Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 3: I Threw My Phone in the Pond

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened!Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy RailtonIncidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : You'll Never Be John Cleese by Alex BrenchleyListen to it here : https://ffm.to/soabsong3Please consider following, subscribing, and do leave a review! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Hi. Can I ask you a bit of a wild question? Sorry? I've got hearing problems. Can you speak to me a bit louder? Yes, a bit louder. I'm making a podcast.

Making a pot? Podcast. It's called Strangers on a Bench. And the idea is I talk to people I don't know on the bench. I want to see if people like me sitting on a bench. Well, sit if you like. I mean, you could record anything. I mean, if I can't hear on the bench. I would say people like me sitting on a bench. Well, sit if you like. You could record anything. I mean, if I can't hear what you're asking me.

What's your favourite day of the week? I don't have a favourite. Any day is lovely. If it's not raining. When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thing you think about? Run to the toilet. Can you run?

Well, I try to run. I can't run. I can't run well try to run i can't run no i have to uh walk slowly with my walking stick there it is what's your definition of the perfect day well if i have nothing else to do come to the heath, go for a walk, choose a few benches from one to the other, lie on a bench or on the grass if it's not wet, have my coffee with a sandwich, chat with people around, have a nap in the summer and get back home on a train which is not cancelled. When the train's not cancelled I'm happy too. Yes, so if I get home in one piece, lovely.

What's your favourite train journey to do? If you can get a train from anywhere to places in the world, what train journey would you do? In the world? Yes. Your favourite train journey you've ever been on. You're talking about transport? Yes, trains. I don't know. I don't travel that much.

It's too expensive. I used to travel from London to Southend on the overground, on the British National Rail. But I can't do it anymore because people are travelling on National Rail and so on. Because they're overground, they have access to the internet, and it's a damn nuisance because they have no one minute rest. Bop, bop, bop on the bloody mobile all the time. So it's horrible. So I can't do that anymore. So too many people on their phones on the train.

Yeah, absolutely. I used to sit and watch the countryside roll by as I went. You can't do it anymore because you're on the bloody phone. I came up today on the overground. Not a minute's rest. I had to move around a couple of times. People are talking, talking. To each other it's not a problem.

Not a major problem. But on the bloody phone. They never stop. People have no control over their mind. landline phone at home but I have another one which I throw away there what you call it sim card sim card so I still have it I take pictures I check the time that's it fantastic what do I need a mobile if I have a mobile here with a sim card I would look relax I want to relax now nobody's bothering me nobody's fun I'm've got it in there. I'm bothering you.

Yeah, okay. I mean, before you came, you can see them here with their phone, their face. There's people now passing, you see us, and two of them have got phones out. There you are, look at that, two of them. Yeah. Three coming up.

So three people just passing out. And he's talking to a person there and to the mobile. So someone's walking alongside him, but he's also... They're also conversing with each other. Yeah. It's wild, isn't it? It's crazy. It's absolutely crazy. I had one, and I threw it away

because I had a couple of accidents or near accidents. One, I was coming up to Cosme Logue. Yes. And as I got up to get out of the train, the bloody thing rang. So automatically I went for it. And as I was about to get out, somebody grabbed me by the back. And he pulled me back into the train. I said, oh, Christ, I don't know.

There is a big space between the train and the platform. Yes. And what this guy did, he pulled me away, stopped me from falling between the gap. The phone fell off my hands, my walking stick fell in the gap there, and I said, screw this, I'm not going to do it. Just because I picked up the mobile.

You know, if I didn't have the mobile, no problem. Did you, was there any ceremony to getting rid of your phone? Did you kind of throw the SIM card in the sea? No, no, no. The phone, the phone. I threw it in the pond. You threw it in the pond? You did it?

Yes, because I was so angry with the bloody thing. I threw it in the pond. I don't want any more mobiles. Forget it. Did anyone see you throw it in? Yes. Did you do it? Can you remember how you did it?

Did you do it in the morning or in the evening or in the middle of the night? No, at the end of the day. It should have been late afternoon. And so you just, big throw, chucked it in? The mixed pond. The mixed pond. Sitting at the pond. How mixed pond. The mixed pond. Sitting at the pond there.

How did it feel? No more. How did it feel when you heard the plop and the splash? Well, I felt relief. So when I'm here, that's it. Do you think more people should throw their phones in ponds? I don't know. How would you convince them? Not put them in the pond, because that's really... Quite extreme. phones in ponds? How would you convince them?

Not put them in the pond because that's really… Quite extreme. Well, it's extreme because you're polluting. Oh, that's true. So take it to some place. But make less use. Put it away and have a rest. Can you think of a time in your life where you think you were happiest? Happiest? Yes.

When I was a child. Why? Partly because I didn't have any concern about making a living and all that kind of thing and also the atmosphere around me my parents friends it was more relaxed can you think of a moment when you realized your childhood was finished? No, not really. That isn't a cut-off point. It's just a gradual thing. Yeah. And you suddenly, well, not suddenly, gradually you look back and say,

oh, obviously you have health problems, knees and things like I have. Do you have any health problems now? Oh, my knee, my hip, you know, my back, you are reminded most sort of powerfully when you want to run. I can't run, I would fall down. When I look at these kids running around, it's a joy to see them running, but then I think I can't do that anymore, I can't climb up. Can I ask you a question? What would you do if, say tomorrow, I was a magic doctor and I could make it so you had no problems with your body? What would you do tomorrow? For one day, what would you do?

I don't know what I wouldn't do. I mean, given where I am, I'd be running up and down, turning so many times on the grass, go to the pond over there, dive in. You could find the phone. Yeah, climbing up on trees, that's great. Fantastic. See that tree over there? You could climb up there. No, you could get up there. It's tempting though, to go climbing. Is there anything good about old age? What is good? There must be something. No, there isn't much you can call nice because the body breaks down slowly. You can't do this, you can't do that. So there's not one good thing about old age?

There's one good thing, yes. good thing yes. What is it? You can do anything you like and you don't give a damn what people think about it. Stick two fingers in there, what can they do? So you can be a bit cheeky now? Absolutely I don't give a damn. What was the last cheeky thing you did? I don't know. Come on you must have done something cheeky. That would be unpleasant. Something really unpleasant. But yes, this is the only good thing because you don't care anymore. You can say, I'm old, I can do anything I want. Can you guess my age? Your age? Can you guess how old I am? I would say late twentiess, maybe. Yeah, I'll push it if I say early 30s, but I mean, that's

all I guess. You're very kind. I'm 37. What would you tell me as a 37 year old? What should I be doing? What should a 37 year old be doing? Well if you're interested in learning apply yourself now whatever the thing you want to learn, learn it now because you're mature you can see things more or less clearly and you can retain use your nose, use your head. Because after that, it's old age. And that's a bit late by then. You can still learn things, though, when you're old. Well, you can't do what you used to do when you're young. I mean, as I said, when I was younger,

I would concentrate very, very strongly, retain my concentration for very very long time do things like reading writing and so on but i find a problem now because of my age the grey matter is twisted a bit it is missing whatever so um can i do these things now and the best thing after a while, really old, you know, really old, is to find a beautiful girl, very desirable, make over to her all your property. One condition, she stays with you and make certain that you die the proper way, which is...

Die the proper way? What's the proper way to die? You guess. Very old, young, beautiful... Oh, you die during lovemaking? I give you everything I've got, darling. All you have to do is kill me. With love. Wow. Tell me about your parents. Were you very close to them?

Oh yes, yes both of them. They passed away obviously some while back. That's when I had my lovely childhood memories yeah because they were really absolutely wonderful were they were they good parents to have absolutely absolutely what did they do well well it's like my father was a bit strange in a way because he was a bit authoritarian yes and uh he used a stick what's the belt the authoritarian. Yes. And he used a stick. What is the belt? The belt, actually, is a belt he used when I was very, very young, which I didn't like. When you were naughty? Yes, yes. I mean, nothing major naughty. I mean, it's just you run away, you don't do what he says or whatever. I mean, nothing, nothing major, you know. Come here, you know. And I have to bend down and you use the belt and what i hated about that is hits you on the back but it goes round to your tummy which is not very pleasant so i thought

it's only why well we are going to stop this so the next time he did it i didn't move i didn't flinch at all you want some more okay yes Okay, yes. And then he gave up. He says, there's not much point of beating him because he's not really, he's not hurting anymore. But that was just, it's nothing. But most of the time, he was very proud of me. No, no, they were really wonderful parents. That's why that childhood was so lovely.

It made me think about these things now, which I don't normally bother too much. Where did you, as a child, where did you play? I used to go a long way out on a coach and then get the bicycles out and cycle back or something like that. Swimming, sport in general, being a bit naughty because you're young, you have to be a bit. Oh yes, moving around, running, walking, cycling, that kind of thing. Fantastic.

Really nice. Hello. Kate, Kate, I don't know her. Do you know what they call these things? The dogs? They're little dogs, aren't they? Are they ch you know what they call these things? The dogs? What? The little dogs on the... Are they chihuahuas? Is that right?

Chinese breakfast. Chinese breakfast. I tell them sometimes and they don't like it. And then they don't like that. I bet they don't like that. I need to go really before it gets too late. You need to go. Okay.

Can I ask you one more question, please? Just one. Okay. What are you going to do next? You mean now? Yeah, or generally. Oh, now I'm going to see if I see my friends. Exercise my legs a bit before you start training.

Generally, there is an expression called waiting for God. Waiting for God. That's it. And waiting for time when I begin to push up daisies. I hope it's not for a while. Well, I don't know. I think you're doing all right. You seem quite fresh.

I don't put too much on necessarily promoting life for the sake of promoting life. I saw something in the paper the other day. Cleese, isn't he? The comedian. John Cle comedian john cleese john cleese i mean i like him he's great great comedian and what i saw was that he has a knee replacement two heat replacements and for the last 20 years he's been paying about 17 000 pounds a year for stem, what do they call it? Stem cell replacement. And a hell of a lot of money. 17,000 pounds, a lot of people starving just to keep you fresh and I feel pity for that really. If the time comes

it comes it's just it's done what do you what do you want to happen at your funeral who cares I'm not there anymore

I'm fucked up I'm dead I think the best way if we had to push I'd say lay me out here and allow the dogs to eat me. The dogs?

The dogs, yeah. I mean, I have a, I own a grave. The first thing ever in my life I owned was a grave. That's the first thing you owned? The first thing I ever owned. Was a grave? Was a grave. Wow. Because my father had to be buried.

So you were young when he died? Well, fairly young. I mean, in my twenties, thirties, I can't remember now. But, so I had to buy it. And we buried him there. And I don't know if he's still, the slab is still there with his name. But I kept getting letters from those people you know the cemetery people if you pay so much more the ownership will be extended

for so many years so I said what the hell do I want it I mean to carry on owning a grave I don't know what happened actually I never bothered to respond to that so actually out of curiosity I'm going to get up there one of these days. Have a look. Get a friend to drive me there, look for it and see if the slab is still there. I doubt it. I think it's gone now. Summer nights and cold milkshakes, some detective you would make one day I'll be gone

no more phones in the mixed pond this could be your home born into the world with a tombstone Tombstone Summer days Nowhere to go One last dive

With aging bones You could Rest in peace Knowing that You'll never be Knowing that you'll never be John Cleese Growing old while doing as you please Would you consider sex to kill me? guitar solo