Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 84: Called To The Fanny

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

*Content warning - suicide*. Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened! Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Ella's Still Alive!' by Lizzy and The PalmStream it here : Listen to all the end songs featured on the podcast (so far) on one handy playlist :https://ffm.to/soabendsongs————————————————————————————Instagram : @strangersonabench Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Why am I nervous all of a sudden? Because it's a terrifying proposition talking to a stranger on a bench, no. Because it's just life. And it's all possible. You ready? I'm ready. Great. Do you have a favourite day of the week? Not really, no. I guess Friday. But it kind of is meaningless because I work any day. So I think that's just ingrained leftover from school.

Yeah. Okay, let's imagine a Friday. You have complete freedom. You don't have to work. How would you spend that day? What for you represents a really good day spent on earth? I'm in the very fortunate minority where I love my job. So realistically, probably a day. Doing the job. Probably doing the job. I mean, it's a fucking slog. Am I allowed to swear?

Just have. Okay. Well, I've done it now. And you've done it now and you are allowed to swear. Okay. Yeah, it is a fucking slog. The job? Right.

But you like a slog. Love a slog? I would feel like it was a day well spent. I think if I was left on my own devices I probably would like sleeping you just rot away you wouldn't know what to do

no I mean what I usually do to be fair is that this is my favourite place in London so this particular park this particular but not even this bench is it dedicated to you it's not actually

but it's you know I have made it known that when I die I will be getting a bench here yeah alright so you're always on benches here I am usually in this park doing the crosswords

on my day off Fantastic. Okay, well let's do a day off. So so far we know you like doing crossword. Yeah. But if you take me from like waking up, what time? Okay. Well, so basically I don't wake up at a normal time. I'm actually waiting to get sleep, study done. Because shift work has slightly ruined my circadian rhythm. So today I woke up at 2pm and then I was like, shit, there's sunshine must seize the day. Oh, you work up at 2 p.m. Yeah, so I like ran out of the house. Go to

a little bakery and get my coffee. I go to the same place every day, which is kind of nice. I like it. It's like little community. Do they know you? Yeah. How much do you know about them?

First name terms? First name terms, yeah. Quite a lot of people who just left. So I haven't met the next gen there. Was that a sad moment when they left? It is kind of, yeah, because I tend to go to the same places always, because I like building relationships with people.

It is nice to build relationships with people. I don't massively plan. I just go on vibes. What are the tactics? It's really like it's hard to get me to shut the fuck up. To be honest, I feel like I'm more just subjecting people to my personality. And then eventually they'll lose stamina and think, Jesus, and probably fake that they need the toilet and leave. The shop's closed.

Yeah. I wouldn't surprise me. Is that how people actually do react to you? No, they don't. I don't think to my face, no. but I feel like I probably... What do people not like about you, do you think? I think people can find me too much.

Really? Yeah. But I feel like... Is that their problem though? Yeah, then go find less. Exactly. It used to bother me a lot as a kid. I was always told I was too much.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, by who? Everybody. Everybody. But then I got diagnosed with ADHD like a year ago. So it all sort of made sense. And then I was like, oh, I am too much, but it's clinical, so you can't be mean.

Yeah. What did it do to your kind of general spirit to be like you constantly told you too much? I mean like looking at you now, does it look like it's been overly dampened? No. No, I feel like out of pettiness, I will continue to be too much and quite annoying. This is perfect. Yeah. When was the last time even you were considered like I really did go too hot and heavy there? Probably earlier today.

I woke up and I was really excited that the sun was shining and my flatmate at the moment is visiting her parents so she's got somebody subletting. Who luckily this guy is lovely and I really get on with her but I like bounce into the kitchen when I saw the sun had come out and was like dancing and I think she was a bit shell shocked. Maybe I'm just a small dose person. That's really all you need just like a line. You just need a little bump of my first question. If I only could have had one question, what one question should I have asked you? That is such a confusing question. What question would I want you to ask me?

Isn't that your job? The question's for you? No, but what would be a good question? What would be like the kind of, you know, what would really kind of arrow in? What is a good question to ask me? I don't know. because as soon it'll be in one ear and then something else will pop in and so the question is kind of irrelevant yeah let's go back a bit what so you work up at 2 p.m because you're doing what in the night I just couldn't get us asleep until like five

oh right why I don't know but I've gotten a point with a sleep doctor so I find out soon sounds like they're going to have their work cut out yeah I think so what were you doing like so let's say at like 4 a.m. Just fanning about but what? I'm watering the plants, I'll folding laundry, I don't know. So you weren't even trying to go to sleep? No, I mean, I try, and then I'm like, oh, this is just ludicrous. And then I get up, and then I'm like, maybe I'll get bored if I sort of potter around. I've sort of accidentally become a bit nocturnal.

Is your job in the night? Sometimes. Oh, right. Yeah. Sometimes it's at night. Sometimes it's at night. Like a nurse or something? Yeah.

Oh, you are a nurse? No, I'm a midwife. You know what? What? No follow up? What? You're about the three, you know, you're towards the 300 of these. Okay.

There's a lot of talking to the benches. First midwife. Represent. Respect. Yeah. It's in the trenches. I tell you what. A lot of babies.

A lot of babies. A lot of babies come out. They're talking a lot about this declining birth rates. I don't know what the people of South London have been doing, but it is not apparent. where I work people do be fucking it was clearly just a long rainy summer and I tell you what I mean now I have obviously like a lot of questions I'm now annoyed that it's it's like not three hours ago yeah what we're gonna do when it gets dark I'm gonna have more questions to be

fair you can actually roll under the gate over there really yeah if you're small roll under yeah there's a bit of a gap like a rat well I see how we get wouldn't do is try and climb over those ones by the front because you will fall in a bin and end up getting injured. So. At least I'll be with a midwife. Yeah. There's a nice kite. Um, that's pretty. What a nice, pleasant thing to do. No, and I have a kite that my best friend and I bought specifically to come a flight and then we just forgot. Yeah. I would say like 80, 3% of kites. That's the story. Mm. I don't know where. You've got to bring it out. Yeah. This is the sign. We need a good windy day. Maybe that's what I do on the weekend.

Yeah. Okay, midwife. Yeah. What are people not focusing enough about midwifery? What are people forgetting about? To be honest, if I've got captive audience, I don't need them to ask questions. It's so bad. I'm so passionate about it. They don't really need to ask a question. Okay, tell me why you're passionate about it. I don't know. To me, it's kind of like how I imagine a nun feels when they're like called to the abbey, except I've just been like called to the fanny, basically. basically. I just know this is what I was put here to do. Like this is when did you know you put here to do that? As soon as I found out it was a job. I was always obsessed with like pregnancy and birth. I was like always used as a kid was like staring at pregnant women. I just couldn't get over there. It's a baby. Unreal. I like knew how I was born. I remember always asking my

friends like so how were you born and they didn't know and I was like what do you mean? You haven't interrogated your mom about this. And so then I found out that there was a actually a job. And then I was like, well, yeah, jobs are good and that's what I do then. And so that's amazing. And then I think that's honestly like the dream life when you just come across something you know you're doing and then just go and do it. I'm very lucky. I mean, statistically it's probably going to take 10 years off my life and ruin my lower back. But there's not much to be done about that. No, but it's going to give you so much. Yeah. I think being a midwife is kind of like being in an abusive relationship.

Right. You're not in it for the money. With the system? Yeah, with the system, basically. It's terrible for your health. It's not very good for your mental health. Yeah. It's not there looking out for you.

You are replaceable. They don't care if you're sick. They don't care if we're meant to be five and there's only three of us and you're now responsible for 18 lives when it should be three. But it's so magical. You can't not do it. I'm going to do a weird thing, sorry. I'm quite cold, but I have this shirt for later, because I'm going to do a different thing.

I'm just going to put it on. I'm just going to put it on me like a scarf. Is that okay? The exact same thing. I was going to do the same thing. But now I'm going to look completely ridiculous. Well, at least we'll look ridiculous together. It's fine.

I've got like a scarf on. That's a shirt. I mean, yours is a scarf. Mine is a thermal top. It's actually my mum's old pajama top. Amazing. What did you know about your own birth? Oh my God, disaster.

My poor mum, it was like 36 hours. Oof. Got to 9 centimetres. Category 1 emergency section. Oh shit. My dad nearly missed because there weren't mobile phones and he was on crutches and had left the hospital to go and do something. So he hobbled towards seeing a diverse?

Yeah, and it was like a disaster. My parents didn't think they were going to be able to get pregnant. And so then when they did, the doctors were like, oh, this isn't going to stick. So they sort of just kept waiting for me to like die. And then I lived. And also you are particularly like alive. I am.

You're like full of beans. Then not only that, then you're here like delivering life all the time. Yeah. Life delivers life. Just relentlessly. Got to pay it forward. This is really my ideal day out, to be honest. Somebody just come and talk to me about my job.

This is it. This is it. Let's live your dream. Yeah. Okay. Let's riff through some midwife questions. One, for you the most magical one, one that stands out. If I had to say like, if one that jumps out is like the one.

The first one is like you've got to do 40 to qualify, 40 catches. They have to be spontaneous vaginal deliveries. How it catches. Yeah, that's what they're called. Is that the technical term? Yeah. How often is it an actual catch? Not often because you can't count Cesarians, you can't count four-seps, you can't count the suction cup.

And as it's becoming more medicalised, which is a whole other issue, it's becoming rarer and a lot harder for student midwives to get their catches in. So you've got 40 catches. Yeah. Yeah, my first one was magical. It was, well, I know the exact date actually. I got it tattooed. It was the day after Valentine's Day in 2022. and it was a really cool gay couple

and they had had students the whole way along their facility journey and everybody helping them conceive, it had been their first time doing the procedure and then they got to me and they found out this would be my first delivery. So they were so excited for me. Oh, wonderful. And it was, yeah, it was just magical.

And I like got home and I don't think I slept that night. I sat on a number. another park bench, actually, and was just like, oh my God, I've just seen life. I don't think I will ever get over it. It's like this bump that you're feeling and their arms and leads are like kicking you off. And like, you know, you're doing these examinations. You can feel if they've got hair and you're, and then suddenly there's like a whole human being. I'll just never get over it.

What is the bit of it that really gets you? Or is it just the whole thing? I think it's probably when you put the baby on their chest, and usually the women sort of dissociate for about five minutes and you watch them look down and realize what what they've done and they're looking at you like did that just happen and I'm like well you did it I think that's my favorite bit because you yeah it's like you it's like you it's like you watch them leave to another dimension for a little bit and then you watch them come back and then they're different it's wild

I remember that time when someone said to my, the mother of my children, like, you've done it, you did that. And did that, yes, such you describe that so beautifully that dissociation moment. Yeah. It's like you've watched two people be born. Yeah. Almost. That's beautiful. What's the weirdest thing that someone shouted out to you?

What I remember, so my second child was a home birth? I love a home birth. All I knew about the midwife was that she really liked her car. Oh. Right? She actually was really late. She basically missed everything. Nice.

But I remember her just trying to park the car. And she did take eighties parked it. She's like, somebody's going to ding it. Because I was like, I think because like second child, it was just, no one really gave a shit. It was like, whatever. It's coming up. Oh, it's going to be fine. So cash.

Anyway, you get to see your partner in a state of like just, otherworldliness, right? And I always remember the second child was born about 10 o'clock at night. I asked my partner, like, what time do you think it is after she had given birth? And she said, I don't know, she feels like five in the morning. And it was like 10 at night. She was like, so, she was completely up. She was, you know, like she was entered into another dimension. But in that as I mentioned, what comes out of people is, is like, wild. Wild. There's anything that swings to mind. I mean, I think homebirth is different because there's less drugs.

I definitely, there is gas and air. I've had women really like hit the gas and air hard. Too hard? I had one woman who like, she was freaking out and I was like, babe, have a bit of this. You pay your taxes. It'll do you. Just try it all.

And she went absolutely mental and tried to get her husband into bed with her. And I was like, honey, this is why you're in this situation. She was like, baby, come here. She was like taking it. And I was like, no, this is not the time. But don't they say, what happens when you kiss and stuff, it releases certain things? They're oxytocin. Yeah, and that can help or something.

Yeah, I think usually that probably doesn't happen when there's like two midwives in the room. Okay. You know, I'm happy to just step into another room if you need to make that happen. Yeah. I could already tell you, like, you clearly are just, I just know you're brilliant at your job. Thank you. I am. Yeah.

You can just tell. I just like, I'm crap everything else. I can just tell like I'm good at my job. I can tell because it's actually also like that person that's there for you at that time is so crucial. Like I would be so pleased if I got you. Thank you. Don't you be like oh wow I've just got really lucky there? Do you have any children? No. No. What does this all mean for you and having children? I don't think I'm I don't know my mates. Yeah. Of course they're your mates of course. But how did you feel? So you're fascinated by birth, but you're not your own.

No, I've always had a lot of children in my life. I think started babysitting when I was like 13. And so have looked after most of the children on my street and watch them grow from like. Most of them on your street. Yeah. My parents still live in the house that I grew up in. And so I've watched them all go from little babies

to starting school to learning out to ride a bike and tie your shoes. and try your first instrument and all that. So I feel like... You're a mother to a whole street. Is that what you're saying? Basically. Yeah. I've always had loads of children in my life.

And I'm a big sister as well. But does that... That doesn't really answer the question, though. What was the question? You're not particularly interested in your own... Why are you not... I would love it, but I think what my job has made me realise is that it so has to be with the right person.

The amount of times I watch people in real time realise that they've had babies with the wrong person is horrendous. Really? Yeah. And I watch the thing, fuck. Like, what do you mean? Like, you give them an example?

Just, I mean, I don't want to dogg on the men because... Well, you can if you want. I feel like birth can be as if not more traumatic for the partners because when you're the birthing person, you're the one going through it, you're so focused on what's happening, the end result, you're so in the moment of what's happening. Yeah. But for your partner who's watching the person they love

in immense pain, and there's absolutely nothing they can do to help really or make it better or make it go away, you must feel so powerless, it must just be awful. But so many people, I think, there are other external factors that feel like, you know, I'm ready,

it doesn't really matter if it's the right person, I just want the kid. But it's rare and it's transformation when you see a couple with people that are really connected. Often they've been together a long time first. They just know each other and they're there and it's not a chore or an effort to be there for each other and they're really a team, which is so rare.

Really? Yeah. Give me a percentage. What are we talking? Maybe like 25. percent the time. One in four? Not a lot. Well sometimes I just think of you're going to be an absolute disaster. I mean all you're doing is complaining that you're tired and hungry and you don't want to do this. You know, to tell the woman. Yeah. There are times where I've, I don't want to

know, I'm really conscious that a lot of, and I'm stereotyping with heterosexual couples here, but a lot of men will leave a maternity ward feeling a bit dogged on and their confidence is a bit not because we don't have a lot of time or sympathy for them and their shit basically. And boys are really sensitive. If I'm really dismissive, they lose their cot and that can be really make or break. So like I can remember once it winds me up. I had this dad press the buzzer and you know I've got like one woman trying to bleed out on me. Like all at one baby's hypoglycemia, all this going on.

And he's like, can you show me how to change the nappy? And in my head I was like, I'm going to cry. this isn't a surprise you've had nine months what do you mean you don't know how to change a nappy there are pictures on the fucking pamper's box what are you talking about and then i sat there and i was like okay to me this is really obvious and so stupid to him it's his first time changing his first baby's nappy and he was scared to even pick up the baby if i hype him up now he's going to be i can do this when we get home she's not going to be all by herself so sometimes sometimes Sometimes you have to like as much as you want to just like slap them, you need to be like,

no, we've got to hype them up because if they leave the hospital and they think, I know how to support my wife, I know how to like help her express breast milk, I know how to change her pads, I know how to burp this baby properly and they feel like they can care for the baby independently. I reckon they'll have a better chance. But that takes a lot of energy from you. Yeah, that's why I wake up at like four. P.m. To make sure the men are happy as well as everyone else.

Yeah, I think they tend to remember more of it than the women do. For the women most of it is just a blur. Here's a kite guy. Where is the kite that? It's over there. It's an crumpled heat. Oh, go on mate. Oh, he looks quite sweet. I reckon he'd have better luck up there. Do you want to tell him? Yeah, let me go man's playing hands on your kites. Oh, it's really nice. He's got a very painted trousers as well. He's been painting. He's a snazgy dude. You know? Maybe that's the... right one for you.

Maybe. This is the moment. I'm going to write my number on his kite. At the moment, you could. It's not going anywhere. Maybe the first number ever written on a kite in a kind of romantic sense. You don't think people

like kites to get girls. I don't know. It doesn't scream Fanny Magnet, but who knows? I can't imagine you're talking to, I'm not trying to, you know, I'm trying to assess who you are really like deep down like I just can't really picture you talking to people now like just generally like you with with a friend

can't picture it don't have any no I'm joking no I'm sure I'm sure you got loads I'm just can't really imagine this is what I'm like with most it's hard to it's hard to hard to picture I can totally see you in the I can't picture you in the I can't see you my gosh no no I can but what are you what what kind of Who do you attract, like friend-wise? I think they're great. I don't know. I don't really have a big group of friends.

Yeah. I was always a bit more of a floater. Are you kind of what I call a heavy A-team fender? What does that mean? So the system roughly goes, you know, if you, this is an anthropological thing, you can know 100, like, we can only really know 150 people. Like, that's what our brains are capable of.

Now, I like to break it down into ABCD. Friends. So D is like just people you might just see, you know, kind of very casually like colleagues or people at parties so you could have seen a couple of time, you vaguely know their name, but nothing else. Yeah. See, you like them, but you wouldn't have a kind of one-on-one thing with them, but they're like friendly enough. Okay. B-teen people are ones you would have a drink with them alone, meal or walk, whatever.

Yeah. But A-P-T people are your kind of like crisis ones. So like ones who are kind of telling all your, like, confiding in and Yeah. Like in a kind of consistent... Why did he do that? What was that about? I don't know.

Maybe he... I think he's just trying to... Okay, don't panic. I've lost my bait. Hang on. Hang on. Oh no, I found it. It was in my pocket. It's all fine. It's all great.

You know what I realised this is like actually, talking to you? Because I work up really early this morning. It's quite rare thing to talk to someone who essentially is going to just working up. It's like talking to someone on the other side of the world. side of the world or something. Yeah. It's like you're in Australia. I do feel like I'm jet-lagged. I quite like the night time though. I like feeling like I've got the world to myself. Yeah. Obviously that's where you like, so maybe you just like a bit of peace.

I think that because my job is so sociable. Yeah. Like especially at the moment I'm on Post-Nate award. So I have on a day where we're not, I mean we're always understaffed, but on a day where we're not like badly understaffed, I'll have like six or seven families that I come on to and then Some of them will be discharged and I'll get new ones throughout the day. So I could have like 10, 15 families that I like, I'm looking after for 13 hours that I need to trust me. That's a lot of, that's a lot. Of course you need. Of course you need.

I get home and I'm like, if anybody breathes in my direction, I will kick you in the ball. Of course you need your plant time and you're folding. Do you say folding? Is that just a man made that up? I try and fold things. Okay. Then you're fine. Back to friends.

Sorry, because I said, so you have. Oh yeah. So now I've told you about my formation scenario. Does that make sense? So you've got some really, like, core ones, but not that many proofs? Yeah, but they don't all necessarily know each other. I have, like, my one best friend who I've known for, I think it'll be our 16 year anniversary this year. Lovely.

I see him pretty much every day. We walk every evening. That's nice. Do you walk in the same place to place to face? You just walk around? like our favourite little spots and then we have our like pub that we go to that we call a local it's like halfway between our houses and that's like a pub all regular so like if I walk in by myself at any time during the day I'll know half the people in there that's lovely so like I wouldn't

say I have like a loads of friends or like a big group of friends I just other ways and strays that I've picked off along the way that's lovely yeah but it's nice like all ages One of my best mates is like just turned 68. Fantastic. Yeah. May I just commend you? I think it's like a wonderful thing to have friends of all ages. I think it's so important.

And silly, very rare, but it should be done really more. But talked about the 68 year old, how you became friends, why it's important. Go. Well, he's also a regular at the pub. My best friend and I met him and then we do cryptic crosswords and he does cryptic crosswords. And so then we started doing cryptic crosswords together. So sweet. And then before we knew, we were just really good friends.

But I think it's so important because a lot of other cultures really have the intergenerational living down. And they look after their old people and they live with their aged parents. I think in the UK, we have a bit more of a stick-in-a-home-home culture. but I think there's a lot to be said for being around people with a lot more life experience than you and sort of one removed from your parents

also so I couldn't agree with you more yeah sometimes he'll be like that's not worth worrying about and then I'll be like I guess you would know because you've been here a bit longer than I have

and for some reason if my mum or dad said it I'd be like you don't understand but yeah Yeah. Do you talk to me about crosswords? Yeah. I love crosswords. When?

How does one get into? I'm going to say, what's the gateway? The gateway drug for me was the metro, because it's free. Like all the best drugs? Yes, exactly. And then I started doing the quick crossword. And then my best friend was like, that's embarrassing. do the cryptic like a grown-up.

My dad's always done them so he can help. I don't know, it's just a bit of a cult, like once you get in. Do you have to do it every day? Yeah, for my soul. Whoa. Do you ever ever not complete it? Oh yeah, all the time. Oh, okay.

I'm not brilliant at them. You're not a complete... I need to do something for my brain. Okay. What happens to your brain otherwise? The voices just get too much. Do they? Do they? What is happening in there?

ADHD. What is that? The only way I can explain it is it feels like I've got like seven TVs on and they're all on a different channel at full volume at the same time. Wow. So now? Yeah. I can hear like sounds over there and sounds over there. I'm thinking about that and I'm thinking about this and listen to their conversation and I'm wondering what that's about.

So I need to have some things to dial into just for it to be a bit peaceful. get a rest from myself. This is the problem. I find myself annoying too, but everyone else can just leave. I'm like stuck here for all ever. Everyone else can just leave. Sometimes I think, oh, a little coma,

that would be lush just for a couple of days. Do you know what I mean? Or like if a lobotomy was reversible. Just so like a week off. God, yeah. I mean, so it needs to be as exciting in delivering a baby, really, to kind of get you through. maybe you just do more exciting things.

I do, I'm a bit random. I do quite a lot of stupid, spontaneous things. Fantastic. Last one of note? Like 18 months ago, finished my training, went on a two week jolly, met somebody there, fell head over heels in love for the first time,

had to go home, found out my job was starting like two months later, Then I thought, subletted my flat and bought a one-way ticket back out to the Philippines two days later. It was great. Fantastic. Hang on. It's just a little bit of rewinding there. Finish your training.

You're out to the, then you go. I went for a jolly in Thailand because my friend was there and he was like, just come. And then when did he meet the love interest? And then a week into that, I met this person on the beach. and it was so weird it was like oh there you are it was like we'd met in another life

I've never experienced anything like it it was so bizarre and it was a woman that had never happened before and she like sat down in front of me and I was just like oh I know you there you are where have you been she was also from London but we'd never met and

yeah I was like oh this is what the love songs are on about it was really really This is what they're doing. I was like, oh, okay, I get it. Yeah. Wow.

Just completely. Okay, so then what happened then? Well, I then had to go home and she was moving to Australia. So I got home, was like really heartbroken. And there's actually no reason why I can't just go. back out. You came all over there to go back out yeah? Yeah so I was home for about two weeks and so then I flew back out to meet her. What was it like? Oh my god it was magical. Oh it's wonderful. It was so lovely. But then has she moved to Australia? Yeah. And then

that was just the end. That was the end. But is it is it the end the end or is it like just I don't know. What does it mean? I don't know. Are you in contact? Are you in contact? Sometimes yeah it's kind of hard when it's like nobody's fucked up and there's nothing's bad, it's just life is going in different directions. But definitely life changing, I would say. Who are you now having experience that that you weren't before? I think I was just a lot more open. And she just really changed how I sort of saw life and what I wanted to get from it.

In my mind, like in another universe, we're like happily married and living life. But you're alive at the same time, I'm sure it's possible. It is possible. Can you not make the universe? Is that what you want to happen? I don't know. It's so scary. Why is it scary?

Because it's like it would be such a big leap of faith to move across the world for something. somebody when I'm really happy here. Yeah. Would she move here? No. She's done with the UK. Mm-hmm. So that's kind of sad though that like that's, do you feel like you're always going to be comparing everything now to her? So.

I don't know. I have such face that what's for you won't pass you. And it might just be that it's meant to be, it's just not meant to be right now. Yeah. But it was so special and, It makes me so happy whenever I think about it. That it's like some people will never get that. Like what a crazy thing to happen. Yeah.

I guess watch this space, I suppose. Look how pretty that is. It is so pretty, isn't it? We should have explained really that it's got dark. It has got dark. And so there's a view over the city. You can see Batty Power Station through the trees there. That used to be a gay dogging site.

And now it's a walled garden. Well, it was always a walled garden. It could not be both. Get you a garden who can do both. That's what I say. Amen. So pretty. In the summer all the parakeets like fly at once to roost down there and it's like this big green sort of tsunami. What would your bench dedication say on it by the way? Um, what would that's such a good question. She loved babies. She loved babies. Another seat doctor. I would want it to make people. People giggle. If you think about it right now, I'm touching your bum.

Maybe that will... Perfect. You know what's happened to me once? If you sit on enough benches, you also get someone who was on their bench that was dedicated to them. So their partner had died and had their two plaques. And then she had hers going so-and-so born and then the... and then they're not yet filled in death yet. That is so cool.

On their own bench. That's wicked. So, yeah. So I could just get a holder bench. Maybe I'd get it, like, bagseed by Ella, still alive. Just get Ella still alive forever. Maybe just do that. Yeah.

Now I'll get you a bench or a dedication on a bench. I'd love a bench. Ella still alive. And then everyone could come and visit and be like, that was from this conversation. Yeah, this bitch won't. won't die. I quite like that because it's like even if you died, heaven forbid.

Heaven forbid. Even if you died, it's like, yeah, you're still alive. Yeah. You know, like it still works. That's why I like to always read the bench, because I feel like for that little minute the person lives on. Yeah, exactly. Ella's still alive.

Yeah. Maybe I should get that sorted. I'd really appreciate it. Okay, how much it costs? I don't know. You have to call up. Lombeth Council and asked them. So hi guys, I met midwife in the park. She's technically still alive. Yeah. I said I'll get at one and I'm a mad of my word. Well I'm going to hold you to

that now. Let's say that I commit to doing this. Yeah. I'll shake your hand. Yeah. Do you do it? That would make my life. Yeah. Just a lone duck. To think that duck is like experiencing life as the duck. It's alive, yeah. It is alive. That duck just flew over us and just didn't think about us at all. They're just totally focused on the else. He said, what does that mean we are?

Do you know what you mean? What, like we could be ducks? I don't know. I feel like I've just, I feel like a bit in, I would say actually this is up there with the biggest shambles of a bench conversation, but entirely... Oh, great. I do bring that out in people.

I do bring that out in people. But entirely because of me. I do bring that out in people. I think maybe you've, you obviously have helped, but like it's so mostly my doing. Right. I've just derailed you. Yesterday was a really like big day. Okay.

So last night I barely set down and had to get up really early. So I was just like, I'm a bit, it's like, one, blah, blah, blah, blah. Scramble. Scramble. So that explains that. Okay, back to you. Okay, let's focus. I've got, how long have I got, I've got to go in about 10 minutes?

That's fine. So dark, this is the darkest interview I've ever done now. Wow. This is dark. Oh, we can see stars now. Let me see, there's stars. My best friend and I actually in lockdown used to come here and we learnt all the constellations. Oh, that's so sweet.

And of course because there's fewer planes, right? Yeah. So better stars? There was some good stars. And I used to know loads of the constellations, but now I know that's Polaris, I think. The North Star. There's a lot out there, isn't there?

There are quite a few and sometimes you see a satellite. There's a lot up there. Yes, best not to think about it. Yeah, exactly. I could just ask, I feel like there's so many things I want to ask you. Anna just like, it's like the start, like the stars. It's like where do you even begin, you know? But where do you even end?

We know you're a midwife. Yeah. We know you fell in love. Yeah. We know you're not currently in the same place as that lover. that lover. We know you don't necessarily want your own children but you absolutely love doing

delivering the things. We know like crosswords. Yeah. We know we're going to get a bedchew saying Ella's still alive. If that happens I will cack my pants. I could probably die happy. I'm so excited. Do you think you could get it

roped off so that only I can sit on it? I'm going to get around the clock guy. Yeah, and to hold a brolly in case it rains. Yeah, that's going to be exciting. And he back to the questions. I need to ask you more questions.

What part of you do people not see? I think people would think that I'm a very happy, bubbly person, which I am, but I feel things very intensely. And I get very low. Oh, okay. What is a low you look like? Oh, just generally what you'd find on like an NHS pamphlet. Yeah. You know, all of the things.

I feel like pretty much everybody's on antidepressants these days. Are you? Yes. Oh, really? I feel like everybody is. Really? Is that like a generational thing? I don't know.

What generation are you? I don't know. I think I'm on the cusp. Is that a generation? I don't know. I was born in 98. I think that's Gen Z. I don't know.

It's Jen Cusp. Gen Cusp. I'm Cuspy. What am I saying? What are we saying? Low mood. Antidepressant. So if you didn't take antidepressants,

who would I be talking to you now? Well, she probably, there would be a bench, but there'd just be a death date on it. Oh my God. Seriously, though? No. Probably.

No. I think so. There was some close calls when I was a lot younger. Seriously? Yeah. Fuck, and now you said this. We haven't got long to go,

and you just said that. Oh, God. I mean, like, we can't end this. on suicide chat, can we? No. No, we can't. But then it's like, that's the problem with the art. Again, you've derailed it.

Well, do you know. There's no way of getting a good arc in with you. It's like, you're kind of like, there's like, there's no, we should have done. I'm just a flat life. What we should have done is like the suicide stuff in the middle. In the middle. Well, you know, it never happened because my mum always used to say this thing to my dad because my dad, it's just a very rageful mental driver

and has attended his first share of speared awareness courses. And so she would always say when I was younger, before he would leave the house, she would say, picture us all at your funeral and drive sensibly. And it always stuck with me. And then I remember in a really dark time, that was what popped into my head. And I, because in the moment, I think when you're in that place,

you sort of think, I'm doing everyone a favour here. And then when I was actually forced to rethink about that image, and in my head that, like, my mum was wearing something very chic, but in tears. And then I was like, oh, no, they wouldn't be happy. And then I was like, I couldn't do that to them. I love them too much. So that's a good little hack. A good little hack.

I'm not sure. I'm trying to, yeah, yeah. Yeah, good after some more concept wallies on this one. Concept-in-walling-chamble, suicide now. Well, I'm immensely glad that you are here. Me too. And you're, like, giving so much greatness to the world. I think I've been very lucky in life.

I come from a really, really loving family. My parents have been married for, like, 36 years, and they're still obsessed with each other. That's sweet. And I feel like so much love was poured into me. Oh, that's sweet. that I want to like share it. I want to pay it forward and like infects other people with it.

And you're going to do that and you are doing it. I hope so. That's magic isn't it? It is magic. I'm interested how you, yeah. But I see magic every day. You do, you do. I see actual magic every day.

Uh, yeah. I mean, how should we end this? I don't know what to say now. Um, okay. Should we do a thing? Maybe this is a weird thing to do. I sometimes do, yeah, look, I sometimes do like what can, we've already, uh, brain. Have you got ADHD?

Probably, yeah, probably, but let's just move on. You seem like you do. Yeah, I know. I think I respond to people like you particularly like going. Apparently though, we find each other. You get me going. Yeah. It's just like, blah, blah, blah.

Just chaos bouncing off each other. Yeah, exactly. So, right, these podcasts always end with one question. the same question. Before that, sometimes they get people to look out and say what they can see. So we've kind of done that.

So what I do sometimes instead is if you close your eyes, I can close my eyes too, although it feels a bit weird to you can close your eyes in the dark. But if you can picture a kind of scene from your life that you can describe in really vivid detail,

can you do that for me? Is there anything, is this anything standing out? Yes. Can you do it? Yeah. this, can you do this? I can. Please.

I am thinking about a different park on a different bench. Trater. I know. Slut. My best friend and I, we would go to this park in lockdown and we'd help all of London to our house because we'd walk late at night and it was just deserted and we'd sit in this park and from this park you could see the place that I now work. And at the time I was applying to start a

midwifery course and we used to sit there and we'd say Ella's gonna work here and my best friend he's gonna work where he currently works and we were just like we just kept putting it out there yeah and then it and then it happened and now like five years later we're both where we wanted to be so yeah beautiful beautiful it's a beautiful end of the story It's a beautiful end of the story. Wow, is that the title sequence? It's a beautiful end of the story.

It's a beautiful end of the story. Okay, well, so we've done that. What's it'd be like doing this for you? It's been great. I've just been able to yap about myself for like an hour. Perfect. I feel kind of rude that I haven't asked you any questions. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

They know about me. I have just bits and, throughout the whole series of these things, it's like, I drip, you know, bits drip out. Tit bits. Tit bits. Okay. Bits of tits. Bits of tits. Oh God, there's so much of this is going to be chopped out.

God, just saying, I feel like I'm drunk. Right. Final question. Final question. Do you have that effect of making people feel like they're drunk? Yeah. You can't see you, you're trying to do the Christmas. Oh, there is, but you can't see it.

Oh. But I've still got two that I'm going to the pub in a bit and then the crossword club is going to, we'll review the day's progress and help each other out. I love that. Yeah. With the 68-year-old mate. Yeah. Sorry, last question is, or he kind of just revealed it a bit, but what are you going to do next? Well, I'm on my annual leave.

So I'm going to go to my nice pub. I'm going to get a Guinness. Do the crossword with my friends. go on a walk. Tonight? Yeah. Wow. Of course, the day to start.

I forgot. It's morning. Yeah. And then I'll just go home and go to bed. Yeah. Okay, great. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah.

Do you sing? No. No. No. I'm not actually allowed to sing in my house because it's so bad. My sister's got the voice of an angel. Oh. She's in like a big band.

Oh, wow. Insane. Big band? Yeah. Like a swing. Oh, sorry. I think you meant like she's in. I don't know. What's a big band? I don't know. What is a big band? I can think of a big band now. We didn't. I don't know. All I can think of is one direction. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Yeah. No, she's not in one direction. Um. The only thing I know about your sister. She's not in one direction. Keep it information. No, she's got an incredible voice. Okay. I got the personality, I guess. So she could sing. It's a beautiful land of the story. Yeah, she could. Do do, do, do, do do, do do. Do, do da, da, da, da, da.

Do do do. Dda, do da. Just a couple of drugs on a bench. What, okay. So, do you, look, let's end this. You say five words, random words that come to your head, and that's how this is going to end. So like, in order.

But you've been saying this is how this is going to end for like the last three outro practices. I know. I just want to, I just think you've, way we could end this I think maybe that's what I've just come up with. Okay and do I go and then you go or I'm just saying five words. No no no no your words five words and then the last one you just like say it with all vigor. Um okay no I can do this you can do this come on mate.

on Millerysphere. Look it up. Okay keep going. Korea. The country. Like the country. Am I finishing theatrically? Yeah, you're only two words in. Bench. That was the fifth one. That's a four.

No, it wasn't. I said our minare sphere. And then I said career, and then I said career. And then I said, Bunch. I love the word bum. Such a good word. Have you been recording?

Yeah, don't worry. It has to be recorded. Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Bye. Some are called to the abbey, some are called person be, isn't gone.