Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 088 - Jim is Trapped in an Unfair Custody Battle with his Baby Mama

Episode Date: August 24, 2015

Jim's unfair custody battle with his baby Mama has left him pretty depressed and he calls in looking for support. He experienced a pretty tough childhood, has a history of depression and has one attempted suicide under his belt. Why did he try to commit suicide? How did he recover from that attempt? What's going on with his ongoing custody battle? Tune in to find out plus hear a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or a Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. Morrow of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and check. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome strictly anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the show on Twitter, follow me at Cartoon Therapy or the show at Strict Anonymous.

If you haven't subscribed to the podcast, subscribe and write a review. If you can, that would be great. I love reviews. If you want to be on the show and you have a problem, any kind of problem, or you live a secret life that you want to talk about and be while remaining completely anonymous, send me an email at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com and I'll have you on the show. I like to talk to people with all kinds of problems. Today I have a guy on named Jim and Jim has a lot of common problems that I think a lot of people will be able to relate to.

We get into a couple different things in this podcast, one being when he tried to commit suicide over a breakup of a girl and how hard that was for him, what he's going through currently because of a tough breakup, as well as the bulk of the podcast is talking about his issues with his son that has been estranged from him because of problems with his baby mama. And that's like a very common thing

that I think a lot of guys out there can relate to. It's a common story. You know, he had a baby with a woman who took that baby out of state and has fucked him over ever since. And we talk about that. we talk about, like I said, his problems and issues in the past is tough, you know, his tough childhood, what he went through when he tried to kill himself, how he got over that and got past

it. And what's sort of bothering him now? It's a, it's a mix of the baby thing as well as a recent breakup. He's an interesting guy. I love podcasts like this that are just like basic regular problems. I love the sex stuff too because it's interesting. But I really like when people like this call in because it's just a regular problem, but I think that a lot of people can relate to it. So I'm going to come right back with Jim. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you.

Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hey, Jim, welcome to a strictly anonymous podcast. You're on the call with Kathy. How are you? I'm writing yourself. I'm good. So this is the deal, Jim. You know, I, for the first time I did this different thing on Craigslist to try and find people for my show. What I typically used to do, and I've been doing my show for about a year and a half, I used to put ads myself on Craigslist in the casual encounters department saying, hey, Hey, you have got a problem or a secret life?

If so, Colin and be on my show. But what I started to do, because people kept deleting my ad, I decided to just Google and look for people on Craigslist. Like, I do a search for people looking for advice on Craigslist now, and now I send them an email, and they respond, and I get a lot of responses from people that way. And that's how I found you. You had put this really long-winded email, which I just reread again.

And it really, I almost feel so bad for you when I read the email because you're just in like this really bad place and you just need like a friend, you know, and you didn't get into the specifics in your email. And I haven't asked you any specifics via email because I like to go into my podcast totally cold, you know, and we'll get into all that. And so why don't you just like dump your stuff out here? Like what happened? Well, it's a difficult process.

And I mean, this has been happening for years now, actually, where I've been suffering from, major depressive disorder and you know it's been just you know really hard time my adolescence was very difficult and I've had a one suicide attempt right you know it's you know it has gotten worse at times how old are you Jim I am 34 years old right now I will be 35 in three weeks at that stage I was probably 20 20 years old 21 years old when I decided to take a whole bunch of pills and try to kill myself. And luckily somebody found me and took me to a hospital.

Right. Who found you? Where were you living at that point? At that point, I was going through a depression because of a separation. I had found my first love. I was a lay bloomer. So, you know, I didn't start dating until I was maybe 19, 20 years old. Uh-huh.

But you found love? I fell in love with this girl. And she actually lived next door. and we moved in together and, you know, I loved her endlessly. I mean, I loved her as hard as somebody to love somebody. And, you know, she broke my heart into pieces in so many ways that it was like, it was traumatic. So, excuse me, until today, it's still traumatic. It's like I could still think about it and it still actually really hurts.

You're probably just, listen, a lot of times you're probably so, I mean, you're probably also. on top of it all super sensitive and I don't mean sensitive like cry baby sensitive but like some people are just more sensitive there's just like this amazing book called the highly sensitive person um and hsp which i totally am and those kind of people everything is like so much more intense for that person so like you know listen i think falling in love and having things go south is devastating for anybody but if you're an hsp and you're a highly sensitive person it's going to feel like the most awful thing that's ever happen but you know good for you that you let yourself go there and did it because that takes

balls right and you did survive i know you tried to kill yourself um and that probably wasn't the greatest thing but if you really think back i know that you say to this day it still bothers you i mean you do you have to register in your brain and realize that no matter how bad something hurts it's just a feeling and life does go on and you don't die from things like that and you are okay okay and i'm not saying that it's not devastating it is for everybody and you're probably like I said it probably feels you're probably an intense person maybe you're super smart and have a high IQ and you're really sensitive and you've had this bad stuff happened to you so everything feels 10 times more than maybe another person right but it's still like

you know me for years right because I'm like very similar I know people like you because I'm wired that way you know but you but you need to know that about yourself but you also need to know what I learned being sober is that just a feeling is just a feeling do you know what I mean If you're just feeling really bad, it feels really terrible, but it's just a feeling. It doesn't mean that like your outside world is in danger or anything's going to happen. It's just a feeling. And it's good to get over things and feel them and go to the pain and then release it and get over it. There's no reason why at 34 you should still feel pain about the girl that broke your heart at 20.

Okay? I'm sorry. But you need to release that and go there and deal with it and then get over it. You know, people sweep things under the table. I remember reading this like amazing book about how to get over. It was like that Men for Mars guy, you know, that guy. He's kind of a brilliant genius.

I like the stuff that he wrote. And he wrote this book about breaking up. And I broke up with a guy who was like, the end all be all love of my life. He was like my best friend. I always wanted to get him. I finally did. And he not only did he dump me.

He dumped me while I was like living away from where I live and starting a new job with no friends. I'm in a hotel room all by myself. And he fucking dumped me. and I was like so miserable and I didn't know what to do or how to get over him. So I would go to the bookstore and just read all these self-help books. I remember reading this book, like this breaking up book about this guy. And what he said is that like a lot of people will tell you when you're breaking up with someone,

whatever you do, don't listen to a song that reminds you of him, and don't like look at a picture and don't think about him and don't talk about him. And what he said is the exact opposite. He said, actually, what you really need to do is all of those things. Because what people think is that when they listen to a song and it starts to bring up feelings about that. person that they need to run away from that. And what he says is that it's not like you're bringing up feelings that are new and don't

exist. What you're doing is you're releasing the feelings that you have for them. You feel them and then you let go of them. And that's the way to fully get over someone. So what I did ever since then with every ex-boyfriend I've ever had and I'm friends with all of them. I could go to their weddings. I could watch them fuck a girl in front, another girl in front of me and I could care less.

Okay. You want to know why? Because when I break up with a guy, I will put up a monty. of his pictures in front of me on my computer. I will do everything I can to feel every feeling I feel for them until I feel nothing. And that's the way to get over them. Not a void.

And everybody will tell you to do that exact thing. And that's why so many people are such losers. They're like, can't even go to their ex-boyfriend's wedding 20 years later because it was like, I'm like, oh, are you fucking kidding me? Like, there's a way to release that, like, and get over it and move on with your life. And it's by looking at the pain. bringing it up, feeling it, and moving on. And that's, like, so it's like avoiding it doesn't do anything.

So, you know, look into that for yourself because you want to get, like, past that because I don't know how many relationships have you had since her? Excuse me? How many relationships have you had since her? Oh, I would say about four. Okay. And what's happened with those? Are any of them the reason why you're, like, super depressed right now?

Yes. Actually, yes. something just happened recently. That's why I reached out. I mean, I'm not really fond of Craigslist because sometimes the element in Craigslist is not the most appropriate. But you never know.

Look at who you're talking to now. Yeah, exactly. You never know. And I did find people that, you know, just wanted to conversate and just wanted to talk. And it's good to just have distractions when, you know, you are going through something. And, you know, when I was 20 years old,

you know, it's the same thing as you said, you know, I didn't really have any coping mechanisms. I didn't really know what I was getting into. This was a younger girl, you know, and I think, you know, in my delusional mind, I thought this was going to last forever because that's what love was. You know, nobody taught me anything different. Yeah, no, that's what the whole society shuns down to everyone's throat. It's just like this unrealistic fairy tale fantasy lamp thing. Yeah, totally. Yeah, so I mean, you know, and today, like I said, you know, it bothers me probably how the thing, how we ended. It bothers me about the betrayal. It doesn't bother me to the point that last day if I saw her in the street that I wouldn't go and say hello to her and wish her well. Right.

I totally would, you know. I don't hold bridges. And there's like a good quote that I read that it's like a grudges like holding a hot piece of coal in your hand waiting to throw it to your enemy. And by the time you throw it to your enemy, it's going to be. ice cold and your hands are going to be burned off. Right. There's another quote about like poison. It's like taking poison. Some shit like that, but it's the same thing. You're totally right. It's like such a, it only hurts yourself.

It's like waiting for the other person to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's it. Yeah, same shit, right? Yeah, same shit. So, you know, I learned, I learned especially from that experience and I think obviously, you know, the, the attempt of the suicide and being in the hospital was a wake-up call. And it was my rock bottom, obviously. And, you know, being in the facility, I mean, even in the facility, there were patients there that were reaching out to me, you know, and talking to me and, you know, older men who had been through this and, you know, told me, oh, you know, it's going to be okay. Yeah, that's great. That must have been very helpful.

Oh, it was. I mean, you know, hospitals are very, you know, very difficult to, like, want to go to, especially when you have to be inpatient for something like that. Because, you know, you don't have any of your liberties as you did before. And it feels kind of like jail. And sometimes you feel like I don't belong with these people. Right. You know, they're sickos. You know, I'm not sick.

Right. But, you know, I learned a lot from that. And the weird thing was that I was a social worker all my life until probably about 25, 26 years old and had a patient of mine that was in the institute with me. While you were in. Oh, oh, okay. Oh, interesting. And she remembered me and, you know, she rest out.

So it was like, as bad as it was, especially like the first two days and as much heartbreak as I was going through and as much crying as I was going through, there was an element of distraction there and there was an element that made me feel like something was going to be okay. And, you know, having doctors there, you know, I wasn't really big on medication back then because I really didn't understand it. And, but, you know, having doctors there was helpful. Everything was, you know.

And so when I left, I left in a much better condition and I was able to, I was able to kind of move on. Right. And live for the past 14 years without ever getting to that place again, right? I have never gotten to that place again. No. Right. No, never, never, never. You can never let yourself get to that place.

You really, you have to, you really have to remember that, know how. that happened to you why because it's dangerous you know and know that you have that you can that could happen to you because it did and you you could you have to make sure it never does and so whatever you know you think helped get you out of that like you know that's what you need to always put into full effect when you start to get depressed or you know things are pretty shitty in your life and you're going through a bad time you know because that's going to happen in life it happens to everybody you know I always like make jokes like we get happy tickets then we run out of it and we just have to be fucking not happy for a while.

You know, it's just the way of the life. You know, nobody's happy all the time. It's not the way it goes. So we're going to be dealt some bad cards every now and then, and you have to, like, be able to cope with it without getting to that extreme place. Yeah. And I definitely feel like, especially after I came out of it, you know, that if I had, if it had happened and I did kill myself, all the great things I would have missed out on my life.

Right. Because, you know, they're, They always, like you said, they always are going to be those bad times. And sometimes they're really critical, you know, bad. But I've also seen some really beautiful things that, you know, that I hold it to my heart until now. You know what I'm saying? It's very helpful to go to sleep with, you know? Right.

So, you know, I definitely learned a lesson there. I should have learned more lessons than I did. But I learned a lesson there, and I definitely wouldn't ever go back to that spot. Listen, if you, if everyone was meant to learn every lesson at 20, we'd all die. at 21. Do you know what I mean? I think we're all like alive because we have shit to learn. And that's why we all have to live to like we're like 85 and we're tortured by life. You know, life is difficult. But I think it's like a school. What I really believe is that like life is a school and we're here and we're given problems and we have to solve them and we have to become better people. That's what I think

life is about. So, you know, you're not meant to learn everything. I think, you know, to go through that at 20 and to come out of it and to have like such a good head on your shoulders, even at 34, I think is like pretty amazing and really great and you've learned a lot so far but like what is it about now that like has you in such a bad place because I know what in your email like you say like you have a lot like you just lost everything is it another bad ending of a relationship is that what's the biggest thing that happened to you recently to be honest no there was a relationship that I had and it did end and it was it ended up in a way where it was pretty devastating to me and I didn't see it coming but

But, you know, it also happened like, you know, two weeks before the anniversary, three weeks before the birthday, and they're in a very hard time in my life. What I'm actually going through right now is I had a son seven years ago. And my son's mother decided to take my son out of state on, on like a vacation or a visitation. She lived in another state. So she wanted to go see her family, which I, you know, felt it was totally fun, you know. a brand new baby and everybody wants to meet him. This was seven years ago. This is, right?

This was seven years ago. And I was working, at that time, I was working in a homeless shelter and I was doing social work. And, you know, it's a stress with a job, especially when in such a dark environment and you're an emotional person. Yeah. But I was working. I was doing what I had to do.

And, you know, I was waiting for them to come back. And I think it was around Thanksgiving time that she told me that not only is she not coming back ever, but that she had moved on and she had a new boyfriend and a new life and so on and so forth. So how far away, like physically was she? A plane ride away, like, two hours away, like, on the other side of the country? A plane ride away. It's like about 900, 900 to 1,000 miles.

And now legally, could she do that? Isn't that, like, not legally allowed? And this is where it came down to. So legally, it isn't allowed. And so I went to court in New York City and I bought up a jurisdiction. I got a lawyer for jurisdiction. And we were winning the jurisdiction. The judge stated that the child was not only born in New York,

but resided in New York long enough to be a New York City baby. The trickery came when he first turned, this was let's say in November. His birthday was in March. When his first birthday came around, I got an invitation from their family to go to his first birthday. And I missed, I hadn't seen my son since he was six months old.

It was six months that I hadn't seen them and I was, you know, devastated about that. I mean, I was so devastated that I went from 160 pounds to about 115. Right. Yeah, that's stressful. So, yeah, and I actually, that, I mean, there's definitely more to that. I was self-medicating with Kalanza pants. I was, you know, I was like just trying to get to work every day, you know, but like I was not functioning. I was not there.

I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I mean, it was just all obsessed about him and trying to figure out how to, you know, because I do have a high IQ and I always like to figure things out. And if I can't figure it out, it seems to like drive me crazy sometimes. Not only that. I also think, yeah, and I also think that when you have like a troubled childhood, most people that have trouble childhoods are super control freaks, right?

Because you become like obsessed about being in control, right? Because probably that was like the last thing we were in when we were young. You know, we had no control over anything. So you become like a lot of. people so to have your baby taken away from you is the antithesis of being in control right i mean you were like literally had no control of a situation that you should have had control over that you wanted to have control over so that must have been like the most horrifying position to be it yeah no it was it was it was very terrifying and like unbearable yeah it was it was it was unbearable

i mean even and even then i didn't think about suicide because now i have my son to live for so there was more reason never to be like that. But, you know, I mean, I was hospitalized. They actually diagnosed me with having weighting syndrome because I had lost so much weight in such a little amount of time. Well, do you not eat when you're stressed out? That is, yeah, that is one of my bad problems. A lot of people I heard actually binge eat, I actually close my stomach down. Yeah, me, I'm the same way.

Like, when I have a problem or I'm super stressed out about something, I become I'm so focused in my mind about like solving that problem or being like into it and not, I can't let go of it until I solve it that I don't think about food and I don't eat and I can get really super skinny too. So that's, um, I think Angelina Jolie has that same problem. Every, or like these celebrities, I feel sorry for them on TV because sometimes they're like, get really skinny and people are like, oh my God, you're in. I'm like, how do you know that they're not really stressed out?

Because that happens to some people when they're stressed out, you know, you, you don't want to eat. And if you don't, you waste away. and that's like, you know, really bad for you. But that's how you know someone's going through pretty stressful time. Right, exactly. And so as the story continues, I went to his first birthday party, which is where they live a thousand miles away.

And it wasn't really a birthday party. What it was, it was them to, it was them trying to get me served so that they had jurisdiction over the case. Oh, my God. So in other words, what happened was. trapped you yeah they tricked me and i got served and so they had jurisdiction because then the courts were like since the father's already going down there then might as well have the court down there so we you know they won jurisdiction it was in a county of their choosing to be honest and when we got

into the court i'd surely realized that her lawyer was her aunt and her aunt had been working for that court for the last 20 years right i didn't really put two and two together on what was really going to happen on this situation. I thought maybe we was going to get a fair chance to talk to the judge and explain the situation. That didn't happen. What ended up happening was the lawyer made a court date for us to appear, changed the court date to an earlier court date, and when I didn't appear, they got a default judgment. The default judgment was based on absolutely no figure that's realistic.

They claimed that I made an amount of money. that's about four times more than I could possibly make. Right, just so that they would give you an unrealistic amount of money, right. I get it. They were backing you into a corner that you, so to make sure you could not do anything. Right. Totally. And so they did that.

That's so corrupt. It's so terrible. Yeah. And so my visitations at that point was one weekend, every two months, and it had to be supervised. Oh, my God. How did they get supervised? Like, what did they even claim to get supervised visits? they really did not have to claim much i mean it's it's a it's a very it's it's something that i wish

that it would have been looked into but even to get an appealed lawyer was so much money that i i couldn't afford it obviously and they were already garnishing my money so i you know i couldn't fight back and but it was it was a violation of somebody's civil right to you know not be represented and have a judgment passed against you and especially when you you'd never even i never got noticed that the court date had changed. Right, right, right, right. Well, they made sure of that. That was all done on purpose, right?

Oh, yeah, they did. Right. They went in on Monday and changed the court date to Wednesday. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? The worst thing to me is injustice. I cannot even breathe when I hear about it. I am very into fairness and like whatever that means.

You know what I mean? And I just, when I hear stories like this, I'm obsessed with Judge Judy. By the way, I watch her all the time. Like, Judge Judy would be. fucking go off on your girl, okay? She would rip her so bad. I mean, and just call her like a vile human being.

Like, I just can't stand when I hear stuff like this because it's so terrible and it's totally selfish and it's so against what's right for the child and, you know, as opposed to what's right for her. She's just thinking about herself and it's just really so wrong. So, I mean, you know, terrible. So that happens to you seven years ago. You lose your baby, basically. Right.

your child. Do you still see him every two months? That wasn't even possible. Right. Even when I tried to schedule it or even if I tried to get like a phone call, a pitch or anything, you know, they wouldn't, they just wouldn't send it, you know, and they didn't have an obligation to do it. So they just kept on.

Right. And I didn't get to see my son again until he was three years old. Wow. So two years had passed. I mean, they put me in that. much, I lost my job. I mean, my job couldn't afford to pay. I lost my job and if I, you know, if I, luckily I have housing, which is in rent stabilized. So I was able to keep my home, but pretty much I couldn't work because it was like a cash 22. If you work and make too much money,

the rent's going to take it. Oh, God. Right. But, you know, so like, you know, and the child support was an extreme amount. The child support was about $800. $50 a month. And so, you know, I couldn't make ends meet. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to turn. I couldn't afford another lawyer. Did you have to give up custody?

No, I wouldn't give up custody, although they asked me several times. Of course. That's probably what she was hoping for. Yeah, they asked me several times. You could give up custody and don't worry about the child support. We'll wipe it out and so on and so forth. And I could not do that in my heart. Like, I couldn't.

So I kept on, you know, and for that two years that I didn't see him, you know, I hustled my butt off, you know, and I worked off the book jobs. And I did anything that I could to make money, save money so that I could afford a lawyer someday to fight. It's so sad that there's so many children out there because I see this all the time and, like, with dads that really want to be in their lives and moms that keep them from that. and they just don't really understand how important that relationship is to the kid and how terrible it is for them to deny their child that, right? Like, it's like, it's so to me, I don't know how karma works, but like they will get theirs. I just think it's like the most wrong thing someone could do, whether you're a woman or man, you know, it just unfortunately happens a lot more with women because that's what, you know, that's what happens. but, you know, and as a man, you're not as protected as much as the mother is, you know? It's the one place in life that men have, you know, it worse than women.

Whereas in life, I think it's the opposite. Most of the time, women have it way worse. But that's the one place where men are fucking screwed, you know? Like, seriously, you don't have any rights and men lose out in that situation all the time. So now seven years later, so you saw your kid three years later again. At this point, where does it stand with your child? right now today because I mean I know this is the start of like the things that have gone wrong in your life right

like you're listing all the stuff right yeah the chaos is going on in my life right now I mean and then it's pretty much still the the fifer for him and it's been seven years he's seven years old now and about two years ago I found a really good lawyer I hired the best lawyer in the county and actually had to move the case from one county to the next so there would be some fairness. Right.

So we got that accomplished and we got into court and we started what they call a reunification process in which, you know, my son would call me and I would call my son and I'd go down and visit him as much as possible. Could you say what state he lives in? Missouri. Okay. The most backward state that you can think of. Oh, no.

Okay. All right. Go on. Yeah. So, you know, that. So, you know, I found a lawyer and we went to the reunification. The reunification was just a joke because she had no intention of reunification. She told the judge, oh, you know, he wasn't there.

I wanted him to be there, but he never was. And so when we start the reunification process, I think everybody, including the judge, who was not a nice lady and not very fair, but she even noticed that she's putting up boundaries and she's putting up walls so that I can't connect with my child. Right. She's not trying to make it work. She's trying to make it not work. Exactly. Like, I was, I was supposed to get maybe three phone calls a week, and we were supposed to video chat. That never happened. Okay.

That never happened. So, you know, we went through this. We went through this. And, you know, I was visiting my son, and I noticed that the mother didn't look well. You know, she had scabs on her body. She had, like, like, you know, marks on her face. and I was, you know, curious to what was going on. And honestly, I did think it was drug-related because the behavior kind of seemed like it was. And it ended up where a truancy officer approached her in my son's school after he was, I mean, it was like the last two weeks of school.

And he finally approached her. And he said that there was concerns because everybody else had noticed those scabs on her body, number one. And the second concern was that my son, let's say if there was 100 days of school, missed 75 of them. Oh, my God. And so he was going to be left back. Right. So this was not even something that you needed to, like, snitch on her for. I mean, they were already on it, right?

Because, like, they were noticing stuff. Oh, they messed up because if, I mean, even in New York State right now, if you're, if you have a child and you don't take your child to school for two weeks, somebody's going to be at your door. Mm-hmm. But in Missouri, no. But in Missouri, I guess no. So this took eight months for this guy to finally say something. And he didn't report it to the court. What actually happened was she slipped up and told him that she was in court and not to report it to them.

And so he did. He reported it to the court and he told them what was going on. They made her take a drug test. It was a hair follicle test. And she somehow passed it, which me and everybody else were like a man. on how that can be. Right. Because we were pretty sure what it was.

I don't know. There's probably shit that people know how to do. Like there's probably an app for that or something. No, there's a shampoo. It's really expensive. Right. There is a shampoo for it. Right.

I'm sure there's many other things, you know, to just figure out ways to get around stuff like that. Right. So, you know, we figured maybe it would be something, maybe it was something like that or whatever. So we let it go. And as we continue to the case, She just has had become more non-compliant and more non-compliant.

So, you know, we're supposed to give in certain documents and say, you know, like, this is my, this is how much money I make. This is my tax records. This is my lease. So on and so forth. She was reluctant to give any of that. And some of it she still hasn't given it to this day. And we're talking about a year ago. Mm-hmm.

It got to the point where her, we hired, we have an attorney for my son as well. And the attorney for my son was trying to make home visits, and she was not letting her make the home business. She would answer the door and tell her that she couldn't come in. So it was just now getting to this point. Like, I mean, now it's super, super, super obvious. There's something really, really wrong going on. Right. And the courts were just not doing anything because honestly, the judge did not want to be in the court.

She did not want to deal with these cases anymore. She wanted to be transferred to a criminal court. and so she was just kind of like going through the motions right not even yeah right right so that that was that was her I guess way of dealing with it you know but everybody else

including my lawyer we're on top of it the mediators that we had and everybody you know they they saw what was going on and he knew it was dangerous and so it was like okay so now as it comes down to it um

her lawyer bowed out of the case she bought out of the case because she said that she wasn't able to contact her client and her client was unresponsive and paying her. The lawyer that we hired from our son, which both of us have to pay, I paid off all mine. She didn't pay her nothing. So now that one is saying that her whole petition is void now.

Right. The worst of the situation, which definitely started the deported, the depression, which I really didn't know I was really getting that depressed, but I noticed that I wasn't going out anymore and the eating was stopping. So then I started picking up on it. This was maybe a few months ago, was that they're going to put them in foster care. Oh, my God. You're kidding me.

They're going to put them in foster care. They won't give them to me because I don't live in the same state, which I think is bold because, you know, like I'm sure there's plenty of people in New York that can do the same job. and supervise and make sure that I have what I have for him. Right. And I do have a nice place. I do have a room from him, you know.

Whatever. Listen, you're the father. You're the biological father. I mean, why, that baby has a real person, like, the family member that wants him. Why would he be going into a foster home where maybe there's 10 other kids and, you know, I mean, that's crazy. I can't even hear stuff like this. It kills me because it's just like it's all, like there's no.

right or wrong thing it's like a lot of waiting around because this is like all lawyers shit and everything you know and it's just uh but it's really sad because uh at the end of the day it is like a child's real life and this is your child and like you're here and your child there and your child's going to be in foster care like that's crazy yeah and it's i mean it definitely makes you feel helpless when he's in such a situation i mean my son has called me and told me the story on why he hasn't been going to school and the fact that his mother goes out all night and by the time he's ready to go to school is when she's coming home from like clothing or right well forget about her yeah she's not a fit mother so she's out of the picture and you want him out of the picture with her because she was never going to help him get back with you okay so like if he goes to foster her maybe now you could without her in the picture like somehow maybe it makes it easier for you to get him back or something? I don't know.

I mean, but you know. You would think so. And that's actually what we were hoping for, you know, and going through this case and going through the emotions. We were hoping for this so that this way I would have that chance and come to find out that it's much easier for her to lose the kid and do some sort of rehabilitation or counseling and get him back within months. for me to get him back it would take much longer much more money right because you're out of state

because not only because i'm out of state but because they claim that he doesn't know me well enough which is right right but so that that will be the case his other he has the mother has other family but that other family does live out of state too it's maybe two or three hours away but they live out of state so they're not they're not contenders to have Gavin have my son either yeah you need like a lawyer help that's what you really need do you have a good lawyer like are you paying somebody do you have like free help like i'm like what do you i mean how you no i i've i've been paying this lawyer two years um she she's i mean she's the best lawyer i've had all the other lawyers basically took my money and did absolutely nothing right this one works for you

this one works for me and she's you know even the first the first time that i went there i i broke down climb because I was so upset that even with financial records, you wouldn't lower my child support so that I could live, you know, and pay, you know. Yeah. I was so upset and I told and I said, like, I can't do this, you know what I'm saying? There's no way I could win. I'm just going to keep losing. I'm just going to keep losing.

And I don't have the money to do this. And she literally told me, you can pay me whenever. Oh, right. So right. You found a good, you found someone good. Right there, you know, and somebody comes from that place that. they really want to like she's a lawyer because she really is into fairness and she really likes helping people yeah and as she told me she said she does this for the kids you know like she's seen a lot of

bad situations and you know so she she was very sympathetic and you know she you know hooked me up in that way that's great and you know she's fighting as much as she can and i and she does a lot of work for me and you know she's been great with me again it comes down to the judge if this judge has a bad day or bad attitude. Right. You know what I mean? Like anything can happen. But I think that there's judges out there just like there's your lawyer, you know,

that are in it to do the right thing too and that are on the children's side as well and that know what the right thing to do is. You just need to find that judge as well. You know what I mean? But there's a lot like 90, I always believe like in every sort of profession, 90% of the people are garbage and 10% are amazing. And whether it's hairdressers or doctors or judges or janitors, it's just the way that it goes.

But when you find like the real deal, like that 10% person, like your lawyer, she's a 10%er, you know? To me, Judge Judy is a 10%er. You need to find that judge. There are people that do their job and do it for the right reason and do it really fucking well. And that's what you, that's the lucky break that you need to get,

you know, so that this situation could be, you know, sort of made right. Yeah, and that's what we were actually hoping for since she didn't want to be on the She didn't want to be in the family court circuit anymore She was supposed to go to the criminal circuit and we were supposed to have a new judge for our next court case, which is Are you getting a new, do you know if you're having a new judge? She seems like she's not going anywhere as far as my lawyer's concerned.

Oh God, so you're going to have the same bitter Like woman who doesn't want to be there who doesn't care anymore Who doesn't care and who has pretty much wrote on paper that my child is going to go into foster care. Okay, well, let's do this because it's not, when is that court case? September 8th. September 8th. Okay, so from now till then, you just have to hope that, you know,

sometimes we could just imagine that something's going to go a certain way and if we can imagine it's going to go a bad way, but we just never know. You know, you have to leave room for the chance that maybe things could be okay. Like maybe this is the time. that things change. And when, you know, and in September, you're going to find out. And if they don't, and I know that you think most likely they won't, you'll deal with it

and you'll figure it out and you'll regroup then. But for right now, you just have to wait until that happens and pray that, you know, the judge does the right thing. And you're finally heard and you get the fairness and the justice that you deserve. And there's nothing else you could do, right, for a right. now in that situation. I'm assuming this, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry to cut you up.

Well, and I'll actually have to because I have, there's absolutely no, no faith in there shouldn't be any faith in this system and in, and the judges. I know it's terror. But I do believe, though, like that lawyer that you found that exists that, who is amazing, like seriously, I think it's amazing, which she let, you know, I mean, who does that? Like, there are people like that and they do exist.

So you have to have the faith. that like maybe you could get, you know, other people like that on your side. Oh, no. And you know what? I wish I could choose which judge, you know, and I wish my lawyer had that about you, but we don't. Right. You know, so we're kind of stuck in that situation.

If I had millions of dollars, like seriously, my most thing that I would fight for the most that I would actually like give my life for or like work the rest of my life for, like, for free would be to get people out of jail that are like wrongly accused. Like that's how much I'm into fairness. You know, I can't even, it's like horrifying to me when I see those stories and then I see these poor people get out after being in jail and I feel like they deserve like $50 million for the rest of their life. And, um, but like that's the kind of stuff that I feel the most passionate about because I hate injustice. And I hate when the system perpetuates it. Do you know what I mean?

And works against fairness, which it was created to be the opposite. You know what I mean? Like it's so it's fucking horrifying to me. But so, you know, I definitely. As somebody going to the process, it is absolutely horrifying to have somebody, you know, basically have your faith, your fate in their hands. And like you said, there were many times where you were like just thinking, oh, they're going to do the right thing because this is the law. And like that's what it does, right? Only to realize like, no, like they do the exact opposite, like the totally wrong thing.

And like how does that, how does that even make sense? Because that's not the way it's supposed to be. So, but that's unfortunately. the way it is sometimes, but hopefully in September, things will change. And, you know, we don't know. I mean, we'll do another podcast in September. Well, this is where the, this is where kind of the real pain that, well, I have like three real pains right now, but this is one of them.

And in this case, and I've been working on this for seven years, and I've given it my all, and I mean, friends, family, I mean, we're all tired. We're all drained. and there's, you know, there's been people who understand what I've been trying to do and to commend me tons because, you know, there's fathers that won't go to this far to do this. But, you know, it's, it's become too much of a burden. I've lost several family members. You know, I mean, I've been through the grind in the last seven years especially, and I've been way beyond the poverty line since then. Because of this, right. Because of this.

And it's horrifying, you know, it's a very bad situation. And so the only kind of resolution that I could figure out in, you know, the last maybe two or three months. And I spoke to my lawyer about it was simply this, you know, making a deal with her and not bringing it, bringing it into court already signed so that this way there won't be any penalties. Because once an agreement is signed, then the judge, you know, the court has nothing to do with that. They just sign off and we're good to go. You know, and so, you know, the only proposal that I can make to her that I think that she would take was the same proposal that she made to me when it first started and was relinquishing my rights. And I know it sounds like the coward's way out in a lot of ways, but I'm sorry, I'll get a little emotional with that one. That's not the, listen, you've anything but a coward, please.

Thank you. I mean, it hurts, though, you know. So, I mean, but it seems like it feels like you're giving up, because you're just been beaten down at every thing you try to do. So it's like you're throwing in the fucking towel. I mean, anyone would understand that, but that's not a coward at all. Yeah, and I mean, this is not a special case. This happens to many fathers. And there's a lot of fathers that have it a lot worse than me who get thrown in jail constantly for child support while accumulating more child support in jail to come out of jail.

right back in, you know, and I'm fortunate that I have not had that experience yet, but you know. But this is a terrible experience too. I mean, this is awful. No, this is, yeah. I'm not comparing. I'm just saying that this happens so much and it's so frequent

and it's so common that it's just oversighted. And I'm at the point where I'm writing to everybody. I literally wrote to John Oliver last night to see if he can do something about it. You know? I love that.

I actually am glad that I'm doing this podcast because I think that there's probably a lot of guys out there that'll be listening that could relate or people know people that are going through this. I have a couple guy friends that are so fucked by their ex-girls with their kids and what they go through with stuff like that. And I see it all the time. And like I say, I watch Judge Judy and I see so many cases like that. And she talks about it all the time. And I think that somebody has to get out there do something for dads. and, you know, because the law is not on your side. No, the law is not on my side.

Not at all. There's no advocacy groups. No. So it's good if you're trying to do something about it. Yeah, I've been to so many fathers' rights support groups and different organization and advocacy. And honestly, they were all like for money. Oh, really? We didn't care about the situation.

They were all for money. And, you know, it was very discouraging. So. You could start your own. group. I can. Yeah, you can. Yeah, in a lot of ways, you know, when I do feel a little bit better, I would love to be an

advocate for fathers. Yeah, you could start a group and probably like 100 people will show up to your first meeting. Oh, I'll start a group, but more so, I'm going to go back to school and I'm going to make sure that this doesn't happen for the next generation. Good for you. That's great. Something I'm passionate about, and this is not something that's supposed to happen to children. Yeah, exactly. Totally. I think it's so awful. Like I said, that there are so many little kids out there and even grown adults who, like, didn't have a father because the mother or vice versa, you know, came in and didn't allow that to happen. And that person's story was, you know, sort of rewritten for them. You know, there's plenty of dads that don't want to be dads. But when I see a dad that's desperate to be a dad and wanting to be a dad and available to.

be a dad and a woman takes it away from her child it makes me sick makes me very angry yeah so you know actually the the only like kind of um bright light that i had in the last few well i mean it's it's been hard and on top of everything else that happened i i did have a girlfriend i was in a relationship with a girl for two years the last two years and it was a really serious relationship um and when we met each other. She was going through a really hard time with her family. She had PTSD. She had, you know, she had a lot of

emotional issues too. And, you know, she knew what I was going through because I'm very upfront. I would, I didn't date for three years because I would never bring a female into this situation that I'm in because I really don't have much to offer but the debt, you know what I mean? And this

like low self-confidence because of it. So, you know, since I felt broke and I stood alone. And when I got with her, it was nice, you know, and I helped her out through as much as I can, and she was, she was a problem. I mean, she was such a problem that when I was visiting my son, she called me and told me that she was going to commit suicide because I wasn't home. Oh, God. And it happened twice, you know, and it got to the point where I knew that I had to let her go, but I still loved her and I still wanted to try and I still, you know, I know how it is to have these problems. Yeah, I was going to say it's probably very hard.

for you because you're probably very empathetic to everything she's going for because you've been in that exact place. But like what a mind fuck for you, you know, to be sort of pulled between your son and this girl, you know, it's sort of like very selfish of her too to be doing that to you during that time as well. Oh yeah. And she, and she was apologetic about it, but it kept happening. It was like, she has like some sort of an impulse.

problem or right she had major psychological issues like you said you knew that going in right right and so what ended up happening with her is she actually became more active she became better you know she lost a lot of weight she felt good about herself you know she fixed herself up and you know she started to feel really really good about herself um during that time period was obviously when i was feeling worse because i'm going through this situation and you know it's It was, you know, it was a lot of other things to death. There was a lot of problems that were going on. And I was really vulnerable at that time and really depressed.

And, you know, I had put my, I had put her first. And that was my mistake because I should have put myself first and made sure that I was always okay before making sure that somebody else is. Because when I fall, you know, nobody's, nobody's going to pick you up. You know, you have to pick yourself up. Right. So, but did that, you know, it caused. it caused us to break up because she didn't. She basically felt like I was draining her happiness

and that she didn't want to go back into a depression so that she had to go. Okay. So this was last week. Oh, God. This was only last week, last week Tuesday. I woke up and she was in the panic mode. She had already gone to the police station

and she was already ready to move out, you know. Why did the pull up? police station. She went to the police station and basically wanted to know like her rights as far as like how long she has to stay here before I could like throw her out because she felt like that was coming and we had talked about it. And she wanted to move, you know, like at this was the girl who wanted to commit suicide because I wasn't there.

But at one point during the conversation, which was like on a Monday, she wanted to move. She was like, okay, I'm ready. Like there was no hesitation. and I was like, okay, I see where this is going. And, you know, the relationship for the last six, seven months had been horrible as it was. I mean, we weren't having sex, but once a month, you know, and I'm sure there was something else going on that I don't want to know about. But, you know, she left. The cops came and there was three guy cops and one girl cop.

And the girl cop obviously felt very sympathetic for her, was giving her hugs and saying that men like, me take advantage of women like her. Oh my God. It's a lot of drama in your neighborhood. What do you mean like the, like it's so weird that cops get involved in breakups. Like I don't understand. Yeah.

I don't understand either, but you know, that's how she felt. And again, so I guess she wanted, she wanted to have extra leverage in a sense. And so, you know, she made me seem like the bad guy or whatever the case was. I was, I literally had just spoken up. So I was like so non-aggressive and so like just bewildered. I didn't know what was happening. Let me ask you this. Are you normally, have you ever hit her or are you aggressive with her?

No. Have you had, like, problems like that? Okay. Just want to make sure that there's not something I'm missing here that she's running to the cops for. She's just maybe a little, no, no, no. She's just maybe a little nuts. I think she was more preoccupied because she's had relationships before where it did turn out violent or that her stuff got destroyed or something. Right.

So she was paranoid. Paranoid. Paranoid. That's a real thing. Right. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, that happened and told me to leave my house until later until she moved out, which was several hours. When I came home, all my stuff was gone.

What do you mean? She robbed you? Well, there was some stuff that we bought together that she took. Oh, my God. You guys really, I mean, your whole life needs to be on Judge Judy. I see, like, every part of your life on Judge Judy just with different people. I swear. Yeah.

She took, like, all the shit out of your house. This is what's tough about, like, Judge Judy will say, like, you want to play house and you're not married, like, the courts don't deal. With stuff like that, it's such a great area, right? Because you guys were together, you bought stuff together. Who is that shit? You know, like, it's a little, like, who takes what? She took all the stuff that you guys got together?

Yeah, she took all the stuff that we had together. And she's actually very wealthy. She actually has, she gets a large sum of money per month without work. Like what, from disability or from a family trust? She has a trust, right? She has a trust, so she has money. And there was some money that was left here, and she decided to take that as well. And that was the money that I was using to fly out.

How much was it? About $800. Right. So she took $800 plus, like, furniture and stuff? Well, I think the furniture was like my grandmother. So this is like ancient furniture. she didn't touch. She took, you know, there's a lot of stuff that was hers that obviously she has all right

to take and she took that stuff. There were some things that obviously, you know, we did purchase together. The money was not hers. And, you know, she knew the situation. And for somebody that has, you know, an unlimited amount of money to take money from somebody who's dead broke was like shocking. And to make the situation worse, when she was talking to the female cop, she told the female cop that she was going to leave me

when I went to court so that when I came back she wasn't here. Right. And that that one really broke my heart because like I said, I really did not see that coming and... Listen, when a girl is at your house with cops that she brought to your house, how do you not

see anything coming? Like at that point, you know this girl's fucking nuts and she's capable of doing anything, okay? Like, I mean, you know what I mean? Like, I think you're, you know... Once the cops was there, I pretty much figured. at house. Yeah, I mean, like, same, but before this,

I mean, this was a girl who was like, I want to marry you. If you were ever disabled, I would take care of you. Yeah, but this was also a woman. Listen, you got a little bit of, because, like, you know, you've had a lot of issues in your life. You're probably very, like, open, and you attract people that have other issues, too, and, you know, like attracts like, and you feel for them and, you know, all, blah, blah, blah, blah. But those are not good people to date, okay?

Maybe they're great to be friends and stuff. Like you're a bad picker and you're, do you don't want to marry that girl or any girl like, listen, you'll probably wind up with somebody that you could relate to that I've had a lot of issues and stuff. But you need somebody more like you who's been there, done that and sort of has more of a stable. I don't know how stable you are,

but you seem more stable than her, you know, that has a little bit more stability in their life that, you know, you guys could relate, but you're also like together. This girl seems like she was like you 10 years ago, you know,

and you were helping her. And that's very, typical for people like you to be attracted to that, but you should be lucky that you didn't marry her and that she left you high and dry. That was like a good thing that happened to you. Maybe you don't see it that way, but that was like, you know, magical. No, no. The situation could have been worse. And I know that. And in all honesty, I'm heartbroken at the way it happened. I'm heartbroken at, you know, just the way it happened. You know what I mean? Yeah, but like, right, but totally. Right. I'm not heartbroken that she's,

not here. No, and you have to believe that people that are so sort of not like whole people, like she's not capable of doing it any other way. You know what I mean? Like she's not manipulative. She doesn't, like she's just like a mess. You know what I mean? She can't, she can't even survive on her own, let alone do the right thing. Like I, you know, you can't expect for somebody like that to leave with their head up high and do it the right way because she's not

capable of that. She's a broken person and she's still really broken. And you were trying to help her all you could but that's not your job in life. You know, she has to help herself. So now she's going to go off and she's going to do her own thing and she's going to figure that out and that's probably the best

thing for her and that's probably the best thing for you. But I, when you think about what happened, instead of thinking of yourself as a victim, eventually you could realize why she did what she did because of the person she is. She's just not evolved enough yet to leave any other way. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I wish I wish it would

have ended up more like a mutual breakup and we could have stood friends, you know what I mean? Listen, that never, listen, breakups always suck, okay? They do. And like I say, I'm friends with all of my exes. We weren't friends like a day later. It happens over time. No breakup is ever good. That's another fantasy land idea, you know, that you're going to meet someone and like anyone ever decides, oh, like we're just going to like, let's just decide not to be together and it's like a great situation and then your friends. Like it never works out that way. It eventually could become that and hopefully it does. But the ending, even if it's mutually agreed upon, is always devastating with ever, with any change or any ending, there's always a death. And it's even if it's the death of

something terrible, it's a death and it feels terrible. So just always expect that. You know, always expect it to be bad, always expect it to feel terrible. But, you know, expect to get that sort of friendship and all that other thing like further down the line, six months a year, five years. You know, this girl may come back five years from now and be a changed person and go through therapy and be like, hey, you know what? I really fucked you over and I feel really bad about the way I ended it, but I was young and stupid and I didn't know. I mean, I did a lot of things in my life that I look back and I'm like, oh my God, I would have never sort of handled myself that way now. But I was like 23 years old or five years old. You know, that's what people do.

So, you know. I understand, and I'm mature enough to kind of accept that. And like I said, that I don't feel, you know, and especially in the priority of my situation, that's not one of them. You know what I mean? No, but it doesn't, it's not going to make you feel any better. You're going to feel terrible because your relationship ended. Your relationship ended. That's a terrible thing. No, it ended and, you know, that's the ending of a lifestyle. It's a dramatic change from one thing to another and that sucks. Yeah, it's terrible for anybody, especially when you have other things you have to

deal. It's a death. You had a major life change and a death and an ending in your life. Like I said, even if it's of like the worst person in your life, it's still really hard by that book that I told you about from that guy and write those letters and try to deal with that and get, but it is for the right thing. But it doesn't just knowing that in your mind, sometimes you could know things intellectually, but it doesn't mean that you feel things emotionally. You know, emotionally, what you're feeling is like sadness because there is an ending. And you feel a lot of things in an ending of a relationship. You don't just feel sad.

You feel anger. You feel a whole bunch of stuff that you go through all the phases of death, they say, all the stages of death in an ending of a relationship. So you'll feel a lot of different things. And the feelings come in waves. So it's like one day you might start to feel like, oh, I'm feeling a little better. And then you feel really bad about it. And that's just the way that it goes.

And that's just a matter of time. You know, you just got to ride that out, you know, and that's just time. time will, you know, heal that. And, like, you know, definitely the first two days, I definitely wasn't on that level. I was just soaking in it, you know, but I picked myself up and I said, I can't go down this drain again. And, you know, I did what I had to do, you know what I'm saying? And many people that know me and have seen me fall are, like, very proud of the progress I made. And I had to get myself some credit as well.

But do yourself a favor. And try to like give yourself some time, whether it's once a week, twice a week, three hours a day, 20 minutes a day, whatever it is to work through your feelings about the end of that relationship. You know what I mean? Because it doesn't, two years doesn't go away in two days, okay? Oh, yeah. You're a human being. It's going to take some time. And you don't want to like sweep the feelings about that situation under the table because, you know, you need to like release.

them. So allow yourself at certain times when you can and you have the time to afford to just be depressed about that and to be unhappy about that and to let those feelings out so that you could move on a little bit with like less baggage because it's

that's just what you have to do. Right and you're right and you was making the point before and this is why I didn't date for such a long time. I'm not going to attract anybody that's going to be worth the while to be honest. I never said that to you? I said that you're not going to attract

anyone that's worth any time? No, no, no, no. You didn't say that, but you were saying, like, you know, that I attract certain people. No, you're going to be attracted. Like, you're going to have empathy. When you are the type of person that has been through a lot and you're, you know, you're very self-aware and, you know, you're

going to always have, like, radar for other people like you. I have that, you know, I could, I know my people, okay, you know, I could spot them from a mile away. But I learned very early on that like, you know, I could have people in my life who I'm helping, but I don't want to, I don't want to date those people, right?

Like, I have to be very aware of like not maybe getting in so deep with that person. But I don't know. Like, you know, I don't know like what's right or what's wrong in your life. Like you could mean another girl that has a lot of issues and that's okay for you and that's what you need to do. I mean, I never think it's like life isn't about always doing the right thing. Okay. I'm just saying you're going to be attracted to people.

that have those problems. And then when you meet them, just be more discerning or as discerning as you can. But if you fall in love with the next girl and she's broken and you want to help her, whatever. Like you're going to learn from that relationship and do it. I can't say, you know, turn away from every girl like that. Like, you know what I mean? I find it like, like I don't think that I have the right to tell somebody sometimes

exactly what to do because sometimes the right thing to do is not necessarily the perfect thing. Do you know what I mean? or the right thing. Like life isn't meant to be like, oh, every relationship has to be perfect. I know people that live that way and they never have relationships, you know. If you get to the place where you think, oh, I can never date a girl that has dysfunction and but every girl you meet has that, then you're never going to date anybody, you know? That's what's around you and that's what you like, whatever, you know?

Yeah, no, it's definitely, like I said, and this is my own personal or not sure. But like I definitely, at this time especially, I don't want to. a date and I want to build myself up and I want to become a better man and then see what happens. And, you know, I'm not a social, I'm not a social butterfly. I'm not the guy who goes to the bars to look for the girls and I'm not that kind of guy. And, you know, I'm going to go back to school and I go back to work and I'll meet somebody who's mature and I'll meet somebody who's of age and, you know, of my age and I could, you know, relate to. And it'll work out, I'm sure, one day. Yeah, you'll meet a lot of people in school when you go back to school. I think they'll be great

place to meet women. And I think for sure when you change your horizons change. I mean, for me, I've been through a lot of changes in my life. Like I said, I was sober for 12 years. So, you know, after I quit drinking, I sat across from very different people now. And that has always

changed drastically over the 12 years as I've changed. You know, I attract very different people into my life because I've changed. So definitely the more you grow and change, the more the people around you that you meet will be. You know, most of the time like attracts like, you know? So, But sometimes I think we attract people that are like, they say people are mirrors of, like, and I think

that there are two different mirrors that we put in front of ourselves at all times. One sometimes is somebody that you don't want to be anymore. So you attract people that are like you, like in your like former self, you know, and sometimes that's just a reminder of where you come from and where you don't ever want to go. And I think that those, that mirror and those people are important because they show you who you were or what you were like and why you don't want to ever be like that again, right? And then you have mirrors of people who are more like who you want to become. And those people are really important too.

Like when I was quit drinking, I had a roommate move in. I was living with roommates. I was 30 years old in New York City. And a guy moved in and I was really good friends with him. And he was a total fucking drunk, pill-popping, drug addict, crazy guy, you know? And I had just quit drinking and was getting sober. I mean, this was a guy that would falsely with a pizza, box on front of him on his chest.

He was like a total mess. And my friends would be like, how the fuck do you like hang out with him? Like, how could you have him in your life when you're sober? Like, how do you deal with that? And I was just like, you know, in a way, I believe that it's so perfect for me. Because when I look at him and see what he's doing, he's such an exaggeration of like who I was and what I don't want to be anymore. So it's great for me to see him laying in bed with pizza all over his face, you know, at

night because I'm just like, oh my God, this is what I'm giving. up and it really helped me. It was such an extreme and it made me realize who I don't want to be anymore. And when I didn't need that anymore because I was like secure enough in my sobriety and I knew where I was going and I was happy to let go with that place, I like was done with that friendship and kicked that person out of my house and didn't need it anymore. But I really believe that having him in my house helped me to stay sober in that early time because he really like smudged into my face. So I thought it was actually a good thing. Sometimes you need that extreme in your life.

And then sometimes, you know. I actually had almost a similar experience. And it was with a drunk. I was never much of a drinker. I think I went to a phase of like loneliness. And this was like during the whole seven-year part of this. And, you know, there was a phase that I did go out a lot and did go to bars. And I did drink.

I wasn't an alcoholic. I didn't drink at home or anything like that. But I had a roommate who was. and he was super into, he was free-basin. He was, like, all over the place. And it did make me realize, you know, why things could be a lot worse, and I have to take care of myself.

And it was like, it was a wake-up call, definitely. Right. And, you know, sometimes you do need that, and you see that in other people. But, yeah. Yeah, and it helps. So, I mean, sometimes, like I said, like, this girl, you know, sometimes the mirror is like,

oh, this is not exactly who you are. When I say, like, attracts like, sometimes it's like you're attracting people that are more from your past, and it's just a, it's just sort of like a test for you. Like, is this who you want to stay or this is what you want to leave in yourself? You know what I mean? And it helps to sort of see that or have that in your life because you make decisions, you know, of what direction to go in.

And so maybe that girl was, like, came in your life. And it was like a part of, like, who you were that you were letting go of because you're moving on and you're going to a better place. And you're done with being that, like, really broken person. You know what? I think I'm honest. Like I never heard anybody say that to me, but I think you hit the nail on the head. Mm-hmm.

We were both potheads. Mm-hmm. I stopped. Right. And she did. I have, you know, she did it. Right. I stopped and I became more progressive.

Mm-hmm. And I started realizing how much time I wasted and I started to make moves, you know what I mean? Like more so recently because I had to, you know, and that's, you know, and I started to realize. Mm-hmm. And that's me be the push that I need. And like I said, I don't, I don't, like if she came back right now and she said, I'm sorry for everything and, you know, let's go back to normal, it wouldn't happen. No, you can. That's going backwards for you.

And let me tell you one thing. And I'm not somebody that doesn't think that, like, I don't drink, right, but I could sit there and make cocktails for somebody else. I don't think alcohol is a bad thing. I don't think pot is a bad thing. I don't think anything is a bad thing in moderation. But I think when somebody's an addict or anybody that has had a really bad thing. childhood, I really believe until they have fully worked on that stuff and sort of work through it and made themselves, I really think chemicals are really bad for that kind of person.

You know, I think weed is fine for somebody, but for somebody like you, really, until you get yourself figured out, and let me tell you, it took me until I was like in my 40s to figure my shit out, okay? You know, until you figure your shit out, staying clear headed will be the quickest way to get there. If you smoke pot, you're just sort of delaying, figuring your shit out because that's just taking you out of yourself. And like I said, there's no problem with checking out every now and then and having fun. I believe in that for some people. But for me, I always felt like, you know what? I was just dealt a shit hand of cards, you know? And so in my life, I can't do certain things because of the

way that I am. And that's okay. You know, I could also eat whatever I want and I don't get fat. So that's a good thing. You know, I mean, we all have good and bad things in life, right? So you can't, I'm not going to fucking cry about it, right? But that's just the way that it is. And for me, I smoked pot from eighth grade to 11th grade every single fucking day. I was thrown out three high schools. I smoked with my bus driver.

I couldn't handle life unless I was stoned. And then I stopped smoking. And then I stopped drinking. And like, you know, and I really, really realized that the only time I really changed who I really was was when I became and stayed completely sober. And that's

been 12 years. And at this point, I recently smoked pot a couple times and I was like, whatever. I don't even like it. Like, I actually like being straight. I find it enjoyable. I find it fun. Like, it's everything that I need in life. I just don't even feel the need for anything else. But that took a long time to get to that place. But for me, it really helped me work on my stuff by saying that way. And I think somebody like you, with all the stuff that you have, it's very important to stay clean because those chemicals affect you. Okay, and your moods. And since you're already a sensitive person,

even eating healthy food and working out is what you need to be doing. All that stuff really matters for somebody like you. Do you know what I mean? So you have to watch out for that stuff. So it's great that you quit smoking pot. Yeah, I quit and I knew it was just time. It wasn't even a hard one. It wasn't like, oh my God, now I have to quit this.

Good for you. I get that. I get that right. I understand that. You were ready. It was just your time. Yeah, I've gotten that many times, and it was more so because you're stopping for a job or you're stopping for someone else.

Now it was like, I'm stopping for myself because, like, I'm getting anxious off of this stuff. Yes. It's not helping me. It's not bringing me anywhere. No, it's bad for you. It's very bad for somebody like you. Very little pleasure for that much agony. Yeah, no, it's not for you.

For other people, they could have fun. they could be creative, they could do all the things, but not somebody like you. You're probably best, you're probably best clear-headed. You probably have all you need and then some without any of that shit, you know? I'm always like, I think like a stone person naturally. I can't handle weed, you know? I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I'm like a weed head regularly.

Like, you know, I have a super high IQ. I'm really intelligent, which makes me, like, abnormal, I think. Sometimes when you're really smart, it's like not a, good thing really not that it's not a good thing you know what I mean it makes you more fucked up in a way and it kind of makes you it kind of makes you more isolated and I found that to be a problem with me as well it's like I'm not that social butterfly and I don't I don't I don't necessarily like blend in well with everybody else it's not like I feel like the Alcats or like I'm like I totally get it yeah that's why weed and alcohol is probably like sometimes

captivating for people like that because it helps you deal with that kind of stuff. Exactly. Right? Because I'm much, I'm less social now because I don't drink and stuff. But like, whatever. Who cares? There's nothing wrong with that, you know? I mean, I was making a joke on my podcast.

I taped the other day with Dr. Guy. It's my last episode. And I was like, I could sit on a park bench in New York and have a good time by myself. Okay. I don't need a lot of shit, you know. My mind is fascinating to me. So I could always keep myself entertained. So I don't really need to be so social to find happiness in my life, you know, and you might be the same way.

It doesn't really matter. But you got to always make sure, though, when you're that type of person that you don't isolate when you have times of trouble, that you always have people that you could call up and talk to. I know for me being a sober person, the only thing that has kept me seen in the past 12 years, my sister had breast cancer. I've gone through every breakup. I tried to have a baby for three years. I have miscarriages. I've been through a lot of shit and I did it all without checking out

and the only thing that kept me through any of that stuff was talking to people. I'm very super close with my sister. I talked to her like 10 times a day. She's like my best friend and I would just call people and they would have to talk to me and they would have to hear my fucking shit because I'd have to get that shit out of my head

out of my mouth and onto somebody because that was the only thing I could do so I wouldn't go crazy and that's the best thing to do. You need to talk about. your stuff when you have it. You know, and so even if it's, you're not out talking to people like you pick up the phone and you call somebody or you have a therapist and you talk to them, you know, it's good for you because that's the thing that'll help you, just talking to people.

Yeah, just talking and the distraction is, it's priceless for me, especially when my mind is idle and thinking about things that shouldn't, you know, you do pick up the phone and you do find somebody to talk to and they could get you out of your phone for just, just a little while a breather is like totally what you need you know absolutely to this day i'm thankful i mean i really have a pretty a pretty good support network that's great but you know what i'm saying i have a pretty good support network that's good there's been there's been people are like you know listen if you just need to come here and hang out if you just need a hug and to cry it out or whatever you know you just come to me yeah that's great that's very important that's the difference between you know like people that like

really kill themselves and people that, you know, don't get to that point because they have people around. They have friendships, you know, like that kind of stuff is really important, you know? Yeah, I mean, nobody does it by themselves and anything. No, you can't. Yeah, no. So, you know, that's what it's been. And I mean, I've reached out to one of my friends that I haven't spoken to since seven years ago. And she was there.

Yeah, she was there when the situation happened with my son. And she's like, so what's going on with you? And I told her the same story that I'm telling you. And she was like, no, this can't happen. And she was the one that started the whole campaign of, let's say, we're going to write the channel 11. Yeah, great. I love that.

Good for her. That's smart. We're going to call out congressmen. We're going to do everything we can to fix this because this is not right. Yeah, that's great. See, that's great. Yeah, and that put a lot of love and hope in my heart. And you know, and you keep saying, like, conversations are distractions.

I think that conversations are distractions, And I also think that, like, you know, I don't know, in my life, there have been moments and time. And I remember all of them where the light was like, where somebody said something and the light bulb just went off. And I learned like an amazing lesson in life. Like it was just that, you know what I mean? And so the more you talk to people and the more you open up and like the more likely you

are to have those moments in life. So I think, you know, like you eventually will like learn things that way too. And you come to places where you hear things. And, you know, every now and then you hear something. and it is that certain thing that you needed at that right time that changes you, you know, and makes you see something that you needed to see. Oh, I agree. And, I mean, I, you know, like I said, I'm not a Craigslist guy, but I reached out to strangers.

And just to hear their advice, you know, and some people were like, oh, go pray to Jehovah or go do this or go to this. And, you know, I'm not a religious guy. I'm not anti-religion necessarily either, you know. Like, whatever's good for you is whatever's good for you. Totally. But, you know, like, you know, and certain things that you don't want to hear that, you know, whatever, you pass off. But beyond the distraction, there was a lot of productive stuff that was said. And you know what?

There was a lot of stuff that was said that just helped me sleep at night. Yeah. I really believe you never know where you're going to sort of find the right advice or the right situation or those words of wisdom that I was talking about. You just never know where that's going to happen. So I think it's like really cool that you leave yourself open to these sort of experience. and says, I mean, I know like doing my podcast, I literally get on the phone with total strangers that I find

on Craigslist on adult friend finders or I do it with my friends or people write in from the show when I have it. And I learn so much from the people who call in and I have these amazing conversations with people and I love it. I think it's what I find really fulfilling in life

because like helping people and they help me, you know, through just seeing what they're going through and I just think that kind of stuff is great. So I think when you, like, you know, you leave yourself open to situations like that, you never know what's going to happen. And I think that's cool. Well, yeah. Well, I learned, like, the laws of attraction says, you know, like positivity is going to bring positivity.

I worked in one of the most grimyest places. I mean, people dying around me and, like, a horrible situation. And I had a bad life as it was. And it was the darkest job that I've ever seen in my life. and I learned from that. You know, I learned not to do that job because I'm not that type of guy who can. So, you know, I've learned a lot of lessons with that. And, you know, like I said, in this whole situation, you know, it's very, you know, the priorities have to come first.

And obviously, my son situation and, you know, the unfairness and all that stuff is number one. because once that's fixed, then, you know, I go on to my life. You know what I'm saying? I go on to school. I go on to work, and I'm able to fix myself and do what I needed to do. And I get my fighting chance, and that's all I need is a fighting chance. Because once that happened, I'm off, dude. You know, like, I could do whatever I wanted to.

So, you know, that's the first part. You know, the girlfriend situation, you're right. And I have to do some, and I have, you know, have done some soul searching on that. What part that I play in it? What part does she play in it? What it is? You know, and I'm not so much heartbroken about that. It sucks that you have to transition situations so fastly and so abruptly in a bad time.

That totally sucks. I get that and it makes me sad. But it is what it is. To be honest, the theme that actually does break my heart more so is that we had a dog together. Yeah, you mentioned something about a dog in the email. Yeah, you lost the dog. And that's tough, too. That's awful.

That's like losing a child. Yeah, no, I was never a dog lover. I was never even like a pet lover. Right. You know, his dog came along and, like, I warmed up to him. And he was, you know, he was awesome, you know. And, like, I missed that more than anything. I mean, actually, the first or second day, I made some food.

And I swore that he was right there and I went to go give it to him. And when he wasn't there, I just broke down and cried. Oh, that's terrible. What kind of dog? He was a small one. He was a chihuahua rat terrier. Oh, how cute. Yeah, it's a very weird mix, but that's what he goes out.

Whatever, I love mutts. They're always the most handsome dogs because they're so interesting looking, you know. I love mutts. I mean, I like all animals. I like dogs. I like animals. You know, animals are like perpetual babies, you know, and they really are like your children. And you fall in love with them, like, it's so crazy.

It's crazy. Can you get your own dog? Like, why don't you get a dog? Can you? Well, I'm actually, I'm talking to one of my friends who actually has to get rid of a dog. He's kind of a big dog, so I have to, you know, make sure everything's going to work out with that. Uh-huh. But you're thinking of maybe adopting his dog?

I'm thinking about it. Yeah. I'm seriously thinking about it because, you know what, dogs and I've, you know, I've had my brother, he has a pit bull, and that pit bull is the life to him. And he's the thing. Of course. I mean, he's dealt with a lot of stuff, too, but you know what? That's like his support because he knows he has to go walk the dog. It gives you something to do.

It gives you a sense of purpose. It gives you somebody to love. Totally. It's not going to betray you. Uh-huh. Yeah, absolutely. I have never lived a day without a pet. I grew up with pets and then, you know, since I moved out of my house, I always had

animals in my life. I have cats because I can't have a dog in my apartment buildings that I've been in. They don't allow. But, you know, I would have a dog, too. Like I love, like I said, it would. all kinds of animals. And I think it's really healthy. And I don't know. I have friends who are like perpetually single and they don't have any pets. And I'm like, who the fuck do you love? Like, where do you get your love from? Like who do you cuddle with at night? Like, you know, if you're in between people. Like, what do you do? Like, I don't know. If you have a pet, you just always have somebody there. Like you're never alone. And, you know, I think it's like, it's, I think it's great. So I think maybe, you know, to fill that void of that dog, like maybe it'll be great. You know, you should definitely look into either taking that dog for. You know, you know, you should definitely look into either taking that dog. from your friend or maybe getting your own dog. You could go and get a dog if you don't want to deal with, you know, training a puppy.

You could go get one, say, one from the shelter or something. That's always like a great thing to do too. I was actually trying to adopt a dog. And this is something maybe most people don't know, though. I was actually trying to adopt a dog, but you actually have to have like a W-2. And not to get a dog because they want to know where the income is coming from and that you can support them, which is totally logical. Right, right. but you know that ended that chance of that so it became like you know

let me have some friends or maybe you know like I even posted I even posted on a Craigslist and I say you know if anybody in the neighborhood need somebody to walk their dogs or sit sit for their cat or their dog I'll be more than happy to do it and I wouldn't even charge right well you know what they say Jim they say that you don't find your pets they find you so you know whoever that next dog is that's meant to be yours You know, that dog will find you somehow, whether it's your friend's dog or something. Like if you're meant to have that next pet, it'll find you.

Like, that's that magical moment that'll happen. And you'll find that dog if that's what you want. That actually sounds really comforting. Yeah, I believe it. And maybe it'll be your friend's dog. That would be great, you know? Yeah. Totally.

He's a German shepherd. I love German shepherds, although they're really, they're really hairy. Yeah, but they're so loyal. Yeah. So, you know, like I said, I'm thinking about it. I'm going to go visit. I'm going to go check them out. You know, see, you know, because they need the help too.

So it's a win-win situation, you know, and it might work out for us, you know. Yeah. He'll be your best friend. Your new best friend. Yeah. Yeah, that's exciting. That could be something good, something new. Yeah, definitely.

So, but, yeah. Okay, Jim. I mean, my podcast are normally only like an hour long. I've been talking to you for an hour and 27 minutes. Yes, I kind of realized that. That's not bad. I don't feel, you know, like, honestly, like, that's just what it took to get the whole story. I, a lot of times get people from Craigslist that are talking about, like, sex stuff and different kinds of things.

But I love this podcast because it's about stuff that I think a lot of people can relate to. There's a lot of broken people out there that have shit childhoods that have tried to commit suicide and have gone through tough times. There's a lot of people out there that were devastated by relationships and didn't know how to get out of it. There's a lot of men out there that are being fucked over by some woman with their children. You know, so I think that there's, it's a great, it's going to be a great episode. We're going to listen to you because people will be able to relate to all the stuff that you said. And, you know, I'm glad that you called in. And I definitely want to do, you know, I have repeat callers.

I love to talk to you again in September after, you know, you deal with the court hearing and check in and see where you're at with the dog. Hopefully you have the dog at that time. See how things change. See what happens with the court case and see if you're dating somebody new. I will definitely keep you posted because, you know, like I said, I do appreciate it. I do appreciate you talking. You know, I do appreciate the advice. And, you know, anybody that's listening too because, you know, there's, I'm going through a situation

and I want other people to know, you know, there's people that younger that are going through and maybe feel hopeless and I don't want them to feel hopeless. Yeah. So if anyone's listening. that if anyone's listening for real like if anyone listens my listeners if they want to like talk to you or sometimes i've put people in touch like i've had sex addicts call in and then i've had sex addicts other ones i've put them in touch with each other so they could talk and one could help out the other so if anyone's listening now and uh you feel like jim or you've been in his situation and you need

someone to talk to you or you'd like to talk to jim and give him like your story or give him hope or vice versa whatever right into me at Strictly Anonymous Podcasts.gmail.com and I'll put you guys together, right, Jim? Like, that's cool, right? That would anybody and everybody's welcome, you know? Right. As long as you have a kind heart and you're trying to do the right thing.

If you need someone to talk to, yeah, write right to me and I'll put you in touch with Jim. Yes, definitely. And also, if anybody has any information that can help me out with this case and so on and so forth, please feel free to share. Yeah, same thing. like anybody that has some legal advice. I was going to say, because I have a friend who's a listener of the show,

who's just started his own podcast. He's a lawyer down in Florida. That's why I was wondering where she was from. I was going to maybe put your touch with him, but he's in Florida. You need somebody in Missouri or somebody that knows the shit over there. But yeah, if anyone else is listening that could help him with that stuff, right in and get. Political connections would help and media helps a lot too. Yeah, right.

This gets, you know, this stops the process of dads getting screen. root over. Yeah, exactly. So write into me if you could do anything like that for Jim. Strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. All right, Jim, so I will forward you any emails that anyone sends in and we'll talk soon. Good luck to you. I'm rooting for you.

Thank you so much, Kathy. The tides are going to turn. Go get that dog. Okay. All right. All right, Jim. Talk to you soon. Good luck.

Good luck and good night. Bye. Good night. Bye-bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called strictly anonymous confession, secret sex lies of total strangers is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.

I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl's story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format,

paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos.

There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community. And you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the

audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show?

Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.