Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 26: £5 Bread and Concussion

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song: £5 Bread by Lily LyonsStream it here: https://ffm.to/fivepoundbread————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Hi. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? Go on. I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I sit there to someone I don't know and talk to them for 10 or 15 minutes about life and anything in between. Would you be up for such a thing? Yeah, sure. Fantastic. What's your favourite day of the week? Oh, um... Saturday? Little bit of a delay there before Saturday came.

Were there any others near? I was between Thursday and Saturday. Why did Thursday lose? Because you have to work on a Thursday. Why did Thursday come close to winning? I usually have fun plans on a Thursday so it'll be like work drinks with colleagues or like I'm doing something with a friend and you're like oh the week's almost over but then Saturday the week actually is over and you can just spend all day doing fun things not just the evening. Take me through from, we're talking Saturday now.

Your ideal Saturday. I like detail. Early Saturday, late Saturday, whole Saturday, go. Okay, I have a lie in and then I wake up. I have a coffee on my balcony and then I go to the farmer's market with my housemate and we walk through the heath to get there. Have like a nice wander around, buy some things, go back home and then maybe go climbing with

a friend. It's probably late afternoon at that point. Go well, I wouldn't do it every Saturday but then maybe go out for a nice dinner somewhere central. Go watch a show, come back home. Perfect. Yeah. Climbing, take me through climbing. What is the draw for you for climbing?

I think more than anything, I almost always go with friends. So it's like a social thing, but then I like that it's like problem solving on a wall. You gotta work out where to go. And then you have to be like, oh, like this isn't quite work. And so maybe I can do it that way. I also really like that I'm quite an impatient person generally

and it helps me think about things like okay I can't do this yet it doesn't mean I can't do it ever if I keep practicing and if I'm patient then it's just clear progression and I think that's really helpful for me when I can't do something and I'm like I'm just just not good at this and it's like no I'm just not good at this. And it's like, no, I'm just not good at it yet. So climbing kind of encapsulates everything that you want to, a way to process life, basically. Yeah, yeah, basically. You mentioned that climbing helps you solve problems.

Do you have a problem in your life at the moment that you're trying to solve, that you haven't been able to solve? Ooh, well, that's very personal. You've gone really personal. What's your hobby? I'm just going straight in there. We could have waited until the fourth question, but it's a short life isn't it?

It is a short life. Got to get to the good thing. Got to get to the nitty gritty. We could talk about the weather. It's really nice today. There are a few clouds. It's very nice. Like little gentle clouds. Anyway, there's reverse, reverse back

into the maybe slightly personal question. What are you looking to solve? Well, actually, the reason I'm here at like 10 a.m. on a Thursday is I'm actually slightly concussed at the moment from going climbing, ironically. It just means my brain doesn't work quite the way it usually does. It's been like two weeks and I'm now back to work and I can do like half an hour, an hour at a time,

but then I get really fatigued and can't look at my screen. Then just the only thing I can do is take a break and just do something that completely rests my brain So when you came over was actually like meditating Like I don't like I'd never really meditated before but it's sort of the only thing that feels like that's just completely resting my brain but yeah, basically the problem is like like I said, I'm not very patient and it's just not something that can be solved by trying harder or like putting more effort in. It's literally just when it feels like it's too much, even when I'm like, well, this shouldn't be too much, I literally just answered an email. That's not something that in like usual life I consider tiring. Well, it depends on the email.

But like usually, usually I just consider work eight hour days and then like go out with a friend and like do something. So at the moment I just need to take way more rests than I usually do. And I'm finding it quite hard because it's like really boring and it's really isolating and it's really hard that feeling of like I just I'm not who I usually am like I'm not who I'm not really the person that I usually identify as. Yeah it's particularly difficult not feeling yourself. I'm with you though. There's a few a couple of questions that sprung to my mind but when you're feeling like

this when you're feeling kind of fatigued, you can't look at a screen. I wonder what it kind of says about screens. It's like you just can't do it when you're in that kind of zone. So are they really taking so much out of us that we don't really know in normal times? I think so. Yeah, I think what has been interesting, now that I'm forced to notice this, is the things that actually make you tired versus the things that you think of as tiring. A lot more things, a lot more tiring than I realised. I thought like, oh I'll just like do a puzzle and listen to a podcast and I

did that for half an hour and was like this is actually way too much for me right now, which just usually I'd be like this is perfect relaxation stuff. Even like going for a walk and listening to music. I just had to be like, I can go for a walk, I can listen to music, but I can't do both at the same time. Another big question, but not too personal. Well, actually, it's quite bad, it's all personal, isn't it? But how did you become who you are do you think that's a big question to know how did you become who you are it's always a good way to do it, the big question is to throw it straight back

look I'll try and answer it if I answer or you answer it okay that's fair that's a good deal. I love a deal. How did I become who I am? I think one of the crucial things I could think of... My mother was a single mother. She also worked really hard. Thanks mum, she was this thing. My mother's always been very good, I have lots of friends. This meant I was looked after by lots of different people and I got to spend time with lots of different families from a really early age. I didn't have any kind of direct allies, you know. I had to rely on myself really quickly

and I had to get good at observing what was going around. And I think that kind of formed a lot of my awareness of stuff in life and just how I look at things. What I perceive as the ability to kind of see things fairly clearly around me, especially in the kind of interpersonal way. That was a huge impact in my life, I think. That kind of funneled me into a particular place, you know?

Is that a good answer? That's a good answer. It's a very good answer. Fantastic. I'm passing the ball. Checking the ball. I've got the ball. Fair. I'm passing the ball. Checking the ball. I've got the ball. Fair. I'm throwing it over.

I think a really big thing for me was that all of my family are really big readers and then kind of passed that on to me as well. So I've just kind of read lots of books, I don't know. How many? Usually like a book a week or something. That's pretty good for your whole life. Yeah. Since I could learn how to read, yeah.

Thousands, hundreds, thousands. Yeah, thousands, yeah. And I think, yeah, I think like in my high school, I'm from Germany and we had like a reunion the other day and I went back and I was the only one who'd moved abroad and I think there's like lots of things that contributed to that like my older sister moved abroad as well, my older brother moved abroad as well but I think a big part of it is when you read a lot you're just like this is my life and this is sort of how I experience life but there's lots of other lives out there and like lots of

other ways of living life. So after high school it's like okay, I wanna try out different culture, like different way of living. I mean, not that German, UK are that different. Or fundamentally very similar cultures. But I think reading lots of different types of books, you get to dip into how another person experiences the world and that kind of like, okay,

I wanna try out a couple of different lives and like see which one I like best and I think that's been a big part of shaping who I am. Interesting. So kind of reading gave you, do you say the confidence of the awareness to look at look around? I think the awareness more than anything yeah. And so you've tried. I like this idea of trying on different lives. What life are you trying on at the moment? At the moment I'm trying on the North London life of buying five pound bread from your local bakery and going to the farmers market on Saturdays and meditating in the heath. It's a pretty good life. Did you try on any lives previously that didn't work?

When I was 15 I went to a high school exchange program and I lived in Texas for six months. And that was a very, very different life. My host family was really, really kind, really welcoming, but they were also very religious. And my parents were atheists, I just wasn't really religious. And they were kind of from a place of like, they want to save me from hell. And like we would go to church every

week and I was super happy to come along because I was like, this is, you know, a social thing. But I think I didn't realise it's more like introducing me to kind of Christianity and religion. And I think they kind of thought once they kind of show me this sort of slightly different belief system that I would I guess convert and like I just didn't I don't know looking back I'm like I'm surprised it didn't work because you kind of I was very immersed in like the whole community and space but I would say that's maybe a life that didn't work for me. That kind of, yeah. What an amazing thing to do as a 15 year old. Yeah, let the drones do it.

That's pretty intense. Yeah. Like you shoved it to a Texan family, obviously not in your mother tongue. Yeah. That's a lot to take in. I mean, was it, I mean, can you think of an abiding memory from that trip?

Like any kind of standout moments? I think I remember one time they invited a priest that they were friends with and they like gave me a Bible with my name on it. As in name? Like my name like printed on it. Even etched into the book itself. Etched into the cover and the priest was telling me lots of different stories from the Bible And we sit in there and being like I know you want something for me

And I like you and I want to give it to you, but I just can't give it to you. Yeah Have you still got that Bible with me? No, I don't know. So someone's got a Bible with your name on it Yeah, probably. I don't actually know what happened to that. I think I did take it back to Germany, but then Yeah, I don't know what happened to it. What did you find interesting about, kind of, Texan culture? What struck you? Did anything stay with you? Oh, you know what? I like to remember that or do that. Bigger is better. That was the thing. Bigger is better.

Bigger everything. The cars, huge. The houses, huge. High school was huge. And yeah, the food, everything was just big. That's the main thing. It's good. It tastes good. How do you feel about having a job? What's that like? Love having a job. You know, imagine I was eight years old. Yeah. It's about having a job? What's that like? I love having a job.

You know, emotionally I was eight years old. It's great having a job. Why would you think having a job is good? Because you get money and you can spend it on whatever you want. Like really expensive bread. Really expensive. Like that's the great thing. It's just when someone else gives you money, you can't spend it on five pound bread, right? Because it's like, that's a stupid thing

to spend your money on. Throwing it into your own money. It's like, I don't care. I'm gonna spend it on stupid things. And it's not even irresponsible because it's just my own money and I can do whatever I want with it. So that's, yeah, I love having a job.

It's good because you get to learn new things. I mean, obviously I'm lucky that like in my job I feel like I get to learn new things every day. So you go to an office? Yeah. Would you say you're an office expert now? Can anyone be an office? As much as anyone can be an office expert yes. Well I mean you know you go to a place you learn the the rhymes and the reasons of an office life. I think so yeah I think I am like I think so. You know when to bring out the cake. Yeah. I actually have really worked in office I'm

just making this up. No you are, you are very, you are you are very... I was like, do you ever have to look busy? And how do you do that if you were? I think these days not so much because most offices are hybrid, so you only go in once or twice a week. So there's less of like having to look busy because when you're at home you don't need to bother. That would be so sad if it carried on. Yeah I know, you sit by yourself in your living room.

Try like just opening excel and closing excel. What's the most dramatic thing that's happened in an office that you've been in? Honestly, it's not an exciting environment so I'm going to have to dig deep for this. I've already asked this question to a couple of office people who I've done this with. I'm just desperate for someone to have something exciting or scandalous. You know, could someone just start chucking stuff around I don't know I would smash a computer someone picked up a good and smashed it it's honestly usually like oh the disabled toilets broken again like that's usually like the most

exciting then it happens maybe make your mission to do something really traumatic yeah maybe like my last week when I like I know I'm gonna quit anyway. Bring in a big sculpture and just put it on your desk. Yeah. I was like why have they put a sculpture on their desk? It would be... That kind of thing you know just to get people talking. You have a tattoo. I do. I've just noticed it. Of a polar bear? It is. It's actually new. I only got it a few weeks ago. Oh amazing. Yeah. It's actually from a book. It's from, do you know Philip Pullman's His Dark Material books? Yeah, yeah. It was like my favourite series as a kid.

And this is the Bear, Yurik, Burnesson, I think is what he's called. And I, yeah, got him to do the other day. Is this before you got a Krokasa or after? Before, this is before. I'm just slightly worried. I'm just writing a poem and he just makes me lose my decision. No, no, no. It was before, it was before.

I was in full, what's it called, like, I had full capacity. Composement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could have been your scandalous office moment. Yeah. Tattoo, someone's got a tattoo in the office. It's actually really common.

There's people who are covered in head to toe from tattoos, it's like, yeah. It's like I told my manager the week before I was going to get it and her immediate reaction was just like amazing, can't wait to see it. So it's not super exciting anymore these days. What's it like having a manager? Good, I mean it depends on the manager.

What makes her a good manager? She's really like emotionally intelligent, so she's very good at noticing when I'm looking stressed in the office. If someone's crying in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she picks up on those really subtle clues. No, she's just like really, I don't know, I feel like I like her as a person, which helps. Do you want to be a manager?

What do you want to be? I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, you know, I don't know. Like does anyone know what they want to be? My father always had a good thing which, around a dinner table, he would always ask the question of the oldest person there, 40, 60, whatever, and they'd go, you know, Bob, what do you want to be

when you grow up? It should really be asked of everybody, rather than directed at poor children, who are actually the last people you should ask. They're busy getting on with their lives. Yeah, I know. I feel like most 25-year-olds don't know. Like how do you know it's a five-year-old? Like... Exactly. Do you think about it a lot? What I want to be?

Yeah, or like just, you know, where your paths are heading. Not that much. Like I think when you like have an accent and like you're obviously not from the country that you live in, people often ask you, are you planning to go back? So then... Are you planning to go back? But not like go back? So then kind of... Are you planning to go back? But not like go back to where you came from,

just like oh, like cool, like how long have you been here? Are you planning to move back? Not in a xenophobic way, just in like a friendly conversation way. What's it like being a German in England? Oh, it's good, it's great. London especially, I really like, because everyone moves here.

So it's just whether you're an immigrant or not, it's just the fifth most interesting about you, just like people don't kind of categorise you based on that, which I really like. Do you have any fundamental issues with Germany itself? I mean, as in, was it just excitement to be somewhere else? No, I think Germany is like... You weren't like, oh Germany is not for me, you know?

No, not at all. I think Germany, living is cheaper. Like, it's just like, the healthcare systems. You've got like rent caps and stuff. Yeah, it's just like, healthcare systems, way better funded. Everything's better. It's just like, the education system is so much better. So yeah, if anything, I'm often like,

what have I done? Take issue with the UK. No, Germany's great. I just, yeah, because I just wanted an adventure. Oh, by the way, I have some German ancestry. Do you? Yeah. How far back? My grandmother. Oh, right.

I'm scared to ask, did you come here during the... Correct, before the war. Okay, before the war. And she met my grandfather in Cambridge, who had come from Slovakia. They both made their journeys. So I've always felt a connection. Have you been? Yeah, many times. Cool. Yeah, I've been there to sing songs really.

Oh, are you like a choir or...? No, I just sing. I just sing. What am I? I suppose I'm a songwriter. I'm a singer-songwriter person. That's cool. It's really cool.

It's like, you know, it's scary putting yourself out there, so... This is true. It is scary putting yourself out there. Do you wish you'd put yourself out there more? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, I think when you came over I was like But then I was like ultimately it seems pretty low risk but... Favourite last words? Yeah. Yeah, so how would you get yourself out there more then?

I'm not sure I do, I'm not sure I do. I'm not sure I'm trying very hard. I think at work I do more, like I'll try like leading more things, trying out more things. It's not an exciting answer, perhaps. It's just like my performance review. It's just like, what do you like in your manager? It's just like, how do you put yourself out there more? The podcast is probably a performance review. What's the question which is very un-performance review like? I don't know.

Are you in love? Am I in love? performance review like? I don't know. Are you in love? Am I in love? Oh, that's too big a question. Is it? Why is it a big question? Because I just recently got into a relationship, so... Okay, I see. What is it like to newly get into being in a new stage of a relationship? Is that a better question?

So, so very big question. You know, they might listen to this. They might. I mean, if it's praise, that's okay, no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I've got nothing negative to say, but it's quite new, so you don't want to like, put it out there.

Oh, of course. And jinx it for the world to. Can we have a little bit, something? No, it's too personal. Oh. Can I ask one more question about it, just to see if that helps? You can ask. Are you excited about it? Yeah, yeah I am. What percentage of your day do you spend thinking about this new thing? We've got to move on, we've got to move on to a new topic. Sorry, yeah, I want to move on, sorry, I'm just so naughty.

Just when I said something I wanted to know more. I know, I know, I shouldn't. Are there any questions you'd like to ask your parents that you haven't asked them? Or anything you'd like to discuss with them? I feel like I do talk to them. What's been the best bit of parenting that any of your parents have done in your life? The most meaningful kind of action they've taken? They would read to me every night before bed for like years and years. Now I'm just, I'm an adult, I'm like, you must have been exhausted doing that every night

for years after working all day and like trying to convince me to like eat my dinner, do my homework and then do that. Do you remember that the last time? No, I don't. It's always sad, isn't it? Yeah. The thing with parenting is there's often a last time.

Yeah. And you actually just don't realise it's the last time isn't it? Yeah. The thing with parenting is often the last time. Yeah. And you actually just don't realize it's the last time. Which is probably good because if you did, you'd be really sad a lot. That's true. I do, yeah. It's like, this is the last time you're going to read to your child.

Yeah. Enjoy it. Yeah. You know, you'll just go around crying the whole time. Yeah, that's true. Can I ask you a potentially, potentially awkward question? Go on. I just feel like I want to ask it. But again, feel free to just bat it away.

Yeah. In much the way you did very well to the me, relentlessly trying to figure out more about your fledgling relationship. We touched upon it before. My grandmother was in Germany and fled Germany for obvious reasons before the war. To what extent do you feel that the area is like, how much does it hang over modern Germany? Oh a lot, yeah a lot. It's like this big national guild that's passed on. I mean I haven't lived there for many years now and I think since I left there's been a big rise in like the far right and to have got such dodgy links to that kind of ideology.

And I remember when I was a teenager living in Germany, that was just unimaginable that that kind of political movement would get any kind of traction. Because I felt like there was so much awareness, and people are still being prosecuted today for things they did during the Second World War. and it felt like every year there was like a new book, a new TV show, a new memorial being unveiled. So I think the conversation's probably moved on a bit since I left and I think I'm kind of out

of the loop now but it's a it's very interesting like coming to the UK because it's such a positive connotations around the Second World War it's like we went over and like we had this great mentality during the Blitz and it's just also very big part of public imagination but in the completely opposite way which makes sense. But yeah no I think at least when I left it was still like a big part and when the Ukraine war happened as well I think Germany got a lot of criticism for not having enough not just financial but military well. I think Germany got a lot of criticism for not having enough, not just financial, but military support. But I think in the national consciousness, it's like Germany is not a military country.

It's like, it's really challenging, like mental shift to think of Germany as a country that could have an army, like could play an active part in the war. So in a sense, that kind of awakens thoughts of the history when you have to... Yeah, yeah. No, but I think it's's definitely a big, big part of public consciousness. Do you know what your grandparents, great-grandparents were doing during the war?

I do, because actually my grandparents aren't German, because my parents aren't German either, They're Dutch so they were starving. That's what they were doing in the Dutch hunger. Yeah, oh God. Yeah. Yeah, so it's amazing. So do you think this is like, do you think what you describe as kind of like a national guilt? Yeah.

Can you kind of track a path from like that guilt in your own upbringing or even just life? Do you mean like growing up in Germany? I think so because it is interesting because my grandparents were on the other side of the world but I didn't really change because the culture that I identified with was German so even though my family history was very different it seeped into my upbringing for sure. It's hard though, because I think it's like... Sadness. Crying child. Did you cry by the way when you fell off the thing?

I did not cry. Did you kind by the way? You fell off the thing. I did not cry. Did you kind of want to? Or did you? No, it was actually like the least dramatic fall. And it was more embarrassing than anything because I was just like at both legs really high up and I just like tipped backwards. And so I sort of just like fell on my back

and then my head snapped back. But I think it just looked more comical than anything else because I did this very slow fall from not very great heights and just got back up and kept climbing for the rest of the session and only the next day it was like, hmm, interesting. It's really hard to look at a screen

and I have a headache and I have stiff neck. I wonder what that is. Yeah, I don't know. It's a big question, like the guilt thing. Cause I think you never really know, like when people are like, oh, friends back home are like are like oh what was it like to like study in the UK I'm like well I don't know like I never was going to uni in Germany so don't know what the alternative would have been so I think it's really hard to be like I

it's that specific thing compared to something else it's like as they say in statistics you don't have the counterfactual you know what's the counterfactual it's a unnecessarily pretentious way of talking about it it's the what the alternative reality would have been oh I see Would you like this question to be if 10 is heavy and one is light? Okay. What would you like? On the light side. Pick a number.

On the light, like a three. No, no, she's going straight. You've had enough of the big one. Three, three, one. Can you describe what we can see in front of us and how that makes you feel? That's a good three, isn't it? That's a nice three. It's a very nice three. Okay, I can see a lot of the London skyline and I can see a lot of trees and You can see a lot of the London skyline. And I can see a lot of trees, and I can see a lot of dogs, and walkers, and couples, and people reading books.

And this is my happy place, when I want to relax or feel stressed. This is where I come. I'm feeling stressed, this is where I come. It makes me happy to think about how easily I can get into London and do all the things I can do there, but also all of the green space and the sort of people who just live around here and use this park and everything about it just makes me happy. It's just like a really, really nice, nice space to be.

Good answer. Can I ask you a question, Tyme? When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Tears of joy, ooh. Like three weeks ago, I was watching the Simone Biles documentary and just kind of started turn up a little bit because Just just very inspiring and I think I watched it and then I watched her Like a recording of her like Olympic gold

Performance and then I think I tore up as I was like watching her win gold after like watching documentary wrote all of the Talents that she's like overcome in her life That's the last time she had a great arc there. Yeah. Yeah. That's the last time. That's a good answer. She had a great arc there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, last question. Okay. What are you going to do next?

I'm gonna go home and answer some emails. There's gonna be loads of them. Yeah, because I didn't mean to take such a long break and if anyone from work listens to this, I'm gonna do some more work today. No, no, it's all good. So yeah, just going to go home, answer some emails, make some lunch, try to save screens. Fantastic. Thank you so much.

No problem at all. Imagining maps on the wall All of the figures I've drawn Finding lives and trying them on Walking with you on the heath Life with a Texan priest I have picked some and some have picked me Falling backwards, my head hurts Never saw this for me, I'm the office expert Releasing the grip, can't be the driver

Claim control where I can, buying bread for a fiver City sourdough bread bought for a fiver Mmm...