Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 8: Youngest of Six

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened!Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Everything I Need' by Maddie AshmanListen to it here : https://ffm.to/everythingineedsong Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? What is your favourite day of the week? Ooh. Probably Saturday. Can you say why? Sunday, you're kind of getting ready for the week. And then Friday, you've just unwinded from the week.

So Saturday is kind of... I feel like you're just yourself. If your dream Saturday could happen happen what does it look like nice lie-in full English really it's like slow chill morning just chill in the park with friends and then a nice meal dessert of course come, watch a movie. I like that you put dessert in there. Yeah. Just in case.

Yeah, that's mandatory. I'm also a dessert fan. Yeah. So, tell me how you feel about London. The city itself I love. There's so much to do, like, all the time. Because I come from Birmingham, which is kind of like, you know, it's a bit dead compared to here. But the people are a lot different here.

I feel like everyone's just kind of stressed all the time. And you can kind of see it in their face. Like when people are walking past, they don't look friendly and approachable. So that's kind of a big difference I've noticed. Today is the first time you're exploring London as a solo person. Yeah, solo, yeah. Can you tell me about what it's like to explore London on your own? I was quite scared at first to leave my hotel. And then when I did it, I was like, oh, is that easy?

And it's kind of like has boosted my self-confidence. Yeah, because I got here. It's that easy. And it's kind of like, has boosted my self-confidence. Yeah, because I got here. So you're basically kind of riding a wave of solo London time. Yeah. The confidence is surging. Yeah, it is. It really is. Tell me what Birmingham is like to live in. Did you grow up there?

Yeah, so I've kind of been there my whole life, in the same house and everything. But for the past two years I've been living in Coventry for university. Like, comparing it to Coventry, Birmingham's amazing. Because Coventry is so dead. Let's try and find one really exciting thing about Coventry. There must be something in there. For me personally, what makes Coventry amazing is the people I've met. There you go. That's good. They're doing well. That's a good start.

Yeah. My university is quite international, so I've met so many different people from everywhere. You learn new ways of thinking, new cultures, new everything. And learning about them has taught me about myself as well. Is there anything you think you do as part of your daily routine that no one else does? Is there something that you feel like is only yours that you've got? Oh, I'm pretty sure lots of people do this but I have to dance every day. That's cool. Yeah, like I have to get it out of my system. It happens at random

points throughout the day. If you, like, needed to dance, like, here in this park... Yeah. Like, would you? No, that's kind of something that's just for me. It needs to be private? Yeah. OK. So it's not like something needs to come out of me, like, now?

Oh, yeah, it's not, like, an issue. It's just... It's kind of, like, my stress relief for the day. Yeah. It's really bad, but, It's just, it's kind of like my stress relief for the day. Yeah. It's usually, it's really bad, but like just before bed, usually. Or like after I've just submitted a deadline, I have to, it's like a celebration for me. Like getting rid of all the stress. So it's like deadline in, sorted, done.

Dance party, yeah. What a lovely thing to do. Thanks. yeah what a lovely thing to do thanks is anything you wish was visible in you that is invisible to other people sometimes we carry these things with us or we have stuff that we wish people maybe might see every now and again but no one sees because it is invisible yeah i'm? Yeah. I'm going to say no because I kind of like surprising people. People, I think, look at me and have a certain stereotype attached to me. But then I end up really surprising them. Interesting.

And I really like that. What do you think people think when they talk to and see you? And what do you think you surprise them with? Well, what I've been told is that I look quite mean and like not shy but like stuck up and I don't think I am so then I like when I talk people are surprised that I'm actually speaking to them because they usually tell me oh I wasn't expecting you to actually like talk to me. Interesting. usually tell me oh I wasn't expecting you to actually like talk to me interesting and then I guess the things I'm interested in when you wouldn't

associate like me with that so like badminton I love badminton it's like my favorite sport you're right I wouldn't I wouldn't have naturally gone badminton most people don't but I don't know what a badminton player looks like. Yeah, usually a bit taller. What is it about badminton that excites you? I've just played it since I was young and it's just, well, I suppose it's returning a shot that no one thought, like you or the opposition

thought you would return. When I play with my friends sometimes, we're both like... After I just returned, like, wait, did that just happen? Do you have a good family set up? What is it like being a member of your family? So I'm the youngest of six and they're all like a lot, lot older than me. So growing up I wasn't close with my siblings at all. It kind of felt like I was an only child sort of. Interesting.

Because like by the time I was like ten they were all like married and an only child, sort of. Interesting. Because by the time I was 10, they were all married and moved out with kids. Wow. Yeah. So your parents just had a massive gap, basically. Yeah, I wasn't meant to be. And then you were just last minute... A surprise.

Last minute magic. Yeah. Wow. Do you think they've parented you in a different way because of that I mean yeah can you tell me more about that well because I not only have the age gap but there's a sort of cultural difference as well so like I've grown up like British but then my parents were Pakistani so I had to deal with that like trying to be British for society and then trying to be Pakistani for them and then it was hard for them to understand, like,

the things I wanted to do sometimes. But as I've gotten older, like, we've definitely gotten more of a mutual understanding and, like, now that I'm an adult, really, we get on a lot more. It's been a journey, but it's ended in, like, a beautiful relationship. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. Can you pinpoint, like it's ended in a beautiful relationship. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. Can you pinpoint a time or a moment where...

Did anything help it become smoother? Moving out for university, definitely. It just made us appreciate each other so much more, being apart. You mentioned about being Pakistani, and that's being your parents' core, obviously obviously and then you're feeling a bit more kind of English. Can you tell me more about like how you weigh those two up? Well because I went to very like predominantly white schools so I always found myself trying to act like more white. I was so embarrassed of like my religion my culture I'd never speak about it or like I'd never own it or be proud of it but then as I've grown older I've gotten such

an appreciation for it now because that's like what makes me me and the fact that I hid it away and was embarrassed of it like I can't believe I went through that because now when I meet people I'm proud to share like where I'm from even though I don't feel like I'm actually from there, it still is part of me. Because if I was to go back to Pakistan, they would see me as an English person. I don't really know where I fit in, but I've kind of just accepted that and made my own definition. Have you ever invented anything? Ooh, kind of. What? Tell me.

I study graphic design. So I'm always having to make up brands for companies that aren't real. So we kind of invent that, I guess, because there's a lot more that goes into it than just a logo. It's a whole ethos behind it that you have to create. What is it about it that appeals to you? People don't really realise, but everything needs design. Like, this park was designed.

Websites, shops, every business needs a visual to it. So we kind of give life to businesses and brands because the logos and the branding colours and the fonts and everything that we choose actually all have a deep meaning behind it that people don't really see. It's kind of like creating your own language, a visual language and trying to get the consumer to see this brand in a certain way and I think that having that power is like that's really strong for me I think and it's quite a privilege as well. That's a very good answer that's really good answer. Oh hello. How do you feel about bumblebees? They're alright.

I don't know, I just feel like if they just, you know, stuck to their own space and not mine, that would be great. They like to move around? Yeah. They are cute. How do you get on... so you have six siblings, five siblings? Five siblings, yeah. You're the youngest of six? Yeah. What are your relationships like with your siblings? They're all quite different because they all have quite different personalities. I'd say I'm closest to the youngest two. My oldest sister is like a second mum to me whereas the younger two are more like, now that I'm older, we're kind

of more on the same page. Is there a WhatsApp group? Yeah, there is. There's quite a few. There's one for just the sisters, there's one for just the siblings, there's one with all of us and our parents, and then there's one with all of us and our parents and all like wives and husbands. Wow, there are four? Yeah. Cri four? Yeah. Crikey.

Of those four WhatsApp groups, what's the most important one for you? Like which one, which one, if you can only keep one? Oh God. I guess it's gonna be my sisters and my mom. Cause we plan a lot of like trips and stuff like just the girls so it's we need that really from an admin point of view yeah and what does a trip look like when you all together like what's the general so

we've actually just come back from Malta cool did you meet anyone excited oh yeah walking around town and there was this guy and he was like, where are you from? And we were like, oh we're Pakistani. And he started singing a Pakistani song without the lyrics, which we were so impressed by. And he wasn't Pakistani? No, he was Maltese.

This guy's strumming a little guitar. Oh, so he's a kind of busking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a group of Chinese tourists came and he was singing in Chinese to them which and they were all joining it was amazing and then he was like right Pakistan you're gonna duet with China and then he was like when I tell you to say shang shang you have to say shang shang and so they were singing and then when it was our turn

he pointed at us and we sang shang sh. And when we sang that the Chinese tourists were like Sheng Sheng. They were really excited for us to sing it. And it was such a like cute wholesome moment. That was really, that was one of the highlights for me. Oh that was wonderful. Yeah it was just really cute. What a lovely thing this guy did. Yeah and oh what a little lovely little gimmick he has.

Are you in love? What do you think about love? I've never been in love. I don't know how I feel about it to be honest. I think it's more of a thing, something people kind of big up in their mind. But the reality of it is that it's more about compatibility and like companionship. I don't really date, I'm just gonna be about marriage. So then for me it's really important to consider other things alongside like just love. Yeah. it's really important to consider other things alongside like just love yeah so if you don't date

how does that work well we we kind of do but we don't it's not like western dating so we don't label it dating but it kind of is you talk and you get to know someone but there's a lot more boundaries on it yeah and you have to have the intention of making it long term. Like people kind of just date just to date in the moment but for us, yeah, we don't really do that. That's interesting. Yeah. Is there any part of that you think really works and any part of that do you think doesn't work as a method? I mean for me that's from a religious point of view.

Yeah. So for me it does work because I kind of know the reasonings behind it. For me it makes sense because I don't want to waste my time, really, if someone isn't serious about me. If you just go into it knowing each other's intentions, it kind of makes it a bit,

not easier, but less confusing. Yeah. When you say you feel like you haven't been in love yet, are you quite confident about that? I've been in situations where I've been confused, maybe, but then I've been clear, like, OK, that wasn't what I thought it was. That's what I mean about kind of bigging things up in your mind. But then when reality comes, I've not felt like that I'd say my standards

are high yeah well that's good yeah but um I don't know something just always ends up putting me off do you have any moment that you feel like typically puts you off someone there's one thing that does um when they because of this one of my non-negotiables in finding a partner is that they have to be a good listener when guys talk to me with a certain intention in mind i feel like they always just talk about themselves a lot like i'm a human with perspective on things and feelings and like opinions but then I feel like they don't really see that. I'm always getting cut off. Yeah.

So that's one thing that has made me realise I want in someone. Do you have any questions that you would like to ask yourself and answer yourself? Oh. Oh, maybe what's stopping you? Do you have any questions that you would like to ask yourself and answer yourself? Oh, maybe what's stopping you? I feel like I do hold myself back, which this year I've actually stepped outside my comfort zone a lot. But there's still more I want to achieve.

I really want to launch my own studio, but I'm just so scared that I'm not good enough but the thing is even if it does go wrong there's nothing wrong with that I'll never know if I don't try it's a real barrier that's blocking me right now it's again really easy for me to say this this is about building the blocks towards jumping you have a passion for graphic design

you've already articulated that to me it's quite clear do you know what i mean so you've shown in your thinking that that's possible so now so now it is just the jumping there you go. And when you hear children sing the Harry Potter theme tune, you know you must start with graphic design. Yeah. That is... That's the sign.

Yeah. That's the sign. That's it. Simple as that. Needs to be done now. Like, tomorrow I'm getting on it. Do you have a favourite bus route? Ooh, yeah. And why is it a pleasing route to you?

So it's actually the bus from Birmingham to Coventry. I actually love bus rides. That sounds so lame. But like, especially when it's sunny, let's say I'm at the top, it's an empty bus. Just put my earphones in and I find it so

therapeutic. Because it's like about an hour journey like sometimes I get a little nap in and um it's really like nice because you go past like all these fields and the airport and stuff and so there's nice scenes along the way as well and that's my favorite bus journey I'm gonna miss that bus journey actually yeah there'll be other bus journeys that's true well hopefully not if i pass my driving test i suppose the thing about being in a car is it's like tricky to see these things sometimes because you have to concentrate although you'll be free

yeah which is a yeah which is a bonus yeah i'd just sit in my car sometimes i wouldn't even drive it'd be like another little room for me. Yeah, I totally understand that. I'll ask you a couple of questions. What is the biggest thing that has happened around you? So not to you, around you? I'd say it's my family, I guess. It's quite big and it's around me. That has kind of made me appreciate my alone time more. I love my family and they're so big and I love being around them but I also have to kind of go off on my own sometimes, which is why I thought I was introverted but as I've grown older I don't think I'd label it that I think you can be extroverted and still need time for yourself at family gatherings so you like your alone time yeah I always to be honest at certain family gatherings you have little

moments where you try and escape yeah Yeah. What do you do? I pretend I'm going to the toilet. And then... Then never come back. Then usually it's just like an hour or like two that I need to myself. Might dance in that time. And I come back refreshed. Yeah.

That's great. You could get away with an hour. Like an hour break. Yeah, it's because there's so many people. No one notices. Oh, I see. Yeah with an hour, like an hour break. Yeah, it's because there's so many people, no one notices. And that's just my immediate family. With my cousins and my aunties and stuff, there's probably about 50, 60 of us. Oh, so that's clever.

So the more the people, the more you can escape. Okay, let's go for the last question. What are you going to do next? Right now? It could be right now, it could be generally. OK, I'm going to answer that in two sentences then. Yeah. Because right now I'm probably going to head to Camden

and get my cheer roll. But in life, that's actually a question that's really... Because I'm entering my final year of university. When you're in that for so long, it becomes who you are. So without that, I know I'm going to struggle. university when you're in that for so long it becomes who you are so without that I know I'm going to struggle but I'm also really excited to kind of just get started in life in terms of what's next in that sense I'm hoping a graphic A graphic design job. Yeah. Hopefully my own studio. That's it.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Waiting for Saturday But I don't mind today My thoughts are dancing But my feet perfectly still Under the table What do they know? My life on a sheet all summed up nice and neat As if they could read me just like that

They probably think I look mean wonder what do they really think cause I I've got everything I need and I wonder if this is next for me And what's stopping me when I've got everything I need

I need, I need So I can't die