Stop Podcasting Yourself - Stop Podcasting Yourself - ep.3

Episode Date: March 16, 2008

Comedian Jane Stanton joins the boys for the moodiest podcast yet.  More Pop Rocks Minute, more Reality Show Pitches, and What's It Called in French?

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hey everybody, and welcome to the third excellent, I'm assuming it's going to be excellent, installment of Stop Podcasting Yourself. This thing's on the grow. My name's Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is my good buddy Dave Shumka. Say hello, Dave. Thanks, I am here. Hello. Present.

I don't need you to tell me to say hello. That's my point. Okay, well, look, this isn't... Going well? Not really. With us as well for our third show is our guest in Dave's computer room, Miss Jane Stanton, talented comedian, flower deliverer, and actress. Do I say hi now? Yeah.

Okay, good. No, I'm not giving people cues anymore. I just jumped all over because of that last one. And this is the show. And we always start, and by always I mean the past two times, seem to go pretty well, with starting with Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. All right.

So how about you start out? Well, I don't really have much this week. Why? I had a pretty uninteresting week. That can't be true. What did you do? I went to a few comedy shows and i uh some asparagus how's the pee smell weird uh yeah caught me off guard really well i had that reminder moment when

you're like oh i did eat asparagus like do i have some sort of infection oh no it was just asparagus which is good that's like a relieving moment. So that's it. You peed asparagus pee. Jane, how about you? What happened to you this week? I found out I'm lactose intolerant. She just found that out nay but five minutes ago.

From a milkshake. Milkshake that Dave made in his kitchen. Yep. And then Jane had both. Two sips later. Two sips later. See you later, Jane. Yep. And then Jane had both. Two sips later. Two sips later. See you later, Jane. Yeah.

So your list of things that you can't eat growing day by day. By second. Yeah. Really? Could be mushrooms by tomorrow. Could be. Could be air. But have you never had milk before?

I have had it, but I've never had a severe reaction like that. Maybe you're allergic to Nestle Quick. Maybe I'm allergic to Dave. Hold on, that could be true. Jane and I have a weird antagonistic relationship. It seems so. Yeah, and... But, Dave, don't flatter yourself.

You're not the only one that Jane has an antagonistic relationship with. And Jane's not the only one that I have one. No, that's true. So it's almost like it was bound to happen by putting you two in the same room. Yeah, we're like two positively charged ions. Exactly. Like brother and sister. Sure.

You want to go non-scientifically with it? Yeah. So you just found out you're lactose intolerant. And what else? This week? Went on this week. Yeah. Went up to Whistler.

Oh, yeah. How was that? That was great. Tell us all about it. What were you doing on Whistler? Your face says it wasn't great. It wasn't great. It was horrible.

What? It sucked rocks. You don't have to censor yourself, by the way. I totally just did. Yeah, you were like, sucks. You wanted to say suck balls. I did. Sucked rocks. You don't have to censor yourself, by the way. I totally just did. Yeah, you were like, sucks. You wanted to say suck balls. I did. Suck balls.

It was a giant football field of a room. It's a huge pub. Long. And there's bench seats. Yeah. Which is great for comedy. Because you want people straddling something. You want them with their legs on either side or craning their neck neck during the entire and there was a terrific band before it's a cover

band i don't know their name but they were good they were called uh jeff healy all superstar oh hey too soon wow i forgot that he died last week when i said that you did not forget yes i did you've had it in for je Jeff Healy ever since he died. That's true. I'm horrible like that. When I went to Whistler, somebody bought me a beer at the bar, but he got a friend at the bar to fill the beer with Jägermeister. So when I... Like, fill completely?

Yeah, because when I drank it... Like a pint? No, like a bottle, like a bottle of Canadian. And so when I took a sip of it, I was like, what the fuck, dude? And he thought it was the funniest thing. It's not really that awesome of a prank because you say, can I buy you a beer? Then you

handed me something in a beer bottle. Seriously? Why was it bad for you? Why was Whistler bad? Where did you guys stay? We stayed... that was it. We were supposed to be staying at the Coast Hotel. And then when we showed up, it was closed for renovations. Nice.

So we had to phone Alberta and find out where we were staying in Whistler. We were staying at Holiday Inn. Which is the nicest Holiday Inn probably in existence. Gas, fireplace. Yeah, fireplaces in every room. Kitchen. Complimentary. No, that wasn't not not vampire beds that come down oh they didn't yeah oh that's right they did too yeah hide a beds uh murphy beds rumple beds if you want to call them that no they're

called murphy beds vampire beds in my house that's a coffin is vampire bed. It was a coffin of mine. Oh, okay. Yeah. I, at one point, I remember dropping my complimentary robe in the hot tub because I was really tankoed thanks to the hilarious Jägermeister prank, and I thought that that was a funny thing to do. But then I realized that the guy at the front

desk, there was a window from where the hot tub was that went straight through to where his desk was, so he watched me do it. so i had to pretend when i was checking out that we didn't have that moment where he saw me and i saw him um who were you there with i was there with todd allen todd allen and craig campbell i was great campbell awesome yeah super good super funny comedian from vancouver now makes his home in London. Yeah. Well, outside of London, but yeah. He's been there for, I think, ten years.

Yeah, because that's where comedy goes to make a living. Because that's not here. So, yeah. So that was your week. Anything else? What else? Nothing.

Quit pressing her for week. Anything else? What else? Nothing. Yeah. Quit pressing her for questions. What else? What else? I'm the guy who peed, and that was my whole week. Yeah. So she's done enough. How was your week, Graham? My week was all right.

Jane and I performed on a show on Saturday at a place called Lyric. It was an actor's studio. Right? Yeah. Is it an actor's studio? Yes, it is. It's called One Night Stand, Lyric, once a month. And why are we plugging?

I don't know. I plugged Toodaloo on last week's show. As you should. As you should. And it seems that I'm plugging them on this week's show as well. Tootaloot, everybody. Tootaloot.org. I went to Tootaloot.org.

It doesn't exist. That's what it said on their banner, right? It completely did. Spell Tootaloot. T-O-O-T-A-L-U-T-E. Oh, Tootaloot. Yeah. What did you think it was?

Tootaloot. Oh, Tootaloot. Oh, like that's ridiculous. Yeah. You're right think it was? Toot-a-loot. Oh, toot-a-loot. Oh, like that's ridiculous. Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry. I was pushing the envelope with toot-a-loot. Toot-a-loot.

Yeah. Yeah. Tootaloot.org. You can check out some of the songs that they have. Are you back online? I'm fine. I'm fine. You're right.

So we did that, and then we didn't really do that much. No. I went to the art gallery on Sunday. That was pretty cool. What's there? Old-timey photographs. Of what? I don't know.

Little landscapes or people. Mostly people looking really melancholy, because that seemed to be the thing at the turn of the century was to stare into the camera looking very famished was uh see famished and then they would say nothing because they were famished

say cheese what is it I've never heard of that um yeah so I went and did that and then uh and then we're podcasting. We usually, the other two times we podcast on a Saturday. But I have to go to Comox, B.C. this weekend. So that's why we're doing it on Thursday.

Nobody knows it's a Thursday. I do. All right. I strive for accuracy. Not me. Uh-uh. All right. Shall we move on to the next segment?

Yeah, what's the segment? What segment are we going to do? You want to do Overheard? Overheard. Welcome to Overheard. Things heard just about anywhere up to and including things that you saw on TV. That includes yours, right? Nope.

No, I thought you said you saw something that you oversaw. Oh, yeah. I saw something. It wasn't on TV, though. Okay, one of mine was on TV, and one of mine was live and in prison. Jane, if you have one. This is just something that you heard somebody saying you thought was hilarious. Oh, okay.

I think in that last little bit, it was as if Jane wasn't in the room. I think if you listen to the podcast, it's as if she left and is now back. Oh, okay, thanks. I had no idea. So the podcast, it's as if she left and is now back. Oh, okay. Thanks. I had no idea. So, okay. Go ahead. Well, you do that too. So why don't you bookend it?

All right. My first one was on the news the other night. There was a fantastic story. I love stories like this that happen on the news, and they have to make it dramatic, even though it's not really that dramatic of a story, but the onus is on the reporter to make this sound like it's a really dramatic thing. It was somebody keyed all these cars in the parking lot of a movie theater

in Port Coquitlam, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the news reporter had to go out and interview the guy at the body shop. Even the guy at the body shop was like, I don't know, this could set people back to $300. Which doesn't sound... It's bad.

But it was 400 cars. 400 cars. Every single car in the parking lot got keyed. Every single one? Every single one. So they had to keep the drama level in the broadcast really high. So the sign-off line was, let's hope the next time that people are out in Port Coquitlam at the movies,

the only drama will be on the screen. Yeah, that was a nice way of keeping momentum going in that story. So that was my first overheard. Dave? Well, this isn't overheard. It's something I saw uh there's a guy i saw this a couple weeks ago a guy in my neighborhood is selling a jeep cherokee and he had for sale signs in both back windows and or both like back passenger windows and the

one at the very back and uh and then he sold it but usually when you sell it you just take down the for sale signs he puts sold over top of all three like he's a real estate agent number one in selling my jeep turkey still number one on my block uh that's awesome. Is it still there? It's sold. Yeah. You only have to contractually put up the sign for a few days after the sale.

I like that one a lot. I do, actually. It's on to do with dog food. Some people can buy raw dog food and it's on to do with dog food is some people can buy raw dog food and it's more expensive but they're supposed to be environmentally friendly

but they put them in so many plastic it was really my sister that did this I doubt your sister will does your sister have a computer? she's worse than me she's like what? a podcast? there's aliens here um is that it's supposed to be environmentally friendly but they have it uh they put all the raw the raw meat for the dogs

they put them all in plastic tons of plastic and she was so angry she was at the place and she like complained that was all not a good. So it's like the food. Why is the food more environmentally friendly? I have no idea because it's not cooked. You look at me like I have a dog. Yeah, you have a dog. What do you feed your dog? Crap out of a can?

No, it's out of a. Not raw? No, because we don't want him to fart any more than he does right now. There, I said it no he's on a very you can cut the attention in this room with a knife he's got a very sensitive stomach I don't know if this is good podcast material

what you're dog shitting I bet if we just had one that was called dog talk we'd have 56 listeners by now it's huge that's niche marketing which we don't have i don't even know what our niche is no you have a brain freeze dave sadness why over life does life get you down shumps can i call you shumps wish you would uh you you have another iard. Okay. I was in a – I took a cab last night.

And first of all, this cab driver didn't catch his name, but easily the most unfriendly cab driver I've ever had. Usually they feel – maybe not obligated, but they'll have a bit of a conversation with you while you're driving, right? If you spark up a conversation. This guy just shutting down every question. What time did you start today? Four. What you working the 12 hour shift eight like that's it like he does i was like all right not gonna talk to him so i just listened to his uh the uh the

radio the dispatch radio and uh there was this whole conversation going on between one of the cars and the dispatch guy where the dispatch guy says, did you pick up that woman at Georgia Street? And the guy calls back and says, like, she wasn't there. And then he says, can you swing back around and pick her up? She says she's been standing outside for ten minutes. And the guy comes on and he's like, but she wasn't there. Like, she wasn't there. I waited for ten minutes and she wasn't there and then he there's a long pause and then the dispatch guy comes back on and says well car 59 just picked her up explain how that happened and then there's a long pause on

his end he goes that's what i thought no explanation you know what that is? That's a code six. I'm not going to write you up this time. But next time, no mercy. You're going down. Long pause. You got that? And that was a little theater just for me. Yeah. I will take you off the street and give you a desk job.

I'm going to bust you down to, what do you call those things? Hey, wait, what's worse than cab driver? What are those things? Rickshaw. I'm going to bust you all the way down to rickshaw. So that was overheard. That was pretty good. I enjoyed that. Jane's wasn't really.

I feel like we're very regimented and we're just going through the segments. Yeah. You want to loosen? Yeah, let's loosen it up. I think the last two times we had, well, you had a beer. Yeah, see, I haven't had a beer. I'm all out. Oh, well, there we go.

That's why it's going to be more regimented. Sorry. All right, well, then here's the thing. Okay. Because we were doing a thing last week where it was called Celebrity Death Pool. Which really, to me, like, it was funny. Sure, it was funny to predict how Meatloaf was going to die. Or who was the other one?

Yours were old guys. Yeah, Cal Ripken Jr. and... Cal Ripken Jr. dying of lou garrick's disease ironic i forget who else i had ben had uh gerard de perdue gerard de perdue uh air show accident yeah and michael winslow that's right um so then i said we should up the ante and just do celebrity odds in general right like just take a take a celebrity and figure out what are the odds that certain events are going to happen to them. I don't know what you came up with. Not much.

Okay. I came up with... See, now this is the thing. I didn't actually come up with any odds because I don't know how you figure out odds. Right. That's the problem. I could have just made them up, but maybe I'll give you the thing

and see what you think the odds are on it happening. All right. That sounds like a pretty good way to work a segment. All right. Who should I do first? Ryan Reynolds, Amy Winehouse,

or Dolph Lundgren? Uh, let's go alphabetical. All right. By last name? Sure. All right. Dolph Lundgren. Um, okay.

Odds. It'll start with an easy one. Odds that Dolph Lundgren will be considered for the lead in the new he-man feature uh it's a long shot long shot like what would you say hundred to one oh a thousand thousand to one what do you say who is he dolph lundgren yeah have you ever seen rocky four he played he man in the last he-man movie i didn't see he-Man. Did you ever see Rocky IV? He was the Russian? Yes! Okay! Now we're talking! Jane's on track. Okay. That he's going to play He-Man?

Yeah. In the new feature. 101. 101? Wow. Jane favors it. You think it's Dolph's time. Alright. Odds that Dolph Lundgren will do audio commentary on a special DVD release of his movie, Pantathlon, that will coincide with the 2008 Olympiads. Let's say 100 to 1.

Wow. Sticking with the hundreds. All right. I'm going 50 to 1. 50 to 1. Wow. She really thinks that's going to happen. Okay. He's doing the hundreds. All right. I'm going 50 to 1. 50 to 1. Wow. She really thinks that's going to happen. Okay.

He's doing a comeback. Okay. Odds that a German jungle garage synth band will do a song for which there will be a dance called The Dolph. That's like 20 to 1. That's going to happen. Yeah. That's for sure going to happen.

Jane? Yeah. Don't nod your head. It's right. I'm going to go 75 to 1. 75 to 1? Okay. Odds that Dolph Lundgren will be hailed as breathtaking by Gene Shalit.

1,001 again. Afraid. Gene Shalit is dead. So the odds are zero. It can't happen. Why did you do that? Because I threw in a little... Curveball.

Yeah, thank you. No problem. That's the word I was looking for. A little curveball at the end there. Zero. Good call, Jane. Thank you. Jane's correct on that one.

Dave, what are your celebrity odds? Or do you want me to keep rolling? I want you to keep rolling. I hate all of mine. Okay. Here we go. We'll hate all of mine. Okay. Here we go. We'll go with Ryan Reynolds. Okay.

Odds that Ryan Reynolds will release a song where he details going down on Alanis in a theater. Zero. Really? Yeah. Alanis is dead. Was it a trick question? Yes, it was a trick question. There is no Alanis is dead. Was it a trick question? Yes, it was a trick question. There is no Alanis.

Jane? 51. 51? 50 to 1. Okay. You think everything's going to happen. It might. You don't know.

Odds that Scarnolds will be the pair name for Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. That's like a 10 to 1. You think, Scarnells? 1,000 to 1. Does anybody have anything better than Scarnells? I don't know. I haven't really given it much thought. Well, this is the forum.

I've opened up the door. What about Rawlet Johansson? Scarlett? Ryan? Ryan Hanson. Rawlet Johansson? door what about ral ral it jones scarlet ryan hansen ral ral it johannes no it's not i want to do that no it's supposed to be shorter like when you put their names together you don't just no one said it was short first names together and then put the it's not benifer and then their last name. I just put the first name together. It's not Brangelina Jolie. Right. It's the first name.

I just put the first names together so you don't have to say... What did you say? You said Mottlet? What did you say? Mottlet Jolie. I said Scarlet. Take the S away. Brarlet. Brarlet. That's it?

I don't think. What about you, Dave? You all right, buddy? Scarlett Jim Henson. Okay, Scarlett Jim Henson. What do you think the odds are that if she dated Jim Henson, it would be Scarlett Jim Henson? High. Wrong. He's dead. Whoa. Jim Henson. Hi. Wrong.

He's dead. Whoa. Curveball. Damn it. I should have seen that one coming. Okay. How about this? Odds that Ryan Reynolds, we're still talking about, will star in a movie with Burt Reynolds,

and the poster will just read Reynolds and Reynolds. I think it's more likely to be Reynolds squared. Oh, okay. All right. Jane, want to weigh in on that one? Yeah. Dave.

I'm going to say 100%. That's not an odd. Oh, five to one, Dave. What does Dave have to do with anything? What you said, Reynolds Square. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm out-oddsing you. I'm creating the more likely event.

I think we've got to figure out how you do odds. That's where this thing goes awry. Don't roll your eyes, Jane. I was trying to figure out in my head. It looked like it was rolling my eyes. That's how I think. How about this? Look at your brain.

Amy Winehouse. Oh, I like her. Do you? Do you like her song that she sang? Mm-hmm. Did you like how trashy she looked at the Grammys on her live via satellite performance? I liked that very much.

I think there's something wrong with Dave. I think he was blaming me a second ago for this being choppy and regimented. Okay, Dave. I only really have one for the Amy Winehouse, but odds that Amy Winehouse will play

Elvira, Queen of the Night in a walk-on cameo in a biopic about the guy who played Grandpa Munster. I actually decided the odds on that. Okay, go for it. 250 to 1. I think it's about right.

Yeah. So that's it. That's celebrity odds. What did you come up with? Did you come up with anything? I wrote some celebrity names down. Which ones? Any of them particularly hilarious?

Alicia Keys. What? 1,000 to 1. Next. Gwen Stefani. Ooh, 700 to 1. Posh and Becks. Why don't they have a blend name?

Specks. Yeah,'t they have a blend name? Specks. Yeah, that doesn't work. That doesn't work at all. Her last name isn't Spice. It isn't? It's Posh Spice. Posh. Spice.

Don't. Posh Spice. Specks. No? No. Well, you can't call him Pex. Wait, his comes from his last name, but hers comes from her first name. Her name isn't actually Posh.

I know that. It is. Really? But at the moment, now that they're married, they have the same last name. Which is, she's Posh Beckham? She's Victoria Beckham. Oh. That's her name.

There we go. Look at you, detective. Posh and David Beckham. Right. You, Posh. Take David Beckham. All right, let's move on. Okay.

Let's go to French. We were talking about life or something like it off-air, starring Angelina Jolie and Tony Shalhoub. And Vancouver's Peter Kalamas. Right. Yes. And I remarked that it was, in French, it's called Ma Vie et Sept Jours, which means My Life and Seven Days.

My Life and Seven Days? And Seven Days, I think. Has anybody seen Life or something like it? No.'t know maybe that's more what's it about i think she's a newscaster and she's i think you're right has seven days to live like she's a bitch oh right and then she's blonde hair yeah the blonde and then she becomes nice plot point's a plot point. But while I was in France, well, for one thing, the movie, Scary Movie. No, not Scary Movie. Not Another Teen Movie. Okay.

The French translation of that was Sex Academy. Really? Academy de Sex? Just Sex Academy. Oh, just Sex Academy. Yeah. As if that's what it was called In English But there was a movie called

Kissing Jessica Stein Yeah I remember that That's an old movie That didn't come out at the same time It was about 2002 that's when I was there But it did come out at the same time as Not Another Teen movie I know it was earlier than that I'm not familiar with international distribution

Apparently That's not that old of a movie Kissing Jessica Stein earlier than that. I'm not familiar with international distribution. Apparently. That's not that old of a movie. Kissing Jessica Stein? 2000 maybe. Who's in it? Nobody's. I thought, isn't there somebody who was a nobody then, but now she's... Nia Vardalos. Yeah, isn't that the one from my

big fake Greek wedding? Yeah. She's huge now. She's everywhere. I can't even turn on my TV unless I want to see Nina Vardalos, because she's going to be on every channel talking about her Greek. But this was, I remember at the time there was like

anti-Semitic sentiment in France. And luckily that's gone away. And there were posters, well it was making the news. And there were posters for Kissing Jessica Stein. But it was just called Kissing Jessica. Yeah, that's like, oh, what?

There was some movie that we watched. And it was the Christian release that my friend had got a copy of. Oh, it was a Christian release of Casino Royale. And so, right? I've never actually seen the actual release of Casino Royale, the new Casino Royale, not the old one. So it had been edited. There was a lot of stuff that had been edited out of it.

What makes it a Christian release? Are there Christian movie theaters? Yeah. No, this is a thing that a lot of people that had been edited out of it. What makes it a Christian release? Are there Christian movie theaters? Yeah, no, this is a thing that a lot of people don't know, is that a lot of studios will put out a film and then they'll put out that same film, but they'll edit out all the objectionable

content. For TV, right? They do do that too, don't they? Yeah, but this is different. This is like when the movie comes out. The studio will actually do, not for every movie, but they'll do do that too, don't they? Yeah, but this is different. This is like when the movie comes out. Like the studio will actually do, not for every movie, but they'll do two different edits. It's the same that they do like they'll have one that goes to the theater, one that goes on airplanes. Right. Right?

So they edit out everything that's kind of like. So there's all these huge gaps in the plot, right? Like he meets that woman. I can only assume that he has sex with her because he meets her at the casino and then the next day they're like joined at the hip and he's like all worried that she's gonna die and i'm like well something happened i assume that they fucked at some point and also there's a scene at the beginning where he goes in the bathroom and he's gonna i guess he's after a guy then it just goes to him talking to a guy after, and the guy's like, how did he die?

And he's like, not well. And I'm like, not at all, from what I saw. He was in the bathroom. And then somebody slipped on a puddle, hit his head on the sink, and died. Is the movie shorter, too, then? Yeah. 45 minutes? It's not like they put in an extra scene where they... Christian version?

Yeah, where it's like combing the guy's hair or they just talk about the woes of doing mushrooms or something. So yeah, that's a thing that if you can get your hands on any of those type of releases... I should probably see Casino Royale in its entirety. Oh, yeah. It's pretty good. But the version I saw left me wanting something i could leave it

take it or leave it i don't have any for this week no me neither but hey everybody it's time for pop rocks minute we got pop rocks what what kind of eating i'm eating tropical punch uh jane and i are wild berry and i liked it on the package 35 more uh that's what i always felt was lacking in um but we just found out on the site that it has uh it says it on the back too does it yeah what does it say um second ingredient lactose sugar and lactose all right let's uh down the hatch, everybody. Oh. So if you're unfamiliar with Pop Rocks, a minute. We put Pop Rocks in our mouth.

For a minute. It kind of hurts. I love. That should be the slogan, the candy that hurts. I sound like a retard? Is that right? Is that the word I'm looking for? No, like you have a swollen tongue.

I just got my tongue pierced. Did you know that in the UK, Pop Rocks is known as Space Dust? I did know that, Dave. I did too. This has been Bob Rocksmith. Reality Show Pitches.

Thanks, Jane. That means it's time for Reality Show Pitches. As you know, we've come up with a list of reality show titles. That could, I feel, be actual reality shows. But we only had the titles, and everybody has to come up with an actual pitch to go along with the title. So who wants to start? Why don't you start, Graham? Okay.

My show is based on the wildly popular Jeff Foxworthy game show, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? With a modern twist and a controversial twist, I should add. It's called Are You Smarter Than a Holocaust Denier? And basically it runs the same format as the fifth grader. You get like a whole classroom full of Holocaust deniers. And average citizens go up against them and see if they are, in fact, smarter than a Holocaust denier. A lot of the questions have to do with the Holocaust, which makes it really hard for them. Well, the whole show is in poor taste.

But it's not that far away from Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. It's not that. It's one step worse, but it's not. Right? Right. That's where it's going is all I'm saying. I don't watch Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, but people lose on that game.

Yeah, a lot. Because it people lose on that game yeah a lot because it's asking questions that you know like they'll say like what year was the louisiana purchase made in well those kids just learned that last week and unless you studied up but that's the shocking part is these people aren't on the show by surprise like they weren't just somebody put a bag over their head and then all of a sudden they're at the show they knew they were going to compete so you'd think they'd read a book or try and refresh themselves on this knowledge. But they just go in there, I'll just fucking wing it.

I'll probably be all right. I'm probably smarter than a fifth grader. I'm probably smarter than a Holocaust denier. So there you go. It's not a bad taste because we're making fun of the Holocaust deniers. Right. Oh, I'm on your side, Graham. I thought you might be.

the Holocaust deniers. Right. Oh, I'm on your side, Graham. I thought you might be. So, and here we go. Hosted by Lorenzo Long. Oh, okay. Yeah. Huh?

Is that pretty good? That was a good one, yes. Wasn't he in your death pool? Yeah, he's not, but it turns out I was wrong. He's available to do the show. Well, that's great. Yeah. All right. Do you want to go, Jay? Green light? Or should I go? You go. Well, that's great. Yeah. All right.

Do you want to go, Jane, or should I go? You go. Oh, yeah. I'll give that to the green light. Green light, Jane? Green light. All right. Are you going next or Jane?

Dave's going next. Oh, Dave's going next. My reality show is called Now We're Wed, Oops, We're Dead. Tell me about it. Well, we will follow a couple as they prepare for their wedding. This show is going to be part Bridezilla, part...

I like anything with the pitch. It's going to be part Bridezilla, which is part Godzilla and part Bride. It's one of these modern crossbreeds. Isn't that what Grandpa is? He's a Broadzilla. Did I just call it Broadzilla? He's a designer dog.

For anyone who doesn't know, I have a dog named Grandpa. That would have sounded weird if I was like, isn't that what your grandpa is? He's a Broadzilla. He's part Broadzilla. This show's part Broadzilla, part, I don't know, some show where a couple dies. So we follow a couple from their engagement to their wedding, all the preparations, the big day, and then the honeymoon. They are sent to an exotic location where they are killed. By a sniper?

Well, I don't want to telegraph the ending and there's a each episode it'll be a different means now we're wet oops we're dead we're dead um here's two questions i have uh first of all how do you get it past episode one because i mean sure sure that first couple is going to be like really stoked on getting their wedding paid for oh yeah they don't know they're going to die. But then what about episode two? Well, not only do we pay for the wedding, we pay for the murder. Which is good.

Murders are expensive. Well, I think we could shoot the whole first season before it airs. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, you could do that. But it would be a one-season wonder. That's how they do it airs. Oh, I see. But it would be a one season wonder. That's how they do it in England. Yeah, that's true. But then next time you could do it

now we're wet, oops we're dead. Brazilian edition. So nobody knows what happened in the original edition. Yeah, because they don't watch British TV. That's right. And this is going to be produced uh in britain green light yeah but for british audiences only um jane green light wow we're doing all right

yeah i like the this fall schedule is going to be hot the odds on these shows are because the writers are better than the celebrity odds we came up with earlier. Yeah, but not half as funny. Right. About half as funny. Odds on that statement being true. One to one. Jane, give us your pitch.

What's your show called? My show is called Celebrity Matador. Could you say it sexier with kind of a Spanish flair and go? Oh, okay. I am one with accents. Yes, you are. Celebrity Matador. I don't get it.

Oh my God, am I in Spain? What are you laughing at? So it would take place in Spain. Yeah. And you would get them. They wouldn't just wear the red outfits. They'd also be like a double doozy. They'd be covered in like honey and there'd be a

beehive like there as well. So when they're trying to like get the bull so it doesn't kill them, there's bees stinging them. Same time. I like it. Who can we get for this show? Who's hosting it? I don't know his name. No, but who, what celebrities are going to be on the show?

What celebrities? Suzanne Somers? Right? Yeah. America's favorite workout queen? Yes. Valerie Bertinelli? Yes, because she just lost a lot of weight.

What about male guests? Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, he's too big. He's not going to do a show like this. No, he's too big. He's not going to do a show like this. No, he won't. Come on. I don't know. Think of your Bonaduchis, your Screeches and such.

That's the level we're talking about here. I know. I went too big. Your Valderamas. Future. That's his next thing. Do you think he's going to blow up? Do you think he's going to surprise everybody and be huge? No, I think his chance he's done what was his chance oh the 70s well your mama was his

chance he went he zigged instead of he uh had that 70s show was he in uh like um babble or or or traffic or one of those no he wasn't at all. No, Topher Grace was in Traffic. Right. I think Wilmer Valderrama was in Fast Food Nation or something. Oh, yeah, he was in Fast Food Nation. He played something where he played a Mexican. Which is... Yeah. Yeah, he played a non-English speaking role.

Going against type. And although on Yo Mama, when he had to do his own dialogue, it was quite obvious that he doesn't speak English. Really? Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Because I saw him on that punked, and he seemed like he was okay. Is it that Willa Vardarama, there's more than meets the eye there?

No, there's less. There's not. Okay, I found a guy. Back to... Who's your guy? Alan Thicke. Ooh. Yes. Fresh off J-Pod. Done. That got kicked. Yeah, wow. To the curb.

Did you read that thing in the paper where they were talking about what the viewers want? And they're like, they don't want J-Pod. They want that girl from Sophie. that's what canada wants to look at she's pretty i guess i guess maybe that's something we've never tried in canada is like put attractive people on television that like it seems to work everywhere else in the world and canada is just now like oh people like that like except for britain no but even in britain

there's a lot of shows where they're like the comedy shows people are generally not good looking but they're dramatic they're dramatic shows like have gorgeous people on them so it seems like canada is the only country that's like wait and wait a minute you mean people would watch more of our show if it wasn't bruno gerusi and jackson davies yeah but it's weird it's weird that we're just coming to that point. Because there was an article in the paper about it where they're like, it turns out that's what people want to look at. I'm like, yeah, but that's a pretty foregone conclusion.

Am I wrong? I saw two of the dudes from J-Pod at that Mary Lynn Ricegub show that we were at. Was one of them Alan Thicke? Nope. They were two young dudes. One had steely eyes like Peter Forsberg. But they weren't... I can't comment on whether they were attractive enough.

They weren't ugly on that show. No, no. I'm not saying J-Pod. I'm just saying in general, Canada's history of, like, casting television shows, the shows that have been made in Canada, it seems like they've had a shocking revelation that people would rather watch

attractive people on television. Okay, I follow you on that. But I don't think Sophie's that attractive. I mean, she's fine, but, you know. I thought she was attractive. For an actress, there's... I could find you a hundred actresses in Canada more attractive. Yeah, well, that's the thing with all those...

But she was the girl... She was in the ads where they dropped the Baileys in her mouth. Oh, that's her. Oh, that was her? Yeah. Oh, she was in hundreds of commercials before... Yeah, okay. yeah oh she was in like hundreds of commercials before yeah okay that is that ad could not be any more suggestive in what's going on seriously like they don't even pretend that they're not

that alluding to a blow job oh or not not even a blow job like some kind of messy association there with is that a word? Therewith? I don't know what a blowjob is. It's like when a boy and a girl like each other very much. It doesn't have to just be a boy and a girl. That's right, it could be a boy and boy.

The boy is very lazy? Yeah, that's what I said. When I was at that Marilyn Rice Cup show, I... You got a blowjob? I'm trying to stay on track. With the two J-Pod fellows. Oh, I like where this is going.

It's the Stuff That Sells podcast. Where were we? Where was that? At the media club. Oh, yeah. They gave me... I went to the bar and I ordered a beer. And they gave me a beer with ice in it.

And a pint glass. Yeah, a pint glass full of ice with beer in it. But no one else, just you. Yeah, I brought it back to the group of people I was with and I said, what do I do about this? Didn't say anything to the bartender. Do you think you just made a mistake?

Or was that like a thing? I thought, because sometimes they'll put your glass in ice. That's probably exactly what happened. No, but he said it would be a Coke in there. Yeah, because I got a Coke for Abby and a beer for myself. But both the drinks

were full of ice. And so I went back a few seconds later after Jane told me to and I told the other bartender. I basically told on my part. You totally did. You got written up, fired. It's a code six.

I'm not going to write you up. Yeah, but next time. No, but I told her and she looked at me like I was crazy, like it was my fault. Did you not order that? Yeah. No. That's kind of our policy here we only give out what's ordered anyway back on track canada good looking people that's why

uh that's why sophie survived the x apparently but i mean i haven't seen the show mvp is just hot ladies that one got canceled i know yeah know. And they're very pretty ladies. No, but the thing is... What's your point? I don't know what my point is. Not the most attractive point. I think I had a point at one point. You read an article. We're very proud of you. Whoa.

You are snarky today. You've not left the house? Is that it? I went looking for Pop Rocks and failed. Yeah, but i got them we got the pop i know i'm not that's not why so you guys want a green light or what what a matador way over here i bring it back yeah why not yeah we're pretty inclusive yeah i don't think we've red lighted anything yeah we have a we have this network that needs all this new programming. Okay, good.

Yeah, it's called the Oxygen Network. That's a network, isn't it? Yeah. O2, baby. O2? Is it? Yeah, we're on O2. That's my slogan again.

You guys are lying. I think their slogan is either O2 or Reynolds squared. We're on the Reynolds Network. All right, we'll be right back. So that was the third in the series of 1800 podcasts we were planning on doing. Yeah. When it reaches 1800, that's it. It's like Burning Man.

How did you guys think it went? It was the best one that we recorded on Thursday. This is our best Thursday recording yet, and I'm going to stand by that. I don't know that This is our best Thursday recording yet. And I'm going to stand by that. I don't know that it was our best podcast, necessarily. I think it's kind of a negative podcast. It was kind of a...

We wear it well. I think this will be a big hit with the emo kids. This was a moody podcast. If you, on the blog, put that this is the moodiest podcast this that you can download this week and i think we're gonna get maybe that'll be our new thing come in surly just be surly at each other yeah that sells right that's what smith and smith's Comedy Hour was all about. Surly-ness.

Were they both? The surly one? Did you ever see Smith & Smith's Comedy Hour? I liked it better when it was called The Red Green Show. It was totally different. Although Red Green was on that show. Right. Like that character.

Not the guy. Oh, really? Yeah. I forgot you were here. Okay, well, thanks for listening, everybody. Jane. You got any upcoming projects? I forgot you were here Okay well Thanks for listening everybody Jane You got any upcoming projects?

Anything you want to plug? No not at all Nothing Zero If people want to see you do your jokes Where can they do it? Where can you do your sketches? I do sketches

Usually Just on the street Whatever Anyone wants to listen Do you got anything coming up With the media club? Media club? Media Club? No.

I got myself a hankering for an ice beer. Yeah, hopefully. Media Club. We could get something going on down there. Dave, we should start a room there. Yeah, I've been looking into starting a room. I think it's a rewarding thing. It is.

It feels really good at the end of the week. It seems like it's easy. We should do it. So, yeah, that was our third Moody... What's it called? It's the Moody Podcast. And. So, yeah, that was our third Moody, what's it called? It's the Moody Podcast. And by that rationale, it was a success. So thanks a lot for tuning in to Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening. You can reach us at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com or come to our website StopPodcastingYourself.blogspot.com Woo!