Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 6: Love, Death, and Parisians

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened!Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy RailtonIncidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'To Be Held' by AugustaListen to it here : https://ffm.to/tobeheld Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Is there a day of the week that you favour? Yeah, I like the Wednesdays. Wednesdays? Yeah. Why? It's the middle of the week and when the Wednesday starts,

it's like the end of the week starting and it's the moment when you can hang out and go out with friends and stuff mondays and tuesdays are like the days when you have to do your stuffs like serious stuffs and then after wednesday it's chilling i love that mentality that's great yeah although today is a monday yeah and you're doing what looks like at least quite a relaxing thing in a relaxing place yeah well i'm in holidays so it doesn't really count it's always wednesday it's always wednesday on holiday yeah um what is exciting you at the moment about your life i quit my job a couple of months ago and now i'm kind of excited by the opening of opportunities.

Yes, perfect. Yeah, so now every time when I wake up, I'm like, okay, what am I going to do today? I'm not going to look for a job. I'm going to just enjoy and do the stuff I would like to do. Can you tell me about the moment you decided to quit your job? I felt really free, actually. And yeah, it was a great, great sensation. And I wish everyone could taste that one day.

What did you do with that? You felt that sensation of being truly free. What did your body and your mind want to do? Well, first a party. And then I wanted to go back to the music. I play a bit of guitar and mix a bit. What, mixing songs? Mixing music? Yeah, mixing music, like for rap songs and stuff like that.

Amazing. You mentioned parties. Can you take me back to a really special party moment? It was an open-air music in Paris. It was in front of the water. And it started just like, OK, I'm just here for a couple of drinks and at 10 I will be at home.

And there were these moments where a lot of people I don't know came and we started a conversation about music and movies. And, you know, the moment when you don't see the time floating and you're watching the watch and you're like, OK okay it's four in the morning and yeah yeah it's it's this moment when you just don't uh prepare yeah i love the idea of the floating time yeah here's a good challenge for you imagine an alien has landed now and they come up to you and say, what is Paris like? Okay. It's hard because I don't want to be too negative. No, you can't. I mean, you live in Paris,

so I feel like you can be whatever you want. It's a good place to be invisible. It's not like when you're in a, I don't want to say small town because it's kind of arrogant, but in another town which is not a capital, you can have this impression of being someone in Paris or in any capital this feeling and act flows away and even if you try hard to be someone you you realize that you are not because there are so much people that you just like another and and it's not that negative. I kind of like this feeling of being invisible and just going to my way and moment with myself, in my little flat, in my little world.

I like these moments. It's kind of a freedom. Yeah. Try this bench, even though it's daft old. You say you have this little world for yourself. Do you have any routines or rituals that you do that you could share? Okay, I have one thing that I really, really cherish. It's the bath. The bath! Yeah. The bath is really like, I'm still thinking about it when I will go to my place when I leave London. I'm like okay the first thing.

So you're thinking about a bath kind of now? Yeah. As you walk the streets of London you're thinking about your bath in Paris? Yes. So it's kind of ritualized because I have my candles. So I put like an ashtray and my phone for the music and I roll the joint and and then I make a tea oh wow the tea is very important which what kind of tea it's green tea with mint in the Arabic tradition and yeah and that's my moment. That's beautiful. I mean that's delightful. Just talking about it. Where is my bath? Yeah, where is my bath?

And so how long would you be in there? I mean are you just letting your thoughts float away? No, I think about a lot of stuff. And yeah, it can last like an hour or two or maybe three, it depends. It's a really zen moment. Yeah, perfect. Let's imagine you're having a bath today. What is on the forefront of your mind at the moment? What are you concerned about at the moment?

Wow, a lot of stuff. I think I would like to remind the couple of days I spent here and just really realize what happened here and how much I like this city, this culture. And yeah, I really like England. I don't know why, since I'm little, I'm really fond of this country. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Do you know what started it? Well, I'm sure it's Harry Potter. Harry Potter? Yeah, it's like the first book I read in my life. I mean, that's, yeah, yeah. Well, it's not only Harry Potter. I mean, the first time I came here it was like 15 years ago and when I came here with my parents and I was more into like

Jane Austen stuff and the Windsor family and stuff like that. So I was more about romantic and well London is not the most romantic place but look at the big park you have it's it's amazing I spent a lot of time here actually yeah I should be visiting the monuments and I'm like no good choice good choice um you mentioned your parents taking you here how do you get on with your parents oh it, it's really good. What have they done well?

They've always been very protective. And when I was a teenager and smaller, I didn't like that. I felt oppressed. But when I went to live alone by myself myself I realized how much they did for me, how much they did to protect me. They are not here forever so I want to enjoy the time I have with them. I lost my grandfather like a week ago. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Seeing your father losing his own father you're like okay it's gonna really happen and I don't know how I will react

yeah I just don't want to think about this happened to my father. So your grandfather died a week ago. Yeah. When you think about him now, what are your abiding emotions? What rises? I'm proud. Proud? Oh, wonderful. Yeah, I'm very proud of my grandfather. You know, he came from Algeria.

He was very, very, very, very poor. And he went in France to work and he worked hard all his life and he had to fight the racism and stuff it was in France in the 60s so yeah and he got a lot of children and he had to cultivate himself the food he had chickens, he had his own chickens, he had his own vegetables and stuff and after that well I known him all my life sick like for 30 years because of the hard work he did before and so yeah when I think about him now I'm like wow he has been fighting all his life and now I'm like wow he has been fighting all his life and now I'm like yeah I want to be a fighter like him and yeah he was a

great man actually. That's really beautiful. Sometimes when I think of my grandfather who I'd never met actually you know he wasn't a perfect person at all and he had all kinds of vices and did various things that people wouldn't like necessarily, but he, you know, I know how hard he worked, how relentlessly he worked, what he did. And then you think about that and you think, you know, he did all that stuff, so in a sense we can have more freedom, more time, so that we don't have to do exactly the same thing. Yes. And that's kind of a very powerful thought, I think.

Yeah, it's a lot, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's a lot. If you had to do something to celebrate his life, what would it be? To maybe to go see more the other member of the family. Because I know the family was important for him. I've been trying to put some distance with my aunts, uncles, cousins. Now I would like to honour him, maybe to be closer to my family. When I say that now,

and that maybe in a couple of months or years, I will be like, no, actually no. We tried. Yeah, I tried. Yeah, I actually don't really know. Maybe going more to Algeria, because he's been buried there. Yeah, that's

that's a good thing yeah I will try to go more how do you feel when you're in Algeria I feel strangely at home I feel like and a stranger but there I have family there so they are so welcoming that you don't have the time to think what I'm doing here. It's just like, okay, oh, I'm going to see this aunt, okay, I'm going to see this cousin, okay, let's eat, okay, let's cook, okay, let's buy this, okay. And it's one of my aunts that said that when you go to Algeria, you don't remember your own name.

Will you go, so has there been a funeral before you go or has there been one at work? I had the luck of being there the day he died so I could see him but he was buried in Algeria and I didn't want to go to Algeria because I was supposed to come here and yeah so it was kind of weird because when I arrived here my grandfather was buried in Nigeria and yeah they sent me a lot of videos and there are a lot of people he was really known in his hometown actually and yeah it was a big celebration it looked like like almost a wedding or

something yeah it's can I maybe it's a bit too personal but what was the saying goodbye to your grandfather like well it was intense yeah the day after we learned that he died we went to the hospital to see him his his body. I never saw a body before. I don't know if you have. Well, yeah, it's something. Yeah, it's really something. And we did a couple of prayers and I stayed with him. Then go out, smoke like four cigarettes and then come again, you know. But at the same time, there were a lot of people from the family that I haven't seen for long and so we were crying together and yeah, I haven't cried that much in my life I think. So when I think about it, it was kind of beautiful because I never saw like my uncle cry and or my dad cry yeah it's uh

yeah it was it was an intense moment Is that okay, fairy smoke? Of course it is. Go for it. Okay, well, let's change the subject from death to death. Okay, yeah, yeah. Let's move on. Tell me, are you in love? No.

Not for the moment moment I'm free for you and the experience you've had so far what does being in love feel like I was on the cheesy it's like being in those as pale being a spell yeah I mean when it happened to you it cool. But when I think about it now, I'm just like, I was so stupid at this moment. Why this guy? Why him? I don't know if you know what I mean. Not that you know.

Yeah, you know, it's like a change of perspective. It's kind of weird being in love. It's cool, but it's weird. I'm just like, it's kind of weird being in love. It's cool, but it's weird. I'm just like, it's always surprising. I'm supposed to know what's happening to me, but I don't know. I'll never be called again. Exactly, yeah.

And then it happens. Like, shit. What happens with you? Because I'm kind of curious how it works for other people. Because- When you know you're in love, you mean? Yeah. My thoughts about what love is and was

has changed over time, and I think I saw the truest form of love as something that is made beyond that moment of the chemical crash. Like something where actually you can see it more clearly. And there's a kind of, what's the word? There's like a simplicity of the thought there's a almost like a sense of peace it's a funny thought but i think in an odd way like you know everything in culture about love is wild and it's tempestuous and it's exciting

and it's dramatic because you know like no one wants to watch a film, which is just really boring. Of course. People like stuff that goes wrong, plot twists, you know, other lovers, you know. So for me, at least in terms of romantic love, the point where I thought, oh, wow, this can actually be beautifully simple. Yeah, as soon as I saw that, I was like, oh, yeah, this kind of feels like a whole new feeling to me it looks nice so that's maybe where i am where i got to eventually yeah yeah i mean also

the excitements are amazing too no no i i think i i can't feel like falling in love with the the passion like what i was describing was more passion and that's more love for what you said because I like the excitement and completely but I mean that but passion is also what brilliant do you think you'll find you I mean maybe this is very general generalization but can you compare what you think of a kind of a London, a potential London lover compared to a Parisian, like who you, like, you know, what's different? Well, no, no, no, no. Do you know what I mean?

Is there any difference in your mind and like, what does that mean? No, I've been thinking about this a lot. Paris is more fancy than London. And that's why I like London better. Because, yeah, I like this grunge style of London. I don't know if it's okay to say that. No, no, perfect.

I like it. Paris is cool, but I realize how arrogant Parisians are. We are so arrogant. That's crazy. And people are so polite here. They're polite, aren't they? Yeah, they're so polite. I don't know, when I cross the look of another cute guy on the street, the guy smiles at me and I'm like, oh wow, he smiled at me. But in Paris you never have that. He will look away like rapidly, but yeah,

I wouldn't have a smile from a stranger on the street. And I had that like a couple of times and I was like, oh, okay. Lovely, well, I'm glad to hear, I'm glad to hear. You always feel like, oh good well done, the London people. So you mentioned the arrogance, in your opinion, of Parisians. Men? All Parisians? Or men? No, no, girls. Everybody?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Now, like, how has that happened? Why? Well, I think it's like an armour. And I realise that sometimes I am arrogant too. Yeah. It's because there is always this contest of the one who will know the most about this author,

this filmmaker and stuff. You have to see everything all the time, to know everything and to be at this party, to have met this, to have seen this show and so you have to be arrogant to prove that you are not lame or something and yeah i think it's it's an armor and everyone build this kind of armor at at the moment and yeah it's a protection protection from from this crazy life you you get you get in paris if it was your life's work to break that armor how would you do it and would you want to i mean is, is that part of Parisian identity? No, yeah, actually I'm trying to.

Every time I'm in a party or something like that, I'm always trying to do, like, lame jokes. I don't know how to say it. You're trying to, like, push people's buttons. Yes, yes. Exactly, yeah. I try to show them that it's OK to be ridiculous, it's OK to not know about this or this. Yeah, actually it's kind of my little battle to push people around.

Oh, that's fantastic. I totally approve. Thank you. I'll ask you three more questions and then I'll leave you alone. Can I ask you just one question? Yeah, of course. Because I was talking a lot about the life in Paris and I'm kind of curious about the life in London. It's kind of expensive, no?

Oh yeah, it is expensive. Yeah it is expensive but that's kind of further down my thinking in terms of the place. I mean, you know, I've been very lucky with my work and music to go all around Europe and to see so many cities. I've not seen anywhere close that has the same melting pot of people anywhere. There's so much comes together here. there's no area of london that isn't close to a different feeling area you know what i mean yeah i only have to you know go two streets away to find a different environment a different feeling every corner yeah there's something fresh and different but yes it is expensive. But as soon as you're here for a bit,

you find people and things open up the longer you're around, you know? Yeah, yeah. It becomes more doable. I'm talking about that because Paris is also very expensive. And when I arrived here and I was like, okay, it's like Paris,

but I'm like, no, it's more expensive than Paris. What the fuck? But like you said, yeah, you always manage. You adapt. And you find a way. Well, I think, yeah,

you'd be, if you moved to London, you'd be fine. I think you'd fit in well. Yeah. Don't tempt me. This is a funny question, but I kind of like

to ask it sometimes because it always gets a bit of a different response. Is there any question that you would like to ask yourself and answer it Wow that's deep hmm well okay let's let's go deep then let's go for it I'm ready. Do you believe in God? Yeah, I think that's the question that people are kind of afraid to ask nowadays.

That I kind of miss talking about spiritual and stuff and God, which became kind of important to me. I haven't been a true believer like all my life. and God, which became kind of important to me. I haven't been a true believer like all my life. It's kind of something that came to me and I want to talk about it, but I'm always like, no, I can't. Yeah. And can you tell me about the moment,

you said you had a moment when you suddenly, something kind of came to you a bit more strongly. Can you talk about that moment at all? Well... Was it in the bath? No, it wasn't in the bath. It was before the bath. Do you know the movie This Is The End?

With James Franco and Seth Rogen. I've heard of it, but tell me about it. It's a Seth Rogen movie I've heard of it, but tell me about it. It's a Seth Rogen movie, so it's... It's a bit silly. Yeah, it's totally silly. And it's the end of the world.

It's like the apocalypse and all the good people are going up and, well, the group of James Franco stay on Earth with demons attacking us and it's's really funny movie

and I don't know why but when I watched this movie I was like okay maybe okay maybe maybe it's it's right maybe it's real actually and yeah it's crazy because watching this movie made me begin to think about about all of this and then i started with the quran and and then it was like okay yeah it's it's kind of real and i'm okay to believe in that and it's not what people expect it's not what media tells us it's just that if you do your own research if you read and you realize that the only goal you have to do in the world is doing good stuff and and I'm kind of okay with that yeah yeah so how have you been after that like how is your life being different well I think it's been a lot of little stuff I started to say the truth all the time yeah because I

realized that I was lying a lot and also keeping your engagement you know if I say to someone that I will be there I will be there before I didn't really keep my engagement I was like at the last minute oh, no, I don't want to. And yeah, it's kind of, I feel more peaceful now, now that I'm doing all those little stuff. And it's not like people say, like, I received the light and now I'm in illumination. No, it's more like I'm trying to do stuff correctly

and I feel better with myself now right now now yeah it sounds like a very very great thing thank you i'll ask you i'll go i'll do the final question i don't want to keep you forever i like to talk about myself like that actually that's kind of making it go nice. This question can be answered like in a big way or a very kind of small way or both whichever way you mean. I can say I'm going to see the Tower of London or... Or the Tower of Life in London. Oh yeah.

I hope that I will manage to do what I truly want to do. Living a life more artistically and stop going to a secure job and working my hours and having my salary. I would like to write, I would love to make videos, I would like to make music. And I know it sounds like a dreamy, but I hope that I will manage to do that later, next, like you say. Thank you so much for talking to me. Thank you, it was really nice. Really? I choose to believe Not all I feel can ask

But now I don't need to be held I hold myself I try for the truth I do what I can I try my best Should I need to be held by someone else Should I need to be held by someone else? Should I need to be held by someone else?