Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 051 - New Co-Host John is a Lonely Narcissist

Episode Date: December 9, 2014

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Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your Greek flag lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to Strictly and I'm this podcast, Kathy.

And I am doing my intro after the call. I taped my podcast last week because I was trying to be very proactive and do everything before I went away. I was away this weekend. And I was supposed to be back yesterday. And so I had every intention of landing, coming back to my house, putting together my podcast and airing it. You know, and I had plenty of time to do that. But what happened was the unexpected happened or my flight from, I went to Portland. I had to fly through Chicago and I got stuck in Chicago last night.

And that totally fucked me up, like really bad. And, you know, it's never happened to me before. It's happened to me in Europe because in Europe we all know that they could just like, you know, they just like stop working whenever they feel like it at the airport. You know, when people decide to strike, they could do it whenever they want and nobody in the airport shuts down. And it could be for like five days. got stuck in Greece. I went to Germany. I got stuck there. Like this shit happens and it happens all the time. But in America, it's never really happened to me. I've never had that unfortunate thing of being stuck or, you know, and not being able to get on another flight and get home. And so I got stuck in Chicago last night and that totally fucked up my podcast. And so I had to do it today. So, and air today. And so I'm a daily. And I'll never do that again because that's my own fault because I just thought that everything was going to work out the way I planned, but it didn't. But I went to Portland this weekend.

And if you follow me on Twitter, I'm cartoon therapy. You might have seen some things that I tweeted from there. Portland was like the most fascinating place I've ever been to. Fascinating because it was like the weirdest place I've ever been to. And I wouldn't say weird in a bad way. I wouldn't say weird in a good way. I would just say weird and different. So specific.

So like it had such a stamp on it. It was like some place like I had never seen before. And I've been to a lot of states in America. And not just like the main ones like, oh, everyone goes to Miami and Las Vegas and Los Angeles and San Francisco. Like I've been to all those places. But I've also been to a lot of like, you know, little places in between all those places. And I love going to places like that. But nothing has ever compared or been as different and more as specific as Portland, I have to say.

And the friend that I went with, I totally agreed. It was like nothing I've ever experienced before. Best food ever. And I live in New York, and I'm such a food snob. I'm actually going to Paris for Christmas, and I keep looking at restaurants there, and everything looks disgusting. Like, I'm a little nervous about French food

because I'm not really into saucy things. But I have to say Portland was like the best food I've ever had in my life. Farm to Table. Holy shit. But Portlandia, that show on Showtime, I get now why they created that. We actually rented it and watched one of the episodes in the hotel room when we were still there, actually. And I have to say that I get why they created a show about Portland.

Everything that you get from there is what they rip on on the show. And it's like hilarious. It's a very interesting place. And there's so much stuff about it that I could talk about. But the one weird thing is, and this is what I want to know. I want to know if people fuck in Portland. Because I have to say that, like, I found Portland to be the most unsaccharacterious. sexual place.

Like there was no sex vibe there. There was not, it wasn't, it was even like I didn't even like, like, you just don't even see like, like women don't stand out and men don't stand out. It's kind of like it's just people. Like there's, it's not like there's, isn't that thing where like women are like

sex objects and men love to fuck. Like you just don't get those sort of feeling emanating from people. I can't explain it. It's like you just get like people just being people. And maybe that's a good thing. And it probably is. Maybe those people are more evolved than people in New York. You know, people in New York are just so, like, fucking self-absorbed. And there's all that stuff going on here. And

everyone's just like egomaniacs. And everyone's looking at everybody. And girls are totally hot and guys are totally old. And, you know, and maybe we're like the less evolved. Because in Portland, you don't get any of that. You know, people are just there and they're just like people. And I was like, looking around. And I was like, I don't even know if these people have sex. So, and I want to know if they have sex. Um, because I didn't get that vibe. I got a really weird unsexual vibe there. What I'm going to do, though, I think, and I was thinking this on the plane right home,

that I think I'm going to post ads on Craigslist in Portland until I get some sort of sexually deviant person from there that will tell me the deal in Portland because I just don't think that it exists, but I'm dying to know. I did a little bit of Googling, and I did find some sex trafficking going on there, so maybe that's what goes on. I don't know, but I just want to know what the deal is with people in Portland.

So if you're in Portland, you're listening and you want to be on the show, email me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. If you don't live in Portland and you live anywhere in the United States or anywhere in the world, because I have a Skype number now, you could call into the show. Just email me first at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com and I'll have you on the show. If you live in Paris and you could recommend some good restaurants, email me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com because I'll be there for the holidays. And that's that. If you want to follow me on Twitter, follow me at Strict Anonymous, or follow me, my personal account on Twitter,

and that's Act Cartoon Therapy. Or buy my book. This week we're going to be, you're going to hear a lot about my book on the episode this week. I don't sort of want to go into it because you'll hear a lot about it on the call, but me and I have my friend on.

My friend John, who actually is the person that I go to advice for advice. Like you guys listen to me, giving people advice? Well, when I need advice, and trust me, I need advice all the time. Every time I date a fucking guy, I need a lot of advice. I'm not good at relationships. I call up my friend John, and I ask him for advice, and he's that guy. And so we do a whole call talking about my book and my guy stuff and my friend John and the advice is giving me. And so you find out a lot about me on this call, and I think that it's interesting and it turned out

great. So I'm airing that today. But if you want to buy my book, especially after you. you hear us talking about it, you could go on Amazon and get it. It's a Kindle ebook right now. I'm working to do a hard copy too, but I think I'm going to break it up into like part one and part two, part three, because it's a lot of short stories. It's like relationship gone wrong stories. There's a whole bunch of them, like 25, but I think I need to break it down. But it's like it's a really good book and you like it. It's like very funny. It's a cartoon book. It's a graphic novel, actually. I wrote it and I drew it and

illustrated it whatever you want to say. And it's available on Amazon. Like I said, it's an e-book, so it's only like $2.99. And I'd love for you to download it and buy it and read it and let me know what you think. Either send me an email at Strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or if you like it, write a review on Amazon.

The title is the cartoon misadventures of a total train wreck. Just put that in your search term in the search bar and you'll find it. And so tune in or stay tuned. I'll be right back on with my friend John giving me advice about guys.

Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story. and your anonymous name.

And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Okay, so hey John, you're on the air with me, Kathy. John is, let me just explain to the colors who John is. John, aka John, because John really is your name, right? You don't want to lie about your name, right? You're John. You know, I like my name.

Right. John, let me just tell you something about John. This is why he likes his name. Because John is, besides my father, because my father must be a narcissist, right? Because I'm just very attracted to narcissistic men. Mostly every man I'm friends with or date is a narcissist. And John is Captain Narcissist. Right?

Really, you are. I don't know about Captain. Well, I've given you the Narcissist quiz. You know what it said one day when I was Googling? It said, it's very easy. They used to have these really long-winded quizzes and questionnaires to find out if someone was a narcissist and they said really the best way to find out there is a quiz. And the best quickest way to find out is that you just have to ask someone one question

to find out they're a narcissist. And what it is is, are you a narcissist? That's the question you ask. Because most narcissists they found or 100% of them are actually, they brag about being a narcissist. John, right? Don't you love being? I call him NARSO and he calls me Narsi because he thinks I'm a narcissist. You're the worst of them all, but we'll get to that later. I'm bragged about it, but I admit that I am a narcissist. Right, and that's what they say. If you ever want to find out, you don't need to have the person take these big,

long-winded psychological evaluations. Just ask them if they're a narcissist. 99% of the nurses out there will actually cop to it because they're that narcissistic. That's why Narcy, John, aka Narcy, wants to be called John, you would never want to be somebody other than yourself. Most people who call into my... Right.

Now, most people who call into my show want to be anonymous. No, no matter what you say, you want to be you. Because you're self-absorbed and into yourself. But this is why I'm having John on the call because I'm trying to promote my book. Well, not trying to promote my book,

but I just put my book up on Amazon and I always talk to people about buying it. And I wanted John to be... Well, you were a co-host once. Not yet have I had you on with somebody else, but you told me that you want to be on again, and we're going to have you on more as a co-host when I have callers. But really who John is is, like I sit around and give people advice all day.

And really, who John is, he's the person that I call up for advice, guy advice, not any other life advice. Like, you're not good, by the way, just newsflash, John. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but you suck at anything else advice. or maybe you're just not interested in anything else. Like I find like you like my vapid, the vapid part of my life,

more interesting than anything. No, that's all you talk about. No, that's not true. You never ask me advice on anything else. Bullshit. I talk about when I've talked about my baby thing. Like I talk about really serious things. You're not interested in serious things.

They spook you out and freaks you out. You like to talk about petty nonsense. That's your favorite thing. It is. Even lay ordered. Exactly. And so John is the person that I come to for advice, guy advice. Guy advice.

Because you're sort of similar to most of the guys that I date. That's one reason. The second reason is you're kind of like a girl guy. You're like a guy that kind of analyzes. You know, that's what I call a girl guy. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't sound flattering. I know, but you are a girl guy.

You like to analyze. A, you're kind of. like a lot of the guys that I need. So you sort of know how to get into their head, you know. And so when they're playing games, you could sort of call them out on it or let me know what the inside scoop is. And, like, it kind of helped me play the game, even though I'm really not good at playing games. Am I? I mean, that's what you'll get.

No, not at all. You have all books that'll tell people that. Yeah, that's what my book is. My book is about, like, the tagline is like a bunch of love gone very wrong stories. And that's what basically it is. That's what John has had to sit through Our whole friendship, which is basically We've been friends since we're 17

And I'm like 45 now, so count those years I'd have to use a calculator to figure that shit out And John's seen me through every guy I mean, me and you have broken up as friends many times But like, did you miss any guys? I don't really know in the times that we have... No. Because that's when I'll typically call you back

And beg for you to be friends with me again When I need some guy advice. Like I'll usually... Usually they're kind of long and drawn out, so... What, the guys? I don't think I've missed any of them, yeah. Really? That's not true, long and drawn out.

What does that mean? It seems like it's the nice. Not at all. I'm listening to it. Oh, right, right. But like two weeks could be long and drawn out? Well, there could be 50 conversations about it, so yeah. Do you have a favorite?

If you had to pick out of my book, all the guys in the chapters and all the relationships that I've had, because they're all kind of crazy, really. Like, I mean, it says in my description, like, I've dated a distinct. hippie, like literally this guy smelled really bad and everybody knew about it and he didn't really care. He was like a dirty hippie. I dated him. I dated a guy who'd only put his dick in

halfway when he would have sex with me and that was like the truth. He would have put it in all the way. He was the strangest? Yeah, my favorite was the guy that was the heroin addict. Dick don't work. That's what I used to call him. I don't call him that in my book, but I call him that to my friends.

I like nicknames better than guys names. You know, obviously I don't know. Yeah, you're a nickname. I don't know what people's real name. So Dick Don't Work was your favorite? Was that the guy? Don't say his name. Okay. But just say this scenario. The guy that lived in Nashville, the record producer?

No, no, no. We're going back to years, years ago. Oh, Bonnie, the heroin addict. We could call him, Bunny. Sometimes he froze up. You're like, and he said small pupils that he's wet. I'm like, what are you? He can listen to me for hours. Yeah, this is the weird thing about me is because I always dated potheads.

I get along really well with potheads because, like, my mind thinks like a stone person naturally. And drug addicts because I think it takes, like, the edge off because I'm, like, high energy and I have, like, a big personality. And I guess maybe the average guy can't handle that or doesn't like it. Maybe. Is your north of this part coming out? No, I'm insulted. myself. I just said like the guys don't like it. You don't think so. You're saying it with a lot of brides.

No, I'm saying the guys don't like it. I'm trying to say something horrific in a confident way. Like it doesn't bother me. It is like, I guess, isn't that on there? What? You able to spin anything bad to look good about yourself? I don't know, but like what else might be do if I have a personality that men don't, men really don't like, most men wouldn't like my personality. in a relationship. Guys like it as a friend. They like it over the phone.

But do they like it every day in their face? I don't really. Not really. There's a certain kind of guy that does. Bunny was that guy. Bunny was... Because he was high on heroin. No, he's tried to come back

since he's kicked heroin. A million times have tried to get dating me. He just tried to date me like six months ago and I would never be with him. But no, it wasn't. He likes girls. He just likes very strong personality girls. There's a certain, I call it like a breed.

It's like a golden retriever, like you know one when you see one. There's a certain kind of guy that. Oh, God, weak. John talks in those terms weak, strong. You know, when John isn't really that strong. What I call John, and what I call a lot of guys is the man behind the curtain. He's a midget with a megaphone. You know, in The Wizard of Oz, when everyone's so afraid of this guy who's yelling and he's so mean,

and then they just find out he's just a fucking midget. They pull the curtain back and it's just a midget. with a megaphone. That's what I find that John is. A, John, you're that way. And B, I think a lot of guys that I've dated have just been midges with megaphones too. And for some reason, I give up my power to these midges.

So what are you trying to say? No, I'm just trying to say, you're all bark. You're all bark and no bite. Well, that's not true. No, that's totally true. That's not why we're such good friends because most people are afraid of John. They think he's really mean

and people are intimidated by him, and I could give a shit. Okay, and that's why we've always been friends, because I'm not afraid of you, because I grew up with a very mean dad. So I could get along with really mean men, and I realize that most mean men are just fucking babies. Like I said, midges with megaphone. So there's nothing to be afraid of when you meet a mean guy. You know what I mean?

Like, you're not even mean. You're like weak as far as I'm concerned. I think you're weak. You think I'm weak. I think you're weak. But let's get back to, my book and what we were talking about actually.

Why? So Bunny was it? Bunny is Bunny. That's his name in the book. I didn't change it because Bunny isn't his real name. So I didn't have to actually change his name. And he was a guy, yeah, that I had no clue was doing heroin. The whole time I was dating him. Because I had no idea. I don't remember you telling me.

But the thing is it was like, why would I think he's doing heroin? Like we were like partying all the time. He would do like literally one night. I remember he smoked weed, did quayludes, took ecstasy. and did cocaine and we were drinking all in one night and I never could give a shit. Like I never said, I wasn't doing all that stuff but I was just drinking, but I never said,

don't do that. I wasn't the girlfriend that would tell him he can't do this or that. So why would I ever think the big secret that he was hiding behind my back was that he was snorting heroin the whole time? I had no idea. And that was like right around the time that heroin became more mainstream.

You know, be right before, like two minutes before he started doing it. It was like, you know, when I grew up, Parrawin was something that only like homeless people did. You know, it was like really bad. It was very low class. And then it sort of got into mainstream. And right when he started doing it, it was like, he was like a 23-year-old young hipster in New York at the time.

And that's when people started to do it. And he was doing it. But I just didn't know that that was going on. And you think that's funny. I did. I knew. I kept telling you. Yeah, I probably didn't even listen.

I mean, do I really even listen to your advice? I call you for advice. all the time, but do I really listen, like, I don't know. It's just like, you know, I'm still going to do what I'm going to do. You know. Oh, you don't listen to me either. Well, you know that. Listen, you've listened to me talking about guys.

I have the amazing gift of repeating what you say. Right, you're a very good memory. But my book spans from my losing my virginity story all the way until I turned 40. John really picked up, like, with my relationships when I was like, you know, I would say 18 maybe or something. You missed some of the good ones in the beginning. You miss some of the good ones in the beginning that are in the book, but you also know of some in the end that aren't in the book. Because my book ends at 40.

And I've dated some winners and had some ridiculous stories since then that I haven't put into book form yet. I really want to do a cartoon book about the whole baby situation because that's still progressing. I'm going to Portland this weekend to meet my surrogate, because that's where I'm at. So that's a whole other book and a whole other story. and

but you miss some good ones but like I said you've been there for some good ones at the end or ones that aren't that good The what? Those only ones weren't as good as these shameful later ones Big deal

The guy crashed your car He's not even in the book I took that out Oh really? Yeah So he slept with your friend That had crashed your car Big deal That wasn't the same guy

One guy slept with my friend and one guy crashed my car. That was the deal. Yeah. I just had a slew of losers. Not even losers. I mean, some people were winners and I was a loser. You know, like attracts like. So if you're kind of messed up, you're going to meet messed up people, just the way that is. I hate to say it, John, but you had like one good relationship or three good relationships, like when you were young.

Turn on the attack. Yeah, but you've never had. You haven't had a good relationship in like 15, Snake. You haven't had a good relationship with like 15 years. so who are you to fucking talk? Like seriously. I want this call to be about my book, but I want it to be about guy-girl advice and how you advise me

and how you know how guys are. Like I think what I learned the most about guys like from you and what's hard though and sometimes what's hard vice versa with you listening to me and me listening to your advice is that men and women are just so different.

You know what I mean? Like I think... That's what I understand better than you. I constantly tell you. What you think is logical has nothing to do. Guys are not as deep as you. They do not analyze anything. It's all just basic shit.

Not even that. They're not even thinking when they do do things that are complicated, but there's no thought behind it. No, but there's not a lot of thought behind it. No, no, there's not a lot of planning. Right. There's not a lot of planning and stuff, so it's hard. But it's not that men aren't complicated.

It's just that, Men don't talk as much as women or they don't want to. I mean, I don't know. What's the deal? What's my problem? Do I have a problem? I don't know. How long is this podcast go?

I'm not going to do it for too long because this is just like one that I did like with Tommy. I just wanted to be about a good topic about men and women. I figure we'd start off talking about my bucket and we'd get into other stuff. I don't know. Well, okay, because that would take hours. About my problems? No, like, listen. I mean, I have issues of the relationships because, you know, I try, I think, you know, as women and even men, like, you know, men like look for their mothers and date their mothers or whoever it was dysfunctional in their life.

And women do the same. And my dad must have been like a selfish, narcissistic, you know, sort of pigish dude because let me tell you, that's the kind of guy I'm attracted to, you know, and powerful, powerful, narcissistic, selfish. you know, unfaithful guys. That's like my, that's like my guy. That's like what I date a lot of the time. Doesn't mean that I don't like nicer guys in that. I have met nicer guys, but they're like not available. But what I seem to attract and what I seem to stick around with a lot of the time has been these typical dudes.

But I think a lot of girls are like that because a lot of guys are like that. You're a narcissist. I mean, you know, you're a narcissist. You're selfish. you're a pig I don't know if I would say that I'm a pig Right well Are we gonna get into your whole sex life? I don't think you want to

There's certain Subjects here that we were not gonna touch you Am I Greg? I thought you'd be interesting to talk about Because we would talk about me but Being that you're like the biggest narcissist that I know NARSO I can't help but keep going back to you And you're fucked up

relationships and the fact that you haven't had a relationship and like... Yeah, I hate when you start bringing this crap up. Why? Talk about this. I told you. At this point, I know what? We'll do it. You want to do it? You'll either do it.

Yeah, what are you going to tell me? I'll tell you, like I told you, at this point in time, the only thing left is the bottom of the barrel garbage. Anything good has been picked up. All there is is women will. way too much baggage. It's not even worth it.

Okay, but do you think that maybe you just saying that means that you have baggage, too? Well, I don't have a whole slew of kids or anything else. No, I don't have as much baggage as them. So every girl that you meet now that you're older, because, John, you're how old? How old are you? That doesn't matter.

Oh, yeah. Besides John being a narcissist, he's like, I've got body dysmorphic. He's like a psychotic, like a gym rat, but in his basement, like he doesn't actually go to the gym. He works out like a fiend and, you know, he's very into his body and he's very into age. When he was like 40, he had like a midlife crisis because of his age and he dated like an 18 year old. And this is what's so fucked up. Okay, 35, 40, whatever. You were reaching for, you were close to 40 and you were flipping out about your age.

And so you dated a really young girl thinking that she. she'd make you young and all she did was age you. I don't know why guys think this. I don't know why older men think. Shush! I'm making a point. I don't know why older guys think that dating younger. I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone younger or someone older,

whatever you're into. But if you're doing it because you think that that person is going to make you younger by association, that's where you're dead wrong. When I would see you guys together, she made you look older. When I see older men with their really younger girlfriends, like a 50-year-old with a 25- or 30-year-old, like they don't, that doesn't make the guy look good. It makes the guy look old. And same thing vice versa.

When I like the 25-year-old for my gym, I hated standing next to him. Like I never felt more old or more my age when I was with him. So I think it just is the opposite. So people could date whoever they want and whatever. For me, I don't really like it because I think you would only, shows your age more. And the person who's older, whether it's the woman or the man,

just looks older. You dated that young girl to be young and to hold on to your youth. No, this is where you think, to me. I dated that young girl because she was hot with a huge set of tinnies. Yeah, they were real.

And they were real. They were real. And you'll even admit it yourself, she was smoking hot. She was, yes. Okay, so you were 35, and you dated. an 18 year old because she was hot.

So you were a pig. Well, I'd rather be a pig than be a guy playing to looking for something to make me young. I still thought I was young. Right, because you're like immature, right. But that went horribly wrong. And ever since that relationship, you haven't had a relationship. You really haven't.

It's been too long that relationship. But you dated her for five years and ever since said you've never dated anybody since. I don't take care of myself, so I don't really need any. everybody else. Right. Every guy I know that's got a girl is miserable and sick of her, but they're stuck with them because they split all the chores and the bills and everything.

Mm-hmm. I don't know one guy that's happily married. Okay, I'm not saying that you need to get married. And every one of them tells me I'm the, every married friend I have tells me I'm the smartest person they know. Because? Because I wasn't stupid enough to get stuck. pitch to some loser. Right.

You don't think that there's a happy medium or something different? No, I haven't met any. I wish I could say I'm a couple of married friends, but I don't. Even the ones you know, me and you both know that we don't, we're happily married, and the end turned out to be miserable. Right, but I'm not just talking about marriage. I mean, you don't have to get married to have a good relationship. You had a relationship once when we were younger, and it was a great relationship,

and it lasted five years, and it was... Why do these relationships? that I had that with good relationships because I wouldn't get married. That's why that relationship is the right, but now you're both like almost 50 and you're both single and alone. You should have gotten married.

I've heard you a more than one occasion cry about how you wanted to get married. I've never cried about wanting to get married. You're out of your mind. I've cried about wanting a boyfriend. Never have I ever cried about getting married, okay? You really have ever heard me? talking about that. I've anti-marriage my whole life, not anti-it, but I'm just never been into it. And you know

that. I've cried about wanting a boyfriend, wanting like a partner. I like, as social as I am and as easy as it is for me to be alone, I like male companionship. I like to have, obviously, if you read my book, I go from one guy to the next, like, I like to be doing business with men, you know, I like to be working through my stuff. I think relationships are important to have because you learn and you grow from them. I like men. I like falling for someone. I like liking them. I like the story. Like, I like all of it, you know, so I don't like to be alone for too long a period of time because I don't think it's A healthy and B, I don't think that you learn anything. And not to say, I mean, I've been single for a while. I mean, I dated. I had Dr. Guy who I dated recently and before him I had

the guy that I was doing the baby thing with and that was a whole thing. So I always have something going on, you know. Right now I have nothing. But I did have things and I like to have things. Guys. Yeah, see, that's the woman talking about. All I need is steady, pussy and I'm happy.

Right, but you don't even have steady pussy. Well, right now it's a bit of a dry spell. Right. But yeah, women and men have different needs. A man could just get a, a buy by like screwing a different person. But I think, you know, like for me, I could have, like right now I could have sex whenever I need it with somebody, but I can't have that relationship because it doesn't work with what I'm doing. And that sucks for me. But I, you know, I feel fulfilled

in the other things that I'm doing so it's okay. But it was hard. When I was dating that doctor guy, it reminded me how much I like to like somebody. Like I liked liking him. I liked having someone to do things with, especially somebody that we like to do the same things. Like it was like fun, you know, and I had to give it up because it wasn't the right time for me to have somebody because I'm focused on other things and it didn't work out. But it reminded me of what I have to get back to when the time is right because I think, at least for me, I love that feeling of having somebody in your life that you like. I think that it's really nice and you learn from it, you know. He taught me a lot and I only dated him for a short time. I look

at everything that I've ever done with anybody as important and meaningful and worth it. Like I don't have any regrets. I don't look back at any relationship that I ever had in that book or anything that's happened since as something bad. I look at it as like I'm so grateful for my last relationship. This guy came into my life. He we call him Dr. Guy. And he taught me a lot. He was like a sample of what I needed to remember exists and what I need to go looking for. when I'm ready for something and, you know, who I really am and what I'm actually attracted to. And I needed that because I had a string of men who weren't the right guy for me and I was so mesmerized by them. I was trying to twist myself into a pretzel and be someone different.

Whereas this guy came in and reminded me of like, no, this is my type. I like a totally different type, you know. So it was great. Didn't work out. Was it meant to be? But who cares? Because it taught me a lot. Isn't that a great thing?

So I'm like so grateful for that relationship if that's what you want to call it. Do you know what I mean? And you don't have any of those. And I think that it's important. I think it's important to have things, whether it's two months or two years or 20 years, you learn and you grow from things and you need that and it's good. But I think that people don't have it because they're afraid of the pain or all that stuff that goes through it. And it's just like, you know, yeah, it was kind of sucked when I have to end things with any guy.

But you get over and you get past it. And, you know, once you get over and you get past it, if you have the balls to put up with the pain and go through it, when you get on the other side, it's like if you're evolved enough and you can realize it, it's like everything happens for reason and it's a good thing. And you do grow and learn. This is so boring to you, isn't it? I'm both. No one. I'm just listening to you. You're just listening.

But, I mean, you don't have any of these experiences. Like, you don't have a book with 80 people in it. And I don't think that that's a good thing. I don't think it's a good thing to be alone for so long, you know, because what happens is you become really rigid and you think that, like, you, in your mind, you think of relationships, you think this isn't good and that's good and you see it all from in your head. But what you forget is that relationships don't play out in your mind. They play out in every other part of your body. And that's the amazing things. Like, you, the relationships play out in your heart. They play out in your cock.

Like, they play out in every, like in your stomach. Like, you get excited. excited when you see somebody and you feel horny for them and you have great sacks and then you fall for them and you feel emotional like it's like it feels good all over your body like relationships it's not going to be like in your mind like how you think it but you don't even remember that because it's been so long yeah this is an example what's different between men and women all this dribble that you're babbling here is every guy that's probably listening to agree with me just some hot bitch and some sex and a if they leave and he don't even got to deal with them afterwards.

It's so much better than all this nonsense through your whole body that you're talking. But I guess this is the difference between men and women. And you're probably so right. Because if these words came out of my mouth, it would reek of weakness. I was telling you how it feels so good in my heart and the excitement in my stomachs like butterflies when I see there. People would think I was a sausage farmer making comments. that's like that. Oh my gosh, you're so funny.

Oh, I'm sickening. Just don't think for that. No, okay, but I just have to tell you, some guys some guys like relationships. Maybe in a different way, but what I'm trying to say is, like, you think it's like in your mind, it's just like all this

terrible stuff. You had relationships at one time. Maybe what the problem here is, in your mind, you think it's so good, and I'm right. Because you're such an This is this. And might I add, you're the worst gym rat in the mall. Okay?

Dealing from back earlier. You're the worst gym rat of the mall. Worse than me. What do you mean trying to keep my body in shape? I'm talking about men. You are constantly still to this day honking me about diet and weight with them. Just so, because I just want to keep my body to look at. You failed to mention that.

Oh, I'll admit that. I don't know if your listeners have ever seen. No, they don't know any. No, I don't. any pictures. You got a sick body. Because I trained with NARSO when I was very young. You and me were partners for two years

and I drilled everything I do into you. Yeah, because I didn't believe you. Numerous trainers and all of them have been a joke. Yeah, no, everything you taught me, the basics, the bread and butter of weightlifting like a dude

for me has kept my body in amazing shape at my age and it's all because of what you taught me absolutely and I somehow I believe that the only reason you look good is me is that narcissistic or am I right? Yeah because it's not like

you went to the gym for me every day I've been going to the gym for 20 years okay that's me by myself I go I probably go more than you do okay but that's but this is the difference is I don't know there have been times of my life like the whole time I was trying to have a baby myself I couldn't go to the gym for like a year

and when I had an operation I couldn't go to the gym for a year like I could totally slack off and not go to the gym. I just know that... After 20 to 25 years of training, you're allowed to slack a year here and there, but you'll always go back to it. I guarantee you'll right up until you're done, you'll still be training. I like working out.

Like, I literally, it was a couple years ago that I really thought to myself like, oh, you know what? Like, I actually enjoy working out. Not enjoy it like, oh, I'm like so excited to go to the gym workout, but like, there's something very gratified. Like, I like to do hard things and I like to push myself. physically especially and I have a lot of energy. It's just the way that I'm built.

So that gets it out for me. Like I, that doctor guy that used to always try to get me to go do yoga with him and my friend some girlfriends have tried. And like that doesn't really work for me. Not yet. I think at some point in my life it will. But right now I still, no, you don't know. I think it's like really good.

I like to meditate to get in a Zen state. That's good for my mind. But physically, I like. to move, like I need to push myself hard physically. And yoga, not that yoga isn't hard. It's just not the right pace for me. I like weight training. I like lifting weights.

I like pushing myself to do hard things. It's very challenging and I actually enjoy it. I really do. And the good news is it also changes your brain chemistry. It makes you feel fucking great. And it makes you look good. It really does. So it has like added benefits.

like a true narcissist. You think that that's narcissistic that I want my body? Yeah, and also, what drives us most is we don't want to look bad. Because if you're used to looking good, that's just the way that it goes. People treat you, like, not people. Well, you know, as a woman, yes, you get treated differently if you look good than if you look bad. I don't think that that's the same with guys. But, you know, if you're used to looking good, you always want to.

You're scary looking. No, but you do want to look good. If you're used to having a good body, it's like, you know, you're used to having a good body. it's like it's hard to give that up and say oh who cares very difficult very very difficult i was always known to have a good body and i still want to have that good body so i do whatever it takes to have that good body one of my biggest fears was getting pregnant because i was going to lose my body but that was fine with me like i was like okay i'll lose it and then i'll work out and i'll get it back you know and that's what i'll do and it didn't work out for me and now somebody else is having my baby so i don't have to ruin my body but i was

going to you know i'm not that narcissistic that i wasn't going to i try everything You're crying about that. No, but I tried everything I could and I would have and I would have gotten back in shape. I would have. I love a challenge. There's nothing more. No doubt in my mind you wouldn't have gotten back in shape. I would have, right?

Yes. Because I like a challenge and if I'm going to, if I would do it no matter how hard it was until I got back in shape, you know, and that would be the deal. But I do like to work out. But the relationship. There's no picture of you in your book? No. It's all stick.

figures. I don't let anybody know. Like, I don't have my right name, like my pen name on my book, my name on my podcast. It's all anonymous. And I think that it's good that way. There's no reason to put real names and real faces to anything. In a weird way, I think that it's good to be, like my cartoon book is like a cartoon character. Most people will never hear this podcast, so they won't hear the backstory. They won't even know that it's true because I pitched this book as like you know made-up stories but basically the most of them that's all real it's just that i can't say that it's totally real because i'm just doing this out of my memory you know and i changed everybody's names but i couldn't make this shit up but i say that i made it up only because who cares

about my life i'm not going to say it's a memoir you know what i mean yeah most of it's true it's all true but it can i mean you know it's all conversation actually actually everything is all pretty accurate even if it's off memory because well your memory might be not very very that good. Mine is excellent. I remember all these terrible stories like it was yesterday. Exactly. So you could read through my book because I don't think you ever have it.

I've read some of it. Right, and you could let me know if there's things in there that aren't right. But to you with your relationships, I personally think that you haven't had a relationship for too long and it's not a good thing. And I think that you should force yourself to

date other people. You don't have to get married. I don't necessarily buy into that whole thing. That's usually what women want to lead to. What, marriage? Yes. Yeah, but you don't have to. I mean, you know. That's when they get mad, but I don't want to.

Right, when you have a long-term relationship. But now that you're older, if you meet someone older, I think that that happens when you're younger. Everyone has that vision and the thing. Most likely, you know, the people that you'd be meeting have been married and done that, and they all have the same view that you have. most people that have been married once or twice they don't want to get married anymore

so I think you're actually at the best age to date with people that don't want to get married it's worse when you're 25 or 30 because everybody's starry-eyed but the unfortunate part is I don't fit in with the people my age right you want someone way younger no I don't fit in with a woman my age what you're going through her change

to make her grandchildren. I mean, I'm still playing with cars and motorcycles and stuff. Right. Well, you could get like a 35-year-old or a 37-year-old that's been married. But they've been married. No, they're the ones who want to get married. 37, 38?

Yeah. Not if they've been married already. Yeah, the desperate 30s. Oh, the desperate 30s. Okay. Yeah, John secretly hates women, so he likes to say, like, bad things about women.

Not true. Okay. I know, I think that you do have, like, a little bit of a hatred for women, and you like to, like, go off on about the age thing and women really bad. When, you know, like, men get old, too. Just like women are old at 40, men are old at 50. Aren't you there? Aren't you there yet?

I'm not sure. Okay, exactly. So, you know, just like the old thing happens to everybody. You like to make it a bigger deal than it really is. you're old. I'm not into that whole age thing like, oh, I'm a little. I'm a young at heart is a better way of putting it. But, you know,

I don't have anything in common with a woman age. I have nothing in common with it. Okay, so, you know, so find yourself a 37-year-old. That's fine. But you just need to get out of, like I said, you need to get out of your house to do that. You're never going to do that at Martha, at the store

or in your, you know, your house gym by yourself. You'd have to go online. I would think that you should do online dating. You've been saying it for a while. Yeah, I think you should do it. Not even like, listen, I don't think like the end-all beale is to meet somebody that you're going to spend the rest of your life with.

Just meet someone that you spend a year with to start off or two years or five months or six years, you know, something. Everybody goes into everything thinking they have to spend the rest of their life with someone, which is like retarded. And then people like analyze too much because they think, could I be with this person forever? why not just say can I be with this person for a year or you know for whatever like you know it doesn't have to be so serious

but then if you really like them and you feel really good in your heart you can stay with them if I feel the butter flies swelling and I want to write poems yeah I feel just love swelling in my heart it's overflowing oh my God I feel like deleting that out of the podcast it's so corny now that I you think about it like there's

A lot of times a lot of my girlfriends will be like, why doesn't my guy write me and why didn't he say this? And I'd be like, why don't you date a girl? Because basically what you're saying is like, you had a guy. No, but I was just doing the same thing. I was saying the same thing. Well, you are a girl. I know. That's what happens.

We're girls. We think like guys are the same way. Like we are. On the basis of my advice all these years to you is that what you're thinking is not what guys are thinking. I know, but that's the problem. Like, you know, I think that's one of the one of the ones. the biggest problems with me because sometimes I'm super cool in a certain way and guys think like oh she's so

great she's like a guy you know what I mean but I'm not really a guy I'm a girl and then if I act like a girl they're like what the fuck is that you know I mean why are you acting like a girl and it's like well because I am a girl a relationship does happen in other parts of my body what

where you're with girls that everything is so cool they're just like a guy and you forget and you start treating them like your girlfriend that all of a sudden you realize there's something will happen you realize they're still women. Yeah, I'm still a girl. But the way that my girl thing comes in is I like to be treated like a girl. You know what I mean?

Even though I could be a guy like in certain ways, I'm still a woman. And that's why for a woman like me, it's hard to find a guy that makes me feel like a woman. But there's a certain kind of guy that totally knows what to do with me and totally makes me feel like a woman and totally gets that I'm like a girl guy kind of thing, you know? But it's just a certain kind of dude. It's the type of guy that likes women like that. You like women like that. Yeah, unfortunately I don't.

Yeah, and the thing that I always say about guys like you or any guy that likes women like that, there are so many women out there that need guys like you. Like there's a like women like me or like the ones that you like, they don't have anybody to like them. They're fishing out of a smaller pond. So for somebody like you, for a fish out of that pond to get out of the water and say, I'm not like available anymore. That's like not good for the women that need you because there's like a lot of women out there that no other man would be able to deal with and you'd work with her fine. And women like that need guys like you because there's not a lot of them.

So being off the market is not serving people well, narso. You stop being so narcissistic and go help some, you know, bitch with a big mouth because that's what you like. You like strong women. I'm good with, I'm good with strong women. They react very well with me. Right. So that's what you need. You need to find that.

And that girl, there's a strong woman out there that is having issues and can't find a guy that understands her and is cool with her and allows her to be that way. You know, because that's hard to find. And you're that guy. And so she needs you to find her. That's the way that it goes. But you sit at home, cleaning your bathroom. talking on the phone with your girlfriends, half of them are trash.

I'm the only one that's not because I don't live there. Funny, I was womping you in that group, but... No, okay. And, you know, you need to get out and go meet some people. I think you should just do online dating. It's just an easy way to do it. I met my doctor guy on there. You get it for it.

I did. And I hate online dating. I just went out with them at the time, I think, because I thought he was. cute it was just like one of those things you know and um I mean it's just

it's just a quick way to meet people and everyone does it so it's like when you're older and you're not going out to bars and stuff it's a great way to meet people so you should try it I think you should try it yeah to go out and help listen no I don't mean damaged women with strong personalities are not damaged

they're just strong personalities and you know that says on damage You want to throw in strong personality damage, that's fine. Yeah, you don't want to. I get along with damage too, though. No, no, no, no. No, you're wrong. You're attracted to damage.

You don't get along with it. All you do is complain about it. That's where your bitterness comes. So don't even say that that's what you get along with. That's what you attract out of dysfunction, but it's not what you like and what you like to settle down with. What you need is good crazy. There's bad crazy and there's good crazy.

You like crazy, but you need good crazy. Okay, and that is not damaged. You can't have damage because then you get too analytical about it and you're not into it. So no, you don't need, you just need to, you like a, you like a tough girl, you like a strong girl, you like an opinionated girl, you like a, you know, you like all those things. Like I said, you know, that kind of woman that a lot of guys wouldn't like, but she doesn't need to be damaged. She shouldn't be damaged.

I mean, listen, everyone's going to have their things. but you don't want any more of the damage that you've had in the past. You've had some pretty bad, you know, you always dated strippers. Yeah, we got to shy away from them to strippers. Oh, God. I mean, does that even exist? That's so like 1987. You know.

I don't even know any strippers anymore. They're all too old. Right, but I'm saying you used to always be attracted to that damage and stuff. That doesn't work for you. The girl that you had your best relationship wasn't a stripper. She was your best friend. She was great. You had a lot of respect for her.

She was really smart. You need another one of those. and she was difficult for everyone but me to get along with it exactly because you allowed her to be fully her because you respect women like that so that's a good thing some girl out there no the thing i found with powerful and smart women the easiest way to get along with them

is you have to be honest they're way too smart that the minute you lie you set something off in them and they turn vicious and don't trust you know as long as you're brutally 100% honest, they have nothing to fight with you about. Totally true. Because I'm one of those. I mean, I really am. Yeah, you are one of those.

I either need to date somebody that's like completely void of anything, you know, sort of deviant inside because or be completely honest because I know everything, I see through everything. And once you start

fucking lying and you're trying to, like it doesn't work with me. It sets off the question. I think it has to do with because they want to believe you, but they know deep down your line and that just makes the craziness come out. Totally 100%. That's what happened with the doctor guy. He was like seeing so many other people and, you know, it was just so obvious.

And at first it was like subtle things and stuff and I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it, you know? And at one point he said, like, you're just so critical of me. Like you're always so, and I was like, you know what? You're fucking right. And I was being critical of him. But I was being critical of him because I was like sort of like, sort of like, like, like, you know, looking at him like I want to date this guy

and yet he was being such an asshole and certain, you know, just doing stuff that I would never date. And so there was that conflict, you know what I mean? So I was being critical, but really what I should have done is I shouldn't have been with this person. You know what I mean? I wasn't approving of who he was or what he was doing. And instead of like getting the fuck out of there, I was getting to be a nag. And nobody wants to be that way, you know. But that's where the conflict comes in because you're seeing things.

and you don't like it, but you don't want to leave the guy as the woman. So you stay, and then you either go crazy or you become a nag or you become critical. And like, none of that works. Who wants to date that shit, you know? And I don't want to be that way. The brutal honesty is the best thing you've seen at work for me time and time again over years. I'll tell the truth. I can't even be bothered lying.

It's just, it's too difficult. It's just these women can see through you, especially if you gravitate towards ones that are smart. In a minute they can read your line. They can tell by you know, you're looking at the floor or something. Women are good at picking up on everything. Yeah, exactly. But most men aren't honest and that's the hard thing. So yeah, that's what you have to do. So you have to go make it your new year year's resolution. We're at like 50 minutes, so I'm going to end this call. Make it your new year's resolution to go back out there

and get, you know, a big mouth, 50 year old. Okay, 39 year old woman that can't get a boyfriend and go date her. Don't marry her. Just date her. And be honest and make her happy. Well, all easy to be honest. You just say the truth. You don't have to put any thought into any lies or anything. That's the biggest problem. Everyone knows what could feel out of liar. Everyone what? Everyone could feel out a liar, especially women. Women are very good at judging if you're lying. And they save it in the memory bank. You might not hear about it. on the spot or a week later or two weeks later but it's saved they'll come up later on that's true once it's very it's poison what it is it's toxic and poison for a relationship it really is once

you lose trust with a girl it's like really not good so i think it's good listen some people aren't smart enough or they're just not they're not smart enough some people aren't looking for things they don't you know they're very trusting in nature but you know um so they don't really like because I think a lot of guys lie and they get away with it. Yeah, but you see, this is where you're saying, oh, some people are trusting those aren't the type of women that are strong and powerful and voiced their opinions. Trustful.

Those are the meek women that don't trust and believe nonsense and bullshit. Right, right. And that's what I'm not attracted to. Right, right. That's why you go perfect with the type of woman you're attracted to. You're just not out there alone. and you need to be. New Year's resolution.

And then you're going to be my co-host sometimes, so we'll talk about it when you're finally fucking dating somebody. You'll have something to talk about. I mean, really. You don't want to hear about what I was planning on cooking? No, it's boring, Martha. It's every day. It's like I'm doing this. I'm making lunch and, like, you know, who the fuck cares?

Just like you. I like, go take care of me. Okay, but, right, if you had a girl, she'd take care of you. Wouldn't that be nice? Have a girl. No, who better could do it than me. Okay, well, what about her giving you a blowjob when you're done?

Well, that's the only reason to have the girlfriend. Exactly, but you don't have that now, so Martha just goes home alone. Martha's already home. You previously said it was a homebody. Well, you go home from the store, you go to the store, you go home, you go to work, you go to the, you know, like you do, it's like Groundhog Day your life. Does Martha and your three people, you know, you're Martha, your, you're, your, Martha, your, your, narcissist and you're John but you're not like you know

you need to be getting blow jobs from you know a girl okay right you never got blown by a tranny right no we're even fined a tranny I don't live in New York City uh no I have friends in New Jersey I have guys that I know that that screwed trannies in other states

you can find trannies anywhere anyway listen I have to pack because I'm going away for a long weekend I'm going to Portland sometimes I think to myself like you had like I remember once when I was going to Nashville actually to meet this guy that I was dating he's in my book I remember thinking like like how did I ever wind up here going to Nashville it just was like not someplace I ever thought I'd ever want to go ever and I have to say I loved Nashville Nashville is a very cool town way cooler than you would expect if you've never been there

like I loved it it was a great experience but I was like you know how did I wind up here that's how I feel about Portland I don't know what to expect I don't know how I mean you know, I know how I wound up going there, but in my life, if you would have told me five years ago that I'm going to wind up going to Portland, I'd be like, you're out of your mind. And here I am. I got a pack for Portland. I have to go, and this is the podcast.

I'm going to air it. It's just me and you talking about, I don't even know what we fucking talked about on this call, but, you know, hopefully it'll be interesting. And you'll be back on as my co-hosts in the future, and hopefully you'll be dating somebody so we could talk about it. Sure. Okay.

You go. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show.

show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now.

And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is,

email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about? to anyone, to anyone?

Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous.