Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 063 - "Melissa" from Brazil is Having Trouble with her Guy

Episode Date: March 1, 2015

Melissa from Brazil is having major issues with the guy she likes and she calls in looking for advice. Her guy is unfortunately a total commitment phobe and he's been acting weird from the get go. She's continued to sleep with him on and off for a couple of months hoping he will change but, he's still not interested in having a relationship. It's a typical case of a girl who likes a guy, who is totally unavailable. Tune in to hear advice on how to deal wiht this common situation and a lot more about dating guys in general. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

With real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and check. Here are your hosts Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to doing on this podcast of Kathy.

Today I might have a co-host because I have a girl calling and I'm very excited. I never have girls call in. She's actually a listener of the show. And so I might, if she wants, if she's looking for, you know, because of course she's asking about a guy. And I have a guy friend of mine named John who's been on the call, I think, on the show, who I always ask for guy advice when I have a neat guy vice. So I'm going to ask her if like, well, we're talking if she wants some guy by

I'll call him up and put him on the call too. She's got a whole long-winded sort of situation with the dude, which I'm not going to get into now because we'll just get into it on the call. It's not totally like risque kind of a thing. It's kind of like a normal problem that I think a lot of people have. I mean, I know I've had it with a million guys, and it just is what happens when you're dating. Dating sucks.

She thinks it has to do with being in New York, but I think it just has to do with dating in this time period. It's just things are very different. So I'll be back on with her Like I didn't do my intro if you want to follow me on Twitter Follow me at Cartoon Therapy or At Strict Anonymous Subscribe to the podcast

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it doesn't come out for like two or three hours sometimes later. So you get the podcast earlier and you'll always be on top of like the new episodes, which come out every Sunday. If you want to buy my book, I wrote a book. It's a cartoon book, basically stick figures. They're laugh out loud, love gone very wrong stories. The book is called, I think I said the wrong title last time. It's called the cartoon misadventures of a total train wreck.

And it's on Amazon. It's an e-book. So it's a really easy, it's a cheap. It's like 299, and it's a very easy read. You could either read it from front to back, like from the beginning to the end. It's like basically by losing my virginity story up until I'm 40 in every relationship and all the nonsense that goes on in between. Or if you don't want to, like, you know, do that, it's like a chapter kind of book thing.

Like, you know, each story and each chapter has the beginning and middle and an end. So you could just like open up to the middle of the book and read any chapter you want, really. If you want the whole life story, you could read from beginning to end. If you just want one quick story here or there, you could do it. that. It's like a great bathroom book, even though it's not a hard cover book that you can keep in your bathroom. You could take your iPad into the bathroom with you. And to me, it's like a bathroom book or a coffee table book because, like I said, it is an easy read. But it's also people that have read it from front to back, like, you know, for the whole thing, really love it too. You get something

even more out of it if you read it that way. So that's on Amazon and it's called the Cartoonist Avengers of a Total Trainwreck. The girl that's calling in, we're calling her Melissa, which is kind of funny because she's from Brazil. So I expect her to have a hardcore Brazilian accent. So obviously her name really isn't Melissa. But we're calling her Melissa and she's from Brazil and she's got like an issue with her guy. She's a listener of the show. She was like Googling and found my show and then figured she'd call in because she's having some dating advice. Like I said, she thinks it's a New York thing. I think it's just a fucking guy thing or like a, you know, 2015 thing. So I'll be right back on with Melissa.

Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hi, is this Melissa?

Hi, it is. Hi, Melissa. How are you? I'm good and you. I'm good. So I didn't read, I already did the intro to this show. I didn't read your whole email. I kind of forgot about all the details in it, which is good because I like to do my calls sort of like without knowing the situation because it's a whole long-winded sort of situation with a dude that you're dating. I also have, and I don't know if like you're into this, but I have a guy friend of mine who I always call for advice. His name is John. I did an episode with him. So if we get into it and you want some guy advice, we could always call him and get him in. on it, but we'll just talk first, and that's up to you. I didn't know. Like, I used to have a guy co-hosts on the show all the time, but now

I do it on my own. But if you're looking for a guy's opinion on this, eventually, we could always call him and get him in on the conversation, too. It's up to you. Yeah, that'll be cool. Okay, cool. So tell me the story. So you're dating a guy, and, like, tell me what, like, was going down that you're calling about.

Okay, so I know this guy for, like, he was around for, like, a long time for a year. He was always, he's a friend of my friend. And she actually met him on Tinder. Like, that's how they met. They went out together.

They, like, made out, but ended up being friends. And then... How old are you and how old is he? I'm 27. He's 29. Okay, so your friend met him on Tinder. They kind of fooled around a little bit, but nothing worked out between them. I wasn't sure.

So something like I was like, oh, okay, so maybe they have something. I don't know. And I wouldn't look for my friend's guy, you know? Of course, right, totally. So how did it change over, switch over? Yeah, so my friends start dating, like real dating. Like, she moved in with this guy also right now. So at the time she told me, oh, I know this guy, I don't know if I should make up a man name for him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's call. What are we going to call him? I don't know. Do you call him whatever you want? You want to call him, douche, bag or you want to call him Joe? Yeah, it can be Joe. Okay.

I don't want to call him names. Okay. I'm not sure. Okay. So anyway, so she said, oh, so Joe is saying that we could, he wants to go out with us tonight, and he's like saying this, this and this. I was like, oh, okay, fine. And just ask him to go with us.

And then she said, yeah, and he told me that he wants me to find him. I'm a girlfriend. Okay. And I was like, wait, don't you guys have something? She was like, no, no way. Like something, we are just friends and have a lot in common, but like never, it was always like just friendship. I was like, oh, okay.

But then I didn't think anything. And then later than I actually went out and everybody was there. And we started talking way more. It was like very natural and it is not something that I look for it or it just happened. And then we started talking, and then everybody laughed because my friend actually got very wasted. Right. She had to leave. And there was me and him at the bar.

And then he looked at me and he was like, where are you going? I was like, oh, I need to go there. He was like, oh, let's see the cab. And I was like, oh, okay. We got into the cab and then I started talking, like, whatever, like I was drunk. Like dirty things, whatever. He said, well, so you can come this way or it can go. doctors in me. And then I look at him. I was like, oh my gosh, do I want to do this? And I was like right on

there. Like I wasn't expecting at all. I was like, well, okay, whatever. And then I went there. To his house. It was like his apartment? Yeah. I was like, we split the cab because like it was close. Like we were on the east side and I had to go to the west side and I was going to take this subway. So I just took like the cross town cab with him. It would be easier for me. So anyway. I went there with no expectations. Actually, my friend told me, like, bad stuff about him before. Like, oh, he has, like, a small dick or whatever. It was weird.

So I had this whole weird images of him. But it was, like, so long without nothing. I was like, oh, whatever. I'm just going to go. And when I went there, I, like, seriously, it was, like the bad sex of my whole life. Really? And it's not that I don't have sex a lot. I do have sex a lot.

that I had multiple partners before, and that was, like, amazing. I just, like, we didn't actually talk anything, but, like, you know, when the connection is there and the person knows. Yeah, that's, listen, that's called chemistry, right? And, like, honestly, with chemistry, because I typically, like, a guy that's more well-hung, but if I have amazing chemistry with someone, it doesn't matter. Like, it doesn't matter if they're small or big or, like, anything. Like, if you have that really intense chemistry where it's just, like, like, I think

you said this in the email where you could like read each other's mind especially sexually like you just everything that you do it just flows and it's you're just like on the same page that's like chemistry and that like nothing you don't need those like he doesn't need to be well hung or whatever you know it doesn't need to it doesn't make sense most of the time exactly and like for me like I don't even know if I can say that like I don't I don't look at him like this like oh he has a small or big I don't know it's just like more than that and also because like I I I would say that I have like a weird taste for sex. And he has a weird taste for sex.

Right. Well, what do you mean by weird taste? Right. Like you're on the same. Like sexually you guys are wired the same way. Which I think is that always helps the chemistry. And that is like, that's a really good thing when you find somebody who's like, like, mind is like dirty in the same way your mind is.

Exactly. Like he likes to do stuff that I like to get. And I like to give him stuff that he likes to. Like what? Do you want to be specific about that? or you don't have to if you don't want to be? Sure. Like, for example,

like, I mentioned in the email. I don't know if you read it. I read the whole email. Yeah, I read, like, I knew beforehand that he had, like, he was kind of bisexual. I don't know if he calls himself that. And we actually end up kind of talking after that.

And said that he had experience before, but he's, like, sure that he's not into guys. Right. But that is a mistake. mean that he doesn't like to be stimulated in the area. By a guy? No, I mean. Oh, in his ass.

In his ass. Yeah, he doesn't like, he doesn't like, he doesn't like to be with a guy, but doesn't mean that he doesn't want, he doesn't want to, he likes the girl to stimulate the area. Yeah, his guy. Right, right. His asshole. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

And so you like, like, like, a guy that likes that because you like to do that. Yeah. Because, like, I also have, like, experience with. girls and I like having sex with girls. Right. I don't like, I don't like to call myself bisexual because I feel like my sexion is more like I like equally, and it's not that I like equally. I like to be ultimatously, I want to be with a guy that is welcome for a girl to join us

once in a while or for me to have a girl, whatever. So I'm like so open-minded about that, and he seems to be so open-minded to, like, with no, like, strings or like and it was something it took me like a year with my ex-boyfriend to get to the point that he was like asking me to put like gently put my finger on his asshole I know guys are so freaked out by that I know they're so weird yeah and then this guy we didn't mention at all I just and I have no idea how I found out and how it ended up happening but it did and he liked it and it was amazing and that's like weird you know like weird in a good way, but it's weird. Right. Right, right. No, that's a good, no, it's not common. So many guys are so, and I don't get it because I like anal sex. Like, and I think like everyone's asshole is sort of wired the same way, right? It's very, like, it's very, there's a lot of nerves in there. So like, to me, if it's good for me, wouldn't it be good for you? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't think it makes you gay. It doesn't make you gay if you like penetration in there. It's more gay if you're with a guy. But if a girl's doing it, it doesn't matter. But so many guys are very, like, she's,

straight guys are very uptight about that. So yeah, I think it is very rare that you're going to meet a dude that like you said is open minded that you guys could have like sort of a, you know, sexually be really open yet still be in a relationship, you know? Because listen, every guy is going to love the fact that you're going to be with another girl, right? Like most guys, that's like their biggest fantasy and they'll be cool with it. But will they sort of look at you like you're a girlfriend? A lot of guys are really oddly judgmental with stuff like that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, my ex-boyfriend actually like that's what ruined is like. Yeah. because he always said that he wanted

and when I was like really serious about it, because at the point I didn't have any experience with girls, he freaked out. He was like jealous of everything. Exactly. So it's like when it comes to that, like... It is hard to find. Even though some guys would be listening and be like,

oh, I would love a girl that wants to be with their girls. A lot of guys, when it really comes down to it, they really don't. So, you know, it is rare to find the guy that not only would let you do it, but is like also open to that stuff himself and it has been with guys and he's open-minded and thinks that that's fine, you know.

So I think that, you know, besides the chemistry, you guys are really, like, sort of, you know, you're on the same page. Yeah, and it's like, and everything happened very, like, and I'm very hard to please. Like, sexually, you mean? Yeah. Uh-huh. It's like, I'm, I think I think too much, maybe. Like most women. You know, like that kind.

So much. Yeah. Yeah. Like, but, like, girls do that and, like, do, like, way more. And then when I was with him, I remember being like in a state of mind that I would like find myself not like, you know, when you're recovered from reality and then you look at it. And I was like, wow, what's going on? And I found myself there for the first time. And then when we had it, we had sex again, I was like, no way it's going to be.

That's good. Right. It was. Right. The third time, I wasn't even drunk, not even drinking. And it was as good as the first time. Right. And that's addictive.

I mean, when you find somebody that you have that sick chemistry with, that's really hard to let go of. Yeah. And it's like, it's so like, and I ask him, like, and I'm very open with what I feel and I think. And I always feel like, do you, like, I ask him, like, do you have sex like this all the time? Right. Because if you do, just let me know where you're going because I want to go there too. You know? Because it's like I never had this kind of relationship.

But like, like with my ex-border for four years, that, of course. course he had like amazing sex. But it wasn't like this. Right. Yeah, but it wasn't always, you know. It's something that's like one day or like once in a while. Right. But like with him is every time as good.

And I, and it's hard for me to tell what I feel from that because I'm not sure. And also there's like, he's good looking. He has a good job, a nice job. What does he do? He actually worked for a, um, he actually, uh, works for, um, a social media company. Like he managed an account for Facebook. Right. So he's internet, right.

Yeah. So he's like, and he's so, like, such, like, interesting person. Right. So he has cash, right? Does he have a nice apartment? Yeah. Okay. You know, like, exactly where I want to live, you know.

Right. He's like, he, like, he had, like, my best friend told me that, and it was so true. He's so much what I wanted that I didn't even know that that was what I want. it. Right. Until you saw or saw it. Right. And when I saw everything, I was like, oh my gosh, that's what I want. You know, like. Right. But what are the bad things? Because we're going to get to the like, obviously you're not calling in because everything's so perfect with this guy, right? So we'll get to like the problems. But what did the, what are the friend who was like fixing you up with him and saying like this is the perfect guy for you? But you said that she said she was used to tell you bad things about it. Were the bad things just sexual things? Or did she say bad things? Yeah, just sexual things. Oh, just sexual thing. So what it comes to, what happened? So the first time, it was, like, very, like, after the bar, one night stay and whatever. Right. We didn't actually talk much after that.

Meaning, like, did you exchange phone numbers? No. I had him on Facebook already. Mm-hmm. But, like, we didn't actually talk before that. And then after, I think I text him, like, how's it going? and he was like very short and all that oh okay so whatever okay but let me ask you this okay because normally like after you screw somebody the first night and especially if it's like really

amazing right like you either sleep over or before you leave somebody ask for like a phone number how did it like after that amazing sex ended like how did that night end oh my god yeah so i got there like i'll say before one p m um and it last 11 a.m the next day right and how many times did you and we like had sex most of the time Right. So I was like a, yeah. And then like I had to work. And then I just, I think I just said it like, I was worried because I wasn't sure if my friend would be upset.

You know, like even though she said that she would be okay. You know, something that I wasn't sure of what was going to happen. And I think I made him feel that that was just it for me, at least. Right. So you decided to just get dressed and like say, oh, I got to go? Yeah, it was like that. And then I text him like the week after. But how did you get his number?

No, I mean I sent him a message on Facebook. Okay. So but wait, I just got to go slowly because I need all the information so I could give you advice, right? Okay. So he leaves, you leave, do you give him a kiss goodbye? And he doesn't say anything to you like, could I have your number or anything? No. And he just says, okay, bye, I'll see you soon or I'll see you around or like what does he say?

I remember that like I asked him, what are you doing? like tomorrow or this weekend or I don't remember and he's like oh I'm going to watch football with like the season so on and I was like I'm going to watch football with the bar with my friends you know guy stuff and I remember that I joke taro and say hey he said that guy stuff I love football and then I remember he said well he's got to a way of inviting yourself you're more than welcome to join me right but then I said oh I have to work and then that was it but I feel like That was like, he didn't invite me, but he kind of... No, he kind of did.

Maybe, you know, listen, every guy, like, a lot of people will always be like, oh, a guy has to pursue you. And, you know what, there's a lot of guys out there that actually need the girl to pursue them. So, but you were very... Yeah, he's very... Right. So sometimes it's okay to be aggressive with a guy and sort of like when, like what you did were, and I think that's kind of ballsy of you and I think it's cool of you to be like,

oh, so I like football and you kind of were like letting him know that you'd be into going, which I think is a good thing. Because some guys need that the passive guys sometimes really need for you to really let them know you really like them, even if you fuck them all night. You know what I mean? Like I got to tell you. So, you know, and he said you're more than welcome to come. So he did kind of invite you, but you weren't available. Yeah, yeah.

So that's good. So then you leave. Yeah, I left. And like I said, I didn't hear from him. And then I think I just said, hey, how's it going? He was like, oh, a lot of work. That was it, like not much. Right.

He didn't try to keep the conversation going. That's what we as women. I think guys look for this too when you're hitting somebody up that you like. You like, does the person trying talking to you and keeping the conversation going? But he didn't. He didn't. Yeah. And then I'm like, that was like in the middle of October.

And then on Halloween, I went to a party like two blocks away from his apartment. And then of course I was like drinking, blah, blah. Yeah. And then I thought about the great text, and I was like, 1 a.m. I text him on Facebook. Yeah. I think I sent him on an emoticon, a sticker. Uh-huh. He sends a lot of stickers.

And then he texted me, like, he said, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm in a party right next to you. Mm-hmm. And then he said, come hang. And then I remember that I was, like, freaking out at the bar because, like, I remember I got so, like, into him right from the beginning. know yeah that's how girls that's how we are like when we know we like someone we just like them like because you don't meet people that you like all the time so like I don't know that's the way I am

too like I rarely meet guys that I have that sort of you have that thing for you know but when you do and if you have great sex with them you meet them you're fucking in you know what I mean like you just like that's the way that it goes so you run over to his house about him at the time it doesn't matter so you run over to his how listen like you're like you knew he was kind of quiet like you had great sex you liked his apartment like you know those little things like sometimes you don't need that much in the beginning to know not that it's right some people would say like oh you're just you know you got to think more logically when you're dating someone but that comes with time when you start to get to know somebody then you start to figure out whether you know you could like someone but whether they're

going to be the right person to actually date you know because those are two different things so did you run over to his house that night yeah and i was like wearing that like Halloween slutty outfit yeah it was dicklin and i was like oh What were you? Wait, what was your outfit? I was like a skull. A what? Like with the Mexican school. A Mexican what?

School, like a Mexican school girl? No, school. Like S-K-U-L-L-K-O-K. Oh, Mexican skull, like a skeleton? Oh, yeah. Okay. So I had like makeup on. Oh, we're right on the face.

Yeah, I was ridiculous, to be honest. And then, like, I remember that I was, like, so drunk. And I was, like, literally, like, two, three blocks away from his house. But he lives, like, in the area there's, like, a lot of corners and a lot of buildings. And when I got there, I couldn't figure it out which one was the door. And I texted him. I was like, New York City, Halloween, the city was crazy. There was, like, crazy people on the street.

That was one of. And I remember that I text him, like, I have no idea where it's your apartment. And he's like, I can see you from my window. And I was like, and I was like, guide me. Because I was like, and then he tried, but I was like, no, you can need to come pick me up. So he went downstairs. And I remember when I saw him, I was like, oh, my God. Like, I think every time I see him, I kind of fall for him more.

Well, you're just, yeah, you feel that feeling and it makes you like like him. But wait, what was it? Was he dressed up for Halloween? No, we're in sweatpants. Okay. So he brings you up to his, hilarious. So he brings you up to his house and you have sex with. This is the second time you have sex with him, right?

Yes. And then he took me upstairs. He helped me clean up my makeup. He cut my bracelet off. He helped me take my clothes. It's like all seats. Oh, cute. Like, he, like, made sure that it was, like, hydrated.

Hilarious. It was so funny because, like, he was really taking care of me because, like, I was fucked up. And then he won, that was fine. Then we had sex. Right. But then it was cute again, you know, like, and the next day I woke up and then I left already. Like, that's the thing. Since the beginning, I was always, like, leaving.

Like, I would always sleep over and we would, like, cuddle and, like, in the morning and talk and stuff. Like, you do that kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, like, just random stuff, you know, like nothing much. And then I left again. And he didn't say anything. Like, how did that ending last? It was like, okay, bye, see you later?

Yeah, like I had to go because I had lunch plans with my friend. And, you know, like, I don't know. I just, like, I never knew what to expect from him because I kind of see him at the time. I would just see him as a one I stand, the best one, but just that, you know. So, and he didn't say anything, never said anything. It was always me. Like, and I don't know. I was, like, just like, okay, so I came here.

I did. Got to leave. And he just says, okay, bye, see you later. And you say bye. Yeah. Okay. And then at the time, I was like seeing another guy. But this other guy, it was like more for, like, in a serious way.

I didn't even have sex with this guy for like the first month that we were going out. And I had plans with this other guy on the next day. So I was like, oh, my gosh, I need to go home and I need to sleep and be ready for meeting this other guy. Right. So, and then I end up like kind of. of letting this Joe go for a little while because I was like this other guy was like showing more interest that he was into me yeah so I just stopped texting him after that like we didn't actually talk after that and I had vacations at the time like a month later no I will say like 20

days like I think it was like two weeks after the Halloween thing and I didn't talk to him at all I was in Vegas for my friend's wedding. That was in my vacation. And I remember that I was sitting in my bed, like, talking to my friend. And then Joe text me, like, hey, how's Vegas? Like, for the first time. Oh, and how did he know you're in Vegas? You're posting pics on Facebook or something?

Yeah, I was like, cool. I actually talked about him about that with him. Right. Because I never been to California, and I was going to California. So, like, kind of talk about that. Right. And then he texted me. like, hey, how's Las Vegas?

Right. And then I remember looking at it, and I was like, oh, my gosh. No, like, he's texting me. So anyway, I kind of talked, like, I was, like, in the middle of everything. So I kind of let him hanging. I was a little, like, he used to do, like, with me. Like, when the subject was over, I would just, like, let it go. Yeah.

And that was it for, like, I would say two weeks after I came back. She would text me like every three days, hey, what's up? And I would talk briefly. And then I would stop talking, you know? So this is what I hate about. This is what sucks about relationships, the beginning. When one person does anything a little bit weird, then the other person starts to be weird back.

And then all that weirdness is so, I got to say, and it happened to me a million times, and it happens to everybody. I think the only time it doesn't happen is why you get in a relationship. because this shit doesn't happen because this shit is like toxic to a relationship. You know what I mean? In the beginning, all this weirdo shit

where you're like, okay, now that he doesn't text me, I'm not going to really text back and I'd be a little, you know, and everyone's playing weird. Yeah, it wasn't actually like a game for my part. It was just because like I... That's how I like, I was like, this guy doesn't want anything and I have this other guy that was kind of... It's not even games.

I know. I'm just saying it just becomes very toxic though to relationships. And that's when you know that like something's wrong. You know what I mean? Because normally when each person is giving each other what they want and need for a relationship to really turn into something, it's like that reassurance that you like you like each other. You know what I mean? And you should be able to give that to each other. But sometimes with like insecure people or there's like so many different reasons that like people don't give that to each other and then everyone gets weird and it just becomes like a thing. And like I said, I know you're not doing it on purpose. I've done that before and I'm totally not a game player. You know, it's just that the person does something weird and I'm a little like I don't know what's going. I wasn't sure of what's going on. Exactly. Right. That's when you need to like,

you need to speak up for yourself and like ask him. So fast forward. So you guys are still just going back in this weird way. Yeah. And they're like, what happened was like I stopped seeing the other guy because he went, he actually moved to L.A.

after the month that we were going out. And I, like, it's not that I never talk, think, thought about this guy. Joe. Like, I was like always thinking about it. And I was like, I wanted more, but, like, I was, like, not sure of what he wanted. Right.

So then one day I was also, like, I have, like, usually I go for two ladies. I don't choose days with my friends. Uh-huh. And then I was at this bar that is, like, also. He needs on the West Village, so everything is next to his house. Right. So I was around, and he started, like, sending me messages, like, insinuating

you know like he never says anything like like he never invites me right he's never direct yeah he's just like oh I just took a shower like right he's waiting for you you know like stuff like that

he wants it to be your decision yeah and I and I was like he was like where are you up to and I was like I'm at the bar I'm going to leave soon like oh you could you could you could you could come by I guess you know like like oh like oh better settle sometimes guys hate to say it though sometimes guys do that because they don't want

it takes like responsibility off of them like you know if you said if you want to say to him you're fucking using me for sex he'd be like no i'm not like i never invited you over like are you know this is how guys think they're very literal like i'm telling you so they do these things sometimes i mean there's that because they don't want to take responsibility for their actions. They don't want you to be able to say like, oh, you're inviting me over your house all the time. You must like me. And they'll be like, no, you know what I mean? Sometimes they don't want to give you a reason for you to think that they like you so they don't act like they like you and they make you do all the fucking work. I hate to say it. Sometimes that's a thing

that guys play. Sometimes guys are shy. I mean, there's all different scenarios. You don't know unless you just say to him like what the fuck is up with you at a certain point, you know? But so that night when he was texting you when you were in the West Village, what happened then? Yeah, then of course I went there because I can't say enough. Yeah, of course. I totally get it. But that was the day that I said, I wasn't even drunk and I was like normal. And like I was wearing hugs.

I wasn't even dressed up. Right. Just hanging out with my friends. So, and it was also good. Yeah. The same way. And it was. But like, was that conversation different?

Like, I mean, so the sex is great, but there's no communicating going on there. Like when you guys talk, like after the sex, time because you weren't drunk like did you have more serious conversations yeah it's like you know like silly things about daily life like he would say stuff about his work and or like what's going on and but nothing like too deep at this point you know like nothing like too like um i right and that's weird because you've been like banging him since october and it's like now the end of february yeah but that was like December oh okay so go on like like like you're like There's the thing. I see him like once a month.

Okay. Right, but like, right, but you obviously like like like like him more than you want more. Like what has anything different gone on from then those or just once a month? He sort of like hints that he. Now it's going to now is going to change. Okay. What happened? Okay.

So I went there and then after that time, he started texting me every day. Okay. That's good. Sending me messages every day. And that was like a holiday season. So he sent me text. like had Thanksgiving Merry Christmas

and he would like try like he was like talking to me like a lot and that's when we started like I would ask him like tell me a movie to watch and then I would watch the movie talking to him about the movie you know like we will have longer

conversations Yeah that's good. Getting to know each other better and that's how I think when I started like thinking well I think that may be more you know yeah that's good stuff to get involved with each other yeah and then he went home like for his parents house for like the weekend before like at christmas i guess and he texted me from there

which is like all the way in the middle west and i was like well if he's texting me up from there he doesn't want me to go over right so he just texting me because he wants to talk to me so that's a good sign and then that time he said a lot of personal stuff like his problems with his dad and how he felt like he really opened up at that time right and i was like happy that he did you know like i like i like being there for people and i kind of got to know him better understanding that like he's like very um he he he never had a girlfriend oh really yeah he's 29 he never had a girlfriend he said like the longest relationship he had was in college and he was like 10 months.

And what happened? Do you know how that ended? No, I didn't actually ask a lot, but when he said that he never had a relationship, he said because nobody can stand me for that long. He always says, like, I'm weird, I'm not normal. And like, I always say that too, you know? Right, but sometimes like two weirdos together, it's tough because what happens is you might be like an overthinker and he might be a guy that's an overthinker and somebody needs to stop fucking thinking and just turn this into something. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, because I happen to be an overthinker and I happen to be like, you know, I think a lot in relationship. You know, and so whenever I've partnered up with somebody that's like that same way, it comes to a lot of times it's like at a standstill because nobody wants to pull the trigger. You know what I mean? We're both sort of wired the same way. So we're thinking a lot and no one's doing anything. And it's like sometimes that could be a bad thing that gets in the way of it.

turning in. So someone needs to like change the tune. You know what I mean? And sort of make something change. That's kind of what I tried to do because then I start as I start thinking like, okay, so now we need to move this. Like it can be me going to his house all the time when I'm like hanging out with my friends. Right. So then before like before New Year's the weekend before, I inviting him over to go out with my friends that I was doing like to a bar and he said he would go. Great. and then I was okay fine so I'll let you know when I'm there and then when I got there like 7 p.m. I'll let him know and he's like okay I need to shower and I was like okay 40 minutes later and I was like so

he was like oh I need to eat and I was like okay and then like one hour later and I was already like I was having like that's a thing an hour and 40 minutes later like or is an hour total later no an hour and 40 minutes late. Oh, God. Like 9 p.m. Like, and like, I mean, I really like him.

I really care about him. But I'm not stopping my life because of him. No, and not only that, like, I'm sorry, but like, this is near. So that time, I was like, you know what? He's not going to show up.

He never shows up. So I'm just going to keep drinking with my friends. It's doing my thing. But what do you mean? He never shows up. He stood you up before? No, I mean, like, no.

Like, sometimes, like, if I'm with, before the other times, I would say, I'm at a bar, do want to come here? He was like, no, just come here after, you know? You say that before. Like the first time. Yeah, see, these are important things.

I'm sorry to say, Melissa. Yeah. So you'll invite him out when you're out, and he'll be like, no, I don't feel like coming. Just come up here when you're done. Yeah, like I can go right now or just come. Yeah, or like, I'm on the other side of town, like, whatever. You'll make a excuse. Yeah, but let me ask you this, Melissa, and this is true, I think, for both men and women.

Like, I know that I always, like, say, like, oh, I want a guy that lives, like, no farther than 10 blocks away for me because I really don't want to travel. But like if I really like a guy, he can live in fucking Brooklyn and I'll be there at 2 o'clock in the morning if that's what he wants. You know what I mean? We all will travel anywhere for somebody that we really like, you know, but we're not

going to even go, I'm not going to go farther than 10 blocks for a dude I don't like. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not good when someone won't like cross town to see you and they're like, oh, just come to my house and fuck me. Yeah. So that was what I was thinking, you know. Like I can be like that anymore.

So if you are. Did he show up that night? Yeah. So what happened is I'm at the bar ordering drinks. And I'm like, where? Like, I had like five shots of fireball. And I know my, like, it was like intense here for me. Anyway.

Yeah. So I was at the bar and then someone grabs my butt. Uh-huh. And I look. And it's him. Right. Grabbing my butt. Uh-huh.

Yeah, well, you are a Brazilian and you probably have a great ass. So, of course, he is grabbing. I do. Anyway, so I look at him, I was like, what are you doing? He's like, what do you mean? I'm doing what I want. Like, he was so cocky. Right.

It was like so weird. And I never saw him like that before or during, like, never. He was like so weird. So we went to the table and he was like not talking to anybody. And my friends are very welcoming. Like, they were like trying to ask him questions. and he would be like, oh, yeah, and then go back to his phone. Oh, God.

And he was, like, he was pissing me off. Yeah, what an asshole. Like, he did be in your friends. You should be nice to them. Yes, he was being such an asshole. I was like, oh, my God, why did he come here? Yeah. You know, like, just stay home.

I will go there anyway. Anyway, and then, like, it was so weird. And then at the end, everybody kind of laughed. Like, it was a couple and another friend. And they laughed and it was just me and him. But, like, at that point, I was, like, very drunk. So before, I think that's important to, like, we were having such a blast, me and my friends. And that when he came, you got that weird situation where everybody's having fun besides him.

Right. You know, and I was trying to pull him in, but he wouldn't. and then like my friend like she was with her boyfriend but like they are crazy so she was like so drunk she pulled me over on the table and kissed me right oh I think you said this in the email

right and that you think that happened very in the beginning of the in the situation or he was still was he being a dick before she kissed you yeah he was being a dick all night so that was not like the main reason right but I think that kind of also upset him I don't know

so anyway everybody left we start talking and I quite remember saying some stuff like you were the best acts of my life but I can't understand all these stickers that you sent on Facebook just say what you want. Right. So you finally let loose and sort of said everything I want to say. Good. Yeah. And it was very vague.

And I remember saying like, you don't even have my phone and he was like, why do I need your phone if I talk to you on Facebook? Oh, God. Forget this. And then I remember that I got his phone and I put my number on and then he called me back. Are you happy now? But, like, he was calm at that time. When everybody left, he was being normal. He was, like, I was, like, crazy asking questions.

But we were making out, and he was being nice to me at the time. Mm-hmm. When it was just me and him. Okay. And then we, like, he said, like, let's go. And I was like, okay. But I was, like, very drunk and I wasn't feeling good. And I think that's when I hit me that, like, maybe he was just trying to have, like, not,

that he wasn't interested in me to see, Maria. I was interested in him. So I was just like confused and I was like feeling good. So I was just like, I don't want to go to his place, you know? Right. And then we were already crossing the street. And then I said, yo, wait. And then he said, what?

Like, she was already pissed at that time. And then I looked at him and was like, well, I don't think I can go to your apartment today. And it was like, okay, fine. So where are you going to your friend's house? Right. And I was like very scary already. I was like, wow, you're not even. gonna ask why and he's like i don't even fucking care like that tone i don't even fucking care where you're

not going right he's like selfish i was shocked i'll look at him i was like what and then he stormed out and walked away like very pissed like you know like girls make a scene yeah and walk away he did exactly the same thing yeah well he sounds like a girl the way he acts i mean the way that he oh my god it was like what but like that like really like i was like what the fuck just happened. Well, he was mad that he wasn't going to get laid. Like, he showed up at the bar. He had to meet your friends.

Like, for a guy, that's a lot of work. And then he's not even going to get ass. I'm telling you. He's probably, I know, pissed. Come on. Act like a man then. It sure was nice. But he's never, honestly, I'm telling you, he hasn't, he hasn't acted like a man

this whole time with you. I'm sorry about, like, when a guy says, like, oh, I'm already across town and I don't want to come over, like, just meet me later. Like, that's not a man. Like, you know, that's not like, even a guy who's passive will do that. Like, especially because you were aggressive, you're saying, come meet me. That's all that. If he was like a passive guy that needed you to sort of be the one to make the move,

then the minute you made the move and said, come meet me, the guy would be in a fucking cab and be over there with you, a guy that likes you wants to meet your friends and wants them to like you, like them and all this stuff. Like, all these little things are really bad signs of, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. There's so many other things, I think. involved in things like it could just be he's really fucked up like

I wish I could talk to him because I'd get to the root of his issues because he obviously has him he's never had a girlfriend he had one 10 year relationship he's probably hyper sensitive that girl probably hurt his feelings and he's so petrified to ever like anyone again he tortures girls you know into liking him that you have to put up

with all this nonsense and he probably in his mind thinks like any girl that could make it through like me you know sometimes I've heard that one some guy once told me like I if you just walk through the thorn bushes with me like And eventually, like, you get to the other side, like, I'm a really good boyfriend. It's like, go fuck yourself. Like, I have to be put up with misery.

And do you know what I mean? But guys that are, like, really insecure and have really bad issues, you know, they could torture you like that before they really allow themselves to fall for somebody. Or he could just be completely not interested. I hate to say it with guys, like, in New York, especially and just guys now in general, like, they can get so much ass. It's not even funny, you know, like, I'm sorry, but when I hear him saying, like, I'll be there. in 30 minutes or I'll be there in 40 minutes. I'll be there in an hour. Like that guy's probably at another bar. Do you know what I mean? And he's like doing his thing and whatever. And then he's meeting you and he's getting like other girl. Like you don't know what goes on and because

those things can go on. Just like you had another boyfriend that whole time. He could have five other girls. Like this town is full of like single girls. He like before I made out with him first time. Yeah. But last year he spent like he went to watch. Super Bowl with us. I think that's when I met him. Yeah. Actually, that's true.

Like, the last time I saw him, it was like, I think, a week before Super Bowl. And then he said, I think I said, oh, I think it's like a year that I know you or something. He's like, yeah, because he was on Super Bowl. And I was like, what? He was like, yeah, the first time I saw you was at Super Bowl. Right, you remember?

And I was like, what? You remember? He was like, yeah, did you? I was like, did you ever thought about me before like that? It was like, yeah, I checked you all before. Right. So, and my friend said that, too, she said that she always knew that he was into me before. Right.

And like I'm saying, he's not, not into you. But you want to turn it into like a real relationship, right? I guess, yeah. But I don't know. Listen, when you hit the point where, okay, so. finish that end of that last story where you're like, you know, you don't go to his house, he leaves really mad, and then what happens? Does he text you the next day at least? Yeah, so that's like, I thought that was it, like, after he's screaming me, I was like,

I'm not going to talk to him, like, whatever. Right. So fuck him. And then, but after, like, almost a month later, I was, like, still thinking about it. And I was, like, feeling so bad because deep down, I kind of know, like, I always, I have this tendency of, like, looking for the other person's eyes. So I kind of feel that he's so fucked up that he didn't know how to do his stuff, you know. Yeah, I have the same dysfunction. Right. You see the good in somebody, so you want to get through like the bad stuff, even though

the bad stuff is what they're dishing out. Exactly. Right. And even if like there's a thousand that flag, they'll still. Yeah. Yeah. So I just like, women have hope.

We have hope. Even if it's 2% fucking chance, we will go with that. Yeah. And then like I text him like this. I like, I prepare. this whole message is like for two days. I was working on the message. And then I remember that I sent it and then I left my phone on my computer and I went to

take a shower and have dinner. Like I came back like one hour and a half because I couldn't just sit and wait for his response. And then he's like, I just said like, look, I know that I was like really drunk and I don't remember most of the night. Like I'm sorry if I push it or if I wasn't like, I don't know how it was. was for you, but like, I just want to tell you that I really like you. You're very special to me. And I feel bad that that happened, and I wish you could go back and start over. So let me know what you think or if you really don't even fucking care. Like, I put that, don't even fucking care

because I wanted him to know that that, that was like something that hit me and it was not nice. So then he texted back like two minutes later, like saying, well, I act like a jerk and I'm sorry, but like I knew that you were drunk and I didn't consider that. So I just walked away before things got worse. So he said that and since I was like doing my own thing, leaving my computer behind, half an hour later, I still, like, I think it shows us seeing for him and then I didn't write anything back. So half an hour later, he sent it, and I really feel bad, too. Right. So, like, for half an hour, he thought I wouldn't respond. So he sent.

Right, another thing, because he wanted you to really respond. And then... Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. And then we started talking, and then I said that, like, I wish we could, like, spend more time together or, like, just the two of us. And that's when we set up a date.

And then, like, I would... said it like I really want to see you like let's do something and that's I was like so scared of how it was going to be because I was like if he acts like a jerk again I'm going to punch him in the face right after all this yeah so but it was the way opposite like I went to meet me him and since like the first he already like said hello with a kiss on the lid he gave me a hug he asked me if I was cold or like you know like very polite light and nice. Where'd you go?

So we went to his favorite bar. He was like, oh, this is my favorite bar. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like, we had a good time. Like, we talked a lot. We talked a lot about marriage, about family. He told me that he's an only child. His parents had him when he was, they were 35,

and he feels like they never wanted him. You know, like those issues, that issues. he doesn't talk to his dad. I don't know for how long. So he doesn't have a model of love. Uh-huh. And then he said, like, I look at that and I always think that I'm not going to settle down for anything because I don't want to be trapped in a relationship like my parents are.

Right. So we talk, like, all this stuff at this time. And I said that my parents are the opposite. They are awesome together. They met in a club six months later. They were married and my mom was pregnant. me and they're still together. Right.

So I have a very strong belief in love because of that too. Right. And I had a good role model up for it. Yeah. And I had a lot of successful relationships because I always think that it's like it's not because it ended. It's not. You know, I always learned something from it.

Yeah, right. Just because it ends doesn't mean it wasn't. I hate that. People think that. People will like be married to someone for like 10 years and then it ends. they think it's a failure. It's like, that's not a failure.

That's a long relationship. Yeah, and you learn a lot. You grow a lot. At some point, you just like change directions and you go separate ways. Right.

That's what happened. But by no means, is that a failure? That's a success. But most people, you're not going to spend your whole life, like, with, you know?

Yeah. And then, like, I had a pretty serious relationship before. I was almost married. Like, I lived together with this guy back in Brazil. So, I know what is a relationship.

And I know the bad side. I didn't know there's like a lot of good things. Well, that's good that you are the opposite. Like before I thought you were more like him and a little bit more like you think too much and you're a little bit weird relationships. But it's actually a good sign that you have had normal relationships and you're more like a secure person because he's very insecure. So he needs somebody very secure. If anyone's going to get him to cross over to the other side and stop being such a fucking baby about like falling for somebody, it's going to be somebody that's very secure. Because another insecure person is going to get too insecure by the shit he dishes out because insecure men, I'm telling you, are really fucking scary because they don't, they're so insecure with themselves that they don't, they think about themselves first. You know what I mean?

So it's not like they know how to be nice to you because they're always like so self-protective of themselves. So it's like they can, they become very selfish. And it's just like it's because they're always, like I said, thinking about themselves over you. So it's very rare that they're like, you. you know, giving you the reassurance of anything. It's all about them. They need the reassurance from you constantly. Yeah, and, like, he sounded like, you know, those guys, I think, like, once you're in a relationship, your dad, like, your life is over. You're not going to have any more fun. You know, that kind of thinking about relationships, like.

But that's still based in a fear. You know, I had, I always had a fear of relationships. So I understand that kind of mentality, and it comes from, like, dysfunction. It's a dysfunctional thing because relationships, you're certainly not trapped in relationship. Relationships are a great thing when they're good. You've had good relationships, you know. But somebody that has never had good relationships and they don't have that role model and they're fucked up, they don't see it. They do see it as being trapped.

They only see it as something bad because they never really let themselves fall for someone and been in love and see the positive. So it's really hard for them to sign up for it because if you have no experience and you don't know what love is, like why? like so you have no you know what I mean you would have no desire for it because you don't even know what is good miss something that you never had. Exactly. And a lot of times people with fear of commitment, what happens is when they do start to like someone, they start to act rude and mean. So that could be a reason why he was like rude when he met your friends and stuff. Like people that have commitment issues act really fucking bizarre. But the bizariness is so like you could read a book. I forget what the name of the book is, but like there's books out there that'll tell you.

It's like even though it seems so bizarre how they act, it actually is very like common in people that have a fear of commitment. Whether it's a man or a woman, women do this shit too. because I used to do it. If someone get close to me or someone wants it and I feel myself liking them, I used to, I don't do this anymore, I used to become rude. And that's like your fear. You know, you start to actually push somebody away. And, you know, he could have been doing that.

And that's what guys like that will do when they start to feel like they're starting to like somebody. It doesn't mean that that will change, though. That's the shitty thing. It's like it's very hard to change somebody like that. And I used to always think, like, forget about somebody like that. But I have a friend who liked a guy, and I think it took her seven years. And when she first met him and he pulled all his games, I would be like, oh, my God, leave him. I'll pay you.

I would do anything to get her away from this guy. I was like, there's no way anything's ever going to work out. And I'm going to tell you, they're still married to this day. They have one of the best relationships I've ever seen in my life. And he just needed, because he had a lot of bad stuff happen to him in his life. He needed some girl that would just fucking love him, even though he was the biggest fucking asshole for, like, a really long time and eventually he felt like it was safe enough to fall for her and when he did like they're great and everything's great and but so like I said you they can be changed and you can

sort of work through that fear but it just takes a while and you have to get you know you become like they're kind of abusive those kind of people because you're not really getting that much I mean right as of right now that he sounds like you know he's um I mean he has ever even taking you out to dinner no so that was like the last time I saw him. Right. And what happened after that? Yeah.

So then, like, next day I had class, so I had to leave. Like, there's a thing I always had to leave next day. And then he had to go away. But he has your number now because you put it in his phone, right? Yeah. But he, after that, he also didn't text. Like, so he went away for work for a week. And then the other week, I went away.

I went away for work. So, like, it was, like, a little off for two weeks. And then the week that he was off, he was, like, coming back. I was around also because I always go out there. And I was, like, thinking so much about, like, because, like you said, I know that if I want to have something with him, all the effort is going to have to come from me. Totally.

But I so don't know what, like, if he's open. to that or not. Exactly, because you could do everything and he could still, most of the time, the majority of the time, like, it doesn't even matter. Like, seriously, I'm just telling you. It's more of a chance that no matter what you do, he's not going to commit no matter what. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. As much as you keep giving, giving, working around his fucking insecurities, thinking about him as opposed to yourself. Do you know what I mean? Because if you're really thinking about yourself, you'd be like, go fuck yourself. This guy is not really. doing what a guy should do when he really likes a girl.

You know what I mean? When a guy really likes a girl, he tries hard. There's definite signs. That's why you're freaked out by him because those signs aren't there. He's not doing any of the things that a guy does when he likes a girl. So that's why you're confused. But on some level, you know, he does like, like, you know, it gets really confusing with these weirdo guys because they give you mixed messages.

Because when we're together feels like he's sullying to me. Mm-hmm. And then, like, it's just when I'm not, like, when we are together is very, very, you're very like it goes like very, very smoothly, especially like when we talked. Like, he felt like that he was like making effort. Like when he was with me, he was making effort to show that he liked me. Like, you know. Right, but when you leave, he doesn't.

I mean, that's easy. Yeah. That's the effort when you're with him. The effort to me, like I said, is like to text you, to invite you out, to take you places, to meet your friends, be nice to them to like, you know, take you on real dates to, you know, ask you, like when you leave. in the morning say no why don't you stay let's have breakfast well let's go here you know what i mean like there's you know what it is and that's why you're a little freaked out yeah so then like i was

thinking about that and then i was very i i i like this idea of like i need to like i'm gonna go all in and i need you like no but i don't want to push him or give him on an ultimatum right but you just want to ask him what the deal is yeah so i didn't ask what i did was i i didn't ask what i did was i wrote him a letter, a handwriting letter. Oh, good. Every guy's worst nightmare. I'm just joking. Can be.

Anyway, so I just, like, said it, like, that I think he's a very good person, and I like him, and I admire him, blah, blah, blah. Like, all this compliments in a way, like, they could be for any way. And I was like, doesn't matter what happened between us, I think you're an awesome person and I'll always be there for you. Just kind of like that. And I left him at his mailbox when he was away.

And then I left a text like saying, like I left him something in your mailbox. Yeah. And then he writes back when he was back on Monday.

He was like, I didn't check my mailbox yet what it is. And then we're like starting making jokes. Like it's not a bomb or whatever. Yeah. Or something like that. And then I think she asked, like, she said something, and I made another compliment.

And then he said, you flatter me too much. And I was like, why? And he's like, I'm not deserving. Right. And I was like, I think that's for me to say. So, like, she always, like, and I was like, but I can stop if you want. And he's like, no, it just makes me blush. So it's not like he's pushing me.

but at the same time he's not like I don't know I don't understand you know why like he every time it's not like I never had a girlfriend because my life is so awesome that I don't need anybody it's like I don't I never had a girlfriend because nobody can stay in me for too long like he's always like push him down like putting him like and another time that we talked about he's like oh it was very weird my whole life it was a very weird guy you know like yeah but these people are so it's like it's like does he think he's the weirdest person that ever existed like I mean Come on. You know what I mean?

Anyone could date anyone if they really wanted to. He's that weird. He's just not interested in a relationship. He has issues. He's afraid of it. He's a baby. Okay, that's what it is. He's just like he could go in all he wants and says that shit.

I hear the same shit from my guy friends that are commitment phobic. Like, I'm just no one could deal with me. It's like, oh, you're that undealable. Like you're the most undealable person. It's almost like a narcissistic, egotistical thing to think that you're that hard to, like, you like, you know what I mean? Like, come on.

There's the biggest fucking assholes on TV are married and have people that love them, okay? You like him and he's a douche. So he could get over it. I'm sure there's plenty of girl. Like as women, we go out with the scum of the earth constantly. Okay, women like assholes. It's just the way that it goes. So, you know, and we like difficult men and, you know,

that just women are, we're wired that way. So there's no, the reason why he's out in a relationship is because he pushes everybody away because he's not interested in a relationship because he has issues. And if you're going to give him a relationship or what he wants in a relationship, which is probably not that much. He gets sex from you.

He gets emails from you and that's it. But there's no other, you know, there's no real locking him down. That's perfect, right? Because that's like probably all he could handle. So he'll take that because that's an easy relationship and he's still getting some companionship. He's getting someone that likes him. He's getting good sex. He could tax you when he wants to.

But he doesn't, he could always like, he doesn't have to deal with the real bullshit that happens in a real relationship. You know what I mean? He's not held accountable. for anything. Yeah, but at the same time, we always argue. We always fight. Like, we always have this conversation, which is kind of a relationship. Yeah, but it's not like, right, but you know what a real relationship is because you've had.

No, yeah, I mean, but like, the problem is you're looking at, you know, you're looking at intimacy. Like, yes, I believe that intimacy is, like, arguing and all that. Like, that is being intimate, and that's why you're, like, liking him. But, like, a guy is not wired to, like, you know, if you're, like, to feel that that, intimate and to start liking someone just because of that stuff. Like it's just very different. Guys could be, unfortunately, guys could like sort of interact the way you guys are interacting forever and not like somebody.

Like it's different the way it happens for a man than it happens for a woman. Do you know what I mean? He can continue to see you and keep his feelings for you in a certain place, in a safe place. Guys have that ability. Trust me, if like I could pay for any ability to have, okay, in life, like a magic ability. I would buy that ability, okay?

Because we don't have that as women. We just don't. You know, our feelings grow and keep moving forward. And we don't know how to say, oh, I could, I'll like him, but I'll stay safe and I won't like him too much. You know what I mean? We can't do that. But guys can. So they're less tortured than we are, even though he's tortured in his own fucking way and he's a weirdo.

He's not as tortured as you are. He's not calling me up, you know, talking to me every little, analyzing every little thing that went on. And listen, I'm not making fun of you. I do the same thing. I'm a woman. This is what we do. You know what I mean? Guys listening to this call, my callers, like, this is how girls talk.

We look at every little thing. We call up our friends. We're like, he didn't text back, but he called me. You know what I mean? Like, I get it. I've done the same thing a million fucking times. And that's just how we are as women, you know? But guys are less tortured in a way, unfortunately.

They have it easier. He's not psycho analyzing it as much, really. There are guys. Listen, my guy friends call me up and they talk about girls and they analyze things. They keep it a little bit more to themselves. They're not complicated. They are complicated.

But when you get a complicated guy, they're the fucking worst. Because you'll never get the shit out of them because they don't even know why they're complicated. That's the problem with men. They don't even know why they're doing it. We know where our shit is coming from because we're attached. Our feelings and emotions are attached to our actions. We understand. Men don't have that knowledge.

I remember reading this book and it was like it literally opened up my eyes. Because I used to have so many boyfriends and they'd be like, and I'd be like, why'd you do that? And they'd be like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. And it would be obvious to me why they do it, but they'd be like, that's not true or I don't even know what you're fucking talking about. I'd be like, you're such a fucking liar. And then I read this book and what this guy said was so true to me and we really realize that guys really don't know why they do things and why they act. And they're not lying when they say they don't know or they don't understand or

because what it is is when men, you know, listen, both of us come out of our mom's vaginas, right, whether you're man or a woman and you're crying and you have the same amount of feelings, right? It's not like guys don't have feelings like women. What happens though at a very young age because they're men, it's socially unacceptable for them to have certain feelings and they stop talking about them to people and stop communicating about their feelings. So they start to lose the connection of where their feelings come from. Women, we never lose that connection because we're always talking about our feelings. So we know we have this feeling and this is why we're doing something and we can attach it to a feeling and we understand where shit is coming from. A man doesn't.

But what happens is, and this is why they seem like the biggest fucking lying weirdos, is because they're still having feelings, but because they don't know, and they're not, they stop talking about it when they're like three years old. They really don't understand where they're coming from. They really don't. They're not lying. They don't have a fucking clue because they didn't continue to talk like women. They're not wired that way.

They don't have that attachment. So they really wind up to seem like the biggest retarded people to us as women, because we understand it, but they don't. So he doesn't even know why he fucking does it. what he does. Do you understand? And that's what makes it so hard to sort of admit, listen, I've tried, I'm the master manipulator. I have tried to get guys that don't want to be in a relationship

into a relationship every which way you could imagine. And 99% of the time, it's never going to work. It really isn't. You could try every different way. If this guy doesn't want a relationship, he's never going to wind up in a relationship. But that's what I feel like, how, like, when is he going to want? That's so fucked up. Totally. It doesn't make sense.

Yes. But you know, he could be 45 and as a man, that's okay. You know? Yeah. Like, what is he waiting for? But like that's guys. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, it's not all guys. There's plenty of guys that are wired normally. They're like you. They could have secure relationships and they like relationships and they like women. Do you know what I mean? It's not all guys. It's that guy. Do you know what I mean? And sometimes when you have like a really sick attraction to somebody like I have found this like when I'm really like physically attracted to someone and it doesn't even make sense. It's almost like a dysfunction. functional thing. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like I hate to say it, that sometimes that's not like the best thing to follow that insane attraction. Because I've had that situation with people before and it hasn't led to a relationship. But what it has led to is other kinds of relationships.

Like I wrote a whole book. I wrote a whole cartoon book of all my stories of what guys from like when I'm like lost my virginity to the one I'm 40. And I've had all kinds of crazy relationships. And I have to say looking back, it's like even though a lot of them, most of them weren't normal relationships. I had like really intense times and quote unquote relationships with men that I probably still talk to to this day that I learned so much from that I, you know, and I appreciate all those relationships. So sometimes even though you're not going to have a typical

normal relationship with someone, you have something with them and it winds up to be something that you learn and grow from and it's great and you could be friends with him for the rest of your life. but it probably will never turn into something like exactly what you wanted to, which is like a normal relationship because he's not wired that way. But until you find a guy that you like more than him, you know, it's going to be what it is. Sometimes it's like I feel like maybe like the idea of him that attracts me. Oh, and it's the challenge. It's the challenge.

Come on. It's the good sex. I get it. Come on. You're like a human being. You can't help that shit. Good sex is really hard. It's a very strong thing.

Yeah, my best boyfriend I had the worst sex with, okay? And so it was easy to walk away from him. And I've had like the worst relationships with guys with the best sex. And it's like I couldn't get away from that guy if you paid me. You know what I mean? It lasted way longer than it should because of that sexual pull. So you know what? Keep going back there until you can't fucking take it.

You're kind of giving him what he wants without sort of demanding anything. I don't know that you're going to get. anything from him anyway. So, you know. So after the letter, I actually ask him, like, what do you want? And? And he, I actually said it. Like, I have feelings for you.

Yeah, great. Like, we text, like, when he said it, he read it, I said, like, so it's obviously that I have feelings for you. Like, I, like, I like hanging out with you and I'm attracted to you and like your companion, but, like, I don't think I'm there. Like, I'm like, I'm not. asking anything. I'm just like, I want to know what you want. And then he said, like, just keep doing what you're doing. And just be honest and upfront. Because I'm a passive guy. And my whole

life, I had to have people asking me to do stuff and everything. So he wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. Okay, fine. But like, he wants, he needs to do something. Yeah, but he's not a good enough. He just wants you to keep doing it. Like, I mean, like, for example, I ask him out. again. I was okay, so let's try to see each other more often. And then he was like, fine, just let me know when you're coming here. Because actually, like, he lives in Long Island.

And he lives in Manhattan. So I just, like, go there sometimes. And then, like, I went there to speak here. And it was my birthday, actually. And I was like, you're more no welcome to go to my party because, like, you know, I invite him on the Facebook event and everything. But, like, it's my birthday. So, like, I can't just be with you.

I'm going to be with, like, 100 people. So I want to see you just me and you You're like do want to do something before And then it was like oh I'm gonna check blah blah blah And then at the end he didn't say anything And then like I was like you know like I invite him and he doesn't Not even that it's your birthday

He didn't even say let me take you out for like dinner Yeah he doesn't say yes He doesn't say no he doesn't do anything And then my birthday Like my friends literally took the phone away from me Because we were like five blocks away And they were like, no, you're going to text him. And I was like, no, yeah.

Just like, just take this shit away from me. And then when it was like 1155, 1155, he said, happy birthday in like five minutes. But he didn't have the guts to go, walk five blocks to say happy birthday to me. He didn't even buy you up. But this is, he's never going to do that. He told you flat out. And for right now, you either have to. And it's very hard, I know, to accept the way that it is and should.

keep doing business this way or if not. But what I know is the way girls are because I'm a woman and I know that now that you have it in your mind, you're always going to, and you could get addicted to like sort of wanting something that you can't have. It's very addictive, you know. And when somebody gives you that and takes you it away, I forget what it's called, but I remember one of my therapist told me like that kind of like giving instant gratification like inconsistently and you never know when you're going to get him to be nice.

Like that kind of thing is very addictive. And you can get very addicted to those kind of people in your life. And it could make you an insane. And a normal, secure person like you could turn into the most insecure, crazy person when you hook up with a guy like that. Because he's never going to give you that consistent thing. But when he sort of is nice sometimes, then he disappears, then he comes back and you don't know, it creates a sort of intensity.

But it's not really intimacy. That kind of intensity is an intimacy. And I've fallen for it a million. times. Trust me. I'm a magnet for those kind of guys. Okay, so I have experience. You've had normal relationships. You're better than me. You know, so you should

try as hard as you can to kick the habit. At this point, I think you're addicted to him. We could all get addicted to anything. And it's very hard, I know, with the sex, but you would probably do good for yourself if you try to date as much as possible and try to find

somebody else to like. Yeah, I've been trying to, but like, there's only doucheback. Yeah, it's hard. Well, this guy's kind of a douchebag, too. But it's very hard. It's not even that they're just douchebages. It's hard to meet that one guy that you like. But eventually you will. You'll meet another person. It could be two months from now. It might not be six months. You know, but I would try as much as you can to not be with this guy because the more you have sex with him, there's a hormone that is let loose in our bodies that makes us want to be closer to guys that make us orgasm really good. It's very true, I'm telling you. yeah it really yeah so like i didn't like after that like i was like put in my mind they're like if he doesn't show him my birthday he means that he doesn't give a fuck so why should i so i am not actually i didn't i think i just said thanks and didn't say anything so he posted on my wall on my birthday like happy birthday and then today he liked my pictures he didn't do that like the past two months so now that i'm not talking to him he's doing this

like he's showing like that's I know and I know that if I don't talk to him for another week I know he's going to talk to me mm-hmm and then like so let that happen but I'm telling you just try because it's just going to be I'm telling you you but yeah but then it's going to be the same I'm going to go there you got me up six months from now it's going to be the same thing I've done business with these kind of guys forever and it's literally like I hate to say it but you're in jail right now I swear to you when you eventually it's like being in jail liking a guy like this I swear I have, I've been in jail and when you stop liking someone like this, it's like

getting out of jail. It's like the most amazing feeling and you swear to yourself you'll never do it again because when you're trapped in this kind of cycle with somebody that, like my podcasts are normally only like 50 minutes and we're on the phone an hour and 10 minutes, you know, it's like it's not resolvable.

Like there's, you're not, I can't tell you what you want to hear that this guy's going to turn around and be this great guy and that's not going to happen tomorrow. Do you know what I mean? But I get being in your place where you just can't get in your head you can't like cut the cord and eventually though when you do when he pushes you to the you got to like hit a bottom he's got to just be such a fucking asshole that you're done and then you'll be upset and then you'll get over him and then you'll be like oh my god you'll be so much

happier without him because it's like being trapped in a vicious thing but for now while you're trapped get as much good sex out of it because that's one thing you get out of it that's good right yeah just get laid a lot yeah i think i if i i had like like sex relationships with guys before and it was fine. I think he's been like, I think he's turning to me and said like, Paula, I just want to have sex with you. No, it wouldn't be. You know what?

I've had very successful booty call relationships too with guys that I didn't like. It can't be, you can't have booty call relationships with guys that you like them and they don't like you. You have booty call relationships with guys that are obsessed with you that you don't like, okay? That's the way it works. That's the way it works. That's the rules of booty calls.

I fuck guys for like seven. years, okay, and use them in between boyfriends because they were totally into me and thought I was amazing and I was never going to like them. And I liked them at one time, but you know what I mean? That's the way it works. It will never work to booty call a guy that you like them and they don't like you. Never. It won't work.

Unfortunately, it won't work because you, like, this would be the perfect guy to have a booty call with because he's like so great in bed. I'm telling you, I just came out of this. I had a two-year thing with like my best friend and we never had chemistry with him. And then we made out, it was like the best chemistry. And it was like, I literally had to stop having orgasms with him. It was the only thing that helped me get over him. I was like, you're not going to make me come.

And I'm like, I'm a full-fledged weirdo. Like, I don't want to be that way with sex. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's really unhealthy. Sex is like a healthy thing. Like, I don't want to be like, don't make me come because then I'm going to like you, you know. But I have to say when I stopped doing that and I stopped giving myself to him and it helped me to eventually get over it.

And now that I don't like him anymore, oh, my God, it's fucking heaven. I feel for you. because you're kind of trapped and you need to get out. Yeah. And it's been like so long. And I can't, like, I feel like I can't like anybody else. And there's not like I don't want to. You can until you're over him totally.

You're not open to meeting anybody else because that's what happens. You become fixated because it's just like this is a problem you can't solve. I'm telling you it's like literally crazy making. And I have no solution for you. The really what you have to do is stop liking him. You have to get to the point. Just keep going after him. Get to the point where it just totally.

sabotages in your face. Like you really just need for him to really like push you to the edge. That's what happened with me. And that's when it really is over. Like they just have to be really bad. Even though some people would be, would just say after listening to all the shit you said that this isn't a bad enough. But not yet.

You know, you haven't reached your limit with him yet. You need to get that. Yeah. And I feel like I'm my friends are like, please just stop. You can't. You're addicted.

I'm like, I can. It's like I can. Yeah. You're addicted. Yeah, you're addicted. You can't do it until, like, any addiction, you can't, you need to hit a bottom. He needs to be such a fucking asshole. And trust me, he will.

You'll get to that place when you're ready to be done with this. It'll happen. And I'd love for, I need to end this call because I can't have a podcast that's two or long. I could talk to you for another two hours and you're never going to feel, I'm never going to give you the feeling that I know that you need, which is somebody to tell you that it's going to, like, work out magically. And tomorrow it's going to be, like, perfect.

I remember once I liked a guy and things were so weird and it was back and forth and it was crazy and I went to my friend at work and I said, do you think like he's like the right guy and he's like, Kathy? I know he's not. And I'm like, how do you know he's not? He said because there wouldn't be any of this and he's right. When you meet the right person, you've had real relationships before. Look at how it happened with your parents. Like I believe in Insta relationships. When you like someone, they like you, you get together and it just goes from there. And there's not all this fucking bullshit. That's the way that it works when normal relationships happen. When you have all this stuff in the the beginning. Never get over. This doesn't work. There wouldn't be any of this. There shouldn't be any of this, you know. But you'll help me. You'll help me.

Okay, good. I have helped me. So, yeah, it's good. Okay, well, keep me posted. And when you do get over and more, like, you have that a really bad scenario. You know, I don't know if you listened to my podcast before, but like, I have repeat callers and I love to always give updates on people. So when something big happens, let me know and I'm going to have you back on.

Okay, perfect. All right, thanks so much for calling in and good luck. Thank you. Thanks, Melissa. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook.

It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories.

And they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them.

They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord,

My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there.

You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community. And you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access. to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase,

whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name.

And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly Anonymous.