Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 001 - Joe the Married Guy

Episode Date: December 14, 2013

Joe the Married guy isn't really married anymore. He's separated, but he's still lives with his ex even though she has a new BF. Sound complicated? It is and so is Joe. Listen in as he tries to explain what's really going on. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your Greek flag lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. We can't talk like this. Hey.

Hi. So did I tell you that I fired Irene? So you're the new host? You're the host. Oh, I couldn't wait to do a threesome, though. We could do a threesome with someone else. Okay. Because I know you're going to piss me off and be flaky.

Like, people, I don't have tolerance for people. So I know you're going to irritate me and I'll probably want to get someone else, and then you'll come back and beg the back and then. But you might have to think sometimes we're not the problem. you might have to look from within to fix that problem. But it's been 40 some odd years. Okay, really? So,

somebody, Irene, canceled three podcasts first. And then the last time, the last one we had last week, she canceled it four separate times. My mic isn't on loud enough, is it? She canceled it four separate times. Do you understand? Yeah.

One podcast four times. And two of those times, she had the flu, two weeks in a row. Okay. How do you have the flu for two weeks in a row? I think you have to have AIDS. I think she has AIDS because it's the only fucking reason that anyone would be.

I think she has leprosy. Even if you have the fucking flu, you could go out. I thought I heard the doorbell. No, you could go out. Like who's sick in bed with the flu two weeks in a row? You either have cancer or the hives. Something is seriously wrong. Or mono.

Did you ever have mono as a teenager? No, did you? No, I didn't get it. My brother's got it though. Yeah. You're in bed for like a month. I think I wanted it. because I just wanted to not have to go to school.

No, you're in bed for like six months. It's like awesome. It's like half the school year goes by. You don't even have to go and you just sit in bed and watch TV. I don't think it's a bad thing. No? You didn't realize that? I didn't realize.

You didn't realize your brothers were probably fucking lying. I mean, that's the biggest. Still got body eggs. Checking me next month. Exactly. Wait, so let me just tell you what I woke up in dead. I woke up this morning and I listened to other podcasts, Colin and Vice podcast because, you know,

I haven't been really confident about our podcast. And the good news is they all suck and they're really boring. Most people are very boring. With me as the new host. I like you step up now. Yeah. First of all, when I listen back, you say like funny things and sometimes I don't even laugh and I just keep going and I'm like, oh, I should probably maybe, you know, laugh.

We need a button. We need one of those showcase showdown buttons. What do you mean? You know the prices right when they're like, you come on up and you know he hits like an audio button where it's like, ha, ha, like a fake crowd. No, I should actually laugh when you say something funny because there was one on your last one that was really funny and I just like flew over it. But wait, what was I say?

Oh, so I listened to those things and then I decided we needed some callers. So I posted ads on Craigslist. But I'm so cheap. Listen to this. I'm so cheap that I only would post on free places. So I only posted like men for women and women for men and threesomes and transgender

and like I think I did events and community and I had some sleeves bags email me. Asking for pictures? Well, a couple threesomes. Okay. A couple, hold on, a couple threesomes. I could read you. I had but two real guys that wanted to talk about two real problems.

One guy, it's poker night tonight so he can't call in. His name is Charles Burkowski. It's poker night at the Burkowski house. Wait, but you know who Charles Pukowski is? Do you know what? I have no idea. Okay, Charles Pekowski is a very famous poet. He's like one of my favorite.

It's just hilarious that this guy makes up Charles Bukowski as his name. Now, am I going to come across uncultured for not knowing who Charles Bukowski is? Kind of, but I think a lot. Some people might not know. Okay. But we know you're uncultured. You're from Jersey and you wear Puma. Like, you're Guido.

I haven't worn Puma in a long time. Okay, but guidos tend to be uncultured. They only believe, like, Italians are the only people that exist on the planet. I'm not like... They're so pro-Italian. Okay. But I'm not like Bronx tail, like, you know, stickball guy here. No, you're not even that cool.

you're Jersey Italian. So that would be cool. No, that's the worst. Like wife beat her. Bronx. Yeah. Hanging out with my friends. Yeah, fuck yeah, because they fuck black people. They know like other people exist.

Like Jersey Italians, it's like they think they're the only people on the planet. I grew up with those people and I was Lebanese. So you know fucking tortured I was. Because you sleep with black people. Well, my African American culture dating is pretty high. You're what? I dated a lot of African American women. I didn't mean you.

I meant the Italians in the Bronx. Oh, yeah, I forgot about you. You're more culture than the African American. average because you live in New York, you own a gay bar, but you're stray, but we don't, you know, we don't know, whatever. And all those disgusting tattoos on your body. I'll take, I'll take the three steps forward and the 90 steps slap back. Wait, Tommy, I think every podcast, we should just look at your body and discuss one more of your horrendous tattoos. Tommy, I want you to host my podcast show so we could put you on air and then just break you down and then say it was a good show and see you later.

Dude, I'm fair game too, okay? I'm sitting across from you. I look like shit right now. I'm drinking a protein shake. I mean, there's probably lots you can say about me, too. You take your digs. I could fucking take it. Okay.

You can't take it. No, no, just like we're going to give it to callers. I'm going to give it back. You can give it to me. I give it to you. I can give it and take it person. Let's have a truth right now. About what?

That you will not pull like a Kathy spas. First of all, I never have. I don't pull out the file. You got mad at your friend who was the caller last time. Oh, I know, but I'm on hormones right now. I know because I'm trying to get pregnant. So you can't go. You can't say that that's normal, Kathy.

You can't, you know. And everything's fine with her. Okay. Is she still banging the guy? Yeah. We're never going to air that podcast because it was a debacle. So wait. So we had Charles Pekowski call and he was obviously looking for sex.

I got a couple like just people that obviously didn't read my ad. Did they say cock shots? No, I was hoping because I would totally want to get that. I love dick picks. Not that I love them. I just love people that send them and I love talking about them. It's a whole topic that we should definitely. get into it one time.

What do you think? I'm not like a cockpick sender. Yeah, you're not. What do you think if what does somebody think they're going to achieve? Like, I just got an direction. I'm going to send a dick pick and he's like, oh, this is a special one. She's going to really reply to this. It's a whole certain person.

And we need one of those people to call in to discuss it because it's fascinating. It's a certain kind of person. It's a whole thing. It's an Anthony Weiner thing. I've known guys to do it. I should try and get one to call in. Yeah, yeah. It's a certain kind of person.

Kind of like, I think that the dickpicks are kind of like, you know, the cat that brings the mouse to the door. It's like, look what I have for you, mommy. Like, I really think it's like a little boy. Look how great I am. I'm special. I have this big cock, like, thing. Like, it's like the dick pick is like a cat with. Well, let's agree.

It's a special breed of person. It's a certain type. I've known them. It's like, are you Irish, Latin? I'm a cockpick guy. Dick pick guy. I'm a dick pick guy. 100%.

Totally. What's worse? Italians or dig pick guys? What's less culture? What's less cultural? People from Paramus. So that would be me. But yeah, but I was like a Lebanese person from Paramus.

That hung out at the Orange Lantern. No, I never went there, but I did dig the bartender. You hung out in the parking lot. Yeah, that's different than hanging out in the bar. That's so much more awesomeness for hanging out in the bargaining lot. Exactly. That's cooler in a Chevy Nova when you're on a lookout. No, I was banging my boyfriend.

smoking weed, drinking beer. He was the bartender at the O.L. Okay, when I was 15 or 16 and he was 21. And you swear to fucking God, he's still the bartender there. You should just go back in one day. Oh, my God. It's so bad. And just look at him and be like, I think you're a dick pick guy.

No, he's definitely. No, dick pick guys are more interesting. They're complex. I mean, there's a whole thing to it. You know, I don't get, I don't think people that have like, sexual neuroses. I don't think that they're like gross, like anybody else.

But they might have some issues. Not talking politics at all, but like the Anthony Weiner guy, you know, Carlos Angelo, he knew what he was doing. Like, why? I don't,

there's something there. Like he wanted the attention. It's like he was striving. He was, what was it, a call for help or a cry for help? It was like he wanted to get discovered. No,

absolutely not. They can't help it. It's like an addiction. It's literally that they are not. It's like, you know when I drank and I acted like a complete lunatic and no listen and people would say like what the fuck are you doing I had no control over myself but you were in a congresswoman

it doesn't that's the whole point yeah but if I was I would have been doing the same shit do you understand it doesn't matter I would have voted for you doing this is when you know that someone's doing something that's addictive or an addiction because they do things and they don't they don't care about the consequences and that means because people do care about consequences that means they're not in control of themselves you want to understand Yes, but you want to hear about this thing, people not caring about the consequences. Read this thing online.

It's a new drug. It's called Crocodile. Okay, it's from Russia. Okay, oh, of course. And it's a cheap version of heroin, okay, that they make with like lighter fluid and gasoline and all this shit. Anything that's not heroin, but it's like a tenth of the cost of heroin gives you the same high. But when you use it over and over, it gets inside and your skin starts to decay like leprosy. And they show pictures online.

If you Google it, I think it's called Crocodile or something like that, just new Russian flesh-eating drug or whatever. Right. And these cheap people who can't afford heroin, they're like, I know my flesh and my limbs are going to fall off, but I really need the high. You're kidding. Square. It's so. Oh, my gosh. I'm looking at the pictures.

I just Googled Crocodile Russian. Yeah. And there's no pictures of crocodiles. No, they are definitely. It looks like people's legs. Legs get eaten by crocodiles. Yeah, like somebody was like chomping. Yeah.

Disgusting. Yeah. Wait, I have to go really fast, but I want to go back to that when we get off this call. Oh, so for the first guy emailed me and said, I'm looking to find, these are obviously guys that weren't even reading my article, like my ad, because I did post in the dating section.

Did they request a picture? No. In the dating section and I did stuff in the community. This guy obviously found me on a dating site. Charles Pekowski found me on the dating section. And he said, I'm looking to find a woman who is into masturbation and exhibitionism as I am. I know I can't be the only one.

What is the best place to put an ad or find someone of similar taste? So I wrote him back. So wait, he wants to basically jerk off with a girl next to him. No intercourse. Some place out in public. Some place in public. Yes. Interesting, right?

Don't you want to talk to that guy? Yeah, I want to be like, so where have you done this? Like, what turns you on? Totally. To jerking off in Central Park. Yeah, and like have girls done it and where have you done it? Did you ever get caught and like what type of girl gets into it? I have a gazillion questions for people.

I'm fascinated by everything, really. And these kind of things are fascinating. But something had to spark him to. Well, you have to. That's the thing. I don't like, I think people when they have these very specific things, we could probably treat. I think maybe it's traced back to like when he was younger. But we have to get him on the call.

And actually, I said, like, would you want to call in a discuss? He's like, I don't know. I might be embarrassed. And then I said we pre-recorded. And he decided that he was going to call him tonight, but he said tonight was poker night. So he's going to call in next week. He said it sounds like, I said you could change your name.

We don't give a shit. I want people to call in and be completely open. I don't think people, like, I find stuff like that interesting. Now, the guy who's calling tonight is kind of boring. And I want to give you, read you his email first because he's calling in at 644. And that's only a couple. And I think he's like 60. because if you do the math to his

his email because he was married for 25 years and he was dating for 15 years so how old does he have to be like 80 he's like I used to masturbate to the mamas and papas this guy isn't that interesting he's just like I have a marriage question I'm separated now my wife says for years I did not love her

the way she wanted she said it but I thought it was her then this July she said she wanted a divorce I was shocked I married my best friend and high school sweetheart after 25 years and 15 years of marriage. Just, it's over, no fight. I did the separation and find out she has a friend, I guess a guy. She says she wants me out of the house, but I have nowhere and can't afford to go anywhere. So I leave the house the days I work and she leaves the days I'm off.

I stay at my sisters and she's at his house. Well, I'm missing too much. I have to tell it in full details. Let me know if you want to hear my story or as I call it my life now. So since we're losers and we have no callers, I just decided to tell the guy to call in. This fucking guy is 30 plus 18, right? What does that mean? 48?

Well, he's been with her. No, 48, but he was 18. He got married, high school sweetheart. He said dated for 15, been together for 25. After 25 years and 15 years of marriage. So maybe dated for 25, 10 years. No. And yes, dated for 10 years and married for 15.

That equals 25. Plus 18. How do you know he's 18? Maybe he was 25 and 25, so he's like 50. All right. He doesn't write good English, so he might have an accent. I don't really know. Oh, this is going to be fun.

You think? I think it just sounds like a boring problem. I like the guy that wants to jerk off in public. Like, I'm way more interested in freaks. But can't call in tonight because it's poker night. I like freak. Not freaks, because I don't think anyone's a freak. Like, I've always said this and it's very true.

Like, I really believe, like I'm fascinated by everybody and anything. I rarely judge people. The only person I don't really like are fucking liars. But like someone told me that they like to fuck goats. Like I'd be so fascinated by that. Like my first thought would not be like, oh my God, you fuck goats. Like I would be like, oh my God, you fuck goats? Like, is it good to fuck a goat?

Like how many goats have you fucked? Like, when did you want to fuck a goat? Like is it like, does the goat orgazum? What if they wanted to bring the goat to your house? That's what I mean? Like, to show you how they fuck said goat. Exactly. Wouldn't you have a million question for a goat fucker?

I would. I would never think once to judge that person. Listen, goat fucker. I find, no, I find it fascinating. That person can't help that they were born into fucking goats. But how it was like, what did you say? What was your first time? Well, I actually slipped.

My pants were down. I was masturbating. I used to be into masturbating in public. And I fell into this goat. Exactly. No, but I actually, I would rather be friends with a goat fucker than like a person that lies and cheats and steals. I mean, like, honestly, I don't care. with someone's sexual sort of preferences

or I don't judge people by that. I don't want them running my country and Anthony Wiener definitely shouldn't run for office if he has this fucking sickness but I would love to interview him. But what if Anthony Wayne I would want to be married to him? If none of that happened

and he was just a straight up goat fucker and he would I want him in our thing and we caught him with pictures with goats? Yeah like really laying into the goat he's out but I would still be interested in talking about you'd want to interview him but like I really don't want you running with would you talk to me

Yeah, exactly. And then those Russians, instead of doing crocodiles, they'd be doing goats. It's fucking Russians. So this guy's supposed to call in. Hopefully he does. If he doesn't, like whatever, he sounds boring. Why do you think he's going to be fun? I don't know.

It's the sleepers that usually get you. Not like our last call. I'm not even airing our last call. Okay. Crazy Roxanne. Did she call you and try to convince you not to air said call? No, but she had another episode. Tell me the episode.

Well, we can't. It's like, you know. She has a friend who's like really old. A guy that she bangs in her building. And she's banging a young guy who got divorced. And, you know, he's banging the world. And he's throwing this old lady a bang every once in a while. And she thinks it's true love.

And she's living in a fantasy. She does call it love. Yeah. She's fucking retarded. And whatever. And this guy is broke. And she buys him food and lets him sleep at her house. So what was the last step?

And she spies on him. And she lives underneath him. And she hears him having sex with other women. And she goes mental and bangs on her. his door. What was the second episode? He brought another girl. Yes. After she's had 10 conversations about how she would never want that.

And so he just continues to bring girls over his house and he continues to fuck them right in front of her. And she hears everything. And this time she started crying hysterically, loud on purpose so that he could hear her and when they were walking down, she threw on the tear. You know, she just cried really

loud so he could hear her. So she didn't go in the hallway. It was just some crazy lady. No, she waited until he came down. And she confirmed. confronted them. Okay. Hey, I just got an email from a guy. Sorry.

Who cares about her? She's crazy. Not crazy in a good way. She's not crazy in an interesting way. Okay, listen. So this guy just emailed. Male demographic information, male 35 in a relationship. Background, dating a girl for almost three years.

We care about each other, yada, yada. Who uses that in a sentence? Okay. However, no matter how many times I decide to be resolute about being faithful in all its variations, I can't stop myself when I get bored. Oh my God, I'm obsessed with this topic of monogamy. Like, I Google it all the time. Okay. Of course, I'm always safe and my girlfriend has no idea about my activities. Question, how can I either prevent myself from being bored or keep myself from accepting the attention of girls, or the attention of girls, or the attention

of girls are seeking out? I have concluded that my activities are unrelated to her or my love for her. I am convinced I'd be doing the same thing regardless of who I was dating. Rather, it's related to me and my ego insecurity is boredom shit this guy is like every guy yeah yeah this is like this topic I could talk about it for fucking hours and I unfortunately

need to die and come back in a different time period 500 years from now when polygamy is normal and people just know that guy's fucking cheat because it's so terrible I'm just going to tell you let me do it like it's so terrible for women this shit because I believe it's nature I have so many it's like I can't Even. It's so, it's just, this is the truth. I got to disagree with you with the polygamy thing.

I think if you don't want to be with the one person, be in an open relationship. But I don't think multiple people should get married and you should have multiple families. I mean, that causes a little weirdness with kids. Well, listen, we're, this is the whole, my dad and his five wives and these are my 80 other sisters and brothers. No, but if that's the way that it was and that was normal, then it wouldn't be normal. It wasn't normal. This guy found the, was by a river or something. It's not normal now because nobody accepts it.

It's not the norm. 50 years ago, people wouldn't think it was normal that gay people are getting married now, but people are doing it. What I'm trying to say is that polygamy, there was a time where that was just the norm, and that's the way that it was. I've Googled monogamy. It came about when, like, property ownership came about. It was like an agricultural thing, I have to tell you. But men always fucked a lot of people. They spermed all, they put their jizz all around their neighborhoods and fucked as many people would be.

because it's in their nature, okay? And it was always that way. I think men have a desire to be with a woman and have that companionship, but he also needs to fuck other people. And I think that if we just knew that growing up and we had fairy tales about guys doing shit like that and we just knew that as women,

we wouldn't be so devastated because we're just taught, it's worse for women, really, because guys cheat and they do what they do and they have fun and it doesn't mean anything like I believe it, but girls go fucking mental. And I once tweeted that monogamy was made up by men to drive women bad shit crazy. Because not only does it makes you crazy,

It puts you up against other women. It makes you obsess with guys. I really believe like men did it to women on purpose because it puts them in the power position because women are always at home hoping their guys aren't fucking someone else, afraid of all their girlfriends that they're going to fuck their guys. So women say more loyal, I believe, for it. Like seriously, I really think that it's a bad thing.

You know, I definitely, I mean, obviously the world has been a man-dominated society since the beginning, you know? And it was funny because I was watching that show. I'm catching up on Broadwalk Empire. Uh-huh. Awesome. But you go in there and even though the girl, the woman is the wife of the very wealthy gangster or whatever, they still, you know, when she has an opinion, it's just, you know, they do it in reality what it was like back then during Prohibition. It was like, one doctor's like, you dare speak to me, a woman, I'm a doctor.

So yeah, I understand they probably put it that way to keep women because there's nothing. A guy likes to go out and have a good. time but God forbid his wife was like well okay well I'm gonna go fuck another guy and whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa oh right exactly wait a minute no it's not okay now you know right exactly yeah so I think women get the short end of the stick I wish I grew up in a society where it was it was normal and it was fine because if that's what I grew up knowing Tommy I wouldn't give a shit I don't like giving a shit about something that is you know the majority of men cheat you know and then the guys that don't are like losing

They're like like they have issue. I've been very faithful since I got married. I mean, obviously when I was dating and playing the field and living in New York, it's one thing. But since I got married, I mean, it's just starting a family. But with that being said, later on down the road after you have two, three kids and you've been living on top of each other for the past eight, nine, ten years, that's when I look at people and they're like, well, we've been married 15 years. we have three kids and I can't believe he cheated on me or she cheated on me you know what do you mean it's just like you've almost become I can see I can see I mean I can see it in my relationship goes it brand new but I can see it in people's relationships uh who I know who have been married for long

periods of times they become numb to I know well let's but you know what this guy's calling in the first guy the boring guy and then we'll get the guy the cheating guy okay let's call him Anonymous podcast. Right, now with Joe. Joe has his problem. He was married for 25 years. No, with the same woman for 25 years. She left him.

Yeah, with her, 15 years I was married. Right. Tommy, talk while I figured this out. Okay. And, yeah, he was with her. They're recently separated. Are you divorced now? Is it final or are you just separated?

Well, we're, it's all financial. I, you know, it's so we've money to file for the bankruptcy. We're doing it ourselves. I mean, again, if you can go be the good thing, boy, but I know I messed up, so I'm not fighting her on anything else.

I mean, I'm just, here you go. I screwed up, let's get a divorce. We're going to go a separate way. And then, like, she's, like, we talked to each other. Like, you know what? Maybe we'll start dating again afterwards. I mean, it's, you know, great, like you said, there's too many scars.

Yeah, you guys are, you guys are, like, battle-wounded. Yeah, you're battle-wounded. You've been through the ringer. and okay so now getting back to it so you got yourself back on track dropped a lot of weight kind of getting your edge back now go back to the part where

you're in the midst of separating and that's when you found out she was seeing another guy dating another guy just talking to him exchanging emails I see sugar coded it to me I think so I don't know I mean the beginning up is I found out that she had sex with someone else it would be automatic

we're done I would was a vicious guy in the whole world. But she told me that it was just, someone she was talking to who was going through a similar situation. I didn't take the comment that. I'm thinking, you know what? I would never do this to ever, ever, ever, ever. But you guys were separated at the time?

Yes, we were separated. I still don't care. Right. When I go back in the dating realm again, and I find out, we come and separated, and there's a husband on the sidelines. I'm like, you know what? I am not doing this.

Right. I've been there. You know, here you go. I don't care if you're the most perfect woman in the world. I'm going to pass you up. Right. And I want to say, you know what, this man was here first. This was his territory.

Let him go first until, you know, it totally got. Until you're divorced, divorced, divorced. Yes. Once you know, my theory is once, I even told us that once we have the papers, you can have all the sex you want. Until then. I totally disagree. I mean, I'm sorry. I know you're all.

Listen, you're the type of guy that a lot of women would want, okay? Separation, no, no, no. Separation. You're separating and thinking that, hey, there's a chance to save the marriage. When you're going for divorce, divorce is basically saying I'm done. and we're over. Okay. So,

when she files for divorce, basically. No, but now she's saying separated and she still gives you the idea or the impression

that she's open to maybe getting back with you? Yes and no. She gives me the false hope of she basically wants to go, she doesn't know

she wants to get other people now. So she's like, well, that is filed divorce and she says, if we come back together, it was meant to date.

And I'm thinking once we filed divorce, it's going to be... It's going to be over. Yeah. And I'm basically, you know, Even though it's like, again, I'm not even looking.

I'm like, my heart and everything was for 25 years is all one woman, and that's all my heart is now. I know that, I mean, yes, there could be, you know, indiscriminate sex coming out now in my life. I'm thinking there's giving me no relationship. I mean, I have, my heart was just one woman and one woman old. Okay, so you never, you never cheated on her during? No, obviously not. Never, no way. Have you been with anybody since you guys been separated?

No, by the way, he said he has never been with any other women. One woman is whole life. Oh, okay. This woman. No, no, no. Yeah, a woman. I've been with, you know, young when I was, you know, in my teens, they were girls. I'm thinking that's, you know, just normal adolescent sex.

Right. But, I mean, since you've been married, you've been, one woman. All right. And now is she seeing this guy now? Are they seeing each other? No. No. They're just chatting.

They're going through similar situations. When she didn't want me staying in the house with her, she stayed four days in our home. I stayed three days in a home. So she left. During his time, she was telling me she was standing in her mom's, her dad, her brother. Here I found out. She met someone. She was talking with him.

She was living at his house. They were sleeping in there. Yeah. No, well, she said she wasn't. She really wasn't interested in sex, and she's still not interested in sex. Again, I usually joke with her. I have a better chance of a box of commas expiring before I got to use them all. Right.

Because of her or because of you or because of both of you? No, no, not because of me and me. I have the highest sex drive in the whole world. So what did you do through your whole relationship? porn. So you guys were... So the sex was non-existent then, right? It wasn't that it was non-existent.

I mean, it was rare. Once a week? Well, not once a week. It was about twice a year. Oh, my God. This is why I never want to get married. This sounds terrible. No, but again, I was...

I was willing... Terrible. Nobody, I mean, I mean. But what are you sacrifice? What are you, for what? I knew, here's the thing. I knew all the problems she had from the get-go. I knew the whole package.

What were her problems? I mean, she had mental problems. You know, after she had the kids, I mean, she was making more money in me and after she had her second child. I mean, she was making three times more money in me. She puts her job and says, here, you're now responsible for everything. I'm thinking, okay, and that's when our problem started. That's when she's in the slope of our relationship to go down.

It's like, she was, you know, she was the breadwinner. She was the man and everything, you know, she was the alpha male, which I knew. I accepted it. I mean. Right, that's why you guys got along because you're like the, you're like the beta. You're like the beta girl and she's the alpha male. When we first got married, I wasn't like that. It's just after she told me the first time, I realized it's like, you know what?

Just let the role go this way. And I always thought I had in my back pocket, making it. Later on I found out, you know, going to therapist and everything. I thought I had my back pocket and get out of a free card. I thought I could treat her like shit for the rest of her life. I thought, you know, remember that

the first six months of our marriage, you cheated? Here we go. I have the card, you know, you're back to me now. Oh, God. And here I realized that card that was avoided and there was no warranty or guaranteeing that thing. That thing was 13 years expired.

Well, of course. And that's, in my mind, I thought I had it. And that's what the problem was. Yeah, you were like obviously stuck in a certain time period and a certain thing. You probably, she probably would

say if she was on the call that you don't really listen, and you were very probably stubborn or fixated on just the way that things were. And unfortunately, she was probably unhappy, like we said, and spoke about it numerous times and you never did anything. And she left. And now you should probably remember all the things that she complained about and, you know, try to, you know, move more in that direction so she could see that you are actually changing.

I'm a total different person now. Are you currently in therapy? Are you currently in therapy? Yes. Yes, I realize I'm going to need to be in therapy probably for the rest of my life. Same with everyone. Everybody. Everybody is therapy for the rest of the life.

I'm not going to accept who I am. You know what? I realize, okay, I want to be a better person. I'm thinking whatever it's going to take. And if it takes me going there, having someone constantly remind me, giving the pet talks and everything else. It's like, my theory, the way I do is like if I either get back with my wife or the next woman and if I'm ever with another woman, they're going to be treated like the queen of all queen.

because I'm thinking I already know It's like, okay, well, this is like you did treat her like a queen. It's very confusing because you say you're trying to be a better person. You sound like you were actually too good of a person. You know what I mean? Like you just accepted everything that... Yeah, but again, you know, I knew the whole package. I knew

what it was. I mean, I knew it. That's the thing. I knew it is. My theory is I look at it now. There's going to be no guy in the world who's going to want to be with her for a long period of time. It's going to be able to handle all the crap she's going to be dealing with it. I mean, but again, then... I don't want her coming back. That's her...

Yeah, but that's her fucking problem. No, but that's what she will come. A lot of these... And then you're going to sit there and just pick up the mess. I mean, if that's what you really want or... No, he said he wouldn't take her back. Yeah. No, no, I told her right now, I said, if you...

I think you can date all the guys you want right now. We're still getting ready to start following their divorce because I said, you can date as many guys you want. I think once you have sex, I was like, to me, sex is the one that's going to... It's, you know, it's like, you know, I discovered America. That's my territory. That's my land. And so if it is crossed, you will never go back.

Yeah. Yes. It's like too tainted for you. She says, you know, that's why I think she wants to follow the divorce. Because right now we were trying to do the separation. And then, you know, she's saying there's too much pressure. You're trying to move back in the house. I'm thinking, I think she gets upset when she sees how much from changing.

How much I'm actually the guy that she really wants to be married to right now. But she doesn't, she's saying there's too many scars. She says she can't forgive me and everything. Like, I know she's seeing the guy she really wants to be with, but she can't because she's going to have to admit, okay, I made a mistake. And she keeps coming. She's like, maybe in six months I realize this is in the biggest mistake. Yeah, but it doesn't take me six months to realize that. I know it right now.

Right, but she might have any time. Like, unfortunately, you can't control her process. You just have to live really, unfortunately. The time, she's going to have another guy come along. And once that guy comes along, I don't have any of me to forgive again. Well, newsflash, you already has the guy. Yeah. Yeah.

I think you should definitely go out there and. get yourself some, I mean, not to sound vulgar, but get yourself some new ass. I mean, go out there. He's not that guy. I understand he's not that guy. He's not the look for ass guy, Tommy, so you're not going to forget it about that. Three years is probably the timeline is going to take me. Maybe he needs to.

So I know how many times in this guy's a whole life he's had sex. He was married. Wait, for 25 years and they had sex twice a year. So you've had sex 50 times? Seriously, right? Yeah. Not even. Yeah, not even.

He had to jerk off to porn. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good at now. Everyone's good at that. Yeah, I mean, like, how hard is that shit now? It's easy and free. But, I mean, you know, is that satisfying for you? You must have been that you stay in a marriage and you do it two times a year.

You know, did you complain about that? Oh, all the time. That was one of the things. I used to start degrading her. I mean, it'd be like, no, she'd come down there. They'd be like, oh, nice tics and everything. It's like, it just became, you know, it's like, it just became that. That was my fixation.

That was my only, my only thing. Your only release, kind of. Oh, when she would see the porn and stuff. Yeah. Well, no, no, no. I thought if I was inside her, it would be like, we're connected then. It's like, you know, because when we're getting distance and further away, it's like, you know, I thought if I just came inside her, it's like, okay, then we're getting close again. It's like, okay, we'll just reset the clock.

So two times a year, you'd be close. Yeah, you need to. to reset that clock a little more. Yeah, it has a rusty clock. I try to reset that clock every day. Still, even now, I'm like an 18-year-old, which, again, I'm an 18-year-old who doesn't want to go, I told you, I don't want to see the other ones. I mean. I know, but you have a problem with your own needs.

I mean, you have all this, like, super high sex drive yet. You don't, you're married to a woman that doesn't give it to you yet. I don't know. It just sounds like, it sounds like really. And to it? No. It sounds like, right. to see what's happening. We have to talk to him again.

Yes. Right. It just sounds like, I mean, I believe right now there's nothing that you could do with her. There's really nothing. All you could do is just keep changing and like she says, you know, she doesn't forgive you right now, but that doesn't mean that in two weeks or three weeks or whatever she has to

go through to figure out that she forgives you to come up. But you guys, do you guys do counseling together? No, she won't do that. She won't do that. Well, that's the problem. I mean, you should probably be in there. No, no. mediator. You definitely do a mediator. If you do counseling together, that means you're trying to fix something

that's fair. Right, right now she doesn't want to. Right. Right now she doesn't want to. She's doing her own. So I'm doing my own. She's doing her own. Right. So I look at this way. You know what? If she's doing her own, I mean, she's trying to repair, like, I'm already looking and reading and everything else. If she doesn't fix and understand and repair the scar she has, we can't move on anyway to go forward to have a relationship anyway because it's going to be on the shaky ground. Exactly. She needs to fix yourself. So I'm thinking, okay, you do that, but I keep telling it. But to me, it's like, don't let me know you slept with another guy, because I'm thinking

if I know, you just, because I already went through that once, and I only knew in my mind, I can only do, I can only forgive it, forget it once. Right. And I'm thinking, here you go, and I can't do it again. I'm like, I never, I never once, even just, you were separated. I had chances of, you know, at a bar, had, you know, the 21-year-old, you know, the bar's blood area. I'm like, I don't want it.

I did not want it. You know, yeah, I'm in a high-sex drive. Tommy doesn't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. No, I get it. I get it. Go ahead. I'm sorry. He doesn't get it. I told you, I'm not a normal. I'm telling you, I can't be normal.

We know, Joe. You're a rare breed. I know. You're a rare breed. You're a very old-fashioned kind of guy. Which is great. It's totally great. So every woman would want a guy like this. But the bond of marriage to me meant everything.

I'm thinking, I'm not going to, to me, that bond of marriage was, that was, here you go. I did it to the tea. I'm thinking, here you go. But I'm thinking, okay, I'll accept divorce if we tried everything we possibly could. She probably said she did try probably for like all those years when she was like nagging you to fucking change. Like that was her trying. And you not doing anything because you seem a little as nice as you are. You seem a little stubborn.

And like you're inflexible. It seems very black and white too. Like if she has sex once with someone, you will never forgive her. Which is, you know, a little bit like black and white. Sometimes things are a little bit more complicated and have more layers. I'm sure your therapist tells you that. So, you know, that kind of thinking is like a child thinks like that. You might want to be a little bit more flexible.

But we only do our podcast for a half hour. Can we call you again? Because this is too long. What? Yeah, in like two weeks. Yeah, let's keep checking up on Joe. Well, we don't need your real. Joe, that's what we're calling him.

Joe. Is that okay with you? We'll check up in two weeks. We do our podcast. We don't know what days we do them. We pre-record them. We're not really airing them until we get a bunch of them on air. And then we'll let you know when they're on.

But we try to keep them only 30 minutes, not any longer. I fucked up this time because it was on pause half the time. And so now we're going really long. So we have to cut it short. But can we call you again in two weeks and check up? And sort of, I think it's like an interesting topic. Yeah, and see how things are progressing. Yeah, because I'm sure there'll be things that will happen.

Every week it's something different and everything. So, I mean, I guess you have two or three five. Cool. All right, Joe, we're going to check back in with you in two weeks. I'll email you, though, when we're going to do another call and have you on. see if you're available and give you the time. Okay. All right, Joe, good luck, buddy.

Good luck. Thanks. All right, thank you. Bye. Okay, I fuck that up. All right, whatever. It was still good. I think so.

I hope I didn't lose the first beginning. There's no way I did. I hope not. But Joe needs to get laid. I don't know. Something's wrong with someone like Joe. But you were like defending him a little bit. How?

That's not him. He's a simple guy. You should be like, I don't care. if you're this or you're that, go out and get fucking laid. Call up five Chinese hookers to come over right now. Put your mouth in your thing. And get the juice out of your body. Yeah, it's weird that he could only let himself feel his drive like through porn.

Yet he feels like some sort of weirdo thing about actually having real sex with like his life or like another girl. That's another thing. I mean, he's got a weird thing with sex. Yeah, but porn is so like one-sided where it's just you. You don't have to think about anything. No, it's fine for every now and then. but like the real deal is there's nothing like the real thing. Nothing like the real thing.

You know what I'm saying? What is that? Coca-Cola, ain't nothing like to. But, no, he needs to go out there. And when he tells me, I'm happy to hear that he lost, what, 30 pounds or something? I don't know. He just lost weight. Yeah, but that's good.

It's funny because voices are so weird to me. Like, he sounds cute, right? Like, he sounds like, I would love to see him. He's sitting in sweatpants with no socks with like a Philadelphia Eagles jersey. He's like 500 pounds. He's like, yeah, but I was, I was, I was, 600 pounds before. Like, two weeks ago.

I wonder what he looks like. I'm going to see you next time if I could get a pick, pick of his wife, pick of him. I want to see what, sometimes when you see that, you know, because there's so much more to it,

because if he's really ugly and she's really pretty, then that adds a whole dimension. But, you know, he's not going to admit that shit. Yeah, we do. We should see if he gets a wife on. But, like, telephone bomber or something.

I don't know. those kind of guys, I wasn't sticking up for him. Those kind of beta guys are always like very victimy and they're very irritating to me. Like he seems like such a victim to this woman, but yet he's really not. He's very fucking rigid. He's very like moralistic. Like he thinks he's so like morally above everyone. Oh God forbid she has sex once.

Like she's tarnished. Like what the fuck century is he from? It's like ridiculous. That's why I think he's sitting in sweatpants. When he's like sitting there jerking off to people fucking goats all the time and he thinks He's normal. I don't think he's a goat fucker. Maybe he's a cheap fucker.

No, you don't know. He could fuck goats. He could. You don't know that. Joe emailed me off of a fucking Craigslist ad. So you know he's looking for men. Oh, men for men? I don't even know.

I just posted shit all over the place. But it was like on casual encounters. It could have been the one on casual encounters. He was looking for ass. Yeah, but he's saying that he's not. So really, he could fuck goats. I'm going to ask him that the next time. I'm looking for a goat fucker.

Listen, Joe. I'm going to lay it out there. be a little weird just think about it you fuck a goat yeah would you ever fucking it's not a girl so like maybe that you know you don't know what he's Googling what kind of porn he's a lot like you know something beastial something is fucking weird there and i'm sure like you know maybe his wife knew or doesn't care i don't know but yeah whatever we'll call we'll call him back in two weeks i want the guy with the masturbation and the exhibition yeah i was like why couldn't central park jerk off her here tonight yeah so we have a lot of stuff to do because um i've gotten like four emails while we're

talking so I'm going to go through them. We'll have to do a lot more of these podcasts because now we're actually getting calls in these people. It's actually interesting. The guy who's into the cheating thing, which is like my favorite topic, he doesn't want to call in, but we're going to do that. We're going to have that be our next podcast. We're going to go over the whole monogamy thing. No, he said, that's how people do it sometimes. It's fucking social media, Tommy. What century do you live in? Like people tweet shit in and we could read it and then talk about it. He doesn't want to be on the air. You want to hear how bad it is? What? I just signed up for Twitter.

Just now I know you made me your friend. You followed me. I'm at Cartoon Therapy and who are you on Twitter? Give a shout out. Oh, it's Ritz. I think it's Tommy at Ritz Lounge. Can you put the mic up to your mouth like you're blowing it? Stop it.

That's what you have to do. I think it's something Ritz Lounge. But we'll perfect it. When you're on Twitter, I'm supposed to get followers. So look it up. I'll look it up. But I'm not used to it. I was such a Facebook person.

Oh, Facebook is the worst. Okay. You have to follow the kids. My nephews laugh at Facebook. For old people. Kathy, you're still on MySpace. Leave me alone. Fuck you.

I remember I fuck bears. Remember that was my picture? Me fucking that bear? Remember the bear? Yeah, the teddy bear. I do remember that. And my tagline was I fuck bears and so many guys would email me like, oh, I wish I was that bear. And I'd be like, oh, how cheesy.

And then one time a really hot guy emailed me like, I wish I was that bear. And I was like, oh my God, like what's your name? And I wound up banging him. From bear fucker? No, from my space. Bearfucker to homebucker. It's just so funny. It's kind of like that question like, oh, if like the guy's really good looking, is it rape? Like, you know, all these guys would email like, oh, do you fuck bears? And I would be like, oh, they're such cheesy losers, you know? But when the guy texted me and he was just as cheesy and so the same cheesy thing as all the ugly but he was so good looking, I was like, hey, what's up? And like, then we started emailing and then I wound up having sex with him a bunch of times.

Did he also say that he liked the fuck goats? It's not that the girl thinks the guy's cheesy. He just thinks he's ugly. Because if a girl thinks the guy's hot, like you could do anything. You can say the same cheese. line. Tommy is at Greco. Oh, this is ridiculous. At Greco Ritz Lounge. G-R-E-C-O-R-E-C-O-R-E-Lounge. So at Greco Ritz Lounge. I didn't set it up. It's okay. I'll teach you. And we'll have to get a Twitter for our podcast.

Okay, let's talk about the selfie K-Cash picture. You wanted to talk about that. Who cares? What her big fat ass? It was kind of hot. The Kim Kirt. I know our podcast is too long. It was very hot, but this is what I think about her.

How do you know she didn't take that picture two years ago? So you don't know that that's post, but everything about hers a lie. That's not a real ass. I've Googled Kim Kardashian's ass before and after. You see pictures. Her ass looked like mine before. And she bought either she paid money for it.

She got those implants or injections. You're rich now. Put it in. I would. I would never have to go to the gym again. Yeah. Seriously. Listen,

I once Google like Brazilian butt lifts. They look fucking unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. When you go to Latin America. I don't know what my problem is. I'm like Joe. I'm like so rigid with like no.

I don't do injections in my feet. face like every other girl. I don't like, why not? Why don't I just jump on that plastic surgery bandwagon? I'd look fucking so much better. I wouldn't do the face. Why not? I think when people do the face, it starts to look genetically the same.

You know what I mean? When they start with the lips and that and they look like it's just. But what about just Botox and shit? I don't even do that. That's fine. But no like cosmetic stuff. But I think everything in Central and South America is all fake ass. It's amazing.

Yeah. And it has the best asses. No, those are real asses too there. But it's, no, it's, they have huge asses to begin with, and then they manufacture it. So it's like, it's a cartoon ass. Right, right. And it's an amazing asses. Yeah, so all the, did you ever see that movie Logan's run?

No, I didn't. Oh, okay. We'll forget it. That ends, that topic. Yeah, it was a funny thing. But yeah, I mean, there's so much stuff that you could do nowadays to make yourself look better. And I don't trip on any of those bandwagon. and all my friends do Botox and everything.

I still haven't done anything. I have to go to the gym and I do squats to get an ass. Instead of like just, I can just go to the doctor and get some shit shoved in there. But you're going to keep doing squats and you're going to be like, oh, I do it naturally, I do it naturally. And then 10 years your knees are going to be shot and you're going to be like, oh. Fuck you. I've been working out since I'm 23.

I'm 44 and I don't have bad knees. I don't, I don't work out like guys. Like I don't do stupid things and get injuries. I have no injuries. My knees are fine. Okay. Don't get mad at me. Okay.

I was just worried about your knees. Great. Thank you. So next week we'll talk about monogamy. And the poker. The guy's playing poker tonight. Bullshit. Oh no, that's the exhibitionist masturbator.

I can't wait. I know me too. All right. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession. Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available,

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