Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 49: I Go To Extremes

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Unconditional' by Martin Luke-BrownStream it here : https://ffm.to/unconditional-soabListen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Do-do-do? Yeah? Yeah? Fantastic. Well, so the way this works, everyone gets the same start question and same end question and then the middle bit is just what happens, the magic of the middle. And what do you do with it? Well, it just becomes a podcast. It's where people listen to podcasts. It's called

strangers on a bench. Strangers on a bench and I'm on the bench. You're famous. If you weren't, if you weren't before, you are now. Okay, first question, you ready? Yeah. Do you have a favourite day of the week? Not necessarily. I'm retired now. I used to like Fridays a lot, but today they all clump into one. They're a fused into one. Yeah. Okay, well let's pick a random day. Let's pick tomorrow. Tuesday. Tuesday. What is your idea of the ideal Tuesday lived on the earth? I wouldn't do anything different than I do right now, currently. I've just moved back to Sheffield after being in Jersey for 40 years.

40? 40 years. Yeah, I've just moved back on Friday. Oh, welcome back. Thank you, Tom. But anyway, I'm getting away. I digress. So, Tuesday, I would get up. what time we're getting up getting up about eight and then I'll shower and then I'll I don't eat in the morning I only eat at 5.30 I only eat once a day Tom how about that how about

that how about that why did you do that it's just a fasting it's just it's good it's good for your body to be without food for a certain amount of hours a day I'll shock you I once did 23 days on salt and water. Poor. When was that? When was that, though? I was trying to fix an elf problem and so I went to extremes

and when I go to extremes I can really do it. Cricy. And it didn't fix their elf problem. Brilliant. Did you ever fix this health problem? No.

No. But it's no big deal. I can manage it. Anyway, so I get up And then I'll... So you're not eating. So I'm not eating. So I just had a coffee and I'll get out on my bike and...

Straight out. Straight out on the bike. Do my training session on the bars. I did some business in town today which I'll probably do most days. Business? Deals? No, not deals. Nothing dramatic as that now.

And it's sort of afternoonish now and I'll head back and I'll just take my top. and I'll look forward to my meal because of course I'll look forward to my meal every day. Of course you do, because you've got to wait a long time for it. At 5.30 when I'm cooking it, then I'm thinking, I could eat now. You appreciate food a lot more.

If you think about it, 99% of people graze all day. They don't appreciate the food. It's 12 o'clock, lunch time, it's time to eat. It's 3 o'clock, it's time for a snack. It's five o'clock's time for me tea. Do you feel like walking past some of these people here and say, grow up? Or you're really that hungry? 12 o'clock, 3 o'clock, come on.

Once a day, that's all you need. Salt and water, salt and water. That'll sort you out. So you've moved? Do you feel like you're going to unleash a new part of it? unleash a new part of yourself? Or you're coming back to an old self? Not an old self. I'm one of them people that don't, I don't get excited too much about things. I sort of take it in my stride. I was a bit apprehensive before I left Jersey when

the crunch time came to leave. And then I arrived here and I thought, what was there to worry about? There's nothing to worry about. That's like life, isn't it? It's a classic. Yeah, it's classic. It's classic. Catastrophies everything. Yeah, yeah. You build it up. to something it's not and i got here and i thought no no i enjoy where i live i've moved back to where i grew up it's my old stomping ground and i'm familiar with it all um you know what have you left behind in jersey just memories friends but the world's a small place now with uh social media you know no of course it's a small place now with uh social media you know no of course When I moved to Australia, you were letter writing, but not a letter.

What's your handwriting like? Not very good, Tom. How's yours? Yeah, also not great. Quite the sexic. It's weird, isn't it? I'm got, no, I'm great speller. The shape of the letters aren't that good. I don't know why.

It's something to work on. Yeah. If I ain't got it now at 66, I'm never going to get it, Tom. Who would you write a letter to if you have to write a letter to someone? I'd say, well, maybe my mum and my brother who passed. That's sweet. Yeah. What is your mum like?

Oh, so humorous and loving and such a sense of humour. So she originated from Naples, Italy. Mm, that's it. So did my dad. My dad's died as well. You're an orphan? I am, yeah. I am.

Yeah, correct. How's that? It's all right. Things change and you'll find this Tom as the years pass by. There's different stages of your life. You know, when you're younger and you're probably at this stage now where you're very outgoing. You think you've got a lot of friends, but a lot of them, aren't you friends? But you only find that out as you go through life.

Where do they all go then? They're still there, but they get subtly dropped from my circle. Yeah. So... Hang on, are you dropping them or they dropping you? Looking back, I've mainly dropped then. Okay. And if I get dropped, which I have a couple of times, I don't take that personally.

You know, you can sense it anyway. I was very, very outgoing. I had a wild time when I first got to Jersey and Australia and lived there for five years. I had a wild, absolutely wild time. But as years go by, you're just quiet and down. So I wouldn't dream of going out. night to a pub these days it's not my idea of fun anymore that type of thing what is your idea of fun now go on the bike do my exercises daily you do look very strong in the in the arms only body weight exercises

i do i've stopped training in the gym so i used to be competitive okay you mean what do you mean competitive powerlifter competitive bodybuilder i was mr channel islands twice no one in in 1986 and the last one I did was in 1993. What happened to 1986? No, so I actually went to Australia and then you've got to find a job and life got in the way. Of course. And then I came back and trained for two more years and then won it again. And then I retired.

Whoa. I got an invite to Mr. Britain but I didn't want to take it that far. Because you were scared of winning. Ha ha ha! It's a good one that job. I wouldn't have won. I wouldn't have won. Being realistic, the best I would have got back in 93, 94,

I could have edged into the top six. Pretty good. Pretty good. It's not a medal, but it's up there. But it's, I have to compete to win, and I knew that I had no chance of winning unless I did certain things, and I wasn't prepared to do it.

Like what? Just taking certain things, you know? Strong supplements. Got it. Why wouldn't you go there? Well, because it would have been potentially damaging to my elf with what I would have had to take. I see.

So in a way, finishing six would have been a win? It would have, but I didn't want to, I'm extreme. When I was growing up, I'm extreme. For instance, the 23-day fast, that's extreme. In fact, when I've mentioned it before to people, their reaction is, no, you didn't. You definitely did. I know I did.

Yeah. I know I did. I've met you now. You definitely did it. So which one would you rather talk about? That's 1890s. appear twice one in the morning is what they call the pre-judging so you turn up at the venue right the public can attend if they want but this is solely really

for just the judge the judges are there you're judged you're not told the result you've done your business you've gone through your routine can we talk about the routine the routine the routine you choreograph yourself okay to music to music What did you choose? War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Hey?

That one? Yes. It was just suited me, you know? It just suited me. And I was on fire. I've got to say I was on fire. Not literally. Not literally.

That wasn't part of the act. So is there a dance? Sorry, is there like a dance? Like a dance? No, it's a choreograph of movement. It's not a dance. I'm not going to dance, I'm not. It's a dance of sorts.

It's sort of, it's sort of an artistic. You're obviously got to show the muscle. You're always, and so if you've dieted correctly yeah you don't have to squeeze too much if you haven't dieted correctly you're not going to hide anything in front of all those people in a thong you know what mean you're not going to hide anything yeah so if you haven't dieted correctly it's on you i see and what happens is people who haven't they try and squeeze to get everything out and you're not going to show anything again it's like life is it you squeeze it too hard yeah it doesn't work

It doesn't work. And so then you go home, you relax, I have asleep, I only at lunchtime. I want to be empty for the evening show for all the people who come to watch. If you have too much food, you'll blur your abdominals. And so what you do before the show, you sort of do high-rep exercise to pump the muscle up as much as you can, and then you go out, understand. The place is jumping, it's full to the rafters. It's rocking.

And then you get the lower classes first until you come up to the heavier weight classes. I was the heavier weight class. I was a light heavy weight at the time. And then what they do is they take a winner out of each category. Then you appear back on stage with all the other class winners. And then they announce an overall winner. And were you that? Yeah, I was the overall winner.

So not only did you win your category, you won it out of everybody. Fantastic. something that if I had my time again I wouldn't do it okay yeah I wouldn't why I would have stuck with another sport I don't like that look any longer don't like it at all it's all bloaty and false and fake I don't like it I prefer the build I've got now a more athletic look more slim down do you remember how you celebrated your win yeah we go out that night because you've been only eating particular foods for the last six months or so, we'd go out that night and have whatever you wanted to eat and especially

your desserts, your ice cream and I used to smoke cigars. The guy that I was training who was in a junior class, he bought me this great big Havana cigar for after our meal and that, you know. But I was a very prolific cigar smoker and it damaged my circulator. and I was prolific in as much as 20 cigars a day and I was taking it down like a spliff. And that was the health problem that I was trying to fix. Did you just give up cigars though, is that?

Oh, I gave up cigars 16 years ago. Oh, I see. Oh no, but the damage was done. So it damaged my circulation, especially in my legs. And so this is why I've got an electric bite, you see? I see. Yeah.

Can I ask you a slightly funny question about it, bodybuilding stuff. Yeah. What do you do? I mean, obviously there's a lot of focus on the body, right? You know, you're focusing too much on the bodybuilding because it's not important to me anymore, but I don't mind. Oh, no, sorry, I have one more question. Go on then, go on then.

But you're in a thong? I said that joke. Oh, but in a thong? It isn't a thong. I mean, it's not the string that goes up your back side. It is a very brief pair of trunks. Yeah. But is there anything you have to do to your nether regions?

You know, you know, are you worried about your willy? Do you know, because you've got to, that can't look like a kind of muscle. How do you mean am I worried about it? You have to be more specific. No, okay, well look, okay, that's how do I say this? So like, you know, you've got to be honest like I am. No, okay, here we go on. Does it look too small beneath your...

Well, yeah, I'm just saying you're building up every aspect of your body. Yeah. You can't really do that to your... To your willie. So, what's the... what do you do you do you what do you do you do about that no no i see do you enhance it in anywhere yeah or like you know yeah is that what you mean yeah like the chippendales is that a fair question it's fair question and it's a good question oh thank you and absolutely

i never did and i don't know anybody who ever did anything like that these male strippers actually i've heard what they do is they get a semi erection in the changing rooms and then they put something like an elasticated thing around the base of the willy to keep the blood in the willy so when they're in their trunks it looks like they're well endowed but you didn't do that well i know one did that i've never heard anybody anybody will do that no think about this top if you did something like that the emphasis wouldn't be on your body because you're stood in the in front of all those people and the judges the last thing you want is people staring at your dick you know good point you're so right So after all that, you know, surely that competitive edge didn't go anywhere, you know, where did it go after that though? Where did you put it?

Whatever I do, I'm competitive. So I compete with myself. I don't necessarily have to compete with anybody else. So was that the last time you compete with other people? Yes. And then after that is just yourself? So like when I train on a daily basis, I'm always trying to push myself and I just try and do a few more reps and I'm competitive that way. If someone comes and does it next to you, do you kind of want to do it more? No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. In fact, I've just met some new people today and we were having just a general chit chat while we were all exercising. New friends? No, no, I don't make friends very easily. I don't you? Why? It's like a friendly friend. It's like I said, as you go through the years of your life, you change, you drop people from your circle. And I'm pretty much, these days, I'm pretty much a loner.

Okay. If there's no one you want to be in your circle, that it's not. Not really. I mean, I've got a couple of friends here, but I don't want them around at my house. What about a lover? I've still even stopped with that now. Really? Yeah.

You're retired. Retired. I've got a son at 26 years old, somewhere. somewhere and we're not in touch okay it's his choice not mine yeah and how's that feel now it feels like nothing but it used to hurt me but as time passes by the bond gets broken yeah for instance people will say oh you never know when he's when he's matured in his mind he'll come back says you missed the point it doesn't bother me if that's his choice then he's he's got to live with it. I used to contact him twice here. I didn't want to bombard him with

anything, you know, and force him. So I used to contact him on his birthday and Christmas, but I never used to get a reply. So after the years had gone by, on his 19th birthday, I just wrote another email to him and I said, look, I wish you a happy birthday. I'm always going to be your dad. I'm going to use this as my last contact with you because you failed to reply to me. That's all right. I just want you to know that here I am. You can contact me any time you want and I wish you all the best and I love you and that and that was the last contact when he was 19. Difficult question obviously but do you have any read on why he's

felt the way he feels well i support i'm only guessing but i suppose because me and his mother split up our breakup was a little acrimonious yeah and he went to live with his mother we were together in jersey she went back to ireland and so i'm assuming he was demonstrating loyalty to his mother by not contacting me is there anything at all that you regret of that episode I mean, like, is the only thing you look back, or if I had done that, maybe he would... No, there's nothing I could have done that, because I used to go and see him. I used to take trips over to Ireland, and I used to see him until he was six years old, being civil with the mother.

But the more time we spent with each other or talked with each other on the phone, it would escalate into arguments, you know, and so... It's just life. That's all it is. There's no right and wrong. Just the way the cards have fallen. Yeah, it's just, you know, life's not fair. But we know that.

We already know that. You can't fix everything. Yeah. Can't fix everything. What do you think, I mean, so you say the bond's slowly been broken, but what do you think it's done to you as a person generally? You know, does it put you off anything in particular going forward?

Relationships, yeah. Yeah. That was the last serious relationship I had. I've had relationships since then, but every time it got to the point of, I want something more now. And I say, sorry, I can't go past that point. But that's all right.

It's not a bad thing. Yeah. Because you'll fully understand what I'm talking about in 20 years' time. You won't yet. You won't yet. But you will. So you still make. late love? No, no, not, not. You've got off sex as well? No, I've not gotten off sex. I've still

got a very high libido. Fantastic. But now, well, I just, I've got callouses on my right hand and I just wipe it on the curtains and turn over and go to sleep. And there's no emotion involved, you see. I can't get emotionally involved with anybody. This has got me into a lot of trouble over the years. You're pointing it, something. My willy. My willy has got me into a lot of trouble over the years and I'm not gonna go down that route again.

What about the heart though? Does the heart need anything? No, no, no. Oh, okay. No, I'm content. Yeah. What about, you see, you know when people say, you know, you must have somebody, no.

That's fair. Most people do. I know me and I don't need anybody I'm happy and when I get home and I shut the door and I'm away from everything I'm quite happy and I've been like that for forever 20 years oh is he the last 20 years before that you before that before that I was all over the place yeah before that you felt you did need someone yes yeah well not that I needed somebody I wanted it because it came with regular sex and I've had many, it's not because I'm being a big head

I've lived a lot of years I've had a very many many one night stands but I've lived with four women not all at once Tom but I've lived with four women and I'm not, I'm no good at it and so... Why don't you think you're good at it? I've got no idea

maybe I choose the wrong person maybe I was attracted to the conflict I don't know I don't really know I'm trying to be my own psychiatrist I mean, another suggestion is you don't have to live with someone. No, you know, I've got a friend in Jersey's been married for about 15 years. I've never thought of this and they've never lived together. No.

See, that would probably work. There you go. That would probably do. You could go find someone this afternoon. It's going to be okay. You said you had a lot of one-night stands. Many, many, I can't even tell you. I can't even tell you, Tom.

What do you mean? I was prolific. I was, in what era? Was it in the bodyboarding era? Well, through that era as well, so I'd say from when I was 15, I lost my virginity at 13. Wow. I loved it so much. So 13, that's pretty young.

13, very young. I loved it so much that I just had to have to have. to do it again and again and again. And so I was pretty good. I was never frightened of rejection. Okay. So that mean you were good at seducing? I was good at talking to women.

And that's it. And so while I was in Sheffield, then when I left Sheffield, I went to Newkey. I was prolific down there on that scene. And then from Newkey, I went to Jersey and I was even more prolific in Jersey. And then I went to Australia for five years. And I was-

Even more? I was with somebody then. I was living with somebody there. You weren't so prolific in Australia? I was faithful to the person I was living with. But I always thought of not being faithful. Do you blame that on your rampant session stuff beforehand? It's kind of in you to move around?

Yeah, to move around, yeah. You know, so you've had lots of sex your life. Yeah, lots. What have you learned? Yeah, I enjoy it I enjoy it very much Do you think people have enough sex I bet you're married people

don't have enough sex What do you reckon Tom Are you married Tom I'm not You get very few marriages Where they still look like They're in the courtship Period

My brother who died When did he die of it And his 2018 cancer. My brother who died, this is amazing. He was married to this lady. They first met when they were kids, 12 and 13. So they had a relationship when they were that young. As they grew, work took them in different directions. They both married other people. And in middle to late age, they met up again while they were both still married

they found each other on some sort of social media and they each left their respective partners, got back together married she's died as well she only died not even four months ago

cancer but I've never seen anybody I was so like how do you get that how do you find perfect person they were so in love with each other and even though they'd been married for 10 or 12 years they'd still hold hands and they'd still put their arms around each other and it was it was like I can how is that possible after this long and that's how it was how old was the person did you have sex with when you're 13 she was 13 so can you go and talk to her I couldn't go out with an old woman

Tom. Really? No. What does that mean? No, I just couldn't do it. What do you mean you couldn't do it? I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't rise to the occasion, Tom.

You need some attractive stimulation. So you're 66? 66. What is an old woman for you? This is a bit tough on women now. 55 upwards. It's just no go. You can't do that.

Well, you've never done it? No. Who's the oldest person you've been with? Oh, when I was a kid, I used to crave older women. I used to go to a place down at the bottom of the more. You won't remember it. You're too young. Yeah.

It was called Tiffany's, and it was Grabber Granny Night, it was. Okay, what's that mean? So it's where the older people used to go. Sorry, but you said it's Grabber Granny Night. Well, that's what it was referred to as. Oh, I see, right. It was referred to as Grab a Granny. Right.

Because they were always older women in there. Yeah. See, a lot of my mates, we'd get tanked up on London Road and in town and they'd go to a normal nightclub of appropriate age. I'd finish up and grab a granny, but I would always come away with something. So the oldest person that I had sex with, she was 69. I was 16 years old. But it was such a perverse. Didn't matter what she looked. like the fact that she was much older and how they used to dress you know in the long

evening dresses and they'd more often than not have the stockings and suspenders on it was just really attractive me i'd be wrecked within seconds wow yeah and so when i was i'd say 15 to 30 i love to have sex with older women okay much older women you've got the other way now now Now you won't do that. Now I won't do that, but I won't go young either. So I'm talking about, I don't know, attractive to me, attractive to look at is 20 to 30, but it's unrealistic, you know what I mean, because I'm 66. But to possibly have sex with somebody, you really are talking 30 to 45, 50.

That's about the age group that I'd choose. So you're not going back up to the 69. No, no, no, no, oh no, no, no. Did he do that many times? Yeah, many times, yeah, many times. So it was a thing. And the thing was, when I was working in Jersey, I was, one of my employments was, I was a head barman in a hotel.

So you had different guests every week. So the married couple with their kids, and because they're on holiday, the husband would get drunk at the bar, and I know how much he's had. And a lot of the times the husband would go to bed. And I would have sex with his wife behind the bar when I was locked up. Many times that happened. Wow. Yeah.

And a lot of them kept in touch with me when they went home. It was crazy. When I say I was wild, I was fucking wild. And I'd see them at breakfast the next day. Then I'm thinking, Jesus, you poor sod, I'd been born in your missis. Do you believe me, Tom? I'm not bullshit to you. I'm not bullshit.

I've got to say, I believe you. So I've gone from one extreme to the other extreme where I don't do it anymore. Isn't it weird? And he's done so much of it? Yeah. Yeah. I've had enough now, thank you. This is wildness.

I've come back from Jersey and I'm having this interview here. Pretty good actually. It's great. You're good at it? You're going to learn a lot from different people's experiences. I bet you have already. I really have. I've learnt so much, really.

It's an honour. People honest. They are. With you. Yeah. I'm only really interested in the honest ones. Yeah, but how do you know, like for instance, how do you know they're not making it up?

If they're bullshitting you, will you end, and you know, because you can sense it when somebody's bullshitting you, will you end the interview early? Yeah, I've not had anyone that I sense. was telling fibs. All right. So when, for instance, this interview, you can't play this whole interview.

You'll edit it, surely. For sure. Absolutely. Someone called Rose edits it. All right. That's a lot of hard work for her, in it. Edit. Do it's a lot of hard work.

It is. No, it's really hard. It's a difficult job. When I'm editing, I've got a health food channel and I've got a music covers channel. Oh, music covers. Music covers. Can you combine the two?

Sing about the healthy? Yeah, singing in the kitchen. Can you tell me what the experience of your brother dying was like for you? Only brother? No, I've got, I had three. I've got two now. Oh, is you one of four? Yeah.

What number are you? Three. So next to youngest. The genius role. That's all the fair children are. My brother who died, I won't go into that because it'll get too emotional. For years I didn't get on with him. Yeah.

And I didn't make up with him when I knew he was ill. We made up before he became ill, which I'm just so happy about. That's really good. Because... He couldn't say, oh, it could have been. I mean, after he got ill, it might look like you only made up with him because he had cancer. How did you make up? How did that happen?

We just started talking again and, you know, he invited me around for dinner with his wife. And there was my younger brother there who'd come over from America and a couple of friends. And we, you know, we just... Nothing was said. It wasn't a big makeup thing. It was just we were talking as if we never fell out before. I think that's the best way. What changed in you after he died?

Did you start living any differently after he died? I don't think so. I think my mother died two years before. That was the first dead person I'd ever seen in my life. Can you believe that? Have you ever seen a dead person, Tom? I've gone 50 odd years without seeing a dead person. And then my mother died while I was there.

Yeah. It was quite prophetic really. This particular night when I was home, I said to my brother who was in the house, he was her carer. And I said to him, I don't know, I said, I don't think she's going to make it through the night. Anyway, he, uh, must have got worried because he must have got worried because he he phoned my own. brother and his wife, the couple who died, unbeknown to me. And all of a sudden they were at the door. And I was cooking dinner. So the bell went and I answered, what are you doing here at this time? Because this was like 9 o'clock at night.

Very unusual for them to visit at that time. And so they came because of what I'd said. They didn't want to not say they goodbye. say they're goodbyes. And so that's what they did. So you all got a chance to be there. Yeah. And that night she passed.

And because I kept her bedroom door open. I was standing the next bedroom, kept my door open. But I could hear the breathing. You know that breathing? I could hear it and then I must have dropped off because I'd been up and down

several times that night to comfort her but she was just coming in and out of consciousness and I woke up with a start at about 8 o'clock I couldn't hear anything I was so scared I just beat around

and I could see she was dead and stupidly but not stupidly the first thought was to go in and give her some chest compression and I just went in and I hit her twice on the chest

with the heel of my hand and I said what are you doing you know and she was you know she was dead she looked peaceful though so have you lost a parent

I have so you know Yeah. So saying goodbye to your brother, really hard, I guess. Yeah, very hard, yeah. I did say goodbye to him right there at his bedside while he was awake and conscious. That's lovely. But according to him, he wasn't dying.

Really? He was so... Adamant. What's the word? He was so... In denial? That's not the word. I can't think of the word just now.

He was obstinate. It was so, you know... I remember saying one thing to him, what I told you about, his relationship with his wife. I said, I've never seen anything like it. And you know, Lord, I'm never going to have that. I'm never going to have it. You're just, both of you are just so lucky. And he just said, and it's not over yet.

I says, no, I know. And he was, he died the next day. Maybe you're talking about the afterlife? I don't think so. He wasn't that way. Oh, okay. He wasn't that way. He wasn't religious.

Do you ever wonder about your dying scenario, what you would like it to be, or not? No, just peaceful and I don't want to fuss make. I don't want people to be around and feeling sorry for me. Would you like that? No. If people want to celebrate me a little afterwards, well, that's not my business, is it?

But no, I want them to come and take me, cremate me. Not sure about the ashes yet. Where are we scattering them? I don't know. I mean, I've got my mom and dad at home. Oh, do? In an end, yeah. What's it like having them in the house?

Great. Do you kind of acknowledge it, talk to them? Yeah, every night before I go to bed. Do you talk to them? I say a prayer over the urn every night. But I include my brother and my sister-in-law and my other sister-in-law, whom my brother's first wife, she died of cancer as well.

No. So I talk to, I just say it's not a long prayer. I just say, God bless, wrap your arms around them and that's it. It's just simple. I do it every now. So it's become a kind of ritual? Yeah. So what's going to come next in this next chapter then? Is anything going to emerge?

Don't try and predict anything. Tom. I'll let it just happen. I'll let it just happen. And like I say, I don't make a fuss about anything. I don't get excited about anything and I don't get too down about anything. I sort of stay on an even keel and it served me well over the years. over the years. What is it like being 66? Anything good about it? Not really. I'd much rather be 20 years younger because I haven't got that exuberance and the energy

that I used to have. Let's imagine you know someone was listening to this who's 20 years old what would you say to them about their youth? You think you're bulletproof but you're really not. But because Continue thinking you are bulletproof because... That's the appropriate thing to think at your age. You find out as you get older that you're not. And that's a bit of a disappointment. What was your bullet?

My bullet... I suppose just losing that... that energy had a couple of serious operations and to get back to sort of normal life took quite a long well and never thought I'd get the energy that I've got now I had a triple heart bypass I had a heart attack two years ago while I was doing my pull-ups whoa and I dropped that I didn't have any pain but I had this massive loss of breath and I thought I was gonna go right there and I just didn't even know I'd had an heart attack. It was 10 hours later that I went to the hospital.

Frankly. It's things like that. Fuck sake, where did that come from? And I was doing a brilliant set of pull-ups. It was great. It was half seven in the morning. And all of a sudden I found myself on my knees, you know. That's what life can do. I'm going to ask you two, three more questions and I'm going to leave you alone. Yeah, go. I'm going to get off on my bike. Don't go too deep. You've done quite a lot of that, haven't we? Yeah, too deep actually. I never thought I'd go that deep with a stranger. Well, I'm glad you have. Happiest day of your life. Can you think about what it was?

Yeah, when my son was born. Can you remember that day? Oh yeah. Who? Tell me. Ah. I mean, I was there when he was born, and you just can't believe that, you know, this human being has just come into the world, and you're completely responsible for his well-being and his care.

And it's such a scary thought. Have you got children? I do. Oh, so you know. You know how scary it is that first time. Oh my God. I was thinking, how am I going to look after this little human? How am I going to manage?

But you do, don't you? You just do. How many have you got? Two. Ah, good for you. Do you think you might have more somewhere? Given the fact you've done quite a little bagging. I don't know and I don't want to know.

Sure. No one's wrong to know. Could I ask you a difficult question? And you asked me difficult questions already, Tom. You're getting a bit greedy there, son, aren't you? I don't get a bit greedy? Do you ever wonder if there's anything more you can do to find a way to patch out with this?

As in like, you're going to have left him be. Yeah. You know, part of me just wonders, you know, what happens if you find him and you turn up somewhere? You ever tempted to do that? For me to turn up and present me. present myself to him. I could never do that.

That would be... Do they make it worse? No, it wouldn't be for me. That would scare the pants off him. That'd be such a... Listen, I'll say this about it. What I used to worry about, I don't now, because he's 26 years old,

and he should have his own mind to see what sort of man I am, find out for himself. What used to scare me was that he's... whatever is going through his mind is stubbornness that he won't he won't communicate with me that he gets to 40 years old I'm no longer here now he's mature enough to think I should have got in touch with my dad while he was alive now he's got to carry that burden for the rest

of his life but I can't do any more I can't because if I do it's like I'm forcing myself on him you ever get in touch with his mother the mom I tried I tried wrote two emails, in fact, I tried to use a little bit of levity, and what I did was, I said, you know, have a look at this, this is one of my music covers, what do you reckon? Do you reckon the old man's got a bit of a voice on him? And, you know, it just fell on death of you. What was the song? You sent? I can't remember. What do you sing, by the way? We didn't get to these covers. I'm a big soul man, so my favourite artist of all time is Otis Redding. I've done a few of him.

A couple of Northern Soul there. In fact, on one of them, there's a backstory to Northern Soul, how it came to Sheffield, how it became a massive part of people's lives. And that's it. Maybe a nice way to end this. Can you do us a little bit of that song?

No. Not without the music and stuff. Well, listen, I've thoroughly enjoyed talking to you. I thoroughly enjoyed it as well, Tom. You're a lovely man. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you for being honest and answering the questions

and you've lived a very exciting, interesting life. And it's not over yet, as my brother would say. It's not over yet. There's one more question though, so this is the question that everyone gets to the end. You ready? What are you going to do next? I'm going to ride home on my bicycle and enjoy the view and have my dinner. One dinner a day.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much. Thanks, Tom. Come here. Lovely. Lovely. Well done. Beautiful.

I like my soul music, Odison Reed. And I want some competitions for keeping it. keeping insane way back in my day but i look in the mirror now i look so tired i've lived a hundred different lives but how do i say without saying that i really miss you just want to make this right i know i got it is you but I still want to try And I'm praying because I really miss you

I need your back in my life My love's on condition But why Son your old man was so wild I played a good good game I used to make your mom smile but love time to hate

God it's a shame because I can't seem to reach it I'm stuck on the line but what if you miss me when I've had my time and how do I say without saying that I really miss you I just want to make this right I know I got issues

but I still want to try and I'm praying because I really miss you I need you back in the light my love's unconditional away I...