#STRask - Is It Okay to Cover a Coworker’s Shift so They Can Officiate a Same-Sex Wedding?

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Questions about whether it would be wrong to knowingly cover a coworker’s shift so they can officiate a same-sex wedding and whether it’s okay for a Christian to work for a company whose work is transitioning to support gender identity, transgenderism, etc. Would it be wrong to knowingly cover a coworker’s shift so they can officiate a same-sex wedding? As a conservative Christian with a biblical worldview, should I feel guilty for working for a company whose work is transitioning to support sexual orientation, transgenderism, and gender identity?

Welcome, everyone. We're so glad you're here for another episode of Hashtag STR Ask. And by the way, when I say another one, it could be your first one, but we have all of our archives on our website at str.org. one. It could be your first one, but we have all of our archives on our website at str.org. And a lot of times, you know, Greg, I get questions that we have already answered. So check our archives. You would not believe how many different questions we've answered. Sometimes when it's a very popular question, I'll ask it again a few years later. But for the most part, every question we get is different. So make sure you take a look at those back episodes. All right, Greg. Here's a question from Andrew.

Would it be wrong to knowingly cover a co-worker's shift so they could officiate a so-called gay wedding? The co-worker is also gay. I never had that question before, and I don't think so. I don't think it's inherently immoral. What you're doing is you're doing a favor for a friend. Just think if it was a heterosexual person, and this is a principle that Alish Lima has promoted, and that is, whatever you would do comfortably if the person was heterosexual, you should be able to do comfortably if the person was homosexual or gay or lesbian. And so the question is, if your co-worker was not going to be involved in this

same-sex union, but instead was going on a vacation with his girlfriend to the Bahamas. And he just said, hey, I'm going on vacation. My live-in girlfriend, we're on our way, and can you cover my shift while I go on this vacation? I suspect most Christians wouldn't think that they were being morally compromised if they did that, okay? And so, if that's the case, and the only one to answer this really is Andrew, if there was a similar kind of circumstance where you didn't have this sexual issue, but what the other person was going to be involved with on the time off that you were covering was something that you do not morally agree with,

would you still do it? And if you would, then there shouldn't be any problem dealing with the same circumstance when the issue is homosexuality. That's Alan's approach. I think it's a fair approach, too. But I do think there's an element of conscience that's involved here. A person just may not feel comfortable. So I don't think, for example, if Target is promoting transgenderism as they were for a while, and they still are to some measure in their products and their displays and stuff like that, I don't think it's immoral to shop at Target. But a lot of people choose not to shop at Target because they don't feel comfortable or they want to make a statement and they're going to vote with their money against

Target. Okay, they're going to withhold their funds, which a lot of people did. So this is a distinction between the strictly moral concern and the concern that is a matter of personal comfort or personal conscience. So it doesn't strike me, Andrew, that this would be immoral to do, because I don't think, my suspicion is you wouldn't think it'd be immoral to cover for somebody else who is, you know, having a day out or with his living girlfriend or something like that. But nevertheless, you may not feel comfortable doing it. And you could just say, I'm going to decline for personal reasons or whatever you want to say.

So I think it's a matter of individual choice, but it's only a matter of individual choice in my view, because I don't think it is itself patently immoral. Well, that's my inclination too, Greg, because you're not participating in the wedding. Right. You're actually removed quite a bit. It's not even that he's going to be the one getting married. So you're removed somewhat from that situation. However, when I think about it, because that is my first inclination, Greg, is that you're not participating in the wedding just by covering his shift.

That's not, I don't think that's happening. However, when I think about if somebody were to say, hey, Amy, I'm going to go get an abortion. Can you cover my shift? I would not do that. And I would use it as an example to plead with them to say, no, I'm not going to enable you to do this. So why don't I feel that way about officiating the wedding? I think it's because, again, this is, it's removed. He's not even actually the one getting married. Would your answer change if he was getting married? Because I don't think mine would, but I'd have to think about why that is.

No, I'm thinking also of another illustration that if a guy said, look, I'm moving in with my girlfriend this weekend, and I need the day off. Will you cover for me? Well, moving and cohabiting would be a moral problem for the Christian, but I think that it wouldn't—I don't know. I think most people would say, you know, go ahead and I'm going to help out just because they're not participating. As you pointed out, they're removed from the event. The abortion thing is a fair one, and I think I'd respond the same way. No, I'm not going to help. Now, somebody could say, well, you're being inconsistent, to which I'm going to respond, well, if you want to press that issue, yes, but all I can tell you is it seems very

different to me when the issue is taking the life of another human being. If you said, I want the day off, can you cover for me because I'm going to rob this bank, I'd have the same kind of reaction. And, well, is it the magnitude of the immorality? I don't know. All I know is that that's the way I would respond. And it bothers me, Greg, that I still need to work out what the principle here is. This is similar to other questions we've talked about, so you know. But I also think it makes a difference if it's someone you know or care about. So let's say it's a family member or let's say it's a best friend or something and he wants to go to get married to someone of the same sex. Would I cover for that person? And see, it's when I feel like, well, I might have an influence.

I might be able to plead with them in some way that I feel like that maybe I would do that just to express my dismay at the direction they're going in. But some of that, I think, has to do with how close you are to them. I don't know very well or it's just a colleague. I'm less inclined to make some sort of a stand that way. It also might depend on whether they see it as you helping them with this project or they just see it as, hey, can you just cover me? This is just what we do. I'm out of town. You cover for me. That's one thing.

If it's can you help me to marry someone of the same sex? Now they've changed the situation. So these questions are so hard, Greg. And this is why, you know, I hate that we have to think about these things, but they're so new. We're in such a new situation that Christians are going to have different ideas about these things. So I just encourage everyone to have grace and to think carefully. And the other thing you need to do is develop your conscience. And the only way to do that is to read the Bible, to figure out who God is, what he cares about most, what his moral standard is, all of these things, sometimes they shape your conscience in a way that you can't necessarily even pin down. And yet they lead you to do things that are—what's that verse about, so you can discern God's

perfect will? It's in Romans 12, I think. Oh, Romans 12, yeah. Yeah. So be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So you can— See, there's perfect will. It's in Romans 12, I think. Oh, Romans 12, yeah. Yeah. So be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So you can... See, there's an example. I was transformed by that verse, and I wasn't even thinking about directly quoting that verse. But I think...

Also, there's one in Hebrews, at the end of Hebrews 5, beginning of 6, of the ideas that we have our senses trained to discern good and evil as we grow and we have meat. So that's there, too. It's the same point. So that's what we need to be doing because all of these questions, they're not always clear cut. And the bottom line is if you do not, if you feel uneasy about it and you don't feel right about it, then don't do it. Don't do it. Right. There's a, just to relieve you of your, you know, your left brain kind of tendency to want to have it all nailed down here, and I understand that. But sometimes there's just a seeming to it that is like it just seems in this circumstance it's different.

The abortion, robbing the bank is different from going to a same-sex wedding. I can't quantify the difference to show you the distinction here, but I can at the same time, it seems like there's a distinction to me, and that's why I'm going to make my decision here. You don't always have to iron it down, or I mean, nail it down, iron it out, nail it down. And some people say, well, there's an inconsistency there. I said, well, I don't think there is, but I can't explain why there isn't. And part of it is, in those other scenarios, they're also bringing in some other innocent person that they're harming that's not involved in their own decision making. So in the case of the bank, you're robbing other people. In the case of abortion, you're killing another human being.

In the case of, say, adultery, you'd also be harming the spouses. So I wonder if that's also playing into my thoughts that if you are making your own decisions in this, that's bad. But now I'm starting to protect other people. I just don't know. That's your left brain impulse going on right here. It is. Greg, I have to nail this down. But hopefully, if you're listening, you can see that these aren't clear-cut. You have to think through them and just have grace for people. I just can't say that enough because everybody's trying to figure these things out right now. Yeah, look at the kerfuffle with Alistair Begg right now, and it's just kind of—I still see things online where people are crabbing about that.

Yes, and just to clarify, we disagree with what he said, but sometimes people are wrong. Sometimes they're wrong. But the treatment he's received, I think, has been extreme. Anyway, that's our view here. So let's go on to another hard question, Greg. This one comes from Kristen. I work for a company whose work is transitioning to support sexual orientation, transgenderism, and gender identity. As a conservative Christian

with a biblical worldview, how do I reconcile working for a company like this? Now, before you answer, I actually asked for a little bit of follow-up because I wanted to know what does it mean they're transitioning to support these things. So here's what she said. By support, I mean they're really pushing pronoun usage, DEI, and gender identity craze going on right now. I've been tasked with helping with a gender harmony project data collection around LGBTQ people. I guess my burning question is should I feel guilty or feel I'm contributing to a cause I don't agree with or just look at it as a job and just do it and not worry about it? Well, I think this is different than the other things we've been talking about. This is a more extreme example, but I think in kind it's similar, unless I'm missing something here. If a person said, well, I work at an abortion clinic clinic and what I do is I manage the people coming in.

I take their information. I'm not doing abortions or something, but they're in the waiting room and I'm processing them and then I tell them to go in the room. But this is just my job. Now, my view with the abortion clinic is that would be complicit in a larger enterprise that's grotesquely immoral. That's grotesquely immoral. I think the things that were just described by Christian that her organization she works for works, I think, are also immoral and destructive. But it's not taking human life, not directly. It's also not the main purpose of her business.

Whereas with abortion, the main purpose of the business is abortion. My understanding of the main purpose of this business is to do all of this gender affirmation, pronoun stuff, LGBTQ stuff. It sounds—well, maybe the Gender Harmony Project. Yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah, I think that this would be a compromise. From what I know about the Gender Harmony Con—what do they call it? The Gender Harmony— It says Gender Harmony Project. Project.

She's collecting data. Yeah, but it's also pro all of these kinds of things that are inconsistent, actively abetting an enterprise that is contrary morally to God's purposes. So that to me is a whole different category than some of the things we've been talking about. So, I mean, I think this is a compromise from what I can tell. I don't know, what do you think about it, Amy? Well, I think it depends partly on the purpose of your business, because she didn't actually say what her business was. So this is where I'm not sure if the purpose, if this is the main purpose of the business, say, comparable to an abortion clinic, where that is the purpose of the business,

then yes, I think, I don't think I could do that. But she's tasked with these particular activities that she described. Let me give an example. So let's say you work in a hospital, and the hospital requires you to start collecting data on LGBTQ and keeping track of their pronouns and that sort of thing. So you're in a hospital where the purpose is to heal them, but now they've added all these other things that you disagree with. Would that change what you think? The hospital circumstance seems to be gathering information regarding these things. This enterprise seems to be abetting the enterprise, encouraging. I mean, you could read the words.

Well, yeah. But this is what I'm saying. If it is abetting the enterprise, if that is the enterprise itself, then yes, I think that's a problem. But would you think if it was a secondary thing that was just happening with their company? Let's say their company is like a, I mean, I don't know, but let's say it's a statistics company. Let's say they actually are the ones who do the research. That seems like it's a betting. But that's not, but maybe they have other clients. I don't know. Well, if you're just collecting statistics, even Christian organizations do that about these kinds of things. It didn't sound like that to me. It sounds like it's an advocacy enterprise.

Okay. So that would be the distinction here. Yeah. And did the word woke come up? DEI. Yeah. Diversity, equity, and inclusion. This is a dangerous, dangerous enterprise that is very destructive to culture and to the people in the culture.

And, man, I would— I guess what you could—maybe a way to kind of determine, because I'm sure there are a lot of people in a similar situation. If I were to say I cannot do this certain thing, because there have been companies, and this has happened even at Google, where they have not wanted to do some sort of, the Christian group has not wanted to use pronouns or whatever it is, and they've actually gotten permission not to do whatever that thing is. If you can do that and you still have a job, like the job still is not that. So you can say no to some things. Yes. If you can separate these things from your job, your job is something different from this,

then I think then you have to figure it out as a matter of conscience, see what's going on. You have to figure it out. It's a matter of conscience to see what's going on. But if this is your job, if your job is promoting DEI or promoting pronoun usage or— LGBTQ. Whatever it is, if it's not just an add-on to your job, but it actually is your job, that is the distinction that probably matters here. It's interesting. I think the question was, should I feel guilty about this? I'm wondering if that's like, I'm not feeling guilty about it, but maybe I should, or I am feeling guilty about it. Maybe I shouldn't, not entirely sure.

I don't think she'd be asking the questions if she wasn't worried about getting an answer. That would be my guess. But of course, the problem is we don't have all the details. So I'm not going to say, yeah, you have to quit your job. But hopefully, some of these principles will help with that. Again, we're just trying to work through these things. And this is hard. Again, if your conscience is bothering you, then you should probably leave. But if this is a situation where you can say, I don't mind collecting data, but I'm not going to promote these certain things, I don't think that's going to be a problem. Yeah, keep in mind that DEI is four score in support of

transgenderism, which transgender people have a 20 times higher suicide rate than the regular population? Okay, there's a reason for this, and it's not because Christians are against it. The whole world is in favor of this. I don't believe the little voice of the Christians that it's allowed to get through, which it's hardly allowed at all, is causing these people to take their lives. It's because there's something desperately wrong here that is not being addressed in a proper way. Encouraging this pathology is not good for them. Okay, so this whole dynamic is not just kind of an issue

or encouraging moral behavior, but it's actually encouraging a circumstance that is dangerous to the people who are involved in it. Yeah. And by the way, the recent statistics, and I'm trying to think of who sent me this. Oh, it was my son, Dane, sent the study, and I sent it on to Alan, too. And it's a sophisticated peer-reviewed study that just shows that most people, it was a large study, who are gender dysphoric, especially in teenage years, the vast majority of them just get over it.

They change if you just let it run its course. For young people, right? For young people, yeah, adolescents. It's something like 70%. It's very high. It's very high. But if when they get over it, they are missing, in the case of these unfortunate young women, both of their breasts and their whole physiology is messed up because they've had hormone-blocking drugs and they have beards and all this other

stuff. It's hard to walk away from that when all of this has been accomplished in their life. And even with minors, 14-year-old girls, getting help without parents' help, getting serviced like this, it's not help, but serviced like this even without the parents' consent. I mean, this whole enterprise is bad in a whole bunch of different ways. And let me give a way of looking at this. I think a lot of people look at these questions as being about how do I maintain my purity and not do something wrong. But I encourage you to think about it a different way. I encourage you to think about it as I am here to be salt and light and bring joy and

goodness to this world, not harm. And it's not just that I'm trying to protect myself, it's that, and my purity, the problem here is you don't want to do evil. You don't want to hurt people. You don't want to bring darkness into the world. And that mindset can maybe help you work through some of these things too. Excellent. Well, Greg, I know we're going to continue to have difficult questions like these, and I just encourage you all to take heart and read your Bibles and pray, and we're all going to be fine, ultimately. By the way, it isn't just like I wrote.

The idea of reading the Bible is because this is what we learn what reality is like. God tells us what reality is actually like when the whole culture is telling us something different. And our prayer is not rote. It's not perfunctory. It's intimate interaction with God, asking for help for things and expressing our love for Him. Well, thank you so much, Andrew and Kristen. We appreciate hearing from you. Send us your question on X with hashtag STR Ask, or just find our hashtag STR Ask podcast page at str.org, and follow the link there to leave us your question. We hope to hear from you soon. This is Amy Hall and Greg Kokel for Stand to Reason.