Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 58: Gratitude, Painted Nails, and The Irish Lottery

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Reasons to Smile' by Rhys LewisStream it here : https://ffm.to/reasonstosmileListen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? What's your favourite day of the week? To Friday. But perfect day?

What happens on a Friday? Pay day, isn't it? That's why. Friday is always a good day. Everyone works hard, money to Friday, get paid Friday. And then that's it. And then tell me what, what am I going to actually? I've just thought I think what we should do now.

You know what? I think let's just be honest about this. So I say what's happened. I've asked you about four or five questions in which you can't have lots of gold. Yeah. I then have realised I haven't got the record on properly. And so now we're trying to regurgitate four or five questions.

Life's painful, isn't it? Don't worry, we're still here. We're still here. We still got a hope. The dream is alive. We're living it, aren't we? We're here, aren't we? Yeah, exactly. We're very lucky to be alive. Right.

So first, I asked you what your favourite day week is. You said Friday. You said Friday because it was your pay day. Payday, yeah. And then I said, well, what, do you remember getting your first paycheck? Oh yeah, pay check. And that was for you plastering? No, no, that was on a YTS when I was like 16.

What's a YTS? It's a young trainee something. So you go on a course, you get paid to do like IT skills, retail, mechanics, it's a way to get yourself into a job back in the But then plastering came in? Yeah, plastering came in about 10 years later or so. Me and my friend, Paul, we were training doing plastering and we thought we were to be his knees, but was we fuck.

We priced the job up. We thought we were smashing in four days. It took us nearly two weeks. We were working for like 30, 40 pounds a day, looking at each other like, what have we done? Our name was quality plasterers. But we agree with the client, so we just got the job done. But also one of the lads, when we were thinking about names,

one of the lads came up with PC plasterers, we won't rob you. I never forget that because it makes me laugh every time I think about it. And you're asked about what does a weekend look like to myself. Now, just going on a nice walk, taking in the nature, taking in all the blessings around us. What are you thinking about when you're going for these walks? Nothing clear in my mind. Just pure clarity. Just clear your mind.

So if you've got something you need to deal with, just go on your walk. And then after the walk, you have a solution to your problem. Nice. What are your problems now? Bloody hell. Here we go. Come up. No, no. Just my health at the moment.

Oh no? Yeah, I've got a hernated disc. Oh dear. What does that mean? It's the bulge on the disc in your spine. It's because I was in the car crash a while ago. So I was still recovering from that. And I was all right after the crash, like everyone was okay.

And I woke up in the morning and think, oh, my next day thinking of, must have slept when he went to work, picked the plaster board above my head and that went straight back down and that was here. not worked for a few years now, just on the mend, but it will come back. So it's just a waiting game, recovery is the main thing. So you've not been able to do that work for a few years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm on the men now, so I reckon a couple more months than I'm back on it.

How has this changed you as a person, it's into the... Ah, because I used to work very, very hard and I do a lot. I was always on the move, never had time, just always go, go, go, go. And I was just running myself ragged. and the time that I've had away from work I've realised that the number one priority you've got to do for yourself in life

has put you first and then after you everything else will flow you know what I mean like a river isn't it so if you're good and you're good and then you're spreading that goodness

that trickles down onto people around you yeah so you've got to be more mindful is that that's it yeah so you've been doing that yeah so for me now I go for my walks I go on my bike I resent to myself

I had to learn a lot of stuff about myself What have you learnt? Just how I was, and I had how impatient I was, because I was always like on the go, like we've got to earn money, going to work, and there's always a reason why you've got to do what you've got to do

in life, isn't it? Completely. Yeah, no matter. It's hard to, like, put that down, though. For the energy you give off, you've got a lot of kind of box energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like someone that's just like, get, something's like, let's get it done, yeah, definitely. It's made me to hear with people differently because everybody's not like me, as in they haven't got the focus I've got

they haven't got like the understanding so and then with myself as you're saying taking time out for myself has made me realise I just need to take a step back and it's not all on me because I used to have people working if they didn't turn it I'll cover the way but I'm doing more work than I need to do

so that's had an impact on my health as in I've had an operation on my shoulder all sorts but if I weren't putting that extra pressure on myself I might not have needed an operation on my shoulder because I'm doing too much but not realise I'm doing too much But I think it takes something to break, isn't it, if you just realize.

You don't know until something snaps. Yeah, because you don't realize why you are the way you are. Like, let me track back a bit. So when I used to, my ex-partner, the twins' mother that's live with me. Wait a sec. Go on. We need to fill people in about the twins. Oh, the twins.

And all the children, actually. All the children. Because you're a grandfather. Yes, I'm a grandfather. And I think the youngest grandfather, definitely, that we've had on this on any bench. I was he six. Yeah, I know, you're so young. It's the only of you.

I used to rob off my mind, isn't it? Amazing. I mean, if you told me you're a grandma, I would just have been, no way is that guy grandfather? I've had it with him, to my oldest daughter, shopping for a new bed, for a new home. Yeah. And I've all, I've older the baby and walked into the shop. And then the women that worked there thought that I was here partner. And she goes, oh, yeah, that's me fucking, that's my dad.

It's not my fellow, it's my dad. They're horrified. And they go, oh, your dad looks very young. I'm very young. I mean, you are. I mean, I'm not surprised. I might have a little time to you. Oh, I don't know.

I don't really bother with women and it's not worth it. Yeah. But yeah, you was asking about my children, so we talked about my eldest daughter when she was on her way. I got into doing landscape garden and then I changed into plaster

and because before then it's just going through life, no purpose, nothing, but when my daughter was on her way, that's when I thought, right, something clicked. Yeah, I've got to change me. life step up and I did I got into plastering and I've been plastering for over 20 years and people work for me my own business a lot everything stem from you're a

boss yeah you're a big boss yes grandfather and boss yes and every package total package I actually love that so first daughter change your life yeah and then my second daughter came four or five years later and then When I got with another woman after their mother... So this is the different mother? The distant mother, yes. Got with her, she got pregnant. I didn't want any more children, but then she blacked my head going,

you're a good dad, you're such a good dad, and I want to have a baby, and you could have a son, I know how much you wanted her son. So she lured me in with the real day. And I was like... Feel free to take it if you want, by the way. No, no, no, no. This is edited anyway, so we can edit it out. Hello.

I'll just give you a very quick call. Come on. I'll tell you a few things. All right, what's up? Nothing. Everything's great. Oh, good. He's still coming for the massage.

I reckon I'm going to want to see you after, but I'm not sure what time it'll be if you're free. Not a problem. Of course I'm free. Yeah. So, do you're free to stay over? Okay. Just on the bench doing the podcast. Hi.

Hi. How's my name? How is Tom. Tom? Oh my God. Why didn't you tell you? Oh no it's cause it's nothing. It's just nothing as it's fine. Oh, sorry to waste your time, Tom.

No, we're having a great turn. We're having a great turn. Totally fine. Do what we... What's the podcast calls? Stop. Is it go strangers on a bench? Yeah. And that's why we started talking.

It's like, can you have a stranger on the bench? He said, yeah, go ahead me to sit down, let's have a chat. And then we did it, he didn't press the record button. And we had loads of golden, we had boss comedy gold. Shit, I'm recording, did he? Yeah, you're looking beautiful there, you know. So do you. You look gorgeous.

Oh, so do you. You look amazing. I can't see you? Me neither can I. Really can't. Hmm. Right, go on. Alright, go on.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Nice. Right. Right, come on. So where we're up to? Sorry, Tom.

Who's that? Yeah, someone I'm seeing. I'm seeing. She sounds, she wants me with you. Really good. Fantastic. No more babies though. No, no, no, no. We've got that one agreed. Yeah, so we're talking about the twins' mum. So when she reeled me in thinking I could have a son and then her mom and dad's a twin. So then we're outside the room for the ultrasound and then we goes inside and then she goes, oh there's the baby. And I goes, oh, what's that there? She goes, oh, you think she's having twins. She goes, you know, congratulations. And then she was in tears looking like a ninja because she goes. She goes, oh, congratulations. And then she was in tears looking like a ninja because. I had a fake tan on with the lines and I had the side and then I got blacked

again going here well in our family it's a boy girl twin so he's definitely gonna have a son but no I end up with two beautiful daughters which I wouldn't change for the world

so four daughters and a grandson did you ever think you have four I mean when you only were I only had one child that was the one and you had four

and you had four I've got two daughters right a lot of people ask me you know did you ever want a son and those kind of things. So what is your opinion now of all that?

Yeah, I'd love to have us, and it's just that you can install everything that you've grown up as a man into that little boy, isn't it? That's you, isn't it? Just a little mini version of you, in it? Clone of yourself. That's what everyone really wants, isn't it? Yeah, and there's quite selfish

as it's to want to clone of yourself. It's much better to have something different, probably. No, but it's more the case. No one could be another you. No, no, but it's just like to see that in a child and your little boy, it's like, yeah, just give him all the things that you'd have.

But also you're so fresh and so young that you'll have like loads of grandsons, no? Will that be similar-ish? No? No, because it's a grandchild and your child's a difference. So do all the four children never come, or never in the same room? Or is they all quite type of?

Yeah, no, no. years ago not now but previously yet no they were all very close yeah and they were very good all of them are very good all my daughters to the four daughters and my niece to all help each other like education wise and all that oh beautiful yeah like my daughter she's the first person to go to university and our family um she's studying law but then me my niece she's 16 and she's like oh i can't wait to go to university i wonder when i'm going to study and stuff and so them little thing that's inspired here she set the way yeah yeah they're just showed you showing the path to achieve what she wants in life.

Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. All your kids are geniuses, basically. Is that you're saying? No, no, no, no. Was it from you? No, not from me. I'm bloody frick as pig shit in school.

I was never hardly doing. What were you like at school? Rubbish. I've never in. If you think of a core memory from school, what do you think of? Well, I used to go sell weed in school and sag off. We'd all be meeting and go back to mine. And we'd all be playing on FIFA, getting stoned all day before my mum come home from work.

We'd mostly come in at half three, so we'd leave her free. It's very air fresheny everywhere and just walk, we go and then come back You just come from school Yeah, hi, Mom Did she believe it? She never, it's never knew I don't know how

She never knew, she never knew I don't know how She must just think that The house just thinks a weird What about you at school though I must have known Oh yeah no in the end The school

I said please come to school I didn't go for over a year I just used to just think I can't be asked Do you think If you could have just like Invented an education for yourself What would you have done instead?

Ah, do you know what? I spoke to the guy a week and he was in like I know for someone who's having difficulties and he learned through his school life skills. Okay. I think what did he say? It's like spending the afternoon twice a week like learning

painting and decorating, a bit of tile and a bit of jewellery, a bit of woodwork and all them little life skills that helped him further on in life rather than would mean you couldn't have a clue about painting and decorating. Of course. Yeah and I would also say like finances how to invest your money how to make your money, make you money,

how to set up your own trust. Interesting. Yeah, definitely. So that's what you'd have in your school? Yeah, like understanding stock markets, what actually helps make your money not be a slave to work. Because people just like have a nine to five job,

Monday to Friday, and they're just about making ends meet. They don't have much luxuries and everything that they do have, they save it a long time to go on holiday with the family for a car or clothes or stuff. Some people just about living. Do you have nothing sparing?

They're just living. That's why there's so many food banks popped up over the years and like all these problems that the government put in place like the bedroom taxes and all this and all that ever's tax tax tax but we get nothing to show for our taxes you know i've worked most of my bloody life and that you know the government's taken more and more and they're putting less and less into communities so when i was younger there's about six if not more seven youth clubs everywhere and all them youth clubs would have avenues for people for high education for work experience there was ways to get into into the fire

service and stuff with these options and avenues were there for young people and all that stuff's gone now so the thing the youth nowadays is lost because they don't have social interactions the way we used to like my daughter she doesn't like talking to people face-to-face she prefer to send the text or yeah she doesn't like confrontation if there's something wrong in a restaurant she won't say nothing she'll just accept it and very very very quietly. Yeah. Yeah.

But in other times she's loud as far. She's got to be around the right people, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I suppose it's like anything, what you feel comfortable in doing and saying, isn't it? Yeah. So when did you first feel that you were like, so obviously at school, difficult time, and not difficult, as you just didn't go? Like if school didn't get you interested in things, was there a person, was there a moment

that got you interested in stuff? stuff, got you going. Just to make money. Just money. Just money. To get money, to be able to just have what you want, I suppose. So that was my driving thing. So nice clothes, go out with your friends, have to go for meals and drinks and partying.

And then as I got older, it's more the case than the terms of the family, then doesn't it, for the household and all that sort of thing. So your parents didn't really notice. Did that mean that they weren't super interested? No, no, no. It was more the case of as my mum brought us up on her own, so she was always working,

so she was always that busy that she was working so she's just thinking oh he's okay and then I'm just being a little shit around just bloody bringing on the mates around

just like 10 of us in the bed especially in the evening there's like 10 of us were all blazing but used to have a laugh used to be loads of us just have a laugh

really good where are you all now could you all do it again do you'll be back no we make he's doing life oh okay yeah

so and then you know the mates are just doing what they're doing in life some people are just working is that a good friend doing life from nursery and we went to infants, juniors, seniors, and yeah, I've known them, yeah.

And it all went wrong. It did, yeah, yeah, shamely it did. He had a lot going for himself, but he ended up on the gear and stuff and he got himself clean. I tried to help him, he done a bit to work with me, and then he's just reverted back to do him whatever he's on the gear, whatever, and then he's had some sort of argument or someone

to fight with some guy and he's beaten up that bad, he fractured his skull and stuff like that, only with his hands. But, yeah, and then he's got life for that, yeah. But that would be drug and fuel and stuff. I don't know the full story, but it's a shame because he has a good lad and he had a lot potential when he was younger

to achieve a great lot because he was a good person. Do you miss those days of being 16 or 10 of you in a room somewhere? Oh, yeah, well, life was fucking carefree. Fucking 20 quid. It was like having 100 pound back then. Nowadays, it's 100 pounds, like 20 quid. That's what it is, isn't it? It goes nowhere, you go in the fucking Astrid or Tesco or whatever.

You're coming out with one bag of shopping. The fuck's that. Yeah. Different game, isn't it? You mentioned Mom? Oh yeah. Where's Dad? Mom and Dad.

Oh yeah. Where's Dad? Mom and Dad, they had split up. What age were you in this bit up? I'm not quite short. I'm about seven or something, maybe younger. Do you remember anything at that? No, not really.

All I remember, see my dad. when he could be bothered and stuff. He had his own stuff going on and his own issues as they find out later because you don't understand what people are going through. Until later on. What did you find out later on then? It was just really struggling with the separation

from his mom and stuff and then he was drinking and stuff and he was just much and mother through life and at the same time just not seeing us but it's just one of them in it. Do you feel like you missed out a bit with seeing him? Do you feel like you got enough of him? No, I would say that before I was a teenager, I needed him more in my life then just to show how a man's supposed to be in life.

But instead... So who taught you that then? Myself. Yeah. So I just taught myself. You must have had some kind of role model. You know, I mean, you're like someone that you thought. Watching fucking Ani and fucking...

Terminator and Rambo? Yeah. What's the key message from those films? When you get knocked down, you keep getting up. Keep going on. So you genuinely learnt from those films? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

As in, like, you know, as a man's got to be, like, a certain way. You know, you can't be an asshole. You can't go, don't never bully anybody. I always stand up for bullies. I mean, I can't say, I hate bullies. Yeah. Were you ever bullied? No.

No. Only from my mother, but that's a different story. Oh, God. Yeah. Really, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean by that? That's another, that's...

Oh, is it? Is you want to talk about it? No. You're sure? Mm-hmm. Yeah. But as I said, it's more the case from them films is loyalty. respect I've got your back you have my back someone chat shit behind my back you're in

the room you don't allow it because I won't allow it yeah that sort of thing yeah that's what I grew up yeah yeah that makes not so where did your dad end up at what point did he ever come back into your life at any point no I went to try and see him last year about issues that had gone on I wanted to find out why he'd let us down and stuff like that was that meeting like it was good but it's just something that needed needed to be said and to get out in the air so it was unanswered questions so I got me asked and I've got an answer so then that part was relieved that was gone good on you for asking because a lot of people I think just you know

sit with these things but don't actually go and confront so how did you how did you when you first approach you say look dad I've got it's a question for you or do you just say that I want to see you no no no knocked on his door oh just cold yeah just knocked on his door and how long had you not seen him for up to that point I mean what was a distant good good few years least six years maybe so long time yeah and he told me goes you know It didn't work out, this, that, you're there. And then as I was speaking to him, I found out that he had cancer off the throat.

So now? Now, now, now he's got cancer. Well, he had cancer of the throat. I don't know whether he's got it at the moment still or not. And then I afterwards, I said, okay, I was keeping him in contact seeing him when he was going for his treatment and stuff. I tried to make plans to go see him.

I said to reconnect, and he doesn't want him. He doesn't say, just leave it. Because now he understands. what the impact of him not being in my life, how it affected me, I think that hurts him more than anything. So I'm just a reminder of him being a letdown, him not being a man, him not being a father.

Oh God. And he doesn't even want to attempt to make that right? Nope. No, so I just thought, leave him, get on with it. I don't need to speak to him. I'm a grown-ass man now. I don't need nothing from. I just needed answers to the unanswered questions

that I've always had as a child growing up, not feeling adequate enough or whatever it may be sort of thing which is a good thing and then that was it yeah go on with life yeah that's a lot there isn't it i mean do you at all regret going to see him no no no no neither to i needed to i needed to go and see him to understand what i needed to understand and then to be able to put it to back because if it didn't i'd still be playing on me be able to because any traumas or any stuff that happens to you in your life which is bad

you're still holding inside your body until you release it either by communicating with the other party or something to understand why the thing happened and then once you understand something you go, I understand still a piece of shit

but see you later do you know what I mean but it's a good thing If he would have turned around and gone you know what actually I do want to make amaze oh yeah we would have you would have been up for that and you would have been keen

I mean like obviously he's treated you badly and poorly and not being a good father Right? But just in between those times and just being with him and chatting, can you see you getting on with him?

Do you know what I mean? Oh, we always got on. Yeah, he always got on. Yeah, we always got on. Never had a problem. There's only one time we've had an argument and I just put the phone down on him.

But other than that, no, always had a great time and my dad used to go to all their classic car shows, stuff like that, days out. So I've got all them good memories and all these good things and I just hoping to reconnect

and maybe go and do them again. You know what I mean? Or find other things to build memories and it's just not possible so I'll just do that with someone else. What mistakes do you make as a dad, do you reckon? Choosing the mothers that I've got kids to. Okay, right.

So you've got a difficult relationship. Yeah, yeah. So I've had to go to court. fighting for my children, all that sort of thing, all that nonsense. And I'd, like, point-twist the kids against me and all that kind of horrible nursiness. Yeah, just, I would be just a blunt question here. But, like, obviously, it takes two to tango, so it speak. What blame do you put on yourself for any of that?

I know it's a two-way-way-stream. Yeah, no, no. I think from that instinct, it was more the case of the mothers, because if I don't want them no more, and the only way they can hurt me is through the kids. It's filling the kids' head with shouts and manipulating them and upsetting them. So this sounds very stressful.

How did you deal with this stress? At that time, I wasn't dealing with it. Okay. I was just like just putting, just burying it. So my first kid's mother was what happened with the courts. We agreed to 50-50 stuff and she was not allowed to come anywhere near me

or any contact with me or anything or she wasn't going to communicate through my mother, her mother to my mother to my mother, that's how it used to be. And then she come to my home unannounced kicking off banging on my door and just causing loads of drama and then she made a false allegation

against me that I assaulted her but it didn't it was all just manipulation to get the control of the kids and all that there's a lot of horrible nasty stuff all because of a lot of trauma from her past and stuff yeah but people have trauma

does it make you tell you to a bad person only you let it become a bad person isn't it I mean just to play devil's advocate What does she say about you? So it could be fair. Oh, yeah, no, she'll say, she'll say, I'm horrible, and this, that, the other, and she'll call me all the cunt's going,

and I'm the horrible as nasty. There's just a lot of animosity on both sides. Yeah, but the thing is, if I phone her, I can phone her right now, and she would come to see me right now. Really? Yeah. Why would she come?

Because she sees me a laughing head off, I'm her soulmate. I haven't slept with it for over 15 years, something, and she goes, I still think about the sex that we used to have and all that? She says that now? Yeah, I said that now.

Now? Now? 15 years after? 15 years after. And like, what the fuck? How are the children affected by all this though? Badly. Yeah.

Badly. Emotionally scarred in different ways. So, um, quietness, aggressiveness. And that's just pain and hear from somewhere, isn't it? That's what comes out. Yeah. So they've not very good. It's not a lot to deal with in your life.

No one day you've got to cycle around. Exactly. To de-destress. See, it all makes sense now, doesn't it? It does it? It all makes sense at the end. And that's why when I've had, when I said I was in the crash and I'm not being to work for two years.

It's in them two years. I had the time to reflect. I've had time to understand. I've had time to process a lot of things that I wasn't processing. Where do you think, like, so obviously you said to me, I've made a big mistake choosing the mothers that I chose. But in that time reflecting, I'm interested, you think you've made any other mistakes that you regret?

none are you right just though that a first choice no no no I think it's more the cases so when you're younger you just get with anything and fuck anything for the sake of fucking them and that you're not actually choosing to be with them you're just choosing them just for the fuck

so that's the difference and if you choose a woman because you want to be with her that's a completely different kind of nation so you feel you didn't choose people because you wanted to be with them no so just the fuck they were just there so it's just a need

I've got to scratch there you go scratch that like that spit on that but the children then were still planned though no they weren't None of them are plants. Oh, I see. So it's like, oh, I'm pregnant. So basically...

And then it's got pregnant. And then it's like, right, it's okay. Like, even my face was like, I don't want no children. Then when you sat down, I thought, we'll have the baby. Then it's like, okay, how can we move forward with this plan? So the moral of the story is basically don't let the dick do the talking. Yeah, don't let the dick do the talking. If it is just the fuck, bag up.

And until you, it's never someone that you choose to be with. It's like, they're not just the fuck. So you feel like if you start... your life again now. I'll choose a woman for the right reasons. Yeah. So when you're younger, when you're like 18, 90, 20, whatever, just young, dumb full of come, aren't you?

That's it. You're out with your mate. What are you now? Old, bold and full of mould? I don't know about the mould. You'll yell. Maybe a bit of arthritis, but not no mould. What do you think the rest of your life is going to be like?

What are you hoping for? Oh, the rest of my life is going to be the way I always wanted it to be. So going away with the woman I was speaking to before. I'm moving forward. I just want to be going on holiday as much as I possibly can and enjoying everything that life got to offer. All the goodness, good people, good company, good food, good memories, nice experiences, new that I want to be. just knew that I haven't tried before. Like, when I was going through my turmoil,

to meditate and going on walks and stuff that helped me massively because I used to have so much going through my head, meditating, help me clear my mind. Interesting. You're going for a walk. I can't picture you meditating. Oh, you've just got so much energy. I don't know how you would do it.

I'm just seeing you're like just bouncing around. No, that's me. You've got to sense to yourself and just take yourself in with and just breathe. Do you want to be, like, obviously, grandfather now of one touch wood there'd probably be some more grandchildren do you want to do anything different as a granddad than you did as a dad no big i think because it'll be completely different so i much would do similar things what i've done with my children i used to

always do all the homework the read and the writing and all the spelling all that sort of thing because education's very important so i install that in them i'll do the same thing with him yeah but then it'll be more that's not my responsibility that's my daughter's the to keep fish so I'll be more the fun and granddad where we're going out somebody

come on let's go go fishing let's go on a bike ride let's put he climb some rocks Are you good at fishing? I'm not good of fishing but I can cast the rod

It don't have to be good You just have to hold the rock No it's not about actual fishing It's about spending the time together and having conversations where you can install

stuff in a young man or a young woman's mind to be still presence in the moment and take him what's going on because there's that much going on in society that much, especially with children, there's that much with social media and all this to get bombarded.

Like everybody, even as adults, you get mentally overloaded. Of course. And you're worried about your kids with social media stuff as well, right? Yeah, because I think, especially young girls, all the makeup stuff, and you think social media is real and it's not, it's all fake, it's all filters, they're getting paid to do it, they're getting paid for this, and that's what kids are aspiring to. Have you ever put makeup up?

no I've had makeup on me after someone's kissing me or on my bed and you're like look at the state of them fucking sheet that fake tans fucking everywhere

that's a bad but no never wore makeup and have no intention of wearing a makeup I've had nail varnish on that's nice yeah I've had my daughters

what colour you had the old multiple colour stuff what it was I was with this woman we were there and they were just doing all the nails and stuff and all the glitter

came out and all this sort of thing and they're going, Daddy, can you do your nails? And go on and then they're all dead excited. Really, really, Daddy, can we do your nails? And then, yeah, you can all paint one each. So the paint of my nails, they're doing all these little, I don't know, gels and little dops of colour in, so it makes black, like, leopard prints and all this. They were made up with themselves.

They had it all over my fingers and everything. And then the next day, I was getting the nail varnish off, but I didn't realize I had to still on two my fingers. So I'm going with the way. plastered a six foot two bloody 18 fucking stone going all right love there's me with my two little fingers painted perfect perfect and no one said nothing on a single way oh really no they liked it

nothing work with this on my fingers all day yeah but that was it yeah the only one bit of makeup I've had on beautiful what do you think is invisible about you Oh, invisible. Ooh, all the pain is suffering and I've had to deal with. People just would look at me

and would think that I don't have an issue in my life, hidden turmoil in life that I was dealing with. So at one point I think I've had about six people, maybe more, how many people have had on the job? Say about minimum about six people, the worries I'll be thinking about, right, I've got to make sure the money is getting paid in the end of the week, so I can pay everyone's wage

and have people on my back, stuff like that, so it'll be all that. kind of stresses and stuff and just a lot of pain. So like fighting for my children and you wouldn't even know that I was doing it because it just how we were taught to be a man, it was don't show emotions, you deal with on your own. But it would affect me.

So then I'll tear to drink and stuff and I get fucking pissed on the Friday and get myself together on a Saturday. And then that sort of vicious cycle where you think drinking alcohol is helping you with escapism. For me, drinking and drugs was emotion. emotional release because I wasn't, what's the word? I don't think I was shown how to convey my emotions as a man.

Do you wish, you know, looking back, do you wish you would have to be more honest? No, no. Really? Yeah, because when I've tried to speak to people to give you the wrong advice. Oh, really? Yeah, to like what you'd ask for, fuck them and all this. No, no, I want to see my children. More there's, as a man, you just go, yeah, I'm having issues and you don't go in depth with that conversation.

Because as a man, you don't want to start telling people what's going. on your personal life because then it's class there's a weakness and if you divulge into something are they laughing and joking behind your back are they sniggering behind you are they going to use that against you the so who do you who do you talk to surely you had a person you would know myself really yeah not one not one really so it'll be isn't that a lot to keep that all just to yourself well that's why i had to go through through therapy so i had to go through what they're called so when I was trying to get off the sniff I was trying to do counselling not to counselling

anyway to session three times I stopped in touch of three years and then later on as I've had more difficulties in life and I've reverted back to drinking drugs because I can't deal what's going on because I didn't have the emotional capacity or the force of how to progress going forward or how to deal with stuff because if I spoke to somebody if I opened up to somebody all their answer to be is fuck them let their mother take care of them and I'm not done on my father and I just sleeping with having me and the sex

bores me. I don't want me and the sex. I want something. I want a relationship. I want to spend a life. You want intimacy? Yeah, I want intimacy. That's what it is. You want intimacy, not just sex. Yeah. And that's one of the hardest things to find is connection and intimacy and feeling safe with somebody that you can open up and talk to them. I've had it in the past, in relationships, where you open up to somebody and whatever you've told them, you're divulting them to use as a weapon to get at you. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, it's not a...

So you never really had the kind of male friend who could be that in that role? No, I've got a friend there who's like who's like my brother who can talk to, but it's like, you know, you talk to certain people about certain issues. For instance, I can only talk to you about work, but then I can go and talk to somebody else about spirituality. But if I try and talk to you about spirituality, it's going to go over your head. Do you know what I mean? Right over it. Yeah, do you know what I don't understand spirituality?

No, no, but so you got... Are you spiritual? I would say, yeah, spiritual. Talk to me about spirituality. Well, no, it's harder. You can call it God, the created divine, the universe. Some sort of higher power or something. I like it.

So that yours is so a higher force? Yeah, so for instance, me, when I was younger, used to go to the church and all the rest of a hated church, especially on a Sunday. I just want to watch the fucking tell you in the mornings. So they convinced you to go to church, but not to school? No, got dragged to church. Oh, okay, right.

Got dragged to church. There's no saying of my. I said, there's no saying about, no, no. I couldn't reconcile the kid who didn't go to school, but I was happy to go to church. I got a nine-year-old or so, an eight-year-old, nine-year-old, who you got dragged to church every Sunday, no matter what. You couldn't escape.

No, you couldn't escape. No, as you begged and pleaded. No, you're going to church. I did believe in God up until my cousin passed away. I think she was 29, and she left two children behind. She was in remission of cancer. When she went in, she was complaining about breathing, possible made a weight. in the A&E rather than rushing the through,

she had pneumonia on her lungs and if they would have rushed the fruit, she'd still be here today. So to me, why would God, if there is it God, take this person that was amazing, do anything for everybody? Massive heart,

and they took that person away. And she was the only person that, if she was still alive, that's the only person I would have spoken to. The only person, no one else besides her. Spoken to what sense in the way? I didn't to speak to her about what's going to.

Oh, I see. So if it's... that you were close. Very close. It's like my big sister. So it'll be a case of, you know, they'd stand enough for me.

Do you do with no hesitation, nothing. If I had an issue, she'd always be there like that. Just very supportive. And yeah, and then after that, she passed away.

And then the time's gone on. And then you think, well, there might not be a God, but there's got to be something. You call it, the universe, the divine,

whatever you may call it, whatever religion. or whatever does that many religions out there. You have gone from there and I think, oh that's it. So my sister got me onto this book. So I read that school about manifest and the universe. So then I was doing that. I had like envision it in my mind and stuff.

My three numbers, my four numbers, my five numbers for the Irish lottery. And then what was it, the day before my birthday, I'd done a lucky dip. I done a 10-pound lucky dip. they won I think I won six grand six and a half grand yeah so off a tenor

amazing what you're saying here is you've been manifesting the numbers for the Irish yeah three numbers yeah four numbers yeah and then just and keep saying self yeah what will be will be do most people manifest like I mean I'm normally thinking of manifesting as in like oh I really want to

you know become this or do that what would you see but if you're manifesting has become what I don't know but there you go so do you don't know You can't give you an example but not a proper example No, no, no, Tom No, no, Tom

What would you manifest? I don't know You might manifest like something I don't know Like, I don't know Like the, you know Like particularly great Strangers on a bench or whatever

You know what I mean? No, no, come on Tom What would you like in your life What would you like If you could create something now What would you like? Would you want your podcast to become massive?

No. Would you want everyone It's already quite big. Okay, yeah. I'll pack it in Tom I don't swing that way That's it Oh fucking hell

Hey so come on What would you like to manifest In my life What would I manifest? No no what would you like in your life What would you like in your life? So from sometimes as me I'll just be peace

Calm, clapping on the And the numbers as well Oh yeah Is it the same thinking Is it like? Yeah it's just repetitive sort of thing or you're just putting tent out into the universe. So I'd always like repeat the numbers in my mind and stuff.

You know, any time I've needed something big to come in, money-wise, it's always coming. Wow. The health's improving. We're manifesting that and getting back to how it was mentally and physically. And that's all coming into playing now. Yeah, it really is. But it's easy to believe than disbelieve, isn't it?

You've got to stop. It's better to believe. Yeah, and if you believe, if it's a possibility, if this can happen. and then you have the faith that's going to happen, that then it draws it to you. Who are these guys, by the way? Is that the police? Yeah, it's the police.

On quad bikes? Oh yeah. That's a new one. Yeah, because everyone's drinking in a year or something. Oh, because what it is, there's a one extra thing going on. Oh, I see. There's a concert, right? Yeah, there's a concert going on there on Saturday.

It looks quite funny then, one little red. It's like a little toy in quad bike. Doesn't it just, like they're fucking tiny, aren't they? They're assholes anyway, then, can't stand the police. Not a police fan? No, I was fucking police at school. Have you ever been in trouble? Yeah.

How many times? Too many of the cows. Last time? Um, two years ago. What was the, what for? Um, swilling, oh isn't he lovely. You say swilling? Yeah, some barmen.

What is, I don't know what swilling means. I think it's swelling is like you're tasting, like fine wine tasting. Oh no, no, no, no. In this case... In this case... It's not the fine wine, though. No, no, not the fine wine, no. Get the cheap shit, some Lambrieney.

some lambrieney have a bit of that yee. So swilling is in the face? Yeah, swilling them with a drink. Can you get in trouble for chucking a drink? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a salt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, something to know.

There we go. Oh, my God, whoa, swilling. It's a whole new thing. And so, but that was two years ago. Yeah, yeah. You're not a fan, generally. No, no, no. They don't do nothing for the community

or the people in, do you do? People, so as you get broken into, if your home gets broken into, just give your crime reference number. They're not interested. They're not interested no more because you haven't got the, the funds.

I'm afraid to put the time and effort into other things I suppose. Yeah. Have you got any questions you'd like to ask yourself? Ask myself.

You know, maybe you had something in your mind you wanted to talk about or maybe you're thinking about something and I maybe didn't ask you. Oh, Rose.

So we don't miss something, you know? Ah. Do you know what I mean? Anything you feel like we haven't covered? No, so what I would say is even though all the trials

and tribulations have gone through and all that horrible nastiness was all meant for a reason and it's made me a better person going through it and made me stronger minded and more cared and a loving person

so that's made me get rid of all the people that should not be around my side yeah what would you like to happen at your funeral that doesn't normally happen at a funeral that doesn't normally happen at a funeral I like him to play General Levy, Wicked, jungler's massive.

Straight in. Straight in. I'm fucking, yeah, I've a party. Scankow, go wild. And Kelly Roch as well. Oh, I love Kelly and Oroch. She's sick here. Just, yeah, party.

Anything weird? Anything weird? Oh, it depends what you see is weird. I like to leave this country. live somewhere else. Just go and see what the world's got it off, rather than just here and now where we are on this bench.

Take the bench with us. Take it with us, yeah, just put on our back. Come on lad. On the plane. Me and you're on the road, you know? Just with the bench. Like that, we're off. Come and take a seat, love.

You've been... Oh, Tom, it's been great. It's been fun, isn't it? That's nice. I just try to think if there's anything else I should ask you before. you want, Tom. What about you some? Oh, you don't know.

Oh, come on, Tom. It's gotta be you know, you've got one daughter, two daughters. How old are your daughters? 9 and 11. 9.11. Great stuff. Is that a good age? Yeah. Do it get better?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Does it get, any point does it get worse? No. What is your favourite age of being your teenage? When the toddlers. Yeah. When the toddlers. I agree it. It's probably best, isn't it?

Yeah. It's funny how you kind of, at the time, and everyone says that's the worst. Oh, no, I loved it. Well, actually, it's probably the best. No, I loved it, because they're just day. It's all an action. Yeah, you could have a shit day and wake. And then as soon as you come home,

the old year, it's daddy, daddy, daddy. All that stress is in life just melts away. Maybe you need to have another baby. Fuck off, Tom. I'm fucking, fuck off, Tom. I know, sorry. Trying to jinx as you, wishing they're upon us. Fucking old, Tom.

Don't manifest it, whatever you do. Yeah, no, don't be manifest before us, Tom. Pack it in, will you? Can you manifest for other people? Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. you can do yeah so yeah yeah so I did like I could show you sorry so let's see where's the first one so you do this thing what to realize you write it down so you wake up in the

morning and you put 10 things I'm grateful for okay so for myself every morning yeah every morning can you say what you put this morning well that's what I'm going to read out to you so yeah yeah so I put I'm grateful that I now understand myself more nice I'm grateful that I no longer think like I used to. I'm grateful that even though I might not be able to see where I'm going or what lies ahead, I have faith that everything I desire is meant for me and will come to me. I'm grateful that I have loved. I'm grateful that I'm seeing.

I'm grateful that I have somebody who understands me as best as they can do. But lull, because I'm writing to myself, as best as he can do. And then I thought, yeah, I'm grateful that I'm grateful that. my health is improving and is going to continue to improve. I'm grateful I have finally found peace. I'm grateful that I am blessed with understanding. I'm grateful I see people for who they are. Then you put up, send love and stuff to people.

So I feel like that, send love to, I don't know, hope she is well. I said love to bear hope he gains what he wants our life I said I love to Joanne I hope all she desired in her life comes through fruition You're doing quite a lot for other people there Yeah but that's what you can do

Do they know that you're doing this Do you ever send to them? No, do you just fuck What happens if they phone you up And they said things are going amazing in my life Would you say I did that? No no no no no no I'll just be made up for them

It's just put a good intention out into the world what we can't hear can it because yourself used to see a lot of negative everything was negative in the world but changed from negative

to a positive and then like I said it's why I'm out now on my bike enjoying the sun enjoying the nature and look at all these

beautiful trees and plants and all these amazing human beings around us what more can we want wow well I've really enjoyed talking to you

you too time it's been a journey it has it has isn't it yeah there's a always the last question of these

cool um the last question you're going to get is what are you going to do next? Yeah, fly like Icarus, I'm not get bairns. So is it? Very good.

I've got a list as long as the Nile of things that I'm grateful for. I've got more blessings than troubles. I feel more pleasure than pain And I'm gonna need more space in the sky For all of my lucky stars I dream more nights than I worry I wake up every day Counting my reason

To smile Counting my reasons to be alive Whenever I'm feeling Tired alive I count all my reasons reasons to smile I've got a roof right over my head and all of the sweet sunshine

I've got this kettle here boiling And these two eggs to fry Then I've got an hour and nothing to do I think I might walk outside It's such a beautiful morning I'd like to start it by Counting my reason To smile

Counting my reasons To be alive Whenever I'm feeling Tired alive I count all my reasons to smile It's such a beautiful I'd like to start it back

counting my reasons To smile Counting my reasons To be alive Whenever I'm feeling Tired of life I count all my reasons to smile