Did you have another overheard? Yeah, I got a final one here. Taz sandwich. This is a... Make mine a Taz. This is a sign at the Bonton Bakery, which is a

popular... It's been around forever in Vancouver. It used to be down beside the Orpheum. It's a German bakery. They sell fancy cakes and tea. Now, Bonton is German for? Probably a good time? I don't know.

That's French. Yeah, I'm not sure. Okay. Where is it now? Now it is on Broadway across from the Hollywood Theater basically on that strip on what used to be the 99 cent pizza strip so we oh yeah that was a good strip

yeah the Bonton we should do stop podcasting yourself tours yeah or we rent a bus and have people get on and we point out things that people have mentioned yeah yeah Bonton I think it sounds like they ran out of bees because it was supposed to be. Yeah, yeah. Bonton, I think it sounds like they ran out of B's, because it was supposed to be Bon Bon.

Because that is Bonton. I'm not sure what it means in German. It's something German. Or they ran out of W's. Or it's their last name or something. Yeah, I don't think it's anything. Yeah. It's just made up. Anyways. I go there with my mom all the time

and we have tea, and they bring out a platter of cakes, and you can pick out a cake. Wow. Yeah. We do that. We haven't done this in a long time, but there's a lady that reads tea leaves. That's neither here nor there. From your tea that you're drinking? I believe so.

Has your tea ever come through? Or palm readings or something like that. Neither here nor there. Anyways, in the bathroom, there is a sign that says, Attention customers, and this is above the toilet. We ask that you please do not stand on the toilet seat. And then there's a little funny rhyme,

and it says, we aim to please, so you aim to please. Technically not a rhyme. Thank you, Bonton Management. And every other word is written in a different color. Oh. It's all done in felt. But I don't understand.

Are people standing on the toilet seat? As they go? Yeah, they're standing on the toilet seat peeing on the wall. Yeah, that didn't make sense to me. Abby's dad used to manage a cement plant in Vietnam and he would

they had to teach people how to use toilets because people would stand on the toilet seat and squat. Oh, right, okay. You think that's what's happening? At a place that pretty much only serves elderly old women

and me and my mom. Do you think there's any dudes going in there? Because women don't have trouble aiming, do they? Well, I can only assume that maybe they mean women who squat because they don't want to touch the toilet seat because it's gross. Is it? But they're not standing on it.

Or is someone sitting on the back of the toilet facing the other way with their feet on it? This is easy. I don't know. I don't think the toilet seat is gross. There was a fan above the toilet. Do you ever not sit on the toilet seat? What do you mean? Never mind.

No, I don't like the direction of it. No, man, it's gross. Let's go to the Bond. Where do you like to eat? Little cake. Little cakes? I don't think I've ever... I went in a place like that in Prague, like in a tea house, because it looked very old-timey,

and I had tea. Prague Rock. Yeah, I had proc rock. They play proc rock. Yeah. And, yeah, I had tea and some kind of scone. It's nice. Yeah, I do it for my birthday every year.

Really? Diplomat cake. What's a diplomat cake? It's like this buttery, amazing, flaky cake. I don't know how to explain it. It's just so good. And it gives you immunity. On Tuesday, it's my birthday,

so buy one for me. Is it really? This coming Tuesday? Yeah, which will also be the show. That's great. Taz won't be there. He'll be eating diplomat. He'll be balls to the wall. Up to his nuts and diplomat cake.

That's how you eat it. Up to my nuts. dip when I pick. That's how you eat it. Up to my nuts. With your thigh muscles. All right. We have some listener overheards and such. This is from Kyle L. It's an overseen. He's from Maine.

Hi, Kyle. Hey, Kyle. Welcome. It doesn't say. It's. Main Street? No from Maine. Hi, Kyle. Hey, Kyle. Welcome. It doesn't say. Lobster. It's... Main Street? No, Maine in the States.

Oh, what the... He works at a place, at a grocery store in Maine called Hannaford. It's a chain store throughout New England. Oh, he lives in New England. Yeah, the Stop and Shop. They call it the Stop and Shop there. Like State and Maine. Yeah, they call it Boston Market.

Hannaford has their own brands of cereal to compete with brand name items. One of their cereals is supposed to be a cheaper version of Fruit Loops and they have their own animal mascot. Not Toucan Sam. Oh yeah, but for some reason they decided that like Fruit Loops, they

absolutely needed another rainforest tree dwelling animal. Unfortunately, they came up another rainforest tree-dwelling animal. Unfortunately, they came up with a cartoon sloth. Slothos? What's it called? He doesn't say ever. So, Kyle, we need more information. Because I also, when I read it, wanted to know. How about an image?

Oh, an image would be good, too. So there you go, Kyle L. If you're listening, we need an image of slothos. He's absolutely listening. Who writes us and then doesn't listen? I don't know. That's a good question. They've got to be out there, though, right?

There's got to be a Gentleman Jack or two. Yeah, playing Nicky Nicky Nindor. This will screw him over. Here's an email I won't respond to. This is just an interesting Kind of back and forth A guy named Jack S Told us at one point that he listened to us Whilst he was fixing and painting a fence

Oh yeah And you requested a photo of said fence Which he then sent to us With a sign on it that said Motivation for staining of the fence provided by Stop Podcasting Yourself. Making a difference. Is that lattice work I see?

Oh yeah, there's some top quality lattice work along the top there. Good staining all around. Can you buy pre-made lattice? Can you buy a bag of lettuce? I was trying to make a lettuce chip. Of course. What else is related to lattice?

Is he listening to it out loud or on headphones? People named Gladys. That's what I want to know. Okay. This is from Duncan C. He said, this is an old overheard. Doesn't matter to us. Yeah.

I was at a train station. Eisenhower told me. Although, if he has an Eisenhower overheard, I like it. Yeah. I was at a train station listening to conversation between a guy and his girlfriend about someone they knew who had just bought a giant flat screen TV secondhand, clearly from someone kind of shady. giant flat screen TV, secondhand, clearly from someone kind of shady.

Apparently, this guy had paid to have it installed and rigged up, but when he tried it out for the first time, it wouldn't even turn on. Further investigation revealed that the TV contained absolutely no electronics at all, and the screen itself was just a sheet of glass that had been spray painted. So it was the Ikea... Like the fake plastic TV? I love that. Also seen at the brick.

I love that you can make a living selling fake TVs like that. Someone has to make them. Yeah, the entrepreneurial spirit. That's really great. Someone has to make them. Yeah, the entrepreneurial spirit. That's really great. It is really great. Thank you, Tom.

He did all the work of having it set up and everything and never had it turned up. Sat down. Time to watch. Wait, it doesn't even plug into the wall. There must have been a weight discrepancy. Was it filled with rocks? No, he didn't handle it. The guy sold it to him and installed it.

And his remote was probably an ice cream sandwich. The guy who installed it was the guy who sold it to him? Yeah, I assume. I assume that anybody who called in to install it would be like, hey buddy, this isn't a television. So their mind work was amazing. They were walking in like,

dude, they're heavy. Open up your door, this is really... So the remote control they gave him was probably the most expensive part of the deal. Well, as I previously said, an ice cream sandwich. Okay. Perhaps with Smarties and stuff glued on it. What's this Channel 3? Oh, that's an M&M on its side.

Channel 2 would be a Skittle backwards. Channel 1 would be a skittle backwards. Channel 1 would be Ike and Mike's. They don't have letters on them. Yeah, if anybody out there is crafty and wants to make an awesome snack for their kids, send us a photo of your ice cream sandwich remote control.

An awesome craft for your kids. And no banana runs. Oh, you know, the play button would be a Candy corn Or a tiny Dorito Fast forward two candy corns Rewind

Same I'm stuck at four Just a fancy I don't know what the number four would be Well I'm going to leave that up to the listeners. Upside down H candy? Horse, we call it. This is just a short one from Calvin M.

Walking back to my cubicle, I just overheard this. Worker one, hermaphrodite? Worker two, no, she's a man. Yeah. Clear distinction Yeah yeah You gotta have both To be a Hermie Hermaphrodite

No You're not listening She's A man Joanna Man Um Do we have any

Called in? Sure But if people Want to write us If you want to Write us The best way To reach us

next to Pony Express is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com and if you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328 206-339-T Hi, I haven't overheard. I was in

a store and I was checking my messages on my phone and there's this little kid in the aisle and um i guess he was talking to me but i didn't really know i thought i was just ignoring him but uh he got my attention and just to make sure that i knew that for him to say i have a lot of money thanks so much much. Bye. Who was that mystery caller? Yeah, identify yourself when you call. Yeah, so that's the whole time. That's all I was thinking. Who is this lady?

I'm identified, and I was at a store. Yeah. But that kid seems pretty smart. Wait, wait, she was checking her messages, so she's with some sort of service. So we could probably track her down through a major cell phone service. Yeah, we do have her number. Scan the image, and then what do they say?

Amplify? No. Yeah, enhance. Enhance. Thank you. Hey, it's Sarah in Pittsburgh. I was calling with an overheard. I saw these two bros walking onto my college campus, and one turns to one and says,

Yo, what'd you do this weekend? And he says, the usual. Stayed in, drank a lot of beer, watched the Food Network. How about you? And the other one goes, same. Drank a lot of beer, watched the Discovery Channel. And then the other guy goes, nice. So yeah, just thought I'd share with you.

Not bad. Yeah, this is like a nice weekend. Now, when she said bros, I guess in her neck of the woods, she means two nearly 40-year-old women. What channel do you watch most on weekends? What's the one? AMC, probably. American Movie Classics? Yeah classics The new classics or whatever

The one that has Mad Men on in the afternoon And then we'll play Top Gun I don't have a TV But I've been watching Skins I know a guy that can sell you a TV British soap opera Tell me about this guy Will he install it?

He'll install it I find that I've been watching uh cosmo tv i don't know what that is i don't know what it is either but when you i get up i i wake up at seven o'clock on the weekends i wake up at seven o'clock every day you have no choice yeah uh otherwise you're a military brat my schedule will be all topsy-turvy um so i wake up early on the weekends and ab wakes up at about 9.30. And then I turn on Cosmo TV and it's always got either

Can't Hardly Wait or Clueless. Oh, I've got to start watching this channel. What channel is this? Do I have this channel? Maybe 158. Oh, is it Mannequin? Do they ever show that movie? No, probably not. They're modern classics. Like AMC.

Pretty Woman? Maybe. No, probably not. They're modern classics, like AMC. Pretty Woman? Maybe. No, that's probably a nighttime movie. Oh, Boys on the Side. Yes. Oh, that got pretty serious. Boys on the Side's pretty serious. A lot of side dishes.

Green fried tomatoes. Green fried green tomatoes. Home fries. Boys on the Side. Wait, fried green tomatoes. Yeah. Graham corrected you already Green fried tomatoes Hey Dave and Graham, this is Greg from Omaha

Just calling in with a quick overheard I was just walking outside a bar And a gentleman was on his phone And the conversation That he was having Went as this You can hear the other side of it obviously But this is all him.

I don't judge. I'm not judging you. I don't judge. Do I judge? I don't judge, okay? I'm not judging you. I don't judge. I judge with my wallet.

So, yeah, that was a lot of fun. Judge Judy. Yeah, judge. Joe Brown. What was the bald judge who was the boxing referee? Judge Judy. Yeah. Judge. Joe Brown. What was the bald judge who was the boxing referee? Which the guy that was on? Judge Reinhold.

Yeah, you got a judge with your wallet. I think that was my favorite one so far. If I may be so bold. If you think that was your favorite one, you might be right. Here's one more. Hi, Graham, Dave, and guests. This is Roy from Alaska. And I was just calling in with an overheard. I was sitting at a coffee shop, and it was overhearing two ladies at a table near me. And one of them said, if I had a choice between vomiting and putting my hand in a jar of cotton balls,

at which point she made a weighing gesture, vomiting would win. Anyway, I just thought you might appreciate that. But it's hard to make a weighing gesture when one of your hands is stuck in a jar full of cotton balls. Or a jar full of vomit. I realize now she said weighing jester. Yeah. But first time I listened to that message, I thought he said wang jester.

Oh, like everybody wang chung tonight? Yeah. Yeah, I dig it. Gotta have fun. So yeah, thank you very much for everybody who called in, and if you do have something to call in in the overheard realm, or if you just want to say hi, or if you want to, you know. Yeah, not enough people say hi.

Also, we've got a backlog of drunk dials. Oh, well, we've got to bust those out one of these weeks. The number is 206-339-8328. Now, something we haven't done in a long time, quite a few episodes, at least 10 episodes. Yeah, we certainly played the theme last

time. Yeah, because of a young gentleman named Steve Bays who was here, who was the guy who wrote the theme song for this. Let's play that. Lips, teeth, pavement, ow. Wasn't funny then, but it's funny now. Childhood injuries. That theme, of course, is childhood injuries, where we talk about the hilarious injuries we suffered as

children uh uh we've exhausted our childhood injuries and now um we're gonna i haven't actually i just you know there are many more but i don't wanna you know there's more to be in the spotlight i think did you exhaust all yours i i'm just trying to move things forward, Graham. I dig it. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be a good host. But we're so interested in Taz's.

Yeah, Taz tells us he's got a fascinating story that happened at one kid's pool. Yeah, well, I was a frail child, a bit wimpy, scared of everything. Like a young Andy Warhol. Yes. Sure. I, scared of everything. Like a young Andy Warhol. Yes. Sure. I was terrified of everything. So I didn't really get injured. But there was this one time this thing happened.

This thing I will tell you about now. It was Kitz Pool, I believe. Is it a saltwater pool? Kitz Pool? Yeah. No, I think it's chlorine. Chlorine classic. It looks like it should be the ocean coming into it

I feel like I've heard that there's, isn't it? I have no idea I've never been in it I don't know I was like seven Maybe it is Maybe it is, because it's right beside the ocean But maybe the idea of a saltwater pool is horrible

Well, no, you know what? I think on an English Bay, that pool comes from the ocean, maybe Yeah, and it's a giant toilet Yeah, it's gross Yeah You know what? I think in English Bay, that pool comes from the ocean, maybe. Yeah, and it's a giant toilet. Yeah, it's gross. But anyways, I was swimming with my dad, and I was very small and frail. We heard. I was the type who I would come out of the pool, and I would just do this.

You were a little Lord of the Faults, Lord. My this my teeth would chatter and i was tiny with a big head and big ears uh but i was in the pool with my dad and he was trying to toughen me up probably or something so he chucked you in and said no not aggressively or anything just sort of like like okay you should probably try swimming like i don't want to. And then at that point, a bee landed on my head. So now you don't have to swim. Which I didn't know about. And my dad was like, okay, there's a bee on your head? I don't want you to panic.

And of course, I was like. Were you in the water at this point? I was in the water. Okay. In the shallow end. So going from bad to worse. Panic time. We're in the shallow end.

I started to panic. Just I panic, though. I don't move. Just crazy eyes. On the count of three, just go underwater, okay? Go underwater. One, two, three.

I go underwater, and my clump of beautiful hair at that time just starts to engulf the bee, I guess. Oh, wow. So it somehow captures the bee on my head. I come up and I'm like,

is it gone? And my dad can kind of see the bee in its new bee prison of hair. It's gotten so much worse. It's gotten so much worse. He's like, okay, but it still hasn't stung me. Everything seems to be fine. Somebody throws a flower on your head. Oh, no!

So he's like, okay, hold still, which I still am out of panic. I've never experienced a bee sting before. I'm small, I'm frail, I'm terrified. I'm going to try and smoke him out with this cigar, so stay still. He reaches back, and he's going to hit it off my head. Oh, God. He reaches back.

Oh, God. And he goes, and he's almost at my head, and it stings me. And I go, and he knocks it off my head. Everyone in the pool turns around, including the lifeguard. It looks like he just smacked the shit out of me. Right in my head. And I'm like standing there. It hurts!

Like the last thing anybody hears is, I'm going to toughen you up. He takes you under the water. We're going to teach you how to be a man today. I'm going to beat you around in the pool Oh god So yeah That's my injury

Which probably went away after a day That's the worst injury I ever got as a child Pretty great You probably could have flicked it off Well you gotta wind up You had to get it out of the hair I'm a good flicker I don't know what happened

Check out Dave's flicker yeah i don't know what happened check out dave's uh yeah flicker page uh we have some uh listeners who sent in some uh childhood injuries over the last little while it's it's been sporadic it's been a sporadic flow and we like to keep it that way i don't know hey grandma dave this is is Blake calling from Los Angeles. Love the podcast. I have a childhood injury story. Actually, it was my brother, but I caused the injury. I remember I was around 13 or 14. He would have been 16 or 17.

My cousin was at my house, and we had bunk beds at the time. So me and my cousin were up on my bunk making noise. My brother went to go to sleep. It was late. So he screamed at us and told us to shut up. And I remember I had a plastic crate, like a square crate that we keep our shoes on, but it was empty. And I don't know why I was on the bunk bed, but it was.

And at which point I told my brother to shut up, and I threw it down. And I hit him in the head. So he jumped up, and I swear to God, he's like, I'm about to kick some booty. And then he realized that his head was bleeding. And when he saw the blood, he started crying. He ran out of the room. Yeah, at that point, my dad came back and kicked my booty. Oh, man, I didn't know.

He got a bunch of stitches, too. I don't think I was ready for that jelly I loved how much joy he was getting In retelling it He was bleeding out of his head Oh god Did you guys ever Have a sleepover where someone really wanted to go to sleep? Yeah

That was usually me I'm like, I hate you guys It's not fun anymore Yeah I think Did you guys ever do A sleepover thing Like a prank on the guy who fell asleep We tried to

That was usually me Did you ever put a prank Did you have a hand in the water They tried that I woke up and I went like this. I hit the bowl and it spilled everywhere. And then I went, I hope it stays like shit. I remember specifically saying that in my friend's common room.

Stains like shit? Yeah, I was angry. I'd just woken up. I had a thing of water. It was my friend's common room at a co-op. We were sleeping. Oh, my stay's like shit. I stormed out and went and talked to his mom.

We once had a... What a brat. I hated those guys. We once had a sleepover, and one guy started talking in his sleep. Oh, wow. And he started talking about an atomizer. Oh wow. Like the thing you would spray perfume with

that turns perfume into particles. And then maybe someone had said atomizer right before and so he woke up like a minute later and he's like, I just had a dream about something called an atomizer.

And then so every sleepover from then on, whoever fell asleep, we would try to whisper like wet dream stuff into their ears. We tried the same thing, a whispering thing where we would try and whisper like to affect this. Cindy Crawford is here. She's going nuts on your bone. Well, we would try like things to see. Well, because the only effect there is that you were giving your friend an erection. You're welcome.

Then we'll put warm water on it. Much like a lap dance and you have a boner in public. Childhood. How about one more? Okay, one more, sure. Hi,ham and dave this is tegan from caber alberta and i have a childhood injury for you when i was about two years old um my parents went to a party and my dad decided that he was going to show me off to his friends

so he set me up on the edge of the couch and had everyone watch me as I stood up and did a pirouette and fell directly into the corner of a glass coffee table. I had to get two stitches. And given that I live in southern Alberta, it earned me the nickname Head Smashed in Tegan. And to this day, people still call me Head Smashed in Tegan. Now, for listeners abroad and people who aren't from Alberta, there is a famous tourist site called Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump. Yep, it's where they would fool buffalo. What's the plural? Buffalo? Yeah, they would fool them into driving into a place.

Into jumping off a cliff and smashing in their heads. Yeah. And then they would, I guess, eat them and use every part of them. They would go all the way with them. Our aboriginal brethren? Yeah. Is that the right plural? Aborigines.

There you go. And Tabor, Alberta, home of world-famous Tabor corn. So, yeah, it is. It's like the corn. What's the famous corn out here? Maize. Yeah.

Chilliwack? Yeah, Chilliwack corn. I don't know that we have famous corn. But thank you very much for calling in. And if you have any other great childhood stories, up to and including anything about bullies or a kid getting the one like the sassy kid. No, we've got plenty of sassy kids, but we'll save those. Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, our phone number again is 206-339-8328.

Taz, if people want to find you online, you're also part of the fantastic weekly Sunday service show at the Hennessy. You're also part of the fantastic weekly Sunday service show at the Hennessy. Where's the best place for people to access Taz Van Rassel on the internet? Well, the sundayservice.ca is our website, which we just got. TheSundayservice.ca? TheSundayservice.ca. And you can find our information on there because we always update it. You don't need to update it just it's on sunday at nine at the hennessy or find us on the facebook yeah or twitter.com slash tas van rassel is that what it is i i follow you regrettably yeah

i don't put much on there lazy umazy. And yeah, if anybody wants to check out your new... We got a Tumblr too. Yeah, you got some pretty good... I just put a bunch of dirty rap videos and stuff on there. Okay. People can probably find that just using their intuition. Yeah, that's something they serve as a slash Tumblr. I don't know.

And the name of your new show which is... With Pat Kelly is called Hilarious. Hilarious and it is once a month at the... How many people have said Hilarious now? Who said that? Oh, one guy did. As referring to the fact that he couldn't go.

Oh, wow. And Dave... I'll be on that show. Yeah, as well as Ken Lawson, Kevin Lee, Ryan Beal, maybe not, because his amazing play just got held over. Alas, Emmett Hall, and myself and Pat Kelly. Great. Great, great lineup.

I'll probably check it out myself. And do we have anything else uh if anybody's got an idea of what we should do for episode 100 that doesn't involve us having to do a live show yeah we will do a live show in the future we will it's the we're living in vancouver right now where the olympics are coming it's not a great time to do anything but stay in your house or go to an Olympic event. And yeah, if anybody wants to write to us at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com Find us on the internet at StopPodcastingYourself.com

Leave a message on the forum if you like. If you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back next week for another interesting episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.