Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 11: If I Had a Boat

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song 'If I Had a Boat' by Chris BrainStream it here : https://ffm.to/ifihadaboat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? What's your favourite day of the week? Wow. Friday. The weekend comes with responsibilities even if they're only to enjoy yourself. Whereas Friday is a work day that sort of morphs into the weekend and that feels enjoyable and exciting. So Friday represents the best of both worlds for you. Something of the workday, something

of the prospect of leisure. Yes, yes. It's a good way of putting it. And let's think leisure. Yeah. Can you take me through for you what would be a kind of really ideal day? I want you waking up. I want anything. Any detail you want to chuck in there is good. Gold star. Right, okay. So wake up magically late. I say magically because it doesn't happen very often. To be able to look at the clock and say wow it's this isn't going to sound very late to you but like 930 or something like that would be wonderful. Not having anything in the agenda too early on in the day, so a slow

breakfast, not too much to do, but something involving friends in the evening to give the day a little bit of a target. I think I have an issue with not wanting too much on the agenda but then also feeling I'm wasting the day if nothing happens at all. So it's kind of, it's probably magical again, but balance of something in prospect but not too much. You mention magic a couple of times in there as if it's a very distant reality, the chance of say naturally waking up at 9.30. Yeah. Why is it taking magic for something that other people would think is fairly straightforward? Yeah. Or some would. I'm not saying everyone.

No, not everyone. I think when I had kids, well, when the kids were young, they would wake you up early. Before that time I was able to lie in and since then it seems like you've got all this possibility but somehow you can't quite achieve it, which is a kind of grandiose way to talk about a lie-in, but that's what it feels like. The mountaintop of the lie-in, you're trying to reach. Yeah, I mean, at least I can, as someone who has young-ish children myself, who's been getting up at 6 o'clock for 10 years, I can see how even if you were the very best at lying in pre-children if you do something

for that long yeah yeah it's very hard to shake out of your system I mean they're talking thousands upon thousands of days yes yes where you've done exactly the same thing yeah I think what would be nice would be to just accept that and get up at six o'clock you know but just accept that and get up at six o'clock you know but somehow or other I'm still trying to kind of you know lie there and and bring about the possibility of a lion. It's one of those things isn't it the harder you try probably the harder it becomes you know yeah. I remember seeing a cartoon once of a guy who had obviously been advised to relax more but wasn't that kind of a person and in the cartoon he's saying, you know, I want to be the very best at relaxing, I

want to be at the cutting edge of relaxation and it's a bit like that isn't it? It's almost a conundrum. You can't will it into being without undoing its nature I suppose so yeah Tell me, who were you before children, who you are not now? That was an easy question for you there. Yeah, crikey. I think I was somebody who was quite surprised to discover how much I liked having children, because I wasn't particularly necessarily keen. So I think I was personally quite content to go on as I was, but then was very pleased to discover that I was probably happier than I've ever been in that period you're now in, that's not really an answer to the question is it?

You're not the first person that hasn't quite answered the question on a bench. It's a difficult question. Well, I mean, maybe it's easier to kind of ask this, what if anything has filled the space left by the children not needing you as much. That's probably what I sat down on this bench thinking about if I'm absolutely honest. Has one of them just gone to university or something? They're a bit older than that, yeah they're kind of mid-twenties and early thirties. But that question still hangs in the air.

I think at work, obviously, and my relationship with my wife and my friends and all those things, but I'm at a pivotal moment, I think, where I probably need to think about that question more carefully and about a work-life balance. I think I'm probably putting too many eggs in the work basket without there being quite enough reward from that at the moment. So that begs the question of should I be getting a smaller work basket. Sounds like a trip to the basket shops in order. It would be nice to see them all laid out and be able to choose. Really great that there's a metaphorical shop and you go in and people just put their heads in. How many heads have you got? And you walk out and they've bought nothing but just had a chat. Before I came and rudely disturbed your piece and your thinking, kind of

what's the wildest thought that creeps in? Have you got any kind of lurking, oh could I pull that off? Could I start this? Could I go here? What's the most dangerous thought that's coming to you? kind of what's the most dangerous thought that's coming to you? That's achieved, that's vaguely achieved. Yeah that's vaguely achieved. I don't think it's dangerous but I think sometimes I think it would be nice to just live on a boat or something. You know I've got this illusion that that if you lived on a boat, you could diminish a lot of the demands on your life. How so?

I guess you would be unmoored, you know. Quite literally. Or you could be literally unmoored and you would... I suppose I'm imagining bringing the size of my life down into that size rather than the size it is now feels like it would be helpful in terms of how much you have on your mind. That's all that's all I mean. Do you say that in relation to kind of clobber? Do you feel you've got too much stuff? I mean is it that as well? I think that's partly it because my wife and I often wonder about downsizing and then we

look around us at what we've got and just the prospect of trying to get things down to a manageable size to downsize is really off-putting. There's stuff in every room of the house, you know, where would you even begin to rationalise your lives? So yeah, the answer is yes. When you think of yourself, I mean, if you picture yourself on this boat, is it just you? No, I don't know if my wife would come with me. I wouldn't want to be off there without telling anybody. I'd happily be in contact.

You'll happily announce your boat life. Yes, yes. I think she'd come with me for some of the time. So I guess some of the time might be solo. But probably haven't gone into a huge amount of detail on it. It's just the quietness and the simplicity of it that appeals to me, yeah. It's a thought that comes up every now and again

with my partner. She's the one getting a boat. Oh, okay. And the boat for her represents a bit of a solitary spot where people can't bother her if she doesn't want them to. Yeah, yeah, that's a good way of putting it. And I think my mum used to always say she just wanted to live in a little cottage by the sea, which I think is probably a similar thing. Did your mum do that? She didn't, she didn't, but I think that was her

version of that, yeah. Without getting too practical here. Yeah, that could be your next podcast. Yeah, how to live on a boat. You know, let's imagine you were diagnosed with some kind of condition where the doctor said, sorry mate, you simply must live on a boat otherwise it's going to be curtains. That's quite a good diagnosis isn't it? If the doctor did say that to you, how quickly could you do it? I reckon you could if you had to. I suppose the problem is nothing's, I mean, I suppose it comes to the crux of what,

the issue with so many things. It's a bit like, sometimes I wonder with this podcast, I go, well, no one's made me do this. Yes. So there's a kind of natural vanity to it. You know, sometimes we, I suppose the bonus for children, right, is that they wanna do something,

they wanna go somewhere, it's like, okay, the children want it, it's good for their development, it's good for this, you can rationalize it all away. Let's live here because there's a good school. But then it comes to a point where you're like, oh, hang on, there's no good reason really for anyone else apart from you to have this bonus. No, I think that is the issue.

If you've put other people first, which you tend to do as a parent, and perhaps you have a natural tendency to do that anyway, and then you get to the stage of life where really doesn't matter that much, or quite so much to other people what you do, then you do have to make a decision that's more

based on your own wants and needs. I'm at that point really. And that is quite... that's quite hard. What would your, I'm guessing, is your mother still with us? No, no, sadly not. What do you think, if she was sat next to this bench and hearing this, what do you think she would say? I'll go, take it, take it. No, don't worry. I can turn off the Particular call I don't want to take it Is it the boat dealer? It was

What do you think she would say? She would say yeah, that is a good question and one I have asked myself What do you think she would say? She would say, yeah that is a good question and one I have asked myself. So we know that she wanted the cottage by the sea, so you would you would infer from that that maybe she would be into the idea of going on a boat? Or something similar? Yeah I think she would. I think she would probably say, don't leave it too late or try and make up your own mind. Yeah, I think she would be positive about it.

Well there you go, that was a good one. Yeah, that is a good one. I do quite like talking about reasons for doing stuff, to honor those that came before us and maybe even the things that they didn't do, they wanted to do. It's kind of quite beautiful. It's a good motivation. Yeah.

It's also quite compelling really. I mean, this is a kind of desperately middle-class thing I'm about to say, but within reason, boats are not that expensive. Yeah I've looked into it. Compared to any kind of property it's a different game and also you could get something fairly cheap and work on it. Yeah that would probably be half the fun. It does seem quite achievable doesn't it as a kind of pipe dream. It's not that

difficult really So what are the what are the chief obstacles then? I've tried to figure out what they will be. I think they're probably just mental they would they're just the sort of thing you were just talking about where You have to start putting yourself or your own kind of agenda first. And I think it's just finding your way to that decision that now is that time. You imagine that time is always 20 years away and maybe you have to arrive at that place at some time,

don't you? Maybe I have and I think it's probably that awareness or that realization that's probably hard to quite allow. I know exactly what you mean. I do think humans have a tendency for kicking the ball down the road. You know, God, there'll be a time when that happens and we'll have to think about that.

Yes, yeah. And if we keep saying it, then you're always kicking the ball and then at some point, there's no more road. And that's kind of, I don't know. I had a thought the other day, which is a little bit morbid, but maybe worth sharing out loud. Well, I suppose when you have kids,

there are dates quite far away which you look forward to. So you're like, child will start secondary school in September 2025, and by then this would have happened and this would have happened, et cetera, et cetera. And then that day comes, right? And you're like, oh wow, that day's come. You know? And then there's another day.

You've got another one lined up. And every day there's always another one lined up. There's always, oh it comes. And so I think there's also a point where we're not here anymore. And that's a day that comes. And I feel like, but we don't think about it like that. You know what I mean?

I'm going to get everything done by the time my child starts separating. I'm not going to get anything done when this day when I'm not here comes. I was thinking that this morning. I was thinking, you know, get up, make a cup of tea. There's going to be a day when that doesn't happen. Of course, you won't know anything about it.

But as I understand it, but yeah, that day will come. And it's not. I suppose that's the last of those. Target days, isn't it? And we don't give it a proper consideration. I mean, just trying to be really annoying here and think of other reasons why you should buy a boat, but what could we stay, what stage of life, what are we at now for you, do you reckon?

If life was a year, what are we on? September? September probably, yeah, as we are. Yeah. Perfect month. Kind of, you know, those in September, the ones that I see looking freshest are ones with a renewed purpose or something that keeps

them keeps them going and I think in a sense like you are potentially elongating your existence yes by giving yourself yeah a renewed purpose yeah and the more exciting it is the more life it will probably give you more life enhancing and elongating it will be. Then it actually becomes kind of quite critical. Question of good health. That's another one to kind of add to the list of reasons. What would your father, I mean, what we did mother, what would father say?

Did dad father? No. Oh, we're live. Still going. Fantastic, we can ask it. Yeah. Was it him phoning up earlier? No it wasn't. Okay this is a plot twist because what was his September like?

He sort of started a new life somewhere and with somebody new and a little bit earlier than September probably mid-August. But yeah, so that was his version. He had a summer fling. Yes, yes, yes. Can we say that it worked for him? I don't think it did. Oh, okay. But he's still alive though. He's still alive, yes.

So that says. He keeps himself busy. But yes, I think he would be probably up for it if I was to say I'm going for this project boat he'd quite like to boat himself. Oh that's it, can he lend a hand? Yeah he probably could yeah yeah yeah. That's another, it could be a nice bonding with father. True. God these reasons, we've got a whole scroll of reasons now. They're stacking out. They're coming thick and fast.

Has he been a good dad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean in his own way. Probably not the same style of fathering as I would recognise, as I would endorse, but he, yeah, he has really, over a lifetime. Yeah. It's balanced out. Yeah, yeah. I suppose that's the bonus of having a long life. You have time to- Yes, true, to make good and certain other things

that didn't go so well, yeah. What have you tried to do a bit differently to him? I suppose just be around both day to day and over the decades for my kids. As I say, he didn't stay with the family. So I suppose I've tried to be more essentially just there for them and maybe a little bit more emotionally attached or in tune with them rather than always just doing what he wanted and not thinking about the impact on others quite so much perhaps.

Fatherhood has just really changed, hasn't it? Yeah. I mean it's just such as, basically fatherhood being almost entirely reinvented. I mean partly it's us as fathers and partly it's the demands of the age isn't it? It's easier for us to do that, I'm much older than you, but it's easier for my generation and your generation to do that than it apparently was for theirs you know, so we shouldn't just blame them for not being like that. Oh definitely, no you're right, of course, of course, it just was the time, it's just,

yeah no you're right, I, my father was not at the birth of three of his four children. I mean, that is- Was it yours? No, no, no, it wasn't at mine. No, no, it wasn't at mine. My mother always said she was waiting for him to come round the door, he never came. It was happy after that, that I was just a brief aside,

but I mean, that is just an incredible thought. But again, it wasn't necessarily expected. In fact, my father was told when I was being born by the midwife to go out and take a very long walk. And when he got back, it was all over. I mean, having attended the birth, there was many times where I felt incredibly redundant. I could see why have the extra body just, you know, getting in the road. Yes, if you're looking at it from the midwife's point of view. Just an extra kind of anxious energy in the room.

I am gonna have to go. Oh, okay, oh great. Is that okay? No, that's absolutely fine. Well, we covered some- You wanna ask your last question? Oh yes. So many questions I could have asked in between times,

but the last one is, what are you going to do next? Next today? As in, it can be today or just generally. Oh, I see. Well, that was the whole discussion we've just been having. So I'll have to come back to you on that one. But right now I'm going to go and have lunch with my wife. So I'm going to have to pick something up and get it home.

So that's why I have to go. But yes, what am I going to do next? Remains to be answered. Everyone is going to have to just discuss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whether it's nautical or not. Thank you very much. Okay, no, it was a pleasure. If I had a boat, I'd drift out to sea Nothing but current, just water and me If I had a boat, I'd go with the breeze If I had a boat, I'd be free, and I'll be somewhere at sea If you do come looking for me

When you find a boat, I'd live like a dream Sailing a blanket of diamonds and sea If I had a boat, I'd shoot like a star If you do come looking for me If you find a star You found me Here