Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 64: A Letter To My Mum

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Be Sure To Write' by Marie DresselhuisStream it here : https://ffm.to/besuretowriteListen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Right. We're on. Will she regret it?

That's the best of a big question. I know, I'm scared. Don't be scared. Honestly, it's just two humans on a bench talking. That's all it is. So yeah, the first question, you can't go. Yeah, the first question, you can't get this wrong, is it a really easy starter. Do you have a favourite day of the week?

I mean Saturday, probably, everyone's favourite day of the week, yeah. What for you is like a really great Saturday on this funny planet that we both share? I would try to have a lion and it wouldn't happen. Why? Because obviously when you have to wake up for work on a weekday... Oh, you're programmed? I just really struggle to wake up. And then it gets to a Saturday and I would be beaming awake by like six or seven a.m.

You can't just imagine it's another work day. No. It doesn't work. And then what would I do? Just laser around for a while. Watch some reality TV. What's your favourite one? The absolute go-to is married at first sight of Australia, I would say. What is it about these Australians?

The Australians just give something that we don't give. What have you learnt from married at first-out Australia? How not to act in a relationship. Everything not to do, basically. It's quite handy. Have you implemented these things successfully? So far, so good. My relationship's going okay, so it's going well.

That actually is effective. What are the key things not to do in a relationship then? Don't be Australian. Don't be toxic. Just don't be toxic, ideally. It's a good start. It is a good start. So you're in a relationship?

Yeah. What's it like being in a relationship? It's really good. What do you get from it? Tell it to me. What do you get from it? Friendship, love, comfort, someone there for you, someone on your side all the time.

And you get to give that to someone as well. That sounds quite compelling. I should give this a go I just have quite fun Oh, go on, let's make your hunch profile What are the downsides? Um Do you want to go?

I was kind of pointed the question towards you Ideally There must be one annoying thing about this person you're with Can you name one? No, of course I can't. Why not? Not like a terrible thing, but it's just like, oh, they don't wash the bowls properly. Do you live with this person?

No. Oh, okay. So I'm yet to learn, that's the issue. So for now it's this all sweetness. Yeah. What are you like away from this person that you're not with them? What do you mean? As in what side of yourself are you nourishing away from them?

Does that make any sense? Sort of kinder. I'm not sure if there's like a different size to you that come out when you're not together. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm quite an independent person. I like value having my own space and time and the same for my partner. And also friends are so important. Because your friends are the ones that are always there for you. Yeah.

Can you think of the most important act a friend has done for you? Just listen. You've got a good thinking face. Like real genuine focus there. That's like quite a fierce focus. Anyway, sorry, back to your answer. Just listened. I've been going through a really difficult time recently

and my friends have just showed up even when when I'm not really able to show up, even when I don't really feel like I'm able to talk or express myself, they've just been there. And that's been really valuable to me. It's amazing that, like, just being a presence so often is enough, but you don't need to have the right words or, like, the exact perfect thing to say. Yeah. Can I ask you at all about what the tough time relates to?

You can ask, yeah. My mum passed away four months ago today, actually, kind of unexpectedly. She had cancer, but the cancer wasn't terminal. We weren't expecting to lose her. But she had some treatment and caught pneumonia and deteriorated quite quickly. So yeah, I was present when she passed away and it's just been a very very difficult time since then. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear. Thank you.

And I like to come to this space. You caught me just as I had sat down actually because I like, although this wasn't somewhere that I used to come with her. I like to come to this space to think about her. She used to love when the wisteria came out in spring and there's a little wisteria. Wisteria over there and I sort of just look at it and think about her and I bought my notebook actually because I think I was gonna write her a letter. There's a lot of things that in these past few months I wanted to be able to say to her and I haven't been able to. What do you want to say to her?

How much I miss her, how much I love her, how much I wish I'd told her that more before she left. Just update her what's been going on in my life, although to be honest, not very much. It's been going on in my life because I've not been doing very well. But, you know, even the little things that my sister passed I drive and turns out. recently and she'd tried so many times before and failed and it just thinks like that I wish we could tell my mom. So I start the letter, Hi, Mum. Not much has happened.

But that's what I'd keep you on today. Yeah. Yeah, so it's been difficult. It's been difficult because I've never been through anything like this before. I've never felt so low, but if I was struggling with anything, she's probably the one person that I would have gone to over everyone, and she's the one person that I can't go to. So it's been a massive, massive hole in my life.

There's nothing like it. I mean, my dad's dead. But yeah, there's nothing like it in terms of, you know, It's like one universe and another, isn't it? I consider it a bit like you're kind of born again in a way, you know? And so you're just a little one. Yeah. You're only four months old, you know?

Like, and that's really tough. It's hard. Stumbling around, a little four month old, try to figure it out. There's these emotions and how do you process them all? It is. It's really hard. I feel like I'm just in this like limbo, but I'm not like this is the new normal,

but I just struggling to accept that this is the new normal. and it's like I'm waiting for something to be over that isn't going to be over because she's gone and that just is my reality now. How do you, it's a big question to ask quite early on, but like, how do you want to keep her alive? Guessing that you do.

It sounds like you do. So how do you want to do that? It's hard right now, it is really hard, but I just remember a message my mom sent me maybe a few months before she passed away. She said, make sure you live your best life. darling not that I am doing that right now but I hope that one day I can get to a point where I can do that for her because that's what she would want me to be doing and I just think a lot of the best things about me came from my mum so by

By the way, you'll definitely get there. Thank you. It's hard. I'm trying. It's just really slow. I think we're used to in life, like, we live in a world now where we know exactly how long everything takes, you know? Yeah. You do a driving test while you learn for this amount of time, then you hopefully, you know.

Unless you're my sister. She's done it now. How many times did she, how many, I think it was half the first. Oh, well, that's quite good. I think, yeah, I just think it's one of the only things in life but it has no clear line, you know. And that's very complicated for humour to deal with.

We like things that we understand. We like structures. We like certainty. And it's like the opposite of that. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, he was just set out on a kind of never-ending journey. Yay.

Yeah. And that's quite a lot to begin. I know. It's so hard. It's something that everyone is going to go through at a standpoint, but no one knows how to figure it out. And it's just so unpredictable. I don't think I can describe it as ups and downs, maybe flaps and downs.

Sure. It's just so hard to predict when those wave of emotions are going to hit. Oh, I was going to say this, sorry, a great moment when it happens, maybe it's happened already, but when they start appearing in your dreams? No, I haven't had that, yeah. My sister said she's had that quite a lot. I haven't. But it will happen. It will definitely happen.

It sounds like when it does happen, you're like maybe that's a moment when they're like ready to show themselves in this different world to you. Yeah. That they're able to appear in dreams. They're not saying anything bought or not, you know, I haven't got any vital message. They're just around. Like they were around in that kind of normal way before. Yeah. I want to, you know, I'm hoping to get to that point.

I'm struggling at the moment because the memories of the day my mum passed away are sort of, I'm still at that stage where they're really like overshadowing all the positive memories. The good news is I think there'll be so many good memories that like there'll be an unstoppable force at some point. They'll come surging when they come. How do you feel about being asked about the day? Or do you rather to talk about memory? Really, I actually like you to say. You can't ask me about the day.

Do you have a kind of moment that stood out for you that was kind of not necessarily the key moment, a memory of something that is sticking with you, that for whatever reason you can't quite shake? Yeah, I mean, that's obviously, like you said the key ones of when it happened, which come into my head a lot. But the other one that keeps coming back to. me was my mum was she was in a hospital not where my family lives so in the couple of weeks that her health was really deteriorating we were sort of moving between hotel rooms and air B and the memory that keeps coming to me like I say is when we got back from the hospital that day and we'd lost my mum and it was just

My dad, my sister, and me sat on the sofa and my dad sort of not knowing what to do about dinner and sort of fretting about that and just that feeling that I had in that moment of, I don't know how to describe it, of like, that's it now, that's us, so she's not here anymore. It's just like us three, we're not a four anymore. And like, what now? I just remember thinking, what now, what now? Everything's changed now forever. forever. Yeah. Oh, I totally sympathize.

Yeah. And I think, funny, these are moments we don't talk about probably enough, like people just think about, like, the precise moment of someone dying, whatever. But sometimes actually that's not when it stuff hits you at all. So, I remember that day so vividly. I remember the next day so vividly. And then I can barely remember anything for about a month after that. I feel like I was in a day.

I was in a day's, I'd feel like things weren't real. I remember sitting there, Googling quite a lot, why can't I cry? Hmm. The tears have come and come and come since then, believe me, but that whole sort of month or so after was just a complete blur. What's that next day like then, the one you can remember after?

I mean, I didn't move. Didn't move. I didn't move from the sofa and the apartment we were staying in all day. It must be some kind of nostalgia thing because I don't even really normally do this, but I used my sister's Disney Plus and I was watching all the old Disney movies like Aladdin and Mulan and I'm not a massive like adult Disney fanatic or anything and maybe it was a sort of comfort blanket thing. I just remember this pain in my chest. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest over and over and over again.

Do you think there's something in... Going back to the Disney movies, just desperately trying to get back to a point in your life when none of this would have happened? Potentially, yeah. Maybe. Maybe. But actually quite interesting information

if you could know. exactly what people watch after someone's just died. Yeah. That's a kind of information that never would have to know. It would actually be the most interesting ones. I've had a lot of phases since my mom's hospital. The Disney movies were straight away and then I went through a below deck phase. Below deck I must have watched

15 to 20 seasons of it back to back. back. How many seasons did it got? I watched nine seasons of Below Deck Mediterranean and then five seasons of below deck sailing yachts, so what's that, 14. Then I watched three seasons of below deck

down under, 17. And then about four seasons of the normal Below Deck and then I got to a point where I was like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. You're decked out? Yeah. I walked the plank and jump ship. I wasn't sleeping at the time though and this was in in that shock phase.

I don't think I'll ever be able to watch a blow jaffy-down. Yeah, I can see why. So now four months in, where would you place this? place yourself now. I'm still struggling quite a lot. I'm not at work yet as you can see because it's a Thursday and I'm on a bench. I'm actually due back to work next week. Do you enjoy your work? I do enjoy my work but it's very emotionally demanding. Okay. Oh so that's not ideal. Yeah, I think it will be challenging. It's not an easy job.

It takes a lot out of you, and I haven't had very much to give over the past few months, so... Can I ask what it is? Social work. With what kind of group of... With children and young people. Sounds like it'll be distracting. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely.

You'll have that. I do think you're kind of, obviously, deaf. Death, no bigger negative. Right? We've got that in the tank. But as many positives as you can take out of it, I think one should always cling on to them. One for me is like, I think increased levels of empathy. If you think of life as like completing a picture of understanding of the experiences that people can go through.

You know, now you've got that in you and you can look at people and help them. Even if they haven't gone through that, there's an awareness and appreciation. awareness and appreciation of life that you will now bring to that, which I think is quite special. You know, there's something, there's something to that. And just like the appreciation. I remember after my dad died, I remember coming back and kind of seeing friends and stuff. And I was like, look, you're just so alive. So well. Like I was noticing how alive and healthy and with it. Yeah. Someone was who I was talking to. And just a appreciating that. Yeah, it was a really nice way to think about it actually. Yeah, I think you just got

I mean anything down in the dumps and don't get to see the cute a lot of the time. I think like, you know, you'll be able to touch people more than you have previously. Like, and that's deeply painful for you. But there's a tool that can be used and you happen to be in an amazing job where you're trying to help people. Yeah. No, I think you're right. There's obviously, these children and young people and families that I work with, all of them have been through so much and so much that the professionals working with them wouldn't ever be able to understand. And that's not to say that now I will be able to understand everything they've been through, of course, of course, not, but it is, I guess, like you said, an extra sort of layer of empathy

and humanity. Any other positives? Of staff? Yeah. No. We got one. I feel like we can go probably one and one.

Maybe that was two. Um, okay. We can do this, come on. I think. I've got one. I mean, go on. But I don't want to interrupt your thought. No, no, no, no.

Go because I'm still thinking. Just that awareness that like everything's bollocks. Do you know what I mean? So they're saying, like, I think that's actually really quite handy. Uh-huh. I think especially in that time after someone's died, where you're like, well, that doesn't matter.

Like, whatever, you know. Yeah. That's just like nothing. But then actually sometimes it is annoying for the people. Some moral problems. And you're trying to be, yeah. The cynic. It's all shit.

Yeah. I guess what I was thinking was just the close. of other relationships and bringing you closer to people. That's really good one. Like, my dad, my sister and I are closer than we ever were before. That's a good one. That is a good one. I've been speaking to some of my mum's friends, which is lovely.

Lovely. That's been really lovely actually because most of the people around me here, my friends and partner, they don't really know my mum, and to be able to have those conversations with my mum's friends, mum's friends people that did know her and really love her has been lovely and it's sort of bringing the grieving people together what are your kind of little memories of your mum that stick with you when you think of her her her laugh was really funny she still laughed till she like would be physically crying and like bless her you know when like

someone's just sort of the butt of family jokes but takes it in their stride that was very much her and just like yeah those sorts of memories just going and doing things with her she used to when I was a teenager take me out on shopping trips and I can't remember exactly what she was doing but somehow sort of like either siphoning money out of my parents' joint account or doing something so that my dad didn't know what she was spending it on

because my dad wouldn't have been happy at all the things that she was buying but she didn't grow up very much and so she didn't want us to have the same experience that she did and I can't remember what she was doing to like swindle their finance. or hide it from him. Yeah, just like moments like that. Is there one particular photo of her

that means more to you than any other? Do you want to see her? I'd love to see her. There's a few. I don't know. Well, here's my phone. I mean, there's one that we put up in her hospital room

and it's the four of us from last Christmas. I'm just trying to find all my pictures of her one sec what do you remember of that of that christmas the last christmas you were together it was really good actually it was the best one that we'd had in a while my sister seemed to have covid every single year at christmas my dad caught covid off my sister one year i remember one of those christmases i just made the dinner and was just kind of sat there with three sick people But she seemed a lot brighter. Here's the photos, but what's the family one?

Here we go. Oh, it's a lovely photo. Oh, she looks wonderful. She looks so bright in that photo. Yeah. I'm just very grateful that we got to spend that last Christmas with her. Oh, thank you for showing me that as well. That's a wonderful picture.

Get it printed. I show it. Print it out. I think it's really important to see a happy version of someone. You're quite like this. When my dad died, his wife, who I'm very close to, one of my favorite people of the world, she just wanted one photo of him that she knew I had, like a newspaper clipping because he was a long jumper when he was younger. Like he's kind of, he represents Australia, kind of nationally, almost as an Olympian, but not quite.

But anyway, point being, for some reason, I had a clipping of him doing a long, like a long job. Like an action shop, incredible. And she wanted something of him in full flight, in full life, especially when you're trying to, not get rid of, but you're trying to move beyond that awful moment of them going. Yeah. I think you're only really, I think you're only like, you do. just die once and obviously it's such a headline grabber you know it's so dramatic i know it takes everyone's attention you know but actually you know i mean how old 67 times 360 whatever

thousands of thousands of days right of which so much is pure life and there was one day at the end but that was just the last day and it just we shouldn't let it like overshadow so many days of Good life, eh? That's the nature of trauma, though. I know. I'm hoping you will get into that at one point, yeah. That's a really nice idea, though. I don't have a photo of how we're up.

I'm not a memory, like I'm a keepsakes past work. I love throwing things away. Good on you. It's important. It is a good feeling, though. Yeah. Going down the tip, no bare feeling, eh? So all my things, like, from my childhood,

I've thrown away, but I kept, and I don't know why I kept it, but I'm glad I kept it at this postcard. that she wrote me once. I think she'd put it in my lunchbox when I was at primary school and it says remember always

that you have a unique talent that no one else has love mummy. Well that's so true. Yeah, I'm still trying to find what the talent is. What are you right, mum? I'm still not sure.

I'm still not sure. Oh, it's definitely there. But yeah, I'm very glad I did keep it. We've done a lot about your mum. Rightly so. I kind of want to know a bit more about you. What would you like to know?

Who are you when people aren't looking at you or when you're alone? Someone who lies down horizontally and watches reality TV. Yeah, that's a really good answer. I can't argue with that. I don't know. It's harder to answer questions about yourself, isn't it? Let's find different ways around this. So let's learn some things about you.

We know you like chucking stuff out. We know you have friends. We know that you're empathetic because otherwise you wouldn't do the job he'd do. Can you think of when these things kind of developed in you? Is there a moment you kind of grew into yourself as a human? I think it's still happening. I haven't always been a social worker. I started four years ago.

So I went to university, did something completely other end of the spectrum to social work. I couldn't have ever worked in it. It wasn't me. At what point did he realise that? you're probably well doing it we'd have to do labs we'd have like do practicals and I was terrible the theory so what was it going to be okay so I like the theory I found it interesting but I'm not suited to a lab environment if you put a microscope in front of me now I wouldn't know how to use it after a three degree um so I'd never worked in that field and I just went

through jobs after uni not really like having any idea what I wanted to do it was just like jobs and it got to the classic lockdown and everyone re-evaluating their lives and I didn't have a job at the time and then had pretty much a year

just having to sit and think about what the hell I was meant to do with myself and that's when I sort of started to do a bit more like volunteer and eventually got a job as a support worker and landed on training to become a social worker. Amazing. What was being a social worker taught you about the world?

Nice easy question then. It's taught me that people struggle a lot more behind closed doors and I maybe initially realised There are people that have just been through some of the most challenging experiences and yet are so resilient. It's shown me how resilient people are. And it taught me to always believe that people are capable of changing. It's taught me to believe in people more.

It's taught me not to judge people so much. Amazing, yeah. Yeah. To identify the strengths in people, believe that they can do it. oh such a good answer absolutely smash out of the park thanks yeah you must be really good at it

I love that instinct that people can make changes yeah and they've probably been in a lot of situations that make them feel like they can't do it or sort of have people around them that don't believe in them or try to tell them what to do it's really believing that people have the capability to do things in themselves and being there to support them. Can you obviously don't mention any names, but can you think of a particular case or

situation you've dealt with which has stayed with you in a positive way? Yeah, a couple of young people that I've worked with that have experienced some quite significant exploitation, gang exploitation, criminal exploitation, and I've got to the point where they've been really able to turn things around for their futures. and that's been really incredible to see. Are you able to kind of stay in touch? Is it tough to help people and then just waving on their way? It's hard, it's bittersweet because you do come to really care about these people

and become invested in them, invested in their futures and it is really sad to say goodbye. But also, generally you're saying bye because things have improved to an extent that they don't need you to be, interfering in their lives anymore. So yeah, it's a bit of sweet. I do bump into people sometimes family members and they've been like, oh, this is how things are going now and stuff. And so that's nice to hear how well they're doing. Do you feel like it's one of those ones where we are very good sometimes at guiding other people, but it's not so easy sometimes to guide ourselves. It's impossible to follow your own advice. It's funny thought, isn't it? You're

People think, for me, like, wow, look at her, she's doing this, surely she's got this covered for herself, but it's just not the same, is it. It's just, it is impossible to follow your own advice, I think, A, and B, we can be our own sort of worst critics, can't we? Maybe it's quite good that way, because maybe it stops anyone from being too wise.

Yeah. You wouldn't want anyone to be too wise, but just be gross. Yeah, like, knocking down a peg. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's good that people don't have everything sorted, even if they really get to sorting other people's stuff. What would you say to anyone, if someone was listening to this,

they're thinking of what to do with that in their life? What would you say about social work to encourage them? Well, that's a big question. That's what we're here for. It is. I'm going to have to be up front of saying it is a very difficult job. It's a very demanding job, and it takes a lot out of you. you give a lot.

And I have had times where I have thought, why am I doing this? And then you have those moments. You see those children or parents or family members have this breakthrough and achieve something that really, really transforms their lives and their situation. And in those moments, you just think that's why I'm doing this. It means everything.

Again, very good answer. Anything you're keen to try that you haven't done? Fencing? Well, not fencing in particular, but I want a hobby. Okay. Why don't know what the hobby is going to be? I don't have anything against it, you know? I've just never crossed my mind to try it.

Maybe it's destiny. How can we find your hobby? Let's figure what it could be. Do you like physical things? Or do you prefer mental things? Both. Okay. Chess boxing.

Oh, thank you. Oh dear. The obvious. Mental. I choose mental. I talk myself out a lot of things, but I think I just need to try things and see what I like doing. I know I love playing that ball. Okay.

But you don't want to play that ball? You can see my nails. Okay. Yeah, I can see. Can you describe your nails? This is audio. They're long pointed and acrylic. They're pretty serious.

And you are not allowed to have any type of nails when you play netball. So so far I've chosen nails over netball. Nails over netball. Classic. I've actually played netball. Have you? Quite recently. What position did you play?

I played wing attack. Ah. And the one that's not like the furthest back defender, but the one the second. Gold defence. That's what I used. to play. That was me for a minute. My daughter's school

had like parents come and play netball. Parents were going to say you got drafted for your daughter's team. Yeah, yeah, that would be quite good. I mean, that would have been dashing all these eight-year-olds out of the way.

So he was desperate for me to do it. Anyway, so nails are a problem. You like your nails. Yeah. I mean, obviously you must just I mean, this is such a boring question, but you must just like catch them on stuff, no?

Yeah, there's a lot of things So they're helpful for. Tell me that. So like if I'm flipping something in a frying pan, I don't need tongs because I don't know. So good. So good. And then there's a lot of things I struggle to do.

Like I can't open a can. You know, things around about it. Toilet flushes, the ones that you push down like that. I can't fit my finger into them. So I have to press my knuckle in. You know, you learn to a down. or you will get other people to do things for you if you can't do them. I'm not getting people to flush the toilet for me.

Oh, wow. But so there's quite a lot of hindrances there. I told you you could flip things in a frown pad, that's it. I could itch the inside of my ear very well. Oh, that's a good shout. That is a good shout. But I mean, like, so what is it, like, what is it without being too deep about this? But like, what does it bring you?

Like, can you try and describe it? Yeah, I do feel like. it's become part of my personality because I said this in lockdown when I had to have my nails off. I just kind of lost my personality when I lost my nails. Why did you have to have them off? So now shops weren't open. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, so it's like part of you? Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. It's something that people always notice about me as well, I guess. You're not, you're sure you're not doing it for the people, you're definitely doing it for yourself? I'm definitely doing it for myself. So my partner's, he doesn't say he doesn't like them, but he's like, can you just get them?

How does it work? Not to be to, you know, ask too intimate questions here, but like, how does it work? Look, your face is like, no, no, no, no, no, don't worry, don't mind. It's not an extra-rated question. It's definitely a PG question. Like, physical touch, is it impacted at all? Yeah, I mean, I do just, like, scratch accidentally. Like, I scratch it.

It's when I first get them done, they're very sharp. So how? So boyfriend does get scratched now and again? Yes. Yeah. But so do I. So do I. I love it.

Somebody's like, oh, you just scratched me. Well, I get scratched as well. So whatever. We're equal. This is the longest I've talked about nails. Yeah. Well, you know, you're going to have something to take back to your daughters, aren't you? It's quite profound.

So yeah, you could be a nail. That could be a hobby. Although I feel like it's in this big new moment of your life, it feels like a new thing, no? It feels like a, well, something a bit out of your normal realm. Should we come up? was the first thing I'm gonna try. We should come up now with the first thing, yeah. Do you like dancing?

Yeah. Not hugely. Do you like singing? There's not a choir. We're rolling out quite. I love singing, I'm terrible. Well, that's, you know, that's the beauty of a choir. You don't have to be incredible.

You just blend in or try and do that work? It could. I'm not convinced. I mean, can I say something about choirs? They're so good. And I really think... You've been in one? Yeah, a few.

And, yeah, it just feels so good when it works. Like, it's an incredible feeling, just really special. It ticks so many boxes. You're getting something out of yourself, like, emotionally. There's, like, teamwork. Yeah. This is really important as well. And there'll be some people in the choir that sound good.

So overall, it might sound good, even though it's not my voice. That's a beauty. As long as most people sound the right, the collective sound will, dominate. Yeah. So you're never, if there's enough people, you're never going to ruin it. Like you're 100% not going to ruin it. But when do you try it?

I don't do. I'll have a look. It's like spiritually, I can't imagine a much better thing to do, in my opinion. I'm going to have a look. Maybe that's one to try. I'll have a look, yeah. That, all fencing, maybe one or the other. What else haven't we asked you?

Maybe we'll ask you three more questions, I'll leave you alone. See, it hasn't been too bad. It hasn't. You survived? I know. I've lived a tale of the tale. Can you describe, without saying where we are, what we are, what we are? what we can see in front of us and how that makes you feel.

We're in a sort of walled flower garden, sat on a bench looking out at all the different flowers. It's a really lovely sunny afternoon. Unfortunately, although I do have a biology degree, I'm not going to be able to name much of the botany in front of us to describe it. That's okay. But there's flowers of different colours, I can mainly see lots of purple, yellow and green in front of us.

There was a butterfly that just flew past some bees right behind me, which I keep bleeding away from. And it makes me feel peaceful when I come here. As I kind of mentioned earlier at somewhere, I like to come and think about my mum and feel close to my mum. Beautiful. For some reason, as you were saying that, I was thinking, what am I going to ask next? and what I came up with was what's the weirdest thing you've seen out of your window, of your bedroom at home, or any window from your house?

What's the strangest thing you've seen? There's lots happening where I live, let's just say without me saying where I live. Never a dull day. One that's coming to mind is I was working from home one day at the dining table and this man sort of came and put his bags down in the road and sat up shop to just, come and stare at me and shout for the whole afternoon. Oh, sorry, in the middle of the road?

Yeah, sort of on the edge of the pavement, yeah. But the thing that sort of was memorable about it was the minute that I logged off for the day and shut my laptop, he just picked up his bags and went off his way. So good. It's like, job well done. He didn't want you to work.

He was sent to you. He was there for me, actually. Yeah, he didn't want him to go through it. Yeah. The people generally shout at you? Are you a shout to that person? I'm generally quite an approached person, as we've seen today. I'm just joining you in.

What do you think it is about you that makes you approachable? I don't know. My boyfriend says you just give off that aura. People do just come up to you. People just come up to me and talk to me in the street. And he's like, what is it about that? You do have quite a kind of open, generous face. You know what I mean?

I think your face is quite like, I think this is a weird thing to say about someone's face, quite kind of present. It's like very much there. Is that really sense? Interesting. Yeah, kind of. It's like, it's like, it's kind of, it's like, it's kind of ready and reaching for stuff before it's even started. You know, it's like, that's a misery of great. That's why I get targeted. And that's something why. something random. Have you ever been stuck anywhere? I don't think I have been stuck anywhere, no, not that I can think of, sorry, but a disappointing answer to the

question. We've got to get a group and answer a question. I've got to keep going at our party good one. Have you ever had a funny moment with a a... ...a... A funny moment with a rat? No, I've seen a rat in here recently though. Oh. So the funny moment might come.

We're going to pop up now, so I'm talking to you. Did you ever have an imaginary friend? No. No. Still time. Not that I can remember. Yeah, isn't it? Dream.

I'm here. I am, you're an imaginary friend. Well, look, you can imagine I was imaginary if you want. Like I could, yeah. That's up to you. What is the most boring, can you think of a really boring situation in a recently and you thought, this is really boring. This podcast.

That was an open goal. That was an open goal. That's too easy. I set that up. The perfect path. Yeah. Sorry, I'm struggling to think of anything. We're not getting very well through this.

But ultimately, we need this answer to a question. Any, um, if you could be invisible in a day, what would you do? Um, good question. Spend the whole day prank in my boyfriend. The whole day. You're grinding down into actually much by the end of the day. Just moving things around the room as he goes to get it, just to move over there. It's unrelenting.

He just be like on the floor by the end. Like no robbing a bank, no like doing anything to the better my future. Just prank him. The whole day. That's fair. All right. Well, thank you so much for talking to me. I've really enjoyed it.

I saw it. It's been nice to meet you. Okay. Ready for the last question? So you can either answer it in a big way or a today way or both. Totally up to you. What are you going to do next? I'm going to, as I mentioned at the start, write something to my mom about how I've been doing the last few months.

doing the last few months and then I'm going to see some of my friends dates are. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do next in a big way but just getting through day by day at the moment and something I was thinking recently was if you'd said to me three, four months ago that I would have made it this far. I wouldn't have seen how, but I've done it. So I've just got to take each day as it comes and see what happens. And I hope each day brings new memories and new gentle progressions.

Love that made it look like. Thank you. And good luck. Thank you. Especially with the fencing and the quiet. You might see me at the Olympics. That would be a good story. Be sure to write, the state, the fight, the glow on your bedroom wall, I want it all.

May you learn to notice when I'm gone, the strength in those you love, the strength in those you love, The voice behind the song May you live in boldness as you try With strength for those you love and grace to pass the time And please be sure to write The walk, the flight, the lines on the door each year I want to hear Be sure to write

The warm, the light And all you will come to be I want to see May you learn to notice when I'm gone And flowers blooming white in autumn coming on I will be there when winter comes to call And arms open and white And summer sun and all

but still be sure to write Thank you.