Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 82: The Only Mussel Road in Cornwall

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song: 'Mussel Shell Road' by Toby & Jen KessellStream it here: https://ffm.to/musselshellroadListen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist:https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram: @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. So it to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Do you have a favourite day of the week? Day off? Day of the week? No, just a day off. Any day off? Any day off is great. day of the week. Okay, let's imagine a day off. Yep, yep. What for you is a perfect day lived on this funny earth thing?

Okay. We call home. We call home this funny earth thing. And my perfect day, I have three children, so if I could see all of them, that would always be my first starting spot. I have two granddaughters if I can see them. This is also good. This makes my day. my day. But can we start from waking up?

Well, okay. I need to start in bed. Well, me and you, Tom. Presuming you do. Morning, Tom. We're in bed. Coffee. Okay.

I like a little stare out the window. Just a little one. I've got a great view from my kitchen window. What can you see? I can see this harbour, all these boats, and I feel like I'm really important because I might be the first person that sees what damage might have happened overnight or if someone's left their knickers on a flagpole. Does that happen? Knicks on a flagpole?

It does in this village quite a lot. Not mine. What is it? Not my knickers. What is it about this village of knickers on a flagpole? I think it's generally this village can bring the mischief out of everybody. One of the favourite things, and I don't know who does it, but the windscreen wipers standing up.

So you know if it's been a bit of a wild night, if the windscreen wipers have been all, they're all out. Do you know when they pop? Oh, I see. Sorry. So someone's come along and done that? Yeah. So, yeah, that's quite an odd one to work.

So you have your morning stare before your morning or with your morning coffee. With my morning coffee. Fantastic. And then from there, what happens after that? Dog walk. Straight away, dog. Straight away, yeah.

I do like to take him out for a good hour, possibly a bit more if I can. I say walk more of a drag. Do you know? It is a drag or you have to drag? He is a drag. The dog's a husky. So it's partly, I can't blame him.

Do you know? Like, it's just his breath. But, you know, I'm going along like that. Just like, oh, please stop. Especially this went out. You know, it's being so wet. And I've got to say, I'm miserable. I'm fed up with wet socks in the morning and wily boots and waterproofs everywhere.

Wet dog smell. How do you bring joy to a wet day then? Good clothing. Yeah. It's well wrapped up with the dog. No, good clothing. On your dog walk, do you see the same people regularly? I do. I walk him in the same place because he's epileptic.

So if I keep the same routine, I feel it keeps his seizures to a minimum. What does the dog seizure look like? It's pretty ugly. It's like a human one. Bubbles, legs, shaking. He loses his eyesight. He's about 35 kilos. So he's like a tiny rhino when he goes into that when he comes around. He's obviously a bit disorientated. How do you do it?

I mean, what's the protocol for a dog having a seizure? I've stopped crying because I'm like a 10-year-old girl where my dogs are concerned. It's just heartbreaking to see such a strong, healthy-looking young dog turn into a, you know, really vulnerable. But over the years, like, yeah, he's had it two and a half years now, so I'm a big girl now. I've stopped crying. I'm really calm.

Yeah. When was the last, to talk about feeling like a 10-year-old girl? Yeah. When was the last time you felt like a 10-year-old girl, apart from your dog having seizures? good question probably every time I see a puppy so dogs

dogs bring out the 10 year old in you yeah they do probably because when I was 10 we had dog you know we've always as a family when I was little always had dogs I always feel like you've got dog in the house it is a home

do you know those eyes but those dogs he was lovely you know he was one of those dogs that never did anything wrong since him I don't think I've ever had a dog like that. I've always had really naughty dogs. You know, like it's funny. Have you been drawn to naughty dogs, you think? Yeah,

or do I make the dog naughty? People feel naughty around you. Do you think you encourage naughty behaviour? Yes, I do. I'm honest about that. That's good. Cornish pixie sort of, you know, like nothing really nasty. Not harmful, but just a little bit of mischief. And I think the world needs a little

bit of that now and again. I agree. When was the last bit of Cornish mischief you did. What can you say? You've gone quiet. I'm going to say we replaced all the flags up here with Palestinian flags. Nice. Did you get in trouble? They didn't know it was me. They won't.

But they came down straight away. Do you do it in the middle of the night? Yes. Was that exhilarating? It was a little bit because it spurred on a lot of other people putting flags up in the village and bought a lot of people talking about it. Yeah, which is the key thing. And I thought that was the kind of point I was trying to make. Like, excuse me, we might all be having a lovely sunny day down here and, you know, living the dream, having picnic with your family, la la, la. But meanwhile, but I feel there is that

sort of outside out of mind thing and I just, I did it and then I was, you know, like afterwards, you're, ooh, I did something really naughty. I didn't mean to. If you were caught, say, what What would have been the fallout? Probably just got told off. Yeah, which is fine. Do you mind being told off? Not really. You're fine.

Yeah, it happens daily. Do you know that? Who tells you off? My boss. Yeah, but I love him. And he loves me, I can see it in his eyes. I really can. Sometimes he doesn't want to talk to me,

he just wants to hold my hand and walk around the shipyard. Weird. But okay. Is that part of the job description? Yeah, can you hold hands and not talk? Yeah. And once he sacked me, but apparently it was just a lover's tiff and we're not even lovers.

So from then on in my contract, only I'm allowed to sack myself. So I threaten all the others that I work with. Like, I want any minute now, there's a sacking coming my way. I'm going to sack myself any minute. Any minute now, you watch. Has Cornish mischief been running through you the whole way? Yes.

And my family. I'm the youngest of four. My mom always says, the problem with you is that you've got the worst of me and the worst of your dad, where the other three have got the best of both. So yeah, I'm the drinking, smoking, let's jump on that boat kind of person

where my sisters will be like, oh, have you got a life jacket? Have you told somebody? Do you have sisters? I have a half-sister. Yeah. It's great. But I didn't grow up with her.

I didn't really grow up mine because they're older than me. Yeah. And so at the time I was really aware of them, they had left home. Were you making mischief to kind of get people to notice you as a fourth child? Is that a thing? No, I was the other way. It was if you were quiet when you're the youngest, then you got away with more because nobody. They were busy doing grown-ups things.

So if I sat on the corner of the stairs, I could watch all the mayhem going on. But as long as I was quiet, I'd be allowed to sit there all night. Do you remember your first bit of mischief that you performed as a youngster? Or at least the one that stands out? Yes.

Hit me. I'd seen on television that with hair grips that you could pick locks. So me and my friend just, you were probably about eight. I just thought we'd give the next door neighbor's house ago because they weren't home. My mom caught me

And we were sent around the next day when they were in To say, we're really sorry But it does work And it did work, it worked Did that start a lifetime of picking locks for you? No, that was the only time of it That was it Do you remember what you found in the house?

Wines who got in it? There was a grandfather clock And then before they start chiming They kind of go Like their arms all engaged That happened And that's when me and my friend And I freaked out screaming, yeah

You thought someone was on the clock. Yeah, they're coming to girls. I mean, the beauty of Mischief, I suppose, is that it's always on the line, isn't it? You're always pushing it a little bit, and that's where the magic is. Can you think of a time you feel like you've gone past that edge, and you ever so slightly regret anything mischievous that's gone too far? It's not a regret, but it is on the line. I grew up on the Sillies, and so a group of us decided that if we pinched the police boat,

which is the fastest boat on the island, they haven't got anything to chase us in. And they were standing on, basically, on the bank, watching us zoom off with us waving. Like, we're just taking it for a quick, you know, spin, we'll bring it back. But that was another, mom and dad, you need to go to the police station and tell them, sorry,

I won't do it again. And I didn't. And we did just take it for a quick spin, and it was a really fast boat. And I don't regret it. What was it like growing up on an island? On the sillies. The Silly Isles? Isle of Sillies? Silly Isles? Silly Islea. Silly.

So if someone's listening and they've got no idea where it is, can you tell me more? It's about 28 miles off from Penzance by boat, just off in the Atlantic. It's a really pretty group of islands. Five inhabited. Lots of tiny little ones that you can explore and stay on and beautiful beaches. Absolutely freezing water. Really cold. I loved it.

Do you know, I love a really quiet winter. I always felt like there's secret months when you can, you know, everybody gets on with stuff, and it's all kind of all behind doors and lots of sort of big family meals and big friends around and nobody else around, you know, like walk around the island naked, nobody would care. Did you do that?

Never naked. Still time. Still time. You get out, you back out there. There is always time. When were you first, kind of independent enough just to kind of go about the place? I was allowed out probably all the time, but not across the main road. Yeah.

And then it got probably when I was past primary school, maybe 11, I was allowed to go across the main road. So let's imagine a whole new world over there. What happened across the main road? Just everything. There was a river. Oh, nice. Yeah. So let's imagine an 11-year-old youth then.

Yeah. Crying about puppies. Crying about puppies, exactly. Let's imagine it's like a Sunday day off school. I'd have a job at 11. Did he have a job at 11? Yeah. Fantastic.

What was it? I'd have to go down to the local pub and sort all the newspapers, Sunday newspapers out and the milk. And then go into the pub, we'd have a cup of tea. And then I'd put the football kit on from Saturday, wash that. And then we would go off, deliver newspapers and the milk. to sort of like the surrounding area. Get back about 11 o'clock, get the football kit already.

We stock the bar and then I was allowed off at 12. I'd get paid £6 a morning, two quid an hour. Right. Yeah. You enjoyed it? I did it for about four years. Oh, what are four years?

Yeah, probably was about 10 when I started. Do any of those mornings stand out to you? There were real characters, you know, sort of like, proper Cornish farmers that we used to deliver their milk and then they would give us money to go and put a bet on the horses for them. So on the way back, we would just take all the bets. I mean, we're talking like early 70s, you know, in Gornmore. Yeah, put money on horses for old men.

Did you remember which horses to put them on? No. You walk into the bookies. That one bought the horse or something. I never went in. The landlord of the pub, he would do that, but I was always the runner. You know, he just sit in the book. mini while I grabbed the milk run.

I remember one guy was called Courtney and he'd always say, do you want to sign a sponsor's well, maid? You're going to be made? What's the lamb? Still here. Still the maid. Still the maid. What's the next level up for maids?

Lady maid, old maid. I mean, to be fair off. Do you think you're old? No, you're not. No, but I think, like, you know, I work with the young. group of people and I am known here as the rude old shaltie woman yes I am I am rude I am old and I am shouting so yeah so back to the question I was to go say on a free day when you're 11 yeah on the silly aisles what would be a typical

day well how would you how do you entertain yourself probably things like we'd go to the dump you know places where you're not allowed to go because it wouldn't be open at the weekend and like pull things apart, like washing machines, and take the glass bowls home and make big apple pies in them. Boats, always a lot of boats, just sort of rubbing around, messing around, catching fish, shrimping.

Love that. Take them home, getting the good books with parents, that kind of vibe. So shrimps would get your points, parent points? Yeah. Were you concerned to get those points? Not really. I think I always had them. Yeah.

That's a parental love, isn't it? Yeah, that is. You're right. You should have them in the tank already. You're right. Not everyone gets those, though, sometimes. No, that's really sad. Why did your parents have you? Why do they have me? My mum, I always tells the story. It was a wild windy night, and that she was dressed as a bunny girl, been to a party.

My dad was feeling a bit frisky. She was like 40 when she had me. So, your mum was dressed? That's actually quite an exceptional conception of concept. story. Why is she dressed as a bunny? Because they'd go on to a party. I'm end of August, so I presume it was sort of like New Year's Eve, Christmas sort of time. What, say it, end of August? 25th. What are you? 26th.

Virgos. And we're meant to be known as like servers. I don't know what we are, but we're special. We are special. Have you got any related to conception stories? Have you conceived any of your children in interesting ways? I feel like I can ask you that question I feel like you can cope with that Can you cope with that? It's a compliment Oh

Oh God Probably not You're thinking I conceived one in Israel Okay And I had two of my children on Silly And one in Cornwall And the conceiving bit

Not very memorable Yeah Yeah That's a average night No windy. There's no wind or bunnies. No bunnies. What about the births?

Any birth highlights of the three? What's it like to give birth? Did you enjoy it? Did you hate it? Okay. A bit fire round. Yeah. Okay.

With all three of them, love being pregnant. Absolutely adored it. Yeah. First one, obviously, had no idea. People can warn you all they like about it. But really, until you do it, the penny doesn't drop. The first one, the penny dropped. I'm like, okay.

So when the second one came along, I'm locked, I'm ready, I've got this. A few deep breaths, 20 minutes later. Out in the garden of the Sillies Hospital with my doctor, who was my best friend, with a glass of champagne. And my friends were the binmen at the time, and they were yelling over the wall.

And it was one of those really beautiful mornings, you know, when everything's really still and the sun's coming up. And he, my son, it was the easiest baby ever. It was, in fact, slightly boring. regarding... Like, come on, do something. But he really was textbook.

Boom. My third, great birth. Absolute nightmare baby. I didn't need a sling or a carrier. She would just stick to my face like a little spider monkey. And if anybody looked at her, she would literally scream.

And just don't try and take her off me because she will have ab-dabs. But then once she could talk, really, like, explain who she was. Everything just slotted in place. So she was fine. That first year with her. It was a long year.

Do you know, I barely slept. Oh, yeah. Can you chart any of that, you know, knowing her now? Can you chart any of that? Yeah. That's why. Spiky Scorpio's. Yeah.

Yeah. And she is, you know, she's a strong woman. Does she still tick to your face? At times. She's like, always like, kiss me on the lips, mummy. I'm like, stop it. You're weird. But if I don't.

So now, now it's like a family thing now. On the lips. Sorry, okay. Take me back so we whizzed past it, but it was the birth of your second child. Yes. So we get this right, in the hospital garden with your friend who was...

The doctor. I didn't have him in the garden. And you said there was, like, you were drinking champagne. During labour? No, afterwards. Oh, afterwards, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, not during. I thought like...

Okay, okay, okay. And then the bin, you have friends with the bin, the whole set of bin men are just one bin per? Pretty much all of them. You were a good friend of the moment. And they were shouting over the wall at you. It was like a tiny island. You know everybody.

And if you didn't go to school with them, somebody did that you know. Probably my sort of era were the last sort of times when people would, not expected, but you could have your baby on silly without too much trouble. And we just had a really lovely day. Just I felt like I was the only woman in the world that ever had a baby telling everybody. So when the bin men asked, was it? So lovely. Yeah.

Have you ever been on a bin round? I haven't, but I have spread salt on the roads and a gritter lorry once. How come you came to do that? Just have a friend who was doing it. Gritted the roads. And said, do you want to come out with me? Beautiful. And so, yes, I bought a little flask of whiskey coffee with me,

and we just went around heavy gritting all the roads all that. What did you learn from gritting roads? When it's really heavy, you put more salt on the road. Good, good take on that. It's important to me learnt that. It's important to be learnt that. You say you're the last of a generation that could have had the kind of birth he did on the city of hours. What else do you think has been lost from your era?

Playing outside? I don't know, just probably sort of more like family, the generation. Because my grandparents used to come over every week. weekend and there would always be this massive like forget the great British bake-off they would be like the family bake-off and my grand had like a signature fork prick to everything every sausage roll every scone every cake always had my mum had her only little you know three slashes with a knife and my other grand would always have to try and out do it would be bigger and it would come on a

good cake stand and I look back on it and I remember you had to be in at five o'clock on a Saturday because that's when tea was up and the grandparents were there so in UK. Talk to me about Cornish traditions as in any ones that you're kind of you stick by or you maintain or you think you're important. Basically I have to have a past year a week as I feel like I'm dying.

Something seriously wrong with me. And I do. I do have a past year a week and if I'm having a really good week I'll have two. Good week is two. What about three? When do you have three? I've had two in the morning. I never had three in a week probably. So I used to like the carnival But I do understand that they can't do it anymore

Because of health and safety But we all seem to survive it Why is it dangerous? Well, just eggs and throwing eggs and flour and You know Sorry, just that ridges, why were you throwing eggs? Why not? No, right, sorry

And we do a rough race in the village And we're not allowed to throw eggs anymore Sorry, let's start again You do a raft race Yeah, we build rafts We kind of launched them in the morning high tide we all then paddle out through the gap get to the outer harbor and by then everyone's lost it you're just throwing whatever you want anyway oh sorry whoa whoa whoa sorry all these boats are sent out through the harbor right they're rafts right sorry rafts that we've that everybody's built and you say by a certain point everyone's lost it yeah what on the sidelines or on the rafts on the rafts more i mean it does it creates a lot of people come and watch it so what what is what are people doing on these rafts that's dramatic

Are you trying to topp or the other, are you trying to get people? It's a race. Yeah. You can have as many people as you like on that. We have tried to do the same crew for years now. There were a bunch of women and it is like two ladders strapped together with loads of cable ties and some drums underneath. And a friend of mine, he did one.

He did a Vickers tea party and put a park bench on a raft. And his secret weapon was when he turned round. the turning point. They all had massive umbrellas and of course caught the wind and they just it just collided by. On a bench?

On a bench. Eating cucumber sandwiches but it's a lot of fun. Sounds amazing. What does the winner get? The winner just gets a trophy. It's probably a Barbie doll stuck to a piece of wood.

Have you ever won? Have you ever won? Never want to. But that's not the point? Not the point, no. All is the same group of women? Try to be, yeah. I mean, as different daughters

have grown up, or gone away and we've had, like, my granddaughter joined one year, which then you feel a bit protective, because it's not dangerous, but it can get a bit physical, you know, like, you can fall off. Like, I've handed up split nose, a couple of black eyes, no shoes, but it is a great day. Oh, amazing. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. But that still takes place.

That's still takes place. So health and safety is not done for that? No, but we all have to sign, you know, a little waiver, but everyone's like, wah-wah, whatever. Wave, whatever. So there's never been a man on this boat? We did do it one year We did grease one year And we had half a cortina

On a raft With a stereo And we actually had music as well that year Which I think was probably one of our best Ever when we got a couple of men involved So they needed to be What's his face? Sandy, I forgot his name there

Sandy and Danny, that's it The year before the guys made a hamster wheel It was probably about 30 foot A great big wooden Like if you can imagine sort of like a paddle boat sort of vibe. That was how it was meant to work. But they rolled it down the slip and it just sort of bobbed around getting in the way of everybody. Classic men. Yeah, classic men. But I was really grateful because I ended up getting it and taking all to pieces and having the wood.

Perfect. Because I've got a field. What are you going to, hang on you've got a field. I've got a field. That's exciting. You've got your own field. I've got my own fields. I almost call myself a farmer. Oh God. And I've got a tractor. A maid and a farmer. You got a tractor. You got a tractor. You got a tractor. It's a lawnmower. I sit on. What do you mean? It's a sit on normal. Oh, I see, yes, yes. But in my mind it's a tractor. You're picturing tractor. Yeah, I don't picture it. I see. I don't do. It's the tractor. What is, you know, what, what does, I mean, what's the best thing about having a field?

I'm plant addict. So I've got about 60 palm trees up there. I'm planting them in a big circle and I call it palmhenge. Nice. Are they sizable enough for it to be a hengy? They will be. And what were you, when it's proper hengy? How are you going to do? How are you marked it? Yeah. I'll probably be dead.

Bummer. That's a bummer. That's a bummer. But my thing, I am Cornish and my kids are as well. And I just want to know that when I go that they've got somewhere that they can go in. It's got animals, like an owl or foxes or badgers. and deer and I've been saving all the muscle shells and I'm building a road. They're building a road?

I'm building a road out of muscle shells. What do you mean? A road to the palmhenge? Yes. From? From the gateway. Can we call it a road? No.

It's a path. Could say it's a path? No. No, Tom. No, it's a road. If you can drive on it, it's a road. And even if it's not a tractor, it's a lawnmower and I'm driving that. It's all in the imagination.

It's got to think big. I'm too narrow. I'm too narrow. Sorry. I need to see more road. I'm too seen too many parts. It's a tractor. It's a road.

It made of muscle shells. Well, it will be. And I probably got about maybe 10 ton sacks of muscle shells. That's a lot of muscles. It's a lot of muscles. And then I'm going to crunch them all up. And then you get special sort of matting.

And then you whack a plate it all in. As far as you know, that would be the only muscle road going. Probably in Cornwall. The only muscle road in Cornwall. Yeah. They do smell a little bit. The shelves?

Yeah, but we do run them through the dishwasher. Yeah. I think the Romans tried to do it. They failed. Where the Romans failed, you will succeed. But I do think they were doing a road road. Yeah, the road. They were really doing the road.

They were real roads. No, they were proper. On their tractors? Yes. Romans on tractors, building roads. You say you think. you're going to be dead by the time that the palm henge is fully obese. Yeah.

How long do you think you've got left to live? I'm hoping for an 82. If I could get to 82, I'd be like, whoa! Yes. Yeah. Anything after that. My mum, she was 92. Okay.

My grandparents were 92. Okay. Don't do yourself down. But I might turn vegan and you never know. Instantly 100. 100. 100. Yes.

So once you're past 82 where anything goes, she's just going to go mad. Yeah, probably. Yeah, I'll get a big attractor. To start. What do you think about your own demise? I mean, what would you like? Here's a question for you. Yeah.

Let's imagine a funeral. Yes. Let's imagine you're giving your, you're giving a speech, your own funeral. Oh, yeah. Let's imagine, you've pre-recorded it. You've pre-recorded a speech to be played at your funeral as a way of, you know, giving some, you know, I don't know, some words for the encouragement to the people listening or some, you know, some, you know, some, I don't know. some advice for the future. What would you, what would be the, how would that speech go?

Bit of a weird question. That is a bit of a weird question. A bit of a long question. I've forgotten actually all about it. You forgot it all. I'm not good at this. I've got to make my question. Okay. Sorry, that was long. It was. That was a bit long. Okay, shortened version for you. It's your funeral. Yeah. Sorry to say. 102. 102. You became a rego. 102. Yeah. Right. Before the funeral. yeah someone was like or pre-record a message okay we can play this out yeah right okay at your funeral yeah and like oh hang on everyone we've got a message from stranger X beep beep here it comes what are we saying in this message at the funeral your funeral I think

don't take anything too seriously really nothing is worth that amount of worry and of just everything will be what it will be in the end and you can stay up all night and bite your fingernails and be a vegan. But sadly, animals will still get eaten and you'll still be alive the next day worrying about them. What have they been eaten? That's not good advice, is it? I love it.

You're choosing your funeral speech. I have a little dig at vegans. Just why not? You could say something to your family, you know, about, you know, how they should live without you. Begins, don't worry about dead animals. What the fuck you do? It's not worrying, bloody vegans.

are great because they know me. So they would find that funny. They know my advice. Stop worrying about it. There's my mate Craber there. You know we're talking about the dog walk in the morning? Yes. And the same people.

I meet Craber every morning. Craber? Crabber. That's his nickname. Because he does crabs? No, he's actually a butcher. A butcher called crabber. Yeah, but he always gives me a bit of meat for my dog.

And if I don't see him, he leaves it on the wheel of my van for me. Isn't that cute? That is very sweet. Yeah. And if I do see him, he'll give me an energy bar. Beautiful. I think I'm a vegan. There's one more question about funerals.

Is anything you'd like to happen at your funeral that doesn't normally happen at other people's funerals? Have you got any kind of funky ideas? Yeah, this is my funky idea because I've been thinking about this. Firstly, but I think I might try and pull it forward before I'm dead. Living funeral? A living funeral. However.

But I also think, I want a fancy dress one, but you have to come as somebody who is already dead. who is already dead. Oh. So I'd like a lot of sort of Elvis Presley's, but I want full out. So a living funeral with dead people. People. Yeah.

Wow. Love it. You like that idea? I do. And I quite like that song about Blackbird or lavi. That one. What's that saying and say again? That's all I know.

Blackbird or lavi. I'm dead, so I don't need to know the words and I'll make sure everybody knows it. Hang on during Blackbird. There's not Blackbird by the Beatles. No, but that's a really lovely song too, isn't it? It is. Tell me about the funeral.

Who's your favourite dead person? Who's my favourite dead person? Probably Prince. Prince. I'd love to see him straying in. Maybe everyone can come as Prince. Yes. Probably fun.

Yeah, but not purple. Sadly, I'm not a purple fan. Oh, you hate purple? It got passed down from my ground. It used to make her feel ill, apparently. What the start? light of purple would make your grand feel ill. The sire purple, yes.

But she would, she would settle. It makes me feel pop-a-poly when you give me a purple hot water bottle. Oh, God. Oh, like Brad. Do you have anything like that yourself, well, you just can't explain it, but you have a particular, like, you know, don't show me that or don't come near me with that? Ketchup at work, that is one I can't.

I just can't deal with it down here. And there's no need. And it's quite ugly when it's left. Did we ever need ketchup? No. No. I'm with you. I don't think it adds that much or anything. No. Very sweet. Very sweet. It kind of overpower stuff.

Yeah. I feel like it cleverly gets branded for kids. Yes. Because it's a sweet thing to go with your say thing you're getting a child to eat. You're trying to get them to eat something. Then it kind of becomes in their just general consciousness. I do have not. I wouldn't say arguments, healthy debates with parents who say that my child won't eat anything without ketchup. I don't think that's my problem, love. I think that's a new problem. Yes. Just try to.

Telling them that is no ketchup. Stand firm with a catch up. Yeah, yeah, I really like that. My kids would never ask. Yeah. And if they got it, they'd be like, wow, mom's gonna go to me. Let's have it all.

We're next to the place where you work. Can you describe what the kind of place this is like? It's quite a funky place. That's why I came down it, because I like this place so much. Should I probably, should we say, say what it is it's called the muscle shoal it is called the muscle show and where are we we're poof leaven there we go poor evan is that what we call it sometimes some people do no but it is particularly i think we're we're far enough away from anything that it's

fine to mention it yeah because it's and if anyone's nearby they should come and have a look just pop and say hi they might meet you as well to the rude shouty lady if you hear the shoutsy one yeah you'll know which one it is yeah you're there you're like you're on that podcast once i was I think it's just a very happy spot for a lot of people. For some reason, there's some real little magic that goes on in that shed. Is it you? I think it's us as a group of people together. And I don't really know how it works.

Do you know, when we do figures of the amount of people that we serve, we think actually, you know, big pad on the back. I wouldn't say the were the most organized bunch of people either. But maybe a lot of yelling, a lot of yelling. Get it done? Yeah, screaming and shouting. I do threaten burning. I've only done it once to one man,

and I'm sure he won't have me to say. Burning of the food of burning the person. Burning of the person, much better. Never burn the food. Much better to threaten to burn the person. But the people that you work, and I know this is, you know, people who don't go to work to get burnt. This is true.

They don't expect it either. But when I've asked him to move several times and said, I will burn you if you don't move, then it's, oh dear. I did it. And I didn't mean to do it as bad as I did. Oh, so you did actually burn it? I did.

Oh, you did? Where's he? He's a little Welsh guy. I burn him on his little chubby arm, just here. What a move with a tongue or something? No, with a really nice hot red scullet pan. Whoa. Yes.

The whole pan? Well, it wasn't like a flat. It was more of a sort of rim. And he was like, ow. No, it was like, oh, go, go, go, go. Oh, God. Oh, sorry, yes. But it worked?

It did work. All the new people say, should burn you if you don't move. And they're like, okay. Should burn you? I was going to, if it was summertime, I'd show you. We had a group work branding session. Okay.

Yeah, for Christmas. We thought it would be fun. Like a kind of tattoo? Like a few rums. Like a tattoo. What did you brand? One of our customers who bought us a pumpkin carving set. with the logo.

And we thought, if we put it in the fire, let's just see what we could do with it. And we did a few on the post and then just obviously had a couple more rums and thought it'd be funny. It wasn't funny. We all gave ourselves blood poisoning.

I couldn't even move my arms up over my head. And for some reason, I've got two on my back. And so, you know, when you wake up in the morning and you think, oh dear, why did I do that? So it's permanent brand. It is. Do you want a quick flash? So let's have a quick flash, mate.

Well, we're here. I've got many layers on. Okay. Shall I look away? No. Oh, God, there? Yeah. And the other side?

On there. Silly, hey? Crikey. Yes. What do people think it is? People thought that I had some, like, women in my age get, not postnatal depression, and they get the menopause.

And they get forgetful. They thought it was some weird cups that you have. Menopause cups. I think that's something that people from Devon do. So, yeah. When Sandy and Denny were mentioned, not Denny, yes. Danny. Danny. Sandy Denny, of course, is a focus.

I'm a Danny. Yeah, I was going to ask you, who is your first Danny? Did I have a Danny? You know, your first, like, romantic Valiants. Yeah, can you remember that kind of first one? Yes. Can you talk to me about it?

Yes. Can I talk to you about it? Oh, maybe not. No, probably. You know, when you're just sort of like about 14 and you think, oh, boys. Boys. Boys. Boys.

And I got invited to the Scout Christmas party. Absolutely terrified because I was like, okay, boys but then there's like many many boys but obviously there were a few other girls there but one that they had to do a party game and one of them I had to lie on the floor and the boy did press ups over the top of me oh god I was terrified was like oh my god this is like having sex I don't know is this sex is this sex in the scalp hall with all these people around so yeah that was probably like 14 13 14 around there okay And then did something happen with one of these?

I'm still friends with him now. Are you fantastic? Does he still do the press over you? No, but he's still now to get to laugh about it. And he's got a third nipple on his back. Great. Why not? Let's jump in that little tip of it.

That's sexy. Wow. What have you learnt about men in your life? What have you come to learn? The majority of them are really okay. But there are... I think a lot of men like to be looked off. and I'd quite like to get looked after the end.

I'm tired, I'm tired of looking after men. That was a great breakdown of men. Yeah. I'm single and I've got to say, it's the one thing as everybody says, oh, don't you miss a partner? I miss somebody putting the bins out. My chance being a lot about bins, doesn't I? Is that my life?

Is your life just being a big bin? going to the dump. No, well dumps are great, dumps are fun. You learnt a lot in the dump. Yeah, did. Because you said the dump made you. Yeah, the dump did make me. And I still love going to the dump.

Yeah. What did you do in the dump now? I get hold of for jumping in the plant skip. I'm getting stuck in there. What do you mean to get stuck in there? Because they're those great big containers. And you just jump in? Now and again.

What are you looking for? Plants, obviously. And if you see a big palm tree in there. Palm Hedge? Tom Hens is calling. It's not going to grow itself. No, so I jumped in and try and rescue it, but I have got stuck in there once.

And I had to cry out for help. Cry out for help, with a branch. Oh, with a branch? You can't see everything. Because you can't see. Would you like to find a person? You're single, but would you like? Well, I like to find one.

I don't want to have to find one. I would love to think that there was somebody out there that could tolerate my erratic, behaviour, even though it's not really that erratic or crazy, but just someone that you don't have to explain yourself to, that they kind of go, oh, it's okay. Yeah. So yes, I would. And I do believe one day, maybe when I'm a big girl, I'm allowed, but at the moment, I just feel that I'm still too childish. Like men my age, probably think I'm... Too childish for... I'm probably just too much for older men.

Younger one. Yeah, but then they want the mum vibe. Oh, of course. This is why it's complicated. Yeah, my mum always says that yours are probably up a mountain somewhere, just, you know, like weaving snake skins or doing something. Have you ever found a man up a mountain? No.

Maybe that's what you've got to do. I need to go up mountains, yeah. What's the most exciting place you've had sex? On a roof. I feel like I can ask you. Yeah. Top of a roof. Top of a roof.

In a tree? Oh, not at the same. So these are two separate events, roof and tree. Two different days, yeah. Yeah. Say mad. Sorry, but I'm just, because you said it very in quick succession. I thought maybe the tree was on the roof.

No. No. It's. I was just up there cleaning. What? You were already up there. So I don't know how many questions I can ask now. I was up there cleaning.

Cleaning. Cleaning the gutters. And he was up there. It was a gardening job, really, because there was. There was some big bushes growing out the chimney. So I'd gone up there to do that. I thought, well, I was up there. I might as well clean the gutters.

And then I met a man up there. You actually met up there. You knew. I did know him. I think he just came to check if I was okay. Obviously. I was okay. I'm okay.

Yeah, what's, can you sell, roof, sex? Good view. Good view. For everyone. Nice and warm. It was summertime. Yeah. like warm tiles yeah so really it's a good thing what we're saying is if you can roof

sex but maybe be careful yes and maybe just wear good pumps you know like a good sticky soul so you're not sliding because you know you need to have get some push roof sex lesson number one yeah any other roof sex lessons there oh good gloves good sliding. You've got to hold on to stop. You can't hold on. Well, this is, that's the first time I've ever had a roof sex conversation in my life. I think you need to take this forward.

It's a great question to ask other people. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to ask for this. Was it one time, one time only? You didn't go, you didn't think of repeating it. We did repeat. Okay, same roof, different roof. Different roof. What was different from the second time to the first?

It was a bigger roof. More chimneys. Chimneys. What did that mean? though more chimneys was that a good thing what hang on but why does more chimneys mean more sex so is that I don't know just maybe it was more places more places more things to hold on to yeah yeah we did find them I don't know if it was a was or a bees nest on one of them which was that was the end of that days so that's a second

and that you leave it at the twice yeah that's it yeah yeah I think you could have done quit while you're ahead yeah the bees you go six chimneys and a bee's nest was enough. Let's just go inside. We could just go inside. Fantastic. Well, that's a good, that is a good one. I mean, while we're here, any other sex on a roof?

No. Were you now? Give it a go. I mean, if there is a roof that is, I would say I'm fairly, I'm a fairly cautious climber, so it would have to be a fairly steady roof. Maybe start with a shed. Yeah. Strong the shed.

Any other good sex places? Any other good sex places? On a tractor? A tractor tractor or your famous lawn mower? No, it was a tractor tractor, a cute little French one. Yeah. In France? No.

In Cornwall, but it was a really nice experience. Yeah. In the field? On a drive. Oh, you were moving. Yeah, again. Very slowly. The sex was fast, but the tractor was slow.

But you were moving, so someone was driving this tractor? Someone was driving. So quite a lot of responsibility, the old driving sex at the same time. I trusted him. Evidently. And it wasn't like a busy, road. Yeah. It wasn't a busy, but there were other car, there are other vehicles on the road.

No. How far do you think were you, we went? We went. All the way. No, no, not the, not the, not the sex. I mean, the distance on the tractor, sorry. It's hard to measure sex in yards or meters, isn't it? Like half a mile? Maybe, five miles an hour. It's like an equation. You have your children with one person? I have children with two. The first one died, sadly. Oh. He did go on to marry somebody after me.

And then he died? Then he died. Yeah. But the second wife, we kept in contact four years. Lovely. And then last year she came to Cornwall and stayed. And we had five days together. And we ended up just being really good friends in a very strange way.

And then we got a message of her son to say, I'm really sorry to tell you, but mum died. Yeah, just odd. Odd that she should just die. Maybe that's what she needed to complete the... The circle. Yeah, that's what we felt. Do you have any circles that you want to complete?

Yeah, I don't think I would say I've got anything I want to complete, but I recently just lost a really close friend. And it's that importance of saying goodbye and kind of... of just not thinking, I'll do that in a minute, or I'll bring them tomorrow, or I'll go up tomorrow. It's like if you're feeling like you need to go today, go today. So, you know, I feel that's sort of something I've learned recently.

It's important to make sure, like I've always said to my kids, you know, people can get married several times, and you can miss one wedding. But with a funeral, you only get one chance to say goodbye. So if it's really important to you, then work will have to wait, or money will find it to make sure you can go, to say goodbye. Tell me about your friend that you've just lost, if it's not too difficult. Oh, sorry. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

I feel like I've started, and it would be disrespectful, not do. He was just a great character. Very flamboyant, very lovable, full of mischief. We had a lot of fun together. Just gone a little bit too soon and... Hmm. But a lot of mischief was had. Oh, so much.

Yeah, I met him. He arrived on Silly as an artist in a little two-month-tend selling prints. And we were laughing because he ended up running this bed and breakfast. There was a nice, a great big building on Silly. But he was a bit of a drinker and a bit of a smoker. So he had one rule. You could only stay if you'd just stay if you'd drink. only stay if you drank and smoked.

Don't want any of these clean living people come in here. And so in the actual house, it just had a really lovely, happy vibe. You know, everybody went out in the evening together. We all came home together. We'd all have cheese or toast and have a whiskey and smoke inside and get everybody up early in the morning to take them out. So it's just a lot of fun. He was just one of those men that he could land sunny side up,

even if he was knee-deep in shit. and you knew who was dying or was it a yeah sadly I did he's way like his partner they live right up in the top of Scotland and he's like I don't want you to come and I didn't go and I really think I should have gone

moral of the story you were a great friend he was a great friend you know I suppose that's a job after you know after people die we've got to you know while we're here we can keep them alive you know Yeah. We got a tele bit of mischief that we did on Cilly.

Yeah. It's when they put up the first little wind turbine over there. We hadn't put a ladder on to stop people climbing up it. So we decided that we would take our work van, about 14 of us, and then got on the van and then stood on each other's shoulders until we were tall enough to get up. And then climbed on top of the wind turbine thing up there. And then, of course, the next morning, I was like, oh, it's my shoes.

And I was like, oh, no. Liff on the top of the turf life? Left on the top of the turf life. How on, so as in, what, it's spinning around? It wasn't at the time. They were building there. They were building up. So it all on each of the shoulders.

It's like, well, it's like Wattes and Gromit or something. It's a little bit like that. Like, we can do it. We can get up there. So we all climbed up. Just to watch the sunrise, you know, for our different perspective. Fantastic. Yeah.

If I, if I went to your hat, if I just happened to kind of enter your house, Like you did when you picked the lock of the, when you were eight, and I looked around, what one object would confuse me the most, do you think? Many, I think, but probably things like I've got a disco dolphin because I had a friend once that moved into my cupboard under the stairs, and when she left, she gave me. It's a fibreglass dolphin that you have in a kid's playground. And she said, I want you to have this.

So you don't forget me. I'm like, great, I'm going to do with that. Anyway, I've covered it. I've disco bulled it. So I've got a disco dolphin, and then I've got lots of mannequin parts covered in lots of weird stuff. Maniccan parts are not even just a full mannequin, like a leg. Yeah, just a leg. What's covering the mannequin's leg?

Shells, beads. Of course, shells. Yeah, stones, mirrors, glitter, that sort of thing. This is what you just do on a kind of Sunday afternoon sometimes, this cover of mannequin's leg. Yeah, when the dog's having a fit, then you just have to do something quiet. but keep busy. So I get the glue gun out and just cover mannequins and stuff.

How many mannequins do you go in there? I've got a big one called Grace Jones. She's the one that I'm working on. I've got two legs. Your friend lived under your stairs. Your friend lived in your cupboard. How much space is in the cupboard? It was enough room for a double bed and a side table.

Didn't have a window, didn't have a door. Under your stairs is enough room for a double bed. Yeah. So she was in that. She stayed in there from like probably a little. about 10 months. Oh, my God. She loved it.

And she only left because my daughter was coming back from Australia. So she needed to go in the cupboard. So you really bonded? Oh, for sure. Yeah. She's my darling, darling. I've got a question about mannequins. And also got a question about cooking and chefing.

Yeah. Because you are a chef. Loosely. Loosely. So that's your main job now. That's how I make my living. Yeah. I used to manage the ship and then the headshed

chef had a bit of a meltdown so i said you have a week off i'll jump in and just do sandwiches all week you know it's not the end of the world and i've never gone back oh just cooked ever since big week so that was how what was your age then it was just 10 years ago oh so it's really quite yeah quite new yeah that's exciting yeah so i did the ship and did the sailing club and there's a village pub over there that was going to close and so they asked if i would like to help run it so I was like, oh, wait, go, and let's give it a go. So we got that up and running again, and since then the pub's doing great. And then I came back to the village.

When my friends started this, he said, you want to work? And I was like, yeah, right. And here I am. It's lovely that you can do, you know, one week somewhere can change the game. Without that week in the pub, you might not be here today. Probably not. I'm guessing there's something about being a chef you enjoy. I think it's the arty bit, really.

And I mean, seafood is really simple. keep it fresh. Don't mess around with it. And yeah, eat it out of a box. Eat it out of a box. Yeah. I just feel like there's something special about what goes on in shed cooking

because it has to be simple. I'm going to ask you three more questions and I'm going to leave you alone. Go on because I imagine you've got to start cooking soon. Yeah, I should go go do some. This is one of the first strangers I've talked to when it's been raining quite a lot. Luckily, we're under an awning

because it's next to the place for you work. Yeah. Fortunate. Anything you would like to ask yourself, if you were me? Why do you keep being such a dick? Because I am full of mischief and I did upset my boss because I sprayed you on the bar and it made him cross. I'm 56, stop it.

Do you know, grow up, but I just can't help it. I had a gold spray paint in my hand and before I knew it, I'd done it. So that was like, why do you have to do that? Other women my age don't do that. But look, what if you want to flip this around? Maybe you should be more of a dick. Ooh.

I like you, Tom. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Why stop at that? Exactly. Like, be more you. Or just choose your moments. Yeah.

Yeah. You don't have to do your dick moves all the time. Just a dick a dick a day? A dick a day? Daily dick moment. A dick a day keeps a frown at bay. Yeah, I like that. That's what we'll remember.

Yes. What I like to do is get people, because obviously no one can see where we are. Yeah. We've got a, you know, a lovely view in front of us. Can you describe what you can see and how that makes you feel? Firstly, it makes me feel like I'm at home. I like being on the edge of the coast. I don't like being inland too much.

And I can see many boats just sitting in the sand and the seagulls, a bit of river, a bit of movement of water, I like. And just this really seeing the tide coming in and out, you don't feel like it really moves a lot, but when you're watching it, it moves really fast. A lot of water going in, a lot of water coming out every day. That's what I like.

I like that too. I didn't push you because you said so many exciting things, I drifted over the mannequins a bit. I could tell you how I got them all. Yeah, that's what I was kind of going to ask you. So it's a great little story. Okay. I'm like hospitality, everybody works their butt off, you know, and especially Christmas New Year. You never got any time off.

I had three hours. I literally raced Penzance. Look in my bag and I've left my wallet at home. Not enough time to come back, get the wallet and go back to sew it. I went back to the car and weirdly I found 83. £83. So £8, £3 in the car? In the car.

So I'm thinking, got about 24 people to get presents for, trying to work out how much that is roughly per person. Not a lot. Well, thankfully, I was walking past a clothing shop and they were closing down and they had for sale all the mannequins. And so I offered them $83.

And I took as many as basically I could carry in three hours. I sent one arm to my friend because she went skiing and broke it. sent her just an arm in the post saying, here you need a hand, which really freaked around. I made candlesticks out of them. And so, yeah, I just did little funky things with them for my family for Christmas.

That's amazing. And that's how I got my mannequins. Whoa, that is good. Did everyone enjoy these presents of the bits of body parts? I don't think everybody. I think a lot of people just thought, what do I do with a hand? I'm sadly, my friend has had her leg chopped off.

So I gave her a leg. I can see a theme now. If you've got some kind of condition, you'll send them the part. Yeah. How does she feel like getting the leg? She has got a great sense of humour, but I drilled holes in it and then planted it out with succulents. Oh, that's beautiful. There's a little bit of style there.

When I went around to sea and it was hanging outside her house. Oh. She's okay about the leg. I think with great presence, you've got to take the odd risk. You do, yeah. Like the whole point of giving a gift of us, it's a bit of jeopardy. So well done. Thank you.

I was brave. Yeah. Yes. And I think that's how you win. Yeah. Maybe not. Last, I asked this question to everybody at the end. You can either answer this in a kind of now way or general way or both.

Okay. What are you, stranger? Yeah. Going to do next. Probably make some people's lunch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They're going to love it. I'm going to make lunch for people. Check on in the cheese, chef. One. One check. What is it? Big chat.

Oh. One big check. So I am going to make people's lunch, and then I'm going to stay here until the end of the day and do it all again. We're looking for staff if anybody wants a job. Come on down. Come on down. Thank you very much. No, thank you very much.

Really lovely to meet you. I've really enjoyed it to you. It's set my Wednesday up. Proper. Proper good. Not even am past. He'd celebrate. Yes.

three a week yeah through record yeah okay all right goodbye goodbye

goodbye