Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 15: Family Business

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Life Long Love' by Rachel Sermanni Stream it here : Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Are you ready for the first question? Hit me, hit me. The first question is really easy. What's your favourite day of the week? See I told you, I told you it was easy. What a question. I know my worst day of the week is Tuesday.

Everything goes wrong on a Tuesday. Can you tell me why? Any bad luck I've ever had I feel like always happens on a Tuesday. It's also like the added, you've lost that Monday motivation. It's not even halfway through the week yet. You can't even look forward to the weekend. I'm always like, Tuesdays are the worst day. Best day, it's got to be a Friday. It's the end of the week and you know that you've got the whole weekend to enjoy yourself. Classic. Classic after Friday.

So let's fast-forward then to a weekend day for you. Yeah. Let's go Saturday. Okay. Take me through from waking up to going to bed. What is your picture of like a perfect Sunday? Saturday, sorry. Saturday.

Within reason. You're not suddenly in Bahamas or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Saturday, sorry. Saturday. Within reason, you're not suddenly in Bahamas or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'd probably wake up around like nine, nine thirty, not too early, not too late. Not burning the day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd go out for breakfast somewhere, a fry up, some like hot breakfast, with a couple of friends, or maybe even my parents, that'd be nice. Start the day nice and calm yeah yeah then I'd probably meet it with my friends and we'd go out for the day like a walk around the park or we do something like fun like theme park I've been craving to go to a theme park recently I just feel like I haven't been to one for ages that'd be a really fun day out and then head to the pub and just like chat

nonsense for hours chat nonsense for hours over a few pints and then probably get a takeaway on the way home and I'd be honestly so happy. Very solid Saturday. Yeah, very ideal. Couple of things are there that stand out for me. One, you've included your parents. Yeah. I mean, not a lot of people would instinctively go there. I don't know, I really enjoy my parents' company.

I'm really close to them. No, that's right. No, it's not a bad thing. It's, I wish it wasn't as rare. Yeah. So it's a good sign. Yeah, because I mean, they don't live in London like I do. And I feel like since I've moved away,

I've valued speaking to them a lot more. The same with my grandma. When I'm talking to them, I enjoy that time a lot more because I know that I don't get to talk to them all the time. And yeah, when we go out for lunch or if we go to the pub together or something, we just end up having the most nonsense conversations. I love it when you get to talk about things that are completely random.

My dad is becoming a little bit hard of hearing, I think just from his job because he's an engineer. Are you good at shouting? No, but I just give up. But he's like gone into a really bad habit of if he mishears you, he won't just straight up ask, oh what did you say, sorry I didn't catch that. He'll attempt to relay it back to you and he'll be completely wrong. And we always end up like laughing in fits about that, because when we're out in a room, like a busy restaurant,

it's prime time for it to happen. And we also know that he is actually going deaf because he can't hear crickets. He's lost that frequency of sound completely. We'll be walking home at night from a restaurant or something on a holiday somewhere, and me and our family, family friends or whoever we're with will like comment on all the crickets around us and he'll be going what are you on about?

And I'll like try and like get him to like lean into a bush and I'll go can you hear that? Can you not hear that? And he'll go no I can't hear a thing and I'm like it's everywhere. I love the visual view trying to get your dad to lean into a bush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's quite interesting after a few drinks of wobbling. Maybe he has the cricket hearing deficiency and that's just part of it. It's a really rare condition.

It impacts maybe like one in every three million people. That's the kind of condition I wish existed, like really chilled condition. I just can't hear crickets. You know, it impacts you in no way. That's the kind of condition I wish existed, like really chilled condition. I just can't hear crickets, you know? Yeah. It impacts you in no way. It has like, yeah, no deterrental impact to your health at all.

Honestly, he is getting so much attention. Yeah, sure. Would you rather talk about theme parks or your grandmother? My grandma, she's great. Great. Absolutely. What's the magic of your grandma for you? I think we've grown an awful lot closer since my grandpa passed away because she doesn't

have any one of my parents around at home. I always make sure I have an effort to go and see her and spend a good few hours with her, whether that's doing jobs or just sitting and being. But I don't know, she has a really good sense of humour and her and my grandpa used to travel a lot across Europe, road trips especially and with that has come like a lot of wisdom also a lot of funny stories. And she has a warmth to her. So if I'm around her, I feel, I don't know, it's enriching. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and now I'm so chaotic when I'm in conversation

with her now, because I have so much to say and I haven't spoken to her for like a week. And she'll just be laughing at me the whole time. And I just like seeing her smile, hearing her laugh. Because yeah, I feel like she hasn't been the happiest since my grandpa passed, so like trying to make her smile, I'm really shivering, sorry. Don't worry, that's the nature of...

Just keep moving around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I just find it really enriching to be around her and listen to all of like her wisdom and like if I'm nervous about something or I'm just completing a Masters at uni at the minute. So if I'm ever nervous about exams or coursework she'll always give me like a little pep talk and her pep talks always make me feel better. She's one of the few people that can really calm me down.

What kind of thing would she say to you? It's not anything unique, she literally just goes, well you know that all you can do is your best and if you do your best you'll be fine. For some reason it's my grandma saying it that always grounds me. Yeah. So you felt like you had like a change of role a bit after your grandfather died? Yeah I would say so. When he was ill I felt like I was a lot more involved because I was having to help out with things because it wasn't very slow, it was quite sudden and quick. And my grandma was already like 82

and like trying to care for someone that was 90 was not. Yeah. So trying to help her changed like the dynamic in our relationship. And then yeah, once he passed, like my grandma's fine and she can cope on her own and things like that but there's a definite added level of care going on. How did like the whole episode of your grandfather dying how did that does that change anything in you? Death everyone has like a different

experience or a different relationship with it, right? It's always been one of my biggest fears and I was really close to my grandpa as I am with my grandma now and him passing away, it not only made me more nervous about death but it also made me value life a lot more and I feel like now when I think about things that are stressing me out I sort of have like the bigger picture come into my head of like well life's for living and let's just value what you're doing and embrace it for what it is and not waste time. I don't know and like yeah because he was such an adventurous person I feel like that's sort of rubbed off on a little bit, or I'd like to think it has. Or like since he's passed, we're obviously like sifting through loads of bits and bobs

of his belongings, which is never really a fun time. But it was actually quite interesting to delve into bits of his life that I'd never really taken much notice of before. It's even like shifted my music taste dramatically because he listened to an awful lot of Andre Rue. Don't know if you know who that is. Tell me about Andre Rue. He's a conductor of an orchestra and he's a very talented violinist and he plays like massive concerts across Europe and growing up if I ever went round to my grandparents or spent the evening in front of the fire

with him he'd often have a DVD of his concerts playing and I was always aware that it was Andre Roux. You were never really listening basically? Yeah I never really listened to it. I was like oh my dears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, and now since he's passed, I've taken a lot more enjoyment out of it, and now I listen to it on like a regular basis. Or like I had it playing when you approached me. Oh, really?

Yeah, small things like that. Yeah. What did you say you went through like his belongings and stuff? Any kind of little thing from that that you wanted to keep? I'm not too sure. He didn't have like an awful lot of stuff that was of any like sentimental value with search. The one thing that I did keep, which my mum actually offered to me maybe two or three days after he passed, was what's called a spoke key. Okay, what's a spoke key? So you know on a bicycle, all the spindles on the wheel,

they're called spokes. Of course. And to tighten them up, to attach them to the wheel, you use a spoke key, it's a little tool. And I always used to call it the mouse because it looks a bit like a mouse head with two ears. Yes, okay, no that's not the sense, yeah.

He ran our family's bike shop for 75 years. Whoa! Yeah, so. That's a serious amount of bike shop time. Yeah, Whoa! Yeah. So. That's a serious amount of bike shop time. Yeah, his dad started the business. My grandpa ran it when he became ill and then now my mum runs it. Amazing.

Yeah. Oh, wonderful. So we're a family of cyclists. Also adds to my grandparents adventurous nature because they take their bikes on like tours across Europe. Fantastic. So this is a natural thing to keep you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he taught me how to build bike wheels

with that key as well. And that was his favorite tool. That was the one that he'd been using for years and it's still covered in like grease and oil and stuff, but I have it. What is, where do you keep it? Sometimes I carry it in my purse. I had it tied to my dress for graduation last year

after I graduated uni. That's great. Yeah, otherwise it sits in my jewelry box. So lovely. Yeah. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Imagine an alien has landed. Oh God. They talk to you, obviously. That's the first thing they're gonna do. I'm the tour guide. you. That's the first thing they're going to do.

I'm the tour guide. That's terrible. And they're going like what is that thing with two wheels going by? And you're like it's a bicycle and they go oh well why are people doing that? What's the magic of that? What would you say? Someone that's had bicycles in their family for a thousand years. It gives you an opportunity for adventure. If you're on a bike, it's so lovely. You can just cycle through lanes all day long. You can go and look at all the animals. You can use it to venture across different cultures and different countries. That's what my grandparents used to love doing. It's even a great opportunity if you want to socialise with people, because you can go out on rides with people and then

there's always this innate clinging to each other. You don't have to push yourself. You can always go easy and you can end up in a nice conversation with the most random people, because we've always been on social rides with larger groups. I've ended up talking to people that I would never have spoken to before. Because it draws people in from completely different sides of the world

or completely different backgrounds, which is really nice. But I think I like it because it's another thing that I find really calming and just being able to sort of look around and take in the views and views that in a car you don't really get to see. In a car you're not hearing the countryside, you're not hearing the wind blowing past you, you're not hearing all the animals on all the farms or tractors going past. I think I just really enjoy that. I think the alien would be convinced. Do you think?

The alien would be straight on their bike. With their stabilizers and everything. Flag on the back. High-vis jacket on. Off to their various planets. So your family have had a bicycle business for many years. Yeah, it established 1931. Wow.

Like, is it, you know, is that almost like a kind of monarchy? Yeah. You kind of feel like it's coming, you know? Yeah, like what? I will be queen one day. Yeah, yeah. But like, how does that feel to have a family business? Like, you'd be part of that?

I am really proud of it. I'm proud of my family for keeping it going. I'm especially proud of my mom for taking it on, because she obviously had an idea of what was going on But I think when she quit her full-time job and went to do that full-time She realized how difficult it was. She's obviously now been doing it for a little while and she's a lot more comfortable in the role and Yeah, it's really nice to see the business sort of like thriving still.

Because my grandpa was one of those people that in our hometown, everyone knew who he was, you mentioned the shop and everyone goes, oh, you're that one. And it's nice that since he's passed or since my mum's taken it on, that is still there. And it's really nice, I don't know. And then-

So you think like, is it gonna be you? Is it gonna be mine? To be fair, I haven't really thought about it deeply. I think it'd be fun to try and run it. I think I'd really enjoy it. I enjoy learning about the process of how bikes are built. I think increasingly so. But my parents have already made it very clear that they're like, they're not putting any pressure on,

you have to keep it going. Get on with me. I can't put two. they're not putting any pressure on, you have to keep it going. Question, you got to choose, let's get a zero to 10. Zero being light, 10 being heavier. So you pick a number and then I'll give you a question from the question brain. Go for a seven. Why not? Okay, so I'll hit seven. Yeah. Either a seven or a two. I feel like in the middle is boring. You've got to sort of go one way or the other.

Yeah, so true. Okay, seven. Can you pinpoint a defining moment in your existence thus far? Oh my God. Is that more of an eight? Yeah, probably. Okay. I like the fact that that just came to me. Oh my god what a question. If you want a few more... It's gonna send me into an existential crisis. Well it's a good time to do it. To be honest I don't really know that's such a bit... oh my gosh. Do you know what? I'd probably say the biggest one that sort of made me step back and sort of consider who I want to be would probably be after my grandpa passed because that was the biggest point where I sort of reflected on what my life is or has been so far. Where I sort of had a bit of an existential crisis for myself and was a bit like, oh my gosh, what do I do?

And that feeling of being lost because I'd lost someone so close to me. And it's still something that I think about on a regular basis. What do you wrestle with when you think about the future? I think there's a thought running through the back of my mind of like I don't want to get to the age of like 80 or 90 and think that I've wasted time

doing something I don't enjoy. Like I'm really enjoying what I'm studying at the minute. I'm studying dementia as a master's course but there's always this thought in the back of my mind of like what if in 40 years to come 40 or 50 years I realized I'm like, oh, maybe that isn't what I wanted to do. I think that probably comes from the way that we're taught in school that going to university, getting the degree from that university will result in you doing like one job for the rest of your life.

Like you're led to believe that you have one career path and that will never change, it will never deviate and if you don't enjoy it then, then you're screwed in 40 years time sort of thing. But then, then I sort of have to like kick myself a little bit and go, hold on a minute because you enjoy what you're doing so it is worthwhile. Even if you're only gonna enjoy it for the next 10 or 20 years, that's still 20 years of doing something you enjoy.

Yeah. Tell me about dementia. Really? That's the first time I've asked this on a bench. Tell me about dementia. No, let's ask something more specific. What do you want to do in the dementia world? Like what do you want to impact?

I want to try and contribute to the research for a treatment and try and find something that works better, that is more effective, that doesn't come with the high risk for side effects. Do you think about what is good for your brain? As in, do you think about your brain? And when you think about it, what do you do? You're like, how do I stop it? How do I help myself? You know how a brain works, and you think,

oh, what can I do for it today that's good for my brain? It's just the whole idea of keeping myself mentally stimulated, but also trying not to have that be tied to technology. Yeah, sure. Just because I know that I'm addicted to my phone as everyone is, I'd like to think less so than a lot of my friends, and I think our screen times

will reflect that. You should line it up, use the map. I could grass them up. That's it, phone on the table, who's the winner. Yeah, yeah. Actually, maybe that's actually not line it up. Use the map. I could grass them up. That's it. Phone on the table. Yeah. Who's the winner. Yeah. Actually, maybe that's actually not a bad idea. Yeah, because people do that, don't they? Where they do a pub crawl, friends on the table first want to touch it, has to buy the next round or something. Yeah. But also that competitive element might actually get people to use it less. There's a punishment for who's got last. Yeah. Oh my God, that'd actually

be brilliant. If you had a weekly log of everyone's screen time and whoever's got luck. Yeah. Oh my God, that'd actually be brilliant. If you had like a, like a weekly log of everyone's screen time and whoever's got the highest average for that week has to then like buy dinner or buy the first round and they get meat off the pub. Actually, this could be an app. We could do this. Although it's an app which is then on the phone. Yeah.

But like, but like, We've just spoiled our own. But, I think it's still a good idea. Yeah. We've just solved it. We've solved it. We've just foiled our own. But I think it's still a good idea. Yeah, we've just solved it. We've solved it. We've solved all phone addiction. Do you think one last serious question about dementia stuff?

Yeah, that's fair. So our brains are all now pretty weird in relation to, sorry, let's start again. Let's start again, let's start your question again. It's all right. Our brains surely have been fundamentally rewired by our phone use. What do you think the impact might be on kind of possible dementia things or brain things related to like phones? You know what I mean? Is that a crazy question?

That is a kind of crazy question, but I guess like the whole idea of the habits we create through using phones, But I guess like the whole idea of the habits we create through using phones, procedural memory, just knowing what buttons to press or what to do. Because I have wondered that in centuries to come, when technology is so ingrained into our lives, even more so than it is now, because it's inevitable that it's only going to get ever more intertwined with society. Whether like it will become almost like an innate instinct of how to use things. I don't know, like a sheep or a cow or something is born and it knows how to walk. Like we'll just grow up knowing instinctively. How to use Instagram, no joke. Not quite like that. The carousel. Is this an instant carousel?

Yeah, but like is it just another stage in our evolution? Will we eventually be born as droids? You never know. Okay, a few more questions. Hit me. What is something you do that you think only you do? The first thing that's popped into my head, I actually sent a video to my friends of me doing it to try and like ask if I was being insane And I think they all just sort of were a bit dumbfounded and they didn't really have many words What is this Tom?

It's just a habit I've had ever since I like first started doing exams for school The night before an exam I have a very specific routine of like pacing around my room to help me revise. This is so stupid. No, no, that's not. Everyone's got something. It's essentially just like a coping mechanism to try and help me chill out. And I have to have my scruffiest clothes on,

what I call my lounges. Your duttiest pair of joggers, hoodie, fluffy jumper, whatever, as it was that night. I had my headphones on, playing like classical music because I can't listen to music that has words in it, otherwise I'll want to sing along. Completely. I'm like trying to go over things in my head, so I'm reading over it, then I'm reciting it to myself, reading over stuff, reciting it to myself, but I have to be like swinging my arms around. Like up and down like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think of like a coach.

Like a full arm swing. So back and forth? Yeah, don't ask me why. How high, how high? Like, do I have to stand up and I literally- See if you can stand up, take your mic- I will literally be doing this. And I'll be pacing around the room.

Like a kind of, like a kid miming being on a train or something. I guess so, yeah. Is that what you're doing for a turn? Choo-choo like kind of like? I guess, just like, like my arms aren't tense, they're just swinging and I have to be pacing in a circle across my room. I feel like I'm exposing myself so much right now.

It's almost like a- No, because we all have these things. Yeah. It's like maybe someone would question me and say you're stimming and I'm like, maybe I am stimming. Maybe there's something going on in the old brain. But yeah, for some reason I have to do it every time.

It's really odd. By the way, how long was this video you sent your friends? Like how long? Why do they have to slip through? It was only like a minute long. Do you think when they saw this video, they're like, wow, like who is this? I think they heard me say, are you a freak? And they probably went, she didn't need to ask that for me to say yes.

What is it? Or did that person just have to do a really ambitious picnic? Yeah, I was just, when I was talking, I was looking at them, sat that up, and I was like, I wonder what they're doing. Is this like a table for, but there's a big old rug. Maybe a cake sale? No, it is a picnic.

Oh, I can see a picnic basket. I don't know if you can see it by the trees. But she's alone. Oh look, a man's come. I think that is a table that she's saying at. A man's come, but where's he been? I thought he was on that bit over there. Why is he so far away?

Are they doing like a running race or something? Oh, he's moving, they're moving. I wonder if they're gonna go and- Too windy, too windy for them. They're going further in. I think they're going to where he's put all of that stuff down over there. Cause that looks like a water tank. Oh, unless it's a cool box. Yeah, maybe it's a cool box

I wonder how listenable like 20 minutes of really bad commentary on the people's picnic could be Yeah guys, so they're currently moving over to the cool box right now Never before seen a lady carrying the frame of a table He's still quite a long way away from his pool box. And they've left the blanket which is dangerous considering how windy it is. She's off to get the blanket now. There we go. She's running though so maybe she knows it's dangerous. Yeah. Okay, right. We're back, we're back. Right. What about you would surprise

people if they knew it? What do you think not a lot of people know about you? Possibly that I'm actually quite a shy person. I mean particularly with people I don't know, which is probably why I'm chatty now I tend to put on quite a confident front or I believe I do in that I'm very open to talking

to talking to talking to new people talking. That's got a nice word. It's like a reckoning but through conversation. I think basically because I have quite a lot of anxiety but I feel like in a public place I try and hide that and I try and prove that I can be very social and very outgoing even though innately I don't think I am. I'd probably call myself an extroverted introvert because once you get me out and doing things or once I'm in that social situation I'm absolutely fine. The anticipation of it, I get really nervous and I was always terribly shy growing up. My parents put me into speech and drama lessons for the purpose of trying to encourage me to be more confident talking. The thing is

is that I actually, I enjoyed it for quite a while and then I just got bored of it because the people that I was surrounded by were people that were very intent in going into theatre and acting, which does sound really fun, I'm not gonna lie, like now I'm kind of like, oh why did I quit? But I quit because I was like, well that's not what I want to go into as a career or like, I'm just, I'm just a kid sort of thing. The bell. Very dramatic entrance. Should probably say that the people that are having the picnic have been joined by someone. Yes.

An older guy who rang the bell as he approached them. Yeah, for anyone listening, they've just rang a bell really intently as they've cycled across the field on their own. Probably about 25 times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really caught our attention. But... They're walking off now again.

Yeah. What are they doing now? In an interesting update, the group have separated. We'll never know. Whatever though, we'll never figure it out. So you feel like you've kind of conquered a bit of your shyness from when you were young? Do you feel like you've overcome it?

Yeah, I think I've overcome a lot of it, but in the background there's always me sort of panicking in my head of like, oh my God, what am I doing here? I doing here I don't know what I don't know what to say I don't know how to act I don't know how to stand or then it's like if you start thinking too much and you realize that you're making eye contact with someone you're like oh my god where do I look what do I do I've forgotten how to breathe what what's going on can you forget about the picnic for a minute?

Yeah. Can you describe what you can see in front of you and how that makes you feel? What I can see in front of me is a really nice open piece of grass in the middle of a very crowded city. A lot of leaves blowing in the middle of a very crowded city. A lot of leaves blowing in the wind. A lovely old fashioned lamppost right in front of us. Loving that. Maybe in the far distance a couple of cranes. What I can see is actually like really calming.

I just see people going about their day with not really a care in the world of how they're perceived as I wish to be. I see a really happy dog waving its tail. That's beautiful. I can just see like an environment that brings you a little moment of calm and I think that's beautiful. Hence why you found me on this bench. Another very good answer. Yeah. Right, final question.

What are you going to do next? Ooh, well, I'm probably gonna head home after this because I need to apply to a few jobs. So this afternoon will be spent applying to jobs while also watching Clarkson's Farm. Because I started watching it about three days ago and I'm really enjoying it as like my downtime. What am I going to do next in the grand scheme of things? Just embrace life, enjoy it a little bit more. Do you know what

I mean? I feel like my mundane answer was actually a lot better. I quite like how direct your...... Yeah because I'm like I want to be able to go through life and thoroughly enjoy everything I'm doing. Every big moment I want to be able to take it in and as much as it might stress you out you might cry at times you might get emotional in good ways and bad ways. Sit with it Don't push it away because as everyone always rambles on about, but it is absolutely true, you need to not shy away from your emotions. Yeah, if anything is troubling you,

you need to talk to people. But equally, if you're having a good time, don't be afraid to tell people about it. Do you know what I mean? Because your happiness can rub off on Twillers. So take everything as it comes. And as my grandma said, as long as you know you're doing your best, you can't really go that far wrong. 75 years in a saddle

He knew a thing or three A record LSD The cog and spindle still they spin An old wheel out, a new wheel in My mother's mother speaks of him A life long lost Oh to feel a life long lost I'm working hard to not forget

To not grow old and feel regret Oh, life long love Oh, life long love Oh, to feel life long love I'll live long enough I'm going to go to the bathroom. you