Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 36: Why Was She Calling Me?

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song: 'Probably Nothing' by Luke Sital-SinghStream it here: https://ffm.to/probablynothing---------------------------------Instagram: @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Is there a day of the week that you favor? Well I'm working so when it's my day off basically every sort of week I have a different day off so. So every day off that's your favourite one? Basically yeah. Now can you take me through as much detail as you can on that day off of yours? What is your idea of a kind of ideal day? Family, go and see my grandkids, just chill,

yeah just have a walk around the park or wet and it's any fresh air because I'm from London you don't really get it here but genuinely you don't get fresh air here, it's traffic so just get away from that so anywhere just spend a bit of quality time with Mrs because we're both working so yeah pub lunch somewhere here would be ideal but they haven't got a pub here so yeah. We need to build a pub here and then you'll be absolutely fine. Yeah. Tell me what it's like being a grandparent. It's the best. Yeah, tell me why. I don't know it's just, it's magical yeah, it's magical every time you see them the granddad and grandma and they love you and well me kids love me as well.

That's a bonus. Yeah, but I don't know, because you haven't got that responsibility. You can go down and visit them and then in a couple of hours you can come home and just relax. You're responsible if I take them out, of course, but then after two, three hours you take them home, back to mummy and daddy and it's their responsibility. But yeah. Well, how do they see you? Are you the kind of the fun one?

Are you the most, how do you think you're perceived by your own grandchildren? I think I'm the fun one, because my daughter, she says like a partner of his dad, he's got about six or seven grandkids. So, and this is my first sort of thing with my daughter. So yeah, I've got a bit more time so I can go out if they want to go out, do anything.

Yeah, I'm up for it. I'll go out, I'll take them out, whatever they want to do, you know what I mean? So I suppose, yeah, from their side, I think, yeah, I'm probably more fun. Fantastic. Yeah. Do you think you're a fun person generally? Not really, no, not really, no, no.

You've cultivated a bit more for the grand, you know, it's coming really. No, no. So you've cultivated a bit more for the grand jury than you've come in through? Yeah, I don't know. I'm up for anything, but I'm happier with them as well. So generally that's gonna follow through in it. If you didn't have to do any work at all if you retire one time. Hopefully, a couple of years time.

Yeah, a couple of years. How do you see your life going? Well, hopefully I'm to move away from London. Straight off? He's off? No messing about? I love this. I love this. You don't get that in London. What are you doing here in the parks? I live in a flat, so it's hard. I haven't got a garden, so that's my dream.

I want to sell up, finish work, retire. I'll get a good pension, move anywhere really. We're all looking now, so yeah, we're looking at Norfolk and that. And yeah, just yeah, have my own garden and just chill. Just go out, just have a little trot down, have a nice local pub you can just walk to. Fantastic.

Let's imagine tomorrow is your last work day. What would you miss about your work? I think the people, my colleagues, because I've been doing what I've been doing for 40 odd years so it's a long time. Oh so you're an expert in whatever that is you're doing? Yeah, well Royal Mail, I work for Royal Mail. Oh, fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, mainly in the same office for 38 years. Oh, fantastic. So it's a long time, so yeah.

Does that mean you work at the Royal Mail or you feed a postman? I mean, I don't do deliveries now. I'm indoors now, I'm in a sort of office, I stay inside, so I miss that side of mine. Miss going out and about. Going out and about. Miss seeing other people.

That's why I'm with breaks. Yeah, well I'm not really people, you know what I mean? I just like this, I like nature. Oh I see. I'm not saying I don't like people, because I'm chatting to you so I don't... Yeah, exactly. You're doing all right. Yeah, I'm not, yeah.

I think people are going to chat to me. Can you think of your most memorable morning delivering letters? I have one woman, this is the one I first started when I was a young man. And she asked- How young are we talking? Probably about 18, 19. When I just started, really started, 20, maybe 20.

I'd only been in the job like maybe a year, two years. I was delivering parcels and I was in my van and she stopped me and she said, oh, I've got a problem with one of my doors. I thought, oh yeah. And then she asked me in to undo one of her doors and I went in there and she started taking her clothes off. She got mad.

And then, yeah, so I just run quickly away sort of thing. Yeah, but yeah, it's probably the thing at the top of my head I can remember. Oh wow. I mean, obviously slightly crass question, but were you at all tempted to take your clothes off as well? I think I was scared. Yeah.

I think I was scared, because she was a lot older than me. A lot older than me, you know what I mean? So yeah, I think I was scared. What did he do for future deliveries to that person? Erm, yeah, luckily I just, it wasn't sort of like my regular route. I can't really actually remember

sort of going back there again, sort of thing. You must have developed some real relationships with different people down the years. If you keep seeing people every day, is there anyone down the years you've forged relationships? We've got a little old girl that comes down our office and picks her mouth up. She's a very nervous woman. She's lovely. She brings me fruit every day. Oh wonderful. Fantastic. Well every a couple of days, not every day, but every couple of days. Is that the deal? Fruit and then you hand over the deal? Well it ain't, I mean she's lonely, she's lonely, so you know I mean so she's on her own and um I'll just try and make time for her and a couple of months ago she

was in hospital and um I think well where is she? You know I mean where is she? She always comes down so she sent out a sort of little search party make sure she was all right and yeah and then we found out she was in hospital she was all right so. Good. But yeah you have them sort of little search party, make sure she was all right. And yeah, then we found out she was in hospital. She was all right, so. Good. But yeah, you have them sort of little people you meet, and like when I'm strolling around, I meet like, I'm a dog walker, because like being a postman, they...

Oh yeah, how do you feel about dogs? I love dogs, I love dogs. Oh, that's handy. I love dogs, I love dogs. So have you learned to love them, or is that just you have to love them? No, well, I mean... You must have been chased by a dog.

Oh, a few times, yeah, a few times. I mean, one time I was delivering to a tower block, but the house, I shouldn't come from the other side of the block sort of thing, so he blocked me off from the stairs, and I was like four or five floors up, so there's no way I was gonna jump down. And he just sat there growling at me,

and I thought, what? What am I gonna do? And this was like the times before mobile phones or anything like that, so I just had to knock on the door. And luckily, it wasn't a dog owner, but she knew the dog's name and she could call it. And that's the only time I really was scared.

But if it had gone for me, there's no way I would have been able to pet it. Because I only had a bundle of letters. What can you do with those? You can chuck them, chuck them out of letters. But yeah, there's a few. Little dogs seem to be the worst. But you get to know where they are and if they're a bit naughty. Can you think of the strangest thing you've delivered?

Oh, he's got something, he's got something. Well, the thing is you don't really know what's in them. You know what I mean? A lot of the packing. You must shake him about sometimes. No? Like, oh, what's that? I mean, you don't really know what's in them. You know what I mean? A lot of the packing... You must shake him about sometimes. No? Like, oh, what's that? I mean, you get loads of squeaky toys and loads of things, and sometimes it's clocks and things like that.

We had, about three, four years ago, there was white powder found in one of the parcels. They thought it was like... They closed their office down, drugs and everything, but it wasn't, you know what I mean? But that was unusual. We couldn't go out on delivery and everything. That was a whole day, just sat in the office

waiting for the police to come in and have a look around. Just one person? Yeah, someone found some white powder somewhere. So yeah, he delivered all sorts, but you don't really know what they are in, because they're just square boxes. Of course. So obviously you started at 42?

40. I think I started in 87, so I think if I do two more years, it's roughly 40 years. Obviously, I'm guessing there's been something in it that's worked for you. What is it you think you've kept at it? I enjoy it. I enjoy the delivery, especially the delivery side. Not so much now because I'm inside so much. I'd rather be out delivering, but my knees are gone now. So I can't really do it now.

Because when I first left school, all them years ago, I worked in an office and I hated it. I was a builder's virgin, so I worked in bookkeeping. You know, the old ledger sort of thing. I'd done that for two years and I just... I said to my mum, because my mum worked for the Royal Mail. Amazing. the old ledgers sort of thing. I'd done that for two years and I was a tester. I said to my mum, because my mum worked for the Royal Mail. Oh, amazing.

And she hated it. She hated it. Oh, she hated it? I don't know why. I mean, I think she used to work in a big office. And I was trying to pass my driving test. And the Royal Mail were doing it for free. So you could join, pass your test, they pay for it.

And then she said, oh yeah, then you leave after a year and do something else. And then look at me, there we go. But yeah, I think that's genuine, yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah, the money's not too bad. It's plenty of overtime, not so much now, but when I first joined, so yeah, it's paid for me. So yeah, I mean, yeah, it's brought me kids up.

So I can't complain really, you know what I mean? So yeah. Yeah, fantastic. What were you like at school? I liked school. I liked sports science school. Do you remember any of your teachers? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can remember Mr. Bolts, a German teacher,

throwing the old chalk rubbers. The things that rub out the chalk? They were great big lumpy things. They were like slate things. I can remember him chucking around. If you weren't paying attention, you'd get one of them on the back of the head. Yeah, I can remember a few teachers like that, yeah. So you mentioned your mum worked for the Royal Mail. What were your parents like?

I'm guessing they're no longer with us. No, no, no, no, sadly not. I love my mum and dad. Yeah, lovely. Yeah, they were lovely parents. They brought us up, yeah, three kids. Mum made two jobs, my dad had two, they worked hard, you know what I mean?

So, didn't want for anything. There was always food in the fridge. Oh, he was always hungry, but I mean, it's three boys growing up. But yeah, no, I had a lovely up breaking because we used to have a caravan in Hastings. We used to go down there for our summer holidays and things like that.

So we spend six, seven weeks down there. Just, I mean, in a caravan, just, and we just, yeah, we just roamed around. Yeah, loads of memories, loads of memories. Any particular memories with your brothers in Hastings that stand out? If you're casting mine back, any particular? I remember swimming, we went down,

there was like an udus beach in Hastings. And I used to always see people walk around Lakey, but we didn't go around for that. We were old people anyway, so you don't want to see that. So with your family at this point? I was with my brothers, two brothers. Oh, with your brothers? Yeah, we used to go off. I mean, go off all the time. Of course, so you got on the nudist beach with them. Got on the nudist beach and there was this little pier thing. We just swam out there,

the three of us. It was on that and then we see a fin. It was a pulpus. We went out to buy it. Jaws was, well, it was right then, Jaws, like, was it 1977, whatever it was? But it was, yeah. And he was winding up my little brother, like, oh, it's a shark, shark heads, it's a shark. And then me and Mark jumped in and we left him. And I can still remember the screams like now, you know what I mean? And every time I see him now, he says to me, you left me.

He's never forgotten. No, never, never. When you're together now, he says to me, you left me. You left me. He's never forgotten. No, never, never. When you're together now, all three of you, if that happens. Yeah, it does. Not regular, but yeah. It happens. The dynamics, just the same as they've always,

they always were. Yeah, it's always, yeah, always, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, all that. You always get the same arguments. Would you ever, the three of you, go in a caravan to Haysies again? I'd love to. I'd love to.

I'd love to. I'd love to go back. We've met down a few times down there, like just day trips. Did your parents die bringing you close together? No, I don't think so. We've always been close. Always been close, always been close. Yeah, and we were before each other when they died,

you know what I mean, which was horrible, but. Did they die quite close? They did, yeah. My mum died first, then my dad died two, three years after. I think he just... He was a little bit older than my mum. My mum was sudden. My mum died when she was 60. That's quite young. It's quite sudden.

He was about five, six years older than my mum anyway. I think he just got a bit lonely. I think he just, I wouldn't say give up, but he just, yeah, I think he missed her. Your mum died suddenly, like what was that like for you? Shock, innit? Yeah, just shock. If you don't mind me asking,

what kind of do you recall of that day? I actually found her. She had a fault in the house and I was popping round. I don't know who dad was but he wasn't in the house. Yeah, I found her in the living room. I thought she was dead. She wasn't. I put a blanket on her and I phoned the ambulance straight away. I can remember going to the hospital and all the tests and bits and pieces. to the hospital and all the tests and the bits and pieces and then yeah and then we thought she'd be all right and then and then then getting a call in the

morning that she'd passed away in the middle of the night. Yeah, not nice. Is there anything you think you didn't get to say to her? Obviously that's it's always rough when that happens, you don't get a chance to say anything. Yeah, I mean, she called me over the night, it was like she died, as I was in the hospital and I was talking to one of my aunts. Right, so I could see her calling me over

and I said, all right mum, I'll come over. And then I didn't actually go over and went home and then I got a call and I was just wondering, why was she calling me over? And that's always plagued in my... You know, I mean, what was she going to... Probably nothing. She might have just asked you for a cup of tea or something.

Yeah, whatever. You know what I mean? But it's probably nothing. But that's always plagued in my mind. I should have gone. I should have gone over to her. Yeah, I mean, if I could go back, that's one thing I would have... Oh, it's so tough. But you would have done a million things of good nature before that. You know what I mean?

We always forget, we always have that last one. I'm not saying it's depressed me. You've always wondered. Yeah, as soon as you ask me, I can remember straight away. I think I should have gone over, but like you said, can I have a glass of water or something like that? Do you think also, this is one of those ones where you just... Part of it is you never think your parents are going to die, maybe.

Do you know what I mean? That kind of feeling. Do you think, maybe, oh, she'll be okay or... You can't believe it unless it happens. Maybe you're kind of like, oh, you know. Yeah, of course. I mean, yeah, it course. I mean, yeah. I mean, we always thought she was getting better. She wasn't, you know what I mean?

But yeah, it's... Did that affect, obviously, the next few years of your dad? Did that affect how you at all approached him in his last days? Yeah, we didn't really mention Mum, you know what I mean, to him, you know what I mean? He was, not saying he was depressed or anything. He was just, he was a lot quieter,

but yeah, we didn't really mention mum. Perhaps we should have talked to him a bit more about him, but probably waiting for him to say something, but he never did. So probably that's a regret, one of my regrets, I suppose. We should have sat down and had a chat with him and see if we could have done anything if like, help him a bit more, cope with it.

Cause it must have been horrible for him. Cause I'd say the house was all empty and like, but. Have you kept anything of your mother's? I've got pictures, I've got pictures, yeah pictures everywhere. Can I ask you what picture means the most to you of her? I've got you of her? I've got one of her in the kitchen. She loved the cooking, my mum.

So yeah, I've got one of her in cooking and just turning over her shoulder. And I think that's one of my favorites because it brings back all the memories and all the food she used to prepare. Do you have it up somewhere or in the house? Yeah, it's in my bedroom. Oh, bedroom. It's actually by my bedside table. I've got my dad as well. I've got them individually.

I want them in my own... They've got their own places? What's your dad's one? I think he's fishing, sea fishing. And he's just got like rosy cheeks. He looks in it. Yeah, healthy and yeah. And I think that's how I remember my dad. Yeah, healthy and yeah. And I think yeah, that's how I remember my dad. Oh, that's lovely.

What are traditions that they cultivated as when you were younger, have you tried to keep with your children and grandchildren, anything you particularly tried to keep going? Not really, no, just lifestyle and things like that, I suppose is a bit different now. Like I say, because I was always out, I was always, you know, I was never in. Up to Mif Shift, you know, just doing all sorts. And my daughter, she probably had a totally different upbringing to me, but... I suppose, I mean, I've just tried to love her. I just love her and I mean support her and help her buy her house and things like that. Helped with her wedding and things like that.

So financially, I've tried to be there for her all the time. And you walked her down the aisle. I walked her down the aisle. How was that? Yeah, I just loved it. I was nervous, but yeah. I had a really bad cough. I mean, I had a really, yeah, on the day.

And then I kept coughing all the time. I was nervous, you know what I mean? Because I remember like when we went round to the church and the vicar said to me Oh, you've got to go down there even pace walking with her and I was all over the place and she said to me dad Slow down slow down slow down. It's no rush. No rush. I can always remember that What do you remember of your wedding I Got married in you was you was nervous walking down the aisle as you were a good daughter. I got married in... Were you as nervous walking down the aisle as you were with your daughter?

I got married in Cyprus. Oh, okay. On the beach, yeah. Oh, that's funky. Yeah. So yeah, I mean that was... That was a bit different. Yeah, it was different, yeah.

It was different. Always, my missus always wanted to get married on a beach, you know, with sand in her toes. So yeah, we got married in Cyprus. Your, when you first met your wife, Yeah. Do you remember that moment? Yeah, because I met her through Royal Mail. I used to see her in a canteen, I think,

oh yeah, she looks nice. Yeah, and then we just got chatting, all them many years ago. Why do you think she works for you? I don't know, she's understanding, I mean, she knows I like to go off. I like to be on my own, you know. Where I work now, it's really hectic, it's busy in the morning.

That's probably why it stems from now, you know what I mean? I just sort of vanish, she knows I'm alright. I just need to get away, just do a bit of peace and that. I've been lucky, we've been lucky I think. I've been lucky I We've been lucky, I think, yeah, we've been lucky. I found the right ones, so yeah. I mean, but, yeah. What do you think your, fast forwarding a couple of years now, touch wood,

imagine your last day at your work. Do you think you'd be emotional? Going in for the final time? I don't know, I don't know until I'm there, but I don't think I'd't know. I don't own time now, but I don't need to be emotional. I don't know. It's an odd one. I don't feel I'll be emotional, but you might get home and you... I ain't going to do that again.

If I was still in London, I'd still work, because it's a lovely route. I've done that route, too. I like lovely route. I've done that routine. You like your routine. I like a routine. I mean, like I was saying, if I move away, I mean, because we've got two cats at the moment because we live in a flat. Fantastic. But if we move away, we get a dog.

We will get a dog. What would happen to the cats? Well, the cats would be all right. The cats would be all right. They'd be all right. Any other cats you prefer? One over the other? You've got a strong bond?

I think the oldest, Buddy. I think, yeah, Buddy. I think Ronnie the youngest is more for my missus. But yeah, Buddy's always on my lap all the time. If I come in from work, he'd be the first one to come and see me. Perfect name. Why name Buddy? Buddy after anyone in particular?

I think he was my daughter's cat. Ronnie after Ronnie O'Sullivan? Nah, Ronnie was... I don't know why. I just like the idea of a cat named after Ronnie O'Sullivan. I think Ronnie we got from Battersea because he's diabetic. What happens when you're a diabetic cat? It's fine. Insulin, you drink it. Oh, it is really?

Yeah, same. exactly the same, exactly the same. Fun fact for you, I am diabetic, type one. Oh yeah? So I've got insulin in my bag. Oh yeah, yeah. No, exactly the same thing. You really have to give it to the cat? Exactly the same thing, yeah, on the neck,

on the back of the neck, yeah. How often? Twice, once in the morning, once at night. Really? Yeah, because with cats, they can come out of it. I mean, they can always go back to it, but they can't like eat it. And they can recover? Yeah, they can't, not to it, but they can't... And they can recover.

They can't, not like humans, but... Oh, I wish I was a cat now. Amazing, amazing. We're not going to say a nice 18 anyway. You're going to have to be more quiet. I'll ask you three more questions and I'll leave you alone. You've seen obviously the post office go from whenever you started to 1987 to now. It's a huge technological age. From those opening years to say now what has been lost I

Think the community side of it like going out and there because they haven't got the time now because it's all rush rush And you have your targets you have to get targets and I used to deliver to her an old people zone And then there's about four or five old girls And they'll all be waiting for me, you know, And I used to, I could spend an hour in there. I used to say to my manager, he said, why is it taking you so long to deliver that? I said, because I've got them chatting to about four or five different women in there, like older women, like just,

because they're lonely sort of thing. So yeah, I mean, but they wouldn't be able to do that now. No way. You ain't going to get your poster walking down the street and making sure Mrs. Wells is all right and all that. I say, and let's say privatisation, it's... It's destroyed it, really. It's not going to get any better.

So eventually you're going to have a Thames water. That's what I think with Royal Mail. Because they say, the letters are unstable, no-one's posting. But there is still letters out there. People are still posting, not as many, but... Think of all the love letters you might have must have delivered. It's such an important job. It's lovely. Yeah.

Happiest day of your life, can you think of it? Happiest day? Probably when my daughter was born, I imagine. Were you in the room? Yeah, I'm not saying when my daughter was born. I imagine, yeah. Well, were you in the room? Yeah, I was, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you remember holding her for the first time? Yeah, yeah.

What was that like? Ah, magical. It's, yeah, it was brilliant. Yeah, it's, I mean, I was surprised. Cause my missus went through a really bad time and she lost a lot of blood and there was a, yeah. It was a bit of a traumatic one. Yeah, it was a, yeah.

Yeah, cause she was six weeks early. Cause she was like pre-clamped here. So they had to induce her sort of. So yeah, she was tiny. She was like that little bag of sugar. Not what she was. You saw her like that. Oh my God, yeah.

And yeah, there was so much blood. I was surprised I still got me two feet. I mean, even the nurses said, I'm surprised you're still upright. I mean, but yeah,, he said, I'm surprised you're still upright. But yeah, because there was wires everywhere, there was all these streams going everywhere. But yeah, I was in there, and yeah,

I've done it, and I stayed up, and yeah. I watched the come, brilliant. Yeah, that was nice, yeah, it's lovely. That's fantastic, that's beautiful. Okay, the last question is I'll ask the same to everybody. What are you going to do next? I'm gonna go work. I am. I'm gonna go work. I'm gonna go work. Might you see the uh, your friend who comes in with the fruit?

She was in the swallowing. Oh, she's already been in? She's been in. Yeah. Yeah. What did you get this morning? I haven't looked but he's probably usually a cut bananas, a cut of pears, but it's always two of whatever. So lovely. That's just by me, I'm gonna just go and bring fruit to someone and have a chat, you know? Thank you so much for talking to me. It's alright, that's alright. There's a photo of you with flower on your face Laughing in the kitchen, that was your favorite place But I can't help remembering the night you fell away And it plagues me to this day, there was something left to say We are now at the end of the road I'm gonna ask for something like more tea

I replay it every night That moment don't rewind And I wish I'd answered what you asked of me It was probably nothing But it won't let me be Probably nothing, yeah you just wanted more tea Probably nothing, but you have said you love me And everything is gonna be alright

But it was probably nothing