Stop Podcasting Yourself - LIVE with Alicia Tobin and Charlie Demers

Episode Date: May 14, 2015

Please go to bit.ly/helppat to donate to Pat Placzek's treatment. This episode was recorded live from Vancouver's Rio Theatre on Saturday, May 9th, 2015. Alicia Tobin and Charlie Demers joined us to talk spiderbeards and sniff vape juice.

Hi, it's Dave. The episode you're about to hear was recorded live on Saturday, May 9th at the Rio Theatre in Vancouver. The show was a fundraiser for my friend Pat Plaszek. He's suffering from leukemia and for the past few months, friends and family have been raising money to help him get this treatment in Seattle that costs around $500,000. Seattle that costs around $500,000. So far, altogether, everybody's raised about $200,000. And in fact, on the night of the fundraiser, we raised close to $9,000. But we think we can do better. We want to raise even more. And we debated whether to release this episode as an episode you have to pay to download. But we decided that we could reach even more people if we just released it to everyone and put this message at the beginning. And that message is, please help our friend Pat. Go to bit.ly slash help Pat. B-I-T dot L-Y slash help Pat. Every little bit helps the cause and we would greatly

appreciate it thanks very much and enjoy the show bit.ly help pat hi he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo!

Come on. Hello, everybody. How's everybody doing? Oh, wow. Thank you so much for coming down here to the Rio Theater on, what is this? Saturday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saturday night.

Whoa! What a day, huh? Boy. It started early? Yeah. Midnight. 1201, as far as I'm concerned. Saturday can go 24 hours. Yeah. Uh...

Here's... Before the show even started, right, I thought, because Dave always wears, he always wears dresses to the tens. Skips the nines right to the tens. So I said, I'm going to wear a suit. I'm going to wear a suit, I said. And wear the proper footwear, I also said.

And then... Then what happened? Then backstage, we were doing sound check. We did it from backstage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, what does it sound like if I flush the toilet? And they were like, that sounds weird. And I was like, okay, well, fix it.

And then when I walked out on stage, I warned Dave. I was like, watch out, there's a weird thing. Be careful. But it was just my shoe. The sole had separated from my shoe, you see. Look at that. If you want to get a real Charlie Chaplin. Yeah.

A real cartoon hobo. Yep. So that's my life. Yeah. So beware, pies on windowsills. Graham's coming for you. Exactly. Clean your harmonicas.

We're going to have a hoedown tonight. Hoedowns? Is that what hobos had? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had hobodowns. Ah. Welcome, everybody. Thank you for coming.

Yes. Let's, after the show, let's all go over to that skateboard park they wanted to tear down and really raise a ruckus. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Just throw skateboards around. Because they can't shut us down. No. Skateboarding is not a crime. No, yeah, exactly. I used to have a shirt that said that. Yeah.

Then the cop took it. The way I do it, it's a crime. The way Dave does it, it's a crime. I do a lot of, like, gestures. Yeah. A lot of, like, thrust's a crime. The way Dave does it's a crime. I do a lot of gestures and a lot

of thrusts. And then Dave goes, watch, I'm going to do a triple tuck my wiener. And you're like, what's that? And then it's just him tugging his wiener and he rolls by. But why a triple? Because you do it three times.

And the mayor's there. Yeah. You invited the mayor down because he said it's a special prize. He's got to sign off on it. Oh, what a mayor, you guys. So handsome. Yeah, yeah. What's that?

Somebody doesn't like the mayor? He does have very nice hair. We got a 90-minute show. We can't have all yelling from the audience. But I'll allow stuff that's complimentary. I'll yell, kind heckling is always a good thing. Always? Yeah.

No, not always. That's true. If in the middle of a funeral and somebody goes, you're doing good. Here's the thing. I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. I've heard about you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, how long has it been?

I feel like I'll never understand. You will. Yeah. Oh, man. Guys, go to iTunes. Yeah. Download the song One Week by Barenaked Ladies off their album Stunt. See how many of the references hold up.

Yeah. And go to songs. Go on the category songs you're embarrassed that you know all the words to. Yeah. Is that a real one? No, but that seriously should be one. And then sing along. We opened up a Songs A Playlist the other day called,

it was like Dance Party for Cool Parents. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And every time a song came on, we were like, we are cool parents. Yeah, yeah. Because it would go from some very heavy electronic dance music and then some jim croce right after so something for everybody

yeah the cool every kind of cool yeah when was jim croce cool is it crochet crochet sorry yeah um i think in the 70s. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I don't know. He sang some music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't remember what song. I'm in a bottle.

That's not the one I know. What's the one that I know? No, that's not the one I know. Are you thinking of Wild World by Cat Stevens? Yeah, that's the one I know. Are you thinking of Wild World by Cat Stevens? Yeah, that's the one I know. Oh, boy. No, Life is a Highway by Tom Coghren. That's the one I know.

Is that on your playlist of songs you're embarrassed you know all the words to? No, that's songs when you're in a car. You roll up your window so you can sing along. You roll it up? Yeah. Oh, because you don't want everybody to know. Yeah, you don't want everybody to know. You don't roll it down and then sing along do you dave i feel like before the show started i explained what the uh what we're raising money for my friend pat yeah um i didn't explain

to people who don't know the show what the show is it's this yeah yeah Yeah yeah Well that's why We didn't play any Like thunderous music Before the show You know Cause like a lot of times You go to a comedy club And they'll play this

Like crazy music Oh black buddy Yeah And then somebody And somebody comes On the microphone And he's like Welcome to the comedy club

And you're like Why I gotta follow that I just gotta think about how weird it is to wear a hat sometimes. You know what I mean? And this guy's like, Buckle up, motherfucker!

If your mom's here, kick her out! My mom is here! Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. Absolutely! Now get out. Yeah.

My mom and dad are here, actually. Yeah, stay in here. Yeah, stay in here. You guys can say a round of applause for my mom and dad. Why not? Yeah. Yeah, we really took on Vancouver in the last two days. How often do they visit? Once a month. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, we really took on Vancouver in the last two days.

How often do they visit? Once a month. Yeah? Yeah. They come and they make sure everything's all right. They vacuum? Yeah, yeah. They hear rumors, you know, and then they come and they want to see.

Is it all true? What kinds of things? Oh, they... Graham's having trouble wearing a hat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Graham's shoe trouble wearing a hat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Graham's shoe fell apart. Graham's shoe exploded before the joke. It really did just explode.

That was crazy. I paid $7 for these shoes. I feel like I got $4.50 out of them. Right, right. I'm going to walk home sock feet tonight. I'm leaving these here. Yeah, you didn't bring a backup. No, no.

Never bring a backup. No. Yeah. If you guys watch Mad Men, you never go in with two ideas. You go in with one idea, one pair of shoes. And if your shoes explode, then you get paid to fix them before the big meeting. Spoiler alert. Oh, yeah.

That's how the show ends. Yeah. Don's shoe explodes. There's a rumor that Don is like a D.B. Cooper type, but I think he might be a shoe bomber type. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the shoe bomber. Man, where is he now? You know what I mean?

Yeah. They never do a where are they now of those guys. Yeah. Did he get Gitmo? they now of those guys. Yeah. Did he get Gitmo? No, did he get Gitmo? Hey, anyone know he get Gitmo? I don't know. You can buy the he get Gitmo shirts after the show.

Yeah, yeah. We have three of them, so race to the stand. So, you know, it's fantastic you guys are here. Yeah, here's what's going to go down tonight. Here's how it's going to go. We're going to bring out some hilarious guests. We're going to have some laughs. There's going to be a surprise or two.

And, oh, we're going to do overheards. And then we'll invite you, if any of you have overheards, to come up. That's what this microphone's for. You know what I mean? When a band says, you guys are the fifth member of the band. For real, though. Kiss says that, but then they don't invite you up to

do a song. It's weird when the arcade fire do it, because it knocks the drummer down one. He doesn't get paid that much. Yeah, what? They're the fifth member. I'm the 14th. Very hip reference.

Cool dad. Cool parents. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I follow Gene Simmons on Instagram. And he posted this newspaper review of one of their shows when they were in the 70s or whatever and the guy said like these guys stink or whatever which is true uh right like the reviewer is not wrong or whatever uh they just stuck around nobody knows why uh but they said oh they should save

money because they stink so much uh they'll never make it as a band this gene simmons is an adult man he's still like posting things like, ah, I showed you! Dead reviewer. I'm sure he's dead. You know what I mean? Spit on your grave, dead reviewer. I've got the time. I'll go to your grave and spit on it.

Yeah, and then I'll do that crazy tongue thing. Yeah, I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. Ah, yeah. Should we bring out our first guest of the evening? Oh, no. This isn't a democracy. Our first guest.

One of our favorite guests, and I would just say one of our favorite people. So funny. If you've never been to her show, come draw with me at Hot Art Wet City. You are missing out because it is one of the greats here in town. And so is she. Please welcome to the stage Miss Alicia Tobin, everybody.

Yes. Yes. Hello. I don't know how to greet a woman. Yeah. I'm worried my shoe's unstable, so I got to stay seated. I was worried the table wasn't long enough for all of us. And so I moved, just I was like, hey, let's just use the table as a side table.

Yeah. But now I feel like it looks bad. No, I think it's great because we're going to do that pie eating thing later. No, but now when you're leaning out, it looks bad. No, I think it's great because we're going to do that pie eating thing later. No, but now when you're leaning out it looks crazy. Yeah. We got these nice

little mic stands. We took them out of the mic stand so fast. Yeah. You know what I mean? I like to use this space. I'm going to not. I'm going to...

This is for the listener at home. Alicia. Alicia, hi. Hello. Hi. Welcome. How are you? I'm great. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming to this show, guys. This. Alicia, hi. Hello. Welcome. How are you? I'm great.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming to this show, guys. This is an amazing turnout. This is a real treat to do this, a live show. Do you think the three of us, we should get to know us? Yeah. All right. Oh, I don't know.

I think we could wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to. You know what? That's a great idea, Graham. There it is. Oh, man.

What a voice of an angel. Dulcet as fuck. Alicia. Yeah, I feel like you're so far away. I think. And you're so sweaty. Yeah, well, that's true. I've never seen Dave sweat.

I was under the impression that movie theaters were... Air conditioned? Air conditioned, yeah. But not up here. No. Yeah, it's true. We've never been on the movie side. You know what I mean?

Maybe it's cool as a cucumber down there. Yeah. Is it cool as a cucumber down there? Oh, man. Well, there you go. Yeah. Is it cool as a cucumber down there? Oh, man. Well, there you go. Yeah. So I never even thought about King Kong.

You watched Die Hard. He's sweating up a storm. King Kong. Tell us another story from the days of yore. Well, you wouldn't notice on King Kong because he sweats

through his tongue. Yeah. That's a good point. Is that a movie about a dog? Yeah. Alicia, I just want to say, that's a good point. Is that a movie about a dog? Yeah. Alicia, I just want to say that that's a great little dress you're wearing.

Yeah, you look fantastic. And you are a total cutie patootie. I didn't know he was going to do that. That's how you keep a relationship fresh. This relationship. For the home listener, I bought some Koosh fling shots for the night. I have three more in the holster. So everybody look alive throughout the show.

Alicia, what is new and exciting? What's going on in your life? I have a stray cat that I feed about once a week. I like this story. Now, you don't know the cat. Do you know the cat's name? Does it have a collar? It's like Benjamin or something.

Benjamin, yeah. He has a name, but the people that owned him got a dog, and then the cat didn Do you know the cat's name? Does it have a collar? It's like Benjamin or something. Benjamin, yeah. He has a name, but the people that owned him got a dog, and then the cat didn't want to come home anymore, so they just let him live on the streets, the wild streets of Canby Village, one of the most expensive neighborhoods in Vancouver. Yeah, bragging. Everybody, I rent a very lovely basement suite

for $1,100 a month. Pretty good. Yeah, and he was very friendly about a year ago,100 a month. Pretty good. Yeah, and he was very friendly about a year ago. Less so now. Oh, but you said you bought him very nice food. Yep. Very expensive food. And he didn't

go for it? No, he loved it. Oh, yeah. I mean, who doesn't? What do you get a cat? What cat do you want to impress? Well, I noticed because first I didn't have any things for cats. I had some really fancy unpasteurized raw milk cheese, and I was like, maybe...

Maybe this is what he would like, and he did like it, but I noticed he had trouble chewing it, and it wasn't like it was a parmesan, if you know what I mean. That's a hard cheese, right? I determined that something was wrong with his teeth because he's a little bit older, and so then I got him some fancy wet food from the organic grocery store.

Okay. And he eats just enough. He eats about a tablespoon, and then he says his goodbyes. Now, do his owners care about his teeth? When I find those people, I'm going to... Throttle? I'm just going to make them feel like garbage.

The garbage that they are in their big house with their fancy new dog. Yeah. What would be something you would say to somebody to just make them feel like garbage? This is the plan, guys. All right. Have you practiced this? I've been thinking about it for weeks. Hi, I heard that you're a cat.

There's a rumor around the neighborhood. There's a rumor around the neighborhood There's a rumor around the neighborhood that your cat won't come home Did you know that there are many places in the city that will help re-home him so he's not living on the streets That's not I mean, it's good It's not bad

It's not mean No But it feels mean But don't you practice I practice things in case somebody tries to stick it to me

right for example well like like I live with these roommates right and and

one of them doesn't know how a hair drain works right like they just don't know how it works it's not called the hair drain

well you know like no like you know it's called the drain you know the drain that's the works. It's not called the hair drain. It's called the drain. You know the drain? That's the first problem. It's the hair drain. You have a hair shower? Oh, you guys are reading this situation all wrong. I feel like I needed to practice

because you guys are sticking it to me. You're not ready. We've got to get you ready. I actually gave you a hair drain thing yeah yeah so I put it in a hair drain yeah in a hair drain

oh you son of a bitch I know how a hair drain works yeah you put a thing in the drain so hair doesn't go down and clog it right you guys know

what I'm talking about right yeah screen or whatever this is one of your hair drain ideas hey why every time we go to the bathroom it's just like a clump of hair in it like they just think This is one of your hair drain ideas. Every time we go to the bathroom,

there's just a clump of hair in it. They just think it just gobbles it up and throws it in the garbage can. They're just putting it into the hair drain. But I'm ready any time. If a roommate was like, I can hear you farting in your room, then I'd be like, well, you don't do the hair drain.

You know what I mean? Like, I'd be ready with it. When Graham is really angry, and he doesn't ever do this in real life, but when he's thinking about getting angry, he points a lot. Yeah, yeah. Lays it out. Never happens. You seem like the kind of guy who's worked through, like, a dozen hair drains in his life.

Oh, yeah. But at the end of the day, I always clean it out. You know what I mean? Fresh, fresh air drain. You sent me a picture one day of what it was. Yeah, that's right. It was like a whole rat of hair.

It was staked like a rat, too. Oh, that's when I had to go with the snake. Those people are incompetent assholes. Yeah, yeah. But I can't.

Here's the thing. Here's why I can't. Tell us what the thing is. Well, no, because I took a shower before the show, right? Yeah. Thank you. can't... Here's the thing. Here's why I can't... Tell us what the thing is. I took a shower before the show, right? Yeah. Thank you. This is going to gross some people out.

Because it kind of grossed me out, too. So I go in the mirror, right? And I got to comb my hair. And then I comb out my beard. And then I saw there was like a clump. And I was like, what the fuck is that? And then I hit it, and it was a spider. No! The goddamn spider!

That's not true! No, it's true! How did it get in that one? I don't know, but it landed on the floor, ran behind the toilet. It was embarrassed. I was embarrassed. It's like the universe is trying to tell you something. But he's not going to listen. He's not going to listen.

Yeah, no, it's like an Old Testament tale. Yeah, yeah. The man with the spider in his beard. And he shaved that beard immediately. tail of the man with the spider in his beard. And he shaved that beard immediately. How many times have you suggested to Graham that he should get a haircut or cut his beard? I like to hint at it.

I don't suggest. I would never suggest. No? Have you ever just full on said, have you considered getting a haircut? The way I suggest it is I would be like, you know what would be good? A man bun. And then that's supposed to plant the idea of like, uh-oh, I'm out of control. I'm a monster.

Hey, yeah. I don't own a soccer team. I need to. Oh, man. Oh, it's the soccer team owners. It's not the players. The players have the man buns because the owners look so cool with them. That's true.

You guys, a man bun is a very popular soccer haircut. Yeah. So you've taken care of this cat. That's very noble of you. When you go and buy the special wet food, is that like, I'm imagining like they use an ice cream scoop. They really get in there. Or is it for cats yeah it's for cats it's what a terrible city we live in where there's like fresh cat wet food at a bar no she buys it's in a can right what are you talking about my imagination ran away with me.

We do have to go back for one moment and talk about the spider. Am I right? Yeah. How many legs did it have? Eight. Okay, we're done. How big was the spider? Big.

Was it like a wolf spider? Yeah. Why are you shocked? I already told you it was a spider. It was so crazy. It's like I was living in a cartoon. You are. You know what I mean?

When you see a fly circling around something that stinks, you're like, yeah, it stinks. You don't stink. No, but it was a spider coming out of your beard. That's like from a kid's book. Yeah, yeah, it stinks. You don't stink. No, but it was spider coming out of your beard. That's like from a kid's book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Mr. Webbeard. Yeah.

Or like, oh, yeah, maybe if it was like a bird. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't, that would be magical if there was a bird in there. But it was a spider. So the spider survived the shower? Yeah, I guess he was hanging. I don't know when he got in there. Like it was a spider. So the spider survived the shower? Yeah, I guess he was hanging. I don't know when he got in there. Like he had like a car wash?

Yeah. But he was hanging. Like he wasn't, like it wasn't a spider when I saw it in the mirror. It was a little ball. And I was like, oh, I got like a, I got a tangle. And then it was, then I brushed it and it jumped out and it was a spider. I am going to barf. Yeah.

I like to spend a lot of time alone, you know what I mean? I like my alone time. Yeah, he can't be in there messing up your alone time. Yeah. I'm an introvert. Yeah. This is my private time. This is my private personal beard.

So you like that? What? Are we more about the spider questions? Go ahead Would you consider Have you thought about maybe the spiders laid eggs in there? Yeah I did Guys of course I'm not a monster Well I might be

You just said you were a monster I'm just a host for a spider family. You're a surrogate. How comfortable would you be if the spider was cool with it? Like, if it hadn't fallen out, if it was like, I'm happy here. Yeah. Does he give you spider legs like that? Yeah, yeah.

He gives you the A-OK symbol with his... With all of these legs. Yeah. Does a sick one, then he accidentally falls out. Oh, shit! It's hard to be a spider. Anyway, he's behind the toilet now, you know what I mean? Who isn't?

So I'm... I'm hoping that somehow he'll teach the roommate to clean out the hair drain. That's what I'm hoping. Oh, yeah? Clean out his hair drain. Yeah. It's a spider could live in there. I've recently done some voice work.

Let me do it again for you. Clean out the hair drain. Cute. I like it. Thanks. Cute. Now do a caterpillar. Thanks. Cute. Now do a caterpillar. Yeah.

Ow. Oh, that poor caterpillar. He's turning into a butterfly. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, can you imagine what that must feel like? Like a fly. That's like a caterpillar teenager when they're turning into a butterfly. So it's just like, oh, I can't communicate with them at all.

Armpit smell, like extra smell. Yeah. They put up iron butterfly posters in their cocoon. That's the only butterfly thing I can think of. But the girl ones put up the elephant whose ears are painted like the monarch butterfly.

Did you guys see that? No. What? Nothing. We go to different... What are you talking about? I don't want to talk about it. That's just a thing I have on Facebook. So is there somebody who painted an elephant? But the ears are like a butterfly. Yeah, it's really taggy.

Poor elephants. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. So spiders, what else is going on? Yeah. The. Yeah. Yeah. So spiders. What else is going on? Yeah. The cat.

The cat. You're taking care of the cat. Dave thinks that you buy cat food at some kind of ice cream bar. Like en vrac. With meat scoops. I swear that's what you said. I didn't. Did I say that, guys?

No, of course not. No. Dave is being mean. I was just thinking of your fancy neighborhood. Yeah, it is. A gelato bar for cats. Yeah. The flavors are sardine, turkey,

duner, fish. Dinner. Duner, fish. I would buy a microwave meal that's just called dinner. Oh, dinner time. I'm having dinner for breakfast. Don't tell anybody.

That's kind of it. That's kind of it, eh? That's great. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy, you guys. Well, we are in the apex of culture. Yeah. Absolutely.

A lot of people say that about Vancouver. I'm glad this weekend happened this weekend. Because last weekend, I was so busy. You had Tough Mudder? Yeah. I had three... The three biggest things in the center of my world happened. The Kentucky Derby. the new Avengers movie, and a boxing match.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dave's three great loves. Well, I love to gamble. Yeah. You gambled on the Avengers movie? I did, yeah. What was the over-under on Hulk?

Oh, boy. But it's he... It's not a matter of what Hulk do. It's a matter of when Hulk do. Oh, it's absolutely true. Hulk smash now, he would always say. Yeah, but... Or soon.

Come on. 87th minute. But... No, I didn't participate In any of that garbage But like It was I've never met anyone

In my life Who cares about boxing And then for 24 hours It was all anyone Cared about Yeah It really felt like This is what being alive

In the depression Would have been like You know what I mean Boxing matches going on Yeah It's a crazy sport felt like this is what being alive in the depression would have been like. You know what I mean? Boxing matches going on. It's a crazy sport that it still exists. Well, not for long. Everyone was real disappointed. Who won? The guy that hit his wife?

Or the other guy? The guy who hit his wife. Nice. Yeah. It came to a decision and his wife came in the ring and that was it. That settled it. And then his son's like, not again. She didn't make it happen. She's just reporting the facts.

Don't shoot the messenger. Yeah, I followed it on Twitter because I was in it's the best way to follow a boxing team I was in Whistler doing shows for Whistler folks what's that like just Australians no no Australians in the crowd but people just went

are there any here tonight because we had a thing at the door like a sign up yeah Are there any here tonight? Because we had a thing at the door, like a sign of fear. Yeah. Here's a weird thing, though. I will say this. I was eating pizza across the street. You and everyone else here. Yeah.

I saw all of you eating pizza. That was crazy. That pizza smells crazy. It doesn't smell great. But I saw. Like, it's covered in a mayonnaise sauce or something. What's on that pizza? Yeah, that's weird.

Yeah. Yeah, I can't eat that food, and, like, every once in a while, I see someone with a pizza from there, and I get excited, because they're going to sit near me, and they're going to smell delicious pizza, and then I'm like, oh, God.

It's the weird one with yogurt on it. Yeah. Do you want some yogurt on your pizza? Yes, of course. Who wouldn't? But I saw a lady. No, no, two more. Yeah.

Two more of your yogurt character. Hold on, guys. I'm working it out. I saw a lady driving a car to go. She had crazy, a white lady with a big giant dreadlocks. Oh, nice. But they don't tell you that when you sign up to Car-To-Go. Right?

That that could be the person before you? Yeah, you have no idea that you just get in a car after somebody with dreadlocks was in it listen you had a spider in your beard yeah exactly is that me or is this kettle really black

I think you're on friendship friendship probation until we talk about this a bit more yeah you should get dreadlocks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it'll be easier.

Everybody says so. You're ready. You'd be good with them. Just three. You'd be good at them. My hairstylist is, I don't know. I was trying to think of somebody notable that has dreadlocks. Vidal Sassoon?

Yeah, that guy. Famous for his dreadlocks? Yeah. So Avengers was good. Didn't see it. Honestly, could you tell me the plot of Avengers 2? Yeah, the Avengers win. They added a couple more Avengers.

They're going to rob a casino on fight night. It would have been great synergy. Oh, that would have been amazing. Yeah. Hulk's 13 or whatever. He's wearing a tuxedo. Yeah, yeah. He's the gambler.

But maybe he's just trying to get Julia Roberts back. Oh, man. And then one thing I did watch was the Kentucky Derby. Oh, yeah. Of those three things. Boy, that is a pile of garbage. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. It's horses you've never heard of. They're not like famous horses you like. Yeah. Like the Black Beauty. That's what I was going to say, but I was like, is that what it's called? Or was it something stallion?

There are a couple of famous black horses. Yeah, which ones? Black Magic, Black Beauty, Black Licorice. Oh, Black Licorice. Yeah, Black Stallion. Black Stallion, that's the one I was thinking of. Who's the one that was the famous horse that won all the Kentucky Derbies?

You can only win one. No, no. He won it for years. He took himself out of it because he was so good. Secretariat? Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he took himself out of the running. He was like, ah, I'll give somebody else a chance. Yeah, Oprah is way out of it. She kept winning all those daytime Emmys. She's the secretariat of talk show hosts. It's true.

Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Would you like me to reenact the Kentucky Derby? Of course I would. Alright, would you? Yeah, they're into it. Okay, so there's four hours of programming. I'm not going to reenact

that part. Then it's two minutes long and it's this. Works better. I have a different table at home. But, oh God, you guys. People were in horse heaven at my house when i was doing that i brought in uh the neighborhood kids and they were like david i never heard a horse and

i sat them all down on my gigantic knees and i went knees. And I went and they were like So that's what's going on with me, my friend. Yeah. What's going on with our next guest? Oh, are we going to bring out our next guest? Yeah, let's bring out our next guest.

Alright, our next guest, one of the funniest dudes you're ever going to see, and a writer, comedian, and a wonderful friend. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Charlie Demers, everybody. Hello. Thank you. Hello. Hi.

Thanks very much. This is you. Thank you very much for having me. Hey, everybody. Hello. Hi. Thanks very much. This is, yeah. Thank you very much for having me. Hey, everybody. Hello. Your classic catchphrase. Hey, everybody. Hello.

Get those T-shirts right next to the Be Gone Gitmo. I'm impressed I remembered it. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you so much for doing the show. Oh, my pleasure to be here. Thank you. What's new and exciting in the world of Charlie Doe?

Oh, things are amazing. Things are great. My family, we just got this new dog, so our cat is just fucking... What cat? Right? Yes! Come on. what cats right yes just great when you get a new animal and you realize like holy fuck that old animal was

garbage get out of here living creature uh i've just been sitting on the side and it's just all, the one thing I have to say from the whole thing, when you said, Dave, that the spider in the beard was like an Old Testament story, what do you think the Old Testament is? There's a lot of, it's like, you know in the Old Testament where, you know, the fox can't get the grapes, so he goes, oh, those grapes are probably sour. That's not the Old Testament remotely. No, it's Aesop. He's got these fables and foibles.

No, it's a lot of fire and brimstone, but there's a lot of lessons in there for the kids. Yeah. There's the lighter side. There's also, first and foremost, there's a lot of beards. Yes. Yeah. That's true. A lot of sandals, too.

And all the lessons emerge from them. No, I'm not that far off. I'll fight you on that. No, I'm not that far off. I'll fight you on that. Look, I missed the mark on the scoops of wet cat food. I will admit defeat there. That's like from Talmud.

Who's he? Yeah, see? Not enough. Anyway. I prefer doing this show in your basement where I can presume a level of religious knowledge amongst the audience. That's how we sell the show. Charlie, I would also like to say that you, sir, are a real cutie patootie.

There it is! Right on! I made it out of the first four rows with those. But one day, you guys, I practiced for hours. Very exciting. So what's not exciting? Tell us all about it. Well, I'm going up to the Yukon with you.

We're going to the Yukon. Yeah. Oh, is gay marriage illegal there? Dave Shumka with the homophobia gold rush. Oh, have you played that video game? Homophobia gold rush. I have it on my phone. I can never tap fast enough.

No, we're going up um to do comedy and uh so i found out like fairly recently that uh so i'm not the first person in my family to go to dawson city my great great grandfather was there in the actual gold rush not the homophobia gold rush. Everybody's grandpa was kind of in the homophobia gold rush. So my great-great-grandfather went to Dawson City. I'm going up. I'm going up for comedy. He went up for gold. Who will make more money? Yeah.

He came back. This is a true thing. Nobody made money in the gold rush. It was like a very kind of rare... He made... So he came back to Eastern townships in Quebec and he bought an old hotel and he was like, this is

the house now. And just lived in an old hotel. And my great aunt was explaining this to me. She like sent me an email telling me about his life and she was like, he would lend out money

to people and then when it was time to collect, they better pay up or else, she says, in the email. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like the original rock machine. It's a Quebec reference. That's the name of the Hells Angels in Jamaica. Well, because they couldn't be the Hells Angels because there's an H in the name.

So you can't. They had to change it. Ales Angel? No, no, that don't sound right. It don't sound right. But I like that the next one down, what would be the, you know, like nerds tumble rocks around in one of those

things and make them shiny like a rock machine? To polish my gems. If this podcast is going to be about mocking biker gangs, I'll probably leave. Yeah, I think we should get it short. That's okay. Let's make our way into some local

gangs. Fuck you guys. No, let's not actually name any of some local gangs. Fuck you guys. No, let's not actually name any of the real gangs. Who are your favorite gangs? Let's spin it positive. All right, yeah, Jets, Sharks. Yeah.

Gang. Anyway. Of Thrones? No, it's a game of Thrones. It's not a gang. I'll get back to you. All right, cool. Cool in the gang. Yeah.

We made it. Yeah. So, yeah, so we're going up to Yukon on Friday. Have you ever been to that haunted hotel that your great-great-grandfather owned? I assume it was haunted. No, it was... No. I tried to think

of something funny, and then the thing that came to my mind was horrible. So I'm not gonna... Okay, cool. You're not taking a lot of risks tonight. No, but it was really bad. Anyway, the point is our cat's dead.

No, we don't. I read an article about, it was like the local paper or whatever. They still, like it's 2015 and their paper is still called like the Golden Nugget or whatever. Like you said, like Utah Jazz. Exactly. jazz and it was a story that I guess Steve Martin and Jack Black and Owen Wilson shot a movie up in Dawson City they were opening for me and Graham Owen Wilson is hilarious his observations about looking down his weird nose at everyone oh my god what I have nothing else to glom onto with him. I'm sorry. I respect him.

Is he in a biker gang? I'm not worried about it. But the whole, he did have that little scooter in Bottle Rock. Bottle Rock, yeah. That's true. They tried to make

a story out of it, but there's no story. They just stayed there and shot a thing. And then they asked the lady, Owen Wilson always travels with a dog, and they said... A different dog each time?

No, yeah, a different dog each time. He's a real dog slut! I would watch that reality show. Dog slut. Just like you'll pet any dog, it doesn't even matter. Even if you're with another dog, you're like... That dog had belly warts! Belly! Doesn't even matter. Even if you're with another dog, you're like, I got to have it.

That dog had belly warts. Those were nipples. Those were belly warts. He had six belly warts. But there was no story. There was no story. And they were like, well, this hotel doesn't allow dogs, but Owen Wilson had a dog.

And they were like, we don't want you to have a dog. And they said, well, he wants to have the dog, so we let him bring the dog. That was the story. Well, those reporters are out every day panning for scoops. Yeah. Hard times at the Klondike Nuggets. Here's another fun little thing.

I'm coming into the show tonight. On the way in, I see some of my closest friends are here. So I go over, say hello, get backstage. Say hello to your closest friends. Scarface. Scarface greeting cards. Yes. First you get the money, then you get the power,

now we are friends. Yeah. Now you are my mother. There's a car. I kill a communist for my friend. So my friend then tweets this. At live taping of Spy, waiting for my favorite guest, Alicia Tobin. I was at their house yesterday. What did you do while you were there?

What's their name? Erica. Where's Erica? She's sitting right over here. Hey, Erica. Can you believe it?'s sitting right over here. Hey, Erica. Can you believe it? I'll see if I can get her autograph. Do you want to buy my cookbook?

Erica, what is the worst thing about being Charlie's friend? Oh, here we go. Does he help you move? I'll help you move. Does he make a great cookie? Probably not. I don't. I've got an army of spiders at my disposal. I'm slightly alarmed by the spiders. Yeah, but you know, there are some stories

and they get shared as a fun anecdote. And you're like, I think our friend needs help. And beard in the spider, that's not a responsible laugh. That's a guy. It's like the warning sign. We missed so many other warning signs before this. Yeah, like when Ditchgram shows up. Remember when you stopped eating fruit? Yeah.

We just didn't even pay attention to you. It's at the meeting where everybody's... He stopped eating fruit a while ago, by the way. He's like, I don't like it anymore. Yeah, I'm done with it. You know what I mean? All fruit? Yeah, come on.

It's been paraded around. is this a homophobia gold rush moment parading fruits is a little yeah yeah yeah you said it no I uh you know I feel like before the spider what was like the

weirdest beard moment you've had like is the spider the worst or is the spider, what was like the weirdest beard moment you've had? Is the spider the worst or is the spider like, oh well. Like did you have a hint that maybe there was a spider like when a fly flew in there and didn't come out? Like

Seems the fly problem resolved itself. Did you... Or when you looked in the mirror, you saw eight, nine eyes staring back at you? Yeah. Yeah. Wait a minute.

I put on those crazy sunglasses. I got it in the mask! I got it in the mask! And do spiders have eight eyes? Yeah. Well, no, no, they have six. They got six eyes, don't they? I don't know. The math was wrong on this one.

No, yeah, absolutely. I'm so sorry. I'm not good at math. I don't feel like it's a good... I feel like it's just like a Spider-Man reboot by like... Like a David Lynch Spider-Man reboot or something. You know, just like a...

Just Spider-Man. Spider-Man as like a kitchen sink post-war British drama. Like where Spider-Man's like, I've got a fucking spider in my pants. There's no place to work. Like it's just like...

He's just actually having a tough life. And also has a spider on him. I could be in a meeting where everybody, like a group meeting, and everybody's talking about their bottom. Group meetings. Correct? Yeah.

But we're all talking about where we bottomed out. And I tell the spider story, and everybody moves their chair back. You know what I mean? They're like, what? I think this is going to be a freak show. And you were talking about one of those meetings where everyone was talking about their bottom. I was like, what are these weird British support meetings

where everyone's talking about their butt? Oh, it's Sir Mix-a-Lock puts on a clinic. Oh, right. And everybody talks about their bottom. Dave, do we want to move on to Overhertz? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, we should take our time with it for sure. Oh, absolutely.

Don't rush into these things. Oh, how about now? Overheard. There we go. This is going to be fun. Now, Overheard is a segment in which we all share. Now, Graham, shut up. Oh!

Oh, fuck. I cold busted. Jeez. It's time for my favorite segment of the show, the e-cig vape juice taste test. Now, what happens in the e-cig vape juice taste test is I go out to a bunch of vape shops. Where did you find one?

And I go in and I buy some vape juice And I put it in little containers And you guys smell it and try to guess what it is No, Dave, shut up! Because it's time for my favorite segment on the show Everybody hug Yeah, everybody hug Yeah

Everybody hug I'm a little worried about Spock. Yeah. Understandable. There we go. Oh, Dave. Dave and I. Here we go. Yes! Oh, sorry.

Sorry. Judy Petunia! Wow. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Oh, sorry. Cutie patootie! Oh, man. Do you also have a crush on Tom Cruise? I do, yeah.

He's the number one cutie patootie. It's hard to believe there was ever a time where having a crush on Tom Cruise was just a fun, innocent role. For a lesbian to have a crush on Tom Cruise. Well, she's fooling me. My favorite segment on the show is, is this line

from the movie Chappie or not? That's where I read you quotes and you decide whether it's from the movie Chappie or not. Okay. A couple of weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I was like, I had an idea for a tweet.

And I was like, oh, my God, that's funny. I don't want to get up. I'll remember it. Go to sleep. Wake up. Don't remember the tweet. Right? And they're like, oh, man, it was so funny.

And then walking around all day, and then like two days later, I remember that the tweet was that that movie would have done better if they got Pharrell to sing a song because I'm chappy. And it was just a robot. Because I'm Chappie. Because I'm Chappie. Because I'm Chappie.

Because I'm Chappie. Because I feel like a robot. Yeah, exactly. Now, for those who haven't seen Chappie, give us a brief 90-minute rundown of the plot. So it's about a robot. Have you ever seen Short Circuit? It's that movie.

That same exact movie. I have. Yeah, so they make a robot and he thinks and feels and then somebody wants to kill him. So I looked up all the quotes on IMDb of the movie. There's not a lot.

Nobody really enjoyed it enough to put down the best quotes of Chappie. But here we are. Are we ready to play? Yeah. Ready to play? Okay. Is it a competition? Yeah, kind of.

It's all a competition. All right. Chappie's got stories. Chappie's got a book. That's from Chappy. Yeah, that is from Chappy. Yeah. I think that's Chappy.

If you feel like a robot in a wig. I haven't seen it. All right. Chappy can stream all... What was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave got a point. Pay attention.

Alicia just passed? Yeah, no, Alicia was... She's ready to go. Yeah, no, I guess we all could have... Yeah, it's just whoever comes. Oh, okay. Thank you, Charlie. Sorry.

Chappie can stream all seasons of Veronica's Closet. Chappie! Yeah, that's right. It is from Chappie. That is from Chappie. Oh, I thought that line was about Caroline and the city. When I saw it, they maybe did a different one. Yeah, no, I saw the original release.

The European. The South African. Everybody loves Caroline and the original release. The European. The South African. Everybody loves Kerala in the city still. We have to have a reference to Kerala in the city. That's the craziest South African accent

I've ever heard. It's like Scottish. They do sound like that. If you look them up, they do sound like that. All right. Look, I'm talking about the real earthy types. Like, you're used to, like, refined. Please keep those blacks away from us.

But I mean, like, the real gritty. I can't believe Chippy is out of theaters already. What didn't that get Pharrell? Look, I wouldn't want him marrying my daughter or anything, but he could have sung a Chippy song. All right. Two more. Two more. You're no longer with us.

You have to go. You're fired. Not Chappie. No, that's not from Chappie. No, it's from The Apprentice with Donald Trump. Very similar. Yeah. Also racist.

Totally. All right. Finally. Totally. Alright, finally. Ready? This isn't Chappie speaking. This is another character in the movie. Can I already guess that it is from Chappie? Well, wait until you hear the quotes. Okay.

Oh, shit. Chappie's got a robot dick. Chappie. That's from Chappie. Chappie. That a robot dick. Chappie. That's from Chappie. That's from the movie Chappie. Oh yeah, let's hear it for Chappie. Chappie chap. Yeah, Chappie.

Everybody, it's Chappie chat. I have never once looked at steel wool in my life without thinking, that looks like robot pubic hair. Like if you were building a robot and wanted to make it like creepily lifelike. Or you let it live for 13 years and then you

power it down and then it wakes up one morning with the steel wool. And they're like, what's going on? And then, wow, I gotta have a talk with you. Or 17 years. Oh, this is gonna to be so good. Okay, guys, it's time for my favorite segment, the e-cig vape taste test.

Here we go. Vape juice taste test. Now, you'll each sniff this. And it's not a taste test. It's a sniff test. And you'll have to tell me what flavor it is. And I'll tell you a little story as you do it.

So this first one... Do we go in order? Do we guess out loud? Just pass it along and then you guess at the end. Picture you're at a sleepover. You're 12. And you wanted to stay up all night.

Go have a sniff. Pubic hair? And everyone's having a great time. I didn't write a lot for this one because I assumed that the smell would have been passed down to the others by now. But everyone's hopped up on sugar. It's a real fun kid time.

We're at the second sniffer. Guys don't have to take it so seriously. And it's like dark and then it's light. Because it's like nighttime and daytime guesses. No, but it is... Because it smells like one, but then it smells like another. That's a good vape.

Yeah, good vape. Any guesses? I mean, from your description, I'm going to guess that it's a popcorn. Oh! What the fuck? Jesus Christ, was I the only one who ate popcorn? This crowd reacted like I...

Just guess. I'm as... You just guess. I'm as scared about you guessing that this smell is popcorn as I am about the beard spider. No, but it smelled sweeter, but on the second pass, I was smelling notes. But we're also in a movie theater. Do you know what I mean? So there's just popcorn smell in the air.

What is it? It's like Lick-A-Made. Any guesses? Lick and dip. Yeah, same thing. No, this is the Dark Side Creations Fuzzy Peach. Oh, yeah, yeah. Good work.

Yeah, totally. Vape company? Okay, this one, you're a backpacker going through Europe, and you've stopped for a cafe, stopped at a cafe in Italy, and the mysterious... Can you die from smelling this? Yes, you can die from smelling vape. A mysterious stranger sits at your table,

and he offers you to show you around Italy, but there's a catch. Oh, yeah. Smells like a dungeon. That's what that smells like. As soon as you said a catch, I could smell a dungeon. It smells like Irish coffee, but the fake coffee from the 90s. It does smell like that, yeah. Terrible stuff that gave everybody diarrhea.

No, the right answer. It is knuckle juice Dolce de Leche. Why is it knuckle juice? That's the brand. Why would anybody? Oh, man. If you're, like,

sorry. The vaping in the pot brand. I had to go into a vape store today. I got a, like got a frequent vapor card. You showed me it in the car. I got three.

I got three vapes. And it was three pictures of Guy Fieri stamped on a card. All right. This one, you're at a cookout. It's summertime. Ketchup. It's ketchup. Yeah, it's just ketchup.

You put ketchup in there. Oh, that's ketchup. It's not even vape juice. It's ketchup. Yeah, it's just ketchup. You put ketchup in there. Oh, that's ketchup. It's not even vape juice. It's just ketchup. Yeah, totally. It's red. I really like smelling that ketchup. Yeah.

That was really nice. That was fun. This one's so far. Okay, this one you're... Oh, especially after all the vape juice. Yeah. Oh, french fries. Not dull.

This one you're in like an old-timey soda fountain. It's the turn of the century. Smells like Lana Turner. Is this the stuff that people pee on in bathrooms? Is this the stuff that people pee on in bathrooms, she asks. Like a urinal puck? A urinal puck? No, they didn't have urinal puck.

They were sold out of urinal puck at the vape shop. That's terrible! Have you been in a vape shop? Do you have any questions? Oh, no, but you know what this is? I know the thing that this is. Yeah, you pee on it all the time. Yeah.

You said you have an at-home pee puck. No, it's one of those, ah, from a soda shop. Oh, maybe that's just root beer. Mm, close. It is Divine Fog Dr. Pepper. Oh, nice work. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not bad, guys.

Can I ask a question? You touched me. Aside from vape juice, what are you supposed to put in these tiny little Tupperwares? What goes in there? Baby food. Baby food. Yeah, we would do baby food. Oh, that's adorable.

God damn it. Or baby vapes. Like strained carrot vape? That's breast milk vape. Just to finish it off. But there's one more. Yeah, let's skip it. This one's dead in the water.

Who wants to smell the last one with us? Are we going to be dead in the water? Yeah, somebody come smell it. This one's dead in the water. Who wants to smell the last one? Are we going to be dead in the water? Yeah. Somebody come smell it. Yeah. Can you imagine if a guy just pulled up in a van? Somebody come smell it. Imagine that was a reality show.

Come smell it. Come smell it. This one is like... It's like you've got to eat here, but you come smell it. This one is like you've been all day. You've just been eating chili, judging a chili cook-off. Oh, you didn't fart in there, did you? Did you fart in there?

Well, not directly. There was a tube. Ew. And that is E-Cig Vape Juice Take a guess. That's your favorite segment? Now, of course, we move on to overheards and we always like to start with the

guests. You would like to lead the charge, Alicia, and then Charlie. Don't you guys have questions about what it's like in a vape shop? Yeah, what's it like in a vape shop? A lot of flames, like flame drawings. Oh, yeah. On the wall, yeah. No.

No. Do they have a DJ on Saturdays? No, it was just like a lot of 20-year-old Filipino kids who were way cooler than me and were way more comfortable in a vape shop. Whereas I was like, what's the weirdest vape you got? Not that vaping's weird. I don't think you guys are weird. I think you're cool.

And then you really screwed up when you turned to the Filipino kids. You were like, how dumb was that boxing match last week? They would have agreed. Well, they would have come to agree, yeah. They were pretty excited going into it. Here's my guess.

Do your Filipino character. No, don't, no, don't, character. No, no, no, no. Alicia. I've lived here for quite a long time. Here in Canada. So this is what my voice sounds like. I do ethnic comedy that confounds your expectations. So, to all the Asian listeners,

you're welcome. Oh my God, oh my God. Alicia, you had an overheard. I was at a restaurant the other day, and it was a nice little French restaurant near my house, and kind of casual, nice dinner. And for some reason, there's these bros kind of eating there with some dates, with some ladies, with some hair extensions.

I bet you they were eating before the ladies. Yeah. That's how bros do it. Yeah. Before hoes. Guys. Guys. Oh.

Wow. Yeah. Before hoes. Guys. Oh. Wow. No. And like the one guy, like it's only May, it was only May 5th, I think, but he had a full-on tan, and I'm not sure where he found that. Best time of the year. And he had one of those blue shirts that men that work in offices wear, but it's a blue that's been popular since 1998.

And it was just open a little bit too far here. And I overheard him say, I've fucking seen two whales since I moved here. And nobody's seen any, so just fuck them, I win. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. He does win.

I've never seen a whale. I've been here for 15 years. I don't even think they exist. This Captain Ahab reboot is terrible. It's from the Old Testament. There's a beard in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the title of that again?

Oh, yeah, Captain Ahab. Quit doing that gritty reboot that focuses on the other. It's like Gotham for Moby Dick. Oh, yeah. And Ahab's like a blue shirt. Casual bros before host guy. Gotham, the pitch. How did they pitch that show?

Did you guys know the show? It's Gotham. It's all the stuff. Baby Bruce Wayne. Yeah, baby Bruce Wayne. So you know how everybody likes Batman. Imagine that show, but no Batman. No Batman.

You know how everybody likes Batman? Take him out of the equation. We're 30 years away from Batman. You know how everybody likes Batman? Take him out of the equation. We're 30 years away from Batman. I'm predicting we'll run for 30 seasons. Charlie, do you have an overheard? I just want to say, I genuinely don't think I would have done that Asian voice if I hadn't smelled all those vape. Yeah, no. We're all a little loopy.

I really think it fucked me up. What was it, the ketchup? Yeah. Yeah, it wouldn't matter. a little loopy. I really think it fucked me up. What was it? The ketchup? Yeah. Yeah, it wouldn't matter. The Dave fart was no one. Here's my overhead. I was in Winnipeg. Woo!

Okay. And I was down by the forks. Yeah. Just outside of the Human Rights Museum. Yeah. Just outside of the Human Rights Museum. Yeah. And there was a guy, and he was like kind of heading a pack of friends, and he had like kind of a big beard. With a spider in it.

Yeah, no spider. He had one of those spiderless beards. Never heard of him. And he was walking, and he's just like super confident. You know when somebody says something to the group, but he wants it for everybody? Yeah. And so he goes, I've never even been inside of chapters. And then somebody goes, why? Somebody in the group goes, why not? He goes,

why? Somebody in the group goes, why not? He goes, I don't read. I guess so proud. And then, so I was like, have you been in a fucking chapters? It's not like, if you just like candles, there's a lot of opportunities to not read

in a chapter. You can smell candles. You go, but get a candle, get a blanket. I bought dishes there. Starbucks. Vape juice. Hot rug mags. Hot rug mags. I would file that under a category called believable boasts.

I've never been in a chapter. Fair enough. It's possible. I thought he was going to say, I only shop independent in a chapter. Fair enough. It's possible. I thought he was going to say, like, I only shop independent bookstores. Support your local library. I've never even been in a chapter. I understand the supply chain. You would have really liked him then.

Yeah, yeah, he was cool. My, uh... What? I haven't overheard. But don't I usually go before you? Yeah, you go it was cool. My, uh... What? I have an overheard. But don't I usually go before you? Yeah, you go ahead. All right. Like, it honestly scared me that I maybe didn't exist.

Guys, my overheard is from a little place called the liquor store. Oh! Hey! I've never even been in a liquor store! I drink out of a tap. That's great. So I was at this liquor store. There was like a young couple, 21-ish, 20-ish, plus one.

Legal to drink. But I got the impression that they were graduating from university. Because the overheard, I heard the guy in the couple say, It's crazy, the fact that people like us can graduate. Yeah, it's weird how that works. Like they make a promise to you when you start university that everyone can graduate. But no one agrees to it. No one believes it.

But here we are. Us. A couple of doctors getting drunk. Before our graduation surgery. We're removing a spider from someone's beard. He just doesn't want to leave. What if it was one of those brown recluse spiders?

Oh, yeah. What if it was a scary spider? We have to worry about that here. Every time I go to get fresh sheets or towels in the closet, I'm just like, this might be my last moment. Oh, you know what would be great is if I lived away from everybody. And then there was a news story. might be my last moment. Oh, do you know what would be great is if I lived away from everybody and then there was a news story.

And the spiders replied to your beck and call. No, but like the headline when they find my body. I know what it's going to be. Go ahead. Brown recluse kills white recluse. There it is. Yeah.

Well done. Charlie Demers, everybody. Maybe you too should have your own podcast. Podcast. That is my just favorite kind of joke. Yeah. It had a pun. It had Graham Hobodine. Yeah.

Just terrific. Terrific. Oh, man. My words are real come down from that. Because you just have to picture the actual newspaper that says brown recluse kills white recluse. They should have their own. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Oh, man. great my overheard is I go to this diner all the time and this guy came in and he was trying to say that this lady who works there, she's always there. She's always there.

She's always there working. And this guy, he was commenting on it. And he said, boy, oh boy, you're always here. Morning time. Nighttime. And there's like this huge long pause.

Lunchtime. Just because he was like, I'm just going to say morning time, night time. But then she didn't say anything. So he's like, no, I mean, lunchtime too. Anyways, that's my over. Now, we always invite people up from the audience at a live podcast to come up here. We've got a microphone right here for the only tiny people. No talls.

You're out. Only tinies. But if you want to come up here and share an overheard, there's a couple. There's a bit of movement in the audience. Yeah. Someone is running like, come on down, press this right. Did you see that? Wow.

Come on up. If you haven't stood up yet, we have enough. Yeah, yeah. We have enough. I've never seen that many people. Anyways, just grab the microphone. If you just stood up, you can come right out of the stand if you like. Yeah.

What's your name, sir? My name's Dave. Dave, everybody. Woo! Go ahead and hit us with your overheard. out of the stand if you like. What's your name, sir? My name's Dave. Dave, everybody! Go ahead and hit us with your overheard. Okay, so I'm a student teacher. So this happened... Sure. I'm a student teacher and this happened in a high school

and it was during a break during class and there was this girl who looked really dejected and she was sitting down in the hallway and she was surrounded by a bunch of friends and they all looked like they were being really, really supportive for her. And as

I walked by, she goes, it literally makes me sad when people can trade shoes with other people and I can't. Yeah, it's true and I can't. Yeah. Yeah, it's true.

Graham can relate. Who wants to trade? One for one. Dave, everybody. Come on up here. Come on up here. Hello. What are your names?

I'm Victor. Victor, everybody. What a great name, Victor. Thank you. So I was in beautiful, fun-loving Penticton, British Columbia. Boo! That place stinks. Go Bees. Yeah. What I don't like about Penticton, I don't want me to go off on a Dennis Miller-esque rant.

The wild horses. I don't want me to go off on a Dennis Miller-esque rant. The wild horses. They first are like wild horses just wandering around the goddamn city. They're beautiful. No, but it's a problem. Because you can be a city or a paddock. But don't be both. And then... But do it like Dennis Miller.

Hey, I don't want to go on a rant here, but it's Penticton. Oh, water. Hey, thanks. Yeah, that's very kind. Anyways, Penticton, their big thing is they still talk about the fruit they got. If you're a town and the best thing is fruit, then dissolve the town. Just go back to trees. He's so angry about fruit.

This guy has got a real anti-fruit agenda. He's not trying to keep a doctor away. This guy needs a doctor. No. Oh, you're still here? Sorry, Victor, everybody. Victor's still here. He brought up fruit somehow.

I had a quick aside about the Vs, but I'll skip that. Yeah, yeah, skip it. So I was in Penticton. Boo! Boo! Stupid person. They talk about that dumb thing.

I got broke, man. I'm broke. And I was getting groceries, and this was about one week ago exactly, and I was waiting in line and there was two ladies in front of me and they obviously recognized each other and they were talking about the groceries that they were getting

and the first lady says, yeah, I think we're probably just going to do burgers tonight and the second lady goes, oh, Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo oh man oh yeah oh wow

mooie mooie that's pretty good Victor everybody thank you thanks Victor fantastic hand it off to the next gentleman there is a reason that guy gets the spoils

yeah yeah dude I'm surprised with all of us jumping in during like his preamble that the There is a reason that guy gets the spoils. Yeah. I'm surprised with all of us jumping in during his preamble that the line didn't just disappear. No. Your name, sir? Arliss. Arliss, everybody.

Is that with dollar signs? Yeah. Well, you know, I submitted this overheard. I submitted it to your show maybe four or five years ago, and you talked about it, but you didn't actually put it on the show. Interesting. So I want to actually borrow it. The anticipation has been growing.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the Arliss overheard? Yeah, the lost. The mythical Arliss overheard? Remember we did a whole episode. We went down to Arliss's vault to find his overheard. And we opened it up. There's nothing in there.

Or so we said until tonight. Okay. So I was on vacation with my wife. We were in Costa Rica. And we're at a resort. And we're having dinner. And, you know were in Costa Rica. And we're at a resort and we're having dinner. And, you know, everything's good and we're chatting. And, you know, there's a brief lull in the conversation. I just look over at another table.

And there's this older American couple, like in their 70s. And I just look over and the wife, she's like sawing into her steak. And she just looks up at her husband, and she says, Milton Berle's a fag. Wow. It's all right. Yeah. Yeah.

Arliss, everybody. Have you ever heard that famous Milton Berle story? Just Enough to Win? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you guys know that story? Yeah, that's the punchline of it. Milton Berle has like a famously giant penis.

I mean, he's dead now. Do you think it's decomposed? No, no. They preserved it in a jar. Oh, like Rasputin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he had a giant penis. And he was on Saturday Night Live.

Is that where it took place? I don't know. I think that's... Yeah, and somebody was like, I want to see it. Because he would show it to anybody. He was a degenerate. Sorry about this. It's your show.

But there was one guy that was working at Saturday Night Live. He's like, I got a pretty big penis. I want to compare it to Milton Berle's. And Milton Berle was like, at this point, all shy. He's like, nah, not going to do it. And he's like, come on. I think I can compare to you. And he goes, yeah, OK.

I'll just pull out enough to win, which is a great, as good a penis story. One that the whole family can enjoy. What is your name, sir? My name is Dave Also. Dave Also! Yeah, a lot of Daves. Oh my god, is it my birthday? Did you guys bring all the sexy Daves out?

Sexy laugh on that guy. Yeah. Nice shirt, too. I like this. Alright, go ahead. Show us your cock! Yeah, yeah. No, just show Go ahead. Show us your cock. No, just show us enough. I was in line at a food place and there were two girls in front of me. One girl says to the other,

I have a thing at my house on Friday. You guys should come over. The other girl looks at her and says, No, I'm going to that hula hoop retreat this weekend. I don't know what either of those things mean. Oh, well, you know. That hula hoop retreat. Yeah.

You know the one. Yeah. No, it sounds like that was an emphasis. Like, there were multiple possible hula hoop retreats. Yeah. And she was sing hoop retreats. Yeah. And she was singling one out. Yeah. Is that the VAT?

I hope so. I don't know what a hula hoop retreat is. Yeah. Dave, everybody. Dave, everybody. Dave. That guy's so in shape, he's not afraid to wear the horizontal stripes. Right?

Yeah. What is your name, sir? Hello, my name is Terrence. Terrence, everybody. Terrence. I never would have guessed that. No? No.

All right. I would have guessed our list. Dave, sorry. My name's Dave. Hey, Dave, everybody. Mine's got a little bit of setup. I was coming back from Vancouver Island, and I was getting off the ferry and getting on to the bus and there was a family with a bunch

like five or six six to ten year olds waiting in line and a gentleman a wheelchair got on the bus first and one of the kids sang a song to himself and I'm gonna do my best to do his whole intonation and his thought process of exactly the song he sang, which was, there's a wheelchair on the bus, on the bus. There's a wheelchair on the bus, on the bus. There's a wheelchair on the bus. Oh, no. The bus is going to crash.

There's a wheelchair on the bus. I am going to pee. My pants. Terrence, everybody. Terrence, wow. Wow. Oh, man. It's one of those things.

If the prophecy was right, then you excuse me. Is that from the Old Testament? Get on up here, next guy. Come on. One more, and then one more, and then we're all going to go to that skate park. Yeah. Oh, boy. What is your answer?

It's such an odd place to have a Band-Aid. What? Yeah, it's true. You have a Band-Aid right at the base of your bicep. It used to be in a different place, but then I moved it because I got a different cut. Oh. I want to hear the story. I decided to relocate. Yeah.

Oh. Wait, what? You just got the one Band-Aid? Yeah. There was only one. Somebody else tried to get one earlier. Spider-Beard, meet one Band-Aid. Go get married.

Welcome to rock bottom. Real couple of depression era heroes. Jesus. Real couple of depression something. These are tough times.

Yeah, they are tough times. Alright, go ahead with your overheard. My name is Christian. Oh, so hi. I'm sorry. I thought your name was Bicep. Bicep? Yeah, Bicep.

If it really were, you would have turned the other cheek and just gone on with your story. My, my, my, my, my. Bone. Yeah. I used to work in a higher end seafood restaurant. No, you did not. Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

No. No. A slightly higher end. You did not work at a high end anything. I'm sorry. No. This did not happen. This is an isolated

incident. I worked at a low-end seafood restaurant. We only had one rubber band for all the lobster claws. You're just all very mean people. I used to work in a restaurant that served seafood to people of...

Oh, we're the worst. Of the older, richer variety. Oh, sorry, checked out. And I overheard two women talking. They were obviously talking about traveling, something like that. I don't know. Anyway, they women talking. They were obviously talking about traveling, something like that. I don't know.

Anyway, they were talking. Here. Very rude. I know, I'm sorry. One more try. These women, they were talking. The two of them. Both. And one woman says to the other woman, I like flying, the two of them both and one woman says

to the other woman I like flying but I don't like being that close to the sun yes amazing Christian good question everybody

hey bunny oh man see I knew he could handle it I knew I knew his overheard would be good enough. Yeah, he was outstanding. Icarus.

Our final overheard of the evening, everybody. Whoa. What is your name? Hi, my name's Marta. Marta. Hi, Marta. Marta, everybody. Hello.

Marta, you can applaud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How was the Slater-Kinney concert? It was good. That's what my overheard is about, actually. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Oh, it's a real interactive experience. Yeah. I went to the Slater-Kinney concert this past week, and I was standing in the crowd, and I just heard this lady next to me say, I'm surprised how many dudes are here. I was expecting this to be a real taco fest. Oh, boy. Cinco de Mayo.

Marta, everybody Marta everybody Marvelous I mean Thank you everyone That's the end of the show No I know but we can't go all night What Yeah of course What about that guy?

I can top it, he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's setting himself up. Do you know how much better than Taco Fest this has to be? This has to be like... This guy's flying too close to the sun. Yeah. Yeah, well, so have I.

And you don't see me bragging. What's your name, sir? Lucas. Lucas, everybody. Lucas! Cutting my hair for a new segment for you guys. Hopefully it works out. I'm sorry if it doesn't.

Okay. I've been staring at your belly vagina for the last 60 minutes. Yes, so what? What I want to do is... Stop bragging. I just want to eat it while you orgasm. Yes, so what? What I want to do is... Stop bragging! I just want to eat it while you orgasm. No, no, no. No, don't. No. What's going on right now?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. This was... Is that all you had? That's all I had. Okay, yeah. Trust us when we say the show is over. Yeah, yeah. Who was with this guy?

He didn't just show up by himself. Careful on those stairs, buddy. On the one hand, I would like to thank him for making my little voice not the most horrible thing that happened on the show. Oh, man. And he's leaving.

Jesus Christ. Give him your band-aid. He's gone. Don't be sad, sir. It's okay. No, we love you. Don't be sad. The things will get better.

Don't have more beer. Give him the vape juice. Here, catch this final koosh ball. He's still here. Is he still here? No. Well, that was a fun trip down memory lane. What happened?

I was very weird at the end. I know. How did a show that started about me talking about a spider come out of my beard and so weird? Is what I want to know. I feel very worried about that man. Yeah, I want to do one of feel very worried about that, man. Yeah, I want to do one of those Men in Black memory wipers.

If whoever did that was not Asian, fuck you! Yeah! And if you were Asian, that was totally legit, man. I apologize. Well, it's getting weirder and weirder. We want to thank everyone who came out tonight.

Please donate in the lobby. Dig deep if you got some cash. And yeah, thanks to all the Sunday Service who came by before the show. And thank you to the Rio Theater who let us have this space. They waived the rental fee. So nice. Outstanding. Thanks to Ira for making the show go.

And thank you to you guys for coming out here. And Charlie DeMuth, Alicia Tobin. Everybody have a safe trip home. Have a good night, everyone.