Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 011 - Brandon the Ex-Sex Addict Who Used to Bang Trans Women

Episode Date: February 23, 2014

Our caller this week wants to be called Brandon Fassbender because he, just like the guy in the movie Shame, use to be a total sex addict. He was into escorts, threesomes, foursomes, swing clubs and even trans women. In this episode, he discusses his journey into sex addiction and explains how he went from meeting couples in AOL chat rooms to banging trans women and how he eventually cleaned his act up and got himself into a healthy, committed and monogamous relationship.    **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and check. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to Strictly Anonymous Podcast. You're listening to Kathy.

That's me. And Tommy, that's me. Yeah, my co-host, Tommy. And we need people to call into the show. We'd love to have people call into the show. Yes, we do. And you can reach us at Strictly Anonymous. Sorry, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com.

You can follow us on Twitter at Strict Anonymous. and strictly anonymous on Facebook, right? Nope, strict anonymous. Strict anonymous on Facebook. Strictly anonymous was too long. Yeah, it doesn't always have to be a problem. It could be something that you're into or something that you heard

that you might want to be into, I guess, you know? Yeah, or like a problem that you had in the past, but you have resolved. That's what we have calling in today. I have a good, interesting guy calling in today because not only did he have a problem that he wants to gripe about or like something that he went through,

He's a sex addict. So it's a re-and- yeah. So he's like hitting the jackpot. He has like a ton of that. Like he has a lot of stories. I'll read you his email in a second. But the other thing he did was he actually wrote me an email critiquing our show and giving me some pointers. I was like, I had so much shit I wanted to say back to him.

But first of all, I'm not going to like have conversations with emails with people. So I was like, let's discuss this on the show. They were really good though. Like bad critiques? Well, like, you know, opinionated. You know his opinion of what I. doing wrong. Like it's hilarious. Are you going to give him the who the fuck do you think you are?

No, I'm going to debate my stuff. Do I sound okay to you? You sound great. Okay, I think it's these headphones suck. So I'm, his name, he has a couple of names he wants to go by. You ever see that movie, Shame? No. It's a good movie. It's about sex addiction.

There's not much that goes on. Like, there's not a lot of talking or dialogue, but it's, uh, there's a lot of other stuff going on. It's about this guy who's a sex addict. So he's basically using his name. Okay. He's using the guy's name from the movie? Yeah, he said we could either call him Brandon.

Brandon was the guy in the movie. He said Brandon Fassenberg or Brandon Diggler. Dirk Diggler? Dirk Diggler. I love Dirk Diggler. Yeah, exactly. So it was either Brandon Diggler or Brandon Fassonberg. That was a...

Who would we rather call him? A lot of passwords. Just Brandon. Okay. So Brandon is the guy from shame. He's a sex addict. Okay. So it's Brandon the sex addict, okay?

This is what he wrote. Let's start with this. I've always had a pension for, oh, he first of all, he says I'm a sex addict. I'm happy to say that I'm in recovery. But, oh, the stories I have. Let's start with this one. I've always had a penchant for Latino women that stems from the first goal I made out with and got to second base with.

But her rejection of me was also the cause of me having to know that I have to satisfy women all the time. It also explains the gravitation to transsexuals later in life. If I put a notch of my bedposts for each person I've had sex with, I'd have a pile of sawdust on the floor. Escorts, threesomes, foursums, swinger clubs, Craigslist, hookups, dating excite experiences, etc. I've been married and divorced twice, and those are the stories, and those are stories in themselves. Spend six years in the Marine Station in North Carolina, California and Hawaii, crazy times. So we have a lot we can talk about with him

Yeah I like the whole sex addict I think Because I think people don't think that it exists You know there's two different sides to it right Some people think it doesn't exist Some people think it totally exist This is a guy that's you know Obviously knows it exists

How could you think it doesn't exist Well because some guys just think that the guys are horny And that's what it's about But there's a difference between a guy being horny And it ruining your life Yeah right There's a different feel to it I know sex addicts

I've been an addict myself. I know addiction. It's very obvious. It's very different. You weren't a sex addict? I was at one time. Absolutely. And you're cured?

No, what happens with addiction, okay? I'm sorry, but it's not like you're a sex addict and that's the only kind of addict you are. You're an addict and you could funnel that energy. No, it's very interesting about addiction. It's kind of fucked up because you could take, whatever it is that you use. Could be a good addiction or a bad addiction. No, but addiction is the problem.

How you, how it comes out and your life depends on your personality type, okay? You could be a sex addict. You could be a workaholic. You could be a fucking Jesus freak. Those are addicts too. No, I get it. But they're just funneling in a different way. So you could be a sex addict for a couple of years or 10 years if you decide you want to let go of that.

But you don't really fix your addiction or you're not really working at it. You'll start being addicted to something else. When I was young, I was a sex addict because that was when I couldn't have like alcohol in that stuff. I'm talking like really young. Like I could just go to town on myself for like hours and hours. I lived in a complete sexual fantasy life. that totally got me off. And it was an actual escape because I wasn't old enough to be boozing it up or smoking weed

or all that other stuff that I did when I got old enough. Do you understand? So that's when I was. And then sex was like a total thing for me for the rest of my life until I quit drinking. You're a sex addict on me. Not anymore. Oh, please. You've not worked on your addiction for one fucking second of your life.

It still swept under the table. I've been in therapy for three years. Yeah, weren't you going to give up therapy so you could keep your motorcycle? That was a smart move. Didn't you tell your therapist? She was almost on the chopping lock. Yeah, I did actually. She's like, why?

I was like, parking is expensive in the city. Yeah, it was either between Tommy was going to cancel his therapy. Or sell motorcycles. Yeah, exactly. So, anyway, so what I used to go to sex and love addiction meetings, actually, they're really interesting. And guys like this would talk. I think I've talked about it before. Guys like this would talk about their shit.

And it's actually really fascinating to hear somebody sort of come clean about what it is. Because a lot of guys that are involved in it, they're never. They don't want to label it. A lot of people that don't believe it exists want to look at people and be like you're fucking retarded. But this is not someone that's judging somebody else. This is someone that's admitting their sex addict. Do you know what I get it?

So it's interesting to me. And then he wrote an email. Okay. So then he was saying, I love you a podcast. Let me, you know, and I'm like, great, listen, write a review if you like it. So instead of writing a review, he sent me a critique. And here are his critiques. Okay, so here's his email.

And if I could make one, he says one. critique, but I feel like he makes like 80. If I could make one critique, this is about the podcast. When someone is telling you about their fetish, don't say they're weird or there's something's wrong. There's something wrong with him or her. You might scare away future callers listening by judging them. Don't

interrupt yet because I know what you're going to say. It is like saying that person is weird because they like peanut butter, bananas, and marshmallow fluff on butter toast or something. And as for Stephanie, who does an orgasm, listen to where he goes with this, from sex, it might be more a physical issue than a mental

one. Most women can't orgasm vaguely, but that doesn't mean that they don't enjoy sex. Remember, the orgasm isn't the end of the ride. If you're lucky, you can have multiple and some people just enjoy the ride. I can't wait to go off on him about that one. I see your point. And if there's no orgasm, why bother? But it's different for every woman. First of all, this is a man, not a woman. So how does he even fucking know? Some can only climax when on top or behind are both legs up or they have to use their hand to stimulate. Yeah, duh. And what I have to say to that is like, so then why isn't she using her hand or her thing? The point is not that she can't climax. It's the point that she knows how to climax, but she doesn't choose to do it in those moments.

It's bizarre. Do you understand? She needs a toy to get off. She lets guys fuck her in all kinds of positions, strangers for what reason when she, because she doesn't have an orgasm with him she has with her husband. That's what does it make sense. She knows how to orgasm. She just chooses not to.

That's weird. And it's even 10,000 times more than that. We have to discuss it with him. And then the thing about saying it's weird, I'm sorry, Tommy, but I know what you're going to say. I never say anyone's weird. I don't know who he's talking about. I love my callers.

You're always writing me like, let's get off the call because you're bored. But like I'm always like wanting to talk to these people. I love the people that call in. I don't judge anybody. I have like. We've made a point on this show never to, you know, never to, how would you say, call anybody weird or, you know, take away from what we're here to investigate what they're into or whatever. But me saying not normal means it's not normal behavior. Not that you're not a normal person.

And nobody doesn't have a perfect behavior. Everybody has of normal things that they do, you know, whatever. Like him saying, like, and it's like what I, and we have to debate it with him, actually. I don't want to go into it too much because he'll have to be in a say. But when he acts like it's like marshmallows or something, he makes some reference to marshmallow. Yeah, it's like then why don't you keep going to Swingers Club then?

Like, I mean, that's what I mean. Like some things are dysfunctional or they're coming out in a weird way, normal, not normal. Who the fuck cares? And you know what the other thing about our show? show is that I love. What do you love? We are not therapists.

No, I love the fact that I can be opinionated and say whatever I want. I could say it's not normal and I could be totally wrong. It doesn't matter. This is not like a doctor show. This isn't like an advice. I say like we give unprofessional advice. I'm like talking to your friend. I couldn't be wrong. I could be right.

Who the fuck knows? Yeah, these are reality opinions from quote unquote people from the street. You know what I mean? Not from the university. Yeah. And like if that's why I would never want to be a therapist because you can't sort of shove your opinions down people's throats. I like doing that. I think you do.

I do. That's why I do this show. And I can do that on my show. You sure can. This isn't fucking Oprah. No, it's not. I'm not Barbara Walters. No, it's strictly anonymous.

We'll discuss this with him. But first, we've got to discuss his ship because the trannies. I don't understand that. You know, we were just, you know, Robert Kelly's really interested. There's a lot of guys that admit there in a trainees. I never knew that that existed. Are you into tranny? What?

Into trannies? I don't know. He says something about trannies. And then Robert Kelly's always talking about trannies on his show. He's a good friend of mine. And they have like, I don't know. Like, is that a... I don't know.

Trannies are fascinating. Is that an... Okay. Have you ever had a given blowjob by a tranny? Tell the truth. I'm looking at your face. You look fucking guilty. That's a yes.

Just so you know, yes. That's a fucking yes. It is a yes. Oh, my God. You're blushing. Was it good? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh my God.

You are so. Red. Dude, you got a blow job from a tranny? Oh my God, I'm going to call you not normal. No, I'm just joking. That's not normal. No, seriously. Why have we never discussed this? This is so fascinating to me. You had, you got a blow job? Did you ever blow them? No, no, no. No. That looked like lie face too. No, that's not. Look, your mouth, something's going on right now. You did. No, never. Okay. Hand of God. She blew, she blew you? Correct. Do you touch her tits? Yes. Did you make out with her? No. Okay, how many times?

Oh my God, more than once. Once or twice. No, how many times? No, no, bullshit. You are going to gay bar and you have hot trannies all the time in there. I know that for a fact. Look at me. Okay, be honest.

It's either once or 80. It was not 80 times. Okay, once or 40. No, it was not 40. It was a couple times. On one hand. It's not once or two. It's not one or two.

It was not one or 20. do it's one hand one hand tied in 10 times it happens i'm not saying so what i'm just trying to get the truth from you yeah it happens it happens it does were you drunk of course it was always drunk right and like did you care like did you did the thoughts that it was a dude cock block you or no is that you were able to sort of go there because you're drunk you're looking at her tips i don't have a problem with that it's just you know it's something uh it's i don't know it's the weird thing about a tranny it's like it's in between it's almost like both genders right and we're not talking about like a guy dressed as a woman you know we're talking about uh a gender modified

person oh this was the person that didn't have a cock like they took it off uh one of them didn't yeah oh and one of them did i don't know i don't oh god okay you know i don't really care this is like so long ago i'm more interested in talking to the brandon that's calling about his But so you need to be honest when he's talking. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, cool. So we'll be right back with Brandon. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone?

Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember everything. is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hey, is this Brandon? Yes, it is. How are you?

Good. How are you doing, Brandon? Oh, just peachy on a day like today. You're all dug out, or are you in the city? I'm in the city, so, you know, we just get naturally dug out from the cab drivers driving around. It was clear last night. I mean, yesterday. Yesterday was all right. Is that Tommy out here?

Yeah, how you doing, bud? All right, how's it going? Not too bad. So, Brandon, I didn't get your age, actually. How old are you? I'm 42. Okay, you're 42. So I read Tommy your email.

I actually read on both emails, your critique email because we want to go over that later. But was more fascinating was your first email. Oh, yes. Yeah, you're a recovering sex addict. And I don't even know where to begin because you have so many, like, interesting stories, right? How long you're in recovery for? You could say I've fallen off the wagon a couple of times. Uh-huh.

Usually at the end of every marriage. So what do you mean at the end of every so when you're married you're you could keep like the whole sex addiction at bay and you're faithful and stuff during your marriages definitely that's the easy part what's the easy part when he's married is for me it's always been easy to you know stay in recovery while I'm married because my addiction is being satisfied so to speak you're just getting laid with your wife yeah okay it's when you're alone it's when I'm alone or And depends on, you know, the end of the marriage is when my needs aren't being satisfied that the wandering always starts again. And then usually it's like, okay, this is over. Let's move on to the next person. Right. And how many? So you were married twice, right?

And you're 42. When was your first, how old were you when you first got married? And how long did that last? I was 30. And it lasted in five years. So you're 35 and then the second marriage? How long in between? It was only about a year and a half.

between two. And how long were you married to that one? That one about six years. So you're recently divorced? Recently divorced, yes. Right. And have you been acting out sexually since you've been divorced? Yes.

And now when did you get into, like before you were married, when did you find out you were sex addict and sort of, did you do the whole rooms like the sex anonymous, like meetings and stuff? No, I didn't do the meetings and stuff. What I did, I just did my own research. You know, and realize that, you know, what I was doing was kind of self-destructive and I was unable to control it. Right. And then I started self-analyzing as to, you know, why am I doing it?

Because I was very unhappy. You know, the gratification that you receive is, it's temporary and it's very short. It's shorter, you know, when you have somebody who's an alcoholic or a drug addict or something, their highs last a lot longer. Right. Because they can keep the substance going. For me, it was about either the control or the chase, but the actual sex part was just so short that you just want to do it again. You want to get that high again. Yeah, it's like chasing the dragon.

I mean, it's a terrible way to live. I'm an addict. I totally get it. It is, and it gets worse when, you know, self-satisfaction is not pleasing enough, so then you start looking. Okay, how do you obtain the next drug or the next person? To find somebody, you know, you go out to the bars and, you know, whatever it is, how you find something online, and then you have to pursue a romantic interest in order to get what you want. Well, with this type of addiction, it's you got to cut you to chase and how do you do that?

Well, there's two ways you're doing it. Either you pay for it or you find other people with a similar addiction and they're, you know, like you're friends with benefits kind of situation. Right. And does that work for you? Would that have work? Did that work for you when you would do that kind of situation? Oh, it does for a certain amount of time, but invariably with a friends with benefit situation, somebody starts developing feelings at one point.

Always happens. And then that just kills everything. And is that ever you? Was that ever you or was it always the girl? No, no. It's, what I ended up doing is the feelings I end up marrying the person. So that wasn't a good result. No.

Because I ended marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons. What do you mean? What did you marry your first wife? Your last wife you're with her six years. What was the wrong reason of marrying her? The wrong reason she was bipolar, psychotic, self-medicating, alcoholic. Oh, okay, I get. And I chose not to see these minute flaws until it was too late.

Right. And the first one, was she just as bad? No, she had other issues that probably could have been worked through had she decided that they were worth working through. Right. She had some, you know, some daddy issues. And what ended up happening is, you know, my point for getting married to this woman was, you know, to have a family. And she decided, you know, that that's not what she wanted. So it's like, well, if I'm not getting the sexual satisfaction, I'm not getting the family.

that I want. What are we doing together? Right. And that's why you left our... We parted mutually, um, probably the best case scenario you couldn't divorce. This is your stuff.

This is my stuff. Right. You know. It wasn't that messy. But when did you do like, so you're like you've done threysms, four sums, escorts, swinger clubs, like all that stuff? When did you engage in those activities? Because I know it's a progressive sort of a thing, right?

So it starts out. You need more and more, right? And that's why you leave, you get into all those. You need you right. It's just to scratch that. you need more of something that's whatever. That is right. What it started with was,

I'm going to age myself, but AOL used to have these chat rooms. Uh-huh. And it started from there. How old were you when you started to do the chat room thing? Oh, let's see. I was probably in my early 20s. Okay.

So you'd start before you were married. Yes. Oh, yes. Right. So you started with chat rooms. Most of my exploits were before I was married. Right. So you started with chat rooms.

How do you want? Find up from chat rooms to swinger clubs or us. What happens? Yeah. Well, what happens is, is you start meeting people offline in bars. And certain that these chat rooms would be these, you know, swinger type people. And you would meet at a bar and the next thing you know, it's a typical threesome situation. Kind of like what happened with what was the name of John?

Yeah, everybody checks themselves out and stuff like that. No, go on with John, with John and his wife. Uh-huh. Right. You know, I was, I was the Rodney of that situation. Right. I get it. Right. You were, there was a couple looking for the wife to get it on with a guy and you were, you were a guy. Correct. And then when those clubs aren't, when those, you know, when that kind of fizzled out, when that loses its real, I say, okay, what's next? Right. And then it's like, how do I get it right now? Because that was only on a Saturday night. I don't want to wait until Saturday because it's only Tuesday. And then that's when you start leading him towards escorts.

Right. And where would you feel? find them on Craigslist? Well, later Craigslist. Start off on AOL and then into Craigslist. And how much would you pay for your escorts? It ranged anywhere from 100 to 250. And would you get them like every night, once a week? It's a good deal.

That was how many years ago, Tommy, like 20 years ago? It really depended on the availability of money. Uh-huh. You know, if I could do it every night, I'd do it every night. if it was a slow week that week and that may have had to do it once a week. Would you have like the same escort that you would call up all the time?

Or did you like a different flavor every evening? It depends. Sometimes it would be the same girl. Sometimes it depends who is available. Sometimes the girls weren't available all the time. Right. So now you're into escorts and you're paying that. And then what is escorts escalate to?

Escorts escalates into different types of escorts. Like what are the different types of escorts? Like what are the different types of escorts? types? Oh, transgender, BDSM, that kind of thing. You know, I found out that BDSM really wasn't me. But you went there just because you were like, oh, that could get you maybe a better high. Right.

Right. Let's see what this can do. How can I, you know, make it less? And it turns out like being the dumb or the sub just wasn't for me. Right. And you don't always get sex in that world. I'm sorry, tell me to say that again? You don't always get sex in that world, though.

No. Yeah. No. It's about control. and some people get off on the control. I was never, for me, it wasn't about control. From what I found out, it was me that I always had to make sure the other person

was satisfied. Right. That's how I got off. Right, and that was your problem because of your Latina girlfriend that dumped you? That's what you started with, right? Yeah. I mean, I called my girlfriend. It was just a girl I started making out with back in high school.

And I didn't realize how she affected me until years later her rejection, because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was like 14, 15. Right. Uh-huh. And you just made out with her? Made out with her, you know, rounded the bases. And, you know, her rejection.

And he ultimately was that I wasn't satisfying her. Oh, shit. Yeah. There you go. Right. Things like that, you get seed that gets planted. You don't even realize how it controls the rest of your life. So when you say you had to satisfy women, would you also satisfy yourself?

Like, because I've been with certain guys and I've, find it very odd and there's a couple guys that are like this that like they just want to get a woman it's like more important for them to get a woman off than themselves. You know what I mean? Is that the kind of guy you were? No. I would, it would

enhance my high knowing that she was getting off. Right. But don't you think that that's normal? I mean, I mean yes and no. I mean, some guys don't care. You know, some people, it's all. Yeah, you're right. They're very fucking selfish. Exactly. Right, totally.

Someone would get that No, so, you know, was it good for you? And if you have to ask that question, generally, the answer could be no. Right, right, right, exactly. So you felt like you were going to all these women to, a part of it also was that you just needed that control over women that you were pleasing them or satisfying them. Right. Right.

And then, so how do you get to the trans, how was the transgender? I had this conversation with Tommy before we got on the call, I mean, before you picked up to ask him if he ever, because Tommy owns a gay bar. Tommy, don't look at me like that. We've talked about you owning a Gabor a thousand times. Your name's not Tommy anyway. Nobody knows who you are. So we all have fake names, by the way.

You're not Brandon. I'm not Kathy. He's not Tommy. That's why it's strictly anonymous. I started following you for your wonderful cartoons. What was that? I said I started following you for your wonderful questions. Yeah, those cartoons, everything's fucking made up.

Nobody knows who I am. I don't even like really share my stuff with, I mean, you know, with people that are close with me, they don't even know I'm doing. doing the podcast. But Tommy admitted that he's gotten, like, I was like, there's a lot of guys that admit being into trannies or sleeping or fooling around with trannies, whatever. And I asked Tommy beforehand if he's ever gotten blown by tranny. He absolutely had. Now, you, when you called up escorts, you started doing that as well? Yes. I actually met the first couple out at bars, and they were the kind that you would not know until, you know, you went to the bathroom and they

were standing at the urinal next to you. Totally that. Tommy showed me the picture of his girl, whatever, you want to call it. I mean, I know Tommy's type. She was exactly Tommy's type. Like he would die to get a real check that looked like this. And it was a tranny and he was blown by her a couple times. So did you like sort of go with, but you knew it had a time, right? Because you're paying for them that they're transgender?

No, no. My first experience was, was I did not know she was a transgender. Right. And then after that experience, I was like, you know what? This is not terrible. Right. And generally, transgender girls, you can get cheaper than you could. Real girls at the time.

So it's like, okay. So what it ultimately came down to was here's a transgender person who perceive, like I can perceive as a woman when they orgasm, I know definitively that they're orgasming. Right. There is evidence. Right. You know, with a woman, you just have to, well. So what would you, would you, would you suck them off, give them, like, how would they orgasm from you, the chin?

Usually it was, you know, penetration, be penetrating them. You penetrating them. Right. Like if it was, she was just like the regular girl. Right. But you were fucking them in the ass, right? Because these are, these. Right.

Well, no, you said sometimes they don't have. Oh, I mean, if they're like a, like a post on. No, there would be somebody else. Right. Okay. Yeah, but he didn't. Were you with like someone who was pulling? Postop?

You know what? My experience with poststop was so rare. I mean, you can kind of tell, but I wasn't, I didn't care, you know? You look like a girl? Okay, great. Right. So you would fuck them in the ass, they would come.

And so for you, did you feel like, oh, that made you gay, like, or not? No. No. I didn't feel like, you know, I was like, no. Because they look like chicks. Right. Okay.

And would you touch their car? or blow them at all? Would you do anything in that area? I did experiment doing that. I love how honest to you. But it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't for me. Like, it kind of, like, I was concentrating on what I was doing, and then it took me out of the milieu of what was going on,

and it just kind of like, okay, this isn't for me. Right. And that's how you found out what you like, what you don't like, by just sort of trying stuff. It would interfere with your buzz, basically. I'm sorry, Tom. It would interfere with, like, your high, your buzz, when you were having sex.

Yeah. Right. Okay. So now you're at Tranis and you're screwing them in the ass. Like what's next? You know, multiple people, you know, going into like orgy type situations. Right. But like orgies in what situation like sort of pre-plan orgies orgies are just people are just drunk and they wind up back at a house and everyone's kind of falling around. Like these are hardcore orgies. Right. And how would you find out about them? usually through the chat boards or chat rooms at the time did you find when you always like for me like in a situation like that I'd always be nervous or first of all I wouldn't believe that people would

like look like what their pictures were or that they would be representative do you find that when you met people through those chat rooms they would show up and you know it was sort of exactly who they were or did you have a lot of horrifying experiences or any horrifying experiences no I never really had a horrifying experience It's the worst. The worst that I ever seemed to experience was that was weight. They weighed more than what they're, you know, they're showing their picture from 10 years ago when they were in the best shape of their lives. Now, they add on a few, or the woman had kids and she's got the, you know, leftover markings from having kids.

But that really never bother me as crass as may sound in my head, as far as I'm concerned, they're all pink upside down. So it didn't really get into my head that, you know. Tommy shaking his hat because you were the same way, Tommy? No, it's a guy. You know, you can find beauty and everything, but it wasn't about that. It was more about the actual act of being able to have sex. Would you agree? Yeah, that was it, you know.

Plus, when it came to a tranny or even, you know, going into guys at one point, I just closed my eyes and I'd picture whoever I wanted to. Right, meaning like that could be who. And so you were just using guys because there was no girl around that was just another sort of way to go. Really? No, there was just no girl around. Interesting.

So you would just close your eyes at that point because it wasn't a tranny and you can see tits at that. So you would just pretend it was a girl. Exactly. Interesting. Did you ever let anyone screw you in the ass? No.

No, never. Yeah, that just wasn't, you know. So, I mean, they tried using their fingers and stuff and I, and you know, I first said, okay, let's see what this is like. And it just wasn't for me. And I was like, okay, that's enough of that. Okay.

And then so where do you, so you're, do this, you do these orgies at the swing clubs? Like, when do you start going to those swinger clubs? Yeah, it was in my 20s. Most of my adventures were in my 20s. Did people know about, like, was this like a total secret life that you had? Or did you, that's what I would figure, right? I think like my best friends, nobody knows the other life that I had. And it's kind of like I said, that's one years later when I, you know, started analyzing, you know,

what what am I going to or rather what was wrong with me? I found, well, there's nothing necessarily wrong. Everything stems back from a previous situation. Well, then how do I write myself from there? And then I saw the trail, like I'm explaining to you, how it goes from. Right. You know, you go from marijuana to crack to heroin, to whatever. It just escalates because you need more and more.

You need more and more. Yeah. Have you ever like, I don't know, how would you say hit bottom or like? Well, obviously. Yeah, hit a point where it kind of goes. that out of control and something. No, what, it's not a matter if. It's when did that happen? Because you're sober, right?

So obviously, you had a bottom, right? When did that happen? The bottom came, I would say, at the end of the second marriage. Oh, really? So, but when you were married, you weren't doing guys or trainings or escorts or any of that stuff? No, no. What happened was, was her situation made me realize, like, I didn't know I was an I lived with an addict and realized.

The first one or the second one? The second one. Right, right. So from your 20s until you're like late 30s, you still think all the stuff that you're doing is like fine and you still haven't put it together that maybe something's going on? Correct. I'm just thinking like, you know what?

This is just how it goes. Right, but even though what I find is interesting because I feel like I have friends that probably live double lives and we all know people like this, right? And sometimes like I'm really pretty intuitive with people so I feel like I could tell who those people are that sort of have these kind of things going on. And what's interesting to me, and I just think it's just the way human beings' brains are work is that like you kept everything secret. So on some level, you must have known it was kind of different or maybe off.

You know, because if it wasn't, right, why were you keeping it a secret? Or is that part of the high? No, no, it wasn't. That kind of high was the high that I got to sneaking around. but the other stuff was because acceptance, you know, in that time, you know how, you know, people say it's okay to be gay today. Right. You know, it's a lot more accepted. Well, when you're coming out, you know, in the late 80s, early 90s, mid-90s, that kind of behavior was considered taboo.

And, you know, coming from, you know, my parents were the type of parents, they never divorced. grew up in a Catholic family so you know you are you know told what is right and what is wrong and right listen my dad was a priest okay so

you know you don't get any more right or wrong than that right so you you end up knowing or not knowing but starting to believe what is right and what's wrong from what other people tell you and then you hang out with your guy friends

and you know the joke is oh you're stupid with fag and this that and the other thing and you know now that word has the is synonymous with the word nigger and i'm not going to see the end word because that's the word and everybody knows it so let's get real people right and so you don't want to be perceived that way you know your best friend you know has a certain picture of you you have a certain picture of your best friend if all of a sudden your best friend turns you say hey you know i like taking trannies in the ass every now and then well Tommy just admitted to me Tommy just admitted to me Tommy just

admitted to me. I didn't find it awkward. He was blushing when he told me, like, massively blushing. I found it fascinating, but I, typically, I know you wrote that email as saying I, like, sort of judge people, but, like, I, I don't actually think anyone's weird or abnormal for doing what they do. I think stuff sometimes is dysfunctional or is, like,

coming out in a certain way, and it's coming from a bad place, but it's like I don't really, I don't really feel like I judge people, but yes, you're right, most people do, and if you told most most of your friends, all that stuff, they would look You don't want to, you know, you build up. And I guess you're kind of living alive because if your friends don't like you for who you really are, then they're not your real friends.

But I was always the type that. You know, I didn't want to test that theory. Yeah, no, I feel sorry for my friends that I know live those double lives. And I think most addicts do. Even me as a drinker, I was a hardcore, like, drinker. And I totally kept two separate lives. And it wasn't that they were so secret, but I always feel like most addicts, like their attic world, you spend so much time there. and it's like this whole world that you sort of swirl in.

It's like a black hole. Because when I like got out of it, I felt like, you know, that place still swirls. And so many people are stuck in it. And I like got myself out. But I have that whole world. I think addicts always typically have a world that is so separate and feel so big at the time. You know, but it's just a whole bunch of fucking nothing, right? And then you have like another world.

You know, I had my friends that I never drank with that never knew the stuff. And I had a job and I never was late for that. Even if I puked in between phone calls, like I was fucking there. Do you know what you mean? And you could, it's like being a functioning addict, right? And so I think that that's just part of being an addict. You always keep those, you have like, you live two separate lives. Yeah.

And then at one point when in my escort hey day, I actually became a driver for escorts. Oh, no way. I had a friend that was a driver for strippers. So what, you would drive them to the houses? Yeah, I would drive them to the houses. When they left the car, they got in the house, I had to call their manager, quote, and let them know that they were. were in and the girl would then call then also let them know that they were in and then they would call when they were coming out and you wait for them yeah I'd wait for them oh that's good so they must

feel safe that they have somebody there where do you what you're you're not in New York right this wasn't happening in the city you were in the suburbs uh actually my driving well it was New York and New Jersey oh okay so you would drive the girls and then when they would get back in the car would you ask them about their experience like would you chatty with them did you hook up with Let me ask the good question. You know what? What they would do is they would tell me, I wouldn't necessarily ask. My first question was, you know, is everything okay or are you okay?

Right. And then they would just start saying, yeah, he was a nice guy or he was kind of weird or they would just volunteer their stories. Because really, other than other escorts, who are they going to talk to? Right. Yeah. So I would end up being, you know, also their part-time therapist. Right, right, of course, of course. And when you...

All their other stuff would come out about their home life, their kids, their boyfriends or this or that. Right. And so they were living another life. Did you ever hook up with any of them? Yeah. Did they charge you? No.

No. But, see, they would tip you for the drive. Uh-huh. Someone would give you a blow job at the end. Yeah. Hey, it's called the perks of the job. Yeah. Right.

So bring us to your bottom, though. So you're doing the escort thing, I think you were saying, right? Oh, it was after you, it was the sec during your second marriage is when you figured. Right. When I realized that the marriage was over and I started going back to my old ways, I realized that, you know what, I looked, and it wasn't, I wasn't drunk or anything like that. I just was at home alone, just me and the dog, and it was absolutely quiet in the house, and I'm sitting in front of our computer, you know, pouring on the screen, talk in my hand, and I'm just, you know, there was something about the silence. I had the sound off on a computer, and I just. just was just listening and I said

this is how my future is going to be if I don't change something right now. You mean like nothing? Like that nothingness right? Alone and jerking off. Yeah. It's just a whole lot of nothing. That's what it fucking is. Right. And it was like

you know this is this is quite sad. This is not how I thought my life would turn out. And then I started, then I said then I literally dropped my cock and just started during research using the internet that for what its intended purpose was. Right.

And started doing research on, you know, why, why was I this way and thinking back and writing down names of people that I remember and just, you know, getting to a point where I was like, oh, my God, you know, what happened to this person? Why didn't this relationship work out? And then I realized, you know, that what it was was, you know, I had an addiction and I had a problem and I needed to come to terms with it. Right. that's great that you sort of came to that place on your own i always feel like addicts that

hit bottom like i mean i know for me because i have friends that are fucking addicts and i feel like in a way you're like oddly saved like i don't even sometimes i'm like i don't even know how i came to the place where i was like oh i fucking have a problem and i really should quit drink it you know but it's like you almost feel really lot i mean i've always looked back at that time and felt very lucky like because i don't even remember sort of putting stuff together that clearly you know right you're almost lucky Yes and no, because when, you know, at 42, you look back on if I had only realized this at 32. Maybe I could have a marriage.

Yeah, but there's 52-year-olds that don't have it figured out. There's 70-year-olds. A lot of people never sort of figure it out. And they just live in that nothingness and that sort of empty feeling and they chase the dragon. And they have like temporary satisfaction, but never like, you know, long-term satisfaction that you sort. You know, so it's like a matter of giving up that instant gratification for future gratification. Real things are a lot fucking harder to get, to keep, you know, and those are the things that actually keep you really fulfilled and fill up that vapid hole inside of you.

None of that other stuff does, you know. And so when you chase that, you get it. You feel fulfilled for a day or two and then you're back to that emptiness. And that's what it's all about. And that's a fucking awful place to be. It's torture. You know, and, you know, I can remember in terms of, 2016, this one particular girl,

I'm great. I'll have kids. We'll get married. You know, you know, by the time I'm in my 40s, my kid will be in high school. And then it's just like, you know, you turn around and you're like, crap, I'm 42. If I have a kid now, I'll be collecting Social Security by the time he's out of high school.

Oh, that's okay. I'm trying to have a kid. Just don't do the math. Do you want to have mine? No. You sure? I'm positive. I'm blue eyes, smart, tall, healthy? Oh, I buy donor sperm. I get younger guys than you.

Let me answer your question. When you're buying donor sperm, does it enter your mind that when my kid asked me who my daddy is, you're not going to have an answer other than he was tall, got good grades. No, I have so much more than that. No. Listen, yes, that does enter the picture. And there was a moment because when you go for donor sperm, we discuss this on one podcast. When you go for donor sperm, it's like you get like initial information, then you pay for like more information and there's these little things you could pay for it you could get baby pictures you could get a full length interview that you hear on a on a recording you could get staff impressions you could get also um a questionnaire that they fill out so you see handwriting so you get a lot

of information and for me the most horrifying moment of that scenario was when I heard the voices because it became very real and it was that was the moment that I actually felt and thought of those things that you're talking about and it was very devastating. I went online and I started Googling because that's what I fucking do. That's what I'm addicted to now. And I found some terrible stories of people that were like, oh, my, you know, I was a test tube baby and I fucking hate my parents, you know, and shit like that. And I was like, I got very depressed and I felt really bad about it. And then, you know, I everyone was sort of creepy that I heard. I went back and I got a new guy and this guy was

like a ray of sunshine and nothing about him was bad. And I liked his handwriting and his questionnaire and his baby pictures. And his voice was great. And I didn't feel that way anymore. And I feel like when that time comes, you know, first of all, it'll be, you know, a while from now. And I feel like it's much more, it's like what you were saying before in the AOL times when you were doing that shit and it was very like taboo. What I'm doing now with the baby and stuff, it's a lot more acceptable and it will be. My kid's not going to be born in a generation with nobody else or no friends that have the same situation. A lot of women are having babies this way because, I mean, you know, marriage is not really like. the greatest institution, right?

Maybe people don't believe in it so much. Oh, it's an institution all right. I prefer having a baby this way, much more so than the other way. For me. Yeah. Why are we talking about me? They're each their own, you know.

It's, and I'm sure I'd agree. After playing the field, you know, you'll find that someone who is worth not playing the field anymore to the point where, yeah, I want to stop where I've been and go on this new path. No, I totally. I totally agree.

I mean, that happened to me. I mean, I didn't get married until I was 36, 37. And time I was a total player, and he's got a baby now. Yeah, and you know, and you're 100% right. You find that person, and you're like, you know what? Just how you said before, I don't want to be alone in the silence. You know what I mean? I don't want to.

And, of course, you know, being in a relationship, you always get that flashback of your former life. and you know, you're like, oh, one more kind of roll in the hay, but it's just not worth it, you know. It's nice to be in a secure place. That is 100% how I thought that was just, you know. But you were in a quote unquote secure place, but it really wasn't secure. I mean, a lot of people, I think, have what appears to be a secure situation going on. They could be married. They could have kids.

They could have a house. They could have a job. But there's no security in that either. You know what I mean? I think there's a lot of that bullshit stuff going on too. There is, because like you said, I was married once, and, you know, I had the house, I had the job, I had the car, I had everything that was needed. Right.

Actually, that she required before we consider having kids. Then it all got thrown in my face, and it's like, okay, great. So then just go back to my old ways. And then I made the mistake of hooking up with, you know, the wrong person for the wrong reasons who had her own issues. And again, back to my old ways. And I said, you know, all I'm going to do is, keep repeating the same mistakes because I'm not looking at the history.

Yeah, I mean, not to cut you off, but how do you meet women now? Well, I met somebody. Okay. And I believe it or not, I met them online. Through like one of the major dating services online? Yeah, it was plenty of, plenty of fish. Okay. Yeah.

And what I did was I would intentionally not look at the picture and I would just read what they had to say. Okay. And then look at the pictures, and then, you know, the shallow part of it was like, okay, is it worth that to go for what you read? Right. You know, trying to do what you do at a bar. You talk to somebody and get to know them before. You know, obviously the first thing that you is the attraction. But I can tell you myself, I view myself on a scale of 1 to 10, somewhere between a 6 and a 7.

Oh, yeah. I haven't asked you that question. You're 6.5? I would, but I'm really, you're your own harshest critic, you know. That being said, I have had the ability to have two women marry me. So I must be a little bit better than that. Not really. I see threes could get married.

Negative fives get married all the time. Well, here's why I think it is that it's the personality. It's the person. When you get to know me, my score starts to go up. Yeah, totally. Oh, and for women, women don't care so much about looks. We care about personality for sure. Well, definitely.

Everything is more emotional. There's a lot of ugly dudes that have such game and they're like cocky or they're really funny and they get tons of ass and girls like them because girls aren't like, why are the same way as guys? Yeah, but okay, so now you're dating this girl and how's it going? Well, here's how it's been. We have a seven and a half month old child. Awesome. Oh, yay. I got a nine month old.

Congratulations. Yeah, and it's been when I stopped doing. doing what my pattern was and focused on being a better person and being what I was looking for in somebody else in myself. It changed the whole thing. And we've been together. It's been just, you know, I can't even put into words the highs that I've had with this woman, both on an emotional level, a sexual level, and just in, in, you know, in, you.

in general, you know. I love this story. No, but it really shows that that's, I think it really shows that if you are an addict and you put in the work or you really sort of become self-aware or look at yourself in the mirror, you could change your life. Let me just ask you one more question. Now, you're at this stage right now. Have you been open and honest about your past or you're just, you're just going to leave your past in the past? I'm going to leave my past in the past. I 100% agree with you.

You know what? I did the exact same thing. You want to, this is how great she is. She doesn't want to know my past. She knows that I was promiscuous, but she doesn't want to know because she says that's your past. If it's what helped define you now, then only tell me the positive things. Amen, brother. Amen.

Any of the negative stuff, any of the hardships you have to go through, if you feel like telling me that's great, if you don't want to, she goes, that's great too. She goes, I have the person that is here in front of me now. Yeah, that's awesome. How long have you been with her for? It has been, it'll be two years. Oh, that's great. That's great. Yeah, so you're in a completely healthy.

Are you guys married or no? You're just dating. Will you get married again? Do you care to get married? Yeah, we're going to get married. Right. I'm going to marry my baby mama. There you go.

It's the one thing that she, the only thing that she, when she first told me she was pregnant, it's the only thing he really, really wanted. It wasn't, you know, I don't need how. I don't need this. I don't need money. She goes, I just want this child to have a mother and father who are together like her mother and father was, like my mother and father was. Right. And you know what?

I said, and she knew I was coming right after my divorce. She knew I was in a rough place. And I said, I can't commit to a date, but I'm going to commit to you. Right. That's great. I mean, and I like how you say you leave the past in the past. And I'm choosing to do the same thing. Yeah, but your wife doesn't let you do because she doesn't trust you.

Well, she trusts. Not really? But what I don't. You have those issues. She could help you. Can I finish? So what I, but I listen to it. I have a few friends who are like so open with their, with their spouse about everything

they've ever done in the past. And I just, I don't know. I think that would put a strain on the relationship. No. Yeah, I think so too. Because what happens is, is if you don't believe that a person can, change, then you're always going to have that doubt in the back of your head. See, I believe that people could change.

So I personally think that I know, I have a lot of guy friends I always have. I know guys that were massive cheaters in their 20s and in their 40s are completely faithful. Like I know that that exists in men. You know, I think maybe other girls don't, but I don't, I think, listen, I think the way you're doing it with your girl, the fact that she doesn't give a shit about your past and everything is totally super cool and you guys have that relationship. But I also think there's other people.

that are very honest and that's really cool too in their relationship. I don't think it's necessarily bad either way. I think either way works. I think the thing is you need to both be on the same page. If someone's married to someone that wants to know and someone's keeping it from them, that's going to be a problem. One person can't say the past doesn't matter if it matters to the other person. Right, Tommy? Well, I think it also comes down to. Hey, Brandon, what happens? My cell phone died. Sorry about that. It's okay. It's okay. We were going to do a part two, but instead we'll just like extended since he just called back. It's better.

Yeah. So basically you're like now, you're like a normal dude and everything's cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. You know, although the urges still come, you just have to. Yeah.

Well, how do you fight it? You just concentrate on what's more important to you, you know, and just think about the consequences of acting. Tommy's shaking his head. Yeah, I'm completely shaking my head because, you know, it never goes away. I don't think it ever will go away. The urge or the itch or the tick or whatever you want to call it. And, you know, and I see it happening to me. And what I do is I actually look at my phone.

I see a picture like my kid or something like that. Exactly. And that is way more important to me than a quick piece of ass. A quick piece of ass. That's going to go nowhere. Exactly. I do the same thing. You know, what's, you know, what are there to lose my wife?

I could balls. And so then you're saying, you know what? I'm going to go home. I'm going to see my wife. I'm going to make luck to her. That'll call it a day. Absolutely. Yeah.

Can't you just like, you know, with your wife, like sort of role play and pretend that you're having different hot scenarios all the time? Like, you know, if you keep things interesting. You know what? She and I have a relationship thing. And it's hard. Right. So it's not like you need that other stuff as much anyway. No.

Right. Right. Right. It's less of a need and more of a want. And it's easier to weigh a want than it is a need. Yeah. Right. That's a big difference.

That's how. You know, this type of addictions. Sorry, go ahead. No, no, you go on. I was going to say, this type of addiction is a lot of,

you cannot, you can't, you know, use those sex. You have to have sex. That's why they say, like, with workaholics or, you know, people that have food addiction or sex,

those are hard things to, because you can't be black and white. For me, drinking, I just had to quit drinking. Like, I mean, you could just say, I'm never drinking again, and you could function in society.

Yeah, you can't say you're not going to have sex. It's a part of being intimate with someone. It's a part of relationship. So it's a much harder, absolutely addiction to sort of conquer or face or deal with. Because eventually you have to start doing it. It would be like telling an alcoholic you have to drink, but in moderation or whatever. You know, but really what addiction is about. And you know this is an addict.

It's not really about what you're using. It's that big, empty, vapid hole of nothingness that you have to fill up with other stuff. And once you do that, I feel like, you know, that changes things like you said. You don't even have the desire as much because it's like you don't need to scratch that itch because you don't have the itch as much. And you also don't put yourself in a situation where you could expose yourself. Exactly. You know, if I go out, I go out with my wife. If I comes along and an old lover or a text or something, you know, it's been a while.

And if it was, you know what? does not outweigh, you know, the reward. So, done. Yeah, no, I mean, right when I got married, I had to shut it down. I mean, all these people that used to call my phone and text my phone and, you know what I mean? Because that was my lifestyle. I was not tied down to anybody. I was going, you know, and I would just line them up like appointments almost.

And I had to basically put it out there and say, do not communicate to my phone for anything. You know what I mean? Yeah, no naked picks to your phone out randomly, right? Nothing. Not even. Not even anything kidding around. Right. And, yeah, I mean, I had a friend who's just kidding around sent me something that was just joking.

And I was on the couch watching TV with my wife. And I had to call them right up in front and just shut it down, you know. Okay, so you guys are both. How long have you been with your girl again? Seven years, seven months? No, it'll be just. Almost two years. Almost two years, right.

Because I just wonder after five or six or seven years, I mean, me and Tommy were just talking about this while we're waiting for you to call back about monogamy. I don't really believe in it long term. And I think relationships sort of would probably fare better if eventually, after you're with someone for a long time, it could be that if someone needs to go someplace else, it's okay, just because, I don't know. Dan Savage calls it monogamish. I think I'm more interested in monogamish than monogamy.

As long as you're not putting it in the person's face. Of course not. And I also think that it changed, I think, as our body, you know, like when you're young, you're looking at, you're shallow. I don't care. Everybody's shallow when they're young. They have a lot of testosterone. But the guys lose it. But the problem is, you know, they come up with, like, fucking Viagra and shit and women are doing more hormones.

And, you know, everyone's just hornier, even though, like, in nature, nature made it so that when we get older, we want it less. but we created things that cockblock nature and now we're like horny longer and I think it's good because you know men have stuff, women have stuff so they can still get it on and are more interested in but that a whole nature thing that sort of knocks down your testosterone makes you not

as horny as a guy like I've heard some guys say like it's actually kind of like a nice feeling to not need it so much all the fucking time do you know what I mean? But you know what? You know a woman and there's a reason called men oh pause Put the man on pause.

Right. I never thought of that. And they start up again. But I think as we get older, just in general, it's easy. You remember the vapid person you're with. It's easy to find Mrs. Right now. It's hard to find Mr. or Mrs. Wright. You know, so I think when you find it connects you emotionally.

Right. That's what's more important. Right. And I think when you find that person, that one person, and your whole being in need with this one person it would have been wingmen for each other I believe that I definitely believe that

Well Tommy had a gay bar so you could have like Fucked a lot of guys at his place now Sorry Listen Some of those gay guys have the hottest girlfriends They sure do You know Yeah

And they'll bring in it They'll bring in Listen I wouldn't even surprise If I've been in Tommy's bar When some of these guys bring their girlfriends For a girl's night out And the next thing you know they're leaving with a straight guy.

Oh, yeah, no, my straight friends that are bartenders and gay, they got more pussy in the gay bar, working in the gay bar than the straight one, because there's no competition. So if you're one straight bartender in a gay bar, every gay guy, like you said, has his girl that he brings, and she's hot, you know, it's New York City. The girls are all hot.

And they're stuck in a gay bar. They're going to pick up the hot bartender if he's the only straight guy in there. So, yeah, Tom and his friend, Jason got a lot of ass when they were in his bar, his gay bar. So anyway Yeah, sorry I was going to ask Tommy You know

If you're an alcoholic You know I'll say it He was He was But he's a job Or he's an ownership Of a place where

He puts himself In a fulfill him Where it's not a problem Am I correct Yeah you're correct And like it is It's work every day You got to work at it every day

And I But I think Because I know Tommy and I saw Tommy sort of shift and change and I was going to say this before to you because you're talking sort of like oh it's like all about the other person coming in that it's about the other person

but I really think what happens before you meet that other person is you guys changed yourself and then you were ready for that other person do you know what I mean it wasn't like all those other people before were wrong it was that you were sort of fucked up or like in a different place or maybe not open to it you cleaned up your act you figured stuff out

and then you were ready for that person so you met it you know what I mean it's not about meeting a person And if you're still messed up or involved in your addiction, no one's going to come in and be that person to you. You have to, and I saw Tommy, I saw Tommy change as a person before that stuff happened.

It wasn't like this girl changed him. He changed and then it worked out with this girl and he moved to a different phase of his life. But without getting too deep, I think, you know, I'm not into religion, whatever, but I'm into the universe and things happen for energy, whatever.

And they don't give you something until you're ready for it. And I was, I changed and the universe gave me a person. And there we go. There you go. So let's talk about your critiques because you sent me an email after you listened to some podcast. Did I read the email? I don't even remember. You gave some critiques. You said, A, I'm judgmental to people, which I feel like I'm totally not. Tommy said, right? I'm not judgmental. No, I mean, I wouldn't say judgmental, but you used with, I, I can't remember. I think it was One, was it, John, you said something like, that was weird or you're weird. I don't think you meant it in a judgmental way, but when you listen back to it, it's like,

well, you know, if I like, that doesn't make me weird. I never say those things are weird. But I never say those things are weird. I say things are weird that are dysfunctional. Sorry. I know. I'm saying as an example. I can't remember which one it was, but I was just pointing out that, you know,

what is, you know, different to you or weird to you, just maybe if you're, when you're talking to people such as myself and these other people that you'll have on who are maybe not so much on the adjectives as people are. And you know what? I agree with you. Kathy doesn't do that. I actually, we remember the podcast kind of when she said it, and it wasn't meant in that context. And obviously it was an early one.

I mean, we're kind of getting our feet wet. But it was, you know, she is obviously, out of anybody I know in my life, you know, people judge her. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, but we actually talked about it after the podcast. And I remember which one. I think it was the first one with John. And I think the comment came about when he said that his wife couldn't have an orgasm. Remember?

Yes. And Kathy said. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that is something, there's something off there. I'm sorry.

That's why I have a podcast so I could give my opinion. Well, yes, you know what? When you said that, I thought it's possible that something's off because for a woman to have an orgasm, it's more than just physical. However, that being said, she may not be able to get originally. She may need just clitoral stimulation. Okay, Brandon, I'm going to put you up to speed because you didn't pay attention to that podcast.

He explained that she actually does need clitorial stimulation. A lot of people do and everything. My thing is, why isn't she stimulating her clitoris during it? She knows exactly how to get herself off, but she's not. That's bizarre. Oh, I see what you're saying. Do you understand? While he's penetrating her, why isn't she stimulating her cliters at the same time?

She knows how to get herself all. She uses a toy, but she doesn't do it. So that's something off. If I use the word weird or not normal, I know that I use weird, not normal dysfunctional really a lot. And I probably... You should work on it a little bit. I don't know how else to. talk about it, but like I have a podcast so I could kind of be not judgmental, but give my opinions

and whatever, because it is kind of unprofessional. I'm no therapist. I'm just the normal person. I like to talk to people about their problems. I'm very open mind. I don't judge anybody by any of the sex that they do at all. Different lifetiles fascinate me. That's why I actually get these people on the call because, and I feel like sometimes when people look at my show and they look at the titles, they think it seems like a dirty show. But if you really listen to it, it's not because I'm talking to people about their stuff in a way that's interesting. You know, it's not just about sex, but I, so I don't, I don't like to, I love all the people that call and find them fascinating.

I think people have dysfunctional or weird behaviors, but that doesn't make them dysfunctional and weird. We're all fucking dysfunctional and weird at times. That's just true. I like how you said like, what's normal. There's really no definition of normal anymore. No one's normal all the time. Right.

No one's normal. Everyone's fucked up in their own way. Take, take yourself, for example. You have chosen to have a child without needing to have a guy around. And listen, the religious right will tell you, oh, that's not normal. That's weird. Oh, yeah. Well, my father's a religious person.

My father's a actual priest. But my family, you know, you have to understand. When I was really little, I was always a very out-of-the-box person. It's not like I chose. No, he's a, my father's Lebanese. He's like he's, you know. So it's hardcore. Totally.

Religious? Yeah, hardcore, off the boat. Wow. So, and he, you know, he spawned me, somebody that a very young age, I was always very into doing everything very different. I was thrown out of three high schools. I was never, I never wanted to get married. I'm not into any kind of, like, institutions.

I don't, like, I like to do everything different than everybody else. That's how I've always been. So when I went to my family and I was like, I'm going to have a baby with my friend, everyone was like, we'd be more confused if you were trying to get married and have a baby in a white picket fence because everyone it was just that goes with who I am it's very compatible with the way that I've lived my life always it's not like something that's like what the fuck is she doing because I've always been sort of I do things different kind of person so did you just try and just start off saying I want to have a kid where no we talked about it with a friend

I did it with a friend we we did it with I did it with a friend and we started out that way I wanted a baby I couldn't do it on my own I did it with a friend and then I switched off to be the I switched off to do it with a donor when that didn't work. But, and I prefer it that way. I mean, I still want to have a relationship with a guy. I just, um, I don't want to have that whole thing. You know, I want my baby to myself. On your terms.

No, on your terms. Yeah, I want my family. You know, stuff that I had, what I went through in my life and everything, you know, for me, I want my family. I want my child. And I want to do it my way on my terms, like Tommy says. That's a nice way to say that really without sounding like nuts. But that's what I want to.

I do. And then, of course, I don't want my baby to be, I don't picture myself as a single woman forever. Like, I don't want to, you know, I will eventually, you know, have a guy too. I want my child to see a healthy relationship. My parents were married the whole time and it was like, fucked me up. I mean, I looked at their marriage and I was like, no, no effing way. I mean, that's why I'm anti it. So I don't think having like the typical normal thing works for kids because there's plenty of people out in the world that are so messed up and they all had what, I'm not doing. You know what I mean? They all had that normal thing that I'm saying I don't want. So, you know, who's right or wrong? That's like when people say, you know, if you don't want gay people. Right. Right. Exactly. They'll come from somewhere, right? Some mom and dad someplace. You know, so, you know, nobody really. So yeah, am I normal? Weird? People would judge me for it. That's fine. I like people that do things a little bit different. I see things out of the box. I don't, I don't mean to come off judgmental. I love everybody that calls. I feel. I feel.

like I bond with them. I love John and his stories. Nothing's weird to me. Like I said, some of those things are weird situations. Yeah. I think that girl Mara, I think Tommy nailed.

I was, I was waiting until the end of that call because I was like, what movie was that from? Oh, you knew it too? Oh my God, yes. I was right.

If I had your number, I would have called in that thing and tell him the movie because I knew it right off the back. I knew it. I knew it. Yeah, that one we didn't believe.

And nobody, you know, she's been on other shows and nobody calls her out on that. I think I was the only one that said, come on. Like, have you ever been in a, like, what did I say, a mental institute?

I don't know. I was like, something was... I was yelling at the radio. The movie is taken with Liam Mason. The movie is taken. It was so... I was like, give me a break. You know what I mean?

But you know what's fascinating about her? I think whether that story was real, like say that story was real, that's fascinating. But if that story isn't real and she's making it up, that's just as fascinating to me. Because, you know, what's with her that she makes up that story? So I think she's fascinating either way. Yeah, but she's been on... Several podcasts. And she pimps that show out.

And she really pimps this story. She believes it, I think. Yeah. That's it, you know? It's not a lie if you believe it. Exactly. Right. Exactly.

Exactly. So yeah, so Brandon, this has been great to talk to you. Sometimes it's good. You know, a lot of times we get people that are calling and they're like in the middle of their story, right? And we don't have a happy ending or they're trying to figure things out. But this guy, you know, you're like a really interesting person to talk to you because you're a sex addict and you have.

You had an issue that a lot of guys have, but you're like, you know, you do have an ending of your story. And things are really great now. And you give people like, hope. So we should have you back on the show eventually one day. Maybe, you know, we don't know the format of the show is going to change and grow. Yeah. And listen. And keep listening to the show.

You know, right. You want to write in. Right reviews or whatever. And if you want to write in and say, hey, listen, I would love to talk to you about some of the shows you did. That's a good idea. Yeah. We could do a little, you know, with you online, a little gossip about those. people.

Yeah, because he likes to analyze too. Yeah, we analyze it too after the show. Right. So we'll have you on again. Definitely. I'd enjoy it. All right, cool, Brandon. I'll talk to you soon.

Good luck with your baby. All right. Thanks, guys. Bye. Yeah, go on. Oh, yeah, he's got. Yeah, no, he's a good guy. And you know what?

I'd like talking to him because, same when we talk to Robert Kelly, you know. Oh, our podcast with him? Yeah, because he, you know, he's just like me, just like this guy, Brandon. I mean, we all were, we explored every corner to see where the edge was or, you know what I mean? Yeah, you did what you needed to do. You worked your shit out in your way you were going to work it out. And here we are now and we're all happy and whatever. But it is something that you always got to work at.

It's never going to go away. Totally. And that's why I used to love going to meetings to hear guys like that that are really sort of expressing it. Because guys that aren't in touch with what they're really doing and they're doing it, people just look at them and they're like, oh, they're pigs or they're, fucking they love to fuck people or they're just assholes, you know, like, they just sort of look at it on the surface when they're not. They're like real people like you and Robert Kelly

and this guy that are sort of, you know, a little confusing, going through whatever they're going through. And just because you're doing it sexually, people think you're like deviant and you're not. With me, it wasn't actually more, it wasn't as much about the sex, the act of it, as I couldn't stand to be alone. Yeah, you couldn't stand to be with yourself

because you couldn't stand to feel your feeling. That's what every addict is. I didn't want to be at home alone. And I was drinking at the time, which made you even more sensitive. Of course. To that type of feelings. Numb to everything else, but more sensitive to those types of feelings. And that's, you know.

Yeah, that's why when I quit drinking, I couldn't do the sex thing anymore because the drinking for me would allow me when I was feeling bad feeling. You know, the whole thing about being an addict is you want to feel everything. You only want to feel happy. Like anything other than happy is not a good thing. It's too intense. it doesn't feel good and you want to run. You should not try Molly. Right.

And so for me, I remember the first time I quit drinking and I was like, I had a problem and issue that came up and I started to feel jealous. You actually called me up and told me that the guy that I liked met a new girl and she was really hot and I was devastated. It was Jason when I liked him. And I was devastated and I hung up the phone with you. It was about a month after I quit drinking. And I only quit drinking because I was blacking out and I couldn't.

Wait, wait, wait, don't get it wrong. I didn't call her up to tell her this to like rub it in her face. We were on the phone and we were friends with the same person and she asked me about him. Right. And then I told her. You told me the truth. No, I'm not saying you out of me. Yeah, I wasn't being like a dick being like, oh, ha, ha, ha. No, but I was devastated.

I was on my way to a wedding and I had just quit drinking. And I quit drinking because I was blacking out. I didn't quit drinking because I thought I had a problem really in the beginning. And the minute I got out the phone with you, I started looking in my phone. I started looking in my phone and I was trying to, without even thinking about it, I was trying to look at where, like, which guy am I going to fuck? Like, who am I going to call the fuck? And then I realized, yeah, because I couldn't stand the way I felt.

And then my second thought was like, oh my God, when I saw their names and thought of them, I couldn't fuck any of them without being drunk. And then I realized, oh, my God, I'm trapped in this terrible feeling of jealousy and misery and devastation and rejection, like all the shit that I'm feeling. What am I going to do? And that's when I realized I'm foxed. Yeah, but I think that was probably a turning point for you. Well, that's when I realized, oh, this drinking, when I started to look back,

I started to realize when I would do shots, when I was feeling a little insecure, if the guy I was with was like avoiding me or I thought he was looking at other girls. Anytime I felt a little bit of anything else, I just took my high to another level. When I was upset about one guy, go fuck another guy. And like, you know, this is what I would do. So the great thing about quitting alcohol for me

was that I wasn't allowed to do those things. So I was forced to sit with my feelings and I learned how to deal with them. And some days it would be literally, I would lock myself up in my house and I wouldn't go out because if I did, I would sabotage. There was nothing I could do except feel like a tortured person. but I just wouldn't do anything about it.

And 10 years later, I'm able to have all kinds of feelings and I'm okay. So let's just rub with this call because it's like getting boring, I feel. It's like a fucking A-A-A-A-Ving. That was a good one. Yeah. I think it's good if anyone's an addict to hear this kind of stuff. But if people aren't, it's kind of like boring. Because there's a lot of people that aren't addicts.

Yeah. You know, are they listening to our show? I don't know. Who the fuck is listening to our show? Could you guys write in. If you're from Singapore? No, we got people in Nepal. Nepal.

Nepal. Yeah. I love that. I don't know. I love it. It's probably like American people that are like at the base camp that climb Everest. Yeah, yeah. That's Nepal.

Oh, really? And they're probably like, we have nothing to do, but we'll listen to the podcast. I don't know. I love to hear for listeners that are listening what you think of the show. And you could critique us like John or who did we just talk to, Brandon? Yeah. And if you're from another country and you can't call in, send us an email. No, no, no, no.

You can call in. We could do Skype. So you get from anywhere. Anyone can call in. We could Skype call. Or if you just want us to read your email online or something like that. We can do that. Yeah, we can do those calls too.

Absolutely. You know, that would be a good show. What? Yeah, just questions. Yeah, we could do that. Yeah. And we'll just read, we'll answer emails. Yeah.

Uh-huh. That is a good show. Coffee tug with getting it. Forget about it. All right, wrap it up. Okay. Until next time. Bye-bye.

Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called strictly anonymous confession, secret sex lives of total strangers, is now available not only in, paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gangbang girl story.

Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my

Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me.

at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you.

Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.