#STRask - How Can I Tell My Patients They’re Giving Christianity a Negative Reputation?

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

Questions about whether there’s a gracious way to explain to manipulative and demanding patients that they’re giving Christianity a negative reputation, and how to deal with friends who send a lot of end-time prophecy videos that take Bible verses out of context.   As a Christian nurse, is there a gracious way to explain to manipulative and demanding patients who claim to be Christians that they’re giving Christianity a negative reputation in my workplace? How do we deal with well-meaning Christian friends who constantly send end-times prophecy videos that take Bible verses out of context and who respond to objections to their claims with, “It might happen—we can’t put God in a box”?

Welcome to Stand to Reason's hashtag STRASK podcast. I'm here, Amy Hall, with Greg Kokel. I'm here, too. I'm glad you're here, Greg. I don't want to do this by myself. What do we got? All right. So in the last episode, we were talking about some tactics.

So we're going to continue on in that sort of vein. This question comes from Sarah. As a Christian RN, I've struggled with responding to patients who claim to be Christians but are manipulative and demanding. Is there a way to explain that Christianity has a negative reputation in my workplace because of behavior like theirs without sounding like a jerk? I don't think so. I think that it's difficult. one of the most difficult circumstances Christians face is dealing with other Christians who say they're Christians and who probably aren't, all right?

And this is my suspicion here, although it may be that they love the Lord and they are just irascible and need to be, you know, kind of, kind of, I'm thinking of the right word, you know, jerk their chain a little bit, but in a gentle way, I guess. It's just a hard circumstance to deal with, and partly because it is hard to have a circumstance like that and an individual who is actually responsive to correction. And if they're not responsive to correction, they're going to respond, but they're not could respond in a good way. A lot depends on how it's communicated. So if you have somebody that you're engaged with there, by the way, the question is if they're demanding. So if you say,

you know, it's not a Christian. If you communicate in some fashion, you know, it's fairly un-Christian the way you're being demanding on me. This can be understood by them as a complaint of you being asked to do your job and you're not wanting to do it. So it's, it's, it's, it's, It's just rife with liabilities, all right? Christian connection, sorry, Christian correction usually happens best within the context of relationships that are already established, coworkers, family members, marital partners. But even in those circumstances, it has liabilities. It's hard.

Proverbs talks a lot about the wisdom of receiving correction, and this means that this council suggests that all of us ought to steal ourselves to receive correction if we're going to be rise. And this may be, they come from, you know, all kinds of places. people are mad at you, they say, you're such a blah, blah, blah, you know, and then you wonder, well, maybe, maybe I was, is there something I can learn from that? It is a rare person who has the ego strength to be humble and receive that kind of feedback, but usually it's done best and most effectively in a context of a loving relationship. My disciple, Craig, early on, my first two and a half years, three years as a Christian, he corrected me a lot, but I was always confident of his goodwill and his love for me, and he was never harsh with me.

And so it had a good impact on me. I was able to receive it. Although, I mean, I needed correction a lot and all kinds of things, moral areas and interpersonal areas. and so still do, you know, but that taught me that loving correction is a lot easier than unloving correction, but it's also, but it's not easy to receive that. So I just think someone has to, in my case, I let most things slide. Not always. A lot depends.

and sometimes if I don't let it slide, it doesn't mean that I've made it, had a good impact in a person. But so I'm just going to leave it at that. I think I agree with you, Greg. There's probably not a way to correct their behavior, but I see a couple of opportunities here, one with the patient and one with the other nurses that are saying that Christianity, has a negative reputation. And one thing I would say, it's a little surprising to me that Christianity in general would have a negative reputation that most Christians who go there are doing this. I suspect there's only a few, but then when they find out their Christians, now they blame all

of Christianity. It might be worse saying, you know, it's really not characteristic of the Christians. Or at least ask that question. Yeah, at least ask that question because sometimes people tend to do that in a group that they're not part of if they find one negative interaction, then they blame the whole group and assign that characteristic to the entire group. Well, this happens in political discussions all the time. You know, you find the one outlier and then you blow that up to be the whole thing. But, yeah, I, here's a part of the difficulty, though, is keeping in mind 85% of Americans self-identify as Christians. Well, they can't. They're Not Christians.

Not 80, I should say, 65% is the number. 65% are not followers of Jesus, but they self-identify as Christians. And so some of the bad behavior might be coming from people who are not really followers of Jesus, but self-identify, and so give Christianity bad press. So on the side of your coworkers, I would say, I would either, well, maybe both of these things, but I would either go with saying, well, you know, it doesn't mean it's everyone. Just like every group has a wide variety of people. We're all different.

We all have our problems. We all have our weaknesses. And then this is what you can say, you know, but that is why we're Christians, because we know we fail and we're thankful that we have forgiveness from Jesus that he paid for our sins. So you can actually turn it to, yeah, as Christians, we know we fail. We know we have all these problems. That's why we need reconciliation with God.

We don't have to hide from that. It's true. Sometimes we're jerks. We do all sorts of bad things. That's why we need Jesus. She was looking at me when she said, so you can turn this to an opportunity to explain what Christianity is about. Christianity isn't about being perfect. Thankfully, Christianity is about being forgiven.

Those are two different things. And so if you can be open about the fact that we are sinners with your colleagues and not have to hide it, like, thankfully we don't have to be perfect. I mean, obviously we want to represent Christ well. But thankfully, we don't have to be perfect in order to be reconciled. Yeah, yeah. That's a great advice. I thought of another little angle that might be incorporated in that. And that is to simply apologize. So if you have a nurse crew, do you think, with someone who is overtly Christian in some way they made an issue of it wearing a cross or who knows, but they're unpleasant, then the Christian nurse can say to the others, you know what, I apologize for how you were treated by that person who says they're a Christian. I actually don't know what the real substance of their convictions are, but you got treated poorly, and that's not good. But the fact is, you know, part of the appeal of – part of the point of Christianity is that broken people can find God in Christ and be forgiven. And so then pursue that point that you are making.

But maybe just apologizing for what happened as a Christian. I'm sorry. As a Christian, this troubles me what happened, you know. Not every Christian is like this. Some are – I'm just saying I'm sorry that that – Yeah, that happened. Well, and that's a good point because our response or her response in this situation, this is a huge opportunity because for one thing, how she responds to that patient will demonstrate Jesus to her colleagues. So if the patient is treating her badly and she's still treating the patient with respect and dignity and isn't retaliating and isn't badmouting the patient to the other nurses but continues to treat that patient with dignity,

And that, you are representing Christ to the world when that happens. Because remember, while being reviled, he did not revile in return. So that's an opportunity for you to show your colleagues who Jesus is. And you don't, and that doesn't even necessarily, you don't have to point that out, you know, but they will see it. They're going to see two different examples of a Christian. They'll see a bad example that bothers them, but then they see a good example and maybe counterbalance. And then that's all on the side of the colleagues. But on the side of the patient, what you might do is talk to the patient, oh, I see you're a Christian.

No, what church do you go to? What do you think about Jesus? And then without even talking about, you know, instead of giving a negative review of their behavior, you could turn it into something positive and say about how this being in the hospital is such a great opportunity. to represent Christ to the world because here you are suffering. You're in the hospital. You're suffering just as Jesus suffered and how he responded.

Look how he responded. And this is such a great opportunity for you to show the beauty of Jesus' response to the world to the people who don't know him. And so hopefully, you know, if there's any way I can help you embrace that opportunity, I'll be praying for you as you're suffering through this. and if you need anything, I'll help you.

But that way, you give them a positive direction. I don't even know if it's okay for nurses to do that. Maybe they don't let you do that, but hopefully they wouldn't stop them. But if you can turn it into a positive opportunity for the patient and kind of draw their attention to being kind and not just representing Christ well. Irassable, right. Yeah. Well, I don't know why anybody would be offended by that or troubled. by that because the person that she's talking to is a self-identified Christian. So, but who knows in today's environments.

Okay, here is a question from Anonymous. How do we deal with well-meaning Christian friends who constantly send end times prophecy videos slash articles? You can't debunk something pertaining to the future. If you do question the website versus used out of context, et cetera, the response is, it might happen. We can't put God in a box. Well, I mean, I'm kind of rolling my eyes a little bit on this one because it's such a specious reaction.

Well, it might happen so you can't put out of the box. This phrase especially bothers me. You can't put out in the box because what they think that statement does is that, first of all, Frank Beckwith said to me once, when people start getting, in religious conversations, when they start getting bested by another Christian, say, they trump with spirituality. I'm more spiritual than you. Well, wait a minute, those verses don't mean that. They could mean that, and I'm so spiritual, I'm not going to put God in a box.

So I'm above you, you know. And that's what troubles me about this kind of thing. It isn't a fair-minded, even-handed response. The fact is, when you're talking about theological things, you are talking about what Scripture teaches. And if we land on an accurate description or characterization or understanding of what the Scripture teaches, then the box is one that God is put himself in. if I want to just use that language, it isn't like a free-for-all, whatever. God, three persons, oh, you're putting God in a box. Maybe he's 15 persons.

You don't know. It could be. Who's to say, you know, this is all. When I hear that kind of language, I think, I'm not even going to waste my time talking to this person. But just as a matter of principle here, the God in a box response is a subtle. attempt to trump somebody else's opposing view with spirituality, with their own, with the other person's spirituality. Well, I'm not the kind of person who's going to say no to God.

It could be the case. Wait a minute. Let's just try to deal with the text, all right? When I have some friends who send things to me on occasion that seem to be outlandish, and frankly, I just get back to them. I say, I don't have time for this. I thank you for being concerned, but please don't send this anymore. I just don't have time for it.

And they've received it well. It's not always effective because after a couple weeks, more things come floating down. But that may be the best way to deal with it. Just say thanks, but no thanks. When Jesus returns, everybody's going to know it. And he's coming back at his own time. meanwhile we have our marching orders all right so it doesn't matter when he comes back regarding what our behaviors ought to be now in fact jesus made that comment he said that the faithful steward is going

to be busy doing what his master wants him to do whenever it is that the master returns go to mark 13 or Luke 21 or Matthew 24. These are all the iterations of the Olivet discourse there in the synoptics. And you'll see, this is the application that Jesus is making. When he says, be on the alert, he's not asking people to read all the signs so they can mark the calendar when this is going to happen. He is asking people to be vigilant in being faithful while their way be on the alert because you don't know when the master is going to return. And when he returns, you don't want him finding you messing around in nonsense. You want him to find you with your hand at the plow and doing the job.

That's the application. I love that, Greg. And there are parts in the New Testament where people are warned against getting off into the weeds and trying to figure out, I can't remember if it's, is it Second Timothy or Anyway, they're speculating about things, and they're getting all disputes, speculative disputes, and genealogies, he mentions that. But I love this idea of saying, no, we are called to be ready when he comes, to be doing what he's called us to do when he comes, and that's what I'm focusing on. These other things will become clear eventually, and what we need to know is that Jesus is returning. That's right.

That's the key. And that's, look, just so people have an understanding of my own history, I cut my eye teeth on Hal Lindsay's material. Now, when I say Hal Lindsay died last year at, what, 92 or 93, and he was the late great planet Earth guy, he made the second coming and the rapture a worldwide discussion in the 70s. He was the number one bestselling author in the world in the decade of the 70s, and it was all on this kind of stuff. When I say I cut my eye teeth on there, I was tutored by Hal. I was in his home many times. I babysat his daughters. I had meals with him.

You know, he was part of that community that I was part of as a brand new Christian. And so everything was rapture madness, you know, it's right around the corner. Now, that was half a century ago, and Hal Lindsay didn't even get raptured. He had his own private rapture when he went to be with the Lord. Now, I'm not dissing all of that. I'm just simply saying, I understand the intensity of it, but in a certain sense, I outgrew that. Maybe that's condescending to others who disagree with me. But to me, and this is what I was saying just a moment ago, Amy, that I realized that it wasn't rapture madness.

My job wasn't to figure out how soon Jesus is returning, you know. and my job was to do my job and let Jesus worry about the other thing. And when I made that shift, my life got a lot easier. And I also changed my view about the so-called rapture. I don't think it's a biblical doctrine. The Bible teaches a resurrection, and it says when it's going to happen at the coming of the Lord. And there's only two comings. One's in the past, the next one's coming, and it's a single coming.

us one second coming, not two second comings. Anyway, so people can disagree. That's fine. I'm not going to fuss about that. However, I think that the focus on this issue that some people have is not helpful. And there could be a subtle shift happening from where suddenly your hope is now in this certain timing rather than your hope being in Christ. You start trusting in this timing that has not been promised to you, instead of trusting that Christ will come at the right time in the right way, and hopefully he will find us doing what he's called us to do when he does come. Now, in terms of people saying we can't put God in a box, maybe one verse... Oh, I just cringed again.

You said it. But what's so weird is that truth is not confining. People only start saying truth is confining when they suspect their... believe might be outside of that. You have truth and then you have not truth. It's just it either is true or it's false. It's not confining. It's not confining to say that this is true and that is false. That's that's not a thing. That's not the way we look at the world at all. I was thinking of First Thessalonians 5, 20, and 21, do not despise prophetic utterances, but examine everything carefully, hold fast to that, which is good.

So we are to examine. Right there, it says we're not just supposed to take every idea that people come up with and run with it. We are supposed to examine. So what you could say, if they push back with that, you could just say, look, I'm told to examine everything carefully. And that's what I'm going to do. You can do what you want. But I'm going to follow what we've been told to do. And to come to conclusions about what the Bible teaches is it is not appropriate to disparage that by saying you're putting God in a box.

Again, it just, to me, it's infantile for people to say that it's so, no, so there, I'm better than you. It's just, it's not helpful at all. Notice it doesn't engage the issues at all. You know, that could happen. Well, anything could happen. What could happen is that we all go to hell because Islam is true. That could happen too. Don't want to put God in a box, do you?

You know, see how unhelpful that is. And then one last thing you could say is it's not a good idea to put your hope in something that might happen. It's not a good idea because that is just shifting sand. That's not something solid. It might be interesting to think about these things every once in a while, but putting your faith in something that, quote, might happen is just a dangerous thing to do. And by the way, even if you're convinced that it will happen eventually, Second Coming, for example, or maybe the rapture, if that's your view, that doesn't mean it's going to happen in your lifetime. I guarantee you how Lindsay was really surprised that 50 years after, you know, the time that I spent with him, he still hadn't been raptured. I'm sure he is surprised because to him it was right around the corner, always right around the corner.

Now, he knew the possibility that there wouldn't be the case. But this is exactly what you're saying. You're putting your hope in some event that you think is going to happen in your lifetime. and then what happens if it doesn't happen? How much time was spent spinning your wheels in things that were not as essential because you were focusing on those things? And my experience from being on the inside of that movement

and then coming more on the outside is I think a lot of people are doing that. And there are certain groups that are totally into rapture. All right? And the expectation is, I'm going to be rescued from the tribulation. I'm going to be rescued from that. Well, then they don't have to prepare.

And there's going to be tribulation in their own life one way or another. And I know when I talk to groups, and this comes up very rarely about the rapture, I say, well, I don't think there is a rapture in the sense that it's being characterized. It's three years or six years before, I should say three years before the visible return. All the Christians are going to be rescued, and then the whole world gets beat up during the tribulation, but you'll be saved, you'll be rescued. When I say that that's not my view, and people are inclined to show some respect for my point of view, I can see their eyes, they're scared. Oh, no, maybe I will have to go through the tribunal. It's because they're not

mentally prepared. And if we read First Peter, you know, because it doesn't deal with the rapture issue, but it talks about tribulation for Christians. All who desire to live godly in Christ, Jesus will suffer persecution. This is from, I think, First Timothy. That's a direct statement. So, you know, get used to it. I just, I just read a book about Corey Tinboom, and I think you read the same. I think this was in that book. But, and I hadn't heard this. Watchmaker's daughter. Yes. And I hadn't heard this before. Because you just visited her place. I did. Yes. Good for you in Europe. It was wonderful. But one, what happened was when she, got arrested and she was so shocked that something bad could happen because she said, but we followed

Jesus. Was this in this book? It might have been in a, I read a couple books. So how did this happen? And I think it was either Betsy or her father. It might have been her sister, Betsy, said, God has promised to protect our souls, not our bodies. And I thought that was such a profound way of thinking about it because we have to figure out what we are counting on God to do. If you're counting on God to keep everything comfortable and not have to go through any suffering, you're going to be disappointed for sure. That's right. You're counting on him to keep your soul, to be there with you, to sustain you, to give you what you need to make it through this life as one of his children. But you will suffer. So if that's, I think we're, we've

started getting off the topic a little bit, but I think it's all somewhat related in people being very concerned about what's coming. And I don't think there's any problem with thinking Jesus could return it any time. I mean, that's our hope. We know he will return and we know we will be resurrected and we know that that is coming. It may be now or it may be after our lifetime and we may suffer. In fact, we probably will suffer in some way and some of us more than others, but the promise from God is that he will keep us and nothing can snatch us out of his hand. And he will be with us and he will. And as Paul says, he's learned the secret of living in any situation because he knows now he can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens him.

So if we know that, we can make it through anything and we don't have to figure out exactly what's going to happen in the future because we can trust our future, our future, our suffering in his hands and to know that the suffering has a purpose and that nobody can snatch us out of his hand. Amen to that. All right. Well, thank you for that question, Anonymous. I hope that helps. And thank you, Sarah. We would love to hear your question. Send it on X with the hashtag SCR ask or go to our website at STR.org. This is Amy Hall and Greg Kokel for Stand to Reason. Thank you.