Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 51: A Song For My Daughter

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : '10/10' by 'Cinnabar Wood' Stream it here : Listen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Do you have a favourite day of the week? I'd say Friday. I really like the excitement that comes with Fridays. You've got the kind of working week behind you and you've got the possibilities of the weekend

and Friday night. Yeah, it's Friday night. Although I'm self-employed, so technically every day is great. Friday. Every day is Friday. Okay, so let's imagine one of these Fridays then. Yeah. What is your vision of the ideal Friday for you?

Waking up without an alarm, I've got a daughter, a nine-year-old, so I have to take her to school. Is she your alarm? She is my alarm. Well, not always. But in an ideal world, I would just wake up. when I naturally want to wake up. Maybe do something like this, come to the park,

sit on a bench, talk to somebody like you. Oh my God. We're living your ideal day now. So you wake up without an alarm. Yeah. Your daughter's around though. Maybe she's saying like parents. There we go.

So you don't want your daughter there for the ideal day. You already got her in a daughter, which is. Well, no, because it's a restriction of like having to get up, you know, your day doesn't start until she's safely at school. I also have a nine-year-old daughter. Oh, do you? There we go. Oh, there we go.

High flight. We could compare notes. Yeah, it's a difficult age. It is. Do you think any age is not difficult? I mean just in life. In life? Are you at a difficult age now?

No, I'd like to say that I'm at good age now. I feel like I understand myself. What have you come to understand about yourself? I don't kind of beat myself up for like having emotions. Sometimes I'll feel down or sometimes I'll feel happy and it's just. I just accept that that's how I'm feeling in that moment, whereas before I'd probably be like, oh my God, you know, like, now I'm just like,

it's just thought some feelings, I'm fine, I'll probably feel different in 10 minutes, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Did it just gently happen over time, or was there any kind of moment where you're going, you know what, actually, I'm not going to do that anymore, I'm going to... I get to a point when you're like,

I just... Life doesn't need to be hard, does it? Life's too short to be a struggle, you know? It's a really good point. I'm a songwriter, so like sometimes the angst that you get is good for writing songs. Oh, good point. So I try and like observe when I feel like that

and then try and get it out in a healthy way. I see. That's very clever. Yeah, that's what I was doing when you walked past me actually. I was just writing a song. Oh, amazing. Well, just now? Yeah, just had a little beat on my phone. Oh, wow.

I was just writing some lyrics down into my little notes. Oh, incredible. Maybe at the end you could just sing it out. Maybe. What's your feeling about being a parent? and still making music. Some people may say, you know, the two can be kind of tricky to go together. Do you know what?

I've brought her along to a lot of gigs that I've done. I did a DJ gig in Manchester, actually, a couple of weekends ago, and she just sat there on the side on her iPad for two hours. She stood there at the side of the stage. She did a really big gig last year. It was at Manchester Apollo, and she just stood there at the side of the stage and watched the entire gig. Oh, wow.

That is a big gig? I feel like I'm giving her a good education, a kind of a valuable education that I don't think other parents could give. And she wants to be a singer too. Oh, that's so sweet. Have you sung together? Yeah, yeah, we can sing harmonies now. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, that's so fun. She takes the melody and I'll, like, sing a harmony. So when we're in the car, if there's like a song that she knows really well, I'll be like, right, why don't you try singing a bit higher than that or a bit more? Take a harmony on it. I do that. I do that sometimes wonder whether if you're in the car and other people in the car, that's just annoying for other people. Do you think it's annoying? Don't get out the car then. That's true. You're right, actually.

Don't get in a singer's car. You're right. Don't never get in a singer's car. What else is in a singer's car? Oh, God. What's in your car? My car is a mess at the moment. Obviously, with a nine-year-old.

You're blaming the nine-year-old. Yeah, there's... I mean, there is... She's spilled some chips on the floor the other day. They're probably still there. There's, like, slime on the seats from, like, a magazine that she... You know, when there's all... magazines you have to get a mortgage to like six quid or so for a bit of slime and then it goes

everywhere and then you can never get it off there's like some shoes from a gig that i did and then i obviously can't drive home oh sorry suit i mean you like nick some shoes from a gig for a minute oh that's good idea you're paid in shoes you're a paid in shoes go a couple of shoes no they're just high heels because i can't drive in them and then just leave them in there for the rest of eternity there's like some speakers stands uh i had my car broken into like like like like like last year and I had like all my microphone and speakers and everything in the car and like they just left all right I don't know what they were looking for the chips there we go for breakfast plenty of there weird we also we also share that I got but we got burgled like maybe two years ago

and um and uh there was just nothing to take I mean I think if you it was just the that's a beauty of a house full of short like they would have been like oh why is there so much shit everywhere like where with everything it's that it's also yeah exactly it's like It was like really confusing. What's the most important song you've written, you think, in your life? Have you had to only keep one? Which one are you keeping?

Oh, that's so hard. I know. Do you know what? I'm going to go full circle here now. I wrote a song about my daughter. Yeah, I just think it's a lovely snapshot of this time. time. Yeah.

And she loves it, she sings it. Oh, she's singing in too. She's actually on the recording. It's just, as a songwriter, it's easy to write about romantic love and stuff like that. But I think it was like it was a love letter to my daughter and, yeah. That's so sweet. That's so lovely. How has having your daughter change your life?

I guess it teaches your patience, doesn't it? It's made me stronger as well. Like, I am a single mum and it wasn't what I expected, but I think it's made me stronger than I probably would have been had I had my life not unfolded like that. So I think it's taught me a lot of things and resilience and it's probably made our relationship stronger as well. Yeah, of course. How have you found the experience of being a single mom? At first I was just, I was living in London then.

At first I found it really difficult and I was really resentful and I was, yeah, like kind of angry and kind of annoyed that that's, you know, no one, I mean no one sets out to be a single mom, do they? No one sets out to have to do things alone but, but now I'm pleased, you know, and I say I look at her and I see the results of us sticking together and yeah. Yeah. Can I ask what became of the dad? He's in London. And, I mean, he just said one day to sum off. He was taking money out of her savings account and I pulled him up on it. And then he was like, you're horrible, you're nasty.

And I was like, okay. And then he left. Oh, cry. That's awful. I know. Oh, shit. And so he just has no. No, no.

He sees half of every school holiday. Half of every. Oh, so it's not a lot. Well, no. For something. It is something. I mean, he is welcome to come up here. But he doesn't.

He only for dropping her off or picking up. My mother, also a single mother. So I've been in that role that your daughter's been in. You do get a stronger bond, I think. Yeah, definitely. And also you become more in that supporting role because it's just the two of you. Yeah. I almost think the child kind of fills the role of the partner sometimes for good and for bad.

Yeah. You feel like more responsibility, a bigger weight, which is kind of useful, but also potentially can be difficult. It can be damaging as well, can't it? So, yeah, I am conscious of that and not to put too much on her, but she does, she listens. She can't hear me telling her to eat her dinner, but she can hear me talking to somebody else straight away or like ears pick up. And she's like, what's wrong, mum? Yeah. How do you feel about your, I mean, again, all I've got is my own amount of experience.

Yeah. I think she struggled to, well, A, have the time to potentially have a new relationships. Yeah. B, like what that relationship would mean to like, ah, set up, you know? This is the... How do you navigate all that? Well, I have, I've met the partner in February. Oh, so fresh?

Fresh, yeah. So what's good about this new guy? He's a dad himself, he's got two kids. Is that important to you? It is because a few guys that I've dated in the past. like I've dated in the past, they just don't get it, or they'll just ignore the fact that I'm a mum. Because obviously I wouldn't introduce her to people

until they were serious. And it's a big part of my personality in my life, you know what I mean? So the fact that he understands and his children are a big part of his life too is really important to me. And communication is just brilliant as well. I've not had that before. You're like, wow, this is good.

Wow, you're able to express your emotions and talk about things. It's like radical. It really is. It really is in 2025. I mean, how does he do it that has been better than other people? He's very vulnerable with stuff. We have hard conversation.

We've had a lot of hard conversations. Maybe even people who are married don't have. Do you know what I mean? We've talked about a lot. And also he's very good at taking accountability as well. Like we've had moments where with somebody else it could have turned into an argument or gone into a, you know, he said, she said or even like, you know, silent tree. I've had that a lot in the past.

And you feel this thing in your gut where you're like, oh, this push and pull, is it love? You know, and I think that's what I've been used to in the past. And this guy's very different. He doesn't give me any reason for doubt. Like these lyrics I was writing. No reason for doubt. Yeah, it was like, I really love the way you love me.

You give me reason not to doubt, how you feel about us. Never knew love could be this healthy. Communication 1010. You know, my love around my friend. Oh, sweet. Well, you send it to it? Maybe once I've recorded it and added those nice harmonies and, yeah. Do you think you'll receive it well?

Yeah, I think so, definitely. Do you think there's an argument for saying you weren't ready for anyone before now? Or is it just a kind of lack of the jaw? No, I think it's really interesting with him because we've kind of been in each other's lives for 15 years. I had no awareness who he was, but he came to see my band's play in 2010. Whoa! Yeah. We have actually communicated, but I didn't know it was him, you know.

You know, we're playing at this place and whatever. I've been online and... Oh, that's interesting. I know, really interesting. What is that like? He's almost has got a head start. That's the thing. It does almost feel a bit weird. you like he added me on Facebook in January I got a friend request come through and it was

this like he's got long locks and he had this hat on and like these dark glasses and I couldn't really see his face and so I just sent a message and was like do we know each other and he was like yeah we've communicated over the years and blah blah blah I'm a fan of your band or whatever And so I was like, oh, all right, then, cool. So I kind of befriended him. And then a few weeks later, he changed his picture. And I was like, who is this person? And I realized it was him.

What was he doing with the first picture? I have no idea. It was very, it looks like a moomin. Do you remember moomings? Yeah. I don't know what. Do you think he put a new photo to? Possibly.

It worked. Yeah. Yeah. So then at some point he asked, but it must have been then quite a big leap for him to ask you out. Or do you ask him out? No, he asked. he asked me we were just talking every day pretty much on facebook no we we swapped numbers and then

we just talked like non-stop talking oh that's lovely yeah it is it feels exciting also it's quite cool you were practicing your communication just straight straight off straight away yeah has he met your daughter he has yeah what's that moment like because it must be kind of quite nerve-wracking yeah it was and like she led it basically I told her that I met somebody and she was like oh I want to meet them so that I kind of you know let her kind of lead the way and he's good with kids because obviously he's a dad and he's used to dealing with them as well he's not like hey oh you know he's not too much he kind of just sits back and then let you know let them come to you

yeah you can always tell the people were better with kids you can and like they just they just don't rush it that's the thing I don't like that whole performative thing as well hey guys you know like it's like it's kind of children's TV or Yeah, it makes me think that maybe that'll burn out and then they won't be interested, like, and they actually, the kids actually had a sleepover last week. Oh, wow. Yeah. So they came to you.

They came to ours, yeah. And your daughter was there as well. Yeah, yeah, they get on really well. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Oh, wow, so you've really, like, you're advancing stuff, like pretty fast. I know. I mean, that's the thing, yeah, it's working at the moment.

Are you at all looking for, like, maybe this is a bit of a difficult question, but you, Do you want your daughter to have, like, more fathery type figure? Definitely, yeah, definitely. I want her to see a loving relationship as well. Like, my parents are still together, are still married. I want her to see, to see love, you know? Oh, completely. Yeah.

How do you feel about your parents? Good, we have a good relationship. Do they do a good job? Yeah, they do. They do. Where do you get what, from where, from whom? Oh, God. How did you become you?

Dad's from Yorkshire. My mom's from Liverpool. They're both arty, creative types. To what extent do you think you are Yorkshire soul? I think so, yeah. Maybe an annoying question, but what is that? A good heart. with a bit of sarcasm, a bit of, like, get up and go.

We don't complain much. And if we do, we'll then take the piss out. You'll be punished for a complaining place. But in general, a good heart, I found that a lot in Yorkshire. And like I said, I lived in London for 10 years. Although, when I moved down, everyone was like, oh, they're London, you know. Nobody will smile at you. I did, you know, like I spent...

Get one smile. I spent three, four years being a single mum in London. And, you know, people were really helpful on tubes for helping with a buggy and directing me or, you know, and I made a lot of friends down there as well. It does get a bit of a bad rap on London. I mean, it just, you know, there's everyone down there. There's definitely friendly people down there.

Definitely, it is. Why did you move down? For music. I had a band in Leeds. The bass player moved down. We were all like, what are you doing? Why have you moved down? And then a year later, I moved down.

And then the drummer moved down. Oh wow, you all moved down. And then the trumpet player moved down. And then the only... The trumpet player moved. You got a trumpet player in your band? And then everyone was down in London, apart from the percussionist, who kept it real, still at least.

Have you done anything as a parent that your parents did? anything you were keen to just carry on? I think the bringing her along to things, like my parents, it was just me, I didn't have any siblings or anything, and they just used to bring me to stuff, like stuff that other parents probably wouldn't take kids to. They were very much of that mindset of like,

that they are on the continent, do you know what I mean? Yeah. They'd go out for a formal dinner and I'd be there, like, asleep across their laps and stuff, you know? Oh, that's lovely. Or I'd go to, like, I fret their friend's house and fall asleep behind the sofa, and then they'd take me home, you know.

You know what I mean? So I'm kind of adopting that a little bit with why I don't know, like, why shouldn't children come along? Totally. I mean, obviously, you know, you wouldn't take them clubbing or, you know, things like that, but I want to bring her along.

And I want to show her what I do as well, inspire her. That's lovely. Yeah. I also, similar scenario, only child of my mother's. Are we the same person? We're the same person.

We are the same person. That's it. I had to come all the way to Hudderfield to meet my twin. parallel life. And yeah, I just remember, I think you do, even if you only get like bits of occasions as a kid, just with just the atmosphere of a play, even if you're just there, you soak it up. Yeah.

And that just really aids your future adaptability and awareness of situations. I think so, yeah. And older people as well. I would, I mean, yeah, that's it. I could say that maybe I'm only on this bench because my mother took me to growing up stuff. That's, yeah. say that... Hi mum.

Yeah, exactly. Did a good job. Yeah, she did it right. Yeah, no, what should I say? Yeah, I suppose you just meet lots of older people. You get better at, you know, conversing with people of different ages. Definitely. I think that's a real skill.

I love that. You know? My daughter is the same. She's able to communicate with all ages. Oh, magic. And I think, again, I was the same because I had to. And it's interesting as well. I think you've definitely got that you're interested in.

and I think that's why you're doing this podcast because you've got an interest in people and I think it's a good skill to have. Very interesting. Would you call yourself a psycho geographer? I'm a psycho, just a psychist. Yeah, no, it is weird. I mean just today just coming here from Sheffield on that really slow train. Bloody out, I reckon I could have walked it faster. It's a nightmare. And I did think of really look out the window and really think about my life. life. I was like, how the hell have you done this? What has happened to you? You know, such a weird,

such a weird journey to take you to get to this day. When was the last time you felt you were like, God, this is weird in your life? Every day. Every day. This is weird being me. When did I last think that? I went to see Chris Brown on Sunday night in Manchester. And I went to see Chris Brown on Sunday night in Manchester. got three tickets and the tickets were like 200 something pound and the person who was supporting him I was singing with last year yeah we played at like Wembley arena and stuff and I know so like I was like what is this life you know I mean I can just slide in the DMs and say yeah put me on this show and then yeah like you know what is this life a girl from Yorkshire like you mean you think you're like I can't believe that's me singing the songs

yeah firstly how is that my voice you know a lot of people know a lot of people know and like that particular song and yeah how is I don't know how does this work you know what I mean that was a song that got recorded in a small tiny bedroom in Leeds and then now it's four times platinum whoa I know so you've got a platinum song have yeah have you got a plat have you got a plaque yeah he gave me a plaque so that's yeah four million sales in my studio at home oh sweet got a little attic with a I mean it's very humble it's just got two speakers on the laptop and you know oh and the plaque and the plaque of course when people

come in you're like look at my plaque I mean I have got it in my you have to go all the way up free flights of stairs to the studio to go and see it but you should have it in the front door people said that but I don't know I'm not that kind of person you know what you could do yeah um stick it in a toilet I'll tell you why because they have to see it but it looks like you're really chilled about it it's the ultimate humble brag that is that It's a good shout. I don't know how I have the room in my bathroom. It's a bit small. How big is this?

It's like this big. Yeah. Perfect for audio. Perfect for audio. I do this all the time. It's about that big. It's this big. It's about... I don't even know. What would you say that is? I don't know, like three quarters of a metre. Yeah, three quarters of a metre. No, I like to look up it and be like, magic can happen. This thing that I'm working on right now, I might not feel.

it's any good at the moment but that could then you know how do you feel about performing do you get nervous no no i used to i mean i did we did wembley arena last year and the first night i was like really shitting myself but i had to like take myself into like a choir room to sit down and be like this is it you know everything you've done up until this point this is it like don't ruin it by having nerves you know what i mean enjoy it but i wouldn't have been there if i wasn't deserving of it, you know what I mean? Yeah, completely. So it was a bit of like, no, come on.

And it works. And it does. And then the second night, I had no nerves. Was it well, but what night was better? I think I sounded better the first night, I think, because I was more like, so I think I did sound better and I think maybe I was a bit too lax the second night, but I've probably performed better, so it's, you know. What's it like performing so many people?

Do you pick some people out in a crowd? You can't see anyone. You can't see faces, especially not in that setting. Although I went to go singing my daughter's school a couple of weeks ago. That was scarier. I'm singing in front of 10,000 people. That's so funny. It really was like, you know, because kids, they were all like picking their nose.

At one point, my daughter put her hands to her face and was like shaking her head. And I was like, oh, my, it was like a knife through the heart. What, mid-set? I introduced the song. This is a song I've written about my daughter. And she was like, oh mum, I hope I haven't traumatised her for life. Oh, fantastic. Have you had any absolutely awful gig?

Probably. I've probably wiped them out of my memory. Have there been any that you thought, you know, as you've done anything, you thought, oh God, like, I'm just never going to do this again? I used to sing jazz when I, because I studied jazz, I used to do a lot of those gigs where I'd turn up to a pub somewhere and I'd have all my music printed out and I'd meet the band like in that moment and then hand out the music and then have to perform. And as a singer, the front person, if anything goes wrong,

it's all eyes on you and people are like, oh, you know. And that's because I'd met these guys like five minutes ago, you know? And so I just got to a point where I was like, I'm never doing a gig like that again. Like, I'm not putting myself in that position. And I'm glad I did. I'm glad I, you know, my mum and dad's loved when I used to do those kind of gigs. But I just don't, I don't want to.

So they always encouraged you? Always, yeah. Yeah, always. So you never had anyone to say, no, don't do that. No, no, never. Because it's a funny profession to go into you, right? It is a funny profession, yeah. And especially when you don't sometimes earn much money.

People are like, come on. Especially again, when you become a mum as well, you know, like they've still always. They see it as a profession. And even if I'm not earning money, they don't judge me, which I'm really grateful for. Oh, that's so sweet of them. Yeah. It must be awful, those people that, you know,

go get a proper job or you've got to be a doctor or something, you know, I'll push you into. That must be awful, actually. It must be awful to your creativity and your art. It's a funny thought to think that out there now will be X amount of professionals or whatever who could have been an amazing artist, just with a few pushes here and there.

might have made an incredible thing. It is. By the end, that's just, you know. But then maybe they will later in life. Maybe. This is true. You know what I mean? I like that about music.

I think it's forever. Or art is forever, isn't they? Just wake up one day and I'm like, I want to paint a picture of this and, you know. If for some reason you woke up tomorrow and all the music are drained out of you, let's imagine it. For some reason, you just had this awareness.

It is, it all gone. It's gone. Where do you think you would turn next? Do you know what actually? I love houses and like interior design and stuff. I love that. She just loves houses. All the houses are wonderful.

And like I'm always looking at houses and like looking inside the pictures. I'm quite nosy like that. I like that. Yeah. I find it so fascinating. I guess it's like similar to what you do. It's like interesting other people and you can see it, can't you? Because people, you know, everyone shows their personality, don't they?

How they dress or whatever, how they decorate their house. house or don't decorate the house. Do you know what I mean? So true. Have you got any themes in your house? No, it's a bit random mine. Just plaques. No, I think mine's quite random but it kind of fits together. I feel like the house is smiling again because it wasn't looked after and I feel like I've brought a smile back to it. Smiling house? Smiling house. I often think how can I feel quite jealous of window cleaners where they get to just go in everybody's house. Yeah. and basically go in every room. There aren't how many jobs you get to go in every room.

It's true, yeah. Maybe you could start doing house gigs. House gigs. But the condition is that you do a song and eat every room. I've got to quit in your house with song. But, you know, as a solo woman, I don't know if I want to go in. Maybe I'll take the band though. Take the band.

Just get the trumpeter. Just get the trumpeter. You'd be fine. Wack them over the head with the trumpet. Is that any funny business? Yeah. Funny business. I wonder if that would be so glorious.

You and the trumpet's just rocking up with different people's new houses. What if I come and do it in London, knock on your door one day? What a full circle moment that would be. I mean, I feel like this is bound to happen. Oh dear. What is the weird? decided to be have in your house, would you say? Oh, um, when I lived in South London, there was like a skip.

And like next to the skip was this like mannequin, but it's just like, just got that. So it got a head? No. Oh, it's just the body. It's just the torso and of a woman. A woman, sorry, I was going to ask. And it's just there in the cellar. It's in the cellar?

Yeah. they really creep someone out they go down yeah exactly as if cellars weren't creepy enough what else do you have in this cellar i've got my um wine collection wine i wish the wine doesn't last that long in my house unfortunately and then a and a boiler that is really irritating i keep having to get people out to it because it's just a pain in the oh god i won't bore you with the details of that to be honest you know what i quite want to hear about the boiler can you tell me about it oh how long have you got i've done a hundred 150 of these you know we've not had one boiler conversation really yeah well there we go

this is breaking new ground i am that boring person that you never hope to meet the boiler oh basically i got some solar panels fitted last year and i was like right i'm going to go green i'm going to you know i'm going to get rid of gas completely and i got this electric combi boiler anyway this guy fitted it who looked like phil mitchell from east enders maybe it was probably was yeah it was awful um the water since has been being orange. Orange? Yeah.

It was like a trickle of orange piece, basically. A trickle orange piece, but not as well. Yeah, so he came back and he was like, oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to do this. And then at least the pressure then was sorted, but it was still orange. Then one day I was like sat watching TV one evening and the entire electricity went out and I could smell burning coming from the cellar. There was all this smoke and like smelling. It was awful. So I called this guy up and was like, what's going on?

came around the next day, I opened the door to him and he went, what have you done to it now? And he lives in Surrey and he came up to check this boiler and was just shouting at me. Like, made my daughter cry. It was awful. He's now gone bust. His company is now. Classic.

Classic. It's just been hell, basically. I thought it was going to be funnier than it was. It's actually just really miserable. You know, you try and do you a little bit for the planet and it just ends up. Let the planet burn. You should have let the planet burn. I'm trying.

But yeah, sorry, that wasn't a funny story. No, it was it, was it? But, you know, it was a story. It was a story about a boiler. And I hope there's boiler resolution. Well, it's not leaking, so it's not to start. There you go, you know. I don't have to take them to court, which I didn't really want to.

At least, they've kind of said, look, if you have issues, hopefully I won't, which would. But if we do, you know. Have you ever been to do? court otherwise? I have. Oh no. My daughter's dad took me to court when I moved up here. I know. Yeah. What was that like? Hell. It was awful. We were in the family court for a whole year. Yeah. Yeah. It was awful. How often you actually go to the court? Well, it was locked down, so it was all video, so I didn't actually have to go in, which was probably a blessing, actually, because it would have been... And you're quizzed on your... I mean, how's it work?

Firstly, we had a house together in London and I was, he moved out and I was trying to take over the mortgage for this house on my own as a self-employed musician. And it was just hell for three years and then he said I want my name off and I was like, I can't take it over so he was like, they'd sell it then. And so I said, okay, but you are aware that I'm probably gonna have to move back to Yorkshire. And he was like, no you're not. Well, I can't buy anywhere here. What's the point in renting when I could go and, you know, we could buy somewhere?

in Yorkshire and I'm with my family and I just can't do it anymore and then he he was just ignored me basically for a few months and I was like we're moving here I gave him all the details and then we moved and then he was like you're a child abuser I'm not obviously yeah I'm not but that's you put an emergency court application in and said loads of horrible things about my parents and so we had to have like social services and Kafka come and do meetings and you know but I've got full cluster day and she sees him half of every school So someone ruled on that at some point?

Yeah, yeah. They had to come and, like, do interviews and go to her school and come and see me and them and, you know, and work out where's best for her and they decided here. Yeah. Oh God, that sounds so stressful. I know, it was awful. I just wouldn't wish it on anybody, really. How did you navigate that time?

I mean, just... With great difficulty, to be honest. It was horrible. I mean, it was lockdown, so that was, like, awful. We had to move back with my parents. And I was working up here, I was teaching, and all of my wage was just paying for an empty house down there. It was just awful. It was a hell.

There were times where I just, I didn't want to be here, but then he would have won. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And it was, it was, it was a hard time, but we got through it. And I think even me and him now are in a better place, like I've forgiven him. Oh, really? Yeah, like.

Interesting. How do, how's that work? I just don't want to carry hatred anymore it's not healthy is it and it's not good you know like he is still in my daughter's life and she loves him and I'd never want to take that away from me yeah yeah really well done because it's yeah that's I think that that kind of make a huge difference to her you know kids are so aware of their parents animosity or not oh definitely I know so for you to be the bigger person well done do you ever wonder like how you and earth you ended up with this person

we met at a gig yeah we met my bands were playing before his band yeah being a musician eh god why maybe my parents should have said to be a doctor damn no it i don't know but i've kind of you can't regret anything can you i've got my beautiful daughter now and i wouldn't if i hadn't you know what i mean i mean there are times where i still think you know I mean he's in the situation again he's had another baby oh dear and she's taken him to court okay she reached out to me last year and said uh this is a situation we're not together anymore would you like to keep in touch for the sake of the two sisters uh oh god of course and I was like yeah a little baby is really sweet and it's lovely for my daughter to have

a sibling because I obviously haven't had him more and Yeah. What a life, eh? Is there anything about you, you feel as invisible? You wish other people would see more of? That's a good question. Maybe because people see you online or they think, or they're doing well, they must, you know, they'll live quite a fruitful life, they must be fine. And maybe people don't check in on me as much as, yeah, maybe I'd appreciate it a bit more like, are you okay?

Or do you want to hang out? I think people think I'm busy all the time so maybe I don't get invited to some, you know, so that would be nice. Yeah. I don't know it's a thing, isn't it? Yeah. I really sympathise.

I think there are a number of sight bummers about having kids and the family. Yeah. And one of them is a bit like, you know, you're thought of as a kind of family unit and you're maybe inviting stuff as a family but otherwise people think, oh, well, they're just being doing parents stuff.

Yeah. You know, and actually it's really important. to not be doing that sometimes. 100% yeah. Especially when my daughter goes down to London, then I'm like, what do I do? Who am I? Like, what am I doing?

Wondering around? I remember the first time she went down after we'd moved up here and she went down three weeks and I just felt so lonely. So lonely. Which should have been, I shouldn't be like,

it should have been out, you know, I shouldn't be like staying out till like 4 o'clock in the morning every night. I wasn't. What do you do now when she's away from? chunk of time. Sleeping.

See? Sometimes stay out. 4 o'clock in the morning. Sometimes I just don't, I don't eat as well. That sounds really bad, but I'll like forget to eat, whereas you can't forget to eat, can you? Of course. Like, you've got breakfast, snack, snack, lunch, snack, dinner.

I think I just eat this all, just there's never five minutes before I'm eating something. I mean, I think people without children just don't realize just how much of it is just basically meals. Yes, it is. Like an endless restaurant. Yeah. You could say it's hard on a restaurant because you don't get paid and you, there's no thanks. And the food could be rejected at any time. I mean, mostly, I go to a restaurant, you know, even if it's not great.

You know, I'll still eat it. You know? Well, like with a kid, no? Send it back. Another dish. Oh, I don't have any of that in. Well, make it. I will simply starve.

I will starve. I will have no food. And then you end up eating it. Oh god, it's hard, isn't it? It is hard. And I think it's okay to say that it's hard as well. Of course. It doesn't mean you don't love your kids. No, definitely. It's good, it's good to be honest about these things. Go, go, go, go. Go, go, go. Here's a question for you.

Yeah. If there can be a good ending, I've got the end question, but if there can be a good ending, But if there can be a good ending, the endings should be good. I agree. You said, as I found you, you were in the middle of, like, sketching a song with the beats. How did you feel about singing a couple of those lines over those beats? Yeah, I could do that. You don't have to, like, a complete thing.

Yeah, yeah. So this is a song that a producer in San Diego sent me, actually. Oh, fancy. Yeah, I know. He'll send me, like, about five or six tunes and, like, a little beat pack. maybe like every couple of months but this is kind of like a happy one i don't know if you can hear it nice sounds quite um american but you think but then like oh i've only got the chorus or you just you just sing it whatever you want it's just like a little verse part

I mean the chorus will come in now. I really love the way you love me. Give me a reason not to tell you how you feel about never no love or be is healthy. Communication with tea. You're my lover and my friend. Beautiful. Yeah, I haven't got any more.

That was great. Thank you. That's great. The last question for you. What are you going to do next? I'm going to go get a coffee. Classic. Yeah.

That's so you. I was waiting. I was waiting because of the glass house down there opens at 10 so I was just sat on the bench writing a little song before but now what time I don't even know what time it is half 11 how long have we been talking for time flies really talking to strangers and benches it does that's what happened um well thank you so much thank you what's your name honor and a privilege Tom Tom don't tell me yours no I won't um nice one nice one I never knew a love like this thing to be it least not for me

I never wake in the morning safe in the feeling that summer really loves me I've never fallen asleep at night all trapped around me apart without a shame since you came about I really love Go away Go love You give me

You're my reason I don't down How you feel about us We don't know I'd be This power of me Communication

is tent-tete You're my love I'm out my friend Way Every day I'm so grateful for everything feeling

then I'm again I hope that you feel symphony from my energy feel my love and I'm right around you baby I don't know what I do

if you walk away why I don't walk away Because I'm in love the way of the way you love me. Oh, I feel like to doubt down. Oh no. How you feel about it's been like to be. This one will be

Communication is 10-10-10 You're my lover and my red way Thank you.