#STRask - How Should I Respond to an LGBTQ Person Who Says He Feels Good About Who He Is?

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

Questions about responding to an LGBTQ person who says he feels good about who he is, and whether—since we all have sin in our life we don’t consider to be sinful—a practicing homosexual can be born again as long as he sincerely believes his behavior isn’t sinful.   What would be an appropriate response to an LGBTQ person saying, “I feel good about who I am”? Since we all have sin in our life that we don’t consider to be sinful, and will only learn about it when we get to Heaven, doesn’t that mean a practicing homosexual can be born again as long as he sincerely believes his behavior is not sinful?

Welcome once again to the hashtag SDRSk podcast, and I hope it's once again. Maybe this is your first time. Welcome for the first time. We're going to start with a question, Greg, from Eric. All righty. What would be an appropriate response to an LGBT person saying, quote, I feel good about who I am? Yeah, I'm pausing because I'm thinking. And, um,

I'm trying to put myself right in that circumstance because this is where you want to be gentle but shrewd or innocent but shrewd, as Jesus put it. And while you're thinking, I just want to point out, when you find yourself in this situation, you're going to do exactly what Greg just did. You're going to have to take a second to think about it. So this is why it's good to think about these things ahead of time. Yeah, yeah. But don't think that we always know exactly what to say right when it happens. Well, of course, when I give the tactics talk, the last thing I say is, if you don't remember anything else about this whole presentation, remember this. Take a tip from Lieutenant Colombo when you find yourself in a tough spot and always ask questions.

So the first tactical question is, what do you mean by that? and so this might be appropriate because that first question will buy you some time. And, I mean, I'm a little bit knocking my head here like, you're the guy who wrote the book. Why didn't you just say that right out of the gate, you know, just now? Instead of going, oh, but that just shows it's sometimes challenging when you're talking with people and you don't always think of the right thing right away. So here's right out of the gate you say, I'm confused about that. statement. What do you mean? You're happy with the way you are. Now, and there's a certain

sense where it's what's so confusing about that, but you want them to say a little bit more. This is what I want to do with my life, and it makes me happy, and that's all I need to know. And then I might say, okay, I think I understand, but I'm also a bit confused. Do you think other people should have the same perspective? Yeah, of course. What about it? the person who's a gay basher. They're happy the way they are. Well, gay bashing is wrong. Really? By what standard? Or you might say,

I'm just curious, who are you to say that? You know, you want to be careful when you say, who are you to say? Because that's what they say to us. We are responding in kind, but we're trying not to be harsh about it. But it is an appropriate question. And part of the deal here, and I realize a lot of my approach in these circumstances, is you adopt their rules and use them against them. Okay, now this is a version of taking the roof off. We're saying, okay, let's say you're right about your general approach. You do you, okay?

Can I do me then if it hurts you? Why not? Oh, well, I'm not hurt anybody. Well, people don't know that. I mean, the point, I mean, it's just to clarify, using it against them doesn't mean you're attacking them with it. No, no, thank you. It just means addressing their claim. The idea is if they think that this is a legitimate justification for their, all their behavior, this is what's called a logical, slippery slope.

So we adopt their rule and see where it takes us, you know. And that same rule applies to other things, too. And you might want to offer that. And or you might say, how is that, I'm just curious here and what I think about, I'm concerned about the view. I'm role playing right now, but I'm trying to soften. But how is that different from narcissism? Is that the same as narcissism or is there something different here? That might be a little bit strong to say, I don't know.

But these kind of circumstances are hard. because this individual is really committed to whatever that lifestyle is, and it's usually a sexual ethic that we have in view here, and I feel good doing what I do. Well, there's a lot of people feel good doing what they do. Does that make it right? Does that make it a good thing? That's another question that might be asked.

But it's good at this point not to just explode, react, to go slowly, and you kind of think through the questions, but these are some of the questions that are appropriate to try to get them thinking, you know. Just because you feel good about it doesn't mean it's a good thing to do. What if it's not good? And that was your, when you brought up the idea of,

what if the gay basher feels good about that? And then they say, well, but that's wrong, then you can say exactly, that is the real question, what is right and what is wrong, not how we feel about it because we can all be deluded. We see people who are deluded about what's right and wrong all the time. So that's just how we at. We don't want to think of ourselves as being bad in any way,

so we're always deluding ourselves. But what you also might want to do is, I don't even think you have to address the homosexuality in this situation. If they say, you know, I feel good about who I am and you ask, what do I mean by that? What aspect of who you are do you feel good about? The problem is that we are all contempt by our behavior. It's not just one group of people. It's everybody.

If I feel good about who I am, then I am sorely mistaken. And so you could move on to just leave that aside. Let's leave that aside for a moment. Because if we're talking about the gospel, you don't even need to go there in order to know that you're condemned before God without his grace. We have plenty of examples in our lives. I have nothing to do with sexuality where we are thumbing our noses at God and we're disobeying him in all sorts of ways. So you don't even have to go there. Right. But if you can, another thing you can do is say, identify with them in the fact that we are all sinners before God. And you can say, look, I'm not saying anything about you that I wouldn't say about myself. I was condemned before God. And then I asked for His grace and he forgave me. Are you telling me you have nothing in your life to feel bad about or guilty about?

leaving that aside for the moment. So you can get to the gospel without even going there and leave that for another time. In other words, you're not making issue with a particular sin, just that there is sin. Right, right. And just feeling good about yourself is not enough to cover for the sin, whatever it happens to be. And of course, it depends on what, maybe your conversation is all about homosexuality, so this doesn't make sense. But this could, But there could be situations where this is the way to go. Yeah, when somebody asks me about sharing Christ with homosexuals,

but I never make any particular sin the issue unless they're already under conviction about it. You know, then I would trade on that, but these circumstances are a little challenging because these little rhetorical flourishes just seems so reasonable to them. I was watching an interview with Lady Gaga, and I'm not a fan. I don't know hardly anything about her, but I did see a Starsborn in that one set where she sings shallow with Brad Cooper. Cooper, Bradley Cooper. It's magnificent, I think. Just magnificent.

Very touching to me. but she's being interviewed and she was talking about people's expectations of her and she finally broke away from all those expectations and it was a late night show host I can't remember who it was Jimmy Fallon or somebody and then he says

so you just decided to do what you wanted to do like this is the victory step you got there you're going to do what you want to do and she said yeah like that's the pinnacle this is the sumum bonum

This is the greatest good, doing whatever you want to do. And listening to that made me really sad because I think this was a magnificently skilled woman in that particular presentation with Bradley Cooper. He directed that, too. I didn't realize that. Was so gripping. I mean, I get deeply moved when I watch that. That's why I watch it once in a while on YouTube, just that four-minute clip. but I felt so bad for her because she didn't know where this gift came from,

and it was all about her. And this is kind of the point, you know, that we're making. It's whatever it is. There's all kinds of different ways that the all about me sin can be expressed. It's not about that, the particular characterization. It's about the all about me. and who's at the center, and it's them, not God. And we all have the tendency to try to get out from under our guilt by convincing ourselves that we're not really guilty.

But that never works because we still feel it deep down. Yes, right. The way out from guilt is not to convince yourself, you're not guilty. The way out is forgiveness and openness. I mean, think how much the Pharisees hated Jesus because he was how. highlighting their sin, and they didn't want to admit it. But those who admitted it, they're the ones who found the joy and the freedom. But we are so prideful. So anything you can do to point them towards the gospel, if you can find something that they are willing to admit, maybe that would be

helpful. And I just want to point out, too, I think you noted that people who are really invested in their sin, it's very hard to repent. But I will also say, God can change anyone. God can move anyone to repentance, even if they're so invested in what they're doing that they don't want to do it. So you don't have to dismiss anyone and just say, well, it's not worth even talking to them because they're so invested in this life. Think of Beckett Cook, for goodness sake. You know, he's worked for us and deeply, deeply entrenched in the Hollywood scene, a gay man and walks into this church in West Hollywood and or in Hollywood. He was in a coffee shop when he heard two people talking about the gospel.

Is that how he ended up going to the church? That's how he first heard, and then he went to the church. Yeah, and then he walked in, you know, a pagan totally invested in his lifestyle, and had a Damascus Road kind of experience and walked out completely converted. And anyway, so that happens. And we shouldn't sell the grace of God short because God can save and does save all manner of people in all manner of circumstances. Here's a question from Damon. Someone told me he believes a practicing homosexual can be born again as long as they sincerely believe their behavior is not sinful.

He said, we all probably have sin in our life that we do not consider sinful and we'll only learn about it when we get to heaven. How would you respond to this claim? Well, I agree that there are people that are maybe not clear on their sinfulness or particulars of it. This is the role of the Holy Spirit, though. It's interesting in David's Psalm 51, where his great Psalm of Repetable. about his behavior towards Bathsheba and Uriah. He says something in there that, to me, I reflect on this a lot. It's a feature of prayer for me.

He says, you desire truth in the innermost being, and in my hidden part, you will make me no wisdom. Now, given that this is a psalm of repentance, I think he is probably talking about truth regarding sin in his innermost being. Now, he already knew that it was wrong to commit adultery and then to arrange for the, for the, essentially the murder of Bashiba's husband, Uriah, in battle, putting him on the front line and the heat of it so he could kill. He arranged that.

But nevertheless, he has in this prayer for repentance, he's asking for, I think, a sensitized conscience. And so certainly there are times when we may be living in some kind of behavior that it's not clear to us that we're living sinfully in it, though this is what the Holy Spirit is supposed to do, convict of sin, righteousness, and judgment, okay? And Jesus talks about that in John, the upper room discourse. There are 15, 16, 15, or 16, somewhere in there. But in this particular case, I'm not willing to buy this, because this is a serious moral failing that the Bible speaks about a number of times in very clear terms.

Romans 1 is an example of that. And also in 1st Corinthians 6 or 9, verse 9 or 6. somewhere there. I think it's verse 3rd 6. And verse 9, and Paul says neither fornicators nor adulterers nor homosexuals will inherit. Now, he's referring to behaviors. Those people who are going on in those behaviors, this is evidence that their claim that Jesus is their Savior is not sound. they will not inherit. Then he says, at the end, he says, such were some of you, but you have been washed.

Persisting in serious sin is evidence that you're not a Christian, regardless of what you happen to say. So I'm not willing to give, in a sense, the benefit of the doubt here to a person who loves Jesus, trusting in him for salvation, and is living a gay lifestyle and doesn't realize that it's actually wrong. That to me is at an extreme.

You might be gossiping because it's your habit and you're a Christian and you're not thinking of it being wrong what you're saying because you're just telling the truth in that circumstance or something like that. There might be some rationalization you have in your own mind, but I think as time goes on, this is something the Holy Spirit's going to work on.

and other people might even say it. But when it comes to this, this is, to me it's like saying, I'm a Christian, and I've had three adulterous relationships. Actually, they're still going on right now. And I think they're just fine because I'm loving them. What Christian would take that as a authentic testimony to genuine faith in Christ?

No one would, because the behavior is so inconsistent with the claim. And I wouldn't want to give any safe harbor, so to speak, to somebody in serious sin with this kind of justification. And there's a difference between falling into a sin over and over and then repenting and asking for forgiveness versus saying this is a good thing. I think those are two different things. I don't want people to hear, oh, if you're still sinning, you're not a Christian. The way the question was worded, though, this is a person who doesn't know what's a sin. And so he's not, it doesn't have a repentant attitude. Now, I will say anyone can be born again when they're still in, even an egregious sin.

I mean, that's how we are all saved. When we're saved, we are in our sin. Right. So anyone, it's not that, oh, someone can't be saved if they're living this lifestyle or whatever. That's ridiculous. That's the only kind of salvation there is for people who are in their sin. Right. And think about, like, the Corinthians, they had to have their sexual sin explained to them.

They were not aware. They didn't know what they were doing wrong. So it's possible to be saved. These were Gentiles, too, in Corinth. They're not Jews with the law and all that. Exactly. So they weren't aware. They were saved.

And Paul had to say, look, here's the reality. But then you'll notice that in the 2nd Corinthians, he says that they, did repent. So it's possible for someone not to know something is sinful, but then once it's explained, and especially if it's clear, and all these things have been revealed in scripture now, once it has been revealed to them, what is their posture? Do they have a posture of self-justification, or do they have a posture of submission to God? And do they trust that what God is telling them is good? Right, right. Or are they reject? him.

And they, so all of these things, I think, play into this. And I agree, it's hard to think that there's anyone who has no idea what the Bible says about this or has no idea it's wrong. It's hard to believe that. But it doesn't mean, like, at the beginning, that could be the situation at the beginning. So when I became a Christian, I knew very, actually I knew this before because I'm reflecting on all of this stuff, that sexual behavior was sinful. Had to kind of get dialed down on that. Outside of marriage. Right, of course. And I was

outside of marriage at that time. Actually, for a long time after that, too, for another quarter of a century. But I realized that there's a problem here. And when I actually became a Christian, there was a transition time before I kind of got it all under control. Okay. So I guess one could say. say, well, I was regenerated and born again, but I was still in sexual sin of some sort. But I knew I was in sexual sin of some sort, and I was working on kind of repenting and getting things scored away and whatever. And, I mean, the first year was pretty – yeah, the first year was a lot of struggle because I was 23 when I became a Christian. And so I'm coming out of a very worldly circumstance.

And then trying to get all my ducks in a row that way took some time. But I never justified it. I never had this sense like, oh, this is good. There's nothing wrong with this. I knew it was wrong. So I think that kind of situation does exist. Paul talks in Galatians, too, I think, about those who are babes, in Christ who are carnal, carnality or fleshliness is characteristic of a baby in Christ. You're supposed

to grow out of that. And if you continue living in this fleshliness, it's certainly legitimate to question somebody's regeneration. And I want to emphasize, again, why this is the case. It's not, it doesn't make me question their salvation because they're not doing enough good things. Right. That's not the problem. The problem is their relationship with God. When it comes to our sin, are we willing, do we love God more than our sin? Are we admitting that what God is saying is true and good? Are we submitting ourselves?

Are we admitting when we're wrong and repenting and asking forgiveness because we trust him? This all comes down to our relationship with God and how he is our Lord and how he is our Lord and how he, we believe him. We believe that he's the creator. We believe that he loves us. We believe that Jesus came and died for us. We believe that what he's asking of us is not something to ruin our life, but to make our life better. I mean, to make our life, it's funny.

I say better, but it might be harder. You mean better in the moral sense? In the moral sense, right. Which has its own rewards, but it might be harder for us. but we trust that it's better to be obedient than to take things for ourselves that God hasn't given us. So it all comes down to our relationship with God, how we respond to our own sin, and how we respond to information about ways we've been sinning that maybe we haven't realized before. So this is not, we're not saying that, oh, they're not being good enough, therefore they're not saved. We're saying that this is an indication of where they really are in relation.

to God. And all of this, I mean, we all are sinners. And I just want to come back to that, that we are all in the same position. We are all children of wrath before we are saved. We all will be with God by His grace alone. We're not saying that since we are not acting out in homosexual ways, that therefore we are going to be with God. So some of these things I think have to be explicitly said because our culture is a very strange idea of what Christians believe about sexuality and why we would say homosexuality is wrong. And all of these things are not understood.

And you might have to say them explicitly. So I would, I would, you just need to be clear that we are all sinners. We are all needs God's grace. And we all need to submit ourselves and trust that what God wants for us is better than what we want for us. All right. We are out of time, Greg. Thank you, Eric and Damon. Those are all difficult questions, and they're all so relevant to what we're going through in this culture.

And I just pray for all of you that God would strengthen you and give you. love so that you can speak the truth in love, and not just the truth, but also love, but not just love, but also the truth. Even though I would say love does entail telling people the truth, but let's not get into that now. I think that was the last episode. But thank you so much, Eric and Damon. All right. If you have a question, send it to us on X with hashtag SDR Ask, or you can just go to our website at STR.org. This is Amy Hall and Greg Cogel for Stand to Reason.

Thank you.