Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 20: Two Funerals and a Faulty Printer

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'God I Love a Funeral' by Katie Gregson-MacLeodStream it here : https://ffm.to/godiloveafuneral---------------------------Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for you up for that? Do you want to favourite day of the week? Do I have a favourite day of the week? I feel like I have my least favourite days of the week, but that feels maybe a bit of a negative answer. But that's okay. It doesn't have to be instant joy, you know. It probably is Friday, Which feels very, kind of...

But I almost now want to hear about the least favourite days. I work in an office and Tuesday's hard. Monday you've got a bit of pep and this might be a good week. By Tuesday you know it's not going to be a good week. And there's still so much more to go. You know what I mean? It does feel very geared towards the weekend which I think is maybe a bit depressing. What's it like to work in an office?

Well I work for a theatre. It's office vibes but it's not like corporate at all. How would you describe being in an office to an alien? To an alien? Or someone that had never done it before? What happens in there? Lots of people shouting at screens, which for an alien would be weird because there's nothing there. Just a screen, but lots of frustration, lots of hitting of a big plastic object which is the printer.

Some people really whack the printer. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They think it's a technique to help it, which I just feel like it can't be. I love the designer kind of built that into the system, you know. You know, to make it think that if you whack it works. Honestly. How do you get the printer to work? I sit next to somebody who's, it's sort of their vague remit, and I just bat my eyelids. I sort of play the kind of young woman card,

just that like I don't know how to. Yeah, I've never used one kind of young woman card. How does this work? Yeah, I've never used one before. How is your relationship generally with this person? Really good. We love each other. So outside of printer life is still good? Yeah, I wouldn't be asking this of him if the relationship outside of printer life was bad. The worst thing about him is that he sings Christmas songs throughout the year.

Oh, throughout the year. Which I do, I'm genuinely quite tricky. Which Christmas song in particular? No, I don't want to talk about it because I want to start singing. There's a whole range, there's a whole range. You just hear the Christmas tune and then I've instantly got my back up and I'm instantly annoyed and then the printer probably stops working and then it's all you know It's all down over there and it's only Tuesday. Yeah

Can I ask you questions back? Oh, you really can okay? Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever worked in an office? Don't give me office vibes. You know what I have But not for long for a year the gap gap year I suppose, I just worked. Yes I did that too. In between school and university, just trying to get as much money as possible. Yes that's exactly what I did. So that was my... Did it work? Did you get lots of money?

Oh I definitely didn't get lots of money. But some though. But I worked in a hospital, so I definitely... but I got some money. You worked in a hospital? Yeah. Oh wow. In an office? An office in a hospital but I then slightly graduated to just floating around the hospital looking for various x-ray files.

Were you meant to do that? No, no, that just became, that just gave me a job. Weirdly, I think it's because of my general nature that it was the only job of that kind in the hospital. As it might mean there was this one person doing this one job. Right, because of your nature? What does that mean, because you're a singular nature? No, I think they didn't want me...

I did get in trouble a lot there. I was always asking people questions and being a bit nosy in and around certain clinics and when meeting members of the public or in the office itself, I'd get bored and then be a bit... I wouldn't say disruptive but you know I was like 18 19 so I definitely was like an annoying version of myself. You're kind of showing your willing in a way, unless you're asking I guess personal questions about disease. Oh I would have been asking personal questions. Okay. Like not on a negative

I just I was just trying to amuse myself a bit and so I think I thought you know what let's give him a job that's just floating around, having little moments with everyone, but he's not stuck anywhere. I'd love that actually. No printing. A one-off job. It's like when they advertise for like that, you know, it's always on the news. It's like an island somewhere and someone's trying to, you know, you've got to run the island.

You know, have you had those kind of jobs? I haven't seen those job offers, but. I'm looking at the weird magazines. Yeah, yeah, I... I'm looking at the weird magazines. Yeah, I guess I'm looking at the wrong sides. What do you think people think of you? People? That's quite broad. Okay, well, let's say in the office. Let's say in the office you're at. What do they think of you? People? That's quite broad. Okay well let's say in the office. Let's say in the office you're at. What do they think of you? Oh I know what they think of me in the office. They think I'm very very chirpy, very chipper and they

they think I sing songs a bit too much probably a bit too loudly. Okay. But they think I'm a bit of a silly goose you know for a laugh. What else do they think of me? And tell me why they're wrong. Because I'm deeply, deeply angry and depressed. Thanks for asking. And they've got no idea? Yeah, they've got no idea. You hide it so well.

I feel bad for even making that joke. I do have a very chipper personality. Sort of. And I work at it. Does that get tiring though? It does. Well, it does come quite naturally though. Sort of terrifyingly naturally.

Can you say the most traumatic thing that's happened in the office? Like, can you take me through an emergency that you were not good at in? I don't think I've been in too many emergencies. I'm quite good at being told what to do. I think in an emergency someone could tell me, but I think... I do have a deep sense of fear. I'm first aid trained and I just don't think that was a good idea. If you start choking right now, I just don't believe that I would remember that it would come back. Isn't it the classic Heimlich?

Imagine being named after your Bob Heimlich? Imagine being named after her, like that's your like Bob Heimlich. What would you want your thing to be that you were named after? I mean something, something not... Having a good conversation. Conversation and events. Yeah, like particularly deep or insightful conversations. Yeah. I mean I want... I mean that would be... But also like try to enforce... I mean I wonder if like Heimlich like tried to enforce it himself. Like can we name this after me please? Like can we actually... Who is he? We're presuming he's a man but he probably is isn't he? Probably is. And I'm guessing he figured out how to do it. Yeah, yes that's true.

Yeah. What do you think of books? Hey. Do you like books? Yeah I've got an English degree. All right. Do you like books? I do like books. I've always been a bit of a scattergun brain in the sense I'm not very good at fantastic concentration but I do really enjoy it. Okay. I don't know why I read what I read either. You know one of those people that... What do you read? Well I just... I'm reading a book about who owns England at the moment about like land distribution in England. Oh interesting. Why am I interested in that? I don't know.

But I mean... You live in... I can tell you a few reasons you live in England. Yeah. You know, number one like... We're on land. It's not Columbia that you're reading about. Yeah that's true and of course you have like five people own everything. It's a usual story but it's about. Yeah, that's true. And of course you'd have like five people own everything. It's a usual story but it's kind of, and everything's very secretive of course. What would you do if I reviewed right now that I was one of those five people? I'd be so happy. Me too.

I'd be wonderful. What do you hope to own one day? Don't say a house. What? Because it's never going to happen. No brutal. Generation divide. You can't say house because it would never happen. What do I hope to own? That's a strange question though isn't it? That's why we're here. I mean you could say your auntie's... Who I'm going to kill off to get some of their possessions. Your auntie's garlic press or whatever. I don't know. She does have a good one as well. Do you know your

auntie? Yeah I do know my auntie. Get on. I've got two. Yeah. Get on with both of them? Yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't want to kill them for any of their possessions. What do you want to own a painting of my dead grandfather. Of your dead grandfather? Yeah, that a lodger of his did in the 1960s and revealed to me that he had in his loft recently. And I'm trying to track down this guy but he lives in Mexico. Wow! I really want, I would like love that painting but anyway I think it's important to have you know dead relatives on the walls you know just to remember where you came from and also that

you'll be dead too. It's a good feeling. Amen. Do you have any dead relatives on the walls? I come from a long family of artists. Beautiful. Not long, not long, just... They're all very long. And they all do art. I come from a very tall family. My grandmother... A long line of artists. Yeah, that is what I meant to say, thank you.

But actually that's not even necessarily true, just me and my grandparents. But my grandma and my grandad were both artists. So I have lots of their artwork, which is maybe even more them. You know what I mean? Completely. Do you know your great-grandparents? No. Don't you think that find that a very relaxing thought? What? That I didn't know them? The fact that you don't know who your great-grandparents are, like much about them or who they are or even some names right? Why is that relaxing? That's interesting to me. It's relaxing because it was so recent it was like you know, if you think of the whole of time.

Yeah. And how long people might have been around. Yep. Your great grandparents were around so recently in that respect. And they're already forgotten. And they're already forgotten. Don't you feel that's quite relaxing? Well, I do feel particularly anxiety about sort of being remembered.

Which, so that's not something I think about. Perfect. I think you're quite a memorable person. Memorable? Yeah. Oh yeah thank you. So bad news for you. You're already playing it wrong. Oh damn it. Well I mean if you could be remembered for anything what would you be remembered for? You know what that's I'm gonna answer that question very honestly. No I like it, yeah that'd be great. I went to a funeral recently of somebody who is like 60 in her 60s yeah and I wasn't very close to her so I was sort of observing a funeral in a very like um. You're like an outsider. Exactly yeah and they're just talking about you know she's like super fun

super smiley super colorful super, super colourful, super friendly, super... There's all these things, I was like, I want them to be spoken about in my funeral. So you were like making notes basically, like, yeah, just copy that. I basically literally was. Are you really? Yeah. You were like in the funeral. No, no, no.

Scribbling down, so she was smiley. I was like, Tom, bring your recorder. Colourful. No, but yeah, I just thought just thought yeah I'll be that. I'll be that. Easy. So you thought it was quite a good funeral? Yeah well it was just the wake.

I didn't go to the funeral a bit but I accidentally called it the after party. Well it is isn't it? It is I know but it sounds a bit disrespectful. No it's okay. No but it sounds like this person would have been behind that. Well exactly it would have been there, yeah, yeah, yeah. So true. So yeah, that's what I'd be remembered for.

What do you want to be remembered for? This podcast. This podcast. That'd be it. I don't know really. I think just... Oh, you want to be forgotten actually. Sorry, it's true.

Well, I don't know if I want to be forgotten. Oh. I don't really know actually. I need to think about that. Okay. I suppose in a sense like what you want to be remembered for has been engineered already throughout your whole life. It's like I presented them with like

a buffet of different memories, whatever they want to remember. Yeah, what you're doing in your life is sort of you saying. It's a smorgasbord of memories. Yeah that's nice. And then they can just like choose. You're texting the boss now? Yeah, saying coming back soon. What's your boss like? Well, she's not my boss, she's my manager, but she's lovely.

We get on like a hustle fire. What do you think about the concept of hierarchy? I'm a big fan. Love it. I mean I feel like I would say yeah, you know, not great but sometimes I think it probably we probably do need it. Do you feel like, I don't know, kind of certain relationships are kind of slightly ruined by the thought that this person has this thing over you a bit?

Do you know what I mean? Yeah but then I suppose, hmm, what I would say is that maybe in all relationships there's a sort of power dynamic happening anyway. I like it, it's a very good answer. So. Yeah, it's very good. Yeah, and maybe it's almost easier in a work dynamic where it's like, there is actually,

we all know what the power dynamic is here. But maybe in like other situations it's harder. Yeah. Do you have any relationships in your life that have currently not very good power dynamics that you don't like? Not very good power dynamics? And you just mentioned power dynamics but kind of like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm wondering if that's the same as just dynamics. I like your socks by the way. I thank you very much. Yeah, there probably are some... There are definitely relationships in my life I'd like to adjust the power dynamics of. But I couldn't sort of give you a pinpoint answer, I suppose.

What about you? I think I enjoy all the dynamics that are currently involved in all my different relationships. Wow, that's really good. You know, I also like ones that are always a bit of a battle. You know, I've got a friend who's got always a great technique of when he's feeling tired, he always says to the other person, are you looking a bit tired?

It's very clever because it kind of like immediately puts someone on the back foot. It's called transference, yeah. And it's very clever because straight away people are just instantly thinking, oh no, I look tired. Forgetting the fact that he actually is the one that's tired. And so that's like a power dynamic, a momentary power dynamic, where this person particularly kind of dominates. The last time it happened I said, actually I know you want me to be on the same level as you.

Yeah. Is that a yay idea actually? actually, I know you want me to be on the same level as you. Yeah. Is that a yeah I do actually? Okay, so do you think you might put an end to histolytic? Oh absolutely not, because it's a fantastic system. I mean obviously try it with someone, try it with a lighthearted person. I'm sounding a bit mean here.

I'm someone that is, it's done to me rather than I did to someone else. Yeah, you wanna get revenge. But yeah, I quite enjoy when it's done to me. I'm like, oh, that's quite clever. And it kind of works every time. Yeah, it's quite wise. Are you a good friend?

I'm obsessed with being a good friend, which doesn't mean I'm a good friend. Well, A, it's not for me to say we're not a good friend. And B, yeah, sometimes that stops me being a good friend. But it would be awful to me if I found out that all my friends thought I was a bad friend, you know what I mean? They all got together and it's like,

they ganged up on me. What would you say is the most extreme friendship thing you have done? I would say my, you've heard about love languages very, you know, my love language would be like, would be quality time and it would also be remembering thing, like I'm quite good at remembering. So my way of showing like love and care would be like, oh hi Tom, hope your interview today went well. I'm not doing a lot there, but I like, well I have banked

that that you said that last week that your interview is tomorrow and I will sort of check in about that That's that's how I show my care. It's like a remembering thing rather than a big a big um Show of like buying them a massive bouquet or something or no exactly camping outside their house Oh, yeah, I think that might be too far. It's more just memory. Yeah, most just the old I Think oddly I was actually I was actually gonna ask this question Maybe you're gonna be my first person

I'm gonna ask this question to. Okay, great, yeah. I'm really interested in the really boring things that people remember, even though it has absolutely no kind of merit. It's not particularly powerful or even memorable. There's nothing about it, but you have remembered it. Yeah. Have you got any moment where you can can can you think back to like something really mundane?

Does that make any sense? Does that make sense to the question? Is that an okay question? Yeah, I just now as you were saying that I was instantly in my mind. You've forgotten everything. Yeah, I've never experienced a single thing It's hard because it's like If I'm trying to think about something that I remember then that's a memorable thing probably isn't it? Can it just be quite recently? I mean I could just... Yeah.

Oh I remember yesterday I went to the garden at the top of the South Bank and I said to my friend that she was wearing the same purple as the flowers and I said it and she was like yeah cool. Perfect. I remember that. I love that. That is the kind of little gentle Monday memory that I like. She was like, yeah, cool. Perfect. I remember that. I love that, that is the kind of little gentle Monday

memory that I like. Is that what you meant? Yeah, I just like, I think the purple's fine. That's, we're run with the purple. I always remember lots of things about my manager and she's always like, you're absolutely freak. I can tell you that she really likes orange tulips, but I banked that because I thought birthday.

Maybe when you say you're banking it like that actually works, do you do that? Yeah. Are you like I'm banking it? Well I actually have a memory as a child of being in a fairground or something as like sort of five or six and I remember being like I'm going to remember this. Oh wow. Because it was so I think it was so wonderful I think it was so excited. That's lovely. And I was so like, I'm gonna.

So you kind of told yourself, I will remember this. But then I don't doubt. You kind of manifested memories, I think. Yeah, yeah. But then I doubt, it's like, did that even happen? Maybe I'm getting two things mixed up. You know, who knows? Let's say that happened.

Yeah, let's say it. Yes. Yeah, let's say it. Do you ever like what you say? When was the last time you liked what you said? Oh, all the time. All the time. I think I'm great. When did you realize that you were quite kind of... When I was great. When I was great. Pretty early on. That actually reminds me, have you seen Fleabag? Yeah. When did you realise that you were quite kind of... When I was great. When I realised I was great pretty early on. That actually reminds me, have you seen Fleabag? Yeah. There's a conversation that Fleabag has with the male actor or model that she's dating and then they have this very serious conversation and she's like, when did you realise that you were really good looking?

And he's like, I think about 11. Certain aunties started to get a bit weird. It's really funny to me. he's like, I think about 11. Certain aunties started to get a bit weird. It's really funny to see. When did I realize I was really great? Yeah, I've always known it, always known it. Is anything missing from the greatness? What are we lacking?

Lots of things. Can we say what they are? Oh yeah, that's a very negative question. I'm missing a bit of them. I don't think it's necessarily negative. I'm missing a bit of- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, true yeah wow I am great all around those leaves no no I think about it I think I'm 360 total package because basically what I've been thinking about recently a lot is my like extremeness I think I'm pretty like balanced rational person yeah I used to be quite like make deals with myself like if you get this

job that's all you need that's fine so it doesn't matter that you don't like your flat be grateful that you've't matter that you don't like your flat, be grateful that you've got this thing, you don't need this other stuff, like stop wanting more basically. It was kind of quite extreme, it's this or this. So now I'm trying to be a bit more like, you can have lots of things,

like we can't have everything all the time, but like we can have the royal wheat, like I can have, yeah, it could be like open to some more stuff. Does that make sense? Getting lots of blank looks. I mean, is that what the mind looks like inside there? Is that what happens?

I feel like you're talking to those two of you and you need to talk to each other. Is that a good read? Yeah, I definitely talk to myself a lot. Don't you talk to yourself? Yeah, to an extent. Like I'll really parent myself, I'll really be like... Come on, whatever your name is, let's do this and this. Yeah, like, you know, it's fine, we can do this. Who are the voices? One's a parent?

Yeah, and the other one is, I guess probably child, child-tastic, child and parent, blah blah blah. Chuck and an auntie? We chuck and an auntie? They get weird after a level. Yeah. Erm, no, lots of aunties coming up today. Who knows why? Who knows why?

It's just that feeling. It's just an auntie feeling. What do you feel about, talk about extremes? Have you got any other extremes you want to go and pursue? Have you got any like, I would just do that, you know, if the parent self wasn't in there? No, because I just- If the parent self went on holiday and you were like like but the thing is I don't even have those like desires yeah I'm not I'm not like dying to do a line of coke at work and this

afternoon yeah what can we conceive after you can do like no I can't even I'm so boring I couldn't I wouldn't be able to even tell you what the extreme is I've got um can I call him a friend I think I can no even, I'm so boring, I wouldn't be able to even tell you what the extreme is. I've got, can I call him a friend? I think I can. Oof, that's rough. No, he will never listen to this. I've got a friend.

Yeah. And he's a bit of a sociopath. Oh cool. But that is kind of, it really works. And he kind of does stuff that just has no... It really works. He does stuff that has no particular rhyme or reason. And I really like that.

So for instance, I was talking to his girlfriend and I was like, what's it like being with this person? And she's like, well yeah, the other day I just was going into work or whatever and realised that he had put a potato in my pocket. And then it's just like, he'd just done that. There's no thinking behind that. I think he's just like,

look, I'm just gonna put a potato in her pocket. And what did you feel, how do you feel about that? Well, I personally quite like that. I like that, you know, actually if you think about it, we can do some amazing bizarre things that aren't gonna hurt anyone. Yeah. They're really gonna get people thinking.

Or maybe they might even like really boost their morale. And the reason is you don't have a reason. You're just expressing yourself and doing something for the sake of doing it. Yeah, I like what you said about it being bizarre. I'm into the bizarreness. I think what would irk me about that story is like... The potato one, you mean?

Yeah, is like the perceived randomness and quirkiness of that. No, I see what you mean. You know what I mean? I mean, this person is just that. A bit annoying, just like that. He just is that? Could I ask you a question for you? What's the biggest thing that has happened, wait for it, around you? Not to you?

Oh my gosh, I feel like I have to think about this. You can think about it. I can't think of an answer to that. The cogs are churning. Yeah they really are churning. Biggest thing that's happened around me. Um. It's some kind of something. I've seen somebody die. Is that a big thing to happen around me? Yeah, that is. Is that true? Can you tell me about that? I can't. It was at my grandma's funeral.

And an old woman just killed over and died. And we didn't really know who she was or what to do. And it was a bit weird. I want to know more. I mean, that's a great, I mean, obviously sad, so you're already at your grandma's funeral. Yeah, so everyone's already gathered. She got lowered into the ground and my dad said,

the Sabbath's over now, let's be happy. Famous last words. Famous last words. And then I went to the toilet, come back out, woman on the ground. Someone's doing CPR for ages, the coroner has to come to make sure, because it's like suspicious. Why was she there? Because she knew my grandma but we didn't know her. She'd been ill but she wanted to come to the funeral. She's obviously very lovely but yes.

I wonder if anyone died at her funeral. Well I know, it could have been a whole Midsomer Murders. It was in the countryside as well so it was quite kind of, you know, really creepy. I mean that is classic Midsomer Murders fair as well. Truly, truly. And you don't know what to do, nothing you can do so you just just sort of keep drinking the Prosecco and eating the canapes and having a nice drink. So do you remember your reaction to this? Um... You sound like you were quite relaxed about it.

I mean, yeah. I don't know, it's now just sort of the family law, so it's like kind of, as in L-O-R-E-O. Yeah, yeah. Something we just have to do. No one's going to want to die in your family. So it's like hard to, it's just so, it's so... I want to have stories. So the picture I'm getting is someone's killed over, CPR, you've got a Paseco.

But just for connoisseurs, there's lots of people there. It's not just me. Was your grandmother like celebrated enough by this point? Or was there a sense of like, guys come on, she's not the main event. Yeah, well that is kind of the feeling. It's like you know, you have one day that you think is going to be all about you. It's grandma's special day here. Someone's popped in and popped out. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. That's a good one though you know.

Yeah. Good answer. Thank you. Well done. Cheers. Okay, last question then you can go back to the office. Thank you. You can answer this either mundanely or grandly, whatever you fancy. Okay. What are you going to do next? Great question. I'm trying to think what your first question was now. First question was what's your favourite day of the week? It seems like a long time ago now. It does seem like a long time ago now. I have that effect on people. What are we going to do next? Next I'm going to drink some water. Yeah. Perfect. What are you going gonna do next? I think I'm gonna have to go and pick up my child from school. Nice. It's tempting to try and fit in another interview but I think...

This one's tied you up. This is actually be quite exhausting. No, in a good way. I do mean that in a positive way though. Some people just like have got a very like contained everything. Whereas you are like have got a very like contained everything whereas you are like you know you're more kind of Jackson Pollock you know no in a really good way. Well he was great wasn't he? Yeah yeah exactly. It's more everywhere. Yeah yeah. Which is actually very entertaining so all great. Good. I'm glad. Well done. Okay I'll turn it off now. Thank you. I want my friends to talk about me when I go

God, I love a funeral, I hope I have one someday Throw one last after-party, say the things you wouldn't say to my face Remember me for my memory For the things I never would let go Remember orange tulips on your desk on Friday Waterloo and the lilacs match your coat Bidden my heart for the printer guy who sings Christmas songs in mid-July Remember me, for I tried, it inspires me each day You speak of me in color as you sit in black and gray Every day the guest list could get longer if you try everywhere friendship if you open up your mind remember me for my memory for the The things I never would let go

Remember me if you like or forget me, I don't mind It's a comforting suggestion, all my worries with me die