#STRask - How Do I Respond to a Confused Four-Year-Old?

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Questions about what to say to a confused four-year-old grandson whose father is telling him there are hundreds of gods, why it’s difficult to persuade a Mormon or Jehovah’s Witness, and how to engage someone who claims to be Christian yet attends a Unitarian Universalist church.   How do I respond to a confused four-year-old grandson whose father is telling him there are hundreds of gods? Why is it so hard, when having a discussion with a Mormon or Jehovah’s Witness, to help them understand and set them free with the truth of the gospel? How do I engage someone who claims to be a Christian yet attends a Unitarian Universalist church?

This is hashtag STRS with Amy Holland, Greg Kokel. And me. You are Greg Kogel. Last time I checked. Okay. Here's a question from David. My four-year-old grandson's father doesn't appreciate me sharing my faith with him. The other day, he told his dad, he told me his dad said there were hundreds of gods.

How do I respond to a confused four-year-old? This is a tough one. I mean, it might be at four years old. It might be best, especially since this child. Wait, tell me the relationship again. So it's a grandfather and a grandson. And he says, my four-year-old grandson's father. So it's unclear if it's his son or his son-in-law.

Oh, okay. But the point is, the boy is under authority of the person who said there's many gods. Yeah. Okay, so, and David is the grandfather. Okay, so at four years old, I think it might be a good idea at this point not to press the issue. And just say to the boy, well, your father has this understanding. It's something that your dad and I disagree on. Now, my presumption is that the boy will, he respects his grandfather,

and, of course, his dad, and is concerned about this thing, and that's why he brought it up to his grandfather. Now, his grandfather could just say, well, we disagree on that. And then to the boy, at this little age, it's a split decision kind of thing, and then leave it at that for the time being and not create more problems with the family. Because, you know, if he persists, the dad may say, well, I don't even want you with my son. you know, granddad. So, and it's not the best, it, if you have, if you're Christians to have a four-year-old son,

you invest all you can at their level, the information about God. But if they're not your son and somebody else's authority over them, you have limited ability to make a thoroughgoing impact. And so at this point, it just strikes me, and maybe you have a difference of opinion about this, but it strikes me it might be best to just say, we disagree on this, grandson, son, your dad and I disagree on this. And leave it at that for the moment. They don't have the cognitive ability to work through all the issues.

That's more in the logic stage, which comes in another six or seven years for this boy. But at least the boy knows that there's a difference of opinion between two people that he respects. What do you think? Yeah, I agree that I think it is a good idea to say that you disagree. I don't think it would be wrong to give a brief. explanation. Like, I think there's only one God, and I follow the Bible or something like that, just so he knows. Something simple. He's going to observe you in what you're doing, reading the Bible and how you act and going to church and all these things. So keep it in terms of a description rather than a persuasive thing, maybe.

Yeah, yeah. And I think it's unclear what the father told him, because he says my grandson's father doesn't appreciate me sharing my faith with him. I think you could get around it if you're saying, we just disagree, and this is what I say, and this is what your dad says. Yeah, maybe this is a non-issue, but I wouldn't use the word believe. I would say this is what I think. Yeah, that's good idea. I say, I think there is one God. I think God has revealed himself through scripture in the Bible.

So, and that is descriptive. and the father actually, what, he just doesn't like it or whatever, what was the word? It doesn't appreciate it. Doesn't appreciate it. That doesn't mean maybe hasn't shut the valve entirely, but don't push it now at four years old. You're not going to make that much progress anyway. And what I think Amy just suggested using descriptive kinds of characterizations of your views, of your convictions, then I think that's going to be adequate for the moment. And as time goes on, he'll ask questions.

He'll ask more questions. The dad might soften up a little bit. So we'll see. But I think that right now it's important to do what you can to maintain the relationship with all three. And saying that thing shouldn't jeopardize that. It doesn't say what his mother believes here. So I'm just curious if she agrees with the grandfather or the father. I'm not sure.

All right. This question comes from Cynthia. Why is it so hard when you're having a discussion with either a Mormon or Jehovah's Witness to help them understand and set them free with the truth of the gospel? Thank you. Well, I can think of two things right off the bat. And one of them is the spiritual darkness that's involved with both of those religious groups. Okay. Satan is a liar. and he appears as an angel of light.

In fact, Paul makes a reference to that in Galatians chapter 1 and also in 2 Corinthians somewhere, and that these are demonic falsehoods. These false religions are demonically inspired. There's another reference to that, the doctrines of demons, for example, or the pagans that worship false gods are worshipping. demons. And so the point I'm making here is you have a huge adversary. It isn't just people that are confused, and they just happen to have another point of view. He has blinded the minds of the non-believer. He has held them captive by him to do his will. That's the end of 1st John,

1st John 5, and then also the end of the second chapter of 2nd Timothy, blinded the minds to the end of the able to do their will. They can't come to their senses unless the Holy Spirit helps them. That's in that verse, too. So you have this dark demonic element where lies are being poured into people and they're believing lies. And this is where prayer is going to make a big difference, I think. There's another element, too, and that is a social element. Both of these organizations, the LDS Church and the Watchtower Society, Jehovah's Witnesses, they have a very, very, very strong, cohesive community. And there are sanctions against thinking outside of the box in any way, shape, or form. You are not allowed. You can't go. You can't read. You can't talk to.

You can't this. You can't that. You can't the other thing. You know, because these people are anti-Mormon. I mean, just to just to offer a critique of Mormonism, this, they get, they feel persecutor. You can speak more to this. But there is a communal element, too, that adds a whole another dimension. Think of it. It's not as extreme, but it is extreme. Think of it like Islam. A person leaves Islam in an Islamic country and becomes a Christian. His life is in jeopardy, at least arguably, or depending on the circumstances. But, I mean, that's a very real concern. That's why David Wood became such an aggressive evangelist to Muslims because he was principal in leading Nabil Qureshi to Christ. And when Muslims become Christians, they have to count the cost.

And so they become – he says Muslims make great Christians is what David Wood said because of that factor. They've got to count the cost. And there's a cost in the same way with members of – of the LDS Church or the Jehovah's Witnesses departing. Because if I understand it, it's like a Mormon theology, the deepest place in hell is for, you know, those who leave the church. So that's another factor that makes it more difficult as well. Yeah, and I, there are definitely ties to culture.

And the al- well, especially if you're in somewhere like Utah, where if you leave the church, now you're ostracized by your neighbors because you're, whole culture is Mormon. And I think that Jehovah's Witnesses, I think I'm pretty sure they, they, shunning isn't their term, but I think they do separate from people who leave it. So there is a strong tie to the culture. But, and I think you touched on this at the beginning of your answer, Greg. It's a spiritual problem. And it's good to remember that it's as difficult and as easy for God to save them as anyone else. as someone who grew up in the church and just isn't interested or whatever you have, it's always a spiritual problem and God can change their hearts. So don't ever give up. But I do have one other thing I think can make these conversations really difficult. And that is that especially in the case of the Mormons, they tend to use the same terms but have different meanings behind them.

So you might be having a conversation and think you're communicating when you're actually not communicating at all. You're saying things like grace and salvation, and they're hearing something completely different. Jesus, God, all the heaven, hell. So the best thing you can do is instead of using a term, describe the term that you mean. So don't say grace, salvation, heaven, Jesus. Well, even Heavenly Father, they use the phrase Heavenly Father a lot to describe it. But their whole idea of the gospel in like eternal life, it's just different. So if you use the term without saying what you mean, then they're going to hear something different and you're not going to communicate.

You just have to be very careful to explain everything that you're saying. You know, so it's kind of curious that just occurred to me now that Jehovah's Witnesses are really opposite. That is where Mormons want to be identified with. Christianity, and there's a big move over the last 20 years. So we're Christians, too, as if they're a subset of the broader faith of Christianity, and they're just a separate denomination. That's actually dishonest, especially coming from the leadership, because Joseph Smith didn't believe that. So that's why the confusion you talked about abets that additional confusion. Jehovah's witnesses are nothing like that. They don't want.

want to identify with other Christians as a Christian group. They think they're right and their view and their particular views about the Trinity and Jesus, et cetera. But they don't have this, what Francis Schaefer used to call semantic mysticism, where the words are the same and the meanings are different. So it's curious. And just don't worry, because in the question, you want to help them understand and set them free with the truth of the gospel. But just remember, you cannot set them free. Only God can set them free. So just focus on giving them the truth of the gospel and helping them understand exactly what you're saying. Do it in a sense of what's the word I'm looking for. When you're, make your goal clarity, not persuasion. And if you do that, that also takes a lot of

the pressure off of you and takes a lot of pressure off of them, keeps them from getting defensive, and just make as clear as you as possible and let the Holy Spirit move if he, desires to move in that situation and just be confident that he can change their hearts. Yeah. Clarity, not agreement. That's a great, that's for Dennis Prager, actually, you said clarity, not persuasion, absolutely. That clarity does, actually, the way to combat lies is with the truth. And so when we are clear about the nature of the truth, that's the kind of thing that God uses to dispel the lies when he chooses to. And then one quick story about how strong the culture can be.

I can remember having some Mormon missionaries talking to them. They were over in my apartment. I was talking to them. And I said to one of them, if I were to convince you that what the Mormon church teaches is wrong and what we are teaching is true, would you go with what's true, or would you go with the church?

He thought about it for a minute, gave it a good thought. And he said, I'd go with the church. He's just said it flat out. I mean, and part of that, I'm sure, is just you feel as pressure to represent Mormonism. You don't want to give any ground. I understand that. But that just gives you an idea of how strong the cultural ties actually are. Okay, here's a question from Ken.

How to engage someone who claims to be Christian yet attends a Unitarian Universalism Church? Well, I know a little bit about Unitarian Universalism, and that is that they believe in God, but not a Trinitarian God. They're Unitarian, excuse me, and they believe all people are going to heaven. That's the universalist thing. I guess I'd want to begin asking questions first to get them to make really clear to me exactly what they believe in. Now, I just gave a very quick summary, but when we teach in our tactical approach, the first step is to gather information, the more information we can get the better, because it gives us more to work with when we, if we, if we, challenge. the view in some way, hopefully with more questions. And so we get that all out.

And then we want to ask the why question. And that is, that's the second step. I call it reversing the burden of proof. First we find out what, then we want to find out why from them. So why is it you think this, that, or the other thing? Why would you think? What do you think of Jesus? There's a good question.

If you want to get information about Jesus, you're going to have to get it from the New Testament. There are like 13 or 14 or 15 other sources for information about Jesus from outside texts, secular sources, that corroborate the Gospels. But the Gospels are the only place you're going to get any real substance of Jesus' teachings. So if people have an opinion about Jesus, the only way they can have an opinion about them is from the Gospels that bear testimony to what Jesus actually taught. So what do you think about Jesus?

Jesus was not a pluralist. He wasn't universalist. He didn't believe that all roads lead to Rome spiritually kind of thing. So that's another question to ask, what do you think of Jesus? And if they have a high view of Jesus or somewhat high view, then you can ask him, did he hold your view? So do you disagree or agree with Jesus when he said the way is narrow that leads to life, the way is broad that leads to destruction?

Now this is in what, Matthew 5 or 6 and the Servant of the Mount. And there were many other statements to that effect. I mean, I have 100 verses, you know, in a little booklet that we produce at Standard Reason that say that. Jesus is the only way. So that would be the direction that I'd want to pursue. And Unitarian Universalists, they're tough because they're hostile to Christianity, basically. They're not friendly because we're the narrow-minded people in their view, because they are open to everybody. and God is loving and he's going to accept everybody.

You can ask questions about justice too. So if everybody's going to heaven, how is justice served? We want justice in this life, it seems like we think that's valuable. How does God's justice work? And keep asking those questions, and maybe in the process of getting more information, you'll see an opening where you can challenge in a way that's appropriate.

the ideas and get them thinking, put a stone in their shoe. You can even start back earlier than that and say, what is your view on the Bible? Because you're going to have to establish the Bible as an authority before they will care what it says, I suspect. Well, I want to push back on that. I think if you ask about Jesus first without bring the Bible up because people have reactions to the Bible kind of thing because it's the whole thing. But if you ask about Jesus, oh, I like Jesus. Oh, now where are you getting your information about Jesus so you can like him? Well, you have to get them from the gospel.

So apparently at least the gospels have some reliability as a source of information. So that's kind of a way of getting them to give the nod to the Gospels as a legitimate source of information about Jesus without having to affirm the entire scripture. Whatever you can do to get any of these groups, we talked about the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses, whatever you can do to get them into what the Bible actually says about things is helpful. Even if they reject it at first, at least they'll get an idea of why you believe what you believe, what it says there. They'll know what they're rejecting. And maybe that will cause them to have some curiosity about what it says and then go.

God will work through that. Yeah, I just thought of a verse. I love this saying of Jesus, this statement of Jesus, because I think it's so poignant. And I've said it a number of times to people in conversations, spiritual conversations. And Jesus says, what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and he loses his soul? And what will a man give in exchange for his soul? That's the poignant. But notice he says, if he gains the whole world and loses his soul.

soul. So Jesus wasn't a universalist. I mean, there's another example where you cannot make universalism fit with the teaching of Jesus. So if anybody who's a Unitarian Universalist who has a high view of Jesus, then the question is, where do they get their high view of Jesus from? And what do they do with all of these multitude of references? If you reject me, you reject the father. You know, he who believes in me is not judge He or does not believe the wrath of God abides on him. I mean, that doesn't sound like universalism to me. That's John 3. They may not be aware at all what the Bible says. They may not have thought very carefully

about this. So it is important to press them on this. Where do your ideas about Jesus come from? Why do you think this is the case? And then I would also say, however you can show them the true Jesus, because again, the Holy Spirit will move them through the truth about Jesus and the gospel. So however you can show them who he really is, and now some of them will reject him. Some of them will probably, if you can convince them, though this is who Jesus really was, they might walk away from him altogether. But the Holy Spirit will move some of them to love the true Jesus and to see him as he is. So make an effort to show them who he really is.

Yeah, more you could ask about their coexist sticker. Oh, goodness. Those guys are the classical coexist sticker people. Yeah. All right. We're at a time. Thank you, David and Cynthia and Ken. We appreciate hearing from you.

And we would really like to hear from you. You can send us your question on X with a hashtag STRask. Or if you go to our website at STR.org, all you have to do is look for our hashtag STRSK podcast page and you find a link there. You can send us your question. And I will see every single question that comes in. So be assured, I will see your question. And we would love to hear from all of you.

If you have something you've been thinking about, send it on over. All right. Thank you so much for listening. This is Amy Hall and Greg Coker for Stand to Reason.