Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 55: It's Like I've Met You Before

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'The Girl I Was' by Yasmin HassStream it here : https://ffm.to/thegirliwasListen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Are you ready for your first question? Yeah. Good, good.

There's any questions you don't like to say, don't like it. Yeah, first question is a really nice and easy one that everyone gets, which is, do you have a favorite day of the week? week? Sunday. That day I go to church and I can relax. You can relax because you've gone to church or in church? Both. So what's your routine? Let's go through the Sunday then, this special Sunday. Wake up. What time? Very early sometimes. Like five, six. Oh wow. Okay. Yeah. What gets you up early when you're up early? I just can't sleep. And you know one of those people, if you can't sleep, you just go, you know what, I can't sleep.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to lay there worrying about it. Get up and do something. Yes. And so when you're doing something, what is that? Perhaps make juices. Oh, make a juice? Yeah.

For yourself? For myself. That makes sense. Multiple juices, not just one. Yeah, maybe carrots, juice. Fantastic. Orange juice. What goes in a carrot juice?

Apple. First ingredient. of a carrot juice is apple. An apple. When does a carrot go in? Together. Apple and carrot. Anything else?

Yeah, and beetroot sometimes. Nice. So you're making juice sometimes at 5am on a Sunday morning? Can it ever be too early for a juice? No, it's never too early. How loud is your juicer? That's the first time I've asked that on a bench. Quite loud.

But I live alone, so. That's handy. It's, yeah. Can you mimic the sound the juicer makes? Grz. Grz. Yes. Fantastic.

Okay. To me, it's the best thing I've ever bought myself. I've had it for like 20 years. Wow. And it's still going. Yeah, a Bosch. I recommend it. This is an effort for Bosch now.

They should be paying us, really. Yeah. If Bosch send me money, I'll give it straight to you. Okay. You deserve it. It's nice to hear things. lasting 20 years. Yeah. Isn't it? Amazing. That's particularly lovely. Can you think... I'm from August. That's another, it's another out there. That's chuck her in there.

Fantastic. So do you have a ritual about consuming the juice? Walking through the house, he's doing, I don't know what else you'd be doing. I'll sit down, get my phone out and relax and then I'll have it for like two days. Oh, so you do loads? Yeah. The reason being, I can't stand having to to wash up all the bits to the juicer. That's the only thing I don't like. Bosch are taking back their money now. So I've got to be in the mood to do my juicing

and to wash up after. Yes, yes, exactly. I appreciate that. So then you've got, okay, so then you're having your juice, church is coming. Yeah. When do you start your preparations for church?

Around nine, and I walk, I want to walk. I want to walk. It's important that you walk. Yeah. Fantastic. So I walk there. Does that change your outfit at all? Yes.

Oh, that's a good one. I have to wear good trainers. Yeah. Yes. And I can't wear anything girly or... Like high heels would be complicated for the walk. Definitely not. You know?

So you are right. It's important that I plan my outfit. Trousers, trainers, but not to have a bit of femininity to it. Yes. Absolutely perfect. Yeah. A question came to me just then. Do you remember the first time ever in a church in your life?

As a little girl, maybe when I was four or five. What's your first memory of being in a church? Having a gorgeous pink skirt, and it was accordion pleats. You won't know that word. Don't really know that word. Yeah, well, it's all pleads, fine pleads. Yeah, okay, well, maybe I do then, okay. Yeah, and I had it spread out on the bench,

And no one could sit near me. Was that a deliberate? Yes, because I want the whole thing to be out. I wanted my style. I loved my skirts. I wanted it to be seen. I'd really like that. Fantastic.

Yeah, that's funny. I just remember that. It's the reason you go to church now... Has it changed at all over the years? Does you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, it has changed because it was quite multi-generational. And also, there are more women, especially middle-aged women, in our churches now.

Okay. Why is that? I don't know. I think men just not, from our culture, Caribbean culture, they just, they've made themselves independent of churches. Really? Yeah, some are still there. Why? Why do you think that's happened? I don't know. I don't think the church carries the power that you had before, community. You know, people are isolated in the 60s, 70s, 80s. Now people are, they're integrated more, I guess.

What for you is like the most important moment when you're at church? Oh, the gospel singing. It's the singing. Singing is always the most important thing, isn't it? Yeah, I love that. Fantastic. Do you really go for it? I like the singing.

I participate in the singing, but I haven't got a good singing voice, but I still try. How do you know you don't have a good singing voice? Just know it. A lot of people think they don't sing very well and actually do, I think, I know. And what are the emotions you're getting when you're singing? It's quite spiritual. Yeah.

Calmness and safe. Yeah. That's a nice word. Safe. I like that. Yeah. You know, I don't think about that with singing, but it is safe, isn't it? Yeah.

You feel like what can go wrong if you're singing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is a safe spot. I like that. I remember that. That's a good thought. Are there any moments in church which you would rather not happen? You get some people who are preaching and they're a bit egotistical. They want, I don't like it when people are over the top.

Yeah. When you say over the top, are we saying? And I hate when they say it. Say to someone, oh, you're blessed today. And, you know, I don't like that cultish thing. You don't like forced fun. Yes. Yes. I don't mind if it's a couple of times, but I don't like it the entire service. And some people, they like to preach that way.

Interesting. But I feel as though I must do it if everybody's doing it. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and that's the part. But do you tell people you don't like a particular preacher? No, no. I just keep it to myself. That's fair enough.

Yeah. So you don't know who's going to turn up on any given Sunday? No. I don't know who's going to preach. Okay. And I've got some favourite ones. Yeah. And so when you see the ones that you like, you're like, yeah. Yes, I'm really happy.

Because I know this time. Can you think of a time you've been, which has been particularly important that you've been? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. During COVID time, I didn't go at all. Is it still operating? Yes, but people had to sit apart. You could have worn one of your dresses.

Yeah. I could have. Good in perfect time It was really gone Like a peacock Yeah exactly So you didn't go then Yeah I didn't go then

Because It was just seemed to be overwhelming Everything that was going on People were scared And yeah that time And then one day I just said to myself Oh I'm going to go back And I started going

How did you feel about people Going to church And not necessarily believing in a god what do you think about that I tell you what it's funny that you said that

because I always sit at the back like second seat in on the right oh is it always the same seat yeah brilliant and it's so funny because there are people who they're members but they've never

spoken to me and I enjoy telling them you've passed me here for 20 years you've never said hello oh you tell them at some point because if they say oh are you a member and I went well I've been sitting there 20 years they did not see you I think people are so zoning spiritually I think that's what it is well that's an easy excuse though isn't it and they apologize they go I swear I did not see this means okay I see my question was whether non-believers should go Should go to that.

Oh, yeah, let's get back to that. So the reason why I'm, I mean, I'm sitting there, but what I've noticed, I find that people just walk into nose, and I feel uncomfortable with that, you know that they're not believers. Okay. And that kind of... What gives them away? Because they won't go and sit down in a space where they...

Oh, I see. They're like standing in the back. I see. Yeah. And I find that a bit... Yeah. I wouldn't just walk into a Catholic church just like that just a nose.

That does irritate me. Yeah. Because I know they're not staying. Yeah, interesting. So it's okay if someone comes and they kind of get involved a bit more and talk to people a bit more. Yeah, yeah.

I don't mind if they come in and stay for a while. That's different. Yeah, yeah, of course. What's a perfect... So if you were... Let's imagine a scenario, okay? the person that runs your church or the service, the preacher, yeah, they give you a call and they say, hello, we've decided, you know, we've seen you at the back there for

20, over 20 years now, and we've seen you a dedicated churchgoer. We want to give you the power to decide what our next service looks like and how it runs. And, you know, what would you change? Oh my God. I like what they do. I'm okay with it. But like I said, I don't like over-the-top preaching. So you just get rid of them? Yeah.

You would send them out. I wouldn't give them a tell. Yes. Yeah. No, it's all right. I'm quite happy with the, it's quite diverse, you know, men, women preach, young, old. Oh, good. Yes.

How young are we talking? Teenagers. Teenagers. Yeah, they can't. Teenage preachers? We had a youth program thing. going on yesterday and they basically ran the service reading scriptures and singing and you know when you see a teenager up there doing it are you like you know I can't really get

on board with this because a teenager are you like you they're part of us and they're the future they are the future and they're going to carry on yeah hopefully yes you're right What were you like as a teenager? Oh, I liked to party. Did you? I liked to go raving. Oh, fantastic. What happened at a rave?

Take me through a rave. Oh, God. What did it mean to you? What was it? Well, teenager in the 70s was you went roller skating. Roller skating at the rave? That was like our rave then. Yeah.

Yeah. Funky music. music, it was just fantastic. 70s, 80s, 90s, I slowed down a bit. You slowed down in the 90s? Yes. I wasn't painting the town red anymore. Yeah, so 70s, 80s, your heyday of raving.

Yes, of raving. And what did raving kind of teach you about existence? People were just happy. We weren't politicised, just close and going out and having fun. No drugs. No drugs at all? People would say, are you a lot on drugs? Because we used to just dance and enjoy ourselves.

And people couldn't believe this, we were normal. But it's so possible, isn't it? It's so impossible. I think people forget that the whole point is when you start dancing, then you release things rather than they think they need some kind of stuff before they get to that point. But actually, as soon as you start dancing, stuff is released. It's like a kind of drunkenness anyway.

Yeah. Okay, we wouldn't mind one drink for the night. We were very cheap. Perfect. Perfect. So at some point does this mean you hung up your raving shoes? Oh yes. Yeah, around the 90s. It became serious. Yeah, that really turned serious. Yeah. Tony Blair's area. Tony Blair turned turned you. He turned he serious. He did that. He did that to people probably. So. So. Do you feel like you still express enough of that, whatever you would call that, on the seriousness, the play now? Yes. Oh, yes, yes.

I mean, my personality is like a little bit the same. But as you know, when you get older, I'm now 65. So I can't go around in my mini skirts and all that anymore. I mean, people are very concerned with their own lives. maybe no other notice you should you should go around how you want to go around no way no way so how do you keep that kind of childlike element alive do you think when you're 65 yeah i mean i laugh a lot i am i like young people being around young people i don't really like old people what's wrong with them i don't like if they're cantankerous or they are what's wrong with them

to hang out with them? I just like the energy of young people because I'm still childlike. Sometimes I forget, you know, your age. 17-year-old, 20-year-old, I can still connect in that way. Which means that you do have that child in you. Yeah, my nature. Otherwise, you can't, you know, they wouldn't relate to you

if you didn't have a bit of that in you. Yeah. All these children, you relate to the children, young people, or so you're relating to, how are they part of your life? Some are, we work at the food bank or a youth club centre where I know people. I take young people there and, yeah. And you just kind of lock in? Yeah, can really.

That's so lovely. Yeah, I can really, you know, understand them. Yeah. Do you have any, would you count them as friends or they kind of account it here and there? Sometimes I say, oh, my young grandma and we will hog and I can't... That's what you's a young grandma? Yeah. Are you a grandmother?

I am a grandmother. Oh, so you are. You are a grandmother. But I am very, very childlike, I believe. And I like old people who are childlike. Like I know this woman, she's an artist. Yeah. And I went to the over 60s club.

And I met her there, right over there. And she said to me, oh, I can't sit here, you know, playing bingo and all that. I have things to do. She's like 90. Yes. And I thought she was brilliant. I love that.

So I know all these older people. I know people in their 80s who are fun. So I seek out the fun ones, 70s, 80s, 90s. So you think that essentially people get a lot of, of people get older age a bit wrong. Yes, yes. It's about the mindset. The way to do it you think is to spend as much time with younger people as you can. Young people keep you young. Absolutely. That's wonderful. What's it like being a grandparent? What's it like being a parent? I was still like, I was still fun.

You know, my son used to say, can you come to the school dress like a normal mom? What are you dressing like? Because I had on my skirt to hear, you know, dressed up. Oh, fantastic. One child, well, a couple of them said, Michael, there's a bird looking for you. Because that's no bird, that's my mom. That's a bird.

That's brilliant. Yes. So I was always, you know. So you're always, yeah. But that's also what happens, I think, so there's, you know, people become parents and they think they have to be X amount more serious. Yeah, it's crazy. I suppose it's funny, isn't it?

Because, you know, life is serious enough. Yeah. As in you can't avoid all the serious things that are everywhere. There's nothing you can do about it. Exactly. It's, that is implicit in life. Yeah. So, you know, with whatever you can to make it lighter, why not make it?

Make it lighter for everybody. Yeah. You know? I don't understand. People want to be old before their time. Like I said, I love these older women and they're fun, you know. I went to see one after church yesterday. She's 82.

Yeah. And she was just telling me about when she met her husband, she was like 15 in the Caribbean. And her grandfather used to tell her, don't go to the beach because you might, you know, you might drown in the water. So she went to the beach She'd have to make sure she's washed off All the sand And I was just sitting there listening Oh lovely

Then he came to England And he sent for her She was like 16 Oh wow Coming here Amazing Yeah and it was a wonderful Marriage

I told it I said Someone told me That your husband Was like the best husband It was so loving And carry She goes

He was Oh, so sweet. How about you and you're the father of your children? Was that a good story? Yeah, yeah, it was good. How did you meet? Roller skating. Roller skating.

Disco. And he was on roller skates as well? Yeah, yeah, we're all on roller skates. Did you just ride into each other? Ride into each other? My friends and I used to fall down on purpose, so that guys could come and pick us up. That's brilliant. You'd do it convincingly.

Yeah, it hurt. Oh! Yeah, just kind of like, oh, the arms come out. Oh, but you're going to laugh at this. I went, my grandson, for his birthday, he wanted to go to roller skating. So last November, well, you've never seen anything like it. I was holding on to the bars. It didn't come flooding back, the memory.

It was hard. many years. I mean, I'm not confident and my grandson's going, and he's 80s going, come on, come on. You know, you can do it. And I'm thinking, what is scary me? I don't want to break anything. Yeah. This wouldn't have happened in the 80s. You weren't worried about breaking things in the 80s. Exactly. You're just worried about falling over on purpose. Yeah, I saw a girl with crutches. I went, did you do that here? She went, yeah, I went, okay. You were back holding on after that. You could fall down legitimately now.

Yeah. Yeah. How quickly would these gentlemen swoop in when you did fall over? In those days, guys used to be so cool and they'd run over and help you. And this is what happened with your guy. Yeah. And how quickly were you, you know, were you lovers? No, not really, because in those days you have to flirt for a long while.

long while. How long? Like, knew him for about a year or two. That's a lot of flirting. Yeah. And then at some point he asked you, you asked him? Yeah, asked me out and that was it. After that, we got together. And how quickly did you, did you have a baby together? I think after two years. And then are you to get still together? No, no, he's not my type anymore. But anymore, that implies that at some point he was your type. Yes, because you were young and crazy. At what point did you realize that he wasn't your type anymore? Maybe after four years, five years, girls, you change.

This is actually something that I've realized is one of the big problems for all relationships really about, you know, people meet at one point. sometimes one person, especially, women, tend to evolve much more than men. Definitely. There's a bit of generalisation, but men do often stick to their thing. Yeah, they don't seem to change. And they don't seem to move that much. Yeah.

Friends are the same. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then, yeah, then it's tricky after a certain time. Yeah. How complicated was that time in terms of separating and was it a difficult? No, no. I was all right. Because when you're young.

Sounds quite relaxed. Yeah, but we get on very well. Oh great. We still see. Yes. That's lovely. But he seems, he, he's very serious. Oh, okay.

So that wouldn't have worked for you. Yeah, I mean, he's gone serious. He's gone. He's gone, we've lost him. Yeah, and he moans. We've lost him to the serious. Yeah, it's easy. Are you in love now?

No, I gave up that long time ago. I can't be bothered. Oh, really? Oh, gosh, no. That's brilliant. Tell me why you can't... What is it that would be such a bother about it for you? You wouldn't be able to see a juicing at 7am?

Yeah. I like my own company. Yeah. Yeah. I like my own company. What do you like about it? Just being still and not having to think about, oh, is that person going to change and start behaving differently and all that kind of stuff?

Look, I realise I can't control people. I can only control myself. So, and trust and things like that. I haven't got time for all that. I mean, what point was your kind of Tony Blair moment, but with with love. Yeah. So I think you're the rabies.

Around 1996. Again in the 90s? Yes, 96. I started not being... It's quite specific. Yes, I know when. What happened in 1996? I had a relationship and it broke down and then I thought,

I can't be bothered with this. You can't trust people. They are disingenuous. Wow. guard my heart yeah I started to guard my heart yeah do you think do you feel content with that decision but there ever been time when you thought i wish i didn't retire in 1926 no no regrets because if i really wanted love i would pray for it and i haven't been praying for it so no but obviously you have other types of love oh god yes yes oh i love people

Do you think we place too much emphasis on romantic love, generally? I remember learning about that in philosophy and all that. Yeah, romantic love is not a good idea. I love that. I love that. I mean, what's quite funny is you're probably right. But it is exciting. And I think, you know, we crave that kind of excitement sometimes. Passion is nice, it's love, yeah, have passion,

but maybe we just don't know the real definition of romantic love. Maybe it's not what we think it is, it should be. I'm not sure, but... I suppose everyone's all we're searching for it on the whole, aren't they? Yeah. But that's the whole point, it's difficult to know where it comes from, what it is. I might have the best romantic connection with the 80s. five-year-old of all I know.

I mean, but I'm not going to do it. You know, you know, no. Like Macron. Like Macron, yes. Exactly. Maybe he's got the right idea. Maybe everyone laughs at him, but maybe he's right. I mean, but that's it.

Maybe he's right. Who knows? You never know. Yes. What is about a romantic love? Like I said, people change. They might wake up one morning, oh, I'm not in love with you. And then when that happens often,

stuck of course aren't you right when you? Yes. It would be fine if at the same time you both decided. Yeah. But can you imagine you're still there with the idea? No, exactly. It's too much. So how old were you when you retired then from romantic love? It's a mid, that's quite a while ago. Yeah, it's a long time. Properly. You would have still been like 2000, you know, been on dates but to be in love never again, didn't happen again. Yeah. Do you ever have those little moments where you're walking along and you think of someone around that kind of time

who you did have a strong connection with who maybe got away somehow or didn't the timing wasn't right? Do you have those things? I still reflect on, yeah. Yeah, there's one, he's American and he lives in America. And I thought his personality's persona, I really liked it because he thought I was funny. I thought I was so crazy.

You are funny? And I could be myself with him. Yeah, that's wonderful. Yeah. And what went wrong? Well, he lives in America. Oh, will you meet in America? Yeah, I met him here.

Oh, then he moved back. London. But then I didn't want to live in America anywhere. I didn't pursue it. But, yeah, I thought, oh gosh, he was so nice. Yeah, kind and gentle. Yes. It's also a terrible tragedy to think that.

For romance to work, you do need a lot of luck and then sometimes these people come into your life and then they're off and that's it. You need so much luck for both people to be aligned in like geography and age and in what's happening. It's small miracles maybe you needed really. Yeah. So you're not going to meet anyone in church, do you don't think? No hoties in church. No hotties. The thing with me is, hey, I don't want anybody my age and be i don't want anybody younger i don't think there's a problem there but yeah i don't know maybe if somebody might age but with my kind of you know childlike nature they must be that out there somewhere you know wow i wonder you know yeah there might be

there should be a um probably there probably is already but some kind of uh app for for childlike older people. I'm going to start it. Start it up. You've got a computer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I definitely know some people.

Then it can be perfect. Yeah. We haven't done much of your Sunday yet. We haven't done much of your Sunday yet. We already got to church. Oh my God. God. So much more of the Sunday to go. Yeah, yeah. How long's the walk to church? Walk to church, 40 minutes if I'm relaxed, if I'm not rushing. What's your walking style like?

Like a model. Brilliant. With the skirt. Elegant. But I've got my trainers on. Do you find you on the Sundays going to church, you're looking outward more or you were more inward? outwards. People smile at me and I think, oh, that's a nice blessings. You know, people smile. People let me cross the road. All that I see as, I'm grateful. It's gratitude. Yeah, yeah. How are you changed on the way back? Is the walk different? Is it even more gratitude? Oh, I'm filled with spiritual. You know, I'm happy. More spiritualness in there. Have you ever doubted your faith?

Yes. When was that? 1996. No, no, it's not that. It wasn't that I doubted it, but I didn't put as much emphasis in going to church. Yeah. But was that for a particular reason?

I think I got a bit busy and tired and, you know. Do you ever fall asleep? Oh, God, that's another point. problem now. Is it? I am falling asleep. I'm just hoping that I'm not going to ask anybody if I'm snoring, but I'm a bit concerned about that falling asleep. Everyone has naps. Even young people have naps, you know? Do you nap otherwise? You're a napper? Not really because I'm dead nosy, so I don't want to miss anything. every in life so you have to just never know like to be like i worked yesterday at you know

i run a food bank and i was really tired like six o'clock seven so i had a bit of sleep then i woke up did bits and pieces and then i went to sleep again and then i woke up at three and then i didn't go back to sleep until five wild so what did you watch at 3 a.m. All these podcasts. I don't have a TV. I don't want it. So you're listening. Yes, I'm listening. You can listen to this one now. Yes. You run a food bank. Yeah. Run it. Yeah. That's a serious job. How, how have you found that? I find that now donations gone down a bit, you know. It's necessary. You have to help some people. You have to help. people um what else people are really grateful that we do it and especially children are on

holidays you know they eat a lot parents yeah they need the support their extra help every little helps you know tesco oh is it tesco another advert yeah getting the adverts in tesca in there now they really don't need any help desks no they're doing all right i think without anyone helping. So how many families roughly are coming or people are coming through? Oh, like 80, 80 people, and they might have four, five, six, three, one in their families. So there's hundreds you're helping. Yeah, about that.

And what have you learned about the people who come through? And what have you learned about... Well, I've met some wonderful people. You know, especially those who say, I'm not going to use it, give it to someone else. You know, people consider it like that. I keep saying to people, in the 70s growing up, my parents, they were on three days a week. There were loads of strikes and everything. But that concept of food bank did not exist.

But now you've got tons of food banks. It's not a good sign, is it really? No, definitely not. It's a funny idea that thought that something, you know, just shouldn't exist. No. But it's wonderful effort from the people who are doing it, that it does. But it's just so sad that it does need to happen in the first thing. It shouldn't be.

Not in a rich country. Yeah. Shouldn't. I mean, I've come across a couple, middle-class-looking couple at the time. And I could never imagine that this couple, We're struggling, didn't have food. They've moved away now because they just couldn't afford to live in London.

They're the little baby. And the lady, when we struck a conversation and I realized I need to help her, give her some food. And she would cry, hug me and cry. But if you see them walking along, you wouldn't know that they had a problem. Yeah. It's mad, isn't it? It's mad that... And the little baby boy used to call me kind lady.

Oh, what is that? Oh, kind lady. Oh, that's so sweet. So you find it a rewarding thing to do? Absolutely. Absolutely. I used to be an ESOL teacher. English is a second language and I've taught so many people. That was one of the most rewarding jobs as well. and this. Yes. Oh my God.

I love dealing with people. That's it, isn't it? Have you got people around? Yeah. I suppose it can be a source of pain, a source of joy. Yeah. Have you always worked with people?

Yes. But before that, I used to be into the beauty thing. Of course. And it all started when you were four. Yeah. Because it all comes back. You needed space for that dress. And then when did that stop?

1996. 1992. Oh, no, no. Let me tell you when I became more conscious. About 18, 88, 89. So at some point, you were all about the beauty. About your own beauty? No, I used to work in the beauty industry.

Fantastic. Make up, perfume, all that kind of stuff. It was so mindless in the end. I thought, this is not for me. Yeah. I noticed with my own daughters. Yeah. There's so much stuff about this outward things.

Yeah. Just like they're kind of really interested in perfumes and stuff. I'm like, why are you bothering? It's just this complete nonsense, you know? But at some point you realised, was there a moment in 1988, which made you aware of anything? One day, I just stood there in Harvey Nichols, and I said to myself, this is just so mindless.

Were you working there? Yeah. Okay, you weren't just there. Yeah, I was working. You didn't go there and just say, and I went to find out about doing a course. Nice. And I did access to learning, which is like equivalent to A levels. And then I went to university and did a sociology.

But it was weird because all my social, my friends were still in that field. Yeah, oh dear, that's true, me. And I'd removed myself. What do they think of you just taking yourself off? Well, they liked what they were doing because you got discount. That's another thing that keeps you. That's how they get you with a discount. Yeah, they get you with a discount.

Now I've got to pay full price for things. It took me a long time to... To get over it. Yeah. To be socially conscious. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah.

Did you lose any of those friends? Not really. I would go in. They still spoke to you. Yeah. Even though you thought it was. Oh, yeah. You kept your hand in.

So now how do you feel about beauty things? Um. You talk about your clothes, obviously. You're very well dressed, actually. And this is just rubbish clothes. No, but I like it. Hello. Hello.

You're looking very pretty. Oh, thank you. I'm an old woman. but... Thank you. How are you? You're okay? Yeah. Okay.

Have a lovely day. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Are there a friend? No. I've never met her before. Oh really?

Do you know this always happens to be? My friend came from Rome and I took her to Yorkshire, to Harrogate and was sitting in the park. I had a conversation with this woman. My friend went. friend went, do you know her, went no. Incredible. She couldn't believe. So you were perfect candidate. Maybe that's how you attracted me as well. Maybe you've just got it. Yeah. I think if you have that energy, you have that energy. It's an interesting one, isn't it, the aura that people carry.

Yeah. You know, I do often think about why I approach the people I approach. And it is often a very, it's a very instinctual. thing. Yeah. It's a kind of gut feeling. I'm like that. I'm into feelings. I'm into how I see people, what energy I'm getting from them. I'm into all that. Completely. I think energy is so amazing, isn't it, in the sense of you, for instance, can give off a certain energy. Oh, God. Even without moving. Even the way you're sitting, where you're looking, just looking at the world, you know, something emanates, something flowers. I saw it from quite a long way away, I think even. Because I was going to sit.

I was well over there. I looked down and I was like, oh, that person feels, that's going to wander down. Okay, so let's go back to this special Sunday. Oh yeah, my Sunday. So then lately I've been stopping off at my friend's house and she always has food. Andy? Cook early. So you just raided the fridge? Yeah, I'll go in, rice and piece.

She's making something. She'll have made it before she went to church. She goes to another church. Oh, rival church. Close. And you just rock around for a meal? Yeah, I just walk. Perfect. Uninvited? Yeah, that's perfect. But it was what we used to do traditionally. Caribbean people used to have an open house. So you'd go and you would eat. There'd be soup there on a Saturday. There'll be. something else on a son. So you just know, I'm guessing you have to know them a bit, no? Oh yeah, you'll know them a bit or their daughters or their sons. You don't have to know them too well? Not too well. You don't have to. Yeah. I said to her, my God, I found somebody with this

policy still going. And I'm so happy. What we all chat, you know, because she's 70, but she doesn't look at. Is she one of the old people you like? One of those rare old people you like. Yeah, would have. Maybe you should be an old person coach. Yeah. How to be old but not really old. Yeah. People send their like overly serious old people to you. Get back into your child like nature. And let's get it back. Yeah. Let's find it again. Yes. Absolutely. Amazing. So you go for lunch and then what happens at a lunch is a couple of hours long? Well, I only want to stay for. What time would that be around three?

Three. How long are you in church for? I'm in church till 2 o'clock from 11. I get there about 11 or 10.30 sometimes I get there. What would happen if you arrive when someone was in your seat? I'm upset. I'll be upset. What would you do? I wouldn't ask them to move. I would sit somewhere and wish and hope they'll get up and go to another.

You'd wish they would hope to get up. They'd have struck down. I'm sorry. Yeah. If you're in like, I don't know, like another place with seats. Let's say you went to the cinema, would you also go to the second back row on the bright? No, I'm all right. If I go to the theatre, I'm all right.

It's just the church. But I have noticed a few things like that in my behaviour and I'm saying to my... I wonder if I've got autism. Oh, maybe you have? Yeah. But I think then you would have to do it everywhere, no, not just the church. Church autism, I'm not sure as to think. First to qualify.

Yeah, I think you might struggle to get a diagnosis if it's just true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you never know. True. But we'll find out maybe. Yeah, so I'll stay there. Last night I didn't get home till after six. Big day.

I know. So you're having the lunch for three hours. What kind of thing are you talking about? Oh my God. What did you talk about yesterday? Charities, what we're doing, the past, what we're trying to fund, all different things. different things. So you just have a good natter for three hours and then... And then I head home and then I feel tired. Yeah, well it's a bit of long day. Yeah.

A lot of walking, a lot of talking, a lot of sitting, a lot of listening, a lot of singing. You've pretty much done everything on that day. Yes. You're right, you know. No wonder I'm napped. It's a big day mentally and physically. And then so today is your recovery day. Yeah. Yeah. Where you can just take a breather, sit on a bench, get bothered, get bothered, Get bothered by me. And does it end with the juice? Do you get the juice out at the end? No, I'll eat something again before I go to bed.

No juice. I wanted to bake a cake, but I didn't have the energy. Because I'm known for my lemon drizzle. Are you? Yes. So you're known for your lemon drizzle? Yeah. But how many did you have to make before they loved it?

You can't be the first one you ever made. Even the first one people loved. Really? When was this? Yeah. Yeah. 1996 or 1992? No, no, no, no.

Only, when did I start? Before COVID. Oh, okay, recently? Yes. I thought I couldn't bake. Really? I used to say, if I could bake, I'd be like this. You just did a gesture.

Yeah, like I'd be fat. I know what can see. You remember, brilliant. We need to be huge. The arms are spread out wide, basically. Yeah, yeah. What's the secrets, a great lemon drizzle? Um, love.

Yeah, that's nice We do need that She smiled When I said love Love You see, that word love Every time people come past I say love

To see what they do And you have a bit of music going Exactly Love Maybe we should do that As people come past Yeah That'll be our rest of the day

But the other day My friend My Italian friend Her mum died And I surprised her and I did Nigel Lawson's Guinness cake

Another advert for someone An Nigel Lawson Maybe you should go into advertising You could be an influencer Yeah I did Nigel Lawson Tesco Bosch

Yeah that was And Argos Oh What a day So I did that Yes Guinness cake Nice

And you gave it to the Yeah As a gift Yeah And lemon Dressel So was it like Your mum's

died. Here's a cake. No, no, no, the funeral. At the funeral. I mean, it's a good present to give someone, you know. Do you eat your own cake? So at the funeral, yeah, do you make sure you have your own cake because you know it's good? No, I didn't eat. Or do you leave it? Do you, don't mean do you leave it for other people? Yeah. Are you watching people eat it? Oh yes. And I was pleasantly surprised. Her uncles, they are Italian bakers. Yeah. And they loved it. Oh, this is me. Oh, God.

Well, I'm dead good then. I'm really good at this. Professional, maybe another thing. Yeah. My friends and all, my uncle, they loved you. Okay. This sounds like a great funeral for you. Sounds like you really came out of that boy.

Yes, yes. So I was so happy about that. Do they know as you made it? They didn't know. You're just really, really close to know. Yes. Who's that lady who's watching? Yes.

Oh, is it gone? They liked it. That's brilliant. Are you good at funer? Do you good in there? Do you enjoy them? Not really. No.

Because someone died. I mean, I try not to go to many, you know. You try. You try. But I know people, they go every, like Caribbean people and Irish people. Always dying? No, no, not dying, but they love. They love funerals?

It's not that they love it. They put a love emphasis on helping and, yeah. That's what I, from my observation. You've been to a lot, you've been to a lot of funerals? Not really, no, no, I try not to go. But you don't go. Because I told you I don't like oldness. Yeah, and that's the kind of indicator sometimes.

Yeah, that's a sign of being old. It is, isn't it? But, you know, I observe and I think, God, after this day, people just getting on with their lives and you've gone? Yeah. I mean, what else can you do? There's a philosopher, I think, what's his name?

I might be getting this wrong, but the famous person called Bertrand Russell. Oh yeah, no, Bertrand Russell. Yeah, you know Bush and, of course. I mean, I don't know it, but... It'd be great if you did. So I think someone asked him at some point, you know, what have you really learned about existence, you know, in all your years? You know, he's close to dying. And he just said that life goes on.

Yes. I'm sure it seems like some people see things and say why. I see things and say why not. Yeah, that sounds like that was a good quote regardless of who ever said it. Life goes on. But how does that make you feel the thought of life going on? Does it make you feel just more relaxed or melancholy? It's kind of made me a bit sad.

You know, the next day, people getting on with their lives. And, you know, if you've had the loss, you're like in a different world. Of course, yeah. Yeah, I think that it does make me think sometimes. But the human being, you have no choice, you have to carry on. He's not a dog They look alike Yeah, people look like their dog

It's a bit similar to how people often look like their partner Yes, I've seen that I've observed that Which is kind of funny We love people to look exactly like us And also animals as it goes We just want a mirror That's all we need

Yeah It's one big mirror Would be fine How many mirrors do you have in your house that's the first time I've asked that question one a full one and one on the wall

I like mirrors for space oh to give the illusion of space but not to be there in the mirror all the time no yeah but you do look in the look at yourself not really okay when you see yourself

I'm always jumping around I love that you're right it should be too busy for looking at the mirror but when you do catch a look at yourself in the mirror what do you think what do you see I am thinking you have got old. Is that only the thing you think about? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, age. Do you remember the first time you thought that? Maybe in 50s. Not with my skin, but around the eyes. Yeah. Yeah. And then does that mean you look in the mirror less after that?

Yes. I avoid them. I'm not going to spend only for the makeup and that's it. Oh my God. Wow. Do you have any funny objects in your house? What's the strangest object do you have in your house? Apart from my juicer.

Yeah. What else do I have? Nothing real. Because material things really, I don't put much emphasis on material things. My thing, engaging with people. Making people feel good and happy and laughter. That's what I love. I mean, my house, I go around, pick up things.

Like, I go around and I find things on the road. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever found anything strange on the street? I found this today. What is it? Five-minute journal. You found it?

Yeah. And this was just on the street? Yeah. Has there anyone written in it? Only these two pages. Oh, can you read one bit out? What someone said? So this is the five-minute journal.

And the headings are, I am grateful for, what would make today great, daily affirmation, highlights of the day, what did I learn today? What have they said? Okay, I know, imagine I don't even know these people. This is perfect. I like this one. This is the first one.

Okay, work pays for therapy. Oh, okay. Chocolate chip cookies and tea. That's I'm grateful for. Right, we know they've got a job. We know they can't afford therapy without work paying for it. Without work. And that's the emphasis there.

And we know they need to go to therapy. That's why they're really grateful. The other one, what would make today great? Relaxing evening. optimistic outlook on work situation not overreaching to my brother's situation oh the brother's got a situation yeah this is a great find

yes very interesting daily affirmation I'm resilient and strong I'm confident and then highlights of the day Arriving home after a long day. Also, organised therapy. Yeah, organised therapy. That's a bit sad that arriving back home is a highlight of a day.

I know, I know. That's just kind of getting home. Yeah, that person is going through a lot. What did I learn today? Your voice is valued. Oh, this, ah, this one. This was the 31st of August. That's, that's 2020, though.

Oh, wow. My energy to be able to work and exercise. My body for functioning as it should. Is it grateful? What are they grateful for? Yeah. Yeah. My cat, who gives me a nice hello.

Okay. What would make today great, accepting students who are respectful? finishing Hayley's video Why does Hayley need a video? I know Daily affirmation I can teach with confidence

They're a teacher A teacher There we go And then this one highlights Of the students were respectful What lovely Felt confident in my teaching Oh this is a lovely person

She cares or he cares seeing old faces what did I learn today don't overdo it and push yourself too hard and that was the final final entry well they didn't push

myself too hard to do the entry to keep their diary up they were living by their word don't push yourself too hard if you don't want to do the diary fantastic fantastic It's been so nice to talk to you.

Yeah, I liked it. I liked it too. Yeah. There's one question I've got to ask you at the end, which I always finish with the same end question. So what are you going to do next? Well, I fasted today. I'm going to go and eat.

Food is a very important part of my life. I like to eat. Fantastic. If I had gone home, I would have been tempted to eat. And because I've used the time with you now, I feel good that I've waited all that time fasting. Fantastic. From this morning, I haven't had anything. Is there any reason why you do fasting?

It's a spiritual thing as well. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a really big meal yesterday as well with your friend. I know. I think I've still got some of it. The weirdest thing about you is like I've met you before. It's so strange.

Funny life, isn't it? Yeah. You like this with everybody else. Every encounter has its own dynamic. I am with you, the way I am with you. And it will never be the same with someone else. It's like a chemical reaction. When two substance comes together, there's something new is formed.

yeah you know it is just what it is it will be different every time we create our own things we create our own magic yeah it's interesting there you go I hate when moments slip away. So I'll sing as loud as a gospel choir. I'll paint the town until the rivers run dry. I know how to have a good time. I'm still the girl I was. The child in me still dances on.

Though now I've got my giddy heart, you learn to live with all your scars. And yes, I might have put romance aside, but I've got so much love in my life. And I'll keep laughing each and every day. way, ooh, I know how to have a good time.