Stop Podcasting Yourself - Stop Podcasting Yourself - ep. 1

Episode Date: March 3, 2008

In the pilot episode, Graham and Dave discuss what segments should go in the show, and whether Jonathan Winters is alive.

🎵 Welcome to the very, very first awesome mint condition edition of the podcast called stop podcasting yourself with graham clark and dave shumka say hello dave shumka hello hello woo and this is exciting isn't it this is the internet this is the new way of doing what college radio has been doing for years which is two people talking in a basement somewhere. We're actually above ground. We are. But we can create through the magic of radio that we're in a basement. It's not radio.

It's not radio. Well, it's like radio. It's microphones. It's audio. But it's podcasting. Absolutely. It's a whole new dimension. All right.

We are fed up already. i'm already tired of this um and we wanted to start our first show with uh let's get to know dave and graham and we were talking you didn't record the first time we tried right and it was really good it was really good so we're going to try and replicate what we did because I said that we should have a theme song or a little bumper that would be, Get to know us. And there would be music there.

Yeah. And then we would start the bit. And then I said that I could take your audio of the... Of what I just said. Right. And do that as an actual bumper. Right. So... We're going to do that as an actual bumper. Right. We're going to put that bumper in right now.

Get to know us. Great. That was awesome. What the listeners don't know is that we put the bumper in after and we just pretended like we heard it. I think the listeners do know that. I want to call our listeners bumpers from now on.

Oh, you're mean. No, like, you know, they call people who watch the Mickey Mouse Club Mouseketeers. Right. We call our five or six listeners bumpers. All right. I don't know why.

Well, when they email us. When we send out a mass email, it'll start with, hey, bumpers. Hey, bumpers. And only the people who listen to the first minute of the first show will get it. Yeah. But that'll be like Babylon 5. There'll be little things in every episode for the true fans. Those true parrot heads.

Yeah. Bumpers. Right. The real bumpers. All right. Well, let's get to know us. Okay, Dave, Shumka, tell me, how was your week? What happened this week?

Well, check your diary. I'm going to have to check what I did this week. My week was great. Yeah? I am... Took a lot of really good naps. I'm not a good napper. Tell the people why you've been able to take so many naps.

I'm not employed at the moment. Not employed. You're not unemployed or unemployable. Oh, I'm certainly not. But I am, in fact, unemployed. Yeah, in the classical definition, you're unemployed. But you're not employed currently. Right.

Right. Right. So I didn't really take any naps. I started reading a book. What book? It's called The Devil in the White City. Never heard of it. I think it's called that. Anyway, it's about...

Wait, no, wait. No, you've got the title wrong. It's The Devil Wears Prada. Right. Is the one that you're reading. Yeah. Is that the one you're reading? I think so.

Everyone's white in the city? Yeah. Right. Yeah? Yeah. Right, yeah. Yeah. And Anne Hathaway is breathtaking. You watched the DVD of The Devil Wears Prada. I read the DVD.

You put it on closed captioning. Does that count as reading a book if it's based on a book and you get the DVD and you read the closed captioning? Is that as close to reading the book? I think so. I think you can, if you're a kid and you're listening, shame on you. But you can do that for a book report. Seriously, what kid is up at this hour? Because we are only allowing this to be

downloaded at past 11 o'clock at night. And then we put a little code in that you can't actually listen to it on your iPod until 12 a.m. So go to bed, kids. It's the Overnight Show. The Overnight Show. We just changed the name of the show that's gonna confuse people oh well they're the bumpers yeah you're the bumpers out there uh uh yeah so i didn't really do much this week i saw a few comedy shows

yeah i saw marylyn rice cub is that that's how you pronounce her last i want to say that's how you pronounce it for those of you don't, she's the gal that played Chloe. Plays Chloe. Well, yeah, the writer's strikes put a little damper on all that, but it'll be back, right? It'll only be, what, it'll be like 17 or something. Yeah, I've never watched it. Really? Yeah.

It was 24, if you don't know. Yeah, 24. You've never watched 24? Uh, no. You're a TV junkie like myself. Right, but I'm afraid of commitment. Well, you watch Lost. Yeah.

So you're not really afraid of commitment. No. But you're afraid of maybe overcommitting. I'm afraid of action. You're afraid of polygamy. Thrills. Polygamy? Bigamy or polygamy?

Which one is which? Bigamy is two wives. Polygamy is many wives. Yeah, polygamy, because that would be being committed to more than one. You're afraid of TV show polygamy. Sure. Because you're pretty much, it's you and Lost, and that's it. Yeah, and that's the only one I watch that's like that.

Right, okay. Anyway, Marilyn Ricegum was aight. Aight. Aight. And then last night I saw Patton Oswalt. Patton Oswalt. And you, Graham, opened for him. That is correct.

You're very funny. Thank you. That was at the Vogue. At the now, which, if you've ever been to Vancouver, the Vogue, two things, it is now closed. And they just reopen it sporadically for events see when i went i thought i was seeing umoja hey downstairs in the basement there was a letter from like a fan of umoja posted on the wall about how much they loved umoja and said in the letter it said i wish i'd take i felt like i should have taken it down and brought it here today,

but it said that you may know us as the people who are in the audience every week. And they were here for four months. So these people, they must have been among the only people in the audience. And so they wrote a letter explaining why they were there. The only people in the audience? Well, there were some nights that it must have been nobody there uh if you're listening and you well you're you're definitely listening but you are definitely listening if you don't stop now what Umoja is it's this weird african dance show i don't know

it's weird and it's not weird just because it's african it's weird because i wouldn't ever see it. I had tickets, or free comps, we call them in the business. Short for complimentary. Complimentary tickets. Not short for compliments. Although, I like that as a short end. Like, somebody gave me a comp the other day. He said I had a nice ass.

I had a wart, and I had to put some comped W on it. Nice. ass i uh had a wart and i had to put some comp w on it um nice yeah so i but i didn't go so uh and it's also the vogue is haunted oh is that right yes but by reputation i didn't actually see any a lot of stuff in vancouver is reputedly haunted yeah i don't know why. I mean, it's a boring enough city when you're alive. You take that back. I will not. How was your week? It was good. Well, no, I'm in week three of this cold that is only now kind of easing up.

I'm thinking of going to the doctor tomorrow to put the ax on it, because I spent the first two hours of the day slamming it up. The doctor, I think, has found a cure for the cold, so. That's not true. That's not true. I never saw a press release about it. Oh, yeah, yeah. What? No more colds. The doctor will take care of that. The doctor? Uh, I recommend

soup. I've had so much soup. I've gone the other way with it. Do you have... Sorry, I'm tucking in my shirt. Oh, I thought that you were making that sound because you did something to your... I'm just remembering that you're vegetarian. I'm just remembering that you're Vietnamese.

But you're not. One and the same. And when I'm sick, I go for Vietnamese beef noodle soup. I had some Vietnamese soup last weekend. Just put your face over it and get all the steam in your face and put a put hot sauce in it and all your your nose just starts running into your soup

that makes you feel better i don't know how long uh would you say your girlfriend's gonna allow you to have the beard that you currently have uh i don't know she doesn't mind it how long would you say that you'll allow it? I will allow it indefinitely, and you know that. I'm never going to tell you to shave it. I'm going to rub my beard on the microphone to ruin this podcast. No, on the count of three,

we'll both do that so that people... Do you want to do it separately so that people understand what level of beards we're talking about here? No, I don't want to do that. Well, let's do it together. Okay. On three.

Should we have a jingle for it? Yeah. I mean, if you can put a sound bed underneath us doing that. Sure. I'll come up with a bit. I'm a musician. Yeah. Dave's a very talented musician.

Is that right? Yeah, that's right. On three. On three. One, two, three. Okay. That's gross. I bet you that sounds gross uh i couldn't really tell these aren't good headphones i bet it sounds like somebody crunching cornflakes next to a microphone okay is this what podcasts i like i don't know um you're the one who listens to a lot

i do listen to a lot of them and you know so far this is like a four out of ten oh really yeah i didn't even think we were scoring that oh i Oh, I'd give us a solid 4. A solid 4? Yeah. Wow, okay. That's pretty good for a first out of the gates. We're inane. All right.

Well, we've come up with... Oh, that was loud. That's terrible radio. Why are you eating the mic? Yeah, well, that's my style. Anyway, we've come up with some segments. Oh, did we talk about your week you're you're you're cold i have a cold um and since this is the first show we're just going to pitch segments to each

other uh although we've already decided that all these segments they all win but let's pitch them anyways all right all right the one of the ones that I pitched was called Overheard. Overheard. Does it do all the jingles have to have the same? Oh, I can do it different. Okay. Overheard. How's that?

Good. Okay, you just hit the microphone. Okay, so this, Overheard, when you're standing in line at the grocery store, or you're on the bus, or you're at the movies, or you're watching Patton Oswalt, or anywhere that you're listening in on somebody else's conversation. This is just one. These are little out-of-context tidbits, and we'll see if we can't figure out what the fuck they meant when they were talking about it. Okay. So you have one prepared yeah okay i think we all have a couple prepared and by all of us i mean both of

us okay this one was overheard at a movie theater there were two i would say probably 14 year old boys in front of me and this is the quote that i pulled from their conversation. This is one guy talking to another guy. He said, Are you the one who invented calling Susan Suvlaki because she's Greek? That was what he said. And I like it for two reasons. Because first of all, he calls, like, coming up with a nickname for somebody, inventing. Right.

And also that that was notable that they came up with calling the girl Sue Blackie because she's of Greek descent. It is a great nickname. But I think that was my favorite one. That was at the tail end of last year was when I heard the kid saying, are you the one who invented? So I say that all the time now. Are you the one who invented picking So I say that all the time now. Are you the one who invented

picking up the phone with the left hand or whatever stupid thing you might be doing at the time? That's good. All right. Well, my overheard is from last night at the Patton Oswalt show. I feel bad for talking about these people

because they loved you. Oh, yeah. They hated Dana Gould, who was in between. He was really funny. Dana Gould, who was in between. He was really funny. Dana Gould was really funny. Yeah, and he asked the audience some rhetorical question, and these people... Answered it?

Answered with, why don't you get off the stage, or something like that. That's charming. And it was a big theater show, and there's no way the comedian would have heard them. And they were just pissing us off. Right. and there's no way the comedian would have heard them and they were just pissing us off. Right. But at one point during Patton Oswalt's set,

they were just telling the jokes with him, like they were singing along. Right, yeah, like a concert. Yeah. And so I knew the people behind me and my girlfriend was with me and we were all shushing them and they defended themselves by saying, hey, maybe if you knew Patton Oswalt skits, you wouldn't mind.

Like they're true fans because. I like that as somebody who is trying to defend themselves as a true fan of Patton Oswalt would define what he does as skits. Yeah, I like that they use skits too. All right, here's another one that I heard on the bus during... Which bus? It was the number three Main Street bus, and there were two girls on the bus that were both wearing kind of paraphernalia

for Stop Bullying Day, and then proceeded to talk quite at length about this girl that they had recently it seemed like very much that they had bullied her and the one girl was taking the high road and said well first of all she said that the girl they're talking about has harsh bipolar styles which i don't know i guess that's, the guy was riding the bus with said, that's like a teenage, uh, idiom now is to say harsh blank styles,

harsh or just blank styles. So like, if you like, if you were like really into curry, you might have like really Indian styles because Because I've got mad Punjabi styles. Yeah, you might be Punjabi styles. But if it's bad, it would be harsh. But it might be mad Punjabi styles.

So that was how they defined her. And then the one girl seemed to say that she wasn't a bully because she could have left the bug that was in the girl's cup and filled it up with Diet Coke. But she didn't. She took the bug out and put diet coke in there and she was still a bitch even though she had done that for her mad bipolar because she had mad by or harsh bad polar styles yeah yeah no she didn't have mad bipolar styles she

wasn't praising her bipolar styles in any way terrible. Terrible bipolar styles. I have another bus one. Okay. Now I might run out of overheards very quickly. No, I think I've got one more. I mean just over the course of the series. Oh, really? When you're on the bus, do you listen to music? Yes. Okay.

Podcasts. Oh, podcasts. Will you do yourself the service of listening to this podcast on the bus? I don't know. I will listen. Not a fan yet. Not a bumper. Not quite a bumper.

But whenever there's something crazy happening, I always take off my headphones. Oh, yeah, yeah. And just be real cool about it, though. I don't take my earphones off. I just press pause and just listen. Do you have an iPod? I have an MP3 player. Oh, that's as good yeah it is as good i'm not i'm not don't be a dick i'm just trying to be a dick uh anywho uh yeah so i was on the number eight bus yeah which is phrase the sketchiest

which is going south or north? It was going south. So you're coming out of downtown. Yeah. Yeah. And it goes through the downtown east side. Yeah. And Main and Fraser, these two dudes got on and they were drinking Listerine. Yeah.

To get drunk. No, wait, you don't know that. Well, they were already drunk and they were sharing about, it wasn't even Listerine, it was just generic mouthwash. Okay, see, now that was wrong of you to drag Listerine's name through the mud. Sorry. When it could have been Life Brand. So long, sponsorship. There will be many sponsorship opportunities.

That's how these things work, right? Oh, absolutely. We're rolling in it. I want to be sponsored by cool ranch anything yep uh i'm just gonna brush that off and why tell my story okay that's not very bantery of you i know right um seriously anyway harsh ignoring styles uh Harsh ignoring styles. Anyway, so yeah, these dudes got on the bus. They're drinking mouthwash. And one of them starts talking about how he got evicted from his apartment.

Okay. And he went back later because he needed this phone number that he had written in his apartment. And he was so upset because the landlord had painted over the walls had painted over the walls because obviously that's where he had written the phone number that he needed and why wouldn't the landlord paint the walls if this guy is taking messages on them i don't know i like it good times i like that i like it when people get really mad at something that was supposed to happen. Yeah. That always makes me laugh when somebody's having a shit fit because somebody's like, I can't believe I got a ticket for parking in an illegal zone where it says not to park.

And people have like a, but I was only parked there for an hour or whatever crazy excuse they have. It's always fun to watch people get mad about something that was the inevitable consequence of what you did. Let's talk Cool Ranch. Oh, no. We're not going back to that. Not after you shot it down. Forget it. All right.

Okay, so is that... Oh, you have another one? I don't know if this one's any good, though. We can do it and then you can edit it out if it's no good. I'm not going to do that. You're not? No, but go ahead. Okay, I was in LA and I was sitting in an office waiting for a meeting. Is mine still recording or is it stopped recording?

Why would yours have stopped recording? I don't know. It looks like it stopped. Oh, it's still going, but slower than yours. Or tinier than yours, maybe. Maybe you shouldn't look at the screen. Okay. Maybe this is me.

Maybe. Yeah, I was sitting in this office and this one guy came in and they were very la-ish types right describe them uh good yeah like very uh coiffed uh very like put together very had just come back from the gym right so they cared about their appearance. But every dude in LA is very metrosexual, it seems like. You wouldn't see a guy building a deck or anything. Are you a metrophobe?

You wouldn't see a guy building a deck? No. Are there no decks there? Not that I saw. I think they're all prefab decks brought in from Arizona. Okay. Fair enough. And the one guy said, said hey how's it going and the other guy said great my lats are killing me and i well one doesn't follow from the other

right that's the thing that isn't great is it yeah that your lats are killing you yeah well first of all i didn't know what a Aladdin is. I looked it up online. Do you know what Aladdin is? What Aladdin is? Yeah. Yeah, it's that movie with... Okay. Yeah.

Or, well, I mean, it was also a book, but... And a play starring Bret the Hitman Hart. Oh, right. As the genie? As the genie. Oh, okay. Makes sense. Did you not know that?

Did you not know that Bret the Hitman Hart was in a production of The Aladdin and you just guessed he was the genie? I must have known it. I must have known it. But I don't know that? Did you not know that Bret the Hitman Hart was in a production of The Latin and you just guessed he was the genie? I must have known it. I must have known it. But I don't know that I remember it offhand. It was the emoji of its year whenever it was out. But yeah, anyways, so I don't know. Remember when Bret Hart's brother died?

Yeah, I was in Calgary. Oh, man. I remember where I was when I found out Bretnt hitman hart owen hearts uh died in the ring because i was at home and then the funeral was held in calgary this is i'm going off on an anecdote can i do that yeah please we were in a bar strip bar more can i can you name it no well i don't want no um why not because i don't uh a little sully it uh yeah this is supposed to be for like the family sits around next to the campfire and listens to this podcast midnight after midnight it's like a tuck-in this is the the clean part of the show anyways we were in a bar and uh several wrestlers

all walked in the bar in plain clothes they won't they don't wear their leotards everywhere did they have to were they did they have badges on so you knew they were a wrestler here's the thing when you watch hogan knows best he basically dresses like a wrestler at home right these guys didn't like they were wearing you know regular human clothes did the ultimate warrior have bands tied around his suit he had neckties tied around the outside of his suit classy that's his that's his business wear um yeah and they're they are that's the thing it's like when you see basketball players all together on tv and then you see just one basketball player in real life and you realize that they're all gigantic you know monsters with eight buttons yeah like but you don't you realize that they're all gigantic you know monsters with

eight buttons yeah like but you don't realize it because they're all huge and there's no uh that's the same with wrestlers because even the referees must be huge because there's no like context to how gigantic they are uh so they were in their civilian clothes completely like no makeup was going the clown there? No. Well, but that's the thing. He might have been there. Right.

He might have been one of the many, but no, he wasn't. That's another thing that I think Hogan knows best is spreading a lot of myths around about how wrestlers live. Because he, I don't know, like, he wears his bandana all the time. Yep. Right? Did you hear the drama going on with him right now? The divorce? Why they're getting...

I think it's why they're getting the divorce. I think you told me this, but go ahead. An extramarital affair with his daughter's friend. No! That's not what I heard. All right. What did... Is that new?

Yeah. His daughter's friend. His daughter, Brooke. Brooke Hogan, if you're listening. Brooke Hogan. Then... all right. I heard, and I thought I heard it from you, that they were getting a divorce

to protect their financial assets in the wake of their son getting in a huge car accident. You did not hear that from me. I didn't hear that from you. Winking into the microphone. Can you make a sound so that every time that you wink into the microphone... How often am I going to be winking? I don't know. I'm not going to put that much effort into getting a sound. I will make a sound the next time you wink into the microphone. Okay.

So yeah, apparently he had sex with Brooke Hogan's friend gross gross for both of them yeah i mean it's gross for him to do that because he's in his 50s right but he looks like he's in his 85s i don't know he's greasy he uh i mean it's gross for him it's gross for brooke hogan's friend i think i assume yeah it's probably yeah i don't's gross for Brooke Hogan's friend. I think. I assume. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. I don't know. What do you think it's wieners like?

What do I think? You know what I think it's like? I think. I don't want to say. It's gross. There's so many gross ways I could go with that that I won't. We got a lot of growing up to do. It's probably really tan, though.

I bet he tans in the nude. I imagine. Or he seems like he might have harsh tan lines really no i don't think so because when i used to watch wrestling as a youth that should be a segment so when we talk about wrestling and how awesome it is um when i was watching wrestling in my youth there was multiple occasions where the shorts would ride a little lower than they should and there was no tan line. Okay.

So he, yeah, he's big into tanning. Like, I think he probably is nuding it up all the time. All right. And also his pubic hair is shaved like his mustache goes around the balls. You were paying a lot of attention to that, Shaz, to the wrestling of your ute. Yeah. I just have one recollection. I used to be in a band a different band i've been in bands you know me too we got that in common yep all right um i don't like the way you're

brushing things off making a great point go ahead uh one of my i think it might have been the first rehearsal with this band they already existed and they needed a new guitar player. And that's where I came in. And it was right around the time that Owen Hart died. Yeah. And the drummer dedicated the practice to Owen Hart. Did he really? As a joke. But I thought it was so funny.

You know, it would have been way funnier if he meant it literally. Yeah. Yeah. That would have been huge. But yeah, so that was big. How did we get on the Owen Hart thing? This is where having a producer would come in handy. I'm the producer.

Oh, well then where were we going? I wrote down five things. Where were we going with that? I don't know. He died. Oh no, no. Aladdin. Aladdin. Right.

Which brings us back to something else. That sounded like Aladdin. Alan Alda? That kind of sounds like Aladdin. We were talking about Alan Alda. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Talented actor. Feel free to call us with any requests. Should we move on to the next segment? Next segment is... Is reality show pitches. Reality show pitches. Try and add music to that. We made up a bunch of names of reality shows.

Yep. That don't actually have a show surrounding it, but we both took it upon ourselves to come up with an actual show. I'll pitch mine to you. Right. Then you pitch yours to me, and then we'll... Poke holes in them? Yeah, exactly.

Or feel free to add things or ask questions as I go along with the pitch. Okay. Okay. So my pitch for my show is a show called Bill Nye Science Bride. And for those of you who don't know who Bill Nye is, he used to host a kid's show called Bill Nye Science Guy. And the premise of my reality show is that Bill Nye is unmarried and he's looking for love. And he's been looking for it in all the wrong places. He's looking for love, and he's been looking for it in all the wrong places.

And now 20 beautiful young women are going to get the chance to be Bill Nye's science bride. And every week, another girl will be eliminated through a scientific... They all have to participate in scientific pursuits or challenges. Sure. And then when it gets down to the final three women, they all – Blowjob competition. No. No. But you know what they do?

They go – it could be a blowjob competition, but I want this to be on UPN. Because Bill Nye is so urban. He is very urban because uh at the at the end all those three women are going to have to go in for actual scientific experiments so like the experiments are going to be done upon them uh like they're going to have to take weird medications or shock animals or have animals shock them um and then the big twist at the end of the series is that Bill Nye is actually married and has been for many years. So this was an experiment.

This was all an experiment and all those women were not a part of it. Okay, well, so there are going to be science challenges. For example... Build your own volcano! Do they get any guidance? Well, the thing is, the producers will be very careful

in picking some of the dumber women. A lot of them will be culled from other reality TV shows. Tila Tequila and whatnot. Tila Tequila could be on the show. But the people on Tila Tequila were what not Tila Tequila could be on the show but the people on Tila Tequila were either lesbians or straight men I dispute that I don't think that those guys were straight

and I don't think those women were lesbians ok but you'll have Rock of Love people and uh Flavor of Love and uh Hogan Knows Best I think it was Brooke Hogan Knows Best. Brooke Hogan's friend, we'll be honest. And so we'll have the very dumb ones.

Yeah, the dumbest ones. And they will have to compete in scientific. Like, you know, one of the challenges will be like, you guys have to go and find a rhombus. Well, I don't know what a rhombus is. I don't know what a rhombus is. Is it? Well, it's not, but the thing is, the funny clip from the show will be,

they'll think that it was a rebus and not a rhombus. What's a rebus? A rebus is one of those puzzles where, like, you puzzles where you have a snake and then a bucket and a letter and then it's like... Snake buckets. Because the letter's S. Like classic concentration. Yeah, classic concentration. Snake buckets. You gotta sound it out.

Snake bucket S. Snake buckets. Cobra bucket. Cobra buckets. Cobra buckets. And then you win a prize. And so they think they're doing that, but actually they're looking for a rhombus, which is shape. It's like an off square. I think so.

Isn't that a parallelogram? All right. Do you say yes to the pitch, Or do you say no to the pitch? I have more questions I haven't thought of them yet So The final three people You said that maybe animals will shock them

Yes How? So you put a kitten in a room Where most of the floor Is connected To buzzers On the other side of the room where the contestant is hooked up to and the cat just randomly walks around and they the experiment is to see do cats once they realize they're shocking somebody enjoy it or feel guilty about it uh okay uh now on these other reality shows the uh host or or um not the host but whoever they're trying to no you know that's a good question who would host this show okay

because they've always these shows have a host who's not would be a good holy shit that's a good idea or failing that the guy that was in the rat suit yeah yeah good call but uh would usually like brett michaels or flavor flame they do challenges but then in the downtime they make out will bill nye be partaking no because he's happily married okay will he be around at all yeah he'll be around like they'll there'll be a thing like the girl who found the rhombus it's a sexy date with him yeah and and you know but like it's bill nye so it's all in context. Gets a sexy date with him? Yeah. And, you know, but like it's Bill Nye, so it's all in context, right? Like so a sexy date for them is like they play some one-on-one basketball in his driveway and then have a barbecue.

Go watch some old episodes of Almost Live. He's from Seattle, right? Yeah. He was on Almost Live. Yeah. So they'll do like that. He was Speed Walker. Was he one of the Speed Walkers?

He was Speed Walker. Oh, I was thinking the High Five guys. I think he may have been one of the High Fiveers? He was Speedwalker. Oh, I was thinking the High Five guys. I think he may have been one of the High Five and White guys. So, yeah. All right. I think sold. Sold?

Yes. Green light. I'm pretty LA, so my calves are killed. My lats. My lats are killed. How are you doing, Dave? Our harsh Latin, me. How are you doing? You say, no No you say great

My lads are killing me Alright fine Fuck Great We'll edit this probably Yeah well I mean I won't Oh

The listeners Can they do that? Yeah I think so Okay If they have an iPod And not a regular MP3 player Suck it Alright I got

I don't Need this shit My reality show You certainly don't My reality show That I don't my reality show that i'm pitching to you is kid and play play with kids i like it i like the title yep it would this also maybe on the wb no the wb doesn't exist anywhere neither does upn wow i with the times yeah it's all the cw that's what i meant but i mean it's fairly obvious that's

what i meant uh yeah i think it might be on the cw or possibly vh1 vh1 now the premise of this show is uh kid and play early 90s rappers and stars of house party and two and three. Were there three of them? Dave. Yes. Why would I say that? I don't know. They opened their own Daddy Daycare style daycare. Oh, okay. Basically, we get the writers from Daddy Daycare to take care of it. I haven't seen it. I also haven't seen Daddy Day Camp.

I have seen Daddy Daycare. Can we say as an aside? Twice. Not an aside. It an aside it's perfectly legitimate legitimate germane to this conversation to this conversation um yeah i've seen it twice and uh because at once on a plane and then once in a hotel right it's not did the hotel only have one channel no yeah it had other channels but you know how you get stuck in a movie that you've already seen that you hated the first time, then you watch it again? Surely that's happened to you. I probably have, but never...

Never that particular? Never that particular. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. I'm usually watching 24. You don't watch... Oh, that's right. So, are you sold on this show? so are you sold on this show? well okay wait a minute is it going to be like

is it like a Tori Spelling show where it's Tori in love so there's no competitions it's just following the day to day maybe kid and play compete and the winner gets a kid I like it better if it's one of those type of shows where it just follows like the

gene simmons family jewels here's the thing with those shows do they think that comedy equals playing silly music over somebody doing something really mundane because that seems to be the formula with the gene simmons family jewel show like gene simmons wakes up walks out of his bedroom and goes to the toaster and they're playing this like well he was a rock star he's the god of thunder yeah i know but is that but is that a position yeah one time but it seems like every episode has like that moment where we're showing what a dumpy situation. Are you telling me that you think the Gene Simmons Family Jewels show is formulaic? No, no, no. Or reality TV at all is formulaic?

I think it's got a lot. I think it's dynamic and it has a lot of room to grow. Okay. So they open this daycare. Yeah. And yeah, it follows them and they don't want to do it at all. No. They are not on board.

It's like they don't even know a camera's on them. Right. They're like, they're talking in back rooms. They're like, I'm not sure if this is the way our career should be going. Like, should I get the really tall flat top again? No, you're going bald. That'd be awesome if he did it and it was all like on a slant i think well he's hosted tv shows kid has and his his widow's peaks are back there yeah

that's what it would be great if he grew that back again and it was just kind of in like a weird kind of like frank garyish kind of like architecture that just naturally grew out of it. It'd be awesome. All right, sold. Sold. Well, yeah. I think we just need to keep it moving. Yeah, that's it. All right.

That's what this is all about. One more segment. Well, a few more segments. Okay. But here's a good one. Pop Rocks Minute. All right, that means it's time for Pop Rocks Minute. Pop Rocks Minute.

That was about right. Graham hasn't heard the sound yet. That doesn't matter. Alright, Pop Rocks Minute is a segment in which we eat Pop Rocks for a minute, and we talk about some facts about Pop Rocks.

Alright, we'll bring up the fact sheet here. Do you want the Tropical Punch or Wild Berry? Tropical Punch, please. Okay. Do you have a fact sheet here do you want the tropical punch or wild berry tropical punch please okay do you have a preference you don't care i think they're exactly the same one's red and one's blue yay did you read the ingredients before we or should we talk about that while we're maybe okay we're killing a minute pop rocket we're pop rocking it yeah i think this may go over a minute because they're fascinating are you gonna do the whole pack is that are we supposed to whole pack you. Are you going to do the whole pack? Is that... Are we supposed to do the whole pack?

You know what? Sky's the limit. Okay, whole pack. Ready? I'm fooling them up a bit. Is that what we're supposed to do? I mean, add a little punch. Would you call it a punch?

Yeah. Oh, my God. All right, well, here here's some That is good. Some facts about Pop Rocks. Pop Rocks needs to update their website. And furthermore, Rebecca Gayhart and Joshua Jackson starred in the movie Urban Legends

featuring a scene about the Pop Rocks urban legend. That was recent. There's something on there that says, the Pop Rocks urban legend. That was recent. There's something on there that says, add Pop Rocks to your next corporate event or line the edge of a glass of your favorite adult beverage. That sounds horrible. Pop Rocks were recently cited on TV

with a member of Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave wearing a Pop Rocks shirt. Oh, really? This fella. I want to say his name is either Brad Wilk or Tim Comerford. Oh, it's like a quiz. Yeah, and you type in your email. I'm done my Pop Rocks. I swallowed them.

I'm leaving them on my tongue. Yeah, that was a good idea. To extend the segment. There's another... Did you know... Can you hear that? Yeah, I hear it. Wow. Keep your mouth open while I read their sales pitch.

Popping candy is small pieces of hard candy that have been gasified with carbon dioxide under super atmospheric pressure. When this candy comes in contact with moisture, these small pieces release the gas to give off a lasting sensation of action, as well as

a unique cracking and crackling sounds. In a child's mouth, this means fun. Wow. Alright. That was fun That was a minute Alright Graham Alright So we

We're done the Pop Rocks Minute Yeah I don't know how long That segment will last Usually a minute But I don't know I thought you meant

I don't know how long They'll last in general Right I did mean that Oh that is how you meant I don't think it has legs So Well I think once

I think we've read all the facts that Pop Rocks had to offer up. A different guy in a different band might wear a Pop Rock shirt. Somebody from Theory of a Dead Man expressed his undying love. Alright, our next segment is the celebrity

death pool. Okay. Now it's become, I don't know, popular? Popular to name celebrities that are gonna die yeah within a given year or not even a given year but that's how i did it guess uh my day oh well you've done this before yeah well i had friends who had this a thing where they would do it but it was for a given year and you put money in. And my friend made big cash. Why don't we put money in? Not right now.

Okay. But, well, why don't we lay down some ground rules? Now, a celebrity death pool is you just, you name, you pick a celebrity. Yeah. And if they die first, you win. And they, well, yeah, and they lose. Yeah. Unfortunately.

They're in any competition, somebody has to lose. It's a little morbid in that regard. So, do you just pick them at random? Well, I was thinking we could, well, not at random. You would have to make an educated guess. Oh, okay. All right. But didn't we say that it has to be how they die as well?

Sure. That's what makes ours special Well then I think we should be able to Pick multiple people And have multiple Orgasms I think that we should be able to have multiple orgasms Am I right fellas? Am I right fellas?

Okay how about this My first pick is what? No? I thought we were just going to lay down the ground rules. Oh, the ground rules. Okay. And maybe... Throw out one?

Can we throw out one? Well, I think we could speculate some people who might be good picks. And then next week we do some research. Come back with our picks. Right. Okay. That's right. It's going to be weekly.

This is a weekly podcast. Out of nowhere. Okay. That's right. It's going to be weekly. This is a weekly podcast out of nowhere. Okay. Well, I think a good pick is Nick Lachey because it would be one of those things where you would say to your friend, did you hear that Nick Lachey died? And somebody would go, seriously? It would be like that. So that's why I think it would happen. That seems kind

of like the popular thing to do in these kinds of death pools is to pick someone young, like maybe Amy Winehouse is going over the edge. But then you get more points in these pools if they're, the longer shot they are the more points you get. Oh, so you have to have odds?

But if you're saying, if you're finding out, if you're guessing exactly how the person died. Oh, in the one I did, you didn't guess exactly how. You just guessed the people. Oh, okay. So I would say Nick Lachey by Menon. Overdose. By Menon, overdose. So you, what were you going to say?

Well, I think I would probably go older. Okay. There's a lot of good candidates. Della Reese. Is she the black lady from Touched by an Angel? Yeah. I like Buzz Aldrin. Yeah?

Okay. I like Jonathan Winters. Isn't he? Wait a minute. Do you want to check your facts on that? I don't want to check my facts. He may not be my pick. But are you sure that he...

I'm not sure he's alive. Owen Hart, I think, would be a great pick. I like Kirk Douglas. I think he is dead No he had a stroke And now he's all strokey Okie kis crokey Dave nearly spat on his microphone

Do you think that phrase will catch on? Okie strokey? Okie kis strokey? I don't know if phrase will catch on? Okie strokey? Okie kastrokey? I don't know that it'll catch on. You tell me, bumpers. Bumpers? Bumpers. You tell us, bumpers.

Yeah, you can totally email us. Yeah. We will come up with an email address by next week's show. That's right. So that's the ground rules of that. So do we move on to the next segment? Well, I think maybe we should have to come up with since we have to pick the exact

way they die. We come up with multiple situations. Okay. So we can each have like five. I like it. Five? That'll eat up a lot of time. How about two? Yeah, that'll eat up a lot of research time as well.

Yeah. Two minimum. Is Jonathan Winters dead? Yeah, that's Google that immediately following this recording. So is this the end of the podcast? I guess it's the end of the podcast. This is all new to me. You're the podcasting expert.

I am? Is that right? What? Okay. So yeah, next week, let's say week, maybe we'll have a guest. Really? Well, I think that should be something we

do. Yeah, who are we going to get? Oh, I don't know that we should speculate now. We know a lot of people, though. Delores. I don't know why I want to say Delores' name so many times. For me, I've been saying Terry Schiavo a lot. Okay, yeah.

Terry Schiavo? Yeah. Is it Schiavo or Schiavo? I don't know. I'll have to look it up. Oh, my God. We did no research. This thing's a mess.

I didn't know it would go that way. But, you know, it's been a lot of fun. Has it? You've laughed multiple times. I've been smiling almost this entire time. All right. I think we are sold on podcasting. Let's see if anyone subscribes.

Do you think anybody will? That'd be so funny if nobody did. Yeah. Like nobody. Would that deter us? I think we would be more deterred if one person did. And then unsubscribed. Oh, that would hurt

yeah but like how many podcasts are out there millions yeah yes i don't know yeah you do i i there's a lot of there's a lot of them out there but a lot of them are really niche sort of what is ours i don't know there's a lot of comedy ones and uh as far as i could tell no canadian comedy ones and this was uh incredibly canadian do you want to do your carrie ann moss thing oh um let's save it for next week all right i gotta go because i gotta go to the thing the comedy death ray thing oh yeah we're going to a comedy death ray thing so i gotta go home we gotta have a shower that's right so i like your new jeans thanks buddy all right well uh snap it a snap stop podcasting yourself Bye.