Stop Podcasting Yourself - Stop Podcasting Yourself 208 - Bita Joudaki

Episode Date: March 13, 2012

Bita Joudaki returns to talk about nude art models, the Jersey Shore, and park benches.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 208 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who can't believe that it's already Super Tuesday, Mr. Dave Shumka. By the time this episode comes out, it'll be the week after Super Tuesday. Oh, I know, and you'll be able to return all your Super Tuesday gifts that you didn't like.

It'll be Super Tuesday Boxing Week. So happy Super Tuesday to you. Yeah, and yours in this season of Super Tuesdays. Did you remember to send a card to your dentist and your postman? Yeah, I always make sure I give my postman a bonus. Yeah, what do you usually tip a postman around Super Tuesday? $800. Oh, wow! Yeah, yeah, you usually tip a postman around Super Tuesday? $800. Oh, wow!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he always rings twice. Yeah, that's true. So that's great. And our guest today is a repeat... I'm sorry, I have no information on Super Tuesday. Well, I don't even really know what it is. I just know that it's the day that we're recording as Super Tuesday.

Oh, okay. Or maybe it's not. Maybe there's just people making reference to it in passing. I didn't actually watch the news today. You just saw what was trending? Yeah. That's where I get all my news about, you know,

I hate it when and Super Tuesday. Yeah, that's a lot of... Oh, it depends what time of day it's happening. If it's noon, that's a lot of... Oh, it depends what time of day it's happening. Because if it's noon, that means there's a soccer game happening in Europe and there's a bunch of soccer players

that are trending right now. Brazil. Yep, in Europe. Brazil. No, that's the name of a soccer player over there. Eduardo Brazil. Our guest today, back by popular demand. We tried to fight it.

We said no. But they said yes, please. She's a comedian and she is a studying artiste. See, she said say anything in her intro. Right? You are, though. Both of those things. are you neither of those things I don't know

she's got the best head of hair in all of the west coast can we agree on that glossy flossy bouncy flounce flaxen does flaxen mean blonde yeah raven haired writing desk Simone Does flaxen mean blonde? Yeah. Okay, it's not flaxen. Ravenhaired.

Writing desk. Simone. Simone, yeah. That's so ravenhaired. Yeah, you're so ravenhaired. The very, very funny and charming Miss Bita Judaki is our guest. Hello. Hello.

Thanks for being our guest. No problem. Do you want to get to know us yeah now why did you make such a a smirk sound right into the microphone when i said you're training to be an artist. That's just a funny thing. It's just funny to me. Yeah, well, are you? Would you consider yourself an artist? You're in art school.

Yeah, I'm in art school. Yeah. I wouldn't introduce myself as an... I don't know why. No, that would be obnoxious. Hello, I am an artist. Well, when you say it like that. I don't know. Yes, but I am in art school yes

so you are training to be an artist you just have to do your residency yeah you've got to wear art scrubs yeah now what is there a particular like pardon me

that was me is there a particular study that you're doing is it yeah i'm doing film and video okay yeah so you're gonna make are you gonna make movies or installations uh column a column b yeah uh what are you doing right now? Tell us all about it. In school? Yeah. Okay. Or right this second. Just right this second?

You're touching my foot. Holding my foot. Yeah. I feel nervous. I know. It happens. You clam up here. I know.

This is the time of your redemption. What is it about us? Is it our intimidating beards? Yes. Okay. What if we? Is it our intimidating beards? Yes. Okay. What if we hold our hands over our beards? I would like that. Like Macaulay Culkin. Did you see the picture of Macaulay Culkin a couple weeks ago looking rough?

He looks rough. He has a wispy mustache. He says he's okay. Oh, he says that? Or his publicist or something. His publicist said he's been left home alone for many years. Because that kid would run out. No, he went to the store. He knew how to go to the grocery store.

Yeah, and then all the grocery bags broke. Kevin! So what are you studying right now? I know video and movies, but are you... Like what classes am I taking? Well, what do you do? Are you working on movies. What classes am I taking? What happens in art school? Tell us about it. Other than experimentation.

I don't feel I've learned anything. To be honest. I don't know. I don't know what happens. I don't know. Teachers are talking. Sounds like school. I don't know. Teachers are talking and... Sounds like school.

I don't know. Well, like, I've seen the movie Art School Confidential. Have you seen that movie? I saw, like, 20 minutes of it and I stopped watching. Is it... Well, in that 20 minutes, was it accurate or not at all? No. So, what's... So, you're not learning anything.

You hate it. You hate art not learning anything. You hate it. I don't hate it. There's just a lot of talking. Yeah. Let's talk more rock is what you're trying to say. Exactly. I got you. Are you working on a specific project right now? A few. Yes.

Don't elaborate. Whatever you do, She's so cagey. Keep your answers short and mysterious. Well, I... Okay, I'm... Okay, this is stupid. What? We're working on making a short film in one of my classes.

That is so stupid. It's very stupid. Why is that stupid? Because we're not even... We've been making it since January and we haven't even shot anything yet. How long do you think it takes to make a movie? I don't know.

I think that sounds about right. It's only going to be like two minutes. The teacher just keeps talking. Don't start yet talking don't start yet don't start yet I left the batteries at home okay guys two minutes does seem awfully short

for a short film it's very short because none of us have used worked with actual film cameras are you using actual film? 16mm or 35mm? optical soundtrack? no Are you using actual film? Mm-hmm. 16 millimeter or 35, 16? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Optical soundtrack?

No. Not, no sound. No, silent. A 16 millimeter, silent, two minute film. Mm-hmm. Like the artist. Like the artist. Right.

So what is the plot? Have you seen the artist? Yeah, I saw that. I haven't. You haven't? Yeah, I hear it's silent. I hear that it just takes all the old silent movie things and just redoes them. Yeah. I didn't think it was as good as any other silent movie I've seen.

What's your favorite silent movie? Around the Horn. I don't know. Favorite silent film? I don't know. Come on. I don't have one. Well, pick one of your top ten.

I don't have one. What's yours? I like Sherlock Junior. I don't have one what's yours? I like Sherlock Junior Buster Keaton, Sherlock Junior I like all the Buster Keatons I like some

early Harold Lloyd some Fatty Arbuckle none of the dramas well maybe Nosferatu, that one's pretty good have you seen that one? No spooky but yeah I don't know why Dramas. Well, maybe Nosferatu. That one's pretty good. Have you seen that one? No. Spooky. But yeah, I don't know why, like, those silent dramas really don't hold up. Like, the comedies, at least, there's something to watch.

Right. But silent dramas where it's just two weird looking people. Furrowing. Making facial expressions at each other. Looking up, looking down. And then there's somebody in a gorilla suit that jumps out. He's got to fight that guy. You would like the dog, Dave.

In the movie? Yeah. In the artist. Yeah. I've seen pictures of the dog. I've seen footage of the dog. The dog seems great. Does your movie have a dog in it? Yeah.

What's your two-minute rule going to be? Well, I'm working with this other guy. It's his idea. um his name is clyde that's a good name for a short filmmaker and uh he he's gonna film a chair and he's gonna milk he's gonna put udders on the chair. And he's gonna milk the chair. Is he also in the film and video program? Yeah, he is. Is this an elective for him? No, no, he's in the film and video program.

He's in the agriculture. Yeah. I chose to work with him. I'll go with Clyde. I like him the best. I don't like any of the other people but clyde's he's got it right i don't know he's just like quiet and weird he wants to milk a chair who doesn't these days now when he originally proposed the concept were you immediately on board were you hesitant

were you like how are we going to do this or did you i don't know i was like sure i'll work with clive does anybody want to milk a piece of furniture again what kind of chair is it gonna be office yeah oh oh well just like one of those school cheap one of those school chairs okay you know that you can stack oh okay yeah because you could do a lot of uh you know commentary on society if it was a really fancy chair for a lazy boy oh yeah you stack them up no stack them up with a uh like a school chairs then it's like factory factory farming yeah right it has a message if factory farming is great if he if he's dressed like ronald m McDonald, too, when he milks the chair,

what's he going to be dressed like? Only hands will be seen. What are those hands going to be dressed like? Will they have big diamond rings on them? No. Mickey Mouse gloves? Maybe. One hook, one hand?

Yeah. No, just hands. Naked hands. Naked hands. All they... Naked hands. All right. Well, how are you making the udders? Where are you getting

the udders from? He's making them. And he's going to fill them with milk? Or like a white substance. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Something that'll read milk on screen.

I'm making the udders and I'm going to fill them with... I don't want to spoil it for you yet. We'll see on the day. Yeah. Yeah.

Now put on these Mickey Mouse gloves. What's the... What is... Is there a... Title? Title? Yeah, working title, please. I believe it's called Milk.

Oh, with Sean Penn. Milk, in brackets. No, not that one. Yeah. Wow. So when does shooting start? I think at the end of this month. Well, Clyde's always doing something right now.

Maybe. That was pretty good. What? I don't know what you said. I said Clyde's doing some shooting right now. Gross. But for real, when do the cameras roll on this project? At the end of the month.

This is it? Solid. Once your teacher shuts up. Yeah. He just talks about nothing. I can't even understand what he's saying. Does he have a ponytail? No, he doesn't.

Does he wear a turtleneck? He should. He could. He doesn't. He wears fleece zip-ups. Oh, yeah. That sounds about right. Some sort of hiking shoe?

Yeah. Like a mountain equipment co-op type shoe maybe a keen they're like brown shoes brown shoes yeah i know classic yeah classic zip up no ponytail or turtleneck yeah i know the guy um now uh you're doing the the film portion when you're in film school do you also have to study sculpture or drawing or any of that other stuff? Yeah. Well, you don't have to, but you can. Are you?

Yeah. I'm taking drawing this semester. Last semester, I took a sculpture class. Now, did you like sculpture or was it not for you? I liked it. I worked with metal. What did you make out of metal? I made this weird flower thing.

Vase. Dave, your guess. Oh, I think of metal flower. Oh, you were thinking of metal flower. I was thinking something. It was a vase with flowers coming out of it. Oh, both. Both.

Out of metal. Partial credit. I use those machines. Oh, a car. A race car. You used a metal cutting machine? Yeah, it was scary. A slicer?

A meat slicer? Oh, what is it? Like, not a scroll saw. That's wood. But what is it that you cut metal with? Do sparks fly out? Mm-hmm. Oh, it's awesome.

That is pretty good. Did you get to wear special goggles? I did. Mickey Mouse gloves? Mickey Mouse gloves. What else did you use? Was it all metal sculpting? We also worked with wood.

What did you make out of wood? A mask. Do you still have the... Is the mask here with us today? I'm wearing it. I don't know. Do you sculpt or carve a wood? I carved it.

What's the difference? Sculpting, you take something that's... Pliable? Yeah, pliable. I guess there's pliable wood. Well, you can do like the... They used to make canoes. They would steam wood so that it would shape into something.

They still do. Oh, sorry. I mean, the people at Mount Nikola. Yeah. So you carved a mask. Was it one of those... Is it like a First Nations type of mask or a Comedia del Arte mask?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tragedy comedy? Neither of those. Spookity? Is it spooky? Spookity. Yeah. Let's play guess the mask.

Okay, we know it's Spookity. Yeah, it's a Spookity mask. Is it supposed to be... It looks like a... It ended up looking like a cat. Well, that doesn't's Spookity. Yeah, it's a Spookity mask. Is it supposed to be... It ended up looking like a cat. Well, that doesn't sound spooky at all. I didn't mean it to, but it did. I noticed that it looked like a cat. When you looked at your blueprints, you were like,

ugh, it's just a drawing of a cat. Yeah, basically. So you made a cat. You made some flowers. What else? That was like a lovely afternoon. Yeah, it really does. Clay?

We worked with Clay. I made a bust. Oh, of a human being? Of a woman. Oh. Yeah. Is there a Mr. Busty Woman? Was it of a person that you had to model it after,

or was it just a person you made up? I made it up. And then when you were done, did it look like a cat? It did. No, it didn't. Before the podcast, we were talking about, Grandpa was humping his pillow that he does. Grandpa, my dog.

Does he do that all the time? Yeah, when guests come over. He's a little depressed. He's really funny. And I asked if you had any pets, and you don't. But you said that you would be open to the idea of having some cats. Yes. How many? Or do you mean some as in plural cats?

Or do you mean some as in there's types of cats you will not have? No, I mean plural. I would have two cats. But what kind of cats would you not have? Hairless? Oh, sure. Yeah. Sure you would or sure you wouldn't? You would. I would.

If you gave it to me, I would have it. You just want free cats. That's a very good answer. You want two free cats. Yeah. Well, is that so much to ask? I don't think so. Did you ever have to take a career planning course as a part of any school curriculum?

And they're like, where do you see yourself in five years? And you're like, well, two cats. But first and foremost, the cat situation will be under control. Have either of you ever had, like, a five-year plan? I can't imagine. Then people do, don't they? Yeah, I mean, people say they do, say they but you know life's what happens man yeah whatever whatever your plans yeah whenever someone says they have a five-year plan i like to uh

make sure they or their partner get pregnant and i make sure yeah he's very thorough yeah Yeah, I don't... In this economy, five months, right? If you can get ahead five months, which I'm not. I think I'm working on a three-month plan,

which I think is pretty good. How about you? Month to month? Basically. Hand to mouth. Hand to mouth, sure. I don't know what that means. I don't have, I don't know.

I guess finish school, and that'll be two years. So is that like a two-year plan? That's a two-year plan. Two-year plan. You're ahead of the curve. What about you, Dave? What's your yearage? Oh, boy.

Like, I'm at like a two-month plan. I'm ahead of you in plans? What am I, where am I going? What? You just got married. Yeah, that's true, like, a two-month plan. Two? I'm ahead of you in plans? What am I, where am I going? What? You just got married. Yeah. That's true. Give me a break.

That's true. He's off the market. He's getting used to being off the market. How, you, do you do have a five-month plan? No, I said, maybe I'm at three months. Okay. So I said two. Two.

Well, I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, no, neither am I, but, I mean, I got, like, you know, I got till, I think I have C until June. Until you run out of groceries. It's going to be some grim times. So you've done it all. Now you're doing drawing. You were telling us that you have to draw a shirtless man. Well, when we picked you up for the podcast, you said you had to draw something.

And I said, is it a wrestler? And you said, no, it's a shirtless man. And I was like, yes, that's what I'm talking about. I think I could be like a psychic, a suit seer. I thought you were going to say a nude model. A seer. I could be a nude psychic. You could be a nude model.

Thank you. Have you had to do any nude drawing? Oh, yeah, many. Many nude drawings. Now, what are the types of fellas and ladies that come in for the nude drawing? They're all very weird people. But they're very nice. Weird how?

Weird bodies? Weird moles? No. Their bodies are fine. Draw my back knee. Today we're focusing on the back knee. The back knee chapter in your drawing book. Is it the weirdest seeing a person take off their robe?

I'm assuming they wear a robe. I've only ever seen this on TV sitcoms. It's not that weird. I was worried I would giggle. Why would you be worried about that? I don't know. I never laugh. But I didn't. I'm very

serious. Yeah. My friend told me one time... Did anyone giggle? No. Okay. My friend told me one time she saw an old man's butthole. Because he was bending over in the post. And she had to...

Was it there the whole time? Yeah. She had to stare at it. He wasn't just bending over, like, stepping on his keys as he left? So she had to draw it. I guess. Oh, wow. keys as you left. What? So she had to draw it. I guess.

Oh, wow. Draw the S in some of the butthole. Oh, wow. She could just draw a banner over the tent. Whoops. Yeah. Draw the word fart coming out of it. So nobody

giggles. No one even goes like, nice wiener. No. Oh, man. Do you have to sign a code of conduct contract at the beginning, promising to? Yeah. Don't take out your meter stick and flip their wiener around. Oh no.

Do not attach udders to them. Do not under any circumstance try to milk the models. What's the median age of these nude models? Like a 50? Yeah. Mostly the retirees picking up a little what's the median age of these nude models? Like a 50? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mostly the retirees picking up a little scratch on the side. Mm-hmm. Wow. Huh. Are they standing at all times? Sometimes they're sitting. Do you throw away the chair afterwards? It depends on how comfortable they are. The teacher will always be like,

are you okay? Do you need to sit? Are you okay? Do you need to sit? Are you cold? Do you want a blanket? Yeah, you got to crank up the heat for that day, right? Then she'll be like, well, maybe I can sit for the next pose, you know? Sure. What kind of, are they doing like a person doing the discus or something?

Like what kind of crazy poses are we talking about? Or are they just standing? Well, the old man did the bend over. The prostate again. Yeah, the bend and spread. They just do energetic poses that would be interesting

to draw. Like yoga poses. Sure. So these people are doing naked yoga-ish. Sometimes, yeah. They're contorting. Sure. So these people are doing like naked yoga-ish. Sometimes, yeah. They're contorting. Okay. Well, how could you not see a butthole in that scenario? Seems like it was about to happen, right?

Let's stop saying that. So what do you have any aims with like do you want to pursue being an artist even though you don't want to call yourself that? Or do you want to be a filmmaker? Or do you just want to herd cats?

What do you want to do? I think I would like to make films. Short films? Two minutes? Two minute films. Under two minutes. About? Chairs. Well, you're already living the dream. Yeah, I am? Two minute films. Under two minutes. About? Chairs.

Well, you're already living the dream. Yeah, I am. Which is great. Yeah. You should get another chair in there. Put a set of horns on it. Yeah. And I think you see where this is going.

Or like, yeah, get like, oh, like have a little stool and then put a little pig's note on it. Oh. Yeah, that's good. Farm of seating options. Yeah, what would be like a chicken? Like a little night table would be the chicken or something? Yeah. I'll tell Clyde.

Yeah, Clyde will hate it. He will. You're messing with my vision. Yeah. Do your impression of Clyde Yeah, Clyde will hate it You're messing with my vision Do your impression of Clyde I was literally going to say You're messing with my vision Is that what he sounds like? Peter Peter, no

Peter, you are the only one who understands my vision Chair only He seems like a great guy the last couple times we've had you on the podcast you've made long ranging predictions about the future of Katy Perry's career I don't know why

we don't remember exactly what the predictions are I think we all made predictions I think you made predictions about Beyonce and Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. That's what I remember. I remember Kesha being in the fold. Oh yeah. And she's vanished. Nobody knows where she is. She disappeared. Really? Not true.

She's doing great. She is who she is. Any thoughts on the modern day Katy Perry? Now a divorcee. What were your predictions? That Katy Perry would vanish off the modern day Katy Perry? Now a divorcee. Yeah, did we... What were your predictions? That Katy Perry would vanish off the face of the earth?

Yeah. That Beyonce would have a baby girl named Blue Ivy? I said that. Yeah. So you're one for two. Yeah, I don't know. I still... I just don't...

I still don't like... I just... I just don't get why Katy Perry exists in the pop world um because somebody had to marry Russell Brand

yes people need to know that they're a firework that's true yeah and also I didn't think about that but like she

not only did she does she exist but she her most recent album she had five number one singles and the only other person to do that was michael jackson that and he's dead no way yeah yeah it's true i still don't like her uh the video where she plays an old lady in the video i am gonna throw that out there and

say that that is the dumbest video of the past 20 years. Prove me wrong. I don't know the video. It's her in very hilarious, like, you know, you put glue on your face to make yourself look like an old person, right? It's that kind of level of makeup. And she's got a white wig, and it's her remembering her skeezy

boyfriend that she had in present time. So this is her in the future. Uh-huh. Ooh, what's the future like? Ah, she's got a is her in the future. What's the future like? She's got a glue face in the future. But there's no inventions? The invention of... No, you know what? Actually,

the future looks a lot like the 1950s. Oh, weird. She's dressed like an old lady would look if an old lady from the 50s was old now. Is she Benjamin Buttoning? Wait. No, that's not right. It is. Oh, like, no. Because

she would remember herself as old in the past. And she would be a baby. Maybe she's having visions. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's it. What are your thoughts, Bita? I haven't seen it. Oh, nuts. I feel like I was really digging a hole there. And you guys, neither of you threw me a line. No, I don't seen it. Nuts. I feel like I was really digging a hole there. And you guys, neither of you threw me a line.

No, I don't think we can all agree Katy Perry's here to stay. She's the greatest. Kesha's in at number two, followed by Gaga. Oh, Beyonce. Rounding it out at number five. Blue Ivy. Yeah, Beyonce's up there as well.

Rihanna's great, makes poor life decisions. Yeah. Do you think her and Chris Brown, they'll end up back together, right? I don't... They did a song together. Yeah, but that's how it starts, right? Yeah. That's the way that Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney ended up as a couple. And Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder.

Yeah. So what we learned today is that Paul McCartney's kind of a slut. Yeah. He gets around. He's like one of those actresses who falls in love with his co-star. Oh, yeah. Like Rachel McAdams? Sure.

Jennifer Aniston? Oh, yeah. You know what I think? I think she just likes falling in love. I think so. She's in love with love. Yeah. Well, who isn't, right?

Love is... Love is what you isn't, right? Love is... Love is what you want it to be. Love is heaven to the lonely. Show me what you want me to do, because love is what I got for you. Atlanta Miles. Really good. Yeah, thanks. Dave, what's going on with you?

Oh, brother. Katy Perry-wise. Katy Perry-wise. Katy Perry-wise. Katy Watch 2012 is underway. No, it has been... We returned to Vancouver two days ago from Toronto. The Big Smoke. Nothing has happened to me since.

Nope. Well, you can recap the Toronto adventure. Yeah, let's do that. Because we released... We haven't released it yet as of this recording, but by the time this episode comes out, we will have released the live episode. But, you know, not everyone likes to listen to live episodes,

so if you missed it, here's what we did in Toronto. Yeah. We hung out at a Mountain Dew Ski and Snowboard Festival for three days, because they were handing out free drinks. We recorded the podcast at the Comedy Bar, which is great. Great venue. Have you been to the Comedy Bar?

Mm-hmm. To perform or to watch? Both. What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the other thing that people may or may not remember about B-Day. She is a two-time mover to Toronto and mover-backer to Vancouver.

Two times. And we're glad. We win in that equation, right? We've lost some people in the recent past. They come back. They always come back. You think? Mm-hmm.

I hope you're right, Dave. So we went to the Mountain Dew Festival. Yep, Mountain Dew Festival of the Arts. And we saw a play. A play about BMXing. Dave. So we went to the Mountain Dew Festival. Yep, Mountain Dew Festival of the Arts. And we saw a play. A play about BMXing. There was a guy you know, talking to a

skull and he was wearing a helmet. Holding a skull in his hand. Oh Brody. Oh Brody, you his hand. Yeah. Oh. Other things. Oh, Brody. Oh, Brody, you were a rat. Yeah. Extreme Hamlet. Let's see.

Yeah, so today, I don't know. I think the only thing that needs recapping after the Comedy Bar. By the way, thanks to everyone who came up to see us at the Comedy Bar. It was amazing. A couple of people drove up from Chicago. Chi-town. As they call it. Yeah.

I wouldn't presuppose to call something that. I'm not from there. No. Well, then the final day, you and I went out for breakfast. Yeah. At Eggspectations. Yeah! Hilariously new restaurant.

And everything on the menu is an egg pun. Is that in the East End? Think Dundas Square. Think the Mountain Dew area. There are a couple of egg chains. I see. But this one... There's Eggsmart.

Yeah. And Eggspectation. Yeah. And Skrill Eggs. Skrill, the dubstep egg restaurant. They're all egg puns, all the time, at this restaurant. And then there was some that weren't. They were like, the one that I had was, Oy Veg, which was not... That's an egg pun.

What was the one that wasn't? It was like egg splatter. Well, even that's kind of I'm trying to think of one that's not and my brain is just going straight to what is an egg pun. She's got eggs

and she knows how to use them. No, but that works. Oh, okay. Who's the she? Is that a chicken? In that Is that a chicken dish? Yeah.

Chicken with eggs. Egg Begley Jr. Did you know that song, the Paul Simon song, Mother and Child Reunion? Oh, it's a Chinese dish. It was a Chinese restaurant menu item. I didn't know that. It was a chicken and egg dish. Weird.

Yeah, right? Very poetic. Regards to our Chinese listeners. Yeah, and then on the way back, we watched TV on the plane. But we didn't get to sit together, so it kind of bummed me out. Yeah, it bummed me out, too. But the great thing was that Dave passed a message. I was sitting right behind him. You wrote on the iPhone.

The notepad on my phone. Yeah, and you hung it over the back of the seat and it said, Ice Loves Coco is on right now. So we watched it together, but not together. Yeah, and the two people sitting next to you didn't know that we knew each other. And so they started...

I got really embarrassed because they were looking at my phone as well. I'm like, this message isn't for you. But they're like, I appreciate the alert. So yeah, the Ice Loves Coco episode we watched. It's all about going fishing. Yeah, she... That was actually, for a reality show, that was like the least fake thing.

It was fairly coherent as a... It was like the writing team from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air got their hands on a reality franchise. Because it was. She was like, I want to catch a fish, because last time I got a fish, and Ice-T didn't take a picture of it. Or he deleted the pictures before.

Yeah, so it's Ice-T. He's trying to make good by his... His lady love, Coco. Have you ever seen this show? No. Do you have a television? I do. Do you know who Ice-T is? Yeah. Have you seen Coco? Yeah, I have. Describe her.

She's blonde and she has big boobs. Yeah. And she wears pink sometimes. Not just big boobs, but... Big butt. Yeah, big butt. You got it. Coco. So, but like for a fake reality show, you'd think they would just, you know, like have her catch a...

She caught like a seven foot Marlin. Yeah. You'd think they would just do that off screen. And then just have him taking the picture? Yeah, but she actually had to catch it. Yeah, well, that's the great thing about Ice-T. He doesn't do anything in half measures. Except, you know, a lot of things in his life.

His acting, I don't know. He makes it look like being on Law & Order is a real tough gig. Oh, we had to shoot two episodes at once. He's like, ugh, it's really tiring. I need a vacation. Meanwhile, he's in two scenes and episodes. Yeah, they only... He's...

Yeah, that's right. I was like, wait a minute. He's not even... He's not like the head guy that goes out. They just go back to the station and he goes like, I remember this guy. Bad impression. Or it wasn't good.

He doesn't play the title character. Gary SVU. What kind of television do you watch? You don't watch Ice Loves Coco, so my mind is boggled. I do watch Jersey Shore reality TV wise.

I don't think we've ever talked about Jersey Shore on the show. Do you watch it, Graham? I've never seen it, but I know all of the principal characters. I watched the first ever episode, and then over Christmas I watched another episode, and it's very enjoyable. I had to write a paper on it. What? That doesn't make any sense. For my media culture class.

Just to shut up the teacher. No, he wanted us to write about reality TV. So you wrote an essay. Yeah, so I watched the whole first season, and I'd never really watched it before, and now I can't stop. What was the title of the essay? Oh, what was it?

Oh, okay. So in the first episode, one of the characters named Ronnie, he's like, they're filming him before he goes. He's like, it's time to get to the Jersey Shore. Okay, all right. He's like, it's time to get filthy, creepy, and weird. So my title was The Jersey shore semicolon let's get filthy creepy and weird nice yeah that's pretty good yeah yeah i the the what is it the third or fourth season

they've gone to like italy they've gone to miami yeah uh and now they're they're famous they are but they never uh acknowledge that on the show. Yeah, they still make them work at a dumb t-shirt shop or something. Oh, what? Wait a minute. That was the premise of the first season, was they took all these people and they put them in this... They all had to live together on the Jersey Shore. Right.

And then in the daytime, they had to work a day job. together on the Jersey Shore, and then in the daytime they had to work a day job. So, in the original version of it, they were actually a bunch of bums that worked, I assume bums, that worked at a t-shirt shop somewhere, and now they've

made a fake world where they still work at a t-shirt shop, but they're also super famous? In real life, but they've made yeah a reality show is that how it works yeah i've never seen it you've confused me they're they they are who they are like kesha and they but they do have to work at that's one of the they have to have a place to go in the day but But in real life, they go on live with Kelly.

Yeah. So is that stuff on the show? No. So it's fake. They made up a world where they work at a t-shirt shop, which none of them do. Right? Basically, yeah. That's crazy.

I didn't know that. That's like they folded the whole reality show thing in on itself. I find it strange that the t-shirt shop isn't just stocked with Jersey Shore. Like pictures of a shirt that just has situation abs on it. Oh, and then it has a flap that you pull up. And so the abs are on the shirt underneath. But there's like an extra layer of shirt that you pull up to show the abs on the shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a good shirt. It's our best seller. Yeah, it's our best seller here at the Jersey Shore T-shirt shop. So what kind of shirts? Do they just sell just generic shirts? Yeah, I'm in New Jersey. Somebody who hates me very much gave me this shirt from New Jersey. So that to me, that's like, did you include that in the essay?

How mind-blowing it is? Yeah, I did. I connected it with the middle class gays that we all watch reality TV shows from. I am, what? Go on. I'm very, now you've captivated me. Middle class gays. G-A-Z-E? We all watch it with a middle class gaze?

G-A-Z-E. No. Or did you mean G-A-Y-S? No, not the gays. Oh, that's what I thought you meant. The middle class gays? I thought that you were saying that middle class gay people enjoyed watching the Jersey Shore. Why wouldn't they? Oh, that's what I was like.

That's why it didn't sound so crazy to me. Yeah. Okay, so we watch it with a middle class gaze. And that's why they don't acknowledge that they're actually above us now. You know what I mean? Because it wouldn't be any fun. Because it would ruin that for us. We wouldn't be like, I'm so much better than Snooki, but actually Snooki makes way more than you do.

But that doesn't make her better. Class isn't about money. Isn't it? Well, no. What are we talking about? Class or class. Right? Because class is about money.

Right. But you can't buy class. Right. But you can buy your way into a class. Right. If you have class buy a class. Right. But you can buy your way into a class. Right. If you have class. Good word. Yeah.

Wow, I can't believe that I thought it was quiet appeals to middle class gays. I thought so, too. We all watch it with middle class gays. We do? We bring over some of our middle... No, your lower class gays. I'm looking for some middle class gays. Uh-uh, not you, Richie.

Lower, lower. Now, why if the show, and I don't expect anybody here to have an answer to this question, but why if the show is called The Jersey Shore, couldn't they just dump the people who are now the rich Jersey Shore people and just bring in new people to work at the T-Shirt? Like, new Jersey Shore

people. Right. I think the personalities matter, don't they? Yeah. So people, they want to know. They want to know what's happening with a JWoww. Yeah, she's got a great personality. She's very magnetic. She does? Snooki.

I mean, Snooki is kind of one of a kind. Right? Yeah. But I think the men on the show are sort of proving that they are not one of a kind. But couldn't they just make a Snooki show and then make the Jersey Shore a rotating castle? Of course they are. Yes. And yeah.

Tara and JWoww are doing their own show. On our way to... Another essay beckons. On our way to Toronto, we watched a Kardashian show that advertised a different Kardashian show that spun off from a third Kardashian show. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's... I don't watch, except when I get on a plane.

Maybe I'll watch some reality TV. I'll watch a Four Weddings at home, sure. Sure, I'm not immune to it. But that's about it. I can't, I don't know, I don't have the stomach. Although Ice Loves Coco, that's as written and as good as Big Bang Theory. Like they're both equally equally they're both equal storytelling ability in my opinion and that's a humble opinion yeah i don't think i could have written either of

those stories do they still do the emmys still do a reality show category and do they do what wins like like the amazing race yeah but do you win do they also do a best host, or is it just best reality show? Best host. Jeff Probst. Well, there was that year when six... Yeah, no, they did have a category, because all of the nominees and best hosts hosted the Emmys. It was like Probst-y versus Klumsky versus Lakshmi. Oh, God. Anyways, thanks for coming out to the Toronto show, everybody. Yeah. Oh, God.

Anyways, thanks for coming out to the Toronto show, everybody. Yeah, thanks, everybody. Graham, what have you been up to? I was at the park yesterday. Oh, yeah. As I do. Must be nice. It was nice. And you know what? You know how people

when a loved one passes away or they'll buy a park bench in memory. Yeah. There was a park bench at the park that had an ad on it to buy a park bench. Like, it's like, you can buy a park bench. And I was, like, I really did actually think about, like, I don't know that I'll ever have kids or whatever. Should I just buy a park bench for myself? And that could be my bench.

And I would invite people, like, we could, you know, we'll meet at my bench. Like, I'll have events around the bench. You'll christen it with a champagne bottle? But, like, you know, it'd be, like, I don't know what I would put on the plaque. Something fun, but not something over the top that people outside of it wouldn't get. Not something that's too inside.

Right? Like what would be too inside? I don't know, something from this podcast. He milked the shit out of that chair. Yeah. Don't milk this bench. Graham Clark. But yeah, I was really...

1980 to 2012. I was really thinking, like, maybe... I don't know. I don't have a ton of walking around money, but I think I could maybe save up. What do you guys think? Thoughts? I'm looking for active feedback.

What does a bench cost? I don't know. And what do you guys think? Thoughts? I'm looking for active feedback. What does a bench cost? I don't know. But how much could it cost? Because the bench is already there. Yeah. They're just placking it. Okay, I'm guessing you're talking about like four figures.

You think? Yeah. What do you think? Like a 5,000? I don't know. Between two and five. Two and 5,000? I don't know. Between 2 and 5. 2 and 5,000. I don't know.

Boy, oh boy. This is something I cannot hand you. No, no. Me neither. Like, I really, I saw it, and it's crazy, because usually you just see the benches, and they're just there. But this bench had an ad on it, like, you can buy a bench. And I never thought about it, because they just exist. I never thought about

buying a bench. Why don't you just get really awesome and have the city name a street after you? There's too many risks that it won't be acknowledged. No, it'll be acknowledged. We take care of our own. There's no Ryan Reynolds Avenue. Yeah, there is. No, there is not. It's a very short avenue.

It's not a joke. Yeah, I don't know why you did it like that. Like he's famously short? No, I meant like... Or he has a small wiener. No, I literally meant it was just a block. That's why you haven't heard of it. But now it came out like I burned Ryan Reynolds.

But, you know, there's all sorts of great dudes from here that don't have their own street. There's a Michael J. Fox theater. Yeah, but there's no... There's Michael Buble Way. There is not! That's not a thing. There's no Michael Buble Way. There's Bryan Adams Hospice for Children.

No, there is not! Of course there is. There is not! Yeah, there's the Seth Rogen Memorial Arena. God rest his soul. So that's what I mean. I don't think they're going to trust the others

to take care of my legacy. You're right. You've got to build your own legacy. That's what the sports guys say. I'm talking about my legacy here. It cost me an arm and a legacy. Subaru legacy. If it was $5,000 and I could come up with $5,000, do you think I should buy a bench? Beta.

Yeah. What should I put on the bench? Your favorite quote. Your butt. Your butt. Your favorite quote about butts. Yeah. I like big butts.

Well, that would be cliched. I'd need something. Yeah. Hey, Coco butts. Well, that would be cliched. I'd need something. Yeah. Hey, Coco, you got a big butt? Ice tea. Ice tea. Yeah, that's his famous quote about his wife. And I believe her quote would be, duh.

Duh. Look how big. But my favorite quote, just in general? Yes. Something, what about something, like, what do you think? A lyric from a Weird Al song? Sure. Dare to be stupid.

Graham Clark. Weird Al. Graham Clark, your friend, it's Weird Al. Yeah. But if you could raise $5,000, why would you do that? Why wouldn't you move into a nicer place into a place that could, you know, move into a nicer place? A year's worth of... Of rent?

Yeah, sure. Here's the thing. A year's worth of extra rent is what I mean. Yeah, I know. But I'm talking about legacy here. This is, you buy a bench, that's forever. Right? Teach a man to bench.

Yeah, he'll press for a lifetime. Yeah. Dave, any thoughts of a quote? Do you put your death date on it? Do you estimate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, 2030. Let's see.

What would be on the plaque? Maybe a joke about plaques and tartar buildup. Oh, that would be pretty good. Yeah. Like something like yeah oh uh don't well what if this is a this is a long shot but if it said uh a plaque to prevent plaque and then there was a cup with complimentary toothbrushes that i refilled every week just park toothbrushes yeah but like they're not loose

like they're still in the package yeah um but you know it's a plaque dedicated to getting rid of but also you would keep another toothbrush there to uh to clean the plaque yeah oh yeah you want that sparkling that would be connected by a chain to the bench how about i don't know if you're allowed to do all this stuff I'm proposing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you get. Yeah, it's my bench. What about some kind of...

If this bench is a rockin'... Oh, yeah. Don't... Hey, get off of this bench. This isn't for sleeving. This isn't a sleeving bench. This is not a library. Get off my bench. This isn't for sleeving. This isn't a sleeving bench. This is not a library. Get off my bench.

This isn't a lending bench. At the bus stop near my house, there's a bench. It's like a covered bus stop with a bench. And then, you know, it's a bus stop, so it gets graffitinated. Yeah. And last week, a guy was there from the city. And I was like, oh, I guess he's pleading the bench or something. And he just removed the bench, and there's no bench anymore. And there's just police tape around it.

You said, this is why you can't have nice things. I was just thinking when you were talking about having a bench, like a bus bench. Do we get paid every time we say the word bench, by the way, in this episode? I was just, this is a really dumb thing, but I'm going to say it out loud because it made me laugh when I thought of it. You know, like people get like a realtor will have their face on the butt bench. You know where you put your butt. This is why I said butt bench is because what if we all pooled our money and got a bus bench that was of an old man's butthole.

Pretty good. All right. Well, we got to take care of some business. Yes, let's do that. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You've got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day.

You've got to shine your shoes. You've got to sweep the floor. You've got to clean your house. You've got to do some more. Take care of beers in the house. Business. Business. It is time for some business.

One thing we wanted to mention on the show A few weeks ago we brought up A sponsor, BowenAccounting.com Yes We also would like just to add He is based out of Bakersfield, California Which I guess tax wise he's an accountant guy That's a specific thing

You need to be in a Rules change from state to state Ah, right So we are mentioning that And we have mentioned that You need to be in a... Rules change from state to state. Ah, right. So we are mentioning that, and we have mentioned that. Now, the next thing on our mention business thing is that there's a new member of the Maximum Fun podcast family. Dave, is it a boy or a girl? It is a both.

What? It is a podcast that is called Throwing Shade. And it is a very funny podcast hosted by Brian Soffey and Aaron Gibson. They are a lady and a gay. Oh, what?

Three men and a gay. They're discussing lady and gay issues. Now, here's the thing. I didn't know what Throwing Shade meant. I had to look it up on UrbanDictionary's the thing. I didn't know what throwing shade meant. I had to look it up on UrbanDictionary.com. Okay. Do you know what it means? Go ahead.

Do you know what it means? Do you have any follow-up questions? Yes, I know what it means. What do you think it means? Oh, go ahead. Because I thought throwing shade meant that you were like a giant of something, so you're like throwing shade because you're so big. But it's not.

It's just talking trash, right? Talking trash about things. Oh. That's what throwing shade means, according to Urban Dictionary. Did you know that? No. Hey, we're all learning. So even if you aren't a lady or a gay discussing lady and gay issues.

You've got to be one of those two things. Yeah. It's 2012. If you're not a lady or a gay, chances are you're probably having sex with a lady or a gay. Sure. Or if not, no, maybe not. Maybe the logic wasn't right on that. No, no, no.

You're right. And also, in 2012, luck can be a lady, and a lady can be a tramp. Yeah. And that's all fine. And tramps can be gay. Yeah. We drew the line. So, yeah, by all means, check that out.

New family member. Welcome. Welcome, Throwing means, check that out. New family member. Welcome. Welcome, Throwing Shade. We're pleased to have you. Now, the other thing in business is it's time to dig deep into your pocketbooks. Max Fun Drive is coming up in a couple of weeks, starting on March 26th. This is the time of year when we ask you to donate to the podcast family so we can survive.

We can survive. We can be kind to our guests and give them all the water they can drink. Yeah. Vida is drinking some high-quality filtered water here. Thirsty. We can, you know, pay for their cabs. Yeah. Do you want a cab home?

Sure. pay for their cabs. Do you want a cab home? Sure. We can make it possible through the whole VaxFun Enterprise. We couldn't have done that Toronto show if this whole network didn't exist. There's no way.

We would never have been able to afford to be able to fly out to Toronto. First class. Wow. Iced tea and cocoa airlines. Yeah. The all escargot meal. But yeah, don't pull the old pulling your pockets inside out and letting a moth fly around.

Yeah. That routine will not cut it. How did the moth survive in your pocket? Because you're so poor. There's nothing, there's no hands going in to crush it. And all you have is wool money. Because you're such a poor piece of shit. What?

I don't know why the moth is a thing. I don't know why you became so aggressive. Because you're so poor, you poor piece of shit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you've fallen on hard times. Anyway. You poor piece of shit. Any support you can give us is great. Now, for more information on the MaxFunDrive, listen to this.

Hey, gang. Jesse here. We've got a ton of great stuff lined up for the MaxFunDrive this year. Gifts, giveaways, exclusive bonus episodes of all of our shows. It's the best time of year to become a MaxFun member. So keep it locked to all of your favorite MaximumFun. our shows. It's the best time of year to become a Max Fun member. So keep it locked to all of your favorite MaximumFun.org shows. The Max Fun Drive starts on March 26th.

Overheards. Overheards. If you're new to the program, longest running segment, next to Get to Know Us, and the theme song off the top of the show. Yeah. Next to the theme song from MASH. It's things you've overheard or seen in your daily life. Fun things.

Crazy things. Things that climb on rocks. Even things with chickenpox. Right. We like to start with the guest. But before we get on to the overheards, I want to do my favorite segment on the show. It is a segment called Celebrity Birthdays. Play the theme song. But before we get on to the overheards, I want to do my favorite segment on the show. It is a segment called Celebrity Birthdays. Play the theme song.

It's a celebrity birthday. We are recording this, as Graham mentioned, on Super Tuesday, which is the 6th? Yep. Okay. Oh, why don't I just check my uh yep tuesday march 6th 2012 celebrating a big celebrity but first dave before you start on your celebrity birthday i would like to get started on a segment i like to call hulk hogan news time for the News Hulk. We're very good at raps. Speaking of this is...

The real Yom TV raps. Being that this is Super Tuesday, this is a Super Tuesday edition of Hulk Hogan News. Super Tuesday edition. Hulk Hogan News. Hulk Hogan.... Hulk Hogan. In Georgia, presidential Republican hopeful

Newt Gingrich took the stage at a rally and was accompanied by Hulk Hogan's famous theme song, I Am A Real American. Not in any way sanctioned by the Hulkster. I don't believe the Hulkster wrote or performed that song. I think he played guitar on it. He was a session musician, as you'll recall.

He played bass in Metallica. But, yeah, so that is his... Should he proceed past whatever voting happens today, it's probably going to be his campaign song. And boy, oh boy. I don't think myself or the other Hulkamaniacs of the world could be more disappointed. Right.

I mean, you know, if it was being used to sell some sort of cereal, vitamins, prayers, I'd be on board. Newt Gingrich is the least Hulk Hogan-looking of the candidates, too. He's the least wrestling of the candidates. You can see him maybe as George the Animal Steel. Shave his head. Eat a turnbuckle. If Hulk Hogan was to run for presidential candidate, what do you think his main three platforms would be?

Shirt ripping off. That would be one. He would give the shirt off of his back to you. Oh, right. Sure. That'd be a pretty good campaign slogan. You know how they always have, in the debates, they always do those dumb, like, instead of telling you about their policy,

they give, like, dumb testimonials about people who don't exist. I spoke to Ricky the Dragon's steamboat in San Diego, California, and he told me that his family's Intercontinental Championship can't make ends meet. I was speaking with the Legion of Doom. Yes. Yes. I was speaking with a couple of great immigrants in this country known as the Bushwhackers. They couldn't get their crazy person medicine. My friend Mr. Fuji is working at a movie theater.

Anyway, so Newt Gingrich is misappropriating the real American theme song to run his dirty, dirty campaign. There you go. Hulk Hogan news. It's the Hulk Hogan news. All right. Now it's time to return back. Let's go back in time a little bit to a simpler time. Celebrity birthdays.

It's a celebrity birthday. It's a celebrity birthday. Happy birthday. Celebrating a big celebrity happy birthday today, rapper and actor Shaquille O'Neal turns 40. It's actor and rapper. Oh, sorry. Aptor.

Star of The Cutting Edge, Moira Kelly is 44 today. Oh, can you give me another movie she was in so I can remember who she is? Was she in Threesome? Oh, with a Baldwin? With a Baldwin and possibly... That was a real 90s romp. Was it Josh Lucas in that or is he too young? I don't remember. Not Josh Lucas.

Oh, Josh Lucas. Josh Charles. Charles. Oh, man. Durning. Comedian and actor and stupid, Tom Arnold is 53. Was he in the stupids? Yeah.

Professional dumb, Tom Arnold. But he played Mr. Stupid. Was that based on a Roald Dahl? No, I think it was... An original screenplay? It was up for Best Original Screenplay. Meathead Rob Reiner is 65 today.

And the answer to this week's celebrity trivia question. You thought this author was dead. Gabriel Garcia Marquez is 85 today. Oh, I don't know anything about that. Who is that person? 100 Years of Solitude, Love in the Time of Cholera.

These are books. These are books. These are books. And also you're correct in my assumption that they were dead. No, wait. What? This person you never knew existed. Happy Birthday! Yeah. I can't believe it was a birthday. Happy birthday to the celebrity.

365 and time to drive. Now it's time to head on back to overheards. Overheards and you're hearing the things. And you're hearing the things. And you're hearing the things. Now, do you have an overheard for us, B2Judecky? We like to start with a guest.

I have a theory about the overheards. I'd like to talk about it. Okay. I think that you either over here or you are the overheard and I think I am the overheard I'm just waiting for someone to say something I've said

on the show like when I'm making their lattes or something that's not a bad theory I didn't have one today but I ran into alicia alicia tobin past yeah while i was walking home and she gave me one so i'm gonna say hers okay yes okay so she was in whole foods and this little girl asked her mom mom can I have some goat cheese? And the mom was like,

Shut up! Something like that. Shut up! You're being stupid! Something really mean like that. We don't eat goat cheese. We eat shark cheese. That's what she said.

Cheese doesn't come from a goat. Oh, man, that's terrifying. Yeah, but it is funny. A lot of her overheards are from Whole Foods, I noticed. Yeah. You're going to hear a lot of things in a Whole Foods. It's true. A lot of really crazy silly things. The mother and child reunion was about that conversation in the Whole Foods.

You were talking about being the overhearer or the overheard and when graham and i landed in vancouver graham had a very animated uh phone conversation with his landlord wherein i was yelling at him yeah i was like you you are playing right into the hands of the overhearers i really was uh man I was so mad. You were. You couldn't wait to get home. Yeah. To talk to this gentleman. Yeah.

I really gave him the what for. And the how do you do. The hi-hat, if you will. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is an overseen. And in the past, people have talked about how Canadian this show is.

They're like, oh, it's like, you know, it takes a little getting used to because it's so Canadian. We're going to be really Mexican in the next show. Yeah. Ay-yi-yi. It's a Mexican show. Welcome to the Mexican show. But I saw something that was so Canadian when I was in Toronto.

And it was just nothing particularly crazy funny about it, but it was just the most Canadian thing I've ever seen. I was just walking down the street and a tow truck drove by towing a Zamboni. Where would it have been

incorrectly parked? I don't know. I assume it was for a violation of some sort. Yeah, sure. It was probably a drunk driver. They had to impound your Zamboni. Oh, man. There's nothing sadder than a guy that's got a Zamboni with no Zamboni.

He's just got to go out with a Swiffer. That's true. He's just got to go out with a swiffer. That's true. He's got to swift the ice. They have little, you know, just during the commercial breaks on hockey games. Oh, here we go, the super Canadian stuff. They have, like, sexy girls come out with shovels. Yeah, and also, was it last year that the Edmonton Oilers were the first team in the NHL to employ cheerleaders?

Oh, I don't know I think they were the only team in the league that had, like, you know, halftime, yeah, like a cheerleader show And do they, like, do the human pyramid and cut each other for their skates? Yeah, well, they just come out and cut a bunch of things Yeah, they're emo. No, they just line up like a bunch of salamis on the ice and just skate through them.

And they whip them into the audience. Hey, Graham. This halftime show is brought to you by Schneiders. Schneiders. The meatiest. Yes? Were you overheard? Yeah, my overheard... I was actually with you. We were in Toronto, and we were talking the whole time we were in Toronto.

The street population, the street meat. The homeless? Well, we don't know that they're homeless, but certainly they were tougher and louder. Rugged. More rugged, perhaps, than a lot of our homeless here in Vancouver. I mean, not that, you know, but it's like

cold winds are going to take it out of you, right? Yeah, a lot of the homeless in Vancouver come from other parts of the country because this is the warmest part of the country. And so if you can survive in the minus 40s... Then you're like the toughest kid on the block.

The homeless block. Yeah, sure. We heard a lot of those people those people, come on who am I? You're not so far away from owning your own bench. That's true! But we saw... You're not so far away from owning your own bench. That's true.

But we passed a guy, older guy, and we only heard just this, the tiniest mutterings of what he was going on about. But it was enough of a preview to make us both perk up when he walked by us and said, Show him your testicles. Yeah, he got to, right? That's probably, I mean, maybe why he couldn't get a job. Maybe that was the advice he was given. Was he talking to himself?

I feel kind of like he might have been talking to us. I like to imagine that he was talking to us. But yeah, so that was a great moment in overheard history. Now, if you was a great moment in Overheard history. Now, if you're a person at home and you're like, how come I can't get to know Overheard? You can. You can send them in

to us at StopPodcastYourself at gmail.com. And write us Overheard. Blurred. I only used one word in that second line and it was blurred. B-L-U-R-R-E-D. This first one comes from AD in Tokyo.

Oh. Yeah. Now, it starts, Hey, gents. I know making fun of incorrect English in Japan is like shooting fish in a barrel, but I saw this today and I had to share it. A man in his mid to late 70s, wearing a varsity jacket, and on the back was an image of a French horn.

Above the picture was a caption that said, The French Horn. Below the picture of the French horn was another caption that read, 1915 to question mark. Is that it? It's only that old? Yeah, but first of all, no, it's older than that. And second of all, what does that even mean? It's like a party invitation.

That's what the person said. It's like, you know, 8 o'clock to question mark yeah we here at Stop Podcasting hope for a long and rich life for the French horn

maybe it was a specific French horn that's what you should get on your plaque French horn? yeah the french horn 1915 to question oh that would be one of those things where it would be kind of like a thing like it would be in a a zagat's travel guide like you gotta see this weird bench that says it's like a dedication to a dead french horn or something it's in new New Westminster that they have the benches that have the Isaac Asimov's

laws of robotics, right? That's in New West, yeah. Yeah. But I wonder if that is somebody who just decided to get a weird bench. No, they shot I, Robot there. Oh, I get it. Maybe you should have, maybe you should shoot a movie.

Never mind What? About a robot? About yourself And then they'll put up a bench In your honor Oh that seems like way more Yeah it does

Like You should shoot a $5,000 movie This next one comes from Phillip S Hi this is Phillip S From Lynchburg, Virginia Bad name for a city right? Yeah

Well racist I think there Is there not a This is Philip S. from Lynchburg, Virginia. Bad name for a city, right? Yeah. Well, racist. I think there's like a famous, like Jack Daniels is from Lynchburg. Oh, is that right? No, I think Jack Daniels is from Tennessee, but I think there's... Something famous. Lynchburg Jackets. Yeah. Lynchburg French Horn Jackets.

Yesterday, I was in a Walmart and heard this. Man, Rochelle, I don't like what these fruit snacks are doing to your attitude. This is why you can't have any goat cheese. Yeah, shut up. Yeah, Rochelle. Fruit snacks, what do they do to your attitude? Bita, go. I don't know.

What is a fruit snack? Like a wax little... Could be just a fruit you have as a snack. Or a fruit loop. A fruit roll-up. A fruit roll-up or like a leather, a fruit leather. Juicy. Those juicy ones.

Juicy fruits? Yeah. Well, that's a gum. Oh, wait. That's not what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? Gushers. Oh, yeah.

That's a fruit snack. Yeah. Is it really? Yeah. It comes by the foot. Wait. No, that's fruit by the foot. Man, there's some good stuff this week I'm just trying to pick out.

Okay. All right. This comes from Zach K. in Chicago. Hey. Graham Dave. That's how it starts. Got an overheard for you. My wife overheard the following conversation between two women.

Woman one. Oh, my God. She made the sweetest song today. It's six o'clock. It's six o'clock. Got to get up. Woman one. Oh my god, she made the sweetest song today. It's six o'clock. It's six o'clock. Gotta get up. Woman two. Oh, she's the most creative child.

Yeah, kids are great. They're so smart. I made up a good song once. Go on. Six o'clock. Get the morning down. Go. You guys are so creative thank you we're the most creative

child if you don't like this then you if you if you would like to so those that's how you write in.

Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. If you would like to call in with your overheard, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Jay Ray from Vancouver calling with an overheard. I was just walking along Georgia when I saw these four thuggish types, like gangster wannabes, suddenly start jaywalking during rush hour. And a lot of cars had to stop, and they started honking. And one of the guys, he flipped up the bird and was like, fuck you, as they crossed the road. and was like, fuck you, as they crossed the road.

It wasn't until he reached the other side when he realized, as he made that gesture, he had dropped his cell phone on the street, and all four guys stood and watched helplessly as several cars and trucks drove over his phone and destroyed it. So I thought that was pretty funny. Oh, man, and a marching band went by. Did he say flipped up the bird? He said something about... I don't know.

Well, isn't it you flip somebody it. You don't flip it up to them. Yeah, I flipped him up some birds. I was so mad at that guy. I flipped him up a bird. Look, we're talking about something that he may not have said. Yeah, that up a bird. Look, we're talking about something that he may not have said. Yeah, that's true.

But still, the idea of... Like, I mean, that's the perfect scenario. Well, not perfect, but imperfect. But when somebody drops something that then a bunch of cars run over it. And then maybe a guy on a tricycle. Especially because he dropped it while giving them the finger. Yeah. Yeah, I mean...

You're like, that's the most... The best karma. Yeah. It's like this real jerky dude who I saw... Like, he was skateboarding down a hill. Look, if you're somebody who's listening, you've got to skateboard, and you've got to skateboard down a hill. Look, if you're somebody who's listening and you've got a skateboard and you've got a skateboard down a hill, do it in the middle of the street or somewhere where there's not people walking up the hill. Like, don't flaunt your gravity in front of everybody's face.

So anyways, he was being a real bag of light and a car nearly hit him and he fell off his skateboard and then the car ran over the board no this is different this is this happened last week okay and uh he landed on the on his butt and then he looked around like it was hilarious like oh man i wish my friends were here to see that so he wasn't even embarrassed about it i think you have to do that i think you have to um like that's how i live my life pretending i'm not embarrassed like if like you know when you find out oh you got on the wrong bus and it's the wrong way it's going the wrong direction you just move your whole life to that yeah place yeah how about you, Bita? Are you frightened of being embarrassed?

Oh, yeah, constantly. Really? Yeah. Yeah, all the time. What do you think? Like, what do you... Has there been something where you've, like... Like, currently you work part-time in a coffee shop.

Have you done anything? Drop a whole thing of glasses? Anything like that? Or have you been pretty much smooth sailing? You're worried for nothing. Sometimes when the like when the machine goes down you have to do

math in your head. That's embarrassing. I just run to the back. I go like, I'll be right back. And then I go to the back. And I wait until someone else helps that person. Even if you're the only one working? Yes.

Or, yeah, I find that embarrassing. And also saying, back door, please, on the bus. And then they don't hear you. And then someone else is like, she said back door, please, on the bus. And then they don't hear you. Oh, that is the worst. And then someone else is like, she said back door.

Somebody's got to spring to your defense. The worst is when people thank the bus driver. I mean, it's a thankless job, but only if you don't thank them. That's true. Oh, yeah. And then has it ever happened where you've asked for the back door and the bus driver just keeps driving and then you have to pretend like no it's cool

it's cool it's the worst oh wow well there was a couple weeks ago I guess months ago now I was on the bus and I didn't want to be rude. This woman...

There was one guy on a different bus who actually... It says... The thing on the door says just touch the doors to open them. Right. But this guy... It means push the doors to open. This guy was rubbing

the doors, and it wasn't opening. And then the bus kept going. That's super embarrassing. But there was once that I was trying to get off and a woman was in front of me. And I didn't want to be rude. Because she was trying to get off too. But she was just too slow about it. And she didn't make it to the door on time.

And I should have pushed her down. I just knocked her down. I just knocked her over and like I can take charge of the situation ma'am. I'm gonna get us both off this bus. You're gonna get neither of us off this bus. Did I ever tell you about the train thing where the guy

tried to throw his bag in the door? Did the bag make it and he didn't? He threw his bag like it was going to stop the door. He just threw his bag on the train. It was the greatest. Because he was so confident

it was going to work. He's racing for the train. Yeah, he came down the stairs. The doors are closing. The doors are less. It's like six inches before they're closed. So he just threw his back through the six inches and he just landed

on the train. What did everyone on the train do? I don't remember. I nearly blacked out. I was laughing so hard. Did anyone else lie? I feel like there was some other There was some eye contact What are you doing?

What's the polite thing to do? Do you leave it at the next station? We all just stared at him What was that? For all we knew he just threw a grenade We didn't know what the fuck was going on Oh man it was great Did he have to think really quickly?

Well, you could tell that's not what he meant. Meet me at the next stop. You could tell that he was like, ah, shit. But what is he getting? How's he getting his bag back? I'm really worried about this. Oh, man, I don't remember. Finally, the final overheard call.

Oh, wait, have we only played one? Yeah. Okay. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Maggie calling from Kingston with an overheard call. Oh, wait, have we only played one? Yeah. Okay. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Maggie calling from Kingston with an overheard. My little four-year-old nephew, I guess this is a kids say the

darndest thing, message, is very excited that I'm having a baby. He's going to have a little cousin. He's putting toys aside for him and everything. Anyway, this morning he was looking at his belly, and he said to his mom, Mom, I think my uterus is getting bigger.

It probably is. That's when it starts growing. Yeah, and a little boy. I like the notion that he's putting toys away for the kid. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, when I heard that, I thought of a young version of myself doing that, but only doing it with toys I didn't want anymore.

This toy's broken. Yeah. Dumb cousin can have it. Yeah. I choked on this, so maybe he'll have better luck. This thing doesn't transform anymore, et cetera. Yeah, toy talk selfish thing okay one more

hi Dave and Graham and possible guests hopefully lady guests I haven't overheard for you this is Emily from Columbus Ohio and I was just in a Kohl's which is you know like a low-priced clothing store for, you know, middle Americans. And so I was waiting in line to purchase my pillow that I was

buying, and I saw an elderly couple walking past the shoe department, and there were some really tall platform shoes that were just, you know, really skanky looking. And the grandfather, who I'm assuming was the grandfather, said to the woman, those shoes are disgusting. Who would buy those? And the grandmother said, well, your granddaughters would purchase those. And the grandfather said, yeah, but our granddaughters are whores. Whoa.

Wow. Yikes. Yeah. He didn't raise them right. Skip the generation. That's right. That is, like, I can see someone saying that about their daughter, but not their granddaughter. Yeah, right?

Well, I don't know. It depends on how, yeah, well, that's it's it it's like maybe she's legitimately their or i think by a grant by by your grandparents uh generation standard we're all whores oh right like the way we dress the way we sleep around uh yeah a bunch of whores even when i look at it right um well because what what was their thing it was like you didn't do anything but then when you did the girl had to move to another county or something because oh back then yeah yeah back in their days it was crazy times oh yeah if you wanted to get rid of it you had to jump off a roof do you think if you went way back like to the greek times when everybody was having sex with everybody what was the first like puritan generation do you think they were like these kids

today don't know how to orgy we orgied now they're all committing to each other they're not even having sex with boys anymore so they were like like the opposite of these ones. Yeah. We built these hot tubs for nobody? Hot tubs? No, that's not the right word. Saunas. Well, the Greeks have hot tubs. Saunas? What did they do? Bathhouses. They had steam.

I don't think you would go to a sauna. Like, a sauna's exhausting. And it's the wood. Like, it's... Yeah, I guess. Do you go there to... Do they have baths? Bath houses?

Yeah, I mean... That's basically a hot tub, right? I suppose. I don't know. I don't go into steamy places and do things. You don't go into steamy places? Is that what you said? Yeah, and do things.

Here are the steamy places I go to. My kitchen when I'm cooking spaghetti. Yeah. A hot dog cart. Yeah. Turkish bathhouse. That would be a good name for a Turkish bathhouse. The hot dog cart.

Oh, no. So if you would like to call us What did I say before When I couldn't figure out how to talk If you Hate this If you don't like this I don't know how to talk to you

If you would like to call us Our phone number is 206-339-8328 Leave us a message It's also a good number to call if you're drunk. And to avoid calling an ex or a boss. Or a future ex. Do you guys have a drunk dial? Do we have any?

I don't know. Well, why don't we play a theme song and I'll check. Okay. When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. I'm just kidding. Never tasted liquor either. But one day when I grew up, put two and two together. Drunk Dials.

Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drunk Dials. Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Dials. Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drunk Dials. Drunk Dials. Okay, during asking for best buy Drunk Dials Drunk Dials Okay, during that theme song, I found a drunk dial.

Oh, awesome. Here it is. By request of Beta. By the power of Beta. Hello, fellows. This is Brandon calling from Chicago. It is 11.37 a.m. and it is a drunk dial.

I don't want to be judged for all that information. I was just on Twitter looking around and I saw some things that made me write this poem that I will present now. Oh, it's called Insomnia. I'm Graham and I can't get to sleep ever. That's me. Thank you.

That was his poem? On a more serious note, I know how horrible insomnia can be, and I'm not trying to make light. That was too late. I did, but it's coming from a good place.

Chicago. Chicago. I very rarely start my sentences with duh. Especially a big capital letters duh. Yeah. Duh. So there you go.

By special request of Bida Judaki. Thank you. A duh runk dial. Now, Bida. Somebody's online. They want to learn a bit more about you. They can go to twitter you're beta beta beta

at beta beta beta I made this out of clay beta beta beta where else that's it that's your persona that's my internet persona you end most of your tweets

with ha ha ha ha. Yeah. I do. So yeah, check out BitaBitaBita at Twitter slash Bita. Dave? Just get ready for this

Max Fun Drive that's coming up in a couple weeks. As with last year, we will Dave? Just get ready for this MaxFunDrive That's coming up in a couple weeks As with last year We will be doing a special exclusive episode For donors Last year we did the episode that was all overheards This year we are plotting something I think it's going to be quite elaborate

And enjoyable Now If you like the show If you want to check out the new Addition to the Maximum Fun family, you can go to MaximumFun.org. It's called Throwing Shade. There's Throwing Shade. Also there, there's Judge John Hodgman.

Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Jordan, Jesse Go. My Brother, My Brother and Me. Check those out. They're all great. All great podcasts. It's a whole afternoon of entertainment. Yeah, it's a cornucopia.

And also, while you're at the website, check out the blog that accompanies the podcast. All sorts of things that we would have touched on. Did we sing something earlier? I know we sang. There's definitely, we talked about Newt Gingrich slash Hulk Hogan Yeah we definitely talked about the Jersey Shore We talked about Jersey Shore We touched on Ice Loves Coco

So that kind of stuff All that kind of stuff is going to be there So yeah If you haven't had a chance to see what the Jersey Shore is We'll post a picture of it Maybe a video link You're welcome, internet. Um, and uh

and if you like the show, you can contact us stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328 and thanks for listening. Come on back next week for another thrilling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. But this is the end

of the episode. How did you like it?