Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 47: The Time I've Got Left

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'There We Go' by Tom Rosenthal Stream it here : https://ffm.to/therewego-soabListen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? First question, is there a day of the week that you favour? Yeah, I guess there is a day of the week I favour. I fear it might be a slightly unoriginal answer but you've asked me the question therefore I need to answer it honestly. You do? So it's Friday because the weekend is ahead of you and it's shifted a bit because of circumstances recently but broadly it's still the same because everyone sort of decompresses on a Friday and they're allowed to have a bit

more fun including me. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. Can you tell me why it was Friday initially and why socialisation is still Friday? It's still the same answer that Friday was the night when everybody would decompress and you're sort of allowed and encouraged to do that. But the circumstances that have changed is I've been diagnosed with terminal cancer, so I was thinking about retiring anyway because I've got to a stage in my life when it felt like that might be quite fun. You can do all those things that you've dreamt of doing.

And then I was diagnosed with terminal cancer and then I was forcibly retired. And I realized immediately that I was never going to do a day's work again. And that didn't upset me at all. I mean, I've had great fun in my career so I'm not suggesting I hated my job, I didn't at all but it's just you know I'm 55 years old and I just thought okay well now I'm retired. I always take all the question marks out of that. Yeah it's always very tempting obviously to talk about the headlines but I had a question

before the headlines so we can had a question before the headlines. So we can always just loop back round to... I was interested about how you decompress. Again, I'm slightly worried these are going to be very obvious answers. But it's okay. They can just be what they are. I have a sort of... It's a joke with my wife that our ambition on a Friday night is to

have champagne and hula hoops. To dip them in? No, maybe we should dip them in. That's maybe a new idea. It seems like the logical move. It does seem like the logical move. Maybe that's a new, you've built up my Friday night to a whole different level. So I'm excited by that build you just made.

But then that's obviously a kind of twosome activity, but maybe just meeting friends. These days my world has shifted to just hanging out with my closest, most loved friends. And I've been saying, I love you a lot. I don't know whether I'm going to say I love you to you, but maybe, who knows? You could say it any time. Maybe I'll say it to you first.

Maybe you will, that would be exciting. But it's led me to focus on the people I love, especially the males. I've got permission to say I love you to the males in my life. And it sounds ridiculous, but the social boundaries, maybe being a bit old-fashioned English. I just didn't say it to guys. I mean, I didn't really say it to anyone except for my wife before. But it's been really lovely to say I love you to my really close male friends. What did you say before? Well, nothing really.

I mean, I just said, see you next week to the guys. So it's been a big kick on from that. It's been a big kick on. How did they respond when you went from, see you next week to I love you? It's been really beautiful. Maybe also it's been giving me permission to say it to my close female friends in a way that would have felt a bit ambiguous, a bit too much. It's been a really beautiful thing to have emerged from this slightly shitty situation. Oh, we've got a bit of hello.

We've got some songs. We've got some songs going on. So that's been a lovely golden lining to a grey cloud. Have you found that you've started doing it in the post office? I haven't yet said it at the post office but maybe that's another opportunity that I should look for. I feel like now you're on this journey why stop there? Maybe I think you're right. Thank you. You may change their day or life maybe. Yeah. That's two tips you've given me. Tipping the hula hoops in the champagne and saying I love it to you just

randomly to people in the post office. I think you may look a bit kind of Jesusy. It would worry me if I came across as Jesusy because I really don't want to do that. Yeah you could just say I'm not Jesus or Jesusy but I love you. Yeah even those that are that way inclined I think people might look at me and not think I'm Jesus. But I don't know, maybe. Maybe I should be underselling myself. Maybe you are.

Obviously, you know, slightly short hair. I had very short hair recently because it started falling out. Oh yeah. I had a kind of mullet, an unintentional mullet, and I was quite touched that somebody came up to me in a random place. I think I was buying some bread, and they said, I love your haircut man, it's a really good look. And I said, well, thank you for your compliment, but it's more of a hair fall really. Re-brand of a haircut.

Re-brand of a haircut. And I was cool for the first time in my life. So I can thank Kenzie for that. Have you never been cool? No, I don't think I've ever been known as being a cool dude. Really? No. You seem pretty cool to me.

Oh thank you, that's very kind. And maybe it's your time to be also kind of cool now. I don't know if I can pull that off. Even with the hoops. For anyone listening, I have washed my hair this morning, which is quite an exciting progression because I wasn't really washing it for the fear of losing even more hair. Oh shit. So, you know. Is that what happens, I suppose?

Or can you just rub it? Yeah, it does. You're rubbing it and then you just get another clump of your hair fall out. So yeah, listeners can be excited at the fact that they're not listening to somebody with enormously greasy hair. It's quite key that. I find most people do turn off. Just in general. Most people just turn off just to draw. That's the first response I think to this. But no,

most people turn off when they sense greasy hair. What's your... So you're saying, I love you to your friends? Yeah. Have you had anything come back to you which has surprised you? I've been so charmed by some people writing me letters and very moved by some people writing me letters. I had no expectation of... some people brought me to tears with saying things about me and I've just broken down just reading the words Are there any that you feel comfortable kind of sharing any element of People

I might burst into tears now, but which I don't know if that would be caught on. There's a little bit of rain so you're just playing the rain. But people who've said that I've been kind to them or inspired them or... That's moved me a lot because it just was so unexpected. Because I think that's what I've wanted to be. You know, I think maybe earlier in my life I wanted to achieve and win and when I was growing up I was very ambitious. And then that's all gone away and then maybe at my core I just wanted to

for people to feel that I was nice to them. It sounds very bland. When did you have the ambition fall off? No, probably when I was diagnosed. Oh, so you- Maybe I had it before, it was just kind of more buried underneath the kind of, I've got to win, I've got to get lots of money

and all that kind of stuff. Even me saying it now feels slightly ugly. But you know, that was... It's the world, doesn't it? It's the world. And the society we're in. Exactly right. But I was very pleased to let that drift away.

Yeah. Also, it sounds like with all these bits of kindness you've clearly done for various people that that wasn't just the key core of your being, the ambitious side. It doesn't sound like it swept over everything else. I'd like to think it didn't, definitely. But maybe there are times in my life when maybe I did let ambition get in the way of the more important side of being a human being. Do you ever think if I whizz back to core ambition age now, I don't know what that would be, when these things start, 20s, whatever, And I say that I've given you the awareness that you have now about ambition and what that means.

What do you think her life would have looked like? It would have looked different, I think, because I think I would have focused more on helping other people. When I was thinking I may get better, I may be able to be cured, there was a kind of moment when I was in this middle stage before I got the hard diagnosis. There was this amazing place called Maggie's at Charing Cross Hospital, which is where I was, which I found amazing. And they were there for me in my quite painful moment and I thought that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to volunteer at Maggie's and I'm just going to give back what they gave me. And that was a really nice sensation, gave me lots of clarity about what I was going to spend my future being

and then it all got turned on its head because my prognosis was so short I thought okay. I need to spend that with my family And working out how I could protect them With the time I've got left Sorry, I'm doing a bit emotional Okay ready that's quite quick I'm well trained. I've had too many of those moments. That was like a seven-second emotional piss-up. You can take longer if you want.

No, I'm good. It's not a good training. My wife, Lydia, and my daughter have encouraged me to let it all go. I don't seem to be able to do it. It's like there's a valve inside me that keeps it all under wraps. Maybe it's some training from my childhood to sort of swallow the emotion. And I feel like I just need to keep myself controlled to not let that spread into other people in the room, perhaps. Completely understand. The type of cancer I have is a brain tumor. And after I had my operation, the doctor said you're going

to feel a lot more emotional because of where the tumor is. And I went, yeah, you don't know. No, you're not going to get me without nonsense. But he was right, of course. And during the first few months after the operation, I was falling apart the whole time. And I couldn't control it. It's like, hold on a minute. What did that bring out in you? Or was it just, was it like an otherworldly? It was all otherworldly, but I was experiencing very otherworldly sensations in general, because where the tumour was is the way I was viewing life was very, very odd. And still is at times of the day very, very odd, because it's affecting how I think and what I sometimes see. I don't recommend it I just think you should stay

away from brain tumors that would be my advice. It's a very very good tip. I worked hard. Top tip of the day. Yeah top tip of the day. When you, I was just thinking about some of these people passing by or with their different lives Let's assume most of them aren't in the same position that you're in What do you think now when you see them I What do you think now when you see them? I guess maybe I feel happy for them. I sort of instinctively think they don't feel what I'm feeling and I'm happy that they don't. I want to offer them the cliches of a device and I have done that a don't. I want to offer them the cliches of advice and I have done that a few

times. It sounds very trite. I want them to go back to the people they love and just hug them and tell them they love them because you don't know when that's going to be your last opportunity. I can still do that because I've been told that I wouldn't have known this term before but by the doctors I've been told that I present well as in quite hot. Yeah, thank you, thank you. God, this is making me feel great. And I present well in the fact that I'm walking and I can talk. So I've just told them this sort of trite Instagram stuff like go home, tell the people

you like and you love them, make them feel good and they'll make you feel good in return so when I see people I want to say that to them I probably should say, are there any questions you find particularly annoying related to this subject? No. Anyone that people ask it? I'm very open. Yeah. I've felt quite interested in the idea of people at one point in their life, or rather

they stand on the precipice of decision making or taking leaps. Looking back, are there any kind of things now you wish you you didn't delay? Yeah there are. You know just before it all kicked off I was going to do a a long walk with one of my dear friends and we were going to walk across England and we didn't get to do that. Things like that, some big physical activities that I had planned. to do that. Things like that. Some big physical activities that I had planned. I was hoping to cycle across America as well. You know what, even those I don't really care. I mean vaguely I've thought about those. But it's more about hanging out with the people I love. Yeah. So the walk with your friend is more about your friend.

Yeah, it's more about my friend. I wish I'd hang out with him. Yeah. It might be a bit of a male thing as well, but do you think we look for reasons to hang out with people too much? I think that's right. You think like, oh, you know, we need to walk across England to spend 10 days with your friend. But if you said to your friend, look, I just want to spend 10 days with you, your friend might be like, wow, that's a bit weird.

That's a bit weird. I don't want to spend 10 days with you. Can't we just do, you know, a dinner? Yeah, or just a few beers. I think that's a really good observation. People have been so kind to me, and a lot of people want to meet for a coffee and stuff. And I find myself saying the same thing to a lot of them. I much prefer for us to hang out properly where you stay at my house for a night.

And I know that then there'll be gaps in the conversation and it won't be all about asking about my medical situation. It's the space between the obvious stuff that is really lovely. It's not that I want to hide the cancer chart, I'm not really that interested in it. Do you think about doing a FAQ? Maybe. Maybe it's a good idea. And just be like, Bosch, here you go. You. Maybe it's a good idea. Cheap. And just be like, Bosh, here you go. That's a good idea. You can update it.

Have a read. Or have a read before you come. Should I put it in a binder, do you think? Just point it out. Point it out. Read this. Read this. I'll be making tea.

Yeah. And then let's chat about your life. Yeah, your life, whatever. Basically, it's you just asking some interesting questions about stuff. Yeah, exactly. And then you get to know them better, properly, in your heart. You get to know them better. I mean, I do think for me doing this, you know, like getting to the kind of depths of someone approaching there,

even just, you know, a brief visit there, it's just the most amazing feeling, I think. Sometimes I feel sad after having those highs, because it's not that hard. You know what I mean? We just don't do it enough as people. We don't give ourselves enough time with people. It's all available to us. And, yeah, so it's really a guilt that I just wish other people, I wish everybody got a chance to sit next to one of the benches, and come away feeling those feelings about just people, about the potential of what's lurking there with everybody, even the people you don't like.

Yeah, yeah, of course. And I think in a strange way, shall I say, we may be doing similar things. This is also what I would be doing if it was the end of my life. Yes. I would be doing it also with a lot of people who I know and love. That's for sure. I think you're right. But associate, I think in a really odd way, I'm trying to not compare myself to you in any way here, but I think at some point I just started living as if I could die at any

time. Yeah. I feel like that's a progression I've made. I also am so rampantly losing ambition. Yeah. I've enjoyed. I also am like so rampantly losing ambition, you know. Yeah, I've enjoyed losing that. It's been a positive thing. It's been taken out of my hands but it's been very liberating to just wave bye-bye to that. The proximity of death, does it ever bring on like, Christ, you know what, I'm just going to fucking go out wearing this or go and do something crazy at 6 o'clock in the morning or thoughts of just kind of complete caution to the wind, I'm just going to do this.

I can't think of any, there may be there has been. Do you think there should be some that are not too time consuming? Yeah, yeah. This thing I want to do is going to take years. You want to build a huge model railway or something. You know I've always had nerdy hobbies. Oh have you? Yeah. What's the top nerd hobby? The top nerd one I've just been getting into in the last few weeks even.

Okay. I've recently sorted out my vintage screw collection, brass screws. But I'd be very happy to have them in a really well organised cabinet. No not cabinet, cabinet sounds like I'm displaying them. I'm displaying brass screws to literally no one because they're not interested in such a nerdy hobby. I feel all your listeners just go, are they all falling asleep at this moment? No, I think it's quite the opposite. It's quite the opposite. You've just given a wonderful window into your psyche. They'll be saying it explains everything. It explains everything. Oh I get it now. I've got some crap. How many have you got? Thousands. Some of them aren't sorted properly.

How do you sort a screw? Well it's by, are you sure you want me to go through? Yeah go through. Okay you're doing it by the gauge size which means the thickness of the shank, and then the length of the screw itself. Then you've also got whether it's a dome head. I think that is not the right term, so I'm slightly embarrassed for the people who really know their screws. And then you've got whether it's a... I mean, actually all old screws have that... See, I'm getting really embarrassed now.

I'm just kind of coming across as an absolute amateur you've got the ones all old screws are the sort of slotted screw yeah you've got that nod on your face which is like you really are a nerd. No I think it's great. But finally sorting them has been very therapeutic yeah so I just sit down at a table and sort them all out so I can then get the screw I want very quickly to make the thing that I'm making at the time which is... my wife Lydia wants... so we went mudlarking the other day, do you know what mudlarking is?

so we went mudlarking the other day by the side of the Thames and we found this very very old screw say 200 years old maybe it was holding up some kind of wharf or something. Yeah. And I want to make a coat hanger out of it by attaching to a very old piece of wood and then literally... Just one hook? Yeah I found only one. What if there are two coats? I don't know. I think you can put multiple coats on the same hook. Oh, maybe. You're throwing a whole new dimension into this hook. It was quite reasonably simple until that point.

But so it just gives another use to this beautiful old screw that was buried in the Thames. And then maybe Lydia will throw it away and that will give it a whole new life somewhere else. Because the way I'm sort of thinking, I say, thinking is that's a really ugly coat I'm making. But who knows, maybe not. But it's made with love, it's my lovely wife. Perfect, I feel like she's not going to throw it away. No, I hope she doesn't.

Tell her, at least give it to a charity shop. There might be some enthusiasts out there, or people with, oh, or people with one coat. Yeah, that's perfect for my single coat. Tell me about Lydia. Tell me what she's like. She's amazing. My wife is amazing. It's my, the greatest achievement I've had in my life is my kids and my wife. That's what I'm most proud of. And she's just the love of my life and she's been amazing through this illness and she's helped me get through it in many ways.

So I consider myself enormously fortunate. Do you remember when you first felt very connected there? We studied together and she sat at the desk opposite me. And... I think... I guess I quite fancied her. And then we went out and I realised she was the woman for me. We got quite drunk that evening, I think. On your first date?

Our first proper date? No, that's quite a long story about how that happened. I've got time. I realised she's, what's lovely about her, she likes doing new experiences. Yeah. So I knew that if I offered up a really interesting new experience and then said do you want to come? I was pretty confident she'd say yes. So I had a very good friend at the time called Yoon and he was going to a rugby match. And I'm not a rugby fan, but I thought to myself, if I get two rugby tickets and make it sound incidental, because I'm sounding very kind of conniving here. But I thought

if I just happened to make it sound like, yeah, I've got a couple of tickets, do you want to come? I kind of knew that she'd say yes, and she did. And that was how I ended up going out on my first date with Lydia. I really don't like rugby, so it's completely made up. I don't think I've been to a game since. Anyway, we went to this. It served its purpose. It served its purpose. We went with my friend and it was great.

It was just a lovely, lovely evening. I like that you've admitted that because I think that will resonate with a lot of people who are trying to conjure good date scenarios to make things seem a bit more casual than they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's it. Like, I would look like this kind of...

The version of me, yeah, she can come, she can not come, I don't care. I really cared. I mean, before we do too much sugar coating, any times have things been tricky? Yes, there have been times when it's been tricky. But never at the core, just around the edges, you know. But not fundamentally, no. I think everyone's had tricky bits. How do you think you know if the tricky is kind of away from the core? I'm not sure that I did know that the tricky moments, it was maybe a little bit confusing at the time,

but we just rode our way through it. Thank God though we persevered. Because especially now, I rely on her so much and it gets me through it. How many kids do you have? We've got two lovely kids, 24 and 22, who are another source of joy for me. And another aspect that helps me get through these tricky periods. I mean, I worry about all three of them. And a lot of the last eight months have been

about doing my best to safeguard them, at a time when I can see my ability to safeguard them is running out. And that's been often what drives me through the day. How can I do my best with today to help them after that moment. What has been your instinct about how to do that? Obvious things like financial things. Sometimes it's... I don't know, this may come across as bad and somebody will say I'm mansplaining. It isn't meant to be but of course it's not meant to be but I was talking to Lydia about how to pack a car and I don't mean that in a kind of patronising way, I just mean I want to

stop them from being killed with a kind of view to not letting things, if there was an accident, fly through to the front of the car and hit them on the head. Isn't that what a boot is for? Yes. There's an overflow from the boot. No, because we had taken down the seats in the middle. Oh, I see, okay, okay, okay. And we had a lot of sharp objects in the back of the car, so I'd cover them in a tarpaulin.

Screws, a lot of loose screws. God, everyone's going to have to switch it off again. How can you switch off twice? But if they, some chance turned it back on, I wonder if that guy with the screw collection has shut up. They're gonna be quite disappointed because he's still going but now he's talking about how to pack a car. Is there anything else you want to kind of... I think what I would do... I'm writing a book for my kids and it's called Things I Wish I'd Known at 24 that I do now. It's not none of it's trying to be too clever it's just really simple observations that I've had in my life. It's like a dad in a book, I guess.

Maybe we can call it that. A dad in a book. Maybe it should be called a dad in a book. And maybe there are some bits of advice in there that will resonate with them, because it'll often be things that I've been talking to them about during my life. Yeah.

Get a brass screw collection, it's really important. Crucial. Get a tub hauling, get a brass screw collection, it's really important. Crucial. Get a tub hauling, get a brass screw collection, the end. What more do they need? What more do they need in life? That's kind of it. Do you know what the last one will be? I've written the conclusion. It's really sort of a dedication to them. So it's full of love for them.

It might be about taking care of their mother. That's been a great concern to me about taking care of Liddy because Liddy's devoted her life to taking care of them. Good to put it in the book. Yeah, I was going to say, when my father died, I happened to interview him for a project I was working on,

probably about an hour of him just talking. Do you find that comforting now? Yeah and sometimes I'll you know return to it. I think it's probably probably the most important other than photographs of thing that I have of him. But I suppose you know I mean who am I to give tips to anyone, but I think your kids would really value having your voice. People forget about their voice. And just, you know, a recording of you talking to them. And it's all I know is I value that hugely. That's a really nice thing to hear. Useful thing to hear.

Yeah. But also, you're going to have to have this. Thank you for that. You've got that in the tank. There are so many things I could still ask you. Ask anything you like. What's going to happen to the screw collection? What do you want to happen to it? I'd like to be clear about the screw collection for a minute. I think there's something I haven't cleared up. The screw collection is not for people to look at and say, oh I love your screw collection.

It is just a collection in a box for me to restore things with so that I get the satisfaction of knowing that something I've made is made with the original screws. And that gives me a weird pleasure, weird nerdy pleasure. But if I'd known this was gonna happen I might have brought you a screw so I'm sorry I didn't do that I wish I had brought how does it I wish I had it's just a screw by chance in my pocket and I could have handed a screw to you you can I'll give you my address you can I'm gonna send

you a screw you can send me a screw if you do that yeah it's a solitary screw a solitary that you would even I can make a coat hanger. If you do that, yeah. It's a solitary screw. Solitary? That? I can make a coat hanger. What are you gonna do? If I sent you a thousand screws, you'd go, oh my god, this weird guy I met has even got even weirder. And he's got my address, which would be bad. But yeah, I'd love to send you a screw. Perfect. Let's do it. That's definitely the only time that outcome's gonna happen for me talking to you about adventures. I think so.

Do you remember your first childhood nerdy pleasure? Oh yes. Here we go. Oh boy. Hit me. I used to paint lead figures. Painting an orc. I didn't just paint orcs. I'd paint ogres. I didn't just paint

mythical creatures beginning with an O either. I'd paint dwarfs. Very intricate? Yeah. Yeah. And how long would one take you? A long time. I was very into it. I used to be pretty good at painting an eyeball. A small eyeball? Yeah, a small eyeball. And I can remember when my friend came with his mom

to see me and announced that he had grown out of painting lead figures. And would I like them? I had this weird sensation that maybe I should grow out of painting lead figures too. I still took his lead figures though. So clearly I had a bit of a bit of a nerd left in me. When did the figures fall down for you? Well, soon after.

But I just switched to another nerdy pastime. The nerd didn't stop. It just meant I'd redirected it. Is it crass to ask you how long you think you have left? I'll tell you what the original prognosis was, which happened in October of last year. I was given... Nine months? Nine months in October of last year.

So... That means you're dead now, no? In that prognosis. Maybe I was given 10 months. So that was the initial one, right? And then what's the second one? Why can't I remember something so fundamentally important? I mean, I am getting a bit forgetful.

Yeah, I can remember the- Remember more than you've forgotten. Gosh. I haven't just made all this up by the way. That would be an amazing plot twist. I'm actually not dying at all. The long term stuff is very good, that hasn't shifted at all, but my short term memory is getting increasingly bad. What was the question again? That's a perfectly timed response. What was the question again? That's a perfectly timed response. What was the question?

The question was about how long you've got left to live. Oh, yeah. Or diagnosis. So they've doubled down recently the NHS to make me firmly hear their words that this is my last summer. So that's the prognosis. But then other doctors have disagreed because I present very well

and here I am talking to you on a bench and I walked here myself. Yeah. So who knows, I could have years. But I could, if I listen to the NHS, I definitely haven't. I've settled into what the NHS have said because that feels like a safer thing to settle into than the other way around. And sometimes I do feel very sick. I can have

these things called auras, where I see things that aren't real. I can smell things that aren't real. When you see things that aren't real, what do you see? I can see people. And they can talk, they talk. Oh, okay. And I can wake up in the middle of the night and see people that aren't there. Oh, that's not as fun in the night, I guess.

No, it's horrible. And then those people will stay with me for a few days. Oh, God. On the periphery of my world. People you know? Yeah. Most of the time they're not people I know actually, but sometimes they are people I know and the ones with the people I know have been pretty grim

because they were not being nice. Oh okay. One which has been the most memorable, I woke up and they were dancing up and down and laughing at me whilst pointing at me. They were dancing up and down and laughing at me, whilst pointing at me. They feel very real at the time. And I often get warned they're coming because I get this tingling in my arms. And my hairs stand on end, and I start breathing finally,

because I kind of know something freaky's gonna happen. And I get this weird, really foul taste and a really horrible smell. Like, I couldn't describe it. It's like a sort of burnt rubber, chemical smell. And that's when I know I'm going to get a visual thing. That's very unpleasant. Yeah. And then sort of this sensation of being in another world to people. Yeah. How do you...

Stays around. Are there any ways of stuff kind of getting out of it once of being in another world to people. Yeah. How do you, I mean how- Stays around. Are there any ways of stuff kind of getting out of it once you're in it? Well, because it's been happening a fair amount, I'm conscious that it's not real. Yeah. So if I just sort of hang about and just play it out and deep breathe,

and Liddy will, if I'm in bed with Liddy, she'll say, breathe breathe and hold my hand. But some other lovely friends of mine who've been aware that this happens to me who also just have held my hand in these moments. It's just made me feel so close to those people because they've been so tender in some really horrible situations. This made me feel very connected to them. Are you comfortable talking about the act of dying, so to speak? Yes.

Is there anything you want it to be in your head? I'd like to be with the people I love. I'd like to be holding the hands of my wife and kids. If we get that enough warning, that's what I'd like to be. I often ask this question now at the moment, but I don't know if it's actually... it makes it a better or worse question when it's kind of closest for someone. But do you want anything not traditional to happen at your funeral? I won't deny I have thought about my funeral. I think maybe that's inevitable, but I have always thought of funerals as being something for the people who are still there and not for the person who's died. So I don't really want to have any ambitions for my funeral. It's not really for me, it's for the family.

So no, each time that thought has cropped up into my head, I've sort of sat on it. As in, I put it to bed. Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's for other people. But no harm putting your request in there. It's for other people, but no harm in putting your request in there. Maybe the screws can be wheeled in. Maybe. Everyone who has a screw in their pocket. I had thought about that just the other day.

It's weird. I did think maybe everyone should have a screw, but even that I thought, oh, that's going to give everyone a headache and they're going to have to wonder what to do with the screws so they won't want to keep it I think everything I want to having a screw from the collection is really nice and then you know they can compare the screws like that it's not too much to take home they also will probably think about you and they see screws you're always gonna see screws in your life. It's a nice way of remembering. That's how I would see it. If I was there and I got a screw up, how wonderful. I mean, I know what you're saying and there's a bit that appeals to me because my career has

been in the creative field and I like it from the creative storytelling aspect, because it's a bit bonkers. But I always come back to the same default position, which is stop thinking about you, just let other people do what they want. But yeah, when you said that, I thought, oh yeah, that's a good story. Well, look, let's think of a few more questions. I think we've got a lot here. And the sun's come out. Perfect.

That's the dream. This is maybe the most cliché thing I'm going to ask you today actually. But sometimes it's interesting to do it. What is your message to anyone who'd be listening to this who is in... Actually, maybe let's do two messages. One for the people in completely good health and then another for those who are not in good health. I find the question easier to answer for those who are in good health and it would be to don't let a situation like mine

be the thing that makes you go home and hug those who you love and tell them you love them. You... hug those who you love and tell them you love them. It shouldn't be a situation like mine that makes you do those things. Because it's really nice, it's the best thing that's come out of it, it's the fact that I've been able to spend time with people like we were talking about earlier

and talk about important things from the heart and the soul and share those moments, just sit and being. Another thing I've done a lot recently is telling the friends I love that I'm here for them at any time and that's become an ever increasingly important thing to me. Don't feel that it's gonna be a burden to me. It's the opposite way. If I feel like I'm helping my loved ones that would be good. That's what I want to do in the time I've got left.

Do you want to try and answer the other one? For those not in good health? For those not in good health? Weirdly, it would be a similar answer to the previous question. Rather than spending time wallowing in your own problems, it would be to see if you can help other people. Because it's very easy just to think about yourself in this situation and to say why me and get angry even and as soon as you're helping somebody else you inevitably take the focus off that situation for which there is no answer then you immediately feel better I've noticed. Not always easy to do because it's easier to wallow in the other stuff.

And I'm not suggesting I don't do that, so I'm not good at applying my own advice, for sure. Sometimes I do, and it's because I know it works. Good answer. Okay, thank you. I think that feels like a good place to hit you with the last question. Okay. What are you going to do next? Could be today, could be tomorrow, could be in the future, whatever that looks like for you.

I'm going to answer it the immediate future. I'm going to go home and I'm going to continue to make a little present for my wife which I've been tinkering away at. And it involves, you'll never guess what it involves. Yeah. It involves a couple of brass screws. That's not the only thing it involves, but it's a, I'm making a little tea candle holder out of tiny parts of a shipwreck that I found. I'm not talking about a pirate shipwreck from 300 years ago, I'm talking about a very new

shipwreck that I found off the coast. So that's what I'm going to do when I get back. It'll bring me happiness just to lose the world around me and hopefully it'll bring Liddy happiness when I give her this bit of old wood and some old metal. I'm sure it will. I hope so. Well thank you so much for sharing your mind and... Thank you for asking me some provoking questions. There we go. There we go.

Gonna say I love you more every day Maybe at the post of me See what lies at the heart of me Gonna get my friends round for the night Talk a bit of nothing, say it when it's right Hula Hoops and champagne, let's give it a go Spend time with those you love the most Spend time with those you love the most Gonna send you screws in the post Put them in your pocket, walk from coast to coast And we'll all get there in the same boat We'll all get there in the same boat One coat hanger for one coat

Now I'll let you get on with the gift for your wife But before I go I think you should know That I'll cherish the moment I lived in your life And I love you, there we go you