Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 9: Deli Meets

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Tom Rosenthal approaches a stranger on a park bench and asks if he can sit down next to them and record their conversation.This is what happened!Produced by Tom RosenthalEdited by Rose De LarrabeitiMixed by Mike WoolleyTheme tune by Tom Rosenthal & Lucy Railton Incidental music by Maddie AshmanEnd song : 'Nice to Meet You' by Tom OdellStream it here : https://ffm.to/nicetomeetyou Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? First question, nice and easy one. Gentle. Gentle in question. Go for it then. What's your favourite day of the week? Sunday.

Why? Relaxing day. Just pure peace? Yeah. Tell me what you do on Sunday to relax. Well, I just get up and don't rush everything. Nowadays, on a Sunday, sometimes, later on in the day, lunchtime,

I go to the cemetery. Lovely. Go to the cemetery over lunchtime. Who do you go and see? My partner. Who's my partner and my daughter who's dead your daughter's dead as well yeah

oh god sorry about that how I mean I just can't imagine I mean how's it how's your how's it I mean

how have you been how have you dealt with it I don't know I mean you? How have you dealt with it? I don't know. I mean, you just, how do you deal with it? You hurt, you hurt quite a lot and then as time passes, the pain eases. You don't think so at the time. But I would say in all honesty I still miss them as much as the day they went. Because you know sometimes you meet somebody in life or you have a daughter in life and you know you only meet that one person

so you visit you visit the cemetery do you take anything with you when you go and do you talk to plants i kind of but i know they can't hear me but i do because i miss them yeah but you know it's not like i spend loads of time there when I'm there I just go there because I need to go there are they next to each other in there they're both together yeah he went first andy and then chantal was only two years ago so yeah well um if it's not too painful what were they both like as characters? He was loud. Too loud? Sometimes. He had a beard just like you. He was Scotch, Scottish from Glasgow. Very generous with his time even though he

was so loud and he was so outgoing. He was full of confidence, you know. It was the opposite of me, which works, doesn't it? That's how it works, yeah, yeah, that's the one. Yeah, so. If you can think of a memory with your partner that remains so strongly, or like a day maybe or a time, what do you go back to? Travelling.

When we was younger, we used to go travelling a lot, either in the car or abroad, or we'd travel all over the country. And, I mean, there's lots of things. And he was that kind of person yeah yeah what do you miss most about him maybe it's loudness eh? how do you replace that loudness you just don't I guess no you don't no no And I'm the type of person that believes at some stage in your life,

you know, it's different when you're really young. But we met each other when we was in our 30s. And I think once you've met somebody, you don't, it doesn't happen again. You know.

Even if you're still relatively young when they go but it doesn't happen again because you can't replace a person really you can't um what was chantal like chantal was a really lovely person. She was. She was absolutely... but she... I don't know if I want to say about Chantal really. She just lost her way somewhere along the line, you know, the way people do. Then she ended up at the end being ill and she got cancer.

But yeah, I mean, I have two other children. So now I have a daughter, her daughter. Yeah. So her daughter, is that okay? Yeah, yeah. So Chantal's daughter? Yeah, she's 22 daughter, her daughter. So her daughter, is that OK? Yeah, yeah. So Chantal's daughter? Yeah, she's 22 now, her daughter. Oh wow, so you're a grandparent? I'm a grandparent of, how many?

Four. So four? Yeah. Fantastic. What's it like being a grandmother? It's all right now. Oh really? When they were young it was hard work. Did your children depend on you to help? Yes. I mean with Chantal she was ill so I had to have Jerry's. I've had Jerry Gerry since she was like two months old.

Yeah, so do you have a particular closeness to... Yeah, well she's still living with me now, you know. She's really... Gerry is... so easy going, such a nice nature. You know, if I have to tell her off, I mean not now and she's an adult it would be maybe twice a year yeah that's kind of person she is where a mother was a complete reverse yeah full of spirits full of contradictions but she's just so the opposite Gerry, it's lovely. What's your life like now? What keeps you going? What keeps me going? I think just life, isn't it? You've got to like life, haven't you?

What makes you like life that you like? Usually, you know, I mean the last couple of weeks I've not been very well with this cold and cough, but usually I keep fit. How do you like to keep fit? Well sometimes I go to the gym or sometimes I live in Islington so I walk from Islington to here. That's a good walk.

Yeah, but it's not a hard walk. Yeah, but it's longish. Yeah, but I like walking. Yeah, it's good isn't it? I drove today though. You drove here like walking. Yeah, it's good isn't it? I drove today though. You drove here? Brilliant. Yeah. Where did you grow up?

In France. Oh exciting. I didn't expect you're going to say France. I don't know why. Rouen. What was Rouen like to grow up in? Well, you know, because of my age it was quite different. We lived in the Algerian Quarter, my dad is Algerian. And my mother was Irish. Funky mix.

Yes. But I liked France when I lived there. I mean, what was a typical childhood scene? Something that you can recall, you know? A Sunday in childhood in Rouen, what was a typical childhood scene, something that you can recall, you know? A Sunday in childhood in Rouen, what was that like? Oh it was great actually, the Sundays, because my dad would go down to the, he would go down to the market and he would buy a whole chicken, live, and all the food, bring it back and make couscous, yeah.

Fantastic. Yeah. So he you buy a live chicken? Yes. And then you kill it? It's the thing there. It's the thing that they do. It's not the thing, it's the ritual. How was this for you, this experience of chicken? I didn't mind it, some of my sisters minded it. You know, because my whole building was either Moroccan salt earrings in it.

And you know, if it wasn't a chicken, it would be a lamb. So, you know, it's their religion, it's the way they're brought up, isn't it? What do you feel like, I mean, you have those two histories there, of the Irish and Algerian, and I mean what do you feel kind of, do you feel like you're connected to both strongly, do you feel one way or the other? I'm just feel connected to Algerian. Don't ask me why, but I had a lot of love for my dad, and I had a lot of love for my dad and i had a lot of love for you know his ways

he was very um into the family he was he was very wise what would he make of today's world, do you think? Oh. I think with London and England, he'd be OK with it. But the way that Palestine... No, he would be... He would be like me, really angry and upset. Yeah, it's upsetting, isn't it? Yes. Yeah.

Well, it's frustrating because you can't do nothing about it. Because you've got these politicians that are so high and mighty and don't see clearly, do they? Yeah.

Yeah, completely. There's that particular feeling of seeing pain and not being able to if a child fell off their bike here and was in pain we would both go to attend it, it's just what people do

and to not be able to do that is really tough you can donate money, you can protest but fundamentally as you say you're right it's people in dark rooms yeah that will never hear themselves making the choices yeah um i suppose all we can do is be good to each other yeah or the people we encounter yeah to the best we can do also yeah yeah yeah how do you feel about your your? What do you think about it? What's it like being your

age, whatever it is? Well, you know, to be honest, it's the same as being any age, in all honesty. Maybe the only thing is your body's different, but mentally, yeah, you've grown wiser, but you're still the same, if that makes any sense. But you're just the same, and you can't do anything about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. If I could, I mean, maybe this is a silly question, if I today gave you a body that's 50 years younger, what would you do with it for a day? Oh, I don't know.

I really don't know. Well, have a think. What do you reckon? No, I don't. Where did you come up with that? I don't know, it just came to me. I don't really plan any of these questions right well I should plan that one

a bit better how how could you do that? is it not a good one? but maybe you would like you know you would I don't know

run down a hill or do something crazy do you know what I mean there's only thing you can oh yeah if I had a bit more than a day, I'd like to take up running. Yeah.

I've never been a runner. You see them flying about, don't you? Yeah, there's a lot now. I mean, you can do it. You said you go to the gym. I do, but... That's impressive. Yeah, but...

What's it like to go to a gym? What do you do in there? When it's bad weather, I go on the treadmill. Do you see it in there? Oh, I do the ski one as well. Oh, that's fun. Do you get to see like a virtual mountain effect or something? No. I don't put it on. I've not been to a gym.

You don't look like you need it, do you? But I've not been so i don't really know what happens in there do you look you have to motivate yourself when you go to a gym are you looking around at other people there no no i'm not really that type of person though so you know you've got a steely focus i've got a focus when you're in the gym you're like i'm going on the treadmill yeah i'm not interested in other people no if, if they want to speak to me, fine, but I'm not really that... Do they speak to you in the gym? No, not really.

Oh. I'm just trying to figure out what happens in gyms. Has anything exciting to you happened in the gym? Has anything fun happened? No. Nothing bad, no. No. How do you feel about people with music on their bikes?

Sometimes I don't mind at all. It depends if they like the song, isn't it? Yeah. If it's Tom O'Dell. Well, yeah. I think it's, I think, so I'm basically, and this is a weird conversation to have in a way. You've told me that you've bumped into the singer Tom O'Dell in a cafe.

So I'm just filling people in, filling the listener in. Yeah. You've met two Toms today. Yes, exactly. I ate my day. Tom O'Dell. Do you know him? Yeah, I do know him. I can show you my phone. We've sent messages to each other. Do you want me to prove it?

No. No. I feel like we should send him a message after. Ha! We could tell him something. Maybe in the cafe he didn't get... Oh, because you know something? He's out there buying his stuff, isn't he? Buying his stuff in the cafe?

Yeah. He was buying some salad. It was delicatessen, really. I don't think Tom goes in the cafe, do you? Well, he might. He might, yeah. Well, you know you don't want to goes in the cafe do you? Well he might. He might yeah. Well you know you don't want to intrude do you really? I respect other people's space. I think it's I think so I'm there's been points in my musical life where I've been

stopped and recognized quite a lot as well because I do music. I'm a kind of I'm a bit like Tom Hiddell but maybe like a rung below not quite as famous a rung below rung definitely a rung below I mean he's a he's very very serious I'm just

a little bit serious oh right but I can tell you that it's it's very rarely ever a bad thing to be stopped

and people to say hello to you especially if it's maybe like you know I did say hello to Tom no no that's great exactly so I think you shouldn't feel bad for saying for intruding I think you shouldn't feel bad for saying, for intruding.

I think you did the right, you did the right thing. Yeah. I'm sure he remembered you. You've got a kind of memorable presence, you know. I saw him one time before, but I didn't say hello that time. But I was in John Lewis on Oxford Street. Oh, wow. Yeah, and he was there.

He was... I feel like maybe it's destiny. We should... No, I think he was plugging his music at the time. Oh, I see. I walked in and I heard his tune. And then I heard the voice and I went, no.

So I was scrummed all the way up to the elevator. And when I got to the top, there he was. Tinkering away. Yeah. But on my partner's grave, one of Tom's songs. Really? I've written a bit of it, yeah. What did he write?

Is it Nothing Compares or something, his song? Yeah, anyway, part of his song is on it. I'm going to say this now, and it's a bit of a risk, but at the end of these episodes, I have different songwriters doing a song. You're going to get Tom. An original song. And this is too much destiny not to ask him to do this one.

Right. So all I can say is I will ask him. Yeah. And that would be funny, wouldn't it? Yeah. That would be a funny turn of event. Well, it is a funny day isn't it there we go

do you play any instruments none it's time to learn no no why not you said before like any age then why not

learn the piano oh yeah what would you learn I could see you with a piano yeah anything else that appeals

guitar I mean I think sometimes I can see you with a piano. Yeah. Anything else that appeals? Guitar. I mean, I think sometimes. This morning I was listening to Pink Floyd. Wonderful. Yeah, it was nice. Do you blast it out when you play it? Do you really kind of turn it up?

Sometimes I do, but my neighbours complain to me. Do they? One time they complained about me playing loud music. And what did you say? They left me a note in my letterbox. Could you ask your daughter to do it? Oh brilliant. That's so good. Did you admit that it was you?

Yeah, I'm not ashamed of it. You said, get it right, it's me, it's not my daughter. Yeah, she wouldn't play the type of music that I'm listening to. What do you think you're in your life so far, what do you think you've been good at? What have been your great skills? Do a bit of self praise. I suppose looking after my family. That's a good one. What's the best way to look after a family?

Give them lots of love. Be there. Simple as that. Well yeah. What else? Yeah. love yeah be there simple is that well yeah what else yeah completely yeah if you say if i was just about to start a family of my own what would you say to me well you'd be the right age no what i mean by that is that sometimes we can start too young. What do you think is a good age to start? 30. 30? Yeah.

Is that because you started at 30? No, I started when I was 16. 16? Oh wow. And then I was married to this man that wasn't very nice. Oh I see, okay. So I had two children. They're here in London, but this was in Manchester. Anyway, I was pregnant.

In them days you had to get married. Yeah. And now it's... Now it's just part of the course. Although it would still be a little bit of a surprise. Yeah. So you were 60 when you had your first child? I was 60 when I was pregnant.

Yeah. What was that like? Hard. I mean, did you feel like you hadn't had enough childhood? Yeah. Do you still feel that now? Yeah, and I don't think it was fair on the children as well. Were you very quickly into kind of... Was I quick into motherhood? Yeah. No.

It took a while. Yeah, it took a while. And I just felt like, you know, there was so much I needed to do. I hadn't done. So you wouldn't recommend that to someone else? Oh, definitely not, no. Having a kid that young, do you feel like you were always looking for that youth again? No? It was just gone?

No, because, no, it was gone, yeah. And really, when they got to a certain age, there was so much still, I was still young, that I can do. You know you can catch up can't you? Yeah. On things. Yeah, completely. Got a little insect there on you.

Just in case that was disturbing. Can you think of the happiest moment of your life? That's a big question, isn't it? I've had many, but I would say when Andy was alive, yeah. Just any day he was alive? Any day. At the beginning. I'm sure that at the beginning it's the best, isn't it?

Of course. How did he meet? I'm not putting that down. Oh, really? Oh, tantalising oh can you little it's clue

give me a clue come on this won't get back to you oh yeah well I was he'd heard that I was selling a bit of smoke

so he came to my flat he was there was it bitten the first time yeah yeah so then he just

kept coming back to see you or to yeah no to see you but on the excuse on the pretense yes yes yes

and when did the pretense finish did he ask you out yeah and then things just happened very quickly very smoothly yeah

fantastic did you get married no no because you already met no no i was divorced but i didn't want to get married again i didn't feel the need yeah there is no need really no what was your wedding like when you were 17. in a suit pregnant this blue suit you were wearing a blue suit. That's cool. What do you remember of the day of getting married? I ran away back home. You ran away? From the reception.

From the reception? Yeah. At what point did you run away? Well, I think it was maybe about two hours and I just ran home. As in literally ran home? As in literally ran home. You were running? Well, it wasn't that far, you know.

Did he say bye to anyone? No. No? You know when you kind of sneak off somewhere, you know. But it was your own wedding? Did anyone notice you gone? I can't remember now, but I just remember doing it and my mum sending me back.

Oh, God. What did you try and say to her when you got back in? Well, I didn't want to be there. She just pushed you back out the door? I knew it wasn't the right, you know. But I had to stay there. Oh, God. Yeah.

Do you wish you ran before you got married? Further. Yeah. Sorry, I'm not pressing pause. Because I need the toilet. Do you need the toilet? Okay, so we'll be quick. Sometimes with these things, because obviously this is audio and not visual, I sometimes think when people are listening, they're going to be wondering,

not where we are, but what we can see. Can you describe what we can see and how it makes you feel? Oh, the lake and the ducks. Yeah. It's very relaxing. And then you had me come to ruin it. Yeah. No, you know, you're kind of like brightening my afternoon up. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I've really enjoyed talking to you also. Yeah. Because I'm quite a solar person, really. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. I can tell you're a very willful person.

Yeah. I like that. My kind of people are willful. Good. Okay, a last question for you. The question is, what are you going to do next? Now. Now.

I'm going to go to la toilette. And then past that? Oh, past that, I'm going to walk around. And what are you going to think about? I'll think about this conversation. And all my terrible questions. Now I should just think about life, really, isn't it? Yeah.

Any message you've got for Tom O'Dell? No, a nice meeting you. Bye. Nice to meet you too And to hear a little bit about your life Next time that you see me Make sure you say hi In the delicatessen Where I buy my red wine I know you say heart in the delicate tessal Where I buy my red wine and my lemons and my limes

We can sit outside and stare at all the strangers just passing by, passing by. Oh, nice to meet you. Yeah, nice to meet you at one time. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la la la La la la Lemons and limes And strangers Yeah, past and past Thank you.