Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 076 - "Melissa" from Brazil is STILL Having Trouble with her Guy

Episode Date: June 1, 2015

"Melissa" from Brazil (episode 63) is still addicted to the same guy and she calls in looking for some more advice. Is she still sleeping with him? Has he opened up to her? Are they in a real relationship yet? Tune in to find out. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. With real problem. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. I have a co-host on with me today. He's not in, he's not here with me. He's over the phone. If you hear him sniffing and shit, I'm going to yell at him because he has a sniffing problem. I don't even like his sniffing when I'm just regularly talking on the phone, and I don't want to put any of my listeners through that. So I hope you blew your nose before this call, did you? Dollar season.

Be merciful. You're very loud. Okay. You know, you always sniff. You have a, you have a problem. So anyway, I have a guy on the call with me. This is John, John the lonely narcissist. You did a podcast with me a long time ago.

We called you a lonely narcissist. You definitely. Yeah, I'm not too crazy about that. But you are a narcissist, and you are lonely. When was the last time you had a relationship? Wait, when was the last time you had a relationship? I don't know. When you laugh, take the, because it's very loud and harsh,

take the, like, turn your head from the phone. Yeah, you are lonely and you are narcissists. So lonely narcissist would be the correct term for you, right? I guess so. Yeah, exactly. So I have John on the phone with me today, John, the lonely narcissist, because I have a girl actually on the call today who's been on before, People who have listened to the show will know her.

Her name is quote, unquote, Melissa from Brazil. Obviously, Melissa is not her real name because no one in Brazil has the name Melissa. You definitely know she's from Brazil because she's got that hot Brazilian accent. Brazilian accents are really, I really like those. I wish I had some sort of hot accent. I just don't. I'm like, I have a Jersey accent or New York. I like just not a good accent.

I love the Brazilian accent or the Australian accent. Oh my God, I wish I had one of those. Or maybe a French accent. or not really a French accent but I wish I spoke French anyway John you don't have to like you're not on mute like you could talk like I'm having a conversation you're listening to me

you could like join in to the conversation I was just listening I was just listening okay so I have Melissa from Brazil on the call and she's a repeat caller she called him before I'm not going to get into her whole thing just yet she's calling in because she's still sort of dealing with the issue she had in the first call

which was a situation with a dude that she was kind of banging that she, it was like a booty call that she couldn't turn into a real relationship when she started to like the guy. It was one of those typical things that most women in their life, and even guys have dealt with. It's just a common thing. John has been through a lot of guys that I've had that problem with, so he knows. Melissa read my book, so she, which is a book of like all my relationships,

gone wrong stories. She read it so she knows that I can relate to this story with her. So she's on to give an update and get more advice. because I think she's still stuck in it. But I don't want to get into all of that because you, John, I didn't make you listen to her episode. You don't listen to my podcast. No.

No, not really. Yeah, exactly. You're a good friend. I'm a good friend. I just don't have fun. No, you don't listen to my baby stuff either. The only thing that John, John's in my friends, I'm like 17 years old is a really fucking long time.

But he doesn't listen. The only shit he really likes to talk about is like meaningless stuff, like guy stuff. Keep it way. Keep it late. Yeah, and not even like if I met the man of my dreams I was going to marry, you probably wouldn't be interested in that. You like, like, bullshit.

No, that's not true. That's not true. I remember the first man of your dreams I was excited, and the second, third, fourth, and fifth I was excited. After a while, you lose your enthusiasm. None of them were the man of my dreams. I'm talking about if I had a real relationship, you wouldn't be interested.

You just like the drama. You're like a perpetual 15-year-old. You just like nonsense. You like to talk about dramatic nonsense. But when it comes to real, life stuff. Like once I was like basically told I had breast cancer. Like they were like, oh, 85% chance that's breast cancer. And it turned out that I was fine and everything. But for like a month and a half, I was like going through a lot of stuff. And you could have cared less or you were freaked

out. I don't know, but you were nowhere to be found. I'm having a baby. My surrogate is pregnant. She's three months pregnant. I don't think you know anything about any of that stuff. You don't tell me this one of the bad. Well, it's the only way you'll listen. When I'm talking to you regularly on the phone, you happen to be very well-behaving my plan. It's like a celebrity roast, you're just trashed me. Yeah, well, because when I'm regularly talking, you'll just hang up on me, or you won't listen, or you'll get really angry.

You're trying to be nicer than you really are. So anyway, so John's on the call because he helps me with all my nonsensical guy drama shit, and that's what this girl has. I remember, and I said this to some of my friends, I don't remember if I said it on the call, that I was almost jealous of Melissa from Brazil last time because she's sort of, I mean, I remember having, like, I mean, she was like, like, this guy and every time she'd get drunk she'd go over his house and she'd fuck him and even though she knew it was wrong

and it's like I missed those days as a non-drinker it recently became 12 years since I quit drinking May 18th was 12 years and it's sad when you get old and you just can't make those mistakes anymore and you know better because you know I don't know so but she's stuck in that and when you're not old and you don't know better

and you feel like an asshole and you keep doing the same thing over and over again and you keep fucking up and it feels terrible But there's something fun about that. I look back and when I was listening to her, I was kind of like missed those days. I'm sure you don't miss them, John, because you had to hear me talking about failing all the time. Failing all the time and going back to guys that nothing was going to have with them, whatever. But, you know, you live and learn.

And to me, I think it's always good to have a story. I have lots of stories. Melissa has a story and she's going to call it and John's going to help because I figured maybe she needs some guy advice, some lonely narcissistic. guy advice. And just because you haven't had a relationship, like, I think sometimes people think because someone hasn't had a relationship or hasn't been married or, like, sometimes they're not, like, equipped to give relationship advice. But I don't believe that.

A lot of times people that haven't had relationships or haven't been married are just, like, the sitting around analyzing everybody else. So they tend to be good, you know, sort of critics and good at giving advice. So even though you are a lonely narcissist and you have, you're like the biggest pussy on the planet, you can't have a relationship for like 10, 15 years since the last girl hurt you. I still think that you're good at giving advice. And if you suck at giving advice on this, you'll make me look like an asshole because that's what I think.

But maybe you're shy. I don't know. I'm going to test you out. So I didn't do my intro for my show. I'll do it now for my listeners. If you want to follow me on Twitter, follow me at Cartoon Therapy or at Strict Anonymous. If you want to buy my book, Melissa from Brazil bought my book.

She even wrote a little nice review. And she said she liked it, but I never know, you know, if people really like it. you know she's going to be nice to me she's not going to tell me she hates it right would someone say that i don't think so um but you could buy my book it's a kindle ebook i'm making it into a hard copy book because i think that's better but you can get it as an ebook right now online on kindle for like 299 and it's called the cartoon misadventures of a total train wreck and uh if you have it the last thing i want to ask is if uh you subscribe to my podcast write a review i love getting reviews um it helps the

podcast. I love to see or write into me. That's the other thing. Oh yeah. I love when listeners write in and give me their two cents. I have a bunch of people that do. But also if you want to be on the show, I just heard you sniff, John. That wasn't a sniff. Oh, okay. If you want to be on the show

and you have a problem, I would love to have you on. I always look for women. I've made this plea before. Melissa, actually, is somebody that was like, I think Googling because she had this issue and was looking to listen to podcast for help and found my podcast and decided to email and call in.

So if you're a regular person, whether you're a woman or a man and you just even have a regular dating question, doesn't have to be about SCX. You could email me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com and I'll have you on the show. I tape everybody and anyone that wants to call in, you know. Typically I go looking on adult friend finders, which is always a lot of fun. I meet really interesting characters on there as well as Craigslist. But I'd love for, you know, people that are listening to call up with the regular problems too, because I like to help.

everybody and anybody. So we'll be, so John, do you have anything to add this conversation? Yeah, pretty much. Who's that book dedicated to you wrote? It's dedicated to every man I've ever done with.

Oh, you're a terrible person. Yeah, John, just so you know, you're a little loud on this call. I might have to turn down your volume, but John always wanted the book dedicated to him, but I think you hung up on me and were really nasty to me around the same time. I was writing my pages for my book, so I dedicated to

every man I've ever dated. That's who it's dedicated to right now. If you're nice for like a consistent amount of time, maybe I would change that because I can. But at this point and when I meet it, you're being a narcissistic asshole. And I didn't dedicate it to you on purpose. Oh, no, horrible. I know. Well, you know, maybe I could be a narcissist too.

No fooling, really? I was the original. I'm not a narcissist. I turned into a real person in this lifetime. Yeah, I did actually. to be very cut off and devoid just like all the men of my life but it was quitting drinking really changed

me but anyway I don't want to get into that I want to get into Melissa let's let's just get her on the call and hear her story like I said she's this woman who can't get away from a guy who she has sex with who doesn't want a relationship typical sort of situation so we'll be right back on with Melissa my guest co-hosts John John's on an episode

I don't know what number it is but it's called John the lonely narcissist he's a friend of mine since I'm like 17 years old and he's the one who's helped me through all my guy problems. You've read my book. All those stories in there are sad but true. Very sad. Very true. Yeah.

And he lived through. And very like my life. Yeah. I feel like very much like a lot of girls' lives. And so he helped me with all of them. So I figured this time around, since this is your second time calling it, I'd have a guy on for some guy advice to help you. But listen, John doesn't listen, even though he's one of my really best. friends he doesn't listen to my podcast because he's not that great of a friend and he didn't

he didn't even when I asked him at first I was like oh can you listen to the episode he was like I don't really want to like that's like you know so I was like you know what it's actually good he's not listening because probably a lot of people listening to this podcast have it listen to the first one so I need you to just do a quick like one minute sort of recap of what the story was in the beginning or you know what we're and then we'll get into where you're at now Okay So there's this guy that I met through a friend And I saw him a lot of times

As a friend first And then one day out of nowhere I ended up flipping with him And it was amazing With the best sex of my whole life The best sex Yeah And then it was a thing that were

Each month I would see him After going out with my friend Being drunk kind of wouldn't end up texting him or something and then for like a few of two times she was like what he called and I was okay with that but then the end of the year he started to open up a little more start sharing his life and he's like that kind of um single single child that the parents are not perfect they have they have that issues and all that blah blah blah so he's

started like sharing that with me and we start talking every day um and then one day i invite him to to see me with my friends and he said he would go and it took him like four hours he got there i was already very drunk he was already drunk and he was a mess we had a huge fight he screamed with me um he said that he didn't fucking care about if he was going or i wasn't going with him and i was was really weird. So after a while, I couldn't believe that that happened. And so I texted him, we kind of talked to. He said that he was sorry and I was sorry.

And then we went on a date for the first time. Right. But that was like four or five months into it, right? Or five months into it? Yeah. That was like January and we started dating October or something. Right, right. So finally, after all that time of you not being able to get him into a relationship,

he started to give you, well, that's what happens. Like he didn't want a relationship, but then he starts to give you excuses of why he can't by telling you his life story. And then as women, we feel really bad and we think, okay, that's why he doesn't want a relationship. But if I help him, he'll change, right? So you keep going back.

And then finally he takes you out on a date. But it never went anywhere, right? Yeah. So he never had a girlfriend and he has all this care, of commitment and everything. So we started talking, but then we went on this great days, and then he disappeared for him another month. It's terrible.

I mean, listen, I only laugh because, you know, we all have that happen. Yeah, I know. It's funny. It's so funny. Because, and then, like, it was my birthday. He said he would go, and then he didn't show up, but he texted me, like, 1155. Happy birthday in, like, five minutes.

Right. Those little stupid things. That would keep you. It was like he would give you crumbs, and he would make you. think he, like just when you would think he's an asshole, he'd do a little something that would make you think, oh, no, he likes me. And that's the confusing thing about a push-pull relationship. Yeah, he's just, he's just scared or whatever. So, and then that was the last time I talked to you.

So that was after my birthday when he didn't show up. And I decided that I had to take, like, I had to figure out what I wanted. And I kind of, after talking to you, it kind of felt like, it's at my own fault that he's treating me like this because I let him. trading him like this. If I want something more, I should put like limit and if he doesn't give me what I want then it's not right, you know? So it was making me worse

than good, you know? Like it was like, it was like heavy like when you're addicted to a drug and you go and you're high and the other day you feel like shit, that's all I was feeling about him. Yeah, well that's what happens. That's why those kind of relationships are such a mind fuck. I forget

what the psychological term for them are but when a guy does a push-pull scenario and he like every now and then when you least expect it is nice and he gives you like it's this like a reward they call it like they've studied it with mice it's like the way to get someone addicted is to is with that behavior and it happens it could it could happen with a guy or a woman it's not just happens from you know women men do it you know a woman could do play the same game on a guy and it's going to make him fucking hooked and what you're hooked on is that gratification that you get every now and then that you never know when it's going to happen and that's what you want and that's what you keep going back for. So yeah, it is like a drug and you do get addicted and it has nothing to do with the other person.

Like I have guys that I know that pull this game on women and they think like it feeds like their ego. Like they actually think that like these like it's something about them that's making the girls like them. But it really isn't. It's about that sick, twisted, psychological sort of thing that they're doing and it's a game. and it gets a woman addicted, but it has nothing to do about, like, you really liking the other person.

Do you know what I mean? It's more about me. Yes. It's more about me and where I am. Exactly. With everything. Then he's the greatest guy you've ever met. Like, it's not that.

It's not, like, such a compliment to him that you're addicted to him. It's more of a telling, a sign of, like, where you're at in your life, like you said. Exactly. Yeah. So then I just kind of started, like,

not trying not to think about it and just left it like I didn't text him anymore or something but then what happened was like a month like a few weeks after he will be like liking on my pictures he'll be commenting on everything and I'll be like just ignoring and that was on for like three weeks or so and then one day I was at a bar so I always go out on the village and he lives there. So I'm always around, but it's not because of him. It's because it's where I go. So anyway, I was there in a bar with my friends, and I posted a picture on Instagram, and he comments, and that was, like, so normal that I didn't even care anymore. Right. But then he text me, and he said, I'm two blocks away. And then I was so, like, oh, my God, seriously, like, one month ago,

Like, he does that every time. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to even text him back. And then my friend, no, you should text him. So she gets the phone, start talking to him. Oh, my God. Why? Why did your friend do? What a bad friend.

Ten minutes later, she was there. Okay. So he got there. And I was like, okay. And then it was so weird because I was like with my friend and her boyfriend. So suddenly, it's. It was a double date. Right.

It was like two guys. It was so weird. And I couldn't like, I didn't even know what to say. You know, I was like, so seriously, what you're doing here? Like, what the fuck? Did you say that to him? No. I was like, you know what?

I'm just not going to say anything. I'm just going to. Like, I'm just going to be nice and whatever. And then we started talking and it was fun, you know. It was like way better than the last time that he went out with my friends. He actually talked to everybody. he was kind of nice. And then we were moving bars,

and then we were going to this one that I know that he really don't like. And he said, oh, really? We're going there. I don't like there. I was like, well, you don't have to go. It just, wait, you don't have to go. Right.

It's okay. And then he looked at me, he's like, no, I'm going to go for a beer. And I was like, okay. So he went there. And, you know, that whole thing was bothering me. I was like, what the fuck is he doing here? He doesn't text me.

He doesn't go on my, he doesn't fucking care. Then he shows up here. he expects me to go to his house, whatever. Like, I'm not going to do that. Not that he expects. It's what he wants. It's not so much that guys expect that they're going to do that. It's what they want.

He wants to bang you again. As much as it was probably the best sex you had, it was probably like amazing sex for him too. And so it's not, guys don't do that to expect us. This is what they're hoping for. He wanted to fuck you again. So that's what he's there for.

Yeah, but at that point, like, he knew that I had feelings for him and like he knew he knew you know so anyway and then i kind of like let him let him aside like if he was talking to my friend's boyfriend and i was like just talking to my friend i didn't really talk to him at the second bar because i was like you know i don't have anything to say you know like you know like you know when you feel like i don't i don't know what he's doing here i'm i don't i don't feel like this is good and then he came to me and he was like why you're not talking to me right and then i was so pissed and i looked at him and was like, you know what?

You want to talk to me? We're going to talk now. So I went and just said it. I said everything. I was like, seriously, I have fucking feelings for you. I wrote you a motherfucking letter. You know that I like you. And you know that you don't text me.

You don't do shit? And then you come here. What do you expect? You want me to go to your house? We have sex. And then tomorrow you are gone. And I mean, shit, I don't want this anymore. Like, you're so fucking selfish.

I just said it everything. And why? I was like, I don't know what you think. I don't know. How do you feel that you're going to meet someone? And out of nowhere, they're going to be the love of your life, are going to get married and have kids. You have to let people in in your life.

And then you'll figure it out if they're going to be your friends. Is there going to be your wife? If you're going to hate each other. But, like, you just don't open up a little and then you just shut them off forever. It's like, I really care about you and you're a nice person. Like, we get along so well. And I don't get it. you want because you come and you talk

about your personal shit and then you just disappear. Right. But what was, what was his reason? He was like the most, like, she was sweating, she was shaking, she was so nervous. How old is he? I'm sorry, how old is he?

She's 29. Oh, all right. And I'm 22. But he never had a girlfriend, right? So, like, like, why? I was like, I was like, I can't understand what's going. you on with you and I asked him do you think about me he was like yes I do and I was like how often he was like I don't know every day and I was like why don't you fucking text me then why do you to think

about me every day why don't you just text me and say hey Melissa how are you today it's just so simple it doesn't mean anything and I was like just because I have feelings for you it doesn't mean that I want anything with you like seriously I just want you to be sincere and be who you are and we just see how things go it's not that hard it's what people do, and I don't know what do you want, texting me every month. And there's nothing, like, you know, because if it was just a buddy call, you wouldn't tell me your shit. You'll be, I go there, we have sex, and that's it. You open up.

And then he was like, I really care about you. I don't want you to leave my life. I really want to let you in, and I care, and I like you, and I'm going to text you. You know, like, he was all, like, kind of, he was like, but, I'm like, this is really hard for me. I got where I am by myself. And I was like, just because you spend your whole life by yourself doesn't mean that you have to be by yourself for the rest of it. And I was like, why are you laughing at you?

So he was like basically telling you he was ready to give the relationship a shot? Yeah, he was like kind of like this. That's what I told him. It's like, I don't want a relationship. It's like I just want us to be open. Who said I don't want to? Wait, wait. Who said I don't want a relationship?

relationship. You or him? I said it. Yeah, see, that's ridiculous. Why would you say that? You do want a relationship. No, it's not what I mean. It's not like you have, like, what I say is like, you don't have to decide right now it's going to be my boyfriend or not. Yeah, that's where you lose it. That's where you lose it. Because he, that's, at this point, after so many months, like, that's what he does need to do, actually. But anyway, go on. Yeah, I don't know. So maybe that was like, there was so, so. So. like very intense like he was like sweating he was like and then he told me like really um i'm feeling so bad right now and i like i'm so stressed on my anxiety levels are on on the height and then i need to go home but i will text you tomorrow i hope to have fun like i really care about you and then he

hugged me he kissed me and then you laugh oh my god he didn't even want to have sex after that conversation yeah me neither that was like impossible yeah but for the guy but but for the guy not to want to have sex. Yeah. He's a big baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a big baby. He's never had a girlfriend.

He's probably terrified if you want to have to ask. That's why he's fucking up so bad. Yeah, and John's a big baby, so he understands. So go on. You didn't have to add that, but. You know, he understands those kind of insult, like there's certain guys that

I know that really need a very aggressive girl because they don't, they're fear. rejection is just too great and too much that they can't pursue women. It's just like crippling for them. And a lot of I know men that have that

disease. John just he might not want to admit it is one of them. That's why I have him on his call because... I prefer my women more aggressive. No, I'm not petriple. Yeah, but he does like women that are more aggressive and do everything like a but and a woman like if you if some woman

told him he has to do all the asking and all the texting like it wouldn't happen. I know John. It won't happen that way with him because he won't do that. He over-analysis too much. So anyway, go on with your story. So yeah. So then what I wrote, like what I wrote in your book and

I kind of related was like when you said it like you were kind of using all this, you get away with your real problems. Uh-huh, totally. Uh-huh. And then, yeah, and then that weekend something happened. So that was a Saturday and I end up

going to an other party with my friend and then My phone died and I couldn't charge it until next morning. When I got home, my family told me that my grandma, in back in Brazil, because I'm from Brazil, was sick. And then she was in the hospital and she was really bad. And then I spent the whole Sunday, like, feeling very bad and so hard for me to be here. Then I really didn't even think about him. Right.

But then he text me that night, like he said, he would. He said like he was really nice to see you yesterday And then I kind of told him about my grandma But at the point she was kind of just sick Next morning she passed away Oh my God I'm sorry to hear that Yeah it was like and it was out of nowhere

She was like she was not like she was not I wasn't hope expecting that so soon You know Right And it's been two years that I'm here And I never had to deal with something like that and the fact that I wasn't there for my family, like for my dad and, like, to be there for them, you know, because that was, like, so hard for me. So then I was, like, so overwhelmed, but then I couldn't, I couldn't cry.

I was just, like, I couldn't. I spent, like, three hours laying my bed and looking to the ceiling, doing nothing, trying to understand what happened, and I couldn't. Uh-huh. You mean with your grandma, trying to figure out what happened with your grandmother, not with the guy at the time, right? Yeah, yeah, not with the guy. And then, like, I kind of was my first reaction was like denial. And that's what I do every time. I just went on denial.

What I did, I text him. And I started talking about shit. And then I text him. And then the next day was San Patrick's day, I went to the far. I got drunk. I went to his house. Like, I went in completely denial of everything. Right.

And I didn't want to feel anything. now I'm saying this but then at the time I was like oh what can I do I'm not there I need to move on I need to live my life here Right you didn't know you were in denial Like you didn't make that decision You weren't like and that's what's so interesting

Because that's the way it goes No one makes that decision to like block shit out But you do that subconsciously But at least you're smart enough to realize Looking back that that's what you were doing Yeah So then like when I went to his house That day he was so different

Like I got there and he was like showing me his stuff. He was telling me about work and then he was telling me about this new colon that he got. Like he was like actually letting me in and sharing his stuff. So it was very nice. And I was like, wow, I guess this conversation helped, you know. And then like maybe this is a good thing. So I was like so happy about that and so in time about the other stuff. And other thing is like at that point I was I was leaving in Long Island.

and the thing is like I came here to work as a nanny and I was until then living with the family that I worked for so I'm 27 and I was living with a family that is all mine and I used to work so much I didn't make that much money and it was something that always bothered me and I always wanted to move here to the city and do my own thing and everything but that was something also that I was always in denial I didn't look at that I didn't talk about it I just, you know, didn't think about it. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah.

So all of that, like, came together, and then I had that day with him, and then what happened? It disappeared again. For how long? For that text me again. So. But did you try to, but when he would disappear? Like, would you try texting him at all and he wouldn't text you back? Or you would.

Yes. Oh, you're kidding. She will be just weird. He'll be just like, no. I was like, well, you're doing this weekend. He'll be like, oh, I'm going to watch back. ball was like March Madness whatever fuck that is and I was like okay and then like he wouldn't make any effort after that and I was still trying to be cool like oh okay so I

hope you have fun he wouldn't text me back you know so it was like so frustrating and but at that point where everything that was going on I went nuts I was like constantly thinking about him all the time I was like looking at his Twitter page every five seconds and trying to understand what he was saying I was like oh My friends would kill me every time that I would open my mouth to talk about. They would be like, just please, enough. Enough for you. Enough.

We don't know. This reminds you of anyone, Kathy? Yeah, totally. Okay. Yeah. Fucked up. And then, like, I think two weeks after or three weeks after, I was telling my friends that I was, like, so over. I was, like, so tired.

Like, you know, when you're so tired of that. Like, I was like, I'm exhausted. I can't do this anymore. I can't just, then I deleted my Facebook. Like, I just, like, started dropping my phone. Like, I didn't have my phone for the whole day because I was, like, getting sick. No, I was like, I'm so, so obsessed with this, and I don't want to be that person. Right.

You decide you want to kick the habit. You want to quit that addiction. And that takes drastic measures. Yeah, and then, but I knew that if I just stopped talking to him, like I did the other time, he will come to me again. Right. And then everything will start over again. So I was like, you know what?

I need to make this clear. Right. So I was like, if she wants me to be his boy called, I'm going to call him 1 a.m. And I'm going to go there. I'm going to have sex with him. And I'm going to tell him that I will go like, I'm going to go.

That's my sweet way of doing. That's a very interesting solution to ending a relationship. Oh, I'm going to go fuck him one last time. And tell him this is the last time. Yeah, so I call him on Friday 1 a.m. And he was sleeping. He was literally slipping. And I was like, well, you're sleeping?

He was like, yeah. I was like, okay, so do you want to wake up? And he was like, why? I was like, because I'm five minutes away. I was like, you want to come here? I was like, yes. And then he was like, okay. And then I got there.

He was actually, like, he was like pajamas. Like, he was sleeping. Right. And then we end up not doing anything. We're actually just slapped together that time. Why? Because, I don't know, because he was tired. Like, I just went there and, like, we kind of started.

Like, I felt like, you were tired. I was tired. No, no, no, no. See, these super weirdo guys, okay, I know this breed, I'm telling you. And he might be one of them. That's why I keep asking you about the sex stuff. Because normal guys that don't have commitment issues, you know, there's no weirdness with sex.

They'll fuck you anytime, anywhere, anyhow, whether you like them, whether or not, they'll push your boundaries. Like, that's just the way that it goes, okay? When a guy starts to play weirdo games with sex like that, that's like another sort of sign that he's really afraid of relationship. Because what he has it in his head, that he has sex with you, and then you're going to get more attached and you're going to want more from him. So that becomes like a weird thing. The fact that he's not banging you when you go over to his house or that other time you had that conversation is another sign that he's just like a weirdo with a capital W. you. Seriously. No, I'm really serious. It's not normal. Like, you went over there at 1 o'clock in the morning and I was sexy, woke him up, like, what do you want to do, snubble? Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, no, that's like, but for the record, she's not talking about dealing with it. No, that's a little bit. That's like, that's, like, not normal, you know, but that's him, like, sort of, that's the way that these weirdo guys. But that was more me than him. That was more him than, was he trying to, like, You were in his bed, it was him. Yeah, I mean, he could have had sex with you. You went over there to have sex. You were in his bed, I wasn't settled for a double. You told me that you went over there to fuck him one last time.

Yeah, but then what happened was like, I woke up, and then I had sex like, we were tired, or just like time. Okay. Well, that's better at least. No, I still think it's a little weird. In the morning, like, I was like, I was thinking, and I actually had. a dream about him that night, like, she was, like, such an asshole. And I woke up so angry. Mm-hmm.

But then he was there, and then he, like, he was, like, there hugging me, like, the whole night. I was like, oh, my God, he's fucking ridiculous. So I was like, okay, I'm going to do my bet, and he's going to remember me. He's going to be, every time that he fuck someone, he's going to remember me, because he's not going to be good enough. Right. So then, like, we have tags again. It's so good, whatever.

And then when we're finished I was like So What's doing today I was like I don't know I was like Do you want to go have lunch

I was like I'm going to give one last try Yeah I was like no because I think I'm going to meet my friends later Like see We'll never do anything normal It's like This is fucked up And then he looked at me

I was like I don't want to even Start arguing again I'm just going to tell you That I really like you And I really care about you and I just can't do this anymore. It's just not like, I was like, I just can't.

It's just like, please don't talk to me anymore. If I text you, drunk, don't answer. If I, like, don't text me, don't like my pictures. Don't do anything. At some point, I'm going to get over this and we can be friends and I, like, we can, whatever. But not right now. I need space. And I'm really asking you to just, please don't talk to me.

And then he was like, okay. Like, he didn't say anything, you know. But then I didn't want to, like, fight. So I just kind of like, I know it's like it's stupid, but like it's my own fault. Like I let myself liking you, even though like I know you're in a different place. And he was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't see myself changing very soon. And I was like, and that's okay.

It's like my own thing. I need to put my limit on myself. So it's just I need to deal with my own thing right now. and maybe one day we can talk again. And then he was like, okay. And then we kept talking. And then I asked him, I think at some point I asked him, how did he see me, like as a person, like, what do you see, like, in me?

Like, if you could say something about me, what would you say? And then he said something that he said, what I think is that you are trapped in a place working and leaving someone's life that you don't like, you're not happy you're just like there living their drama taking care of other people's kids and then you come here on the weekend

that's your two-day freedom and you want to like blow everything up because that's the only time that you have for yourself so that's when you go and do your own shit thing and you don't fucking care and then you go back to your non-reality and then you just like he said that and it's kind of true

you know yeah yeah very perceptive of him yeah and what I felt is like because when he met me like last year I was just like I was a mess like I'll be drunk every single weekend I didn't save any money any money I didn't do anything for myself I spent like the whole year

doing nothing, just partying with my friend. And every time he saw me, was like drunk, kissing my girls, my girlfriends, like, in the middle of the party

and, like, calling him 1 a.m. Like, and then I kind of started thinking, like, can you just, I can't blame him

for not wanting to be my boyfriend show because if I was dating someone like me now, I would also didn't want to date them. Like you said it, like in your book,

like, I was attacking their own kind of guy because I was their own kind of girl. Exactly. I used to make jokes. And I only saw this after, but I would be like, you know, people would ask me like, why are you still drinking? Why are you still out of bars?

Because you want a boyfriend? Like you're not going to be. And I'd be like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'll stop drinking when I meet a guy. But I didn't realize that like the guy that I wanted to date would never walk in a bar and be attracted to like the wasted girl that I was. Like I knew I had to be come. Exactly.

Yeah. I knew I had to be from. Everyone loves a bar. party girl, but not as good girl. Yeah, so I had to clean up my act. I had to clean up my act so I could become the girl that the kind of guy I liked would like. And that was like not the girl that I was. So that's exactly what you had to do.

Yeah, and also like it's not just like, like you said in the book, too, it's like, it's not that you have to change where you are. It's just like you have to change your perspective. And it's just the way that like. You know what? I would go so far as to say it for me and I think it is for a lot of women that are party girls, It wasn't about changing who I was. It was about actually revealing really who I was.

To me, that party girl image and the way that I looked and the way that I dressed and the way that I acted was much more, was much less of who I was than who I am now. If anything, that was like an act of just like not caring and having fun and that was like an immature. Exactly. So it's really about being more honest about who you are and becoming more of who you are. So, yeah, it's not about changing yourself. It's about being true to yourself. You're like a responsible guy.

girl that like you said you're not like you know at your age you're like really young but you you see that it's like a waste of your time to be drinking and doing all that stuff and everything to realize that means that you got a good head on your shoulders and stuff yet you're presenting yourself as like a train wreck right but that's not really who you are yeah and then like i just I kind of top like when I i left that day and i went home and I really thought about it I was like what am I doing in my life like what I'm not doing anything that I came because like it was really hard for me to leave all my family and everything like and I came here to build my own life and be my own my own thing and learn how to be responsible and do my own thing and I wasn't

doing that at all right and I was just like not dealing with everything just paying attention on him because he was like a good thing in my life and like we're a distraction a distraction like a distraction like he's not like he's really nice like when I'm with him is really cool and he's a good person and he has a good heart and everything he's just a little messed up but like also that's also part of how I presented myself like like that's you guys met

at the same time because you guys were both in the same place what you don't realize and what I didn't realize a lot when I was attracting unavailable guys is that I was unavailable too do you understand so you were as unavailable as he was for anything really real right so that's why you were attracting him to begin with yeah and also because like I also told my friends, I was like, imagine if you really liked me back.

What will happen is we start dating, and I would skip all this thing that I want to do that is live by myself and learn how to do my own thing because that's what I came here to do. Because in Brazil, I was living with someone and I never had to think about saying rent or, blah, because he was thinking about it. So I came here to do this for myself. Right. So that would have diverted from that plan. and it would have been a way, like, you wouldn't be able to have focused on yourself

because you would just be obsessed with him. Yeah, so I was like, it's, everything is happening because this is the way that it should happen. Right. And then I just kind of took control of my own thing. So now I look for a different job. Did you find one? Yeah, and I just moved like two weeks ago to the city and I started a new job. And I'm like finally doing exactly what I always wanted to do.

And I know it's just the first step. Oh. And everything is doing good, you know? We didn't even need John on this call. I didn't realize that you were, you're like in a great, you're actually in a really good place. Like, actually. Yeah.

You don't need God. But then. You don't need my brand of tough love. She seems pretty smart. Yeah, no, John doesn't get into the deep, like transformation stuff. Yeah. There's one thing. Yes.

He texts me. Okay, when did he text you? I begged him not to text him. I begged him not to talk to me. How long did he stay not talking to you, texting you, whatever? Three weeks. That was like, okay, so the last time I had sex with him and I saw him that day that I talked to him, they asked him to not talk to me, that was two months ago.

Okay, so two months he didn't talk to you? For one month he didn't talk to me. And I was seriously not thinking about him. Right. I was like really fine. I was like really, and I was also thinking like, well, maybe once I'm already settled and I'm in a better place with myself, maybe I can talk to him and then deal with that in a better way. Yeah. Or just like see the relationship for what it is.

Maybe it's just a friendship. What is it that you guys have that you could define? Maybe it's not going to be like a boyfriend girlfriend situation, but it could be something else. But you have to be clear of what that is before you go into it so you don't have unrealistic expectations. Exactly. Okay, that's the thing. I needed to manage my expectations for him. So that's what I was thinking.

And then he pecked me like, that's the thing. He doesn't text me, hey, how are you? He's never done that. So it's like he, he checked me this lunch menu from his work that was a Brazilian lunch menu. And then he started like going on and on about the stuff that he ate and he liked it. That's his way of contacting you. Okay, he's never going to. That's just a sneaky way of contact.

Yeah, he's never going to be that guy. And trust me, I've dated a lot of guys like this. And I'm like you. I want that guy that's much more of a pursuer. Like I need that or want that for myself, you know. And then I would give it back. But like, he's not the guy that's going to be that way. He's not going to magically change ever.

That's his way of making contact with you. Like, that's his way. Yeah. So what I did is just like, I was nice, but I didn't. I didn't ask me how it was. So I didn't ask him how he was. was. He didn't care. I don't care. No, he cares. He just doesn't know how to say.

Like, you know, guys are different than women, you know, right? Like, a guy's not going to get all sentimental with you and stuff. Like, that's his way, that's a guy's way of being sentimental. Do you know what I mean? Just to send you a thing and just start talking to you, right, John? Isn't that much more the way a guy would do than to say, you know, to say, you know, to. You know, he might look at you in a different way now that you move and, you know, you're, you're cleaning, basically cleaning up your act. I mean, I wouldn't, I would have said.

I love porn girls, but I wouldn't date any of them. No, don't, don't, wait, but don't give her false hope that this guy is going to magically change. I think it's like a, I think even if, I. She's going to always have to be the more aggressive. But I don't think that she, but I think that you want something different than that. I don't think he's the right guy for you. But wait, wait. Let me tell him.

Oh, sorry. It's not over yet. Oh, okay. He texted me. Yeah. He texted me. She doesn't want him, though. Stop, John.

She said it's not over. I'm sorry. And then, like, that was before I moved. And then I just didn't, like, didn't continue talking to him. And then he started, like, the same thing. He would like and comment everything that I did. I went to Miami with my friend. He liked all the pictures.

He comments. He was, like, all over. And I was, like, once again kind of thinking about him more than I wanted. Right. I was like, oh, fuck. Like, I thought I was over with this. But then, and then last week, the past week, I was waiting my friend to get off work. So now I'm working here, right?

So I'm, like, in the city every day. And I was there, and my friend called me, and she's like, I'm going to be 40 minutes late. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, what am I going to do with myself? And then I was like, you know what? I'm going to text him. And then I text him. Okay.

And I was like, hey, what are you doing? He was like, oh, I just got home. And I was like, oh, cool. I'm walking and waiting for Lwana. And then he's like, where are you walking? I was like, I'm a bleaker. And that's like two blocks from his house. And he was like, oh, okay.

And he was like, where are you going? I was like, oh, I'm going to this bar that is like two minutes from his house. And it was like, oh, okay. I can stop and say hi if you want. Then he was like, oh, okay. I was like, come down stairs. Because I'm not going to go up there. I'm just going to stay.

I'm just going to say hi. And then he was like, okay. And then he was, okay. So he came downstairs and I was sitting like in a stairs. And then he comes to me, hi, how are you? And then he looked at me, hey, get up. And then I got up. He hugged me.

And he was like, how are you been? And then he was nice. And then we talked for like half an hour about life, about work. And my friend called me, and I left. Just like we talked. It was nice. It was polite. And that was it.

When I got to the bar, he already texted me. He was like, oh, they gained this. They gained that. And I think he wanted me to go to his house afterwards, right? Right. But then what I said, I was like, my phone is dying. And he was actually dying. So have a good night.

And then he was like, oh, okay, good night. Good for you. Good night, dear. But then that was Wednesday. So then yesterday, this friend. We're in real time. When you say yesterday, like, meaning really yesterday? We're up to, like, the last one.

Yeah, now that was last Wednesday. And then yesterday, I was meeting the same friend. But, like, she's having probably her girlfriend. And, like, she's putting me off all the time. So then she was like, let's meet up. for brunch. So I was like, okay, I meet you there. When I finally get there, she was like, oh, I can't, because I need to go talk to her, blah, blah. She stood me up again. So there, by my telephone, I was like, okay, I have my book. That's how I finished your book. So I went to, I went to watch the park, it's my favorite park, and I was there reading the book, and then I posted a picture on Instagram,

and I was reading the book. And he saw that I post it, and then he typed me. Oh, he said, So you're in my neighborhood again. And then I was like, yeah, because it's my favorite. And then I was, I want to send me up again, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, so what are you doing? He was like, oh, I just got ice cream on six and fourth, like two blocks away. And I was like, oh, bring me some. Then he brought me some.

And then we spend two hours laying on each other's blast and talking and listen to music. And like those couple things at the park on a sudden actor, and that was so fucked up. Because I was like, what the fuck? This is so weird. And we didn't kiss. We didn't do anything. We just hang out with each other at the park.

Listen to music and talking about the book. And then we went for a drink. And I just slept. I was like, okay, so I'm going to be my friend. Bye. And that was it. Okay. But let me ask you.

that confuse you? Or like, where are you at and what are you looking for and what do you want from this guy now? I think he's like, he's, he's thinking this, this is weird. Like, he expects me. Wait, wait, Melissa, I'm not asking you about, listen what you just did. Like, you went back into his head. I'm not asking about him. We can analyze him till the fucking cows come home. He's a weirdo like my friend John on the phone. Okay. I know this type of guy. They don't fucking stop. Stop, they don't change. Okay, he's not changing. What I want to know from you is what, pretend he doesn't exist.

Like if you could create the situation that you would want now with a guy, what does that look like for you? What would you want from him? What do you want to happen in this situation with this guy now moving forward? Not what he's thinking or what he wants. What do you want? Okay. So I feel that I like that people are honest. So I want to be able to have a relationship where I can just say what I want without being afraid of what that means.

So I really don't feel like I'm ready to have a real, like, I don't want to get married anytime soon. I think I'm just starting to do this own thing for myself. But I really like him. And I really, like, when we are together, it's really nice. and he's like someone that I could see myself for a long time. I could see myself in the future. Like, if he could just open up. And like what we did yesterday was something that I always wanted to do with him.

Right. Well, why don't you just create some healthy boundaries? I learned these things, something called boundaries, very late in life. But they're very good to have and they help you. And you have to decide everyone's boundaries are different for themselves. You know, you have to figure out what would, you know, what would work for you? You want to keep this guy in your life. You really like him as a person.

I don't know if you ever listen to my podcast called Dr. Guy as a total womanizer. He was a guy that I dated recently. I dated him from like in like August through October. But I met him in February. And I really liked him. He was like the first guy in a long time that I really liked. And you could listen. And it went wrong because he's just like too good looking.

is too many girls, he just got divorced. He wasn't like ready to settle down, whatever. But after I got over him, I went back and I became friends with him. And we're great friends. And I have the same kind of relationship with him. Like we're very compatible in a lot of ways. And I really like him. And I'm still attracted to him.

And he is to me. And he tries to like full around me. And there's that weird thing. But, you know, I know that because I would start liking him in two seconds if I, like, let that boundary become blurred and started really having sex with him and all that stuff. Like it wouldn't work for me. I'd start liking him again. And when it comes down to it, he's not at the place that I would want him to be.

Plus, I'm having a baby in December. Like, I'm not ready for that relationship either. So I keep that healthy boundary because I know the way I am and I don't want to get hurt or start liking somebody or getting this weirdo fantasy land that I'm going to be with somebody that I don't want to be with anyway or I'm not really ready. So if you're not ready for a relationship and you know that, stay in that reality as much as possible and figure out how you could do that with being his friend. with him in your life. You could be friends with him. Maybe it's like you just make out, but you don't have sex. But I would create some sort of boundary so it doesn't cross over into that fantasy land that you're going to get into where you're going to start thinking that this guy is going to be any different than he has.

But it's not going to work with him in that it's going to turn into a real relationship right now. But it can be a different kind of relationship. You just don't want to suffer through it. I don't agree with that. I don't care. Just look at what she says about. This is the thing. What I just can't, I just don't think, like, because everybody keeps in like,

and he's just going to have sex to me. And I keep thinking, why would a guy go through all this shit just to have sex to someone? I didn't say that. I'm not talking about him again. Remember, I'm talking about you. I just, like, what, what are you going to do so that it works for you? What I think is, it's like, I wouldn't mind going all the miles. Like, I wouldn't mind talking to him all the time.

inviting him and taking the lead of the stuff. If I knew that he would let me in. But he has showed you that he's letting you in probably a lot for him. So like you can't, it can't be like it's like it becomes a standoff when it becomes that way. Like I'll do this if he does that. Like you just have to do what you want to do so that you get what you want. Like he lets you in as much as he's going to let you in. And that's going to be.

But you're going to have to take that control. So if I will you... And also, it's like, I can't date anybody else. Like, I try to go on base with other guys. There's this other guy that's like, he's crazy about me. He really wanted to date me for so long. And I'm like, I went on a date with him. The moment that he kissed me, I was like, oh, it's so awkward.

It's like, I can't even kiss someone, which is so fucked up because I cheated on my boyfriend. And I don't even have a relationship with this guy. Right. And it's just because it's like, it doesn't, you know, it doesn't feel. good when I'm with other person another person. Right, because you're still hooked on this guy. Yeah, so I just don't, but at the same time

I don't mind spending my time and my energy on him, but I just don't want to get fucked up. I just don't understand it's like, if he just, like, just want to be my friend or he just want to have a lot of stuff. No, he wants to be more, but he's a coward.

Yeah, but he doesn't have a lot of experience women because he had no girlfriend. Yeah, but don't let John. Yeah, so watch her. I do. Okay, John, give her the advice that you used to give me

to chase after these guys that aren't ready for a relationship that aren't secure enough to have relationship. Now never goes anywhere. You know what? Just like you said,

what was the thing? You think Dr. Doctor is a total womanizer. This guy don't sound like a total womanizer. I doubt there's girls running around this house when she's not there. It doesn't.

There is no, okay. He goes to the bar by himself. Okay, but he's not a womanizer, right? Okay. No. Okay, so what does she need to do? What does she need to do to get him?

I think more or less he's just a kind of a shy, nerdy guy with girls. And like I said, no guy wants to date a party girl that they know without getting drunk and fool around and everything else. You might booty cool them. You might really like them, but when they're still being a party girl, you're not worth dating.

Okay, so now that she's not a party girl and she's in a place that she seems more responsible, what should she do to get this guy in a relationship because that's what she wants? Personally, I think that he's not, relationship material and you'll never get him a relationship and you're wasting your time. But John is going to give you unrealistic advice so that you could spin your heels and then

we're going to have a third, we're going to have a third stop at John. We're going to have a third podcast and I'll bring on a different co-host that's going to give you a different advice and tell you what I'm saying is this guy's never going to change. You'll have a relationship with him. He's going to be alone forever? Who cares? Are you, do you want to be alone forever? That's the question.

Like, I don't care about him so much. You're calling in. You're the person I'm talking to. it's more about you. And that's what you tend to do is you go into his head and that's what we do as women. It's about like what he wants.

Why doesn't he, why don't you wonder whether you're going to be alone forever? Like you're deciding now just because you have to have like a real job and you're living in the city and you're in the best place of your life yet you don't want a relationship.

Like, why are you in that place? Why do you think you can't have a relationship? You should be analyzing that. Not him. He's the weirdo that hasn't had a relationship until he's 29. Okay, that's fucked up shit. That's what you're having to problem.

Yeah, but that's fucked up. shit that's not going to change. He needs to be in heart. Like, that's like stuff that is very hard to change. You have had relationships before. You know, why are you saying out loud that you don't want one? Do you want to be alone for the next two years? I don't think so. You're not really alone. But you're torturing yourself through having like this weirdo relationship with a guy that's

going to, again, make you feel bad about yourself. It's just going to happen because he's not ready and willing or capable of having a relationship. He's too afraid. And you can't change him. The sad thing about these very insecure guys. guys is that you cannot give somebody secure. It's no different than insecure women. It's not like someone comes into your life and changes your security.

You can't make him more secure than he is. The minute you do anything slightly wrong that brings up his fear, he'll cower and he'll run away and you'll be miserable the whole time. He's going to pull back and do that push, pull with you constantly. You could not make him less afraid. It's not about you. It's about him. Do you understand?

So there's something you could do. You can do fucking cartwheels on your head and hold your breath. You're never going to, he's never going to change. I've had so much experience with this breed of man because that's who I was too. You're probably a little fearful of relationships too. That's why you say, I don't want one. I'm not ready for one, blah, blah, blah. You know, if you really-

Because I always focus on the first and I don't focus on myself. That's the problem with me. Okay, but you're focusing on him now. Okay, but you're still focusing on him now. You're like, you're still focusing on him. You do yourself a disobeyed. service by going back to this guy right now because he's going to take you off your path. Keep him at bay.

Keep him as a friend. Keep your boundary up. Try not to sleep with him as much as possible. And keep going towards fixing your life and doing what you want. I hope you meet another guy. I believe there is another guy out there for you. For real. Okay?

Seriously. You're just hooked on this guy and he's going to take you away from yourself again. He will if you go back the way that you went back before. You could go back to him. but do it different and do it in a way that works for you. And the only way it's going to work for you is if you stop sleeping with him. I swear to you, there really is a hormone that is released in women when they have orgasms from a man that make you fucking feel attached. And the only thing I've been able to do to get myself unattached from guys is not have sex with them.

Don't have sex with him. Seriously, don't. You can make out with them whatever it takes to not do that, but don't do it. Keep yourself attached. And people may think that I'm giving you bad advice, but I'm giving you good advice. Trust me. And I come giving it to you for experience. John is a lonely narcissist and hasn't had a relationship for 10 years

because he's exactly like this guy because he's exactly like this guy he's waiting for the magical girl that makes him feel secure I want to hear the fucked up side of the story the guys for him he's gonna yeah he's gonna tell you to do everything right to this guy you have to do all the work pursue him text him call him never make him feel insecure

text him all the time when he disappears be nice don't question him for anything John, what's... I'm not going to say that at all. Okay, well, that's what a girl would need to do for you. I'm not going to say that at all. I'm just saying, there's a guess that while you're thinking he's some type womanizer playing games.

I don't think he's a womanizer playing games. Clueless. No, I don't think he's a womanizer playing games at all. I think he's clueless. I think he's fucking clueless. And don't know how to act. No, he's Patrick. He's afraid of commitment and that's a serious defect.

Yeah, because nobody wants to commit to a party girl. That's not the reason why. I'm sure he's met in his 29 years, John, in his 29 years, he works in an office, he has a very good job. Stop it. He works in an office. He's a very good job. That's a little weird. Listen, John, he works in an office.

He has a very good job. He's a good looking man and he has some cash and he lives in New York City, okay? There's a lot of attractive women that aren't party girls that he's come across, I'm sure, that he's never dated anybody, okay? This bitch is not the only girl. That's a little weird. That's a little weird. It's weird.

Stop. It's not about him being a womanizer. I don't think he's playing games. I think he cares about you. I think he cares about you more than probably anyone he's cared about. That's what it, you have, you have gone through what it takes to get this close with him. But that's probably as close as you'll be able to get.

That's all I'm saying. Be happy with that because nobody's going to get close to you either probably, because right now you need to focus on yourself and you can't have a relationship. Give her the advice, John, because I got to wrap up the call. You keep, you keep crying a love, though. Okay, I know, because it's just so. wrong, but just give her it by sorry. Sorry, Melissa. I'm cock-locking you right now. I'm cock-blocking you. I'm going to have to go to the bottom of this right now. I know. We're

going to have a part. We're definitely going to have a part three for sure. You're not anywhere far away from being. This is not ending anytime soon. I know. No, but there's nothing wrong. Well, listen, what I think is maybe if you understand it's a big baby and it's real hard for him to open up, And when you did ask him, what did he, how did he see you? He described what he said. He didn't say, I see a hot girl. But he said I see someone that's living, you know, their whole life on a weekend because I don't want to be with someone who has a whole separate life and a weekend life.

So he was honest, you know. Maybe now that you made this big change and we'll, you know, take it a little bit slow. And you know, you've got to remember, you're not going to get a lot out of them because he's a big baby. And I'm a big baby with a lot of stuff. It's forever for me to open up that. Oh my God.

Who's on the call? Melissa, that's you outside, right? Hold on. I got to edit this out. It's so loud. I got to edit that out. Okay, go on.

John. Well, yes, maybe give them, at least go into this thing. I'll give it a little bit of a chance and let him see if maybe he's a big baby and he needs to, you know, get, figure out how to ask me it grows.

She can be a little bit lenient. But if it's the same nonsense, then cut it loose and you know it's over. But at least sit down and tell them, say, listen. You know, I mean, you told them before you really liked them when you sent the letters. You know what a five-page letter got me out. Yeah. She read my book.

She knows I wrote someone a five-page level of life. Oh, she does know the letter. It's in my book. I forgot if it was in the book. I never read the book. She wrote the letter, too. She wrote a letter already to this guy. He said that he told, like, he was, like, he said,

the letter I never got in high school. The letter he never got in high school? Yeah. Because when I asked him, why you never dated someone? He said, because nobody can send me for too long. Exactly. He knows. I told you. I had a boyfriend that told me, oh, you just have to go through thorn bushes to get me. It's just like, the only people that go through thorn bushes to get guys are like insane people. So that's why those guys always wind up with crazy women. He wound up that same guy that told me I need to just go through thorn bushes. And he was treating me really terribly because he had a massive fear of commitment.

and he was the guy that only fuck me halfway in guy you read that chapter oh that loser okay he'd only put his dick in halfway he was a weirdo of petrified Yeah. Just come. Just wait through that. And she's always there. It's frightening, isn't it? Yeah, but he found a girl after. And she was, she, like, absconded, like, $60,000 from him because she was like a psychopath.

But only a psychopath would put up with the things that these guys, these barriers that these wuss guys that have commitment issues put up. So they wind up with crazy people. You're not crazy enough to go through it. You're fighting the whole way. You're kicking and screaming. And you're going to kick and scream the whole way. That's fine. You want to do business with him?

I think you should stay his friend. I think you could even fool around with him. a little bit, but create some healthy boundaries so that you stay the least affected and always stay in reality of the situation. Say out loud constantly to him. I know you don't want a relationship and I don't want a relationship either right now. If you stay in the truth of that,

you'll be a lot better than if you start getting in his head. But she doesn't want a relationship. No, she does. She does not. She's just saying she doesn't. No, she's not ready for a relationship. Are you? That doesn't mean she's not ready. You're never ready. What do you say? Time, that never a relationship. You just fall into it.

Maybe it works out good. And both with them, what do you call, grow, you know, with their problems. He could act a little more like a man, but woman. Maybe he'll learn a lesson from this. Yeah, I think I already, I am already learning a lot. Yeah, you're already learning lessons. You're not going to learn a lesson of, like, how to get an unavailable. There's never a lesson in getting an unavailable guy to like you.

No one ever learns that. You can't change an unavailable person. All you could really realize is that you're unavailable to. Melissa is unavailable right now. That's why this is the guy she's doing business with. He's a good guy. You get along as much as you can. Like I said, I really believe he likes you more than probably he's anyone he's ever liked

and he's probably as close with you as he can be to somebody. If you realize that that's all you're going to get from him and if you realize that that's all that you need right now in your life so that you have the time to go and deal with the rest of the stuff that you need to deal with yourself, you'll be less tortured. If you don't, you'll just be tortured and you'll just torture yourself, but you'll still work on your life because you're fierce and you're like that and you're still taking care of your shit and you'll be okay and eventually you will kick the habit.

But you're still stuck in it, and I'm just saying manage it and keep it as manageable as possible. I don't think... I agree with... As long as you're in perspective and realize that you actually can control where this goes, then you won't have a problem. problem. If it's, you know, if you start doubting yourself, when you're going to have

them. Yeah, I think, like, for the past two times that I saw him, that it was like, I, the Paula, the Melissa from like months ago would have sex with him. Right, the fact that you're not and you're hanging up and not being there, that's helping you. It's not going to change him,

but it's helping you. Yeah, it's not that like I'm, like, I'm, like, faking for myself. I just, like, I see now that this is not good, like, you wouldn't come any good from this. So I just, like, I'm enjoying the same thing. He was, like, hugging me.

He was, like... He seems to be enjoying it also, right? Well, we never had, you know? Right, but just keep it at that. Keep it as, like, a really nice friendship. Yeah, so I'm, like, where, like, that's what I, like, what I'm planning to do is, like, not, I'm not expecting anything from him. Like, I know that he has a problem. But you will if you start to put it in your head if you label it the different way.

If you label it as this guy is my really good friend. and analyze him from there, you won't be disappointed. When you start analyzing him as like from a real boyfriend perspective, oh, he doesn't call me, he doesn't text me. That's what a boyfriend does. Okay, a friend doesn't have to do that for you. A friend doesn't have to be,

you don't put them up to those same standards. If you start, if you stop doing that with this guy, you'll be a lot more happy with him because he sounds like a nice friend. He's just not a great boyfriend. And he's not your boyfriend. He never has been your boyfriend. And you're not his girlfriend.

So, and that that's the good news. news, you don't have to worry about all that garbage that you have to worry about if somebody is your boyfriend. Just look at him as your friend and analyze him from there from that standpoint. And I think you'll be really happy with him from a friend's standpoint. And if you and a friend hold hand or hug or any of that stuff, that's great. But just don't take it to the other level. It's okay.

You could do it. You have to. Jerk off. Go find another buddy. You told me you sleep with girls. Go fuck a girl. Like do something else. I'm telling you.

That's the, you have to, you have to, in this situation, exert a little bit of willpower. You have to just exert a little bit of willpower, okay? Yeah. While you pursue him and do all those things that John told you to do for wuss guys, a wist guy gave you advice of how to get another wuss guy

to be halfway decent to you. And that is like, do all the work. Text him, call him. I didn't say, do all the work. Okay, but that's what it is. Just actually, just be nice to him. No, I said he got to be a little bit patient because he's immature. Right.

Okay, be a little patient. But then, okay, so let me make, let me make a question. Like, ask your question. It's like, do you really? That's only, he's, okay. My podcast too long. Yeah. Do you really think that this guy will, like, just go through all this, just to have sex?

No. No. I don't believe he would. No. He's not a player. I think he does really like to it. Like he said, he's a little bit stunted. So you are probably getting.

more out of him than anyone else has ever gotten, but he's just not capable. He's hard as an open. He's not at that place in life, and it takes a long time for that to happen for somebody. But do I think that this is just about sex? Absolutely not. You guys, like, know each other as people now. You guys are past that.

You don't have to worry. It's not like three weeks in and you're like, you're like, I don't think that's either. You know, that's it. And you know how you'll know, stop having sex with him. Don't have sex with him and see if he keeps coming back. He is already. like he texted me more this past week than any

Yeah with a weirdo like that Because sex means commitment and everything Take the sex away he'll be a lot more normal It's when you start sleeping with him that he acts fucking weird And you're having those conversations with him And then he gets weird because he's freaked out by relationship So you know you do better to not ever mention anything And just be his friend

If you want to trick him into a relationship Trick him that way if anything Go in the back door Yeah and I think it's also like me Like I'm doing my own thing and keeps doing his own thing and we're keeping each other around and then like maybe later on.

Exactly, exactly. But right now, be a good friend and show him all your good qualities of what a good friend you could be. Don't have sex with him. Continue to go out on dates with other guys and I really hope within a month I have a feeling you're going to meet somebody else.

Could you let me know if that happens? Okay. I know you don't want to, but you just don't know. You never know. But keep me posting with this guy. I know there's going to be a part three. Yeah, it will.

I hope the part the end. Yeah. I dumped him and I'm seeing someone else. Yeah. Or you just, you know, you could stay friends with them. I'm friends with all those guys. All those guys in that book, I'm friends with all of them. I stay friends with all.

I'm a doctor guy. Like I said, I'm friends with him. But, you know, you have to be really over them to be friends with them. So you're still doing business with him. Somehow it will end whether you meet somebody else or you guys wind up together. But keep me posted and we'll have you back on in part three. Okay. Thank you for all their advice. Okay. Keep me posted. Good luck.

Always nice to talk to you. Okay. Thank you. Bye. Bye, John. Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in

paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August. 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like, a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like

erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-examble. But you could pre-back format. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me.

Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money.

It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.

And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.