Stop Podcasting Yourself - Stop Podcasting Yourself - ep.2

Episode Date: March 9, 2008

Graham and Dave are joined by Ben Mills for more getting to know us, overheard, and the celebrity death pool.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello and welcome to the second amazing edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself, recorded here in Vancouver, British Columbia, on a Saturday afternoon. With me, as always, very good friend, Mr. Dave Shumka. Say hello, Dave. Hi, Graham.

How you doing, buddy? I'm great. How are you? I'm all right. And joining us today, our very first guest ever, Mr. Ben Mills. How you doing, buddy? I'm great. How are you? I'm all right. And joining us today, our very first guest ever, Mr. Ben Mills. How you doing, buddy? Doing good. I'd like to say hi to all the podcast coutures out there. The bumpers? They're called bumpers. We call them bumpers. That's right. You told me that already. Yeah, I tried to prep you before the show. I see it was wasted.

So yeah, this is our second ever podcast. And I think, sticking with the formula of last week, we should start out with a little... Well, I think we've always started out... Wait a minute. I just want to point out that we've never had a guest before. And if it sounds a little fuzzy, we're working on it. Look, producer-y guy. Yeah. You know, people out there, they're listening to these things on a bus or in a tank

or, you know. On a treadmill. On a treadmill. Larger pod. Yeah. Some sort of a... What was that? A larger pod.

So, it's not, you know, I don't think clarity and fuzziness... A larger pod? Yes. Alright.

Ben Mills, everybody. Ben Mills. Alright. I think we should also introduce Ben Mills, everybody. Ben Mills. All right. I think we should also introduce Ben Mills and who is Ben Mills. Well, that's under Get to Know Us. All right. If you're going to micromanage, then don't do it into the microphone. Don't micro-micromanage.

All right. Get to Know Us? Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. Get to know us. Let's start with Ben. Ben's our guest. Ben, tell us a little bit about Ben and what happened this week. Well, I'm recovering from crippling gangrene and I'm going to take some days off and just go hang out in Nanaimo later today.

You're lying about the game i don't think that's the case um you're not actually gangrenous you can't make that statement you're right i haven't seen your legs or feet yeah uh but you're walking fine i said i recovered taking some downtime now for realsies ben uh, you're a comedian, is that right? Would you describe yourself as a comedian? Like, technically, I guess. Part-time comic and a full-time lover.

I'm unemployed now. I used to cook food. So you are a comedian. Hey! You just upped the unemployed ratio in this room. You just doubled it. unemployed ratio in this room. You just doubled it. This section of the room.

Actually, we were playing rock band with another guy that was unemployed earlier this week, too. It's almost like you were in a real rock band. Yeah, for sure. That adds a little bit of reality to the game. It's epidemic. You're done, though, right? You're done with the cooking? You're finished?

Well, like, until I run out of money. But you tell people why you quit your job it's oh yeah because i'm going uh traveling across canada that's basically it and i have enough money so i don't have to work that's awesome yeah that's the best plan of anybody in this room it's just a good travel across i think my podcast plan is pretty good so far yeah it is pretty good d, tell us a little bit about Dave. What's shaking in Chumka land? Well, this... You're sweating.

You're sweating up a storm. I've had two hot cups of coffee. And I think you're a little nervous. It seems like flop sweat. I am flopping. I've got a third microphone to take care of, and I'm not handling it well It's like you've been giving the kids for the weekend

And you don't know Anyway, let's talk about Dave and his week Yeah One thing I did was last night I ate a bug A bug on purpose? Yes Really?

Our friend had a birthday And he's into really weird candy Okay And someone bought him Went to the candy store Really? Our friend had a birthday, and he's into really weird candy. Okay. And someone bought him, went to the candy store, and they sold crickets there. Caramel crickets? Chocolate. Salt and vinegar.

Ooh. And I ate one, and it was gross. It tasted like dust. But then another person was like, oh, this guy's into candy. I'll get him bacon and cheese crickets. But how do you draw the line from this guy's into candy into I'll get him something that's A, not sweet, and B, not candy?

I'll get him a salty bug. Not even food. A few dimensions removed. Salty bug. Yeah, so... So how was it? It was not good. I've eaten a lot of bugs by accident. But this was prepared and dried.

It tasted like dust. I know for a fact that when a cricket dies, it turns into like dust. Yeah, it's like a moth or a silverfish. Yeah, we used to have cricket dust all over our house because my brother had little reptiles, and he would feed them crickets. And they would escape out of the margarine bucket every time you'd open them and they'd be in the bathroom and then they'd turn to little puddles of dust.

Puddles of dust? Remember that band, Puddles of Dust? She fucking hates me! I was once at a musical a music festival in England and it was a three-day music festival, and Puddle of Mud was on the third day,

and I literally fell asleep while watching it. Puddle of Mud was like, was somebody's answer to Ugly Kid Joe. They were like, Ugly Kid Joe didn't take it far enough. Puddle of Mud is going to finish what Angry... Angry Kid Joe? Ugly Kid Joe.

I think it's still Ugly Kid Joe. Really? It hasn't changed in the last two seconds? So you ate a bug. Did Abigail eat a bug as well? No, she abstained. No, she abstained. But vegetarians actually did eat bugs.

I don't think that the line... There we go. See, this is how the show goes. It's just one thing to another. That's what the show should be called. One thing to another. No, that sounds like a show starring Charlie Sheen. Yeah, I don't think...

I don't know. Does vegetarianism extend to bugs? I suppose what your morals are, whether you don't like eating meat or whether you have moral problems against eating something that's alive. Because if you...

Yeah. Then you choose to eat or not eat bugs because you thought they were gross if you were just doing it out of preference. Yeah, but like,

if you're not eating a cow, that's one thing, but like if you eat a... Like, there's like only so many cows, but there's like infinite numbers of... I think...

Crickets. Well, I guess I suppose but like dialogue that you used to describe your... If you're like, crickets. Well, I guess I suppose, but like dialogue that you used to describe your pet, if you're like I don't want to eat a living creature, then like bugs count. Yeah, I guess you're right. If a bug flies in your mouth and you eat it, do you have trouble living with yourself?

Well, I don't think a piece of bacon is ever going to fly into your mouth, and if it does, you're probably going to be... You know when that's going to happen? Tomorrow? When pigs fly. Uh-oh. I should have seen that coming. Let's get to know you, Graham.

How was your week? The week was all right, but last night... Oh, tell me. ...went to our mutual friend, and I imagine probably future guest, Charlie Demers. Oh. We'll talk.

We'll figure it out sure um what didn't want to participate in a political fundraiser that his friends were putting on well charlie's apolitical he's apolitical apolitical guy did you not finish your sentence or did you mean apolitical i meant apolitical he doesn't really get it wrapped up in that sort of thing, politics. He doesn't like that sphere. He didn't want to perform because it was going to be a bunch of his friends or associates that he's involved with in the political scene. So at the last minute, he asked if I would fill in for him, and I said yes. That sounds like a blast already. Oh, dude. And then he tried to not show up for it which was i was like no that's not gonna

like it's fine that you don't want to perform but you're not gonna just disassociate like send me to this thing and so i called the guy and he said oh it's gonna be kind of like a cabaret thing and we show up and there's this band on stage like there's hardly anybody in the room there's i think uh jane stanton who was with me, counted 20. And when we walked in, there was a band on stage that was dressed like the cast of Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Right. And they were called Toot-A-Loot. If you want to check them out, Toot-A-Loot.org is actually their website. You can look it up right now if you want.

I'm recording a podcast right now. Analyze that and then go to tootaloot.org. It'd be great if they just played R.E.M. covers. Oh, like in Bram Stoker's

Drag Show. What's your Orange Crush? It was... So they sang a bunch of kind of like, I don't know,

Bulgarian... Bela Lugosi's Dad. And then. And then that was fine. And then people kind of started showing up a bit. And I was supposed to be the first to act up. And oh, did I mention

that the show was hosted by a couple of mimes? Hey, why not? Politics. Honestly, they... What was the political organization? It was COPE and the Work Less Party and another party that I don't know. I can't remember who they were.

Well, that's exactly why. They didn't want to put a lot of work into it. That's like their whole spirit of their business. The lights aren't on. Everything's unplugged. So then they said to me, they were like, it was these two mimes. They were talking mimes, but they had those masks. They were like, it was these two mimes. Like, they were talking mimes, but they had, like, those masks.

They were like Comedia del Arte or whatever, that shit. Like, really old-timey clowns that are even scarier than modern-day incarnations of clowns. And they went out. They were the hosts. And then somebody came up to me right before I was supposed to go up, and they're like, oh, somebody's just going to do a little skit, right? Before you go out. Five minutes.

Five-minute skit. And it was the most hit-you-on-the-head, obvious, like, I'm playing the person that's against the Olympics, and I'm playing the person that's for the Olympics. And then she makes all these eloquent points, and then he's like, but the Olympics! And nobody's laughing. It's just everybody in and then he's like, but the Olympics. And nobody's laughing. It's just everybody in the crowd is just like, we get it.

This is what we do every day. This is funny. Goes on for 20 minutes. Oh, good. And then I come out, and that's the whole first end of my set. It's just fucking tearing into the show. That's the whole first end of my set. It's just fucking tearing into the show.

And when the clown mimes brought me up, they kept trying to clown mime around me, and I nearly elbowed one of them in the face because I was like, just go away. And the other guy kept at me, and I was saying it into the microphone. I'm like, you can leave now. Just go. Get the fuck out of my face.

She just rolled with it. It would have been more fun. It was so... Jane was nearly crying because she's really afraid of mine. So when we were in the room, she had her back against the wall and she always needed the paper sack

because she was just like, hide. And she was tearing up. One time when she saw a byron bertram busking uh she nearly had a panic attack she can't handle clowns or juggling or or byron no it wasn't it wasn't even byron related like it's just any kind of festival folk really uh don't sit well with miss stanton so and then that was dropping some big names in this podcast. All good, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So anyways, yeah.

So that was the show. That was my show last night. But the one line that I said, I think I might have said it on stage. I can't remember. But I'm like, you guys want to run the city. You could barely put together a cabaret. So there you go so that was we got to know us was it all organic the whole thing there was no you know it was uh they they had the cheap beer bowen island beer which i've actually grown quite accustomed to because it's the cheapest stuff at the liquor store and uh but there was no fun. Show business secrets.

These are my confessions. Rock and roll lifestyle. Maybe that should be the theme song to this segment. These are my confessions. This is your workshop and it's all out on the air. Yeah, this feels good. Yeah, on the air. No, it's a very organic kind of show.

Yeah. We are the work organic kind of show. Yeah. We are the work less party of podcasts. Of podcasts. Yeah, look at me talking down to somebody for not being prepared. All right. Who am I? Shall we move on? Mm-hmm.

All right. No, I don't think we've exhausted the subject. Let's grind it into a fine dust. Cricket dust. Full circle. And dust. Cricket dust. Another thing that we actually all got together to do this weekend with Ben was we went to Value Village.

My favorite place in the world. In Surrey. Took us a long time to get there. We didn't know where we were going. We did not know. We got lost. We had to call them. Yeah, we called them and got back on track.

And you guys didn't end up buying anything. Oh, no. No. But were you hoping to? No. Yeah, you were looking at sports coats. Don't lie. I wasn't hoping to buy one.

But if a gym, if I found a diamond in the rough, I would have. That's what Valley Village is. Right. That's the whole process. I bought three bags full of stuff. Of diamonds. Of diamonds. And I think the top one was the best thing we found that day. valley villages right that's the whole process you i bought three bags full of stuff of diamonds of diamonds and uh i think the top one was the best thing we found that day because it was a group effort for anyone who doesn't know graham runs a comedy show on commercial drives i don't know okay there's people who listen to this that don't know about burrs We had 11 downloads this week. Did we? How many were you? Two.

I was three. So that's six. Abby was one. Oh. That's six. I didn't listen to it. I'm sorry. Yeah, so Graham runs a comedy show on Commercial Drive on Wednesdays, and part of the show

involves giving away prizes, and these prizes are found at Value Villages and Mennonite thrift stores. We came up short at and Mennonite thrift stores. We came up short at the Mennonite thrift store, that's for sure. What was the best thing, though, that we got? I'm trying to recall in my head. There was the Able Team book. The Able Team book.

It was a book like the A-Team, short of B.A. Baracus. There was no B.A. Baracus, and they were called the Able Team. I found A-Team a little ethnic sometimes, so it's definitely right. Wow. and they were called the able team i found a team a little ethnic sometimes so wow can we call this the racist episode one one black guy out of four or five team members i don't i don't recognize amy whatever her name was as a team member she was a peripheral toss in when the ratings got low uh i don't actually i'm not that

familiar with the a team grew up on it um what did we find though we found the able team book we found there was some oh the buffalo candle yeah buffalo can we found this well graham pointed it out, and there was a big, 12-inch tall buffalo. Yeah. Roughly a foot. Yeah. And it looked like something you put on your mantle, except there was a wick. But it didn't look like a candle at all. No, it looks like...

It looked like it was carved out of wood. Yeah, but it's totally made out of wax. And Ben's proposal was to light it at the beginning of the show and just let it. Then it ups its value. Yeah. Somehow. was to light it at the beginning of the show and just let it the thing that ups its value yeah somehow the best part of going to valley village for me was that i woke up hung over like most days and then uh we i hadn't eaten i had to uh um eat immediately while we were there and i just walked out on the street and there was a church's fried chicken and across the street was a kentucky fried chicken and then a bowling alley and that was it hard pick because

both but you said i liked what you said about church's chicken oh there's more body parts in there so you know it's like a more realistic chicken it's more realistic chicken because there was actually cartilage and tendons you can tell like it's stood at one point or at least have the capacity to you don't realize how many parts are missing out of Kentucky Fried Chicken until you have real chicken. I always try and picture that one chicken that has like 20 odd wings on it and it's

just sitting there confused like its whole life. It's like so many wings yet flight still impossible. Overheard. Alright. Overheard. Alright, Overheard, second edition. Last week was thrilling.

Last week was pretty good. What did we cover last week? Oh, you were the guy who invented calling her souvlaki because she was Greek. And I had some drunk guys on the bus. Oh, and they painted over the phone number on the wall. Bring you up to speed. So, Overheardard if you don't i miss it too so if you don't know what overheard is it's things basically things overheard uh buses movie theater lineups television anything that you overheard

uh outside of its context uh that you just it just stuck in your head. We'll start with our guest, Ben Mills. What have you overheard? I was at this restaurant called Mrs. Richie's in Nanaimo, which is sort of fun and zany. They have framed pictures of the far side on the wall and stuff like that. That's like a place in Calgary called Jack Astor's. Yeah, I think that most places have it. And inflatable cows with sunglasses in the car and stuff. And then lots of neon.

And then me and my roommate went in, and then the only other table was this booth that was, like, right across from us. Because that's the waitress that wanted to walk far. And it was, like, this huge fat guy and this girl. And you could tell they were on, like, some kind of first date. I don't know what, like, the circumstances were, but, like, she didn't look happy. And then he was trying to impress her. He bought her at a bachelorette auction or something. Yeah, that's true.

And then we just had to stare because they were so close. And he was just talking about the nuances of Kevin Smith movies. He was trying to make himself sound really intellectual. If you want to get inside of a girl's under things. No, Kevin Smith movies, they can't get enough of that kind of conversation. I just didn't know where your sentence was ending.

If you want to get inside of a girl's flesh. It's called the paring knife. Go ahead. Whoa! Not even halfway through this beer. And so then this went on for a long time and we we were just, like, staring at him. And then finally the waitress walked off with her food, and he'd ordered this, like, humongous, like, novelty hamburger

that, like, you could eat it all. It's free. On the first date. And it had, like, two flags in it. And then there's, like, this moment of, like, realization where he was, like, shouldn'tnegan, this kind of contrast. So I started eating the hamburger and continuing to talk about Kevin Smith, but much quieter.

Mushrooms coming out of my nose. Oh, man, that's a good one. That's probably the best overheard so far. That reminds me of a story that didn't happen to me, so it doesn't count as overheard. But I think this happened to my girlfriend's family or friends or something. But I believe it was at a Taco Bell in Bellingham. And there was a dad

and two kids and the kids really wanted to leave but the dad was really fat and had so much stuff left to eat. And so he's eating and the kids are getting really impatient and at the end he goes Daddy's full. And the kids are getting really impatient. And at the end he goes, Daddy's full.

And the kids go, Yay! I want to touch on those wacky restaurants. Have you ever eaten in the wacky restaurants with the crazy shit on the walls? Like a TGI Friday's kind of thing? Yeah. There was one in Calgary called Jack Astor's. This was my favorite because you would walk past the sign and you knew that, you know, wackiness was imminent because the sign on Jack Astor's would flicker. It was a neon sign.

So it would say intermittently Jack ass. Right. And like, seriously, there was a guy when we were walking into the restaurant that just caught the joke. You could just see it on his face. He was like, Dah! Okay, so you're overheard. This happened, I guess,

a couple years ago. I was in Max, which is like a 7-Eleven if you don't know what a Max is. Or a Couche-D'Art, as it's known in Montreal. A Couche-D'Art as it's known in Montreal. A Couche-D'Art. And I was getting a Slurpee, and this woman came in,

and her boyfriend was in the car with the motor running. Could have been her husband. And she comes in, and she just looks completely exasperated and walks in, looks to the left, looks to the right, and goes, where's the Midol? Midol, if you don't know, is a cramp treatment for ladies. Yeah, it's an anti... Lady cramp.

It's an anti-lady cramp cream. Or paste? I think probably pill. Or a balm, perhaps. Cream. Or paste? I think probably pill. Or a balm, perhaps.

So that really gave me, put me in touch with the female. What was it? Where do you keep your Midol? Where's the Midol? That's a good slogan. You could see that on a billboard, like a strung out chick, and it just says, where's the Midol? Or a strung out husband is even funnier. He's coming in, where's the Midol? Never should have quit advertising. should have quit advertising or like kids you know like yeah how to get ahead in advertising

um kids anyone who's around a crampy woman a dog that's been not fed where's the my doll is that it where's the model yeah i like it all All right. Your turn. Okay. There was one that I heard on the news, and I just heard it in the other rooms, and I didn't know what the news story was about specifically. But it was parents who are smokers can now use their kids was the quote. And I didn't know out of context, but apparently there's a new law that says that you're allowed to... Your kid's allowed to bring tobacco into the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the way that I heard it was parents who are smokers can now...

I was like, that doesn't make sense. I'm like, surely I'm missing something. You can't smoke. There's no law that's been passed that says it's okay to smoke a kid. Is what I heard. That's impossible. Dry them up and roll them up. And the other one I heard was two kids on the bus

who I think maybe got preview screenings to the movie 10,000 B.C. And the one kid was pissed. And his thing was, he said, that saber-toothed tiger was so fake. And he was, yeah,

that was his big comment on the movie. That saber-toothed tiger was so fake. I have another quick one I remember. Oh, so I can do it.

It was restaurant related. We're running late, man. Sports bar. And I was watching pro football and there was a guy in like a tampa bay jersey and like another guy came in with like a tampa bay shirt and they're totally like yeah tampa bay because we live in vancouver it's really far away from tampa bay and so and they totally were like talking really loudly we're both already kind of drunk already and they're like i love tampa bay because this and that and this and the one guy was like like i I hate Philadelphia. And he's like, yeah, Philadelphia. Terrell Owens' agent is Drew Rosenhaus, and he's a Jew.

And the other guy was like, and just like associated himself with him by proxy. And he's like panicked. And he's like looking around. And he was staring at them. And he's like, I dislike football. I didn't know him to take this terrible turn. like football i didn't know him take this terrible turn yeah it's weird that he likes a team from florida but doesn't like jews i love the idea and it's happened probably to all of us where you're wearing a garment

that somebody then associates and like picks you out of a crowd because you're wearing a garment that somebody then associates and like picks you out of a crowd because you're wearing a band shirt or something and it may not even be a band like you just like the shirt and then like i got into a thing i was i was wearing an old megadeth shirt and this guy it was it was at some concert and he's like hey like megadeth and And I'm like, not. I mean, I like the shirt. The shirt looks really cool. But I'm like, yeah, I like them. And then his next line in was, name ten Megadeth songs.

And I was like, how did I get into a fight with you all of a sudden from wearing a shirt? So I love people that just, like, a guy who sees a Tampa Bay shirt, he's like, instant friend. Alright, that was pretty good. I think we should just, that just like a guy who sees a Tampa Bay shirt he's like instant friend. Alright. That was pretty good. I think we should just every segment

should just run out of steam. Yeah where we just get exhausted. I'm tired. Alright. Next segment is the Celebrity Death Pool. Celebrity Death Pool.

Alright. So Celebrity Death Pool which is we tried it lastity Death Pool, which is, we tried it last week. We're trying it again this week. Yeah, and I found out that Jonathan Winters is, in fact, alive. Three cheers for Jonathan Winters making it through another fantastic week. We should touch briefly. Do we want to touch on what we were going to, that we said we weren't going to? I think it can wait for the reality.

Okay, alright. But it is relevant. So Celebrity Death Pool, the challenge here, guess who's going to die and how. Maybe we should touch on it then. Okay, well no, because we...

Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer, we learned this week. We learned this week, which is very unfortunate. We're not playing it for hilarities. And I think he should be ruled out. Yeah, he's out of the... Unless you pick Patrick Swayze by a completely different means. Right. But I think that the fact that somebody's battling cancer I think is gonna that's gonna cut them out

of the running. Like because it's only supposed to be making fun of celebrities. Right. We're not actually wishing that a celebrity's gonna These people aren't human.

So I can't They're not, yeah. I can't win anything if I Well no, yeah. I mean like you but we don't Just glory?

Well there's glory and a sandwich. Oh, oh okay. You like sandwiches. Oh yeah. Ben Mills. Oh, okay. You like sandwiches. Oh, yeah. Ben Mills. Big fan. Huge fan of sandwiches.

Late night sandwiches, best. I'm going to go to La Grata after this. No way. Yeah, dude. Italian sandwich. Italian sub sandwich. You working for the La Grata people now? La Grata.

When you gots to have it. Where's the model? Okay, so who wants to start? What were the ground rules we established? They have to be alive currently We dropped the ball on that, I think, last week They have to be famous Yeah

Two of them Yeah, two each Two each And how they're going to die And how they're gonna die how they're gonna die ben mills you want to start mills as our guest would you like to start with one of them yeah i am picking french actor gerard depardieu in an air show disaster will the air show be held stateside or in his native france well you're getting pretty specific i think would you think he'll be uh an observer or a participant in the flight a plane will land on him while he's in the bathroom wow like some very undignified air show disaster death

wow okay i like that one. That's a roaring start. What do you want to... Ed McMahon turned 85 this week. Congratulations, Ed McMahon. I pick Ed McMahon. And the means of death, peacefully in his sleep. That's nice. I think it's nice.

That's how Ed would have wanted it. If he were alive today. Whoops. I have action movie star and reality TV show judge Lorenzo Lamas

dying in a hail of bullets. I don't see it happening. bullets well no but that's the thing that's what that's why celebrity deaths are always so shocking is you're like really when you hear it yeah it's gonna be it can i you know you can extend it it was on a movie set and there was actual bullets in a thing that was supposed to be blanks or or he made a run for the border a little bullets uh okay ben number two uh i'm going with michael winslow the guy did all the voices and sound effects in police academy and he is gonna die by a crossbow in the hands of a spurned lover wow uh weird that michael winslow would die uh at the hands of a spurned lover. Wow. Weird that Michael Winslow would die at the hands of a silent weapon. He would probably make a funny

Pac-Man dying sound as he passed into the grid. Remember me. That's who I was. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. If he died in a hail of gunfire, I think it would sound a little something like this. I like the idea that when he's shot with the crossbow for eight minutes after he's lying on the ground, he's just making this sound effect. And then Mahoney comes in the room and he's like, what sound effect. Dee!

And then Mahoney comes in the room and he's like, what the? There's no heart rate monitor. Really, what? Let's divert for one second. What was so awesome about him being able to make sound effects in a movie where you could just have a sound effects guy

do those sound effects? Like, it was really unnecessary to cast him specifically. Yeah. Wow. I don't know. The guy's trying to make a living, Graham. He's shitting all over us. Graham's racist.

I read somewhere he slept on the beach for a while while he was like... What did that sound like? It sounded something like... That's him snoring Okay I liked it I dug it the most I have a lot

That I could just I don't want to just pick old people But it seems like the easy bet Like Castro You want to win But I'm not going to. I'm going to pick Amy Winehouse. Oh, yes. And full-blown AIDS. Really? Yeah. Wow. I think Amy Winehouse, she's going to get a case of Amy Winehouse. It's going to take her down.

I'm just going to get a case of the sniffles. It's going to take her down. She's going to get a case of sniffles. She doesn't end up with her own disease named after her. Amy Winehouse syndrome? Cal Ripken by Lou Gehrig's disease. I have as my final guess, meatloaf. That was Dave hitting himself in the face with the microphone. Surprising and crippling trampoline accident. Anybody want to dispute it?

No. See, we've got to do celebrity odds. But I think Meelo's smart enough not to get on a trampoline. No, that's why, again, that's what makes Celebrity Death so intriguing, is that you're like, why was he on a trampoline? And then the story comes out. He flew too close to the sun. All right, so that was...

I think I officially do want mine to be Cal Ripken Jr. dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. This one's too... He's going to contract and die from Lou Gehrig's disease. This is a morbid segment. It is. We may change it next week. Yeah, it might be Celebrity Odds.

Yeah. We'll come up with a theme song for that. We won't bother for this. Okay, so moving on. Alright, well this is a new segment. We tried it last week, but we cut it out because I wasn't prepared. This segment is called Oh No They Didn't. Oh no they didn't.

We can use either of those. Yeah, we'll put in some record scratches. Explain it, Graham. Okay, Oh No They Didn't is our segment dedicated to scientists discovering things or researching things or putting a lot of thought and effort towards things that really, either the conclusions that they've come up with are useless or the experiment is seemingly useless in the process. And this happens so much. Like, honestly, I didn't even have to try to get material for this.

Ben Mills, a former subscriber of what was the magazine? New Scientist Magazine. Let's get the ball rolling with Mr. Ben Mills. This wasn't a recent experiment, but these guys

were trying to see how many recognizable parts of a turkey they could uh take away and the turkey would still fuck it that was like and so so what they how many parts of of the turkey that the other turkey was gonna fuck yeah like and they figure and then they also tried out different combinations of corpses and fabrics or wire. And they found that a turkey would still have sex with a wire frame with a six-week dead head on it. Wow. Yeah. And this was out of what country? Do you remember?

United States of America. USA. USA. So, yeah. Why? That part didn't resonate in the least I have no idea I think it's more of a curiosity

it's not a question of why it's a question of can we is this legal yes okay they would do it

with homeless people if they could honestly admit it turkeys yeah turkeys would do it with homeless people

if they could alright Dave yeah a company in South Korea Turkeys? Yeah. Turkeys would do it with homeless people if they could. All right. Dave? Yeah. A company in South Korea is the first to clone a dog for just owners. Like owners can put an order in for $150,000 to have their dog cloned. Wow.

Although an official at the company said that one day he hopes to get the price under $50,000. Yeah, well, no. I mean, that's not affordable to the average dog cloner. Or owner. No, they're going to be called cloners now, right? That's the new, right? It's the jargon. Am I wrong?

Am I wrong? Audience? Bumpers? Here's a question about that. Was it tempting at all to make a dog-eating joke when you heard that? Yes, it was. Okay, but you didn't, which shows that you're

classy. Right. Because they're Korean, you mean? Whoa, Dave. I don't like racism. It's a nationality. How is Korea not to be considered? It's a race. I would say Asian is the race.

And I don't think Asians necessarily eat dog. But Chinese and Japanese are not the same race. What about dirty knees? Dirty knees are different, too. Look at these. Oh, there they are. You didn't tell me this was going to be racist Yeah we did You're the one who's killing Michael Winslet

That has nothing to do with race It's just going to happen That's true I don't see in colors You can't see colors It's actually a degenerative disease Ben Mills by his color disease Okay Your turn Flop sweat it's actually a degenerative disease Ben Mills by his color disease okay

your turn Flop Sweat that's you scientists in I think it was in England were able to find out through I guess a process of statistics or whatever that short people

more likely to commit suicide than tall people. Don't know how they found that out, and don't know what conclusion you draw from that at all, except that when I read the actual thing, the scientist said that short people aren't as attractive to women, therefore higher risk of suicide. Which I was like, really? Wow. That doesn't sound scientific at all. It doesn't! That's what struck me about it,

was that somebody was just taking data and putting their own personal bias in there. Being like, well, chicks don't like short guys, so that's why they're going to kill themselves. I was like, whoa! Did they just hand that off to somebody in a mall and say, what does that look like to you? Chicks hate short guys, right? Am I right? But was it necessarily men killing themselves?

Yeah. Women aren't as big on suicide as men. Men are... Is this a difference between men and women? Whoa. We're such drama queens. And they usually don't ask directions to the bridge To jump off of Your little sketch that you do

Yeah Do it on your skit on Wednesday Do it on your skits Do one of your little skits At grandma's 85th birthday You can get up and do one of your skits I think that's great Graham I don't know

Have we reacted to it sufficiently yet? Yeah I think we got a good reaction. So we have a new segment that we came up with this week. While we were out at Value Village, and it came about because we were talking about Flight of the Conchords, the show, and you said... I could take it or leave it. And then I challenged that and said, what could you not leave and have to take? And you couldn't come up with a goddamn thing. I'm pretty ambivalent about most things.

Yeah. But you couldn't even come up with one. Well, I mean... Like I would have said, my health. Right. Right? I could take that and not leave it. But you didn't even go there.

You had nothing. And I've got a lot of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you you got great stuff i'm sitting on a very comfortable couch right now but i could i don't even sit on that couch yeah you could leave this you could leave it um so that's how much stuff you've taken is you have nice couches for dogs yeah here's ben is traveling cross-country with all of his belongings in a bag. You left a lot of it. You left a... I just dispersed it.

Get. Yeah, I got rid of it. Yeah, Ben can leave it. Yeah, that's right. But he's taking things. He's taking a nice new backpack with some clothes and... Did you buy a knife yet? No, I'm going to.

I'm going to buy that stuff when I come back because I don't want to carry it all the way back to the Bible. You need a knife. Just think, Ben traveling cross-country with a backpack and a bunch of snow. A cleaver. A cleaver. It would be a sharp and good steady. How are you getting cross-country? Bussing mainly.

Greyhound. Yeah, Greyhound. I was hoping hitchhiking. I'm not that cool. No, and you don't want to be that raped, I think, is the final thing on that. I don't look good, like, my silhouette going into a sunset. It doesn't look good. It's not like my angle. It would be very Scarecrow if you came

right around to Ben and you just saw like... You would see your thumb first because you have a very long arm. So you just see that and then slowly see the rest of Ben as he came around the corner. Yeah. So we decided on a bit on a segment called Take It or Leave It.

Take it or leave it. Take it or leave it. Take it. And that's the theme song. Thank you, Strokes. Thank you, the Strokes. Remember when I was wearing that shirt? Yeah. What?

I was wearing a Strokes shirt, which somebody bought for me and it was brand new. I also have a Strokes t-shirt. Yeah, I like a Strokes shirt, which somebody bought for me, and it was brand new. I also have a Strokes t-shirt. Yeah, I like the Strokes. Yeah, we all like the Strokes, so I was wearing the shirt, and it was like literally that album had just come out. The third one.

Their second one. No. What? The third album? I don't know. Anyways. The album had just come out. Somebody came up to me while I was wearing the shirt and said, Are you wearing that ironically? And I was like, Jesus Christ.

How soon do you have to have a shirt in order to not be ironic? And I'd have to be so old or so super new. Anyways, so take it or leave it. Did you write down some for take it or leave it? I didn't. Okay. I can take it or leave it this segment. You can take it or leave it leave it? I didn't. I can take it or leave this segment. You can take it or leave this segment. That's the first one. This segment.

Take it or leave it. Do I have to decide? You have to pick take it or leave it. Ambivalent. Take it. Someone else's possessions. Leave it. Work.

Leave it. Take it. I. Leave it. Take it. I could take work. You could take work? Yeah. Okay. It alone. Leave.

A shower. Take. A shit. I would leave a shit, but I would take a shit. But you'd take a shit i would leave a shit but i would but you take a shit all right so that's i think that's pretty good i just came up with those that should be like 17 minutes long i think that that segment yeah yeah i think it almost was with our preamble um so take it or leave it. Anybody else got any? Ben? Water. Take it. Abuse. Leave it.

I don't have to take this abuse. Salmonella poisoning. Leave it. Attitude at the door. Leave it. Leave it. My advice. Take it. I would leave it. Ben leaves it. I take it.

This for what it's worth. Take it. This with a grain of salt. leave it. Ben leaves it. I take it. This for what it's worth. Take it. This with a grain of salt. Leave it. I'm going to leave it with a grain of salt. This segment's great. I like this segment. Is it?

It has as much legs as Pop Rocks Minute. That's true. Which, by the way, we're not doing this week. It'll be back next week. I got a strong prediction. Okay. We can rotate the two. Flip flop. Take it or next week. I got a strong prediction. Okay. We can rotate the two. Flip-flop.

Take it or leave it. And Pop Rocks Monday. Okay, so thanks for tuning in, everybody. And thanks to Ben Mills for coming down. Yeah, and I would call in from the road, but you guys refused to buy the special phone. We haven't figured out the Skype-y technology. And you've written statements to you guys.

You know what you could do? You could just buy one of those little tape recorders and tape us things and mail them, and we would play them as part of the show. I had one and I gave it to Gerald. Or you could leave messages on my phone, and I could maybe... Or we could upload, download.

That'd be a good segment, Ben on the Road. Or Ben and Banff, as I like to call it. He's going to go to Banff and stay there. I'm thinking of skipping Banff just to spite you. Don't spite me. You're only spiting yourself and you know it. It's almost like you'll be Benff by the time

you're through with it. Wow, quick finish. Are we still going? I thought this was over ten minutes ago. No, we're still going? I thought this was over 10 minutes ago. No, we're still going. I don't know. It feels natural. Do you have anything you want to plug, Ben?

Your current project? Do you have a blog on the road? I don't know if I want to plug that. All right. Because I mainly forget what the email address or whatever the address for it is i can't remember it offhand all right thanks ben uh should we uh wrap it up i thought we were yeah you can't google me either because it's a british

rock band show oh yeah you're an ungoogleable name, Ben Mills. Same with you, Graham Clark. Not true. Google me right now. Way too many Graham Clarks. Graham Clark, put you Graham Clark comedian. Boom, number one hit. That's a little presumptuous.

Graham Clark, regular, number three hit. Regular? Yeah, just if you put just Graham Clark. Okay, Graham Clark in the search. Regular, regular. Regular, number one. I eat some of my brands. If you would like to contact us, write us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com.

And you can see I'll put up little posts at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com We're going to have another guest next week. Not sure who it is yet, but it's going to be fantastic. Ben, thanks a lot for coming in. Thanks for having me. And bonne chance on the road. And yeah, we'll totally

get segments from you. Dave, it's been a pleasure. Yep. You have anything you want to plug? Yeah, I'm going to go put up posters. I'll be on the drive most of the afternoon. Stop by and turn it off. Regardless of the time that you're listening to pleasure. Yep. Do you have anything you want to plug? Yeah, I'm going to go put up posters. I'll be on the drive most of the afternoon. Stop by and turn it off. Regardless of the time that you're listening to this. Yep. All right.

All right. Thanks a lot for listening to Stop Podcasting Yourself. Oh, I wasn't recording.